#i have no idea how i haven't already been diagnosed. no clue.

[steakout-05]

i was ranting to myself in a really disorganised fashion just now about how Barry has ADHD and like. dude. he absolutely has it. there's no way he doesn't. i myself am an undiagnosed ADHDer and i see so many traits in Barry. like.

in the rock opera 'The Very Last Minute', Barry spends the entirety of it procrastinating on training for the monster apocalypse and literally having almost every trait of ADHD ever. like when i watch this video and see Barry legitimately trying to do what he needs to but repeatedly getting stuck in a loop of jumping from task to task and struggling at actually get started on The Big Task™, i see me. like. that is me.

Barry tries to train. he really does. he really does try to take a crack at it, but he just can't focus on it. he just keeps getting distracted by it over and over and avoiding what he needs to do with other little tasks to keep him occupied at every single moment. and like he knows he really needs to do it. he knows that it's super important that he gets started on it as soon as he can. in fact, there are several lyrics to this effect: "Gotta keep focused, gotta keep training, but I just can't seem to stop procrastinating" and "I should probably stop working on this rocking theme song" are a couple that come to mind. but for whatever reason, he just can't focus on it properly and it ends up with him looking like he's "lazy" or "not putting in the effort". like, you see him get exhausted by doing a single skiprope jump, and that is how i feel whenever i try to do a big task when i'm not ready for it or focused at all. it's really really heard to focus on something that seems so big and overwhelming when you have ADHD, so you often kind of try to avoid it and ignore it because it's super daunting by doing smaller tasks. the difference between executive dysfunction and perceived laziness is that if you were being lazy, you wouldn't care and would likely be having a great time slacking off, even when you are reminded of the task at hand. but with executive dysfunction, you can forget about it for a while, but deep inside you likely still care and know you NEED to get the task done soon, and when you're eventually reminded or suddenly remember, you feel a crushing sense of dread. at least, that's how it is for me. and all the excessive task switching and getting everything else done except The Big Task™ you need to get done the most? i do that! i do that!!!

Barry literally does the ADHD thing where he sets an alarm that tells him to do what he needs to do, but the thing is that he was already doing something else on his phone beforehand and presumably forgot about the alarm, so when the alarm goes off, he just feels like he suddenly can't and that it's way too daunting to actually start because it feels like an intrusion. like. that's the ADHD thing!!! he's doing it!!!! he's doing the ADHD thing!!!!! his executives are NOT functioning!!!!!!

Barry also shows a lot of ADHD traits in 'Rainbow Barry' as well, as they're the most prominent in that specific short. in fact, he shows literally every single inattentive trait in all of the shorts together. impulsiveness, distractibility, impatience, forgetfulness, commitment issues, not following instructions properly, he's even got the emotional problems that come with it like being easily angered and frustrated. he EVEN shows the same traits in the JJ2 event dialogues!!! like!!!! look at the dialogues on the JJ wiki and tell me he isn't having ADHD traits!!!!! bro is clearly showing each individual ADHD symptom in everything he's in and either no one is noticing it or no one is talking about it and i'm just SO obsessed with this headcanon/theory of mine. Barry Steakfries is an undiagnosed ADHDer and nobody can convince me otherwise

#barry steakfries #jetpack joyride #adhd #adhd headcanon #adhd theory #OH YEAH AND I FORGOT TO MENTION HYPERFIXATION!!! jetpack fixation!! (probably more of a special interest actually- #-but that's more related to autism than adhd which i also believe barry is on the spectrum of) #like the shirt sleeve ripping? that's not a disease that's a stim. that's definitely a stim. #but yeah barry is definitely an adhder and i want it to be canon so bad because he is just. so me #like he has it he definitely has it 100% #there's no way he doesn't dude there's no way #god it is almost 12 am and i'm busy writing the tags for this #if that isn't a clear indicator that i have adhd then idk what is #i've been thinking about the possibility of me having adhd since i was 13 and it's only gotten- #-truer and truer as i got older #i have no idea how i haven't already been diagnosed. no clue. #maybe my autistic traits are just easier to spot to other people than my adhd ones #who knows dude. all i know is that me and barry definitely have it #barry adhder CONFIRMED #i need to make a post about my headcanon that craig is on the autism spectrum next #because he absolutely is #he is to me......... #i am not normal about these characters if you couldn't already tell from literally every other post i have about them

[menlove]

the thing abt HRT and gender affirming surgery is that like... yes many providers do provide incorrect/insufficient information. a lot of providers DO downplay the risks or don't mention all of them. ignoring this reality and pretending that everyone who starts HRT/gets gender affirming surgery is completely 100% informed doesn't do anyone any good

however

this problem is FAR from exclusive to gender affirming medical care. it is a GENERAL problem in ALL aspects of medical care, especially in the USA (and I'm sure elsewhere but I can only speak on our healthcare system as I haven't lived anywhere else)

like here's a couple examples.

when I was 8 years old, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes by a nurse practitioner. she however prescribed me a type of insulin for type 2 diabetes and instructed me to take it once a day and only check my blood twice a day. this is completely incorrect, as type 1 diabetics need to take short acting insulin every time they eat and long acting insulin once or twice a day and check their blood sugars at MINIMUM 4 times a day. I almost died. I had to be hospitalized about a week later with insanely high blood sugars. this was grossly mishandled by that nurse practitioner who had no idea what she was doing & she could've killed a child. does that mean no one should have access to insulin? or that we should start scare mongering diabetics telling them their providers are trying to harm them?

another example! when I was 14, I was having an allergic reaction to a medication and had to go into the ER. they didn't read my chart to see that I had type 1 diabetes, did not check my blood glucose levels, and gave me a steroid shot. that shot spiked my blood sugar (which was already high) so high so fast that I passed out and nearly cracked my head on the floor. it turned what would've been a quick ER trip to an overnight fiasco. does that mean doctors should never ever give steroids as treatment for allergic reactions?

or far more general than me- how many times are people prescribed birth control without the side effects being fully described? how many people get gastric bypass surgery without fully understanding what they're doing to their bodies? how many people have debilitating chronic illnesses but have no clue how they're supposed to handle them bc no doctor ever bothered to educate them (as I see constantly with other diabetics)? how many people have 0 knowledge about their own reproductive systems or have their concerns about their reproductive systems completely ignored until it turns lethal?

the issue isn't gender affirming care. the issue is medical professionals who don't care enough about their patients to make sure they're fully informed and fully consenting, or even that they themselves know exactly what they're doing. it's overworked medical professionals who skip vital steps because they've been working 15 hours in a row. it's the disregard for the health of people assigned female at birth (& the disregard for the health of people assigned male at birth if they decide to pursue gender affirming care). it's the disregard for poor people, for people of color, for patients in general who tend to get viewed with disdain for not having medical degrees and asking questions

like yes it IS something we should be talking about. but focusing the conversation on "we have to ban gender affirming care!!!" instead of "the medical system needs to take better care of its patients" is just stupid

#long post #ughhh this argument just bothers me!

[prosk8r]

mothers of large families (especially in poor communities) were probably some of the most capable and intelligent people in history and no I'm not even kidding a little bit

I won't pretend like there haven't been more educated people or more skilled and talented people, but in terms of like, groups of people who were consistently capable and should have/were respected and had authority, being a matriarch of a large family (especially if the family was largely still living considering how frequent infant and child mortality was) was quite a feat to achieve

you have to be able to manage a household, so any and all domestic affairs (cleaning, cooking, child rearing, finance, like all social engagement planning and the actual social performance), insane amounts of emotional labor, plus!! play doctor, play carpenter, play field worker, play basket weaver (which is another piece of domestic labor that would probably be sold for money so it's not like they weren't already!!! providing as a worker!!), and basically "play" professions that they weren't allowed to hold because of lack of means and their gender

if you're poor and you have one kid and they get sick, it's going to be hard but you can usually scrape together enough funds/donations to go to the doctor for your one kid who's sick (obviously dependant on the situation, this is a generic hypothetical).

if you have six, seven kids, hell even more! historically families would have like 12, 15 kids to make sure enough lived and were able to work, especially farmers. if you have that many kids, and one of them is sick, you don't go to a doctor, you start taking care of what you can at home. you don't get medicine, you use home remedies and leftovers from previous prescriptions. obviously im not saying like, it's a good idea to forgoe medical treatment or to share medications/save old medications (especially not anti biotics lol), but in the past, when you're poor, you would need to have a much keener sense of illness, of injury, of disease, in order to gauge if you NEED medical treatment bc largely it isn't something you can just go get

and this applies to any profession that they were capable of performing (didn't require apprenticeship or formal education/training to do nonprofessionally), bc you end up learning to do what you can't afford to buy. i bet your parents cut your own hair till you were a certain age. a lot of parents never stop!

this is all to say, I was texting my mom today ab a condition I had just found out I have, and she was able to name it by me just describing it, bc one of my siblings had it when they were little. she said "not officially diagnosed, me diagnosed" and I remembered the millions of times that I had brought up symptoms and she had a clue ab what it was, all the times she had a book for just the right task/craft/research topic. I remember her climbing on ladders and fixing things, painting, laboring in a way that most would consider "men's work" or tradesman work. There is so much that my mom has done because she needed to, for her or for her kids, and so much of that has been forgotten or taken for granted as I've needed less constant support to survive.

Obviously fathers, and poor fathers especially, have had to do and still do similar things. being poor is not a gendered phenomenon. but when culturally you are tied to an entire domestic sphere, when you aren't traditionally (or legally!) allowed to work or become educated, there is a unique aspect to that perspective that includes the expected societal role of women that I find very interesting, and sincerely overlooked

#not to mention birth being a whole thing even WITHOUT risk of dying every time #women built this world and men helped but fr they should be recognized respected and acknowledged for their labors #mothers are so important too #mothers are soooo important #and yet they are often an afterthought or taken as a given #much to say much to consider #if women were taught to write and poor women especially we would probably have such great works and histories #books of all trades and generational knowledge #obvi we have that to some degree but like #throughout history and consistently #okay im done #women #history #trash.txt #mothers #mothers in history #women in history

[littlemoonstar]

Fuck it, I'm starting a new blog

I've used tumblr a lot in the past but haven't in several years. It hit me in the shower like "hey, what if I had a blog? Somewher to post thoughts and feelings and to express myself." The only person I talk to daily is my partner Seth, and I know that having another outlet for myself can only benefit our relationship.

I have no clue where I'm currently at in life. I don't even know what my name is. I don't feel connected to my given middle or last name. I like my first name. But I want to change my middle and last name. My middle name, Mary, is passed down from my father's mother. Well, that person abandoned my father and wasn't a good mother to him. I like the name Mary, but I don't even know what that woman looks like. There isn't a real reason for that to be my middle name other than she is an ancestor of mine. I don't have respect for how she parented my father. Anyway, I have no clue what I would want my middle name to be. That is still very much in thought and not anywhere in sight. I have been pondering on what I would like to change my last name to. I have thought of Medicine Crow, as that is my native family name and I have much respect for it, but at the same time, it doesn't feel quite right. I had thought for awhile that I for sure wanted to change my last name to that, but now, I want to pick my own name. Like I said, I enjoy my first name. It was given to me, but I am choosing to keep it. I have thought of Moonstar for my last name, but I worry that sounds foolish. I want my name to be creative and resemble me, but I don't want it to cause people to not take me seriously.

Aside from my name, I also have no clue what I want to do with my life. I am interested in journalism, but I'm also interested in cosmetology, professional astrology, ecology, and trauma counseling. Those are the main career paths I'm currently thinking of. I just started taking a communications class online, Listening and Critical Thought. I had signed up for an in-person writing class and a yoga class, but I had panic attacks and dropped both of the classes. I have yet to journal about that lol. I keep going back and forth and questioning what is the right path for me. And because I haven't picked one, I haven't made much progress at all in any of them. The fact that there are people my age, 23, who have graduated college already, but I haven't gotten more than 4 college credits and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know that I'm still young, but it's scary not really having any direction. It's like there's a thick fog and all I can see it what's like a foot of distance in front of me.

I also don't know where the fuck I stand with my mental health. I was recently diagnosed with bipolar 2, which does check out, but I've been so abused by the mental health system in the past, I don't really trust it. I don't know what is going on with me, all I can really do is try to track the symptoms and keep afloat. I've been taking lamictal for about a month, and it helped at first, then stopped helping. I lowered my dose and am hoping it will help with my depression again.

Needless to say, I feel completely lost right now. Like I'm floating through life, afraid and untethered. I am hoping I actually utilize this blog as a place to release and reflect... I need a better relationship with myself. I won't survive without it.

[mental-health-advice]

[Tag as Moose] I've been experiencing delusions for the past year or so. Such as believing that my friends (or others) are plotting against me, I've also experienced other delusions such as believing that I am going to die soon or thinking I am sick. I read up on delusions and I've considered the possibility of psychosis but I haven't had any other symptoms. I have been diagnosed with Anxiety and depression in the past (which I don't take medication for) and have had issues with dissociation.

I’ve also been experiencing frequent intrusive thoughts, often involving violent fantasies. I’ve also been unusually tired and physically and mentally slowed down i.e sometimes I feel very weak (Today in class I could barely write) and sometimes I find it difficult to process things mentally. It could be the depression but I’ve never experienced these things before and I feel it may be linked to the other symptoms I described. Any clue as to what might be going on?

Hi Moose,

To preface this, I want to say as a friendly reminder that I, nor anyone here at MHA, is a professional, so take this advice with a grain of salt. If you are genuinely still concerned I would suggest working with a therapist first, and then also a psychiatrist if you need medication management as well.

Out all of the symptoms you described, there are two things that stood out, Hypochondriasis and Psychosis. You noted that you had been diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but the symptoms you listed specifically of worries about dying soon remind me of dealing with being a hypochondriac.

Hypochondriasis is psychosomatic, and it can be comorbid with many other diagnoses such as Bipolar Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, and more.  

The symptoms listed within the DSM-IV are as follows:

A. Preoccupation with fears of having, or the idea that one has, a serious disease based on the person’s misinterpretation of bodily symptoms.

B. The preoccupation persists despite appropriate medical evaluation and reassurance.

C. The belief in Criterion A is not of delusional intensity (as in Delusional Disorder, Somatic Type) and is not restricted to a circumscribed concern about appearance (as in Body Dysmorphic Disorder).

D. The preoccupation causes clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

E. The duration of the disturbance is at least 6 months.

F. The preoccupation is not better accounted for by Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Panic Disorder, a Major Depressive Episode, Separation Anxiety, or another Somatoform Disorder.

However,  I know you also touched on being paranoid about others plotting against you. And since the above disorder can be comorbid Borderline Personality Disorder, I’ll give you information that as well :)

According  to the National Institute of Health:

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental disorder marked by a pattern of ongoing instability in moods, behavior, self-image, and functioning. These experiences often result in impulsive actions and unstable relationships. A person with BPD may experience intense episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from only a few hours to days.

 Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment

A pattern of intense and unstable relationships with family, friends, and loved ones, often swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors, such as spending sprees, unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating

Recurring suicidal behaviors or threats or self-harming behavior, such as cutting

Intense and highly changeable moods, with each episode lasting from a few hours to a few days

Chronic feelings of emptiness

Inappropriate, intense anger or problems controlling anger

Having stress-related paranoid thoughts

Having severe dissociative symptoms, such as feeling cut off from oneself, observing oneself from outside the body, or losing touch with reality

I am borderline, and one of my biggest issues is not taking my medication which can be a warning sign/symptom. It can make a huge difference especially if you’re on the right medication, which may not be happening if you don’t have the right diagnosis. I often also find that the recurring highs and lows of intrusive thoughts can cause me to be so tired, that I neglect to remember that it can even simply be apart of my symptoms as well.

I was diagnosed primarily wrong with simple depression and anxiety, and then Bipolar, until I took a hard look at how I was feeling daily like how you are now. Once I did that and started looking outside the traditional box and piecing things together I was able to realize about not only personality disorders, which borderline falls under but also the deeper categories of OCD.

I know you said you already looked into psychosis and delusions, but I’ll add them here just for reference as well in comparison to hypochondriasis and borderline.

Psychosis typically falls under the umbrella of schizophrenia, or as a single episode by itself. The National Institute of Health defines psychosis as:

Psychosis is used to describe conditions that affect the mind, where there has been some loss of contact with reality. When someone becomes ill in this way, it is called a psychotic episode.

During a period of psychosis, a person’s thoughts and perceptions are disturbed, and the individual may have difficulty understanding what is real and what is not. 

Symptoms of psychosis include delusions (false beliefs) and hallucinations (seeing or hearing things that others do not see or hear). Other symptoms include incoherent or nonsense speech, and behavior that is inappropriate for the situation. A person in a psychotic episode may also experience depression, anxiety, sleep problems, social withdrawal, lack of motivation, and difficulty functioning overall.

During psychosis, it is possible to have delusions, but if you aren’t also having hallucinations, then some professionals may not call that a psychotic episode. It sounds like you’re dealing more on the side of delusions which can fall under several other disorders but most prominently Borderline Personality Disorder.

You are correct to say that your depression is now linking up with the other symptoms, and because of that, I would suggest medication management if that’s an option. It’s a pain in the butt at times, but it is important, and a privilege if you have access to a doctor. They can help especially with the delusions, and more so be able to help you feel less mentally exhausted. When it gets to the point you don’t even want to pick up the pen in class or even pay attention, you should intervene.

Again, I, nor anyone here at MHA, is a professional so this is advice based off of personal experience. But I genuinely believe you will be able to overcome your symptoms, as I have seen many come through our asks box come and report to us how things changed around. Whether you decide to do medication management or see a therapist, you have already started taking steps into the next direction that are making a difference for your health. For that, you should be very proud :)

- MHA Leah

#mhaleah #mental health advice #mental health blog #mental health #mental health issues #mental health problems #OCD #anxiety #depression #delusions #about psychosis #psychosis #borderline personality disorder #moose