#i really really like this place and the pay is good but i think im just gonna do my 90day temp period and bail

[yoursweetwife]

hii haha i dont see a lot of topaz x reader so im gona req one hehe so you know the trope where like (character) introduces their pet to their s/o and the pet likes the s/o more than (character)? i wanna see how topaz would react if numby would rather chill with reader more than topaz, if u dont wanna write this then its okay have a nice rest of your day! :D

warnings: female reader (but no pronouns are used), reader hips, jealous Topaz, Topaz needs a hug

p.s sorry if this is not what you wanted, but as soon as I saw your request, I immediately thought of jealous Topaz

Right now, Topaz was dismayed by the sight in front of her.

She witnessed how Numby lay on your thighs and rubbed against them as if it was the best pillow of his life (in fact, it was true).

Your fingers ran over the piggy's smooth skin, stroking him in every accessible place and cooing sweetly at his every joyful squeal. But once upon a time it was Topaz herself.

She's actually very happy that you two have become friends. Even at the first meeting, Numby began to feel a strange attachment to you. He tried to climb into your arms when they met him, squeaked happily and jumped, which was quite surprising, because it took him time even to let himself be petted. And you never missed a chance to play with Numby.

Despite your work, you remained a good person, and that's what attracted Topaz to you.

And she is glad to have such a wonderful lover, but now she constantly has the feeling that she no longer lives in this house.

But Topaz is partly to blame for not intervening. And she can’t even figure out who she envies more.

"Who's the good piggy here? It's Numby!"

You laughed quietly at the excited sounds Numby was making. It was very difficult to resist his charms.

"Agree Topaz. Topaz?"

She continued to look at you through her eyelashes, resting his cheek with one hand and frowning slightly. You looked at woman worriedly and called her name again.

Your voice seemed to bring her out of some kind of trance.

Topaz shook her head and gasped at the realization that you were calling her.

“Haha, sorry, I was lost in thought. Did you want something?”

She rubbed the back of her head and focused all her attention on you. You couldn’t help but notice the slight sadness in her voice, and even Numby stopped playing and began to pay attention to the conversation.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, eh...I"

Topaz couldn't find the words? If anyone had told her that, you and she would have laughed about it. You noticed how her gaze ran over Nambi lying on your lap, and without thinking twice you put two and two together. Oh, who would have thought...

"Topaz, are you...jealous?"

After your words, an expression of shock appeared on the girl’s face. white-haired woman began to actively shake her head, fervently denying your words.

"No no! Well maybe a little... But I like watching you and Nambi have fun, I really do."

You immediately realized that Topaz had received almost no affection lately. A guilty expression appeared on your face.

Numby looked at you and seemed to understand what you were thinking.

You and Nambi “looked at each other” and a smile immediately appeared on your face, while the piglet stomped around impatiently. Topaz did not have time to react when at the one moment two bodies knocked her down, pinning her to the sofa.

She felt your warm breath on her neck, tickling her skin, one of her hands held your waist while the other stroked Numby, who settled comfortably on her stomach.

A heartfelt, loud laugh burst from her chest, making you laugh along with her.

"What is this for?"

Topaz asked, stopping laughing. You moved closer to her face and quickly kissed her lips, a light blush appearing on her pale cheeks.

"doesn't matter."

#hsr x reader #topaz x reader #topaz fluff #hsr topaz #honkai star rail x reader #female reader #topaz

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #actually this makes me sick because wow yosuke wow just #“i notice you never pry” i love how in this line alone yosuke reveals just how much he pays attention to yu #i think theres a case to be made about how this attentiveness is not exclusive to yu but here. im obsessed. #yosuke isn't just paying attention to yu in a superficial way - he's also watching how yu interacts with other people #and what his reactions are like - hes paying attention to how yu pays attention to others #and then he goes on to describe it as mature #and idk i think it's one of the early indicators of how yosuke watches yu - which i think also stems from a place of admiration? respect? #thinking a lot about how yosuke compares himself to his peers but yu especially and this just kind of really fucking gets me #but also!! again!! as usual!! he starts being too honest and revealing of his thoughts and he immediately pulls back #cracking a joke to walk over his previous vulnerability!! #/sighs wistfully #he's good with his queue

[guinevereslancelot]

job interview tomorrow 🙏

#working interview as an assistant prek teacher #i know kids are exhausting but its the only thing i have relevant experience in #and im tired of being rejected from every office job i apply to i need a job even if it pays 12 dollsrs an hour lol #anyway they'll pay for continuing education and the phone interview went really well #i think it seems like a nice place with nice people and she said she wouldn't start me at the bottom of the pay scale #so i might get more than i think #still probably not going to top sixteen an hour but its something #they called me in for prek even tho i didn't apply for that i applied for infant toddler teacher bc i have no relevant education #just lots of volunteer work with kids #but she said that one was taken and would i consider this one i didn't think i was qualified for so thats a good sign #and she seemed really nice #and the location is good its like a 17 minute drive and not too hard of a drive either #just one tricky turn #anyway #all job interviews fill me with impending doom and dread #even tho i interview pretty well i think i just never have the relevant experience to get the job lol #but this time it seems more likely #i have anotherdaycare job that literally pays twelve dollars an hour that wants to schedule an interview as well 😬 #but hopefully i get this one #the other one is closer but doesn't seem like as nice of a place to work tbh #anyway im so stressed!! #i took a sleeping pill which i may regret #i never take one before an interview bc im afraid i'll be super sleepy and tired and not want to get up and be less sharp at the interview #but then i NEVER manage to sleep the night before which i decided is worse lol #so hopefully that doesn't backfire #goodnight ❤️

[carcarrot]

i love my job that's like if you asked someone to design a place specifically meant to frustrate, torture and overstimulate an anxious person

#i cant do this anymore. i obviously will but like i cant do this anymore #you might think college-eduated professional people in a fancy office building would have some understanding of personal space and manners #but you'd be wrong! #i am staying in this job for everything aside from the actual job itself which i hate #im just here for the pay the insurance and the time off #and the fact that i can carve out important goofing off time during work hours. which just means i can be on my phone lmao #that being said i do sometimes miss my cafe job #i was more my own boss there and often worked completely alone (yay) #whereas here even though im kinda the boss of my own floor. i still have to deal w my dumb supervisor and coworkers and manager #plus at the cafe i had sole control of the music that played there. very important. lots of steely dan #sometimes when the work got really busy it sucked and was overwhelming but it would stil calm down eventually #and ill always hate dealing with annoying customers. but at least there they LEFT #here its the same assortment of idiots every goddamn day. and theyre always around #like yeah the cafe job had annoying things (taking out the trash from the basement. up stairs) #but it did have its fun moments #it just didnt pay nearly as good as this job and had no insurance or paid time off. oh well #this has me thinking abt what if i owned my own place. but i don't wanna

[hella1975]

what do you plan to do with your degree after uni?

FUCK NASTY!!!

#if i ever touch economics again it's a cry for help like i cannot stress enough how fucking pointless this degree is gonna be #okay deep breath im only being so negative bc im balls deep in exam season. it's a GOOD degree i DONT REGRET MY DEGREE #this will be EXCEPTIONALLY helpful when i go into the working world i am EMPLOYABLE bc of my DEGREE #like economics is a VERY versatile subject there arent many areas of work that econ doesnt apply to in some way #so i KNOW it's a really good degree to have and i can kinda do what i want afterwards #but oh my fucking god. jesus christ. bloody fucking hell #i do however know that in the immediate year after my degree im gonna move back home and waitress full time #bc i just need to like. take some time off education and recover LMAO and i want a space to just tick some boxes i never got round to #like learning how to drive and stuff. and living without having rent to pay in a place im very familiar with will be good #even if i do think it's gonna have it's own struggles. oh hometown blues we're really in it now #but yeah after that year im thinking about maybe doing a masters? but ill have to proper blag it bc you typically have to do #masters in subjects relevant to your degree and i dont want to go within a radiation exclusion zone of economics #so. there's that. do u think if i say please somewhere will let me do a classics masters be honest. if i say pretty please #ask #hella goes to uni

[arionawrites]

1. it’s my 24th birthday today, so my goal of being published by the time i’m 25 is now a one year looming monster, but i never specified what kind of published and am currently looking in various literary magazines that are recommended for writers who have yet to be published, so i’m surprisingly confident that i can make it work? and tbh even if whatever i write isn’t officially published before my 25th birthday, if i have someone in the process of being published then i’ll be happy!! no matter what though, i’m gonna try to be proud of myself for at least giving it my best shot!!

2. i honestly love that my birthday is on the ides of march because the ides of march meme shitposting is only a thing on tumblr but it also being my birthday makes it easier to like. be excited about the ides of march outside of tumblr. like even in person i can be like “it’s my birthday! i’m an ides of march babe (:” and if someone is like oh what’s that? or if they say something along the lines of oh like julius caesar? i can be like yep!! and even if it’s a small thing outside of tumblr it brings me immense enjoyment and amusement being able to bring it up off of tumblr

3. transportation situation has been very rough since june 2023 when i totalled my car, my gap insurance are being assholes and i ended up putting my foot down on the phone with them yesterday which i’m pretty proud of because i am NOT a confrontational person (something i’ve been working on this past year, so seeing some improvement with my ability to hold my ground and not be a pushover yesterday was very cool!!) i was told i’d get a response from them by friday next week no matter what, and if i don’t then friday of next week i will continue to wreak havoc upon them. but my moms car which i’ve been using since my accident broke down yesterday, hopefully it’s fixable but my parents were saying it might be done for, so trying to think of how i’m gonna get to work next week is kind of stressing me out lmao, but for now i’m just gonna focus on enjoying my birthday the best i can because i don’t want to start off being 24 with an overwhelming anxiety for something that won’t be a potential issue until monday. plus i already messaged my boss today to let her know that i’m going to do everything i can to make it work out but just so she’s in the loop and knows of the potential of me not being able to make my morning shifts (one of my coworkers said she’s more than happy to give me a ride for our afternoon shifts which does help relieve some of the stress!) and i told her i’d let her know for sure sunday so that if necessary she can have time to figure out someone to fill in for me in the mornings!

overall: life is weird and i ended being 23 yesterday with a shitty situation but a positive outlook and i am going to enjoy my first day of being 24 no matter what because honestly i fucking earned it. happy friday everyone, i hope it’s a good day for you and me both!

#aritalks #i did cry a little bit when i first woke up because i dont really know what to do about work and also i hate not having a car i can use #not only because of the work aspect but also getting my license when i was 18 gave me a freedom i didn’t have before #and i don’t like having to rely on other people just to like go to the fucking store or something yk #but then my best friend/roommate messaged me happy birthday and i was like fuck it! today is going to be a good day! #the stressful uncertainties can wait until tomorrow #also one of my best friends who hasn’t said happy birthday to me the past two years #(not intentionally im p sure they were just busy on my birthdays the past two years #and then had that moment of ‘oh shit i didnt send a message fuck i think its too late now’ which i totally get bc anxiety things yk) #was one of the first people to message me happy birthday!! #i’m also hoping to still be able to go see my mom and then stay the night at my dads tonight #so i can see both my parents and also my baby siblings for my birthday #my dads working today but after he texted happy birthday i sent him a text asking if he thinks we could still make it work #my mom is asleep still i think (she called me at midnight and left a voicemail singing happy birthday!! but her sleep schedule has been all #over the place recently so i’m waiting until 11:30 to call her which is in like 30 mins) #but she said something yesterday about driving out to me to give me a hug and also bring me my diabetes stuff that got delivered #(her house is my mailing address because i know it’s not going to change bc it’s my great grandparents house that she’s partially inhereting #when my great grandpa dies but since i have moved out of my dads my address has changed twice and i didnt have a mailbox at my last place so #just for the sake of consistency and not having to worry about important shit getting sent to the wrong address i’ve had her house as my #mailing address since i moved out of my dads at 19) #so i think i’m gonna ask her if she can just pick me up instead so i can go to her house w her and hang out with her #and hopefully my dad will be able to at least stop by with my siblings so i can see them too #i’d like to stay the night with them but if we can’t make it happen then i can also stay the night w my mom and hopefully tomorrow figure #out the car situation. might have to rent a car for a week if i can afford it? best case scenario is my moms car can be fixed but i still #dont know whats wrong with it ik there are two potential problems and one is fixable the other is not #the fixable one would cost like $150-$400 to fix depending on if we get a used part or a new one #if its $150-$200 ish i can probably afford to pay for the whole thing or at least most of it #but if its more than that hopefully my dad or one of my family members can help #and i can just pay them back in like $50 increments with my next few paychecks #just realized i said i wouldnt worry abt the car thing today and also i think im at tag limit to i’ll stop now lmao xoxo gossip girl ❤️

[dandyshucks]

i wish guz was real so he could go get soft serve ice cream for us to eat and then hug me so tightly shdhfjl

#im organizing pinterest boards so i can have the self.ship ones public finally djdksl #and i saw a photo of soft serve ice cream in a cup with sprinkles on top and I used to have that from this place in my old town 😭 #when i was a really little kid fjfkdl like 3-8 yrs old (and then we moved here and no more ice cream 😔) #anyways. those were so tasty and i havent had soft serve in soooo long #i think every house should have a soft serve machine that the govmt pays to keep stocked SBFHDJDL #and the hug is just bc I need one fnfjdkl he would give such good hugs.... sighs wistfully #i want him to crush my bones honestly DBFJJDKL (joking) a good deep pressure hug would fix me i think #dandy.cmd #💜so good at being in trouble

[homosexual-fanfiction]

okay theoretically .. if you were to look at the word count for a chapter.. how many words do you think would make you say "this is too fucking long"

#extremely unsure as to weather i should chop this up yet again cus . i maybe sort of really rushed the planning near the end #when i was drafting everything out at the beginning of november #because i REALLY wanted to start writing but now i am paying for it by having to wrestle with these last few chapters #i think if i did break it up #i have an idea of where i would do so. but then i think i would end up with like a long chapter and then a shorter chapter and then a long #chapter again? #i want to give everything the space to have the attention it deserves and its looking like i might have to split this and make it 12 chapte #chapters if i want that tumblr can you please stop putting error messages over my tags while im trying to type. you bitch #anyways #all that is just to say i'm curious what everyone's opinion would be on what would constitute too long of a chapter #cus right now im thinking if it breaks 10k i'll find a place to break it up #but i'm interested to hear other opinions #i could have said that a lot more concisely instead of having an essay in the tags but u kno #btw NONE OF THIS MEANS ANYTHING IS READY SOON. just incase. i dont want to get anyone's hopes up on accident i think this chapter might tak #take a hot second here to write like i have chunks of it done and i know what i want to happen but i'm going to have to beat at it a lot to #make it happen smoothly #soooooooo be patient with me #for the sake of having a good chapter to read <3 instead of a rushed one <3 thankies <3 #not an update

[bugbuoyx]

the power of names is fucking wack, before i could clarify my name and pronouns with my new employer i was introduced as *very fem deadname* and like despite having obvious stubble and no fuckin tits they call me a girl

#mild vent #transphobia #ive tried clarifying with some of them but i dont think they understand or listened #i really really like this place and the pay is good but i think im just gonna do my 90day temp period and bail #good news is ive got my name and gender marker petition submitted and i wont even need a hearing or anythin for it #i do have to go get my fingerprints done tho

[guinevereslancelot]

i'm so bummed i accidentally turned town a job interview for a job where I could have worked with a good friend and mentor 😔

#i was telling her abt the preschool i got hired at and i was like yeah im worried bc the other teacher doesn't seem nice #and the student teacher ratio is really bad they're really understaffed and underfunded im just really worried it will be too much for me #and she was like oh you should apply to the school i work at bc we're hiring snd the ratio is great and the pay might be better also #and i never knew the name of the school she worked at until then #and its one i DID apply to but i told them nevermind after this one hired me 😬 #but now i really wish i'd taken that interview #i'm going to call or email first thing on monday tho and hopefullyyy i can get in for an interview before i start my new job on thursday #so i wont literally have to take time off for it #and then if they offer me i will be able to tell the new job nevermind while its still early #either that or i'll try to stick it out a few months then apply to the other one for summer or something #but im not sure whether its best to quit immediately or let them think im dependable and staying then leave in three months lol #but mostly for the other job idk if it would ruin the opportunity to tell them nevermind i want the job a week after i said no #compared to a few months later #they might have forgotten me by then which would probably be good #idkkk #my first reference literally works there which will hopefully help and maybe they'll give me a break #the pay scale looks the same as the one i just accepted but i think they'll offer less bc they're not as desperate #but i literally dont care its such a better working environment #and the pay scale is the same so they would give me a raise after a few months #and the work will be so much easier #and the commute #and i Definitely know i can work with my friend #vs the co teacher at this new job who seems really intense and unfriendly #anyway!! #im really anxious abt this new job and i'll stay if the other place wont take me now #but i really hope they give me another chance #also its super close and easy drive and the commute for the other one scares me a bit lol #this has been a shitpost

[goatpaste]

Mmm

#work still have been a challenge to get good consistent hours that i can both pay rent and save money #but i really wanna move daisy up here and tf out of her house #and im thinking about.. maybe setting up a lil #whats the word? uh... #donation post to try and help save up whay we need to fly her here and get her set with some stuff and help us toward renting a place #idk... #like i could specfically set up a commission/donation fund pool #i just worry about setting it up and it going no were...

[zemnarihah]

started moving some of my shit over to my new apartment today adn well. its moving.

#i hate moving so bad. i hate the fact that this is like my 5th(???)time moving in the past #like 4 years? #also like. i doooo think this new place WILL be better but also i really liked my current place:( like i probably wouldve chosen to stay #here but my roommate rlly hated it. #this was the biggest room ive ever had it was sooo nice i love having space. #the new place will be nice bc its v close to my school and my friends and fam like ill be able to walk to school. where i live rn its like #a 20 min drive. and itll be nice to not have to deal w parking at my school bc those parking lots are literally hell on earth. and im gonna #be spending so little on gas #it just is like. well im literally done w in person class until fall semester. so all of that quite literally doesnt matter at the moment. #the only immediate change happening is that. its gonna be smaller #also its gonna be just me and my bestie. which will be good i mean our other roommate isnt that bad by any means but i think it will be #nice to have it just be the 2 of us #also im gonna sneak buttercup in bc its also more expensive and no way am i paying more for a smaller apartment and ALSO paying pet rent #pet rent is insane anyway but especially for buttercup like SHES A CAT. #but yeah they asked if we had pets and i was like no:) and the girl at the desk goes #okay just let us know if that changes bc if we catch you:) theres a fine:) and idk if she like noticed the cat hair im always covered in or #smth but i feel like she knew. but im not worried lol it was funny though #anyway. i will have to oceans 11 heist smuggle her in (take her on saturday when management isnt there)

[fooltofancy]

i'm going to talk to myself morosely in the tags for a bit to see if i can unknot the brain parts, disregard.

#i am. so tired of money dude. #i have insane student debt but i don't have insane OTHER debt and it's still so overwhelming #when i say not insane i mean like <5k #it's still way more than i should because that two fucking months without health insurance really fucked me up #but i can get on top of it with how much im paying for rent and meds and utilities and car payments and car insurance #and having to eat #like im in a much much better place mental health wise than i was but i think maybe ive made a mistake #the ability to cancel my student loans is huge. it's huge and i'm essentially guaranteed that from multiple directions in about three years #but the interim? i knew it was gonna be tight and it's gonna be less tight at some point but the last three months have just been barely #hitting each paycheck not in the hole and having to make car payments late and having to rely on credit for unavoidable overdrafts and #idk what to do lmao #and if the smoke thing w the apartment stays this bad it's gonna continue to negatively impact my health and i literally cant afford to mov #even to somewhere cheaper #i cant afford the initial payments to do that even though it'll be better in the long run #im so stressed and it's negatively impacting my relationships and i cant put my brain into working through my stupid fucking issues because #all in doing is surviving #and it makes me so sad because there's already enough in the world without my adding to it #im just tired dude and it's gonna be another week and a half of just. clenching my jaw and not sleeping #idk what to do dude moving back here WASN'T a mistake but im sure hovering on the line of really really feeling like it was #.... good motivation to do my fucking taxes i guess. like. TOMORROW. #not sure that helped but at least it's not just a weird mass in my chest anymore #and my hand is still fucked up and im never gonna be able to pay to fix it at this rate lmao #at least one of them sort of works.

[famewolf]

it is me, the fool, trying to figure out if i should call my boss tomorrow, on my day off no less, and officially tell him to remove me from promotion consideration ... or will i finally have the nerve to do it on wednesday and in person

#[static] #i was in line for promotion last spring but i got really burnt out and started looking for a new job #told him i needed a break after training for months doing manager things and not getting manager pay #put off looking for work to focus on the handfasting and since then the company has a new manager position that was kind of what i wanted - #-in the first place and it seems too good to be true lmao everyone says i should do it and all the managers tell me i already do the job #but i have come to the realization in my late 20s ... that you dont have to do everything that you are good at if you are not passionate - #-about it ...... like you dont need to go for every promotion handed to you if you dont like the work #this position is higher pay but less hours so i'll be getting paid the same ( if not a little less ) for an extra day off #it's not worth it and im finally realizing that! i just need to leave and start over somewhere else #something that doesnt destroy my health every day and doesnt aggravate my chronic pain disorder #something that lets me have a life outside of work!! anyways .... he told me hed really like me to do the position #and i told him to talk to me after the holidays since i thought i'd be gone by then. and im still here and its 2 weeks until the end LMAO #i think im just gonna call him i could get the nerve to finally tell him no all week. i just hate letting people down lmao #and also i kept humming and hawing about the position even though i knew it wasnt a good idea #alas ... it is ok to start over even if it feels like youve put a lot of effort and time into something

[mrfoox]

Okay it's offical, Jonathan is changing work and I won't see him any more 😔

#miranda talking shit #Janathan is such a special guy like... Truly dog vibes. He can be a little ... Prone to messing up simple things but its impossible to be #Mad at him. And always happy and kind. Hes helped me so much... Like i love oliver and Magnus a hecking lot but Jonathan has been a stable #Help for me and i could rely on him (even if he messed things up haha). I really wish him the best #Im kinda anxious bc hes one of my 3 favorite people who i prefer to come by to help me... Now im down to 2 again and i assume it'll #Lead to having more strangers come by to fill his place /: ive met quite a few different people obviously but none of them ive clicked with #Like oliver/magnus/Jonathan... I mean wilma was my girl but she quit last year 😔 but outside of my worries im glad for him #He deserves good things. I think hes one of the ones that actually like this job a lot. Hes been in the homecare business 80% of his work #And hes said more than once he likes it. Working with people is one of the rewarding things. I hate that its so badly paid though and #So stressful and demanding. They deserve double the pay at least. Ive only worked as a student with my mom for 3 months but even by only #Seeing that i can tell how hard the worj is. And then i hear all the shit they have to deal with its insane. People working in homecare #Especially. Like you need the social skills to deal with all kinds of people. Some are dement some are aggressive or other things. Then you #Will have to be cleaning a lot and you'll have to know how to do it decently. Making food is also common. You'll be dealing with medication #Heavy lifting is also not uncommon. Some people will need help to get up from bed and get showers. Not uncommon for their homes not to be #Installed with lifts or such to help with the lifting. Like its in my opinion one of the most demanding jobs around . And the people doing #It gets paid shit... For all thats expected and frankly demanded by the workers the pay is not even close to being fair #I know all healthcare workers have that issue basically but man homecare/older care... Those are extra unfair imo #Anyone who doesnt have respect for those workers I'll personally beat with a bat :)

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#sometimes i get really sad about my life you know? like. really sad about it lmao. for various reasons. #like it would be really cool to be normal. very often i just wish i was normal lmao. #but then i remember meeting this guy while i was homeless&he had everything that i late 20s/early 30s college grad would want #stable&well paying job in the field he actually went to college for #rented part of a banging a duplex that had a yard allowed dogs&was a five minute walk from downtown bar crawl area #had both one of my fave motorcycles-- an r6--&one of my all time dream cars-- a 6speed cts-v. #i presume a dating life from the tampons that were in his bathroom. #&yet. he was miserable from what i could tell lmao. &it was weird bc it was like he didnt realize that #until he met us lmao. i would be more annoyed by that. i was v annoyed by it at the time lmao. the amount of weird jealousy i dealt w while #fucking homeless+sick is disgusting&ill never forgive fucking anyone for it&a part of me will always be dead+rotted bc of it lmao. #but for him it was different in the way of. i could kind of understand it lmao. #he had come from a rough background from what i understand&was a success story. #&yet he clearly felt trapped in his own life. clearly felt like he was surrounded by things he should be more grateful for while none of it #filled the hole in him ppl like him are PROMISED success will fill. being apart of the status quo but on the good end will alleviate. #he had been in one accident&never rode his bike again. when i asked why he lied&told me the bike was unrideable bc he didnt know me lmao #&when i asked if there had been any damage past the obvious dent in the gas tank he got red+quiet+changed the topic. #he worked at some big bank&didnt bother trying to brag bc the one thing he DID know about me is that i am v anti bank+leftist lmao. #he considered himself a leftist too until he talked to me&realized he was actually v centrist in basically every view he had #&that centrism came from a desire to keep his privileges as a cis white straight man-- something that made him openly embarassed. #he used to deal thru college&when i met him he couldnt keep up w one round of dabs w me something that also obviously embarassed him. #he had surrounded himself w ppl just like him&was jarred upon meeting anyone outside of that bubble who wasnt a far right asshole. #&he didnt like what he saw about himself. &that was really obvious. #when we left his place after the brief week we were staying there he was literally in tears about how much he wanted to come. #to help&see where we ended up or whatever idk lmao. i guess im still actively annoyed by it lmao. #but i still get it on some level. when you reach the top&realize youre not fucking happy where do you go from there? #will a house do it? will moving to a different location for your same bullshit job do it? will meeting a girl exactly like you do it? #&when i want to be normal so bad it physically hurts i remember him&i think maybe things arent so bad lmao. #like it could be worse i guess lmao.