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pebblysand · 3 years

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of tyres that blow (extended author’s note of chapter v. of castles)

- - TO READ THE CHAPTER ITSELF, CLICK HERE. - -

Oh, what a month it has been. Well, a month and two days - I’m a bit late updating. I’ve had two good things happen, writing wise. 1) I got my first original short story published (!!!!) (you can read it here) and 2) I put out a little one-shot about Fleur Delacour that I’m super happy about and gave me an idea about a new series (more on that later this week, I hope. I might need help with prompts!). Regardless, this latest Irish lockdown is fucking endless and I sometimes wonder if this fic isn’t just an outlet for my feelings of lockdown-induced loneliness, apathy, but also a constant argument that I have with myself thinking: for the love of god, just pull yourself up, will you? You’re a Gryffindor, goddamn it. I certainly wish my fucked up sleeping patterns on no one, although I may or may have Mary-Sued that onto Harry, lol. (Spoiler alert: he’s scheduled to get some real sleep in next chapter. All bets are off regarding whether I will.)

This chapter was surprisingly easy to write (I basically vomited out chapters iv, v, and vi over the span of a week in December) but incredibly difficult to edit. For days, I just couldn’t concentrate, wrote and re-wrote and felt like everything was shite. Then, I realised it’d become this 19,000-words long monster so I had to cut a lot of shit out. We ended up with 15,898 words which I suppose is better?

I do wonder: do people mind long chapters? Like, I know as fanfic reader, I personally prefer longer formats and rarely gravitate towards works that are less than 3,000 words. I love just getting buried into a story, into plots rather than single scenes. This being said, every time I write something that I deem too long (i.e. above 10k) I have these excruciating struggles where I wonder: should I cut it in half? should I leave it as is? I decided to split the last one. Then, I decided not to split this one because (you may notice this or not, I’m not sure) it’s kind of built a certain way, geared towards basically getting to the last two paragraphs. Like, when you get there, it’s a bit of an ah-ha moment, but I couldn’t get to that ah-ha moment without all the build up before it. It’s the accumulation of all of these little details that feel like they don’t matter. And as Harry says in the end, they don’t, in the grand scheme of things, but also they do. Like, everyday life doesn’t matter until you lose it. Then, it does, if that makes sense.

In terms of next update... I’ve decided to get my law licence transferred to France and the EU (it’s a long story), which means that I need to bloody, fucking study. The exams are at the end of March so my current plan is: hardcore study until the end of february. Mix study/writing in early march and hopefully get chapter vi out mid-March, then hardcore study until the end of March. Please, if you see me posting then, tell me off in the comments cause god, I really need to pass. Now, I will go have my traditional i-ve-put-a-chapter-out shot of limoncello and let you read the below :).

...spoilers for castles, chap v. under the cut -

I’ve done a lot of thinking about what this chapter is meant to be about. Obviously (I hope), every chapter has a point, in this story. Chapter 1 is about time (the way it passes and blurs when your mind’s a complete mess), chapter 2 is about hope, chapter 3 is about inevitability and the consequences of trauma, chapter 4 is about becoming an adult and growing into your own skin, etc. I think this one is about fear. How you feel it, and how you overcome it. Like, Harry takes a decision to stand up, fight, do the interview, regardless of the fact that he is scared (for his life, for that of the people he loves), and finds buried inside him a lot of the courage that he (felt) he lost, after the war. He learns to control his fear of the world by figuring out how apprehend it, through the training Giulia gives him, through learning how to kill, too.

But, it’s also about fear in society. How the attack on Robards sets everyone on edge and how they keep going regardless. I initially wrote this chapter with the idea that it was going to be about speaking out and being brave, but obviously, fear and fighting against it is a huge part of that, too.

Then, there’s Mia. Obviously, this fic is Harry/Ginny endgame but I do like the idea of Harry (and possibly Ginny as well) dating at least one other person, before officially tying the knot. Like, yes, Ginny is obviously coming back next chapter. She’ll probably own the second half of next chapter, if I’m honest, considering they’re obviously going to the burrow for christmas. I love Ginny, I’ve missed her and honestly, I can’t wait to bring her back. This being said, to be fair, I’ve kind of realised that this fic may actually be the first I ever write that isn’t strictly “shippy.” Like, yes, their relationship is a huge part of it (it’s a huge part of his life) and it will and was always going to be a huge part of this story but I think this fic is larger than that. It’s a result of my years-long obsession over: but what happens next? Over what “all was well” really means, in a general sense. How do they get to “nineteen years later” and beyond. But yeah, I’ve missed Ginny and I’m glad she’s on her way back to us now.

Now, obviously. Giulia. I’m sorry. This was always going to happen. Well, almost always. I remember when I first wrote her in, she was a bit of a filler character. At the time, the thing with Mia was supposed to happen in last chapter and I actually had (have) much more backstory around her, than around Giulia. She and Harry were going to have proper conversations (will they ever, who knows?), really get to know each other. But then, Giulia came first narratively and shone through the page. I started writing her and she had this personality and life of her own and I couldn’t bring myself to curtail her.

Now, we all know how it is: fanfics can only tolerate so many OCs. So, I had to choose between putting Mia at the forefront, or Giulia. I chose Jules.

Then, in chapter 4, I wrote this:

Her first lesson is to teach him how to drive the patrol car. ‘I don’t know why we use them,’ she explains, honest, and Harry vaguely wonders if he should be taking notes. ‘Reckon the Ministry saw them being used by Muggles, had to prove they could do better. They like making noise, the Ministry, don’t they? Lots of sirens and shite.’

Politely, Harry hides a chuckle behind a cough. He clearly doesn’t know yet that he doesn’t need to, that Giulia’s sarcastic sense of humour is one of the things that he’ll come to appreciate the most in this world, over the next few months. That the sound of her voice is one he’ll try to never, ever forget. That in the speech that he’ll give when he makes Head Auror, over a decade later, he’ll think of her and say: ‘Okay, let’s try to not just be sirens and shite, all right?’

This kind of tumbled out without me really thinking about it until I really looked at it and thought: fuck, why is he talking about her past tense, like that. Like “the sound of her voice is one he’ll try to never, ever forget.” Why would he forget it, though? And so, just like that, came her death sentence. For that, I apologise. It killed me too, and I cried when I wrote it in (especially when I wrote next chapter, actually, first time I ever made myself cry writing, if I’m honest) but it just needed to happen. It’s how Ginny and he get back together (I mean, obviously - is that even a spoil) because he’s grieving but she’s grown stronger and steady and she’s able to be there in a way that she wasn’t last summer. It did occur to me that god, all his mentors/father figures come to die, don’t they? But honestly, I kind of thing that his real mentor will be Robards, at the end of the day. She was just the one who allowed him to get back on his feet.

One last note: I’ve been meaning to put this into the fic for ages but have never found the right moment to write it in. In the meantime, I’ll just say it here, because I don’t know if this has frustrated some of yous - I know it might have driven me mad. There is a logic to the Muggle/Wizard swearing/exclamations in the fic. Obviously, this is an adult fic so they swear normally, like eighteen-year-olds would in this (I decided that very early on), but also there’s “God”-s and “Merlin”-s and things like that.

Now, I think that throughout this fic, although Harry hasn’t mentioned it yet (cause it never fucking fits anywhere) Hermione’s been having a sort of Muggle reckoning. She - in conscience - decides to start swearing/exclaiming “like a Muggle” after the war. If you notice, she only ever says “god”, never “Merlin.” Harry uses both interchangeably although he tends to use Merlin more when he thinks about wizard stuff, but God when he thinks about Muggle stuff (like when he’s with Mia). Ron only swears in “wizard” but I think he might start using Muggle expletives as well in the later chapters because of Hermione rubbing off on him.

The fact that I even think about all that stuff is pathetic and I need to get a life. But that’s for another post, altogether.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you liked it :).

#hp fanfic #hinny #Harry Potter fic #i have not proofread this rambling mess so read at your own risk #writing #blah #new chapter is up

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daring-elm · 5 years

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Enchanted - Chapter VI

Masterpost | Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

Genre: Mostly angst

Characters: Roman, one named and multiple unnamed OCs

Ships: Mentioned Romantic Logince

Words: 1325

Warnings: Mentioned adultery; death; murder/assassination; alcohol; mentioned abuse

Thank you to @patchworkofstars for beta-ing this chapter (and all previous ones)! I'm so glad to work with such an amazing and talented writer!

Taglist: @creativity-killed-thekitten @heck-im-lost @max-is-tired @mintylikesrainbows @nottodaylogic @sandersfanders @sanders-sides-stuff @pattons-cat-hoodie @pumpkinminette @fluctuating-fangirl @an-absolute-failure

If you like this story, please reblog the masterpost (linked to at the top)! I'd appreciate it if you helped spread my work!

...

Roman danced through the palace halls, twirling around misplaced chandeliers and halting inches before running into random guests (most of whom were less than enthusiastic about having the crown prince a hand's length away from their faces, but also too low-ranking to protest it). He peeked into random rooms, hoping to find Logan in one of them.

Throughout thirty-seven rooms and four hallways, his most entertaining find had been the duke of some colony entangled with a woman who (and he didn't need Virgil to tell him this) definitely was not his wife. But this wasn't the first time Roman had witnessed adultery during longer visits, and it certainly wasn't the most interesting affair so far.

Logan had said he was meeting up with one of Father's advisors, correct? So he had to be in one of the studies. (Roman only stopped for a split second to think it may be unwise to interrupt such a meeting- he was far too enthusiastic about the good news to care, though.) Roman stuck his head through another door and immediately stopped in his tracks.

"...unsuited for the crown," said an all too familiar voice. King Roman IV leaned back in his chair, tossing a small glass ball between his hands. "If I simply disown him, the public may be displeased. There's a Scottish duke I could set up as the next in line- he's not as uncivilized as the other bastard Scotsmen. He could be wed to Elisabeth in that case. I'd only have to dispose of Roman first…" With those words, the king stared straight at the door Roman was hiding behind.

Roman turned away with a jolt. Pearls of sweat gathered on his ashen face while his pulse raced along with his thoughts.

Father was planning to kill him. He would be disposed of and Elisabeth- no, Virgil- would be married to some duke who would become the king in his place and Roman would be murdered-

Roman couldn't breathe. The air he inhaled barely touched his lungs, each breath shallow and short-lived. What should he do? Who could he tell? What if- what if that with Logan wasn't real, but a scheme to accuse him of sodomy and have him hanged? He couldn't tell- he couldn't trust anyone. He couldn't tell anyone what he overheard.

He was all alone again, with a terrible secret no one could know.

No. He wouldn't do this again- it didn't matter who found out that he knew, he'd be dead either way. Better have one or two people he could pretend to trust with him.

But was that worth it?

It had to be. If he tried to hide from Father's plans for whatever was left of his life, he would spend those… days, weeks, months, years (who knew?) miserable, probably locked up somewhere by himself, without Logan or Virgil or even someone to get him a proper drink.

Speaking of, he could use some brandy.

So that would be step one; he had to get to the kitchen and get… not piss-drunk, but at least tipsy enough to deal with this. Step two would be finding the best way to stay alive.

"Of course not, your Majesty," said a voice next to the door, making Roman jump. Quick, he had to run before he was discovered- there. Just as the door opened and a man Roman vaguely recognised to be one of Father's ministers stepped through it, he slid around the corner, dashing up the staircase leading to the west wing three steps at a time.

Arrived at the top, Roman was breathing heavily, his hands propped up on his knees (he really needed to be more active- this was getting embarrassing). Now what?

He could go back to trying to find Logan, but who knew if that would help or not. Who knew what Logan's real intentions were?

No. No, he couldn't afford to mistrust the two people who were (most likely) on his side; it would only make matters worse. He had to stay calm- if Father suspected something, it would only make the process quicker.

Roman slumped to the floor, the despair suddenly making it rather difficult to stay upright. He hid his face in his sleeves.

He didn't want to die. Not now, when he finally found someone like him, someone worth living for. It wasn't fair.

How could Father hate him this much? Granted, he wasn't the most obedient son- he had messed up enough that he could understand the occasional beating (those he did deserve- most things that went wrong here were his fault, after all, since the very beginning). But he was almost sure he didn't deserve being assassinated. That was taking it one or two or ten steps too far.

But maybe he would stop if Roman ran away. If he left- with or without Logan, taking just enough from the palace to have a comfortable life- maybe it would turn out alright. Virgil would have to marry that duke- but he would still be in a powerful position, at least sort of. Right?

Did Mother have any responsibilities aside from organising parties? Roman had to think for a moment, but even after that moment had passed, his list of responsibilities, duties and influences was as short as before. Well, at least women were more studied in literature and such. They got a better education (if you didn’t count the hunting, politics and fighting lessons Roman had to endure)- but that education ended when they were married off.

It wasn’t fair. This wasn’t fair- yes, he was a horrible heir, but that didn’t mean he deserved to die for it.

(Though in the back of his head, the tiniest seed of doubt had begun to settle: What if he did deserve this? It couldn’t be any more obvious that Father hadn’t wanted children- the only reason Roman even existed was to secure the fate of the kingdom. But he couldn’t even do that right. In fact, he did it badly enough that Father was planning his assassination, rather than just letting him try. In all the years he should’ve been preparing to become his Royal Majesty, Roman the Fifth, he hadn’t once gotten an order to command, an event to plan, an advisor. The most important thing he had ever been in charge of was a hunting trip, and even that was rather mediocre in the turnout. He didn’t know how he hadn’t seen this coming. Father seemed to have given up on him years ago.)

Roman shook his head in an attempt to clear it of the thoughts swirling through his mind. He had to do something, go somewhere, talk to someone before his thoughts could eat him alive and he could die sooner than he was already going to.

Logan. He had been looking for Logan before- he was comforting enough, and he deserved to know about the new situation (the tiny voice in Roman’s head insisted that he already knew, that he was a part of all this. Roman ignored it). If he could just find Logan, it could all be alright.

It would be alright.

Roman stood up. He had to hold onto the wall for a heartbeat (a regular one- not his own, which was still drumming rapidly in his head, making him feel like he had just run a mile) to not immediately topple over again; his knees were far too shaky to hold him upright without some assistance. He took a deep breath, then a step forward. Then another one. If he could just make it to Logan’s room (East wing, Chrysanthemum), the duke would turn up soon enough.

With every slow, unsteady step, Roman repeated a single thought to himself, first in his head, then under his breath, no more than a tiny mutter: It would be alright. It would be alright. It would be alright.

It would be alright.

Eventually.

#roman sanders #sanders sides #roman angst #angst #fics #enchanted au #casey's writing #behold: my stuff #long post #also (especially) if you're on the taglist i'd hugely appreciate a comment!!#doesn't have to be a reblog but reply/shoot me an ask and i'll love you forever #and i don't think this is worth mentioning but the king is a bastard and scottish fanders y'all are lovely x

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kattalectic · 7 years

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Tagged by @1-800--hotlinemiami !

1) Relationship status?

Single

2) Pets?

Used to and have had many, campsites seem to.. gain stray cats often, we currently have one that will follow us around and sometimes be fed by us, but we try not to keep her around as shes previously dropped multiple sets of kittens at ours and do you see an issue for a caravan and us are not able to look after them

though i love cats, i miss them as pets too

3) Last song listened to?

Benickerson - Heart Pieces [All Levels at Once remix]

4) Favourite TV shows?

I’ve forgotten all shows which exist - LoK, Agents of shield (Even if I haven’t watched the latest ... 2 seasons? i should get on that), whose line is it anyway

5) Hobbies?

Drawings, games, what..ever else?

6) Nicknames?

Kath & Kat mostly

7) Star sign

Taurus

8) Height?

I forget - according to a very bad current measurement with a too-short thing and old tagged things I am 161cm / 5ft 3in give or take?

9) (apparently does not exist)

10) Time right now?

10:45pm and many other times and i pick and chose questions at different times

11) Last thing I googled

“monoprice” looking at that alternative options for tablets you bet i am

i havent actually looked yet and that was hours ago, welp

[side note if anyone has any recommendations for tablets then share ‘em]

12) Favourite music artist?

This is where I’m really bad because i never have a specific fave, but, Daft Punk are up there to be named specifically

13) Last TV show I watched

.......? oh I watched gold rush the other day

14) Last movie I watched?

???????

captain america civil war, i think

15) When did you make this blog?

Far too long ago (April 19th 2011, started posting May 7th ‘11)

16) Any other blogs?

My Art blog

A scenario-esque blog for a fandom(?) i’m not even in yet no one knows its me. shared blog but i’m the only one that keeps it running

An anon blog which is dead

Another hidden blog which is also basically dead

A joint-shared OC blog with a friend and the posts have been cleared at least 3 times over the years so i dont add anything there now

A joke blog for an old-ass thing which is also dead, should be deleted

An ask blog from 5 years back for an old emote-oc, should Also be deleted

Old url redirect

17) Do you get asks regularly?

Nope

18) Why did you choose your URL?

Generically a twist on my name, thought of excellently while hitting the keyboard in the vague order of my nickname at the time (kath) and additional vague hits of my full name (katherine) until something Looked Good

funnily enough I joked afterwards (by pure chance) that it sounds similar to how spaniards say my name with their accent, which after saying that I grew to like it

I officially started using it here after a snap decision while playing tf2, sniper, stage 2 hoodoo, which i don’t know Why i remember that, but I do

It took me a few weeks to adjust to the new url, and it coincidentally brought me a new nickname too, which i didnt expect

19) (Also apparently doesnt exist)

20) Gender?

female

21) Hogwarts house?

No idea, heck I havent watched the last two films even (something.. i should probably do, but it feels too... late now) but never done a test or such so, a mystery

22) Average hours of sleep at night?

...6? ish? or less, I tend to value staying awake more than i do the sleep and to regret it in the morning, that’s why two alarms that give me 40 minutes to convince myself to get up is a thing

23) Dream job?

i still would like the idea of a personal sign language interpreter, even if that is a dream ive basically given up on now

24) Amount of followers on this blog?

327

25) First ten songs on shuffle?

SharaX remix - Mannrobics

BUNT - Young hearts

Team Fortress 2 - Drunken pipe song

Imagine dragons - Radioactive - music box version

Twenty one Pilots - Cant help falling in love - cover

Vexento - Never Letting Go

Vanxe - Perfect

One Piece opening 14 - Fight together - English dub

The Glitch Mod - Fortune Days

Daft Punk - Digital love

I taaaggg @kimanda @azulplanta @nabulione @lazyghostsh @tearabyte (okay tumblr wont tag you I am sorry) @ppyro and anyone else who wishes to do so, also not required to do this if you dont wish

#did you know desktop tumblr cant view read-mores in blogs which are set to 'inline view' or whatever its called #so i couldnt even view the tag thing for ages but anyhow here it is Eventually #kpersonal #about me

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