#i have a headache so im posting this don't @ me if it doesn't make sense or if i reblog it three times to add stuff i forgot

[tyquu]

Here's the Ben whump rant i talked abt in my last post,,,

Ofc heed the triggers and what not: Blood, injury, ect ect

Also take everything here with a serious handful of salt, im being dramatic as heck. So if you don't wanna see me get serious abt something that's not that deep, this probably isn't the rant for you <3

Anywho...

Do you ever think about just how often Ben gets the absolute crap beat out of him? Like in Grudge Match, I forgot how many times he gets flung about in his human form. He's ten years old, his bones are way too weak for all that. The amount of head injuries he must get is insane, and Max never once seems to take Ben's injuries seriously. 

Like that time Ben gets sick after sitting in the back of an ice cream van for like,, twenty minutes. He's ill to the point it's actively inhibiting his ability to play hero, blinding wildmutt with gunked up sensors and taking the heat out of heatblast. He's pale and sniffly and looks like shit, but Max still makes the executive decision to drag him out on errands instead of giving him time to rest. 

Also just cause he takes the majority of damage in his alien forms doesn’t mean those injuries suddenly have no impact at all. I think in alien force they were toying with idea of his injuries carrying over becoming more of a problem for him, with his busted knee in season one, and black eye in the episode where he gets grounded. Either way, it’s still implied that wounds translate over after he de-transforms, even if to a lesser extent. Not to mention all the scrapes and little injuries he must get from de-transforming mid battle (on the occasions he does).

FUCK, I mean Ben actually displays short term memory loss as a direct result of getting hit in the head in alien force, and Gwen isn't concerned about it probably because she grew up with Grandpa Max not being concerned about it. She doesn't realise just how dangerous this level of head injury is, what the brain inflammation and possible bleeding could do to him. She's probably looked him in the eyes, with his pupils blown wide, dazed and confused about his whereabouts, and then buried her concern because it's nothing new right? Ben's been dealing with stuff like this since he was 10, and Max, the ever responsible adult, never shows the appropriate amount of concern for it, so it makes sense that both Gwen and Ben don’t consider these things serious until its too late. 

Like not to get all dramatic about this and over think it (more so than I already am lol) but I’m positive this stuff would have long term consequences for Ben’s health as he enters adult hood, or even before then. Trouble recalling things, ringing in his ears, migraines and headaches as well a light sensitivity, all of these are symptoms of repeated and serious head trauma. Not to mention, paired with my personal headcanons about the burning chemical sensation of having the omnitrix fused to his flesh, leaking fluid into his bloodstream and scorching his skin. Or the chronic nosebleeds I think he would have as a result of all these other health complications. There's just a LOT that can be done with Ben whump, and I’m surprised it isn’t talked about/thought about more? 

Folks love the idea of Ben being functionally immortal (at least from injury related death), and the power fantasy that comes with being the weilder of the omnitrix, but what about the fact that he’s just some guy?? That the omnitrix failsafe doesn’t protect him from everything, and that if the injuries are bad enough to have triggered the failsafe in the first place, then where does that leave him in terms of recovering from them??? Sorry, sorry, crazy moment. 

#ben 10 #ben tennyson #ben 10 whump #whump #rant post #blood #injury #ty tidbit

[mandalhoerian]

bruh my comment was too long to post under the new chapter so i’m sending an ask. saw the ao3 notif and scheduled to read it this fine evening, good thing i was like “lemme scroll on tumblr and see what’s up” because SJFKDJLXBZB the face i made when i saw i was tagged and followed BY YOU? also ma’am 🤚🏻wdym nobody comments like i do. like what do you mean. i have a concerning relationship with receiving praise so i advise you to stfu (affectionately).

my poor girl vera can’t catch a break, loss after loss after loss in such a short period. i just want to give her lots and lots of hugs (consensually). on another note i love that she clocked ada’s intentions right away bc capcom wtf is that writing. one person taking down a whole organization is like sending only one person to save president’s kidnapped daughter (laugh track). let me tell you i have been waiting for this 🤌🏻 vera and ada interacting 🤌🏻 leon being there all charming and naive and trusting people easily 🤌🏻 shai you just get the dynamics of all the characters *so right* 🤌🏻

sorry for the excessive amount of parentheses and emojis let me just find another obnoxiously annoying emoji to spam about the intimacy between leon and vera. 🤧 it’s this one but i’m wiping my snot away from crying about it. the small touches between the two are so tender in this fucked up world 🤧 vera’s hand on his forearm… leon collecting her in his arms, comforting her 🤧 his arm on her shoulder 🤧 i could cry and get a headache from thinking about them. i’m so serious.

(gnawing at the bars of my enclosure) JILL VALENTINE MENTION???? VERA KNOWS HER? WHAT IS THE LORE? I NEED TO KNOW.

how does one end a delirious comment. uhhh. so yeah. i love nttd and vera so much and i’m so happy that it’s back babyyyy.

Ofc I followed!!!! I don't remember why I didn't in the first place like but like ???? ur making it sound like I'm some big shot but like pls im a loser who's writing oc fanfiction on the internet and is so lucky and grateful to get people invested in it!!!!! AND YES nobody comments like you do! You're the dream of a fanfiction author ON GOD. THANK YOU SO MUCH

ramble below to keep your dashboards clean:

I think we talked about this over on ao3 but honestly re2r's ada just doesn't make sense to me. The FBI cover is logical (when you first think about it), but the way she's immediately pulling a gun on Annette the minute they see her and DECLARING her intentions isn't. She then proceeds to reveal her target is Annette, and then her going with the FBI thing becomes less logical, bc why would Annette hand over the G-Virus sample to the feds, either? It's entirely a shock factor thing revolved around Leon, she's only fooling him -- or maybe, she's fooled Ben like this, too, and was forced to stick to her cover when shit went down, we don't know 😭 why did they do my girl ada like that... (ngl re4r ada supremacy. period.)

But either way, un-truths she would throw as a bone to a "civilian" like Leon would of course be caught by Vera, nugget by nugget, while still making her think "mayhaps the FBI is misinformed????" -- I didn't want to ruin that fine line by Ada going on about Annette making the virus and her being the most dangerous of all "g-virus g-virus g-virus" or whatever because 1) WHY WOULD A SPY DO THAT???? 2) it would surely make Vera go "yeah NOPE" 💀💀

it's so much fun for them to try sussing each other out, Light and L mind games over there while Leon is happily frolicking. not one thought behind those eyes 😭

ALSO LIKE YES THE TOUCHES!!!!!! It's Leon initiating all of them for me 👹👹👹 physical touch taking over when words can't. my favorite thing of all UGGHHHHHHHH THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME IN MY MISERY

ALSO totally not going "actually 🤓☝" as I'm saying this because it's been HALF A WHOLE YEAR + the fic is over 100K words -- Vera knows Jill from post!mansion incident - pre!outbreak, in that ephemeral "investigation" phase of Jill's. I do mention it in the fic that Vera supplies information to Jill (as around that time she's trying to get rid of the weight of all she knows and trying to pass on the "hero's job" to someone else) and they exchange their findings while trying to be careful not to get caught by ppl Umbrella put on Jill's tail. I think I wrote it in passing that Vera was disguised as a secretary and sat back-to-back with Jill on a booth in one of those occasions? She's loosely connected to re3r by having a brief appearance in carlos' police station section in my head, entrusting Jill to him and all and promising to meet up with them in the station once she talks to her dad about it ☹

"delirious comment" WDYM ITS MY LIFEBLOOD THANK YOU 😭

#an ask for shai

[ajarofpickledtears]

Ich habe 22.185 Mal im Jahr 2022 etwas gepostet

Das sind 11.874 more posts als 2021!

2.001 Einträge erstellt (9%)

20.184 Einträge gerebloggt (91%)

Blogs, die ich am häufigsten gerebloggt habe:

@early20sfailingplenty

@spookyscaryslashy

@aggravatetheaxe

@crayongirl

@visceravalentines

Ich habe 4.616 meiner Einträge im Jahr 2022 getaggt

#me rambling – 1.392 Einträge

#cylas speaks – 656 Einträge

#esc 2022 – 185 Einträge

#eurovision – 97 Einträge

#long post – 84 Einträge

#ask – 84 Einträge

#like – 83 Einträge

#the quarry – 75 Einträge

#uni stuff – 73 Einträge

#german stuff – 52 Einträge

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#so many signs telling ppl not to go swimming in specific places cause its not safe and you might get dragged under and/or out to the middle

Meine Top-Einträge im Jahr 2022:

#5

fun German thoughts aka I just realised something

der See - the lake

ein See - a lake

die See - the sea/ocean

das Meer - the sea/ocean

ein Meer - an ocean

the difference between a lake and the ocean is whether it's feminine or masculine

also, the plural "die Seen" is most commonly used for lakes, even though according to the dictionary it is apparently used for oceans as well but I haven't seen (hah) or heard it used that way

also 2.0, I only just realised that "sea" seems to be mostly (only) used as plural (a haven't read or heard "a sea" at least) so that would kinda mean that in German "die See" is mostly singular and in English plural and I just think that's interesting

hence why I probably picked Translation Studies as a module this semester lmao

also 3.0, I think Meer would mostly be translated to ocean and See to sea, and vice versa

71 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 8. Mai 2022

#4

I love love love idioms and stuff like

for example, in English you have "it's pouring buckets" which is pretty much the same as the German "es schüttet wie aus Eimern"

then we have stuff like the one I mentioned yesterday (?), "skeletons in your closet" vs "Leichen im Keller (bodies in the basement)", which have the same meaning and are similar, but not the same

another example: "bull in a china shop" and "Elefant im Porzellanladen (elephant in a porcellain/china shop)"

there are things like something I just thought of when outside, an idiom referring to when someone is complaining about rain and they arr told "du bist doch nicht aus Zucker (you're not made from sugar)" - even though I don't think there is an English equivalent, the reasoning behind it could still be understood: sugar dissolves in water, so someone doesn't need to be "scared" of the rain cause it won't hurt them

and lastly, there are idioms that are very cultural or historically influenced, or where most people probably neither know nor care why those exist. ones I can think of right now is, to tell someone that they are "schwer auf dem Holzweg" - in this case, "auf dem Holzweg sein" means that a person is off the track, or, of it's more as a threat/warning, that they don't know what's coming for them. also, when I look up "Holzweg" I get "logging-path" as a translation.

bonus:

to my non-German speaking friends - can you make sense of these?

"Du kannst mir nicht das Wasser reichen (You can't hand me the water)"

"Mit ihr ist nicht gut Kirschen essen (It is not possible to comfortably eat cherries with her)" - this translation is a stretch because... this is actually quite hard

77 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 9. Juli 2022

#3

tfw u got headaches and you don't know if it's from tension, not drinking enough, not drinking water, or the temperatures

82 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 17. Juni 2022

#2

ok pride flag favourites from this twitter thread

(favourite cause they are relatable in some way)

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

253 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 1. Juni 2022

Meine #1 des Jahres 2022

just found fun maps of Germany

was originally just looking for this

but got one with the actual different Aldi logos and an image depicting a few different ways to divide Germany 😂

Vollständigen Eintrag ansehen

626 Anmerkungen – Gepostet 6. April 2022

Hol dir deinen Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 →

#tumblr2022 #Jahresrückblick #Mein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick 2022 #Dein Tumblr-Jahresrückblick #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #der fucking aldi post ey #german stuff

[ihateeverything101]

i really appreciate you. i understand him but not really. you're right, there are clouds sometimes in my sunshine. but i feel like it's still a nice day. i feel like when i interact with him it's all rain clouds. but to him that is wrong because that means i need to work on internal things. why cant he work on not being a rain cloud. i took a bath yesterday and it was after we resolved our fighting. he told me to take a long bath it's ok and enjoy myself. i was like sweet i've wanted to take a bath all weekend so i will spend my time and relax. so i did and i iced my eyes and my literal bruised ass. put some smell good on after lotion and i felt good! his biggest complaint is i'm always upset and he doesn't feel appreciated. i don't think that's true, i am upset and stressed and anxious and i think im dealing with it relatively well. he says nothing matters to me, i think bottom line is i can do better at showing him what means something to me. i always tell him thank you and oh i appreciate that or when you say that it makes me feel special. i really try to verbalize myself to him but i guess he is looking for more than that.

anyways the point of the story is i thought we were resolved. i went to take a bath where i did most of the posting to you but also trying to move on and have a good time. like i mentioned, i had a good bath and i was taking care of myself. i put eye drops in my dry eyes and took ibuprofen for my headache. i was determined to have a fresh start to this day. i went tdownstairs to him after i was done and was smiley and happy and ran over to him to give him a hug and he put his arms around me but didn't really hug me. then he said how he wanted to be sexually serviced which isn't fun and is honestly a workout for me and makes my anxiety and stress go crazy. i sit there for 20/30 minutes sucking his dick while he basically doesn't interact with me. i said ok knowing that he likes it and it means a lot to him, even though i was annoyed i was going to get all sweaty and dirty after my bath. also he gave me my hug and said hi to me when i came down but other than that he wasn't looking at me or talking with me. he was preoccupied on his phone, i was in a good mood trying for him.

i'm talking about sexual things so don't read if you don't want that. i packed a bowl and smoked some of it to help with my anxiety, also recently i've been wearing a vibrator while servicing him because it helps with my anxiety and stress. so i was leading the conversation on what he wanted to do and he was being so dry and saying whatever you want. so i did and got into position and he started me having doing things to his feet. we've done that before but i don't like it and it's a soft limit. so i was willing to do ot to make him happy but he got pissed off and was like is there a problem?? because i wasn't doing his feet things enthusiastically enough. i told him i didn't really like it and i didn't know that's what we were doing. if he would've lead with, hey i want to do some feet stuff and it will make me feel better. that's be so much better so i could at least prepare for it. and that's the conversation we had after he made me do some. he said if i want it and i'm asking you to do it, it will make me happy. ok that makes sense but like it goes back to feeling like he will take whatever from me no matter how little i have to give. i feel like he was pissed off because he felt 50% good. i was pissed off because i felt like 20% good and i still had to take care of the house, me, and him in a normal way but also now in this dramatic baby way. obvious i don't know how he actually feels but jesus. he takes until there is no more to give and then he keeps demanding.

i will add more later but i'm getting late. mwah. i wish i could be in your arms and in the hotel room. silly fun. safe arms.

he says i should be appreciative of all the things he does for me and i should be grateful. i know he does things for me but

but he doesn't. literally he is my partner and does less than half of the partner things. he helps me through emotions but honestly i don't get upset like i used to. when i get very emotional, when i get suicidal it's because of a fight with him and him telling me i need to apologize and fix the things. i don't even like saying that cause i'm blaming him for being suicidal, but i'm not. i don't get that emotional without him, i get frustrated but i've gotten better at handling it. he helped me get to where i am but he also gets me emotional and sad too. he's not abusive but it's very close to that. after i serviced him sexually i asked for a hug and he gave me one, a real one, where he hugged me back. that was nice but he's a dickhead. i only get softness after i've broken myself for him. he even says it himself, i feel better and want to be soft with you. why. why cant you do that before. why do i have to be broken for you to give me softness. why cant you talk to me like an adult without blaming me for your emotions. you're emotional and reactive too dickhead. i deserve softness. i deserve my partner to care about the things that are important and necessary for me.

about the self care app, i wanted to show him some of my entries throughout the week because everyday i write about things i'm grateful for and i track my mood. i wanted to show him that it wasn't perfect but i do appreciate things and are grateful for them. i also wanted to show him how much effort i put into maintaining my mood. it's not perfect and i am upset with a lot of things in our life rn. he says it doesn't matter what i do in the app, it matters actual real life and in the moment times. that is true but like wtf. i talk and write in my app about real life things. i don't write in my app, im happy i dreamed about a car!! (i would maybe write that but only as something that makes me happy) idk i don't have a good example but the things i write in my app are pertinent and real. the app helps me. friday was a hard day for me but i was so proud of how i managed my energy and kept my smile on all day!! i tell him these things and he makes a joke of it, "you're proud? you think you did a good job?" he says those things to me. i know i'm not perfect, things could always go better. but i am proud. i am proud

[artdumpster]

My brain when I woke up today:

CaN't hAvE SkiN pRobLeMS iF yOU doN't HAVE SKIN

Me: .... Excuse me? What??

#random headache induced post #headache induced post #i don't really have skin problems? and when i do have one it doesn't bother me? #the heck??? #well i mean it's not wrong??? #but like why wake up with that in my head? #doodle #sketch #a part of me isn't surprised because I'm notorious for having nightmares so... #i could have just woken up and not remembered the context to that #but i don't like that idea because in what context would that make sense #i also am usually really good at remembering my dreams #over sharing in the tags? #yeah... #over sharing #im just... thrown through a loop because the heck brain why?

[toutallyahoe]

LUCKY ~ Matsukawa Issei (Haikyuu) (2/?)

requested by: --

pairing(s): matsukawa issei x [name]

warnings: cursing, oikawa bullying

a/n: i just found out how to do the freaking "keep reading" thing for my post

yall finally dont have to scroll long now asdfghjkskdhjsf im so sorry for being an idiot and not knowing how to do it sooner yall (´；ω；｀)

anyways, more mattsun simping

chapter one | chapter two |

A WEEK HAD PASSED BY after that event where the males volleyball club— or at least for Oikawa Tōru, had known that one of the resident fucklords of the males volleyball club of Aoba Johsai, Matsukawa Issei (also known as the very ridiculous nickname "Mattsun" courtesy by the dumbass named Oikawa Tōru) was dating the student council president, [Last name] [Name].

"Mattsun!!! How does it feel like dating Brickwall-san?!?"

And it seemed like Oikawa Tōru, the oh so perfect male of Aoba Johsai (but resident dumpster trash and alien weirdo for his teammates and friends) was still not over the fact that Issei was dating [Name], or currently known as "Brickwall-san" by the chocolate brown haired male.

Currently, the four third years were in the gym's changing room. The practice for the day was already done and they were in the middle of changing while the rest of the team were already finished since they weren't actually wasting their time. Not like these four, well, three as the black haired ace unfortunately had to keep an eye to the two crackheads and trashy asshole that he call his teammates and friends.

"Are the rumors about him being a good kisser true?!?" Tōru asked without shame whatsoever as the unfortunate best friend of Tōru, Iwaizumi Hajime only let out a tired sigh at the volleyball captain's question.

Hajime was already so done with trying to stop Tōru for asking any more dumb questions as the chocolate brown haired male just couldn't stop. This wasn't his fucking job, goddammit. Iwaizumi Hajime wanted to fucking die right now. What a mood.

Hanamaki Takahiro, who was beside Issei looked at Tōru with a raised brow. The light brown (pink???) haired male mischievous smirked as his eyes shined in a sick sense of amusement. And not far behind him, Issei had that same look of mischievous amusement aswell.

The volleyball team's ace could only let out another tired sigh as he began to rub his temple, feeling the incoming headache already as he muttered curses underneath his breath. This wasn't his fucking job. He wasn't a fucking babysitter goodammit, so why does he have to deal with this bullshit?

"Eh? Why do you want to know?" Takahiro asked as he gave the third year setter a look yet the grin on his lips never leaving nor the amusement in his eyes. "Is Shittykawa interested on Prez?"

"You better not Loserkawa," Issei merely said with a smile, sending the volleyball captain an amused look but his eyes held a small glint of something neither any of the team can pin point what it was. But the volleyball captain felt a shiver down his spine. It was oddly terrifying and Tōru doesn't want to die, thank you very much.

"Wow, someone's territorial," Takahiro quietly snickered as he stopped himself from laughing when his friend had sent him a look and then elbowing him.

It seemed like it took a moment for the third year setter to realized what Takahiro had just said about him liking [Name], and it immediately made Tōru want to gag. The said male let out sputters as Tōru's face bloomed red. Head furiously shaking as he crossed his arms like an "x" formation in his chest.

"H-hah?!? Makki I am not!!!" Tōru screamed. Face horrified as he imagined himself liking the [Hair color] haired male. As if!!! That guy gave him the shivers and not in a cutesy way but the one with creeps!!! "I can't even imagine him even dating anyone!!!"

"Oi, [Last name]-san is literally dating your teammate, Dumbkawa," Hajime had said in annoyance as he punched the chocolate brown haired male on the back of his head. Tōru only cried out in pain as he rubbed his head to ease up the ache he was feeling.

"Wah! Iwa-chan your so mean!"

"Well, Weirdkawa is not wrong," Issei has said as both Tōru and Hajime paused and looked at him, confused while Takahiro laughed at their dumbfounded look aswell as the words coming out of his friend's mouth. "I don't even know how he is dating me," Issei said as he finished buttoning his uniform.

"Mattsun... what?" The chocolate brown haired male managed to said as he looked at the black haired middle blocker with a look of confusion while the said male shrugged his shoulders with a small grin on his lips.

"What? [Name] is still a mystery to me too," Issei had said.

"You both are gay for each other, end of discussion," Takahiro butted in as he then turned to the volleyball captain.

"But Asskawa, why would you ask if he is a good kisser?" Takahiro asked as Issei nodded beside him. Neither of the two didn't mind Tōru crying on the different insulting nickname they used to call him.

"Mattsun, Shittykawa is trying to steal Prez away from you!" The light brown (maybe pink, no one fucking knows) haired male said in very obvious tone of sarcasm yet Tōru didn't seemed to caught on to it that Takahiro was joking. Man, what a dumbass.

"Makki!!! I do not!!!" Tōru cried as he made disgusted faces. Oikawa Tōru seriously doesn't want anything to do with the oh so loved (and also terrifying for most of the Aoba Johsai population) student council president that was [Name].

"You can have him all to yourself Mattsun!!!" Tōru cried as he then yelped in pain when the black haired ace punched the back of his head hard.

"Can you shut up already, Shittykawa?!?" Hajime asked in annoyance as he began to beat the volleyball captain while both Takahiro and Issei snickered as they watched the ace pummel their captain. Still sadistic assholes, the two were.

"Um, senpais?" The four stopped and looked at the entrance of the changing room to see Kindaichi Yūtarō who looked a bit nervous.

"Oh, Kindaichi!" Tōru happily said. The volleyball captain was rather happy to see his junior as Yūtarō's appearance managed to make Hajime's brutal beating to a hold. "What do you need?"

With that, Yūtarō straightened himself as he bowed. "Excuse me for disturbing any of you," Yūtarō apologized as he stood back up and turned to look at Issei who rosed a brow at him. "But [Last name]-senpai is here and is asking for Matsukawa-senpai!"

"Ah, looks like your bae is here Mattsun!" Tōru had said as he was the first one to realized what their junior has said. The volleyball captain wasted no time to teased Issei who didn't even give a single glance at him as the black haired middle blocker nodded at Yūtarō.

"Thanks," Issei had said as the first year once again bowed and then went back outside the changing room and go who knows where.

"Mattsun is walking home with his boo," Takahiro had teased as he patted the black haired middle blocker's back. Giving Issei a smile when the male turned to roll his eyes at him. "Enjoy your time with your boo, dickhead."

"Your just sad because your single, bitch," Issei had said as he stuck his tongue out at Takahiro who snorted at his words.

"Fuck you, man."

"Nah, [Name]'s got that covered."

The two friend snickered at their words as both Tōru and Hajime looked at each other and then shrugged. They would've butted in but it seemed like the two fucklords were in their own world.

It took a minute or so, and then Issei was already finishing on changing to his uniform as he took his bag from the bench that was inside the changing room. The black haired male was already at the doorway fo the changing room when he stopped and and gave a mocking salut to the three third years.

"Later bitches," Issei had bid as Tōru whined on being insulted as Hajime sighed and slapped the back of the captain's head which earned more cries from the chocolate brown haired male while Takahiro rolled his eyes.

"Hope you got run over by a truck while Prez watches, you dick," Takahiro hollered as Issei turned to give his friend a middle finger while the said male stuck his tongue out and did the same aswell.

"Bitter bitch!"

"Dumb dick!"

"Can you two not be vulgar?!?"

"But Iwa-chan, you use those words too— AHH NOT THE FACE PLEASE!!!"

   "Did you wait long?" Issei had asked as he approached the [Hair color] haired male who shook his head. Issei smiled at that.

"Not really," [Name] had said as Issei had walked beside him. The black haired male then immediately grabbed his hand and [Name] didn't mind. He always liked when Issei's hand was intertwined with his. "Did you have fun with practice?" [Name] had to bit back a smile that was threatening to come its way to his lips as he heard Issei groan.

"It was tiring," Issei had said as he pouted. "Dumbkawa was also being annoying, like always," Issei added which made [Name] softly chuckle.

"Isn't he always?" The [Hair color] haired male had said as Issei let out a snort at his words. The black haired male gave [Name] a grin, eyes gleamed with joy.

"Yeah, your right about that."

With a hum, [Name] squeezed Issei's hand as he began to walk. "Come on, let's head back home already."

"Yeah, yeah, Prez."

"Please don't call me that."

< prev | next >

#haikyuu #haikyuu x male reader #matsukawa issei x male reader #issei x male reader #issei #matsukawa #issei matsukawa #matsukawa x male reader #matsukawa issei #x male reader #male reader insert #top male reader #seijoh #aoba johsai #seme male reader #dom male reader

[rielzero]

Big edit disclaimer: Im not looking for "advice" unsolicited advice will be considered as disrespectful. If I heard it before, its just ableism.

The post;

You know what makes me mad, the different levels of ableism towards invisible disabilities.

Wether you're deaf or mute, just because its not as visible as glossy blind eyes or a missing limb, doesn't make it any less real.

All disabilities come in varying levels. Treating it as a competition is ridiculous, esp when abled folks are saying stuff like "you don't have it as bad as someone with (different, similar) disability." Thats not the point. The point is that you're disabled and your disability isn't non existent. Just because someone else has it "worse" doesn't mean your disability is suddenly poof gone.

There are varying levels of deafness.

There are varying levels of muteness.

There are varying levels of blindness.

Even people who have lost limbs can still take care of themselves, given the proper tools. Being disabled doesn't automaticly mean you can't take care of yourself.

Mental illnesses are disabilities.

Physical frailness is a disability.

Disabled doesn't mean incapable. It means something about you prevents you from doing things the way an abled person could.

If you're deaf, you can't hear sound, like an abled person would. There are varying levels to deafness, however. Its still deafness.

In a world were you're expected to have full control of your senses, have limbs, the ability to verbally communicate and pick up social queues, a lot of things outside of that "normal" are considered disabled.

Disability doesn't mean you're a burden however.

But one thing I'm really tired of is people who hear about invisible disabilities and tell you to stop having them. Even indirectly.

A while ago I wanted to have a therapist because I was worried I'd trauma dump on my friends. I want to preface that with that I am in fact healthy and long beyond depression, recovering. I'm as positive as I can be. Happy so.

I have cptsd, dissociative amnesia. Sometimes I remember some shitty things and it can at times disrupt my day. I am overal a literal quiet and withdrawn person. But I'm not antisocial. I simply am mute.

I wasn't always mute, but when I was really young I didn't speak a lot until I was pressured socially. I'm neurodivergent too.

A few years ago, I became unable to speak due long term damage in my vocal chords causing pain and headaches. It's hard to explain, but only saying a few words would trigger a migraine. Over the majority of my life, I basicially lived with headaches daily until it became too much. The headaches were only triggered by the use of my vocal chords. My throat would hurt as well.

So a while ago I get a therapist and it goes well at first but several things really ticked me off. It was clear that the person was very obsessed with my muteness, and "fixing" it, not just that,

They seemed to be under the impression that I was a stereotype person with autism. Like, at times our appointments would be wasted with them stressing me out and instead of focusing on relieving my emotional distress they'd try and just make me cry. I don't know why I didn't see it as a red flag at first. But then came the "here's a random hobby" pitches, I didn't want therapy to be given "hyperfixations" I came to put down a timeline of my childhood and talk about other stuff that would be considered traumadumping so I wouldn't bother my friends.

Instead it became ableism. Constantly comparing me to a non existent 3rd party. Straight up saying I wasn't disabled while I am legally invalid according to my goverment. Saying "real" disabled people would hate me. Wtf?? I've lived this live for almost 24 years. I've tried to walk the path of abled folks. I know my limits. I'm not giving up anything.

What pisses me off was the constant barrage of "you're not communicating" but I was, I used notes and text apps, my social worker helped me by reading them out loud because, I was starting to feel unsafe with this therapist.

Just because its non verbal, doesn't mean its not social. Doesn't mean I'm not saying shit. Its like telling people that your online friends aren't real because all you do is text them. Get a life you ableist fuck.

I know my limits. I have been through a fucking lot. But I'm not faking anything. I've been depressed for the majority of my life. I don't need a "helper" trying to cure my autism lmao. Dude. I have different brain patterns. How even.

I'm so tired of this "you're not communicating, you're isolating yourself" im. Not. Having. Migraines.

When my friends are over. We have a blast. They don't fucking judge me.

When I go downtown, people don't ask me why I don't talk. I smile, I wave, I use my notebook, my notes app. Everyone is so polite and kind.

But somehow saying you'd rather never regain the ability to verbally speak again just so you don't have to be permanently paralyzed and non functional from constant pain isn't enough.

Hours on hours wasted on trying to convinche someone that yes. It is invisible. And yes. Its fucking real.

Eat your shirt or something. Im tired. Im paranoid 24 7. Im tired of having to elaborate times and times again and its just not enough for neurotypical and abled "professionals" to be empathetic and accept that it is real.

And yes. Professionals can be wrong.

I've been emotionally abused, verbally assaulted, and even violated by these so called professionals.

You're not a professional of autism if you don't even have it. You don't know how I experience things. You just have a lens and a bias.

It's a spectrum.

And I think anyone would rather give up something than to be in pain non stop.

I'm not unhappy.

I have fun. I can still laugh.

But nah, ableist have to push this idealized abled version version on me. I have to find my own road, I can't copy yours. Thats not how it works.

I'm never going to be like "everyone else"

I'm me. And being disabled doesn't make me less human. Humble yourself a little.

Pain is pain.

Disability is disability. Invisible or not. Whatever spectrum, whatever degree. They're real.

Tldr: when someone says they have a disability.. Don't be a dick.

#ableism #ableist #mood #rant #feels #vent