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scandeniall · 3 years

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falling in love | atsumu m.

pairing: atsumu x reader

warnings: few curse words. Yk the usual; aged up/post time skip

alternatively; what its like falling and being in love with atsumu

thank u all for the thoughts on the sakusa version. figured i’d give another boy a try and am considering making this a series

Falling in love with Atsumu feels like being on a roller coaster. There are so many ups and downs but you never want to get off. Falling in love with him requires time but once you do its the most amazing thing in the world.

Its meeting at Onigiri Miya after he’s had a long and rough day at practice and you two order the same meal. The order is called off and in a haze of exhaustion he thinks its his grabbing the bag almost immediately bumping into you and dropping the bag. Hes so so tired and so so hungry that he nearly tears up before mumbling a series of expletives, not even processing any of the spew of apologies you shoot at him. Even worse when he finds out it wasn’t even his order he dropped, because so much for a free meal. He’s in shock when you decline him buying you a new one because he “looks ready to drop dead at any moment.” He barely processes the way Osamu comes out both annoyed at the mess and amused at his frozen twin before telling you a replacement was on the house and forcing Atsumu to go nap in the back for a little because driving home.

Its how after that night, he’d started seeing you more and more at the shop, very brief conversations here and there leading up to him asking for your number since “ya seem to come here as much as me.” At some point he found out that its because its your roommate’s favorite spot and picking up dinner is on your way home (not that you've ever mentioned that you’d gotten to enjoy the view of both the cook and his brother.)

Its the friendship you develop with his twin and fit right in with their friends. In some whirlwind of conversation you expressed concern for him (as a stranger) to where his brother said it wasn’t unusual for him to come in, half dead, eat and sleep off some of his exhaustion before heading home. It wasn’t all the time, but often enough. However, accidentally stealing someone else's food was a new one for him. You jokingly called Atsumu sleeping beauty, which was the start of it. The two of you frequently teamed up against the twin, to tease at him and no matter how much Atsumu claimed to hate it and he wishes you two despised each other, he cant hide the smile that tugs at him.

Its the moments like the one when you met where you end up picking him from practice, catching a ride to the gym because he's so so tired and wants nothing more than to stuff his face and sleep for days. Just months into your friendship he’s trusting you with his car, because you seem that dependable. The praises of you being a good friend as his hand lingers against yours after passing the keys over to you. The way he looks slumped against the cars window has something stirring inside of you. You take a picture for blackmail later and to reinforce how much better he is when hes not talking.

Its how he sits on your couch eating all your snacks while he shit talks all the guys that appear on your tinder. Calls some of them jobless losers, and its the frist time he admits that he thinks you're hot. “Yer too hot for that guy”, while swiping left on all of them (even the ones you would’ve gone right for.) The way you retort confirming that he thinks you’re hot has him speechless and stuttering, insisting that he didnt mean it like that, yet can’t explain how he meant it.

The times you bicker and he suddenly becomes the worst friend you have. The time you two had stopped talking for like a month, mad over something you’d forgotten a week later. Yet, all you knew is that you were supposed to be mad. He could “go to hell” and you were “so fucking annoying.” Over the course of your friendship he’d made it a habit of taking things from you; your favorite mug because he still had a drink in it when it was time for him to go. Your fuzzy socks that he’d claimed during a movie night, because your apartment was way too cold. The spare reusable bottle because he forgot his and was already on his way to the gym. You’d resorted to trying to slowly get your stuff through Osamu, but by week 3 he’d grown tired of it. He promised you both a free meal if you came and helped him close up one night, before forcing you two to talk it out. Within five minutes the two of you are laughing.

Your first date had been one by accident of some sorts. You’d been walking around a shopping center at night and he’d caught view of a new ice cream shop. It was his cheat weekend and he suggested stopping. His treat. Some time in between you going home he’d teased that it felt like a date. You both were hit with a oh shit kind of moment because it was true. Throughout the night your hands had brushed several times, and you’d both even let the other use your spoon to taste your different ice cream flavors.

Atsumu’s feelings came relatively easy. He thought you were kind, funny, interesting, and of course attractive. You had a way of leaving him speechless with your quick and witty comeback, and it was refreshing. It’d been something he hadn’t seen much since his high school days with Aran. However he’d denied the feelings for the longest, swearing to himself that he’d never have a crush on you. You were just one of the bros, but better.But, after that first date its like the feelings just flooded out. It’d ended with you hinting that you’d be interested in going on another one, “perhaps a real one this time,” and he just nodded.

There weren’t many dates before the two of you dived into your relationship. Afterall, you’d been friends for over a year and if he’d thought you were annoying he wouldve “been gotten rid of you.” His first act of the two of you becoming a couple, was a cute picture for his new wallpaper. It’d been a hassle to get because with every picture, one of you had a problem. The first time his roots were peaking through too much and he fussed at you for not telling him he needed a touch up. Then the one he liked you were blinking, and hed insisted you looked good anyways (or that he did). He’d recounted a time where he didn’t care about making memories, but it was different now. They made him who he was, and wanted to keep the memories of your growth.

Its the nights before games that he spends with you doing self care (an act he used to pretend like he only did because you wanted to, before just begrudgingly admitting that he liked it too.) You’d gone to look for a specific face mask, before he admitted that he stole it and forgot to bring it back (when really he used it all up and was just waiting for you to buy another one so he could take that one too). When you rolled your eyes at him, he’d just brush it off a promise of returning it before opening his arms for you to return to your cuddle position. You were supposed to be watching a movie, but he’d pulled up old games of his future opponents and kept showing you interesting plays. One hand holding the phone, the other unconsciously rubbing circles onto your back. He asks if you’re paying attention to him and you admit that you aren’t at all and he sighs in over dramatic disappointment before locking the phone and focusing on you.

Its the argument that almost led to your breakup that happened due to a miscommunication. You’d been out with friends, Atsumu already trying and failing to coax you into staying the night with him instead. All it had taken was a picture taken completely out of context for him to feel hurt. He really really liked you (borderline was ready to admit loving you)!and thought you’d at least felt a fraction of the same emotion towards him. That night he hadn’t thought through anything before sending the picture (snapped on who knows who’s phone) to you with a simple ‘I see how it is’. What made it even worse is that you hadn’t seen the picture right away.

It’s how your heart dropped later that night when you were finally ready to head back to his, and your heart ached at how you called him several times only to be sent straight to voicemail. Your attempt at reaching his twin was lucky as he hadn’t even told him about what he thought had happened yet. Another strike of luck when Osamu believed you and ensured that this was a case of his brother acting first and thinking later.

The makeup had been one both of relief and realization that the two of you needed to talk. It’s when you found out that he was in love with you and that he really did love hard. Just like with volleyball, he wasn’t sure what kind of dumb shit he’d be getting into if you weren’t there. Having to sit through the conversation was uncomfortable for him as he was often the one doing the scolding to others. However the difference was that you admitted that you could’ve handled it better as well (something he doesn’t do when he’s complaining about others).

Its the nights where he hits you up at 2am already outside begging you to just take a late night drive with you. He knows you can’t tell him no so he’s offering a smirk pushing the door open as you sleepily make your way in. His eyes soften at how cute you look (he’s definitely known to slip up and talk in a baby voice like this and yes you’ve blackmailed that ass when he annoys you). You tell him that you look like shit at the moment and he agrees before backtracking and still saying you look good.

You end up at some late night drive through arguing about fries because “ya didn’t even wanna come out in the first place” and you both don’t need them. You could just share. The workers in the drive through literally have to tell y’all to hurry up to where he just glared at the faceless menu. You have to end up shouting over him the order that he still ends up complaining about. Even though you end up with the two different orders he eats all yours and every time you try and swat his hand away he exclaims that he bought them.

Those nights you wake up pretty easily because he lowers the windows and turns up his throwbacks playlist pretty loud and sings terribly and just looks so happy. Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney comes on and he loves grabbing your hand at it while singing along. Those moments are a different kind of joy from when he’s playing volleyball. He’s not focused on a win or his team and how to celebrate. He’s living in the moment, happy and carefree and with his favorite person.

a/n: um yeah cant lie I do like the sakusa version better but here we go. another middle of the night ramble.

#haikyuu x reader #hq x reader #haikyuu imagine #hq imagines #atsumu x reader #atsumu imagines #hq imagine #haikyuu imagines

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chipsanddespair · 7 years

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Clinton Naik

Argh, Im so angry today.

I dont know where this anger came from, but Ive just been cranky all day. I woke up and I just felt bored, and angry because of it, and so complacent and dissatisfied. My whole life, those who are in my life, my body, my bank account, where I stay…just, e v e r y t h i n g made/makes me unhappy. I want it to be better than it is right now. I just wanted some fun activity to wake up and do this Saturday. I wanted a partner to get up with me and motivate me. I wanted a house to myself to wake up and dawdle around in whilst I still woke up. I dont want a dog but I cant let him go. I do everything I can to make sure he is well taken care of still, but at the expense of my own happiness. He is a handful. He is too active and eats anything for any reason. Hes a bulldog but looks like a pitbull, so people judge him by his breed and I can tell they look at us like we are a part of a gang or something and it really pisses me off. It hadnt even reached midday yet and the downward spiral was beginning. I dont have that much money in the bank thanks to my obsessive need to pay back things and not be in debt. Even though Ive set it aside, as in most of what I earned this payday, I still feel snowed under and I will have to use my credit card and thus in turn, pay that back in the future. Earlier I was shown a bit of attitude from Beau about sending him some money to pay back for the times hed paid on my behalf. I thought I sent enough, I cant be sure because I didnt keep track of all the times and what that added up to in the end. Just know this, I have spent well enough on behalf of him too and havent seen compensation for that - it just set me right off to notice this ungrateful trait. I gave what I had left to him. He is the one that quit his job to pursue his passions and cannot control his impulsive preference for fresh cooked food (i.e. take out). This is a personal rant that probably wont make sense. Im not writing it to make sense to anyone. Im just letting whatever needs to come out, come out. Im still pissed off. I dont feel like this relationship works anymore. I dont want to take care of anyone else except myself, maybe I should re home the dog for my well-being. I try my best with him but its just getting too much. It does not help that we live in a small place unsuitable for dogs and we make do with the space we have but its just, no backyard equals poop stops out on the roadside. Anyone reading this would probably judge me, people tend to do that, and I totally get it. I kind of walk the same line as well sometimes. But argh, I just need to complain, pettiness and all. Because Im feeling better as I do it. I had a long phone call today with my Dad. I hadnt spoken to him in ages and it was nice to catch up. I got mad though, he has a knack for not listening. Or you say something and hell say something different as if he wasnt listening. Or hell retell a story hes told a thousand times. I need to be easier on the people who retell me stuff, I just have a big ego and that ego doesnt want to be seen as stupid. Im still mad, but better. I just want to get out of here, I want to drive a thousand miles in one direction and not have to worry about anyone else or any responsibilities. I caught my reflection in the mirror, I exhaled and relaxed my stomach and it spilled out. I look like Im pregnant and my back hurts because of all this weight. Does anyone ever get caught in that pit of despair where they just cant talk. I dont want to cry for help because Im angry at every single person I think Id meet, but I most definitely need some kind of help, or something, I dont know. Conflict is the worst. I need to hold on to hope, and cut this rage in half. Sit down with it for a bit and let it tell me what it needs to. Im not mad at anyone, I truly am not. Im disappointed, maybe, that people cant read my mind, or they arent empaths so they cant understand what I feel and give me what I need. So in turn, I need myself. This is just a slump. A rough patch on the windy road to happiness. They say happiness is a choice, and okay, I choose to be happy now. I have identified my anger, I have identified my dissatisfaction with my current relationship. I have identified that what I am doing now makes me feel somewhat better. I go back and forth still, angry and okay, angry and okay. An annoying song always played on the radio echoes in my head and it only serves to irk me. Is it wrong of me to want the hurricane to come down here and devastate. If it were only me, I would be all for it. No one else would have to get hurt. Im weird like that. I feel like I have such a mundane life that anything like fire drills, floods, tremors, anything that will rip me out of everyday life, those things will liberate me and I will have something else to live for. My basic needs will be more important than my need to go to work and pay bills and expenses. That I will have to survive and experience the thrill of survival rather than crawl through this oppressive corporate world. When I had a freak out like this, mid-January some time, or February. I remember just collapsing in on myself. I couldnt speak, I couldnt feel anything good. I lay down, I wasnt even sleepy, I cried and cried and every emotion was just desolate and I couldnt get up or eat. Beau was there however he could be, but its never quite what I think I need? I appreciate what he does, in all his limited knowledge, but theres something thats missing, compared to someone who has had years in this world and lived an involved and rich life, does that make sense? I need someone, who knows what its like to suffer and have come to terms with their torment, not someone who has known anxiety all his life and not fully reflected upon it. Its not his fault though. Nothing that happens to me is anyones fault, I must remember that. I choose who is in my life, and because of how I have chosen to go about things, I have no one close to me anymore. They are overseas, and available by message but I cant bear to be askedHow are you? How are things? Because I have so little going on right now and I am just not in a mentally healthy space to hear about all the great things others are doing. Does that make me horrible? If it does, Im quite used to being horrible.

POSITIVE. Got to remain positive. Things that are getting me down is: EVERYTHING. BUT, what can I do to fix it?

I am okay for funds. I need to buy me food for the week but I can try and make that a total cost of $50. In that case, I will only have to repay the credit card $100 and that is doable for when the time comes. I will have to pay for gas soon, $60, $160. That is okay. Im taking Beaus rainy day fund for a ticket he racked up using my car and I will also use that for board and pay it back slowly because Im still mad he even dared call my contributionlittle given our circumstances. I will check out the gym tomorrow, have a look around, and when I have the funds, I shall join asap and proceed to go to group fitness classes after work. By the looks of it, the best classes start from Wednesday through to Sunday. Four days of seven is okay! Monday and Tuesday can be swims or dog walks. I need to get my Fitbit charged so I can monitor my calories burned. That being said, before even going food shopping, I need me a caloric diet plan and I will stick to that like no other. Its funny, my biggest personal growths are always from moments between Beau and I that further separate us. I dont know if thats actually good or not but personally I feel motivated to get myself sorted the more he makes me regret wanting to be associated together. That does actually sound really toxic, well see how we are by the years end. I should do a weight loss progress report after this. I need my weight and measurements, do some calculations for calories and then think about what I like eating and fit that into my caloric diet. What I learnt when I was having fun with this last year was that even though 1700 calories is pretty hard to stay at or under, if you go and burn a few 100 at the gym, youre all sorted! You can eat more, you dont feel like youre starving and you get to ride the wave of endorphins because of the exercise - win win!

I feel like theres something missing.

I could tidy the room a bit. I need to buy more tights - they are usually $6 a pair. I think I could get three. $178.

Oh my gosh. I owe a friend a banner designed on photoshop, and because I take a long time to do things, especially creative things since Im not bursting with ideas, that is low key stressing me out because I dont want to let him down. Oh wow, maybe thats why I have such salty feelings :o

I have to set aside some time to do that tomorrow.

On an consistency achievement note, I have been diligently salt water soaking my piercing that was giving me trouble and it looks like its settling down :)

I already feel better. You know what would make it even better, a nice hot shower. Oh yes, I feel way better. Oh hey, and why not stop there, Im going to make me a perfectly tempered hot cup of tea and tune in to a Netflix movie before I say goodnight to my subscription. I feel like rewarding my eyes and brain with the talents of Heath Ledger and his amazing portrayal of the Joker.

So, tonight:

caloric diet to be made

weight and measurements to be taken

tidy room a bit

shower

watch The Dark Knight after cup of tea is made

Tomorrow:

design banner for friend

scope out gym (maybe sign up if they offer something beneficial for me in my circumstance)

check out this yoga/pilates place near house

laundry! clothes, sheets and blankets

give $200 board to landlord

Next three days:

pay off $150 ticket

cancel Netflix

pay car rego $13

Letting out the bad unfiltered helps to clear way for the good. And planning how to get the good gets your mind thinking of how to be productive.

Thank you, blog <3

#chips #despair

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