#i didnt think id make it. but here i am

[oatbugs]

pls i need to provide updates

#basically yesterday night was chaharshanbe suri . which is a solar new yr tradition where we let go of the past suffering in our year #and like...start the new yr w fresh vigour . anyway so my friend was at the event and we were abt to leap over the fire #and she was like bro im im glad u blocked her (situationship) etc etc . and then. my phone started vibrating. and i look at it. and my f #friend looks at it. and its her. and were both like what the fuck?? i blocked her things r Over and anyway so i pick up the phone and shesl #acting like nothing happened (bc nothing DID happen for her) and she was like ohh ur doing chaharshanbe suri im not doing anything etc what #are ur new yr plans so i jusr .IDK WHY I DID THIS . but ig i didnt wanna come off as like lonely i said probably hanging out w family and #friends maybe reading poetry together . et cetera and she was like wait that sounds so fun why didnt u invite me! #LIKE WDYM YOUVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY MAKING IT CLEAR U DONT WANT TO BE IN MY PRESENCE . and i told her that after #everything i thought she didnt want to see me again and she was like you always think that 😐 . like. ?? ok anyway so she expects me to #invite her . and like. there is an above 0% but sub-5% chance she will actually show up . but the panic that gripped me #i started making calls to my friends asking them if they can come on the 23rd bc there must be an event and also i asked my mother #and she said actually yeah i am doing a thing on the 23rd :D it involves over 16 ppl (we live in a v small flat) of which like...7 are kids #so you wont have space to be in ur own room let alone invite others. which tbh like ...being around a bunch of loud kids doesnt seem fun fo #any of my friends or me etc so i thought maybe i should arrange things so that we all go out together and if she shows up she shows up 🤷‍♀️ #but . im so. WHY DID I SAY THAT . i had to panic-call my research partner and ask him to get from oxf to where i live on the 23rd #and when he heard the explanation he like. the light in his voice disappeared 💀 but he potentially agreed so idk #THE ISSUE IS. 23rd im supposed to also have . a date #w this girl that i had a huge crush on when i was 15-16 (posted abt this b4 but id get shitty black coffee in the mornings just to spend a #few more minuted w her each day and she was the cleverest girl in school and she cared abt nothing but her academics but now shes very gay #scraggly homosexual etc etc shes cute) and YEAH IDK #like id have to go there on the date come back fast meet ppl POTENTIALLY (again under 5%) meet situationship girl #like is that even doable #but the thing is it would be so so so funny bc all of my friends dislike her sooo much #.........what if i invited the girl im supposed to have a date w over to hang out w us #god that would be so hilarious and chaotic . i wont do it tho im a mature person x #but it would be soooo funny #I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT DUE TMRW 12:30PM IT IS 10:49PM RN I HAVENT STARTED IT bc i was rotting sadly in bed #popped a ritalin pill tho so here we go x #i have found myself in a state of such sheer agony and rage and sorrow and grief over this girl that atp i feel like #its just so entertaining . like i feel vaguely over it? ik nothing will come of it so its like just . have fun . vibe

[piningprecussionist]

Template by @juni38

Im going to be completely frank with you all... and admit that I read these options and wasn't sure how to take this chart,,, so uh. Under the cut is Another Version. I'd apologize but I've given you the option to keep scrolling ¯\_(･･)_/¯

(If you notice characters missing on Kim's side, I probably figured she doesn't know who they are lol)

For the record,,, if they *wanted* me to pull their hair-- *is shot several times before I can continue*

Uhh Matthew is here because I have been converted fully on he/him or enby lesbian Matthew I think. He lives in my brain rent free now, very gender. I'd pull his hair but also I think he mostly just deserves to have it played with nicely.

And Scott's here because 1) I enjoy trans Scott, 2) Kim Pine Brain Rot possibly, 3) idk he's like,, the exception. God damnit, I've fallen for the inexplicable Scott Pilgrim Effect. What the fuck--

I did think about doing this chart like everyone was actually applicable to my tastes, but even if they were I think the ones I didn't put up would have to fall on the caress side bc I just don't feel that way abt them lol.

Again, not to say that's the case for the gals over on that side,,, I just think I would want to be gentle w them shxkdjsdhbd with the exception for Lynette who probably deserves to have her hair pulled, but again I fear she would Hurt Me,,, but maybe in a fun way,,,

Anyway No One Look At Me....

(,, also,,, Ramona is so far over bc I think she would enjoy it,, otherwise she'd be closer to Kim in that section. Same thing w Roxie)

If anyone actually looks at this version, I'm not opposed to doing a version like this for Kim btw! Just ask for it so I feel like I'm not just Dropping This and scurrying away

#sp comic #meme #kim pine #id tag more people but i Do Not Have The Strength.... #also i like Living and I think the idea of more people seeing the suggestively taken one makes me want to Die a little #(not to say you cant reblog this or whatever im just being dramatic shdjejsdhdhgdd I am generally a fairly Reserved person) #for the kim chart- i based my other scott placement on the interaction theyve had here! i think if they interacted for real or more often + #+ he'd end up definitively in the Pull Roughly suggestion with most people #ooc #he maybe if i finish edits for everyone i could try this w the au stuff. kit's thoughts might be different here... #hey* #also let me know if i forgot anyone??? i thought abt including the robots but. no hair. and gideon the cat has Fur so. on technicality- #but like barring parents and peter i think i got most people #i guess if lainey was here she'd go somewhere in the middle or right? w/out knowing what she'd be like #FUCK I DIDNT MEAN TO POST THIS. I MEAN IT'S HERE NOW SO IM NOT REMOVING IT BUT I AM S C R E A M I N G I WASNT READY #ah i forgot crash and the boys actually. thats why i wasnt supposed to post this yet #uhhhh Pull Roughly for like all of them. except trasha. trasha gets head pats and a juice box #except for on Kim's chart. on Kim's chart she's in the pull roughly section I can't lie to myself. she hates that kid 😭 also on that note + #+ knives should probably be in the middle section. like she wants to pull it for her having copped her style and being stupid abt scott. #but I didn't put her there bc I feel like even if she wants to she wouldn't ya know? knives is a Precious Angel after all

[upsidedowngrass]

hi i am u_u resigning myself to the fact that it is unlikely that i will be able to get this piece done ANYTIME soon so here is the concept sketch for my one 3 yrs anniversary piece :) happy late birthday one hopefulyl ONE day i will be able to do smth w this ...

(sketch for the Whole piece under the cut bc its . WAY rougher . but it prob contextualizes Why i dont think ill be finishing this soon)

#hfjone #my art #didnt wanna ONLY put out a sketch for it bc one is Important to me but also #the rough sketch ALONE took soooo long and i am already low energy #but i wanna put SMTH out there for it yknow!!! #so! here is this :) #also it was mainly inteded as Fun Image . i wanted the whole cast to be here even if it makes no sense :) #these types of pieces are always so amusing and it wasnt my normal style of Anything but i REALLY wanted to #i almost put the entirety of s1 in here but then i was like. then id have to include ALL teh dead characters #and it made me sad thinking about including stella so i decided to jsut include characters who appear in the events of the series Directly #also this was no ones house in particulaar. i just was amused so much by the idea of airy holding an anniversary party #sorry this is so rough i rly DID wanna make smth polished but realistically its not gonna happen anytime soon :( #esp w 20+ characters and 3 point perspective . which i had to relearn how to do correctly

[jamiethebeeart]

#spinaraki #spinneraki #shigaraki tomura #shuichi iguchi #mha spinner #mha fanart #art #i was halfway through it when i realized id post it on valentines day and i think thats a funny coincidence #anyways this gives me the same vibe as my mafia au? like it didnt a different style but the stylization of the clothes and bg are similar #anyways either an au where theyre put into a position where they have to dance OR #redestro hosts a party/dance because??? idk shmoozing reasons and shigaraki convinces spinner to dance and #yes everyone is looking at them but once spinner starts to get comfortable and out of his head shigaraki dips spinner cue cliche moment of #oh shit am I??? catching feelings??? #anyways. do i even seriously ship a ship if i havent drawn them dancing at least once?!?!?? #just... Shigaraki looking softly at spinner and spinner being surprised with a little blush someone else share this vision with me #lisTEN shigaraki being kind of smirky like bet u didnt think I'd do that huh and seeing spinner with a bit of a blush and slowly losing the #smirk and realizing oh shit maybe i like spinner as more than friends and toga in the background taking pictures for posterity #havent writen a fic in years but damn if i thought i had half of a chance of not making them ooc I'd do it #just two bros. on the dance floor. dancing. haha no feelings here

[chronal-anomaly]

I can't believe I've done it.

Today was my last class ever.

One more internship and it's Grad School Graduation Time

#16 year old me didnt even think id make it to 24 #and yet here i am bitch #i take the exams next week and do my internship but i never have to step foot in a classroom again unless i want to go back #theres so much in that sentence im steuggling to process these emotions #i love you all sm and i am so thankful for each and every one of you #the support and love here and just overall #its incredible to have a community like this #( ooc. ) #gotta stop before i cry again

[gigilefache]

Birth

#I know it sounds cheesy but I am very happy to be here #there was a point i didnt think id make it this far #but i am and it makes me happy #and i will continue to reach even older birthdays :)

[inkybinkyboink]

no but like what the fuck

#vent post time!!!!!!!!!!!! #like ok so i graduate and then what #i move? to a different province? and i learn to teach kids? and then what #and then i teach kids??? #what if it doesnt make me happy #like the thought makes me happy now #but what if i get there and it doesnt #or what if it stops making me happy #am i just like doomed to keep making new batches of friends every 4-5 years? will there always be awful people amongst them? #i didnt...think id make it this far? #like i know thats dark and stupid but like i didnt and now im just kind of making very brief one to two year plans because i dont know what #to do and that scares me. like graduating is terrifying because i dont know whats next #like no matter where i go even if i stay here it will be intrinsically different #and i dont want to stay here because its safe or because i know this place because i dont want to get stuck here #maybe im just scared of growing older? i dont know man #idk. living with anxiety is hard. #like i know it'll b ok but its scary. and it never stops being scary. #its ok for now because i still have a year left

[petrichoraline]

yall gotta start tagging me in meta and stuff cause I'm always late -I honestly feel better this way than having to rush to watch an episode live like I used to do with nlmg, msp and others but by the time I catch up, I have missed out on some great posts from both mutuals and strangers alike :( and going through the tag of these popular series is not as easy as for more niche shows

#like here i am ready to gush about how kang finally got sailom in his feet but in a way he didnt know he wanted #how sailom calls for help and it is out of desperation but its not caused by kang and the call isnt to make him stop but to ask for support #and how kang feels someone needs him for once and how he feels useful and appreciated when he does smth good for someone #which he hasnt done in how long? #and im thinking about how his starvation for sailoms attention will only grow bigger but its a need for specific attention now #and also thinking about how had his dad let him be useful in productive ways he wouldnt have gone down the evil nihilist route #so being given the chance to be of use almost by accident is changing the trajectory of his life #id argue this one incident is fundemental to anything that happens from here on out not only cause it gets them to work together #but because he got a taste of what he wants - to be appreciated for doing good and to be there for sailom in particular #yeah i wouldnt write that cause im sure at least ten people already have in a way more articulate and creative way #please tag me in things thank you!

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

half 11 at night gender hits different

#i have been having. a weird fucking time #lile everything i thought i knew about myself is a lie kind of weird #like ive been keeping a whole tidal wave back #keeping it ina. box i didnt even know was there most of the time #everytime it tried to get out i shoved it back in so automatically i mostly didnt realise i was doing it #bc man is it uncomfortable #but i am only left with emptiness and disconnect #and everytime i shoved it back in the box got smaller and it was harder to shove back in #and here we are now #and its baffling and it doesnt make any sense but its the only thing that feels like it makes sense and it feels right to step towards it #but im not shoving it in the box again #i could life would be much simpler if i did but id carry on watching the girl in the mirror who's never been real live it instead #and i think sooner or later the box would fucking shatter anyway #WHOO #anywayyy thats enough hyperpersonal life updating for tonight 🤣 #it's a very confusing time but also exciting and I've never been more hopeful that this might actually be it #im not ready to say what i think i am yet i can barely say it to myself in plain words but I'll get there 💜 #mine #gender adventures with neednoggle #maybe delete later

[nataliekabra]

ilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriendilovemybestfriend

#i just had to get it out #i can't believe i was ready to let her go this time last year. she's so everything to me #and yes i am posting on this blog because ive blocked most of my irls here #she keeps calling me like twice a day to check in on me. like literally between her classes #and i dont think id want to talk to most people but just hearing her voice makes me so happy #okay im not going to ramble anymore here because (surprise!) i have half a semesters syllabus to study for my midsem tomorrow from scratch #i will do everything except study. tumblr and i have this like codependent relationship #guys im supposed to be off tumblr until my exams because i have literally never been this behind on acads my whole life #its not my fault im an addict i swear i deleted the app and everything ok im on my laptop rn #if you see this no you didnt #also our anthropology midterm was a case study on tumblr it took all my self restraint not to come back here and scream about it #UGH GO STUDY KAVYA #vagueposting the shit out of tumblr dot com #nini🌺

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ay ay ay. i dont wanna do my job so bad. it makes me so unhappy also i fucked up a thing by letting someone take part of a culture when i #shouldnt have. it happened so many months ago that i fucking forgot abt it and then the person emailed me abt when we received the stain and #i thought it was someone from another project so i cc'd my boss who was like. wait. what the fuck is this? and now its like oops sorry but #like wtf am i supposed to do abt it now? she askrd me to take some when i was rushing out of someone else's lab and i was like what? sure. #whatever i dont give a fuck i feel like im dying every second i stand in this room. i didnt even think to ask to share it which is what i #should have done. oops. cant do anything abt it now other than feel abt abt causing drama between labs. ugh. #i just wanna cut all ties with my old work. theres no joy there. only pain and anger. which makes it hard to work with it but the sooner i #do. the sooner i dont have to fucking deal with it anymore. ugh. also i really need to find a therapist but my insurance changes in like 18 #days so i might as well wait for the semester to start. ugh. like i can feel the pull of my bad habits trying to drag me down and i dont kno #how to stop them. like its weird. i noticed while my parents were here. they can just do things and enjoy stuff. and everytime i do #something i feel like im holding my breath the entrie time waiting for it to be over and for what? its not like i had other stuff to do #i just needed to kno when things were gonna end and i dont deal well with flexible situations. which makes it hard to do things. so its #like do i succumb to my control freak lil bubble of not doing anything and being miserable or do things outside my comfort zone and be #miserable? one of those things is way easier. plus i dont even kno anyone here so its like wtf do i do? #try to make friends with my sometimes roommate maybe. i just need to corner her and be like hey i need to establish a dialog with u so i can #tell u that if i seem like a weird hermit im not trying to b standoffish i just dont kno how to do human interaction well. can we b friends? #id like to b friends but if i dont talk now then ill get stuck not talking ever. which is whats happened with past roommates... god my 1st #roommate must have thought i was so fucking weird. ugh. point is. these bad habits must stop. and i really need to get work done so i can #never think abt that shit ever again. at least now that ive moved i can run up the side of a mountain when im frustrated #unrelated

[criticaaaaaaaal]

#see my blog was never intended to be . like . seen by people? thats why its so gross #i tag Nothing. i only tag what i want to tag. i still have the mindset of what i used to be *checks watch* 9 months ago? i think? #i had under 100 followers most if not all being friends and mutuals #and then i made the mistake of posting art. sigh #this still carries over to the fact id Like to move blogs because this ones gotten. way too big #lesson learned for anyone on tumglblr: if you post anything like art or fanfic MAKE IT A SIDE BLOG!!!!!!!!!!!!! #do NOT do what i did. not the main blog. mistake #i used to make sideblogs everytime i got a new main interest but when i got into toh i stopped. idk why. but im stuck here now #if i DO move blogs i'll post about it. it'll prob be a quieter move but yeah it'll happen #im just procrastinating cus all my junk is already HERE #so like. why move. yknow? #i do genuinely love & appreciate the support. people have been very kind to me #i appreciate it a lot #i also just know from experience i am not someone that should have any sort of following on anything. i take it horribly #like. i used to be an active twitter artist for a year and that was HORRIBLE. ppl didnt just want art they wanted my opinions and my biases #i couldnt breath without 5 people asking me things #horrible life to live lol i like tumblr more #i started on tumblr and i moved back. im glad #anywhoo enough rambling i guess. if i move ill let people know! if i dont. well youll know cus im still here #ugh if i move i have to reblock my tags n people blaaaaugh #okey ill talk to you people later

[semercury]

I would be sooo powerful if I was normal you have no idea

#stuff sarah says #this could be abt a lot of things tbh #but rn im thinking abt the intensity of my emotions and how i feel i run hot and cold #its always some kind of extreme. im like a shitty shower #mayybe if i was normal people would love me more #maybe if i was normal id be deserving of love #im soooooo tired and like. there was A Lot today #feeling many kinds of ways. but mostlu crazy #and tbh it drives me nuts when people try to insist im not crazy #like yes i am i live in here #thats like if i showed you my house and i was like its messy and ur like no its not! like yes it is theres dead rats #i have dead rats in my brain and ppl are like but ur a beautiful young woman :) #like first off untrue im ugly i have eyes. second even if i was gorgeous id still be crazy??? those two have nothing to do with each other? #idk. i miss my bed. i miss my kitchen where i can make food i can eat that didnt come out of a microwave

[crabs-nonsense]

Holy shit! I just realized the reason I couldn't fucking see darker art on my phone screen is because I forgot I turned the brightness way down last night and never fixed it. I feel so stupid.

#i can now see the fanart id been looking at without it being mostly shadowed aha #crab says words #i keep my brightness pretty low but i had a headache last night so turned it almost all the way off #it was enough for it to be darker but not super obvious hence the being dumb and not fixing it #anyways i actually came here to talk about how i had a physical therapy appointment but they told me that actually im fine so uh #they recommended seeing neurology for my head issues and maybe pain management and to come back later when i knew more specific stuff #i didnt even know there was a specialized pain management department at the hospital #honestly i think i manage just fine *dramatic flailing that indicates that im both horribly offend and also lying* #anyways yeah still not diagnosed and still in constant pain lets go! i have another appointment next month for something else #its like rheumatology? i dont know what they do aha but apparently i need to see them to get diagnosed? #i am a perfectly mature and functional adult.... (my mother made the appointments and knows the information) #i am absolutely useless :D #and with all that said! sorry i was too lazy to make this two different posts lmao #the pt appointment left me with a horrible headache that i still have so im gonna go cry about it :)

[munamania]

something that makes me feel guilty is the fact that seeing that persons face rn literally makes me angry. they walked into class and i nearly winced. and in all fairness they were quite kind to me. outside of the several kind of odd red flags. girl whatever. to be quite frank i am a horny bastard and vocal proud etc but few people interest me enough to actually want to hang out with and get to know And i have deep seated intimacy issues so it's like. we really dont have a shot unless the circumstances r exactly right on a full moon perfect thursday of a month etc like. well and tbh i probably would have fucked around with this person but i dont... care... about some big relationship w them.. and i know i could be a relationship girl like eventually i have it in me to have a muse that's what im built for i think idc but not rn... rn i need to hang out with my friends and do my film stuff and have people that maybe wanna make out sometimes is that so much to ask for. for a lesbian at a bar to want to make out perhaps. ** for there to be lesbians at the bars to potentially make out with.

#and i am quite lonely yes thank u for asking. yeah someday id love to get to know someone again in the context of falling in love #what about it. so what now. i dont think im meant for our understanding of romantic love but boy do i crave it #why am i having this moment rn. well ok consider im on my period all i could think about this morning was [redacted] and both parties #of my dyke drama were back in class today. and the one gay person that i think has a crush on me but we dont see each other super often #so im just. guessing based on the way awkward lesbians communicate. idk #and i feel really just mean but i quite literally dont have it in me to pretend to be nice to this person anymore #i wasnt like. some villain for realizing we were acting really coupley and being like oh shit because i didnt want to hurt them #. and trying to communicate and put some distance between us when i thought they were probably in too deep. it's unfortch it took me a sec #but jesus christ yk i cant walk around and feel awkward about it forever. and im frustrated by the fact that we're just acting so odd #but again frankly i think it's largely bc they have an unhealthy relationship with dating. THROWING HORIZONTAL PUNCHES HERE. #OK. STONES FROM A GLASS HOUSE. IM AWARE. REAL RECOGNIZES REAL. #and YET. despite my past insanity. ive been kind. i can understand disappointment and a little awkwardness #but jesus would you rather i pretend to be in love with you for months and then really break your heart. #this is where i get mean and make a joke like well hey if we couldve had weird really mediocre sad angry dyke sex abt it #that would have been cool with me. but alas. we're here instead and it's fucking with my friendships too #and like we were kind of ok friends too. what now. its just u me and this brick wall u built between us bitch #now was EYE not answering texts for a minute. we dont need to get into it. #because the thing IS if i dont play things exactly right. and im not good at that without prior planning. i will accidentally say or do #something that i know. again. from being insane myself. would be just enough for them to hold onto hope #and im not trying to do that to them you know. i was trying to help with the detachment. shitty as it may be. i dont fucking know dude #this post is going to make me look kind of. well. whatever u guys have seen me at my worst. mostly. and post #ok one last thing sorry if this makes me sound like i have a giant ego. like wow heres this person who really liked me and im just shitting #all over them. not what im meaning to do but whatever

[potpiehead]

ive been more depressed lately

#if you cant tell #during the summer i had some zest for life and felt actually happy lol but with the turn of the season it just disappeared.. so annoying lo #i keep having thoughts that boil down to "id be happier if i were happier' like lol #i know that spending time with my friends and family; always having something going on; engagine with my interests and keeping myself busy #all make me feel good and i think those things came easier over the summer #when im doing something of interest i just feel this whole world open up and everything feels lighthearted and easy and then when i fall ou #of those habits and start doing less everythig just feels dark #the depression i have now is 100x better than the depression i had as a teenager though. i didnt have the life experience to know that #things could be better #it does make me feel good to know that there are things that help #i just feel so mentally weak like there are times when i think of the thing i want to do but the effort it would take is monumental #and it stresses me the fuck out #i applied to a couple of jobs today because i just need a change of fucking scenery and i feel stagnant. #evereythig feels bleak and meaningless but i have moments where i feel everything open up. idk #i have hope for myself lol just that today in particular has been shitty like a concentrated version of the past few months #but i did apply to jobs which is something i was stressing about! and i bought some shit i needed to buy that i kept putting off #i often have so much on my mind and am so overwhlemed i cant even think of getting shit done. this shit is ruining everything #catastrophizing was my specialty in early high school ive been here before its just that being a young adult is a new frontier. #and i feel like ive been sitting in one place not moving even though i have been doing things i need to CHANGE things #i have moments of strength but i know that overall im struggling. #anyway thanks for reading. i have work tomorrow gn!