#i feel like im abusing my following bc i know at least ONE person will help me but rn im desperate

[snekdood]

Im so tired of acting the way i think some ppl on here think i should act. Im tired of assuming theyre seeing me through the lens my ex provides for them. Im tired of feeling like nothing i say or do matters anyways because people have made up their mind about me and refuse to try to see me in another light. I know who I am and I know what im like and im tired of trying to almost essentially help people see me change my behavior for the better from something i never even was? Because i guess i feel like if i act like most people dont know about the issues between me and my ex that means other people will think im just *pretending nothing is wrong or happening*. It feels like i cant win either way. I cant play pretend as this horrible person whos trying to reform and have people allow me the chance to actually change and recognize that change and i cant also be myself and just know myself without people thinking im just ignoring this thing that isnt even a thing i need to work on or ever even fucking did. Im so tired of feeling convinced that other people are convinced im horrible and having to work from there and having to try to navigate that situation and get someone to see my side of things because ive just come to the conclusion that some people just will refuse to and idk. Theres nothing i can do in this situation. I just know i didnt deserve any of it.

#im like one of the most careful fucking people in the world istg #even before all of this but now especially after this bc im operating under the assumption that ppl see me as if im not #i almost feel brainwashed by what i think others perception of me is like online. #and then i try to go through the steps i think someone who did fo those things would do. or as if i did do those things and what id do #in that situation afterward. but i didnt do those things. and i dont need to live and operate as if i did to prove to other ppl i have the #emotional and mental maturity that i do #i dont need to sit here and let people gaslight me into their perception of me or at least what i think it is #i am such a good stinky lil guy. its people like my ex and the people around them online that brought out all this bitterness in me. #i resent those people so much. and i cant help but feel like theyre all stalking me still all the time. they want me to live like that too #like im in a panopticon. but this is what im saying- if i move on like i know myself and operate as myself the way ik myself #THOSE PEOPLE will come around and then act like im ignoring the situation with my ex and 'trying to escape responsibility' #i dont know why i feel so obedient to their perception. i mean i guess i know why like probably bc of my brother pushing me into a box #and me feeling like i have to stay in there or be abused. i feel the same way with my ex- if i dont act like ive been in the box they put #me in this whole time then they are going to get mad at me and try to come after me more i feel like. #i feel like thats when theyre really going to try to sic their followers or friends after me. #idk but im going to stop. i dont care how you see me. its not real. its not true. it never was. i was abused by this person and thats the #final truth about it. im not saying i couldnt have been reactively abusive sometimes with them but all the things they say i did #that they did to me but say i did but x10 worse? no. fuck off. thats not fucking me. you DONT KNOW ME. YOU HAVENT BEEN AROUND ME #ALL MY LIFE GROWING UP. IF YOU KNEW ME YOU WOULD KNOW ID NEVER DO THAT SHIT. YOU WOULD FUCKING KNOW THAT. #which is why i know you dont know me. none of you do. im tired of operating the way i think you want me to. #im tired of trying to empathize with people i dont want to LIKE my ex or my brother or my sister or my dad #im tired of trying to see things the way they do. how my ex is probably just this dumb scared kid inside who does dumb shit and doesnt #think about the consequences and doesnt care about the consequences of their actions because their only priority is #self preservation. like i dont care. i understand but i dont care. they still hurt me. they still did what they did to me. #they still know they did something wrong otherwise they wouldnt have started this whole smear campaign. #im tired of trying to sympathize with them. give them a million chances to change. do what i can to encourage them to actually have empathy #even towards the people they hurt and like to smear. #because they dont do the same for me. i know. i know theyre still shit talking me. i know they cant stop because if they did theyd have to #have more empathy about me on a whole lot of things they dont want to think about bc they dont want to feel about how they treated me #and continue to treat me by keeping up this narrative abt me online. they dont give a fuck so why am i extending so much to them.

[cumulativechaos]

almost done my 1st semester of nursing school and the program i'm in has me doing clinicals already so i've seen what it's gonna be like and i like it a lot!! i'm enjoying my job and i like what i'm learning and i feel like this is something i can be good at and i like helping people. obviously it's very early but i'm feeling confident in my career choices so far

but GOD i'm so fucking afraid of not liking my coworkers. like that post i just reblogged is TRUE those nurses EXIST and the last thing i want is to have to deal with them every fucking day

#mp #i also feel like when i laugh at ppl making fun of nurses im being like #'haha not me tho! im one of the GOOD ones :)' #i don't rlly know yet tho do i? i haven't really started WORKING as a nurse yet #i follow other nurses around or i'll spend the day taking care of one patient #idk what i'll be like when i'm working full-time as a nurse but i'm going in w a foundation of trying to help ppl. so at least theres' that #also not 2 b like ''and ignoring the abuse and racism'' but like even if i didnt have to worry abt possibly working w abusive racist nurses #the nurse aesthetic. like if u search up nurse gifts on redbubble. literally repulsive to me. #very 'she believed she chould so she did' in cursive font carved into a piece of wood #very girlboss white feminism. script font and corny girl power quotes. jokes abt wine. i HATE it #yesterday in clinical a man peed on me!! i don't want to wear a stupid 'keep calm im a nurse' t shirt!!! #i don't want to like. flower-crown-filter my job. i dont want to 'uwu im florence nightingale reincarnated' my job!! #i'm not some badass feminine caretaker bro i'm just a person doing my job!!!! #like ppl who make nursing their Identity are like. god it's so tacky #they're always so smug abt it too. they feel so superior bc their job is brutal. girl ur not some kind of saint bc u can put in an IV

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

would i be the asshole for contacting my ex to ask them if they could stop talking about me online to a community that knows who i am? (🥐)

tw: kinda emotionally abusive relationship

bg info

me (24f) and my ex (28) were in a three month relationship three years ago following a whole year of friendship. they were my first partner and i came out as a lesbian to everyone during our relationship. when we were together, they were 24 and i was 20. i was very emotionally dependent on them when i was 20 due to mental health issues and so were they which is probably one of the reasons why our relationship was as explosive as it was. i looked up to them, my whole emotional world revolved around them, and our friendship/relationship was the only thing i had in my life at the time. they constantly asked me "hey is it even ethical that im dating you, im 4 years older, you tell me please, oh i feel like such a bad person", yet, they still continued dating me every time they would ask.

our fights were horrible and truly explosive as they broke their stuff in front of me out of anger, threw things at me and insulted me as stupid, amongst many other things. our fights usually ensued because i would ask them for reassurance and they would start panicking and screaming at me to shut up. to be fair, i would cry every time i was asking for reassurance which probably made them feel scared about losing me, so i consider myself 50% at fault for everything that happened in our relationship, i shouldve been able to talk to them in a secure manner that wouldnt trigger their abandonment issues. our fights were quite jarring and made me walk out on them several times out of fear. yet i always came back and apologized and took the whole accountability, even though i dont consider myself the only one at fault. walking out several times during fights was probably one of the worst things i could have done but at the same time i was simply scared. even when i walked out after our last fight, they begged me to come back, which i did, i apologized under tears, and yet, told them that i cant promise them to stay no matter what.. and left.

we met through tumblr and were in a medium distance relationship. after our relationship, i went to a clinic and had to learn a lot about myself, what i experienced and what i want from life. im in a very happy and healthy place now and since the end of 2021 im with my current partner whom i want to be the love of my life and whom ive started to build a life with.

context

i have my ex blocked on all social media because they used to do hour long deep dives into my blog, even as of recently (i have statcounter installed for my safety bc im paranoid about them sending me anonymous asks). at first i also used to visit their blog after our break up but stopped doing so after moving on with my life. one year after breaking up i temporarily unblocked them and explicitly asked them not to look at my social media (or at least to do it in a way in which i dont notice aka asked them not to watch my instagram stories).

while i dont visit their blog/social media because i dont want to know whats going on in their life, tumblr mutuals frequently dm me stuff like "hey i think you should know that your ex posted about you/shit talks about something that you posted". i havent asked my mutuals to tell me whenever this happens but i imagine they do so because within the tumblr space we exist, everyone kind of knows everyone (so my ex doesnt have to mention my name for people to know who theyre talking about). sometimes mutuals send screenshots of the posts so that i dont have to visit my ex's blog. last ive heard my ex joked about throwing jewelry at me and posted extensively about a tattoo that i got. my ex's behavior makes me uncomfortable and feel just as helpless as i did back then.

why i might be the asshole

im scared that they might be venting because i was more at fault in the relationship than them and that i am unconsciously deflecting. however, i talked about every detail of the relationship and this fear extensively with my therapist, friends, and partner who are of the opinion that i was young, scared, and intertwined in a relationship that was incredibly toxic. im still unsure though because my emotions frequently triggered theirs.

why they might be the asshole

i asked them once to stop visiting my social media and i feel like venting about our relationship that broke off 3 years ago to a tumblr community of friends and acquaintances is kind of unfair. however, i might be the asshole and they might just need the space for venting. i could just ignore the vents and let them heal in their own way from what ensued.

WIBTA if i confronted them again and told them that i want them to stop talking about me online? or would i be a party pooper because every person needs a space for venting?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[spellbooking]

Hey there. This is a rather private message, but I was also bullied and trashtalked publicly by one of the big BG3 blogs on here.

I was a fairly small blog (and an artist, too) so I didn't really stand a chance. It was out of my control. I reached out to people to get help but many of them eventually left me. What I'm saying is, I understand what you're going through—or at least know how it feels. People seem to blindly believe popular blogs on Tumblr, and said blogs sometimes abuse their influence and popularity by making all sorts of claims to put them in the spotlight, thinking, they know the person behind the screen even though they don't.

Back then I had to take a break from Tumblr, but I hope you won't let it get you down. Turn to your friends. The BG3 community is quite toxic. Fandom drama is always shitty, unnecessary, stressful and unfair. Take care and keep balance x

Hi anon!

Surprisingly you’re the first person to like really bring it up and tbh I’m glad bc I’ve just been ignoring it and continuing to do my own thing. I kind of just let it happen and just stuck to myself because like… this is tumblr. Im not gonna really expand on it or really discuss it because i gave it my energy for a day and moved on. That’s what i tell my clients (at least the ones I practice with a supervisor) and that’s what i do for myself. but thank you for your kind words.

Yeah it sucked for like the first 12 hours then i kind of got over it. And i agree, influence and popularity definitely is abused! And targeting strangers with no context or stories from both sides or having a grown adult talk is extremely common on the internet period. Honestly the BG3 fandom has been a solace for me but that’s only because i stick to a certain pocket of it: OC love and Gale. But i hope by now my followers realize: I’m super self indulgent. That’s my speciality.

Luckily i had a group of people and some mutuals have my back so i wasn’t alone. Also my fiance kinda talked me through it and we honestly kinda just… laughed. Because the situation was so laughable and silly. Like I’m in grad school, have a job, have to pay rent… I’m not worried about what people in a fandom have to say about me to a small pocket of people 💀 like girl I’m about to start an internship as a therapist, i have better things to worry about. I learned from it and I’m moving on.

But thank you again! Sending you my love and I’m sure your art is fucking awesome! I hope you have others to turn to as well :) if not, this goes for you and everyone else: my DMs are always open.

#re: ask

[teethkid67]

i havent said anything personally on the situation bc im not sure that its my place & not sure what my next move is .

first off shelby has been incredibly brave and as someone who doesn't watch her and hasnt ever, ive felt mostly that it was best for me to be supportive in a quiet way & that it wasnt my place to give my input . most of all i didnt want to reduce her solely to her abuse and "victimhood" as to me it feels extremely counterproductive to post only about that when she is obviously more than what she went through . it felt disingenuous to begin posting about it as if i was someone who's always cared about shubbles content when honestly im not . bc at the end of the day its not about me and its not about her abuser , its about shubble and ive never been a member of her community .

i dont want my silence to be interpreted as me not caring about the situation or not believing her because i do ; i don't want to speak where my voice isnt needed or could take away from others . from some of the responses ive been seeing though i feel its far more important to listen to and boost her voice than be quiet .

i dont want to talk about him because ultimately this is about platforming shelby and what shes gone through . that said i HAVE watched, posted about and supported her all-but-named abuser , so im involved at least on that level and i want to say i am horrified by the abuse shubble has described.

the general reaction to her coming forward i have seen on this site and others , from one end of the spectrum (she hasnt said his name so we cant know / its not that bad / blatant excuses and defense of him) to the other (leaktwt / posts about how hes always been a creep / jumping down the throats of anyone who words their thoughts in a way they deem wrong) has been horrifying to witness . some of the most unproductive commentary ive seen on an issue like this and i was here from cmc to drm .

im deeply upset and feel i should say somewhere that some of the shit ive seen is unacceptable and contradictory to shelbys initial point, which i understand to be 2 things: 1) highlighting how abuse is not always obvious, or 'normal', and ways to recognize these situations as a victim 2) to highlight her own personal experiences and to stop both her own abuser and others from being platformed .

mcytdom is NOTORIOUS for "drama" like this and similarly well-known for being unable to boost / listen to / BELIEVE victims or at least leave them the fuck alone . to anyone who's ever been groomed or abused, esp my mutuals who have received extremely insensitive messages and feedback in wake of this , my heart goes out to you and i hope you are doing alright & know how appreciated and strong you are . shelby, niki, and other victims of abuse should be listened to and celebrated for both their bravery and strength and for who they are as people .

on a more personal note heres ig what im going to do going forward

this is my blog & im not leaving it , wont be deleting any posts either , mutuals id love to stay in touch if youre moving out or moving on .

very likely ill still be here in the smp hell . just gonna have to see how i feel about it all . in the three and a half years ive been drawing reading and writing about these characters a lot has changed including my perspective . ultimately tho its not about me

general message i want to get across is that im glad shelby is healing and getting the help she needs, as well as doing well enough to help others recognize the signs . love you my mutuals and friends and followers . take care of yourselves

#personal #abuse

[joyfulapostate]

hi!!

for context, i was raised baptist, im queer, my mother converted in her late 20s i believe? and my father was raised strictly baptist as well. my mom has been listening to sermons on youtube obsessively, and my father will lose his mind if you (collective) say ANYTHING that has even the slightest chance of questioning the bible in any way. i’m closer with my mom than my dad, we both have adhd and im autistic, my dad is emotionally and verbally abusive.

i started questioning pretty much everything since mid 2020 ish??, and i just started accepting the idea that my parents would probably disown me, or at the very least ground me until they’re dead, if they knew anything about me that’s not an ✨image i’ve made specifically for them✨. (my main spotify acc has seen so many mental breakdowns it’s not even funny at this point😐)

anyways i just was wondering if there’s a Specific Reason i’ve been really really drawn to catholicism, catholic guilt, and really anything regarding that? it’s just been like A Thing for me especially really recently and i’m just always sitting there like “why tf do i feel like i have catholic guilt i’ve only stepped foot in a catholic church one single time and it was for a craft show????”

if there’s no specific answer that’s totally cool i just thought i’d try to ask someone who seems to know what they’re talking about bc ive been thinking about it a LOT recently

(i also feel like im letting down my grandma, she was the sweetest lady and she absolutely made my childhood so much better and im so grateful for her. she was pretty much the backbone of her church, she died seven years ago and i just feel like if she saw me now she wouldn’t recognize me even if she had every form of proof in the world it was me. i don’t know if she would even accept i was her grandkid at this point.)

It’s so great that you are giving yourself room to become more than what others expect you to be. We all deserve that. And it takes courage to create space for yourself, especially in a worldview that tends to reduce our self image.

I am so sorry that you are dealing with an abusive situation. Your safety is important and you deserve to have a healthy support system.

I think that the idea of “Catholic guilt” is a more popular trope than guilt from Protestant traditions. I see it mentioned more in personal conversations and in books, TV, and movies. It absolutely makes sense that this idea would resonate with you.

It can be helpful to study other traditions to give you context for your own experience, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to claim something from another religious tradition as your own. It doesn’t sound like that’s what you’re doing, I just try to be careful about stuff like that.

I was also raised in a Protestant faith, but I had Catholic friends and attended Mass at several points in my life. When I was still a believer, it seemed like there was a great chasm between these belief systems. But now that I have some distance from my former faith, I see that they have more similarities than differences. Shame and guilt run through them both. There’s guilt about familial obligations, Jesus’ death, and “sinful” actions. (I personally think that sin is just one god’s opinion and it matters more that we try to treat each other well than follow a non-negotiable rulebook.)

It may not be possible to be totally open now now, but I believe it will be in the future. I didn’t share my doubts when I was still dependent on my parents and it felt awful at the time to keep anything private. Because it felt like privacy implied guilt. But now I am grateful to my past self for waiting until I felt secure enough to share my doubts. I found people who felt safe and confided in them. I built relationships based on mutual respect and informed choices, which hadn't felt possible before.

I still have distance with some of my religious family members. But some of my more progressive family members and I have made a lot of progress in understanding each other. Love can overcome doctrine in many relationships, but not others. It’s a difficult reality to face, especially when you don’t have the opportunity to communicate with them. I know that I had to grieve the people I’d lost and the idea that I would see them in heaven. But there are people in this world who will understand you, support you, and hope for you to have a wonderful and fulfilling life that allows you to grow beyond their expectations. And it sounds like you already are that kind of person for yourself, and that is an impressive accomplishment in its own right.

#exchristian #asks

[m0llystars]

on my phone so i don’t have twitter rn but i just feel like finally saying this: I don’t talk a lot abt youtuber “drama” bc I feel like it’s often just a waste of energy to do so and what does it matter what i think abt whatever’s happening with a creator who i don’t know personally at all and vice versa but as someone who was a decent fan of his vids, the shit happening with mamamax has to be the most insane monkey’s paw type of scenario i’ve ever seen in my life.

i feel like shit abt it bc i really thought that he was at least somewhat credible in his investigations and that he was genuinely catching pedos and rlly getting shit done there, but it’s one of those things where it seems so obvious in hindsight how much of it was smoke and mirrors, or just not telling the real story to some extent, and yet bc of how gradually his style of content had changed, I just couldn’t have noticed how fucking weird and absurd it all actually was until I really let myself distance from it and think about it more. then again I don’t blame myself bc this dude was seemingly lying to other creators’ faces, to people who even vouched for him in their own videos.

but the fact that this all rlly started going to shit once he poked the bear of “I need to pressure every big youtuber about this Now” once again when he already has a more than considerable following to make good change on his own, just for people to actually talk about the camdan case, only bc they realized he’s handling it, and has handled the previous cases like complete shit, not even having caught any of his targets? yeah you could make the argument that any press is good press but good luck convincing the judge on that. fucking hell.

it’s only left me with a more and more sour taste the more I thought about it. if you are a vigilante in that field, or in any field, who wants to document this kind of shit, the best thing you could do is publish stuff in past tense, or else you’re basically showing your hand and letting your own targets, people who obviously should be held accountable and locked away at minimum, be able to plan an exit and escape before you even get to them. i am absolutely all for taking the guillotine out for abusers, especially of that sort, but the way he’s doing it, he doesn’t even at least accomplish that. and then there’s the constant shilling of his patreon. and then the fact that the FBI is investigating him and his megaupload got removed and sent to authorities. it’s all these little things that seemed so odd on their own, but together, it really paints a whole new picture that im upset i didn’t see sooner, and that im just upset i even have to see at all.

manipulation isn’t okay. not even if it’s in good pretenses, or a good, or “transparent” cause. because no matter what, that bed is gonna crack sooner than you think, and you bring everything and everyone else down with you. it’s kind of a shock he didn’t get this coming sooner

#rambles #cw mentions of pedos/csa

[papirouge]

im the anon who lurks in regretful parenting subs... Honestly, i'm believing most men simply do not like being monogamous thus why they feel like they're trapped in a relationship. Even when it's the men themselves that insist to get their wives pregnant, even if through inmoral means (some women talk about finding out their husbands removed the condom at some point while having sex), it's usually because they want to pass their genes more than genuine love for their wives and wanting to build a family with this person they adore.

Like it's not only the way they talk about their wives, but also that they see sleeping around as a thing to be proud of and men who can bed many women as someone to look up to. There's also that phenomenon of older married men ogling younger women even when they're with the wife, watching porn even if they're still having sex irl, and so on.

Honestly, I do feel like only a man of God could truly remain faithful for the right reasons. I guess that does go for some women too, we all have our faults lol but even then I unfortunately know some terrible cases. Like this Christian woman I followed who seemed to have a great husband and children, always talked about the importance of putting God first in your life, and even gave dating advice to women that wasn't about being submissive (wordly) and a pick me but was quite fds-y actually while still being biblical. Then she dissappeared for a long while and when she returned she admitted her husband had raped her and beat her. I was so heartbroken for her. She had to had a divorce and thankfully the husband went to jail, but she was left struggling with the trauma and four kids to feed.

To be fair, i'm starting to believe I might be seeing so much of this stuff because God wants me to stay a celibate. I'm convinced He wants me to focus completely in my religious path and in helping others and not get distracted with a husband and children.

The regretful parent sub is a mixed bag really

I understand the struggle of people who got one child and eventually regretted bc of all the changes and missed opportunities this pregnancy caused into their life, but I couldn't help but shake my head in disbelief at people ending up with 3 kids and finally realizing parenthood wasn't for them. Sorry but that's stupid and reckless.

I think it's unfair to put unplanned pregnancy on men alone bc a fair share of women are pretty reckless with their lack of birth control. Feminists will hate me on this, but women have the upper hand when it comes to birth control. Both men and women can poke holes in condoms, but women can also deceive men in having unprotected sex while pretending to be on birth control. A man removing condom is observable, a woman with or without birth control is not.

One post stuck with me about a man who had a little girl, divorced his wife, and regretted becoming a dad because being away of his daughter was too much painful and would rather never have a child to not feel such strong attachment to another human being. This was actually touching

And yes, I'm very wary of trad people flaunting their life online. This is the anti thesis of trad imo. Remember the twitter tradwife who was financially abused by her husband for years?? You never know what's going on behind closed doors

I will never this sentence I heard from pink pilled ladies "you can be a single mom while being married" That's why it is sooooo important to chose wisely your husband. No marriage no womb obviously, but also husband and wife need to explicitly talk about they will share tasks in the house. Many sahw struggle bc they are expected to work from home 7 days a week when the husband at least have a few days away from office. IMO I would ask a share of tasks on weekend. Like, daddy would take care of the kids and the wife would have some time off to focus on other/lighter tasks.

Vetting is also important. Men who never lived alone when in their 30s are a red flag bc there are chances dude can barely take care of a house and will use their wife like a maid/2nd mom. I said that bc I knew a girl who was dating a guy who lived with his ex, and as soons as they broke up, he went back to live with his mom.... That's suspicious.

I also pray a lot to God to remove from my way all the men who aren't supposed to be in my life. I pray for my husband. God already shown him to me (in dreams) twice so I know I'm good :) As much as I craved emotional intimacy, I also realized that marriage involves a ton of responsibility (+parenthood) that's why I'm less eager to find my life companion lol The years I spend alone and free to do whatever I like will never come back so I might as well enjoy them as much as possible. It really helped me to be more content with my singleness 💙

#answered #celibacy

[classicjdiesandgoestohell]

one of my fav artists got called out for being a groomer/pedophile and i have mixed thoughts on it bc i don't Disbelieve it, im not defending her, but like not a single person has been able to show any evidence? Its all like "she was shitty to my friends" stuff. and part of the reason i don't disbelieve it is bc its very obvious that many other artists knew she was weird & havent been associates w/ her in years. certain people haven't ever collabed since the first time, whole groups of people dont follow her etc, so like shes probably a shitty person at the very least. but no one's shown a Single screenshot it's fucking insane. Literally nothing?

i saw someone say this and its like 2 years????? In 2 years you haven't found any Evidence??? Shes also not SECRETIVE about her different names, everyone knows they're her? except one acc which was made to be entirely separate from her music life. this just... Isnt weird to me. most music artists i like have 2+ projects, often times like 6+. and she only has had 5 so this isnt even that weird to me, it feels like grasping at straws

again i don't think shes completely innocent but i can't with a sound mind just.. instantly go against her when not a single person has given evidence??? Like they haven't even said 'she groomed a 15 year old 3 years ago", they just say 'shes groomed someone" like no details whatsoever??? Huh???????? Idfk like I just wish someone had like a fucking Screenshot dude there hasnt been a single screenshot or anything 😭😭😭😭 like if shes as malicious and serial of an abuser as everyone says why is there like nothing at all to show??????? Im so confused brah

this is also more of a personal matter 2 me now bc we have mutual friends. So like, if she really is a groomer/pedophile, i don't want my friends who know her to still support her yk. at first this felt like a "dog pile on a popular trans woman" schtick but pretty much everyone who's said she's weird is also a trans woman so im just like ok there's probably some merit to this? Can someone show some proof omg

#lucky strike

[quixoticrobotic]

sorry for being a little late to the ideas train but i feel you on mirror!margaret. its strange to consider her a "bad seed" and just leave it at that. wasnt mark a "bad seed" once, just in a different way? he was literally driving the people that picked him up insane and presumably making them kill themselves. i think we should all agree that the sacrifice guns are maybe fucked up from being raised into child sacrifices.

with mirror!marg its just. weird though. of course she was a devout follower of a cult she was raised in, she was like 10, being abused, and her god gave her a way to exude that force outwards instead of continuing to take the pain inwards. maybe all the "bad seed" talk is posturing and well get an arc truly for Her later but just. grahhhh.

another potential goodie and the reason i thought to send this was like. mark didnt start aging until his series appearance mark-ed a change in him and he to grow as his own person (ik OOC it was because actors grow up, but he was a child for a long while in there). mirror!margaret is still pointedly younger. maybe shell change as she grows, too? just hoping.

yesss and like! i wouldn't be surprised if that did happen! i don't know what tricks are up lewis's sleeves!

and yeah the age thing is a good point and i kind of think of mark as like. the older brother to mirror!margaret's "edgy teen sister who's embarrassed of her uncool brother" growing and changing and very few people being truly bad, and the ones who are too far gone being at least deserving of pity, or even respect is like. at4w's whole thing

i mostly just think the idea that mirror!margaret thinks shes the GOOD one is interesting. like she technically is if goodness is obedience! she doesn't want to admit at one point she and mark were the same naive little kid. she has to be right she has to be the superior of the two because unlike mark she did everything just right

like thats so COMPELLING and INTERESTING im gonna play around with those themes like come on

also like i just tend to get really defensive when media portrays "bad" kids, theres a reason i make an AGGIE FROM PARANORMAN WAS RIGHT AND SHOULD HAVE LEVELED THE TOWN post every october my thoughts are really rambly and disjointed bc i just woke up lmao sorry

#fauslayer #also saying some kids are bad seeds feels weirdly??? old fashion??? #like what else??? are my humors out of balance????? should i go move to the countryside to avoid miasma???????? #words to people #child abuse mention #religious abuse mention #WE'RE TALKIN ABOUT MIRROR!MARG #like i understand the creators creative vision of a character might not be what i find interesting abt that character #im just having fun on the internet

[curiouskurona]

 ( for context , this was originally a comment on this post but i tend to be long winded / i could tell it was gonna get long so i decided to just maek my own post bsdjhgfkjdhgja . also abuse discussion tw for tha following + tha post i linked to , as well as spoilers for Princess Tutu )  

 ive made my peace with rue and fakir-- well , not 100% completely absolutely , but ive come a long long way from where i was when i first watched tha show , where i hated fakir SO much , and i had more sympathy for rue but wasn't fond of her either . in fact , where before i was adamant that i hated fakir , i can say i actually liek him now . didnt think i would ever get to this point lol . and i liek rue as well , though her turn around came easier for me          

 i feel like i would have warmed up to them a lot faster if liek . they got ANY consequences for their actions . im not talking about either of them being sad / having other troubles , im not talking about cosmic punishment / karma , i mean direct consequences for the way that they treated mytho . ive heard people argue that " well mytho doesnt have feelings so it doesnt matter how they treated him " , but that argument falls flat fast when you point to tha fact that they both KNEW mytho was getting his feelings back , and they did absolutely nothing to change their behavior . hell , they might have even treated him worse , because of the stress of tha situation or whatever . fakir pushed mytho's face against the mirror and said " look at this repulsive face thats regained the feeling of loneliness " . rue backed away unsettled when she saw mytho smile . there is no argument of " well he didn't feel anything " or " well they didn't realize " . they knew what they were doing   

 and they kind of just ... get away with it . they dont really have to acknowledge the way that they treated him past an almost throwaway line from fakir in the end where hes liek " damn i was kinda mean huh "         

 i would probably be moar forgiving about it if they got ANY sort of consequences ( narratively or through fandom perception ) for their actions , but most ppl dont really care enough about mytho for that . and seeing his situation be largely ignored made me defensive and bitter towards them [ fakir and rue ] . as a trauma survivor myself ( who heavily relates to mytho ) it was a really high hurdle for me to look at them , fakir especially , in a positive light , regardless of whether or not i could recognize their own traumas / understand why they did som of tha things they did .  

  and yeah ppl change n whatever . wounds can heal , relationships can be mended . but fakir never even tried to mend theirs . mytho never got any closure or an apology or anything and it just sucks so much . i mean yeah he got to tell fakir off as r!mytho during that one battle . but most of him being all * evil laughter * at fakir wasnt even him , you can see he doesnt even consider himself that person when hes staggering back to his dorm clutching his heart going “ what are you , who are you , whats goin on ” . mytho got to be a lil scoundrel to fakir as r!mytho but thats not tha saem as any meaningful acknowledgement / apology on fakir’s part      

 and im just . idk . im hesitant to put this in any tags , i dont think i will . bc i know ppl love fakir . but liek . please . can we at least acknowledge what he did . or are we going to keep pretending that his worst offense is being abrasive / grumpy . im sorry to have to tell you this but fakir’s ( and rue’s * ) behaviour towards mytho is literal actual textbook abuse . they isolate him , control him , berate him , lock him up , get in his face and yell at him , manhandle him , tell him who he can talk to , tell him what he can read , tell him that he has to listen to them and no one else . liek . hello . i know you dont want to hear this about ur fave characters but theyre abusers . its not even subtext its just THE text    

 the fact that fakir grows softer after meeting ahiru is irrelevant . him treating ahiru better as the series goes on does not mean that he is treating mytho better as the series goes on . him softening up and growing into a better person is not equal to an apology or any kind of closure or comfort for mytho  

 and dont even get me started on how mytho and rue should not have ended up together . no piece of media is perfect , i do have some things is disliek about PT , and one of them is definitely the ending unfortunately . but thats another post . and its purrobably not even for tha reasons you might think i have    

 also , this is not to say that i think fakir or rue are evil , or that they dont care / never cared about mytho . i dont think its as black and white as that . fakir and rue arent such one dimensional characters , silhouettes laughing evilly to themselves as they take joy in hurting him . i dont think that the fact that fakir abused mytho means he was never worried about him or didnt care about him . i dont think tha fact that rue abused mytho means that she never cared about him either . its messy . they were all put into a very straining situation . ive talked in other posts acknowledging the strain fakir was under , and ive talked at length with friends about why rue felt the need to act the way she did , too . but that doesnt make what they did okay . and i just wish that mytho got any sort of apology , closure , or comfort . instead of everyone going “ well glad thats over !! lets move on with our lives while pretending we all [ sans ahiru ] didnt just abuse mytho this entire show “       

 anyways this post isnt very organized and i purrobably didnt maek any sense . i was just rambling i guess . this is something that ive thought about a lot    

 * if youve noticed im leaning harder into fakir rn , its purrobably bc ppl are moar willing to acknowledge rue’s behaviour . shes loved as an evil gal girlboss or whatevar , even if its often joaky ppl are moare ready to go “ yeah lol rue was so fucked up “ , and have made a lot of serious fanart about the toxicity of her relationship with mytho too . but for tha moast part ppl shy away from putting fakir in any serious negative light . aside from a few posts ive seen ( that were a breath of fresh air honestly ) that talked about his actions , moast ppl portray fakir as someone whos grumpy and abrasive , kind of a jerk , maybe even a “ tsundere “ , but ultimately harmless . so i guess im harder on fakir for that . because im frustrated that ppl only care about shipping him with ahiru , and are more than ready to downplay how horrible he was to mytho so that they can pretend its all sunshine and rainbows with him or something . again it goes back to them receiving no direct consequences for their actions , narratively OR through fandom perception . rue is at least acknowledged as someone that doesnt have a totally great track record , in tha fandom                   

#diary #i forgot my uploads tag uhhhhh #uploads #pt #spoilers #abuse tw

[urlocallsimp]

Believe victims first ❤️❤️❤️ ty for that statement. She had acid thrown on her face and there is other women and comments coming out. As a woman of latin origin, I feel he was just a very good manipulator and charismatic (Jonathan Meyers has a similar Charisma), which are sadly something very usual. Men nowadays use being humanists or feminists to desguise their misogyny/power trips, self serving!! I'm trying my best nowadays to mostly support and follow fellow women of color, eg mabel cadena (lesbian afaik).

Oh boy this turned out to be a pretty long reply but I just had to clarify where and how I stand w this situation. Just note that the 'you' in this is mostly used in a general way not specifically addressing you anon :) so here's my reply:

You absolutely don't need to thank me for that! It is my personal belief that as women it is our duty to stand with other women. I believe in believing victims first bc it's not about BELIEVING them blindily without proof in the sense of trusting they're being truthful but what that sentence means (to me at least) is STANDING with women, forming a defensive line protecting these victims from hate and showing solidarity, it is about sending a message to the patriarchal/sexist/misogynist world that we live in and the people (mostly men) that actively try to uphold it that way, that there is an equal force that is RESISTING IT and pushing back the silencing they're trynna impose on victims bc we see that they're trying to silence women and trying to pretend that SA doesn't happen and portray EVERY SA victim as a liar for money/attention. it's about SHOWING UP with ur morals and showing you are aware of these existent, continuous and repeated issues and you are against them. It is showing up bc it is an opportunity to fight.

I've seen the response of people to this situation throughout social media and it's mostly men immediately jumping to say it's another Amber Heard situation as if it's not a MEN situation, as if it's not that men are notoriously known for being shitty times and times again as if this issue doesn't happen and ALOT. So naturally, I'll side w women first (even if they turn out actual liars later on, bc yk what? men side with other men UNAPOLOGETICALLY, REGARDLESS IF THE MAN TURNS OUT SHITTY, THEY FIND WAYS TO VICTIM BLAME) but also bc I can SADLY EAAAASILY believe it happened, since it HAPPENS ALOT!! and if she's lying I DO NOT CARE, that's on her!!! That makes HER a shitty person, it doesn't change my morals or the way i approach these issues bc if one woman lies there are thousands others sadly not lying. And they're all accused of lying, not believed, attacked and bullied into retaliation, into shutting up, into fear, into reverting back to not daring say there is a problem in the world we live in, just so the system continues working in favor of men abusing and controlling women without any change or resistance! That's what I mean by standing w her, not bc i personally know her or that im 100% certain or convinced she's telling the truth but bc she's a fellow woman, bc it's a very REAL SERIOUS women issue that any of us can find ourselves in one day, it can happen to me, to u, to my sis, friends... Etc. Again, if she's lying that's on her and we can rest assured she'll be punished for it, if not judicially, then publically, i mean victims get punished for simply speaking, and are threatened with death, so let alone if it turns out they lied, have we not seen what happened to amber heard? All that public ridicule ??

And this supposed worry for him that she's lying and might ruin his career sounds so fake and soo 'awww men are the real victims in this world' to me bc hello!?!? R we living in the same reality or are u actively trying to pretend we're not living in a world that is biased towards men and protects abusive men. Have we not seen ezra miller strolling freely in the premiere of the flash like he's done nothing??

Men don't need you to defend them bc they're disproportionately at more advantage than the woman. + Counting the fact that SA is hard to proof + the fact that the court could be biased towards men in these situations. All of these factors stand against the women. U don't need to worry abt men. They seldom suffer consequences for their actions especially if they're famous and rich and have teams.. And if he turns out innocent and his career is damaged u better believe I'll be here rooting for him again and supporting him it's that simple.

Idk, this is how I see things, to me this situation is a typical man vs woman situation. I don't see it as a 'tenoch my beloved whom I wanna stay in denial about him VS someone who might be taking advantage of him'

And i wanna clarify that me standing w her is not an act of betrayal towards my previous love for tenoch (like some are actively trying to guilt his fans into) + if he is truly innocent and truly a feminist he'd actually understand, he'd know the importance of believing victims. As long as I'm not ACTIVELY hating on him or bullying him or being racist like some ppl are (which is fucked up). For now, I'm just absolutely NEUTRAL ABOUT HIM. My love and simping for him is just on pause until it is confirmed that he's absolutely innocent.

So, tbh about the second part of ur message about him being manipulative and all, I don't wanna engage in that, or in deciphering his statement or picking out red flags etc.. Bc people can see whatever they wanna see when they wanna see a fault, flaw or red flag.. Etc. Bc one day everything will be clear and we'll find out. As I said, I'm very neutral abt him for now.

To conclude, i stand w women the same way men (most) openly and actively and shamelessly stand with horrible men even after they were proven to be shitty, ex: andrew tate's fans. There is such a double standard that exists for women that many aren't aware they're falling for; Men can be soooooo easily flexible with their morals and support abusers whereas women have to absolutely make the most perfect rational logical CORRECT DECISIONS at all and any time. I choose to believe her simply bc she's my gender (at least for now) and if I'm wrong im wrong and we as women are allowed to be wrong. Men stand w men all the time even after they learn they're shitty. So, sorry I'm not sorry that I show up to my own gender the same way men (again most) show up unapologetically to their own gender.

And it's not an act of hatred towards Tenoch it's an act of defiance to the patriarchy/sexism/misogyny... It just happened to be a situation that involves tenoch in the mix.. But just bc i loved him alot, won't make me go easy on him (equally doesn't mean imma start bullying him). Neutral.

Anyways, wish you and everyone else safety and support throughout ur lives. Trust me as a North African (Algerian), the situation and men of my country aren't any better so I understand..

#tenoch huerta #tenoch huerta mejia

[posallys]

idk if you've answered this before, but do you think PoSally gets back together and if so how

okay so this is going to sound strange considering my entire personality is posally, but it really depends. like somedays i'm like...yeah. they totally do get back together on the dl, and other days i'm like.....but they don't. they do but they don't and they can't, ya know? idk. like yeah they love each other yada yada yada, but the tragedy is so appealing....the yearning....there's something there.

but on the days where i'm like "they definitely do" it's usually something like the following:

it sort of starts after tlt when sally murders gets rid of gabe. i've said it before, but it was sort of obvious that poseidon is the one who sent the head to her and what he intended it to be used for, so i think he definitely comes by afterward to check on her (and properly get rid of the head just kind of lying around lol)

but i wanna make it clear that nothing happens when he does. i've also said this before, but sally was just in an abusive relationship for years, and i definitely do not think that she'd jump into anything, regardless of the fact that it's poseidon.

actually i don't think anything happens for a while. like i know i joke about it, but seriously. at least until after som, but probably not until like...after ttc at the earliest. i think that during that time he might swing around every so often just to check up on them (obviously percy doesn't know bc it's mainly when he's at camp/school). and nothing happens because i think poseidon knows sally well enough to know that she'd tell him what she wanted, if anything, and he respects her enough to not do anything she didn't say she wanted.

however there's a little bit of a shift around ttc. i don't think either of them realize it's happening until it does. he drops by and she's in the middle of making dinner and it's a meal she used to make all the time before percy was born. and he's helped her make it before so he just sort of jumps in and starts helping and they fall back into a rhythm and they're both like "...oh"

they slip up a few times if you know what i mean, but like, they don't really have anything going? because they can't. especially with the war coming and everything....it's just not really possible.

when poseidon drops by for percy's birthday, that's the last time either of them see him until after tlo because there's just a lot going on, and with poseidon fighting the war in atlantis it's just not doable.

i think that maybe percy suspects something? particularly in the months between the end of the war and him getting kidnapped. he gets a feeling something is up but he doesn't really say anything because he's seen his mom in unhappy relationships and its been so long since he's seen her smile with someone so who is he to say anything if she's happy.

and there's multiple ways it could go after hoo, but i think percy knows for sure that they are, and they don't necessarily try to hide it because at that point, who's going to stop them? there's no prophecy or anything, so they're not hurting anything

they just kind of vibe it out, and it's not perfect but it's something. i think poseiodn wants to be around a lot more than he's able to, but the fact that he does make an effort to be around as much as possible is enough for sally and percy bc it's not like she wasn't aware that he couldn't be around all the time. she's literally the one who has to remind him he has things to do. She knew what she was signing up for

i do think, however, that if you want to believe estelle is poseidon's, it was more an accident than anything. like. sally is almost 40 so it's a little bit later than most women have kids + yes they did use protection they didn't want another kid that could be subject to a phophecy yk poseidon already felt like shit about percy having to do all the stuff he did so when it happened they were all like "im not too sure about this" but eventually for whatever reason you want to think, they end up with Estelle and i think its a big moment bc like...its so unconventional but here's poseidon, with a mortal family, happy, and he can actually be around this time which is probably a big factor as to why sally was okay with having another demigod kid tbh. Like, poseidon can watch all of that stuff much better if he's actually allowed to have contact with them lmfao

#posally #taylor answers #ask tag #anon #posally month

[coccyodynia]

things:

four years and a few days ago, i entered treatment for dual diagnosis care to treat my mental health and drug use

for about 4 straight years before that, i’m not sure i was sober for more than an hour at a time

i was really heavily using benzos and always mixing them with an extreme amount of alcohol

frequently confused as to who i was then, how people perceived me, and how i’m still alive

i’m extremely grateful i went to treatment, because if i hadn’t had some kind of intervention, i dont think i would have survived another year like that

i still really really struggle with relapses

and in the last two years i’m not sure i’ve managed to have a clean streak longer than 3 months

but i am trying

my drug abuse ended up being the last straw for some important people in my life, who would eventually leave my life bc of it

anyway moving on to other topics

i finally saw justin this week, for the first time in three months

it’s been a pretty weird 3 month period of not really knowing where we stood bc i couldn’t keep my feelings to myself, and he needed a break from that i guess

i understand it will never again be like it was when we first started talking

and tbh that really kills me, but i’m very grateful he’s a part of my life still, in some way

the connection was immediately really strong from the start and i really credit him with helping me a lot

he was probably the first person to verbalize “i’m here for you”, and actually follow through with that sentiment

meeting him almost exactly one year after reid left my life is probably worth mentioning here but whatever

ive finally been able to start seeing my therapist again, and i meet with her monday

right now she can only schedule me every other week, which is a really hard adjustment for me to make tbh

since october of 2019 i probably have had therapy at least once a week

im really struggling with staying sane bc my job has become an incredibly stressful place for me, which didn’t used to be the case

like work has always had some level of stress, sure, but this last month or so, i have been getting physically sick from the stress, crying at my desk every day, etc

but on the other hand, i’m also having these really meaningful yet overwhelming moments of gratitude for being where i’m at

like yeah nothing is perfect or even close, but i have created a life for myself that works most of the time

im finally experiencing a level of safety and security that i have honest to god never felt before, and i did not even know that it could improve this much

growing up i didnt have any sense of safety or security at all, which i didn’t realize until very recently

in the last year or so working with nicole (my therapist), i have finally learned that the things i was subjected to as a child were not normal, and that it was traumatic

about 6 months or so ago (possibly less), i learned i have complex post traumatic stress disorder

i had pretty much known for over a decade that i was borderline, before i was officially diagnosed

but i didn’t even have an inkling of an idea that i could be experiencing CPTSD, so when my therapist gently told me i was, my world view realllyyyyy started to shatter and shift

it has been very very difficult to come to terms with tbh

anyways i really miss writing and photographing and making art so i hope to return to that soon

i’m at work rn and i should probably start doing my job before the bosses get here so ta-ta for now thanks for reading this insane post

#things

[madisonrooney]

thoughts

i still cant help but think my abuser HAS to think of me when she thinks of miley, or at least hannah.

and i dont even mean that in a selfish way like "haha everyone associates me with x thing" like yah ill joke about that but believe me when i say, during the last few months of our friendship, i feel like SHE was the one putting the most effort into me and hannah/miley being inseparable entities. one was associated with the other and practically nothing else. she was actively making that happen. ofc only to tear it all apart not long after. then we had a class together the following semester where she acted like she didnt even know me and would tell stories about things we did together omitting me from them, and there were a couple times where shed bring up HM and im like. theres NO fucking way our history is not in your brain right now. i KNOW it is and youre just acting like its not.

its harder to say where it stands this many years later, but i still associate so many things with her, i have to imagine it goes both ways. albeit her impact on my life was probably greater than vice versa bc i wasnt the only person she treated like shit but...idk. i just cant help but think i have to cross her mind when miley comes up.

and admittedly, i hope thats the case. bc i want her to remember how awful she was to me, and i want her to see all the success miley has now and how i was right about her all along, that shes not some embarrassing obsession of mine.

#ramble a rooney #tw abuse

[hella1975]

hey guys how the FUCK do i wash my clothes

#idk how washing machines work full stop let alone UNI ACCOM WASHING MACHIENS #*machines #they are the devil i swear #i have capsules and an asda bag for life full of dirty clothes what now #i have the weird app thingy #idk shit about temperature #i also cant spend all my money on a load of separate washes #so can i just chuck it all in bc none of my clothes are pure white #but there's still lights and darks #send help #im so incredibly confused #THERES DIFFERENT SETTINGS IM GONNA BREAKDOWN IN THIS LAUNDERETTE #not me using tumblr as a go-to wikihow #you guys are more reliable #i feel like im abusing my following bc i know at least ONE person will help me but rn im desperate #im facing off with god and he looks like a circular plastic door #hella goes to uni