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taurusreads · 1 year

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what do you need to know right now? 🤎

masterlist || paid services || ko-fi

what does spirit want to tell you?

pile one

overall energy: ten of pentacles

for some of you i see that you may be struggling with your own thoughts a bit. the cards were being very sporadic and many of them were flying out at the same time. i think some of you might have a tendency to shut down when there’s a lot going on, like your beak. just kind of shuts off and it feels like a “no thoughts head empty” kind of vibe. spirit wants you to know that it’s perfectly fine for you to take time for yourself. focus on your mental health, and do what needs to be done for yourself before going to help someone else. you can never be the shoulder to someone until you can take care of your own well-being.

i also think that some of you have projects going on regarding your career. be very selective with who you give information to, as not everyone is your friend. sometimes it’s better to keep the information you have to yourself rather than telling others about it, because some people may not always have your best interest at heart. i see that this is something important to a lot of you, something that you’ve been manifesting for a long time. im hearing “dream come true”. these things were brought to you by the universe because you asked for it, waited patiently, and put in the effort to receive it, don’t let someone pretending to be your friend interfere with that.

on the same note of your work/career life, try not to overwork yourself! it’s great to love what you do, and it’s amazing to want to do it all the time, but make sure that you’re not pushing yourself past your limits. everyone has a breaking point, a moment in time where everything becomes too much and it takes a toll on you mentally, emotionally, physically, or spiritually. take time out of every day to check on your own health, and give yourself the love that you deserve!

channeled messages: headache, work, fashion, warm weather, yellow, 555, celebration, milestones, manifestations, something about being in the dark, secrets, self care, bubble baths!

pile two

overall energy: the star

there’s a lot of things that this pile wants to do, but you feel like there’s not enough time to get it all done. spirit wants you to remember that life is a marathon, not a sprint. you have ample time to do the things that you want in life, so don’t beat yourself up too much! there’s also a message of balancing out your work and home life. it’s okay to want to prioritize things, but make sure you have room in your life for the rest of it too! there’s plenty of time to figure out your career/life plans, so make sure that you give yourself time to have fun also! go bowling, see a movie, or just stay inside and stare at the tv. whatever makes you feel good should also be on your list of priorities.

i also see that for some of you, you’ve been wanting to get into a relationship. spirit is saying that healthy relationships stem from people who are emotionally and mentally ready, and sometimes it’s okay to admit that you’re not ready. being able to understand when you’re ready for a relationship and when you should just focus on yourself is an amazing strength to have, and it can save you from a lot of unfortunate situations in the future. spirit wants to make sure that you can discern when you are and are not ready for love, so you can focus on the things that are really important to you.

i think now would be an important time to focus on your work. focus on establishing yourself in the career you’re currently in, and completely immerse yourself in doing what you love. im also getting the message that some of you might possibly have a particular interest with someone that you work with. look within yourself to truly know whether you are ready for any sort of relationship, or if you should just focus on your own well-being. and be honest with yourself! no growth happens by ignoring the truth.

channeled messages: retail, D.D.D - the boyz, kpop, literal dancing, heartbreak, partnership, music, connection, dreams, soulmate, patience

pile three

overall energy: knight of wands rx

let out your inner child! some of you have been wanting to do something new for a while now, and spirit says go for it! if there was anything that you’d been wanting to try, some place that you’d been wanting to go, take a leap of faith and try it out! it’s never too late to do something new, life is all about making new memories and experiencing new things. i feel like some of you haven’t had the time to do things that you’ve wanted to, any i think now is the time to make room for it!

if some of you are in school, use your free time very wisely. you get a couple months out of school, so take the free time to experience all the things you didn’t have time to before. for anyone who is working, if you’ve been considering taking time off, do it if you can! spirit wants you to start trusting your instincts more. we all have intuition, some peoples are just stronger because they use trust in it and use it more often! trust in your own intuition and follow what your gut is telling you to do! you’re not missing out if you take the time to do what you want, nor are you lazy or a fraud. you deserve to take time to yourself, just like everyone else does.

if you’ve been cooped up in the house for a while, spirit always says to go outside for a little bit! i think interacting with nature can be very healing for some of you. take a walk, go for a run, or just enjoy the scene of nature! im seeing a lot of green, a lot of trees and grass, as well as a park/playground. maybe some of you have kids, or this is something that you like to do! go outside and do the things you used to do as a kid, and reignite that spark within you!

channeled messages: games, sun, playground, recreational parks, soccer, running, exercise, listening to music while walking, tanning, vacation, happiness, relaxation, 333, laughing, joy

#love tarot reading #pick a card #pick a card tarot #pick a pile tarot #tarot #tarot community #tarot reader #tarot readings #astrology #divination #taurusreads #free tarot readings #tarotdaily #tarot commissions #tarot reading #tarot cards #personal tarot reading #tarotcommunity #daily tarot

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tunamayojazz · 1 year

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my fav flavor of inuokko is older (late 20s-30s) with a lot of regrets and bad memories but who have been together so long and know each other so well that they face all of it head on. there’s a few fics in this vein but i’ve never seen any older inok art!

anon thank you so much for putting older inuokko in my head. it unlocked a new department in my brainrot and i now have so many thoughts about them...

100% agree that older inuokko would have lots of regrets and bad memories, they've experienced all kinds of things in their 20s (and life in general) but it's mostly bad bc lbr the jujutsu world is not pretty and they did not have a kind childhood...but when they're together, it's easy to forget all the bad for just a bit.

one day i'll have a character sheet for both of them (i am very invested in this)! will just post yuta for now bc im struggling with toge haha. thoughts below on how yuta is in his 30s plus some long story rambling bc i cannot be trusted with a keyboard and brainrot...

i'd like to think that yuta grows to be a lot more confident in his skin and becomes the best at looking after his friends as compared to the past when they've had to look out for him and reassure him more. he's not shy or hesitant in his actions at this age and a lot of people around like to say he would have been a great teacher at the school.

at one point (as a 3rd year perhaps) he entertained the thought of becoming a teacher, but the moment he had imagined his students dying, it was an instant no. he knew he wouldn't be able to handle it. it's hard enough that he has nightmares of his friends dying/being hurt sometimes. there's been a lot of close calls over the years. at this point of time, he and toge are both freelance sorcerers and no longer under the school, kinda like mei mei and yuki.

will expand on this in the future but it's due to something that happened and had to do with both the inumaki clan and the higher ups that made yuta swear to never return to the school ever again. he actually had to be stopped from destroying the school after shit hit the fan and that's where he got the scars he has now from. sure he could have healed them easily, but he wanted a physical reminder (he never wants to forget what his foolishness could cost him) of sorts. it's one of the events that i would say was significant to his character development.

they move to kyoto shortly after that. i haven't fully thought out toge's story at this point of time but as yuta is maturing and growing into the person he's always wished to become, toge is crumbling. he has a lot of repressed family trauma that he's always been good at locking away in his mind, but after recent events he just broke.

and of course yuta is there for toge, especially when the latter has been his pillar of strength since they became important to each other. unlike the past, he can read when toge needs space or when he needs someone by his side. over the years he's just been able to sense what toge needs like it's something natural to him.

at toge's lowest points, he reminds him of just how loved he is everyday, as much as he can through words and actions. specifically i think yuta is really good at non-sexual intimacy (pls look at the bottom right sketch)!

one thing that has never changed about yuta tho is that he'll still panic over small things like when maki or toge fall sick. for example when he hears from panda that she's down with a cold, he takes the next bullet train back to tokyo as though she's on her deathbed lmao.

overall i think he'd be pretty stable in his 30s but also it wouldn't take much to make him spiral and lose it ^^

#guess who got carried away again #sorry this is kinda messy #the brainrot coordinator is on leave #will she back? has she ever existed even? idk #sigh the ideas i have for toge's story rn is so heavy like why do i always make him suffer #but its also not my fault the crumbs we have regarding his backstory all point to so much potential angst and despair amirite #its ok yuta is here #and he'll make it all okay again #inuokko #ottoge #inumaki toge #inumaki #okkotsu yuta #yuuta #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #art #hc #au

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elphael · 2 years

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Hey there! Do you have any tips on how to make combat encounters, especially Boss battles, more engaging? I struggle to find a balance between "make this encounter challenging to a group who have just had a long rest" and it taking 8 rounds ... One thing I've been trying is to give every fight an objective other than "kill the boss". I liked your critique of CR combat so I thought I'd ask you for advice. Thanks in advance!

okay so this might be all over the place, especially because i've got the makings of a migraine but am determined to write this anyway but here are some mechanical and story tips i guess:

make the encounter have meaning, this can be a huge boss fight or it can be a fight with stakes like rescuing innocents or chasing an enemy or being chased, etc. the results of the encounter should matter. i am someone who personally does not really believe in random encounters as they don't add much to the overall story in my opinion

that being said, if your party is having a big day, you can throw multiple fights at them without a long rest. from my perspective as a player, it isn't always fun to have to do constant resource management between rests but every now and again it can be a good time and feels good to classes that have short rest recharges.

here's a grab bag of primary encounter types + secondary objectives / challenges. mix and match:

combat types: big boss, chase, swarm, multiple factions, equal numbers secondary challenges: a puzzle, someone to talk with/interact with, movement/terrain navigation, someone to save, a time crunch, etc.

if you've got a lot of moving pieces and complicated statblocks, write notes for yourself about what you want your bad guys to do. don't hold out on using their cool big abilities.

i preroll initiative and have a spreadsheet initiative tracker so that i can sort by highest to lowest initiative and let the computer do the math for me with hp

you know that thing where statblocks do 13 (2d6 + 5), sometimes, it saves time if you use the static damage. if you want a little bit of variety, add or subtract a d4.

scaling health! i always give monsters three thresholds: one that is a lowball, what i would use if everything is going wrong and i'm trying to give my players a more fair fight, a medium, usually the 'canon' number, and a highball aka what i'm going for if i'm getting thrashed. controversial take: sometimes you should just have an enemy die when it Makes Sense narratively. hit points are useful but if your rogue is fighting their backstory villain and lands a huge sneak attack and the bad guy is hanging on by 15 hp, give them that narrative moment.

know your player characters' mechanical strengths and weaknesses. it feels good to resist a damage type sometimes, it feels good to know that your save or suck spells are landing. at the same time, pushing your players out of their comfort zone and having them fight things that are strong against their typical strategy is not a bad thing. also just figure out what the average damage output for all of your pcs is lmao, it helps you figure out how many hit points you need to give things, know whether they've got higher or lower acs and how you need to scale attack modifiers and save dcs.

work smarter not harder, if you're wanting to homebrew something see if you can reflavor an existing statblock already.

legendary actions and legendary resistances, just give them to things. you don't need to give them tons of them but especially if you don't have the action economy advantage (boss battles hello) you want these so your boss doesn't get completely dunked on instantly

watch the rat crown fight from d20's unsleeping city season 1 everything i've said is on display here

unironically use these archetypes for your bosses:

no i'm not joking. im so not joking. these are different distinct and interesting archetypes that create separate tones for a fight and will make your combats feel distinct from each other (also grab bag does this) if you're familiar with soulsborne games this will probably make more sense and if not, i'll give a quick explanation:

guy in a room totally freakin out > straightforward in terms of strategy, morals, and ethics. get this guy dead. could be martial or could be caster, but they're Freakin Out. the complexity comes from how you deal with the threat not the additional factors usually

stomp jomperson > so many hit points, usually big, hits Real Good

the gang is back together and they hate you > i think this one is sort of self explanatory

bumpos palace of tricks > fights with a puzzle, gimmick, chases, wizards who are being tricksy and nasty, these fights should infuriate your players in a Positive Way aka. make things annoying enough that they Really Want To Win but not too frustrating. also there's no right answer of how to fix things, figure out what your players want to try and hey if it works, it's the Solution.

you interrupted my dinner/mourning and now you gotta die > these are some big narrative fights where you want the villain to have lore or to be sympathetic or not a guy in a room totally freaking out that you just wanna get gone

and these are my unrefined tips on how to make combat more engaging. my tips for making combat go faster are different but like. don't let your combat go to 8 rounds. just let the guys die lmao.

#1 tip, if combat stops feeling fun, regardless of whether it's life or death stakes or a goofy gimmick fight, that's when you start the process of resolving the encounter, whether the party wins or not.

its also of my personal opinion that there are usually more interesting stakes than character permadeath, especially if you don't know if your player would be okay with that, and that as a DM it ultimately your job to lose encounters so, i air on that when i'm unsure.

#asks #d&d advice #dm tag

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theredcuyo · 10 months

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I just need to vent a bit-

So, its been a year and so now, isn't it?

It's curious to me how much Techno affected me even tho I wasnt one of his biggest fans at that time, and yet, I went thru some really, really hard times over this, and in some ways, I still am, up until recently I didn't feel the strength to watch his videos, up until recently even if I watched them I couldn't help but smile in a bittersweet way

Not too long ago I was finally able to laugh, to enjoy them again, to not think about how he's not here anymore while hearing his voice, and instead, have fun with what he left for us, and yeah, that's what everyone is been saying to do, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggled with actually doing it, because it IS hard, it's hard to not start to have fun and immediately remember "... He won't be doing this anymore now, huh?" and get sad all over again, even if we know he won't want us to still be crying

I got over it a week or so ago, I finally can watch the great potato war without sobbing for twenty minutes after watching it, and even if the grief won't go yet, I feel like im moving on, never leaving it all behind, but carrying the moments that made it hurt so much in first place, needless to say the happiest ones, in my heart, and overall, I'm full on energy, I've been inspired by him, by his all, like everyone, to do something, to give a meaning to what I do now, to be as strong as him-

And yet... The reason I write this is because of the grief left in me, I can't deny that whenever I go watch the qsmp streams a part of me can't help but wonder "wouldn't this have been so cool if Techno was here?, if he could've been here?"

I can't help but imagine him making fun of the eggs for practically being orphans, just to be forced to take care of one, can't help but imagine him immediately throwing one off of the wall, or maybe training Chayanne, and probably, growing to love Tallulah in a "I've had this child for five minutes, but in a anything happens to her I'll kill everyone in this server" kind of way

How he would tell Greek mythology stories to the eggs, but be the one person extremely against babysitting just to end up doing it a lot because of the insane amount of time he spends playing

Can't help but imagine how he would absolutely attempt presidential assassination against all the candidates and be completely against the federation without a doubt, and how he would've entered that dungeon left for them and absolutely destroyed it

Can't help but imagine Techno doing to forever the same thing he did whenever a baby zombie was near Philza

Can't help but wish the people who didn't get to know him outside of stories actually met him, and him talking to them with his bare knowledge of Spanish, and them reacting to the man himself talking about "blowing up a country" and "farming potatoes for +six months" or how "he once conquered the world" just to have them not believing it until Phil backed up the stories

Can't help but imagine a world where Tallulah didn't have to make an altar for him, and then i get back to reality to realize that... That's not the world where I live in, I live in the world where it's been more than a year since all of this possibilities became impossible and I feel genuinely hurt again, maybe more so over the thought of how much life he had ahead of himself, one that hurts me even more because he's the same age as my older brother

I like to wonder off in my mind sometimes, and imagine just for a bit of escapism, that he'd be giving Wilbur validation in his concerts, or that he would've bullied the life out of Dream when he did his face reveal, and also bullied Skeppy when he met up with bbh, or that he would've been in first line for Tommy's show

Technodad once mentioned on Reddit that Techno had been thinking of writing a story, and that too, would have been awesome to see, as much as all the plans he had and didn't get to do that I and all of his fans keep dreaming over

At the end, I think that the grief left in me, is over how much more time he should've had, over the future that we will never see

I'm sorry for this, I really just needed to vent, I don't want to sound disrespectful or anything really, just some thoughts I had inside of me and needed to get out, I'm sorry if it sounded weird or bad-

#technoblade #technoblade never dies #i miss him #i miss technoblade #i miss techno so much #i miss the time when everything was fine and i didnt had to feel like writting this #vent post

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fledbeast578 · 1 year

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Hello! I always felt like Xiang Yu was an interesting character both in gameplay and story, but was held back by an awkward skillset. So I decided to try and give him some rank ups, I didn’t want it to just be a boring “add battery add charisma add-“ type rank up, but wanted to have them synergize with his intended gameplan, and support his lore and personality.

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Tactical Body-

-Add an ability where it locks Xiang Yu’s cards and then deals new cards without replacing any of Xiang Yu’s cards currently on the field.

Im terms of lore Xiang Yu is supposed to be a master at combat, constantly at peak performance and ready to fight at a moment’s notice. However this translates poorly to gameplay, as his playstyle and card distribution often has him caught off guard.

In terms of gameplay this helps fix Xiang Yu’s main problem, even when you have stars there’s always just a solid chance you just don’t have enough cards to effectively crit. This is unfortunate because setting up for a massive crit turn is Xiang Yu’s entire gimmick, not having the instant readiness of a servant like Super Orion or the ability to crit across multiple turns like Saber Lancelot. This can be mitigated with card counting, but this doesn’t make Xiang Yu less awkward to use it just lets you know when he’s going to be awkward to use, and it’s disrupted if an ally dies mid cycle. I think this buff would do well to help add extra consistency to Xiang Yu, which he desperately needs.

Originally I had it just lock the current cards in place, but that’d step on Sumer Bb’s toes and would be awkward as you’d want to use it 1-2 turns before you actually start critting, which would waste the crit up.

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Art of a Conqueror-

-Add Np Damage Increase (15-30%) (3 turns)

-Add crit star drop increase 50-100% (1 turn)

From a lore perspective I think the np damage increase would be more fitting. His noble phantasm is intended to be his raw conquering might as a warlord, being an Idiom based on his prowess. While Arts of a Conqueror is his reputation as a conqueror given form and engraved into him. It makes sense it’d work well with his noble phantasm, given how one feeds into the other.

From a gameplay perspective there are two fronts to be tackled. Xiang Yu’s intended strategy is to use his noble phantasm and s3 generates stars, and then deal devastating damage to a single foe with his strong steroids. However, a large issue this this is his s2, you want to use the steroid on the crit turn because of it’s large buff, but it only lasts 1 turn so you can’t really use it to buff his noble phantasm. So overall Xiang Yu’s noble phantasm deals relatively low damage, the np damage buff would help mitigate that, and would line up with the turns you’d want to use Xiang Yu’s s3 anyway.

The crit star drop rate would help fulfill his noble phantasms role of generating stars, even as a multi hit quick noble phantasm, Xiang Yu’s natural crit star generation is so bad it often only gets around 30 stars, which can be awkward to work with. This problem is exasperated in boss fights and challenge quests, where Xiang Yu will often only be fighting one to two opponents. A crit star drop rate buff helps mitigate this problem, making it a reliable star generation skill.

You could probably add both of these without pushing Xiang Yu over the limit, but I don’t want every skill to have 4+ effects, as that’d get messy.

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Noble Phantasm

-Increase noble phantasm damage (standard)

-Remove debuffs from self (triggers before attack)

-Add debuff immunity (3 turns)

From a lore perspective this one is a tough nut to crack, since his skill as a conqueror is represented by his s3. I wanted to differentiate it based on the song the idiom comes from

“My strength plucked up the hills,

My might shadowed the world;

But the times were against me,

And Dapple runs no more;

When Dapple runs no more,

What then can I do?

Ah, Yu, my Yu,

What will your fate be?”

But this is a struggle because it’s actually Xiang Yu coming to terms with his fate, that despite his strength his time was coming to an end. To work with this I decided a debuff removal seemed fitting, as a sort of callback to his death in lb3. Where despite it all coming to an end, he refused to let the situation get to him, fighting until he was finally destroyed for the sake of Yu Mei Ren, fitting with the poem which has him put his strength on a pedestal in spite of his acknowledgment that it wasn’t enough. From a lore perspective this wouldn’t be Xiang Yu being straight up immune to debuffs, but being so focused on his conquering might that he’s able to push through them completely.

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I decided to leave Foresight unchanged because it’s strong enough as is, the evade is a bit stranded but that’s par for the course, and the crit damage and absorption more than makes up for it, especially with the other buffs to his skills that would aid in preventing the buffs only being for 1 turn to be such a downside.

This may all seem powerful because it is, but there are still some downsides to consider that I think preventing Xiang Yu from being overpowered.

-I added more reliance to his noble phantasm generating stars, but added no battery, so he needs outside support to get his noble phantasm off reliably. This gives him better synergy with units like Shakespeare (who can charge his noble phantasm and then buff his buster cards, which does more work than Hans’ crit buff because there’d be no buff fall off)

-He has little staying power, with only an evade linked to his s1 and no defensive utility elsewhere Xiang Yu is a one trick centaur, not being able to survive for a round two without extensive support from his teammates, which is necessary for a lot of challenge quests that have multiple break bars.

I know not many people are going to read this, but if you did give me your thoughts on my proposed rank ups, and anything you liked or disliked!

#fgo #fate grand order #fate go #rank up #Xiang Yu #Xiang Yu Fate #i did this at 1 am #fate

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cookinguptales · 1 year

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hi! hope you're doing well! could i please get a tarot reading? a potential focus point may be that i would like to know a little more abt where my love life will go (im polyam and im dating 2 lesbians and a pansexual, though theyre not all dating each other) and how we'll all do living together!

thank you in advance!! this is cool of you to do and is inspiring me to get back into my own tarot decks/reading!

(Wheel of Fortune, Nine of Wands, The Chariot)

Hmm. Well. The good news is that all three of these cards are cards of encouragement. The bad news is that they all very much have a vibe of "this, too, shall pass."

The Wheel of Fortune serves as a reminder that nothing in life is permanent. If you are in a bad situation, it will not last forever, but if you're in a good one, that is also impermanent. So you should hold tight to the good times and weather the bad ones. Appreciate every good moment and know that the bad ones will pass. It calls to you to have courage and flexibility; you should roll with the punches, in other words.

Which unfortunately implies that there will be punches.

The Nine of Wands is another one of those cards that's like -- okay, everything is super hard now, but you will eventually get to the finish line. It's not good yet, but with hard work and courage, it will be. You've worked hard to get this far and just hold on a little longer. Adversity won't last forever, and this is a winnable fight.

Finally, The Chariot is a card that tells you to deal with your problems head-on with courage and willpower. You'll have challenges, but you can overcome them if you believe in yourself and force your way through.

Putting them all together, it really kind of seems like your road ahead may be somewhat rocky, but not so bad that you can't succeed. I think this spread is telling you to be philosophical about your setbacks and struggles and realize that they will not last forever. If you make good decisions, try hard, and take on your problems with strength, courage, and overall resilience, you'll get through the bad parts.

I guess that can be said for any relationship, really, but. Well. I do get the impression that things might be hard at first. Whether things eventually clearing up means that you'll work it out with everyone or simply find something that suits you better, I don't know. I just know that you should keep your head up and remember that this, too, shall pass.

#replies #tarot shenanigans

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si--ha · 1 year

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finished nirvana initiative last night

i enjoyed it overall but god damn...i have a lot of complaints

idk where to begin.

i guess i should start with what i like:

-the somniums felt a little easier and less trial and error

-the models looked a lot better

-tama

what i didn’t like:

-honestly the somniums just kept coming with very little breathing room in between. mostly on mizuki’s side. ryuki’s was much better with the pacing.

-the twist. the timeline twist confused the shit out of me and took me a while to figure out. it’s stupid that bibi looked exactly like mizuki in the past. how fucking confusing is that.

-also the sisters twist was kind of meh imo...i love bibi and all but idk. not sure how to feel about it. i will say that this game lowkey ruined mizuki for me. i think it was much funnier with her being 12 and having super strength with no explanation. and to learn she was adopted? doesn’t fit shoko and renju’s story very well. why adopt a kid when u dont even want to take care of one?? also she looks like shoko?? idk it was silly

-also date disappeared for 6 years and just fucked around with amnesia the whole time? that felt fucking stupid and cheap. no one recognized him? and when he finally comes back, no one gives too much of a shit. mizuki, that’s ur adoptive dad. you’d think she wouldve shown a little more emotion. fuck

-also why the fuck is date wearing a mask?? come on man. i love how he looks like that, but it’s just stupid. even his voice changed. they never addressed why he sounds like saito again.

-the killer this time was pretty intimidating until he just...got killed himself. and his backstory and all was interesting but idk. he didn’t feel impactful as a villain. i know saito only came in at the last minute in the first game, but it just kind of worked since u find out all of the events in the game were taking place bc he was pulling the strings in the background all along.

-the final somnium also didnt feel impactful. felt too easy as well. amame was right tho. that bitch deserved to die. queen shit

-the somniums in general weren’t as impactful to me. the only one that made me cry was shoma’s. ALSO i got his ending first and it made me fucking cry. i hated komeji at first but grew to love him in that ending. and then guess what FUCK YOU he dies in the true route.

-the other endings were pretty fucking lame tho. genny just randomly dies bc boss sends SAT for no reason? i get trying to apprehend genny but why mizuki?? also we never got to see genny’s face. or his skin. since his skin is hard, im assuming he has ichthyosis like me!!!!!!!!! give me that representation!!!!!!!!!

-one last thing that bugged me were the puzzle codes in the game. a lot were easy but a few just weren’t very intuitive enough. im not a total idiot but i struggled with a couple. but that’s not that big of a deal

other than that, i did enjoy the game overall. i like most of the new characters. i knew kizzy and lien would get together and i approve. i absolutely love how he carried her and helped her dance again. beautiful 10/10 moment.

im pretty biased towards the first game tbh. i found it to be a masterpiece. everything perfectly came together at the end. in this game, i think im left with more questions than answers. all this game did was reinforce how amazing the first game is

#shelby's probs #ai: the somnium files #nirvana initiative #spoilers

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mossyythoughts · 2 years

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hi again!! tysm for doing my request(the yanfei one), i loved it! if it isn't much trouble, could i request yanfei with a reader who doesn't show negative emotions and one day she just finds them having a mental breakdown and how does she comfort her,please? have a lovely and take care<33

Sunshine is More Important

but rain isn’t all too bad, i suppose.

w/ Yanfei!

Hurt/Comfort

Teyvat College! au

CW/Info: Mental Breakdown, Physical touch, Overall mental health topics, food mentions, I’ve also never experienced having a mental breakdown- but I have had a loved one have one so it might be a bit like… overall and i’m sorry :(

How did she find you?

She was probably just dropping by to say hi, maybe invite you out to eat if you were feeling up to it

When she knocked though, she got increasingly concerned when she heard sobbing

She didn’t barge in, it’s more like she hastily made her way to your room and peeked her head inside the door

She instantly was very worried for your state of well being, rushing to your side to see if you’re alright

Comfort

She generally would just hold you very close

Despite your protests because you might get your tears on her outfit, or that you’re a mess right now

She just wants to show you the warmth that you always show her

(She ofc would also leave you alone if you really really insisted, but she’s not easily convinced)

So she hugs you close, allowing you to continue crying or to ground yourself

I’m gonna be completely honest, she’s not used to doing things like this so she may be a tad bit stiff

She doesn’t know if she’s being overbearing, or if she is overstepping, so she just waits for you to let it out.

Or, after your sobs turn into sniffles she might hesitantly ask if you were willing to talk about it.

But! She is used to listening, so if you want someone to listen to your troubles, Yanfei is your girl!

If you’re somewhere that’s not very comfortable, will subtly guide you to like a chair or anywhere else

After listening…

She’s not sure if you wanted to rant or if you wanted her to name a few solutions so she just outright asks

If you need solutions, she’ll tell you some ways to ease you into showing more negative emotions

She’ll reassure you that negative emotions are still emotions

Whatever emotions you’re feeling are valid, and if you really need to, you can talk to her at any time!

No matter if you believe it’s big or small, it’s big enough to bother you! She wants to ease your state of mind even if it’s just you ranting for about 2 minutes.

If you just want her to listen to you rant, she’ll comfort you afterwards, offering words of support

She wants you to know that if you’re struggling you can always come to her, because she wants to be there for you just like you have been there for her.

Afterwards :)

She’ll probably hug you for a moment and ask in a very sincere tone if you’re alright

Depending on your answer, she’ll either comfort you some more or get you some water and maybe make you some food

She wants to make it clear that you can depend on her

It won’t be anything too heavy, she doesn’t wanna make you overwhelmed !!

Just a little snack to not only get your strength back, but also show that she cares

She’ll probably not know what to do afterwards to be honest

Might stand there awkwardly for a moment before asking if you would like to get some fresh air !!

Overall

Very concerned, but not too overbearing despite her thinking she is

Her hugs are very warm, considering her pyro vision

If you did get tears/snot on her outfit, won’t bring it up or be upset about it, she doesn’t really care all that much !! Your well-being is more important than a single shirt

a/n

I LOVE YANFEI

i also love yanfei requests stan yanfei or else 🤬🤬🤬🤬

ANYWAYS IM LIKE SOOKOEJDJSJXJ HYPERFIXATED ON THE SONIC MOVIES RN LIKE I JUST WATCHED THE 2ND MOVIE AND I IMMEDIATELY CHANGED MY TWITTER PROFILE TO KNUCKLES AND MY SISTER CHANGED HERS TO TAILS (it honestly should be the other way around because i’m younger and i definitely love tails more than my sister but whatever 😒😒😒😒)

also i love these requests ty for sending them 😭😭 i normally only really do venti and other characters i have (and use) but since these yanfei requests are coming in i put my klee build on her and YANFEI IS HITTING NUMBERS AND I LOVE HER ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

ty for requesting again I LOVE YOUR REQUESTS YOU HAVE SUCH GOOD IDEAS ❤️❤️

wow that was long whoopsies 😭😭

have a wonderful day readers !!

#yanfei headcanons #yanfei fluff #yanfei hurt/comfort #yanfei gi #gi yanfei #genshin impact yanfei #yanfei x y/n #yanfei x you #yanfei x reader #yanfei genshin impact #yanfei #platonic or romantic #implied ?? romantic but that’s iffy lmao

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obeiii-mee · 4 years

Text

So, I finally finished part 2 for the original ask. I’ve had a bit of trouble with writing the twins because I think this would affect them particularly bad. I hope you enjoy all this angst, cuz I sure as hell didn’t im fucking sobbing alright?

Pt. 1

Enjoy!

————————————-

The Brothers Reacting to MC sacrificing themselves to bring Lilith back, Part 2:

Satan:

-Satan felt like the stupidest demon in DevilDom. He was supposed to be the intellectual, the logical one, the one with more than a few spare brain cells to work with. And yet he never twigged there was anything going on with you. The signs were all there. You had asked him for very specific book recommendations for the past few weeks, about the Celestial Realm and the full power of souls. He even let you borrow some from his own collection without giving it a second thought!

-In hindsight, your goal was very obvious but at the time, he hadn’t even stopped for a second to consider it. It just didn’t seem like something you would be capable of doing. But you did. Of course you did. You were the most driven human he had even met. You managed to live for a full year with seven of the most dangerous demons in hell and make pacts with them no less, so anything is fair game when it comes to you.

-Lucifer and Lilith found him in the library, like usual, reading what seemed to be a very graphic book on different wars that took place in the human realm over the centuries. What can I say, the man wanted to know more human history for your sake. He was one of the few brothers who hadn’t even noticed you were missing and never thought anything was amiss. Sure, he missed your presence but the cynical fourth born isn’t exactly paranoid.

-Now, if it was Lucifer alone that had come to check up on him, Satan would have been very tempted to just ignore him. But obviously he noticed a slightly smaller, less threatening figure next to him and he forced himself to look up from his book. Lowkey hoping it was you because he often complained his brothers got to spend way too much time with you. Satan and Lilith technically never met, face to face. However, I like to think that since Satan was born out of Lucifer’s wrath, he has a small connection with his memories and therefore Lilith. After all, Satan was the only one that never participated in the war or actually fell down as angel.

-He never met her before. Yet he immediately recognised her as she came in. She had every trait you would expect an angel to have. Except she wasn’t an angel anymore of course. She was dead. Or at least supposed to be. Lucifer just stood in the doorway as she approached him. Lilith fidgeted in front of him as she tried to come up with the right words to introduce herself.

-“I’m really happy to actually-“

-She didn’t get to finish because Satan had embraced her almost immediately, almost like he was on auto mode and couldn’t help himself otherwise. She welcome the gesture, glad their first meeting wasn’t as awkward as she had predicted it would be. The eldest brother was watching, slightly in awe because, as far as he knew, the only person he had ever hugged before this was you.

-Of course, the spell had to be broken. Lucifer knew better than to step in and allowed his sister to explain. Satan was going to have a bad reaction nonetheless, but he might become even more aggressive if it was him delivering the news. Lilith never had to deal with this particular brother of hers or any of his fits but somehow, it was like she knew what to do.

- Their sister did her best to explain it to Satan as calmly as possible, as if that would make much of a difference. Satan remained oddly quiet throughout all of it, showing no reaction besides a neutral one. Lucifer found this strange. Yeah, his brother/son was usually the silent type, the sort of demon to think, not speak. But he expected some sort of emotion in there. Anything, really. Anger definitely. Maybe sorrow and misery. But not this.

-Lilith noticed the shaking before even Satan did. His body had just started convulsing on its own as he processed the idea of you laying there, unmoving and cold; dead. He involuntarily clenched his fists and he had to sit down before his legs gave over. Lucifer was still outright confused while Lilith struggled to soothe her brother. He hated feeling like this. All vulnerable and weak, like the skies of hell will fall on him and crush him. He was Satan for fuck’s sake. He was probably considered the most fearful creature in all of existence. He shouldn’t be feeling like this.

-But of course he did. You were always able to do that to him, bringing out that soft side of him he never knew he had. Or at least refused to acknowledge he had. The funny thing was, since you were the one being subjected to that side of his, he didn’t mind. Because you are MC, a literal ball of sunshine. Nothing him and his brothers deserved but you were still willing to spend time with them. The least they could have done was to protect you.

-They couldn’t even do that

-He couldn’t even do that

-Satan is even more retreated now than before, more hostile toward his own brothers and basically everyone else. He will snap at anyone for very minor reasons and lock himself up in the library even more than usual. Anything to get his mind off how much he must have disappointed you. It hurts too much to even hear your name being spoken. God forbid they choose another human to come down there as an exchange student because he will unleash all of his wrath on them on your behalf. How dare some lowly human try to replace you? He’s more prone to fits of anger now too. Long gone is his self control and calmness.

-The one person that understood him was dead. The one person he allowed himself to be close to and genuinely kind to was gone forever. Satan will never get over this. Or the fact that you were smiling so brightly before you died.

Asmo:

-He’s just so sick of it. So so so sick of it. So sick of watching everyone he cares about either die or get taken away from him. If he was a mortal he would have probably gone crazy. Maybe he already reached insanity and just didn’t realise it. After all, everyone has a breaking point, even demons. And once you go beyond that point, your whole world will shatter.

-To him, it seems almost impossible that just that morning he had seen you at breakfast, laughing along with his brothers and overall just being the intriguing, silly human you were. You were right there! Right in front of him, talking to him like it was any other day. And now he has to deal with the unbearable fact that he will never hear your voice again.

-Asmo was out, hanging out at the Fall as usual, when he realised he had missed several, frantic calls from Mammon, who at that point wasn’t aware that you were long dead.

-He brushed him off, initially, thinking his brother was just having another one of his melodramatic moments. So the fifth born went around Majolish, basically buying everything he could get his hands on to ignore the uneasiness creeping up on him. He could feel something bad was happening. He just didn’t know what.

-At this point, he was a bit unsettled which is very unlike him. He is pretty optimistic as a whole so seeing him so startled and on alert was a sort of disturbing sight to see. Lucifer called him after lunch and told him to come home. Normally, Asmo wouldn’t have taken his older brother’s words too seriously but hearing his strained voice on the other side of the phone forced him into action.

-He rushed home, faster then he had ever done before., because let’s be honest, he prefers being outside of the house more often than not. He searched for you everywhere, but you were nowhere to be found. However, he bumped into Lucifer and Lilith in the middle of the upstair’s corridor in his frantic search for you.

-Unlike his brothers, Asmo noticed Lilith immediately, way before he even acknowledged his brother. It was such a shock to him that he thought for sure that he was hallucinating, though things like that never happened to him beforehand. Asmo stopped breathing for what felt like centuries because he didn’t want to raise his expectations, he didn’t to be disappointed if Lilith truly wasn’t there and he was just making her up. He didn’t want to deal with the grief once again.

-However, Lilith remained exactly where she was and flashed him one of her brilliant, warm smiles that he had loved so much back in the Celestial Realm. That he, on more than one occasion, tried to copy because he wanted to have as much in common with Lilith as possible. He wasn’t imagining her and the moment he realised this, he threw himself at her, the worry of his hair being ruined long forgotten and now his only concern was that she would dissipate in thin air.

-Lilith did not yield and embraced her brother, she gave enough hugs today to last her a lifetime but she couldn’t be happier to see her beloved brothers again. It took every ounce of strength on Lilith’a part not to burst into tears from both joy and sorrow.

-Lucifer hated this. He hated having to cut in the happy moment and lay down the bad news. But he had do it. Because no one else would. He was the eldest. He was responsible for everyone. A sadist he may very well be, but it absolutely destroys him to see his brothers suffering from such extreme distress. He told Asmo everything as bluntly as he could, thinking that ripping the bandaid straight off would result in a better outcome.

-It did not.

-Mammon’s reaction to your death was expected, but Asmo’s took both Lilith and Lucifer by surprise. They didn’t expect him to be as emotional as he ended up being and both of them handled it awkwardly because the Avatar of Lust was usually such a confident and admirable creature, it felt weird to see him act in such a way. He fell to his knees in a moment of pure despair and cried enough tears to drown himself in them later. He sobbed for a long time and did not stop immediately, instead going through several stages of weeping, from hiccuping to panting and then back to crying. It was an endless cycle of sadness.

-Lilith half carried half dragged him to his bedroom, while her other brother watched, a bit mesmerised. Asmo usually loved having company and now that his sister was back, he 100% needed it but at the same time, he wished to remain alone for a while. It would be painful but he needed to gather his feelings in one place before he could even put together a conclusion on how he was feeling. So they both left and with the door closed, all the air seemed to suffocate him and drag him into endless despair.

-Asmo received a lot of damage from your death, changing his personality very abruptly. Compared to his brothers, his change in attitude is not so subtle and now he basically hates anything that reminds him of you. He no longer enjoys hanging out or clubbing at the Fall or even go shopping anymore unless it’s necessary because those were things he used to do with you! And now, they seemed so pointless he often wondered what was the point of actually doing it. The only sort of satisfaction he gets is being in your room because if he closes his eyes, just for a moment, he can pretend you’re still there with him, whispering words of comfort to him.

-Yes, he still has one night stands and tries to seduce people left and right but it’s a sort of distraction more than anything else. He doesn’t do it out of need anymore, but out of desperation to get you out of his head. He’s also been sneaking to the Human Realm a lot as of late, as if hoping to randomly bump into you up even though it’s not possible and he knows it. He’s just torturing himself further. Hopeless. Just hopeless.

-You made him feel so much more than just Lust. And now that he had you, even if it was for just a short amount of time, Asmo knew he would never feel that way to anyone ever again. He would never fall in love with anyone ever again.

-He knew the risks of getting attached to a human. He knew how much he would suffer in the end. After all, humans are mortals, they are not destined to live for long. And yet he went and did it anyway because you were too amazing to ignore. You gave him something he never realised he yearned for and you left before he could reciprocate.

The Twins:

-Neither Lilith nor Lucifer was surprised to find the two of them together, relaxing in the attic. It’s common knowledge at this point that the twins have a hard time being separated. And especially more so than before after the whole attic incident, which concluded with them refusing to leave each other’s side. Usually, you were with them too, of course, for good measure. Obviously, they weren’t able to find you anywhere like everyone else. Belphie got tired of searching and just suggested that they go upstairs and that eventually you’ll joking them.

-Lucifer was, understandably, extremely worried at how the twins would react to all of this. Just seeing their adored sister in the same room as them would be more than enough to cause them to malfunction. But if he let them know that you died mere hours ago? And for smuggling Lilith’s soul back into existence no less? It would be chaos. At least with his other brothers, their reactions he could more or less predict. But the twins were slightly different. Especially Belphie. You can never really tell what goes on inside his head.

-Beel noticed his sister before Belphie did. He was so taken aback, he tumbled backwards and off the bed, accidentally dragging his twin with him. It was quite a comical fall actually. Lilith would’ve laughed if it wasn’t for the circumstances. She missed them, of course. Truth is, she missed all of her brothers and their memories back in the Celestial Realm. It always hurt so much to think that she could see them but never really interact with any of them. Except through you since you were heir in a way.

-Beel was a mess, first of all. You can easily imagine the distress he was in at the sight of his little sister. His dead little sister. Dead because of him. It might’ve been centuries since Lilith fell from the heavens and got transformed into a human but he continued to carry that burden with him because how could he not? He should’ve been able to save both Lilith and Belphie even though, logistically speaking, it would’ve been impossible. He saw the despair in her eyes right before she disappeared below the clouds. That image had and will haunt him for the rest of his eternal days.

-He was on his knees before her in a split second, grabbing the hems of her sleeves and sobbing into them as if the whole of DevilDom was about to crash down on all of them. Beel was yelling incoherently, switching between begging for forgiveness and stuttering mid sentence, unable to get the rights words out. The whole mansion was filled with his distraught weeping and he just couldn’t stop.

-His sister knelt down and embraced him, almost awkwardly because of the position they were in, as she began crying as well. Out of exhaustion more than anything. She’s dealt with so many breakdowns in one day that she couldn’t handle holding her emotions in anymore. With the death of her descendant and the sorrow of her brothers, she wished from the bottom of her heart she had just stayed dead because everything would have turned out alright that way.

-Belphie was more cautious. He stood at the back of the room, watching as his sister hugged Beel and sort of held him in a way that would quieten him down. Careful. He casted Lucifer a glance, as if to ask “what the hell is going on?” before once again staring at the ridiculous sight before him. Usually, he wasn’t one to look to his eldest brother for help. There was some dangerous hatred he harboured for him deep in his heart after all. But he was so confused and conflicted, he couldn’t fight the urge to seek guidance from him.

-Lucifer didn’t know how long it had been since he last saw his youngest brother be that openly vulnerable. It felt like an eternity now, to be honest. He was like a rock hard, clamped sea shell since their fall as angels. He walked over to him and placed his hand on Belphie’s shoulder. For the first time in millenniums, his brother didn’t try to swat it away.

-“Lilith is back.”

-That was all he needed. Those three words. As soon as Lucifer finished his sentence, he ran straight into his siblings who were still crying on the floor. He almost bulldozed them over if it wasn’t for Beel’s strength. The youngest landed on top of them, almost starting to cry as well. Beel, seemingly tired himself out so much that he went a bit limp in Lilith’s arms, still gripping onto her for dear life as if she were on the verge of disappearing again.

-“MC is dead.”

-It was a horribly timed moment to drop that bomb in, to be fair. Lucifer tried saying it as casually as he could but he could hear his own voice crack and see his own hands tremble. His mind was focused but his body had betrayed him. The twins were so into the moment, so glad to see their sister after all this time, it was almost like they didn’t hear him. So he repeated the statement, this time in a more composed manner. Belphie immediately reacted. He got off his siblings and straightened his back, glaring at Lucifer in shock from the other side of the room. Beel stayed where he was, but craned his neck to gawk at Lucifer, who was standing solemnly, waiting for the predicted chaos. Lilith closed her eyes and winced.

-Beel was in outright denial which was surprising. He wouldn’t, or rather refused, to accept that you could be dead. I mean, the idea itself was propestrous, right? You’ve almost died once and you managed to outdo death. Or more accurately, your future self did. You could do it again, couldn’t you? Just the image of you laying dead somewhere was enough to send him in panic and another, this time almost silent, meltdown. He seized fistfuls of his hair and pulled, as a method of escaping the pain that came with the thoughts of you and death being correlated in any way. If Lilith’s death wasn’t enough to push him over the edge, this sure as hell was. Could demons go insane? Probably. Beel certainly felt like he was. Even with Lilith there comforting him, he had the impression he couldn’t stand or even look up from the floor.

-Belphie didn’t make a move to aid his brother or help his sister. He stood, teeth gritted and jaw clenched, staring at his oldest brother with an odd gleam in his eyes. For a few moments, he was motionless. Then, he turned on his heel and marched out of the attic, slamming the door behind him so hard that the whole room shook. Lucifer didn’t try to stop him. It would be meaningless anyway. He wouldn’t listen to him. And his sister was still occupied with Beel, who kept mumbling with tears trailing down his cheeks about everything being his fault and not being there when he should have.

-The twins did not even go through the same stages of mourning their brothers did. Beel was dealing with the grief of someone incredibly close to him by eating even more than he normally would, causing his siblings quite a bit of concern. But they couldn’t argue much. He was the epitome of gluttony in the end. Belphie didn’t change much in terms of his daily activities. He slept as much as he could during the day. And at night, he stargazed as he always did. But more bitterly than usual, despising the fact that he wasn’t going to enjoy another starry night with you ever again. He didn’t blame you for dying. He was angry you left and to do something so stupid as bringing Lilith back in return for your lost soul. He was angry you couldn’t be selfish for once and let yourself be happy with them.

-He was angry at Mammon too. He learned he was supposed to be with you earlier that day. He wasn’t. And now the two aren’t speaking. For some reason, he is slightly upset with Lucifer too but that is only because he was the one who delivered the sad news. But most of all, he was very furious with himself. Because he promised that he would never let anything happen to you again after the whole choking incident. He swore on his honour as a demon to protect you and he couldn’t.

-Don’t tell him they’re bringing another exchange student in. He will kill them. He 100% will kill them. He doesn’t want to replace you. And neither does Beel. He would probably eat the new student within a few minutes. But it would take a while until all of that is sorted out. After all, even Diavolo himself is bound to be mourning in his own way. Not like you were meant to know, but you were definitely the favourite child exchange student.

-It wasn’t fair you had to leave. It wasn’t fair that you didn’t even get to say goodbye. It wasn’t fair that the three of you couldn’t spend more time together. Beel won’t be able to ever taste your cooking again and Belphie won’t have anyone to cuddle with in the morning and be generally lazy with. And again, they had even more of a reason to curse their father for ruining the one good thing that’s happened to them since their glory days as angels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-The 7 brothers will continue to grieve your death for the rest of eternity, be assured. Their sister just as much of course. And at some point, the whole of DevilDom had to in a way as the prince himself wasn’t his usual, peppy self. At least Lilith’s presence had a calming effect on them but not one that could compare to the trauma of knowing you were truly gone. They would wait and with time, there will be healing.

-Except time doesn’t heal anyone’s wounds. It just teaches them how to deal with the pain.

——————————————————————-

This took so much longer than planned, Jesus Christ! I guess I was really unhappy with it at some point and gave up, then sort of rewrote it which took a while. And now it’s done! I’m sort of proud on how it turned out. A bit cliche but I feel like it created the right atmosphere. Also, the last quote above is a favourite of mine that I thought would be a good idea to add in.

The twins are joined because I thought it would not only save time but also make more sense since the two are together almost all the time. Hope no one is upset I didn’t do the twins separately, it would’ve taken even longer then!

To add, 1,080 followers???? Wtf, I haven’t even posted anything in a while, thank you so much! You’re all too nice istg.

@doggonudez asked me to tag them in this post, so I hope this actually works lmao.

Al~

#obey me #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #obey me imagines #angst #death #🔥 own posts #🌪 angst #📚 Satan supremacy #🪞Asmo supremacy #🍔 Beel supremacy #💫 Belphie supremacy

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ad1thi · 2 years

Text

ao3 ask meme

tagged by: @omg-just-peachy

What is your total word count on AO3?

124, 975

How many fandoms have you written for?

On AO3, 4: MCU, H5O, Criminal Minds and TVD, but overall, much much more

What were your top 5 fics by kudos?

the dumbest genius alive (stuckony)

1000 lives (for you) (buckytony)

the second (love of his life) (buckytony)

princely duties (thortony)

captain americana and the heartbreak prince (stevetony)

i like that i have a good mix of ships here

Do you respond to comments - why, why not?

I didn't used too, but now I do, as much as possible

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

i do more hopeful/ambiguous endings than happy endings so i would say moments of beauty bc it ends with tony saying yes to bucky's proposal

What’s your fic with the angsty-est ending?

i actually do have an answer for this bc i just resposted this fic - four weddings and a funeral

Do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i guess it depends on who you ask? i have written nsfw-adjacent ficlets but i dont know if i would call them outright smut

Do you write crossovers?

yes and no? i don't cross fictional characters but i will write stuff inspired by other universes, like buckytony in Superstore for example

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

a couple of times, but i try to not let it get to me

What is your all time favourite pairing?

it changes all the time but for MCU i would say rhodeytony and buckytony are strong contenders

What is a fic you would like to finish but don’t think you ever will?

if it's still up on AO3 then i'm reasonably certain i will finish it, and I don't want to jinx the ones not on AO3 by saying that i won't

Writing strengths?

ive been told im good at characterisations and character studies

Writing weaknesses?

i would say dialogue, and story cohesiveness. i struggle a lot with remembering plot-lines that i myself would've peppered into previous chapters or parts of stories, and its one of the main reasons why i often shy away from multi-chaptered stories

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

harry potter, or percy jackson. actually it might've been mortal instruments. im not sure it was almost a decade ago now; ive been writing on and off for about 8/9 years

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

i think i have to say begin again, but this is me trying also holds an extremely special place in my heart and im hoping everybody else likes it as much as i do (and Amy does, she's my #1 cheerleader for this fic)

#tumblr tagged memes #my writing #amy tag #you might look at my titles and think im a massive taylor swift stan #but actually thats all amy i just have a swiftie for a beta #(who is amazing btw she gets 12% of the credit for all my fics)

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itsclydebitches · 3 years

Note

Hello again! Im the tinfoil hat anon with the long ass asks and I finally had the time to read your response. Thank you, it makes my day reading your answers. I honestly just enjoyed them over a cup of coffee like a good book.

Now, the gun pointing scene I mentioned was in fact the one from the droid fight facility like the other anon suggested. But I really liked that you covered the boat scene too, I haven’t thought of it much myself and now I definitely have!

I also would like to mention I love your “candy bar” choice analogy and I 100% agree Hunter’s “invitation” to join back wasn’t welcoming in the slightest. It is very likely just an obligation as you said. Sort of “you gave us a chance, we owe you a chance too”.

And the problem with it is now I am struggling to figure out how the batch members might change their attitude toward Crosshair going forward, especially Hunter. As of right now Crosshair’s best relationship is not with his brothers but with Omega(as surprising as this is). And I think he does realize now she cared about him the most out of all of them during the short time they interacted(both 1st and last episodes). Even between themselves(not counting Omega) I find most of the bad batch members to be cold and distant to each other. They feel less like a family than Rebels for example. And they aren’t even a “found family”(a trope everyone loves) but an actual one! And I get that they’re soldiers and supposed to be tough, I don’t expect them to share all “the feels”. I just can’t put my finger on it but something feels off. I agree with your previous post, the show doesn’t do a very good job showing or even telling they love each other.

Will Hunter and co only start caring about their brother again only after he leaves the empire?(assuming he does at some point). What about Disney’s prevailing theme and message that “family always love and care for each other no matter what”? I guess it’s “family always love and care for each other but only if you’re good guys making right choices”. There is no room for mistakes or wrong decisions. In the last episode everyone form the batch seemed to have given up on Crosshair(besides Omega). For now their attitude seems to be just “you’re not our enemy” and that’s that.

I realize Crosshair is a “bad guy” and consciously made his choice(and we know it’s the wrong one) but to me it felt like he thought he didn’t even had a choice or rather became so lost and confused he actually thought he chose the empire as “the lesser evil”(as in the less shitty choice out of all the other bad ones). We as audience have the benefit to know exactly how atrocious the empire really is but maybe Crosshair still doesn’t realize that.

So what exactly must Crosshair do to get back “in their good graces” as you say? Start saving “the good guys”? Save the bad batch multiple times? There is a popular opinion on how Crosshair can redeem himself. That he eventually heroically sacrifices himself to save them. I personally REALLY hope it’s NOT what’s going to happen but I heard so many people speculating his story is set up to be redemption=death. I know you mentioned you don’t want “Vader style redemption” either. Personally I think it would be a waste of a character who has a lot of potential. And I just think that the batch kind of don’t really deserve his sacrifice(maybe save for Omega) after how they never tried to save him themselves and how they treated him overall. Maybe he will risk his life to save Omega at some point and that will “prove” to Hunter he cares? Although he has already shown he cares by saving her(even if in Crosshair’s own words it’s just so they’re “even”). And the thing is, he doesn’t need to prove that he loves them, he already did that in episode 15 and made it clear he does care. He actually went to extreme by shooting his squad to prove his loyalty. What were the moments the batch demonstrated they care about him? Hunter saying “you never were our enemy” and taking his unconscious body to safety? To me Hunter “not leaving him behind” during bombardment felt more like guilt about the last time it happened and an obligation to Crosshair for helping them with droids, rather than them showing care. And I kinda of think if that was any random civilian(or anyone other than an enemy or a threat) they would carry them out too just because that’s what good guys do and not because it’s their brother. You also mentioned that minutes later Hunter snaps at him with “if you want to stay here and die, that’s your choice” which I agree can be interpreted in different ways. And I think it’s one more point to it being an obligation that in Hunter’s eyes is fulfilled now. He corrected his mistake of leaving a brother behind and saved him this time, now his guilt won’t burden him any longer.

Anyway, I can’t wait for season 2 and I appreciate you and all the anons sharing the tinfoil hat, interacting and speculating together. Those discussions have been a lot of fun!

TLDR: How do your think the relationship between the brothers will mend or evolve in the next season? Do you think S2 will improve in portraying the batch more as a family rather than a group of mercs doing missions together? What are your thoughts on the popular idea of Crosshair’s redemption by ultimate sacrifice? As in, how likely do you think this scenario is?

Anon, that is just wonderfully hilarious to me. Ah yes, the sunrise, a good cup o' joe, and the overly long character analysis of a snarky, fictional sniper. Exactly what everyone needs in the morning! 😆

You know, TBB is far from the first show I've watched where there's an obvious, emotional conclusion the creator wants the audience to come to—the squad all love each other Very Much—yet that conclusion isn't always well supported by the text. It creates this horribly awkward situation where you're going, "Yes, I'm fully aware of what the show wanted to do, but this reading, arguably, did not end up in the story itself. So what are we talking about here? The intention, or the execution?" It's like Schrödinger's Bad Batch where the group is simultaneously Very Loving and Very Distant depending on how much meta-aspects are influencing your reading: those authorial intentions, understanding of how found family tropes should work, fluff focused fics/fan art that color our understanding of the characters, etc. And, of course, whether someone saw TCW before they watched TBB. I personally wouldn't go quite so far as to say they're "cold" towards one another—with Crosshair as an exception now—but there wasn't the level of bonding among the squad that I expected of a show called The Bad Batch. Especially compared to their arc in TCW. The other night I re-watched the season seven premiere and was struck not just by how much more the squad interacted with each other back then, but how those interactions added depth to their characters too. For example, Crosshair is the mean one, right? He's the one picking fights with the Regs? Well yeah... but it's also Wrecker. While they're trying to decide what to do with Cody injured, Jesse calls out Crosshair on his attitude—"You can't talk to Captain Rex like that!"—and Wrecker's immediate response is, "Says who?" and he hefts Jesse into the air. And then he just holds him there, clearly using his superior strength to do as he pleases, until Hunter (sounding pretty angry) tells him to put Jesse down. If Wrecker had put him into a more classically understood bullying position, like pinning him to the ground, it would probably read as less funny—less "Haha strong clone lifts Jesse up in the air!" and more "Oh shit, strong clone can do whatever the hell he wants to the Regs and few are able to stop him." It's such a quick moment, but it tells us a ton about Wrecker. That he's going to stick up for his brothers, no matter the context (Crosshair deserves to be called out). That he will gleefully assist Crosshair in bothering the Regs (something that is reinforced when he later throws the trays in the mess hall, after Hunter has already deescalated the situation). That he's likely been hurt by awful treatment from the Regs too. That he'll only listen to Hunter when it comes to backing off. Little of this work—that interplay among the squad that shows us new sides to them other than basic things like "Wrecker is the nice, happy brother"—exists in TBB.

Or, at least, little exists after Omega becomes an official member of the squad.

Because, as said previously, she becomes the focus. I don't mean that as a total criticism. As established, I love Omega. But if we're talking about why the squad can feel so distant from each other, I think she's the root cause, simply because the story became all about her relationships with the Batch, rather than the Batch's relationships with each other. Having dived headfirst into reading and writing fic, it occurred to me just how many of the bonding moments we love, the sort of stuff we'll see repeated in fics because we understand that this is where the story's emotional center is, are given to Omega in canon:

Someone is hurt and in need of comfort. Omega's emotional state is the focus + moments like her being worried over Hunter getting shot.

Someone needs to learn a new skill. Echo teaches Omega how to use her bow.

Someone reveals a skill they never knew they had before. Omega is a strategic genius and plays her last game with Hunter.

Someone is in serious danger and in need of rescue. Omega rescues the group from the slavers + is the most vocal about rescuing Hunter. (Which, again, is a pretty sharp contrast to the whole Crosshair situation.) Omega, in turn, needs rescuing from things like the decommission conveyor belt.

Similarly, someone is kidnapped and in need of rescue. Omega is kidnapped twice by bounty hunters and the Batch goes after her.

Someone saves another's life. Omega saves Crosshair from drowning.

Someone does something super sweet for another. Wrecker gives Omega her room. Omega gives Wrecker Lula.

A cute tradition is established between characters. Wrecker has his popcorn-esque candy sharing with Omega.

Someone hurts someone else and has to ask forgiveness. Wrecker is upset about nearly shooting Omega and they have that sweet moment together.

Note that most of these examples could have occurred between other Batch members, but didn't. Someone could have created a space for Echo on the ship too. Wrecker also could have apologized to Tech for choking him, etc. It's not that those moments shouldn't happen with Omega, just that there should be more of a balance across the whole season, especially for a show supposedly focused on the original squad. Additionally, it's not that cute bonding moments between the rest of the Batch don't exist. I love Hunter selling Echo off as a droid. I love Wrecker and Tech bickering while fixing the ship. I love the tug-of-war to save Wrecker from the sea monster. Yes, we do have moments... it's just that comparatively it feels pretty skewed in Omega's direction.

So, as a VERY long-winded way of answering your question, I think we need to fix the above in order to tackle Crosshair's redemption in season two. Now that we've had a full season focused on Omega, we need to strike a better balance among the rest of the squad moving forward. We need to re-established the "obvious" conclusion that the rest of the Batch loves Crosshair and that's done (in part) by establishing their love for one another too. To my mind, both goals go hand-in-hand, especially since you can develop their relationship with Crosshair and their relationships with each other simultaneously. Imagine if instead of just having Wrecker somewhat comically admit that he misses Crosshair (like he's dead and they can't go get him??), he and Tech had a serious conversation about why they can't get him back yet, despite very much wanting to. Imagine if Echo, the one who was rescued against all odds, got to scream at Hunter to go get Crosshair like Omega screamed at them to go back for Hunter. Imagine if we'd gotten more than a tiny arc in TCW to establish the Batch's dynamic with each other, providing a foundation for how they would each react to Crosshair's absence. Instead, what little we've got in TBB about Crosshair's relationship with his brothers is filtered through Omega: Omega's embarrassment that she knocked over Crosshair's case, Omega treating Crosshair's comm link like a toy, Omega's quest to save Hunter that just happened to involve Crosshair along the way.

Obviously, at this point we can't fix how the first season did things, but I think we can start patching over these issues in season two. It would be jarring—we'd still be 100% correct to ask where this "Brothers love you, support you, and will endlessly fight for you" theme was for Crosshair's entire time under the Empire's thumb... but I'd take an about-face into something better than not getting any improvement at all. It is frustrating though, especially for a show that I otherwise really, really enjoyed. For me, the issue isn't so much that the show made a mistake (since no show is perfect), but that the mistake is attached to such a foundational part of the franchise. Not just in terms of "SW is about hope and forgiveness" but the specific relationship most clones have with each other: a willingness to go above and beyond for their brothers. The focus on Omega aside, it's hard to believe in the family dynamic when one member of the family was so quickly and easily dismissed. I couldn't get invested in Hunter's rescue as much as I should have because rather than going, "Yes!! Save your brother!!!" my brain just kept going, "Lol where was this energy for Crosshair?" It messes with your reading of the whole story, so in order to fix that mistake going forward, we need to start seeing the bonds that only sometimes exist in season one. Show the guys expressing love for one another more consistently (in whatever way that might be—as you say, soldiers don't have to be all touchy-feely. Give us more moments like Wrecker supporting his brothers' bad habits) and then extend that to Crosshair. Which brother is going to demand that they fight for him? Which brother is going to acknowledge that they never tried to save him? Which brother is going to question this iffy statement about the chip? In order to buy into the family theme, Omega can't be the only one doing that emotional work.

Ideally, I wouldn't want Crosshair to go out of his way to prove that he's a good guy now. I mean, I obviously want him to stop helping the Empire and such, duh lol, but I'm personally not looking for a bunch of Extra Good Things directed at the Batch as a requirement for forgiveness. Simply because that would reinforce the idea that they're 100% Crosshair's victims, Crosshair is 100% the bad guy, and he's the only one who needs to do any work to fix this situation. Crosshair needs to stop doing bad things (working for Empire). But the Batch needs to start doing good things too (reaching out to him). Especially since Crosshair made a good play already, only to be met with glares and distrust. He saved Omega! And AZI! And none of them cared. So am I (is Crosshair) supposed to believe that saving one of their lives again will result in a different reaction? That doesn't make much sense. And no, his own life wasn't at risk when he did that, but does every antagonist need to die/nearly die to prove they're worth fighting for? As you say, he's already shown that he loves them, far more than they've shown the reverse. Every time Crosshair hurt them (attacking) it was while he was under the chip's influence. In contrast, the group has no "I was being controlled" excuse for when they hurt him (abandonment). Season two needs to acknowledge the Batch's responsibility in all this—and acknowledge that they're all victims of the Empire—in order to figure out an appropriate arc for Crosshair's redemption.

Right now, the issue is not Crosshair loving his brothers, the issue is how Crosshair chooses to express that love: trying to keep them safe and giving them a purpose in life by joining the organization that's clearly going to dominate the galaxy. The only way to fix that, now that his offer has been rejected, is for him to realize that a life on the run from the Empire, together, is a better option for everyone. And the only way for that to happen is for the Batch to seriously offer him a place with them again. They need to make the first move here. They need to fight for him. And yeah, I totally get that a lot of people don't like that because it's not "fair." He's the bad guy. He's with the fascist allegory. He's killed people and has therefore lost any right to compassion and effort from the good guys... but if that's the case, then we just have to accept that (within the story-world, not from a writing perspective) Crosshair is unlikely to ever come back from this. When people reach that kind of low, they rarely pull themselves out on their own. They need other people to help them do that. Help them a lot. But with the exception of Omega's reminder—which Crosshair can't believe due to how everyone else has treated him—they leave him alone and seem to expect him to fix himself first, then he gets their support. It needs to be the other way around. Support is what would allow him to become a good guy again, not "Well, you'll get our love when you're good again, not before." That's unlikely to occur and, as discussed, it doesn't take into account things like this bad guy life being forced on Crosshair at the start. If the story really wanted this to be a matter of ideological differences... then make it about ideological differences. Let Crosshair leave of his own free will, right at the start. Don't enslave him for half the season, have him realize he was abandoned, imply all that brainwashing, give him no realistic way out, and then punish him for not doing the right thing. This isn't a situation where someone went bad for the hell of it—the story isn't asking us to feel compassion for, say, the Admiral—it's a situation where Crosshair was controlled and now can't see a way out. That context allows for the Batch, the good guys, to fight for him without the audience thinking the show is just excusing that behavior. They should have been fighting from the start, but since they didn't, I hope we at least start seeing that in season two.

Ultimately though... I don't really expect all of the above. The more balanced dynamics and having the Batch fight for Crosshair rather than Crosshair going it alone... I wouldn't want to bet any money on us getting it, just because these are things that should have been established in season one and would have been more easy to pull off in season one. (If the Batch wouldn't fight for Crosshair while he was literally under the Empire's control, why would they fight now when he's supposedly acting of his own free will? It's backwards in terms of the emotional effort involved.) But again, it could happen! I'd be very pleased if it did happen, despite the jarring change. I don't want to make it sound like I think they're going to write off Crosshair entirely. Far from it, I think there are too many details like his sad looks for that, to say nothing of Omega's compassion. But the execution of getting him on Team Good Guys again might be preeeetty bumpy. I expect it to revolve around Crosshair's sins and Crosshair's redemption, even if what I would like is balancing that with Crosshair's loss of agency, the Batch's mistakes, and their own redemption towards him.

Honestly though, I just hope that whatever happens happens soon. It's a personal preference, absolutely, but after a season of Crosshair as the antagonist, I'm ready for him to be back with the group, making the Empire (and bounty hunters) the primary enemy. Whether his return happens through a mutual acknowledgement of mistakes, or through Crosshair being depicted as the only one in the wrong who has to do something big to be forgiven... just get him back with the squad lol. Because if the writing isn't going to delve into that nuance, then the longer he remains unforgiven, the longer some of us have to watch a series while going, "Wait, wait, wait, I really don't agree with how you're painting this picture."

#TBB #The Bad Batch #SW #Star Wars #mymetas #long post

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lavendersage · 4 years

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hey emily, hopefully this isn’t too presumptuous or uncomfortable feel free to ignore if so 😣 im actually a long time follower of your personal and have always related to your feelings with depression and low moods, and i went thru a really bad break up around a similar time funnily or unfunnily enough 😔 i know you say you say you still struggle; is there anything in particular that helps you along? i find it so hard to face my real life sometimes, im turning 25 in a few months and i feel like depression and that awful relationship have stolen so much from me, i feel so far behind my peers and those even younger, im too afraid to even meet people nevermind open up to someone else ever again, my friends are all in committed long term relationships, one just got a promotion, and just recently was told two of my cousins not even a year older are now engaged and planning their weddings. I know im not the only one going thru a quarter life crisis lol but god does it feel like it! gosh im not even sure what the point of this was. i love your blogs and your lovely self, this little corner of the Internet means so much to me when i feel most isolated. sorry for going on and on, i hope things are good for you rn 💜🌱

hi baby 💜 reading your ask kinda felt like i was reading one of my own journal entries or personal posts or something, because on god, i struggle with all of the same things. i’m a little older (just turned 26 in august) but i started feeling the same way you do around 24. i also went through a bad relationship during that time but more than anything, i empathize with your feelings of falling behind my peers. it wasn’t “supposed” to be this way, right? like you can’t catch a break no matter how hard you try? (i say “feels like” but it’s literally true in my case, all of my family and friends IRL can attest to the ridiculous amount of bullshit i’ve been through). i could go off on a tangent about how our generation was robbed and how our idea of what it means to be an adult (having a stable job that pays the bills, getting married, moving out on our own, etc) has been permanently warped because it has become so fucking hard to achieve even a single one of those things, and all of that is true, but i will digress.

basically, you end up watching the people around you achieve the things you’ve been working for, and you’re stuck feeling like some sort of cautionary tale because you aren’t getting results, which is a slippery slippery slope into strong feelings of inadequacy that feed into your depressive episodes.

i’m glad you reached out, because i find that it helps ground me if i know that other people my age are also dealing with similar problems and kind of cuts me out of the fog of seeing everyone i know thrive while i suffer. so you can rest assured in the knowledge that you are far from alone in this--and it’s also worth remembering that what other people present on social media is just a carefully curated version of themselves that they want the world to see.

you have to first ask yourself if you’re doing everything within your power to lift yourself out of your current situation. and i know how hard that is when you’re so low you can barely get out of bed, believe me, i know, and you have to find a way to forgive yourself for that. but if things are ever going to get better, you have to do the best you can to push yourself forward. it will not be a linear process. and that’s okay.

if the answer is no, you’re not doing everything in your power, figure out what it is you need to be working on. figure out what it is you want and take small steps every day to put yourself in that direction. if the answer is yes, then you have to find a way to accept that what you’re doing is enough and find a way to keep your brain from falling down that black hole of despair. visit friends. get caught up in a creative project. read a good book or play a good video game. and if you have the means, find a good therapist. (i don’t have the means but if i did, that’s what i would do.) it may take all of your strength, but you will feel better if you fill out that job application, or reach out to that person, or even do a load of laundry. small things do add up and can make a huge difference in your overall mental health.

i’m sorry that i don’t have magical advice to give you beyond sharing my own experiences. i’m still working through it, just like you. so i’ll leave you with this: don’t get caught up in your own head. take everything one day at a time. step away from social media when you need to. focus on your goals as much as your mental faculties will allow. let yourself rest when you need to rest, let yourself be sad when you need to be sad, but do. not. give. up.

because the moment you stop having hope that things will get better is the moment you know they never will.

love you to the ends of the earth, and you are always welcome to talk to me 💜💜💜

#asks #Anonymous #long post #sorry lmfao

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cosmictulips · 3 years

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hello, recently i made a new friend his name is TMR and id like to ask what will happen between me and him if i continue this friendship? i have a bad feeling about him but i dont want to be too rush in judgment , if this is ok i wonder what the cards have to say about my friendship with him and what future awaits it. thank you so much, im sariel 22 year old and taurus.❤

Hello Friend =D thank you for your patience For you I drew the Nine of Pentacles in Reverse, Six of Swords Reverse, Eight of Wands Reversed, Strength and three of cups as the overall energy.

so there seems to be a bit of a misunderstanding lol. On top of those cards the three of swords and the four of cups had also made an appearance so I'll begin with those two. it seems like TMR is going through an emotional withdrawal. at some point before or during the time you two met they got hurt or went through something that has made them... well apathetic really. they lost something and are deeply hurt and ... aren't trying to fix it at this current moment. With the eight of wands in reverse, it talks about misunderstandings so what you're picking up is probably them not really knowing how to handle their emotions. which is fair, people do the same to me all the time lol

but like, yea whatever this is, they're really just trying to keep up appearances at this point. which is probably why you feel the way you do. You can probably feel their turmoil underneath it all. Like the Nine of pentacles in reverse to me, and this might be a little dramatic, is like you wearing a mask to hide the fact that you're going through all this sword energy. and with the 6 of swords -the card of moving on- in reverse, is telling me they are really, really struggling to let this go.

With the overall energy, the advice here is let things flow between the two of you. if you are comfortable enough try to talk to them and see if they open up to you. I hear take this very slowly as they are still in that state of just... havoc. I don't think they've really processed what happened to them yet. You have the Strength and the Three of Cups as the energy. so in time, they are going to be more willing to open up. they're really going to learn to be stronger and it seems like once they come out of their shell, are going to want to be around more people and be more of their happy, cheerful self. ya know?

I think they're also going to be inspired by your presence. if you catch them lingering around you, it's probably just because they admire how strong you are. the way you carry yourself. if they drain you though, please set boundaries lol. but know they don't mean any harm. they are just.. grieving man lol. I hope this helps ;o are they a private person? could be why they haven’t spoken about it ;o if you need anything, feel free to stop on by =D

#Free tarot reading #tarot reading

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midastouches · 4 years

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why i love long live (2010)

i really could break this down line by line but i will not micha this is for u honey enjoy <3

Long Live

I had this best guy friend, since like sixth grade. We really only became friends because he started dating my best girl friend and i actually dated his best friend for like a solid two weeks because well, sixth grade relationships :) ANYwho, me and this bgf would talk a lot because we spent a lot of time together because of my bff/his girlfriend. Anywho, eventaully our conversations got really deep and I developed a huge huge crush on him that I couldn’t admit because well, he was dating my best friend.

flash forward a few years later when i finally actually have my own phone and can talk to him, he and my best friend go through this huge messy breakup that essentially means I have to pick a side and can never talk to the other one. I pick the boy that this point i’ve had a crush on for four? years at this point of my best friend (this is actually one of my biggest regrets, and yes, me and girl bff made up later that year on valentines day wow im so bisexual woo)

we end up getting super close, and we talk a lot. i learn that he used to cut himself, except he would do it on his back so no one could see. i would tell him about how much i hate my body, how uncomfortable it makes me and how much i hate eating and gaining weight. we would talk about our depression and the things we hated about high school, and I really though he would fall for me, I did.

He didn’t.

I learned about his new girlfriend later that day at a winter strength and speed session. She was blonde, blue eyes, and i somehow convinced myself that she was essentially going to be someone he dated until I turned sixteen and would be able to date him. I recognize now how utterly stupid that was of me just to assume that, assume someone’s feeling were only a placeholder.

Anyway, high school goes on, and we’re still super close, but there’s now a buffer. I turn sixteen, he and this girl still date. He turns sixteen. They still date. My anorexia gets even worse and my junior years goes to shit. I find it in myself that I can’t talk to him, I can’t be that girl who obsesses over someone elses. So, I simply start to remove myself from him for my own well-being. I put my feelings for in a denial mode and I start to flirt with other people, other boys that make me think I’m moving on, but I’m not.

Because everytime I get a text or a snapchat from him, my whole face lights up and I know I’m fucked.

And to my credit, I was not othe only one trying to convince myself he felt something for me. Countless other people in my high school shipped us, countless other people could tell I had a crush on him and they would tell me all the ways they could tell he secretly liked me. It made the narrative continue and my feelings for him were still buried. I couldn’t tell him, I wouldn’t tell him. I was not going to jeopardize our friendship, his relationship with his girlfriend all because I had a dumb crush on him. I just kept thinking it’ll go away, it’ll go away.

It didn’t, but again, let’s go into the denial phase.

Hit senior year. We barely talk now except for in person stuff, mainly because I’m trying to convince myself that he doen’t care about me at all. We’re both in cross country though so August hits and I see him eevery day. Except that I think the crush has faded a bit, and I’ve got this other guy I’m talking to, one who makes me feel seen and compliments me and is just overall an amazing guy. Septemeber passes by, now I have a boyfriend and there’s homecing nominations coming up. He gets nominated, I get nominated. I joke to my boyfriend that I’m not going to win, I’m not part of the popular crowd. He bets that I will win.

This boy texts me in class later that month, after everyone’s voted and now the boy and girl our paired. He send a photo with the pairings and oh look, we’re paired together. All I can think is fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. There’s a ton of homecoming events, lots of pictures, and we’ll be in every single one of them together.

(also one of the dress up days for homecoming that week is goth day and he gets smudged eyeliner put on him and i just about lose it)

spring forward to the pep rally and we’re all down there, facing eachother, me holding a rose covered in foil and tape with about a dozen other couples surrounding us. I’m looking at him, he’s looking at me.

They finally tell us to unravel the roses and i can’t. i’m struggling. just about every other girl has their rose unwrapped but I don’t hear any screaming yet, no winner has been declared. I’m looking at him and he’s got a damn smirk on his face watching me struggle when I finally get. The homecoming queen is announced when she is holding a red rose.

As I finally get the foil off and stare at the rose in shock, I realize it’s as red as sin. The whole gymansium goes up in a roar of celebration and all the sudden he’s hugging me so tight tight tight and I’m hugging him back just as tight but we’re being pulled from eachother and the other girls who lost are hugging me and I glance back and he’s just go this huge smile on my face and

holy shit we won. holy fuck shit. we aren’t popular in the way the others were. we were just a rag tag team of a girl and boy and we fucking won.

we’re crowned king and queen and the entire time long live by taylor swift is stuck in my head.

the photos of us are gorgeous. the candids, the staged. our crowns.

and everytime i look back at them i just think of this:

I said remember this moment In the back of my mind The time we stood with our shaking hands The crowds in stands went wild We were the kings and the queens And they read off our names The night you danced like you knew our lives Would never be the same You held your head like a hero On a history book page It was the end of a decade But the start of an age

flash foward to today. We don’t really talk at all. Occasionally I see him on a run, or at his work. Occasionally we’ll see eachother around, but it’s never awkward. He always brings the same grin to my face that makes me wonder if he ever knew.

I still love to look at the photos. Every smile, every laugh.

I think I’ll be in love with him forever. I think that a part of my heart will always belong to him, and I don’t think he’ll ever know. But I hope that sometimes, just sometimes I linger a bit too long in his mind as well.

Hold on to spinning around Confetti falls to the ground May these memories break our fallCan you take a moment Promise me this: That you'll stand by me forever But if God forbid fate should step in And force us into a goodbye If you have children someday When they point to the pictures Please tell them my name Tell them how the crowds went wild Tell them how I hope they shine

Long live the walls we crashed through I had the time of my life with you

This is why Long Live is one of my favorite songs. It provides this amazing narrative for me to relate one of the greatest people who have ever touched my life. As far as I’m aware, he doesn’t have tumblr, so he’ll never actually see this, but yeah, that’s kinda it. if you read this far, tysm and I hope you have an amazing day <3

and for one moment a band of thieves and ripped up jeans got to rule the world.

#self harm trigger warning #anorexia trigger warning #suicide trigger warning #depression trigger warning #i hope i tagged these triggers right please lmk if i didn't ill fix them asap #micha hope u read this all #long live by taylor swift #ill forever scream this song in my car #i actually connect this boy to treachorous #the 1 #and a few other songs by taylor #but they all stem like this #he was the one that got away and now im too much of a coward to tell him how i feel #ive written countless letters #to him but i know i could never send them without hurting someone in the process #i don't know if he's ever felt an inkling of the love i have for him #but dear god i want him in my life forever #even if i cant #yeah this is me admitting that basically ive been in love with a guy for about eight years going on nine and ive never told him ahh fuck me #anyway enjoy reading this #<3 #to the mutuals that know me in real life u didn't see this for the sake of my humanity #and if any of u tell him i will execute u with a guilotine i am not going to wreck his happiness #he deserves the world

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back2ben · 4 years

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Incoming transmission: REN,KYLO/ SOLO, BEN from the planet of CHANDRILA is making arrangements to land on batuu. the THIRTY year old HUMAN is here to become COMMANDER OF THE FIRST ORDER. keep a close eye on them, i hear they can be CRUEL, CONFLICTED, and EMOTIONAL. they have documented that they always bring their CROSS GUARD LIGHTSABER with them. (adam driver, cis male, he/him, heterosexual) // b, 21, she/her, est

hi everyone!! c;

introducing the emo king himself

(also I am v nervous about writing Kylo since he’s such a layered & deep character so bare with me!!!!)

also lots of this is obviously known as its canon already but I figured I would just put a little recap in case! (and tbh towards the end I ran out of steam im sorry)

"With the blood of a scoundrel and a princess in his veins, his defiance will shake the stars."

Born Ben to father Han Solo and mother Leia Organa (named after Obi Wan uwu) As a child, Ben spent most of his time playing with Han’s gold dice or hanging around Chewbacca, who he lovingly called “Uncle Chewie.” As he grew up, Ben learned a lot from those around him, such as strong piloting skills from his father and speeder flying and blaster firing from Chewbacca.

Due to both Han and Leia’s professions, they were often busy, leaving Ben with feelings of abandonment and distance from his parents. He gravitated towards his twin sister, finding a strong sense of family in her. He still loved his parents, despite the distance that had formed between them.

"For many years, there was balance and then I saw Ben. My nephew with that mighty Skywalker blood."

Growing up, Ben was unaware of the truth about who his grandfather was. He was 23 and still had not been told by his mother the connection that the two men shared.

Leia, sensing the force growing stronger within Ben, sent him to her brother, Luke Skywalker to begin Jedi training as part of Luke’s attempt to restore the Jedi Order. It was obvious to Leia that her father and her son had strong similarities and she hoped that Luke would help to keep Ben from turning to the dark side of the force.

Luke too tried to keep Ben sheltered from the truth about his family, which only lead Ben to feel isolated and distant while training under him as well. This allowed for the dark voice of Snoke to work its way into Ben’s mind, connecting him to the dark side.

It was around this time that Ben, now 24, had also found out the truth about his family as one of Leia’s political rivals in the Galactic Senate had let the information out in a very public way. Ben was hurt, and felt betrayed that his own family had kept such a secret from himself and his sister and he had to find out this way.

It was becoming increasing evident to Luke as he observed Ben’s training that the darkness was growing inside of his nephew. Luke went to his nephew's bedroom one evening with the intentions to confront him. Standing over Ben, who was sleeping, Luke was able to sense that Ben had already been corrupted by Snoke who was using his strength in the dark side of the force on Ben. Luke could see death and destruction that Ben would someday bring and therefore, instinctively, Luke drew his lightsaber, with the brief intention to kill his nephew, but did not act on it. However, it was too late as Ben was awoken to his uncle standing over him with a lightsaber raised. Ben was immediately aware that his uncle had been able to look into his mind, and feared for his life knowing the contents within. With panic in his heart, Ben was the one to strike first and ended up using the force to collapse the hut he had been staying in on his uncle. Ben believed that he had ended his uncle’s life there. With anger taking over his judgement, Ben ended up setting the Jedi temple on fire and ended the lives of the students that Luke had been training, crushing the hopes of the restoration of the Jedi Order and granting him the name “Jedi Killer.” Of course, he had spared his sister, who he felt like was the only one who had ever cared about him. The guilt that Ben felt was immediate and strong, and he could only repeat over and over within himself that he had not wanted this to happen. It was the voice inside his head that helped him to cope with the destruction he had caused, telling him to not place blame on himself but rather on his uncle.

"And when you called yourself by that new name, you saw your truth. It represents what you want to do on a deep level. The part of yourself you want to cut away. The part you want to kill. Perhaps someday you will do it. The galaxy will hear that name and see you."

Now, turning to Snoke and the Knights of Ren, Ben changed his name to Kylo Ren. He worked hard under Snoke’s training, wanting nothing more than to be part of the new generation that would bring the dark side to power. Now, all Kylo wanted to do was put his past behind him. The man worked hard to use the emotional conflict within him in order to turn his pain into strength. His only goal was to destroy any last traces of the Jedi.

Ren's destain for and desire to put the light side of himself behind him was a main catalyst in the overall way that Kylo viewed his family and heritage. The man became to idolize his grandfather, wanting nothing more than to destroy the Jedi and crush any light side of the force that was left. He believed too Darth Vader was the true version of his grandfather and that his legacy was a great one except for the error that he made turning towards the light. Kylo felt a strong connection to his grandfather, wanting nothing more than to become the man he was, if not stronger.

Kylo’s search for Luke Skywalker and desire to crush the resistance only lead him to continuously be faced with strong emotions of conflict within himself. He could feel the force awakening once more and knew that things were crucial. However, he still remained conflicted no matter how hard he tried to turn from it. Kylo hated himself for this, wanting nothing more than to be able to give in solely to the dark side and not repeat the mistakes that his grandfather had made.

Things became even more complicated when meeting the scavenger, Rey, who for reasons that Kylo could not grasp, was someone he was simultaneously drawn to and countered by, which was obvious when Rey was able to read into his mind back after capturing her on Takodana.

Crucial Moments:

"I'm being torn apart. I want to be free of this pain. And I know what I have to do, but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?"

The conflict within Kylo was only growing, and to him, it was only making him weaker. Upon seeing his father for the first time in years, Kylo informed his father that he had killed Ben, his past self that he believed was weak and foolish. Despite his father trying to convince him that Snoke was manipulating him, Kylo had let his father know that it was too late for him, the man was already too far gone. Despite Kylo’s father’s pleas for his son to return home to his family, Kylo had a deep feeling within himself in the moment. He felt that this was going to be the moment that he would finally be able to be free from the conflict that was within him, and free from the last bit of his past that he believed was causing him to be so weak. Kylo then murdered his father, the belief that he would then be free of this inner turmoil acting as the drive behind the murder. It didn’t take long for Kylo to realize that the death of his father at his hand did nothing if not complicate the struggle within him. The man was even more conflicted than ever.

There was also the second realization that hit him, that he would have to tell his sister what had happened to their father. Unable to tell her, for fear of losing his lifelong friend and only person who had stood by his side, Kylo told her that it was the resistance who had murdered Han, causing her to search for his murders despite the murderer being right in front of her the whole time.

"I've failed you, Ben. I'm sorry."

Another crucial moment for Kylo was seeing Luke Skywalker once again, after fully committing as Supreme Leader. Clouded by anger, and pain, Kylo ignored signs that the man was not really there, obsessed with the desire to kill Luke to make up for all the pain he felt. Realizing that Luke was not really there, Kylo quickly realized that he had given into his emotions and made a vital mistake. The resistance had escaped and Kylo had let them slip through finger tips. Kylo became aware that day that his emotions might not be under control as he once thought.

Headcanons:

He is still conflicted, he can feel the light constantly pulling him.

Kylo is now regrouping and planning the first order’s next steps on Batuu, where he had got word that rebel alliance members might be occupying & weird things were happening overall.

He is Supreme Leader of the first order and had asked Rey to join him, which she declined.

He is unsure of his connection with Rey and is partially fascinated while also terrified.

more will be added!

#bs:intro #!! sad boi hrs

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