#i might’ve given myself a migraine with this one | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

andivmg · 2 months

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speak up andi, I beg of you, you have been mistreated the most here, I know it took shubble a lot of courage but she has helped so many people

i want to start this off by saying it is not a competition and i do not want to compare my experience to anybody else’s. shubble is so fucking strong and i admire her and everyone else who has spoken up about experiencing abuse endlessly.

DISCLAIMER 1

this is way longer than i intended it to be. i did not plan to go into as much depth as i did but the words just kinda kept coming and i kept thinking that if someone else is in a similar situation to the one i was in, it would be good to point out even some of the smaller details so that they can see that these behaviors are not something to be overlooked and could be a symptom of a bigger issue… idk. i apologize for how lengthy and wordy this is but i hope it all makes sense somehow

DISCLAIMER 2

a lot of you know who one of my exes is and i am asking you to please not make this about him. i am simply sharing my experience with some of my past relationships in hopes that they help someone else. i beg of you, do not go on twitter making threads speculating on whatever because it’s just going to cause me a bunch of problems and i don’t want this to be brought to his attention. if you share my story, please do not do it with the intent of starting drama. if you share my story, focus on the behaviors i am talking about instead of trying to figure out if it’s about him.

DISCLAIMER 3

this goes without saying but i’ll put it here anyway: i will be talking about toxic relationships, mention of self harm, mention of sex, implied violence. if any of these topics are triggering to you please scroll away, protect yourself.

I have been in a lot of relationships, but there are 4 that i would truly identify as the ones who had the biggest impact on me. Two of those i would consider emotional mistreatment. I don’t want to say i was abused for reasons that i will be discussing with my therapist this week, but i can certainly say i was mistreated. For the sake of privacy, i will be referring to these two dudes as 1 and 6.

I think the biggest difference between 1 and 6 is that 6 was obsessed with me to the point where i felt like i was being suffocated, whereas i’m not sure if 1 ever cared about me in the first place.

6 and i started out pretty normally. we had a bunch of friends in common and we were around the same people. so eventually, we became friends too. we would text and call all the time until feelings developed into a relationship. in the beginning he was really sweet and caring, saying all the right things that got me falling head over heels. now, something important to note is that i am someone who has always had a lot of guy friends. when i was little and in school, my mom made friends with a bunch of other moms and those moms were boy moms, so i grew up surrounded by boys. i bring this up because 6 didn’t like my guy friends. actually, i think he just didn’t like the fact that i had guy friends at all. so, whenever i would hang out with my friends, it was a problem. so this resulted in me never being able to go out or hang out with my friends unless he was there. then it got worse. before we started dating he had decided to cut back on drinking and to stop smoking. so because of this, i decided that i wouldn’t drink or smoke around him in solidarity. this was not enough for him. i had to stop drinking and smoking altogether. so once, when i was hanging out with my girl friends we decided to stay in and get wine drunk. we posted about it on our private stories on snap and once he saw, 6 called me arguing and yelling at me because i was drinking and posting about it on my story for “attention”. after this incident, i was no longer allowed to hang out with my friends because they were a “bad influence”. he also didn’t like the clothes i wore. sorry, let me reiterate: he didn’t like my clothes when he wasn’t around. it was perfectly fine for me to wear a short dress… if i was with him. i was not allowed to wear “revealing” clothing if he wasn’t around. mind you, none of the clothes i wore were revealing, it’s not my fault i’m hot yk? he took over my life. who i talked to, what i did, what i wore, where i would go, it was all up to him. my life no longer belonged to me. and at the time, i was okay with that. i didn’t realize that he had so much control over everything. i was young and naïve and he convinced me that he knew what was best for me. that he had lived more than i had and experienced more than i had and that he knew better. he was so good at making everything my fault and making him the hero or victim depending on the situation. i got catcalled on the street? “because you were wearing that fucking dress again, andrea you know how that looks. of course you got catcalled. this is why you can’t wear things like that when i’m not around to protect you”. I decided to have a fun night in with my friends and get drunk? “i just don’t understand why you would be posting yourself on your private story like that. you’re drunk and vulnerable. why do you want other people, other guys, to see you like that? and you know i’ve cut back on drinking so how do you think it makes me feel to see that? don’t you love me enough to do this for me?” the worst part is i believed him. because, in the beginning, he helped me so much and i looked up to him so much, surely he had my best interests at heart, right? this relationship went on for way longer than it should have. you may be asking yourself, how did you leave? if you were so in love with him and entranced by him to the point where he consumed you, why did you leave? he raised his hand. that’s what got me to finally leave. a year after we broke up, i found out that he was drinking, smoking, and doing all kinds of shit he told me he wasn’t throughout our entire relationship. he was awful, and i’m really proud of myself for being strong enough to leave when i did. i’m also really grateful for my friends, who stuck out that whole train wreck with me. who i lashed out against in order to protect him and defend him. they stuck by me through it all and i don’t know where i would be without them so shoutout to them lmfao.

1 was a bit more complicated. it started out in a similar way. we had the same friends, hung out around the same people, so it was only a matter of time until we became friends too. we would call and text every day until feelings were developed. at least i developed feelings, i’m still not sure he did. i told him this and i don’t remember how the conversation went but basically we had decided that we were talking as more than friends now. enough time went by where i was ready for it to become a relationship and i communicated that to him. looking back, i think he felt pressured into the relationship by me and by our friends. anyway we started dating and everything was fine. we would hang out and talk all the time but i felt like he was bored or disinterested by me, so i would constantly beg for his attention. i became this needy clingy version of myself that i hated. it felt like when we would hang out, he was always distracted by something else. i basically felt invisible to him. that is, when i wasn’t hanging out with my guy friends. similarly to 6, 1 did not like my guy friends or the fact that i had guy friends in the first place. i had a guy best friend at the time who is one of the most amazing people i have ever met. let’s call him S. S and 1 were acquainted with each other, hung out in the same circles etc. but 1 still didn’t like him. sometimes, whenever 1 was busy doing whatever he did when he wasn’t with me, i would hang out with S, we would watch shows together and just talk. Some days, it felt like i talked to S more than my own boyfriend. this did not sit well with 1. he would ask “why the fuck are you always hanging out with him?” to which i would reply “maybe if you hung out with me more, i wouldn’t have so much free time to spend with him” (toxic ik but what can i say? i was feeling neglected). so you can see what problems this caused. eventually i cut S off. I stopped talking to him completely and i haven’t spoken to him since. Back to 1. even after cutting off my best friend, nothing really changed. He didn’t spend much time with me and whenever we would, i felt like he couldn’t wait to go off and do something else. this got exhausting. at that point i was begging him to love me, to pay attention to me, to care about me. this led to us breaking up. he broke up with me over text. it read, and i quote, “i think we aren’t meant for each other. i think you deserve someone that will treat you better than i do. I don’t think i’m in love with you and i tried to force myself to love you because i thought that’s what i wanted but i really don’t think it is. we started this relationship when i was just tired of being alone and i really just don’t think it is right anymore. i don’t think i am attracted to you. I am sorry, i really didn’t know how to end this and this probably isn’t the best way to do it but it’s time”. The relationship went on for another six months after this. granted, i should have had more self respect and never gotten back together with him but it is what it is. so after he told me that he didn’t love me and that he wasn’t attracted to me, we stayed “friends”. which basically meant that we did everything that a relationship involved. without actually being in a relationship. that is, until one of his friends hit me up. there was some flirtation going on but nothing serious. i was still in love with 1 but, at the time, i was in desperate need for attention and his buddy was there to provide it. when i told 1 about it he flipped out, called me all kinds of crazy and decided he was done with me. his friend and i talked about it and poked fun at the fact that he broke up with me but got mad at someone else paying attention to me. when 1 saw this (he ended up forcing me to show him the screenshots of the conversation) he was even more pissed and even more done with me. the next day he called me and we were basically back together again.

however, this time, i was meant to earn his affection. because i did something so unforgivable and atrocious, he was basically in the clear to treat me like shit. and he did. he would cancel plans to go hang out with his friends. he would only come over late at night, even when i had class the next day. i was basically at his mercy. we only hung out when he decided. we only spoke when he wanted to. i honestly can’t even recall us going on any date after that incident, save for one dinner. in short, i was not a priority to him. this, combined with some other stuff, really took at toll on my mental health. i entered a deep depression and began self-harming after being clean for 3 years. i sought out help and found a wonderful therapist who really helped me. but, 1 only saw this as one more problem. when we hung out he would complain that i was too sad. important note: because of that text he sent me i was incredibly insecure. so, little arguments would always end up escalating because i felt like he literally did not care about me and he would just keep making me feel like shit about being depressed. whenever we argued (which was very often) it would end in me locking myself in the bathroom, sobbing, nearly throwing up, while he was on his phone. i remember one specific argument started because he asked me if i would leave him for harry styles and i jokingly said yes (i am not and have never been attracted to harry styles). that argument escalated to the point where we almost broke up and he said to me “you should warn people before they fall in love with you that you are so mentally ill. because you’re always going to bring down the mental state of who you’re with”. he used my mental health against me like that a lot. whenever i would bring up something i wanted him to do or something that i didn’t like, he would call me needy, clingy, and say that he was trying his best but that i needed too much, that i was too much. all i wanted was reassurance. looking back, that’s all i ever asked for. whenever i would ask him if he loved me he would say “well i’m with you aren’t i?”. this is the same man who decided to go to vegas with his friends on my birthday after he promised he wouldn’t. this is the same man who said that he didn’t love me. the same one who said he wasn’t attracted to me. the same man who i would catch looking at other girl’s (some being his “friends”) provocative pictures on twitter. (this is definitely tmi so i’m just going to put a bunch of asterisks at the end of the tmi so you can skip there if you don’t want to read it) but there was a long period of time in our relationship where we had zero intimacy, and it wasn’t because of me. this fucked with my head a lot because i had this idea that because i was so emotional and needy that i could compensate physically. but when that stopped, my thoughts looked something like “the only thing i was useful for was sex and now he doesn’t even want that from me”.************whenever i remember this, a part of me thinks he might’ve been cheating on me during that time, but i have no proof so i guess we’ll never know. also during that time period, we were arguing over the same things over and over “it feels like you don’t love me” “but i’m hanging out with you” “that’s not the same as loving me” “you’re so fucking needy. and then you wonder why i don’t like coming over”. it was exhausting. we had the same friend group. and even our friends got so sick of us that they would tell me to break up with him. this went on for months until one day, on our one year anniversary, he told me that his plans for the day included playing video games. nothing else. that’s when i broke up with him. that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. i just couldn’t do it anymore.

we stayed friends afterwards in order to keep the peace within the friend group. after about a month, he told me he was going to do better. he said he was going to start going to the gym, and maybe even going to therapy, that he was going to eat better and live a better lifestyle for me. he said he was going to plan dates for us and treat me the way i deserved etc. very much vibes from that one euphoria scene. but i was done. maybe i didn’t communicate that well enough to him and that’s my fault. but i was really confused at the time and i didn’t know what i wanted. eventually we had a conversation and that’s when i told him that i was no longer interested in a relationship. i think i just didn’t believe him anymore. i didn’t believe that he would change for me or anyone else for that matter. through the entire relationship he was mean to me, he neglected me, belittled me, and overall made me feel like shit at worst and invisible at best. even when i would offer to plan things or suggest activities for us to do together, he would be disinterested the entire time or just cancel and make plans with his friends instead. and of course it was all my fault for one, flirting with his friend that one time, and two, just not being interesting enough. he made it feel like i wasn’t good enough, and at the same time victimized himself. he would tell me “nothing i do is ever good enough for you” while i was the one putting in all the effort in the relationship. then he would go “well why would i put in effort with you? remember when you were flirting with [redacted]? I still think about that and it fucks me up”. mind you, he would only bring this up whenever i brought up any concerns or issues. anyway, as you can tell it took me a really long time to realize that this relationship was toxic and unhealthy and i’m really proud of myself, again, for having the strength to leave and never look back. i think one of the reasons why it took me so long to realize that i was being mistreated was because everyone around him loved him. and to me it was hard to see how someone that was so well liked could be bad. so i felt like i was the problem. i felt like there was something wrong with me and if i just fixed that, then he would treat me better and love me and care about me. it took a lot of therapy to realize that he just wasn’t that into me. i was like a toy to him that he could just pay attention to when he was bored but ignore me the rest of the time. but then, when someone else showed interest in me he would suddenly care and be like “no she’s mine, you can’t have her”. he didn’t want me but he didn’t want anyone else to have me and that was the bottom line. that was the base off all the problems and toxicity that happened while we were together.

in conclusion, both of these men were awful in their own unique ways. i hope that by sharing this, someone who is in a similar situation will see it and identify these behaviors as something to watch out for. i hope that someone will see it and realize that they are not alone, and that they are not the first person to go through it, and that it gets better. these events all happened over two years ago and now i am in a beautiful and healthy relationship, i’m studying something that i am passionate about, and i am surrounded by people who love, care about, and support me. i am in a much happier place now and you will find that too, whoever you might be <3

#andianswers #i might’ve given myself a migraine with this one

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wildroseofarran · 4 years

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The Hurricane || Luna, Oliver, & Logan

Oliver: The evening was as expected in North Carolina before a terrible storm. Albemarle Sound was bristling with anticipation, waters gray and anything but calm. Oliver Langdon Cole slammed his fist into the bench seat of his 1978 Ford Pickup. Five tries. The engine simply refused to turn over. In the back of his head he knew why. The battery needed replacing months ago. This was his own damn fault for being so cheap.

The first strike of lightening. The fingertips of the hurricane had arrived.

Cole leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes. Tristan? He'd just left for home. There was no way he'd be calling him.

Luke: "Aw, hell." Luke gave the sky an uneasy glance through his windshield. It looked every bit as mean and nasty as the ocean did. They were in for a bitch of a storm and if he didn't get a move on, he was going to be caught in it.

Next time Pete could go and negotiate his vendor contracts and Luke could be the one listening to the zydeco band audition and deciding whether to--

"Aw, hell."

His Camaro slowed to a stop as he spotted a very familiar truck.

Oliver: The whistling wind and patter of the first rain was all he had noticed. With his eyes out of use, he searched for the necklace underneath his flannel button down. He felt the recycled glass rings on the very old silver chain. They were pushed to the side. Not that necklace. The 9 mm bullet on the ball chain. The cap was carefully removed, revealing two pristine white tablets.

Might as well, he thought, taking a deep inhale and popping them in his mouth.

Luke: Luke tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. Should he stop? Keep going? What if Oliver was having car trouble? There was no other reason Luke could think of to explain why he'd be on the side of the road with a storm about to break.

It had already started to rain.

"Goddammit." Luke pulled over and got out. If Oliver didn't want his help, he'd just leave.

Oliver: Oliver had opened his eyes, but his attention was to the east, towards the hideous storm with an agenda. He'd have to walk home eventually. No tow truck was going to even consider coming out here...

Luke: Turn. Turn your head. Don't make me knock on the window, it'll be so much easier if I don't have to knock. Turn your head, Oliver.

Luke sighed. No such luck. Of course.

He knocked on the window, waiting for Oliver to turn to him before giving him a tight smile in greeting.

"Hi. Need some help?"

Oliver: Perhaps to Luke's surprise, the man did not flinch. He turned his gaze towards what could only be a person and sighed. Down rolled the window.

"Hey, stalker."

Luke: "Not stalking you. God is pranking us both. Need some help?"

Oliver: "What, don't wanna slide in and watch the world flood?"

Luke: "I can do that in my own car."

Oliver: "Yeah but ya love me."

Luke: Luke sighed. "Do you need help or not, Ollie? I'm not out here trying to get pneumonia."

Oliver: "'Scuse me. The fuck you just call me?"

Luke: He winced. Fuck. He'd been calling Oliver Ollie in the privacy of his own mind for so long that he hadn't noticed his slip.

"Yes or no? I'm about to let you get washed away by the flood."

Oliver: "Ya wouldn't do that. Ya like me too much."

A quick glance was given to their surroundings and he felt for his bag of sour candies in his glove compartment.

"Gonna tether t'that tree there."

Luke: "All right, fine. Have fun being the water version of The Wizard of Oz. Call me when you get out of Kansas, Dorothy."

He started back to his car.

Oliver: "The fuck are ya goin' on about now?"

Luke: "You obviously have no interest in getting off the side of the road and out of the storm."

Oliver: "I just fuckin' said I'm tetherin' her down. Ya know...flood?"

Luke: "You can do that or you can tell me what the problem is and let me help you so you can go home."

Oliver: "The fuckin' battery s'dead, know-it-all."

Luke: "The problem's that simple and you'd rather tie it to a tree? Unbelievable." He pressed the button to open his trunk. "Pop your hood."

Oliver: "It's fuckin' rainin'!"

Luke: "God invented these crazy things called umbrellas."

Oliver: "Who asked you? Ya wanna wait out here for ten goddamn minutes when you're so ready t'leave? I ain't got an umbrella."

Luke: "Hush and pop your hood. I've got an umbrella. In fact I have two, one for each of us."

Luke grabbed a set of jumper cables from his trunk and popped his own hood.

Oliver: "You goddamn bossy sonofabitch," the host muttered, double-checking his necklace before stepping out of his truck.

Luke: He'd been called worse. Not that it mattered at the moment. This was probably the most successful interaction the two of them had ever had.

Luke hooked up his end and turned to Oliver. "Ready?"

Oliver: Maybe they could just stare at their respective engines the entire time, he thought bitterly. The hood was popped just enough, hovering over with the umbrella.

"The fuck ya got two of these for?"

Luke: “Situations like these,” he said, making sure all connections were secure before starting his car.

Oliver: "This is so much safer than leavin'."

Luke: “Why you’re very welcome, Oliver. Happy to help a fellow townsman.”

Oliver: "Ya can't demand this and bitch at me."

Luke: “Watch me.”

Oliver: "Oh yeah. Of course," he grumbled, tossing a sour lemon candy in his mouth, "you're you."

Luke: “What, like you’re always a ray of sunshine?”

Oliver: "Not when I wake up with a man on top of me."

Luke: Luke felt his face heat. “And apparently not when you avoid having to wait out a storm for hours on end.”

Oliver: "M'sorry, I like livin'."

Luke: “You are. The umbrella is protecting you and the engine.”

Oliver: "Until lightning strikes me down. You first, though."

Luke: “The umbrella is plastic.”

Oliver: "We're -" have a deep sigh through pursed lips. "Why were ya on top of me?"

Luke: “We’ve been over that.” Luke wouldn’t sigh back, but he was sure Oliver could hear the desire to do so in his voice. “You don’t believe me and think I’m insane.”

Oliver: "So tell me the truth n'I'll believe ya."

Luke: “Why? I have before and you didn’t accept it.”

Oliver: "I said the truth!"

Luke: This time Luke did sigh. “I’m too tired for this conversation, Oliver. I’ve told you the truth. Whether you believe it or not, that’s up to you. Asking me again won’t change my answer.”

Oliver: "You're a fuckin' lawyer. Ya know what - ya'd tell your equivalent t'plead insanity!"

Luke: Another long sigh. “Believe me, I know. God knows I know. Think I haven’t questioned my sanity ten million times? Think I would put myself through this voluntarily?”

Oliver: "Even with logic ya bring it back t'that. It's like a fuckin' magic trick."

Luke: “Knowing how batshit crazy I sound doesn’t mean I’m denying the reality of my life.”

Oliver: "N'this is why ya stay away from me. Why - Whatever."

Luke: “Don’t whatever me, you’re the one who brought it up.”

Oliver: "Ya can't get mad at me when you're the crazy."

Luke: “I’m not crazy, and even if I was, crazy people are allowed to be angry.”

Oliver: "Ya can't molest me n'get mad at me."

Luke: “I didn’t fucking molest you, Oliver. I leaned on you.”

Oliver: "Ya laid on me."

Luke: “Splitting hairs.”

Oliver: "D'ya hear yourself?"

Luke: “Do you? You woke up fully clothed. I was fully clothed. My hands were nowhere near your dick or your ass. I did not molest you. I was simply leaning on you. Or laying if that’s the word you wanna use.”

Oliver: "I feel like a fuckin' broken record. How the fuck would ya feel if ya woke up like I had?!"

Luke: “I’d be pretty fucking weirded out, Ollie. I don’t blame you for that. I would assume I’d gotten blackout drunk and had fallen asleep on my couch with someone, which surprise surprise, I have. I’ve already told you my only defense and you don’t accept it. You told me to stay away from you and I have. After your car starts, I’m gone. I’ll go on my merry way. Matter of fact, why don’t you try starting the engine.”

Oliver: "It all goes down the shitter when ya keep claimin' some - some ghost shit. Then it's all just some fuckin'...gaslightin' thing."

Fine. He handed the umbrella over and back to the driver's seat he went.

Luke: "If I could conjure an apparition to convince you and prove I'm telling the truth, I would." Maybe he could. Maybe there was something he could do to prove the truth to Oliver. If he saw something with his own two eyes when he didn't have a migraine, he had to believe it, right?

It was definitely something to think about.

Oliver: Just tell me what I want to hear, he thought. Why do you have to adhere to being psycho?

Attempt one got him nowhere. For a moment he thought he had flooded it. Attempt two seemed more sure of itself but also failed. He wasn't going to scream. He wasn't going to punch something. He simply leaned back and closed his eyes again.

Luke: Luke was no mechanic, but that did not sound good. Either time. Although the second time sounded slightly less bad than the first time.

"We'll give it a little while longer," he said evenly, watching the rain.

Oliver: No response came from the man in the truck, the one nodding as though Luke could see him.

Luke: That was fine. If they didn't talk, Oliver couldn't--once again--call him crazy.

Better to let the jumper cables do their thing while he texted Pete to tell him why he was late.

Oliver: His attention returned to the wild and furious ocean, soothed by its growls and the crack of gorgeous thunder across the horizon. Not nearly as picturesque as a crisp clear day with the sun baking his skin, but the world was alive, and though it did not reflect on his face, it stirred him.

Luke: The storm might've been soothing Oliver, but it was annoying the hell out of Luke. Of course it was storming the day he happened to run into Oliver and his dead ass battery.

A few minutes later he said, "Try now!"

Oliver: Another try, the same result. A fist into his seat later he tried again. This was the consequence of neglect. In a fit of defeat, the truck was shut off. He then headed to the toolbox on the back of the truck for the chain.

Luke: Luke sighed. Yep, that battery was dead as a doornail.

"Better call a tow truck. They'll come out if you promise them a case of beer."

Oliver: "No one's comin' out here."

Luke: “That’s what the case of beer is for. Chris will come out if you promise him a case of beer.”

Oliver: "Stop tryin' t'fuckin' help me. Bad shit happens n'just let it fuckin' happen, Luke. You're hurtin' my brain, man."

Luke: A voice in the back of his head loudly and gleefully screamed ‘I told you so! This is what you get!’

The voice was right. He knew what was going to happen and he’d still stopped. That was the definition of insanity, wasn’t it?

“All right, fine. You wanna stay out here? Be my guest.” He shut off his car, removed the cables, slammed the hood.

“Good luck with your dead fucking battery and the damage the flood is probably going to do to your car. Been a real treat seeing you.”

He hopped in his car and started it.

Oliver: Finally, peace. This man was too much of everything. Too stubborn the night they had met; too handsy; too insane; too unwilling to admit to lies. The man was too happy and far too optimistic. Watching the man, finally in a sour mood slam into his car, he wondered what it was he had done to catch his attention. Artificial light versus a moth, he added to himself.

"Bye, then." He'd chain the truck to the tree. At least then he'd be able to find it should the water rise high enough to reach it. He knew it was a shit plan but it was better than having no idea where it would be by Monday.

Luke: Had Luke known that Oliver was that relieved to see him not only leaving, but leaving on in a bad mood, he would’ve turned around and forced as much help on him as he possibly could. Because apparently that was the way to annoy the hell out of Oliver; be nice to him.

Actually...

“Fuck it.” He was going to call the damn tow truck. Oliver could just deal with it.

Oliver: The hell was he doing? Oliver poked his head out of the window, wind and misty rain be damned.

"Whateryadoin'?"

Luke: Him? Oh nothing. He was simply going to pull out his phone and dial a number and pretend he didn’t hear Oliver.

Oliver: "Hey! What are ya doin'?!"

Luke: Luke lowered his window just long enough to say, “Making a call, what does it look like I’m doing?”

He rolled his window back up and proceeded to try and talk Chris into coming out.

Oliver: "WHAT kinda fuckin' call?!"

Luke: Nope, back to ignoring. He was scowling as he talked to the person on the other line, clearly having a hard time doing whatever he was doing.

It was another couple of minutes before he finally hung up.

Oliver: This was reality now. He knew calling the police would be useless. This man was a lawyer and could chance his story at any time. What the fuck was he meant to do?

"Kay, thanks. Great."

Luke: “Better stay in your car,” he called. “Storm’s picking up.” For his part, he thought it best to leave before Chris arrived. His services had already been paid for.

Oliver: "Luke, what did ya do, goddammit?"

Luke: “Nothing you have to worry about.”

Oliver: "I swear to fuckin' god, man."

Luke: “You’re not gonna be hurt or inconvenienced or put out in any way.”

Oliver: "Can't just fuckin' tell me anything, can ya?"

Luke: Like I haven’t tried, he thought. “I can tell you it’ll be about ten minutes until you see for yourself.”

Oliver: "Ya leavin'? Who the fuck did ya call?"

Luke: “Do you want me to leave?”

Oliver: "If ya ain't gonna be truthful, yeah."

Luke: “I’m being evasive, there’s a key difference. If you really must know, I called Chris.”

Oliver: "He's got family. He ain't comin' out here."

Luke: “He’s still on the clock. He’ll be here soon.”

Oliver: "I don't owe ya."

Luke: “Didn’t say you did.”

Oliver: Well then, "Good!" he huffed.

Luke: “Yep, sure is. Good talk.” And now to wait for Chris to arrive with his tow truck.

Oliver: Even sitting across from one another felt like torture. He wanted to yell at his helpfulness. He wanted to shake the man until he spilled truth from his lips. He thought back to their first meeting, how he was dissuaded from driving drunk; how he had pitied the man and his loss. Strange man, but no threat. He remembered the shock of waking with a warm body on top of him, with no memory of why.

His cheeks flushed pink.

"Ya can go, now," he called.

Luke: “I’ll go when Chris arrives. Won’t be more than a couple minutes.” Besides, he had a feeling Oliver would refuse Chris’ services if he left.

Luckily, he could see the truck approaching in the distance. Oliver would be rid of him soon.

Oliver: He would as soon as he saw the headlights. His jacket was zipped to his neck before stepping out into the unforgiving whistling wind. He just had to put up with this a few more minutes. Maybe he could hitch a ride from Chris after.

Luke: Chris’ annoyance at being out in the storm was obvious, but he was pleasant enough as he greeted Oliver and set about hitching his truck.

“Want me to take it to your place or to my garage?”

Oliver: "My place, man. Thanks for this. Didn't expect ya out here in this weather."

Luke: “No problem. I’ll go out in anything as long as I get paid, brother.”

Oliver: "I guess I know that for next time. Was gonna fuckin' walk my ass home."

Luke: "In this? Don't know if that makes you ballsy as fuck or dumber than a box of rocks."

Oliver: "It's me, Chris. I'm both," he smiled.

Luke: Chris laughed. “The two go hand in hand with you, Cole. Catching a lift with me or with Graham?”

Oliver: "You," he said, perhaps a bit too quickly.

Luke: He thought nothing of it, though it did kind of surprise him. “All right, cool. Hop in, almost done here.”

Oliver: "Kay. Thanks, man." Barely a glance was given to the man who'd called him.

Luke: “No problem.” Chris nodded and waved at Luke, who waved back.

For a second there he thought he’d become invisible, which ended up making him think, which in turn had depressed him.

Sighing, he pulled onto the road and went on his way.

Oliver: He'd been noticed. The glance his way hadn't been seen, it seemed, as nothing had been said in regard to him. Thank god, he thought. This was meant to be a gesture worth gratitude, but he couldn't bring himself to say goodbye. He'd just keep Chris busy with conversation until the house. Work, Tristan, the season and its effect on fishing. Once home, he knew what he'd need. Several tall glasses of beer.

Luke: Luke had made it back to the pub no worse for the wear, if a bit quiet. He’d given Pete the copies of the renegotiated contracts and had gone home. He didn’t feel like being around people at the moment.

Or for the next few days. He just went to the library and worked as usual, then went back home with barely any deviation.

Dana/Oliver: Oliver had remained home. As there was nothing to do until the hurricane had passed, he had resolved himself to drinking and an ill attempt at a phone call with his daughter.

Days later, as Luke walked through Peter's house, another phone call had been made. One which had rung twice and decided better.

Luke: Luke hurried to adjust his backpack and armload of case files to search his pocket for his phone.

He sighed when saw the missed call notification. Time to play ‘Ollie or Dana?’.

The deciding factor was usually another attempt at a call, so he waited for a few moments to see what would happen.

Dana: This time, there would be no further calls from his expected love interest. An hour would pass in silence. Another phone call by an unknown number. A single ring and nothing.

No further calls for the evening.

Luke: He had no idea what was keeping him from returning the calls except sheer curiosity and a little bit of....fear? Maybe that was too strong a word. Trepidation? Who the hell knew.

When he finally decided to take matters into his own hands, he started by calling the unknown number.

Dana: Two rings in and the call was answered by the newly familiar Australian voice.

"How are you holding up in this weather?"

Luke: Luke took a long, shaky breath. He’d chosen correctly. The game wouldn’t end in tears this time.

“Oh, you know. M’about as chipper as the hurricane.”

Dana: "Do you want to go to the bottle-o with me?"

Luke: “Yeah,” he said after a moment. “Okay.”

Dana: The hurricane was pretty much gone at this point. He was confident in his request. "I'll walk to you. I'll be there soon."

Luke: “Okay. See you in a bit.”

Dana: In what little respect Tolvin could muster, every dirt and back road was taken to conceal his route, taking to the backdoor to knock rather than exposing their meeting.

{Text} I'm here.

Luke: {Text} I’ll be right down

Luke checked himself in the mirror before going downstairs. In deference to the storm and the drop in temperature that followed, he wore jeans and a light gray sweater. There was no product in his hair or any special care taken, but he’d showered and his clothes were clean. That was about all he could manage.

He tried the front door first, and finding the porch empty, made his way to the back.

“Hey,” he said softly. He sounded and looked completely defeated.

Dana: Oliver seemed to have cleaned up, if not for the fact that there was no Oliver. His clothes were clean and without dog hair. His hair and skin fresh from a shower. His beard had been managed, both combed and trimmed from his lips. All for the man in the doorway.

"Do you wilt in poor weather? Is that what's happened to you?" Tolvin smiled, one utterly different from what he had seen from Oliver.

Luke: It was like one of his dream filters had been applied to reality and a soft, comforting glow had temporarily been applied to his life. Temporarily being the key word.

This cleaned up version of Oliver who wasn’t really Oliver who smiled at him like he mattered and wouldn’t call him crazy wouldn’t last. This was a spell and he was....Cinderella.

He tried to return the smile. “Something like that. How are you?”

Dana: His prince charming was watching him intently when he realized that smile was not true to form.

"Something like that. What's happened?"

Luke: “Just a rough patch. I’m fine, really.”

Dana: "Do you want to stay here?"

Luke: “Been stuck in here and the library for days because of the storm. Some fresh air would be nice.”

Dana: "Liquor store and Oliver's, or a pub, then?"

Luke: “Liquor store and....somewhere other than Oliver’s. The beach, the woods, doesn’t matter.”

Dana: "Would you be opposed to a boat?"

Luke: “I wouldn’t be opposed at all.” A boat sounded great actually.

Dana: "To the bottle-o and the docks, then. Ready?"

Luke: Luke double checked his pockets for his keys, phone, and wallet, nodding. “Yep, I’m ready.”

Dana: The long scenic route to the nearest liquor store was deliberately taken, not just for privacy, but for as much time as possible before his will disintegrated.

"You saw him recently, didn't you?"

Luke: This too was much needed. Moments of privacy seemed so rare in this town.

He nodded. “I did, yeah. Day the storm hit.”

Dana: "Tell me what happened."

Luke: “Was coming back from doing some work for the pub and came across him on the side of the road. His battery was dead, I offered him a jump start, he said he was just going to try tying his truck to the tree, I decided to just give him the jump start. Then we ended up where we always end up.”

Dana: "With him in denial, and you insisting on the truth." He could imagine how they parted ways. At least Luke was absent a bruise this time. And tears.

Luke: He sighed and nodded. There weren’t any tears now, and there hadn’t been any in the moment, but there had been plenty in between. “Yeah. Right there. With a reiteration of ‘you’re crazy’ as the cherry on top.”

Dana: "As expected. No one in my family knew. My daughter doesn't know. Her mother has a vague idea. Enough that she didn't want me around."

Luke: “Right. As expected.” On some level—hell, on quite a few levels—he knew that. He understood that. But on even more levels, he was himself, and pretending the truth wasn’t the truth wasn’t something that came easily to him.

There was a very good reason he only represented clients who were innocent.

Dana: Tolvin offered his hand. "Not everyone can handle your strength, Luke. I couldn't."

Luke: Luke took it. “What strength? Look at me, Dana. I’m a mess. Logan is the strong one.”

Dana: "Had you moved on in any way since my death?"

Luke: “No. You being here proves that.”

Dana: He smiled to himself. "Does it?"

Luke: “It does. Love is the only thing in this world stronger than death. Forgot where I heard that but it’s true.”

Dana: "Could it be that I have unfinished business with you?"

Luke: “It’s love. Let me hang on to that at least.”

Dana: Alright. "Fine. It's love."

Luke: “Thank you,” he said quietly.

Dana: "You already know why I'm here."

Luke: “Because we love each other.”

Dana: "I told you why when I returned," he continued steadily.

Luke: Luke sighed. “I know, Dana. I remember the conversation. I’m trying to find a little glimmer of hope and positivity in my life. Please let me. Just for today. Please.” I’m begging you.

Dana: "There is nothing depressing in knowing you are one of my reasons for lingering in the Skinlands, Luke."

Luke: “Let me for one second just enjoy you being here without thinking about you being dead, Dana. Do you want me to beg? I will. I’ll drop to my knees and beg you if it means I can just pretend this is a normal situation for just a little bit.”

Dana: He knew the question would be sudden, but there was a point to it. "Do you like this body?"

Luke: Luke gave Dana a confused glance. “Oliver’s a handsome man.”

Dana: "This is normal. I am Oliver Cole. Kiss this body."

Luke: “Oliver Cole thinks I should be in a padded room. I don’t want to kiss him, I want to kiss you and you are in his body which is objectively attractive. Keeping you separate keeps me sane.”

Dana: "So separation is your normal?"

Luke: “If I didn’t separate you from him they would have to put me in a padded room, Dana. I love you. I want you. When I think about you I don’t picture his body or his face, I picture yours.”

Dana: "Then how will you kiss me, or enjoy my touch when it's his skin?"

Luke: “Because of that separation. You’re using his body but it’s you. Not him.”

Dana: "Do you want to keep him?"

Luke: “I couldn’t bear to go through this process again with another person. It’s fucked up enough already.”

Dana: "I suppose for you it is."

Luke: He squeezed Dana’s hand. Luke knew he lived by a new set of rules now but hearing that just...

“Let’s talk about something else. How are you?”

Dana: "I'm well enough. I was pleasantly surprised by an artifact I found deep in the - Yes, I'm fine. Thank you."

Luke: “In the Umbra?”

Dana: "Yes. A specific area."

Luke: “What does the artifact do?”

Dana: The wraith's smile grew. "Let's keep you out of the Umbra for a little while longer."

Luke: Luke nodded. “What else have you been doing?”

Dana: "Hmm. How long has it been since we last spoke?"

Luke: “A while. Weeks.”

Dana: "Just weeks," he said to himself. "It's been longer for me, where I was. We can call it self-discovery."

Luke: “The good kind?”

Dana: Hmm. "I believe so."

Luke: Another nod. “Then I’m glad.”

Dana: "Bring me up to speed on your goings on."

Luke: “Not much to tell. Still staying with Pete and working from home.”

Dana: "Why do you live in Raleigh when you're rarely there?"

Luke: “It’s only in the past couple years that I spend more time here than there.”

Dana: "Have you considered moving back?"

Luke: “I’m here for my mental health.”

Dana: "So remain here. Sell your home. Be happy."

Luke: “My firm is in Raleigh. My partners are understanding enough to let me work from home precisely because I am a partner. I have friends, clients, a whole life in Raleigh.”

Dana: "And yet you're here."

Luke: "Having a mental breakdown will do that."

Dana: "Your friends cannot help you?"

Luke: "How can they? They don't know what's going on with me and I'm not gonna put it on them. They'll think I've gone completely insane like Oliver does and I wouldn't blame them. Hell, I don't blame Oliver."

Dana: "Well who here knows that can help you? Your brother? Logan?"

Luke: “No one knows. Just you.”

Dana: "You're here for me, then?"

Luke: “Yes. You’re here and so am I.”

Dana: "You need more reason than that."

Luke: “Getting to be here with the man I love is better than sitting in an empty condo feeling like I’m dying inside from loneliness.”

Dana: "But I have to reiterate that you have friends in Raleigh. You're not alone."

Nearing the liquor store, Luke was turned and, as bravery would have it, softly given a kiss.

"We're going to see Logan today."

Luke: "My friends in Raleigh are human, Dana. They supported me and they were there for me when you died but everything that's come after? I can't talk to them about that. Can't talk to my family about it either." He couldn't even talk to Logan, which gave him an unending amount of guilt.

Still, the kiss was accepted and returned with a soft smile that quickly gave way to surprise. "Really? We're going to tell her?" Had he thought the matter into existence?

Dana: "How she decides to react, remember to take nothing personally. That's all I ask of you."

Luke: "She'd be well within her right to punch us both."

Dana: "Not you. Just me. I told you not to say anything. It's my choice."

Luke: "I still kept something major from her. But whether she's pissed or not, I'm so glad you decided to tell her."

Dana: At least he seemed in a better mood.

"What are you having to drink?" he asked as he stepped inside. The store was quiet. A young couple quietly argued over what to bring to a party. An aged woman sat quietly on her side of the counter, fiddling with her phone.

Luke: Slightly better yes, but also more nervous. He had no idea how Logan would react to her brother in someone else’s body.

“Just beer is fine. Blue Moon.”

Dana: A Blue Moon for Luke, and a bourbon Oliver frequented for himself. Should he inquire, nothing should seem out of the ordinary.

"Docks first, or Logan?"

Luke: “Logan. We’ll get her a Smirnoff Ice.”

Dana: "I've never seen one of those in Oliver's house," said for Luke's ears only. "You'll have to buy that one."

Luke: Luke nodded. “I’ll grab her some.”

Dana: "Is there anything else?"

Luke: “Not that I can think of. Is there anything you want to bring her?”

Dana: "I can't think of anything relevant."

Luke: “All right. You go ahead and pay while I get her drink.”

Dana: So he would, and he would wait for Luke outside of the store by the grass.

Luke: Luke came out a few moments later with drinks in hand.

“Still wanna go on a boat?”

Dana: "You said Logan first."

Luke: “I meant afterwards. Figured we could invite her.”

Dana: "If...Depends on her mood."

Luke: “It’d be a good distraction if things go less than great.”

Dana: "We'll have to see."

Luke: Luke nodded again. “Yeah.” He reached for Dana’s free hand. “Come on.”

Dana: He took the offered hand and nodded. Luke would have to lead the way, as his feet had turned to lead.

Luke: That was okay. He didn’t blame Dana for any nerves or worry or even reluctance to finally tell Logan. This was an intense situation, a gut-wrenching situation, and they had no idea how it was going to play out.

So he kissed Dana’s hand and walked them in the direction of the little cabin Logan had made her home.

A few things had changed since Dana would have seen it last. There were a few motion-activated cameras in the trees on the road and the path leading to the cabin. Some flower beds had been planted nearby, the truck parked out front was clean and appeared to be repainted, the lawn was pristine. There was even a wind chime on the little porch.

Dana: Dana quietly calculated the cost of every item leading to the front door of their temporary safehouse. Hundreds of dollars for the cameras. A fistful of dollars for the flowers. Repainting a truck could spiral to over a thousand depending on the paint and the garage.

"Hmm." She made roots. He needed to pull them.

Finally, Luke was passed in order to be the first to knock.

Luke/Logan: Luke held his breath as Dana knocked. He couldn’t help but wonder what was running through his mind. There was no way he’d be pleased that Logan was making a home here. Or, if they were being honest, had already made a home here.

It was a few moments before she finally came to the door and opened it with a smile that was both delight and curiosity. She was a bit thinner than the last time Dana had seen her, but healthy enough. Her hair was a bit shorter.

And she was currently wearing an apron stained with icing and chocolate.

“Luke!” She greeted him with a hug. “You’re a nice surprise. Who’s your friend?”

Dana: The man by Luke's side seemed to have lost his tongue. He wouldn't have been the first man. A certain human in town had taken that title.

He had seen Logan in Edenton through Oliver's eyes before. Never to say hello. Seeing their safehouse and what she had done, seeing her wrapped in an apron playing with a domestic life was enough to sever his speech. He should have expected this, given the space of his absence.

At last, he managed to find his voice. "It's been a long time, jellybean."

Luke/Logan: The silence stretched and Logan began to grow more confused, looking between Luke and the man beside him, waiting for one of them to speak.

“....Luke?”

Luke tried to figure out what to say. Should he introduce them as normal? Rip the bandaid off right away? Let Dana rip it off?

Shit. Well, it looked like Dana was going to do exactly that.

Logan’s pleasant smile fell away in an instant. Her face went hard and cold and Luke could practically feel her guard raising.

“Excuse me? Luke, who is this man?”

Dana: Tolvin smiled. That's my girl, he thought.

"Good to see you haven't lost all of your instincts." He took a breath. A hand was brought to Oliver's chest.

"This is borrowed. You know who I am."

Luke/Logan: Luke could see that Logan was ready to slam the door or maybe go for the shotgun she kept beside it so he stepped in front of Dana to intervene.

“Lo, don’t freak out. Let me explain.”

“Explain what? Why this—man is pretending to know me and saying precious things he has no business saying? Who the hell is he?”

Oh god, she was pissed already. “He’s not some random man. Well, not exactly. It’s...” He took a deep breath. “It’s Dana, Lo.”

Dana: "You've heard my voice without a body. You know I exist. The fact that I'm possessing now a surprise to you?"

Luke/Logan: She gave the man a withering look. “Stop it, both of you. This isn’t funny.”

“Believe me, Logan, I know. This is the least funny thing I have ever told you.”

“Then you also know that my brother would never possess someone. He dedicated his life to killing anything that threatened human life.”

Dana: "I've been gone a long time jellybean. I've lived from a different perspective longer than I've been gone. It's not ideal, but this body was chosen mindfully, I promise you that."

Luke/Logan: “The two of you really expect me to believe that my brother, my Dana, would possess a civilian? I don’t know who the hell you are but I’ve had about enough of this.” She turned to Luke. “I know it’s been rough for us both but you can’t tell me you buy this. You’re a rational man, how can you possibly believe the man you love would do this?”

Luke took another deep breath. “I know it’s a lot to take in and accept but I swear to God that I am not lying to you and that he is not lying to you. Please, let’s just all sit down and have a drink and talk, please.”

Logan looked between the two of them for a long time before stepping aside to let them in.

Dana: She must’ve known in her heart of hearts. She wouldn't have let him in otherwise. Why, when it would have been a lie? He waited for Luke to pass first, lingering in the doorway once inside, eyes fallen to his sister.

Luke/Logan: Small changes had transformed the interior of the cabin as well. New curtains hung from the windows, the floors had been polished to a near gleam, and what once had been an empty section of wall with an empty hallway table in front of it was now a memorial altar built to Dana Tolvin. Candles, flowers, incense, and a small cross were arranged carefully and reverently around photos of her brother to honor his memory and try to help him find peace.

Luke broke the silence this time. "Why don't I go put these in the fridge to chill for a bit?" he said, taking all the bottles of alcohol.

"Fine. Mind the cake in there." She removed her apron. "It's for a birthday party tomorrow."

"I'll be careful. Ya'll sit."

Dana: The alter was studied, his new face touched as he squinted at the aged photographs. There was something unnerving in the worship of his memory. It reminded him of alters he'd found in the Necropolis. Those by Gaunts, old, proud wraiths with still existing fetters despite centuries lost.

Tolvin turned to face the huntress and sighed.

Logan: He’d find her glaring at him. If he dared say a single word about the way she’d chosen to honor her brother’s memory he was going to have hell to pay and everything written on her face said that quite clearly.

She still hadn’t accepted that this man—who she was pretty sure she’d seen before—contained her brother’s spirit.

Dana: "I don't recall alters like this being allowed by Mother Superior, even for Jesus. My memory is a bit cramped, but that much I recall," he said gently.

Logan: “I’m not a nun or a child in school. I’m an adult and last I checked that gives me the authority to do whatever the hell I like in my own home.”

Dana: "It's not a home. It's a safehouse. One I've already told you to leave."

Logan: “I refer you to my earlier statement. I am an adult and I don’t know you and you don’t know me. And if you really expect me to accept or even entertain the idea that Dana Tolvin decided to possess an innocent man you’re going to have to do more than pretend to be him.”

Dana: "I'm not going to do anything, Logan. You know better than to expect me to prove anything to you. You know and honor my word, or you do not. It's that simple. Do you think I simply dissolved into Oblivion since you last heard my voice?"

Logan: “My brother would lecture me to hell and back for being naive enough to believe a random man I didn’t know held his spirit after more than a year of nothing on words alone. I heard his voice once and then never again. I thought I was crazy, I thought I imagined it or dreamed it or hallucinated it after I finally had a nervous breakdown. I tried every summoning ritual I could find, I asked Father Patrick for help, I researched and studied with Luke by my side until we were both crossed-eyed and our heads hurt from reading. And still nothing. Silent, indifferent, nothing. I thought that was a sign from God, telling me that he was in Heaven where he belonged, that somehow he was at peace and I made myself believe it because that was less painful than the nothing I kept getting for my efforts.”

She wiped her face. There was nothing to be done about the tears but she’d be damned if she broke down. “After all that, you expect me to just accept that the man I knew would do something so invasive to another person, you expect me not to question it? Not to question my own sanity after I’ve been speaking into a void for so long?”

Dana: He'd been better off allowing her to hold hope in both hands. This was closure, as messy as it felt, for both Luke and Logan. How could he possibly begin to explain his world to these two fetters? Where would their inquiry end, and when would they have peace? He could very well lose one of them before being drained from this body.

"Luke was with you. You both spoke to me and heard and felt me." A delirium in its own right that she would rationalize. "I don't blame you for being hurt, but time is not the same where I am now. I've avoided skinriding for this very reaction. I was too impatient." He looked to Luke, adding, "And I was jealous."

Logan: “Luke didn’t hear you ever again either! Luke ended up thinking he was crazy, too!” It didn’t help that in her research she’d come across the phenomenon of shared delusions between people who were close.

“‘Skinriding’? Do you hear yourself? You had me blackballed for accepting a Druid’s help with healing you and now I’m supposed to believe you think it’s okay to possess people?!”

Dana: "Whether you accept it or not, I am here, and I am in this man. You can continue in your disbelief, but that does not alter reality. When I was human I was proud and untrusting. I still wouldn't trust a druid with this knowledge, let alone anyone else in this town. Most would recreate the memory of my telling them any truth about the afterlife to sleep better at night. It's one of the reasons this has been avoided. I cannot reach Transcendence with you here."

Fuck, he hadn't meant to say that.

Logan: Logan went very still. “One of the reasons this has been avoided? Exactly how long has it been avoided? How long have you been possessing this man?”

Dana: The man stood straighter. "So now you believe me, when deception is involved."

Logan: This was just too much. She was meant to believe that Dana was possessing someone, didn’t have a problem with it, had been doing it for an indeterminate amount of time, and had only now deigned to tell her for reasons apparently only he could understand?

She just gave the man in front of her a heartbroken look and went into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

Dana: And this is why I was desperately urged not to do this, he thought. There was little to no hope of understanding, and at best, if this continued, he would be trapped in a Harrowing trial. The risk of such a forbidden art was beginning to seem unworthy in reward.

"I wouldn't mind that drink now," he sighed, heading to the fridge.

Luke: Luke wordlessly grabbed a glass for Dana.

“Give her a minute to catch her breath. This is a lot to take in, even for someone like her. You came to me in a face I recognized. Oliver’s face is unfamiliar to her.”

Dana: "Well, if I did that again," he said quietly, "she might have chopped my head off on principle."

Luke: “I think the principle is the bit she’s having trouble with. Hearing your voice is one thing, you being in someone else is another. I think it’s hard for her to believe you’d do this.”

Dana: "So I've gathered. Knowing how stubborn I can be, when the circumstances are based on -" another sigh. "I'm still stubborn, the reasoning is what's different."

Luke: “You’re not the only one who’s stubborn. So is she. But you both have to be a little flexible with each other right now. You can’t dig in your heels, otherwise there’s no point to this. You’ve got a chance to get each other back. You both need to take it and be patient and learn all the things about each other that have changed.”

Dana: "What would you have me do right now?"

Luke: “Sit, have your drink. I’ll have mine with you. If she’s not out in a few minutes I’ll go get her and we’ll all talk.”

Dana: "...Alright. A drink." So he would sit in the chair he used to.

Luke: Luke nodded and joined him with his own drink, taking Dana’s hand and squeezing it.

“Hey,” he whispered. “I love you.”

Dana: "Still?" he smiled weakly.

Luke: “Always.”

Dana: "Nothing lasts forever, Luke. A very long time, but not forever."

Luke: "Positive attitude, remember? We need good vibes today."

Dana: "The end of something shouldn't be so frightening to the Skinland."

Luke: "We're human, Dana. So were you not that long ago. We can't help it, we have a limited scope."

Dana: "On purpose. I still haven't fully comprehended the reasoning, but it exists."

Luke: "I can think of a few reasons." He took a sip of his beer and looked toward Logan's door.

Come on, he thought. Come out and give him a chance.

Dana: "My...initial belief is that you have time to develop, to honor the first phase of your life."

Luke/Logan: "Some people do that better than--"

Logan's door opening cut him off. She looked a little calmer, a little more composed, and (he hoped) more open-minded.

Dana: Tolvin stood immediately, waiting for her next move. If she told him to leave or join him outside, to sit, to do anything. He would wait on his feet.

Logan: Logan took a deep breath and went to the fridge to get her drink. She took a sip, came over, and sat in the chair across from them.

"Tell me something only you and I know," she said softly, meeting the man's gaze. "Something you've never told Luke."

Dana: He returned to his seat after her. He expected some version of a reverse Turing test. This they could do.

"I've never told him about the night I first met you," he said softly.

Logan: She took another deep breath. "Describe it. Tell me exactly what happened."

Dana: "We had been following small group of Brujah from the city to the suburbs. They were already injured. We were waiting for an opening. We had what we needed, but we had lost them. Dexter Nguyen heard you first. They had been quiet breaking in. They needed a quick meal. Your house must have seemed the easiest. Either way, I took you in my arms and told you to close your eyes. They were so wide, and you didn't want to shut them."

Logan: Logan tried not to focus on the horrified look she could see on Luke's face out of the corner of her eye.

"What happened next?"

Dana: "I was torn between leaving you to do my duty, and keeping you calm, but most importantly, quiet. At the time, your silence was paramount to your safety. They were so focused on finding the master bedroom that they had ignored the little door to the right with the flowers on it."

Logan: She nodded. Go on, her eyes said. She probably could've asked him to stop there, but she needed to be sure.

Dana: "Wilson was killed by the leeches. Nguyen almost died. I had to let you go long enough to save him. You were so loud and traumatized. I felt scattered and angry. I think I yelled at you once. I knew it would do little good. You had every right to cry. I put your face to my chest and carried you out. I had to let you go again for the system. I insisted we take you."

Luke/Logan: If he'd yelled Logan didn't remember. She just remembered her father's panicked voice and her mother's screams.

Luke finally chimed in. "How old were you?"

"Ten," Logan whispered. "How old were you?" she added to Dana.

Dana: The man sighed. "Nineteen. No...I was twenty. Wilson had been alive for my birthday," he recalled.

Logan: “What happened after you decided to take me?”

Dana: "Then it was out of my hands for months. As soon as you were with the church, you were back in my arms. We were to make something of you. You would either be a hunter or a nun, and you hated any form of dress."

Logan: "And now I own several," she mused. "So much for the Church's expectations."

Dana: "Since I died?"

Logan: "My friend June got them for me after she saw I didn't own any. I wear them on special occasions."

Dana: "I'm not the only one to have changed."

Logan: "My changes have been far less drastic." She studied him for a moment. "Who is he? The man whose body you're using."

Dana: "From your eyes."

Tolvin leaned back in his seat, offering a glance to Luke. "He's a longshoreman, a drug addict, an ex-military, and a neglectful father."

Logan: "Why on Earth would you choose someone like that?"

Dana: "Would you rather a respectable, well-loved and unforgettable man people would immediately notice acting out of normal behavior?"

Logan: "I'd rather you not be in anyone's body but your own but apparently that simply isn't an option."

Dana: "Not yet."

Logan: "'Yet'?"

Dana: "That's what I said. I can't elaborate right now."

Logan: “When will you be able to?”

Dana: "When I better understand it myself."

Logan: Logan nodded. "Okay."

Dana: Tolvin looked between them once more. "What now?"

Luke: "Well." Luke took a deep breath and tried for an encouraging smile. "Why don't we take our drinks and take a little sail together."

Dana: "That I wouldn't mind in my last hours."

Logan: Logan's brow furrowed. "Last hours?"

Dana: "I can only keep him for so long. Think... like leaving milk out of the fridge. Playing with fire."

Logan: Another nod. She supposed that made sense. Doing this had to require an incredible amount of energy on Dana's part. "Is he....aware?"

Dana: "He could be, but he isn't." Not most of the time.

Logan: "He has the option, you mean?"

Dana: "If his mind were open. Sometimes I feel him, sentient and judgmental, but remembers nothing once he's set to rights. It's the... It's denial. everything supernatural relies on it. We relied on it when we were hunters."

Logan: "How did you convince a man who doesn't believe....?"

Dana: "He has the potential for understanding. My belief is that some sort of trauma prevents his mind from opening. As it is, he's easiest to access when compromised with drugs or alcohol."

Logan: Jesus Christ. "Then help him. If not you, then you, Luke."

Dana: "It could very well be irreversible. I don't know everything about him just because I occupy his body."

Logan: "Maybe it is, many traumas are and for dozens of different reasons. But if there is a way you can help, I think you should. Some compassion for the man whose body you're using wouldn't just be good for him, it would be good for you. And for you, Luke."

Dana: "Then you do it, Logan. Meet him by chance and get to know him."

Luke/Logan: "I'm not going to meet him 'by chance' and get to know him simply to assuage our mutual guilt. If I do meet him by actual chance that's another matter. His life has had enough disruption. You're the one borrowing him and I think you should be the one to help him. If you're not willing or not able, so be it. Luke, are you willing?"

"He thinks I should be in a padded room."

"Why?"

"Because I told him about the ghost thing...?"

Dana: "You're assuming I have guilt, Logan. I don't. Our job was never about helping people, but ridding the world specifically of rogue vampires that don't even follow their own code. There were other chapters of our order for things like me. This guilt you believe I should have, I might have for someone else."

Luke/Logan: "Maybe it should have been. Maybe it should be for all hunters from now on. But that's not the point. You don't have guilt about this." Which concerned her in so many ways but again, not the point. "Okay. I do have guilt. And I don't want to help this man just to make myself feel better."

She turned to Luke. "I think you'll find that the overwhelming majority of humans would also believe you're crazy if you told them about our world and the vampires and spirits and myriad creatures within it. People just aren't equipped to handle it or process it. I wasn't when I was a little girl and all that happened. Dana can attest that I had night terrors and nightmares and flat out panic attacks for months, bordering on years."

Dana: He couldn't imagine anything relevant to say would help matters as far as guilt and altruism was concerned, so instead Tolvin settled with listening to get explanation to Luke.

Luke/Logan: Luke was frowning. "But he deserves to know the truth, that I'm not putting him or myself through this for no reason."

"Yes, he does. But if he's as deeply in denial as Dana says, you can shout the truth at him with all the force you can and he still won't believe it. He won't hear you."

"But--"

"This is a truth people aren't prepared for. Of course they all deserve to know, but literally everything around them convinces them not to. It's too scary, too foreign, too uncomfortable and when some of them do manage to believe, some simply can't take it and they lose their minds in a very real way." She looked to Dana for back up.

Dana: "Others will convince them that it's not real, or dismiss them, or more often than not, assume them to be dangerous and lock them away in a mental institution. Humans love doing that."

Luke/Logan: Logan nodded. "People fear--and persecute--what they don't understand."

Luke was silent for a few long moments, during which he took several sips of his beer. "So...what you're saying is I should stop trying to convince him I'm telling the truth?"

Dana: "Unless we find an indisputable method, I'm with Logan."

Luke: "Won't he be suspicious if I just suddenly stop the ghost talk?"

Dana: "It depends on what follows."

Luke/Logan: "Should I actively lie if he asks or....?"

"I would just not mention it. If he insists I'd just tell him you've reconsidered the ghost thing and leave it at that." She turned to Dana. "Do you think he'd accept that?"

Dana: "What I know is he believes Luke has been cruel to him. Thoughts like that need active balms."

Luke: "Then I need to apologize before anything else." He sighed. "Maybe I have been cruel, especially if he's in as deep denial as you say. He was just a normal dude living his life until we showed up in it and flipped it upside down."

Dana: "If I've had to learn anything where I'm now from, it's patience. That's what you'll need with him. Both of...all of us."

Luke: Luke nodded. "I owe him that much after...everything."

Dana: "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I'm on borrowed time right now. Let's not spend any more on the subject."

Luke/Logan: Another nod. "Let's go down to the docks then." He offered Logan a smile. "You in?"

The smile she gave him in return was muted, but genuine. "Sure. Let me get my keys."

Dana: Left alone, Luke was held by his forearm. Whispered to, "Give us a minute?"

Luke: "Yeah, of course," he whispered back. "Take your time. I'll be outside."

Dana: Tolvin nodded in thanks, waited for the front door to close, and stood. "...What do you do for money?" he called across the cabin.

Logan: "A few different things. Father Patrick gave me a job after the Church dismissed me. I clean his church and teach Sunday school."

Dana: "Is it enough to afford this cabin?"

Logan: "I'd be okay if that was all I did. I also babysit and work freelance for the bakery making cakes and things for parties. That's what I was doing when you and Luke arrived."

Dana: "So, you keep yourself busy." He studied the house again, on the lookout for his old belongings.

"No hunting? Not been a rabbit?"

Logan: "Yes, on the advice of Father Patrick." She returned with jacket and keys in hand.

Dana's things were scattered throughout the house and his old bedroom, diligently cared for and treasured. The only things missing were the things she'd sent his daughter.

"He said keeping myself busy would help my depression."

Dana: "Keeping busy becomes an addiction after a while. It is where I'm from. Then again...obsession and...silence seem to run hand-in-hand. It's indescribable what I've seen. I wish I had the creative..." he sighed. "I think you'll find it fascinating, when the time comes."

Logan: "It's been...therapeutic in a way. There was a period of time when I didn't really leave the house or shower or do anything or really see anyone. Now at least I see people and make money to support myself. So I guess that's progress."

She took a deep breath. "I can only imagine what you've seen and experienced."

Dana: He would hold that conversation for now, more curious towards a particular subject. "Are you working towards American citizenship?"

Logan: "Eventually. Permanent residency for now. Father Patrick got me in contact with an immigration lawyer to help me."

Dana: The wraith scoffed. "I suppose you could marry a lawyer...one with no interest in...anyone else at the moment."

Logan: She frowned. "Marriage? God, no. Father Patrick is my sponsor."

Dana: "Would it be so bad returning to Australia?" He paused, knowing her answer would be geared towards him. "Have you heard from your godfather?"

Logan: "I don't feel welcome there anymore," she said softly. There was hurt in her voice. "The bishop made his opinion of me very clear the last time I went."

Logan nodded. "Yes. We're on friendlier terms."

Dana: "Your home is more than the church. It's the country itself. It's where your family lived." Still, what would he have done? He would have taken her body back home. He would carry her ashes in a locket.

"What have you learned about him?"

Logan: "My family lived here, too." She finally met his eyes. "Being there without you hurt. Being here without you hurts. But it hurts less because people don't whisper about me, or judge me, or let me know how much they disapprove of me."

She took a deep breath. "He's given me a part of my parents I didn't have before. He knows and remembers things I don't."

Dana: "Who is whispering about you in Australia, Logan?"

Logan: "Who else? Hunters and nuns."

Dana: "Are they blaming you for my death?"

Logan: "The hunters are. You're my partner and you died on my watch."

Dana: "You weren't with me. You were nowhere near me or you would also be dead. Is that what they would rather?" He sighed. For some, yes absolutely.

Logan: "Probably. They were tame compared to some of the nuns. What they said doesn't bear repeating."

Dana: "I want to know what they said."

Logan: Logan shook her head. "It doesn't matter anymore. I'm here with you doing positive things with my life and they're there."

Dana: "Logan, do you understand why I haven't spoken to you?"

Logan: "To protect me from...I don't even know."

Dana: "So you'll go home."

Logan: She gave him a crushed look. "You wouldn't talk to me so I'd leave?"

Dana: "So you'd move on."

Logan: "Dana."

Dana: "Stop thinking emotionally for one moment, and switch roles with me."

Logan: "Okay. Are you asking what I would want for you if I were the one who'd died?"

Dana: "Yes."

Logan: "I'd want you to be happy and safe and loved."

Dana: "Yes, and you're not safe here."

Logan: "I'm not safe anywhere. Vampires exist everywhere, no one knows that better than we do."

Dana: "But this place is an exception. They know you worked with me. Why they've been lenient on you I don't know."

Logan: "Why? Because they broke me. And they know they broke me. I'm a Sunday school teacher. I bake cakes and pick up children from school when their parents are busy and sing in the church choir."

Dana: "Is that what you would have been had no vampire ever broken into your home?"

Logan: She gave a helpless shrug. "I don't know, maybe. My dad loved to bake. My mum could sing. But those are things I do to remember them and honor them so maybe I wouldn't have pursued them at all if I still had them. Maybe I'd be a completely different person. I am who I am because I lost them and you."

Dana: "I don't want that to be all that you are. Moving on doesn't mean neglecting those you've lost, Jellybean. That's not what I'm asking of you."

Logan: "What are you asking of me, Dana?"

Dana: "To not let the dead speak for your life. I don't want to be the driving force to your purpose. Think about that while we walk, alright?"

Logan: Logan nodded. "All right. I will."

Dana: There was that. Finally, he smiled in earnest. Progress was being made, whether her agreement was insincere or not, the seed was planted.

The door was opened for her, and a hand was placed on Luke as soon as he was within range.

Luke/Logan: It had been planted, and she loved and respected her brother enough to give the matter serious consideration.

She returned his smile and stepped outside, finding a very relieved-looking Luke.

He smiled at them. "Are we okay?"

Logan nodded and looked to Dana.

Dana: "Yes, we are." As proof, he kissed the top of Luke's head. "Can either of you drive?"

Logan: Logan jingled the keys. "I'll drive."

Dana: "Get ready for rolling stops, Luke."

Logan: She gave a mock gasp. "I do not do rolling stops."

Dana: "You very much do."

Logan: "Ridiculous," she said, unlocking the truck.

Dana: The door was held for Luke, as he was destined for the middle.

Luke/Logan: That was fine with him. He was well familiar with Logan's rolling stops.

"Seat belt," he reminded her as he put on his own.

Dana: "Must I?" Tolvin smirked.

Luke/Logan: Luke nodded. "Yep, you must. A speed demon is driving."

"I am not a speed demon," said the woman who pulled onto the road faster than most people would consider acceptable.

Dana: "I suppose I should look after this body." On the seat belt went. "Maybe that should be the first suggestion you give, Jellybean. The man never wears it."

Logan: "That doesn't surprise me, especially considering the amount of care he gives his body in general. Is his car safe at least?"

Dana: "It's a very broken pickup truck. Take from that what you will."

Luke: "Its battery sucks. Don't think he makes taking care of it a priority."

Dana: "He doesn't believe in garages, is his issue."

Luke: "Does he believe in having his car break down every five minutes?"

Dana: "It's been once since I found him."

Logan: "I suppose that's impressive." She turned onto the man road. "So he doesn't believe in the supernatural or taking care of his truck. What does he believe in?"

Dana: "Hard labor," he shrugged.

Logan: "Is that all? Does he have any family or pets or friends?"

Dana: "A bloodhound. What's his name, Luke?"

Luke/Logan: "Humphreys. He's sweet and friendly and seems well taken care of."

"So he does believe in something. That's encouraging."

Dana: "A very typical American. Ex-military. Each layer of his life is response to the previous. The drugs due to headaches due to his profession, due to something else."

Logan: She nodded, understanding dawning. “Post-traumatic stress. He definitely needs help.”

Dana: "Do you know Tristan Seger?"

Luke/Logan: Logan shook her head. “I don’t think so. Who is he?”

“Oliver’s boss.”

Dana: "A fisherman he works for. The only help he turns to in my experience."

Logan: “Why him?”

Dana: "I don't know."

Luke/Logan: “This Tristan must’ve earned his trust.”

“He’s a good guy,” said Luke. “He dated Callum a few years ago.”

Dana: "The druid?"

Luke: “Yeah. Way way back when Callum first moved here.”

Dana: Tolvin smiled. "You've known he's a druid."

Luke/Logan: “Not confirmed but I’m 60% certain.”

“I explained that Druidism is genetic,” Logan offered.

Dana: "Genetic. That's one way to put it."

Logan: “You have no more room to judge, Dana. We can’t help what we’re born as.”

Dana: "I have no more room to judge?"

Logan: “You’re not a hunter anymore.”

Dana: "That doesn't make vampires any less dangerous. That doesn't change what other people are."

Logan: “Druids aren’t vampires.”

Dana: "No, they can use their power for good or evil. They are unpredictable. At least with a vampire you know where they stand."

Logan: “Druids who use their power for evil are tried and often executed.”

Dana: "Are you getting all of this, Luke?"

Luke: “We read about Druid social structure. They’re self-policing.”

Dana: "'We'?"

Luke: “Logan and I. We’ve done a lot of research.”

Dana: "What else have you done to him?"

Logan: “It was his idea. After you spoke to us.”

Dana: Hmm. "Knowledge is a safe space to reside."

Logan: “Knowledge is a necessary space to reside.”

Dana: "What else have you learned while I was away?"

Luke: “A lot about spirits. Heaven, Hell, Purgatory, who ends up in each. Vampires, Druids, angels, demons.”

Dana: "Heaven is - " he sighed. "Books will only tell you so much. It is not as simple as they read."

Luke: “Well, that’s all we’ve got to go on.”

Dana: "I can't give everything away."

Luke: “Nor do I want you to,” said Luke. “Some things should remain mysteries.”

Dana: "I hope you believe that months from now, too."

Luke: “I can promise you I will. I have no desire to see the man behind the curtain.”

Dana: "'The man'?"

Luke: Luke blinked at him. “Have you not seen The Wizard of Oz?”

Dana: "I don't remember."

Luke: “It’s a reference to that.”

Dana: How funny if it all relied on a single creature. Something other than Oblivion beyond.

Rather than speak, he took Luke's hand between his own.

Luke: Luke twined his fingers with Dana’s and squeezed his hand.

Dana: "How much are we going to drink?"

Logan: “The two of you can drink as much as you like,” said Logan. “I have to drive.”

Dana: "So responsible. I promise we'll be alright."

Luke/Logan: “Well, one of us has to be. Where am I going?”

“The boat rental place by the marina.”

Dana: "I'm wondering if it'll even effect me."

Luke: “If it does I imagine it won’t be very much. The body you’re in already has a high tolerance.”

Dana: "That he does. I can feel the effects of his drugs...like...weakness and a tingle."

Luke: Luke frowned. "Can you feel them because of his body's reaction or because he's doing just that many drugs?"

Dana: "Either or, but I've only seen oxy and alcohol."

Luke: "Oh good, only one of the literal worst drugs."

Dana: "Would you prefer cocaine?"

Luke: "Does he also do cocaine?"

Dana: "Not that I've found."

Luke: "That's something at least."

Dana: "It can be called a small victory. Don't you think?" he looked to Luke.

Luke/Logan: As Luke nodded Logan said, "Small is a relative term in this situation. Does he do anything mildly beneficial for his health?"

Dana: "The hard labor of his job. He lifts weights. Water sports...swimming."

Logan: Logan frowned. "He's such a contrary person. Drinking and taking pills and then turning around and lifting weights and swimming."

Dana: "Remnants of his old life, maybe."

Logan: "Is he in contact with anyone from his old life?"

Dana: "I don't know. I don't go around pretending to be him."

Logan: Logan was quiet for a few moments, thinking. "Does anyone other than Luke try to interact with you while you're using his body? There has to be a window of time between when you take him over and when you're with Luke, right?"

Dana: "At most I get neighbors. Texts from people, with no response. I can't give him more experiences during his black out. It will only diminish his sanity."

Logan: "Texts from friends or work or? I know this is turning into an interrogation, I'm sorry."

Dana: "I assume both. I know Tristan is his boss. He has a few."

Logan: “So he maintains contact with people but not so much that they’re checking on him at home regularly.”

Dana: "The average American doesn't seem all that social. Not from memory."

Luke: “As an actual American I disagree,” said Luke.

Dana: "You see all of your friends every day? Hear from those in Raleigh every day?"

Luke: “Every single friend? No. A large part of my friends? Yes. We have lively text conversations at the very least.”

Dana: "I feel you're an exception."

Luke: “Probably, but around here? Pretty average. People are more social in small towns.”

Dana: "He's from Nashville."

Luke: “My logic also applies to people from cities in the South.”

Dana: "I'm starting to think you're running on the assumption of a stereotype."

Luke: “It’s all I’ve got to go on at this point. Stereotypes and your observations.”

Dana: "We weren't social. We don't know people's circumstances. Not entirely."

Logan: “I feel like it’s a good idea to learn his,” Logan chimed in as she pulled into a parking spot.

Dana: Well, you have a bias, he thought.

Parked, Tolvin stepped out of the truck to a sudden stiffness in his legs. An ache, as though atrophied. His limited time was reaching its o'clock. He rubbed his borrowed calves and breathed in the evening air.

Luke/Logan: "You okay?" Luke asked as he followed Dana out of the car.

Logan, meanwhile, went inside to see about renting their boat.

Dana: "I'm fine. His body is beginning to reject me."

Luke: Shit. "Should we skip the boat ride and take him home? I don't want another incident." Especially not with Logan here.

Dana: "No. It's fine. This happens. I have a couple of hours at most."

Luke: "You sure?"

Dana: "There's no need to double check what I say. I have two hours. I promise."

Luke: “I’m sorry, I’m just paranoid.”

Dana: "It's... understandable."

Logan: Logan poked her head out the door. “They have no sail boats right now,” she called. “Just motor boats. Is that okay?”

Dana: "We could borrow that...what's his name... Tristan's ship?"

Luke: “Even I know we have a better chance of pulling down the sun. I can drive a motor boat.”

Dana: "What are you implying with my skills?" He arched a brow.

Luke: “Asking Tristan Seger to borrow his ship is like asking Michelangelo to loan you his paintbrush. Ain’t gonna happen. Rent the boat, Lo!”

Dana: While waiting, the man beside him was studied, smiled at. A tired smile, clear indication of the inevitable.

"We should have done this when I was alive."

Luke: Luke smiled back, reaching for Dana’s hand. “We’re doing it now. That’s what counts.”

A few moments later, Logan returned with boat keys in hand. “We’ve been assigned the Norma Jean.”

Dana: He supposed Luke had a point.

Still holding to Luke's hand, Tolvin blinked at his sister. "Is that a song?"

Logan: "That's Marilyn Monroe's real name. Norma Jean Baker. Apparently the owner named all his boats after classic Hollywood actresses."

Luke: Luke chuckled. “My dad has a boat, he taught us all how to drive it. For fishing trips.”

Dana: "I can...drive an airboat." Does that count?

Luke: It counted. “A boat is a boat. What I can’t do is sail very well.”

Dana: "No patience?"

Luke: “It’s so much work. Motor boats are easier.”

Dana: "We'll go sailing next time. Frustrations that aren't other people."

Luke: “Gonna help me sail?”

Dana: "Mhm. Something to do."

Luke: “Deal. Maybe you can use his muscle memory to help.”

Dana: "I am interested in tapping into that untouched well of knowledge."

Logan: “Can you actually do that?” asked Logan.

Dana: "With enough practice."

Logan: “That feels like a dangerous road.”

Dana: "It is."

Logan: “Perhaps it’s best not to travel it.”

Dana: "I'm already breaking the law."

Logan: “Then I would definitely advise not to break it even more. His thoughts should be his own.”

Dana: Tolvin kept his deep sigh as quiet as possible. Quietly, he laid himself down on the deck, hands as pillows and the sky his canvas to study.

Luke/Logan: The rumble of the motor was enough to muffle Dana’s sigh and, somehow, soothe Logan. Or maybe that was just the ocean and all the colors across the sky.

Luke waited until they were comfortably far out before stopping the boat.

Dana: "Do either of you want to swim?"

Luke/Logan: “I do not have on the undergarments for that,” Logan chuckled. “But the two of you can.”

Luke looked to Dana. “Want to?”

Dana: "I'll be stripping if I do."

Luke: “....Does he not have underwear on?”

Dana: "Wet underwear would raise serious questions."

Luke: “Damn, you’re right. Next time, during our sail.”

Dana: "Next time. I'll try to visit sooner, next time."

Luke: Luke smiled. “We’ll make a proper outing of it.”

Dana: "I won't know the exact date."

Luke: “That’s okay. We’ll be here.”

Dana: "You should be home more often."

Luke: “I am home.”

Dana: "The home and people in Raleigh."

Luke: “I’ll pop in when I’m ready.”

Dana: This was a subject he just wasn't going to win. He would try again later.

"Lay with me."

Luke: Luke smiled softly and laid beside Dana, reaching for his hand again.

‘I love you,’ he mouthed.

Dana: The wraith smiled tiredly. "I need a beer."

Luke: Logan silently held one out to him. She was perched on the seat, staring at the horizon.

Dana: A long pause followed, taking a slow of his beer. "There are stars where I'm from, too," he finally said.

Logan: “Are they the same stars?” she asked softly.

Dana: "I don't know. Wasn't my forte to begin with."

Logan: She was silent for another couple of moments. “I’d like to think they are. The same stars, just....reflected in some way.”

Dana: "I could - no. I'm not strong enough to bring something through, yet...but I can memorize a cluster and draw it next time."

Logan: “That would be interesting. And lovely.” Maybe it would help her and Luke feel closer to him. Or maybe just her. She’d never felt this isolated from her brother before.

Dana: It was as though he could feel her anxiety, quiet and festering. A sore he could feel on his own arm.

"Tell me something new about yourself, Jellybean."

Logan: “Something new? Umm...” She thought for a moment. “I started babysitting.”

Dana: "You'd said that. Whose children?"

Logan: “Anyone who has need. People who work at night, people with multiple jobs. I care for a six month-old baby three times a week while his mother goes to night school.”

Dana: "Do you do background checks on these people? One could be a trap."

Logan: “I do actually. I only work with families or people Father Patrick has vetted. He’s been incredibly helpful and kind to me.”

Dana: "That's what I want to hear."

Logan: She smiled. “He prays for you still. Thinks very highly of you.”

Dana: "We only met a few times."

Logan: "That was enough for him."

Dana: "What does he pray for?"

Logan: "Your rest."

Dana: "Are you going to tell him about me?"

Logan: "It's not my place."

Dana: Luke was then studied. "What about you?"

Luke: "I didn't tell anyone before. Not going to start now."

Dana: "What was told to my daughter?"

Logan: "I told her you were in an accident," said Logan. "No details, grisly or otherwise."

Dana: "With no body to give back to Australia?"

Logan: "Yes. I couldn't...tell them anything close to the truth and her mother didn't ask questions."

Dana: "She wouldn't," he sighed. "She would have expected that phone call."

Logan: "It's the worst call I've ever made. I know she didn't believe me but she was very kind about it."

Dana: "You spoke to Teagan, or just her mother?"

Logan: "Both."

Dana: "She let you?" Tolvin sat up on his elbows.

Logan: "Just for a moment, on speakerphone."

Dana: "What did you say?"

Logan: "That you loved her."

Dana: "Word for word, that's all you said?"

Logan: "I told her that I knew you and I was a friend of yours, and that no matter where you were, no matter what, you loved her with all your heart and soul and that she should never, ever forget it."

Dana: "...What did they say?"

Logan: "Her mother didn't say anything while I was on the line. Teagan said that she wouldn't forget, and if I knew whether you knew she loved you, too. I said you did."

Dana: Tolvin remained quiet, eyes to the floor, feeling an emotion lost to him for so long. Self-pity was so foreign now. A disgusting emotion like something tacky in his mouth. He just wanted it gone.

"Her mother said nothing at all?"

Logan: “Just thank you. A very shaky thank you, like she was trying to keep her composure.”

Dana: A glance to Luke. He wanted to understand his feelings during this subject.

Luke: Luke’s feelings were nothing but sadness and heartbreak. He couldn’t help but think of the night his dad had had the accident, how the thought and very real possibility of losing had all but crippled their family. Just like losing Dana must have crippled his daughter.

Dana: He couldn't tell what Luke was thinking. His face seemed...blank. Was he jealous of that life, envious, indifferent? The stars took his interest once more.

"Well, the worst...is over."

Luke: “Not for Teagan,” Luke said softly. “Poor baby.”

Dana: "My star baby will be fine. She's resilient."

Logan: She shouldn't have to be, Luke thought. She should still have her dad.

"I'm sure she is," he said softly.

Dana: The silence which followed from Tolvin was sleep-like. Oliver's chest softly rose and fell. Until, "I want to see her."

Luke: Normally Luke wouldn’t have minded the silence; he might’ve even enjoyed it. But knowing that their time with Dana was dangerously close to coming to an end was making him anxious.

Dana speaking again was as much a relief as a surprise. “In Oliver’s body?”

Dana: Another glance to Luke. He placed the human's hand on his chest and squeezed.

"Preferably my own, but I don't know when that will be...if fucking ever."

Luke: Luke laced their fingers. “Optimism, remember? You’ll get your body back. But won’t that be...a lot for her?”

Dana: "Which would be easier, meeting Oliver and telling her the truth, or seeing her father with ectoplasm for guts?"

Luke: “Both those options would require her finding out about the supernatural. And neither one of them would be easy. It’s hard for adults to process, much less a kid.”

Dana: "Then I'll just see her and say Oliver was a friend, and just...check on my daughter."

Luke: Luke nodded and offered Dana a soft smile. Not telling Teagan the truth was the only option that wouldn’t severely mess her up.

“That sounds good.”

Dana: "I want you to both come with me."

Luke: “To Australia to see Teagan?”

Dana: "Yeah. That."

Logan: “Do you think her mother would allow anyone to visit?” Logan asked. “I’d love to see her.”

Dana: "I don't know who she is anymore. She's not what keeps me here."

Logan: “Couldn’t hurt to ask her. She knows I won’t say anything to Teagan, I’m hoping she won’t refuse.”

Dana: "She knows?"

Logan: "That I was your partner? I assume so. The church spoke to her after what happened."

Dana: "You said you told her I was in an accident..."

Logan: "I did. I spoke to her before they did and I told them that I thought it was a less horrible way of telling her. They had no choice but to agree."

Dana: "Who knows what they said to her," he sighed.

Logan: "I like to think I managed to guilt them into being courteous and kind."

Dana: "Guilt only goes so far, and you're no longer a hunter."

Tolvin suddenly sat up. "I didn't get you kicked out, Logan. When I had made my call, it was to send you back home and reassign you."

Logan: Logan turned back to the horizon. She bore Dana no ill will for the call he'd made; she never could've continued hunting without him by her side.

"They chose to blackball me instead. Apparently I'd committed a sin too severe for them to forgive."

Dana: "They would have given you something else. They should have."

Logan: "Maybe, but they didn't. They made their choice, and they made sure to rub as much salt in the wound as they could without being overtly cruel."

Dana: "What salt?"

Logan: She shook her head. "Forget it, never mind. Point is, they chose to fire me independently of anything or anyone else."

Dana: "You want me to forget it?"

Logan: “It’s not worth thinking about. What’s done is done.”

Dana: "I've been saying that about me."

Logan: “You are worth thinking about. My short-lived career as a hunter is not.”

Dana: "It wasn't short lived, and you were good at it. Your only flaw had been getting too close."

Logan: “If that was a flaw, it’s a flaw I value. I’d do it all over again.”

Dana: "We were here to do a job. We were sloppy. We should have done what we needed and left. Instead, I tried to use the man next to me, and I used that as an excuse to linger, and I let my emotions get in the way. We stood too close to fire and it took me. You're still here licking the flames."

Logan: “The only thing I regret is that they took you, that I wasn’t there with you to help you and protect you. Luke was more than an excuse, Dana. You know that. I’m still here because for better or worse, this place has become my home. Luke is here because his soul needs to be where he’s comforted and loved. And you’re here because we’re tethering you here. The world is full of should haves.”

Dana: His sister was given a hard stare if ever there was one. There was nothing he could do to change her mind. Nothing without damaging their fragile relationship. There were enough dents and scrapes without adding insult to injury.

"I'm going to take this body for a swim."

Luke/Logan: Logan wasn't naive; she knew Dana would drag her back to Australia if he could and had a mind to. But this was the way things were.

"What about the underwear thing?" Luke asked softly, finally speaking up.

Dana: "Close your eyes until I'm in." Off came the jacket. He wanted to look at Luke. He wanted to touch him and understand his mind. He felt so far away.

Luke/Logan: Both Logan and Luke closed their eyes, though Luke didn't do it quite as quickly. He reached for Dana's arm first, needing to touch some part of him. Today suddenly felt so very heavy.

Dana: With eyes closed, Luke would feel fingertips caressed over his chin and cheek.

Luke: Dana was given a soft smile in return. He adored Logan, but the next time Dana visited them, Luke wanted plenty of alone time with his love.

Dana: Both would hear a splash moments later. The clothes had been neatly piled on Luke's lap for safe keeping.

Luke: “How’s the water?” Luke called, holding tightly to Dana’s clothes.

Dana: Another splash and a series of sloshing. The shake of his head was muscle memory; Oliver's hair was much too short.

"Join me."

Luke: “All right.” What the hell.

After thinking for a moment to make sure he wasn’t wearing light colored boxer briefs, he stripped down and handed the bundle of clothing to Logan.

Dana: The clothes were playing musical lap, he thought with a smile.

"No drinking, no swimming, too?" he called to his sister.

Luke/Logan: “I’ll have one of the Smirnoff Ices. Not swimming though.”

Luke slipped silently into the water and swam over to Dana.

Dana: There seemed to be no other boats in sight. For now, they were safe to do as they pleased. His limited time was cast to the side. An arm wrapped around his waist. His pale skin was warmer than Oliver. He could feel that very subtle fuzz on his stomach and it comforted him.

Luke: Luke snuggled against Dana as much as he could while keeping himself afloat. The comfort was entirely mutual and he was more than a little needy for it. He didn’t want to think about how little time they had left, he just wanted to stay here with Dana for hours and hours.

Dana: "How ya feelin'?" he whispered into Luke's ear.

Luke: “I’m okay,” he whispered back, nuzzling against Dana’s shoulder. “How much longer?”

Dana: "Not much longer. Let's just enjoy this, okay?"

Luke: Luke nodded. “Okay. Just tell me when we have to go.”

Dana: "I will. Tilt your heat back." Their version of a bath without Luke having to step foot in Oliver's trailer.

Luke: He did as he was told and made himself as comfortable as he could. “This is nice,” he murmured, letting his eyes close.

Dana: He began to comb back Luke's blond hair, soaking it in the salt water. "This is. We should have done this."

Luke: Luke took a slow, deep breath, further relaxing against Dana. "We should have. We should do it more now."

Dana: "Ya really alright?"

Luke: "I'm fine." He turned to kiss Dana's cheek.

Dana: Considering their life, he doubted "fine" meant anything other than surviving.

"Kiss me," he whispered.

Luke: Sometimes surviving was the best a person could do. But in this case, Luke liked to think he was doing a tiny bit better than surviving.

He cast a brief glance to Logan and, after making sure her attention was elsewhere, turned to kiss Dana.

Dana: Oliver's lips were warm and soft. A surprise for Tolvin his first night observing his host. His kiss was gentle, mindful that this was only a temporary body. As useful as it was, he didn't want Luke becoming accustomed to this man.

Still, he couldn't help himself, playfulness seeping through as he nipped Luke's bottom lip.

Luke: It was a surprise for Luke as well. Looking at Oliver, a person wouldn't expect any part of him to be warm or comforting and soft. And maybe it was just the fact that Dana was occupying him that made it so.

He squeaked softly in surprise. Oh yeah, it was definitely just Dana.

Dana: The wraith was grinning. "What a manly noise." He wanted to hear it again. Luke's head was nuzzled and turned with his nose, giving access to nibble and lick below his ear.

Luke: Luke laughed softly and squirmed a bit beneath Dana's ministrations. That was a particularly sensitive and ticklish spot and he was doing a terrible job of hiding it.

Dana: Tolvin began to growl against his skin, biting just hard enough in an attempt to elicit more from his devoted companion.

Luke: Oh, Dana definitely got more. He got a half-strangled/half-bitten off moan and a quick and furious blush.

"Dana," he whisper yelled, though he was smiling. "Logan's right there!"

Dana: "Right, right. You're right. Guess we should be gettin' back," he sighed. "He needs t'be dry 'fore he's back."

Luke: “Yeah, we should.” He kisses Dana’s cheek. Then kissed it again.

Dana: A third attempt would have Luke's lips against his own. "Don't get me riled up," he warned. "We gotta get out."

Luke: Luke hummed softly. “All right. Let’s get out.” He reluctantly untangled himself and swam back toward the boat.

Dana: Along the way, his foot was given a quick tickle. He was as reluctant to get out, but time was limited.

"Eyes closed," he called to Logan.

Luke/Logan: He smiled over his shoulder as Logan covered her eyes with her free hand.

Dana: The shirt was basic. He knew Oliver had multiple, so he felt no concern in using the top as a towel.

"Almost." He finished dressing himself, though still shirtless, using the collar to scratch between his eyes.

"These are always tired and...pressure."

Luke: Luke hoisted himself back into the boat, using his shirt to dry his face and towel off the excess water from his hair. “Probably because of the migraines. We should look into some remedies for him.”

Dana: "I can't remember my last migraine when I was - back then. I just remember headaches."

Luke: “I’m sure Oliver wishes he just got headaches too. I’ll ask Callum if he has any natural remedies.”

Dana: "How are you gonna give him relief?"

He brushed his finger over Logan's hand. Safe to open your eyes.

Luke: “I’ll find a way. We might have to treat him while you’re borrowing him.”

Dana: "What do you think, Logan?"

Logan: “I agree with Luke. There has to be some way to help him that he agrees with.”

Dana: "When he's outta commission, then."

He looked Logan over. Was she alright?

"We need to go. I'm getting weak."

Luke/Logan: Logan just gave him a small smile.

“Okay. Hang on tight.” Luke got them back to the docks as quickly as possible. He was going to take no chances.

Dana: Tolvin offered her his hand, his gaze steady. She was too quiet. He wanted to know her thoughts.

Logan: Logan took it, squeezing and trying not to focus on the fact that these hands felt so very different from Dana’s.

She couldn’t have told him her thoughts, for she was still processing them herself. This all felt so foreign.

Dana: "Logan," he said softly. He was willing to sit here for a moment if it meant getting his pending point across. "I have never stopped loving you since I died."

Logan: She squeezed his hand again. "Nor I you."

Dana: "You know I will always love you."

Logan: "I know."

Dana: "You do?"

Logan: Logan nodded.

Dana: "I feel your worry."

Logan: "I'm sure you can."

Dana: "I you want me to go, just say so, jellybean."

Logan: "I don't want you to go, Dana. I want you here, with me and with Luke. We've missed you so much."

Dana: "I'm just... Think of me as away on business. That's all." Oliver's body was heaved to her side. "I still exist. You just gotta be patient with me."

Logan: Logan nodded, smiling softly. "Okay, big brother. I'll be patient."

Dana: "What are you going to do until next time?"

Logan: "Work. Help Luke research migraine treatments."

Dana: "That's all?"

Logan: “And choir practice somewhere in there.”

Dana: He nodded. "Give me your phone. I'll give you the number to my phone. Using his was too dangerous."

Logan: Logan pulled her phone out of her pocket and pulled up her contact list so Dana could put in his number.

Dana: The number given, Logan's cheek was given a kiss. "You're coming with us to his house?"

Logan: She smiled. "I'm driving, remember?"

Dana: "You could drop me off at the trailer park gate."

Logan: “Are you sure?”

Dana: "If that's what you need."

Logan: “I can drop you at your door. His door.”

Dana: "...Alright." Back to go Luke as he gestured directions. "Going home after this?"

Luke: "To the bar probably. Promised my dad a beer."

Dana: “So, this is where we go our separate ways, then.”

Luke: "Well, semi-separate. Logan needs to eat a proper meal."

Dana: “What does that mean? Have you not been eating?”

Luke/Logan: "I've been eating just fine."

"Ramen is not a balanced meal."

"It's all I can make!"

Dana: “You bake for a living, sis.”

Logan: "Might I remind you about my many struggles with the stove top? I can only cook in the oven. I also make a lot of casseroles. They're...edible."

Dana: “It’s a stove, not a wild boar. Just don’t turn it up so high.”

Logan: "That stove was a wild boar in a former life."

Dana: “Gas is easier than electric. Maybe that’s your issue,”

Logan: "Maybe. It would be useful to be able to see the heat, so to speak." She was quiet for a few moments as she thought. "Actually, you know what? That really might be the issue. Baking comes easy because I know what temperature the oven should be at. There's an actual measurement."

Dana: “So, I’m still of use in this realm,” her brother smiled.

Luke: "You're of use in all realms," said Luke.

Dana: "I doubt I'm of use in all. There are too many."

Luke/Logan: “True, but you’re amazing so I think you’re useful in all of them. Right, Lo?”

“Right.”

Dana: "You're both ridiculously optimistic. Turn left after the stop sign."

Logan: “We try,” said Logan, taking one of her infamous rolling stops before turning left.

Dana: "The one with the pick-up, there." The one with a woman in dark green tattered shirt and whitewashed jeans sitting on the cheap bent stairs.

Luke/Logan: Before Logan could ask about the woman Luke was cursing under his breath. “Dammit. Is that a stranger or one of his friends?”

Dana: "I think a friend. Just keep driving." He began to duck down.

Logan: “You still want me to drop you at the door?” asked Logan. “What if the friend asks questions?”

Dana: "I said keep driving, Logan."

Logan: “Okay.” Logan gave Luke an uncertain look but kept driving.

Dana: "Just don't stop. Drop me off at the end of the road and I'll go in from the back."

Logan: She nodded and did as he indicated, not stopping or slowing down or doing anything that would draw attention. At most someone would recognize her as their babysitter.

“I babysit children here. It won’t be weird if someone sees me.”

Dana: "Here? These people? Which ones? Have you seen Oliver before?"

Logan: “Never. It’s two families on the other side of the park. I’ve only been here once, I usually keep the kids after Sunday school since their parents work.”

Dana: "So you've never been here?"

Logan: “Only once.”

Dana: "You took them from church to here?"

Logan: “That time, yes.”

Dana: He could feel himself circling back to what he once was. Not necessary or productive.

Oliver's head peeked out towards the trailer.

"I think we're far enough."

Logan: Logan nodded and pulled over. "You sure you're going to be okay?"

Dana: "I have his keys. I'll be fine. I was a hunter, remember?"

Logan: She gave him a small smile. "I don't mean in a hunting way."

Dana: "I'll be back before you know it, Jellybean. You have a mission now. It'll give you something to do."

Logan: "Something outside of work at least." She reached over and squeezed his hand. "Please be careful, Dana."

Dana: "What more can be done to me here, huh?" He kissed her cheek and opened the door. "No more rolling stops." He shut the door behind himself.

Logan: "I'll try." She returned the kiss. "I love you, Dana."

Dana: "Love you," he called to them both, but his voice was much too soft to carry. Quiet, he disappeared between the trees.

#The Hurricane chapter #loganriley #danatolvin #olivercole #lukebgraham

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