it might seem like im just a totk hater, and to be fair, i AM, but its not bc i think its bad in every way- if it was all bad, ok, then its all bad and we can forget it happened and can all accept that-
but totk specifically hit the jackpot of -things that frustrate me so much i cannot let go and need to talk about it-
its part of my current hyperfixation (or whatever is the right word), botw is one of my all time favorite games, and that one had so many mysteries i was DEEPLY invested in, its got great music and some absolutely fanatstic moments, some ideas are great to fine, but it doesnt make sense, i hate time travel like little else in games, it constantly contradicts itself, the franchise, even its previous game its supposed to be a sequel to, i felt like i was made fun of by the game itself, for caring so much about what they had set up or done in botw, the moment i saw what they did to the shrine of life i felt so devasted i could hear people pointing and laughing at me for having cared about it, the writing treating me like i am so brainless i cannot connect dot one and two when there are only two dots in front of me labeld 1 and 2 that it then tells me to connect directly, to my face, multiple times, before showing me how to draw a line, its full, so SO FULL of missed opportunities, its got choices in there that are just nothing but frustrating bc there were a hundred other ones, i can see what you could do wit hthe basic ideas, theres people that worship it to a point you cant say anything even mildly critical, even about objectively bad things (there is no excuse for that godawful arrow menu) bc they will jump at you like a rabid animal-
i could go on but you get the point, never in my life has anything hit me like that
149 notes
·
View notes
Personal update below
Tw: pregnancy loss, miscarriage, blood
Here it is, the words I’ve been unable to type, much less say out loud. Late in the night a few nights ago, I woke up to some abdominal cramping and went to the bathroom. I had been bleeding vaginally all day, but not enough to be super concerned.
I woke up and went to the bathroom, and knew something was wrong. To spare the details, I was bleeding a lot, cramping severely, and I knew my baby was gone. I felt empty inside, despite only being about 7 or 8 weeks pregnant. Intuition, I suppose. I just felt so lonely, as if I wasn’t supposed to be the only occupant in my body.
My husband took me to the hospital and after hours of invasive poking, prodding, and testing, a nurse practitioner I will likely never see again, who will likely never think of me again, told me that my baby was gone. He was straight forward, which I like in medical personnel. He told me my pregnancy was unviable and that it’s common. That we shouldn’t worry. These things happen. It’s normal, common. The three or so minutes felt like an eternity, waiting for him to leave so I could fall apart in the privacy of my husband’s arms, despite the lack of privacy an emergency department offers.
The hospital was so sterile, the bright lights and lack of windows made it impossible for you to track the passage of time. The winding hallways a maze of monotony, making it impossible to know how to return to your room without a guide. The walls were devoid of any real color, save for tv screens and workplace posters. And yet, the room I was placed in was the only room with decorative curtains. All the other curtains were just a shade of navy.
Mine had flowers on it, as if the world or God or the hospital wanted to offer me some reprieve, some reminder that for the hospital, this was routine, but that it wasn’t routine for me. That I deserved something for my eyes to find comfort in.
So here it is, the new reality I find myself in. My baby is gone. The rare statement that, once it becomes true, will never change.
I’m reeling a bit from this loss, as you can imagine. I’m gutted. I got married right at the beginning of the year, falling pregnant not long after. I joked with my husband that I started the year off becoming a wife and was ending the year becoming a mom. I suppose it really was just a joke in the end, but I’m not sure if the punchline was me or my continued optimism, in spite all that I’ve endured.
Anyway, everyone was extraordinarily kind to me when I had posted that I was pregnant. I know that technically I don’t owe anyone details of my personal life, especially not this personal, but I wanted to share it because I don’t want to be sad and alone. And perhaps this will find its way to someone else who has felt some loss recently, whether it be the loss of someone or something, or a loss of self or identity, or a loss of the future you had planned out. Maybe they will feel some connection to this. Or maybe one day someone will think of this as they reel with their own loss.
I don’t regret sharing the news so early, despite the circumstances that have now led me to making this post. Any joy we can find is worth sharing, even if it’s fleeting, especially if it’s fleeting, and even if it’s for some stranger on the internet.
Anyway, I have my dogs and my husband, who are very loving. I’m not sure when I’ll post this, I’ll likely stick it in my queue somewhere so it feels less like I’m hitting the ‘post’ button and more like softly whispering all of this in the wind.
I will be okay, I always am. Grief is a black hole I am trying navigate and figure out where it ends and I begin, trying to remember what my new life will be like and how to grieve yet another version of myself lost to time and trauma and sadness.
There is no narrative device here, nothing I did could’ve changed the outcome. Sometimes the world is just needlessly cruel.
This doesn’t really affect anything on here or what I choose to interact with. I’m still okay discussing/reading/writing about babies and kids and everything in that realm. I just didn’t want anyone asking after the baby and making someone feel bad for wanting to know how I was doing.
Anyway, I don’t want to end this on a despairing note, even though that is the tune of my life at the moment. I want to remember that my now is not my forever, and I hope anyone reading this that is experiencing any manner of suffering takes as much out of that sentiment as I do.
Yours,
V ❤️
67 notes
·
View notes
untitled#2
pairing: dad!seonghwa x mom!reader (black reader)
genre: fluff
warning(s): the word daddy is used but not for those reasons.
wc: 1.3k
reader's pov
i sit to the side watching thing one and thing two go at it with the cookie dough. no, they're not kneeding it or anything like that, they are busy tearing that shit up, smacking on it trying to make it look like they're 'rolling' it. at that time they think i haven't noticed yet. i have! like father like daughter for real.
"at this point we won't have any cookie dough left to make these cookies for the bake sale." i say more to myself but loud enough for tweedledum and tweedledee to hear.
byeol's school organizes a bake sale for every grade as a fundraiser and it's the 2nd grader's turn tomorrow so we're busy making all the treats were going to sell at our stall and since they're literal babies, the parents need to be there so seonghwa and i both took an off day to be there for the bake sale. we spent the last 2 days making decorations for said stall and i still have glitter in my hair from when byeol got distracted and turned seonghwa and i into "fairies".
"right... byeol i told you to stop eating the cookie dough." seonghwa fake scolds the little girl who's mouth hangs open at the pure betrayal.
these two are like two peas in a pod. a truly unbreakable pair but lord are they a mess.
when seonghwa and i found out we were having a girl we were over the moon. he's always wanted a daughter so imagine his joy. me? i was just happy to be there, boy or girl i would've been happy with either.
he treats her like a precious, rare stone and spoils her rotten but don't let that fool you, she's still an extremely humble and well mannered girl.
"but daddy, it was you who kept eating!" she whines, defending herself looking absolutely adorable with her two missing front teeth.
i smile at the two of them and seonghwa starts rolling the dough looking mighty fine, might i add. his hair is pushed back with a squiggly headband and to top his whole outfit off he's wearing the frilly apron that my mother made for me as a housewarming gift.
the oven dings and byeol jumps to hand me the oven mitts. "thank you dear."
"you're welcome mommy." she smiles which is really contagious and makes me smile too. i get the cupcakes out of the oven and the little girl jumps up and down excitedly.
"be careful love, they're still hot." seonghwa warns her and she nods and takes a step back before jumping again. "what else is left?" seonghwa asks, cutting the dough into little heart shapes.
"icing for the cake pops."
"can i have one mommy?"
"you had way too much sugar today princess, it's 8pm now."
"mmh and you should be sleeping." seonghwa adds but the little girl pouts.
"how am i supposed to sleep when the house smells like candy wonderland?" her squeaky little voice gets louder at her question which makes seonghwa and i laugh.
"but you need to sleep now so you have enough energy for the bake sale tomorrow. then you'll have all the sugary stuff you want." seonghwa whispers amd her eyes light up and she runs to her room and again, we laugh at her little actions.
"let's go put her to bed." i say to seonghwa and i switch off the stove so we can follow the little girl to her room. she's already bathed and in her pj's, bonnet on and everything, so i don't have to worry about that.
we walk into the room and see her already in bed and seonghwa shakes his head.
"what happened to brushing your teeth princess?" he questions and she springs out of bed and runs to the bathroom to brush her teeth and seonghwa smiles shaking his head at her antics. "she's still on a sugar rush. she's not falling asleep anytime soon."
"mmh, 'come lick the spoon princess, here's a cookie, help me roll the dough.' sound familiar?" i recite his own words to him and he raises his hands in surrender. that's what i thought.
"she gave me those eyes." he tries to defend himself and honestly, i get it. it's almost impossible to say no to her when she starts looking all 'sad'.
sad in quotations because, let's be real, she knows what she's doing.
"learn to say no."
"have you?" he questions in an accusatory tone and i accept defeat. granted, i can say no to her, it's just difficult to. seonghwa on the other hand?
i'm saying all of this, he's really good with parenting and discipline, it's just those moments, like these, when he's like, 'fuck it, let her have some of this and that and this too maybe.' she's a kid, let her enjoy.
she comes running back into the room and i look at my husband who's shooting me a look too. there's no way she's falling asleep now.
"maybe we should let her run it off a bit before bed?" i suggest to him and he sighs with a nod and byeol looks between us confused. seonghwa nods and we turn to the little girl.
"what's with you two?" she asks us and i smile down at her.
"byeol, i think we should run before your father catches us." i tell her with a fake tone of fear and she smiles widely. she loves this.
"let's go mommy." she grabs my hand and gets out of bed so we can start running with seonghwa chasing behind us talking about some, 'don't let me catch you'.
the house is filled with her laughter and little shrieks everytime she turns back and seonghwa is near. when she starts slowing down that's when we know she's done for the day.
"okay my baby, let's get you to bed, yes?" seonghwa says, picking her up but her stubborn ass protests.
"but i'm not tired yet." she yawns literally as she says that.
"case closed. let's go."
we both go to her room and seonghwa lays her on her bed, letting her go under the covers. it's routine for both of us to tuck her in whenever we can otherwise she'll be restless.
"what do you want tonight, story or song?" i ask her and she pretends to think for a bit. she usually prefers a song so she's most likely gonna choose that.
"song! but mommy please don't sing this time?" she tells me, blocking her ears and i gasp. excuse me kid??
"i'll have you know, i was very blessed with some killer vocals. you just don't get it." both of them give me the same unimpressed look. literally the same, she's a photocopy of her father. i honestly feel like it's unfair but that's a story for another day. "okay let's have daddy sing, i know who your favorite is."
"you're both my favorites!" she yells, pulling us both to her and we laugh and wrap her into a group hug.
"okay my angel, let me sing you a song okay?" seonghwa says and she nods, laying down completely and hw starts singing. i start patting her as his voice soothes her to sleep and i smile, feeling completely content in this moment. it's just me, my husband and my daughter and there's nothing and no one else that exists to me.
we hear a little snore and that's our confirmation that she's sound asleep. she really doesn't take time. we take turns giving her a kiss on the cheek before quietly exiting the room and going back to the kitchen to finish baking.
"baby?" seonghwa calls me and i hum. "don't you want another?" he asks and looks up from the pot and i glare at him, pointing a roller pin at him.
i can tell he's joking by his tone because he knows good and well that neither of us want another. in this economy? absolutely not.
"point taken."
we laugh and we continue baking for this bake sale we're both dreading.
34 notes
·
View notes
Lots and LOTS have happened in the few days I haven't updated. But Hussie FINALLY took a day off so I have the chance to review in peace!!
First off we have new rules for the captchalogue system, including a size limit to digify items AND the potential to increase the upper limit (hasn't happened yet, but the office card speaks volumes).
John has also opened the massive tomb "Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery"
and NOTHING useful for actually pranking someone of course (honestly disappointed there are no practical tips in this page). The picture in the middle looks a dead ringer for Mark Twain tho... idk if it is supposed to be Sassacre or just a collage of 1900's looking clownery and Twain's pic is public domain. I guess we'll see....
We also have a brandy new room to explore, complete with last years Dark Knight Joker on the piano. AND WE HAVE SOUND.
OMG WE HAVE SOUND!! I think i've played the piano refrain a dozen times its so beautiful!!
I'm starting to get the hang of Hussie's emotional whiplash between 4chan humor, niche commercials, and haunting, beautiful and poetic moments. Moments filled with niche media literacy, that he then lies about the source of. I have to look up so many quotes just to be sure who said it guys. So much homework!!! (>.<)
But is does lead into the best part of the updates. WE MADE IT OUTSIDE.
Not only that BUT we have a beautiful animated title page, complete with neverending wind-chimes and a haunting monologue of emptiness and the feeling of missing something unknown.
"The streets are empty. Wind skims the voids keeping neighbors apart, as if grazing the hollow of a cut reed, or say, a plundered mailbox. A familiar note is produced. It's the one Desolation plays to keep its instrument in tune.
It is your thirteenth birthday, and as with all twelve preceding it, something feels missing from your life. The game presently eluding you is only the latest sleight of hand in the repertoire of an unseen riddler, one to engender a sense not of mirth, but of lack. His coarse schemes are those less of a prankster than a common pickpocket. His riddle is Absence itself. It is a mystery dispersing altogether, like the moon's faint reflection, with even one pebble of inquiry dropped in its black well. It is the most diabolical riddle of all.
"Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire." -Walt Whitman
Yes, you are certain Walt Whitman said that. One hundred percent positive.
You have a feeling it's going to be a long day."
Francois de La Rochefoucauld said that... not Walt Whitman. I am starting to think John reads a LOT of classic literature and is not a great narrator. I am not an English Major OR Literature Major tho, so this means little to me in the grand scheme of plots and subtext. Moving on.
we have two packages found at last and a visible SBURB disc.... trapped with father who may or may not be baking yet ANOTHER cake. more small mysteries and conflict to hold onto XD
Finally, as we go back inside... the cake did not hold as adhesive and our harlequin doll is now missing an arm. Tragedy. Throw it in the fire. PLEASE.
Since this has been a lot of updates together I am afraid I have missed things and underplayed just how much were in the last 20 pages... so if you notice anything else let me know!! I wanna see it all!.
26 notes
·
View notes
💙💜
Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?
We've talked about this in DMs anyway but OTOHAN. She's physically attractive I suppose, although that's 100% from official art and absolutely not from initial description (perhaps that's just me, but Matt described her as having eyes like a bird of prey, and somehow the image of her in my head has always been. does anyone remember the weird turkey pictures of Ole Golly in Harriet the Spy (the book). Is this too weird a pull? Did I make it up because I can't seem to find an online image? Unclear.) But point being before the official art came out I was not imagining her as attractive, even. And then there's personality. Like, yeah, you can say someone is hot based on just a physical image without knowing them; this is how celebrity works. But when you've only one got one singular physical image and it doesn't really match your mind's eye which isn't terribly attractive, anyway and then there's no personality but...I can't even say zealotry because we literally don't know anything about her motivations other than raw murder. I can't even enjoy the inherent eroticism of the sword. Anyway. If you want hot middle age women villains why not og Delilah before she became a loser, or Raishan's human form, or Ripley, or Avantika, or Vess deRogna, or Liliana. If you just want hot middle age women with a propensity for violence why not Deanna with Jerry the Goat. If you are specifically interested in the "milf" archetype (Otohan is not a mother, so this is rather telling) then might I suggest Veth, who is not middle-aged yet but she is a mother and she is super good at violence. All of these women have hopes and dreams and personalities and aren't a blank dull slate to project upon, as I personally am entirely unattracted to the latter. Anyway hopefully this also fulfills one obligation to either @playerkingsley or @whirlingbadger who asked about "mischaracterized"; Otohan is a polarizing figure with many who agree with the above as well but she is also wildly mischaracterized as hot and interesting when she is at best depicted as attractive and deathly (and deadly) boring. She bored everyone to death; the sword just got in front of her.
Which character is way hotter than everyone else seems to think?
Eshteross. I fear we moved on too soon when he died. Everyone in Bells Hells wanted a slice of this hot old orc man when he was doing his sword practice, and also he was community-minded and loyal and devoted. More generally you know that post that's like "hobbits have it all figured out, farmers market high as shit, why are people horny for elves"? This is true but also might I suggests orcs. Elves are overrated. Why are people's fantasy lithe hairlessness. This is a very narrow beauty ideal and I reject it. We, as a fandom, and dare I say, a society, need to be hornier for orcs.
I'm going to go watch candela and the inbox remains closed and will for much of the rest of the day but there are two more asks that have the exact same two hearts and I will be providing two more separate answers as well as another mischaracterization answer, and possibly making an eye appointment although I'm inclined to think the hearts just look super alike on my computer.
24 notes
·
View notes