#idk if this made sense. its 4am

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Oh god.

This summer you sent our mutual friend a package, to get to me. An heirloom, a bit of camp history. Passed down to me.

And on that package, your phone number and address. Your phone number, that I had long deleted from my phone because the urge to call you was always too strong.

When I last saw you in person, you said that when you finally moved to the city it would be with your girlfriend. You would move in together. And surely, she would become your fiancee and then your wife.

There it is. On the package. Your new address, in the city.

I have to keep myself from calling you right now. You probably have my number blocked, and I truly don't know what I'd do if you answered. But I would give anything to hear your voice again.

Even if it's just you saying, "Hello? Who is this?" While her voice is in the background, asking you what you want for dinner.

At this point, I don't even need to be the voice in the background asking what you want for dinner.

I just wish I could be the voice on the other end of your phone call.

#idk if this made sense. its 4am #but storytime i guess #years ago. like four now. i had a best friend #i loved her so much. truly i was in love with her. which was the problem #she had a girlfriend. im sure you can guess where this is going #she cheated on her gf with me. i felt guilty and made her tell her gf. months later but better late than never i guess #her gf made her choose between us. understandable. she chose her gf. understandable #so i got a call one night from her. where she said we could never speak again. we couldnt be in each others lives. and i deserved that #it still killed me though. it still kills me. i havent recovered #but this past summer she sent a package to our mutual friend. for me #just something from the camp we both work at. and there on the package was her phone number and address #two years after she left me she volunteered at the camp i worked at and she used to woek at #we ended up talking. and being friends for that one last week. and she mentioned that she wanted to marry her gf #and move in with her. in the city. so when i saw her city address... yeah #i took a picture of her number and address before throwing away the package. something i remembered tonight #its just sitting in my camera roll. her number and address #and i could never call her. never send her a letter #idk what the point of this storytime was #but this is some half decent writing for 4am #i hope you enjoyed

[jay-wasstuff]

Okay but Loona didn't just call Blitzø 'dad', she went from being embarrassed to calling him her dad in (semi)private

to (presumably the first time) proudly proclaiming him as her dad at the party, a public space

And Blitzø's reaction is just so adoring

#its 4am idk if that sentence made sense but i hot happy at that scene #vivziepop #helluva boss #helluva boss spoilers #loona #blitzø #blitz #helluva boss edit #brandon rogers

[butch-reidentified]

do you think it’s possible for a lesbian to be somewhat attracted to a trans woman (who passes well) if the only place she sees the tw is online/in videos/in pictures? i’m gender critical and i believe attraction is based on sex, but if somebody strongly resembles the same sex and you’re only seeing them from a physical distance, wouldn’t it make sense for somebody attracted to that sex to be able to find them attractive? (not referring to pursuing a relationship with them)

its almost 4am at the end of a long work week, and I'm still recovering from covid, so I hope this is coherent lmao

ik this will be controversial but I urge people to really mull over this before reacting in anger, though I really do understand the impulse:

honestly, as a (former) neuroscience researcher and someone still deeply passionate about neuroscience who likes to read neuroscience journal articles in her spare time... I think it's fucking complicated and there's a bit of intellectual dishonesty on both sides. the TRA side claims you can (only!) be attracted to someone's internal identity or ~gender feelings~ while the gc side claims that there is NO circumstance in which a person could pass well enough as the opposite sex to be perceived as attractive by someone whose orientation includes that "passing" sex.

and yet, I've had the experience of being at an lgbt bar or club and seeing someone I thought was a cute masc woman initially, only to realize it was an androgynous or slightly effeminate-appearing gay man - and many many lesbians I've told this to have shared similar experiences with me. I know a male transitioner online who is really cool and calls himself a eunuch rather than a woman or anything, and while I don't find him attractive, I have to admit that in the ~100ish photos I've seen of him (incl many candid full body ones taken by other people), I've not been able to "clock" any distinct male characteristics. maybe that would be different in person, but we live on totally different continents so idk.

I've known a TON of trans people irl, likely far more than most people on radblr or anywhere. this is partly because Florida has the second highest # of trans people in the country, and partly bc of where I went to college, and partly because my life is just strange like that. but I'll admit I've known a couple mt"f"-transitioned folks who I truly had no idea were male for quite some time - physically or behaviorally.

the reality is that your brain only knows what it perceives, and if it perceives a male as a female without your knowledge, and your orientation includes females, then it could be possible to feel attraction. however, I'm preeetty damn sure that would not persist beyond learning that person's sex is male, at which point you'd probably suddenly start noticing whatever male traits you were able to overlook initially. but I don't think it makes rational sense to claim that it's never possible to experience "mistaken" attraction for a period of time. there are known cases of historical women who lived as men who were flirted with by straight women who believed them to be male, for instance.

this is one of those situations where the truth (what I've said above) could be twisted and deliberately misinterpreted by the opposing party, which I believe to be why so few, if any, are willing to acknowledge this. but it's a question I've pondered a lot and this is the only logical conclusion I've reached. and it simply is not rational for anyone to act like anything I've said here implies that homosexuals can/should be open to dating/sleeping with the opposite sex. anyone who could come to that conclusion from this response needs a seriously intensive review of reading comprehension.

like I said I'm not fully awake so I'm sure I could have made my points here more clearly and I'm sure I'll get retaliation from people who want to nitpick my wording or whatever, like usual, but o well.

#mine #ask

[blessedshortcake]

I think the reason I hated the Shermy and Beth bit because of how Beth kept treating Simon as a little kid. I understand that she didnt believe Simon was actually Simon and not Shermy messing around at first but then later on she accepts it.

But then we have the book scene where she literally says something like "I dont expect you to understand since youre still a kid" and I get that Simon was acting a bit childish with the book but if I was in his place, desperately trying to find my way back from an alternative reality where I am sharing a body with this seemingly random person, id be really upset to be dismissed like that.

I know Simon needed to understand his choices and his focus were wrong and he needs to think about Betty more and accept the way things are now but it feels so bad with the way they handled it 😭

Like we see Simon being miserable at the start and everyone is making it worse (Literally everyone save for maybe one or two people even if its unintentional) and he has a right to be upset about everything that happened to him tbh. It was all messed up.

And then we have Prismo being annoyed with him not cooperating (which i kind of understand but this is about Simon rn) so he moves him along and then with Shermy calling him a kid it feels insult to injury. It feels so unintentionally Bad i can barely put it into words

You show how negatively Simon was affected and how he struggles to cope with the aftermath and then you have someone call him a child. It was an important realisation to have but it was sooooo badly handled. I dont even care about how spoonfed and told not shown it was atp

Idk if i made any sense i am just very bothered about this bit. Thanks for coming to my 4am diary posting

#long post #might delete later #this isnt a vent or rant btw #ok maybe a bit of a rant #i just #ughhfjsbrehxjms #adventure time #simon petrikov #shermy and beth #fionna and cake #fiona and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #fiona and cake spoilers

[imraespace]

HELP hi guys😆😊 I have a funny story to share(it has a serious topic(?) just anemia so don't worry too much abt that) it will probably be long idk and also it's the reason I didn't updated the megumi smau yesterday so I say blame the discordians!

ALSO why did I blink and saw that I have 441 followers it probably went up but I'm too lazy to check.

okay anyways so my friend and I have this small server on discord it was originally my kpop server I made back in 2022 bc I wanted txt friends but then we kinda shut it down last year AND NOW ITS BACK UP! so we talk a lot in that server and SHE ASKED ME to pretend to be boys on the Greg bot yk the phone bot thing! so I was like oh okay! BC PPL ALREADY THINK IM A BOY ON MY REGULAR ACC so I used my second acc and created a whole other person(his name is ezra and he's a bleach fan.) right and it was harmless when we went on the Greg bot right made some mini bro friends right! I think someone actually wanted us bc they asked for our ig but um anyways.

EVERYTHING WENT GOOD UNTIL these two girls.

to understand my story better I have to over share on some stuff. my race is black and I'm anemic so since yk that my story will make some sense.

firstly when we said hi I said "yo" bc idk boys say that and my friend she had gave up on being a boy I just continued bc being a boy is fun.. AND WHEN MY FRIEND SAID HI she was like "HELLO" and boom drama started BC APPARENTLY THEY WERE LIKE "ik this call abt to be ass" and started talking abt how she said hello in all caps and my username (it was fw.ez HELPME) and I didn't notice them talking abt my friend first and only saw when they talked abt my username so I was like "dang dawg I'm.not even a boy" bc i thought yk harmless prank! but apparently I was using the word "dawg" wrong? WHAT😱 AND THEN PROCEEDED TO CALL ME WHITE. WHITE PPL CANT USE THE WORD DAWG? AND THERES A RIGHT WAY? so I was confused at first then I understood what they meant and told them im black I think they short circuit but still carried on with their arguments so I got mad and my chest began to race bc my anemia sometimes affects my emotions and I will get a tad bit emotional! so um I couldn't think straight I wanted to tell them some very bad words in dialect but they wouldn't even understand me so I was like I bet yall annoying as hell and it shut them up apparently AND YK MY FRIRND WASNT EVEN ON DISCORD I HAD TO DEFEND FOR MYSELF AND HER AND SHE CAME BACK AND WAS LIKE what's happening. GIRL. I told her what was happening and she called them dumb HAHAHA anyways then we came off the phone but THANKS TO THEM I HAD A RACING HEART AND A SEMI WEAK BODY with cold fingers and toes so I couldn't do anything I was going to write a new chapter for the megs smau bc I forgot to do it eariler in the day but I couldn't even think straight so I was up until 4am😒 with a racin heart and random emotional changes with my mommy gossiping abt some game we play(romance club it's like episode but better i recommend that you play the story called song of the crimson nile hehehheheja) and now IM HOME FROM SCHOOL BC OF THEM🤨😒😒

lesson of the day- ignore THOSE discordians!😉

oh and um a megumi update later when I'm feeling better🤫😉😉

#imraespace -♡ #funny story but its just me ranting a bit #imraesrandom

[a-court-of-moonlight-and-ire]

Semi-related to my previous post and other posts ive made in the past about how much I would actually appreciate the insufferable horniness of this series if the guys who are the object of said horniness were less hypermasculine and domineering, does anyone else have issues with 'dark romance' but only if its non-queer

Like, idk if this makes sense but when I see the 'typical' dark romance dynamic where you have this small innocent girl (girl in the sense that shes a grown woman, we just call her a girl for. reasons) being dominated by this dark scary guy, all I see is The Patriarchy on a very small scale, and thats not hot to me, to me its incredibly boring at best and honestly kinda disgusting at worst. And this isnt meant to be a derison of people who do like that dynamic, i just dont like it personally

And I also wanna make it clear that this isnt an issue i have with dark romance stuff being "problematic" or whatever because i like to read some pretty fucked up shit in my spare time, its just that the stuff i like to read and the stuff that I find hot is queer, because yknow, its harder to recreate that patriarchal power dynamic that k find upsetting on a smaller scale bc that dynamic is very heteronormative. And I cant really explain why that is in detail because its not like i dont like power dynamics in smut in general, its literally only that. Idk man its 4am i dont even know if what i just wrote makes that much sense

edit: also i jut think submissive and/or feminine men are really hot and id like to see more of those. masculine women as well, but im technically still talking about a series thats mostly drooling over men so

#not tagging ghis cuz its not even really acotar related i feel like

[nereidprinc3ss]

OK FIRST OF ALL THE ASTEROID COMMENT MADE ME GIGGLE I LOVE *YOU*! that was so cute & funny hehe 😚

second of all again i have to say ily Again for getting it LMFAO like IM SO GLSD YOU GET IT. i was a bit nervous about sending that ask but IM SO GLAD U SEE IT & I AGREE WITH EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAID YUMMMM … especially this next paragraph that i’m abt to paste:

and then some of it is just because he likes seeing how desperate she gets for him like….. use your words or ask for what you want or whatever are all said with the same unspoken messages which are you’re a grown up so act like it or remember how smart you were five minutes ago or it’s so cute when i let you talk back to me and we pretend like i can’t fix your attitude the second i decide im sick of it

SCREAMS KICKS FEET AND SCREAMS SOME MORE. LIKE GODDD I LOVE IT I DO LIKE i’m seriously your biggest fan i think cause there’s so many things i pick out that i love like for example relating to the last part of the paragraph i just pasted, it’s not in dybmn but like there’s a couple fics you wrote where it says like “he’s kissed the attitude out of you” SCREAMS AGAIN. and i also love the idea of like- like you said the whole: you were so smart 5 mins ago or you had such an attitude or i thought you didn’t need this OMG THAT JUST REMINDED ME OF RELAX WHEN HE WAS LJKE. it seems like you don’t want it OMFGGG LIKE ITS SO DELICIOUSLY COCKY TO ME I DONT KNOW SORRY SUE ME. or again in ur other fics where like in dead of night omfg where she goes that was embarrassing and he��s all “next time we’ll make sure you don’t come at all to even it out” i am literally kicking my feet right now omg. and then she goes no i take it back and he’s like “i thought you might” ummmmm i think you need me in your life.

i just completely agree with everything in that paragraph & i can’t wait to see it incorporated more! like he doesn’t want to overwhelm her bc she’s very insecure but also loves her and that inexperience and teasing her and he Loves watching her reaction to that teasing too & her getting flustered OMGi. could keep going but this is so SO long i’m sorry lover 😭 your blog is my roman empire i am telling you i really could keep going on this i dissect your works like i’m in class and this is my latest thesis it’s that serious 😭 this is 4am brainrot so sorry if it doesn’t make sense and sorry again this is SO LONG. love u lots cutie thanks again 🩷

go on for as long as you want your mind is so powerful ily so bad

you literally said it all like i can’t even elaborate that’s how much you ate

I LOVE COCKY SPENCER SO MUCH I LOVE CONFIDENT SPENCER SO MUCH i love writing little moments like that because in my mind it’s character growth😭 like he normally in the show doesn’t have a lot of confidence but the right person would actually make him feel so much better about himself in a healthy way and he would just be happier and more assertive and djiefiwow idk idk thank you for blessing me with your thoughts

#asks

[berryunho]

honestly the best lore is when u make it random ass lore bits bc it gives joong vibes like... ur aware of all of it but everyone else struggles: torture LMAO

no bc i'd say the ult situation is relatable... but it's not... for me at least... i've always been kinda picky but also kinda instant?? LMAO IDKGJHFDSHJFDS i just. get to know the group ig and then there's usually one or two?? that i kinda gravitate towards and once i rly get to know the group i'm like oh. yeah it made sense. yeah ur mine now. DSJHSJHDSJ LIKE? (past bc i rly. only stan ateez. idk. idk how. don't ask) when i stanned bts i kinda knew them already but jungkook like stood out, n once i got to know them 'well' i was like yes this is it. also shinee's taemin, yes. but then we ARE quite similar bc i don't have many ults either! i've only ever ulted jungkook (less now), taemin (military pls give him back), wooyoung (this was difficult i rly did not want to give in) and now san too.. idk how it happened ajeshgjhdg

THERE IS SOMETHING I WANT TO KNOW HONESTLY AND IT IS ABOUT! COLLECTING bc u mentioned u bought a lot of merch during tour!!! so i'm assuming.. u collect yunho photocards too.. hehe.. do u.. i kinda want to start collecting woosan?? but at the same time i'm like, do i wanna go through that stress? not really.. but also i can just be a casual collector and make a wishlist n collect my wl woosan? (+joong?)?? BUT ALSO i have expensive taste so like. idk.

AND SO EXCITINGGG korea so soon and i'm SORRY i literally haven't started on that ppt but i promise u once i get my shit together i will bc i still really like the idea LMAO JUST DONT! K WORD SAN OFF BEFORE I GET THE PPT DONE PLS AND I PROMISE IM NOT STALLING JUST SO U LIKE. LE THIM LIVE. BUT IVE SEEN THAT OTHER ANON. AND NO. WE DO NOT WANT HONGJOONG TO KNOW. IT NEVER HAPPENED OK? OK? IT NEVERRRRRR HAPPENED. yk what. maybe joong would want to join. he's a cult freak for a reason. BYE ANYWA YHE CANT KNW BYEEEE

-san anon ily mwah

good morning (not for u probably yikes timezones) it is i san anon and i have not a lot to say BUT!!! I WOKE UP LIKE 30 MINUTES AGO AND THE FIRST THING I SAW WHEN I OPENED MY PHONE WAS THIS WHAT THE FUUUUCK AAAA idk if i’m barking or crying or both at this point HE’S SO! SO! SO CUUUUTE so baby i miss him ew

HIIII !!!!

PLESAJKLSEJKSJ youre so right like sometimes i forget that im the one writing and like ... what i say goes ... i have Power Over the Narrative ... crazy KJLKFJSDKFJ

but yeah lol i get it there are many ways that people come to bias their biases and i feel like your way makes a lot more sense LKJAFLKDJS but oh em gee i would also say that ateez is really the only group i stan ... like i have quite a few groups i listen to or groups where i know the members but like ...... idk i just do nawt care about any other groups like i care about ateez ALKJDFLKSJDF but no fr bring taemin back

AND COLLECTING !!! YES I DO !!!! i collect all of yunho's kr album pcs and then just fansign benefits/pobs that i really like hehe i only started in ??? january 2022 ??? so i dont have a complete collection yet lol but im not too .... stressed about it i guess ?? i definitely think that being casual about it is the way to go lol otherwise its just a lot of work and doesnt seem like it would be fun !

litcherally .... korea NOW ... sitting in my dorm in seoul as i type this im FIGHTINGGGG jetlag like i want to sleep so bad but its only 6:30pm KLJA;DLKFJSDLKFJ but omg so far everything has been so good and its just like ..... SURREAL LIKE WHAT . IM IN KOREA . HUH . but KJAFJSDLFKJ DW ABOUT THE PPT ! PLEASKEJALFKS lowkey i have hella writers block rn and havent been writing so .... as long as that keeps up he's DEFINITELY safe LKJDKLFJASD BUT ALKJDFKAJDF HONGJOOJGAJKNAGN yeah . anyways .

when you sent that second ask i actually WAS awake i think it was like 4am ??? and i had just gotten through airport security to start my journey to kr and anyways ! it was a good morning thank you and KALJDFSAKSDFJS GOD SO VALIDAJKSDLFJ PLEASE OBSESSED W THE EW AT THE END BC I FEEL THAT ALWAYSSSS WHEN I CATCH MYSELF SMILING TOO HARD OVER KPOP BOYSKLFJLS but anyways its valid to miss them im litcherally counting down the mf days until theyre in kr and have a schedule i need to lay my eyes upon them immediately .

ANYWAYS I HOPE YOURE GOOD !!!!! <333333 AND ARE HAVING A NICE WEEKEND <3333 ILYYY MWAH

#san anon #answered

[brainjuicey]

ah man the end of that season was unreal. loved that. good series. good characters. i really enjoyed narcos. that scene end credits was amazing..pedro pascal babygirl you outdid yourself. too tired its 4am i cant go into details but everything just chefs kiss made perfect sense and didn't need any explanation so good. fucking finally. kind of sad to hear pacho died in a feud tho idk he was kinda sexy. anywaysss. i really enjoyed narcos.

#narcos

[2qts]

Oh okay thats why. Good. Gotcha. Honestly... im fine with this

#vent #just realized part of why I've been unstable so much for like two days #cant talk about it but at least I know now and I have made peace with it for now #still my head is going in circles faster than I can keep track of #I'm thinking I might have to find something I can keep my mind on to ease all of this funny brain stuff #I'd sit on the floor and just chill but thats more of a post walk activity and its 4am #I might still though. floors have a healing quality #oh or I could minecraft. but I've had a lot of screentime today so I'm not sure #idk I'll figure it out!! I'm already feeling better than I was 10 minutes ago so theres something #idk I'm just rambling now (wow. what a rare occurrence) #sorry if anyone reads these btw I know they're all weird and dont make sense. one day I'll have good mental health and I'll stop doing these

[villanevehaus]

💕

#just oversharing bc im manic and its 4am dont mind me #the way the psych said my email made her panic and think she was too late #but cut herself off from saying too late #like damn bitch #how tf do i have to audacity to doubt if its quote unquote bad enough #still reeling from being like well like yeah but its not you know that bad #i just cant tell if im fine anymore to the point where im actively harming myself and think im fine #no!!!! #if anyone is rly reading these im fine now im on more meds and i have therapy tomorrow #3 medications baybey ✌ #idk if its bad enough MAAM #i am being peeled #cant believe ive had TWO mental health revelations where i was gently told to look at some stuff and BOTH TIMES #i was like ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shiiiiiiiit my eeentiiiiire life makes sense now #HELLO??? #TWICE THIS SUMMER #goddamn #!!! #does anyone in your family have bipolar? :) #:) yes

[beatricebidelaire]

There was a kind of comfort when she was with him. When she was with him, she could be just herself, and he would be her friend. Unlike with most people, she was a carefully curated mask, aiming to help, aiming to please, but never herself.

Perhaps it was because he understood the constant need to not offend others, to keep others happy, to try to offer help. Olivia was grateful to have him as a friend, could feel her shoulders slowly releasing tension when they were alone instead of having to talk to other people.

It was always weird to have someone genuinely like her as her, like her as a friend, not as a fortune teller or someone who they could gain information from. Sometimes she had the urge to tell him the story of her pre-teen years, when she had yet to join VFD. (Her parents died a little after that, and she was quickly swept in after their death.) She had the urge to tell him that it was always surprising that he would enjoy being friends with her, that anyone would enjoy being friends with her.

She’d known she was a little odd, growing up. Not fitting in. She was always so clueless about what the latest fashion was, about what everyone was talking about. It was okay, so she enjoyed different things, read odd books her classmates didn’t read, was bad at every kind of sport and did not know the popular singers others talked about. She liked her own interests and wouldn’t mind enjoying them on her own, even if it was a little lonely sometimes. But she’d always found solace in the books. Even if other people found her a little odd, she could live with that.

Except in the last two years of elementary school, when she transferred to another school, that she realized it became more than that. Her classmates didn’t just find her odd, they hated her and didn’t bother hiding that. They didn’t simply find her slightly weird - they hated her. She never really found out why - she hadn’t known then, and she still didn’t know now, years later. She did find out why they disliked one of her only friends at that time - because the other girl had hanged out with her.

Looking back, she couldn’t really remember exactly why they’d made her so scared at that time. When she tried to think back, her brain just went blank and refused to delve deeper into anything. It refused to load the memories. She was sure they’d never done anything physical - well, maybe a few threats about what they would do during dodgeball in PE class - but she’d managed to mostly avoid that. Plus, she was petite, that must made it a little harder to aim, right?  She was sure she’d been scared and worried every day, she remembered at least 3 quarters of the class were one big friend group, and they all disliked her. She remembered her friend who stood by her despite making herself a target too - how did she ever deserve such loyalty, she didn’t know. It’d lasted till almost graduation but then suddenly two very prominent members of the gang had a large fight and then they were all taking sides and suddenly lost interest in her.  She’d been thankful for that too, though she never found out what exactly caused the fight between them either. She was just grateful she could take a breath.

She had, in her adult years, tried many times to search her memories what they had done that terrified her preteen self so much, but her brain always refused to cooperate.  She wondered if she’d just been too sensitive and too easily scared and too eager to be like that she couldn’t stand most of her classmates disliking her.  At least they hadn’t done anything physical, she told herself. Maybe I had just been too sensitive, she told herself.

She still couldn’t remember. 

She thought she once remembered more.

In her first few months in VFD, attending all the trainings, she’d been quietly relieved that at least in this new environment she wasn’t universally hated. She was still a little weird, but there were other people with their own rare interests too, and it felt a little safer, a little more comfortable - comparatively, anyway. One of her fellow new recruits at that time liked socializing a lot and somehow became friends with one of her previous classmates that disliked her.

She remembered, to this day, finding out about that and the new recruit wanting to introduce them to meet, and the way she had vehemently said no and burst into tears. She remembered being fucking scared at the thought and the new recruit had quickly agreed to not introducing them and didn’t bring it up again.

That was a memory that stayed.

The sudden panic again, the tears, after finding out about how someone in her current circle knew someone from her past circle who were part of a group that terrified her so much that even the idea of seeing anyone from that group again immediately made her burst into tears.

That was the memory that, whenever she thought back to her preteen years, that came to mind the most. Unlike what exactly happened that made her so miserable and scared back then which her brain always gave her a blank when she tried to remember, the crying of that day, already in VFD and no longer in the same class as those people, was a memory that seemed deeply etched and she didn’t know how to forget.

It didn’t make sense to her, but it was not like she understood much about how memories and brains worked either.

From then on, she did her best to avoid being dislike, did her best to please others. She didn’t need others to like the real her, as long as they didn’t hate her, she would take that. If they liked her - even if it’s her mask and not the real her - she counted that as a win.

If, in the rare case, they liked the real her, and was willing to be friends - like he was - she was always surprised and deeply grateful, in ways she didn’t often know how to articulate.

“Bertrand,” she began. Impulsively. “Could I tell you a story about the school I went to before VFD?”

He raised his head from his book. “Of course.”

#aaaaaahhhh i did not proofread anything and i don't know if this made sense in the context of book!olivia but well anyway #no one ever said projection had to make sense right? right? right??? ahahhahah who said anything about projection no i'm not projectingahaha #vera.txt #olivia caliban #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im so sorry god idk if i write her well or not and i know there are other people who are bigger fans of her than me #so if the characterization sucks i'm sorry!!!!! i just felt she was the most fitting for what i need to get off my chest now #but instead of saying certain things i'm just going to write about fictional characters instead cuz thats what i do #im a fucking mess i don't know why i even wrote this but like its feels good to write things out even if its 4am and i have no idea what im #writing about it still feels good to write itout but like im super sleepy but i'm fine i'm over it yknow have been for many years #i just v v v ocasionally htink back and think about that one occurence of uncontrollable tears but like. detachedly you know. thinking detac #hedly. not affected. but anyway still felt like writing a fic about fictional characters so then i did ahahha it's just fanfic #character analysis. yknow. analysis. analysis!! character. thing. fictional. fandom. hahaha #etc #detachment in looking back memories! detachment. something something. #love being fine! #if you read all these tags i'm so sorry for wasting your time #time to post 10 posts out of my queue to forget i wrote this