#i need to make these posts to get them out of my brain sorry

[ttaibhse]

the way lalo doesnt immediately assume nacho set the fire in the kitchen is kind of craaazy like. brother he was literally just in there seconds ago and he comes out looking like the single shiftiest motherfucker on earth and lalo is so enchanted by his big beautiful sad brown eyes it doesn’t even cross his mind it was him till way later. halfway to being a salamanca. bro. you wanna fuck him so bad it not only makes you look stupid it gets you and your whole family killed

#bcs #i need to make these posts to get them out of my brain sorry #lacho

[heartorbit]

just how can i protect your smile?

#you guys like yaoi? can i get you some yaoi #pjsk #prsk #project sekai #proseka #tsukasa tenma #rui kamishiro #ruikasa #AUUUUUGH. #this is what finally makes me actually draw riks. vocaloid autism #putting the link in the caption because NOBODY FUCKIGN TLAKS ABOUT SCISSORHANDS EVER WHERES THE HYPE I NEED HER. SONG OF THE DECADE(2009) #this song makes me incredibly normal. my bad. i saw the miume choreography when i was like 11 and my brain shifted #i wanted their outfits to look like mikus in the mv so bad. Fuck my life for that btw stupid fuckign frill trim. why did she have to slay #tried to think of smth other than butterflies for kasa but i have no brain and tbh i hope his life is miserable so its fine #me posting this only to tmblr and not twt because i fucking hate twt #im drawing more song covers that live in my mind palace so i'll pist them there all together. and maybe here all together. who give a shit. #emnn skeleton orchestra next and it will fix me #Good lord. sorry. Im so caught up posting this for no reason. Get me out of here #im supposed to have a lecture in 3 hours but post covid symptoms say otherwise. im so fucked #i have a cyberpunk dead boy wip with them but idk i dont like posting wips on here its like an archive. n i want to actually finish it #but dear lord rendering it with their stupid outfits. clutches my chest falls to the floor. AUUUUGH #wxs killing me killing me taking damage augh auugh aughg

[donnyclaws]

I was gonan make a post apologizing for lack of regular art but I feel like jts already clear im sporadic and in and out of it bc chronic pain and circumstances. So for now I'm gonna hibernate, get my health steady again, deal with money issues, and art will happen when it happens.

#i do feel kind of worn down by it. i wish patreon and commissions didn't feel so taxing even with accommodations ive made for myself #maybe it'll feel better in the future when less is going on but rn it #places this barrier of management in front of art that makes it less relieving to do #cause there's always a part of my brain reminding me it needs to serve a purpose and needs to pay off in some way #which isn’t a new feeling for artists obviously. maybe doing it all since hs js also why it's tiring. and patreon changjng the way it does #working part time now too. idk if maybe id like to step back from it #it's abnormal that i worked taht hard and it did help me get out from my parents and stay out. but im also tired ect #idw let people down by not being able to keep up with a self imposed expectation or #be irresponsible and remove sources of income for myself. redbubble inprnt and patreon all suck in ways that bother me hugely #i only really enjoy itch.io at the minute #not to say anything bad abt patrons or commission clients you've all been excessively kind and patient and understanding always #i wish i could make them better i feel like there's no way how it is at the minute is of value compared to my output as an older teen #but yknow. self imposed worry. im just worn out and id like to just make things without the management and the fretting and the #i havent made a comic post for patreon in ages or this or this i havent made a speedpaint or a song or #yadda yadda lmao #sorry for the impromptu ramble #this isnt to say id never do commissions or a store or anything again or i want to not make money off art #god knows i will need to be grinding out comms once im well again but ex #i feel like im getting less and less able to manage it and then putting out less and less #and hoping ill somehow get very healthy and active again one day and make it worth the wait yknow. #it's not a feeling i want my art to carry in me. #part of me and the parent in my brain is saying it'd be selfish to give up income but the rest is like #that's cruel. i want to feel good and healthy

[meavitamin-notes]

in which i finally try to learn how to draw other khr characters besides tsuna pt.1 ft (tyl)hibari

#Oh look it's ___ #hibari kyoya #khr #sketches #sketch #sorry if u can't see lolol #lowkey didn't want to show the first iteration because it's not that great LOL #but it's interesting to see the progression of both me figuring out a character and my hand warming up LOLOL #hng i made this account my side/sketch account so i AM ALLOWED TO POST THINGS LIKE THIS!!!! self conscious brain pls stop questioning aaaaa #anyway i def need to draw him (and the others) as much as i do tsuna #i wanna make khr merch !!!! and art !!! but it can't just be tsuna all the time LOL #gotta get comfy with them to be more confident in the things i create hahahaaaaa

[rotisseries]

i think my zelink playlist is my only good one like this shit is devastating genuinely

#the one exception on there being I would do anything for love by meatloaf #which is a classic case of “I like this song so much that I'm gonna black out and insist it goes here anyway even if it maybe doesn't” #lyrically that song is fine its just that the rest of the playlist is sad indie shit so it fucks with the vibes a bit #anyway this post is kind of a lie my el and max ones are also good and also probably better than the zelink one #it's just that 99 percent of the time if I make a character/ship/feeling playlist I get like 4 songs in it #go “hmm I'll work on this more another time” and never touch it again. so. most of them suck #and that's part of the reason my entire spotify profile is private #but the zelink one. well it's technically also not done to me hence why I made it in may and then never sent it to gloomy #hi gloomy sorry gloomy #but it's like 2 hours long which in retrospect is I think a normal length for playlists but not to me not if it's you #2 hours is normal if you curate that shit I don't curate my ideal playlist is an 8 hour monstrosity with every song #that even briefly induces character feelings #so um. georgia by phoebe bridgers though #anyway I was actually listening to the zelink playlist today bc I was thinking about ANOTHER couple. um😐 #and it was genuinely getting rancid awful radioactive in my brain so I was like “FUCK THIS!! I NEED TO THINK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE” #and forcibly induced a zelink breakdown #prescribed 500 ml of zelinkism to combat The Diseases

[ask-the-bone-boys]

indefinite hiatus.

so, as much as I really hate to say it, I think I and anyone who’s been following along with this blog for the last year or two could tell this has been kind of a long time coming.

Basically, the gist is that I don’t know if I’m having fun running an ask blog anymore. I genuinely do love writing these characters, and I want nothing more than to keep working on this story and helping it grow and develop. But lately, I’ve been struggling massively with actually getting the motivation required to work on it. 

It’s become a pattern; I get motivated for a few weeks, drop some updates that are more than just static talk sprites and text, and then disappear for months more before it all starts again. I feel bad and guilty every time I disappear, especially for no reason, but I just can’t get myself to work on what I need to do next. It doesn’t help that I’ve gotten progressively more busy as time goes on, too.

That’s another thing. I started this blog when I was thirteen, you guys! Next summer I’m gonna be getting ready for college! There are so many things I wrote back at the start that I wish I did differently, good lord. But that’s besides the point, which is that in the four years I’ve been working on this, only about a week and three days have actually passed in canon. Considering how long I plan for the full thing to be, thats..........a little demotivating, yeah

But enough with my list of grievances! I want to say now that this does not mean this story is being put to bed. I want to keep working on it! I want to tell the damn story I’ve been writing for four damn years!!!! I’ll abandon it when I’m in my thirties!!!!!!!!!

Lately, I’ve been playing with the idea of fully moving away from the ask blog format and converting it into a more traditional fanfic. This would come with its own challenges, being that I would have to almost completely rework the first two arcs, but. Writing’s always come a bit faster to me, somehow. 

I haven’t decided on anything yet, though. Maybe I’ll try the ask blog format a bit longer. I love interacting with you guys, after all, and I love seeing what weird shit you decide to say to my skeletons! But for right now, I just need to take an actual, intended break, guilt-free, just to figure out exactly what I want to do. I’m also gonna start a separate fic for Karma’s backstory sometime soon, so maybe that’ll help clear up some of the weirdness in my brain. Who knows! I don’t!

But anyway this is long as hell and y’all get the point by now, so I’m just gonna say, thank you all so, so much for sticking along with me for as long as you have. I hope that I can find a way to continue that’s satisfactory for everyone, and I hope that one day, we can all see it to its end.

#ooc #watch me walk this back in like a month bc summer sucks for my mental brain. lol #dont get ur hopes up tho. i rlly just need time to think over this more #i love my guys and i love YOU guys but running an ask blog is #a lot #and so so so damn SLOW when you have a bad brain that refuses to cooperate #but i'll figure something out. i'll finish it from the grave if i gotta #and you can COUNT on that because i have SO MANY CUTE OUTFITS DESIGNED FOR THE EPILOGUE #I WILL NOT LET THEM GO UNSEEN!!!!!! #ahem. anyway i'm stalling with tags so im gonna . post. #see you guys whenever I make a decision :') #bone boys #<- tagging for chrono readers sorry guys 😔

[taikk0]

JUST SAYING ONCE I LEARN TO PRONOUNCE MY T'S PROPERLY ITS OVER FOR YOU BUTTNUGGETS

#IVE ALWAYS PRONOUNCED T'S WITH MY TONGUE AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO FIX IT ITS BEEN THAT WAY FOR SO LONG #BUT ONE DAY. I WILL PRONOUNCE MY T'S SO GOOD YOULL THINK IM A WHITE PERSON #WHAT SUCKS TOO IS THAT IM BILINGUAL WHILE ENGLISH IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE I SPEAK TAGALOG MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE OF MY ENVIRONMENT SO I- #-HAVE NO PROPER WAY OF PRACTICING IT BC FILIPINOS PRONOUNCE T'S DIFFERENTLY BC OF THE LANGUAGE AND UNLESS IM IN AN ENGLISH SPEAKING- #-SETTING THERES NO WAY IM GONNA BE ABLE TO PRACTICE CONSISTENTLY 💔💔 #even worse i slur over my words all the time. i have a stutter. i have VERY frequent voice cracks and when i try to suppress them i sound- #-ver odd. PLUS ADHD #idk if adhd might be one of the causes or of it gets added to the pile but dude i actually need help 💀💀 #but another problem is i dont think anyone would see the point in it #i communicate just fine its just that i have so much trouble communicating verbally (vocally?) in a way that isnt unnatural and in a way- #-that properly articulates what i want to say and how i say it. often i have so much trouble showing varied emotion to prove a point when- #-im referring or talking about something that isnt reactionary #LIKE DUDE WHY IS TALKING SO HARD 💔ALL PEOPLE CAN TALK WHY DO I HAVE TO SUFFER THROUGH ALL PF THIS THIS SUCKS #which might be why i prefer writing what i want to say bc unlike talking the way i speak has nothing to do with it. i get given time to- #-think. and with an adhd brain writing what you want to say is so much better because typing it out involves the conscious decision to- #-type it all out and it acts as a filter #BLEFGGGH SORRY I KEEP BLABBERING ON THIS WSS SUPPPSED TO BE A SILLY LITTLE POST IDK WHY I WENT HAM IN THE TAGS #anyways umm yeah i dont like talking. i like communicating and maybe socializing tho. but not talking. does that make sense??? #there r also times where i straightup cant speak at all. i want to speak and i want to say things but my brain feels too busy or ig blank- #-but not empty and i cant form words or sentences and all i have are thoughts and feelings #anyways i think asl is neat and i want to learn it not just for my benefit but also for accessibility #also filipino sign language if im up for it #man there is something wrong w my brain 💀 #mikyomix rambles #yeah this one was a true ramble but only in the tags

[moe-broey]

One thing about me is that I will focus on the completely wrong task.

#yeah i set out to draw today. yeah i thought i could doodle alfonse as a warm up. yeah that was a mistake. sorry. #worst part is i don't think any of it is in a postable state rn. one is half colored and the others desperately need clean ups #i ALMOST. wanted to post cropped versions of the sketches but somehow it felt. disrespectful 😳🫣 #like removing the context make it. not worse per se but the og is Not Supposed to be Like That #THE IMAGES. ARE GONNA BURN A HOLE IN MY BRAIN. I NEED TO GET THEM OUT. AAAAAARGHJGHH #tomorrow though even though i won't have my bitchass vyvanse i need to get back to it. prompt. #BRIEF INTERRUPTION. maybe a needed break. ect.

[toytulini]

wish the little listicles and articles reccomending google alternatives didnt like, mention ios. like no offense but do you think i dont know what an iphone is. you think im looking into google alternatives but i dont know that apple exists? you really think that? if i was going to buy a fucking apple product id already be doing that?

#toy txt post #I think id rather try to brute force my brain to learn fuckinf. idk. coding shit than fuck w apple #idc they say theyre better about privacy lol i dont trust them either #also like lol better about privacy but they out here pioneering in the field of planned obsolescence and im not fucking with that OS sorry #i simply cannot #idk its just like. the article be like 5 NON GOOGLE GPS OPTIONS and i get all excited and its loke heres 4 kind of mediocre pain in the ass #obscure things you can try that require some sort of technical skill to install and have less convenient updated features than google. and #also apple maps. sorry have you heard about The Iphone(tm)? just making sure youre aware of one of the biggest non google tech companies #in case you somehow missed it?? #like. sorry. what?? #anyway. i really hope this goes without saying but this is Not the post for you to rave about How Cool Apple Is and How Much You Love Your #Apple Products and Why I Should Switch To Apple! good for you glad you like your shit make your own post and fuck off! #argh #anyway. currently thinkjng about l #buying another s7 off amazon and 1) making sure it works w my sim card before i do anything 2) fucking around and finding out #w one of those alternative OSs like uhhhh iodé or whatever on either the new s7 OR. my old one. idk. want to see if i can do it and make it #work. im sure itll be a huge pain in the ass and ill freak out and give up partway through or smth #need to look into how that interacts w like? my ohine service if at all? #also want to look into uhhh #trying to reinstall old versions of the samsung camera and gallery/photo editor apps on my newer device maybe just to see if i can pull it #off and have like a fully updated OS without switching to a camera i hate #and it would be cool to have whatever version of the photo editor pro i have on my s7 on my other devices cos it lets me do things i cant do #on these

[i-am-become-a-name]

What's your interpretation of the weird/annoyed look Five gets on his face when Tegan announces that she wants to rejoin the TARDIS at the end of Arc of Infinity? I know it was probably meant to be played for laughs, but it annoys me every time i watch that episode and i'm curious what headcanons people have about it.

My favourite thing I've read about it pointed out that the cybermen specifically used Tegan as a weakness against five, that she's what it took to manipulate him (and through no fault of either of them, Adric's death was part of those consequences.) The novelisation really goes in to the descriptions of the doctor transfixed with the blood running down Tegan's chin from her bitten lip, the building tension as the cybermen get closer and closer to killing her and he's shaking trying to hold himself back from admitting his hearts are so easy to twist, just by threatening his friends. (Does Nyssa ever leave the TARDIS when it's on the spaceship? The cybermen don't even know she exists til they come onboard do they?)

As for why he looks so annoyed? hmmm. Does anyone want someone around that constantly needles them? Really, I think pre Arc of Infinity that even though Tegan had chosen to stay, they still had that power imbalance or even just tension between them that she had not come on board willingly. So five is expecting that to be the continuing, I don't know, continuing manner between them and it hadn't been good. It had its moments (mainly in the audios) but as an arrangement it was not ideal as friends to explore the universe together, all that terrible beauty and awesome monsters.

But it doesn't continue on in that manner - oh they bicker and make faces at each other, sure, but Tegan's conscious decision to step back onto the TARDIS irons out those imbalances, removes that bitterness and the past of her aunt's death. So when he makes that wee face, it's in expectation of the previous status quo. And never let it be said that Tegan's one to do exactly what's expected of her.

Anyway I really hope this makes sense and I may add some more thoughts later but it's 1:50 am Christmas Eve and I couldn't sleep for thinking about this.

----

It's 2am I'm back. I feel like there's also this uneasiness in five about tegan, that mirror that no one likes being held up to themselves. Their similarities but the starkly different ways they express them must be exhausting to five. and here she is back again. To push and prod and challenge and be brashly beautifully glorious. wait. that last bit was the two am shipper coming out. Anyway they draw strength and resolve and anger from each other and Tegan was vital to five, from his first moments till his very last.

#again sorry if it's not coherent but it's been a WEEK. and it's still going. #look away if you're not interested because whatever it's my boring life stuff but. worked sunday and tuesday. thursday my boss texted me #did i want to go up to the next largest city flights and accomodation paid and worked for two weeks at their branch of our shop. #(i said no thank you but holy sht.) and that whole day we'd been taking the house apart looking for dads santa outfit for reading #night before christmas to the kids. utterly gone. nowhere to be found. sister said she had one so we were like oof we can relax it's fine. #sister did not in fact have one. so we took the house apart again. still not here. friday i went out and bought the fabric and fur to Make #one (six straight hours work on the jacket alone) and the kids come up to decorate their trees. #oh! and! when i went in to work to buy the fur (i can only purchase stuff of managers it's store policy) she was like. you can't leave the #shop. stay here. and i went no???? have i done something wrong??? but another manager came down and the managers had put together little #Christmas gift bags for everyone which is so sweet because i still feel like I'm there on sufferance even though it's been like 4 months. #but then. seven o'clock or so when i was still cutting up panne velvet i get an email from the boss who offered me the chch opportunity - #he's now quitting his position at our store. two weeks notice. so I'm stressed about that because we had a good thing going where he'd text #me once a week. we'd arrange extra shifts and that was it. what if the new store manager sucks or hates me or something?? #and I've got like five half finished advent fics but i just. don't have the spoons between work tired and c19 brain fog and christmas tired #anyway none of this is about five and Tegan I'm so sorry i just need about ten more weighted blankets on me. #five #tegan #an ask a palpable ask #srsly i love being asked about them or any dw opinions you are so wonderful in my eyes #tbh the advent fics are getting to the point i might just post them all the way through January and when i write little ficlets. people #seem vaguely to be enjoying them but trying to do a December thing was a bit much. #I've just realised this week was even longer. last Saturday we spent the whole day out of town with the kids. and Tuesday we went out of #town to do the stuff we'd planned to do before we had to babysit them on our planned trip day. jfc no wonder I can't brain straight

[bluebeatle-gone]

post-movie j.aime deciding to go to law school there in el paso... spending most of the summer torn abt what he wants to do because as grateful as he is of the k.ords for replacing tío r.udy's truck and fixing up their house, he knows he can't just expect them to cover Everything all the time. he wouldn't be able to accept it even if they offered, that's just not the kind of guy that he is. (probably makes a joke abt how he doesn't Actually wanna be like m.aria la del b.arrio) wanting to keep going towards being a lawyer so he can eventually make enough money to support his family while also staying close to them in the absence of his dad and being able to finally give el paso and ciudad juarez their own hero like rudy had said up on the roof in that one scene.

#delete / #bb23 spoilers / #google said the closest college w a law program is a 5 hour drive but .... i pretend i do not see it <3 if aliens and symbiotes are real #then i can make up a college program :)) #fresh out of high school j.aime choosing to go to g.otham because he was a little b.atman stan and he wanted to go out and get those #experiences but .. coming home and realizing that everything had gotten worse and that guilt he feels for leaving them all to deal with it #on their own.. i don't think they'd ever make him feel like he Needs to be there and support them but he puts that responsibility on Himsel #you can see it when he's talking to mili on the roof. his main driving factor both in the comics and in the movie was helping out his famil #and it SHOWS.... your honor i love him so much #anyway.... post-movie things.. jaime studying for the LSAT's while in between missions in el paso / w the t.itans (fight me) .. getting in #and starting that hero balancing act that everyone knows all too well #okay i'm done i promise sorry 9pm coffee was a Choice i need to go try and shut my brain up

[vagueshape]

Why does making stuff have to be so expensive hhhhhhh

#my sewing machine was made in a way that it is almost impossible to service on my own #i cant afford a new machine #but hand sewing through denim is actual hell on earth #also i have so many ideas for jewelry but getting all the supplies beads chain etc is so fucking expensive #unless i get it from amazon or smth which... no. #my weird art isnt cutting it rn because it is a physical manifestation of my current manic episode which is very very bad and awful #its all paintings of meat and religious trauma and my hallucinations #and that is not fun #its a great way of getting it all out but #im not showing that to anyone #i need something i can wear and show everyone because i love saying i made stuff to others #also i hate all of my clothes i hate the way i look in all of them and making my own is like the best way to get around that #uhhhh if youve read this far i am so so sorry #if you could see the inside of my brain it would look like one of those boards you see conspiracy theorists in shows have #yk with all the red yarn and shit #yeah #thats it thats my brain rn #all the time #these tags are a post in and of itself i am so sorry #long tags

[strohller27]

.

#I wasn’t going to be petty and make a post about this on the etherwebs but YKNOW WHAT #I signed up for a very specific job at the office I work at #I have pretty clearly defined responsibilities and I can handle them #my issue is that I do try to take on too much extra stuff and I’m trying not to do that #it’s a slow process because I like being the yes man #but the ONE TIME I try to refuse something because I recognise that I can’t handle it #I basically get guilted into doing it anyway AND NOT EVEN BY MY BOSS (lbr she would never) #BUT BY SOME NEW LADY I DON’T EVEN KNOW #she drags me into a meeting with her supervisor and they both basically go ‘I see that you’re saying you can’t do this but you have to?’ #‘you need to talk to your supervisor about taking on less work’ #LISTEN I am only doing what I am supposed to be doing and I am LITERALLY trying not to take on too much work RIGHT NOW DO YOU NOT SEE THAT #but obviously this lady doesn’t see it that way and she convinced her boss not to see it that way either #and she keeps saying ‘oh but you don’t have to do all of this I just need you to do some of it’ *points to a lot of extra work* #‘that’s not too much right?’ Bitch. it doesn’t fucken matter now #I tried to say no. you said I can’t say no. so YOU TELL ME what to fucken do bitch. I could care less about this little project #that you want me to ‘buy into’. I’m sorry bitch I am out of brain currency do your own fucken job #leave me out of it #I would like to do a violence #instead I think I shall derail her training by bringing free pizza #say ‘hey you *said* you needed me to buy into this training! now I’ll be needing you to reimburse my buy-in!’ #kill ‘em with petty petty kindness

[cherrysnax]

okay goodnight people I hope you will be normal in the morning but I won’t count on it

#eat ur fruit and vegetables #don’t send most people suicide bait #make sure to feed ur boyfriend and water your girlfriends etc #im randomly thinking abt when I was a voltron blog. and I called out antiblackness and some daffodil said I was alienating my nonblack #audience #I had less followers then than I do now and I was like #17 #but regardless I don’t have an audience I’m not like a #famous blog #some of my posts get notes but I’m not like #ballin #someone in the notes told me I need to be more responsible with what I say for the audience #idk I have shoddy reading comprehension ironically #but like I’m not Toby turner I have no audience #that dated me so severely it’s hard to be witty rn okay #i on avergae get like 10 notes a text post unless something is amiss I don’t think that I need to make a mla format essay because some rando #who thinks every post is about them specifically has a hard on for ‘wait fuck this fuck you’ type vigilanteism ik I don’t make sense leave #me alone #im so sorry to ppl who follow me about this i should just block people and go but there’s an itch in my brain everytime I get to tell some #body to take it up with nick jr #toondiscourse

[crvstybowlofcereal]

i have so many things i want to make but im all out of Make Juice and im fully drained

#had a long social day and emotionally wrecked myself with TOH #im all out of Juice today #i have Brain Ideas i want to share but i cannot Hands them #my brain is flipping between interests and i cant even decide what i want to consume to unwind #im so burnt out im gonna need a fully day to recover #ive kinda given up wording idk if you could tell with my posts earlier #i swear im really good at english and literature and grammar and stuff im just so #and it makes me feel silly (bad) but i just nahjkbgsjehg #im so out of energy i cant even find a way to get my point across im sorry

[boxloonaer]

ripping your partner in half and eating them is kind of hot

#im sorry #i dont know why #but my brain is focused so hard on two characters i made #one tears people to shreds and eats them #and the other is a person who can regenerate their limbs and stuff #and my brain is rotting so much because of them #i will make alot of art of them and post it #its just right now im going through a thing #a ‘i want to draw a character ripping another character apart romantically’ thing #yknow cause thats a normal healthy thing to do #i mean maybe it is it helps me get my emotions and shit out #ye #oh btw if you couldnt tell the characters are dating #they love eachother obviously #listen my parents were yelling at eachother in the car earlier #i need to get my fucking emotions out #im sad rn