#i do my other subjects alone

[supjello]

thinkin' about caspar...

#thinkin' HARD #pentiment #andreas maler #caspar of salzburg #august maler #my art #can i do the thing you're not supposed to do and explain the piece #i'm really proud of the idea #there's four sets of drawings in this #each pair mirrors each other in composition/subject with one representing the start of the second act and the other representing the end #and they're tiled to work chronologically #(super super spoiler warnings for act 2) #so you start top right with the ghost of august #who's standing behind haunting andreas' interactions with caspar #as he holds caspar's shoulders and takes on that lost fatherly role #near them is andreas' masterwork and what's probably a copy of it in progress by caspar #you move on to see andreas leaving caspar alone by the fire at saint john's eve #flanked by three people masked to protect themselves from spirits #and then transition into caspar pulling andreas out of the fire at the abbey #(with his hands on andreas' shoulders now) #then caspar running into the fire toward three spirits- with andreas no longer waving goodbye but trying to call him back to him #then the books caspar saved #and then the ghost of caspar- mirroring august as a son andreas lost #and no #no i'm not ok!!!! #please talk to me about this arc i can't get over it 😭

[merverelli]

just a couple of dirty bean boys!

#jacksepticeye #just like art #this was SO CLOSE to never being finished #art machine (me) broke halfway through but we did it #uni is............. going #even though im only doing 2 subjects im losing it man #i think its just ALL OF THE GROUP PROJECTS IM DOING #like my groups are fine theyre all sweet and nice but i just. #just let me do it by myself let me take 100% control without guilt let me only depend on myself doing it #im such a damn follower with group projects please itd be quicker if it was just me making my own shots instead of a second party coming in #and asking for my opinion when my opinion is always ''do whatever you want :)'' because i either dont mind OR i dont have the social energy #to say otherwise like theyd be fine with it but i just cant do it man i got anxiety of the social kind i cant keep going man i cant #i dont like feeling like im letting down other people or that theyre depending on me im bad under pressure #JUST LET ME DO IT ALONE AND ONLY DISAPPOINT MYSELF BRO CMON #the group projects are wrapping up soon so i cant complain but im screaming #besides that ive been good thanks for asking!

[pickled-flowers]

Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone

#this is about autistic people. #that guy in you class that is always asking questions? he always raises his hand theres nothing wrong with it #it takes time in the class but that's how he makes sure he understands the subject #and meanwhile every other student decides hes an asshole #that girl who doesnt blink and who cant seem to have a linear conversation is not doing anything wrong #you dont like interacting with her but that doesnt say anything about her you can leave her alone you dont have to bitch behind her back #that person cant read social cues? why are you getting mad? can you shut the fuck up? #it is insane how often some of my friends talk about people who are clearly autistic and are mad at them #no its not because theyre autistic theyre just always interupting! #its not because theyre autistic they just make me uncomfortable! PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF #i swear youre all asshole to us #no respect fr #its so annoying to see you run in a circle trying to justify calling someone an ass for doing literally nothing wrong #youre allowed to feel how you want about other people but you always jump to bullying #and whenever i try to make them realize they get so deffensive #just because you grew up with an autistic brother does not make you a fucking expert youre not even close to him!! #ok sorry im gonna go hit my bong im getting too angry lol

[goldensunset]

i don't really know how to word this but like i feel like i'm gonna forever have to deal with the pain and heartache of one of my very first pokémon games- the first 'normal' pokémon game i've ever played, that i will have lasting nostalgia and love for as a result of it being formative to my introduction into the series- being the one that will forever be looked down upon for bad graphics and technical issues as a result of the game having been rushed

like i honest to goodness want to scream and yell and cry into the void about how this means everything to me and will always be one of my fave games just in general. but how am i gonna do that without someone being like 'the broken overpriced mess? the one that's missing all this stuff from the older games that was great? the thing with all the cringe? that one?' or whatever. and the thing is they aren't wrong for their criticisms either like i know the fact that they rushed this wonderful game hardcore is a massive stain on its reputation and it hurts me too but like i cannot turn off the brain full of love in me and be a mean critic. or even an impartial one. i mean i criticize everything i love don't get me wrong i am constantly running my mouth about what i like and don't like. but at the end of the day i approach all media with an unusually optimistic mindset. if you see me talk a ton about something no matter what i'm saying you can bet it means i love it.

just. aaagh. it's always tough being a new fan of an old series. i'm like too embarrassed to express my opinions bc i feel like they're invalid y'know? i feel so exhausted every time i see something to the effect of like 'oh those poor kids these days having to deal with such bad quality everything what a bad time to be a fan of pokémon wow y'all make me feel so old' well see the thing is i actually am thriving and i love it here. and i'm also an adult myself so i have more critical thinking skills than people who played red when they were like five years old did. and even with the power of critical thinking i manage to be in love with this. join me in marvelling at the beauty of life

#sorry for the massive rant i am full of both love and rage but i feel alone in this world about this particular subject #my other fav complaint is like 'they make it too easy to xyz these days' #to me that reads like 'i suffered so why shouldn't they' #yes we should encourage people to spend 100 hours grinding to do basic story requirements. #to weed out the true gamers from the weaklings. or maybe we could use the spare time in our lives to touch grass #the only easy-fication change in sv i don't like is the ability to access boxes right from the menu #that kinda cheapens the need to strategically organize a team before heading somewhere #i can.. sorta understand being miffed about the remember moves mechanic? #frankly platinum was so stressful with not being able to freely switch without great hassle/cost #it would have been a fair enough compromise to make you pay a bit of lp or something #or do it for free but having to go to like a pokécenter or something #i'll never agree that exp share is bad though sorry #pokémon #ok but about the 'i feel bad for kids these days with these ugly designs/lame 3D models' thing #yeah i have news for you every gen has its ugly/stupid pokémon. #dude look at exeggcute #and some of the oldest spritework is hideous #granted the ds era spritework was beautiful #but i don't see what is so bad about the 3D models of today? they're both nice... #dude play an indie game or something if it's that important to you idk #it will never be the 90s again. it will never be the 00s again. i'm sorry.

[dkettchen]

me waking up in a cold sweat at 6:20am: "I should get evening classes to be a hair dresser & training to be a makeup artist to be my own hair/make-up person on photo/video shoots and defy industry's single-gender-dominated-and-not-improving department segregation system like the all-rounder online creator that I am 👀😤"

#I swear I don't have adhd or anything I am just having a professional existential crisis recently x'D #ok but hear me out right like how useful would it be if people could hire someone who's a one-person videographer AND hair/make-up person! #I could like double my asking rate! #you need to do one before you can do the other anyway so why have two people for it #other than that the hair/make-up women don't specialise in photography #and the videographer lads have never touched a cosmetic product let alone knowing how to use it to any level let alone a professional one #AND I'd be able to offer hiring me as either role OR both at once #I'd have more options for jobs to apply to #and I'd have full control over the look I want from my subjects #cause like I do my own hair & make-up for my videos #like I know how to cut my own hair & do my own make-up #but I wanna learn how to do ANYONE'S!!! #and I know you can do hair dressing college evening classes cause I remember that was one of the other evening classes running while I was #doing my electrician's level 2 #and I know there's make-up training places in the city I've seen them before while I was looking up other things #if you do professional hair/make-up you need to take pictures of it for your portfolio anyway #and if you professionally take pictures of people you need to do their hair/make-up anyway to get the look you want #SO WHY NOT BOTH for any reason other than gender roles prohibiting the cishets from learning both skills to the required level!!! #THIS IS MY LEG UP #THIS IS MY QUEER NONBINARY TRANS ADVANTAGE #*evil manic laughter* #edit: and smth smth the thing where women & afab ppl don't do their skills to a professional level #unlike cishet men making everything their job and therefore succeeding professionally even in trad-female dominated skills/industries #hence I should LEARN my matr skills to the level required for professional stuff rather than limit myself to patr skills #that I have a disadvantage with due to cishet male-dominated nature of this industry/tech department #AND it'll give me an opportunity to message my detrans previous hairdresser (as I live too far away from her now) #being like 'u were one of my inspirations for this I also wanna learn how to cut mullets real good hope ur doing well T^T' x'D #AND I could apply to screenskills' trainee finder in another department in a few years regardless of whether or not I get in this year #(I applied to the camera one this year)

[subsequentibis]

inspired by @vimbry 's post from a little while back these are my current top 10 favorite tmbg songs in no particular order!

mrs bluebeard

apophenia

twisting

by the time you get this

till my head falls off

alienation's for the rich

where your eyes don't go

lie still little bottle

i love you for psychological reasons

they'll need a crane

#ignore me #they might be giants #SUBJECT TO WHIMS OF THE DAY. but i think this is solid. #it's hard to choose for many reasons but also bc there are Subcategories of songs for me #and i have faves within those categories but i don't know which one would win out over the other... #do i include one that Rocks harder over one that has wordplay i like better. etc etc #mostly i chose based on my likelihood to listen to that song over and over and over again #i wish i'd gotten man it's so loud in here or wicked little critta on the list but they were just edged out #let me tell you about my operation also very nearly made it #ive definitely not heard every album let alone every song. im Working on this #anyway enough rambling. you can always ask me my opinions on tmbg songs it's always morally correct

[itspileofgoodthings]

I just want to meet someone who looks at me and says “you know what, you’re right” about all the things I believe most deeply at my core and who wants to live them with me and next to me in a complementary way.

#this isn’t about religion because that isn’t about me being ‘right’ #but you know what it IS about politics #and I am tired of living in the barren wasteland of being absolutely alone on the subject #and I have just run up against the limits of my own personality and how far I can push #and I just want someone else #there #who understands and who can do the other piece of it somehow #I don’t care what life is happening around me if there is a core I can go back to #if I knew that there was someone who loved me and who understood #really understood #and wanted the same things #gosh it would just change so much. it would change everything #anyway my heart hurts #a random thought for today #what is the point of a man who cannot protect me from my own anxiety and the poison of political screeds #haha just kidding I know total protection isn’t possible #but I wouldn’t need total. just a little shelter. #sometimes I believe it could be possible and sometimes I don’t and that is just the human condition #sometimes I feel like it has to happen because otherwise I will never have courage to undertake all the things I need to/want to #and sometimes I feel like I will have to find the courage without it #probably a little of both #there is no point in talking about this or in talking in such random half-circles #except it makes me feel better so. #thanks for listening etc.

[nowendil]

whooooo having an anxiety attack about covid. again 👍

#cw negative #cw vent #nowe talks #it's hard to describe what about it is the worst source of anxiety for me. it's not What If I Get It. it's mostly just. it's just. #i sometimes feel like our society has just forgotten that it's a thing. or that society has forgotten that it's A SERIOUS THING. #like this thing that Kills People. #i know it's not lethal to most people but it still is a very serious thing! #why have we as a society shifted from “protecting the people most affected is a collective responsibility #(via vaccination and masking and not showing up to places sick)“ #to “well what if all the people belonging to risk groups just deal with this on their own and the rest of us go back to normal?” #idk man maybe i'm sensitive because my grandma died of covid a week before Christmas last year. #or because both of my parents are over 60 and my dad has another risk factor illness on top of that. #idk man. i just feel so. unsafe. unsure and scared and tired. i just dont want other people to go through what our family did last december #i want to stress that i'm not blaming any individual people for this. #my frustration is almost solely directed towards the goverment not taking covid seriously enough #and like i'm not perfect. i'm not sure what's the right thing to do and what's me overreacting. #i recognize that i am often incapable of thinking clearly about this subject #sometimes i feel like i am the only one in my circle (family included) who is this worried about it still. i'm not blaming my loved ones #i'm not saying i'm better than them that's not it. i just. sometimes i just feel so alone with this #and idk how to make it better? #like i have good moments and bad moments with this anxiety. it comes and goes. but. idk. #i think her death's anniversary coming closer combined with the rising covid numbers in my country is just doing a number on me

[synthetic-rust]

Kinda sad to think about, but I wonder if I’d have been more likely to get into engineering type stuff if sexism wasn’t a thing…

Like no one’s ever stopped me from doing things like that, but I’d still say to myself in my head that I would be out of place for doing it for whatever reason :[

It’s weird tho, cause in most other areas of life I don’t usually give a damn about gender expectations and all that, but in the subject of technology I still ended up feeling like It’s not something I should pursue.

Been trying to remove that kind of thinking from my head, but it’s hard sometimes. It gets a bit lonely feeling like an exception to things rather than being welcomed.

—

As a sort of extension to what I’m talking about, I’ve noticed that people like to say things that are progressive in one way or another, but then will still silently operate on principles that reflect the opposite (because of societal influence).

This isn’t something I’m exempt from, and no one truly is because of how social we are as a species, but I do wish more people were able to let themselves do without it and stop limiting themselves and others more often.

In that regard I still often feel lonely existing as a girl that doesn’t buy into the things we’re so often silently and not so silently pushed into doing. There are a lot of things that I feel some kind of pressure to participate in despite my disinterest. Mostly because I feel like I become more of an outsider within my gender for not doing them.

(Btw, I’m not exactly the most cis girl, but what I’m talking about here notably calls upon that kind of experience 👍)

#I hope this is coherent enough #mild vent? #vent #sexism #patriarchal society #girls in stem #chatter #very random topic for me to suddenly divulge but I feel like this is somewhat normal for my blog at this point #(._. ‘’) #I never did any engineering classes likely because of the reasons above #I know I’m not alone in thinking this #I was like 1 of maybe 2 or 3 girls in my stem classes #tho I did always find it odd that there was more of a gender balance with chemistry and biology but not physics? #cause it’s considered a harder subject maybe? #idk biology has had the ‘girl science’ label attached to it for a while whilst physics is probably the opposite #kinda cringe it’s that way tbh (to say the least) #why tf do we gender subjects (regretfully I know the answer) #computer science wasn’t any better #me and like the one other girl in the class 😔🤝

[tisiphoness]

so grouchy, have to interact with people (who keep not picking up on cues, which is fine, but i am now avoiding them), writing is going badly

#the sun is out though and that's the only good thing today #specifically i'm in the kind of bad mood where i either want to be left alone or briefly checked on but every time i am checked on and rant #my friend listens but also changes the subject or takes it as an invitation to talk about other stuff #which i don't want to do #idk. idk what i'm feeling at this point.

[moonilit]

9, 10, 19 hehe

Dammit rhine did u have to ask 19??

9. worst part of canon: honestly? Events. Don’t get me wrong i like the fun about Them but also dislike how sometimes they either tell so much that you go like “how on earth this is in an event??” Or just go horribly they ruin what u Already have established in canon. Half the time you don’t really know if the even itself with its character interactions is even canon or not, even if it is, 1) not everyone could have played the event they would have to water down whatever friendship, or development that happened in it for future players and 2) the story will be effected by whatever sail goal the company having at that moment. Like are we having a plot revelation or not hoyo? Do i have to pretend to be surprised in the future for u or not?

10. worst part of fanon: well, I CAN say characterization and i would be right, but im going to nitpick here and say wtf is up with u all having a weird thing about adult siblings sharing a bed constantly?? If i have to read another reconciliation fic of the ragbros where they are constantly jumping in each other beds im going to start thinking u are trying to imply something here (sharing a bed is NOT how u show how far then come that is TOO far, hit the breaks)

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

I have not been mentally ok sense I got this reblog right here

bestie this post fucked me up, it fucks me up because it made me aware of things i wasn’t ready to be aware of, its not even funny. Why god why did i have to realize that by this definition alone i would be calling Diluc Ragnvender babygirl dude im not ok im

its one thing to be horrified by the implication its a whole another thing when i realized that i would actually blush at the thought i want to die kill meeee

#Is he cute? Subjectively yes. Is he pathetic? Yes. Do i wanna bully him? Yes. Not over 30 but its just a matter of time #Dude its like i was cursed to have a cursh on my mortal enemy #This a fate worst then death #Now that i spoke this to the world hopefully it will go away #ask #But on more serious note #you all need to understand what familial love is #you share a room with your sibling and u nearly kill each other #let alone the same bed #Like one time would be fine two maybe if the situation call for it #At least tell me if this is so ok in other cultures but i don’t think what i read is just messing the culture awareness #If u see this its ur turn to answer 19 >:

[toomanysubcultures]

FUCK people who put knowledge behind a paywall fr

#like my bad for being curious like humans inherently are #i hate capitalism #it isn't even funny anymore #humanity would be better off if we didn't have to pay for basic shit like housing and food and learning shit #even better if money didn't exist and we just helped each other do shit #there r so many poor people that have so much potential but dont get to actualize it because they dont have the money to put into education #let alone tutoring for weaker subjects or extracurriculars #so theyre fucked #even middle class people now #i have so many classmates that r so smart and love learning and shit but can't take it that far cause our schools are underfunded cuz our #city is mainly poc and their families dont got the kinda money to spend on extracurricular stuff #it makes me so angry and i want to rip something up

[largemeowmeow]

🫀

#CONTROVERSIAL OPINION IG #i will no longer accept lemon demon slander after hearing The Woman Who Was Also A Mongoose by the dead milkmen #people slander lemon demon so much for being too weirdCore and not rock enough or whatever but please listen to that song #the flute???? the subject matter??? cmon yall #also she dont use jelly by the flaming lips is a silly song as well. leave my babygirl lemon demon alone she ain't do nothing wrong #rock music is kind of just silly sometimes . yall are othering her bc of the synths i know it . give her a chance #also this is mostly in jest bc i dont follow music discourse and ive seen lemon demon b slandered maybe twice ever #but pretty much every time i hear it talked abt its someone saying that its cringe or not rock music . i disagree #rant over !

[csoisoi]

I GOT MY EXAM RESULTS BACK AND I GOT A PERFECT IN THREE SUBJECTS MATH ENGLISH AND TLE IM GONNA CRY

#all my other subjects were relatively high too all the time spent paid off #i only got 4 mistakes in our physics exam and i cheered so hard when i was alone #because i dont like our physics teacher #and i aspired to be like my sister who had high grades in his subject but hated him so much #just a lil i hate you but im good at ur sub so haha fuk you #the rest of my teachers rock though💛💛 #i sent reviewers and flashcards to my classmates too to help them with the exams bc its the first time we're doing face to face exams #after like 3 school years and i was riddled with anxiety and thought how worried they must be too #so long story short i've never experienced this much appreciation in all my life and it felt nice #mis-csoi-llaneous #but still in ur face sir physics im doing good in your subject #i have a lot of kinda memorable experiences in the last month of 2022 it was wild #it felt a lot like when purson suddenly started to become visible #i feel like im rambling but i have a lot of thoughts when im typing so im cutting this short bye

[seknots-izumimir]

sometimes i look at things i write and i go "huh. my mental illness is showing"

#vent in tags #<- just to be safe idk what counts tbh lmao #GIRL WHY DID I CRY ABOUT SOMEONE CALLING A SONG FROM TWEWY MID FOR AN ENTIRE DAY?????? #why do i keep comparing myself to a houseplant that dies when things go A Little Wrong?????????? #hm. maybe i do need to get myself evaluated... #i need to get my eyes checked and go see a psych but i! am incapable! yay! <- knows getting a diagnosis can and probably will make my life #much harder #pls at least let me see if my eyes r fucked or if i am. pls. #optometrists aren't that expensive but it's bad to go alone i think :( #im glad people worry about me but at the same time it makes me wanna die bc like...... no..... #i should not be burdening others with my issues... ya'll have your own lives and issues.... #bleh. subjecting myself to the mortifying ordeal of being known sucks #i think its kinda funny that my internet friends always know more about me than my own parents... #but it's not like my parents ever take an interest in me anyway lmao #when i said i wanted to study jp i only got a very sarcastic 'good luck' like... i was at least hoping they might offer to buy me something #to study off of... but they like never take an interest in me anyway lmao #they weren't even here for my birthday. and made plans over new years without me knowing #i only learned when i asked to go see my family for new years bc they hold a celebration and this might be the last time i can go #for like... 4 years. and i don't think i can take myself bc the route is over very windy mountain roads :( #and i... do not trust myself that much in the car... and it hurts me to drive even the 10 mins to and from school sometimes... #my knee and ankle get stiff and my hip starts to hurt... its bad :( #it sucks tho i miss my family i'm lucky if i see them once a year... but its not like the adults give a shit. #sighhhhhhhhhhh. ugh. my life isn't even that bad by a lot of standards so i feel shitty for whining about it #like yeah my parents don't really care about me but at least they feed me and haven't hit me since i was little? #idk man. i should stop talking i think.

[lisxdumbr]

I feel so abandoned lately.. it's like I'm a little girl and today is my first day of school and I know no one once again. sigh

#vent in tags? #so aheem. yeah it happens that my friends and i always play together #but when one of us can't make it none of us play because we want to be together yknow #but it happens that today I wasn't going to be able to join. and one of my friends just went- #”oh nevermind. the two of us can join to advance and you can come another day when you're able” #and i just ? idk it kinda freaked me a bit because it's the first time they say that? #but well i agreed because idk. my first thought was that they were very excited to play or something. but it did make me feel a bit. uneasy? #and yeah i tell them that i may be able to join around 11 but they just. ignored my messages #and i waited for them to reply but the reply never came #and i still opened our disc server to see if they're there and yeah. they're talking. they were projecting something a while ago too #and idk it's not that deep but i do feel a bit bad. if it had been any of the other two we would've agreed not to play till another day #but the very first time this happens it had to be with me as the subject #I've always had a rooted social anxiety that i thought i had overcome in the past but i don't think i have #my thoughts are spinning and i feel bad and the recent friendship paranoia i got is not helping #if i was normal i would probably join the vc and ask them directly why they aren't answering my messages but I'm not brave enough #so i guess I'll play alone tonight and tomorrow we'll see #but i feel very sad and lonely right now #:( #vent #rant