#i mean i say im not grieving but i have cried and am crying but i also cry easily or when i hear people i dont even know have died | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pinkmoondoll9shihtzu · 2 years

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hi. can i share something. its pretty personal...its sad but also a message of hope.

so. ive been freaking out rly bad about attending this bladee show tomorrow, august 6th. the real reason for this is not just my ocd and social anxiety but also.. last year on august 6th my really good friend died. they were going by the name saint at the time. i only knew them online but we were extremely close since around 2014. we would talk often, and in-depth, bcus we both had extensive interest in metaphysics, god, angels, etc. and we both had dead parents, specifically dead from illness, so we rly deeply related to each other on those matters. they were like 9 years older than me, so i looked up to them as an older sibling. it absolutely shattered my heart when i found out they died because i know it was an accident. i think they OD’d on fentanyl cus they had been posting about relapsing shortly b4 they died. but i dont know for sure, there’s no obituary for them since they don’t have parents or family. i have cried about it every day for a year.

when i saw what day the bladee show was, i felt a million feelings at once, like, oh my god, is this some kind of orchestrated angel event? saint had the most unwavering faith, they believed in angels more than anyone ive ever met, there was no doubt in their mind. we would talk about our synchronicities constantly. it was our fav thing to discuss. they were so validating of my experiences. so in a way, i rly feel like, their angel is escorting me to this show as some sort of gift for making it thru the past year. ive been going thru my saturn return on top of grieving their death, and idk, its just been one of the worst times in my life, ive never been closer to giving up. the timing of this show rly makes me feel like saint is blessing me. bladee, saint and I are all life path 9s who r obsessed w metaphysics n spirituality, which adds to the meaning of this synchronicity for me.

the reason ive been so terrified to attend the show is because i keep having ocd freakouts that someone is going to die or that, like, this date is evil and tainted or soemthing. like literally to the point that ive spent a few entire days this past week just crying in my bed because im so terrified of losing anyone else in my life. but as the show gets closer, i am realizing i just need to trust god and believe that im allowed to enjoy myself. believe that saint’s angel is protecting me and my loved ones, just like they have every day for the past year. they have sent me so many signs, and ive known a lot of dead people but never have i received so many obvious signs from anyone, even my own father. it makes me wonder if saint graduated the rebirth cycle, since they were a 9, and they brought so much goodness to this world. i think they graduated and are now a very powerful angel forever.

its been so hard to go on without them. they were my grief councellor fr. there were some years of my life where they were one of the only people i talked to because no one else could understand. they loved POSTING, we met on tumblr and they were always so supportive of the way i express myself. after they died was when i started drawing and posting on here again bcus i knew i had to honor them this way. i cant put into words how much their friendship impacted me and i wish i could do more, i wish i cld plaster their face onto every wall and scream from the rooftops “THATS MY FRIEND AND I LOVE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!”. god i am going to cry so much at the bladee show, i know they’ll b rite there on my shoulder the whole time.

if u read all this, thank you. it weighs on me massively n i try not to show it too much online but man. i have been a mess. n sometimes i just wanna spill my guts. i cld say so so much more about my dear friend but i’ll leave it at this for now. im praying that the show goes well tomorrow and everyone makes it there safely. if u guys cld pray for me too id rly appreciate. i rly feel like saint is with me and im allowed to have hope now. i love you saint. thankyou for posting so much so i have plenty to look back on. <3

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uralienlucas · 2 years

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i stumbled upon your blog by coincidence and just wanted to send some positivity. your pinned post about death had me reeling a lil - is Death a part of your system? (Im guessing so)

I'm like twice your age but haven't come across death conceptualised like this before. i thought about death a lot when i was your age, wrote short stories and poetry and roleplays dealing with it. it's the sort of time in your life where the reality of death is truly starting to sink in, and everyone has to deal with it differently. your words really resonated with me.

years ago my friend gave me one of her dresses: blue and orange paisley patterned.

i wore it to her funeral. her brother thanked me for not wearing black.

death is but a step in our journey, one we all must take one day. celebrate life as much as you can. a lot of the sorrow and grief around death comes very much from the living perspective - I can't pick up the phone and call my friend and tell her about my day, and that's a deeply upsetting statement of fact. i guess this is a big part of the reason why funerals are so doom and gloom.

but what makes grief so painful, for me, is also the fact that it's SO HARD to talk about. total mood killer, every damn time. it's like i can't talk about her even about fond memories or the impact her life had on mine, it's like every bit of happiness she gave me is poisoned by her untimely death, which means I can't even talk about the good bits. it's always coloured by grief but just because it makes me cry doesn't mean i don't want to talk about it at all.

therefore I really welcome and enjoy any discussion of death outside the regular framework. in a positive way, even. so thank you for that. and lots of love to everyone in your system!!

sorry this got long!! apologies for the ramble in your inbox!!

This is a very sweet message, thank you so much! I'm always a little scared to talk to adults, not really for fear, just because I always feel dumbed down. But this is a very nice interaction, so I'll try my best to respond equally.

I feel neutral to positive about death, and that's definitely not something I say to many people irl. I think I don't feel the negative simply because I never got to grieve. Important people in my life died, yes, but I didn't grieve them for long. I cried in the minute and only there. The idea that they actually weren't there anymore never got to me. That's why my deathkin is partially psychological. I have heavy dissociation related to death.

At the same time, I find it weirdly beautiful and fascinating. Which sounds very much insensitive to someone who isn't in my mind. I have always felt this, though, it didn't just come with my teenage years. I am obsessed with death. And it's uh... Strange.

I wish it was talked more about, I really do. But I understand why it shocks people; just because it doesn't happen to me, it doesn't mean I'm completely desensitized. I know it's unpredictable and devastating. But disasters are beautiful to me. I wish people would view death like I do, sometimes at least. I wish we talked about it, the ways it impacts us, the ways it occurs and what happens. I hate the obligatory euphemisms and the uncomfortability of the topic. I really do. It's an important thing to talk about sometimes, but it's so delicate. It's a complex thing that maybe I'll never grasp totally.

Anyway, that was long too. Thank you for the ask, really! I liked responding to it.

#otherkin #nonhuman #conceptkin #deathkin #death mention #tw death #tw death mention #death and dying

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blackvail22 · 7 months

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9/22/23 — 1:20am

i hate wanting to be productive in the middle of the night. i was tired all day tdy, and now i just want to do something productive. no!!! i work earlier than usual tomorrow!!!!

im doing my skincare now... i wore makeup tdy so i have no choice but to do it 🤯

im tired still but i dont want to sleep. i feel like i havent been productive enough tdy even though i went to 3 different appointments and within the 2 hours before work i cleaned my bathroom sink (that was incredibly disgusting, i am not exaggerating. no one has cleaned it in like a little over a year. my dad shaves his face there whenever it gets like 5 inches long and doesnt clean the hair out of the sink/on the counter. its gross.), made ramen (it wasnt v good).... at work i walked around almost the whole 6 hours. my feet hurt so!! bad!! after i work. it happens every time. it doesnt help that when i fell down my stairs, my "sprained" foot didnt heal properly. i also hurt my hand at work and have not seen a doctor .... im ngl im like a mess and if i tell anyone abt this theyll tell me its because im fat and need to lose weight WE GET IT. I KNOW. IM TRYING, AND JUST BECAUSE I AM DOESNT MEAN THAT I CANT HAVE SMTH WRONG WITH ME?????

anyways

im tired. like mentally and physically. i had counseling tdy and i told her everything and the time still wasnt full. she shared some things abt her life recently... still didnt fill the time. she didnt respond much at all, but she's grieving, so i understand

im not telling anyone except u and my digital diary about my situation with my ex... i need to stop complaining to people abt him and making it everyones problem when its really my fault i keep letting him back in my life. its bad! ive literally had dreams where he did that *thing* but like in an extremely worse way, and i told myself that i just had to live with it, that i have to get used to it. and, i mean, i guess i do... if i can *** ***** then he can do whatever.

im not even with him... just flirting heavily. he picks up on it, i think so, anyway....

im tired

i saw that u updated ur music playlist you sent to me recently ! so heres a song for u in return

2:51am

idk why it pisses me off so bad but when b says shes ugly it makes me so angry. "why cant i be like the pretty girls?" she is the definition of a pretty girl... she may not see it because people were mean to her growing up but its like... ive cried SO much because of how pretty she is. my parents call her the pretty girl, people at school say shes pretty all the time... it just makes me so upset that someone as pretty as her cant see it. and i wish she could, honestly.

and i hate that this makes me so angry. i have so much envy that it rips me apart every second of the day, and i hate it!!!!! im the fat, ugly friend, and i always felt bad for her being friends with me. she says that im one of the prettiest ppl she knows.... if that were true, would she have deleted all the photos of me off of her phone? who knows. and the fact that people compliment her all the time at school and in public should say A LOT about how pretty she is. it happens all the time! and i mean all the time. maybe she doesnt think it was genuine or she forgets? idk... i think the last time a stranger complimented my appearance was a year and a half ago at a taco bell drive thru. the last time i was called pretty (besides when my mom says it) was at leastt 6 months ago. im like distraught because she is literally so beautiful fuck

this is going to make me cry myself to sleep because i cant say any of this to her because this is really just unhealthy of me, like the envy and making me seem like the victim. it just makes me so upset that everyone thinks shes pretty but herself

yeah im def crying myself to sleep gn i work in 11hrs which sounds like a long time from now but i havent slept yet lol

3:16am

ok i lied i messaged her and said "i saw you commented "i wish i was one of the pretty girls" on a tiktok, and i really need you to know that you are the pretty girl. youre so incredibly beautiful not only on the outside but the inside too... it can be rare to find someone like that. i hope youre able to see yourself through my eyes someday and see yourself for what you truly are—beautiful"

i hope it doesnt come off weird

ok i cried and messaged her i should rlly just sleep now

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

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Can I request HSP + depression reader (who thinks they are just weak and being crybaby) x Bucky, please? I understand you are super busy right now and I didn’t mean to rush you or anything but I'm just struggling with both HSP and depression and couldn’t help but send it right now. No need to hurry, just when you are free and maybe when you had nothing to write. Thank you and I love you!

Thank you for the request, I’m sorry it’s been a difficult time for you! I’m here if you need me and I hope that this helps!!!

It’s called empathy

Bucky x reader

Word count: 1981

Warnings: depression, HSP (highly sensitive person), low self worth, negative self talk, swearing (that’s normal for me but this one’s a little extra), angst (more so internal idk if that needs a warning), fluff/comfort

Taglist: @buckys2thicc @babydaddy-buckybarnes @barnesplums @peggycarter-steverogers @mardema @abitgryffindorky @buckys-blue-eyes @strawberrimae @thatfangirl42 @freigeistundanderes @bucks-bunny @broadwaybabe18 @im-sick-of-failing

Taglist Masterlist

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Breathe in

Breathe out

Out

...in…

You felt a tear escape your eyes

Goddamn it

You didn’t want to cry, you couldn’t let yourself. It was stupid, it was just some shitty remark from someone when they were in a shitty mood, it wasn’t your fault, all that bullshit you tried to tell yourself. It never worked.

You were trying to control your breathing, looking up at the ceiling trying to will the tears away, biting your lip. You would not cry, not over this. Not over something that wasn’t worth your tears

Not when you didn’t even know what exactly you were crying over.

Yet here you were, gripping the edge of the bathroom sink with white knuckles, looking up at the ceiling trying to keep the tears at bay. And it wasn’t working.

Weak sensitive piece of shit.

What good were you to the team if you cry in the bathroom like a baby every time something remotely stressful happens? People usually cry when they're in pain or when they’re grieving - the only excuse you had was you were stressed or sad.

You felt another few tears escape and you angrily swiped them away, cursing yourself for being so weak.

You hated this, you hated yourself. You were so numb most of the time, especially when you were alone. You found yourself alone in your room with racing thoughts feeling like you were falling apart. Yet when you were alone you could only stare at the ceiling wondering if it would get any worse.

The answer was usually yes.

Whenever you would go on missions with the team, you were able to push aside your stress. You had a job to do and you would do it. But when the mission was over and you were walking back through the rubble - seeing all the blood, destruction, fear - then it would start to get to you. You would panic, you would feel tears cloud your vision. Tears for those you were leaving behind, and those who had nowhere to go, those who lost someone. That was understandable.

It seemed to affect you more than the others though. It was understandable to be moved by so much destruction. But for you everyone felt like someone you had known and loved.

You could feel the grief in those left behind, feel the sadness and pain that they were going through.

The same was true when you weren’t on missions. When those who were on them would come back. Whether they were injured or their eyes were saddened - you knew when a mission was rough. You would listen, you would be there for people. It was easy to talk to you, and you were very wise.

But it still overwhelmed you. You couldn’t say no, you didn’t want to. You wanted to help but it would be so emotionally taxing for you. So behind closed doors, you would break. Be there for others, listen when they need to talk, others come first - you took their emotional pain onto yourself.

You were grateful that you could help - but in the process it was hurting you.

You allowed yourself to feel sad when you were alone in your room. No one could see you be weak in the dark of your room. But you never cried much just from the pure exhaustion of your thoughts. Sometimes you wanted to, just feeling so incredibly empty that you just wanted to have an ugly crying session curled up in bed.

But you didn’t get to make that choice.

The crying wouldn’t come until the absolute worst times. If you had messed up on a mission, if Tony said something a little too harshly because to him everything was a joke, seeing something gruesome on a mission- whenever it came to someone else getting involved, the tears would come. Hell sometimes even being overwhelmed in public would be enough to start the waterworks.

You always felt so fucking weak for it. The slightest environmental stressor could stress you out too much and move you to tears. You had no reason to be upset most of the time. But you would get angry at yourself for being upset, which would make you more upset that you couldn’t control it, making it harder to control.

It was a vicious cycle.

Lately it had been popping up more and more recently. Smaller things were upsetting you more than usual. You were becoming more sensitive to external stimuli and as a result, you spent as much time as you could in your room. You were embarrassed by yourself. Both by your emotions and by your inability to control them.

This time you were just upset that you were upset. It had been a long night the day prior, just a lot of paperwork to do. There had been a mission earlier this week that you hadn’t been assigned to, but it had been brutal for everyone who had gone. So far today had been a normal day by anyone’s terms, an emotionally exhausting one for you. One of those where you woke up tired and the thoughts of another day were enough to draw you to tears. Nothing had even happened, but apparently nothing needed to happen.

Your emotions came and went without your consent.

You knew deep down it was probably some sort of emotional build up - that whole quote about bottling things up until they got to be too much - it happened every time but you still thought you could handle yourself better than that. You didn’t want to vent or be a problem to anyone. But when you are the emotional support for most of the team and you haven’t been able to get enough sleep or take time for yourself - you didn’t have much of a say as to when the bottle overflows.

A few more tears fell and you slammed your hand on the counter, wiping your tears angrily once more. “God fucking damn it why can’t you just stop fucking crying!” you exclaimed, feeling a few more tears falling “Weak piece of shit!”

There was knocking on the door, pulling you out of your self deprecating thoughts. You gasped lightly, wiping your face again.

Knock knock

You jumped a little, gasping slightly. No one was supposed to be here, it was the middle of the night.

“Y/n? What’s going on in there? Are you alright?”

You took a shaky breath. Of course it would be Bucky who heard you. Why would it be anyone else?

“I’m fine Bucky, it’s late, you should go to sleep.”

“Then why are you still awake?” Bucky responded. You heard him sigh a little outside the door. “Come out here and tell me you’re okay.”

“Really Bucky?”

“Unless you want me to come in there, but I don’t think Stark would appreciate me breaking your door.”

You took a small breath and walked over to the door, opening it. You crossed your arms and met Bucky’s concerned eyes. “I’m fine, Bucky.”

Bucky sighed, taking in your appearance. Red eyes, flushed face, your hair was messy - you were definitely crying. He hated when you wouldn’t admit that you weren’t ok. “You know you don’t have to be, right?”

You clenched your jaw, trying to keep fresh tears from clouding your vision. “What?”

“You say you’re fine, you always say that you’re fine until you break. I heard you crying, I can see that you’re not feeling okay yet still you try to keep a brave face. And I just want you to know that you don’t have to always be okay.”

You let out a breath. “I - i…” you looked down and shook your head, lost for words.

“Y/n, I’m not here to judge you. Can you try to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I don’t know,” you said looking up at him “It’s literally so stupid, Bucky.”

“Y/n, nothing you say right now is going to sound stupid.

You shrugged your shoulders, still not quite meeting his eyes. “I don’t know, I just get so worked up sometimes, but it’s stupid. I tell myself I’m not going to be bothered and then I freak out again. The smallest things bother me and I get stressed out and then I cry like some stupid weak bitch. People have it worse than me, God, you have it worse than me. Everyone here has some sort of traumatic awful thing happen to them and then there’s me and I get sad because I see other people sad,” you were crying again and you wiped at your face, covering your eyes. “God Im so fucking stupid I -”

Bucky pulled you into his chest as you let out a sob. “You’re not stupid, y/n.”

“YES I AM. I get worked up over the smallest shit, I don’t listen when people tell me to take breaks, I take everything too personally and I can’t stop fucking crying when I don’t even know what the fuck is wrong!” you exclaimed, trying to push yourself away, ashamed.

Bucky held you tightly, not letting you go. “That’s not your fault. It’s not up to you how your feelings show up.”

“But I cry at the most stupid shit and I can’t control it.”

“You’re not supposed to know how to control it,” he said, pulling back to look at you. “Emotions can’t be controlled. They just happen and it’s rarely convenient.”

“Then why do I feel so weak? If this,” you gestured to yourself “is so goddamn normal then why isn’t everyone else breaking down every other day?”

Bucky brushed some hair out of your face. “Your emotions are yours, no one else’s. No one has the right to tell you how to feel. Think of it this way - you can’t expect everyone to have the same amount of strength or stamina - no one has the same emotional response either. And that doesn’t make you weak, it makes you you.”

You shook your head. “I just feel so weak all the time.”

“And I’m here to remind you that crying isn’t weak. You are not a weak person, you are not a bad person, you’re not any of those things your mind tells you. You’re a kind and thoughtful person. You put your heart into everything you do. You help everyone you can. Mourning someone else’s loss isn’t weakness. It’s called empathy.”

You took a small breath. “Then why does it hurt so goddamn much?”

“”I don’t know. And I can’t say for certain that you won’t always feel that way. But I know I can tell you that you aren’t weak, and I’ll be here every time you feel that you are.”

You nodded your head slightly. “You don’t think I’m weak?” you asked quietly.

He pulled you back into a hug. “Not in the slightest, y/n.”

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pla-teau · 3 years

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WANDAVISION EPISODE EIGHT THOUGHTS

GIF NOT MINE

HOLY SHIT THIS EPISODE TORE ME TO SHREDS & IT’S VISUALLY MY FAVORITE EPISODE.

hayward fucking lied | that manipulative weasel tried to pin all this on wanda to make her look like the bad guy and at the end she did absolutely nothing wrong except maybe cost them new windows. i believe hayward knew that wanda was going to be the power source to bring vision back to life. he hinted at it and i think he tried to push her at SWORD headquarters. when the hex happened, he put the missile on the drone knowing damn well wanda would stop it. he knew that after he detected that she created a copy of vision within the hex, she was the key to completing their rebuilding of vision. overall, my hatred for the man has reached a new level and i hope he dies at the end of the series.

white vision | obviously referring to project catarract that darcy found in SWORD’s hardrive. when i said i wanted white vision to appear, i didn’t mean this way and i’ve seen some theories floating around that maybe james spader will voice this vision? and if this is the big secret actor paul has been saying he’s going to work with — i will laugh and cry because i am one of those who was thinking we’d get an x-men cameo with either professor x or magneto and i’m gonna hold out hope. if it is just vision vs. vision, i don’t doubt i’ll love it. so excited to see this vision though it’ll hurt to see vision battle wanda since this whole episode just showed us how much they loved each other.

wanda and vision’s relationship | we got to see a very sweet and deep moment between the two in the avengers compounds after age of ultron. when i tell you i damn near cried into my pillow, it made my heart ache. they really are fucking soulmates. i didn’t originally care for the couple but this show really showcased how despite being the pairing of a witch and an android, there is still so much LOVE between these two. i broke when i saw the deed to the lot and vision’s note of growing old together. excuse me marvel i didn’t ask to be emotionally obliterated, thanks.

wanda’s chaos magic | clearly, we see that wanda is responsible for the creation of the hex. i think she didn’t purposely block out her creating the hex. when she said she doesn’t know how it happened, she truly doesn’t. we’ve seen her lose control once and that was after the death of pietro but it wasn’t as strong before. i believe she just blacked out a bit since she hasn’t used that much of her power before. i think with literally no one (where tf was clint? the avengers?? literally anyone????) there to help her grieve and basically keep her grounded, the wave, referring to her powers, did drown her this time and consumed her into this escapist reality where she no longer felt that pain.

wanda & sitcoms | now we learn why the show has been in the style of various television sitcoms. she’s grown up with them since she was a little girl in sokovia - her favorite being the dick van dyke show. hello i’m soft af. even when her parents were killed and she was practically at death’s door with pietro, television was there to help her get through it. in the HYDRA base, wanda still has a television to watch and help her through the days. what this episode told us is that television is wanda’s constant. i mean this in the sense that unlike people, television has always been there for her. wanda has not had a consistent group of people around her. it’s a revolving door when it comes to the people in wanda’s life. we see her alone and almost abandoned when we see how the creation of the hex happened. television is her escape which is what television provides for everyone. that’s the purpose of television shows - give you an escape from your life because in shows like the ones that have influenced wanda’s reality, they always turn out fine by the end of the episode.

agatha’s therapy | throughout this whole thing agatha is sort of giving wanda much needed therapy even if the end goal is not in wanda’s best interest. she mentions very quick about wanda being a young witch which could coincide with the idea that wanda’s always had this sort of gene in her like pietro and other mutants (if they’re going to use her to confirm the existence of the x-gene which im dying for tbh). she has a clue from the get go as to what wanda is but until she has the full picture, she doesn’t reveal it until the end of the episode. she confirms that ‘fietro’ came from a necromancy spell sooo does that mean she’s using a dead body? he was her eyes and ears but of course, wanda didn’t give up much and that plan was foiled.

wanda resurrecting vision | we learn that wanda never stole vision and brought him back to life. because she and vision are both born from the mind stone, it’s not shocking as to her practically using the chaos magic to create a vision for herself. it also explains why vision can’t live outside the hex - he was born from it and without the chaos magic, he’ll die. also, it’s peppered throughout the episode that the two are soulmates so there’s that aspect to it as well. so she hasn’t been puppeteering a corpse - that image of dead vision stems from wanda’s trauma and mentality starting to chip away at her reality. it also proves how fucking powerful this woman is because like agatha said, she’s supposed to be a thing of myth. while she did use her magic to create/resurrect vision, he’s still his own being in a sense - she doesn’t control him completely. he has his own thoughts and perceptions. he’s aware and the fact that something of wanda’s creation can do that really just showcases the power she holds in her.

agatha’s backstory | seems that agatha’s pretty smug when she’s confronted by her coven leader. it’s pretty easy to see through (in my opinion) the pleading to her mother and the rest of her coven. also kathryn hahn is simply eating up this fucking role and i’m here for it. now we learn why she has the broach, it’s her mother’s which is sweet but seeing agatha throughout the series and in the past, seems more of a token of practically massacring her coven that day. i liked seeing that snippet of her past and it seems like she’s always been drawn to the darker and more sinister side of witchcraft.

wanda’s power | as agatha comments at the end, wanda truly doesn’t know how dangerous she can be. wanda can barely remember how the hell the westview hex happened. while yes i’m here for wanda being shown and known as the most powerful being in the mcu, it’s also worth noting that she is dangerous. at the beginning of the episode, agatha rubs her nose in about how simple a protection spell is or how she studied to get her powers to where they are today. wanda doesn’t know anything about witchcraft or spells. yes, she gained powers from the infinity stone but she was made to be a weapon and even after being brought into the avengers, she wasn’t taught magic or how to tap into her chaos magic. she didn’t even know that her power was considered magic. i also think wanda’s powers are very much rooted in her emotions. we saw what she could do in age of ultron when she felt her twin die. wanda is powerful but so dangerous in this aspect. not saying that this is a bad thing but it separates wanda from other magic users like agatha, dr. strange and even loki. agatha has had years of knowledge and training to be as powerful as she is now. what separates wanda from the others is that she doesn’t have the control and mastery like them. she didn’t know that her powers could make another vision or alter the reality of a town populated by 3,000+ people. agatha is right, wanda is dangerous because she hasn’t had years to control the power she holds at her fingertips.

#wandavision #wandavision spoilers #scar’s theories #scar tries to piece together what she can each week #wanda maximoff #vision #agatha harkness #tyler hayward #tyler haydick is what he is on his birth certificate #marvel #mcu

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blackirisposts · 3 years

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I just watched Space Sweepers and GOOD LORDS I am not okay. That was wonderful and had so much more heart that I ever thought omg.

Below the cut is me live blogging this shit. And by shit I mean all the feels and slakjdflkasjdlfadkjgmawefhdkshinbal. I'll be okay eventually. That was glorious but when I tell you I Cried-I was Not Prepared.

- Oh no, is it his child? His sister? Yall throwing the trauma and we’ve JUST started

- My dude, I know you have bigger problems, but your socks. Plz fix them, or let me show you how to darn them -I say as I hem a garment while watching this movie-

- Omg your socks

- ALL THE LANGUAGES, I both love this and its hurting my head, but I mostly just FREAKING LOVE IT

- Oh all the swearing xD

- How did they make that little chase scene so freaking cool?

- Ha. Bubble gum. Nice.

- OMG YOUR SOCKS BBY BOI YOUR SOCKS

- I love the robot, Bubs?

- Dude has had his ass handed to him, bro are you okay?

- This kid is freaking adorable

- *gets left by crew and chased by child* omg *looses rock paper scissors* OMG XD

- This fool is adorable and I cant deal with it.

- HARIBO FTW! *immediately wants gummies* damnit.

- HOW IS SHE HEALING THE PLANT!?!?!

- ‘you cant be scared’ okay mr. jumps at everything

- Is captain, can fly, knows smartphone and tech stuff, claims no tech knowledge… what are you hiding from my guy?

- The voice modulator O.O

- Why wouldn’t you give him a high five?

- Panic drinks soda. Same.

- Omg theyre bonding over art, and im in love. This kid is going to steal everyones heart, huh?

- The police? The not police?

- I love Captain Jang, shes freaking awesome.

- Someone give this dude like 5 minutes to cry and calm down, bro is on panic mode 24/7

- Never mind, im on panic mode.

- Its 40minutes in and im kinda attached to these idiots already. How?

- The double mask / aviators combo is cracking me up, but like also, is a look. Pandemic brain approves

- The baby saved the babies!

- Uh whats with killer droids with the human face?

- Oh these idiots are found family-ing and im like *freaking heart eyes*

- Pierre is an idiot and I love him.

- Them selling tomatoes omg its adorable.

- Ffs, theyre child soldiers

- Kim Tae-ho’s back story? RIP MY HEART OUT WHY DON’T YOU IT WOULD HURT LESS. Imma die with all this traumatic backstory shit, my heart cant take it… no wonder Song took this role. Omg.

- Yeah, thanks I didn’t need whats left of my heart, thanks. Like I could FEEL THIS DUDES TRAUMA AT THE BEGINNING BUT GODDAMN. The bracelet tracker thingy. I just. My freaking heart. Cant. Take. This.

- Tiger’s sewing, yet Tae-ho is just holes-in-socks-rampaging through the pain.

- Never mind, Tiger’s rampaging.

- Richard, we get it, youre the bad guy, day-um.

- omg the tension.

- So theyre gonna die with an hour left, you cant fool me. Idk how this;ll get better, but also fuck.

- Kot-nim gonna fix the whole ship isn’t she?!

- Omg wtf

- Wow so theyre all just straight up amazing? Im more in love

- Twist of fate? Dude, no, I hope they find you and end you you creep

- Ahhhh, the sweet moments, its K I L L I N G ME

- Folks my infertile ass is having a really hard time with this movie and these very sweet moments

- Song as the grieving but protective dad type is too much for me, okay? Okay.

- Can he go back to the physical slap stick humor plz

- Okay thank you for the mini water fight

- Oh I don’t trust it. We have trust issues folks. Brace yourselves!

- Annnnd break my heart again with the reunion

- Tae-ho, my heart

- Omg, I knew it. But some how this feels worse?

- Yes, yes, its worse. Tae-ho and I are retraumatized, thanks

- He’s going to adopt Kot-nim. Right? At the end of this. Right? After they kill James the bad-y, right?!?!?! RIGHT!?!

- HOW IS THERE 40 minutes LEFT

- I’ve never hated Richard so freaking much omg

- Kill him. Kill him. Kill him.

- He’s closer now, stab him! Get him! (the father-figure-loki that sits on my shoulder agrees with me!)

- That was a brutal 3 minutes, thanks film

- Why am I Abso-fucking-lutely not surprised that he has a giant projection of himself over the space city?

- Oh my heart. At least they don’t blame him for still trying to find his daughter.

- I don’t have a heart any more, theres just a fucking crater now

- Song’s crying. IM CRYING. MOVIE. STAWP

- I love Bubs with all my heart.

- Tae-ho. Tae-ho! TAE-HO BUDDY

- Is this were Luke lost his hand?

- Tae-ho and Kot-nim finally high five, thank you

- Tae-ho to save the day with his flying, immediately gets knocked out. Ya know. You can let him have a moment, please.

- What is going on? How is this chick super powered?

- Tiger? *flails*

- Is he gonna do what I think…yes. Yes he is.

- OMG HE DID IT. AND BUBS GETS A HAND OMG

- “Captain Jang! C’est moi!” HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I LOVE PIERRE!?!

- Was that one space sweeper guy in Descendants of the Sun?

- HOW IS HE STILL ALIVE!?! Damn the close up was terrifying.

- No Captain Jang!

- BUBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

- This guy is like a goddamn tick

- Omg. Omg. Omg. Omg.

- Theyre self-sacrificing!?! I am CRYING

- The moment I just had thinking they were all dead.

- OMG BUBS YES YESSSSSSS

- Pierre! Omg you’re adorable

- He’s gonna have a moment with Su-ni? IMMA CRY AGAIN

- This hurts worse than when I thought they all died.

- Theyre so beautiful. Their family.

- Im so happy for Bubs

- Bby boi bought 10 pairs of shoes. GOOD.

#Space Sweepers #this was AMAZING #but also basically broke me #Song Joong ki you damn near broke me with this #I loved this but I cried so much #BlackIrisPosts watches

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aliasimagines · 4 years

Text

Ice Cold (pt 2 to Melted Hearts)

Jason Todd x reader with ice powers

requested by @im-hqlover

A/N: I had a great time writing this (and by great time i mean i cried. a lot. tOO MUCH ANGSt). But I hope you’ll enjoy reading!

Warning: charachter’s death, grieving, anxiety, panic attack, you kmow all the great stuff

Word count: 3722

At any other time you would be complaining by now. At how your side was stinging and how your breath stuck in. But not now. You ignored your hurting leg and ran as fast as you could. Still, with you running at full speed, Batman was a few steps ahead of you.

The Joker has left, leaving Jason and his newly found mother. Batman couldn’t contact him and you just hoped that the psycho didn’t do anything irreversible.

You couldn’t help but play back the last conversation the two of you had in your head. You had a fight. A big one. It was totally pointless by the way but he was too upset at the time. Bruce has just scolded Jason for being too reckless and told him that he should stop being Robin for a bit. Of course you went to comfort him when you heard about it but he wasn’t in the mood to be comforted. There was a lot of shouting, both of you lashed out on each other and it wasn’t pretty. Sure, you regreted it immediately. You called Jason, you texted him but he didn’t reply. Later you found out from Bruce that he went away to search for his biological mother. He left no notes for you, no text, nothing. Yet in this very moment you couldn’t be angry at him, you just hoped he would be alright when you found him.

You finally saw the warehouse in the distance. They should be there. Some kind of relief took over you. He was there. You could almost feel the handle of the metal door, grabbing it and slamming it open.

It all happened quickly. One moment you were still running the other you were thrown back by the wave of the explosion. Your ears rang and it took a moment to realize what happened.

No, no, no, no

You didn’t know when you got back up or when did you start running again but you were on your way to the ruins.

No no no no

You could still hear the noise, ringing over and over again.

-Jason threw a bomb while furiously hitting the switches of the controller.

„Kgshhsssh” he made the most ridiculous explosion mimicking sound with his mouth you ever heard. Just like he expected you break out in laughter causing him to easily win the game.

„That’s cheating!” you manged out in between two giggles.

„Nah, that’s playing smart, baby.” you disapproveingly shook your head and hit the replay button.-

You saw Bruce stopping next to Sheila but you didn’t see him.

No, no, no, no

He has to be somewhere near. You kept tilting your head in all directions as fast as you could until you spotted a bright red piece of clothing. It was from his uniform. You were there in a second trying to lift the debris off of it. It was to heavy, you can’t possibly do it alone. That’s when you saw a pair of strong arms helping you push it off. Your heart pounded so fast you were afraid it’s going to break out any minute.

You saw him. Under the heavy ruins, covered in blood, bruises and dust. Your breathing stopped.

No, no, no, no

Batman was already by his side checking his pulse but it was useless. You both knew it deep down but a little hopeful voice kept saying ’what if not? what if not?’ in the back of your minds.

The bat looked up at you with is usually unreadable face now broken and shook his head.

Legs slipping from beneath you, you fell on your knees, hard. Your whole body shook as you screamed and cried.

„No, no, no, no...this can’t be. No!” the ground beneath you began to froze.

You don’t know how you got home. Your memory is foggy. You remember little bits like Batman talking to you, a window to the cloudy sky which was probably on a plane and maybe the manor?

But now you found yourself on your bed. Instead of your costume you had on a pair of leggings and a hoodie. The hoodie was Jason’s. You sat up, all of a sudden remembering everything. You felt sick amd dizzy. The room was spinning. You stumbled out of bed.

It has to be a dream. It can’t be true. It was all just a messed up dream.

You almost fell like three times til you got out to the kitchen. Diana sat there, she looked so stressed. And you knew it wasn’t just a nightmare. She caught your shaking body and pulled you into a tight hug. You layed your face on her shoulder, quickly soaking her shirt with your tears. She played with your hair in silence. You had to get it out. Minutes passed, maybe an hour when you whispered between two sniffs.

„It’s my fault.” it was bearly audible but Diana heard you. Gently pushing you back so she could look in your eyes she said „Don’t say that Y/N. You did everything you could. You-„

„Noh.. I did not. If we haven’t had a fight, he would have brought me along with him and I would have been with him and-„ you cried out again. „Can I go back to my room?”

„Y/N...”

„Please.”

„Allright. Go. But I’m gonna check on you every now and then. You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

Without a word you stumbled back into the dark room. You sat next to the window, leaning on the cold glass which gave some kind of comfort.

You spent most of your time there in the next few day. Every song on your phone reminded you of him. Every book on the shelf, every tought you had. So you sat there. Staring blankly outside, your eyes at the busy street, your mind occupied with playing the explosion over and over again. You could have been faster. If only you got there one minute earlier. Only a minute... You probably slowed Batman down too. If he was alone he would have made it on time. He probably blames you for the loss of his son. But that’s alright. You blame yourself too.

Guilt was with you everywhere. You couldn’t shake the thought what if?

You couldn’t really eat either. It just didn’t feel right to feast while his body was somewhere cold waiting for his coffin to be done.

You couldn’t wet out of bed one day and you felt guilty for doing that. You had your whole life ahead of you wasted day after day while Jason had no more days left to waste.

You tried to smile at Diana one time after thanking her something when you noticed a little voice in your head. It wnet on and on about how went on and on about how selfish you were for smiling. How can you smile? You’re not even hurt a little by losing Jason? God, you really are worse than the Joker.

THE JOKER!

That’s it. You have to snap out of it! Step out from this miserable act and do something. He has to pay for what he did. You closed your fist forcefully. You imagined beating him until he couldn’t move anymore. You wanted nothing more that to swipe that irritating smile of his stupid pale face. You wanted to freeze his veins, break him into million pieces of frozen meat. Than put him in a block of ice and throw him in to the Gotham river, let his remains sink down to the bottom.

Next thing you knew you were in your supersuit racing down to the front door. Just as you reached for the handle you heared Diana.

„Where are you going, Y/N?”

„Out.”you turned.”The clown needs to pay for what he did.”

„And what is that you want to do exactly?”

„Just what he deserves.”

„Do you hear yourself Y/N? You can’t do this.”

„He killed thousands of people! He took Jason too! I can’t-„

„You’re hurting. I know. But revenge will not bring you satisfaction. Jason will not appear miraculously if you go after the Joker. And you don’t kill Y/N!”

„I haven’t before.” you said more and more quietly

„Y/N you are grieving. You want him back, more than anything, I know. But you are in no shape to go after the Joker. Dear, you couldn’t even take out a thug like this, you-„

„Don’t you think I know that?” you cried out. „I know. I know I can’t do this for him! I’m a pathetic mess.”

„He wouldn’t want you to get hurt. I am certain of that. He would want you to continue on. Please Y/N don’t go. If not for me than Jason.”

His sweater still had his smell in it. It was comforting as you laid on your bed. Soft music played in the background. You reached for your phone and took it from next the plate. It was empty, except from the crumbs from your toast.

You open your texts and read back the last conversation you had with Jason before the fight.

Your heart clenched at his text. ’See you soon, doll❤️❤️’

(time skip to the funeral)

There was only a few people there. You almost laughed. He really was loner like Diana said the two of you were.

There were no big speeches. Not because he didn’t deserve one but because noone was in condition to do one. All of you were broken. Like a glass vase that was hit off the table all of a sudden with such brute force that it shattered to unrecognizable pieces. With a lot of work and time you could rebuild the vase but you could never cover up the marks on it. It will never be as strong as it was before.

You looked at a tree the whole time. It was such a nice tree, it looked a lot like the one you sat under the night you first met. It was covered in beautiful green leaves and it was blossoming. You looked at the tree because you couldn’t look at them. You couldn’t look at the tomb. You distracted yourself with the tree, with leaves, with anything you could because if you wouldn’t you would have broke down crying, you were sure of that. Sometimes his voice popped up in your mind, him saying your name. You choked up then, tears were threatening to fall but you swallowed back all of them.

A good amount of time must have passed because you sensed everyone starting to leave. Dick with shaking shoulders, Bruce marching slowly like a robot, Barbara and Commissioner Gordon behind them. The only ones left were Diana, you and Alfred. The man has been through a lot, seen a lot and you never saw that on him but as you turned to face him you saw a tired, shaken, torn man. He looked so vulnerable and so..old.

„Miss Y/N... Thank you for giving him his happiest memories. I know he loved you dearly.” he said quietly. You fought with your tears again and held back yoir breath. Afraid nothing would come out of your mouth but a sob you noded. Diana put her hand on your shoulder but you gently took it off. Collecting all your strength you spoke, your voice barely louder than a whisper. „Can I-could I have a moment alone?”

„Of course. If you need me, we will be inside.”

You watch them walk away too, you kept your eyes at your ’aunt’ and Jason’s grandfather until they became small silhouettes in the distance. You than walked with unsteady legs and shaking body as you couldn’t hold yourself anymore. The bouquet which you strangled in your hands until now looked too vibrant against the cold stone and the dark dirt which beneath was an even darker coffin.

You promised you wouldn’t leave my side.

You lifted your fingers to your lips before placing them on the tombstone.

„I love you”

You felt awful. And tired. You couldn’t really sleep. Everytime you passed out from exhaustion you woke up hours later covered in cold sweat, sometimes crying other times screaming because of the nightmares that haunted you. Diana figured your mental health was getting worse and worse so she made you a therapy appointment. You were unsure at first. Afraid to open up, to get help. But you went anyway.

You needed some sort of closure. Well that’s what they told you at therapy. Because you couldn’t say goodbye to Jason in person, you needed to find a way to do it now. Your therapist listed a bunch of methods but only one caught your interest. Write a letter to him. You liked the idea because he loved stuff like that. Hand written letters are so Shakespeare-y, Y/N! So you grabbed a pen and started writing. The words came naturally and you wrote the letter at one sitting. It wasn’t long. But it served it’s purpose. It was a closure.

Once you were done with the writing you put it into an envelope. You took the candle you lit before you started writing and poored the hot red wax on the back. Quickly before it hardened you carved a „J” into the wax. Satisfied you put it in the drawer of your table before locking it with a key. In the locked drawer, under the letter there was your superhero uniform. Diana was understanding about your decision. She let you stay with her and even though you wanted nothing more than to travel back to your family you took her offer. You wanted to focus on your studies and Gotham had one of the best university of the country. If not the best. But you talked with your family almost every day, video chatted with your brother whenever you could. And your days went like this. You worked, you found a lovely part time job at the local art museum, you studied, went to therapy and got through every day.

But no amount of medication or therapy could uplift you as a hug from Jason.

However you learned one really important thing. You can’t do anything about it. As much as it hurts, he is dead. But what you can do is try and live a life worth living. That is what he would have wanted (it took a lot of therapy sessions and speeches from Diana for you to believe that but now you finally do).

You worked hard, you studied hard so you could get in to university. And after a good while you stared dating again. It didn’t mean it actually hurt less, or that you didn’t miss him anymore, no. No, but you had to try to move on. Although seeing his lifeless body was a trauma you would carry with yourself in to the grave. You never forgot him, you still think about him, sometimes you wonder what would he do in certain situations that happened to you. You still cry some time. You still have anxiety attacks and not having his arms around you makes it harder. But you are trying. And that’s the best you can do.

(years later after Jason’s death, Gotham City, in the small apartment you live in)

You shared the apartment you were living in with one of your friends. You met at the first day of school and since you had the same classes you hang out a lot. She found this place not far from the university and asked if you wanted to move in. You did, not wanting use Diana’s hospitality (even though she said it was fine) plus you wanted to be more independent.

It was Friday night and she left for a party, she asked you countless times to come with her but parties weren’t your scene. Too many people.

So you were home, alone but it was kind of nice. You decided that a few hours of chilling wouldn’t be so bad. With all the studying and working you did all the time, you just wanted to do nothing tonight.

You changed into a comfortable pair of pants and your GSU hoodie. With some of your favorite music playing in the background you prepared some food and brought it back to your room. You sat the plate down to your table, next to your laptop and turned back to close the door.

„Hey”

Hearing a robotic voice from behind you, you spin around in a flash, grabbing a pocket knife quickly. Turning around you met with a huge figure leaning next your open window with hands raised in a defensive way. His dark clothes blended in perfectly to the dark lighted room but his big red helmet stood out just fine.

You knew him. Sure you left crime fighting behind but that doesn’t mean you just ignored what was happening in the city. He is a new face around Gotham. A raising crime lord, seemed to be interested in taking over the biggest crime lord, the Black Mask. His name was rumored to be the Red Hood.

„Oh, come on! We both know you don’t need that. But hey! I’m impressed! Your reflexes are pretty amazing considering you hang up the cape years ago. I bet you still work out.” you couldn’t see but he looked you up and down.

„Look, I don’t know what you’re trying to imply here but I don’t want anything to do with you.”

„Ah, why so harsh, doll?”

„If you leave now I won’t call the cops.”

„Sweetheart” he sighed annoyed „ You and I know that I will be long gone before old Commiss Gordo gets here.” The Hood slowly let his hand down reaching into what you assumed was a pocket inside his jacket. You pointed your knife at him.

„Easy there. I mean no harm.”

„Oh yeah, tell that to the trail of dead bodies you left on the streets”

Your comment was rewarded with small chuckle from the armored man.

„I mean no harm to you, is what I meant. Those fucks who you are talking about? They had it coming. I’m not gonna apologize for killing psycho bastards who sell drugs to kids.” he said getting a bit to heated at the end. You saw him take out a a folded piece of paper. From where you stood you couldn’t see what was on it but to your great suprise his next move was to held the paper out for you.

You nearly laughed out at him.

„ I expected a better distraction from you.”

„If I wanted you to be distracted, you would be distracted dear. Just take it.”

Still not sure, you took it and unfolded it. You slapped your hand in front of your mouth, quickly forgetting about the knife, letting it fall down with a loud crash. The paper was actually an old picture of you and your late boyfriend. A picture that was supposed to be six feet under ground in said late boyfriend’s coffin.

Your whole life body shook with anger.

„What the fuck have you-„

He quickly interrupted with a calm voice.

„I found it in my jacket. I seriously have no idea how you snuggled it into it because Bruce was never the sentimental type and wouldn’t let you put it there.”

You just stared at him with plain confusion and anger.

„Who-„ are you? Because it can’t be... This person in front of you can’t be who you think it is. No. It’s not him. But the way he stands, he speaks, the „doll”, the picture! But it can’t be him.

„You know it Y/N-„ his voice sounded more human and familiar as he took off the helmet.

„Jason...” you knew it wasn’t possible. He shouldn’t be here. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you because of the exhaustion. But he was there. Taller and muscular than last time you saw him but he was your Jason. Right here. „How...”

„Does it really matter?” he asked his voice gentle, making your legs fill like they’re made out of jelly. He stepped closer, holding out his hand towards you.

No, it really doesn’t. He is here now and that’s what- wait. The Red Hood has been here for weeks!

„Jason.” you looked up at him. „How long?”

„Well...”

„Were you even dead?”

„Yes! Of course! For a while I was. I died. It was real but-„ he couldn’t finish his explanation because you smashed him across the face.

„How could you? I was mourning, we all were. Goddammit we still do, you idiot! Do you hate us that much??”

„Oh, so were continuing where we left off! Great! I loved that fucking fight we had. Amazing last memory of you!”

„How can you say that?!” you shouted, lips trembling, your whole body shaking. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and tears felt your eyes. Jason’s face fell. Fuck, I’ve gone too far.

„Hey..uhm try to listen to my voice and-„ he was cut off with a glare from you.

„I know, I know. I fucked up, I’m sorry. Just try to breathe and I will just be out in minute”

„Don’t you dare- don’t leave you idiot.” you reached for him with shaking hands. And he took your hands. You touched the rough material of his gloves, his jacket and as he gently hugged you, you felt his armor too.

You stayed like that for god knows how long in his embrace. Sure you were mad at him and he knew that but that could wait. He was here now and he wasn’t about to leave. You had all the time in the world.

He brushed your hair out of your face, with a loving gaze. Without a word you cuddled closer to him, laying your head on his chest you listened to his heart beat. He continued to play with your hair with one of his strong arms wrapped around your torso. You didn’t talk. Not because you didn’t know what to say but because you didn’t need words to understand each other. Even after all these years. And you knew that the of you belong togethe. Whatever happens, you will always find your way back to the other.

#ice cold #melted hearts #jason todd angst #jason todd one shot #jason todd x reader #jason tod x you #jason todd x y/n #jason todd x ice powered reader #red hood x reader #red hood one shot #jason todd imagines #tw angst #tw anxiety #tw panic attack #tw death #tw grieving #im-hqlover #alias imagines

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jasontoddshoe · 4 years

Text

Strictly Business // Jason Todd

Chapter 7 - Aftermath

Warnings: Language, mentions of death, grieving

Master List

6 years ago

It’d been a week since you left San Francisco. Your first mission was to find Vanessa as soon as your feet hit the ground in Gotham. Getting a last minute flight back home was easier than you’d thought it would be. You didn’t care youd left most of your stuff in titans tower, you figured it’d get mailed back to you, or Jason would take it. Like you expected it showed up at your door a few days later.

You stormed through the hallway of Gotham academy, a place you hadn’t been back to despite school having started again a few days prior. Good acting skills got Selina to let you stay home from ‘sickness’. Eventually the sadness you felt from Jason’s infidelity turned into anger toward Vanessa. It’s not like she was clueless as to Jason being taken, she was a good friend of yours after all.

You noticed her a few feet in front of you, so you sped up your pace. You grabbed her backpack and dragged her into a nearby storage closet. You roughly tossed her inside before shutting and locking the door.

“How the fuck could you do that to me?” You asked sharply, turning around and shoving her shoulder. Her eyebrows furrowed as he looked up at you, as she’d fallen from your shove.

“(Y/n) what are you talking about?” She asked, squeezing the shoulder that you’d pushed.

“You slept with my boyfriend! What do you mean what am I talking about?” You snapped, your eyes holding a sharp glare down at her as her eyes widened.

“I’ve never even been alone with Jason (y/n)!” She stated. “I never slept with him”

“Does Chase know?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest. She stood up to her feet, taking a step back from you who was clearly enraged.

“No, because it never happened!” She exclaimed exasperatedly, watching as your jaw clenched.

“Drop the fucking act Vanessa! Jason told me you slept with him!” You barked, taking a step toward you. She instinctively took another step back.

“I don’t know why he’d do that because I swear to you (y/n) I haven’t gone anywhere near him” she shakily said, eyes holding a slight fear toward you. You looked like you were about to beat the shit out of her. “(Y/n) I promise you, I’m being completely honest right now. I have never, ever done anything with Jason, nor do I ever plan to”

“Then why did he tell me you’d had sex?” You asked roughly.

“I have no idea!” She answered. You stared at her for a little bit, seeing genuine confusion on her expression about the whole situation. Your demeanor softened, unclenching your jaw and letting your arms fall to your sides. “(Y/n) I’m sorry”

“No, I’m sorry for throwing you in a storage closet and being a bitch. Now I’m just confused” you admitted, shaking your head as tears started to form in your eyes. “I need to go talk to Jason” you mumbled before walking out of the storage closet quickly.

**********

After a few train rides and bus stops later, you found yourself at the door to Wayne manor. At this point you didn’t even care if it was Bruce who answered the door, you just needed to talk to Jason. You knocked on the door quickly, glancing around at the scenery while waiting. The manor seemed darker than normal, like a cloud was looming over it. A few minutes later, the door popped open revealing Alfred.

“I need to talk to Jason” you blurted, relieved to see the older man. Instantly you could see Alfred clam up slightly. He glanced at the ground before looking back up at you.

“Miss (Y/n), I’m so sorry” he mumbled, making you furrow your eyebrows at him slightly. You had a bad feeling in your gut as he opened his mouth to speak again, and when he did, your world shattered. “Master Jason died. Two nights ago” he informed you, having to fight back his own tears.

You had no willpower left to hold back your own as you burst out into a sob. “W-What?” You choked out, twats already wildly streaming down your face. “No, no he can’t be”

“I’m sorry you had to find out like this” Alfred said sadly, letting you walk forward and hug him tightly.

“What even happened?” You asked after a few moments of just crying your heart out into Alfred’s suitcoat.

“He’d been getting more reckless since he returned from California, and one night he decided to go after the Joker. Bruce didn’t make it to him in time” he explained quietly. Another loud sob wracked your body, shoulders shaking from your intense cries.

“This is all my fault” you mumbled. “I-I broke things off with him, and he got reckless after that. If I would’ve just listened to him, he’d still be here”

“Miss (Y/n) you can’t blame yourself for this. This is entirely the Joker’s fault” he stated, rubbing your back soothingly. “Jason left something for you, I found it sitting on his desk yesterday morning” he commented. You pulled away from him so he could grab what he was talking about.

Alfred turned and grabbed something off of the table by the door. He turned back around and gave you a sad smile as he held it out for you. Jason’s worn copy of his favorite book with an envelope slightly sticking out the top.

“It’s addressed to you, miss (y/n)” Alfred stated, watching as your eyes scanned the book.

“Thank you, Alfred” your voice was quiet and gravelly as you looked up at the man. “Um, I think I’ll go now, I’m sorry for your loss” your voice cracked at the common phrase people said to those hurting from a loss. You couldn’t believe he was gone, you lost him.

“My apologies to you as well miss (y/n)” he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“Please Alfred, there’s no need for the formalities” you have him a weak smile before turning to go home. Your tears never stopped, prompting many caring strangers to ask if you were ok on your walk home.

As soon as you made it into your bedroom, successfully sneaking past Selina, you broke down. You fell to your knees as violent sobs wracked your body. You placed your hands over your face and cried loudly into them, no longer being able to control your physical reactions.

“Jason!” You called longingly, hoping, somehow, he’d hear you. You cried like that for hours. Eventually, after letting you cry it out for a little bit, Selina came into your room and you told her everything. It was nice to have a little bit of comfort from her, as she’d been sort of like a mom since she took you in.

When you were finally alone again, you glanced over to the copy of Fahrenheit 451 that sat on your nightstand. The amount of memories of Jason from that book alone flooded your mind and made your eyes well with tears once again. Your eyes were already raw from crying so much at this point, but you didn’t care.

You picked up the book, which had clearly been showed a lot of love over the years. You smiled slightly, the most recent thought of the book coming into your mind. Jason seemed perfectly content on that flight to San Francisco, your chest ached at the thought of everything that happened after that flight which in turn lead to his death. You shook it out of your head, wiping your eyes before cracking open the cover. Your fingers toyed with the white envelope inside, pulling it out and reading it over.

Alfred was right, it was in fact addressed to you. The wasn’t exactly an address on it, the front of it only said “For (Y/n), my one and only.” You squeezed you eyes shut to try and keep a few stray tears from falling before opening the envelope.

“Hey Doll, it’s Jason.

I know I’m probably the very last person that you wanna talk to right now and I understand that, which is why I’m sitting down to write this instead I guess.

I just wanna start off by saying that I am a goddamn idiot, and you definitely deserve better than me. Hell, look what I did to you. I broke your heart, and I didn’t even mean to. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I can tell you it’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.

I have never, ever, had sex with Vanessa. I would never even dream of it doll. Sorry, force of habit to call you that, I know you don’t want me to anymore. I don’t know why I said that I did, I guess I just wanted to make you mad.

In hindsight I see that the reason I got upset was stupid, and you were completely right. It was just Gar, in dog form, being a dog. I was angry at the time and I guess I just wanted you to see how I felt, but I went about it in a stupid way. It’s completely my fault and I’m sorry. I’m sorry for breaking your heart and probably losing your trust. Hell, probably making you lose trust in everyone else too. I fucked up, I fucked with your heart and I’m sorry.

I mean it when I say you’re the only one for me. I know I say it a lot so you probably just pass it off as one of those things I do, but every time I say it, I mean it completely. I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone else, you’re perfect (y/n).

Not just because of that amazing body you have (sorry, I had to say it), but everything about you. Your kind heart who always put others before yourself, you’re genuinely one of the funniest people I’ve ever met, how you can keep up with me in that banter thing we do so easily, the fact you’re willing to do anything for the ones you love, and I could go on for pages but what I’m trying to say is, just you, (y/n). I love everything about you.

You’re the one I want, the one I need, the one I had. But the one I lost because I’m an idiot. I know this whole mess is my fault and I know that I’m an asshole. I hope you can forgive me for what I did, and I hope you’ll let me help fix your heart that I broke.

I’ve known you since we were kids, and I know you’re not the type of person to just open up to people instantly. You opened up to me, gave me your everything, and I took advantage of that. Over something as stupid as an argument rooted from my jealousy. My petty jealousy over a guy I knew you only saw as a friend. I now realize I’ve repeated myself a bit, I hope you don’t mind. Im just kind of writing whatever comes to mind here.

In all honesty, I’m sitting down to write this letter because I know I’m about to do something stupid, and I don’t know what’ll happen. I kind of have a bad feeling in my gut which is what made me sit down to write this just in case I never get to say it in person. But that clown bastard has got to pay for what he’s done, and Bruce won’t do it so that leaves it to me.

I decided to put this letter in my book because whenever I read it around you I noticed you reading over my shoulder. You never were able to completely read it though, you always would fall asleep in the middle of a chapter and never get to hear the end. Now you’ve got all the time in the world to read it, I’m letting you keep it.

Ok, I should probably stop writing now before I kill another tree, as you’d say.

I love you (y/n). Always have, and I absolutely always will.

-Jaybird”

**********

5 years later

“Well, this has been fun” you stated, twirling a silver chained diamond necklace through your fingers. You stared down at the man sleeping in the bed of the cheap motel, fast asleep. You shook your head and snatched up his gold watch. “Geez, you can afford a solid gold watch but you can’t pay for a better hotel room than this?” You mumbled accusingly. “Alright I got all I needed from you sir” you sighed, exiting the room quietly.

As soon as you were outside, you made it up to a rooftop, safely tucked away from anyone else as you silently started go over what you’d got that night.

“(Y/n) (L/n)” a formal sounding voice called, catching your attention. You looked up to see a woman dressed in traditional league of assassins attire, making you groan mentally. “The great Ra’s al Ghul requests your assistance” she stated, pulling out a piece of paper and handing it to you. Your eyebrows furrowed as you took it from her.

“Uh, ok” you replied, opening the folded paper holding the details of when and where you were going. “Wait why does he need my help?” You asked her as she started walking away.

“That is between the great Ra’s al Ghul and you, miss (L/n)” she answered before dissapearing into the city. You huffed and stared down at the paper in your hands.

“What the hell does he want?” You asked yourself as you started your trip home.

The next morning you went to where he said there’d be a jet waiting for you and lo and behold, there it was. You sighed, shaking your head as you stepped aboard. Instantly thoughts filled your mind of your flight to California with Jason, as the plane had almost the exact same set up as Bruce’s jet. You gulped and sat down in a seat, quietly getting ready for the flight.

***********

“Ok Ra’s what the hell did you want?” You asked, stepping into the grand throne room looking room. The man himself sat upon a chair fit for a king, looking as young as ever. “I know you don’t like me so I’m a little confused why I was summoned” you added. He rose to his feet and took a couple steps toward you.

“You’re correct, I don’t like you. But it’s the least I could do, considering the circumstances” he stated, walking past you and toward the door. “Follow” he commanded, making you roll your eyes as you complied.

“Least you could do for what?” You asked confusedly, following behind him as he walked through the twisting and turning hallways.

“He wanted to see you as his final wish before return, and it was my duty to fulfill it” he replied, making you scoff.

“See this is exactly why I don’t fucking like you. Why do you talk like that?” You asked exasperatedly. “Please just answer my questions and not speak in parables” you practically pleaded.

“And I don’t like you because you’re rude and brash but again, if it was my decision you wouldn’t be here” he sighed, stopping in front of a door. “But it’s his wish, so you’re here” he crinkled his nose as he glanced you up and down, making you roll your eyes as your arms crossed over your chest. “He’s in there” he stated, gesturing to the door.

You furrowed your eyebrows, still confused about who ‘he’ was. Nevertheless you walked forward and entered the room, shutting the door behind you. In front of you there was a man sitting at the bar with his back to you. He looked rather large, both tall and muscular. Shaggy black hair sat atop his head, shifting around slightly as he turned to see what the noise from you entering was. As soon as you saw those eyes you knew who he was and you sucked in a small gasp.

“Jason” you asked quietly. He nodded and stood to his feet, his full height now showing. He was much taller now than what you remembered him being, but that was something to do with how long it’d been.

“Hey doll” he gave you a small smile. You let out a breath as you felt your eyes welling up with tears. You ran toward him, slamming yourself against his body in the tightest hug you could give.

“It’s really you? You’re alive?” You asked, pulling back from him to cup his face and examine it. He nodded, placing his hands over top of yours.

“Yeah, I am” he breathed out, staring back down at you. His own eyes started to tear up as he pulled you back in for another hug. After a few minutes of just standing there and hugging, he brought you over to where he was previously sitting.

“How is this possible? Alfred told me you were dead” you asked, wiping your face clear of any tears with the back of your hands. You couldn’t stop them completely though, your vision slightly fogging as your eyes welled up once again.

“I was. Then Talia and Ra’s brought me back here and stuck me in Ra’s pit. It brought me back, but as far as everyone outside of this sanctuary knows, I’m still dead” he explained shortly. He dropped his gaze down to his lap, his own tears falling a little bit more intensely now. “And when Ra’s gave me the chance to bring someone here I knew it had to be you” you leaned forward, softly placing a hand on his knee, prompting him to look back up at you.

“Are you ok Jason?” You asked. It felt like a dumb question, but you wanted to help.

“No. I haven��t been for a long time” he answered honestly, eyes falling back down. “Every time I got to take a shower, or change, or do anything, I see the scars that litter my body. The constant reminder of what that twisted clown did. They’re unavoidable, I can’t run away from them, they’re always there. And that laugh, god that damn laugh. I hear it all the time, taunting me. Daring me to come find him and do something about what he did. Even more so, daring me to hunt down those who helped him succeed. Pair that with the guilt I felt for dying without making anything right with you. Beating myself up for getting to take the easy way out, and leaving you even more broken than before. I’m so damn sorry (Y/n)” you cupped his face softly as he once again looked up at you. Tears furiously streamed down his face, and you wiped them away.

“You have nothing to apologize for Jaybird, none of this was your fault. I am so, so sorry for what Joker did to you. It’s just plain awful and you deserved none of it. As for what happened between us, it’s my fault I didn’t let you explain anything. If I had, then none of this would’ve happened” you tried to comfort him the best you could. It was hard trying to figure out what to say, you’d never experienced anything like what he’d been through, but you desperately wanted to help.

“It wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t fucked up either” he retorted, making you shrug.

“We both fucked up. It was a group effort” you replied, making him let out a single, breathy chuckle. “There’s that beautiful smile I missed so much” you mumbled, making him give you another small half smile. You brought your hands down from his face to hold his that rested in his lap.

“(Y/n), I’m coming back to Gotham, but I think it would be better if we just stayed friends. I don’t want to be dragging you into what I’m doing” he said after a few moments of silence. You felt a small pang in your chest, having just gotten him back and now sort of losing him again. But you understood, he deserved time to himself anyway. He was still healing from what happened to him, and you respected that.

“That’s fine” you responded quietly, giving his hands a small squeeze. You two sat there for a little while longer, catching up on a few things and just chatting. When it came time for you to leave, you got another, final, long hug before you departed.

A few months later, a string of murders connected to a new crime lord, the Red Hood, surfaced in Gotham, and you knew it had to be Jason. It kind of hurt to know he’d been turned into a killer now, but it was mostly just anger at the Joker for scarring him so bad that it’s what he turned to. To try and help yourself keep your distance from him as he’d wished, you moved to Blüdhaven. Though just to your luck, fate always seemed to bring you back together.

Tag list: @mortifiedmoon @myraticm @brainwashedbyhitoshi @avengerdragoness @thefemalethatwrites @boujeegoblin @roseangel013bf @vividhoods @katsukijason @wolfiemichele @grincheveryday @i-love-sleeping-and-dreaming @fuzzycloudsz @polireader @grey-water-colors

If your name is crossed out that means it wouldn’t let me tag you!

If you wanna be added to my taglist just please let me know!

#red hood x reader imagine #jason todd x y/n #dc comics #jason todd x reader imagine #dc #red hood #jason todd x reader #red hood x reader #jason todd x you #red hood x you #jason todd #batfam #batfamily #batboys #batbros #batboys x reader

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siriuslyshewrote · 4 years

Text

WRONG - PART TWELVE

The hospital smell burned your nose, catching at the back of your throat. Your head leant against the wall, sat, alone, except for Isaiah, who was here more of a guard than anything else. It had been two hours now, since everyone had rushed through those doors in front of you. Your eyes couldn't pull away from the blood stain on the hardwood floor, just metres away from you. You didn't know who it was from, but you could imagine.

"Fuckin' hell." You murmured softly. Your hand was squeezing Isaiah's tightly. If you couldn't be here for Finn, you'd be here for your friend. He'd grown up with John, too. Was close as brothers with Michael.

He stayed quiet, other hand clutched at the gun in his hat.

"They'll be okay, Is."

You weren't as sure as you voice made you seem. You had seen the way Polly had collapsed to the floor on the phone, and almost guttural wail eliciting from her lips, seen the way Ada had paled so white she was practically transparent, felt the tight, almost bone crunching grip Finn had on your hand the whole way to the hospital. The fear in Finn's eyes as he looked at you before the door shut behind him. It had been his choice to leave you out here. You understood. He was desperate for your support, but at the same time , this wasn't the time for you to meet his family. He was trying to protect you from the horror, too.

"You didn't see..." He swallowed thickly. "John was as good as dead. All the blood."

You flinched, knowing he didn't mean to be blunt. How... What could you say to that?

"I just want to go in there." He spoke again, and you could have sworn you heard his voice wobble.

You did too. To be there for Finn, as best you could. But how could you be? You had no clue what this would feel like. You'd never had a close family like he. You couldn't imagine that type of agony that would come with losing someone, or having them critically injured at the least.

"I know, Is, I know." Your voice cracked. "I-" You made to say something else - what , you didn't know.

You were interrupted by the same door that you had been staring at for hours, as it slammed open with a force so hard that the glass must have been close to shattering. Finn was there, his hair a mess, his eyes wide, full of tears, his breath coming in almost gasps. You weren’t even sure he had seen you, as he just stayed, standing, as you pushed yourself up as quickly as you could, running to him.

You wrapped your arms tightly around him, as he his chest heaved with the attempt to breathe. He was sobbing , almost gutturally, as he began to slide to the floor, taking you with him. You couldn’t say anything - you didn’t know what had happened, but even if you had, you doubted you’d know what to say. You had never , never, seen him like this. All you could do was run your fingers through his hair, the way that always seemed to calm him.

“My brother.” His face was buried in your chest, as you exchanged a panicked glance with Isaiah , who stood, unsure of what to do. “My brother.”

“Finn...” You whispered, clutching him to you tightly, rocking a little.

“He’s gone, he’s... fucking gone.” His voice was loud, and in so much pain you could hardly bear it. Your heart plummeted.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” You murmured, as his hands clutched at the fabric of your dress, in absolute anguish. Sorry. Like that made any of this better. There was no words that could help Finn right now, and none you could think of to even calm him. Your mind was utterly blank.

He raised his eyes to meet yours - bloodshot, red, so much so that they must have hurt.

“What am I gonna do without him?” He asked it like it was a question you could really answer, as his voice cracked.

You didn’t say anything. You just held him, as tight as you could, hoping that you could somehow take some of this grief away.

——————————————————————————

Four Months Later

Sweat covered your brow, as you winced in pain, half screaming through gritted teeth. It felt endless - and it almost was, you having been in labour for almost a day and a half now. Ada clutched your hands, wiping your forehead with a cloth - Polly checking beneath your skirt for what felt like the millionth time.

“You’re nearly there, love.” She looked up at you, and for the first time in months, you saw a happy glint in her eye, something you didn’t think had been there since ... since John. You let a smile come to your face.

You marvelled sometimes, over how close you had become with these two women over the past weeks and months. Perhaps it was because you had been there through the grieving period, or perhaps it was how they saw the pure adoration you had for Finn, of whom, you had realised, they were fiercely protective of, especially now. You pushed, the veins in your forehead standing out in your forehead, Ada murmuring comforting words. You almost blanked out , losing track of time. That was, until, you heard the cries of a newborn baby. You panted in exhaustion, trying to push yourself up to see the baby. “You have a boy.” Polly had a beaming smile, as she swaddled the crying baby, passing him up to you, your arms extending for this bundle of pure perfection in front of you. Tears welled in your eyes.

The door burst open, and Finn was there , almost reminding you of the scene all those months ago.

“I heard crying.” His voice was soft, his eyes looking directly at the cloth bundle in your arms. He steeped forward tentatively, as if he wasn’t sure if he should be here.

“We have a boy, Finn. We have a baby boy.” You sniffed, smiling so wide it almost stretched over the expanse of your cheeks.

He knelt next to, looking at the tiny face of your son, in almost awe. The grief that had etched itself into his face the past weeks almost melted away, as he looked up at you with shining eyes.

“What are you gonna call ‘im?” You had almost forgot Polly and Ada were there.

You looked at Finn. You had talked about it a little, but it was unspoken what you would name your son if you had one.

“Johnny.” Finn spoke, his finger gently tracing the face of the - your - baby. The homage to her brother was enough to make Ada sniffle a little.

Everything over the past few months - it had all been worth it for this moment.

TAG LIST -

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#peaky blinder headcanon #peaky blinders headcanon #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders fanfic #peaky blinders #finne shelby x reader #finn shelby headcanons #finn shelby x reader #finn shelby imagines #finn shelby imagine #finn shelby #john shelby #john shelby headcanons #john shelby x reader #shelby imagine

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crystalis · 4 years

Text

i kmow that im not anywhere near ready for a relationship bc i cant talk to people and im bad at communicating but i think about love all the time, like being intimate with someone and telling thm i love them and it feels really sweet ..

even if like i had feelings for someone and they like wanted me to be their boyfriend or whatever i think i would decline bscauase i know im not ready for that because it would probably end up not working because i struggle too much with communicating .. and i wouldnt want to hurt them by being distant or seeming cold when i dont mean to .. but also like i dont know when i'll be ready for a relationship, if ever. i usually feel like its my fate or something to live my life alone like my brain is just wired like this and im meant to be by myself. but i still long for it and its one of the things that makes me happy to be alive, thinking one day there will be someone i love and they will love me too and we'll be happy together and i wont be alone. its weird to me whrn i see people suffering in loneliness becsuse im so used to it, ive been single since i was 19 which was like a 2 month long-distance relationship i had. and before that it was when i was 16 whrre my boyfriend was horrible to me and our relationship ended terribly and we never spoke to eachother again ..... ive spent so much time by myself that its like.. do i reslly need someone? its been so long i accepted solitude. i mean i still yearn for love, but not in a way thats as painful or makes me cry like i used to.. i cried so much as an 18/19 yo because i felt like i would never be loved again and i grieved for that, i hadnt yet accepted solitude despite the fact that i was the one pushing everhone away. i wanted to be loved, i pleaded and begged to be loved and i wanted my love to be accepted by others. all the while turning away and closing the door, closing my eyes and covering my ears .. i would not answer the phone, i wohld not even speak to the person i had feelings for. and its that second self that lives inside me tht wont let go of me, saying that i must be alone. for years i was smotherrd and i couldnt get away, and its like im trying to make up for it or something, like no one can have me. no one will ever get ahold of me ahain, because i was once suffocated. i refuse to ever be smothered again i will never be guilt tripped or manipulated again, i will mever be trapped in 14 hour daily skype calls again and i learned to love solitude because i believed that solitude was freedom, and it still feels that way, 6 years later even when it may become painful

so im trapped with my self now. i pushed eberyone away and locked myself inside my own skull so i can die in bliss alone. i dont know how to escape the cycle of self isolation and wanting to heal and grow, it flips constantly .. i know its judt the fear of stepping out of a comfort zone, like im safe alone, and i dont ever want to feel pain like i did. the pain of a dysfunctional relationship is far worse than the pain of loneliness but i can never heal by isolatimg myself forever.... like whst am i even supposed to do .. i mesn i know what im supposed to do its just hard and i feel like i cant

#sorry crinhe wall of text #i said all this twenty times before it just hurts sometimes more thsn others snf i want to feel listened to and understood

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generallynerdy · 5 years

Text

Wings (Lucifer X F!Soulmate!Reader)

Summary: Lucifer is upset about getting his powers taken away. As (Y/N) goes to cheer him up, she finds out that seeing an angel’s wings is apparently not normal.

Requested by @kat-the-kit: Or maybe a Lucifer X Reader where Luci is pouting for getting his powers taken away but Reader cheers him up. Oooooo!!! And she can see his wings (Soulmate AU is life!!!) But doesn't say anything because no one else says something so she thinks it's like a respect thing! Please? (Sorry if I rambled too much!😅)

Key: (Y/N) - your name Warnings: Lucifer is a Good Guy AU (not excusing canon actions. If u dont like, dont read), cursing probably, garbage writing bc im exhausted Word Count: 923

Note: whats supernatural? I stopped watching at the end of s14 and still havent caught up bc i heard some shit that,,,,made me upsetti. Nonetheless, have some lucifer. I know this was probably referring to a certain episode where lucifers powers were lacking w/anael and all that but,,,i hope this is ok? Idk, im just trying to get through these requests.

“Luci? Luci!”

(Y/N) called out for her archangel friend, Lucifer, oddly enough, as she wandered through the bunker. Sam, Dean, and Cas were out on a hunt, leaving her and the devil to hang out.

It was probably the weirdest thing on the planet to be able to say you’re friends with Satan. (Y/N) could say it and actually mean it, while other people would be sent to an asylum.

Lucifer was the best friend she’d ever had, weirdly enough. He was there to talk when she needed it, even there to listen, though he wasn’t always the best at that part. He almost killed a guy for catcalling her once, so that was nice.

(Y/N) had to admit that Lucifer was...a little more jealous than a normal friend would be. She tried not to dwell on it too much. Even thinking that way about him could be dangerous.

He was Satan!

But Satan was late for their movie night and (Y/N) was upset.

“Luci! Where the hell are you!?” She shouted down the halls before realising what she’d said. “Okay! I didn’t make that pun on purpose! Don’t hate me!”

From Lucifer’s room, the door of which was ajar, she heard a muffled snort.

Following the sound, (Y/N) peeked into the room to see a huffy archangel laying on his bed. His brilliantly white wings were around him like blankets, keeping him warm. The sensation of being cold was relatively new to him, seeing as he had just recently lost his powers. Everything human was new to him.

The only way you could tell him apart from a normal person was when his eyes flickered red if he got angry. Plus, his wings. Oh, his beautiful, beautiful wings.

(Y/N) had always wanted to compliment him on them, to maybe feel the feathers. She wondered if angels’ wings were soft. Of course, he was a fallen angel, so maybe his weren’t. Maybe angels didn’t have soft wings at all. It wasn’t as if she could ask Lucifer if she could feel his wings. Nobody ever mentioned them, not even Castiel.

It was a sign of respect, so she thought, to not go inquiring about his added appendages. She wondered why he always showed them, while Cas chose not to. Maybe he was ashamed of his. What she didn’t consider was that maybe nobody else could see Lucifer’s wings.

“There you are!” She exclaimed as she entered. “Running from the Lion King again, are we? I won’t tell Dean you cried.”

“I hate you,” he murmured from under his wings.

She grinned. “There’s the same old Satan. Move over.”

Lucifer reluctantly did as she asked, scooting over on the bed and parting his wings so that she could join him in laying down.

“Hiya,” she greeted teasingly. “Pouting?”

“I’m not pouting,” he huffed. “I’m grieving. Big difference. One is immature and one is more regal, not to mention better for my reputation.”

She rolled her eyes. “Reputation? In this bunker? Please.”

“You’re not helping.” Satan sighed, laying his head down and staring into space beyond (Y/N)’s shoulder. “A few weeks ago, I was the all powerful Light Bringer. Nobody would dare come within 20 feet of me, not in Heaven or Hell. Now, here I am, reduced to Lion King and broken heating units.”

(Y/N) snorted in amusement. “Luci--” she drawled.

“Don’t start. I know I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” she said firmly. “Adjusting to being human is hard. It isn’t all drinking beer and hunting monsters, as much as the Winchesters would like to think it is.”

Luci eyed her curiously. “No, sometimes it’s crying at animated cats.”

“Not gonna lie,” she started with a smirk, “That’s a little more human than I was expecting.”

He groaned. “You’re the worst.” He went to block his view of her with his wings, but she smacked them back.

“Please, I’m your favourite human!” She scoffed, before seeing the look on his face.

Lucifer was almost...aghast. Confused was more like it, but there was an air of awe about him as he looked at her. “Did you just-- hit my wing?”

“Yeah. Sorry, did it hurt?” (Y/N) asked, frowning.

“You can see my wings?” He questioned a little louder. “You can see them?”

She nodded hesitantly. “Of course, I can see your wings. Who can’t? They’re massive.” At his pause, she gawked. “Am I not supposed to see them?”

Instead of answering, Lucifer pushed himself forward, meeting her lips with his.

When he drew away, (Y/N) was sputtering. “What was that?”

“I knew it was you,” he said with a devilish smile. Er--

“Knew it was me? What’s that supposed to mean? Why’d you do that?” (Y/N) questioned, words flowing out of her mouth like she was drunk. “I mean, not that I’m complaining, because that was amazing, but what the hell?”

Lucifer shushed her. “(Y/N), nobody can see an angel’s wings. Except their Soulmate.”

“Their--?” She cut herself off, jaw agape. “Their Soulmate? I’m your--?”

“Yeah. Crazy, huh?” he joked.

Her throat was suddenly very dry and it took a few swallows before (Y/N) could speak again. “I’m Satan’s Soulmate,” she whispered.

For a brief second, an expression of concern and fear passed Lucifer’s face. “Don’t like it?”

“I love it,” (Y/N) said, a giggle escaping her lips. “I shouldn’t, but I really do.”

Luci laughed. “I’m glad.”

“Satan’s Soulmate,” she hummed. “I like the sound of that.”

SPN Tags: @missihart23

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if-the-crown-fits-translate-it · 3 years

Text

Discord pt 97

[Date: 19/03, 05:26 AM GMT - 19/03, 06:01 AM GMT]

[CW: Gun mention]

Little-K1ng: “alright yall, just got home, did maxwell and marcus stop fighting?? i kinda dipped to head to work when they started up...

maxwell? marcus? you guys still up? ....is fetch home yet?”

Maxwell: “Uhhhh....”

Little-K1ng: “oh hi max !!”

Maxwell: “I’m up Marcus is asleep again and fetch got stuck

He said some guys started chasing him and threatened him so he ran and hid in a gas station....”

Little-K1ng: “OH NO

is he okay???

does he need picked up???? is that why he mentioned a gun earlier?????

where is he???????????”

Maxwell: “Yeah we checked he said he’s only got a couple scraps”

Little-K1ng: “oh good okay phew alright

ill catch my breath in a second, as long as hes alright”

Maxwell: “He only said he was at a gas station and the lady there helped him, they’re letting him stay the night...”

Little-K1ng: “letting him stay the night.... okay

good

hes got somewhere warm with food, thats nice”

Maxwell: “Uh...some stuff happened when you left...”

Little-K1ng: “that puts me at ease

oh?

i know you guys were fighting”

Maxwell: “It...might be best to wake up Marcus to help explain...”

Little-K1ng: “oh. okay i can. i can get him up”

Maxwell: “Oh yeah also one thing”

Little-K1ng: “?”

Maxwell: “Before you do it”

Little-K1ng: “yes?”

Maxwell: “Dont...don’t mind the flowers”

Little-K1ng: “th- hhhhhh

hhhuhhh,,,the uh

the flowers

is that

what i think

you mean”

Maxwell: “Yeeeeeah.....”

Little-K1ng: “o-ookay, , ,, ill uh. ill keep calm about it

i wont make a fuss i wont worry him about it

marcus? hey? wake up buddy

Marcus. hey”

Maxwell: “Wake up shithead /lh”

Marcus: “...huh?”

Little-K1ng: “hey wake up, im home”

Marcus: “oh, welcome h..ome”

Little-K1ng: “hey marcus..... morning haha... at uh. the middle of the night

heard theres some stuff you guys wanted to talk about?”

Maxwell: “You doing okay man? You feel asleep not long after....she left”

Marcus: “..wha..?

..oh”

Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”

Maxwell: “....I’ll get the ice water it’ll wake em up”

Marcus: “no nonono I’m awake”

[Little-K1ng: “after i left? wow you werent up for long”]

Maxwell: “No no...not you”

Little-K1ng: “n..not me?”

Maxwell: “Uh baroness literally walked into the house”

Marcus: “....

..yeah”

Little-K1ng: “shheeeeee WHAt”

Marcus: “ow”

Little-K1ng: “sorry”

Marcus: “Loud noises, just woke up

mona please”

Maxwell: “me and marcus were talking after we made up and she just walked in”

Little-K1ng: “why would she....”

Marcus: “.....to talk to us

About uhh

Taking care of the flowers? Or something”

Maxwell: “yeah cause we cut mine”

Little-K1ng: “ah, to comment on the uh..

yeah those

hm”

Maxwell: “yeah....also she kept calling us viscount and page”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “oh, of course. she sees you as family

and targets”

Maxwell: “I threatened to bite her

and punch her”

Little-K1ng: “oh nice one !!

...dont actually though”

Maxwell: “i didnt...”

Marcus: “..you definitely wanted to”

Little-K1ng: “so uh.... how did that fight sort out between you two? what was it about?”

Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”

Marcus: “........”

Little-K1ng: “if... if you dont mind me asking

oh no”

[Maxwell: “but uh marcus started blooming during our argument...before baroness came in and after you left”]

Little-K1ng: “max, you saw it?”

Marcus: “i-it’s fine Mona”

Little-K1ng: “marcus, are you okay? do you need anything to numb it?”

Marcus: “It doesn’t even hurt”

Little-K1ng: “it-... it doesnt hurt?”

Marcus: “I honestly didn’t know it happened until Max...”

Little-K1ng: “dont lie to me”

Marcus: “I’m not! I wouldn’t!”

Maxwell: “thats the thing, even baroness said it shouldn't hurt”

Little-K1ng: “i really dont want you to lie to me, marcus. i dont know if i could handle that

she said that?”

Maxwell: “or rather it wouldn't hurt if we accepted it....”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “she of all people, ha

if it

oh”

Marcus: “.....”

Little-K1ng: “oh... oh marcus..”

Maxwell: “it would make sense....as to why it hurts me and fetch so much and why...it didnt hurt marcus...”

Marcus: “...I don’t like being sad”

Little-K1ng: “i understand, marcus. i dont begrudge you”

Maxwell: “yeah we....talked and uh cried...a lot, there were many tears”

Marcus: “...thanks Mona”

Little-K1ng: “oh no...... do you feel better?

crying helps

i..... i dont know what to say...

all that.... because she just.... walked in, huh”

Marcus: “We”

Maxwell: “it was before she came in”

Marcus: “We were fighting before she got here”

Maxwell: “after you left

she came in once we stopped crying”

Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”

Marcus: “We made up before she got here”

[Little-K1ng: “oh i know, i left when it started i just......i didnt think she would just... i... uh.. nevermind”]

Marcus: “..huh?

Little-K1ng: “well i just...

i.... i thought about...

i dont know how to put this”

Marcus: “..Mona

Spit it out”

Maxwell: “marcus....”

Marcus: “What?”

Little-K1ng: “i uh..... knew she kind of would........ do something like that?? in... a way?? i suppose i.... i..”

Marcus: “She’s keeping something from us!

You what”

Little-K1ng: “i had... i had a feeling

but i!! look, i...”

Maxwell: “yo calm down marcus!”

Little-K1ng: “i thought she would at least be subtle”

Marcus: “I am calm”

Maxwell: “no you aint”

Marcus: “Mona”

Little-K1ng: “yknow, prowling around in the night going through my sock drawer or something.... not like.... not like that”

Marcus: “You left max vulnerable to her

at night??”

Maxwell: “it's not your fault mona”

Little-K1ng: “look. i!!! i just !!!”

Maxwell: “Marcus”

Marcus: “Did you leave the door unlocked overnight?”

Little-K1ng: “no i...!! i just... i

i didnt want... i”

Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”

Marcus: “he knows how to knock”

[Maxwell: “if she did it was for fetch!”]

Little-K1ng: “hhh... y hhyeah .. ..”

[Marcus: “he knows how to knock”]

Maxwell: “not f we're all asleep

Little-K1ng: “i was.... hhh.. i was worried if he.. if he came home late,, and i didnt hear him,,”

Marcus: “He can knock loudly”

Little-K1ng: “he wouldnt come back

i didnt think ...”

Maxwell: “actually dont think i havent noticed you havent been sleeping at night marcus

everytime i wake up youre awake”

Marcus: “....”

Maxwell: “i go to sleep you're awake

I WAKE UP FROM A NIGHTMARE AND YOU'RE AWAKE”

Little-K1ng: “but.... hes not? hes always asleep when i see him...”

Maxwell: “during the day

you dont sleep at night do you....”

Marcus: “...no, I don’t

Mona

If you thought I was asleep at night

You left the door unlocked knowing that Crown and Baroness were staking us out”

Little-K1ng: “i........

Marcus: “with no one to stop them

...to your knowledge”

Little-K1ng: “i... i didnt think....”

Marcus: “I can see that”

Little-K1ng: “i just thought she would........ do what she was just... already... already doing.....

she was already finding her way in....... snooping through my important stashes...

i really... i rr ea lll y... didnt t hhi nk it wouldd have.e..

been that .... big of a dde a l”

Maxwell: “marcus it isn't her fucking fault”

Marcus: “....no nonono Mona wait no

No nonono please don’t cry

I didn’t

I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i caan nt... i can t beliv e... it wwa ss my f a u lt....”

Maxwell: “....oh no....”

Marcus: “no Mona no”

Little-K1ng: “no no non ono non o no you're right you're right you're right”

Maxwell: “no no no mona hes not”

Marcus: “No I’m wrong Mona I’m wrong

mona please”

Little-K1ng: “it was my fault it was all my fault i ll e f t the ufck ing DOOR UNLOCKED what was i THINKING

I DID IT ON PURPOSE OH MY GOD.....”

Marcus: “-!

Maxwell: “It's not your fault”

Marcus: “mona Im so sorry I didn’t mean it I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no i did i didnt even give it a second thought i-... i knew she would come in, i could even see her outside watching me leave it unlocked

i just.... didnt care. i forgot to care”

Marcus: “I was just upsetthisiswhyihatenegativeemotionsalltheyeverdoishurtpeople”

Little-K1ng: “i fucking DIDNT CARE im so sorry....

i ,.....”

Marcus: “mona Im sorry”

Little-K1ng: “no... i ..... marcus.... your laurel.. would it have... would it have sprouted if i hadnt...?”

Marcus: “...it would have”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two alone in the middle of a fight.... and did nothing”

Marcus: “It didn’t sprout because of Baroness

Mona im so sorry”

Little-K1ng: “i left you two unguarded all night........ and didnt care

no no dont apologize i did this i did it on my own im just....”

Marcus: “we were guarded Mona it’s okay”

Little-K1ng: “you WERENT”

Marcus: “I stay up all night

....I guess

I guess I’m not the best guard though, all things considered”

Little-K1ng: “i didnt know that!!!! i was FULLY PREPARED to leave you both to THE COURT”

Maxwell: “humans arent supposed to be nocturnal”

Marcus: “Heh”

Little-K1ng: “for fuckin DOGBOY TANTRUM ASS

and....[hic] and.... the worst paart??”

Maxwell: “you were worried about fetch i honestly would have done the same”

Little-K1ng: “i.... im not ss oorry .. i dont ffe el like i dd id anytyhing wr ong”

Marcus: “You didnt do anything wrong

I’m so sorry for implying otherwise”

Little-K1ng: “i DID. dont LIE TO ME MARCUS.

but!!! i just!!!!”

Marcus: “I-”

Little-K1ng: “i would do it again. with no hesitation

Marcus: “.....im not lying....”

Little-K1ng: “i was planning to do it again TONIGHT marcus!!!”

Marcus: “..im sorry”

Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”

Marcus: “I promise I’m not lying please im sorry”

[Maxwell: “look some times people do bad things I've done bad shit”]

Little-K1ng: “MAXWELL. WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW

IM HERE. AT HOME. IM NOT CURRENT;LY DRIVING TO THE GAS STATION. TO PICK UP FETCH

THE GUY I LEFT YOU TO DIE FOR”

Maxwell: “he wouldnt want you to”

Marcus: “you didn’t leave us to die”

Maxwell: “we can defend ourselves”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “the way i know you? the way i know the court? you may as well be dead when you're them”

Marcus: “..oh

...I see”

Little-K1ng: “i have until tomorrow with you and i dont even have the honest guarantee that ill be left here to grieve, or forced to join you”

Marcus: “...”

Little-K1ng: “....whats that face for?”

Marcus: “...I’m sorry that my preferred self isn’t good enough for you”

Maxwell: “god how i wish marigolds could help mental wounds”

Little-K1ng: “..........i........

.....marcus...

wait... i...

what... am i doing?

why am i yelling?

i dont do that

i just... im so used to running away from my problems. why am i so angry?

who am i even angry at?

its not even you. its not even me, i dont really feel bad

im not mad at fetch, im rarely mad at crown

what the fuck”

Marcus: “...”

#on:discord #by:maxwell #by:marcus #if the crown fits

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whumpsideblog · 4 years

Text

Previous Parts

tag list: @im-not-rare-im-rarr @constellationwhump @justwhumpitwhumpitgood @maybeawhumpblog @lumpofwhump @whumpity--whump--whump @inky-whump @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @ihaventwritteninsolong @stxckfxck

Again, I wouldn’t say this is the end since I do have at least one more part planned!

***

Alastair was dead. He had killed him, come morning he would be nothing more than ash. They were free, he’d never have to even think of this horrible place again. Why was he crying? Dahlia managed to pull him off of Alastair- off his body, that is, but he stayed on his knees next to him.

“Silas… it’s over, you’re okay…” She said softly.

“I- I know, I know, he’s dead, he’s finally dead… oh god he’s dead.” He choked back a sob, screwing his eyes shut. Dahlia hesitated for a moment, before standing up straight.

“I’m going to find Elise, tell her and the rest of the staff what happened… do you… need a moment…?” She asked softly. He simply nodded in response, listening to her footsteps retreating, the door closing softly behind her. He finally opened his eyes, looking back to the body in front of him. Why was he crying? He angrily wiped at his eyes, trying to make the tears go away, but they just wouldn’t stop.

He should’ve been relieved, he should’ve been celebrating, grinning from ear to ear and rushing out of there. Instead he sat at the vampire’s side, and he sobbed, bent forward so his head rested on his chest.

“You fucking b-bastard!” He cried, still clutching the blade in his hand. “You’re dead. You can’t hurt me anymore, you did nothing but hurt me, why the fuck am I crying over you?!” He felt sick, he couldn’t believe he felt so strongly about his death. “After all you did to me, after all you stole from me, you don’t deserve somebody crying over you, least of all me!” He sobbed loudly, unable to stop himself.

This man had tormented him, had ended his life as he knew it, and yet he felt a heart wrenching pain knowing he was dead.

***

Dahlia gave him his space, let him cry and yell and sob, and when his sobbing finally seemed to quiet down she told him it was time to leave.

He felt like he had cried out every other feeling along with his tears. He almost felt numb as they left the mansion, he couldn’t believe he was actually leaving. He should’ve been relieved, the cool night air should’ve been refreshing, but with each step he took away from the mansion, his sense of dread seemed to grow.

Reasonably, he knew the only choice was to leave. That had been the plan all along, get in, kill the vampire, get out. Yet, there was a voice in the back of his mind telling him he was wrong. He shouldn’t have left, he didn’t belong out here. He belonged in that mansion, with his master. He wasn’t allowed to leave, he would be punished, he deserved to be punished. Alastair would be so angry with him for leaving, he would be beaten, he wouldn’t be allowed in his bed that day, he would make him regret ever leaving- he was dead. He reminded himself, Alastair was dead, for good this time. He killed him, he didn’t have to fear him anymore, despite what the voice in his head kept telling him.

The walk home was almost a blur to him, trapped inside his head with his agonizing thoughts over the vampire’s death. Dahlia seemed to think he needed his space, she never pushed him, and he genuinely appreciated that. Before he knew it he was standing in front of his house, he was home.

He was almost surprised that the little cottage looked exactly how he remembered it. His memories all felt distant and far away, he had accepted he’d never return here and yet here he was, walking up the path to the front door. Dahlia led him inside, and he numbly followed her directions to go to their room and get some rest. It didn’t feel real to him, finally being home. As he made his way back to their room, as he pulled his shoes off and let his hair out of the braid he’d put it in when he got up that evening, he felt like all of this would disappear at any moment.

He collapsed on his bed, closing his eyes. He heard Dahlia come into the room and get ready for bed herself, but he was already half asleep. He could hardly remember the last time he felt safe in his own bed, no one to hug him or kiss him or bite him or touch him at all. For the first time since leaving that mansion he felt like maybe he was finally safe, as he drifted off to sleep.

***

He slept through the night and most of the next day, waking up late in the afternoon. He was almost surprised when he woke up to his own room, his own bed, his own house. He was sure it was all a wonderful dream, and he’d wake up back in that mansion in Alastair’s arms. Alastair was dead, he reminded himself. He laid there staring blankly at the ceiling, replaying the events of the previous night in his head.

He had killed him. He had stabbed him, over and over again. Silas was known to be a “one stab only” kind of hunter, he didn’t get any sadistic pleasure out of the job like some hunters did, his goal was to kill the vampire, not make them suffer. He’d never prolonged a death like that before, never dragged it out. It turned his stomach to think he could be so sadistic, no better than Alastair and his tendency to find joy in the pain he caused.

He thought about how Alastair had tried to beg him to spare his life. Alastair liked to be in control, he knew that much, he liked putting people beneath him. He had broken Silas down completely and yet he still begged for mercy at the end. That voice in the back of his head was telling him he was a monster for killing him anyway. He shouldn’t have felt bad though, when he begged Alastair to spare him he ended up damning him to a fate worse than death, Alastair was lucky that Silas killed him.

He had done this for Dahlia, he reminded himself. Alastair was going to kill her, there was no way around it, and if he killed Dahlia then he might as well have killed Silas too. He loved Dahlia with all his heart, he’d always known he’d do anything to protect her, and when he thought about it, he hadn’t done enough. She was still hurt, she was still held captive. Knowing her all of this was weighing on her greatly, but she was forcing herself to be strong for him. He knew he needed to tell her that she didn’t need to.

Killing Alastair was the right thing to do. He had mentally and physically beaten him into submission, stripped him of his angry and defiant personality. He had taken his sense of security, even curled up in his own bed in his own home he felt like any moment now the vampire would grab him, harm him in someway. He had destroyed everything about Silas and made him into his perfect pet and Silas would never forgive him for that. So why was he still crying? He buried his face in his pillow to muffle his crying, which soon escalated into full on sobbing.

He was faced with the same pain he felt the night before, an aching in his chest that just wouldn’t go away. Alastair was dead. There was nothing to fear, no reason to hurt, he should’ve been happy. How was he supposed to forget what he went through if he couldn’t even stop crying?

Eventually Dahlia came to check on him, and of course she immediately knew something was wrong. He knew she was there the moment she entered the room, and she came and sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Silas…? What’s wrong? Did you have a nightmare…?” She asked, gently placing a hand on his arm.

“N-no… I’m fine…” He murmured, voice muffled by the pillow. She sighed, pulling him onto his back so she could look at him. He glanced away from her, eyes red and burning from crying, his face streaked with tears, and she looked so concerned to see him that way.

“Here… sit up, please?” She asked softly, and he obediently did as she said. She held her arms open as she always did when offering a hug, and for once he immediately accepted, latching on to her and hugging her tightly. She seemed surprised, and he didn’t blame her given how often he refused hugs, but she hugged him back, running a hand through his tangled hair. He shuddered, remembering how Alastair would constantly do the same. “What’s wrong…?” She asked.

He wasn’t even sure if he should tell her. It sounded stupid to him, to cry over the vampire who ruined his life. Still, this was Dahlia, and he could tell her anything. He hoped he could anyway.

“I… I think I’m sad… over mas- Alastair.” He quickly corrected himself, though it only upset him more how ingrained in him the vampire’s training was. “I don’t… know why… I shouldn’t be sad, right…? I hate him, he… he was horrible but I just… can’t… stop crying.” He was getting choked up all over again, despite his best efforts. Dahlia was silent for some time, which just made him anxious. He knew it was stupid, he knew he shouldn’t have said anything.

“I think… you’re grieving…” She said slowly.

“Over him?!” He cried. “After everything he did to me, how could I possibly fucking grieve him?!”

“Silas… he made himself a big part of your life for some time… I mean honestly, I was scared that you had just become complacent with living like that… he made himself everything to you, when and where you slept, what you ate and if you could eat at all, how you dressed, what you did that day, he controlled all of it... you must’ve felt something towards him, not necessarily something good but… something strong…”

He knew she was right. Alastair had become his entire life, his entire world. Everything he did revolved around Alastair, he had been made to respect him. No, it wasn’t respect, it was fear. He feared him at every moment of every day, even now he feared what he would do to him, having to remind himself there was nothing he could do.

“I told him he couldn’t hurt me anymore, I made sure he knew that before he died. I shouldn’t mourn him, and I shouldn’t be having these awful fucking thoughts that I’m wrong for killing him!” He was getting more and more frustrated as he went on. “He took everything from me, he hurt me, so much, and yet here I am crying over him! He doesn’t deserve my tears, he doesn’t deserve my fucking grief!” He cried.

“He doesn’t deserve it, Silas, but that doesn’t mean you don’t feel it…” She sighed, hugging him tightly. “It’s okay that you’re upset, and you can’t just ignore it like you tend to do… if you need to cry over him then go ahead… you don’t have to sit here and do it alone though, Okay?”

He nodded, only because he knew his voice would crack if he tried to speak. He hated Alastair, more than he’d hated anyone before. He made his life a continuous living hell, he had made him into the one thing he hated most. Here he was though, sobbing, mourning the death of the man who ruined him.

#whump #my writing #my oc's #Silas #Dahlia #emotional whump #lots of tears #grieving whump #aftermath of torture #aftermath of captivity

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faunusrights · 4 years

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 21

IN THIS EPISODE OF MURPHY IS SO VERY SLEEPY BUT THE UPDATE SCHEDULE TAKES NO PRISONERS (FOR THE MOMENT):

“So it’s true,” she wheezed between grit fangs—“that bitch really does have you on a leash.”

KINKY,

me: okay lemme refresh on what happened last chapter-- me: /remembers me: oh yeah! yeah that SUCKED,

lets us continue on the journey of deep and immense sadness with glynda ‘clown shoes’ goodwitch!!!!!!!! here we go here we go

It took a while to pry back the jaws of her soul and wrench herself out of them.

ooh i rly like the context change here. before glynda was kinda falling back into her soul as a way of just Getting On With Shit or protecting herself, but now it’s framed in a fun new way of please can i get out of here now. good job glynda. look at u GROUNDING YRSELF like a CHAMP who should have been in a TKO LIKE FIVE ROUNDS AGO--

What did that mean? Had she asked Cinder about Ochre? Glynda struggled to recall, but the memories swirled like clouded ink in her skull.

i still love the continuation of glynda’s Mysterious Messages To Herself. she leads such a thrilling life of ‘did i write that’ and ‘did i do that’ and ‘what does any of this mean’

Hating herself, Glynda found she couldn’t remember.

and also a less thrilling life of the squeaky clown shoes variety. glynda PLEASE

She had to know: was anything Cinder had given her real?

the YOU and the US,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, the DESTINY. dw babe im sure cinder Has Never Told A Lie, Even Once In Her Life, On Account Of Being A Very Open And Honest Person,

Had she been abandoned? Cinder had been unhappy when she left. Angry, maybe. Angry enough to take her leave for good? Or had she always planned to?

i love watching glynda slowly become kind of,,,,,,,,,,,, more aware of herself in relation to other people? sometimes she still Moves or Does w/o rly thinking it thru, but we’ve got quite a change from, like, early chapters of glynda where she was barrelling along with VERY little disregard for both actions AND consequences,,, but look at her now!!!!!!! using her whole ass BRAIN. im proud of her.

When she tried to dismiss this first fear, another one was waiting underneath: had something happened to Cinder?

In her attempts to keep Glynda’s soul from smothering them both, Cinder had been quite willing to converse over the phone with her—even if her texts were short and snippy, she usually at least responded, to avoid backlash. Did she not care anymore? Or—

Or was she unable to?

/leans in, like, uncomfortably close to the microphone

glynda darling i do Not mean 2 worry u but yr (future) gf is currently grieving, pissed beyond belief, and also

/checks notes

failing her way into becoming strawberry jam

But, surprisingly, there was another half to Glynda now: one that worried, despite facts, that Cinder was in danger. That Cinder might need her.

GO AND GET THE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The light caught in every golden thread of her crown emblem, embroidered with diligent precision. But something else caught her eye: the midnight black surrounding it had a sheen to it. Subtle red ducked through the fabric, glittering like burnished stars in a distant night sky: fire Dust.

The flash of a memory: Cinder’s face when Glynda had complained that her last cape had been burned.

This cape would not burn.

okay so no lie i cant read this bit without my eyes starting to water abt just how GOOD this section is and i have cried TOO MANY TIMES over this fic ALREADY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T H A N K Y O U F O R T H E F O O D !

CINDER MADE IT FIREPROOF. SHE DIDNT HAVE TO. SHE DIDNT NEED TO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUT THE SYMBOLISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IS U N R E A L. I AM CRYING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

GO GET THE GIRL YOU MORON

Glynda didn’t know what to do.

Glynda dialed Winter.

and i am INSTANTLY launched back into the comedy that is glynda goodwitch’s life at large THANKS FOR THE WHIPLASH

“No, I mean… I was awful to you the last time we spoke. I know I was. I keep thinking about it. I’m so sorry, I just… Don’t have anyone else to go to right now. I don’t know who else I’d call.” It was horrible to admit. Loneliness had never shamed her before because her soul had held it at bay. Now it made her sick. “I’m safe. If you don’t want to talk to me…”

LOOK AT THIS CHARACTER GROWTH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, GLYNDA!!!!!!!! YR DOIN SO WELL BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! EVERYONE COME LOOK AT HER THINKING WITH HER M I N D.

“I lashed out at you, Professor Goodwitch. That wasn’t right of me. I should have known that you weren’t truly to blame for what you said. I know Cinder. She’s manipulative. She twists the world and makes you think she’s a different person than who she really is. I blamed you in the moment, but Cinder Fall is truly the person at fault for making you believe that I would try to hurt you. I shouldn’t have raised my voice or said the things I did.”

/rubs face

like winter needs to be in this fic and og was bereft not having her actually take up 30% of the space as she DESERVES, but god i forgot that shes a whole Thing and winter please just. shush. for a moment. for a second. ilusm. but please shut up.

Glynda was pacing, her Scroll levitating near her.

side note but casual uses of glyndas semblance is one of my fav things i love seeing it. glynda ‘look mom no hands’ goodwitch out here,

Glynda closed her eyes. The tactile recollection of cats arching, bristling, and spitting. Backed into corners. “Maybe she was panicking. I don’t know.”

i dont rly have much to say here other than continuing to enjoy Cinder As Cat, the ongoing metaphor. glyndas just gonna pick her up the scruff of the neck eventually and we will ALL b thankful.

ughghghgb im not gonna copy paste this whole convo w/ winter because this is a liveblog not a shitty projection of the fic on the side wall of a bowling alley, BUT GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD glynda is so WORRIED,,,,,,,,,,, past glynda is befuddled. bemused. why does future glynda Feel so much. but future glynda is FEELING and i love her. das yr gf yr worried abt. DAS HER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, and also yr other gf winter too but like that’s a long-con sort of egg to hatch,

While it had been some time now since Glynda had been in a proper fight, she expected no trouble. This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her. Still, she would bide her time and hold her silence, if only for the chance of getting a hint of what was going on.

This wasn’t Cinder—ergo: this wasn’t a real threat to her.

LADS,,,, LADIES,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, BEANS,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, IS IT GAY,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, TO SEE YR RIVAL AS YR ONLY REAL THREAT,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

The group crossed the room as one unit, guns aloft and eyes peeled, determined to not be ambushed.

Glynda intended to ambush them regardless.

i dont like 2 say when an au gets a character so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, but.......................... offal hunt gets glynda so right that all other interpretations aren’t valid, and thats that, on that,

One left. Glynda didn’t hesitate. She had been built to fight Grimm; far stronger, far quicker, far more bestial foes than these. She was herself a blade, sharpened far too fine for these intruders.

sounds hot

“Are they...alive?”

Glynda didn’t pause to check.

“Professor? Are they alive?”

glynda: fuck them kids

“How will you get to her?” Winter asked.

“I always find her in the end,” Glynda answered.

hrm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, i wonder if that’s foreshadowing something

Her soul was churning inside her, longing for solace, for Cinder. She could picture the way like a burning trail in her mind’s eye; that bright-yellow tether between herself and Cinder, that pathway between their souls that she had tread so many times before. It always led her to Cinder.

HRM,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I WONDER,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

“Good luck, Glynda.”

“Thank you,” she said again, pausing under the streetlights. “But I won’t need luck. I’ll find her.”

FELLAS,

what a good chapter!!!!!!!!!!! also i cried. BUT I HAD A REAL GOOD TIME. I CAN IMAGINE THE NEXT CHAPTER WILL BE LESS OF A GOOD TIME, BUT FOR NOW, I WILL ENJOY THE MENTAL IMAGE OF GLYNDA’S BICEPS AND HER FUTURE WEDDING ALSO,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

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