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#i. am struggling emotionally and with a class and with motivation and i guess im also underwhelmed
thecherrygod · 2 years
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i am. making a mistake
#my posts#im. very depressed. in a bad state. and also ill and unsure if im actually becoming feverish. and its midnight#i. am struggling emotionally and with a class and with motivation and i guess im also underwhelmed#like i have. shit to do. and things id rather be doing. im doing none im just sitting there feeling useless#i. just told a classmate i didnt start my assignment at all yet not even read the material#and he said it makes sense you were a bit sick im sure youll feel better and be able to do it#and i told him that hes wrong bc i would have been able to at least read the material before getting sick#and that if i was doing okay i would still be in the same situation#i. i dont. think i should be having this conversation with him#i dont. know why im doing this. i want to kms#i mean he has talked to me once when he was struggling he broke the mental illness barrier but i dont think i should be passing it either#i feel like i should stop saying whatever the fuck i am saying idk why i started idk if its too late for that#editing my tags to ad more bc i dont want to make another postabout this#yes i made a mistake. idk how to reply without going further into the conversation#'you could do what you told me and do the text to speech thing you sometimes do when you struggle to focus' my guy. my man. i cant#idk what to tell him that isnt an 'i cant even start that i can only open the documents i cant do more than that' i made a mistake#idk how to lie my way out of this idk how to just say 'yeah i should do that' or something and thats it#i mean i guess i do want to have someone to tell them how im actually doing but i dont. think its the right thing to do#also i want to throw up and cry and die and if i knew where our thermometers were id check my temperature#yeah my brain is barely working so since i feel my options are actually answer or ask him to forget i asked#i am asking him to forget i asked#i do feel awful and stupid but i dont think actually replying is good and i dont have another way to do so
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archiefm · 4 years
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         ... claws my way up from hell once more and vomits onto the dash.... hello. its nora. i used to write rory bergstrom, but if u were here before that u might remember me as greta or alma putnam or..... som1 else.... an endless carousel of trash children..... this is finn, who i actually wrote for an early version of this rp abt 5yrs back now...... grits teeth..... so forgive me if im rusty i havent written him in a long time but seein honey boy gave me a lotta finn muse n im keen to get Back On The Horse yeehaww...
DYLAN O’BRIEN / CIS-MALE — don’t look now, but is that finn o’callaghan i see? the 25 year old criminology and forensic studies student is in their graduate year of study year and he is a rochester alum. i hear they can be judicious, adroit, morose and cynical, so maybe keep that in mind. i bet he will make a name for themselves living off-campus. ( nora. 24. gmt. she/her )
shakes my tin can a humble pinterest, ma’am....
finn has a bio pasted at the bottom (n written in like.... 2015.... gross) but it’s long  so if u don’t wanna read it here’s the sparknotes summary..... anyway this was written years ago n a lot of it seems really cliche and lame now but..... we accept the trash we think we deserve
grumpy, ugly sweater wearing, tech-savvy grandpa
very dry sense of humour and embraces nihilism. 
if ron swanson and april ludgate had a baby it would be finn
he was raised in derry, just south of dublin.
from a big family. elder sister called sinead. he also has a younger sister (aoife), a younger brother (colm), and a collie named lassie because his father lovs cliches (finn hates cliches but loves his dog). 
his father was a pub landlord and his mother worked at the market sellin fruit n veg when they met but got a job as a medical receptionist when she had kids cos it meant she cld be there with them in the day and work nights.
his parents met when they were p young and fiesty and rushed into marriage cos they were catholic n just wanted to have sex. his family were literally dirt-poor, but they had a lot of love i guess
hmmmmm his relationship w his father wasn’t the best cos i can’t write character who have healthy relationships w their parents throws up a peace sign. yh, had a pretty emotionally distant, alcoholic violent father n so gets a lot of his bad habits i.e. drinking as a coping mechanism and poor anger management from him BUT anyway
as a kid he was never very motivated in class, he always had a nervous itch to be off somewhere doing something else. struggled under government austerity bcso there just wasn’t the resources to support low income families where the kids had learning difficulties n needed support. fuck the tories am i right 
his mum suggested he try sports to help w his restless energy but he was never any good at football so he took up boxing and tap dance instead. he took to tap dancing like a fish to fuckin water. as adhd n found this as a really good way to use his excess energy in a creative way
had a few run ins with the police in his early teens for spray painting and graffiti, but he straightened himself out n now actually considering becoming a detective inspector??? cops are pigs.
he had a youtube channel where he posted videos of him tapdancing and breakdancing as a kid, basically would be a tiktok boy nowadays, n had like... a small fanbase in his early teens. attended several open auditions unsuccessfully, until he was finally cast in billy eliot when he was fifteen.
during billy eliot he began dating an italian dancer called nina. they became dance partners soon after and toured across the republic with various different shows (inc riverdance lol the classic irish stereotype). their relationship was p toxic tbh, they were both very hot tempered people and just used to argue and fight all the time.
he went semi-pro at tap dancing, and nina couldn’t stand being second best so she moved back to italy with her family. ignored his texts, phone calls, etc, eventually he was driven to the point where he used his savings to buy a plane ticket, showed up at her house and she was like wtf?? freaked out and filed a restraining order accusing him of stalking.
he was fined for harassment and then returned home to derry, but after the incident with nina he quit dancing for good and finished his leaving cert before heading to university in the US to get as far away from nina and his past life as poss. and basically since he quit dancing to study forensics (death kink. finn cant get enough of that morgue. just walks around sayin beat u) he’s become a massive grump and jsut doesn’t see the good in people any more.
u’ll find finn in an old man bar drinking whiskey bc he is in fact an old man at heart or sat on his roof smoking a joint, drawing wolves and lions and skeletons and shit, playing call of duty or getting blazed or at the corner of the room in a house party ignoring everyone and scrolling through twitter. is a massive e-boy. always up-to-date on memes and internet slang. has reddit as an app on his phone
not very good at communication. rather than solve his issues by talking, he’d prefer to just solve them through fighting or running away from his problems hence why he has come halfway across the world to get away from an issue which probs cld have been solved w a few apology emails.
takes a lot to phase him, but when his beserk button gets pressed he can become a bit pugnacious like an angry lil rottweiler. in his undergrad he was in a few fist fights but doesn’t really do tht any more as he doesn’t condone violence.
 in the previous version of this rp he was hospitalised like 5 times. pls, give my son a break. stop tryin to kill him. he literaly got a bottle smashed over his head and bled out all over his favourite angora rug that was the only light of his life
works at the campus coffee shop n always whines about how he’s a slave to capitalism. always smells of coffee
lives off campus with an elderly woman named Marianne, and basically gets reduced rent bcos he makes her dinner / keeps her company. they have a great bond
fan of karl marx. v big on socialism
insomniac with chronic nosebleeds
cynical about everything. too much of a fight club character 4 his own good n has his head up tyler durden’s sphincter
always confused or annoyed
statistics
basic information
full name: finnegan seamus o'callaghan nickname(s): finn age: 25 astrological sign: aries hometown: derry, ireland occupation: phd student / former street entertainer fatal flaw: cynicism positives: self-reliant, street smart, relaxed, intelligent, spontaneous, brave, independent, reliable, trustworthy, loyal. negatives: hostile, impulsive, stubborn, brooding, pugnacious, untrusting, cynical, enigmatic, reserved.
physical
colouring: medium hair colour: dark brown, almost black eye colour: brown height: 5’9” weight: 69kg build: tall, athletic voice: subtle irish accent, low, smooth. dominant hand: left scar(s): one on the left side of his ribs from a knife wound that he doesn’t remember getting cos he was drunk distinguishing marks: freckles, tattoo of a wolf howling at a moon allergies: pollen and the full spectrum of human emotion alcohol tolerance: high drunken behaviour: he becomes friendlier, far more conversational than when sober, flirtier, and generally more self-confident.
psychological
dreams/goals: self-fulfilment, travel the globe, experience life in its most alive and technicoloured version, make documentary films, help the vulnerable in society, grow as a human being.
skills: jack-of-all-trades, very fast runner, good at thieving things, talented tap dancer, good in crisis situations, dab-hand at mechanics, musically-intelligent, can throw a mean right hook and very capable of defending himself, can roll a cigarette, memorises quotes and passages of literature with ease, can light a match with his teeth.
likes: the smell of the earth after rain, poetry, cigarettes, shakespeare, whiskey, tattoos, travelling, ac/dc, deep conversations, leather jackets, open spaces, the smell of petrol, early noughties ‘emo phase’ anthems.
dislikes:  the government, parties, rules, donald trump, children, apple products, weddings, people in general, small talk, dependency, loneliness, pop music, public transport, justin timberlake, uncertainty.fears: fear itself, drowning alignment: true neutral mbti: istp – “while their mechanical tendencies can make them appear simple at a glance, istps are actually quite enigmatic. friendly but very private, calm but suddenly spontaneous, extremely curious but unable to stay focused on formal studies, istp personalities can be a challenge to predict, even by their friends and loved ones. istps can seem very loyal and steady for a while, but they tend to build up a store of impulsive energy that explodes without warning, taking their interests in bold new directions.” (via 16personalities.com)
full bio (lame as fuck written years ago..... pleathe...)
tw homophobia
born in quigley’s pub on the backstreets of sunny dublin, young finnegan o'callaghan was thrown kicking and screaming into the rowdy suburbs of irish drinking culture. the son of a landlord and a fishwife, he never had much in the way of earnings, but there was never a dull moment in his lively estate, where asbo’s thrived, but community spirit conquered. at school, finn was pegged as lazy and unmotivated, though truly his dyslexia made it hard for the boy to learn in the same environment of his peers and only made him more closed-off in class. struggling with anger management, finn moved from school to school, unable to fit the cookie-cutter mould that school enforced on him, though whilst academic studies were of little interest to the boy, he soon found his true passions lay in recreational activities. immersed into the joys of sport from as young as four, finn was an ardent munster fan and anticipated nothing more than the day he could finally fit into his brother’s old pair of rugby boots.
his calling finally came unexpectedly, not in the form of rugger, but through dance. to learn to express himself in a non-academic way, he began tap dancing, finding therapy in the beat of his soles against the cracked kitchen tiles (much to his mother’s disgrace). it wasn’t a conscious choice, finn just realised one day that dance was something that made him feel. a king of the streets, finn made his fortune on those cobbled pavements – dancing and drawing to earn his keep. by default, finn became a street artist, each penny he earned from his chalk drawings saved in a jam jar towards buying his first pair of tap shoes. though many of his less-than-amiable neighbours called him a nancy and a gaybo, finn refused to quit at his somewhat ‘unconventional’ hobby, for the young scrapper found energy, life, and released anger through the rhythm of tap. soon he branched out into street dance, hip hop, break dancing, lyrical, his days spent smacking his scuffed feet against the broken patio into the night.
when he was thirteen he took up boxing, and as expected, his newfound ‘macho’ pastime conflicted with his dancing. the boxers called him ‘soft’; the dancers called him ‘inelegant’. he felt like two different people; having to choose between interests was like being handed a knife and asked to which half of himself he wished to cut away. he couldn’t afford professional training in dance, with most schools based in england and limited scholarships available. instead, he made the street his studio, racking up a small fanbase on youtube. when he was fifteen he made his debut in billy eliot at the olympia theatre in dublin. enter nina de souza, talented, beautiful and italian; ballet dancer, operatic singer, genius whiz kid, and spoiled brat. she was selfish, conceited, hell bent on getting her own way, and every director’s nightmare. finn fell for her like a house of cards. he’d always had a soft spot for girls who meant trouble. and so their hellish courtship began.
by the time they were seventeen, the two young swans had danced in every playhouse across the republic. they were known in theatres across the country for their tempestuous personalities, their raging arguments with one another, their tendency to drop out of shows altogether without any notice, yet the money kept rolling in and the audiences continued to grow. for three years, their families continued to put up with their hysterical fights followed by passionate reconciliations. he was too possessive, and she was too wild. their carcrash of a relationship finally came to a catastrophic halt when nina broke off the whole affair and returned to italy with her family. for months finn tried to contact her, yet his phone calls, texts, facebook messages were always ignored, until finally he was driven to drastic measures and used his savings to get a plane to her home town. when finn turned up uninvited at nina’s house she freaked out – and rightly so – she contacted her agent, accused him of stalking her, and had a restraining order placed against him. finn was arrested, held in a station overnight, and charged with harassment before he was allowed to return to dublin.
after the incident with nina, finn lost the fight in his eyes. he became far more hostile, far less likely to retaliate with his own fists, and picked fights not for the thrill of feeling his own fists pummel another into a wall, but for the sensation of his own brittle bones cracking. he dropped his tap shoes in a dumpster, stopped talking to his friends, followed his father’s advice and went back to school to complete his leaving certificate. a few short months later, and finn was packing his bags, saying his bittersweet goodbyes, and travelling half-way across the globe to be as far away as possible from his past self, his mess of a life, and most of all nina. it seemed somehow ironic that the boy who had been cautioned by the garda so much during his youth for spray painting, busking without a liscence, and raucous parties would become the grumpy, aloof overseas student studying a degree in criminology; that his once reckless spirit could be crushed so easily. 
of all things that finn could be called, straightforward would never be one of them. ever since his first days in atticus, the boy was pegged as hostile, hot-headed, cynical, rude. he seemed to spend more time in his thoughts than engaging in conversation. like a ticking time-bomb, finn’s anger was of the calm kind, liable to explode without a moment’s noticed. his unpredictable personality make him something of an enigma to those who aren’t amiable with the lad, though hostile as he may appear, he harvests a good heart. loyalty lies at the centre of his affections, and whilst his friends are few in number, he makes a lifelong partner. somewhere within finn, there’s still some fight left, but mostly he has recognised that his hedonistic lifestyle did little to leave him fulfilled – mostly, it just emptied him out – and over his three years at university has resigned himself to a nihilistic predicament.
        if u wanna plot with me pls pls pls im me or like this post!! i am always game for plots i love em so excited to write with you all here r some ideas
study buddies. finn is now a phd student so has to start takin shit seriously. he gon be in the library every day doing that independent study. if he had ppl who were also regular library goers n they get each other coffees to save time.... tht wld be sweet
ppl who love techno dj sets and going super hard on the weekends!!! fuck yea
friends with benefits. exes on bad terms. ppl he tried to date but couldnt because he’s always emotionally hung up on someone else. spicy hook up plots
ppl he met touring?? maybe ppl who were also in the entertainment industry..... anyone got a character who is ex circus hit me up
does anyone else study criminology / forensics / criminal psych / law? phd students sometimes lecture so he cld be an assistant lecturer / tutor if ur character is in a younger year
gamers !!! social recluses !!! hermits !!
finn goes to the skatepark and all the young boys there think he’s a gradnpa which he is! 
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littlelovelymemes · 6 years
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watahbufala · 7 years
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these questions are from @classesandaspects and are from this post
Aspect questions:
Which aspect(s) are you drawn to?: well im drawn to a few and i thought i should actually explain them. first off im probably drawn twords void allot just cuz i really love the void aesthetic, like big dark rooms, or like dystopian future style dark almost unimaginably big buildings (theres also the fact ive loved all the void players and thought they were rad), im also drawn twords the space aspect of course. space is something i really like in general, like its this huge dark lonely vacuum thats both comforting and makes me not feel so great about life. im also a creative person who tends to have issues with dimensions, and i love to explore things (i do a bit of urban exploration stuff allot) also the colors would look great with most god tier outfits. im drawn to time as well for its connection to mechanical things and death. i mean i think everyones a bit connected to death but im pretty numb to the idea and such. i dont really get to depressed when people i love die cuz i know its their time and everyone has to pass at some point. i also tend to connect with the heart aspect allot cuz it has to do with self image and such (but i think self image has to do allot with space as well). im also kinda drawn twords breath and mind just because i get breath allot on tests and love the pyropes
What drives you? What motivates you?: this is a big question for me. i tend to think that the future and what it holds motivates me but i think its allot deeper than that. i guess i look at the future as what i can become in the future an how i can like...up my skill?? idk. but i tend to think people motivate me, and the thought of getting things done and not having to stress anymore motivates me. first of all i think everyone could use a friend saying "you can do it!" every now and then. i tend to put out my emotions just to get feedback from people telling me that it will all be alright and that they care about me i guess. theres also the whole getting things done thing, i tend to stress out and just avoid doing things allot. like i just tend to procrastinate. i love to just do talk to people on the internet, read a book or just enjoy a story, and just enjoy doing nothing all day. so i mean getting done with things sorta quick motivates me but i also tend to put stuff off ALLOT. another thing that motivates me is me is like, what i can become in the future. like once i get done with all this i can be the artist of my dreams and be good at art and writing all that. i practice to make myself better i guess. my biggest drive for the last year or so (ive kinda been having depressive episodes) is the fact that one day i could write something that will inspire people and i guess make me important? like maybe make the world better for me and other people. i could write something amazing one day and couple it with amazing art. so uh yea. (all these answers are too long jeez)
How do you view the world?: man. this is kinda a deep question for me, i kinda dont think life has much meaning. like i think the point of life has been cemented in reality as like, enjoying it? thats the main goal people have. i think that we were put on the earth to make a better life for the people coming next tho. like create the new generation of the world and such.
Which aspect matches your personality?: man thats a good question. i would say space but im not sure. i think either mind or space. my personality is kinda wierd imo. cuz on the internet i act allot more analytical and in real life i usually do stuff and act random just to make people laugh. id say im like allot different than almost everyone i know, i have different hobbies and interests, have different sense of fashion, have a different music taste, etc etc etc. like i tend to just be different in general. i tend to do weird things just to make people laugh. like ill scream just to have a reaction. i tend to attribute these qualities to mind sorta? i also act very uncaring and unemotional irl, when online i can easily come out with my emotions and tell people how i feel (this is probs cuz i have more confidence online and think my online friends would listen more). i also think i sorta act motherly? maybe not really. i tend to have like a thing where if someone says "hey im gonna do this stupid thing!" ill say "no stop thats stupid" an nag them about it until they wont do that stupid thing. im also sorta protective. like ive been with someone and i was walking across the street and i almost got hit by a car, but i pushed the other person out of the way so i could take the hit and theyd be ok. but i tend to say i act like a space or mind player. possibly a breath player cuz of my uncaring attitude
Class questions:
How do you relate to your aspect?: personally i think my aspect is space, but its kinda hard to answer this question without being sure. and well i sorta look at space as what i want to be and what i am. like im creative, i love to do art stuff, i tend to deal with allot of problems that have to do with distance that can destroy me emotionally and thinking about them can ruin my day at times, and i like science. but across the board i act differently with different types of space. like i think im better than most creatively and have allot of knowledge on the creative process, i think i deal with allot of shit dealing with distance, and i tend to think im not the best at science (not doing the best in school science but i love science as more of a hobby. like not something i have to be good at. just something i enjoy. like i love allot of science youtubers and thinking about what i know of science). so i think im a bit different all across the board. i think i sorta just do whatever i feel like with space, which is usually just using it or learning how to do it better. like i wanna be the guy that does the space and does all the cool shit, but im not sure if i fit that role perfectly. i think im more of an observer that does things when they feel like it. or just someone that really likes space if that makes sense. so i tend to think i sorta feel the good and bad of space, and use it.
What is your role / archetype / character arc?: uh ive been described as the main character but thats not much of an arch. i think i need to kinda improve in skill an knowledge mostly, maybe i need to learn to be myself a bit more and come out about who i am more and stop sorta following others? im not exactly sure what my character arc is. i probably need to learn to be content with who i am, or maybe grow in skill and knowledge like i said before, maybe i need to learn how to grow in skill and knowledge. i think those are the 2 main things that plague me. 
What do you struggle with?: i think i mostly struggle with internal issues, and insecurities. i also worry about whats to come quite a bit. i struggle with putting things off to the last minute allot. but it mostly comes down to the fact that i think im not the best and need to be better. ive gone through a few aspects and i always think "wow im not really good enough at this to be this aspect" i do the same with space but people tell me i fit it super well. i also tend to be quite depressive and lonely at times. i dont leave my house to go see friends too often and i mostly just sit inside and talk to people on the internet (which i find fun) but it gets me down because i feel pretty lonely. ive also moved allot over the course of my life and left allot of people behind (some without even telling them im leaving) and that really gets me down. when i think about that it can sometimes ruin my days. 
Which class matches your personality?: this is a bit tricky, i tend to say knight because of how insecure i am and how i tend to conceal my emotions irl. but i also think im not insecure enough to be a knight (like dave and karkat had DEEEEEEEEEEP issues). i think im more akin to a seer, rogue, or maybe mage. ive been told i act like a seer a few times by friends. i tend to act a bit like terezi, so possibly. i also tend to relate to the mage characters being stubborn when it comes to space, and sorta having a sollux kinda mood most of the time. i say rogue because i tend to act a bit like roxy but that one is more meh. any of these 4 i sorta act like but im not sure which
(also keep in mind i typed this out pretty quickly if theres any spelling mistakes)
this was a private post. but im making it public cuz someone was using it as an example
also i came out with mage of space by the end of this if your curious
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