#idk I'm rambling now and I'm hungry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

sugar-omi · 4 months

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Just some brainrot because we love Cove. (Also, your fics are soooo good. Thanks for sharing it with us. I mean omega! and rockstar!cove :o )

So, we have Step 3 Cove in hand some time after Patreon's nsfw moment. MC is obssessed with giving him head, of course. He's so cute when you do...what can I say ? I'm a simple human. So yes they do it often, like casually saying : "Cove, I'm hungry." while you two are casually hanging out. At first he doesn't understand but the look in your eyes convey your message to him.

Most of the time, you'll be totally satisfied with just leaving him all red, dishevelled and flustered. Just having him putty in your hand makes your day. But at some point, when you ask Cove to come to your house (without kinky ideas in mind for once) he asks you if your just horny. While it makes sense, I like imagining that MC decides to not get him off anymore. Obviously until he begs, all red and pent up, for a release.

In the meantime, MC just spent their time teasing him. Light touches, flirty remarks and maybe getting him all worked up while making out only to purposefully stop. The poor guy, will clearly snap if show up at his door, anklet on.

This was a bit long and I'm sorry if there's any mistake as english isn't my first language.

I LOVE YOU ANON IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE ROCKSTAR!COVE TOO HEHE 🙈🙈🙈(omega!cove too, im having sm thoughts abt him lately...) also dw your english is perfect n i feel like you took an exert outta my head LMAO

tags : NSFW, hc's, gn reader, multiple choice dialogue, this just a really big ramble bc i've been a zombie thinking abt this shit n now we're here...., mmm overstim, oral (cove/reader receiving), reader's a TEASE, mind break honestly, ooc but idc 🏌️

he's confused when you first make subtle hints/advances, but i think realization hits him like a truck a millisecond later

for the longest you two wouldn't be able to keep your hands off each other

late at night sneaking into the others room so you can suck cove off, trying to keep all the slurping and gagging noises to a minimum

cove's moans are another struggle, but i say climb on top of him and let him eat you out / suck you off while you suck him off too

ohh his head would SPIN with that

he almost woke up your mom's last week because he moaned a little too loud when he finished

so now you're on top of him, your lovely ass and sex in his face

ahhh he'd be so fucking cute. teary eyed and whining into and drooling all over your cunt / cock, pulling you down onto his face so he can get more of you

also i loveee the thought of sucking him off in his car

realistically, i don't think step 3 cove could even handle the thought, he'd probably faint and hit his head n die LMAO

but arghh it'd be so hot

you went on a nice date, and now you're sitting in the parking lot of a beach far from home late at night, and tonight was so much fun.

shopping, movies, you even got some nice food from a hole in the wall restaurant

and now you're finally alone, no one around to see your boyfriend throw his head back, claw at the steering wheel and moan and babble and try not to thrust up into your mouth because he doesn't wanna hurt you

he's so whiny, and so loud

you've been sneaking around for awhile now, you can't blame him for wanting to be vocal because fuck your hot, wet mouth around his cock is so hot

and definitely doesn't help he's probably overstimulated, his cock so sensitive because you've been touching n sucking him off so much

let alone when he's rubbing one out in the shower before a date/event or in the middle of the night because he had a wet dream about you<333

mmm idk about yall, but i would break him <333

of course he doesn't interpret every touch or invite as sexual, but i also you've ruined him so you can't blame him, its your fault 🤭🤭

so now whenever you rub and squeeze his thigh, or give him a hot kiss, or say something like "cove, i wanna leave now... " or "come over, i miss you <3"

or send him a spicy text, "i had a dirty dream about you, can i come over, please?"

also omfg i would be so satisfied with just teasing him too…

i love it so much. it’s the best actually

mm i like having long nails, i’m always thinking about getting a new set/doing your nails all pretty and you’re showing them off to cove then you tell him “i wanna see how they look around your dick”

he’d love that omfg

imagine dragging your nails over his chest, teasing his sensitive nipples before you move down, pulling out his dick and giving languished strokes while you kiss him breathless, only moving onto leaving love bites all over his neck n chest once he’s a drooling, blushing mess <33

i think he’s gotten used to your late night/midday booty calls too

so when you invite him over, he can’t help but anticipate sex

but instead you’ve set up some snacks and a movie you’ve been waiting to come out set up on the TV and now cove looks like a fool with a half hard dick and with how fast he rushed over here

when you ask what’s wrong he’s mumbling, stuttering out how he thought you had ulterior motives for inviting him over…

so now it’s his fault because now he’s set up on your couch with him on your lap, teasing him about how he’s too horny to even imagine his s/o would want a normal date, no ulterior motives whatsoever

how he probably can’t even hold your hand without thinking about how you jerked him off in the bathroom of his workplace

and you’re so fucking right

because some days he can’t even kiss you without remembering his taste on your lips, can’t forget how your legs were trembling on either side of his head and now you’re having lunch with your families

how you’re sharing ice cream and jokes with your friends like you didn’t pull him aside before you left and got him off, begging him to cum, that you need to taste him to get by

omfg i also love the reverse/the consequence of breaking cove this way

because either way, he’s obsessed with you too

needs to taste you, have you… he’s just dying every day to have you under his hands, on his tongue..

and i can’t decide which i love more.. teasing cove bc he needs to have you, or teasing cove bc he gets so wound up from you needing him often

bc both is so delicious, and both of them scratch my brain so much

cove eagerly eating you out / sucking you off at the beach, he can’t even focus on teaching you surfing/surfing with you or building sandcastles, etc. because all he can think about is you n having his mouth on you…

you’ll show him a new outfit or sit in his lap or cuddle up next to him, etc. and now he’s thinking about ruining you in those clothes or sinking onto his knees giving you head while you lay back on the couch, still focused on your show

i love how in the ORCA dinner moment cove gets tense when you touch his thigh

i think he’d definitely be obsessed with you teasing him, working him up, dirty talking him especially

oh fuck i almost forgot. in the first patreon nsfw moment, he loves when you pull away before he finishes and you “don’t want it to end”

so technically this is canon <3333

so he’d definitely love is you pulled up to your date one day, anklet on and looking so lovely

n you’re touching his thigh, telling him how good he looks, kissing him suddenly and then pulling him into a deeper kiss when he gets it together

at some point you end up in his car, too busy swapping spit and slipping your hands where you can to get a feel of each other under those clothes, to even make it home

of course eventually you do, but even then your teasing doesn’t stop

ohhh sitting in his lap, rolling your hips into his, kissing him breathless until he’s babbling

you try to pull away, partially to tease cove but also because its late and his dad will be back any time now

but he convinces you to just get each other off, that you’ll have enough time so please?

and while you’re jerking cove off, you hear cliff’s car pull up and cove has not been quiet whatsoever, you couldn’t possibly risk it

but he’s so desperate, he’s so close to finishing, you can’t stop now!!

on the verge of tears prbly, all blushy and hot and a total mess

babbling about how he’ll be quiet so please make him cum, he’ll be good so please.

he’s such a doll, and he does keep his promise, even if it means shoving your undies in his mouth or muffling him some other way, like with your hands, lips, or sex

or you can let him bite/hide his face in the pillow, messing up his bed from all his squirming…

fuck this turned into such a big ramble tysm for sending this, im sorry i used this as a chance to unleash my apocalypse of horny brainworms LOL

#cove holden #olba #our life: beginnings & always #cove holden x reader #smut #cove holden smut #cove holden x mc #cove holden x reader smut

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 6 months

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helloooo have a messy scribble page of oc concepts. unfortunately, im in love and will now proceed to ramble At Length

but before that! rudimentary height chart!

all i know rn is Mairy - the cow - is about the same height as Howdy/Barnaby/Poppy (around 8ft), Hettie & Daisy are in the Wally/Julie/Sally category (around 3ft), and Jesterly is more Frank/Eddie (around 4ft). Derry Drake is fuckoff huge, and Casey is... idk really. tall but not That tall

so. rambles. i... have those, yeah

Mairy Love - she/her - lesbian a gorgeous white/blue cow! originally she was gonna be pink/white, but blue/white is my favorite color combo and honestly? it's dairy colors to me. she's big! she's strong! she's very gentle and sweet but also takes shit from no one, even though she doesn't like confrontation much (unless its playful roughhousing! jokes fly completely over her head! i'm thinking she tends to a lovely orchard of various fruit trees, and probably cultivates some crops for fun as well. maybe seasonal ones? pumpkins for the spooky season, fir trees for those snowy days, etc.

Casey J. Mittens - he/him - aro this orange fella is scaredy cat central! unfortunately for him, he's also curious to a fault! curiosity killed the cat, and he fears the day that rings true for him! he'd rather curl up at home or in a cozy tree, crocheting something cute from one of his many balls of yarn than do anything else. he tries to be a voice of reason, but is too easily convinced otherwise. he's that friend who says "we shouldn't be doing this" as he wholeheartedly assists in the shenanigan in question.

Hettie (currently undecided) - she/her - bi true to her honeybee heritage, Hettie is a florist! she boasts an impressive array of flowers that she tends to like her life depends on it. she's always running around to make sure they're all getting the best care - and she's always checking in on her pals to make sure they're taken care of, too. she's a busy bee who wouldn't know a day's rest if it stung her on the ass! It takes a lot to make her mad, but everybody better watch out when her wings start buzzing

Daisy Hop - she/him - pan i actually created Daisy as a supplementary character for a certain au, but realized i could find a place for her in this little group. i'm thinking he runs a little shop - a roadside stall, more like - where she can both sell her own homemade candy & his friends' stuff! she's the only one in the group that can keep up with Hettie's energy, and even surpass it at times. though unlike Hettie, Daisy knows how to take (and appreciate) a break!

Jesterly - whatever/is/funniest - Derry a menace. they love pranks above all else, oftentimes at the expense of others. he's always up to something and is never not scheming something! there's always Someone to bother! in all honesty she's more like an annoying stray cat that no one can get rid of... and they better not try, or they'll face the wrath of this fool's Very large partner! The jester's cap never comes off, and neither does the mask!

Derry Drake - they/them - Jesterly there's no sugarcoating it - Derry is a big lazy grump! it's almost impossible to get them out of their cave, or off of any place they decide to nap. the only thing that can reliably get them moving is the promise - or prospect - of food. it's a wonder how they've accumulated such a hoard of random things in the back of their cave, seeing as they rarely get up at all. they're incredibly nearsighted and bite first, ask questions later - after all, who knows if the colorful blob in front of them is food or not! better to be safe than hungry!

currently in my mind they have their own little community deep in the woods. Daisy lives in a modified burrow, Maisy has a cute farmhouse, Casey lives in a cozy treehouse, Hettie has a small cottage, and Derry & Jesterly live in a cave. within their community, they share practically everything. want a snack? pluck something from the orchard. need a new pair of mittens? ask Casey! i suppose you could say they're communists <3 (except for Daisy. she won't charge his friends, but anyone else is free game)

Mairy and Hettie have romantic tension, Daisy and Derry are the only ones who can tolerate Jes, Mairy wants Jes dead, Casey is terrified of Derry, Daisy's rapid-fire speech confuses everyone but Hettie, etc. i should make a chart for funsies...

#if i want to get realllly out of my comfort zone #i could talk about how my brain automatically started going 'ok this is how they interact with The Neighbors'#but i think. ill save that for now #listen listen for my whole life ive always kept my fan-ocs expressly separate from canon characters #i either put them far away from the action or in a different point in time entirely #but i can. i can have fun? with this maybe? its just a silly side thing... im playing with dolls...#i have Thoughts...#scribble salad #wh oc #welcome home oc #mairy will sometimes crush Difficult To Crush things to intimidate choice people #she's intimidating and she knows it! she'd rather be nice but sometimes a bitch has to get smacked #mairy: im a pacifist #mairy: *loading shotgun* however-#derry often steals casey's yarn for their own hoard #so casey has to go steal it back (or ask for it. either way derry makes a fuss)#I LOVE THEM. FUCK #i dont need any more ocs please... i already have several hundred...

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wonily · 1 year

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⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀🎧 ﹕ slow dancing w/ jungwon

warnings : reader has insecurities, dialogue-heavy, not proofread, probably switches between tenses

[ lily’s rambles : HEY! idk if anyone remembers me but i'm wonily (lily) ^_^ i deactivated like... a long time ago but.. i'm kinda back & this is a repost from my old blog ]

he saw it in your eyes whenever you stood in front of the mirror and nit picked at all the things you disliked about yourself. he heard it in your voice, all those times it wavered as you reassured him that you were alright. and he could feel it now, sitting next to him with a dejected frown. a sigh escapes your lips and he swears that his lips turn down into a physical form of a frowny face as he racks his brain for what he could do.

without any ideas, he simply chooses to wrap his arms around you tightly, expressing without words everything he wanted to say— you are safe, you are loved, you are enough. it’s a mark of your relationship with him that you can understand all that he conveys through his hugs, even though you don’t believe it. and he knows you won’t believe it because you simply refuse to see the good in yourself.

“dance with me.” the words are mumbled quietly, muffled as they’re spoken into your hair but they linger pleasantly in the air as you sit, listening to his heartbeat. he draws you to your feet slowly, and carefully, scared that he’ll somehow break the delicately lovely person that is you, whom he loves and cherishes with his heart. you, who his heart aches for when he sees you in pain.

his arms cradles your body gently, rocking you side to side in the silence, creating an unheard symphony of love that he so dearly wishes to play for you. he smoothes back your hair a little, his fingers brushing gently over your skin and he offers you a small smile that you can barely return. he takes a deep breath, going back to rocking you side to side, “i think that your eyes are beautiful. they express so much and i think that they hold all the stars in the universe.”

you open your mouth but he shakes his head gently, silently pleading with you to let him finish. “and i think that your nose is adorable. it’s cute and i think that it suits you just perfectly,” and he taps your nose affectionately.

“and your lips are beautiful, whether you’re smiling because you got a good grade or frowning because of a sad ending or pouting because i took your chocolate,” he plants a gentle, fleeting kiss to your lips, adding as an afterthought, “and i get to kiss them everyday too, so that’s a plus.”

a small smile tugs at your lips and he notices it, feeling himself smile a little so he lays his head on your shoulder, “and your shoulders are my safe place, no matter how much you hate them. they give me comfort because i can feel them rise and fall with each breath you take and reminds me how lucky i am to call you my lover.”

“and your tummy? it’s eaten so many delicious foods and is the reason i love to eat because eating with you and sharing the food we love together makes me so, so, so happy,” he smiles fondly, remembering how just yesterday you had cooked dinner together, with multiple dishes neither of you had ever even heard of until coming across a youtube video.

“and your legs, they’ve walked so many places with and without me. you’ve found new restaurants and new parks and you’ve pulled me to your favorite places in town. they’ve gone on morning strolls with me and maeum and midnight walks around the still bustling streets.” he brings his head back up to look at you again, never ceasing the miniature slow dancing rhythm that he had unconsciously started between your bodies.

“and you. oh, i love you so much. everyday i wake up to see you by my side and everyday i fall in love more, even when i swear i couldn’t love you more than i already do. but everything is possible with you. i love you when you are happy and i love you when you are sad. i love you when you wake me up at ungodly hours because you’re hungry and i love you when you refuse to leave the bed alone because you’re scared of the dark. i love you when you sing, even if you don’t like your own voice, and i love you when you are in front of the mirror, thinking that no one could ever love you. but that’s not true, i love you. and i will continue to love you with all that there is in me until one day, you love yourself too.”

#enhypen scenarios #enhypen #enhypen fluff #enhypen angst #jungwon scenarios #jungwon fluff #jungwon angst #jungwon #yang jungwon #enhypen imagines #enhypen drabbles #enhypen one shots #jungwon imagines #jungwon drabbles #jungwon one shots

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herecomethefuzzz · 8 months

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hi sylv!! btw i wanna say quick tysm for ur support on my fics🥺💗ur always so kind in the tags it makes my day <3

i come w/ a request!! best friend! reader petsitting jambo + the other guy while schlatt's away and him coming back to see you sleeping on the couch with the cats and him realizing he has feelings for you🥺

-rabbitsrams <3

OHMYGOD HELLO ???? you have no idea how excited i got when i saw your user. i love your writing so much its actually amazing !!! anyway, here you go !! it might be a bit long and it probably sounds like i was rambling a bit sometimes because my brain literally. exploded. but uhh yeah !! i hope its okay (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

- a couple days ago your best friend, schlatt, asked if you could look after his cats whilst he went out to film something for his channel. he'd promised you they wouldn't be too much of a problem.

- of course you'd said yes, not wanting to let him down. it was only for the day, couldn't be too big of a job, right? oh my god you were wrong. those two cats were just so CHAOTIC when they were together.

- that day you learnt that a black cat and an orange cat are not a good combo.

- absolute hell. you had jambo running about, doing classic orange cat stuff, and the other little guy was so. loud. literally all he did was MEOW. it didn't help that he didn't let you pet him much, seen as he didn't know you.

- you'd tripped over them more times than you could count, and, honestly, you had considered calling schlatt and telling him to come home more than once.

- it got even worse when they started to get hungry. literally round your legs CONSTANTLY meowing. it was only when you walked into the kitchen that you realised they were hungry.

- once you'd fed them, there was finally peace and quiet. so you decided to go and relax on the couch. it was late, and you were beginning to get tired anyway. you curled up and went on your phone, mindlessly scrolling through twitter. (X?? idk i just call it twitter LUL)

- after around ten minutes, both cats pattered back into the living room. you sighed, expecting them to wreak havoc again, but instead they both jumped up on the couch, and came to lay with you.

- you put your phone down as they did so, and jambo came to curl up right in your arms, whilst the other kitty laid in between your legs.

- you smiled, happy that the two kitties had finally calmed down. infact, everything was so calm and quiet that you felt yourself drifting off.

- it didn't take long for you to finally fall asleep, with the two cats being snuggled up to you, they gave you a lot of warmth.

- not long after you'd fallen asleep, schlatt had gotten home. he was grinning as he got to his front door, expecting you to be up with the cats, waiting for him.

- he opened the door, shouting a, "hey toots! i'm back!" as he walked down the hallway. as he rounded the corner to walk into the living room, his jaw literally dropped. very dramatic reaction from mr. schlatt here.

- his eyes travelled from you, to the black cat inbetween your legs, then to jambo, and he felt himself smile. maybe he even felt himself go a little pink.

- the fact you were comfortable enough to fall asleep in his house made his heart beat just that little bit faster, but he had no clue why.

- and then it hit him. as he looked at your pretty face again, studying you as if you were an art piece in a gallery, he realised he had feelings for you.

this was originally meant to be like. a proper fic. but i then realised that my brain cannot comprehend writing an actual story right now so it got turned into a bulleted thing i hope you dont mind (⁠｡⁠ŏ⁠﹏⁠ŏ⁠)

#sylv's writing :3 #it is. 2:13am. help.#jschlatt #schlatt #jschlatt x reader #schlatt x reader #schlatt and jambo

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criticallyacclaimedstranger · 1 year

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Stonemilker [Joel x f!reader]

Read on Ao3

Fandom: The Last of Us (HBO)

Ship: Joel Miller x you (cishet f reader)

Tags/warnings: Heartache, breakup stuff, Ellie lives and Joel is lying to her, sad sex, you know this is ending sex, Couple fighting, idk what this is folks, it's a sad story with a hopeful ending.

Summary: When Joel returns to Jackson with Ellie, something has changed. Can your relationship survive it? Takes place after episode 9 of season 1.

Words: 3,967

A/N: The title Stonemilker is the title of the first track of Björk's Vulnicura (2015), an album solely about the end of a relationship. Cheers to @rambling-in-purple for reading it before posting <3!

Joel returned a changed man. A younger man. A less hurting man.

Ellie was with him, of course, hugging you tightly in the kitchen of the small house you had been given. You had been setting the dinner table for one when she had burst in and called your name, Joel striding in behind her. You dropped the plate, and the porcelain pieces spread around your feet.

Little did you know that your life was about to shatter in the same way.

Joel gave you a warm hug, nothing more. You wanted to hear everything about their journey, but they were both tired and hungry, so you gave them time to shower and change into clean clothes while you adapted dinner to feed three.

Later that night, when you went to bed with Joel, you saw the hideous wound on the right side of his stomach. He told you what had happened since he and Ellie left Jackson.

He told you everything: the abandoned college, the stab wound, and how close he was to dying. Ellie saving him. The resort. All the dead bodies. The hospital.

His decision. Hallways of dead people left behind. His lie to Ellie.

"Joel..."

He looked at you with shrouded eyes. Where there used to be an iron curtain, there was now a thin veil that showed depths of horrors, but also hope. It scared you more than the hard metallic gaze that you were used to.

You knew why he did it. You understood him. You would probably have done the same.

"You have to tell her."

"One day, I will."

"Sooner rather than later. She deserves to know the truth."

There it was, the unyielding steel in his eyes. He never appreciated being told the obvious. But when Ellie did that, slapped him in the face with inconvenient truths and poignant teases, he grimaced to keep from smiling. When you did it, you received a glare.

You had always thought that that glare was yours because Joel didn't have any other way of expressing his reluctant amusement. And it was, but there was a smile-hiding grimace as well, just not for you.

Something had changed. You didn't realize just how much until a few weeks later, when you were out with the hunting party, and a cougar popped up so suddenly that not even the horses had smelled it. It was a young animal, probably a male looking for a territory of its own, and you were the closest to it. Your horse reared, you fell off, hit your elbow on a rock that just had to be precisely there. As if by some miracle, your head missed it, though. The wind got knocked out of you while your brain was screaming frantically at you to get up and get your gun, but before you could move, a shot rang out over the plain, and the horses neighed in fear.

Deion was by your side a moment later, brows knitted together in worry.

"You okay?"

Breath returning, you began to feel the impact of your fall. Left elbow was smarting, your ass was probably bruised, and your heart was beating a mile a minute from the scare.

"I'm fine," you managed to wheeze. He helped you up, carefully pulling you on your feet. He held your hand as he inspected your face for discomfort. You let him. It's comforting, that big, warm hand holding yours.

"You sure?" He wanted to be certain before he let you go. You nodded and forced a smile.

"I'll have a bruise, but I'm good." You've had worse, so much worse.

The warmth of Deion's hand lingers on your skin long after he releases your hand. As you get on the horse and ride back to Jackson, you find yourself thinking about how Joel never showed such concern for your well-being. And he doesn't do it now, either, when you return sooner than expected, moving like you're in pain - which you are.

"You need to be more careful," he tells you gruffly. You know it's his thing, he doesn't do softness, and yet... he does to Ellie. He speaks kindly to her, laughs with her, talks to her about things beyond mere survival. Tells her about his daughter. That's a new one, he never even mentioned his daughter to you.

It's heartwarming to see him thawed. The glimpses of who he used to be melt together with who he is now. You always suspected he was a great kind of guy before the world went to shit and he was forced to become a version of himself that he himself hated. And it hurts you more than the bruising that he cannot be this new person with you, only with Ellie. She deserves the best Joel, you know that, but don't you? After all you've been through with him?

You argue with him later that night. That's also new. While you may have disagreed with him occasionally before, you have never fought about it. Maybe it's the comfort of Jackson, the fact that a disagreement no longer means the risk of death. Maybe you have just had your fill.

"You could at least say something that doesn't make it sound like it's my fault!" you yell, unconcerned with your voice carrying over to the next room where Ellie is asleep. "You could ask me if I'm okay!"

"I can see that you're okay," Joel replies irritably. "I've seen you take worse hits."

"I am not okay, Joel!" The words are spat into the half-lit bedroom and the silence that follows is heavy from the impact. Joel crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks at you with unreadable eyes. It's not his usual glare, the one he gives you no matter the reason, because it's all he's capable of. It's just... closed. Like he has nothing more to give you.

You sleep in separate rooms that night. Ellie is unusually demure in the morning, looking from you to Joel and back to you, clearly bothered by your fight the night before. You make a mental note to talk to her after breakfast but before you can suggest an activity, Joel asks her if she wants to go out shooting.

Okay, let Joel deal with Ellie.

You go to your chores, which consist of animal care for most of the day. Deion joins you. He wants to know how you're feeling.

How are you feeling? Bruised and annoyed. Sad and confused. Touched and frustrated. Abandoned. Lonely.

"I'm good," you assure him with a light smile. "A little sore, but I've had worse."

All day he sees to it that you rest. He takes care of the tasks that will aggravate the aches of your beaten-up body. He reminds you to take a break when it's nearing lunch time.

He cares so clearly. Is this what it's like, to be with someone who cares?

Ellie is bubbly that night. She and Joel have had fun, she tells you, and you're happy for her. Ellie is a child who was never allowed to be one. She deserves carefree days. She deserves a father figure, a dad. A mom, too, but you have no idea how to be that. Especially when things are so askew with Joel. Whatever things are, were, should be. You and Joel used to be about teamwork, survival, partnership. But life in Jackson is different. What you two had, were, is not needed here. What else can you be?

Joel watches you take your clothes off when you get ready for bed. You turn your back to him, maybe out of misguided, sudden shyness, maybe to show him the bruise that has painted half your back. It was dark red yesterday, now it's turning purple.

His feet are heavy on the floorboards when he walks up to you. His rough fingers are surprisingly soft when tracing the outlines of the bruise. You close your eyes, lean into his touch, sigh softly when he kisses you neck. You lie down on the bed and let Joel take you. He's gentle, more so than usual, but every thrust pushes you against the bumpy mattress, hurting you. Neither one of you speak but when Joel has finished, he cradles your face in his hands and kisses your forehead so softly that it's barely a kiss at all. You turn your back to him when you go to sleep. Your muscles are sore from the coupling, and you quietly love that tenderness like one would a bittersweet heartache. The bruise on your lower back throbs like a young heart in love, and when you turn onto your side, away from Joel, you wish he would kiss the miscolored blossoms.

But he doesn't. He simply turns away from you, just as you turned away from him. With a canyon between your warm, spent bodies, you both go to sleep.

Ellie accompanies you to your chores the next day. After a quiet hour of cleaning the stable, she eventually asks you if you're mad at her.

"No, Ellie, why would you think that?" you ask, immediately regretting your poor choice of words. She shrugs, leaning against a stall door, both hands gripping the handle of the pitchfork, the prongs scraping loudly against the floor.

"You've been weird since we got back. You and Joel have been fighting."

"That has nothing to do with you," you lie, hopefully convincingly. Ellie looks up at you, a hard glint in her eyes.

"I'm not stupid. You never fought before, not for as long as I've known you."

You stop your sweeping but don't know what to say.

"You barely talk to each other," she insists.

"It's complicated," you tell her feebly. "But it has nothing to do with you, Ellie, I promise."

"Then what is it?"

You shake your head. "I'm not going to talk about our relationship with you, Ellie. It's not your problem."

"It is my problem if my - " she stops herself, the word parents hanging in the air for a second, before she continues: " - if you two are going to, I don't know, get a divorce or some shit."

An amused scoff escapes you before you can stop yourself. "We're not married, Ellie."

"I know. But you're, like, together, right?"

"I don't know what we are," you blurt out, averting your eyes so you don't have to see her reaction at your confession. You hear the scraping of her shoe at the floor.

"Did you count on me not being here anymore?"

Her voice is small and sounds so different from its normal curious and teasing tone. A clump forms in your throat.

"Ellie..."

"I'm in the way."

You let go of the broom and focus instead on Ellie, standing in front of her and taking the pitchfork from her so that you can grasp her hands.

"You're not in the way," you tell her firmly. Ellie looks away, and you shake your head to stress your words. "Ellie, look at me."

She meets your steady gaze, and you see how conflicted she is. Poor girl. She is a child. You can barely remember what it was like to be that age and besides, it was another world ago, but you do remember that it was difficult and confusing for so many reasons.

"You are not in the way," you emphasize softly. "But this situation is new, for all of us. This place. This dynamic. We're not just surviving anymore, Ellie, we have a chance to live. And I... I've never had that chance with Joel before. So I'm struggling a little right now. But it has nothing to do with you, okay? You just... be you. You're so good for him, Ellie, you have saved him in more ways than one."

She purses her lips, and you see her throat muscles work as she swallows.

"Okay," she finally nods, quietly. You press a smile, try to look like this problem was resolved.

"Okay." You give her a quick hug before going back to your work. Ellie seems relieved but you can't stop thinking about how you pinned it all on your own back. You are struggling, you are having a hard time of this new way of life. As if Joel has nothing to do with it. As if his broad, once so safe, and reassuring back isn't now turned to you in cool detachment.

You try to bring the topic to him later that night, tell him that Ellie is noticing and worrying. It ends in a fight and this time it's Joel who sleeps on the uncomfortable couch. You lie awake, wondering what went wrong. Is it really you who changed? Are you being a selfish bitch, jealous of a 14-year-old girl? Do you really want life to go on as it did before, in the Boston QZ, fighting for your life with Joel by your side?

Why is settling down so hard?

Nothing changes in the coming weeks. Talking to Joel is like milking a stone. Every now and then the two of you fight, as quietly as you can when Ellie has gone to bed. You still think he should tell her. He refuses to, and you can see the fear in his eyes. Ellie will be furious with him; you both know it. The longer he keeps her in the dark, the worse it's going to be. You find yourself wishing that you'll be far away when the day comes.

One early spring day you ride out with Deion to check on the traps. You've spent most of your days with him these past few weeks. He appreciates you, sees you, wants to hear your opinion. He takes you to the movies. He asks you about your past. He shows interest where Joel barely even wants you at night anymore.

The snow has started to melt in the sunshine, and you find a sun-kissed clearing where the ground is yellow with glacier lilies. The air is warm, and you can smell the changing of the season. You dismount and crouch among the delicate yellow flowers, hover your hands over them, smile in childlike delight when you see bees buzzing from flower to flower. You can't remember the last time you saw bees.

In that clearing, you ask Deion to kiss you, and he does, almost immediately. Not until the kiss is over does he express regret.

"You're with Joel."

"No, I'm not."

He smiles, and kisses you again, and you remember those first pre-teen infatuations: the warmth, the excitement, the heart-stopping angst about whether or not the subject of your passions felt the same. You remember all that but only feel it radiate from Deion. The feelings are unrequited.

That night you collect your few belongings into your backpack and leave the house. You hug Ellie and ask her to forgive you. You say nothing to Joel, and he says nothing to you.

You do not go to Deion, but instead to the boarding house where new arrivals are placed while awaiting homes of their own. Deion is kind, and he showed you what it would be like to be with a person who genuinely cares for you, but you don't want to rebuild your shattered life around a man.

A week later you mount a horse and leave Jackson. You have no plan, no light to look for, but you can finally breathe freely. Heading west, you ride at a slow pace all day, enjoying yourself more than maybe is appropriate. Your saddle-sore backside in the evening doesn't put a damper on your joy when you sit by your small fire with a cup of herbal tea. This is the start of something new, maybe disastrous, but definitely different.

The dark woods around you don't scare you, neither does being alone. You realize now just how alone - lonely - you've been these past couple of months, smack in the middle of the warm and well-organized community that Jackson is. Its friendly inhabitants weren't enough: you only wanted kindness from one single person. To be alone out here, by choice, feels a lot better than the time spent in Jackson.

When you prepare to leave the campsite the next morning, a horse emerges between the trees. Instinctively, you reach for your gun before your brain has processed the face of the rider.

It's Joel. Your mouth falls open and your legs feel weak.

"What are you doing here?" you manage when he dismounts. His hunched shoulders tell you clearly that he's uncomfortable and also stalling as he, very meticulously, ties the reins to a nearby tree. You wait impatiently for him to acknowledge you. When he finally does, his nut-brown eyes are clear in the first rays of the sun.

"I'm here to ask you if you would consider returning."

You have to bite your tongue in order not to laugh out loud. Your hard stare tells him everything, and he shifts his weight from one foot to the other.

"I'm going to tell Ellie about what happened at the hospital."

You raise an eyebrow. "Why are you here telling me that?"

"Because when I do, she's going to hate me, and I can't stand losing both of you."

"It's a little too late for that, Joel."

He nods, wets his lips. Looks away and draws a wet breath. Rests his hands on his hips, purses his lips. You realize he's fighting against unwanted yet inevitable tears.

Joel crying. That's a new one.

Moments pass, minutes, maybe hours, days, you have no idea, but you keep staring at Joel as he stubbornly looks to the forest, as if there was an answer or saving grace to be had between the trees. You are relentless in the midst of the rising sun, the singing birds, the soft shush of the wind through the budding treetops. He has to make the first move, show something, say something. Offer an explanation to why he stopped listening. Where did the apathy in his eyes come from? Why did he suddenly decide to show no concern for you?

He brings his hand to his eyes, rubs them quickly with forefinger and thumb. He then turns back to you.

"Ellie misses you."

You stand your ground, implacable as you wait for him to continue. Finally, he confesses:

"I miss you. The minute you left I started missing you."

"Then why did you let me leave?" you ask flatly.

"I wasn't going to stop you if that's what you wanted."

You refuse to engage, even though you want to scream at him: Do you think I wanted to leave?

"Was it Deion?"

"What?" Your eyebrows meet in a surprised frown. "What about Deion?"

"You spent so much time with him. Did you... was there anything between you?"

Unable to play it cool anymore, you take a step closer.

"How fucking dare you? You have no right!" Your horse and Joel's shift their weight, ears twitching nervously.

He's a little taken back with your raised voice, but he doesn't match it.

"Sorry," he mutters instead, and now it's your turn to drop your jaw. For a moment, both of you just stand there, looking at each other, trying to find some common ground to share so that things can be resolved.

It's Joel who finally finds that little patch of soil to sow the seeds of reconciliation.

"You remember how I tried to make Tommy take Ellie to the Fireflies?" he asks, and you nod mutely. Of course you remember. The tension in the house had been so thick you could have cut it with a knife.

"But I took her. And everything that happened after that... happened. I have to live with the consequences. I just had to keep her."

He shakes his head, something desperate filling his features. "If I get to keep her, I can't keep you."

"What do you mean?" you ask quietly, not following. The long look he gives you is anguished, but he stays quiet, as if he has said too much. Your brain is working at full capacity until it has connected the dots.

"Is this some kind of 'can't have too much good shit in my life' bullshit?" you ask hoarsely, almost afraid of the answer. "Because that is just... Joel, you are an idiot."

You're shaking by now, and Joel bristles a little.

"Look, Ellie has nobody else. She's stuck with me, for better or for worse. She's a kid. But you are not. You can have someone better."

"What if I don't want anyone better, what if I happen to love a complete fucking idiot who doesn't deserve me but is stuck with me because I chose it myself!?" you scream, tears filling your eyes and escaping down your cheeks. Joel winces, as if you just slapped him, but when he sees your tears, he closes the gap between the two of you with a few long strides. The next thing you know, you're crushed against his broad chest, smelling his sweat and slightly woodsy scent with leather and horse and melting snow. He holds you so tightly it's almost constricting your breathing, but you don't fight back. You've fought back for long enough.

"Darlin'," he murmurs throatily. "Darlin'. You love me?"

"I did," you sob. "But I don't know if I still do."

He's quiet, his hand moving in slow, comforting caresses over your back. Something is broken in you and the splinters are pressing against your internal organs, making breathing near impossible. Your face against Joel's chest, you think you can sense something break in him as well.

"You're right," he finally whispers. "I am an idiot and an asshole."

Your only response is more tears because now he gets it, now the milk is flowing from that goddamn stone, and it just might be too late. You don't know if you can trust him to handle your broken pieces right, or if there is a second chance for him in you.

There is no telling how long you stand like that, entwined in a sad, desperate embrace. The sun's rays start to feel warm even when you're cold inside. When your tears finally dry up, you shift in Joel's arms, and he releases you. You can't look at him, can't let him see you like this, but he gently places his finger under your chin, and raises your face to his.

"Am I too late?" he asks. His eyes are red and there are wet trails on his cheeks. You swallow hard, try to navigate between your desires and needs.

"What would change?" you finally ask. He places his warm, slightly sweaty palm against your cheek and brushes his thumb just under your eye, catching a lingering tear.

"I would love you."

He has never said that word to you before, and you want to ask for a detailed description of what it entails. How will he love you? Will he listen, help, support, share?

If Ellie decides to hate him, will he hate you in return? Will Ellie?

On the other side is a vast wilderness of no coordinates, the unknown with all its dangers. What are your chances of survival, of finding decent people? Jackson is full of decent people, and now also Joel and Ellie. Joel, who hurt you. Ellie, who is torn between the two of you.

He waits for your answer, and you find that you don't have a definite one to give him. But you know what direction to take.

"We'll talk about it on the ride back."

If that direction is a way forward or a way back, you don't know. You just feel that it would be wrong not to try.

#the last of us fanfic #joel miller fanfic #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #my fic

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neteyamyawne · 11 months

Note

human miles quaritch where you're a scientist bit you're both in love? miles accidentally shoots you while aiming for the helicopter and after feels regret but when he finally gets to see you in the final fight, you end up passing out. happy ending? i haven't read your rules yet so if this goes past it I'm so sorry 🫶

A/n : This does NOT have a happy ending, it's all angst, okay? I will make a part two of this, which will have a happy ending, i promise. Please read my rules before requesting 💚

Traitor ✦♡

Pairing : Quaritch x fem!reader

Summary : request

Song : avatar 1 playlist

Parts : pt1 pt2

Plunge 🗡️

❈ Warning : a lot of angst, threatening, killing, passing out, war, mention of a loved one dying, description of being shot in the head (mild), cursing, a little toxic but sweet? Hurt no comfort, sad ending, established relationship lmk if more.

❈ Word count : 7.8k not proof read

❈ Note : idk what got into me writing this, there's a little surprise in the end 🤭

"word" - dialogue **word** - flashbacks

❈ Glossary : tsawke - sun (child name), ma'evi - my child, zize - hellfire wasp (pa'li name) lmk if more.

You stared through the microscope, noting down everything you could as fast as you can, writing the last sentence you leaned back and stretched your body in your chair, groaning as a few pops were heard from your back, the sound of it a bit too loud in the empty lab, the only light seen was on your desk and the hallway, you glanced at the digital clock on the wall, your eyes widened as you stared at it 4:23 am, "dammit" you huffed, swiveling around in your chair, getting up, your stomach rumbling for food, when was the last time you had a meal? And ofcourse you had to miss dinner as well, you looked around your desk to see if any snacks were left, with nothing found you searched Grace's desk next, opening a drawer you knew she kept her chewy granola bars but the only thing you got in return was a sticky note at the bottom with a "i told you not to take my bars! - G.A" written on it, you sighed, you had to be hungry at the oddest hours! but no cafeteria in this sector opened until it was 8am in the morning, so you were only left with one choice.

Making your way silently to the military sector as all the soldiers wake up way before anyone, so their cafeterias opened earlier as well, the only thing left now was to go in ask or beg the cooks for something and come back just as silently. Tip toeing your way inside the cafeteria hallway, sneaking inside, thankfully there was no one present in the room, walking over to the counter you knocked on the glass showcases, a round faced stout woman peeked from behind the kitchen doors, her eyes widened clearly not expecting a scientist at these hours, she made her way to the counter, her sweet motherly accent calming you down as she asked "what do you want, dear?" You looked at her sheepishly, face burning in embarrassment " umm, maybe do you have any extra leftover breakfast? I'm sorry i stayed up all night, with no food whatsoever, i didn't had breakfast either, so i was hoping i get some here, you know they don't open so early- now I'm just rambling, I'm sorry-" but her chuckle cut you off, she leaned over to pat your cheek "it's okay my dear, sit down on one of the tables, I'll bring you something to eat, these brutes eats too much already" you laughed at that, saying your thanks you sat down the table nearest to the counter.

She came back with a big plate full of eggs, sausages, pancakes and what not, you were baffled, they barely had any fresh fruit back at your sector and this is what the military sector is getting? Damn you Parker, your thought traveled wild as you gobbled down the breakfast, you were so engrossed in eating that you didn't see Quaritch coming in, taking another bite as your mouth was already stuffed with the previous one, you jumped in surprise when he sat down next to you without a warning "Miles, you idiot, god you scared me" letting out a sigh , putting down your fork, he just laughed "i thought you nerdies never came in our area" you glared at him, picking up the glass of juice the sweet chef gave you, gulping it down "how many times have i told you? Don't call us that!" He slung his arm around your shoulders, pulling you close, you rolled your eyes at him "don't you science guys hate us too much to be here?" You got up, taking the leftover pancake with you, not giving him an answer back, by the time you got to the door, he was catching up your side, putting the last piece of the pancake in your mouth and swallowing it but before you could see what was happening, quaritch back you up, caging you again the metal wall, capturing your lips with his, all your struggles falling away, melting in his arms, pulling back for air "come down here too sometimes sweetheart, i don't bite you know" he nuzzled his face in your neck, you look down the corridor, to see if anyone saw what just happened, relieved you looked at him in the eye "i thought you wanted this to be a secret?" He threw his head back "I don't mind them watching now" you shook your head "ohh shut up you moron" a blush heating your face "you know, you look pretty when you blush, doll" you speed walked out of his arms, hiding your now red face from any onlookers, aiming straight for your quarters, his laugh ringing in your wake.

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It's been quite a while since this became a thing, you and him, no one knew though, except for grace, of course she knew, you didn't know how but she knew and didn't leave one chance to reprimand you about it, you tried to ignore her but she just wouldn't leave you alone about it, it's been weeks since the new recruit Jake Sully was being called by quaritch, it was getting on Grace's nerve you can see it as clear as daylight, she did not want any scientist meandering with the "knuckleheads" and you being entangled with miles while Jake running of to him every minute he got made it worse, , so you did what you had to.

"You can't ask me that, we're here for a mission!" He huffed out, you pinched the bridge of your nose "A mission for what miles‽ We are invading their home, not the other way around, and no more visits by Jake, this is it!" He looked taken aback, you were done discussing this, you knew if you didn't end this now, grace would take drastic measures "what do you mean?" He started nonchalantly, talking as if he didn't know anything "Don't play dumb on me, Quaritch, i know what your plan is, i know exactly what you told Jake, please just don't, this is not the way" you pleaded with him, making him understand the situation , he knew, you using his last name was serious but he stood his ground even taking a step forward, a hand clasping on your forearm, a stern look on his face, jaw clenched tight, a vein in his forehead pulsing, in a slow voice he drawled out "those blue monkeys out there are worth Nothing and the sooner you understand the better" he seethed, this time it were you who was taken by surprise, his unexpected anger making you take a step back in fear as he walked out of the room without glancing back at you.

The moment you got back to the lab, grace knew something was wrong, terribly wrong, your face told her everything she needed to know, within seconds she was by your side, you knew he was up to something, something that involved in harming the omaticaya, and Jake was helping him but to what extent you didn't know. Grace had enough though, immediately her plans on moving to site 26 were brought into action, Jake was surprised but he had no say in it, Grace was the incharge and her word was final. Soon enough you were shifted to the site, you were shaken up, the way he said it, you couldn't help but feel something bad was storming up.

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You sat by your desk head perched on your hand, staring down at the papers in front of you, Trudy was in a chair beside you snoring away with a bag of chips sliding down her torso, looking at the little clock on your desk, the hands denoting 6am but no sleep aided you, your mind flooded with possibilities of what could go wrong, sighing you got up making your way to the small counter to make some eggs for everyone, time ticked by and one by one everyone got up, Jake being late, he rushed to his link but you pulled him back by his chair, handing him the plate while he whined "c'mon y/n, I'm already late-" but you didn't let him speak any further as you punched the red button on his link panel, he groaned while you spoke "No breakfast, no avatar" he rolled his eyes scarfing down everything hurriedly like there was something exciting waiting for him.

You got into your avatar with grace after a while, it was good to be back with them, grace and you both loved to be with them, it's like you belonged more with them then your own species, you picked up tsawke, one of the clan children, he cuddled close to your neck, as you talked with everyone about the day. Your routine was interrupted when a commotion stirred in the common ground, walking over, you saw eytukan, mo'at and tsu'tey gathering in the center, the hushed whispers catching on, your face morphed into shock– the RDA has attacked the tree of souls– tsu'tey's yells notified nothing but a call for war then to your horror you saw Jake and neytiri walk inn, hand in hand, grace came to stand beside you, tsu'tey propelled forward, shoving Jake back, neytiri got in between hissing at him, holding him away from Jake but what tsu'tey said next left you speechless "you mated with this woman?!" You slapped a hand on your mouth as grace mumbled "ohh shit".

Mo'at walked forward "is this true?" Her voice stoic, but neytiri held her head high as she said "we have mated before eywa, it has been done" tsu'tey's face fell as he turned back, Jake argued "brother please, do not attack the sky people, many omaticaya will die-" but you did not listen till the end as tsu'tey drew his knife and pounced onto Jake "you are not my Brother!" You screamed holding tsawke closer, Jake stood up after deflecting his attacks "I'm not your enemy, your enemy is up there, I can talk to them-" tsu'tey had not mind to let him talk "no more talking!!" Cutting Jake on his arm, neytiri yelled at them to stop but none of them did. Jake kneed him in the stomach and punched him in the jaw, making tsu'tey fall on the ground, he got up wiping his jaw as Jake spoke "I am omaticaya, I have the right to speak, Lu aylì'u ngaru. Ayngaru nìwotx.(I have something to say, to all of you) the words are stones in my heart–" you looked at grace as she fell to the floor, putting down tsawke, you ran towards her, her name falling out of your mouth, you looked at Jake horrified as it clicked what was happening but before you could say anything, your eyes rolled to the back of your head as your na'vi body thudded to the ground.

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You gasped as your link was broken abruptly, opening the case, quickly getting up as you saw quaritch punch Jake, grabbing his arm as you spun him around "are you out of your mind?! Miles, listen to me, you can't do this! Please" he grabbed your arm pulling you with him as he ordered the soldiers around him "wheel that meat out of here, close this up and move" you struggled against his grip but he didn't let you go, just as you got to the door, he glared at you "I told you, the sooner you understand the better, I don't want to hurt you, y/n but you chose not to listen me, I will not say this again, stay by my side, I'll keep you safe" he grabbed the oxygen masks, putting it on your face, but tears pricked your eyes, breaking the airlock, you walked out into the air of pandora.

Jake, grace and norm were escorted out, Trudy stood near her chopper with an unreadable expression while quaritch kept you behind him, you felt guilt rile up your veins seeing them being treated so differently than you were, settling on the rotor craft beside quaritch, he held you by your waist while his other hand clutched his gun, tears ran down your face, you knew something like this would happen, doubt gripped your heart, how could you fall for a man like him? How did you even let this happen? Questions swirling around your mind, sobs broke out of you but you didn't expect him to pull you close and kiss your hair "this is not your fault, doll, I know you love those tree huggers but they are not your allies, we are, and I need you to understand that" he mumbled against your hair, but nothing his said could comfort you, it only added to your anger still you stayed quite, the whole flight was silent, only your sniffs were heard, as brown flew you back to hell's gate.

You stood beside grace, playing with a bracelet nervously that the man in front you, who threatened you and your team, gifted it for your birthday, you all watched Jake destroying the bulldozer camera in the footage, quaritch paused the video tape just when Jake was about to hit the final blow to the equipment, "you let me down son" you cringed at that, quaritch walked towards your group as he leaned down to Jake "so what you- you find yourself a local tale and you just completely forget what team you're playing for?" Jake glared daggers at him, Grace rolled her eyes, talking to Parker in a demanding voice "Parker, there is still time to salvage this situation-" but miles turned to her yelling "shut your pie hole" but Grace didn't back down "or WHAT? Ranger Rick, you gonna shoot me?" "I can do that" you shoved him back "Miles!" Grace turned to you scowling "you need to muzzle your dog" you sighed and Parker shoved in between "yeah can we take this down a couple of notches please?" You walked towards quaritch pulling him back but Jake wasn't even trying to be on your side, by now you didn't even know who he was playing for or evening playing at all! "You say you wanna keep your people alive? You start by listening to her."

You took a deep breath inn before starting, staring at quaritch to make to make him realize just this once "those trees were sacred to the omaticaya people, in a way you can't imagine-" but Parker had a mind to cut off everyone who was speaking in his vicinity "uhh you know what? You throw a stick in the air around here and it's gonna land on some sacred- fern! For Christ sake" he was getting on your nerves, ticking you of like a time bomb "I'm not talking about some kind of pagan voodoo here, I'm talking about something real, something measurable in the biology of the forest" his face clearly showed he had no interest in what you were talking "which is what exactly?" He folded his arms, giving you a smirk, you took another breath to deal with his bullshit and to form words that we're understandable for him "what we think we know, is that there's some kind of electrochemical communication between the roots of the trees, like the synapses between the neurons, Each tree has 10 to the fourth connections to the trees around it and there are 10 to the twelfth trees on Pandora" you waved your hand down to show the enormity of the situation "which is a lot I'm guessing" Parker looked at you with zero understanding about what you just said, you stepped forward "it's more connections then the human brain, get it? It's a network, a global network and the Na'vi can access it" your voice was soft, desperately trying to make him understand, grace spoke up "they can upload and download data, memories at sites like the one you just destroyed!" He just looked at you and her with a dumbfounded expression "what the hell have you people been smoking out there?" He said laughing at your faces ``they're just goddamn trees!" Still laughing as if it was a joke "you need to wake up Parker" grace walked forward, "no you need to wake up-" she cut him off "the wealth of this world isn't in the ground, it's all around us! The Na'vi know that and they're fighting to defend it, if you want to share this world with them, you need to understand them" your head snapped back at quaritch when he spoke from beside you, tapping something on the glass tab "i think we understand them just finee thanks to Jake here" turning you head to look at Jake, he didn't meet your eyes looking away.

quaritch pulled you by your wrist towards the holographic table "hey doc, come take a look" the holographic image of Jake's log popping up, he explained how there was no way of bribing the omaticayans out, you looked at Jake with pure shock as his video explained his detail movements, quaritch still held you beside him making you watch it, grace squeezed Jake's shoulder as he hung his head down, miles pulled you behind him as he spoke "so, since a deal can't be made i guess things get real simple, Jake thanks, I'm getting all emotional i might give you a big wet kiss" he turned bringing you with him, you jogged beside him trying your best to keep up with him "miles please, this is wrong, you can't do this" you said trying to loosen his hold on your wrist "this is it y/n, look at me, we are here to take, not to make friends with those blue monkeys" you look up at him, tears stained your cheeks "we can't take what is not ours, miles" he pulled you in for a hug kissing your forehead "that's what we're here for, doll, to prove it wrong"

Parker sat in his chair playing with piece of unobtainium, quaritch by your side as he spoke "I'll do it with minimal casualties to the indigenous, I'll drive 'em out with gas first, it'll be humane, more or less" Parker leaned back in his chair, you grab quaritch's arm, shocked at what they were discussing, you gasped with Parker's next word "all right, let's pull the trigger"

A soldier was standing besides you while you stood near the large windows overlooking the warships getting ready to attack the home tree, you tried to stop them but none of them were ready to listen to you, quaritch gave the final order of you not linking with your avatar till he says so, a guard by your side till he comes back, now standing besides Parker, the guns and missiles making you sick to the stomach, grace, norm and Jake were taken back to the labs, but a commotion behind you whisked your attention, "Dr, Augustine, you cannot be up here-" she shoved him "Back off- Parker, wait stop, these are people you're about to-" the soldier grabbed her arm again but she wrenched her arm out of his grip "i said Back off!" You got in between them as you saw Jake rolling in, Parker just rolled his eyes at her "no no no no, those are fly bitten savages who live in a tree, Alright? Look around, I don't know about you but I can see a lot of trees, they can move!" Grace let out an exaggerated sigh "there are families in there, there are children, babies! Are you going to kill children?" Jake butted in "you don't want that kind of blood on your hands, believe me, let me try and talk them out, they trust me" you saw the inkling of a hope, to make their statements more strong you hopped in "please Parker, just let them try, just once, let Jake talk them out, please" he looked over at you and the others finally speaking after saying nothing for a while "fine but you are to stay here y/n, i don't need more trouble than i already have" you nodded, this was better than nothing.

You ushered Jake and grace back to the lab, yelling at others to get the links ready "calibrate the links fast, they are going in right now" you walked to Grace's panel with her, Parker and his goons trailing you "calibrating three and four" grace opened her link getting in she said "run sequence", you prepared her link from her panel "initiating, thirty seconds" you saw Parker going back to Jake's link as you heard him say "you've got one hour, unless you want your girlfriend in there when the ax comes down, evacuate them" with that he closed the link door, you walked over to Grace's side, closing the metal cover over her, you looked at her with pleading eyes "get them out please" she nodded and you closed her link as well, with that you stumbled beside her link on the chair, praying to any deity listening for everything to go as planned and letting the waiting game begin.

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Everyone watched on the monitor, the people had tied Jake and grace up, it was from the view of the dragon so you knew it was quaritch giving the orders, the first round of the tear gass was thrown in, they started open fire but the arrow did nothing but scratched the ship, you chewed on you nail, watching as the diplomacy had failed, there was no way out, just when you thought he'd fire another round of tear gas, incendiaries were blasted right into the root of the home tree, you clasped a hand on your mouth as the missiles exploded on it, the natives ran out, many must have died in an instant, though there was no sound you could see the hell he was raining down on them, Jake and Grace's avatars were still tied to the post, the ship turned around changing the view but staying there, getting into lines they fired again with even bigger missiles, the explosions bright as they hit the spiral columns, the rain of fire stopped as they waited and you saw with bated breath, the columns splintered breaking down, the tree leaning on on a side, falling down rapidly, every scientist beside you was in tears as a sob fell out from your lips as the tree thudded to the ground, it was done, the once tall mighty structure has fallen, humans got away with their ways yet again, you fell to the floor, knees giving out, shock ringing through your body and your mind going numb, norm picked you up but it was over, you had lost, again.

You were still standing with everyone as you watched the destruction on the screen, Parker twisted his head back at zdinarsk "pull the plug" you looked at him in horror as she walked towards the links, you ran to Jake's panel "you can't do this, it's dangerous, BACK OFF" they screamed at you to calm down but one of them shoved you away binding your wrists together as he slammed his hand onto the red button, you screamed at them to stop, norm punched one of them but it was of not use as he was held down my the other, Grace's link being cut of as well, tears streamed down your eyes as they opened Jake's pod, he was immovable, blank expression covering his face, zdinarsk held you back as you fought her grip, yelling at her to let go, both of them were taken out of the pods, Jake was hauled over one of their shoulders, grace struggled in their grips as she screamed at them "YOU MURDERERS!" You were now strapped to the railing near the main desk, pulling at the orange band as it wouldn't budge, you fell down to your knees, yelling at them to stop but it was done, as all four of you were held down on the floor, hands bound with guns pointed at your heads.

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You sat with Jake, grace and norm in the detention cell, even when quaritch tried to keep you out, Parker just wasn't having it, you looked up from where you buried your head in your knees "I'm sorry, guys, i-" but Jake was quick to stop you "no, it was my fault, not yours, you tried to help us but I couldn't convince them" You shook your head about to reply back but the sound of footsteps stopped you, looking out of the cell door when scratching of wheels were heard, Trudy walked in wheeling a cart in front of her, stopping in front of the guard, she laughed out "personally, I don't feel like these tree hugging traitors deserve steak" he got up, leaning down on the cart as he exclaimed "they get steak? That's bullshit, let me see" Trudy laughs and then puts her gun to the back of the Lock Up Trooper's head as he bent down, she orders him to the ground, slamming the gun on his vagus nerves, knocking him out cold, she called out to max and he ran in next, opening the door, "quick, quick we don't have much time" Trudy hugged you once before following the others.

Speed running towards the helipads and runways, you grab a mask on the way, getting to the airlocks, everyone wears their masks, opening the attachment door, we all run out, Jake stops behind and you skid to a halt as well "max, I need a man on the inside, I trust you for this" max nods ushering us to go as he runs inside, we bolt towards trudy's chopper, norm took down the coverings while trudy's ignited the engines, now we had less time than before, you helped norm to bring up Jake's chair, climbing up as you looked back at the base to see quaritch slamming a door open without a mask while he rained down bullets on you all, the rotor craft turned exposing you towards him, with his bullets firing down, you felt a pain in your abdomen, the impact making you fall onto the metal floor, a hand covering the wound, Jake and norm celebrated your escape while you looked down at your body "son of a bitch" you groaned, Jake's eyes snapped at your figure, he helped you up screaming at norm "get the trauma kit!" Grace pulled you up too, you yelped as the adrenaline from before wore off and the pain began to spread, norm and grace held you down as Jake worked on your wound, bandaging it as tightly as possible, till you landed safely near the site.

Trudy manuverd as quickly as she could through the fog and vortex towards site 26, getting to it, you were hauled inside the lab settling you on one of the link pods as a makeshift bed, while Jake got into his link, grace sat by your side, you felt the place tilt, letting everyone know that your were airborne now, she ran a hand through your hair, resting it on your cheek, her eyes shone with unshed tears, you smiled up at her "don't worry, grace, I'm not going down this easily" you both chuckled but your face twisted in pain as the slight pressure of your laughter made searing pain spike through the wound, sweat beaded your forehead and body, time went by, your body getting weaker and weaker, the blood seeping out of the bandages, she patched you up again, taking a syringe out of the kit, filling it up with a liquid you had no interest in knowing, puncturing the skin near your forearm, you let out a hiss wincing at the pain, she threw away the syringe, you gripped the side of the link below you as the whole of the lab swayed while it was being lowered to the ground, you were near the tree of souls now, the thud of it sounded a lot louder, you closed your eyes just resting them for a bit, getting as comfortable as you can with a bullet in your stomach.

Your mind hazed over, the blood loss was making your brain feel heavy and light at the same time, seconds bleed into minutes and minutes turned into hours, the night sky twinkled in the layer of stars, you smiled softly at the bioluminescent forest outside, ohh how you loved the feeling of the breeze blowing through your hair, your avatar body so in sync with the nature that it felt odd to be in your human body, grace was seated beside you as you stared outside. You closed your eyes, the exhaustion lulling you to sleep.

Jake walked to the lab in his avatar form, knocking on the window to get Grace's attention, she got up, grabbing her mask going outside in an instant as he told her everything he had in his plan, soon enough you were stripped of your clothes only the bandages holding on the wound were left, grace covered your body with the vines and Jake carried you all the while you were passed out cold, you began to wake up as you felt yourself being moved, the sight in front of you making you gasp but it came out as a soft inhale, Jake looked down at you smiling as he said "look where we are y/n" you breathed into your mask "i need to take some samples" Jake chuckled softly, bringing you to the base as he laid you down, neytiri fixing you legs as norm and grace fixed your avatar, your eyes fell closed as you felt the cool grass below you, sighing into the mask, you felt small fibers sticking onto your body, voices drowning out when you felt a cool sensation behind your neck.

You opened your eyes but a bright light made you close them back, looking around it was light and dark at the same time, you felt like you were flying and swimming at the same time too, it was quite and loud, but your attention was focused when a voice rang out "you are here before your time, my child" the sound not female nor male, you gasped in realization "Eywa" it came out less than a whisper, the light shining brighter, you watched in awe, no face or body was seen but the sound so angelic it almost hypnotized you, "yes, ma'evi, you have more to live, more to see, it is not your time to be with me, you have life within you to live for, i will call you back when the time is right, go back ma'tiyawn" each syllable was said and spaced perfectly, silver lined your eyes but something tugged you in the center of your torso, the tug came back from inside, before you could utter a word you were pulled back.

You gasped, opening your eyes for the second time, your vision clearer than before, you looked at Jake when he came in your line of sight, you voice light as feather "i saw her, Jake, i was with her, i was with eywa, jake" your eyes were blown, everyone circled you and grace pulled you in for a hug, tears of pure joy ran down your face, your return now celebrated throughout the crowd, you smiled at grace, neytiri sat by your side, you placed a palm on her cheek as she smiled back at you, how long has it been since you've seen her smile so bright, Jake got up going to tsu'tey as. He spoke and tsu'tey translated for him, the clan cheered as Jake got to the end of his speach, the sun rise anew, sunlight cascading down the trees, norm took Jake's place, pulling me in his arms he whispered "i thought we lost you" you smiled, patting his back, Jake glanced at you one more time before taking neytiri's hand and made his way to his toruk, you gasped in shock, when did he ride a toruk? But your question was unanswered as the clan moved to their own ikrans while you, mo'at, grace and norm sat near the tree, mo'at took of her shoulder wrap, around you and now you were suddenly aware of how naked you were, pulling the ends of the fabric around you, getting up but you stopped in your tracks as you saw your human body, walking up to is, as you stared at your human face, flicking back the hair from your face, finally letting go of your old self you turned around not looking back, you walked forward into your new life, a new beginning.

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Jake traveled through most of the forest clans, gathering them together to fight back against the humans, you sat with grace, twisting the knife in your hand, the knife that quaritch gave you to protect yourself, more like gave your human self but still gave it to you, the memory flooding back as you stared at the sharp blade-

** You got back from a collection trip but nearly dying from it at well, you didn't expect to run into the natives, they attacked your group, no arrows were shot but you were severely hit by them and taken to the hospital wing immediately with Max accompanying you as he was hit to but not that bad, you were admitted for quite a while and quaritch almost took out a march against the Na'vi to kill the ones who hurt you, weeks after that when you were in your quarters with him, he helped you sit up and you looked at him confused but he got up going to his jacket that was hung on the hook near your door, pulling out the knife out of its pocket, he walked back sitting down besides you, removing the cover from it, setting it aside, he brought the hilt of the blade to your palm, making you grip it tightly, he angled the tip of it to the base of his neck, and your eyes widened "miles what ar-" but he shushed you, talking as he gripped your hand tighter against his throat "plunge and twist" he breathed out, showing you how it's done with the actions over his skin, your hands shook but you listened intently, nodding as you understood "keep this knife with you, always, now you know how to use it too" you laughed at that but nodded, slipping back the cover on, he took the blade from your hand and slided it up your ankle, the elastic on the cover snug on your calf, he pats the blade before giving you a smile and tackling you down on your bed, smothering your neck with kisses and tickling your face with the slight scruff on his jaw as you squealed in laughter at that, pushing him off you but he put his whole body weight on you, trapping you beneath him before he broke hell loose on you as he tickled your sides till tears were falling down your face**

Eyeing then small knife in your hand, grace looked at you, she was in her human form, her avatar resting near the makeshift beds for the once who were injured, Jake was now with norm and Trudy talking to max about what quaritch's next step would be but even after all this something in your heart longed for him, you knew he'd kill any of your closed ones without a thought but he saved you in your darkest times, he brought you back up from your lowest points, he loved you when no one else saw your sorrows, how could you forget someone who did so much for so easily?

** You sat in your bed, looking at the pictures of your old life back on earth, how things have changed, a tear fell down on the picture of your brother who was killed on the way back to home on the bus, the gang ransacking your whole town, hijacked the bus, taking the kids hostages, your brother being killed as a warning for others to obey, they shot him multiple times in the head before throwing him out of the bus and driving away, the police found and brought him to you while in their chase to capture them but it didn't matter, your brother, your only family after your parents passing away was dead, he was just 9, after his death was when you took the decision to join the Pandora project you've been delaying to answer back, Dr. Grace Augustine requested your presence as her collaborator, but you said no because of your Little brother, if it weren't for you, he wouldn't have anyone to call his, so you stayed but after that, you took the opportunity, thinking maybe if the work took your time you wouldn't think of him but every second he plagued your mind, you muffled your cries but they only got louder, the knock on your door stilled you for a moment before quaritch entered, his face forming a frown at your state, he got in bed with you, picking you up with ease pulling you to his chest, settling you in his lap, whispering sweet nothings as you let your heart out to him, your brother and how you missed him, your parents, your guilt, everything and he listened to every word, kissing your forehead by the end of your rant, his shirt was soaked in your tears but he didn't say word, flattening your hair down, he kissed your temple, leaning both of you down on your bed, keeping all the photos aside, you snuggled into his chest, balling your fists with t-shirt holding on tight as you dozed on in his arms, he held you till your uneven breaths paced out, rubbing your back, he spoke no words except to sooth you, both of you drifted into a deep slumber with you safe in his arms**

Strapping the knife back on your calf, saying your byes to grace, you went back to call norm to teach you how to ride the pa'li, the war was in a few days and you wanted to pay your respect back for bringing you back to life, you won't go down without a fight anyways, he taught you better than that.

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The day of the war came, you were with norm with the ground team, Jake, tsu'tey and neytiri lead the sky team, the plan was set, as soon as the enter the field the flux vortex would disable their radars and we had an advantage on that, whirring of the ships were heard, your group hiding till you hear Jake's orders, soon enough thumps of being something heavy being dropped were heard and Jake's voice filtered through our comms to attack as they were airborne too.

You were dressed and painted in the traditional warrior clothings, a bow strapped to your back, gun cradled in your arms as you raged forward with a yell, the humans in the amp suits open firing, you didn't hold back, galloping zize towards them you shot down the front line, their bullets piercing many of your soldiers but casualties and death will be counted later, you saw norm being knocked down from his pa'li, but he got back up, firing down with all his might, you saw a Na'vi firing his bow from the ground, giving him a hand, he got behind you, shooting down as many humans he could and so did you, but too many of your group were shot down, norm spoke into his speaker "Jake, we are being hammered, we have to retrieve" he immediately responded "fall back, keep a cloce cut" you turned your pa'li back but something exploded near your ground, surprising your mount as zize kicked back, falling out of line, the warrior behind you quickly hopped down retreting back, but zize field through the trees, bringing you closer to the eastern ground team, where the war raged even more, you reigned zize to stop as you looked over the field, the bodies scattered on the ground but your break was brought to an end when an amp suit firing at you, missing barely.

The bullets from the suit wheezing past you, your breaths laboured as you forced your direhorse to gallop as fast as he could, trying to outrun the machine but it caught up even faster, in the moment of outruning him you didn't see the amp suit that stood in front, he fired directly into zize, the hits on his body felt by you too, you sceamed as you were thrown off of him, the amp suits retrieving thinking you were dead as well but you crawled towards your pa'li, his head lying on the ground as he whimpered in his last moment, you kneeled beside him, stroking his head while you mumbled a quite prayer to eywa for his safe arrival at her doorsteps, you got quickly when you heard more loud footsteps, hiding behind a tree, peeking out your saw the new batch of amp suits that dropped down, very few Na'vi faught beside you, you heard neytiri speak as she was in a similar situation, Jake demanded to fall back, but you stopped listening halfway, you looked down at your gun, clicking it in place, holding it tight ready to fire , the group behind you firing down anything in sight, the humans with them burning down everything with the fire guns, you were about to step aside to shoot out when you heard neytiri yell into your comms "eywa has heard you, EYWA HAS HEARD YOU!" you fell back behind the tree, confused but it was cleared when you saw the hammerheads charging towards you, a scream erupted from your throat, arm coming up to sheild your face but none of them attacked you, they went straight for the enemies, you laughed at there demise, walking out of your hiding place, you got back on killing the remaining ones.

You stopped in a clearing, bodies littered the ground, your breaths uneven, you stumbled upon a body, reaching out as you grabbed a nearby tree, pressing onto your comms as you spoke "tsu'tey? Can you hear me? Trudy?" You puffed out a exhale, heart dropping second by second, no answers came back, too engrossed in your thoughts you didn't see the ikran landing right in front of you, your scream high pitched as you fell back, the beasts took a step forward bowing its head down, the beautiful colors of navy blue and yellow swirling together on its body with strips of black, you bowed your head down too, seemingly knowing what plans it had with you, you smiled as you took the opportunity.

You had no experience flying an ikran but here you were, flying above the war field, your bare feet slipped from the notches but you held on rightly the beast helping you stay on as well, you soared through the air, bringing down any ship you could, you circled around the area near the tree of souls, your eyes widened when you saw the dragon ship crashed into the soil, you decided to check on Jake near the lab, to see if everything was alright as no amount of you yelling into your speakers could get their attention.

Flying right towards site 26, you descended a little further away from the area, quickly dismounting your ikran, you made your way towards the place but stopped as you saw Jake slam a huge blade like piece into the amp suit glass cover, but as soon as you saw who drove the suit you heart fell to the floor in seconds, quaritch skipped back, opening the glass cover fully, pulling on a mask, you looked the lab, the windows broken, surely Jake was suffering inside his link, out of nowhere neytiri dropped down in front of me as she shot her arrow right into his chest, his grip of Jake slacked, letting him go, with another precise aim the second arrow hit right in the center of his chest, she ran forward as you were glued to the spot staring at the scene, not moving until you saw him move again this time reaching for his discarded knife to make a final blow before he could rest.

Your were quicker than him, running towards him with a sceam as you jumped pulling out the knife from your calf and down at the base of his neck with a plunge and sickening twist, his suit crashing down while you were still on top, your hands still gripped the hilt of the knife, he looked down at the blade he gave to you now sticking out from the same place he taught you about, a smile formed on his face, he brought a shaking hand to your face, wiping the tears away from your cheek with his thumb as he spoke in a small voice "plunge and twist, i knew i taught you well" with that his hand fell away from your cheek, now you're hand cupping his face as your tears dripped down on his skin, a cry ripping out from your throat, wailing as you gather him in your arms but no success, your cries now muffled in his shoulder, unbeknownst to you, inside the lab similar state could be seen with an opposite outcome from your demise, as Jake caressed neytiri's cheek still in his human body, her hand coming up to hold his while you're wails never reaching their ears.

You leaned your head against his, sniffling before you spoke one last time even if he couldn't hear you now "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please wake up, i can't do this without you" but his eyes never opened, nor did his lips moved to tell you it was okay and he was there for you, his hands stayed by his sides and never engulfed you in his hug, the warmth of it you could never feel again, your eyes trailed one last time over him, as you said your last goodbye to the father of your child "i wish i could have told you sooner but you would've been a father my dear, but now you rest, until we meet again, my love" you kissed both of his eyelids, jumping of the suit, leaving the knife behind embedded in his chest, you walked towards the lab to check on Jake and neytiri, leaving your past behind you, making your way to your new family, ending the war for the good.

A/n : I will explain the last bit in the next part, they will have a happy ending in the next oneee i promise 😭😭

Yawne : @fanboyluvr, @callmeoncette, @lu-the-ghost-reader, @brisbriskett, @saltedcoffeescotch, @ducks118, @itscheybaby, @jackiehollanderr, @zoetrope1997, @yeosxxx, @persefolli, @im-in-a-pansexual-panik, @theycallmesia, @elijangwifey, @erosthefae, @murderbirbdany, @killua2dot0, @ilovechickenwings, @kylobensgirl, @darling-imobsessed, @majathepapaya, @sweetirilly, @reinap06, @neteyamforlife, @thatgirljas13, @totesnothere04, @arminsgfloll.

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