#i dont like to ask stuff like this and im not trying to come off as needy or anything BUT

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

hi, sorry if this isnt a good blog to send this to i just dont know where to turn atm (if this isnt a good blog to ask for help plz lmk where would be better, soz). im 22 and figuring out im sapphic & im trying to join online lesbian spaces but everyone seems so anti-babydyke and im starting to notice that being a lesbian is more about discourse and infighting than it is about wanting to kiss a lady. i thought it was about kissin ladies and thats what i want but how do i make other lesbians not hate me? i feel like all of the other lesbians expect me to have a PhD in lesbianism before i call myself that, before i consider a femme attractive, its like i have to pass thru all these hoops to prove myself even to other queers that im a real lesbian because i can name every lesbian historical figure. again super sorry if this is a bad blog to send this to i do not have a clue who to ask about this or anything im totally lost rn lol (genuinely sorry for literally being that annoying baby dyke ppl complain about rn. ignore me if you want im not gonna be tilted. thx for listening

This isn’t a bad blog to send this too. I’m just genuinely sorry you are going through this and I’m sorry if I don’t have a way to help. But I’ll try my best!! And maybe some more people in the comments will be able to help in ways I can’t.

But just know I’m sending you lots of love and that there isn’t anything wrong with you. At the end of the day, regardless of whatever else is happening, your sexuality really is just simply who you are attracted to. And that’s okay. You are enough ♥️♥️

(I’m also going into this assuming you are at least 18+, so I apologise if I’m wrong on that )

Firstly , you aren’t just seeing things. There is definitely a lot of infighting in the community. Like a lot. I would say it’s typically more intense and in your face online then it is IRL, but I’ve also seen IRL gay groups go really deep off the end with with this stuff.

From what I have read and from people I have talked to, this has sadly sort of always been a thing. We just have different waves of it and different things it might be focused on based on the time period and the world events affecting that at the time. I think in general it’s a very human thing that allllll groups do, but when you are in a marginalised, oppressed and small group of people it can feel a whole lot more concentrated and obvious because there is less room for it to go.

Again, this is just based on conversations I’ve had and things I’ve read, so take it with a grain of salt. But there has also been misunderstandings, disagreements and different beliefs on what things are , what they mean and who should do what in the community. Ranging from politics to fashion to marriage to sex to identities around butch/femme and what it means. For one piece saying something you have another saying something different.

This can cause a lot of confusion and infighting amongst people. A lot of tension at times. And because of trauma a lot of people tend to want to be around people with similar alignments in understanding and belief.

A lot of things can affect that like age , location etc.

But none of that is a reflection of you or your worth or your sexuality. And there ARE people in the same boat as you. Even when it doesn’t feel like it.

There have been waves in the past of some women using and or claiming lesbianism to be a response to sexism. We are currently living in the time after that. And because of that a lot of opinions and thoughts and actions taken place are in a response to that wave. Be it people trying to push it , denounce it , confused by it or hurt by it.

I think this has lead to some of the scaffolding of the current culture we have today.

I understand that need and drive for community and the horrible feeling that can come along when the said community feels like it is in shambles. I feel that way a lot too. And I’m sorry I can’t take that away.

I feel like I’m rambling at this point I’m sorry.

I just want to say though there is nothing you have to prove to anyone. We all figure this stuff out at our own pace. Anyone who treats you poorly for not knowing something or just genuinely not showing interest in it is on them. Your lesbianism doesn’t mean you owe anyone an opinion or a certain way of dressing or feeling. The only person you owe is yourself and that is to show kindness to yourself and be around people who respect you and love you for the wonderful lesbian that you are.

EDIT : I just re-read and you said you are 22 I’m so sorry I missed that 😩

#I’m so sorry if this wasn’t helpful #I think I went more off on my idea of why and less on how to fix it #but I’m sending you lots of love #I hope you have a wonderful day ♥️♥️ #asks #anon #answered

[ouchhq]

am i so hard to care about?

#i need to vent and i know u guys cant stand me because i can feel it (and certainly from the anon hate) but i think im gonna have an ulcer #if i dont put this out somewhere #SH s*icide tw !!!!! #i need some advice or opinions because i feel like im losing it #i dont understand why my friends cant care about me #i know !!! i know i seem out of touch and insane because i say this so often and the question to someone reading would come natural: maybe #it is just ur perception…. maybe u suck ass as a friend too #and i do ponder about that!!!!!! i take those possibilities into consideration i do. and i genuinely dont think i suck as a friend. i always #check in. if they seem off i ask how they feel. i ask updates on their stuff. i dont think i deserve this tbh #but especially when i am struggling they just disappear #like even when i reach out and let them know im doing bad. they clearly read my measages and choose to ignore them #these are supposed to be my best friends #these days ive been so bad. and trigger warning again #i just feel so suicidal and i have been hurting myself in the desperate attempt to cope and manage these thoughts #and i dont tell them these things #i dont share the details because 1) it is too much to dump on someone and 2) they dont show any interest even on the surface level of my #problems so i just wouldnt tell them the deeper issues #i am just in so much pain. and i also feel a lot of anger because of their behavior. i feel so so hurt by it. so many years of this going on #of them just not even acknowledging my struggles while i was in the midst of them and trying still to support them and be there for e #whatever they had going on. and getting nothing in return #i hate that i feel so angry but i do. and ive been swallowing this anger and pain for so long i feel it eating my insides #even my therapist doesnt understand why i am friends with people that dont care about me #i dont know what i should do #i want to say something #actually i already talked about this to one of them one year ago exactly and i told her all these things and she just said she didnt know #why i was ignored. and then still kept being a part of it #the thing is i am so upset and my mental health is so so so bad. i am supposed to spend new years eve with them in two days but i dont know #how i can do that feeling like this #but if i speak to them about it i think it will also ruin the mood #if someone has any thoughts or advice it would be very welcome….

[creature-feature-creature]

Another non-ask rating!

Red pikmin from the pikmin series

Design; 7/10 - I love pikmin, but I've always been bothered by their hands. Like why do they look like that. Their fingers look like little parasites that attached themselves to their hands. Also the massive nose. Other than that it's a silly little guy. I picked this photo specifically because of the 1000 yard stare. Sir please break eye contact. Not a single thought behind those eyes.

Purpose; 10/10 - every time I hear one of these guys die I get so sad. Like I just showed up and am now destroying their ecosystem and they just ?? Willingly follow me ??? I think it's funny that these guys are fire resistant despite their only biological differences to other pikmin being that they are red. Anyways I love pikmin lol

Overall; 8 1/2/10 - sir no please don't throw me at the worm thing it will kil- AUUUGHHGH

#rating #rating animals #pikmin #red pikmin #ask me stuff #ask box #rating creatures #i dont like to ask stuff like this and im not trying to come off as needy or anything BUT #my ask box has been super empty and i really like doing these ratings #so if you have one in mind pleasepleaseplease send it to me #even if you think its stupid i promise you its not <3 #anyways thanks for all the recent support it means soso much

[savage-rhi]

🫂😪

#hey I've been on a bit of a hiatus with writing and other projects #answering this cause ive had some anons asking for updates on drabble requests #leaving a toxic job that I endured for a year #getting a new job and new enviornment #finding out I had a whole ass other family I didn't know existed #and trying to keep up with the cost of living has taken a huge toll #on my mental health and wellbeing #to the point where I had to take time off my new job and go on a peer respite #i got back the other day and I'm doing better #but my mental health isn't 100% #and my chronic pain has been fluctuating a lot cause of stress #i know i don't owe anyone details about what i go through #but i like being transparent #and this makes it easier than answering 6-10 anons asking me for an update #i am not sure when im gonna fulfill drabble requests but they'll come when they come #and you can keep sending in stuff i dont mind it at all #just know i gotta take care of me right now #and I'll be slower answering stuff #take care of your mental health and bodies the best you can #im always rooting for ya #and to end on a good note #i got accepted into a masters program for clinical counseling and therapy #only 25 people could get in and somehow i got it #idk how im gonna get financial aid for it but im gonna try #im excited and nervous #i might have more vo stuff coming too idk yet but im trying not to do too much at once #if yall could do me a solid and drop something cool in the comments and let me know how your life is going id love that #especially if you got good news to share #i could use more of that right now #love you guys and here's a hug and a biscuit from me

[sandbearer]

trans girl kaeya... thoughts and opinions...

cracking my knuckles okay so i never actually thought abt it until i started following u but i do think its rlly interesting... personally i think of her as bigender but thats heavily biased bc yk. im also bigender. BUT i think it also makes a lot of sense like...kaeya fr is both a man and a woman at the same time to me. but yah tgirl kaeya... i think that adds some more layers to his relationships (or at least how i view those relationships) w other characters like klee amber rosaria and lisa. yes being a big brother is cute but yk sisterly bond w klee is so special thru that trans lense...and also amber rosaria and lisa r transfem in my mind so i feel like lisa is kind of like a mentor to kaeya, amber is her bestie and rosaria is her gf. generally theres a lot of women/girls in kaeya's life so theres a lot of people for her to be inspired by or make him think like hey... maybe...

#now im thinking abt it i feel like thered be a lot of sort of. egg cracking moments like. #lisa might say something abt her gender and that kinda makes kaeya go ! but he kind of brushes it off like maybe its nothing... #then amber comes out and kaeya supports her ofc but yk as she watches amber transition etc shes like woah i kinda want to do this too #i feel like rosaria enters the equation a little later once kaeya's come out to a few people/kind of accepted herself #and shes probably trying to figure out what her gender means for her sexuality and all that complicated stuff and it starts to click when #shes around rosaria. so rosaria talks abt her own experiences and stuff #and whenever kaeya has any like. issues he'll ask lisa or amber for advice #yah. thank u for sending this ask im rlly coming around to the idea...when i first saw u tgirl kaeya posting i was like oh cute but i dont #rlly see it </3 but now...oughhh i kind of love it #she's still bigender to me but the specifically transfem view on that is so excellent wah #karasu no kotae

[love-is-a-pearl]

Have you thought about drawing AU versions for Liko and other Horizons characters?

(And to whoever left that last ask I do like the idea of Nessa x Misty:)

Nah. I haven't watched the new anime yet so I have no strong feelings for those kiddos. But more than that, I don't see any reason for them to meet Ash's gang.

None of the HZ kiddos have similar interests to anyone from the Ashnime, they don't have goals that could align with other folk's and allow any reasonable encounters so.. yeah. Unless the anime gives them something to do unrelated to Lucius in the upcoming years, nah, don't see myself touching any of the HZs original characters.

#answered asks #|→ not not #and like I said in the google docs #the only things im adding from gen9 onwards is new mons #nothing plot related and if charas appear they will likely be one offs. same apply for hz and whatever will come after that #AT MOST i may take some inspo from whatever happens in PLZA that i feel fits my AU #but for most things #nope #i dont like terrastral as a gimmick so im not giving anyone that #and i dont see why stress myself adding more and more and try to fix my au to fit in stuff from newer games #like. im not TPC. i have no reason to promote the games nor any shit like that #im here to tell a story /I/ want to hear

[snickerdoodlles]

hi I'm the anon that hates the kinn is a cheater trope lol

you're so lucky to have not come across fics like that bcs I unfortunately have. thank god I didn't read it but I saw the summary and it already made my blood boil cause our lovesick puppy kinn WILL NEVER DO THAT. And tbh, i feel people who write kinn as a cheater just doesn't understand his character AT ALL and just sorry, plain lazy writing, and just use the cheating trope as an excuse make their fics "interesting" or "exciting"

sorry for this 2nd entry I'm passionate about this and I hate when they make kinn some cheating asshole when he isnt!! he has TONS of issues but surely cheating is not.

oki promise I'm done lol 🤸‍♀️

(prev)

😂❤ lol no worries, you're good anon.

like. i don't want to just straight up complain about the concept? ultimately, cheating Kinn isn't for me and i'm going to scroll past it. but there's all sorts of reasons for why people might be drawn to those types of stories and fic is ultimately more about using characters like barbies. i do agree with you in that it's not a characterization/action i see in Kinn's character and it's not a type of story drama i'm drawn to in general, so i'm personally going to mute or exclude tags. but people are going to play with characters in every way and that's the cool thing about fandom, and i'm happy they're having fun in their corner while i stick to mine 👍

#like. in vibes im with you anon re my take on kinn's character but also im not going to intrude on that space with my public tumblr u know #the sandbox is big and varied and that's what makes fandom fun <3 #even when there are corners of said sandbox that aren't for me #tea asks #***just wanna stress i!! dont mean this as anything against u anon!! #its a choose violence ask game so i knew it was gonna be tricky when i also dont want to accidentally hurt anyone's feelings #so im trying to stick to me talking about more broadscale stuff where my posts can easily be dismissed as ''just op's stupid takes'' for #anyone who does like whatever thing i dont care for or otherwise easy to scroll by #vs any complaints that are too specific and feel more targeted #but im also guessing on vibes. hopefully i dont come off as to contradictory but yea !!

[waywardsalt]

Have you ever thought about how Linebeck describes Jolene as "crazier than a rabid squid"- only to then be possessed by a literal rabid squid later in the game?

Cause I sure have- especially after seeing a lot of your BellumxLinebeck stuff

mmmmghmm im gonna be honest i haven't thought about it much at all

linking it to my bellum x linebeck thoughts, im not too sure what to make of it in context with my other linebeck notes and w/e

there's also my idea that linebeck has a special interested in shellfish and by extension squids, and the idea of him having a weird thing for bellum, and just... enjoying sealife, and it's kinda of...

he compares her to a rabid squid to link in order to i think... offer a shorthand explanation of what she's like, and i think it (with some other stuff) is kinda just another little peek into how he might feel abt her?

i mean he also compares link to a dog in that one letter? i'm not sure where im going with that one. i dont think linebeck particularly likes dogs

i'm not sure abt the link between that and him getting possessed, jolene is kind of just... there a lot of the time and doesn't really do anything except 1) show that linebeck has enemies and 2) show that people know about link's quest by the end, linebeck generally references sea creatures a few times in ph

relating to bellum x linebeck, i dont see him comparing jolene to a squid an indicator of anything in relation to that, with linebeck having a thing for bellum its more of like. there's a lot of complicated ideas i have with what goes on between them during bellumbeck and bellum being a squid thing is more linebeck having a bit of a monsterfucker streak and having a bit of a thing for like. being tied up. as for literal squids he kinda just likes them as food and to dissect and learn about

like i think 'rabid squid' is more like linebeck just tossing out some derogatory shorthand to explain how he thinks of jolene as some fucking. violent annoyance he has to deal with that he doesn't fully understand

tbh i see the comparison but imo it comes down to a difference in characters and interactions and histories, there is the rabid squid thing (and i think in the manga too theres a vague parallel drawn ig) but im not. sure. what there is there just beyond. linebeck talks about sea creatures and wants to get the fuck away from jolene

i'm not entirely certain what you've been thinking about with that comparison, but i haven't been thinking much about it and it's kinda. eh ig???? its something

#asks #musicncomics #like im gonna be real jolene is a character i do everything i can to avoid half of the time #im not too sure what your thoughts on this are but i can tell you like jolene leagues more than i do so like. idk #idk i have a hard time talking abt jolene bc i Do Not like her so im not really sure beyond this stuff its just. idk #bellum also isnt a literal squid like looking at actual squids the most comparisons are surface level and dont work too deeply #he kinda just looks like one at first glance but 1) doesnt line up well enough and 2) we dont have enough info on him anyways #hes more a reference to a squid than an actual squid bc there is the reference to sperm whales and giant squids fucking hating each other #but while oshus is literal whale bellum is like. some thing in the shape of a squid #im not sure what parallels oyu can draw between the jolene thing and bellum thing. if anything theyre opposites? #w/ jolene its like things got so bad (or w/e) that he just robbed her n fucked off and she decided that was enough to warrant murder #while with bellum things get so good (w/ link and co) that he risks his life for em and is turned against them for it? #tbh this kinda comes down to me having a pretty negative bias against jolene and. that ship. so yeah sorry #im not gonna give this any main tags or anything this is way too far off the beaten path and kinda negative #idk i hc linebeck as gay and a lot of other linebeck hcs just kinda. suggest that he kinda had a really shit time w/ jolene #i dont like her im trying to figure that shit out so i can be like. fair at least in how i write her but i dont like her #salty talks #sorry that i keep tearing away from the rabid squid thing but its like a minefield when i try to talk abt anything w/ jolene #theres not a ton of parallels or like shared themes or w/e and its just too dissimilar in little ways that its just. a thing #ill add this in a few hours later idk if youll see jt but like. i can go in depth and discuss stuff #in dms like im fine with that its just weird in posts bc like tagging and my thoughts are a mess #like if you wanna elaborate on your thoughts thats fine

[weenhands]

ummmm...venting *sigh*

#okay so uhhhh #i was doing dishes #and yesterday i kinda told myself i wanna give up trying to be happier again #or at all #because its making my brain go absolutely fucking insane trying to understand why. Im like this at least for ghe past 6 years #i kinda realized today first off im not sad. im not. rlly depressed or anything but ofc sometimes but in General No i am not sad. #i am just. here. and not in an empty way (but ofc i have my episodes sometimes) #i am vibing. #so like im fine right. but i ask myself after i go thru a massive mental cycle of questioning whats going on in my life #“my life is so. empty why is it so empty im bored its quiet nothing is happening”.... #and yeah nothing is happening and. its not sometbing wrong im doing. im not focusing too much on this. im not living life wrong. #its not a routine or a way of life i need to adapt #i think i just had a sudden realization that my life is just so quiet #these past few years have been so quiet and its cuz of me going thru this transitional period and also going from hs to uni #highschool in general i had so many friends and lots of classes. i had robin 2 minutes away. now shes 1 hour away #uni i dont talk to anyone. i hsve like one class per day. workload is harder and i have no friends and worse social anxiety #im also coming back from thr pandemic #so not only is it because of massive changes in everyday life that cause my life to be more. silent #but its also that alot of the stuff i was going thru snd fixating on since grade 11 #stripped me of my hobbies and everyday pleasures #my favorite youtubers and writing poetry everyday. fuck i used to draw so often #the movies and tv shows id watch. everything all of that is gone because i was. Tending to this one extremely sad and heartbreaking goal #which i dnt wanna discuss #butnim glad its over now. #so now im left in this new period of my lifr where im an adult and life is more empty and less.....On the run. and i lost everything #outside of me that made me happy #so maybe i do go thru depressive episodes and stuff but in a general sense. these r why my life is rhe way that it is i thought i was doing #something wrong for so long but im not #i used to wake up at 6am everyday. now i wake up later most days... #i think i just need to ask myself. do i lean into this silence or change it. Whatever.

[violentdevotion]

I had multiple dreams last night.

I had a bf </3

someone in my family got bit by a zombie </3

some guy made me explain narrative structure to him </3

#ameera speaks #1 expanded) it was someone ik in real life 😔 which sucks soooo bad anyway he was at mine and we were watching a movie in my bed on my #laptop < (loser behaviour) and okay so im lying by referring to him as my bf bc we were just friends in the dream but then he started like #acting well intimate and i wasnt not into it so i was like hey whats going on here and we had a talk and then i had to sneak him out of my #house. dream 2) zombie apocalypse im in my room my nephews and nieces come in and i usher them out. the world is the samw just + zombies. #like think covid when it was dire but schools were still open? (my dream was a commentary on the countries failures to manage covid) so i #usher my neohews and nieces out and i make a comment to my sister in law like ooh im scared one of them got bit and my nephew was like some #girl bit me at school today and i told his mum and i stayed in my room and like an hour later i rang her like whats the update #and she was like oh yeah and came into my room to find my journal on zombie stuff and sge was like should i just cut off his arm and i was #idk try but if that doesnt work youre gonna have to... and she was SO CASUALLL !!!! and as she was leaving she started like picking things #up off the floor and i made a comment like your sons dying and youre sweeping and she was like way harsh tai and i woke up #that one was a commentsry on covid and also how i might be too mean to my sister in laws sometimes #3) i was in a library with friends researching smth and some asian guy sits on our table turns his back to us and talks to his friends. #then he starts playing music loudly from his phone and i move back to my table and as im walking he stops me and starts talking to some #girl on the table next to mine who he knows and is like hey i have an assignment due where i have to write a compelling narrative from my #own life ur clever can u help and she was a stem girly and went highschool with me and she pointed at me like ask her she does english #and he was like no u just tell me and she started helping him but i felt the advice she was giving was.. bad. so i interrupted like dont #you think that you should do __ instead and we had a discussion about it till i woke up. < that dream was a commentary on how useless my #degree is and how i wish it wasnt useless

[capfalcon]

pride month is a great time to remember that literally nobody owes you any information about their gender/sexuality and that choosing to keep things private is not hiding. nobody owes anybody any information about anything regarding queerness that they do not want to give. nobody. and not choosing to be public or to share information isn’t about you at all, or about shame. this narrative that people need to be “out and proud” or that people have to “come out” to “live authentically” is bullshit. nobody owes you information, nobody owes you anything about their personal lives in that way. and them not telling you is not indicative of anything other than that they do not want to share. 

#my manager (whos gay) keeps like. asking me stuff and trying to prompt stuff #and he knows im gay as well #but it's like #dude back tf off #and im literally so tired of the idea of coming out #as if the default state is 'in' #maybe you shouldn't assume things huh #maybe someone's life is not actually dependant on whether you know something about them. maybe the way you view them is not actually #indicative of anything at all. i hate that phrase w a burning passion #i understand like. the way it originated and how it came to be and what its usage is #but i really dont like how 'coming out' makes it sound like u were living in shame and now ur Free #like piss off #my life is not at all dependant on which set of facts you know about me #i existed and was gay as fuck all by myself thank u #jordan rants #pride

[dailyfigures]

https://dailyfigures.tumblr.com/post/693326626708193280/i-know-this-is-a-kinda-split-opinion-between

Mhm I totally get where you are coming from. But at the same time it’s not exactly “I made this for free but someone else is making money off of it” when exclusive GK’s are made creators/companies can make as many as 10-100’s of casts for them. I would consider it theft if those casts were still being legitimately made and able to purchase. However one example of mine is an a recast I bought awhile ago, the originally was an exclusive released only once in 2003 after doing research only 5 casts were made and the creator had no intention of creating anymore. It’s been over 15 years since the original mold was made and only last year was the recast made. There was a high demand for more castings from what I could find even when the limited addition came out, however the company that provided them didn’t cast any more original molds.

another company that one of my OG GK’s comes from doesn’t exist anymore at all. Besides that I think it’s a bit different since the artist has already been paid for creating the design before the company creates the molds. (This is different ofc from GK to GK as some are made by larger companies and some people make the molds themselves). I understand your shakiness on the subject but I think people buying recast garage kits is just something that’s bound to happen for old GK’s, and extremely limited ones.

totally get where you're coming from anon and i understand why you and others make the decision to buy recasts!

however putting aside whether it's right or wrong i do genuinely believe it still fits the definition of art theft and i also personally think i wouldn't be happy if i was the artist it happened to.

i don't have the intention to shame or criticize you at all anon and it sounds like you've thought about it well and made your own decision! i just wish for everyone else to really think about it too before buying recasts!

#i hope everyone takes the time to think about stuff like this for themselves! #i do think anon makes a very good argument for sure however i try to imagine how an artist would feel #imagine you've been commissioned to make an art piece to be sold on merch for a one day event #youve been paid as discussed and the event is over so you wont be making any more money and youre fine with that #however suddenly you see your design on redbubble or whatever and someone else is selling merch of your design #you werent gonna make any more money either way but id still find that upsetting personally! #idk i hope i dont sound preachery cause thats not my intention #im scared i sound rude if i disagree with someone so i try extra hard to be polite about it but then it comes off as condescending 😭😭 #cant win......forgive me #anon #ask #non figure

[be-good-to-bugs]

AAAAH forever stress is going to kill me one day

#the bin #i hate knowing why i feel so bad and not being able to do anything about it #im scared that ill never ever feel better. its been so long since i felt ok. im worried that ill make friends and still feel horrible all #the time and it wont matter. i cant keep doing this. im so tired of being all alone. im so tired of the constant inescapable dread #im going to figure something out. in a month ill be moved and i can start figuring everything out then #i hate not being able to focus on anything besides how bad i feel. i cant enjoy anything. theres so many shows i wanna watch but i cant #because im so distracted by this. theres so much manga i wanna read and i cant. #literally the ONLY thing that has been able to make me temporarily forget this for any amount of time is dungeon meshi #its so fucking good and it sparks so much joy that it does help but not enough. i get sad again really fast. #well. im trying really hard to manage my stress. i did the math on how much i should be getting. i know that i will have rent at least. #there are 2 weeks that i dont know what my hours will be but assuming i get 13 hours at least then i should have an ok amount for #moving. its possible theyll be worse and its possible theyll be better. im really hoping theyre better. my hours have been SO BAD recently #i dont know why. i know im not bad at my job or anything. i sont think my manager dislikes me either. he does this whenever someone #hasnt been feeling well and hell do it for a couple weeks and i think its him trying to be considerate but i have bills to pay man #technically there is a shift i could pickup but the store has a drive thru so im nervous to bc idk how that works and if im asked to do that #then ill have no idea so ive been avoiding taking any shifts like that #hopefully enough will pop up in the coming weeks and i can get some more hours. i know i can cover moving vehicle cost but idk how much #gas is gonna be so im suuuuper worried abt that. hhhh. hopefully my sister and her boyfriend can get me back the $300 they owe too #honestly idk how they werent able to afford rent but immediately after they were able to afford a 40 hour roadtrip and yimw off work #whatever. it doenst matter. #i wish i could deal with the other stuff messing me up rn but i cant fix the loneliness thing without not being alone and i cant fix that #it doesnt matter how much i tell myself ill make friends eventually or if i believe it or not. i feel bad because ive gone way too long #not hanging out with anyone and my brain cant handle it. #im gonna see if maybe i can play a game with my sister soon. or maybe i couod play smth with my younger sister even #i pkayed roblox with her for a little while. maybe she would want to again. i miss her :(

[alchemiclee]

as a fellow introvert; we are social creatures. introverts who purposefully see no one for months on end are usually just in a cycle where its been so long since they’ve hung out that it’s too intimidating for them to do anymore. i 100% feel tired after hanging out with my friends but i DO also feel happy and refreshed! tl;dr - you’re super normal lol. try to reach out to a couple people just to chat this week <3

thanks for reaching out I really appreciate it❤️ but I have to rant a bit. I allow you to ignore it!

I wish to not be a social creature because going too long without having a friend to talk to or not having someone to talk with almost daily feels bad and it's so hard to have a friend when I need one D:

i've been reaching out to people for the last few weeks or so but they don't reach back. try playing games with people but they play with their other friends or dont feel like playing. invite people to hang out but they say maybe and never give an answer or don't respond.

I don't want to bother my closest friends in our group chat too much in our group chat but the chat is mostly me sending messages with no response and even couple times saying I need a friend when I was having bad days but they didn't want to chat and I dont want to force anyone to entertain my lonely depressed ass. (especially when all I really needed was to talk about the new star rail stuff to distract me but I don't think they've finished it yet so I don't want to spoil) they live together so they always have to socialize and probably make each other tired without needing to add me to it.

so i've also been trying to reach out to new people, like joining twitch chats again for the first time in years. but that never goes well and doesn't satisfy my social needs. too many people talking at once and being the new person no one cares about and all....getting to know a new is very exhausting. but it's so hard to just be able to skip all that getting to know each other stuff jump straight into talking about a thing we both like (in this case it's star rail and cosplay and maybe art) I don't have enough already-known people to reach out to and i'm too tired to do the small talk dance until it's appropriate to jump into special interest territory. being autistic is so exhausting. I with to be one of those rare autistics I sometimes hear about that have 0 interest in social interaction at all

so as you can see, i'm trying. so hard. to the point I'm exhausting myself. it's been too much work for no payoff and makes things feel worse when the outcome isn't what I need and its constant reaching with no one grabbing my hand back. so I keep making annoying tumblr posts about it. i'm so sorry to anyone that reads my nonsense 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 this is a normal thing with me but it's usually kept to my other blog that's reserved for more serious posts like this but I tried posting here as a way to "reach out" and see if it invites any friendly friends or something but I don't think i'm doing it right...

(but I am going to a con tomorrow with someone I haven't talked to in like 2 years. but we don't have anything in common anymore so theres not much to talk about. he's the only person who responded to me after trying to reach out for like a month but I fear it will only exhaust me being around too many people and not help this gross need to have a deeper connecting socialization D:)

#i dont know how to ask for attention without asking for attention because attention seeking is bad and annoying #the more needy and annoying you come off the more people will ignore you. saying i need someone to talk to or hang out with gets me ignored #but being vague gets me also ignored???? like just trying to start a convo by throwing things out randomly doesnt work either #so if i cant be direct or indirect or invite people or ask to be invited or anything else ive tried ehst do i do? #how do i satisfy this stupid social need im cursed with? it takes me a month or 3 to recover from socializing so its not like i always ask #but its still too much. and “you need to find the right people” isnt helpful. because how!!! ive been looking for that for 30 years lmao #i just need someone to invite me and always invite me every time and always reach out first every time (well not every time. just dont make #me be the one every time because thats how it usually seems to go) #but no one wants to do the work and tell me when its ok to bother them. if i bother someone too many times in a row and get no response #then i will stop and wait. and wait. and wait. and give up eventually. or after certain amount of rejections i give up. #so that i dont come off as needy and attention seeking and obnoxious. if people want me they can come to me. and when no one does #that just feels bad. i hate that it feels bad. i wish to make that stop. i wish to turn off feelings. #i cannot figure out the line between bothering someone too much or just enough. how much am i required to push people #and how much is too much where i snap the line while trying to reel them in? because ive snapped more times than ive caught #or the bait just gets completely ignored and i get bored of waiting #oops im slipping into metaphor territory now. that means its time to stop saying words. #hopefully no one reads my annoying tags. i just needed a free space to ramble and vent amd tags are lile little whispers to do that in #but also it is autism acceptance month. people should be adopting a local autistic(me) person to show them what having friends is like #lee rants #im being super particular about how i need to socialize right now as well. dont want trauma bonding/life talks/depression sharing type stuff #only want special interest light hearted goofy fun talks. but those are so hard to do. its easy for people to default into doom conversation #but its hard to keep them on my topic of interest and to stay positive 😭

[this-doesnt-endd]

Europeans who complain abt american candy in an american candy store fuck off

#what am i gonna do abt it im just some girl #this dude comes in looking for truffles and goes right to the box so i assume he knows what he wants but i still explain it to him #and show him a picture of what exactly it will look like and tell him its an assortment of all the truffles we make #hes looking at the best by date thats in like 365 format abd hes like this is confusing why do you do this #and im like oh sorry it makes it easier for us inventory wise and hes like well its harder for me #and im explaining that its best by like peak of freshness that itll still be okay after thata #and he like goes off abd looks at stuff abd im helping someone else out and he goes back to the truffles and is fucking up the display #just took it apart to look at the dates abd i told him theyre all the same theyll be fine through april #and im helping some other lady and he walks to the register and stands there im clearly the only worker here #and i cant tell them like hey line starts here i have to ring up the person im helping at a diff register and say ill be with u soon #then offer a sample as apology that they cant read or stand in lines #and im checking him out and he gets confused when i ask if he would like a sample of candy and hes like i just want truffles #and im like okay yeah i have a sample of one of those its hazelnut is that okay? and hes like no!! just chocolate chocolate i want a truffle #and im like yeah it one and he has like a relaization that he didnt exclsuovely get chocolate truffles #and im like yeah its coffee and chocolate and fruit filling LIKE I SHOWED HIM WHEN I SHOWED HIM THE PICTURE #and i hadnt finished the transaction yet so i was like i can exhnage it and hes like sighing being like no no its FINE i guess #like SORRY MAN BABY im trying to help you #and hes like in eurpoe u get so spoiled u get to eat it right as its made its so nice and not full of preservative #fyi our candy doesnt have preservatives either #and hes like i guess ill have to go w american candy that lasts for years upon years and im like well ours dont do that so #also he walkes directly to the truffle box and said these are truffles right so he had to have lookes this up in some capacity #we've been voted like best in the country its good chocolate #sorry u cant eat it off line

[ilyzuko]

no cuz what's up with tumblr now showing me a random p*rn post like every 3 posts on my dash from random blogs nd tags i dont follow weren't they like all about dep*rnifying this site

#also my flatmate...im sorry but im going insane she honestly grosses me out at this point she cant clean for shit and when i ask her to #clean something properly cause she just goes over stuff randomly with a dirty cloth at best leaving it even worse she tells me im 'making #her paranoid by inspecting all the tiny specks' im gonna kill myself. i was away for a few months and i come back to a flat that was so #fucking gross everything sticky i really har to do shit like take all pieces of cutlery (that she claimed were clean) out of the drawer #cause they were all sticky and had food specs and wash them again #like im mean now sure idccc it's the tags of my blog that no one reads but shes literallydriving me crazyyy so tonight i said if she wants #to start looking for a flat for after the end of this tenancy i dont want to stall cause ill be doing something else she was like is it #because i didnt wipe the stove properly nd i was like i just think we dont work that well #house keeping level have different expectations and it stesses us both out. wanted to keep at that and she goes on in a full breakdown mode #starts yelling at me and stomps off saying i have 'an ego about being a clean person when im not' shdjdj like maam youre 27 years old youre #walking around with dirt under your nails and have never washed a hairbrush that youve had for years it's growing a whole microsystem. 28* #like im really trying to be normal about this but i just cant live with someone who lives like this and thows fits when asked to fix their #behaviour