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fallingforel · 11 months

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Louis and 70 pls 💗💗💗

A/N good morning, afternoon and evening (have to cover all bases because who knows where people may be in the world its evening for me loves 🫶) of course I would be glad to write this for you (sorry it took me so long to get round to it) on with the showww. OH and I'm gonna make you part of 1d in this hehhehe

PROMPT 70:“I don’t want you… I need you.”

Words: 1,094

warnings: mentions of death via car accident, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sick, mentions of sex its a generally fluff piece though so hope you enjoy.

Life was great at the moment, I was living life to the heights I'd never thought I'd get to 3 years ago when I was a little 19 year old who just lost both parents in a car crash to a teenage drunk driver who knew no better than what I did at that age, I performed on the x-factor stage after my mum told me to "chase your dreams sweetheart" getting me to where I am now. In a band with 5 boys we love performing every night recording our albums and I get to do it with my best friends in tow.

"So. If you guys didn't know. One of our band members has a birthday tomorrow, but we're not playing a show tomorrow. So can you make this show extra special for us? Her family couldn't be here tonight, because they're in better places. So can you make her feel superrr loved for us?" Louis asked the crowd that we were performing to in stockholm tonight. They screamed back.

"You know I think I see a sign over there that says Y/n we love you, we can be your family, there's another one that says We love you y/n happy birthday. There's another one that says I love Y/n more than free wifi. Wow Y/n you are getting the love tonight" Louis said making the crowd scream loud at that part.

"I think we should sing Happy Birthday to Y/n don't you think?" Harry asks which earns multiple yeses from the boys and screams erupting from the crowd and a shake of the head from me.

"okay okay. 3, 2, 1"

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR Y/N HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU"

"I think that's the loudest happy birthday I've ever had. Thank you. Now time for one of our fans favourites this is teenage dirtbag"

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Running off the stage on our Very high high.

"LOUIS!!!" "Y/n, Love you did so great" Is all he says before he's pulling me into a very big hug and swooping me up into the air and then finally putting me down and letting go after much protest on his behalf but me saying I can't breathe did the job

"Thank you for that happy birthday. It was honestly the most love I've ever felt from one of our shows." "yeah well it was all for you and you did it. Happy birthday love" "thank you Louis" Is all I say before I'm pulling him into a hug again in which he wraps his arms around my torso and placing chaste kisses on top of my head.

"And you mean to tell me they aren't together?" Niall speaks up from beside Harry where they are both watching Louis and I from the wall just a few feet out of earshot. But I still heard it. "Yes we are very much not together."

⋆｡°✩

Louis and I decided to go out to celebrate my birthday, wanting to bring in my 22nd birthday with me. As I had no-one to have a phone call from so Louis decided to take my mind off of it and go celebrate. The other boys were too tired to celebrate I don't blame them so it was just Louis and I

"Lou it's getting late its like 3, we should probably get back. I'm gonna spew my guts if i drink another drop" "yeah that's probably wise me too, come on then dove" "That's a new one?" "yeah, they represent peace and that's what you've always shown. Even when you found out who hit your parents when you racked up the money, you were so calm, you were the one to apologise when you saw how guilty it felt. If that was my mum in the car I'd be saying all kinds of nasty shit to the driver who killed her. Guess that's what I like about ya, dove" "thanks lou but they also represent innocence and purity and I'm none of those two things am I lou?" "No I suppose your not but you do have a pure soul and I guess that is what matters the most" "alright stop with the spirituality mr donny. and lets get back to the tour bus I'm exhausted"

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we get back in and I sit at the kitchen table nursing a whiskey and louis looks at me funny

"what?" "thought you were gonna spew if you drank another drop of alcohol?" "thats different." "how?" "whiskey I can drink slowly, you made me literally DOWN shots" "thats the thing about you that makes me love you Y/n" I just burst out laughing because it wasn't true, the guy I liked had been crushing on ever since 2010 at the first group auditions stage liked me back. "yeah okay" "no I'm being deadly serious" "you're drunk lou. Go to bed" "No, I'm being deadly serious Y/n." "You just want me because your drunk Louis, I'm being serious" "and I'm being serious when I say I want you. Actually no fuck that, I don’t want you… I need you." "Louis you have to mean it because I am not going down that hole of where we mess about like silly fucking teenagers because we're past that point, being teenagers I mean we're fucking adults" "As serious as a heart attack, I love you darling" I jump into his arms where he drowns me into a heavy snog, "Fuck lou. I love you too."

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Last night was one of the best nights ever somehow after everything I ended up in Louis' bunk, the reminder of that was Louis kissing my shoulderbone waking me up from my post-sex slumber "Louis, You seen Y/n" Harry shouts from outside Louis' bunk which earns a giggle from me, ultimately making louis clamping his hand over my mouth. "NAH MATE, HAVEN'T SEEN HER SINCE WE GOT IN LAST NIGHT" I lick his hand that is covering my mouth "DID YOU JUST LICK MY FUCKING HAND!" "Lou who have you got in there?" which makes harry open the bunk, meeting eyes with the both of us "HOLY FUCK. Y/N AND LOUIS FUCKED." which makes the remainder of the boys (excluding louis.) scream from their respectful places on the bus "FINALLY WAS ABOUT FUCKING TIME" and then ultimately zayn says "SHIT NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THEM FUCKING LIKE RABBITS"

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lets just say that night in stockholm lead to a certain song on four with the same place name, that I wrote.

⋆｡°✩

end.

#louis tomlinson x reader #louis tomlinson #6thmemberof1d #one direction x reader #one direction #harry styles #liam payne #zayn malik #niall horan #louis tomlinson fluff #one direction fluff

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teenagebeautyqueen · 4 years

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[Image description: a young person holds a mobile phone with a blue case and a paper on the other. the paper has a drawing of an umbrella colored with the trans pride flag. we can only see their upper body. they are looking down and to the left of the image. they're smiling without showing their teeth, and look relaxed. they're wearing a black, loose hoodie and some shorts can be seen at the bottom of the picture. they're also using black nail polish. on the background there is a door and a star wars poster. the other image is a close up of the paper. end ID]

🌈ʜᴇ/ᴛʜᴇʏ🌈

happy trans day of visability to all my fellow trans*!! here is me and my project for peace's day... i personally love it. it's on spanish, but i'll translate it for y'all.

the text on the left says "cada persona que conoces está luchando una batalla de la que no sabes nada. sé amable. siempre", which is the translation of that quote that goes like "every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. be kind. always".

the one on the right says "¿qué sentido hay en pelear? ¿por qué insistimos en sabotearnos mutuamente? Todos caminamos por el mismo sendero embarrado, todos nos dirigimos al mismo final." its translation is something like "what's the point on fighting? why do we insist on sabotage each other? we all walk the same muddy path, we are all headed for the same end."

and above the umbrella there's words like "odio", "acoso", "ignorancia" & "discriminación", which mean "hatred", "harassment", "ignorance", and "discrimination".

yeah i'm very subtle.

i've decided to share my story with the world. but i got kinda carried away. it's not s fairy tale, so don't read it if you're sensitive to themes like bullying, mental health issues, and toxic people.

——————————————————————

it's been... one ride of a journey, to say the least. i've said a few times that i started to question my gender around summer. but that's not quite true.

growing up, i never was fond of... anything that i associated with femenine, really. this included, but wasn't limited to, any color that wasn't blue (pink and purple get a special mention, i despised them), flowers, clothes too loose or too tight, shorts if they weren't from some sport, etc. i think you get the idea.

this collided with me being afab (aka a girl for everyone including myself) & neurodivergent. i wanted nothing to do with those things. but society wanted me to love them.

5 yo me said she didn't like Monster High. 5 yo female classmate said i was a weirdo. 7 yo me loved football. 7 yo male classmate said i couldn't play because i was a girl. 9 yo me hyperfixated on minecraft. 9 yo pretty much every classmate called me a geek.

so i stoped trying. for a while, i loved pink, wanted to have rapunzel's hair, watched disney channel, etc. but i already was the weirdo. i remember being three and friends with all of them. i remember playful fights for the toy rocket and reading books with the only other boy who could read, to ourselves, each other, and the whole class. but people grow up, and they change. so yeah, i was bullied. always the last one to be chosen, left alone on the bus rides, on my own at the playground.

and you'll be thinking "that sucks, but pao, how is it related to you being trans?"

you'll see, i didn't have many friends. i was kinda alone until i turned 7. then two new kids came to my class. let's call them eva and john. i made friends with them asap. i loved them so much!! they were my first friends since kindergarden. so i allowed myself to let go. i was already hated by most of my peers. why wouldn't i be myself with those who didn't despise me? (i was 7 when i thought this. 7 years old, and i thought that out of 20 people, 18 hated me. and then people wonder why i've got self-steem issues lmao. i'm tryna make the point that bullying in primary school isn't just some mean kids calling you names. i'm currently in high school and it still has its mark on me. but that's for another moment.)

so yeah. i went "wild". eva has adhd too (noice, right? i mean she has her diagnosis becaise she's primarly hyperactive, while i'm primarly inattentive, but we understood each other way quickier than with neurotypicals– even if i didn't know why yet), and john was kinda shy & corpulent (he wasn't fat, but he didn't look slim either), just like me. so we became friends. and i slowly opened up a little, while still playing my role of "the freak kid". i knew i was seen as that AND as the smart kid. double pressure, double bullying. but i had my small circle. it evolved until my current friend group, in which, god bless, there's a trans girl!! (eva's still on it– she's my best friend and i would die for her, no doubts. john can go fuck himself, the goddamned fascist).

but it ain't that easy. it never is. i'm 14 and afab. shit happens. y'all get it.

my first period happened while i was on a school trip (bad), on a hotel with no pads avaliable (very bad), on another country so i couldn't call my mum unless i had wifi because politics & stuff– and i did not have wifi (really bad). cue a lot of dysphoria (even if i didn't know it was that) + not being able to contact anyone. add the fact that i was the second one to have it, and it was some kind of taboo– it meant the other girls wouldn't leave me alone, and the result is clear: one of my worst panic attacks ever, on a tiny bathroom of some shitty hotel room.

from there it went downhill. my body started to become femenine, and the football short didn't make my hips smaller. my face, my oh so alarged face, suddenly became rounder. puberty hit me not only physically, but emotionally. and if that wasn't enough, we, as a class, were entering what's called here "the turkey age", a.k.a. teenagerhood, where looks become even more important. it didn't take long until i hated my body.

[WARNING: from here, this gets hard. mentions of eating disorders, depressive episodes/thoughts, toxic enviroments, homophobia/transphobia (both internalized and external), anxiety attacks, and thoughts of self-harm]

i thought "it's big, it shouldn't be big, it's fat. besides i don't want it to grow so fast. i want to make it stop growing. how? well, i grow up by eating. no eating=no growing".

yeah. eating disorder. when i think about it, i want to laugh. because it only took a few comments and "jokes" for me to be so angry at myself when i should be mad with them. i'm big. always have been, very likely always will. i've been told that i could make a very good rugby player. i probably would. i shared my cantine table with people (😔). and they wouldn't shut up. "[deadname], the rest wants to eat too!", "look at [deadname], she's gonna eat it all!". things like that. i stoped eating. i would pick up the smallest amount of food i could, even if my stomach was begging me to please eat something. eventually, my mum found out. and she helped me to grow out of it. i sometimes releapse, but never for that long. because i went on a whole year like that. and it sucked.

so, last year. socially anxious neurodivergent girl with several doubts on her sexuality gets to eight grade.

i play basketball. since i was little. i used to enjoy it a lot. we weren't a team– we were a family. loved 'em so much, 1000/10 one of the best things of my life. BOOM. now you're old enough & good enough to be on the "good" team. in the good time there's the cool kids. i am not a cool kid. oops. i was left behind, they all laughed at my back, no one cared about me (except one girl, but she was in the group and was scared to act until almost the end of the year. love her for that tho). i felt like shit. i was too scared to go to train. the sight of a ball scared me, because i couldn't help but think everyone was talking shit about me. we went to a national championship and when they went out to the city, they didn't tell me, then sent a pic of them having fun to the groupchat & delated it saying "oops it was for the other group". i had several breakdowns on my room that night. it was such a bad experience i can't even hear the name of the city without tearing up.

not to count that a new girl decided to make my life a living hell. now i know how to deal with her, but then i didn't, and i ended up curled up on the bathroom floor crying.

all while i discovered my own identity. i was so scared of being non-straight i hated myself for it.

it was a tough year and there were times where i would wish i'd never existed. it was too much for me to deal with, and i was just miserable. but i got out of it. remember the trans girl i mentioned? she's closeted, and she told me just this october. but even before that, she was my friend. she bought a new life to it all, a fresh one. i owe her a lot, including accepting myself as i am.

she is here, despite everything.

i am here, despite everything.

you are all here, despite everything.

some of us aren't here. they are the ones we remember. each one of us has our history. i shared mine with you all. it is not an easy road. you know that. it's hard, and it's tough, and it's difficult, and it's unfair.

but we are here, despite everything. the ones who made it, the ones who didn't, the ones who are halfway through it, and the ones who are to come.

we are here. we are trans. and we won't be erased.

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