#i have several friends who ask me to help them find good cosplay options too as im apparently better at slogging through reviews than them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

inkabelledesigns · 1 year

Text

Hey, been having a pretty rough start to the week, and really, a rough several weeks. Lots going on, lots of dread about the world, honestly just wanna go back to bed. But we're trying to look on the bright side and appreciate the little things. So I'm gonna list some good things that have happened recently and that are coming up so we can psych ourselves up. I find that putting something down on paper or in a place where I can see it makes it easier to embrace and appreciate, makes it more visual.

-Someone left a really sweet comment in the tags of my Gooliope custom. I've noticed a lot of people liking that post, and I love all the kind words in the tags so much. Thank you! She's one of my favorite dolls, and it makes me happy that she sparks joy for more than just me.

-I got to see my middle sister for her spring break. She just left to head back to school, but the time she was here was great. We celebrated my mom's birthday with a lot of great food and laughter, and there were many late night conversations that were fun. It was nice to reconnect.

-I got to play Animal Crossing for the first time and found that I love the fishing in it! It's a really fun game and I want to get back to it soon. I also found the Sanrio Amiibo cards for cheap, and I'm eager to see how they function once I'm a bit farther in.

-I'm slated to go to a convention soon! I can't wait to put my cosplays back on and go to panels. Two really awesome voice actors are going to be there, and I'm gonna try and work up the courage to take photos with other cosplayers. I'm especially excited to see the cosplay performers, I missed that last year but won't be this time!

-Another Splatfest is coming up! I can't wait to play more of Tricolor battles, they're such a good time. Thinking of playing on Team Nessie, but we'll see, depends on what my teammates think. I'm not a competitive player, I just have a group of four that enjoys playing together.

-It's my birthday next week (and also international mermaid day)! I'm not sure how I'm gonna celebrate just yet, but I do want to celebrate. I may ask my mom if we can go out to Goodwill or something during the day, I've wanted to check it out for a long time. I have friends who are streaming that night that I'd like to watch, but I'd also like to make some time for my annual birthday stream that week. Birthdays tend to be a time where you talk to a lot of people who haven't checked in in a while, and while I can get a little overstimulated, I do love having a portion of the night where I get to see a bunch of my friends for some drawing or other art. It's the one time of year where I like being the center of attention, it means getting to decide what I want to do and getting to do it together with the people I love. <3

-My persona doll is closer to done! She has a face, she has hair, she has shoe options that I can paint, she just needs clothes and wings (she's a fairy, and I'm debating how I wanna do them). I have some new clothing patterns that I'm excited to try out for her too. It's so cool to finally have a doll that feels closer to me. I loved drawing a face on G3 Draculaura.

-Dollightful released a new video showing off some of the face sculpts for G3 Monster High dolls, and I'm really excited about that! It got me wanting to customize more of G3, namely Lagoona, I have a great idea for a Shiny Vaporeon doll for her, but we'll have to see if it sticks. It also got me going on collecting resources for customizing G3 dolls, I have a post in my drafts that I wanna share soon that may help other doll customizers out.

-I got to design a character that I absolutely love, and brainstorming about it with my friends has been really fun. It's really pushing me to try more with hair. Been feeling really grateful for my friends in general, both those I talk to daily and the ones I haven't seen in a while. You're all wonderful and I'm so fortunate to have you in my life. <3

-Actually, I'm having a lot of fun all around! I got a great new idea for an AU where Henry is a guardian angel type character to Joey and gets stripped of his powers, so now Susie is watching over him and the studio with a cartoon Alice to show her the ropes, and it's SO FUN! I may have to bring that to my Bendy blog at some point. I'm brimming with ideas and gosh I wish I had more time to do art and audio for it, I'd love to voice some skits with Susie and Alice talking to each other.

-Mario Day passed and I finally got my hands on Bowser's Amiibo (thank you little sister for helping me out). I haven't collected Amiibo in a long time, but the siblings and I used to, and this is one we missed. I look forward to training him in Smash Bros. It'd be fun to pit him against Leg Day (Wii Fit Trainer) and Knave (Sonic).

-Been having a lot of fun at the Streamily Livestreams with the Bendy voice cast, lots of really funny fandom memes have come out of those and it's great. They never fail to make me smile. Been having a lot of fun at the ShazzandBoo Pokemon Livestreams too, what an absolute treat those have been!

Yeah, maybe life isn't so bad. There are a lot of things stressing me out, but there's so much to look forward to and enjoy, and those are the moments I'm gonna live for. Life is too short to let it keep you down, so we're gonna do our best and make it through!

Here's sending all of you the good vibes for a great Tuesday, a great week, and a great rest of March! Love you so much!

#long post #self help

14 notes · View notes

nekofantasia · 2 years

Text

Nightmare at Ikebukuro

This...is the right place?

No, it can’t be. Chen took out her phone to check once more, she KNOWS she’s at Ikebukuro right now and since Eri mentioned the store being high-end, she figured it wouldn’t be hard to miss it.

Well to be fair, it’s not like she frequented this particular area. Her classmate sure knows his shopping, he’s a working idol after all.

Still, it was a mistake to check some of these alleys. It was interesting to see certain shops but it sure earned the name Otome Road. With all sorts of otaku shops...it was almost overwhelming just to look around.

Ah finally, the address finally loaded. Reading them once more, the young boxer nodded to herself and repeated her directions several times everytime she reached a particular landmark. Hopefully she’d be at Eri’s doorstep real soon to get this over it.

General cosplay...wigs...a cafe... Wait, she backtracked to finally find the store she’s been looking for ever since she arrived here like...long ago.

Damn, things would’ve taken less time if she only asked the locals for help. But approaching strangers was a huge no in her book. She’s determined to make it out alive WITHOUT asking for help! She can do this, come on!

She took a deep breath and rehearsed the steps in her mind once more: Enter the building, look for the wig that matched Eri’s description and buy it. With such simple steps, it would be impossible to screw this one up! This is all for Eri!

But of course everything was wiped clean in her mind the moment she stepped inside. There was a surprisingly amount of customers today and she could swear a good portion of them just turn around to look at her. Off to a great start, Chen. Announcing your own arrival was exacty what you needed right now.

OK OK, maybe she stepped in with the wrong foot. But she went through the trouble of coming this far, it would be too late to back down...And it would look worse if she got inside only for her to leave, everyone would think she’s being rude or something.

What kind of wig was it again? Black with long bangs that reached the waist, if she recalled correctly. Still, what kind of place is this? For a shop that only sells wigs (for the most part) it sure was big, she could easily get lost here if she wasn’t being careful.

And she didn’t get careful for sure. How could one get lost inside a store? Don’t ask her. She couldn’t tell what’s worse: Not reaching the end of the store or the possibility that she’s passed certain areas so many times, people are now looking at her like she was some freak. Her face was now fixed on everything else but the fellow customers that were actually minding their own business.

God, why did it have to be packed today of all days?! Who thought dealing with people could be a nightmare?

At this point, the poor socially awkward girl had to realize that she’s wasted too much time on this. It would’ve been a different story if she was doing this for herself, but her friend was probably already expecting her to come back soon. She didn’t have any other option available to her: She had to ask for help.

Taking the shortest steps possible, as if to buying time for the inevitable, Chen approached the nearest employee for help.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for this wig a friend--”

“Eh? Sorry, young boy. I don’t work here.”

“Huh?”

People are a nightmare.

#twinfoxtails #「Red Oni(IC)」#「Girl With The Voice Of A Prince (Modern AU)」#TRULY THE WORST NIGHTMARE #DON'T WORRY SHE WILL GET IT FOR YOU

7 notes · View notes

beneaththetangles · 4 years

Text

Christmas Gift Guide for the Christian Anime Fan

What do you get the anime fan in your life for Christmas? An already difficult task is made even more challenging if you’re looking to gift something that fits within the boundaries of faith, items that are safe to give in a Christian household but still fun for the receiver. If you’re faced with that dilemma, we’ve got you covered this Christmas season. Below are nine gifts that the anime fan in your life will love, that are also safe—and some even spiritually uplifting!

-----

1. Shonen Jump

If you have a manga reader in the family, one of the best things you can get them is a Shonen Jump subscription. Shonen Jump (SJ) was one of the foremost shonen manga publications in print the U.S. Now, as a digital magazine, it’s even better. For $1.99 a month, an SJ subscription grants you access to SJ’s entire current lineup as well as a huge archive of historic manga. Want to read all of the Dragon Ball manga beginning in the early 80s? SJ has you covered. Interested in learning more about the romance manga Boys Over Flowers? It’s there along with the most current Season 2 chapters. Enjoy the nonsense of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure? Parts 1 through 3 are there in full and VIZ is slowly adding all of Part 4. As part of the greater VIZ manga family, more and more options are being added all the time to the SJ vault. Currently, VIZ does not offer gift subscriptions to SJ, however, you can pay for your subscription month to month. We recommend getting your friend or family member a $25 Google Play or iTunes gift card and tell them to enjoy all the manga at their fingertips for a full year.

Google Play or iTunes Gift Cards can be purchased from Amazon.

2. Cool anime clothing and streetwear

There’s an episode of Genshiken, the classic series about an anime club, where super otaku Madarame goes out shopping for clothes in an attempt to be stylish. It’s not only an uncomfortable experience for him; it leads to a real questioning of who he is and how he identifies because, after all, being an anime fan means dressing cheaply and sloppily, right? Well, if it ever did, it does not not—you can look good while sporting threads that show off your fandom. While Amazon and other outlets sell shirts anime-related shirts that don’t look particularly great, you’re better off doing a little research to find stylish clothing developed by real fashion designers. Take for example Wooji, whose clothing would be at home on a runway, but is priced well. Imouri, on the other hand, has a bright, cute design that more outwardly demonstrates a fandom. Go with a brand that would fit the person you’re gifting, and check out other stores as well by searching through tags like #animeclothing and #streetwear.

We’ve personally sampled items from both Wooji and Imouri, and highly recommend both.

3. Manga Majesty

If ever there was a portion of scripture that would fit into manga format, it’s the Book of Revelation with its imagery of good and evil, and redemption and love. And that’s exactly what the folks at Next Manga have adapted for their latest release. Manga Majesty artfully and scripturally illustrates the final book of the Bible, including the powerful prophecy that makes up much of it. While this manga makes for a wonderful study resource for Christian readers (and potential evangelistic material), it’s also just plain well-made, and engaging from a reader’s perspective. It unfolds like the powerful narrative it is, compete with full-colored illustrations that capture both the majesty and fear of the end times. And thus, it’s a double gift of sorts, one that’s a feast for the eyes and good for the soul, and really, what else more could you ask for on Christmas?

Manga Majesty is available for purchase from Amazon.

4. Crunchyroll Gift Membership

If you are buying for an anime or manga fan, chances are they watch their anime on various streaming services. Maybe they have Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video (or all three). However, if you are looking for a streaming service that specializes in anime, look no further than Crunchyroll. From classics like Fist of the North Star to current ongoing series like My Hero Academia, Crunchyroll has something to offer for every anime fan. Have anime fans who are children? No problem. Crunchyroll has some great series like Shonen Ashibe! GO! GO! Goma-chan and Bananya that offer up fun for the whole family. In addition to their anime offerings, a premium Crunchyroll subscription offers access to a decent catalog of manga. While their manga app is imperfect, web reading works very well and a number of currently ongoing series are simul-published by Crunchyroll.

Gift subscriptions can be purchased directly from Crunchyroll.

5. Anime DVDs and Manga volumes

Of course, it seems natural to buy the anime fan anime for Christmas—the barrier, though, is that there is so much anime out there that it can be difficult to determine which your recipient will like. And how do you select series that avoid content which you find inappropriate? We’ve got you covered. We have an anime recommendation list which provides titles that are both entertaining and spiritually enriching; we also include content information so that you won’t be surprised by levels of violence, sexualization, or other material in the series. We recently expanded the list, giving the full rundown on a number of shows, but also giving quick recommendations for dozens of others. We also encourage you to just search through our website, looking for topics that pique your interest (ex. grace), to find other series that might be specifically made for the person in your life.

Check our anime series and anime movie recommendations.

6. Dragon Ball FighterZ

Did you know that 2018’s Fighting Game of the Year at The Game Awards was an anime based game? ESPN”s “Game of the Year” was the same anime game in 2018. What was that game? Dragon Ball FighterZ. Dragon Ball FighterZ is a fantastic fighting game taking characters from throughout the full Dragon Ball franchise and making it incredibly fun. Arc System’s game mechanics remind you of the first time you played Marvel vs Capcom. It is a lot of fun for fans of the Dragon Ball franchise and newbies alike. I (MDMRN) bought it for myself last year on Black Friday as a non-Dragon Ball fan and, frankly, it turned me into one. Get it for your friends or family members who enjoy fighting games and anime if they don’t already own it. Believe me, they’ll thank you after trying it out.

Dragon Ball FighterZ is available for purchase from Amazon for the Nintendo Switch, XBoxOne, and Playstation 4.

7. Gear for fans of anime and gaming

Speaking of games, chances are that the person in your life that you’re buying for is probably not only a fan of anime, but a gamer as well. The two often go hand in hand, so in addition to the recommendation for Dragon Ball FighterZ we gave above, we also encourage you to check out Fan Gamer, a store that has a ton of wonderful merchandise that gamers will adore. We can attest that they carry products that hit that sweet spot of being both cool and high quality. You could surf the site all day (and you might want to!), but we’ll give four products we’re liking right now: Okami and Samurai Shodown t-shirts, a book about the history of the NES, and a set of awesome playing cards.

Give Fan Gamer a visit and check out their selection!

8. An Anime Convention Pass

pc: arthur yao

If there’s one thing that unites all high school and college otaku, it’s this: They’re broke. The anime fandom for many fans, young and old alike, isn’t based necessarily on TV series and manga—its centered on the convention scene. Facebook and Twitter feeds relating to conventions are absolutely filled with griping about the cost of conventions—remember that besides the entrance fees, which can easily go over $100, attendees have to pay for food, parking, hotel, souvenirs, and their own cosplay. It adds up and leads many to skip out on events they dearly want to attend. You can encourage them and help defray the costs by looking ahead and buying tickets to an event. Also note that many conventions occur during the spring and summer, so there’s another advantage to making this your gift—at this time of year, you might be able to get an early bird discount as well.

Check out some of the conventions we attend and cover here on Beneath the Tangles.

9. Reading material

You don’t necessarily have to look to a TV or video game screen to find series for your anime fan to enjoy. Just as in the west, and even more so, anime films and shows are adapted from previous works, mostly divided into two categories: manga (Japanese comics) and light novels (serialized books that contain illustrations). And just as with anime, we’ve got you covered here, too, with plenty of recommendations for both accompanied by explanations about the content within. These make for great gifts because all of these series have at least several volumes in release in the English language, meaning that you can pick up several issues as a present. And here’s another insight: manga and light novels are often (usually?) more addicting than anime series. Chances are that if you buy several for your loved one, they won’t be able to put the tomes down until they finish!

Check our manga and light novel recommendations.

-----

And there you have it—we did 90% of the legwork for you. Now there’s no reason to indulge your anime fan at home with something that they’ll love without worrying about neglecting or breaking your faith values. Go forth and purchase! And have a wonderful Christmas!

#Anime #Christmas #Manga #Video Games #Light Novels #Fashion #Streetwear #Christianity #Shonen Jump #Crunchyroll #Manga Majesty: The Revelation of the End Times!#Manga Majesty #Wooji #Imouri #Dragon Ball FighterZ #Articles #Author: TWWK

1 note · View note

moonscribe · 5 years

Text

Dungeon Blogging #2: Reputation of the Bard

For this one I asked my friends for a topic to cover and one of them had the wildly broad suggestion of the bard. Luckily there was a particular thing about this class that I’d been thinking about recently.

This post is going to be a little bit different from the last one. It won’t have build suggestions or character concepts, instead these are just my thoughts on the reputation of the bard and how that has changed.

While bards have always had a reputation, the idea of what a bard is has changed pretty dramatically in the past decade or two. When players think of bards in 2019 many of them conjure a mental image of a swashbuckling, silver-tongued agent of chaos who will seduce any NPC that the DM throws their way (for some reason this goes double for dragons). The strange thing is that not so long ago bards were the butt of the joke instead of the one telling it.

Consider this early page from the webcomic The Order of the Stick.

OotS is a pretty old webcomic and in its earlier arcs it carries a snapshot of how Dungeons and Dragons players viewed the game at the time. For a reference point, the first page of OotS is a gag about switching over from 3rd Edition to 3.5. In the comic Elan, the bard, is the comic relief character but unlike modern bards many of the early jokes focus on Elan being useless to the party at best and an active burden at worst. As the comic progresses, Elan’s comedy transitions into being largely focused on his genre savviness. He uses his bardic knowledge to manipulate narrative tropes to his advantage. There is a lot of fourth wall breaking in this comic, such as the bard ordering a dying NPC tell him their name. When they do they find themselves elevated named character status, providing themselves with some degree of plot armor and saving their life.

The bard on the right of the header is from a 2008 movie called “The Gamers: Dorkness Rising”, in it there is a scene in which the bard keeps dying and each time he dies his player produces one of his fifty backup characters, all of which are bards. These characters serve as canon fodder and enough of them pile up that the players take cover behind the massive pile of dead bards.

You can see a montage here.

Admittedly these both came out at a point in my life where I had yet to start playing Dungeons and Dragons (before I had many friends or the money to buy books, dice, etc.) but even then I would see jokes and memes everywhere online laughing at the bard’s expense.

While there were likely several factors that caused of this reputation, I suspect the power level of the class was a big one. As the designated “jack of all trades, master of none” the bard was weighed down by the baggage of being a 5th member class.

Although bards had a pretty expansive skill list, they didn’t get as many skill points as rogues, the fact that Intelligence was the bard’s 3rd or 4th most important stat meant that they often didn’t have much of a bonus (for those who haven’t played pre-skill proficiency, prior to 4th Edition you would have a number of skill points that you gained each level based on your class and Intelligence modifier). On top of that those skill points were stretched extra thin since their core mechanic demanded they allocate a very large amount of those points to the Perform skill. The result was a fairly lackluster option as the party’s skill monkey. As the primary caster they were also lacking. Bards didn’t have the full spellcasting progression of Clerics and Wizards, capping off with level 6 spells and very few spell slots at low levels.

So what changed?

While I wouldn’t go as far as to say 5th Edition was the only source of the bardic renaissance there are a few major differences that I think definitely helped the class. One of them was the promotion to being a full caster. The 5e bard can fully replace the cleric or druid as the primary support caster/healer. They can also replace the wizard as a utility/damage caster, while still maintaining a pretty good sense of identity as a class. This was huge since it meant that bards were now a good choice for a party of less than 5. Beyond that, many of the bard subclasses (College of Valor, College of Swords, College of Whispers) let them slip into the fighter and rogue slots as well. 5th Edition bards are kinda nuts, a jack of all trades, master of whatever they want to specialize in.

Compare the earlier depictions with JoCat’s video on the 5e bard.

Beyond the deliberate buffs that bards got in 5e, they also benefited from shifts in the way the ability scores were balanced. Dexterity and Charisma are the first and second best stats in the game but that’s not how it always was. Charisma in particular was often seen as the dumpstat. With the Finesse Weapon becoming a weapon property rather than a feat, building a Dex based melee character now takes minimal effort. That means your Dex factors into your melee attacks, melee damage, ranged attacks, ranged damage, AC, Initiative, and 3 skills including the always important Stealth. That’s on top of having one of the best, if not the best, saving throws in the game. Meanwhile Charisma is associated with 4 different skills that collectively make up about 80% of social encounters. Charisma is also the most common spellcasting ability with three full casters and one half caster running off of it. This makes it easier to multiclass to or from bard without splitting your focus in ability scores, further complimenting their “jack of all trades” branding.

Possibly the most profound change that redeemed the bard wasn’t even mechanical. As time has gone on what players value in Dungeons and Dragons has floated more towards role playing and social interactions. D&D evolved out of war games and in decades past that really showed. Dungeon crawls were once the focus of gameplay. In 4th Edition, D&D’s wargaming roots were in full swing with the battlemap being emphasized (your speed was measured in squares rather than feet) and the class features heavily focussing on combat. To say that 4e was controversial is to put it lightly and among its many criticisms was the belief that D&D had become too “video gamey” in an attempt to appeal to the MMO demographic. Reeling from player backlash, 5e made an attempt to be a more story driven game, something that was clearly a desire among players. The default rules of 5e even go so far as to assume theater of the mind-style campaigns. With the massive success of 5th Edition came the rise of a new genre of entertainment: actual play podcasts and D&D livestreams, the former of which was only possible due to the shift towards theater of the mind. If you’re reading this now I’m willing to bet that you’ve at least heard of The Adventure Zone or Critical Role. Shows like those did much to both bring Dungeons and Dragons to broader audiences and to demystify the game, which at the point most knew of while at the same time knowing almost nothing about. People realized for the first time that role playing games were a unique medium of narrative fiction! One that does storytelling in a wildly different way from books, film, or anything else. People cosplayed, drew fan art, and wrote fanfiction about this new breed of celebrity D&D characters. It was in this new environment that the bard thrived even without all of the mechanical buffs. People love this game for the stories that it can tell and those same people have grown to love the smooth talking storyteller that is the bard.

The response to my first Dungeon Blogging post was much more than I expected! Thank you.

If you have a question or idea for a future Dungeon Blogging post be sure to send me an ask! ^^

Art: Wayne Reynolds, (Photo of Scott C. Brown from the movie “The Gamers: Dorkness Rising”), Rich Burlew.

#Dungeons and Dragons #DnD #Bard #Dungeon Blogging #Order of the Stick #The Gamers: Dorkness Rising #JoCat #The Adventure Zone #Critical Role #5e #4e #3.5e #3e

36 notes · View notes

intothestarkerverse · 5 years

Text

Highway to Hell Pt. 3

Summary: Once again, I will reveal no details about the story’s plot to respect spoilers for Endgame. If you want to read the fic, click below and have at it, though!

Read on AO3

Part 1, Part 2

Y’know, there are times when I think that nothing can surprise me anymore. Things I’ve seen. Things I’ve done. Call me jaded, but some part of me just expects my life to go to shit from one breath to the next.

Know what?

Scratch that.

Only time I’m actually surprised by anything anymore is when my life isn’t going to shit. So, this? This doesn’t even register on my scale of ‘what the fuck’.

At least, not until I see the kid.

Last thing I remember, I was getting dressed.

Actually slept last night. You know how fucking rare that is? Rare as a funny Carrot Top joke, that’s how fucking rare. I didn’t just get a good night’s sleep, I had a good dream, too. Can’t even remember the last time I had one of those. I had a kid. In the dream. Little boy. It was a good dream.

This? I don’t know what the fuck this is.

Day to night in the blink of an eye. Bedroom to dark alley and I didn’t even see the setting shift. I’m alone and now I’m here, squatting beside Peter Parker after he looks like he’s been hit by a damn steam roller. Y’know what’s worse? I can’t even tell what the fuck happened or who the fuck I should be killing for doing this to him. Doesn’t seem like he’s going to be talking anytime soon, either.

The kid is just clinging to my hand like it’s a lifeline, trying to speak but the words just aren’t coming.

The Iron Legion isn’t responding. At least one of the suits should have arrived by now, but the night is clear and the kid won’t let go of my hand long enough for me to activate the suit from it’s nanocasing. I can’t even raise Friday, which worries me more than anything else. Even my own AI is ignoring me…

There’s a strange, hesitating movement to the way Peter gropes with his free hand. Awkward. Ungainly. Finally, after several failed attempts and barely audible whimpers of frustration, he pulls the phone from his pocket, thumbs the screen to life and thrusts it towards me all without lifting more than his arm from the cold concrete.

The first thing I notice are the number of missed calls. A few are from May. That’s to be expected. The rest, and there are quite a few of them, are from someone listed as ‘The Wizard’ in his contacts. Just as I am trying to contemplate who this Wizard is and how Peter has a friend I’ve never heard of, the phone goes off in my hand.

Harry Potter theme ringtone. Cute, Kiddo. Cute.

I tap the green phone icon and lift it to my ear. The Wizard is already speaking and I don’t like the sound of him. He’s older. Not a kid. Probably closer to my age. Why is Peter getting this many phone calls from a man old enough to be his father? And no, that’s not jealousy. That’s not what I’m calling it, cause if I call it that…whole different can of worms I don’t even want to get into right now.

“Parker? Listen, I’m sorry. I know it wasn’t what you wanted to hear right now, I wish this could have been the answer, but trust me when I say it’s for the best. Please come back to the Sanctum, or go home to May, or go stay with Dr. Banner for the night. We’re all worried sick about you and this…this isn’t helping.”

“Are you done?” I ask, waiting impatiently for the man to finish his impassioned speech which gives me a few answers, but not many. “Now, care to tell me who this is?”

“Fuck.”

I pause, pulling back the phone a little to look at the display. Yep. The bastard hung up on me. Oh well, didn’t really want to talk to him anyway. I’m in the process of calling Happy for an assist when something catches my eye a little to the left. Sparks flying in midair, slowly growing into a circle that expands and expands until I can clearly see a house through the opening and a man in a decent D&D cosplay steps through with his brow knit in concern that only gets worse when he sees me. “The Wizard, I presume.” I mean, the kid had used the term ‘Wizard’, I don’t know why I’m surprised that he actually is one.

“Take your hands off the boy.”

I don’t like the way he thinks he can just make some hocus pocus and order me around. ”Willing to bet I saw him first, so…no.” I really wish Peter would let go of my hand long enough for me to activate the armor. I could force him to, but a part of me is afraid to break the physical contact. Something is seriously wrong with Peter, but he’s calm while he’s got my hand at least. “Who the hell are you and what makes you think you think you have the right to order me away from the kid?”

The wizard seems to be thinking about something, I don’t like the way he’s looking at me, but finally he waves a hand idly and the red cape around his shoulders flies off, winding its way around Peter’s limp form and slowly, gently, lifting him off of the ground.

“What do you think you’re…”

“’The Kid’ needs medical attention. He’s in shock. I can help him…and probably answer your questions while I’m at it. Just swallow your pride for five god damn minutes and…follow me.” He turns to walk back through the portal that has failed to close behind him through our whole exchange. He’s muttering to himself, and I can’t decide if he knows I can hear him or not. “At least I know you’re not an impostor, no one could convincingly fake an ego that size.”

The Wizard is not my favorite person.

Peter needs better friends.

Although I’m not excited to follow, the cape is taking Peter and I have to agree that the kid looks like he could use a little first aid. Since none of my resources seem to be working, this one seems like my only option. Peter, at least, seems to trust the man. And he said ‘Dr. Banner’, so is he a friend of Bruce’s too? Answers sound good just about now, so I follow, still not removing my hand from Peter’s as we step from the street into a room with an antique sofa and a roaring fire. The cape deposits Peter on the sofa and remains curled around him, the corner of the cape stroking affectionately at Peter’s cheek. The kid leans his head into it, and I’m not jealous of a damn piece of outerwear either. Just so you know.

Behind us, the portal closes and I find myself in a strange house in serious need of an interior decorator. The Wizard is ignoring me beyond practically pushing me away from Peter and forcing me to drop his hands. I really dis like this guy…and the whimper that Peter lets out when he break contact threatens to pull my beating heart from my chest. The kid is cognizant, at least I think he is, because he is following the Wizard’s instructions…albeit very slowly and only after he repeats them several times in a loud tone of voice. I remain quiet, only because I want to make sure Peter is okay, and because I don’t want to distract the Wizard just yet. Besides, I’m a little interested in what is going on over there.

“Peter?” The wizard checks his heart rate, checks his pupils, makes him follow a finger and after he presses a cup of tea and honey, that he had literally conjures from thin air, into the boy’s hands and forces him to drink it down, he follows up with a few questions that Peter is able to answer hoarsely. He loses me at the first question, but can you blame me?

“What day is it?”

“August 31st, 2023.”

When the Wizard doesn’t seem to be the least bit concerned about that, I have to speak up. “Uh, Gandalf, you aren’t going to follow up on that? The kid’s way off.”

The wizard glances up at me, lips set in a frown. “And what do you think the day is, Stark?”

“April 27th, 2018. Like I said, the kid is way off.”

When I give the correct date, Peter lets out a little squawk that is at once alarming and adorable, but that is neither here nor there. At least the kid recognized the actual date when he heard it, but where he got August 2023 from is beyond me. Peter is staring at me now, though he’s squinting his eyes in a way I’ve never seen him do before.

The wizard notices too. “Where do you keep your glasses, Peter?”

“Top drawer of my desk.” Peter answers softly. “In my room. Right hand side.”

With a few hand gestures, the wizard conjures another of those portals and his hand dips inside, drawing out a pair of wire rimmed glasses that he hands to Peter. Once they are sitting on his nose, Peter stops squinting and seems to relax, at least a little. I’m glad one of us can relax, because seeing Peter needing glasses has got me pretty fucking stressed…even if the glasses do give him an endearingly nerdy air that I can kind of dig… “What happened to sense being dialed to eleven, Pete?”

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Peter swallows hard before answering. “They’re not…anymore.”

The wizard lets out a long sigh, standing up and scrubbing a hand over his face. “The date Peter gave was correct, Stark. I wish I could be more tactful, but I have a feeling that the only way I’m going to get this through your thick skull is to be blunt. You died. Peter, here, has found a way to bring you back from the dead, even though I told him that it was impossible.”

“It wasn’t impossible.” Peter’s voice, though still hoarse, has a bit more force behind it now. “You lied to me, Dr. Strange. It wasn’t impossible because he’s here, isn’t he?”

“Wait. Wait I second. I died? What did the kid do, perform really good CPR?”

‘Dr. Strange’, that can’t be his real name, gives the kid a pointed look that has Peter staring into his lap and petting a free hand over the cape. “No, Mr. Stark. You died saving the world from Thanos and the infinity stones.”

I need to sit down. Clearly, I need to sit down. The story is a long one, though they should both be glad I don’t interrupt. Between the doc and the kid, I get a mixed up version of the story, but it gives me the jist of what happened. Not all of it, I can tell they’re both leaving things out, but…I don’t have the energy or the willpower to force them both to give me more answers then they already are. “Okay, so let me get this straight. Five years ago we fought an over-sized California raisin who wanted to use a magic glove to give the universe a mullet…he succeeded, it took us five damn years to figure out how to fix it…and in the process, I had to go all martyr/messiah and die to save the universe. But now I’m here, got no idea what the hell you’re even talking about…and somehow the kid did it which is why he looks like a goldfish in a blender. That about it, Mr. Wizard?”

“Doctor Strange, and yes…more or less.”

“The part that’s tripping me up here, and it’s probably not the part you think…is where you said you were trying to help the kid out in my absence. You know, look out for him, make sure he didn’t go and do anything stupid. Cause…me sitting here after I died, and him laying there looking like a spider-smoothie, seems like something pretty stupid that you should have stopped, right? I am right about that?” At least the doc doesn’t seem to be attempting to justify the shitty way he’s been looking after my Peter. “Okay, so how am I here, then, Kid? What did you do?” Nothing good, I can bet on that.”

“I made a deal with the devil.”

I don’t even have time to respond over the doc’s loud string of curses which he follows immediately with two quick questions. “What devil? Did he give you a name?”“There’s more than one?” Peter took the words right out of my mouth.

“Several, in fact. Did he give you a name, Peter?”

“He gave me the ‘word of Mephisto’.”

Okay, a part of me feels like I should be covering the kid’s ears. This language is a bit much, even for me, and I’ve never been accused of going light on the swear jar. “Who is Mephisto?” Obvious, question, I know, but someone has to ask it.

The doc turns on me now, almost as if he forgot I was even there. That doesn’t happen too often, let me tell you.

“He’s an extradimensional entity, built an entire dimension and persona based upon Earthly superstitions to portray himself as a devil and make deals with unsuspecting mortals.” Now I’m being ignored again, but I don’t mind, because the doc’s next question is exactly what I want to ask myself. “What did you have to give him, Peter?”

I think I already know. I hope I’m wrong. I gotta be wrong…

“My powers.”

Fuck.

“Fuck.” Well, Mr. Wizard and I are in agreement about this, at least. “Exact wording, Peter. What did you give him and what did you get in return? Wording is important.”

“I gave him my powers as of tonight…not like the bite never happened and stuff got undone, and I got Mr. Stark like he was the morning before the Black Order attacked not after when he might have been injured like he was on Titan or by the stones.”

“The morning of April 27th, 2018, that explains why he doesn’t remember me or the last five years…he hasn’t lived any of it.”

No wonder the kid needs glasses. No wonder he’s been acting strange. The kid gave up everything for me? “Why, Peter?” It’s the only thing I can think, the only question I have at that moment. “Why would you do something so…so stupid? Kid, I’m not worth that.”

“You are.” Peter argues, trying to rise from the couch but being pushed back by the cape. “You’re worth more than my powers, even. I would have given him my soul to get you back. I would have given him anything he wanted. For you…I’d give up anything.”

I don’t doubt that,and therein lies the problem.

Doctor Strange gives the boy a pitying look, turning another kind of gaze on me. Disapproval, perhaps? Something else, I can’t tell. No idea what the kid has told him since I died, but he must have told him something juicy because the Doc is calling the cape back to his shoulders. “I’m going to call Mrs. Parker and let her know that Peter is all right.

You two…probably have things you want to discuss in private.”

I really want to tell him not to leave me alone with the kid. I can’t. I don’t, but I want to. I’ve never known anyone willing to sacrifice so much for me before. Somehow, it doesn’t surprise me that it’s Peter doing the sacrificing. That kid loves with his whole heart, and all I ever really wanted was to be at the receiving end of it.

Now that I am, I feel like I’m the one going to hell…

#starker #endagmespoilersahead

5 notes · View notes

squeemcsquee · 6 years

Text

Guest Post: Cosplay/Crafting Tips from el-draco-bizarro

Since I don’t have my blog open to submission, this was emailed to me a while back by my friend @el-draco-bizarro, with the request that I please post it.

I’m finally doing that (would’ve sooner but I forgot I had it!)

Hello there! @el-draco-bizarro here, and I like to make things. Because of @squeemcsquee here, that has started moving in a cosplay direction. She does love her conventions :) Anyway, I have a few projects I'm working on that I may detail into specific posts, but I thought I might write up a generalized list of do's and don’ts of crafting for anyone out there looking into making something, whether it's for the first time or the 800th. We can always, always learn from others no matter how seasoned you may be at making' stuff, but this will focus on the extreme basics for a beginner.

Do Your Research

This should be obvious, but before I start anything, I almost always hit up the internet to see if anyone else has made what I want to make before. Tutorials are great and YouTube videos are awesome for this, but even if someone has simply posted a photograph of their project with no instructions, that can still be great for inspiration. Unless it's something complicated or specific (like electronics for example), I almost never end up following instructions to the letter-don't despair if you can't find an EXACT layout of what you are specifically trying to make. Read more than one process, and pick out the bits that will work best for you and your abilities! There's usually many ways of making a certain type of thing, and experienced crafters will always have their favorite methods that they will stick to-that won't mean it's the best for you. You may like the material they suggest using, but have a better idea for how you want to assemble it. Or you may not have access to the material or tools they use, but after seeing what they do, you've thought of something similar and more available that you can use to accomplish a similar result. Fantastic! Trying new things is how you grow and if you come up with a great process that you didn't see anywhere else, now you get to be the expert and can share your method with the rest of us so the next person searching has even more options.

Ask For Help

Inevitably, you will encounter a Thing You Want To Do, but won't have the foggiest where to start or what you might need to get there. Or you know what you need but can't afford to buy the tools or materials you 100% need and can't substitute. Reach out! Check with your friends; if it's a small or simple job ("I just need three pieces of this thing cut to x length, but I need a specific saw to do it effectively") see if your friends know of anyone with the tool, and if it won't be a great inconvenience of time or money, see if you can ask them to do it for you. For more difficult or time consuming things, you'll want to know the person already and offer compensation. My rule of thumb is, if it would require the person to follow a short list of simple instructions ("cut this thing into three equal lengths", "sew this thing to this other thing in straight line") that's an ok favor to ask. If it's more complicated than that ("take this sheet of plywood and turn it into these 8 specifically measured shapes") that's not a favor anymore, that's a job and you either need to find someone to pay to handle it, or figure it out yourself with possibly a less complex option (can you sub cardboard for plywood?).

Sometimes you might just need someone to bounce ideas off of though. Talk to a friend; "I want to make this thing...how would you do that?" Many times, they'll have a few great ideas where to start (or bad ones....those are ok too though :) ) and suggestions you may not have thought of on your own. They may be able to suggest a simple solution to a portion you thought would be complex or even insurmountable. Use your people!

Use The Right Tool For The Job

Some stuff just isn't equipped to do other stuff. And that sucks because you may only have the wrong stuff. You need the right scissors to cut cloth, kiddie craft scissors won't work. You need the right kind of saw to cut metal, the right needle to sew leather, the right glue for what you're connecting, and so on. Sometimes the right tool is cheap and easy to get. Sometimes it's neither of those things. It's fine to improvise, but you HAVE to be aware of safety if you decide to deliberately use a tool unsuited to the job you want to do. At best, you can end up with a rough, imprecise version of what you were aiming for. At worst, you will hurt yourself. Know the limitations of what you have. I chose to cut insulation foam with a flat kitchen knife today, knowing that a serrated blade would be better and a hot cutter would be best. I stabbed myself in the hand within a minute and I was even paying attention. It was a result I knew could happen, accepted as a minor issue, and was prepared to deal with when I inevitably bled. The flat kitchen knife tore the heck out of the foam as well; for my project, this is ok and will not hurt the final result but if I needed flat geometric edges, my project would have been severely compromised. Take extra precautions if you're gonna wing it. Understand how your process may affect your materials, especially if those materials are expensive or hard to get. Test things on a small insignificant piece first. Ask someone who is more familiar with those materials or tools if you can. Never try something that could potentially become dangerous while alone if at all; I would say this includes anything to do with fire, electronics, or blades especially. Google will be your friend here to minimize risk...try variations of "can I do x thing with y tool/material" until you find something. If every message board says no, maybe don't risk it. Frequently, advice forums and things will include substitute options if they say it can't be done though so those are a great resource.

Baby Steps

What I mean here is, have realistic expectations about what you can achieve with what you have, experience included. You won't go from 0 to a full set of Spartan armor in a week (although if you do please show me lol). But don't be afraid to fail forward! Every time something doesn't turn out how you expected it to, you've learned what not to do. If what you have is duct tape and cardboard, then that's where you start. Look up what others have done with those things, take the bits you like, discard the advice you don't agree with, and go for it. And sometimes the advice you disagreed with will turn out to have been good advice after all, and you do that next time xD. I'm one of those people that tends to not believe something won't work until I've tried it myself, and sometimes it stings to learn, but at least you learned it and that's one more thing that will make your next project better. For example, cardboard is not great to make masks out of. It's fragile, impossible to repair, and HOT. Trust me. But if you have had an idea to make a mask out of cardboard and think you know how to make it work for you, ignore me and go for it, and maybe let us all know how it went along the way! You may do something that makes it all work that none of the rest of us thought of before. Other people's advice is useful but ultimately, most of it is optional. ((Caveat: not safety advice. ALWAYS take heed of safety advice, otherwise You Will Bleed))

Fake It ‘Til You Make It

Bouncing off the above advice, many times you can do what you know with what you have even if you don't end up with a "professional" result. All cosplay is valid! Your papier-mâché mask may be lumpy. Your weapon prop may be a dowel rod covered with colored duct tape. It may not look as great as the costume made by the professional tailor with an expensive sewing machine and access to a machine shop for props. Less experience is not bad, it's a stepping stone. You know what you don't like about what you made last time, and you may have an idea how to improve on it for next time. And next time. And next time. And before you know it you're running a blog specifically about how you get such great looking results out of cardboard and duct tape that blow other people away. Make it work for you and strut your stuff! In my experience, you can do so, so much with just basic materials that other "better" crafters may not have even thought of to try because they're so used to their ways. As a good example, look at the cosplay tag on this blog and check out the Glow Cloud. We got so many compliments on that thing at the con. Lots of people stopped us to say how cool it was and to marvel that they could never have come up with such a great result. You want to know what that's made out of? That's a clear umbrella with three (3) battery-powered strings of colored Christmas lights taped to it. We then spray-glued a boatload of Poly-Fil to it, and found a fluffy light up jacket on Wish to go with it. It was not complicated or even that time-consuming, and I felt like a cheater any time someone said it was special. But honestly? While I COULD have rigged all my own electronics on a hand-made structure etc, it would have take a LOT more time, expertise, and probably money than I had and it still wouldn't have looked any different than a 12 dollar umbrella and some Christmas lights. Never make from scratch what it just as easy and cheap to get premade unless you have specific requirements that the premade can't deliver or can't be altered to include. And never let anyone tell you your cosplay isn't as good because you didn't personally make it from scratch! That's BS elitist advice. Ever hear that dieting advice "Eat whatever you want, and if anyone tells you otherwise, eat them too?" That applies here. There will be those who say you can NEVER make something out of duct tape because that's not good crafting. Or professional. Or any other bogus reason just because they look down on it. Eat them and make your duct tape thing. Simple and cheap is fine and is way less stressful than trying to pursue something complex and expensive. Make what you can, but you don't have to have a big flashy costume to cosplay. Paint a question mark on a t-shirt and call it good. Maybe get a cheap wig and some tights and spend the day comfy instead of lugging around a heavy complicated-and/or-expensive prop. If you're not having fun what's the point? And above all -

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE GOOD AT CRAFTS TO BE GREAT AT COSPLAY

Now get out there and make stuff!

#guest post #cosplay tips #crafting tips #general cosplay advice #friend post

3 notes · View notes

dent-de-leon · 6 years

Note

So I'm going to my first comic con in almoat two weeks but I'm nervous?? Cuz Idk what to expect?? Can you share some of your experiences?? ILY 💞

Mmmm it’s kind of hard to say because I’ve only ever been to New York comic con and not any of the other locations, but I’ll try to help you out as best I can!

I have no idea if you’ve been to prior cons before (anime, ect), but if you have, then the same basic principles of con etiquette apply. This is just a bigger and more crowded con than what you’re probably used to. Some specifically NYCC and general comic con things that stuck out to me:

There’s not much going on Thursday, so it’s honestly the best day to just explore and go shopping. Dealers room is huge, and there’s also artist alley. There’s really not any panels or stuff going on the first day, so it’s a good time to get all your sightseeing and shopping out of the way.

Don’t be afraid to approach booths for stuff you’re unfamiliar with if it looks Really Cool–there was this one video game stand at NYCC last year with a giant dragon you could sit on. Had no clue what the fuck it was for, but you better believe I was lining up to sit on a life size dragon, lmao.

Comic con also always has lots of exclusives sold for just the con! For instance, when VLD panels are at cons, the Lionforge booth usually sells variant cover exclusives of the new comics and such. You can look through the comic con website for your specific location and see what exclusives will be offered.

Get to the entryway early!! My friend and I were in line probably an hour before NYCC opened, and we made pretty good time. Also, we got this neat bag–that they eventually ran out of, lmao. Even while waiting on the line to get in, comic con offers some fun exclusives and you miss that stuff if you’re there too late. And of course, it’s just always a good idea to be there early. At least then you get a chance to explore the venue and sort out where you need to be later on, buy an exclusive that might sell out quickly, ect.

Also, you should definitely go over that schedule beforehand and see what panels and things you’re interested in–try to workout at least a basic outline for how you want to do things. Plan to line up for panels wayyyy in advance…even at small cons you could wait an hour on line. At NYCC, you might well end up waiting upwards of two hours for your panel or signing. Sometimes there are also caps put on the lines, so just like…be Prepared

If you can kind of scope out the venue ahead of time and see where a good place to eat would be, take note! Also, always good to have a general idea of where bathrooms are. You don’t want to have to be running around looking for things last minute.

If you’re kind of uneasy in crowds (I got some of that Social Anxiety myself), make sure you’re just,, generally prepared for big crowds. Because, trust me, there will be lots and lots of people. Anticipate having a hard time finding places to sit and eat inside.

Don’t forget to bring your ID just in case they check it with your badge. They didn’t ask me for mine last year (though, Thursday is like a slow day). But just in case, make sure you have an ID on hand.

I find smaller cons are generally better if you’re hoping with more…interaction with fans, I guess? Like, it seems at NYCC, everyone is on the move and has someplace to be. At smaller cons, you’ll generally have people come up and talk to you more. Still, if you’re wearing a cosplay, you’ll definitely get some people that’ll come over and say hi :D

General con etiquette and knowledge stuff if you’re just really new to cons in general:

FOOD AND WATER IS NOT OPTIONAL!! Something magical happens at cons where you suddenly forget to eat, drink or sleep and if you and your friends haven’t stopped for a break in a while, pull them aside and just hydrate real quick. Pack water bottles and snacks!! You probably have that one Responsible friend in the group who insists on bringing food and water and stopping for breaks–and they are never wrong. Listen to your friend. They know what’s up.

Be Responsible,,–yes, you should bring enough money to cover food and all the nerd stuff you’re gonna splurge on. But try to set a realistic threshold of how much you want to spend so you don’t go overboard.

Just so you know, lots of cosplayers (myself included!) love when people give them compliments or take pictures!! :D It’s super fun! HoweveR,, please be aware that there’s certain expected con etiquette. Do not just take a picture without asking, it’s incredibly rude and kind of unsettling. Also, feels like a breach in privacy. If you want to take a picture, simply go up to them and ask for permission first. Most of the time they’ll be happy to!

If the cosplayer is already surrounded by like five or ten people taking pictures, there’s also the general unspoken rule that you can just join in and take one too, as it’s clear they’ve already given their permission. Just make sure they’re okay with being photographed first, that’s the main thing.

Also, do not ask if they’re in the middle of eating or going on a bathroom break. These are pretty general con etiquette rules that basically everyone knows. But then you get people like the guy who asked my friend for a photo while they were midway through biting into their sandwich. Do not be that guy,, let cosplayers have breaks too.

Also, if you’re taking a picture with another cosplayer, ask before posing with them! For example, if you can put your hand on their shoulder, hug them, ect. I’m really small so it’s easy to lift me–consequently, I’ve had people pick me up and cradle me and even kiss me at cons without asking,, :/ It can be pretty upsetting if people just do that without consent. Oftentimes, if I can prepare myself for it first, I’m okay with lifts and hugs, ect, but don’t ever just spring that shit on someone–if you wouldn’t do it to a stranger, don’t assume it’s okay to do it to a cosplayer.

Also, remember cosplayers are people too! They have their own thoughts and feelings. That sounds silly, but like…I’ve cosplayed Keith while my friend was Lance and I can’t tell you how obnoxious it was for girls to just run up to me and scream “kLA/NCE!!” like…please don’t make cosplayers feel awkward or get in their face. Also, please understand if they don’t want to do a ship photo with another cosplayer. Whatever you say to them “in character,” please remember there’s an actual real person in that costume.

If you’re a cosplayer, congratulations!! I hope you have lots of fun!! But also, just know if you’re a little shy or anxious that people are going to want to come over and say hi. Again, you can tell people not to take pictures if you aren’t comfortable, and never feel pressured to pose or do something just because you’re in cosplay! Also, if you’ve got a costume you made yourself–little sewing kits are a life saver, as are hairsprays and things to maintain wigs. Dress for the weather! You might look cool, but not if you’re dying from the heat. If you’re costume’s getting cumbersome or exhausting to wear, make sure you have something comfy to change into just in case.

Try to wear comfy shoes!! You’ll start to really feel it after walking around for several hours ;;

I don’t know if it’s the weather or packed crowds or running around on limited resources, but someone in the friend group always has a headache at some point. Try to pack some Advil or something if you can! Same goes for any other “just in case” items–even if you think you won’t need it, so long as there’s a chance, bring it! Also, a quick addition to your emergency pack--a portable phone charger. There were some charging stations at NYCC, but they’re always very crowded.

BudDY SYSTEM!! Go to cons with a group of friends and try to make sure one of you is always with a buddy. It’s generally a bad idea to split up in my experience.

anyway, hope you have fun at the con anon!!

20 notes · View notes

artikgato · 7 years

Text

long post sorry

I never fully realized how big a part of my life conventions/cosplay had become. I mean, I knew it was a big part of my life - heck, I even help run a convention. I’ve been going to at least one convention (Animazement) since 2005 - that’s twelve years. And after twelve years of convention-going and, especially the last nine or so years of going to multiple cons every year - cons and cosplay have become the rhythm of my life without me realizing it.

Okay, so: I play a new video game, or watch a new anime/tv show/whatever, usually out of a desperate need to escape my life for a little while. Let’s say I like the game/show/etc: I go to social media and say “hey, I’m playing/watching this thing, and it’s great! wow!”. Many of the comments are “who are you cosplaying?” or “who’s your favorite character?” (secondary meaning: who are you cosplaying and/or writing fanfiction about?). A lot of the time, I do end up picking a new cosplay (or several depending on just how much I like the new game/show/etc.).

So I’ve picked a new character I like that I’m going to cosplay. Then I get to do research (fun!) and maybe order a new wig or track down some new shoes. Depending on how Extra I’m feeling I either commit to making the whole damn costume from scratch, or I decide to thrift as much of it as possible. Then I get to go fabric shopping (fun!) or thrift shopping (also fun!). Then I look at the rest of the year, pick a convention to have this costume ready by, and get to work. (Well, procrastinate for a while, panic about the con being too close and then get to work.) And then I make the cosplay which, despite all my bitching to the contrary, is also fun. Despite the fact that I never sleep enough and seem to run on caffeine and adrenaline, the week or so right before a con is always a great time - I get into that amazing flow state with the cosplay where my skills are heightened and I can do Great Things. It’s an awesome feeling. Then eventually I get to wear the cosplay, and have random strangers (and also friends) come up to me and express positive emotions at me solely for existing while looking like a character they like, which is a huge confidence boost and overall a good time. And many times, I make new friends! Win/win!

I’d settled into this groove with my life - get into a new fandom, pick a new favorite character, cosplay them, wear the cosplay at cons. Stressful, but generally fun all around - the “good” stress, if you will.

I just moved to a new job. I asked during the interview and again once I’d gotten hired, about going out of town for a weekend every once in a while. They, like every other reasonable employer, said as long as I gave enough notice (and I always do) that it would be fine.

I get to work the other day and I’m told that I can’t leave for lunch - which I’m pretty sure is illegal but is definitely just not cool - and unless it’s an emergency or something very important like a wedding of a close friend or a family reunion or something, I can’t take time off. Because I’m the “only one that can answer the phones”. Or talk to customers. I should bring my lunch and take my breaks “in the back” and still answer the phone. I should just “try not to get sick”. If I want to leave for a weekend they’ll have to close the shop and lose money, so I should take days off “only if you have to.”

I just moved down here. I’ve lived here before - the reason I left was because I couldn’t find a good enough job down here. I could go back to where I was before, and my old job would probably take me back, but the reason I was so eager to change to this job was, among other reasons, because I was having a hard time finding anywhere to live near my old job, and my lease is expiring at my old apartment. And the pay is better at this job, and for someone that’s been struggling to pay bills some months for the past forever it was a very enticing offer. So.

Rock, meet hard place.

I don’t know what to do anymore. I’d been thinking about cutting back on going to conventions anyway - the scene has changed so much, and it’s so expensive now...but I don’t want to cut out cons entirely. I help run one. I have friends I very rarely see outside of conventions because we’re busy adults with busy adult lives. I don’t want to just never see them again - and that is almost a guarantee with this job, because if I’m not seeing them at cons and I can’t leave for a weekend I’ll just never see them aside from social media.

I’m not the most social person, to be fair. I’m sure people would probably miss me, but I don’t think anyone would be devastated by not being able to see me once or twice a year. And conventions are a thing for teenagers and 20somethings, right? I’m going to get to old for cons eventually. I could probably make this work. Or at least, that’s what I’m trying to convince myself of, because what choice do I have? No other options are presenting themselves.

But circling back to the problem at hand - now I don’t even want to bother playing a new video game or starting a new show which, basically, is the only way to make my brain shut up for extended periods of time. When I get into a new fandom I love talking about it (I haven’t shut up about Persona once for the past two years). And because most of my friends know me as a cosplayer first, they are inevitably going to ask “who are you going to cosplay?”.

And even if they don’t - even if I ask them all to not mention cosplay or cons to me, I’ll still see their cosplays on social media, see them having fun at cons. Okay, so just stay off social media?

But even then, if I do all that, I’ll still have the impulses that I’ve been honing for the past twelve years: “ooh, you have a wig that would work great for that character” “that character would be so fun to cosplay” “I’ll bet I could convince Best Friend to cosplay this character with me”, etc. etc. etc. Even if I gave away all my wigs and threw away all of my fabric and sewing stuff, I’d still have the impulses. Also my best friend/roommate is even more into cosplay than I am, and that will be a constant reminder of what I’m missing. My ringtones are all Persona music. My phone background is my favorite character, incidentally also my favorite cosplay to wear. One look around my room and I’ll be reminded, constantly, that I’m just going to have to give up a huge part of my life for this job. How am I supposed to live like this?

#long post #personal #and if anyone actually read this and is wondering #no i can't explain this to my boss #she won't understand

8 notes · View notes

stitching-in-time · 7 years

Text

Phantom of the Opera US tour review!

Went to see the re-staged tour of Phantom of the Opera yesterday. Being an extremely obsessed Phantom fan for pretty much my entire life, I have mixed feelings. (Long post ahead! Also spoilers, in case there’s anyone left who doesn’t know the show already...)

I wasn’t planning to see the new tour, since it isn’t the original staging, but the lure of hearing my favorite score performed live with a huge orchestra was too strong, and the new cast looked pretty good. (And included Trista Moldovan as Carlotta! Trista is one of my favorite Christines, so there was no way I could resist!)

The bright side: it wasn’t the completely awful trash nightmare I’d heard some of the hardcore phans say it is. The downside: the new sets are ugly and the new blocking really hobbled the storytelling. The original staging is perfect, and has stood the test of time- so why change it? That’s what I’d like to ask the people behind this, because it doesn’t make sense to me. I know budget concerns were supposedly a factor, but I don’t see how that giant turntable set could be less expensive than a staircase and a portcullis! The one thing I will give it: the staircase magically appearing as they descended to the Phantom’s lair was pretty cool, but I still prefer the original with the whole stage filled with mist and candelabras, it was more atmospheric.

The places where this production was at it’s best were where it stuck most closely to the original. The opera scenes were the best in that respect- and I even liked this version of ‘Il Muto’ better than the original- they had a whole Rococo boudoir set with a cabinet for the Count to hide in, it was very pretty and made it more funny. That was the only place where I can say this production improved on the original. The opening sequence was my favorite though, and I was having a bit of a squee moment when the overture started and the chandelier lit up and all the Hannibal dancers appeared. I also liked the cobwebbed effect over the prologue that dissolved away as the overture started- I thought it was painted on a scrim, but it was actually some sort of projection- very cool! And I forgot that Carlotta also sings ‘Think of Me’ at the beginning, so I nearly flipped out that my favorite Christine was singing ‘Think of Me’ live in front of me! (WHY IS SHE NOT STILL PLAYING CHRISTINE?! SHE’S NOT TOO OLD COME ON PEOPLE! SO CLOSE AND YET SO FAR!!) Not to count out Kaitlyn Davis, who was perfectly fine as Christine, and sang a lovely cadenza (I love that they let her use a different one from the Broadway version!), but Trista is my fave and I’d choose her over everybody. Except Gina Beck- I don’t think I could choose between Gina and Trista- don’t ever ask me, I can’t do it!

The use of the original costumes (or most of them, at any rate!) was what saved the whole production from looking like a pathetically cheap bargain basement version. Except for ‘Masquerade’, which they really skimped on, and it looked awful- if you take away the original costumes, including the Phantom’s iconic Red Death costume, AND the staircase that was utilized in both the dance and the Phantom’s entrance, then you’re left with a scene that has almost no impact, or even reason for existing. But Christine’s Star Princess costume was one of the prettier ones I’ve seen- nicely subdued colors, and the skirt was all sparkly like a field of stars- I wasn’t close enough to see how it was constructed, but it looked like a net overskirt with rhinestones, maybe? But it was so much better than most of the really brightly colored, less embellished ones they seem to use nowadays.

The loss of atmosphere was the big problem with the sets: they were mostly just backdrops of brick walls. I guess they were trying to show the ‘backstage life’ of the theater, but it took away from the Gothic Victorian romanticism aesthetic that’s so much a part of what makes the show beloved. In a dramatic sense, switching the action of ‘Angel of Music’ to take place in the ballerina’s common dressing room rather than a luxurious private dressing room for Christine still makes sense, even if it’s less pretty to look at, but changing the Phantom’s lair was just glaringly wrong. It literally looked like a basement: just brick walls with a bed and a desk. (Well, it was supposedly an organ- like a smaller, steampunk version of an organ that the phantom had invented, but it looked like a desk, not an organ.) There’s no candelabras, no portcullis, no throne. There’s a bunch of candles hung from ropes from the ceiling, but it just looks like a student’s modern art project rather than something someone in the 19th century would actually do, particularly someone like the Phantom. All the opulence he surrounds himself with is part of his persona, and helps create his character for the audience- he feels somewhat incomplete without it. Also, taking leaves from the movie adaptation and actually showing the Phantom killing Buquet onstage, or having Raoul punch him in the jaw in the graveyard, undercuts his supernatural persona and makes him seem less mysterious, which lowers the dramatic stakes, and undoes some of the glamour of the character.

That said, Derrick Davis was very good. He has a fantastic voice, and I hope he gets the chance to play the role on Broadway, because I feel like we didn’t see the best of what he could do, because this version’s terrible blocking took away so much character development. Being nearly a through-sung show, the big songs are also the big moment to build the relationships between the characters, but the new director seems to think that having two characters stand motionless several feet apart and sing at each other from afar is enough to do that- and it’s not. ‘Music of the Night’ is all about the Phantom & Christine establishing some kind of emotional/sensual connection, but it was just awkward here. It’s a running joke in the phandom that Christine has a ‘phantagasm’ when the Phantom touches her in MOTN, but certainly not in this version. There’s nothing remotely sensual about this blocking- it’s pretty business-like for most of it, including when he blindfolds her for goodness knows what reason, leads her around in a dance hold for a few seconds, then they go back to standing motionless a few feet away from each other again, until he picks her up and puts her to bed. (Why she immediately falls asleep isn’t explained, we’re just supposed to go with it. Okay. Whatever. But really, bring back the mirror bride asap!)

The same trouble plagued ‘All I Ask of You’. It’s usually my favorite, because it’s just so romantic and sweet, but that doesn’t come through in this version. Raoul & Christine’s relationship should be demonstrated through their mutual affection as they’re hugging and canoodling in this song, but in the new blocking it can’t. They stand on opposite sides of the stage until halfway through- Christine actually runs away from Raoul and looks more afraid of him than the Phantom! Add to that the weird set design- why are those brick walls on both sides of the stage if they’re on top of the roof?! I couldn’t even see the entire rooftop set from where I was sitting because of those darn wall pieces blocking the view- why were they there?!- and you’re left with an oddly flat love song. It’s a shame too, because everyone in the cast had a great voice, and it sounded lovely, but that was it. Raoul in particular felt kind of rigid and unemotional, but I wonder how much of that is the director’s fault, since Andrew Lloyd Webber wants the new staging to set up Love Never Dies, so they’ve deliberately tried to make Raoul less likable to do that, which I hate! You could tell they did that with Hadley Fraser at Royal Albert Hall and it was so disappointing. LND will never have an American production, so don’t ruin POTO just for it’s sake. Raoul should always be sweet and adorable. End of story.

On a positive note, they’ve clearly taken a few notes from the phans complaints and made some minor changes from the UK tour- the Phantom’s mask is less ugly than the one you see John Owen Jones wearing in the TV commercial, and his wig is less full and more controlled than the floppy haired ones they used in the UK, thank heaven, but I’d still prefer the return of the slicked back wig. And Christine now has her scarf back during ‘Think of Me’. Also, I don’t know if it’s just Derrick Davis, or if they’ve officially changed it, but I’m glad he’s less aggressive toward Christine in the Final Lair scene. The choking is still a major problem and they really need to find some alternative to that, but at least he didn’t get on top of Christine in that aggressive rape-y stance when he throws her on the bed, like previous Phantoms in this production did. That was one of the reasons I didn’t have interest in the touring show- it changes the Phantom’s character, and it’s really inappropriate for a show that lots of children know and love, not to mention triggering for a lot of people, and I wasn’t gonna support that. But when I watched a bootleg of Derrick, he didn’t do that, so I decided I could give it a chance after all. (Note to producers: bootlegs are your friends, not your foes!)

Also, an interesting costuming tid-bit: Kaitlyn Davis was wearing the rare, elusive, non-striped blue dress for ‘Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again’! I’ve heard tales of this phenomenon, and seen a few pics, but it was a surprise to actually see it in person! And it was a pretty one, too: dark blue floral print on a lighter blue background. I admit that trying to find a good match for cosplaying the stripey dress has been a lifelong goal, but it’s impossible! However, I’m wondering now if cosplaying this version might be more do-able. I’m gonna keep it in mind as an option now :)

So overall: it was a mixed bag. I didn’t like the new design or direction, but the whole cast was very good, and I liked them a lot. (I thought the main trio was especially good in the Final Lair scene- if only it had been the original staging!) I’m disappointed that it didn’t have the emotional impact that the original had, but it was still an entertaining show, and I enjoyed all the little funny moments that you don’t get from just listening to the cast album or watching grainy bootlegs. (When Carlotta swished her Hannibal skirt and caught two of the ballerinas underneath it, and they crawled out and rolled their eyes! LOL) And of course, seeing the original costumes in action from moderately close-range was a dream come true after all these years!

It wasn’t the perfect Phantom experience, but it was still fun, and it was certainly worthwhile. It can’t replace the original, but it was an adequate place-holder if you don’t have access to the real thing. The music, after all, is all still there, and if it makes some little kid falls in love with the show, and maybe musical theatre in general, I think it’s still doing it’s job. I saw a matinee, and there were two bus loads of school kids in the audience, and it was great to see how excitedly they were talking about the show afterward. I even saw a little boy in the lobby before the show who couldn’t have been more than four years old, but he was wearing a little tuxedo, cape, and mask, clinging to his mothers hand and asking her when they were going to see the Phantom. (Awwww!) I’m just glad the show is still out there in some form garnering new phans, because that’s what’s going to keep it alive for years to come. :)

#Phantom of the Opera #poto us tour review #poto review

2 notes · View notes

authoramandawilson · 7 years

Text

I screwed up.

Severely.

I committed the biggest, most horrendous crime as a writer and mental health advocate.

I forgot to update my blog over the last month.

*Cue Psycho violin screech music*

In my defence, most of September and October have been a whirlwind of non-stop hustling and bustling, and it was only my birthday weekend past that I realized how much I put my blog on the back burner in an attempt to keep up with other writing demands.

And let’s be realistic, being a stay-at-home, freelance writer doesn’t mean I get lots of free time. Most days I’m barred up in my writing den with my cats and dog, smashing my keyboard as I try to get projects done while fuelled by one too many ice caps and chai lattes.

Should I have been paying more attention to my blog? Yes. Am I an idiot for putting off this recent post? Oh, yeah! Could I have been more attentive? Hell yes, but sometimes life has a way of drifting to more pressing matters, and sometimes you gotta sacrifice in one area in exchange for something else.

In lieu of putting Fighting the Good Fight on a brief hiatus, I spent the last six weeks focusing on promoting Lemonade Stand and travelling for my unofficial (and very underpaid) book tour. I spent over two weeks travelling around Newfoundland, personally delivering books to fans, friends, and family. I racked up km’s on my Rav, I spent way too much money at Tim Hortons (on ice caps and blueberry muffins, of course) and took a few days here and there to spend time with long-lost friends and family.

How I kept up with everything over the last six weeks is beyond me, and the thought that after Tuesday we’re heading into the Christmas season, I’ll be lucky if I keep up with all the demands and expectations. (Lets hope I do!)

That’s not to say I didn’t have fun over the last few weeks either. I get to spend every day doing something I love – writing and more writing. I get to lose myself in my manuscripts and recently, I’m really into writing a lot of poetry. (Thanks Rupi Kaur!) At the end of the day, it’s a lot of pain and fun, but I couldn’t be happier.

(Now if only I could stick to a better sleep schedule.)

So in ode to a crazy, fun, busy, and overwhelming six weeks, I decided to compile a list of all the adventures I have been losing myself in. So settle in, grab an ice cap, and enjoy the highlight reel.

Getting to Play Band Groupie to Rough Hands

What’s better than best friends and great local music?

When they’re together of course!

I was lucky enough to have my friends from the band Rough Hands on the west coast, lending them a place to crash and spending time together toward the end of their Eastern Canada tour. It was a very impromptu stay, but we had fun and I was thankful to get to see some faces I haven’t seen in a while. Their show was absolutely fantastic and I was giddy to play band groupie for the weekend.

Seriously, check them out. Luke and this band mates are making some great music. They’re 100% gonna make it to the big leagues – no doubt about it!

(Just remember who offered you a bed and shower when you’re rich and famous some day. 😉 )

Check them out here and here!

*Out of the Dark is available on iTunes!*

Book Launch and Unofficial Province Book Tour

Mid-September, after I spent several days personally signing books and writing messages to all the 110 wonderful people who personally bought Lemonade Stand off of me, I packed up my Rav4 and headed across NL to promote and deliver my book to masses.

Through my book tour, I got to meet a lot of new people, listen to other people’s struggles with mental health issues, and talk book writing. It was a great and exhausting two weeks travelling around (and getting lost a few times!). Don’t worry, I plan to honour this experience in a future blog post. (Coming soon!)

Chris de Burg Concert and St. John’s Adventures

In all fairness, I had other motives besides my book tour to head across the province. I had tickets booked to Chris de Burg’s concert with my mama. Having Mom raise me on the right kind of music, I have only been waiting to see him live since I was thirteen. With the launch of his new cd A Better World, it didn’t take much begging and pleading for Mom to agree to come with me.

#gallery-0-11 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-11 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-11 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-11 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

I was excited beyond belief when he walked out on stage. I laughed. I cried. I sang at the top of my lungs. (Sorry Mom.) I danced wildly around in my seat. (Sorry Mom.) I clapped a lot and cheered super loud (Again, sorry Mom.), but I had the time of my life. One of the best concerts I’ve been to at Mile One (and that includes The Backstreet Boys). And lets just say, I wasn’t the only one losing my cool when he ended the show with “Patricia the Stripper”. (Right, Mom? 😉 )

I also planned things for my wedding and finally got to say Yes to the Dress! It took a few hours, a mild panic attack and a few happy tears later, but I’m glad to finally have another item checked off the Thomas Wedding list.

In addition to all the wedding fun, I curbed my adventures back to book research and with the help of my best friend, I spent some time exploring St. John’s, making sure that I was getting details and descriptions right for my upcoming NL novel.

Besides I got to spend a lot of time on Signal Hill, taking in the view (despite the cold) and I finally got to see the Canada 150 sign while getting to pose for some pictures with my bestie at the historic site. I also got to see Quidi Vidi for the first time ever, which was a real treat. (It’s pretty bad I lived here my whole life and I’m only now seeing great land marks. Fail.)

Despite acting like a tourist, I did get a lot of information for my manuscript and I know it will all pay off in the long run when my NL novel is finally complete.

You’re welcome in advance.

Working on my NL Novel

Once I concluded my book tour, and book research, and my mini vacation home, I finally mucked back to Corner Brook and remained held up in my writing den for weeks on end. While still trying to working on getting We Were Fighters published (and exploring self-publishing options as well), I’ve been spending a lot of time on my new manuscript, a fiction novel based in my home province of Newfoundland.

Knowing that only publishing houses here on The Rock will only take on NL content manuscripts, I’m hoping that this could be my first foot in the door to getting my novels out there. Within three weeks I had banged out over a hundred plus pages, turning my eyes and brain to absolute mush. As I mentioned before, being a writer is lots of pain and fun, and despite being hooked on caffeine and severely sleep deprived, I’m having a lot of fun writing this novel and creating a small taste of NL culture.

But with the goal to have the manuscript finished before Christmas, I still have a long way to go! Writer’s block had me stuck a few times and as a haphazard writer who doesn’t write in linear fashion, I find myself getting caught up in wanting to write the exciting parts vs. “the middle”. A terrible flaw on my behalf.

But don’t worry, I’m a pretty disciplined writer and with less than a hundred pages to go, I’m hoping that by 2018, this could be a potential published work.

Wish me luck.

Hiking and Halloween Birthday

Of course, October isn’t my favourite month just because CB is absolutely one of the most beautiful places in the world during the fall. I also get to look forward to a string of friends’ birthdays (including my own) and of course, Halloween and lots of horror movies!

While admittedly, October brought about a brief depression episode, I still managed to trudge through most of my writing duties, even if it felt like pulling teeth some days (and bouts of relentless anxiety). A week leading up to my birthday, I could barely pull myself out of bed, and tragically, I lost one of my childhood pets. My dear cat Sam, who was lucky to have eighteen long years of life. He made his journey over the Rainbow Bridge the day before my birthday, so celebrating this year was followed with fleeting moments of sadness and mourning.

Rest peacefully, old man. ❤

But despite losing one of my oldest pals, I did get to spend a wonderful weekend in Gros Morne, hiking with the crowd to celebrate one of my friend’s birthdays. While it was cold, we were severely hungover, and it snowed, we managed to hike Green Gardens without coming across any bears and barely escaping the obvious signs of a huge-ass bull moose. All in all, a successful trip up the Coast.

Thankfully though, I got to end October on a high note. Not only did my birthday fall on a Friday this year, I also got to have a Halloween birthday party with my best friends. Following a week of bad anxiety and fatigue, and the death of my kitty cat, my birthday turned out to be a great night of friends, fun, and laughter – and really how could I ask for more?

Considering I spent the last two Halloweens either working or stuck on the couch with the stomach flu, I was glad I finally got to put my Phoenix costume to good use. After a few weeks of practicing cosplay makeup and putting finishing touches on my costume, I was able to bring one of my favourite X-Men characters to life. Of course, Zack gave Hugh Jackman a run for his money as a Logan/Wolverine look-a-like.

Besides, we had fun putting off a very funny – and very drunk – photo shoot. We had comic book heroes from all universes, we had some crossover hybrid characters, and witches. But hey, having Lego Batman there was definitely the most fun – especially when trying to watch your bestie struggle to drink through that face mask.

My birthday was a great end to a fast-paced month. Despite all the chaos, and work loads, and the threats of approaching deadlines, it was nice to take a few nights just to enjoy company with those I care about most. Sometimes we get lost in the mundane of every day life, and sometimes we get too caught up in our own lives to remember to spend time with others. So I was grateful for the few moments of peace and hilarity in a busy schedule. ❤

Even though I had lost track of time and let six weeks zip by without realizing how much I had been neglecting my duties to my blog, I am thankful for the chaos and havoc that has been my life for the last several weeks.

Autumn has come and gone before I realized it, and give it a few more day, there will likely be snow on the ground. While I am no where near ready for winter, and even less prepared for the enclosing Christmas season, I’ve been reflecting lately on how lucky I have been this last year – getting to spend my time perusing my writing career. It’s far from perfect, and I’m making nickels compared to the dollars I was making serving tables, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in months, and that’s all that matters. Happiness is all that matters – it’s that hard and that simple.

So what if it means cutting back on ice caps and lattes or spending more nights eating in than out? Being “poor” doesn’t mean being unhappy. I had a great fall and instead of ending this blog post on a big sappy metaphor – how my life is changing like the colour of the leaves (See what I did there?), I’m getting one more season closer to my dreams.

So sometimes life gets hectic and I ignore my duty to my blog.

Sometimes I fall behind on writing duties at the expense of other writing projects, and sometimes I forget to reach out to friends and family more often than not – but that’s life. I’ve been on a wild ride these last two months and I can only wait with anxious breath about the impending winter adventures that I’m sure are in store.

Worst comes to shove, I can always write an apology blog post to make up for it all.

So here’s to next season, and the next blog post. I’ll see you guys soon.

And as always,

Fight the good fight.

-A xo

Adventures, (Unofficial) Book Tour, Endless Ice Caps, Manuscript Writing, and Blog Fails I screwed up. Severely. I committed the biggest, most horrendous crime as a writer and mental health advocate.

#blog #booktour #fightingthegoodfight #lemonadestand #lifeupdate #Travel

0 notes

theicyfresh · 7 years

Note

3, 7, 10, 11, 19, 20, 22, 25, 26, 27, 33, 40, 42, 43, 44?

3. Crush? Eh, kinda.? I get crushes like nobody’s business but it’s also like nope don’t feel conceal it’ll be easier that way. Currently I can think of one that isn’t my girlfriend but then I also get into lines of is it crush or infatuation cause there are a lot of people i’d like to jump.7. Best friends?My girlfriend for starters, you always gotta date your best friend. Then Tufbak and Chocotaco and SilverBark. Tufbak is the logical strategist, Chocotaco the explosion-yolo cop, and SilverBark is our own lovable sociopath. And i’m the mixture of the three :D (If you look closely in this ask you’ll find portions from each of these friends)I’m also kinda workin on making more best friends but I have this annoying thing where I want to sleep with people I get close to typically and that doesn’t end well really.I’m also trying to be best friends with @TurnFreeBaby and @nerdbomber but idk what either of them think about me truly cause TurnFree exaggerates like an exploding chicken and Nerdbomber’s as sweet as can be and depression is like “Nah they hate you you’re just a convenient reciprocal ”. 10. Ever been in love?I thought I was, for a really long time. It’s this whole traumatic backstory™ about my first love who I’d give the world but lost myself trying to provide perfection (an impossible goal). I now know that love is a spectrum, and it’s kinda hard to determine ‘in love’. For me it means I could see myself with this person forever, and due to my aformentioned backstory™ I kinda fear applying myself that irrevocably again, I was forced into feeling it my first time, so I don’t want to feel it again as it’s associated with all sorts of bad in my head. That being said though sometimes I feel like I could say it, I feel like I could come close. I’ve felt a large spectrum of love over my life and barring my first it’s all been beautiful in their own ways.11. Last time I cried?uuhhh.. I’m not sure, I think yesterday, I cried thinking about all the horrible ways i’ve hurt those I love. It started thinking of my first real girlfriend who I hurt by giving too much to and ended with thinking about the most recent ex who I hurt by giving what might of been to much to another and keeping what might have been too much to myself..19. If I had one wish, what would it be?To understand the psychology of anyone so I know how to help them best. I try to learn people furiously because almost everyone is in pain from something. I rarely ever know enough to help to the degree i’d like and when I do it’s typically from a level quite intimate where any separation in the future causes damage by itself. 20. Do I love someone?My girlfriend absolutely, my family kinda after that, Tufbak still I think, although I told him not to say it back till he meant it and I don’t think he ever quite will. 22. Nicknames? Hobo, Python, Icy, Hobo from highschool when I scared the shit out of a group of my friends by looking like a homeless hooded person who’s jumping fences before school to get into the school when really I was trying to make it to PE on time. Python as a joke from this one girl who wanted her boyfriend to know she could get better dick. Icy because it’s a sub of my gamertag and it’s how people refer to me if they don’t know my name online.

25. Worst thing to ever happen to me?It’s a close tie between being betrayed by someone I never could have expected anything from and having feelings and reciprocated feelings but knowing ingrained in your soul that it isn’t going to work and it’s going to hurt the whole time you try.First was part of my tragic backstory™ where my “never want anyone else” “you’re the only guy I even look at” girlfriend who with others acted more celibate than a Mormon had been cheating on me for longer than a year out of our 5 year relationship. I flip flop between thinking I deserve it or not because god knows i’ve done worse and worse to her but some people who love me tell me nobody deserves that.Second part was a girl who I think I was falling for but it hurt our sexualities/lives never quite met up. She’s poly and I believe i’m poly but certain things in that area of love just kinda burn (this was recently after being betrayed though so I hope that’s why certain bits burned) but I’d never want to limit her because a part of her beauty was being so unrestrained and willful so I would just deal and learn new mechanisms for ignoring the pain. As for our lives not meeting up I kinda moved into a relationship that was a moving work that went from closed and secure to open and secure. It’s still in that process actually we don’t know how long it’ll be. But I moved into this relationship and she stuck around because she fell much before me and I just kinda dragged her with it, she deserved better and i’m sorry to the deepest part of me but eventually she found a new guy and fell for him much harder than she ever did for me and now we don’t talk because of details that i’d include if I didn’t feel this answer was much too long. Goddamn this answer is long... 26. Best thing that’s ever happened to me?At some point I stopped thinking dying was an acceptable option to stop hurting. This change in my psychology is why i’m alive today and a foundation of things to improve my life.27. Something i’d change about myself?I lose myself in others really easily. It was so so fuckin bad when I was attached to my first girlfriend who was toxic. But nowadays i’m decently better with it. I kinda fluctuate on what qualities are forefront depending on who i’m with but i’m not always forgetting who the hell I am. If i’m more intimate with who i’m with I kinda lose more of myself which is kinda fine kinda not. I’d change that aspect to be more under my control because I want to understand myself but I change literally with a changing of surroundings so it’s frustrating. 33. Best day of my life?Probably the first time I cosplayed as Deadpool at RTX. I had been working for months to try to get an acceptable bodytype and I felt actually decent in a skintight suit all fuckin day it was great.I was so surprised when the first person asked me to take a picture with him. I was more surprised when I made groups of people laugh with my shenanigans.I was the most surprised when I stumbled onto the final meeting of the guardians (all the volunteers/staff who organize the event) and I made them all APPLAUD ME IT WAS SO GLORIOUS. I got the attention of like 4, but one of them was the person telling everyone what a good con it was and they laughed and pointed me out and they ALL TURNED and APPLAUDED AS I DANCED AND APPLAUDED THEM BACK. I STARTED POINTING OUT LIKE “YOU DID A GOOD JOB, AND YOOUUU DID A GOOD JOB” AND IT WAS SO FUCKING GREAT.Oh god I could write several paragraphs writing all my favorite memories from that one day. 40. Do i believe in love?I believe in balance in all things. I believe that things like love are powerful and mostly represented as good but that makes the bad all the more surprising and all the more potent. At a season of acting at a haunted house I was crying practically every night in the name of love lost. Over 5 years I destroyed my own psychology/will in the name of love. I’ve felt every emotion under the sun in the name of love. I think love needs to be handled responsibly.42. Am I ok?I dunno, this ask kinda got me fucked up. It started with one facet of myself kinda answering things related to how I feel about people and it was kinda vulgar and thirsty. Then it moved on to who I am as a person, and I don’t have a reference point for who to be right now so things are surfacing from all parts of myself and i’m worried I sound like a crazy person and that i’m filling up so much of people’s dashboard. It’s also 2:30 AM and I have homework to finish by 11:30 AM and 2 project deadlines and 2 midterms this week and just fuuuuuuuuuck and I typically default to flirty and such but I have to marshal everything because I need to be better. (Even though I reeeeaalllly want to be it’s burning at me) but hey i’ll be fine, every problem has an end. 43. Relationship Status?I have a girlfriend who is very healthy for me in a bunch of ways and I’m trying very hard to not make myself into anything she needs because I love her so much. 44. Selfie?I don’t know if i’ve ever posted myself on here. Remind me in the morning and i’ll post 2 cause i’m skipping now.

0 notes