#i just never know what to fucking say bc like. thanks it’s actually a disability I did years of speech therapy for makes them feel rude/bad

[punk-pins]

question. how are you supposed to respond when people (positively) comment on your accent?

#context I have a mild speech impediment on my Rs and a very autistic musical speech pattern / cadence #i don’t have an ACCENT any different from the ppl around me I’m just fucking autistic when speaking #but ppl LIKE my ‘accent’ I get compliments on it all the time #i just never know what to fucking say bc like. thanks it’s actually a disability I did years of speech therapy for makes them feel rude/bad #and I don’t want them to feel BAD but then they ask where I’m from and I’m like right here. the same place as you. #and they don’t BELIEVE me they insist I’m from somewhere else / need some sort of explanation #so sometimes I lie and then they’re satisfied or I double down on the truth that I’m from here and they get upset??? #but I don’t want to like. disclose my disability status here. bc then they’d also get upset!!! #idk. curse of the funny voice I guess :/

[chaotic-saturne]

Just watched good omens season 2 so here are our thoughts :

SO OBVIOUSLY BIG SEASON 2 GOOD OMENS SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!!!!!

- don't like the Aziraphale slander, let characters be ✨flawed✨ and not perfect little beans

- not really fond of the fan theory that Metatron did put smth in Aziraphale's drinking cuz it would miss on the whole Aziraphale' struggle with his morality and basically religious trauma, AND the fact that Metatron clearly pushed him into it, Aziraphale has lots of issues with the statue quo and authority figures, so Metatron clearly coming in right after Crowley left (I'd think he likely saw them kissed, or at least see Aziraphale emotionally distressed) so Aziraphale has no time to think, Aziraphale clearly hesitates but Metatron pushes and pushes again

- love (tho emotionally destroyed us as well) the scene in which Aziraphale is waiting for Crowley to bring him to hell because he lied, as if lying is worse than killing CHILDREN because it's god' ineffable plan, this whole scene really shows the lack of understanding of humankind from angels and God AND how authoritarian god actually is, which is why when Crowley says in the last episode they're toxic, it really hits on point, how cult-ish it almost looks and how it destroys your own morality, how Crowley who is a demon is supposed to be bad but is doing good things and angels are supposed to be good and do constantly bad things, and how Crowley is "bad" only cuz he asked questions (it also makes us wonder, are all demons stereotypes bad or are some shut down/pressured into acting bad? Like the angels can be shut down/pressured into not thinking too much?)

- was destroyed by the fact that Crowley opened up to Aziraphale on his feelings to end up being emotionally so fucking hurt to the point of putting his GLASSES ON WHICH HE NEVER DOES BEFORE INSIDE AZIRAPHALE'S BOOKSHOP

- love the lesbians, so glad Nina was able to break up and so glad they opened up with Crowley on how THEY also play with human lives as if it's funny and/or entertaining and not considering humans' relations and feelings which is in fact a replica of their own relationship to each other (also as a way to not emotionally open up to the other)

- the way God is treated in the show really keeps reminding us of the way God is shown in Angels before Man by Rafael Nicolás (really recommend ! especially if you're a queer with religious trauma)

- happy for Belzebub and Gabriel tho'

- glad to have wheelchair disabled representation, as a wheelchair user as well ☺️

- loved the tension between Michael and Uriel (they should angrily smooch)

- love the fact that both Crowley and Aziraphale use god' imagery to do good when it was not god' intention to do good, the whole morality thing is even furthermore questioned there (let there be the light by Crowley episode 1 and the whole situation with Job)

- Crowley has religious trauma but acknowledge it and Aziraphale don't

- Mr Fell, i don't know i just feel like his name being FELL when trying to pass as human, is kinda funny and ironic and maybe means something more

- Aziraphale being a landlord is UGH SIGH BIG SIGH, however that he is bad at it is actually good and it just furthers (along with his capitalist bullshit ranting when in Scotland) him wanting to follow the statue quo and what authority portrays as good even within the human morality is, well, it says a lot

- Aziraphale wanting to be saved by Crowley cuz 1/maybe it means in his thinking that it means Crowley can be saved/redeemed 2/Aziraphale likes being saved, taken care of 3/Aziraphale kinda puts his authoritative issues (trusting someone too much bc they have an authoritative power over him) on Crowley those moments cuz Crowley is the one deciding and taking control, but at the same time they are on equal foot and everything so it may mess up Aziraphale furthermore into his own personal dilemna

Here's for now, thank you for reading 😭

#good omens #good omens season 2 #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #ineffable bureaucracy #belzebubs #gabriel #metatron is an ass #god as well #most angels actually #except muriel shes babi #ill adopt her #good omens season two #good omens season 2 spoilers #good omens spoilers #good omens analysis #good omens ranting #why so much angst now comfort please #i still kin aziraphale tho'

[levbolton]

Hey I hope this doesn't come off as aggressive but why are you so against people considering hgsn a yaoi? After all yoshiki is in love w hikaru (according to the early concept sketches anyway) and it is heavily implied that either hikaru or ''hikaru'' likes yoshiki

I never said Yoshiki doesn’t have feelings for Hikaru the original one, not Unuki.

When you go hgsn is a bl (or even worse, yaoi that means no climax, no point, no plot) you undoubtedly reduce the story to Yoshiki’s feelings for Hikaru and discard everything else.

People ship Yoshiki and Unuki (“Hikaru”) and that takes away all psychological layers this story has. Yoshiki doesn’t simply love “Hikaru”. What he held dear was his childhood friend, the only kid around his age in that secluded village, Hikaru. Now imagine one day he finds out Hikaru is no longer, he’s dead. If he’s dead he can’t see him again or hear his voice and that fucking breaks something inside of him. But there’s an identical copy of him, that has the same face and the same voice. Coping mechanisms activate and he somehow gaslights himself into thinking “this is fine, Hikaru is here”, only that it’s not Hikaru, it’s “Hikaru”. He knows it but prefers to ignore it (what you don’t know can’t hurt you). You know, the human need for things to stay the same, sudden changes one cannot control were never humanity’s cup of tea. It’s very subtle, and you have to realize: wait, someone actually died in this story, they’re not coming back, they were an important part of someone’s like and they’re not coming back. But there’s also “Hikaru” that learns how to live for the first time and you can’t simply pin Hikaru’s death and his abscence on “it” either, it’s way more complex than that, both sides are correct when you know both perspectives. “Hikaru” isn’t human so it doesn’t think like a human, if you know his perspective you can’t hate him bcs his brain (or whatever there is like a brain) can’t gasp the concept of survival that humanity has. And this “Hikaru” commits stuff that are unthinkable for a human being (killing a strangers like Matsuura, threatening to kill a friend like Asako) but at this point Yoshiki too thinks it’s his fault, he let the thing be and do as he please so it’s too late for him to pull out so all he can do is “bear the sins together”, what’s done it’s done now the show must go on. He doesn’t “bear the sins” together out of love, it’s an obligation he made peace with, in his head he’s just as guilty for those deaths (and Asako’s possible disability that could ruin her chances to play volleyball and that’s be fucked up if those were Asako’s plans for future)

When people say hgsn is a bl, they just focus on Yoshiki x Hikaru (“Hikaru”) oMg CuTe ElDeRiTcH gay monster obbsessed with yoshiki

And when people focus on hgsn is a bl they ignore everything else. Moku has a “show, don’t tell” kind of storytelling. There’s so many symbols that are basically foreshadowing or just easter eggs (chal mentioned once in the discord channel that the cypress bath salt from chapter 10 are from some greek mythology about someone dying i don’t recall the details, sorry it’s midnight and i didn’t have a greek mythology phase growing up), also Tanaka having chocolate on his board, and then adding sugar to his tea, that kind of insinuates he has a sweet tooth, just like Rie (that parfait, the recent chapters with the sweets on the table), anyway this is just a theory (tht Tanaka migt be Rie’s son), i could go on with way more details but that’s not the point of this post, there’s more symbols and stuff going on, been analysing the geography too as Moku doesn’t show us stuff randomly, or why did Moku choose to mention Herman Hesse’s work in chapter 2 (it’s not Demian, it’s the night peacock moth or however it’s in german Das Nachtpfauenauge ah thanks predictive keyboard)

I repeat myself again, when people say hgsn is a bl they just focus on the bl part and ignore all the complexities this work has. (When moku asked for questions for the qa at the end of vol 3 there were so many like “when will yoshiki and hikaru kiss 🥺”)

You say “early concept sketches” when the current work isn’t even sold as a BL, a story can go a different way from the first draft and concept (ofc you keep some stuff bcs if everything changws then it’s another story), not to mention that moku deleted that concept work, the only source available are the scanlation from nekojita (i think it was their group) and moku already said multiple times that hgsn is youth horror manga, unuki’s monster parts aren’t an allegory for being gay (or they could be but not like it was the sole intention)

In my opinion hikaru died too soon to realise and even accept his feelings for yoshiki, i guess that’s a possible reason why unuki is so confused, but im sure the story is more complex and has to do with the backstory, moku didn’t mention those famines and that bloody history for nothing, im not saying anything as I don’t have a good intuition for this stuff, so I’m just patiently waiting for moku to draw the story and reveal all the secrets

Besides, having queer male characters doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bl. Bl is a shojo genre, made by women for women, 2 guys so they have to skip all the inequalities women go through, bcs when it’s 2 guys they are both equal (don’t come at me, this is the real history of bl). Bl doesn’t even represent gay people nor normalise their presence, you’d think the country with the most Bls has already some lgbt friendly rules but guess what it’s not that case bcs bl isn’t for the queers. Actual works that focus on the queer experience are My brother’s husband, Yuhki Kamatani’s works or Kakeoichi Girl (i heard good things about Boys Run the Riot too but I didn’t read it yet). Bls focus a lot on adult (often teacher) x minor (often the student), on forceful interactions (such as SA), and it’s very hecking heteronormative (big is dominant, smal is dominated, big is manly, small is drawn that way especially so it’s very undistinguishable from a woman, again don’t come at me, it’s the BL rules)

So, in conclusion, again, hgsn isn’t just a bl, it’s more than that. Just like in Blue Flag, the queer feelings that exist are important for the plot, but they’re just there as plot driver (Yoshiki’s feelings for Hikaru blinding him into accepting the truth that Hikaru is no more), there’s more important stuff to focus on. There’s already much more BLs on the market than you could read in a lifetime, no need to force this tag on a story that isn’t one

Obviously you are alive and can do whatever you want, including shipping the depressed mop with the gay elderitch monster, but please don’t spread it as if it’s the only thing worth mentioning in the story 🙏 (i myself fallen to the BL tag at first bcs this is how it was introduced to me and it took me a few weeks to think “wait a minute…”)

#hikaru ga shinda natsu #the summer hikaru died #look you can ship whatever you want #i do that too #but i always remind myself and the other that it’s just for fun and not the actual plot of the story #answered

[forabeatofadrum]

El WooWoo!

Thanks @shame-is-a-wasted-emotion for the tag back

I only have a small snippet to share today, since I am still in my examination period. Oh man, I hate learning for exams. Stampen, blokken, the good stuff. I'd rather do an assignment, because that allows you actually apply the knowledge, instead of just learning things by heart. (I mean, I also have 4 papers, which, yay, BUT NOT ON TOP OF THE EXAMS.)

ANYWAY. Have some Ljubili se:

Then Santana’s look goes from baffled to amused, and Blaine does remember that side of Santana. She has a cheeky grin on her face. “Damn, Hummel, is your dick so good it can turn people gay?” she laughs. “Santana!” Kurt exclaims. “It’s a good dick,” Blaine says back, which makes Santana laugh even louder and Kurt groan. But Blaine is beaming. He can’t believe he just said that!

There he goes! That's my boy! Show off that confidence, baby!

And now, the weather: @quizasvivamos @jinglejavey @coffeegleek @otherworldsivelivedin @caramelcoffeeaddict @sillyunicorn @dragoneggos @raenestee @tectonicduck @nightimedreamersworld @urban-sith @thnxforknowingme @captain-aralias @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @justgleekout @cerriddwenluna @tea-brigade @ivelovedhimthroughworse @bookish-bogwitch @confused-bi-queer @that-disabled-princess @1908jmd @special-bc-ur-part-of-it @larkral @cutestkilla ​ @wellbelesbian ​ @artsyunderstudy ​ @martsonmars ​ @facewithoutheart ​ @shrekgogurt @rockitmans @bitbybitwrites @blackberrysummerblog @whatevertheweather @theotherhufflepuff @esilher @kurtsascot

Also.... uh..... some personal ramblings for people who know the true story behind River fic lol.

As I mentioned, Real Blaine unblocked me a few months ago after 4.5 years (!) and I did keep sending him a birthday message every year that never arrived. Kurt did as well, in the fic. He mentions at one point that he kept messaging Blaine.

Anyway, Real Blaine's birthday is soon. Should I still message him? I will be Perceived! And like Kurt, I am eager to know more about him, whilst I also know I don't really want to be his friend anymore. So I am not opposed to sending him a birthday message, I mean, I've been doing it for 4 years, but I have no clue what to expect after that.

I do like the idea of giving Real Blaine a mini heart attack.

I asked Real Mercedes for advice and they said maybe I should send the message and then block Real Blaine or something poetic like that.

Hm. Maybe Real Blaine will re-block me.

This is just fucking weird and unexpected. Damn, we were supposed to run into each other in a train on the other side of the world in 2026, not this!

#this is the first proper #wip wednesday #in two months apparently #tagged in #the others were out of touch thursdays or nothing to show days

[dissociacrip]

i wanna punch anyone who says "just stay home" to people irt anything about disability or otherwise frames staying home most or all of the time as an easy, consequence-less existence in the throat. this includes mental disability, but i'm especially talking about physical disability here.

i am ambulatory and not bedbound or housebound and i won't claim that experience. i'm also (mostly) capable of living independently. but part of the reason i didn't understand i was physically disabled for so long is because i have, up until this point, spent most of my life at home and in bed unless i was in school. i didn't go out with friends on a regular basis and most of the long outings i've been on were when i was less sick (even though i was born disabled) or when i was too young to understand that what i was experiencing was - in fact - not normal and not how "healthy" and "functioning" bodies work. having to work, having to be much more physically active, is what has really highlighted that my body doesn't work properly to me.

so like, the only way that i can avoid pain and suffering is by being at home. in bed. doing nothing. i get physically worn out just from sitting up and folding my clothes.

and i'm fed up with it because now that i'm in a situation where i can actually go out and do things with people, where getting to go out and do these things is bringing to my attention that i am in fact a cripple with limited physical capacity, i'm realizing how fucking miserable it is to be home all the time. because before i didn't really have a point of comparison. when i don't get to see people and socialize for a while my mental problems start jacking up too. my boyfriend tells me that working from home is probably the most accessible option for me once i graduate, but i don't want to because being home all the time. fucking sucks. and while my current jobs are manual labor that makes me miserable in other ways due to my body not working correctly, at least it's an excuse to get out of the house and be around other people.

not being able to participate in society to the same extent as others, barring the fact that said participation does open up some more avenues to ableist violence in my experience (sometimes i ask myself what is even the point if society evidently doesn't WANT me participating in it), is miserable. being home all the time and not getting to experience what is conventionally framed as "real life" is miserable. being isolated and cut off from the world fucking sucks.

not to mention isolation makes some of us so much more vulnerable to certain forms of violence - e.g. being stuck with abusive family and caregivers. just look at how abuse/domestic violence spiked during the height of the pandemic.

and if it sucks for someone like me, imagine how it is for people who are housebound or bedbound. or who are avoiding being in public nowadays because COVID could kill them and most people and institutions have thrown all precautions for that to the wind. this isn't even going into the ways in which society physically bars us from the public thanks to inaccessibility.

i remember when the lockdown first happened and a bunch of abled people were talking about how miserable it was to be stuck inside all the time and 1. my immediate thought was "welcome to the fucking club, this has been my life for ages" bc i'm a bitter asshole and 2. i wonder how many of those people make any kind of active effort to make the public safer and more accommodating to disabled people, including masking, whether they know them personally or not, because while maybe they can return to a "normal" life, some of us have never gotten that chance in the first place, do not have that chance right now, and those things are inextricably linked to the way society is structured and the oftentimes the decisions abled people make in their everyday lives.

so stop telling immunocompromised and high-risk people that they should "just stay home" and also stop pretending people who spend most or all of their time at home due to disability reasons are lucky or privileged.

#j #ableism

[atopvisenyashill]

sidebar- listening to a podcast about this season of survivor w two former players (it was rob cesternino and cassidy clarke, if u watch survivor) and there’s a player on this season, venus, who’s been the outcast for a while, but last few weeks all her opps have walked out one by one and rob goes “i think she’s got kind of an arya stark arc going on” and before he could finish cassidy whispers into her mic “she’s no one” it was hilarious aksjd (he meant as in venus is going through her kill list and might get to the end alive) ANYWAYS-

some changes i’ve noticed

i feel like part of why the series stumbles is bc it doesn’t discuss lyanna as much as it should. having that added “we’ll talk about your mother when i return” scene right before robert & ned’s talk about jon snow’s mother And the targaryens was really good tho, narratively linking the two concepts.

HOWEVER i think like rhaegar & robert, d&d saw lyanna more as a puzzle than a person, but the whole point of lyanna is that she was a living breathing girl to ned and her death completely wrecks him in an irreparable way. so when they cut out his entire milk of the poppy dream sequence later on, it cuts out that she wasn’t just the answer to a riddle of “who was jon snow’s mother” but instead an integral part of the narrative whose absence defines the people ned and jon become. but i’m getting ahead of myself bc they haven’t actually changed anything here yet and the scene where ned and robert stop to talk is really good and more or less what happens in the book aksjdj.

i don't understand why they don't have catelyn thank summer for saving her and bran from the assassin. just another mind boggling decision and weird, unnecessary departure from cat's character

another unnecessary change is taking away ned’s fashionista tendencies smFh they don’t get nedcat at all

the way jaime is like oh ned is gonna be my bestie we’re gonna trade war stories we’re gonna flirt i’ll tell him about his brother’s gruesome death and he’ll be so grateful he’ll become MY best friend instead of robert’s and meanwhile ned is like, openly snarling the whole speech. the way ned’s mouth drops open at the GALL of jaime to say killing aerys felt like justice and jaime looks DEVASTATED and PERPLEXED that this man hates him so much when they’ve talked twice aksjdjd

okay first of all I DO IN FACT GET THE CHANGE of having bran say he had to have fallen whole robb insists he never falls, and we all know this scene lives forever in my mind but i also think it’s a) another weird departure from bran’s canon, very stubborn character and b) a PALE imitation of the talk in the dark between robb & bran where they say they’ll go on an adventure

that said, there’s something that Really fucks me up about the North having this culture wherein the sick and disabled are sent out in the winter to fight and die because they’re not like, worth feeding, but at the same time As A Disabled Person i guess finding it almost enticing to be given to the chance to like Die For A Reason ya know. you always have that out. And then here’s poor sweet Bran who it just never occurred to him that he would have to take that out and now it’s all he wants. anyways i’m crying ig

it’s the stubborn streak in him. he doesn’t want platitudes, he doesn’t want to be strong. his whole life has changed for the worse and he just needs to sit in it. it’s not fair and it all sucks and he’s just a kid!!!

the robert and barristan scene is another good one and it’s bc it plays into robert’s character, really elevates the elephant in the room of rhaenys & aegon, and the way barristan is just. disgusted. standing there consumed with loathing for everything he’s become, refusing to engage with being a driving force for why everything is this way. dragging jaime in to humiliate him in front of barristan, to humiliate barristan in front of jaime. the way barristan almost reaches out to jaime emotionally in a way he refuses to reach out to robert, but robert only gets angry and picks at them more.

“he said the same thing he’d been saying for hours. ‘burn them all.’” OH NOW ITS NOT SO FUN ANYMORE IS IT WISE GUY

gonna be honest i think the weapon talk between jorah and rakharo is one of the sexiest scenes in the show, listening to two dudes who are hit in REALLY different ways talk about their favorite ways of murdering people is really fun and hot to me also elyes gabel and amrita acharia were wasted on this show, they would have killed in later seasons smh

i don’t understand why they made the drogo storyline like a REAL TYPICAL sort of rape romance story. what was the point if they were just gonna be ~in love~ at the end anyway. such a weird choice.

do i love the change from “fear cuts deeper than swords” to “what do we say to the god of death”? like it’s fine. they should have kept both if they liked that line so much. the actor who plays syrio is so good tho he’s got such great chemistry with maisie, you really understand why syrio impacts her so much

that ending close up on ned’s trauma face is so good it’s such a shame they CUT THE DREAM SEQUENCE WHERE WE FINALLY UNDERSTAND WHY NED IS LOSING IT WATXGING ARYA GET FAKE STABBED IN THE GUT. ITS FINE. IM FINE.

general thoughts

“it’ll get easier” jorah is a useless binch just like aemon the dragonknight. what’s the point of your sword if you don’t kill your girl’s evil husband. go fall on it shithead.

i do love that jorah is like “ned is a little bitch for trying to behead me for slavery even tho it’s been illegal in westeros for like hundreds of years. but also maybe having a king that allows behavior like that is kinda crazy actually bc viserys is not right in the head. i’m not gonna reflect on that at all tho” iain glenn the actor that you are.

love the lannister breakfast scene. the way tyrion clearly knows but is pointedly talking around it. jaime thinks tyrion is the height of comedy and wants them to have a nice breakfast but cersei leaves haughtily halfway through even tho tommen & myrcella are having a good time. the Loaded Look jaime gives tyrion during the “life is full of possibilities” line, where he like,,,, Almost realizes Tyrion is saying something to him here emotionally about being disabled before he puts it aside to be self involved about the incest.

kit’s acting is always several degrees of magnitude better when he’s with other starklings. idk if he’s trying harder or if maisie sophie and isaac are so good they infect him with acting abilities.

there’s something fun about the cycles continuing bc joffrey gets drunk & belligerent like his father has a thousand times, but he doesn’t have half the skill or charm as his father and just gets his ass completely handed to him by a practical toddler with zero training. and he’s so embarrassed it helps snowball this situation into a war.

the kid who plays micah is real awkward. i'm not bullying i'm just saying.

“we all pray for prince joffrey’s full recovery” “pity you didn’t spare a prayer for the butcher’s boy” GET HIS ASS

have i mentioned how much i hate aiden’s acting. oh my god i’m not gonna get through this rewatch aksjsj

“war was easier than daughters” ned every emotion you’ve ever felt is harder to deal with than the war that’s why you’re so fucked in the head be so fucking fr with me rn lmao

septa mordane is a terrible guardian i think this can’t be understated

“she must take his side even when he is wrong” “but how could you let her marry someone like that?” GET HIS ASS

bran literally shivering with fear as nan talks my baby!!!!!!!!

“ah the starks. quick tempers. slow minds.” CAN WE SKIP THE EVIL VILLAIN MONOLOGUES TO THE CAMERA PLEASE

“i think we can outfox a ten year old” jaime you couldn’t even kill that ten year old correctly let’s walk before we run

nedcat giggling over ned throttling petyr and then making out in front of petyr’s establishment is amazing i’m literally so depressed right now i hope petyr cried into his pillow that night

the way both ned AND benjen just give the most ass goodbyes to jon for no good reason. are they TRYING to give him a complex oh my god

i think i’m on episode 4. once i get past season one i think it’ll be easier when the writing gets worse actually.

#rani liveblogs got #gif warning

[spider-xan]

Fucking THANK YOU for your recent take on SHED - the fact that Martha and Billy are all happy chappy about being lizard clones who can never leave the sewers and live with the man who murdered the child gives me a bad case of the Big Yuck. I know that it is still canon, but I think of it as no more canon as that shitty mlp fanfic about Pinkie Pie killing Rainbow Dash - just unnecessary grimdark shite with no purpose than to show how """"""""""""adult"""""""""" Spidey stories can be. Not to mention the shitty implications of Curt only being properly being loved by his family because they share the same technical disability as him................

Yeah, like, I understand Nick Spencer was in a really awkward position in trying to do a back-to-basics approach at the start of his ASM run regarding Connors bc he inherited the absolutely fucking awful and offensive legacy left to him by Zeb Wells, Dan Slott, and Marvel editorial in terms of both Shed and the Clone Conspiracy, and for all of Spencer's many faults, I think he actually writes Curt surprisingly well and his characterization in the first arc and Hunted felt correct and compelling to me - except you have to ignore how it falls apart once you take Shed and the post-Clone Conspiracy status quo for the Connors family into account, leaving aside that Hunted was a response to Shed and attempt to resolve it (spoiler: it can never be resolved).

Not to mention that Peter and Mary Jane being totally cool with the situation makes them look awful too, like, how the fuck are they comfortable hanging out with them in the sewers for fun times under those creepy circumstances? Why was Peter cracking jokes about Curt eating people, as if that isn't wildly offensive on several levels? Don't get me wrong, I love the four of them being friends, but it no longer works without everyone looking like assholes.

Shed was horrible enough, and you know what, Clone Conspiracy may have been salvageable if Curt's arc was more along the lines of him getting one last chance to apologize and say good-bye to his family before letting them go - and you can definitely make a case that he has a problem with letting go (see: his entire inability to cope with his disability and loss that lead to the Lizard problem in the first place) - but no, Slott decided it would be sooo funny if Curt lost his mind and forcibly turned his family into lizard zombies to play house with creepy 1950s family sitcom overtones while his wife and son have zero agency and it's sooo funny he's delusional and crazy for that last page image??

Even with Spencer giving Martha and Billy their agency back, the entire situation feels so creepily coercive precisely bc they can't leave the situation, even if it's not meant to come off that way, which they never asked to be in either, and it's not like they even got any of the cool parts of reptile superpowers, they're literally just humanoid lizards stuck hiding underground and can't go anywhere, and Hunted kind of addressed this with Billy being rightfully pissed off, but Martha is just like, the endlessly accommodating perfect wife, and by the end of the arc, everything is back to being happy again, and just, fuck no, what the hell?

And at this point, I don't think any of it will ever get fixed bc Connors is mostly ignored now unless you need the Lizard as a generic villain for a one-off story where Spider-Man just beats his ass like a common street criminal, and honestly, I don't know if it even can be fixed - the Lizard really should have been retired as a Spidey villain years ago, but that's comic book serial storytelling for you.

#asks #barghestblues #xan's spidey meta #curt connors #the lizard

[spextronaut]

My thoughts on this week’s episode of Mando:

I’m actually writing this bit right here 2 hours before the episode is even out bUT I had to share my idea of, with Din and Bo Katan not getting along very well currently, I would LOVE if they fought (maybe in this episode or the next one?) and Din ended up winning back the Darksaber??? And if it was in front of a bunch of other Mandos and they immediately accept him as Manda’lor unlike how they are with Bo Katan???? I’d scream I really hope that this is where the show is going and if it’s not y’all can bet your asses that I will write fix-it canon divergent fanfic for this concept

It’s episode time I am begging this episode to be good or have Din take off his helmet or Something worth my fucking time

Once again begging the show to do something interesting with the plot and have Din and Bo Katan fight or have Bo Katan lose the saber or Something just to make it fun

Oh god dammit are you seriously making me go back to episode 3 levels of shit?? I hated that plot I just want Din this is bullshit

Wowww it’s so shocking that she’s Imperial 🙄

<Din Djarin33

As someone who has never seen a piece of Star Wars media unconnected to Mando I have no fucking idea what’s happening rn

I want Darth Maul to be here purely because I like the look I have no clue if he’s alive or not

Y’all lost the civil war against the Republic for a reason,,,

The Shadow Council? Are you fucking serious??

Project Necromancer. Are you fucking serious

I’m under the belief, with no prior knowledge, that Anakin Skywalker was the only thing holding the Empire together smh

We aren’t gonna kill the Mandos thank you that’s illegal <3

Ngl I think the only reason Moff Gideon is really “worried” about the Mandos is because he wants a rematch against Din bc he’s pissy about losing the Darksaber last season

GROGU IS SITTING IN BO KATAN’S LAP!!! AUNT BO KATAN FR FR

IG-11????? WITH AN ANZELLAN???

Grogu sitting on the table I’m gonna start crying fuck

Bad baby is back!!

oh my fucking god he’s in the robot I’m gonna cry look at this motherfucker. he is so fucking <333

ASSISTED SPEECH TECH!!!! OMFG AUTISM GROGU REAL!!!! HE IS SO!!!!!

HES SO HAPPY IM GONNA CRY <333333

IM CRYING HE IS SO FUCKING <33333

Din is in his extra tired dad arc I fucking love it here

Of course Din and Grogu will volunteer and people will only follow! If Din and Grogu are there! Because DIN IS BETTER AT LEADING PEOPLE THAN BO KATAN AND I WILL FIGHT ALL YALL ON THIS

The Armorer is so fucking suspicious I won’t lie

I’m claiming Grogu as disabled bc like. Mobility device. Speech aid. I can’t be fought about this

Now what in the fuck is that thing

Bo Katan this is why you shouldn’t be any kind of leader you trust people way way way too easily

What in the fucking cult

This. Is why. We. Lie. Shut the FUCK up Bo Katan you’re fucking yourself over (and thus making Din look like a better leader but yk,,,)

“And then he betrayed me” BO KATAN. HE IS IMPERIAL. YOU CANT TRUST IMPERIALS YOU KNOW BETTER

once again I am saying Din is a better leader because HE beat Moff Gideon, Bo Katan didn’t and SHE DIDNT EVEN BEAT DIN TO GET THE SABER BACK HRHRHRGE

I’m begging this doesn’t turn to romance please god please do not do this I am begging I’m about to start crying do not. Don’t do this to me

DIN. DIN LEADER ARC. PLEASEEEE GOD I AM FUCKING BEGGINGGG

don’t do this. don’t do this im panicking Din shut the fuck UP I hate THIS FUCKING SHOW

I know Din is a follower not a leader but HE DESERVES A LEADER ARC PLEASEEEE WHY IS THIS SHOW LIKE THIS 😭😭

… space chess?

Oh Jesus Christ… Din? Din can you stop this? I want a leader arc god I’m BEGGING

“Can I step in?” BO KATAN STOP HOLDING HIM BACK FROM HIS LEADER ARC YOU BITCH

GROGU SLAY!!!!!! I love him so much omfg he <3333

stop. stop. shut the fuck up “he didn’t learn that from me” YES HE DID HOE STFU

no one hates Star Wars more than Star Wars fans smh

WHAT IN THE FUCK IS THAT THING

IS THAT A FUCKING DRAGON????????? FUCK HEAH???? FUCK THE MANDALORIANS GIVE ME DRAGON

“You good?” IM SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP HE IS SUCH A FUCKING DAD

Oh Jesus Christ what is that

Imperial Mandos LIKE I FUCKIN SAID

begging this to be the reason that Din gets a leader arc or a helmet removal im fucking begging

Grogu I- 😭😭

OH HELL

Din is slaying he’s in there by himself but he is slaying SO FUCKING HARD I LOVE HIM

are you fucking serious he’s in a goddamn Mando suit

Din is in his bdsm arc did not expect that today

Fuck you Moff Gideon also Din doesn’t have the Darksaber so,,,, honestly thank god he gave it to Bo Katan like fuck yeah dude

RAHHH NOO DONT KILL THE MANDOS

helmetless din. I’m begging. please god give me something

If Paz dies I’m rioting smh

PAZ YOU BITCH HOW DARE YOU YOU HAVE A SON IM RIOTING IM DISOWNING THE SHOW FANFICTION HERE I FUCKING COME

WHAT IN FHE ACTUAL FUCKING FUCK IS THAT

FANFIC HERE I COME FUCK THIS SHOW FUCK IT SO MUCH

I hate that. Grogu was the best part I literally don’t remember anything better happening I’m so fucking disappointed

I’m thankful that they aren’t forcing a romance on us (so far) and it’s not Awful and I’m excited for the almost definitely whole episode helmetless babygirlified Din next week but Jesus Christ that was just. It was awful it was bad

I give it like a 5/10 because it was fine with some good scenes but just. It was bad. I fucking hate this episode and i can’t even explain why like I could previously it just,,, idk it’s bad I don’t like it

Y’all can expect me promoting some fanfiction sometime soon because I’m gonna start a fix-it rewrite starting from episode 6 of TBoBF and reshape the end of that and this season into what I genuinely think would be better

And if you love this season good for you, seriously! I wish I could, but with the foreshadowing from last season and especially the last 2-3 episodes? You can’t even compare them and season 2 was a step down from season 1 it’s just… it’s not comparable and I’m really upset about it

My point still stands about the whole “if the season finale doesn’t get better I won’t come back for season 4” btw I just can’t handle the disappointment over and over again. But if tumblr shows me some really good shit then I might come back for a couple episodes

Overall I’m just disappointed and I really wish that they had writers that genuinely care about the story they were setting up instead of caring about setting up spin offs and selling merchandise but what can I really expect from Disney?

#spencer rambles #the mandalorion spoilers #mandalorian spoilers #the mandalorian #din djarin #the mandalorian season 3 spoilers #the mandalorian s3 ep7 #the mandalorian season 3 episode 7 #the mandalorian chapter 23

[queerautism]

Imagine believing in karma and like, thinking it's going to pick on the queer man on disability bc it says things you don't like on the internet and not like, fucking fascists.

Also like, am I the only one pissed off with people fucking using karma that way? That's not what the religious concept believed by billions of people MEANS you dumb sacks of shit, but I guess that would require the sysmeds and Co who hatestalk your blog and are obsessed with you to like, have reading comprehension and actually know what they're talking about which we know never fucking happens

Yeah they're just fucking ridiculous tbh thank u

[dracudyke]

ok so now that ive read ur page on bite club here are some for some other characters...

viidalia: 9, 38, B, D

minerva: 32, 40, G, H

midas: 13, 27

dominic: 11, 18, 19

marcos: 15

YEAAA thank u im having so much fun w/ these

Viidalia:

9: Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word? They don't swear much tbh! Only occasionally when very upset or sometimes when super excited. They do remember their first swear at least within the period they remember, they probably picked it up from a frustrated scientist in the facility :P

38: What memory do they revisit the most often? Vince was the first person to ever be kind to her and treat her like a person instead of an experiment. She really treasures that memory. She also has plenty of bad memories from her time in captivity that she has a really hard time moving past.

B: What inspired you to create them? I actually made her as a potential d&d character a long time ago! This is art from 2020, when I first came up w them. I thought it would be an interesting concept for a wild magic sorcerer. At one point I realized I could rework her into bite club bc I'd probably never play her, so I changed her a bit and gave her new life. I'm super glad I did! I love bite club Vii so much ^_^

D: Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look? I kinda just answered this one above :-)

Minerva

32: Do they have a go-to story in conversation? Or a joke? I think she has a few jokes she loves to tell that she thinks are SO funny but no one that isnt at least 200 yrs old really gets them. She never stops telling them though

40: How sensitive are they to their own flaws? It depends! Most things roll off her pretty easily, but she's very touchy about things relating to people she failed to protect in the past. She also really doesn't like to be told that she's wrong about things. She considers herself to usually be the wisest person in the room simply based off how long she's lived, but she still makes mistakes.

G: What trait of theirs bothers you the most? How over-protective of Jamie they are. She sees it as protecting a mortal she cares about, but Jamie gets very frustrated and sees it as her viewing him as unable to protect himself bc of his disabilities. It bothers me bc like... I am also disabled and know how shitty that kind of thing feels. They talk it out though :-)

H: What trait do you admire most? She loves so fiercely and never lets it go. She is still so dedicated to someone who died hundreds of years ago and would do anything for them even after they've passed. Even though she can be a little misguided about this i still think its sweet :')

Midas:

13: What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color? Gold. 100% gold. Ze does look pretty good in it, but ze's also pretty tacky about it. Most of hir clothes are black and/or gold.

27: What causes them to feel dread? It takes a lot to really shake him. He thinks of himself as unstoppable and invincible. However, when the gang actually starts to get closed to fucking him up in s3, that illusion shatters and his whole outlook changes. He stops being suave and overly sure of himself and gets nervous and aggressive and full of dread and goes after the gang much harder than before.

Dominic:

11: How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)? She definitely pretends she understands then googles it later lmao.

18: What embarrasses them? Being wrong or making mistakes in front of others. He's Never embarrassed about sharing his writing or art though, regardless of the quality.

19: What is their favorite number? Hm. 16 or 32. this is off the cuff and has no significance skdjhfs

Marcos:

15: How do they speak? Is what they say usually thought of on the spot, or do they rehearse it in their mind first? Usually a little manic, very rambly and goes into tangents often. They tend to think out loud a lot.

#shouts #marcos #dominic #midas #minerva #viidalia #bite club #TY AGAIN

[mcalhenwrites]

🤡🛒🍦and 🧠 for Noctis.

🤡 What's a line, scene, or exchange you've written that made you laugh? Okay, so I took this one out of my collection just now, but there are plenty of lines in it that have me cackling. The whole fic did while I was writing it. I'll pull one of the funny exchanges: “Do you think they’ve learned their lesson?” Regis asks his husband.

“Noctis is sitting on his.” 🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc. Hmm, I like being a stinky lil snowflake socialist writer who includes several themes in my stories, from breaking abusive cycles, preaching environmentalism, things like that. Or everyone is just horny af and someone's getting spanked. I'm versatile! 🍦 What's the sweetest fic you've created so far? Okay, you know it's Wandering Souls, I know it's Wandering Souls. Pure sugar sweetness, I've been secretly thanked by many dentists for the bills that come from readers who end up with cavities after this one. 🧠 Pick a character, and I'll tell you my favorite headcanon for them. Oh, I have so much to say about Noctis, but the main thing is that I watched him go from an attacked kid who spent time in a wheelchair to a teen with depression disaster apartment to a 20 y/o who slept sporadically and often. With a history of trauma and a rough way of moving/running that shows me he's struggling with chronic pain. So I headcanon that he has fibromyalgia and CFS. And I'm fucking angry that they gave so much evidence of disability and completely fucked it up in canon. What'd they do? They made it out like he was a lazy spoiled prince. That he should work hard in training and take the pain, because damn, he's got to be up for these tasks, no exceptions. He had fucking regular jobs. He reportedly loved animals and iirc a radio announcement early in the game implied he did volunteer work. I also... aligned with this, had a fic idea that I haven't started despite planning over the years, where the reason the Astrals chose him for the sacrificial royal savior is that he was also the "useless" one bc he's disabled. And while Noct doesn't know this, he chooses different choices. He stays in his wheelchair bc he needs it. (Yes, I actually do also headcanon that he was forced out, with that whole "you can't learn to depend on mobility aids!" bullshit that so many of us spoonies deal with irl.) It's maybe hard for people to realize - especially with the way we've historically trained kids for battle in several societies for centuries - that Noctis getting laid flat when he's barely recovered from a wheelchair (and the trauma from Tenebrae's invasion) in Brotherhood was abusive. And I really like the idea that Noctis questions all this, finds out he's going to die, and chooses to run off with Ignis before he ever begins his journey. But yeah, as someone with fibro and some comorbidities, I recognize that in Noctis perfectly. But the game never names it, they deny it, they just... they give you everything to set up that Noctis is disabled only to humiliate that. :/ So yeah, Noctis has chronic pain and chronic illness, and he's not lazy, and he was bullied by an ableist society in the game. I will die on the hill of defending this boy

[fearofahumanplanet]

Jane Talks Publishing, and Some Other Things-

I've had quite a few people mention this to me and that's honestly the only reason I'm bringing this up- However!

I've had quite a few people (before today but especially today thanks to my supply seeking positivity ask game) ask about wanting to get my books when they're published!

Well, I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately, so let's talk about that for a moment

I have been spending a couple months trying to get Karma Killer queried to agents. It has not gone well thus far - lot of rejections. This is normal, but I'm also not 100% if I'm gonna nail anyone with it, or my other works (maybe Serpents, but that's nowhere near a publishable state). There's reasons for that - for one, I haven't been able to afford a professional editor to go over my work, that's all been done by me.

For another, I have no publishing history whatsoever - I haven't been published anywhere, haven't self-published anything, don't have a large online platform, etc. They say everyone likes an underdog, but I think that quote needs to be revised, bc I've learned agents don't. Thirdly, my work in general is not what a lot of agents want to see - the market is really aimed towards romances and fluff and literally every single agent that I've seen that wants horror says they want the next fucking "Mexican Gothic". I have never learned such hatred for a single book. My work is not like Mexican Gothic. I didn't like Mexican Gothic, actually, so it's REALLY not like Mexican Gothic. But the few agents that want horror all want Mexican Gothic.

(I'm sorry if that rant seemed to come out of nowhere, but seriously, it's a real problem right now, I'm not exaggerating-)

ANYWAY. So this is all a long-winded way of saying I'm trying?? But I'm not 100% positive I'll manage to get trad-published, and I absolutely cannot afford to self-publish - I cannot work, I am too disabled to do so, which is. Lovely.

HOWEVER!!!

ALL THIS POSITIVITY AND SUPPORT HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT I MAY HAVE WAY MORE OF AN AUDIENCE THAN I THOUGHT. LIKE, SERIOUSLY. A LOT OF YOU CAME OUT OF THE WOODWORK THAT I DON'T REGULARLY TALK TO, EVEN, AND I WAS JUST. POSITIVELY DUMBFOUNDED!! REALLY.

So, yeah, I'm not going to make a habit of this (without being prompted), bc I hate feeling like I'm begging for attention or whatever. HOWEVER. If y'all want those books on your shelves and I am unable to get an agent, there is one thing you can do right now with no cost!

Just spread the word, tell people about my stuff maybe if you think they'd enjoy it?? By no means feel obligated, you're not marketing agents and you're people with your own lives, but yeah - if I get something of a "fanbase" (I cannot fathom it), I might be able to fundraise some money to self-publish in the event I can't find an agent - and then we can some print copies of my books :D

But, again, that's all up to you lovely folks. I just figured I might as well write about that whole process, bc hardly anybody does address the monolith that is publishing.

(If y'all do spread the word a bit though, actually let me know and I will get a cookie or something. A writing snippet I haven't shared publicly or something. This is, again, not me wanting to beg. I just don't have many options as an indie author and I figured I might as well talk about what I'm planning to do in the future to get these books out to you guys.)

Also, Karma Killer (finished) and Miasma (first draft) are available as PDFs - I can't put them publicly on Wattpad or anything, bc then agents will want them even less, but I can share them in private channels. So feel free to ask for those if you want, get an idea of what I'm trying to get published right now :)

Alright, that's all, I'll let you get back to your lives now :) Thanks for all the support, I have never felt this motivated and... empowered, I guess? in my life. Gotta be a better word for it than "empowered". But y'all are the best <3

General Taglist: @aohendo, @athenswrites, @impaledlotus, @bardic-tales, @carefulpyro, @marinesocks, @writingpotato07

#publishing bullshit #i promise i won't do this often lol #unless someone asks ig???

[theold-ultraviolence]

hi!!!!

so sorry for this super delayed reply - we've been prepping to go on vacation and for getting a new puppy right after vacation, so it's been a little hectic

but omg I am so flattered that you enjoyed my insanely unhinged thoughts about the targaryens and the habsburgs!! 🥹😭 I always fear that I'm too rambly and that my thoughts don't make any sense, so I'm so happy you thought I explained it well bc after I write something out I'm always like "is this the most incoherent thing anyone has ever written?" lmao

and it's so interesting to also look into what you brought up about the archetypical features and how it's all tied together!

re: las meninas - ugh I totally feel you on that! Foucault and I are kind of enemies bc I literally never know what the fuck he's saying. I've read him both in the original French and in the English translation and I just literally do not know what this man is saying. I'm sure he's very smart, but to me, a true gauge of how good a scholar/thinker is hinges on their ability to be able to write in a way that helps everyone to understand their ideas rather than just perpetuating discriminatory academic traditions. but that's a rant for a different day!

and I absolutely agree that while I get why las meninas is important and why people study it, I don't find it to be a particularly compelling painting. if you're interested, the portraits Velazquez did of the court entertainers are very fascinating, although ultimately so tragic. the other half of that paper I wrote (the half that was not about habsburg inbreeding) was about the extent to which Velazquez humanized and dignified these entertainers. the super interesting thing is that a lot of prior scholars have bent over backwards to say that he was ennobling these sitters and showing their humanity, etc., etc. but when you actually look at the images, that's not totally true. interestingly enough, part of the reason people have made this argument is because Velazquez is treated as the "hero" of spanish painting, and therefore he must be faultless and beyond critique. however, that view totally obscures the reality of these portraits and the lives of their subjects. I think scholars now are starting to take a more critical and unbiased view on these images, but it's both fascinating and disturbing how long that narrative has been perpetuated.

to me, the most compelling of these images is The Jester Calabacillas (1637-1639) now in the Museo del Prado in Madrid. based on the scant records that exist of his life, scholars have tentatively suggested that among other possible mental and physical disabilities, he may have been autistic. as an autistic person myself, idk, there's just something so familiar and haunting in the image and like an odd sense of both connection and deep sorrow. idk how to explain it but it's just a very powerful image to me.

okay yikes I hopped on my art history train and now it has massively gotten away from me 😅

before I go, I wanted to comment on your mention of hux and out myself here as a major hux simp. idk why but after tlj I was just down so damn bad for this silly little guy and that has not really abated 😅

anyway, thank you for always being so kind and wonderful about my long messages!!

sending love, hugs, and a virtual piece of the chocolate cake that I made yesterday (if you want some) 🥰

🐍 🔪

Hello, my darling!! now I'm the one apologizing for the insane delay of my reply! this week has a little hectic but right now I'm in my 7hr class in my 'puter while the students work so I can sit down and reply to you properly.

A vacation AND a new puppy!??? that sounds amazing! I freaking love dogs and I'm always happy to hear about people's pets! may I ask where are you going off to?? do you know the race of the puppy?

Also, I totally get you about thinking you're not making sense because I feel that way all the time, but let me assure you that you most definitely are! and seriously, thank you for taking the time to write/share such a thorough and detail analysis on it! (like I've told you recently, I'm in awe at your knack for researching)

Re: Foucault and Velazquez. I'm glad I'm not the only one because, it's insane. I agree with you, scholars that write in such a way make it seem like they write egotistically, and not considering their readers at all. I'm always grateful when I find an author that writes in a way that is easy to follow (not saying that they dumb down their writing, but rather that they express their ideas clearly and to the point).

I also agree that Las Meninas isn't his best work! this take will be super underrated, but I once saw an exhibition of Velazquez' prints in a collection along with Goya and I found that very refreshing and interesting to see because I'd never seen that part of his work before.. But also because they also have a very haunting quality to them. I looked up The Jester! I'd never seen it before and it definitely stirred something because of the expression that he painted on him. Like, the smile looks very pained, and having the context that you told me definitely changes my perspective. I also looked up some of the other paintings of the court entretainers and seeing them all together definitely projects something tragic. Some of them are smiling but in an uncomfortable way, while others are posing in a very stiff way, where you can tell that, despite being entretainers, being in front of the artist makes you wonder that they must've felt examined and exposed and even objectified. Now I don't know if I'm the one making sense (?), but thank you so much for sharing this!! I never had much interest in Velazquez before, but now I'm very intrigued to read more on this matter! If you wrote about this AND about The Hasburgs, that must've been quite a paper, dear!

ALSO, FELLOW HUX SIMP!! AHHHHH YES YES YES! In this house (blog) Hux is the main husband! I'll never stop being salty over how they misused Domhnall Gleeson and Hux's arc because, his relationship with Kylo Ren would've been an amazing thing to explore, instead of having crusty old Snoke that ultimately wasn't even relevant at all. Hux and Kylo could've been the Tarkin and Darth Vader of the new generation and I'm AHHH THE LOST POTENTIAL

Thank YOU for coming to chat to ye old inbox!! I know it takes me a while to reply because my brain is literal scramble eggs at this point of the semester, but it makes me very happy to receive these messages every time! so thank you for keep coming back, and I will gladly accept that chocolate! and I can send you a piece of homemade pumpkin bread (which is my specialty) if you like it!

Hope you have the most fun vacation, and best of luck with the new puppy! x

#🐍 🔪

[horce-divorce]

I've had 2 family members offer to buy me an "early birthday present" this year on the fly and I panicked and said no thanks both times and I'm getting kind of pissed off about it tbh. Incomimg rant abt one of those aspects of disabled adult life that sets you apart from other adults and makes you feel fucking useless.

my family is affluent but I can't ASK them for help. if I do that they're sorry but no :/ so sad :/ but if my dad sees me counting quarters. he'll give me a bag of $50 worth of quarters. he can gift me 50 whole dollars but he can't just GIVE it to me like normal money, he cant "afford" that. I have to be willing to take it to the coinstar or whatever.

I can't ask them for clothes or point out that I've only had one (1) pair of pants for 2 years and its fucking sweatpants. theyre prob embarassed by the fact i wear the same stained sweatpants every day, but I can't afford new pants and I cant just ASK for new ones because That's Entitled, No Thanks. But if my dad sees me so much as looking at a pair of $60 Tevas while everyone else is shopping, he'll offer to buy me an early birthday present all of a sudden.

and that's nice and I get that it's a nice gesture and it has to be offered but here's the thing. my family members can afford all the things they need and then some, so shopping and buying gifts is just that; its frivolous, its just for funsies. I can't fucking do that. I can't afford ANY one thing that I need. Not one. The meds fucking keeping me ALIVE rn I only get bc I beg online or my dad feels bad and gives me his pocket change once every 6 months or whatever.

Which means when ppl ask me "what do you want for your birthday?" That's my ONE CHANCE PER YEAR to get the things I actually need. It means I don't ask for the things I want for my birthday. It means I always have to ask for the things I need and couldn't afford for the last year (or maybe more depending on which necessities I asked for last year). It means I never get anything that's just for funsies or to play with because I can't buy that stuff on my own and I certainly can't afford to waste a gift request on it.

But it also means I have to budget my gifts. I can't ask for things that are for fun and entertainment. If I don't ask for pants or shoes for my birthday I DONT GET THEM. Ever. Period. End of story. It doesnt fucking happen.

so my family keeps coming around at the worst possible moment and going "don't you want a tripod grill for camping?" when I don't even have pants or a proper fucking tent with a COVER or a sleeping pad or even my own damn bug spray (where the F am i gonna get $7). or my dad going "don't you want these Tevas?" when I don't even have basic proper clothes.

but nobody wants to hear that shit cus then its not fun for them as the gifter. it's not a fun silly cool time to be 'gifting' people basic necessities. sorry I'm so poor I'm not even fucking fun to shop for.

I know this is like a dumb stupid thing to complain about when they're at least not kicking me out this time and that my dad will sometimes grab my groceries when he goes to the store. But it's really honestly making me a little fucking insane that all my family members treat me like I'm The Same as them and like I'm living the same fucking life as them just bc they see me every day when in reality we live wildly different lives. And just bc I'm In Their House doesn't make me, like, part of Their Household financially speaking you know what I mean. I don't wanna sit here and listen to them talk about fucking real estate and then turn around and offer to buy me a tripod grill or fucking tevas when I've been rotating thru the same 3 pairs of underwear for over a year. But I can't fucking say that bc then they'll feel bad so I'm here instead

#me #prsnl #anyway what i wound up with? #a bear bell and a new guitar strap. #because i dont actually need either of those things and theyre cute and fun to gift to someone. #so it made my parents feel like they Didnt Leave Me Out. #it just makes me insane. it makes me IN FUCKING SANE #i cant afford my own fucking applesauce and then someone asks oh do you want this random rich person shit thats 100 gd dollars? no tbh

[ancient-reverie]

I have a problem and I want to tell you guys. it's about my mom's version of "allowance"

I'm 27, mentally and physically disabled, and bc of that I have never moved out, and am happily unemployed. I don't NEED money. I don't even WANT money. I HATE money. I want to grow my own food and survive without it type of hate. But my family is well off bc my dad is a retired firefighter, but still has a business of maintaining and repairing fire hydrants. My parents happily support me living with them, they don't want rent (would refuse it even) and only want me to have a job so I have something to do and for them to know I'll be able to survive on my own. (I can survive on my own but it wouldn't be with a job. I know how to live in the world.)

with that prefaced here's a rant:

my mom gives my brother and I an allowance. and she's always said "it's to prepare you for the real world" (i.e. having a job and an employer and paycheck) my problem is even though she calls it an allowance... but it's actually just bribery to do chores. she pays us for doing everyday chores. which backfired. let me explain.

I never learned that sometimes chores are chores, work is work, and you don't get paid for doing it. I never learned that finished work would be the reward, my brain expects payment. EVEN FOR MY OWN ART I MAKE FOR MYSELF.

I have a hard time doing chores, or anything, that won't 'get me anything'. I do also blame my ADHD.

What I'm actually upset about though... is that an allowance is given to kids as their share of the household that they can spend on whatever they want. It's an allowance not a paycheck. It's given because you love your children and want them to be happy. It's not meant to be held over their heads on whether or not they do their chores.

There are more important things in life than doing chores by the way but that's blasphemy I guess.

Bonus: she threatens to take away the money if we don't do our chores in a timely manner. but she never does it. and when she doesn't take it away she'll say 'well you're my kids it's what you do as a oarent' as if she wasn't holding it over us the whole time??? bitch what???? the fuck??

AND BONUS BONUS SHE DOESNT REMEMBER SAYING THAT??? NOR REMEMBER HOLDING IT OVER OUR HEADS??

AND IF YOU THINK SHE'S GASLIGHTING ME SHE ISN'T. SHE GENUINELY FORGETS AND IT'S A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. I WISH SHE WAS GASLIGHTING ME, AT LEAST THEN I'D KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON.

so I think her parents screwed up "allowance" for her by doing this same shit. and I'm trying to teach her that I don't wanna be an employee.

I would like the allowance because she loves and cares about me.

I will do the chores because I live in the house and they're my chores too. Because they're a part of life.

I don't need to 'learn about the real world' I had books, and games, and textbooks that taught me. Not to mention our entire culture is capitalism so it becomes a little obvious to the smallest of children that job = payment.

BUT REAL IS ENTIRELY UP TO INTERPRETATION. WHAT THE FUCK IS "THE REAL WORLD"?? IS THIS NOT IT?? CAN I FIND REAL LOVE IN THE "REAL" WORLD BC I CANT HERE. THESE FOLKS HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED TRUE LOVE AND IT'S NOT GREAT BEING RAISED BY THEM.

so yeah... thanks for listening to my rant about how my mom misuses the word "allowance" and how it's one of the stakes driving into in our broken rock of a relationship.

#hell o void #what the hell would i tag this #parental relationship struggles #can never tell if my mom is a narcissist or bpd or her unmedicated adhd is so bad it makes her the most self-centered person on the planet #literally she keeps saying she wants meds again for her adhd AND THEN DOES NOTHING ABOUT IT #DESPITE MY DAD AND BROTHER AND I PRACTICALLY BEGGING HER TO DO SOMETHING #my mom thinks she's miserable bc my dad is bad at relationships and so thats what she focuses on all the time #and sure maybe he is but when my dad and brother and i are together its all chill. she throws wrenches into everything and has no idea #she doesnt recognize that shes the problem most of the time and when anyone brings it up she just dissociates and cant handle it like.. #ive been her therapist my entire life. trying to keep this goddamn family afloat. sick of it. but cant move out so may as well try huh

[fanmoose12]

AU: Levi logging into a dating site bc his friends suggested it (Erwin and Mike) since he's never dated again after the accident. But he's about to give up, people stop talking to him once they find out he's paralyzed from the waist down, until he matches with Hange and they talk a lot, he likes her so much that he decides to not tell her about his disability. But they have to meet up eventually and he's like super nervous, even though he knows Hange wouldn't care.

She had planned a dynamic and active date until she sees him and quickly changes plans to accommodate to him, opting to go to a cafe, Levi ordering tea of course. He appreciates her not mentioning or making questions about it, not even treating him differently, and simply lets her push his wheelchair to a nice place like a park afterwards.

They get married eventually and he lets her help him around by carrying him, he doesn't feel ashamed with her since she never judged him. Also they both love it when Hange sits on his lap whenever they watch tv or when she wants to ask for something or randomly just to annoy him and he sometimes jokes about her being too heavy but he wraps his arms around her and smiles into the crook of her neck :')

"oh... you're...."

levi watches hange, wondering what her next step would be. would she turn around and leave? or would she gather enough pity to carry on with their date?

both things happen to him before, and levi doesn't wish to repeat those experiences. especially with hange. it's a shame, really. he liked her.

he's about to tell her that it's fine and they don't have to proceed with their date if she doesn't wish to, when-

"you're even more handsome than on the photos!" hange's smile is bright, wide. and sincere.

levi blinks a few times, trying to shake off his surprise.

"what did you just say?" he rasps too quietly, afraid to actually hear the answer.

"you didn't tell me you're that handsome!" hange repeats, a sliver of judgement in her voice. "you didn't prepare me at all! i knew you were attractive, but levi!" she claps her hands together. "you're absolutely gorgeous! the photos really don't do you justice."

hange continues gashing over him, complimenting his soft hair and beautiful eyes, and all levi can do is just listen, not able to completely comprehend what is happening.

"are you blind?" he asks roughly, interrupting her tirade.

"no?" hange answers, her brows furrowed. "my sight isn't that great but..."

"then don't you see this?" he gestures upon himself with a grimace on his face. "don't you care about this?"

"why should i?" the confusion in her eyes becomes more prominent.

"because i'm in a wheelchair."

because when people see him, they only feel pity. because every time he catches someone looking at him, they quickly turn away. because it's been a fucking while since someone saw him, levi, and not a guy in a wheelchair.

"i can see that," hange nods. "i'm not that blind."

she doesn't care about this, levi realizes suddenly. hange sees him, sees the goddamn wheelchair and she doesn't care. his heart clenches almost painfully. he lost all hope of getting this - a chance to live a normal life. but hange treats him as equal, like an ordinary human. he's more thankful for that than he could ever articulate.

"so there this cafe nearby..." hange begins. "they serve excellent tea. i remember you mentioning that you like tea a lot, right?"

"yeah," the fact that she remembered something so trivial about him shouldn't warm his heart like that. but it does.

"still you should have told me that you're so good-looking," hange mutters, as she starts pushing him in the direction of cafe. "i would have put more effort in my attire..."

listening to her chatter, a smile pulls on his lips. levi can't resist it. and he doesn't want to.

he had his doubts about coming here, wasn't sure that this date would happen at all.

but now- now he's already looking forward to the second one.

#i know i said i won't be posting for a while #but this prompt was so good🥺 #and i don't want to go to sleep yet #levihan