#i mean if my friends dont like me doing a thing i will listen but

[starsoftheeye]

TMAGP Live Reaction - Ep 13

This probably won't be a regular thing since I usually listen to the new episodes on my way home from school, but I wanted to do it today and no-one can stop me

Pre-Episode

Aw this dedication is so nice, reminds me of how I used to sign off on social media when I was younger

Pre-Statement

omg samcelia date samcelia date

they're so cute omg

"that you dont know how cute you are" alice dyer youre not fooling anyone

i wanna hear what this interaction sounded like between alice and celia

"nobody, i'm mysterious" this isnt gonna come back to haunt us im sure

omg samcelia dating reveal already

JACKS HER SON OMG

"wild couple of years after i moved here" does this mean that celias way of coping with being dropped in a different universe was to just fuck... iconic

either that or jack got brought along with her and shes just covering it up. or jack has some mysterious origins that we dont know about

omg a horror protagonists with loving, alive parents wow

i was not expecting sam to be this relatable oh no

sam :(

oh no an "incident"

alice :(

i love celia just being "i know we're on a date and thats great and all but what do you think about the Horrors"

ofc you know theyre real you lived through the apocalypse

ah hello lena and gwen

ah gwen is learning about the consequences of delivering a random address to a living mr blobby knockoff

ooh are we gonna get some exposition

yes we are

these are our Fears i presume

you work in the government responsible for discarding peoples experiences and traumas gwen you werent exactly one of the good guys to begin with

guys i dont think shes gonna sort it

Statement

hold music?? hello?? do we recognise this voice?? needles??

i cannot understand what the name of this company is but i do not like them

the autoresponder sounds so cunty who are they i must know

oooh a scottish guy we love a scottish guy

"i pay your wages" sounding ass. telling the autoresponder that youre the highest investor in a gambling app isnt the flex you think it is dude

i think if a website that directly involves the handling of your money does "weird background checks" and has a "janky interface", staying is less of a feat of loyalty and more a feat of stupidity

oh this guy does nfts for sure

are you allowed to blame the warning you didnt listen to for the consequences?

oh his friends suck too

damn all jokes aside i feel bad for this dude

ohhh so is this like the dice where things can only get so good before they go terribly? or is it like a "when your life gets bad your money goes up" thing

ah its the second option

tbf if its not against the law its not against the law

this guy is the definition of "20 pounds is 20 pounds"

suddenly i dont feel as sorry for this guy

i have a sneaking suspicion that this guy did not get his money

oh nevermind

OOOOOOH NEVERMIND THAT NEVERMIND

huh

HUH

DID THEY SEND A CREATURE TO GET HIM WHAT

Post-Statement

Alice!!

Ooooh he got pished

Alice really out here dissing every kind of date I've ever been on

oh no :(

sam no :(

sam apologise please

shes right tho youre in the wrong place if you don't want weird

alice :(

this is why a polycule would fix everything

alice i love you

sam i love you but you deserved that

#tmagp #the magnus protocol #samama khalid #celia ripley #alice dyer #gwendolyn bouchard #lena kelley #tmagp spoilers #tmagp reaction

[littledigits]

every time an older animation dude tells me im hand holding or coddling people and thats not the way to get results or whatever yadda yadda , I grow x100 in my wholesome power

the best way for me to do the thing more is to tell me you dont like the thing 

#i will eventually convince you or become your biggest annoyance #nothing brings me more joy then being a pain in the ass to animation dude bros :D #i mean if my friends dont like me doing a thing i will listen but #for animation stuff? #i yearn to change the status quo of the system by digging my way into the system and then throwing sparkles around #@_@ ONCE THE SPARKLES ARE THERE YOU CANT GET THEM OUT #YOU CANT STOP ME ONCE I'VE STARTED

[b4kuch1n]

fuck it sk8 sketches from da sketchbook. get sk8ed idiot

#sk8 the infinity #kyan reki #hasegawa langa #renga #sure whatever. tagging ship is probably easier than explaining what the fucks up with these two in my head #hi. I watched sk8 with my friend cosme a while ago. I actually dont care about the allegations that much I just got #blasted with teenage years flashback. and now I need reki to have everything on earth and be well #these have been around for like a week lol Ive just been debating posting them to tumblr. bc like. Im not finishing these lol #hesitant to call sk8 ''therapeutic'' but boy oh boy. does it make me confront some stuff. yes a sport anime leave me alone!!! #its just. I think I was this way about raz too actually. listen I have History with Stuff. I'm allowed ok? I'm totally allowed #u can See it in some of these doodles actually. this fuckign anime got me so unwell #hey. if ur a fellow adhd potentials-havers out there. ur a real one. thanks for still hangin out doin what u love/ur best #if u were an 'if u wanna do art u have to be excellent and high-art at it otherwise it means nothing' kid. I am holding ur hand #I'll be normal now I prommy (lying) #well. what I'll be doing now is taking a nap. maybe. gods my schedule backslid like four hours again #eh whatever. I go to bed anyway. got my portion of the day done and tomorrow I go buy new knife #hope someone come give me a new table top and lower the whole thing a bit soon. so I can stop sitting like Im in a shopping cart #have a good night lads. have fun. its imperative

[bitegore]

When i say i want to hang out with weirdos I do not mean "I want to hang with gay people and that's my marker for whether or not someone is weird." I'm not saying "weird" and meaning "vaguely aro" or "polyam" or "nonbinary" or whatever. Those are not personality traits. They tell you nothing about what that person is like. If i say I need more weird people in my social circle I'm talking about people who are weird. People who aren't like, going with the grain of any community based on literally anything. I have standards for this. I'm looking for like. People who won't blink if I say i only ever enter my house through the window or when I talk about drinking gasoline and then do it and they see I'm not joking, or people who won't think anything huge of me cracking the top of an eggshell and drinking the whole thing from the top in one mouthful. Or if they do, they do enough same-vein shit that it doesn't faze them. These are not really the same as being part of a very broad group of people who happen to have an exogender or whatever. I have met some incredibly normal (derogatory) trans people and gay people and aro people and nonbinary people. When i say weird I mean weird.

#saw a really annoying post. #red rambles #im being so brave by only saying this #like. why are you convinced exclusionists are the ones who want their circle to be more interesting and permissive 1. 2 no the fuck i dont #mean 'i want to know more aros' when i say 'i want more weird as hell friends' that means nothing! thats like saying i want more friends #that eat chocolate. thats not a fucking personality trait #weird is a trait about a personality! weird is a thing about THE PERSONALITY of the person ARO is a ROMANTIC ORIENTATION #im not befriending people on basis of their fucking genders do i look that boring to you????? #fuck of. #-3x0 #-3x5 #if you think i'm weird because i'm transgender rather than weird because I'm weird and transgender because i'm transgender then like you've #genuinely lost the plot. 80% of the things i do are much weirder than wanting a different appearance and none of them have almost anything #to do with me being any kind of queer except the non-loaded dictionary kind #my gender situation and shit is probably more normal than the rest of my life by far #i dont even disagree with the idea that you have to be more broadly accepting of people if you wanna share space with people like me but for #the love of god. i would rather hang out with a cis straight avowed furry than a nonbinary xe/xem user who thinks that anyone who dresses #differently from the Fashionable Standard or doesn't listen to the same music as them is somehow Transgeessing and Being Soooooooo Annoying #^not a hypothetical

[moeblob]

So uh. Eventually I'll stop drawing these guys so obsessively but not today I guess.

(DND AU where it's just these two, Brent, and Paul on a life mission to annoy Chris the GM by having the pact of "we're only here for Karen's benefit")

Karen is a warlock, Right is a cleric, Paul is a paladin, and Brent is a bard (so he can use bardic inspiration on Karen).

#my characters #fun fact i was watching a trio of streamers do tier lists and i saw them do a tier list about their streamer friends #and they all voted on how the person would die in dnd and the funniest thing to come out of it imo #was the difference of SELF SACRIFICE and under it FORCIBLY SACRIFICED #like who would take one for the team willingly and who would be disposed of with majority vote #then they added an executed for their crimes spot under that so while they were debating some guy they settled on #he was the one that initiated most of the forcibly sacrificed ideas and that means he was eventually executed for his crimes #which ... was really funny to distinguish #the point is thats karen in this non existent campaign #she is here to mess people up and then use her allies as scape goats and they all just go well that sucks peace out im on the chopping bloc #and chris is getting more and more distressed over the fact YOU GUYS CAN LITERALLY TALK YOUR WAY OUT OF IT #but they really dont talk their way out of it like he wants #they instead are like ok cool so im gonna pretend like i didnt see karen kill that guy #and shes like i mean it was an accident i didnt MEAN to kill THAT guy #which is why they all vote to not see it and not bring it up RIP that guy #i saved this canvas as A WARLOCK AND HER CLERIC #which is honestly fitting #anyway i wanna draw fanart again at some point but my joy is stored in the ocs rn #i dont play dnd i just listen to one person talk to me about dnd and thats enough #oops i fell in love

[marsixm]

im trying to wrap my head around why i dont get enthusiastic about reddit style fiction (not a dig but a descriptor) like scp and shit like that, bc its not that i can’t enjoy them but i think its like… when stuff is framed as if it were real, but its fiction, its like, well KNOWING its fiction eliminates a huge element of the intrigue, but also, crucially, i like character-driven stories, or at least stories WITH characters. but i also like it when things are interesting for said characters to experience, like, i want the ghosts and monsters and conspiracies but i want the characters to be character-ing, yknow? not that i dont enjoy slice of life and… what would u call the first thing, non-character specific horror? idk? but i prefer when its both. its like i love kirk and spock but also i do enjoy watching them Experience Situations when i watch star trek. i enjoy the idea of spooky national forest monsters that arent real but experiencing it alongside a character would be better, and i want more trans and gay characters whose lives are clearly trans and gay but i want a plotline to unfold too

#i dont think im saying anything different or interesting im just #listening to a wendigoon podcast thats one of his things just #explaining a classic reddit horror story #and ig i enjoy the concept of this one more #but it leaves me thinking like #ok so why do i not wanna hear about this that much….? #and also why i dont rly give a fuck about scp at all when my friends tell me about it #or the mystery flesh pit thing #and its the same reason i didnt give a shit about 2017 IT but loved the 1990 mini series. connecting to the damn characters!!! #i guess i ought to give shit a try again i mean i did read creepypastas once when i was a teenager and enjoyed it #i had a similar thought thw other day when they announced another new star trek aos flashback movie #not that it explicitly said anything about this sort of stuff but like #i just remember hearing some ppl in a college course i was in talking about aos and like ohh the flashbacks to kirks childhood!!! #but in that ‘discussing superheroes’ way of like ‘oh this is good bc it checked the correct canon box!’ #like idk dawg i do enjoy fact gathering about characters i love but thats not why i love them? #ok that rly was a tangent i just dont vibe w scp. but if you put a mulder and scully situation in there with it. boom. id be there. ok???? #its almost like theres a reason this formula has proven to be so successful over and over and over again

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

My favorite (and sadly completely non existant in fandom) characterization of Hunk and Lance is that they are completely Normal™ people except there's also something clearly wrong with them but the rest are either too alien(Coran and Allura), too socially reclusive(Pidge and Keith), or just dont interact with them enough(Shiro) to notice

#Listen Hunk thinks it's completely ok to read someone else's diary #And Lance saw a presumed dead guy being alive a big fuck off lion and an honest to god actual space princess and went #'Huh. Neat! Gonna check it all out!' #I'll even say these 2 are driven most by curiosity just for the sake of curiosity about people #Lance will be like: this is my new friend i cant pronounce their name in human tongue so they allowed me to call them Steve #and Steve is a fucking biblical accurate angel #And then he disappears with steve and Hunk's like 'dont worry guys i have put a tracer on him we'll find him soon ☺️' #Allura: do... do humans do that? Put tracers on each other? #Hunk: it's with permission and yeah best friends do!! #Keith and Pidge who have never been in a friend group that wasnt immediate family before: i mean that sounds wrong #But i dont know enough about friends to dispute it #Shiro who has been dissocciating for an hour and did not hear a single thing: whatever hunk said it's probably right #lance voltron #vld lance #lance mcclain #hunk voltron #hunk vld #hunk garrett #voltron #voltron legendary defender #empty thoughts #takashi shirogane #katie holt #keith kogane #keith voltron #vld keith #allura vld #allura voltron

[buppypuppy]

.

#vent post essay ahead lol #having complexes about talking about your emotions is literally the fucking devil . its miserable. it sucks so bad. #the aamount of damage that is caused to someone by like #i mean im talking abou t me here obviously. #being the person whose like. overall ultimately tends not to feel horrible as often is like. #it's nice not feeling bad emotionally all the time but also it's like. i develop this complex about being like able to help. #i don't feel bad anywhere near as often as my friends so i can help them out and listen to them vent i can have the mental room to #like listen to them talk about their problems. yeah. but it makes me feel like. well this is my job now so i shouldn't fucking talk about m #i shouldnt vent when i feel bad because that's not what i'm known for. plus my friends already all feel worse than me more often than me. s #i don't want to dump any more on their plate than they have to deal with. i don't want to burden them anymore than i have to. and like it's #it's hard. i hate fucking talking about it and it's made so much worse when its like people i love . always been a fucking problem becaus #i just feel fucking horrible admitting that i feel bad i hate that so much. i don't want to like turn away people who care about me but li #i feel like if i tell them what's wrong with me i'll like do it anyways. i feel like i come off as super normal and happy go lucky and like #ostensibly fine. so when i admit this shit its like. oops the facade is cracking!!!!!! uh oh uh oh you can't help people so you feel bad!!! #because your fucking npd has made you feel self centered in a way that means you want to help people or some shit i dont fucking know #and so when i feel bad or get mad over something unreasonable it's like. well i hope i fucking keel over and die or something i dont like . #i don't want people seeing me like this or whatever. and my stupid fucking personality disorder just ruins every god damn thing its so bad. #my past experiences giving me complexes that lead to me feeling fucking left out over like small stupid stuff but god the worst part is lik #my brain categorizing something as being ''My Thing'' so somebody else talks about liking my thing AFTER my brain has designated it mine #makes alarm bells go off and feel like theyre fucking. i don't know encroaaching on my turf or what the fuck ever? it SUCKS ASS #it makes me feel HORRIBLE . and it's like i'm not gonna fucking bring it up because i don't wnt to be like a dick but also it's like well. #i feel fucking miserable about this but it's just like mean and unnecessary and cruel to like stifle people's fucking fun because of my dum #fuckin complexes. it's fucking constant. like oh look at you girl you feel fucking left out because you never get characters who really gri #you mentally and so now you have one but oops! someone else talked about them and now you're seeing red! you like this person though #so you're gonna feel fucking MISERABLE about this . you're gonna feel HORRIBLE because of this. and there's nothing you can fucking do #and it controls my goddamn life and i HATE IT i fucking HATE IT i wish i knew how to fix it. ghghrgurghrughruhg i want to fucking explode #and then you feel bad about feeling bad because you are fucking sisyphus. you're sisyphus. and your own anger is your boulder. you ingrate. #i hate this. i just wanted to have a good day. #jane mary cry one tear

[erythristicbones]

that post about about being extra and self-indulgent w/ your OCs and specifically talking about/posting about them really has stuck in my brain all day bc like. i really am so fucking tempted to make a discord server where like there's a channel for each of my stories, so i can just ramble about every tiny idea or essay that comes to mind for an audience of like 6 ppl at most probably

#it would probs just be for friends/mutuals/long time followers that i know wont cause drama #bc i have a severe anxiety disorder and i do not think running a completely open server would be good for my mental health #also if im talking about my stories i probs dont want to make major spoilers available for EVERYBODY to find #but anyways yeah #idk if I'll ever actually do that #but i like being able to ramble to my hearts content in the boomer club server #and i like the idea of having ppl that are invested in my stories get to see my thought process #i wouldnt even care if they literally just lurked silently or reacted with emotes to everything i post #the idea of getting to go crazy stupid over my children with an audience that i trust just makes me v happy #things to ponder if im in the right headspace for ig #if not then i will continue to happily do that w my boomer club friends <3 #this is me specifically shouting out kui and birdy and faerai #yall three always being there to listen to me lose my mind means the world to me <3

[jarvis-cockhead]

.

#found out last night someone i knew at uni died and its odd. really odd #didnt know them well enough to really feel grief but always intended to hang out with them more #follow each other on spotify & their last listened to artist is one of my favourite bands #i would have liked to have known them better. yeah #really feel for the ppl who were closest to them like im sad but as i said its not like. actual grief #we hear abt other students dying every now and then but its never someone you knew personally or someone whos house you went to #& you meowed at them and they got scared because they said theyre a barking household. and they showed you the dead buzzard in their garden #from which you stole some feathers. and then you went in their fucked up shed that apparently had asbestos #yeah. i just wish id had more opportunities to know them. me and another friend always said we should hang out with them more #man it sucks. which is an understatement rlly but u know #and now its kind of just like. this is a thing that has happened #and i probably wont rlly feel the impact until coming off placement year next year because then ill actually notice that theyre not there #never had anyone in my peer group die before. really fucking weird #really hope theyre at peace now and all. and im glad one of my friends who knew them more i checked in on is doing alright #i mean i say im not grieving but i have cried and am crying but i also cry easily or when i hear people i dont even know have died #but also i do miss them and i wish i could see them again

[widevibratobitch]

.

#coming to tumblr for the first time in three days just to bitch because i feel like shit <333 #sorry if i havent responded to your message i will as soon as i get a grip but rn im just too busy #both with uni and with crying because a friend said a mean thing to me lol #and because im tired of this new friendship already and tired of hearing this girl talking how great she is lol #am i jealous? fuck yeah i am. #and it's not like she's mean like straight up. cause like. #when i say im really considering quitting and dropping out she tries to encourage me ig #but then she follows it up with 'ofc *I* never had a problem with this and that because it always just came naturally to me teehee #but yknow. dont give up uwu' #and she keeps sending me recordings of her singing to tell her how good she is and always tells me how her teacher praises her #and like. its cool. like i get it that its a nice feeling when you do something well and wanna share that joy with a friend #but idk. i just think its kinda. well not mean but a litt #*a little tone deaf? when ive just been telling her that im in a Bad Place rn and my voice isnt working as it should #and my pianist is bullying me and i end up crying on almost every lesson #and she hits me with a 'damn that sucks fuck that pianist dont give up tho <3 #now do you wanna listen to me sing bel raggio lusinghier like a pro and my professor telling me i am sublime?' #also when i tell her that im sorry that im not very social and i just cannot stay and chat cause im having a horrible day today #and really dont feel well and she's like 'yeah i havent noticed anything you're always like that... *side eye*' in a way that suggests #im a horrible friend cause im not talking with her enough and yet again im disappointing her (aint that familiar lol) #i just. idk. the last two-three weeks have been absolutely horrible to me. i cant get out of bed i havent done a single colorful make up #in so long ive basically forgotten how to do that. and i loved doing fun make up looks that make people tell me i look like a clown. #but i just dont have the energy to do anything more than put on a random tshirt and spray dry shampoo on my unwashed hair #i dont even wear my rings anymore. ive stopped caring about being the pinkest slayest queerest looking bitch in the room cause i just. cant #and even some casual friend of mine asked me yesterday if im okay cause they can see something is Not Right. but SHE not only doesnt notice #anything. i have a feeling she feels like im disappoing and neglecting her because i cant be bothered to text with her 24/7 #like idk. maybe its just my imagination but i barely even feel like an actual person. more like just a homunculus made to trail after her #and listen to her bragging about how pretty/talented/unbothered she is #oh and also for her to keep dissing m/ozart lol like idk why it hurts me so bad but then ig its not that unusual to feel shitty #when someone keeps talking shit about something you really love and are passionate about and making you feel like an idiot #because you like it. because its stupid and boring and you're a simpleton for enjoying it instead of liking sth more 'ambitious'

[nakeurnes]

oououuuowowaah story of undettale

#TSUAUSUSBGGHyzhaa i HATE OUR BROTHER I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH NO MATGER HOW HARD I TRY all GHE SHIT I DO TO TEY AND SYMPATHIZE WITH HIM HE #FUCKING THRNS AROUND AND IS A DICK TO ME FOR NO RESON AND !!!! YLS AT ME FOR NO REAON SOMETIEMS SHUT UL SHUT UP YOURE LITERALLY 13 STFU #i fucking hste it here i hate being fcjingg 18 and having to share the sMe room with him i have sincd he wzz BORN. #GOD. ONE FUCKING NIGHT ALONE WIYHOUY HIS ANNOYING ASS I CSNT EVEN JERK OFF OR STAY UP LATE OR LISTEN TO LOUD MUSIC #AND LIKE IM HALDWy fhinking OH! OM BEING IRRATIONAL jd spLITTING AGAIN AND I AM. BYT HE IS JST A DICK I HATE TEENAGE BOYS I HOPE HE DIES #hes SO FUCKING MEAN hes cslldd me slurs and a bitch multiple times in the most derogayory way and i hate him #he knows abg the zysfem too snd just CHOOSES TO IGNORE IT APPARENTLY DOESNG CARE WHO HES TALKING TO. #auuggh moments i regret being ghe host i hate it here. #i hate our familh theyre just fu jing mean yhis shit builxing up is whzg made me snap in the first place!!! and couldng host for a long time #andd now im upset and spiralling and i dont wang to be a bother espcially sijce spe ific ppl i wantto talk to arsnt thefe an d it makes me #very very bvery sa d i msis my friends #i cry everry day miss ing them i have beene really liking remembering things with nicki #no onee knwos wht im talking about or wjo i am #i dont want to be useless please need me i jave no other purposs #im a nuisance to ppl whow ant to front #i sit here living in the past that doesnt exist anymore and pray every day for it to come baxk knowing it wont ever come back #i miss . my friends i dont tthink they like me #im too pushy when im happy and when im upset im too cold i never make anyoke happy an d i talk too muc h and it hurts wberyone #icant even ve of goo d use to mmy actual children in headspace im an awful mother i cant stay stable enough tk help anyone or do anything #me being here has only caused problems and I remember why i left before #me when i spiral and makenmsyelf sonmu h more upset than before #vent #shelly

[bitegore]

every so often i have to really wonder about the people who watch me talk about how badly i want someone to let me hurt them and fantasize about murdering imaginary characters i like and somehow assumes i'm a sub primarily and wants to be killed and chased and not, like, do the killing and chasing

#red rambles #theres a specific exchange i keep thinking of but it happens a surprising amount #i guess it's good that no one's looking at me and assuming i'm going to be a serial killer in the future any more #like im never going to forget that one girl who thought we were friends in high school telling me as i signed her yearbook #that if she heard about a serial killer on tv she was gonna immediately assume it was me. as though it was a cute jokey #thing to say and i was supposed to think it was flattering ?????? #but this one's annoying too. no i dont want your blorbo to come hunt me down and put a hole in me unless i get to do them at the same time #if i'm writing texaid it's because i want to be tex not aid. if i'm writing mm/ds it's because i want to be motormaster and not drag strip #in real life i will play along with other people's fantasies sure. that's not the same thing as having it be My Thing #if you've never played along with a partner while banging them because you don't mind and they clearly like it idk what your deal is #but mine is just that i'm not as picky as i look and i can roll with most things #that doesn't mean that idk hypno is my kink or whatever just bc i dont mind if my fuckbuddy wants to put on hypno shit in the background #like get off my dick. and stop making assumptions #ill tell you who i am if you listen and if you aren't putting it together you're not going to get it. that's all #lemon

[oatbugs]

i feel conflicted abt my relationship...need advice etc . in tags . pls i need input sm

#i love my gf a lot and i think our relationship is doing rly good rn . i miss her a lot bc im in a diff country to her but ill see her #in a few weeks etc. anyway things are good....HOWERVER. i am worried abt . our future #like u are supposed to live in the moment and have fun and be young etc etc but this is like..the fact that its going well #is making me consider how our life paths would go tgth and if it would be fair to stay in a relationship u know wont work forever. like #this was one of the reasons why i felt hesitant at first etc. basically i swore to myself i would only date an academic or at least someone #who like. has. A Thing. that they are working towards that they are rly rly passionate abt. bc i thought it just wouldnt work out otherwise #and it seemed after a while of talking that she IS like that...shes applying for a graphic design degree and she seems to genuinely #love art etc so much and also she is amazing at it. HOWRVER...she hasnt drawn in a while #and is working a min wage job despite meaning to quit for ages...and as far as im aware #she still hasnt made a portfolio...etc etc. but im so confused bc like...shes great and ik she can do it i just dont #understand why she wont. she could also get an internship etc in the relevant field but i still dont get it...and its not my place to be #pushy abt it. like i already suggested these things and asked abt them but i dont want to ask any more bc like. its her choice #what she does w her life etc. but anyway its like...am i being pessimistic/impatient and everything is gonna #go well for her or do i hold genuine concerns. and if the latter/both potentially...is it unfair to be like #hey babe ik things are amazing rn but we have to reevaluate bc idk if in 10 yrs i would be happy w where we are #my friend was like. Break Up W Her from the beginning bc he thinks u shouldn't get into a relationship w smn whom you think will not also #elevate u in some way..and ur life paths dont align etc...but he is genuinely married to his academics like hes sworn off #love so i didnt rly listen bc hes rly extreme w his. love gets in the way of academics. etc #but also his point was valid i think? that you want the person u spend ur life w to elevate you. u want them to challenge you and make you #want to work harder and be better and achieve more and more...and i do want that and i have been trying to be that for them #but A) i can only be that to a reasonable extent for them before it starts being like nagging/being pushy and #B) i feel like if they end up going the way they are rn they can never be that for me. is that bad #like am i a horrible person for thinking this way. obviously i am not casting a moral judgement on her or anyone #for whatever path in life they choose to go down but also is it like...Silly to give up on a perfectly good #relationship bc ur like. as it stands i do not see you walking alongside me in 10 yrs etc #like im lich rally 20 . but what if it DOES end up going rly well and it DOES end up being thr case that we end up staying together #and then im like. feeling discouraged bc my partner in life is just not the kind of person i imagined being w when i was 19 or 20... #like in terms of careers etc. more importantly is this a discussion i should have w her . bc i literally do not know how to raise this #without sounding like a dick but is that bc i...am being a dick? is this a bad thing ?? is this thought not that of a good person ? #it sounds so WEIRD to be like hey babe either u have to start being more ambitious and insane abt ur art or i might break up w you. like :/

[weirdlizard26]

so bizarre to me that my love language is apparently recording music for people. how did this even happen

#wl26 #<- little weirdo #SORRY I LIKE MUSIC AND THE ACT OF SHARING IT!!!!!!!!!! #i feel rly guilty abt it sometimes bc it feels so selfish. like hi i made art and im showing it to you so you can look at or listen to it #and you might not like it but i made it for you specifically because its related to something you enjoy #but its not actually the thing you enjoy. its just something that i made about it because i also enjoy it #and im scared the ways we enjoy it are completely different which means youre gonna hate the thing i made #but i will show it to you anyways because i love you and its the only way i know to say it #n a couple of time ive wanted to write a song for someone and gotten so excited about it and then had the horrible realization that #this is so. so oddly specific to me and this is just something i do out of love for friends #and it really isnt any bigger of a deal than any other handmade gift #and i think it can easily qualify as a handmade gift even though it doesnt involve making anything with hands #except for sounds i suppose #but yeah its just something i do. but. outside of my tiny little world. writing a song for someone might seem like such a huge gesture #and i dont want to make anyone uncomfortable or have the wrong idea about me or think that im doing a big thing to get something in return #and idk why im so scared of that like ive never been in a situation where people misunderstood me like that #but i guess. the very concept of being misunderstood is so painful to me gdfkgjd #this wasnt supposed to turn into a big post sorry. just want a normal brain that doesnt make me feel guilty abt everything please #wouldnt that be so nice #this isnt rly abt anything btw i was just going through my music folder. listening to my stuff from 2018 #5 years... god

[solardistress]

i literally struggle so bad to listen to podcasts , especially like story based ones because i treat them like shows and my attention had to solely be on that for me to retain literally any information from it like . last time i listened to the magnus archives i spaced out to the point i had to write the episode title and my reaction to it so i could finish an episode and faintly remember them like . i am not good with podcasts just like how im really not good with shows

#i domt even know where the notecard went with the episode titles and my reactions to it #i dont even remember most of it actually #i didnt even get far but my friend is listening to it and reblogging art of it now so ….. i might juuust might #start listening to it now #just because #idk when id do it because honestly the only time i really did listen to a podcast was on a long ride #and that was IT . i was looking out the window just listening #and like . its bc i had time to yk . but like how do yall listen to podcasts #like theres no time for me to do that #i mean i know youre supposed to put it like as background noise or something while you do something that doesnt take much to think abt #but like . damn dawg . when are you doing skmething that doesnt take much to think abt #all i can think up is chores honestly but even then i could not focus on anything with a podcast on #idk . ill figure something out #ive forgotten the first couple episodes . maybe ill write my reactions here on tumblr and label them . however i tag things idk #LMFAO