#it still killed me though. it still kills me. i havent recovered | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

altermay · 5 months

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Tw/ transphobia, discussions of dysphoria, brief mention of suicide, descriptions of child abuse

Getting unbearable. Feeling sick. Started working to afford hormones only to find out the service that is most accessible to me (plume) doesnt offer T in alabama anymore due to changing laws. Fuck all these stupid politicians putting their noses in others lives.

Thought people at work wouldnt make a super huge deal, as I was selective with who I told, so i thought maybe I could hold out a bit longer and at least i wouldnt have to feel so dysphoric all the time, since all my coworkers knew me as Monte. But then instead of my name, people who would usually call anyone else by their name started calling me “Miss” and “maam”

Even the ones I had come out to, and even the ones who told me they were accepting.

Whatever, im from a small rural area, so transphobia is not new to me, what is new to me, however, is being openly trans in an unfamilliar environment. I thought I could start T quickly and maybe people would ever forget that im trans in the first place, but now its been so long.

Some people call me He, and use the right pronouns, but increasingly lately Ive received a myriad of transphobia.

Being called tranny loudly while my coworker kicks my broom as I try to sweep (kicking hard enough for the broom to almost leave my hands and hit another person behind me) , Getting called “it” behind my back. Stuff like this is becoming more common.

The two coworkers who called me it, have been spreading lies about my work performance these past five days, Ive been told my three different people that every time I leave to go do something they start talking badly of me. So I got to my breaking point, at this point it had nothing to do with the pronouns, I was just upset that two forty+ year old adults were purposefully making my job harder to do while I was also struggling with a ton of other stuff (ptsd, seasonal depression, a family members recent suicide) and so I couldnt stop crying.

Despite this situation having nothing to do with me being trans, they are now trying to spread the narrative that Im just being sensitive because they were misgendering me while they were borderline bullying me.

If I was not trans, people would take me seriously on these issues. But now, because I am upset, suddenly Im just a stereotype. A sensitive trans person who is offended because someone used the wrong pronouns a few times.

I will be one to say, I do not give a SHIT about my pronouns. Ive been called the wrong ones my whole life by a majority of people. That was never the issue. But because Im trans, that is the only issue people can perceive for me to have. The ONE issue I had with them regarding my pronouns was them calling me “it” and thats not because its the wrong pronoun, thats because its DEHUMANIZING.

But now I have other coworkers who know NOTHING about the situation saying shit like “well if she claims shes a man maybe she should suck it up” “well if she wants to be seen as a man maybe she shpuld cut her hair”

Fuck you. How about YOU get beaten for 17 years, YOU watch your siblings get beaten near to death for 17 years. YOU have flashbacks of things you dont understand all day every day and we will see how fucking well youre able to “suck it up” you are WEAK. YOU ARE ALL WEAK. And you dont know what its like to be me. My mother tried to kill me. My mother almost killed my sister, I was neglected, never went to a doctor, and I STILL dont know how to take care of myself. And I still havent recovered all of the memories.

Ive had SHORT HAIR ive had LONG HAIR Ive had a MOHAWK, ive had a BUZZCUT ive been BALD. And people STILL fucking saw me as a woman. Im tired of conforming to this bullshit just so people can treat me the same as they always do

Fun fact though, since Ive had long hair Ive been gendered correctly by strangers MORE than I have with ANY OTHER HAIR STYLE.

These stupid fucking transphobes and their stupid fucking stereotypes im so fucking sick of it all. And corporate wont do anything about it, Im sure of this.

Why is it so hard for me to just live my fucking life.

Im so sick of it all

#vent #tw vent #tw transphobes #transphobes #transphobia #tw suicide mention #suicide mention #abuse #child abuse #neglect #tw abuse

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melodyfsoul1 · 6 months

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LOKI S2 FINALE GLORIOUS PURPOSE

Just spent over an hour crying over the Loki S2 Finale, and still havent recovered, but here I go anyway with my Reaction/ Review

*Loki S2 E6 Spoilers ahead*

Okay so... before watching the episode I wrote down a couple things that I did NOT want to happen/ but knowing myself, and my luck with my characters, figured that was exactly what would happen....

and turns out... I was correct....

Back in Infinty War I feared/ predicted that Loki was gonna die in the first 10 min in a stupid way where he wouldnt be able to show off his powers... and we all know how that turned out...

For this season finale, all I hoped was that Loki, for once wouldnt play the self sacrifical lamb, and find a way where he didnt have to lose Mobius and his new found friends, where he would be not alone...

So.... yeah.... about that....

Now to the Review/ Reaction:

God I was so scared

"Glorious Purpose"

The title alone had me tearing up.... we really came full circle back to S1 E1 and the fact that they started the recap with 2012 Loki too...

1 min 30 in and I'm already pausing, THE INTRO IS BACKWARDS, thar was so cool

So we all knew Loki would have to go back and try to safe everyone

BUT MARVEL DIDNT HAVE TO SHOW US TIMELY DYING OVER AND OVER AGAIN (and in so many angles too....)

Then Loki trying to learn everything OB knows to be prepared to help, but it would take time, makes sense

"CENTURIES LATER"

WHAT?! They really did that, good thing Loki has that long Life span...

The fact that all the characters realizes sth was off with Loki but MOBIUS is the one to stop and talks to him, and Loki telling him to trust him.... my heart

OH MY GOD ITS WORKING?! And Timely survived too? Did not expect that

I have never seen Loki this relieved/ happy but at the same time sad and exhausted before...

But of course its never that "easy"

No matter what, the infinite amount of branches will always detroy the loom, so the moment a timeline branched everything was doomed from he start... Ah yes Marvel and their existential dread...

Loki going back to before Sylvie killed He Who Remains, trying to convince her not to kill him.... and of course she says he has to kill her if he wants to stop her...

God Loki's Emotional Damage....

Of course Loki cant

HWR COULD HAVE STOPPED TIME THAT THE WHOLE TIME!??!! The fact that he figured Loki has gone through this whole scene before and still just watched

He knows about time slipping...

He paved he road

He planned this

Him and Loki had this conversations before

"We die with the dying, we are born with the dead"

That is such a sick quote :0

Its basically Loki vs HWR forever, and Loki knows he will always lose... but still wants to try... kudos to his determination

And of course Loki cant bring himself to trade lives... not Sylvie's, not his friends and not the multiverses...

Loki goes back to the first time he talked to Mobius...NOOOOO not the Throne talk, why does this feel like a final good bye talk.... I HATE IT

Though S1 E1 Mobius having a chat with S2 E6 Loki is such an interesting concept

He wants to find out how they chose who lives and dies... ("Who lives, who dies, who tells your story" huh? Sorry but I had to make that Hamilton reference XD)

"You're not gonna find comfort in the TVA" - Mobius to Loki

BUT HE DID, LOKI DID FIND COMFORT, IN YOU MOBIUS, Im gonna cry ... the TVA was the first place where Loki could just be himself and he found friends there too

Also Mobius might be the only comfort character who actually gives comfort (and isnt just an angsty mess who hasnt had a happy day ever)

Mobius telling the story of a hunter who couldnt kill a kid, which caused more death, loosing sight of the bigger picture

So he is talking about himself right? And of course Renslayer was the Partner

Mobius telling Loki they have to chose a burden and live with it... that it leaves scars.

Theres this sinking feeling again

And the scene SPGAHETTIFIES?! I SWEAR TO GOD MARVEL, NOT AGAIN, STOP GIVING US FANS PTSD THROUGH VISUAL EFFECTS

I dont know what to think of Loki & Sylvie's final talk.... Loki has an idea?

Oh NoNONONONONONO

I FREAKING KNEW HE WAS GONNA GO THE SELF SACRFICE ROUTE BACK FROM EP 1 AND I FIGURED HE WOULD TAKE TIMELY'S PLACE IN EP 5 BUT THIS?!

Cant he ever be happy?! Is there any Loki, in any universe who actually gets to be happy?!

The fact that Mobius was the first to notice and that him and Sylvie immediately followed Loki, tried to talk him out of it

Loki looking back, saying he finally knows what he wants

MY HEART

LOKI WALKING THROUGH SPACE WITHSTANDING THE RADIATION JUST LIKE THOR WITHSTOOD THE DYING STAR IN INFINITY WAR, THE PARALLELS

THE NEW OUTFIT, THE CAPE, HIS HORNED HELMET, OH MY GOD

It looks like an End of Time Aesthetic Version of his Ragnarok Outfit wih the Cracked Kintsugi helmet

Ngl at first I had no idea if he was using his powers to manually destroy, change or preserve the branches.... or weave them together

Oh and to be clear I was crying during like the whole last 20 min of the episode because that was just too many emotions at once

Also can we talk about how freaking cool looking the shots of Loki with the new Helmet and the branches being his cape, were?!

The throne... Oh god the remains of HWR throne...

LOKI'S GLORIOUS PURPOSE WAS TAKING ON THE BURDEN OF THE THRONE HE NEVER WANTED

*starts violently sobbing*

Poetic, Ironic and Heartbreaking, all at the same time

Like, is it extremely cool to see him use his powers to his full potential? Yes definitely.

Were the cinematics beautiful? Yes of course, it was gorgeous, tho the moment I realized he was making Yggdrasil, I started bawling my eyes out, because "You go Loki, show us what you can do"

But I also felt my heart break because Loki is now at the end if time, chose to have to watch over & protect the multiverse, all alone, forever.... (can he leave that place?)

Like this is the very same Loki, who just, 1 episode ago, admitted that he is terrified of being alone, who just wants to be with his friends. L1130 is a Loki who was actually happy and had friends, a place where he felt safe because he could be himself. And he gave EVERYTHING up to give EVERYONE ELSE a chance at life, a life he might not be able to take part in... he can watch, but we dont know if he can interact with them....

I literally talked about that in my reaction/ review from last episode. Sylvie & Loki are both selfish, which is ironically a very human trait (them being gods and all), but unlike Sylvie, Loki would actually give up everything to safe others, which is exactly what he did.

And I know Comic Loki, God of Stories, wrote himself out if the Narrative as well, out of the Story, to look behind the curtain, have a talk with the beings behind everything, but that Loki also had Verity, he had a friend outside of everything, he had someome to talk to, a friend. Verity is one of my fav characters and I would have loved to see her Comic Version too in the MCU, but I saw B-15's Name was revealed to be Verity Willis, so thats is cool Easter Egg :D

Back to Loki, I honestly cant tell which Loki has it the worst... I always thought the main Loki dying to Thanos had it the worst, but he sth akin to a life and he got the chance to mend his relationship with Thor before he died his heroes' death...

Now L1130, in the worst case, is damned to spent eternity alone, the very thing he is scared of, being without his friends, forced to watch from afar as they live life without him, when all he wanted was to be with them... that is unless he can just leave the place whenever he wants to (if the branches allow it I guess?) But if it turns out that he cant leave that place/ or interact with anyone, without everything going down immediately, then I would argue that this Loki's life is worse than the other's death... and I cant believe Im describing Infinity War Loki's Death as a mercy...

Back to the ep...

AFTER?! Right theres an after

The TVA is still intact, with a new leader ship and everyone working together, B-15, OB, Casey and even Ms Minutes is helping?

Mobius looks so sad doing his job though...

Hes gonna LEAVE?! He wants to experience his own life on the timeline, huh... Loki did promise that to Don... and M is going for it, thats sweet actually

Renslayer got sent to the end of time, Alioth waiting for her, well then

Mobius seeing what his life used to be is so sweet, likes how perfectly imperfect is it

Sylvie visits too?

"Its weird Loki's not around" she says and I start bawling my eyes out again, now thats just salting the wound.... at least they remember him

NOOOOO THE SHOT OF LOKI IN HIS THRONE

He is smiling, but he's crying too

Is there ANY Marvel Movie, or Show where Loki doesnt cry?!?! My freaking heart...

Look I know this ending makes rational sense.... and it was defintely epic, and we finally got Loki at his full potential, and yes, Loki being finally recongnized as one of the most powerful MCU characters is cool.

But personally, on an emotional level, that ending is somewhere between bittersweet and absolutely heart breakingly dreadful, because Loki didnt want this, he didnt want the throne, he only did this to save his friends, he gave up his own happiness and I hate it... I know he is happier knowing his friends have a chance at life and that he chose this, but there wasnt much of an choice with HWR....

I just hope that Loki learning to control time means he can at least visit his friend, pop in from time to time, because if him leaving the throne/ the branches means everything could come crashing down, then thats just sad...

And what does that mean for the teased Loki & Thor Reunion?! WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT?! We didnt even get an end credit scene?!

Anyways, I'm gonna rewatch the season the next couple days and go through some theories and head canons and see whether that will change my opinion on the ending, but we'll see.

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definitelynotshouting · 5 months

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Parking Lot - Atlas Ivy (a lot of Atlas’s music seems to fit hunger AU to me)

(this song is probably best fitting for after Grian’s 2nd attempt and after he has already began trying to recover)

“The drink in my hand starts to shake” - Reminds me of Grian trying and failing to open the bottle of water.

“As the hope in my mind starts to break

Are the gods not happy with the progress I've made?

Hasn't illness taken all it can take?” - Healing isn't linear, Grian is going to be fighting an uphill battle, maybe for the rest of his life.

“Taking all my plans and throwing in a wrench

Is it my mental health or the Marianas Trench?” - He’s going to have relapses and setbacks and those are going to make it feel like nothing he does makes a real difference. He’s going to be tired of fighting but he’s going to have to keep trying because, even if he can’t see it sometimes, progress is being made.

“How can I win if my team only plays defense

And all the best players are stuck on the bench” - Makes me think of Grian, not just feeling like he’s always on the back foot, just trying to repair the damage caused by every unexpected worsening of his mental or physical health, but feeling like he’s relying too much on the other Hermits. That he’s dragging the others down with him and that it makes him weak to need their help.

“Do a face mask or a warm bath or do a shot

Or just lay in bed until your body rots” - Coping mechanisms and how easy it is to fall into harmful ones. Grian has already shown a propensity for dissociation and I’ve personally been headcannoning this has been a problem for a while. That, when the weakness and pain from his malnourishment on Hermitcraft became too much, he tended to just sit or lay in a dark room dissociating until it subsided.

“Get my vitamin D but the pavements hot

And the soles of my shoes melt on the parking lot” - Feeling like everything he tries doesn’t really do anything but maybe cause more harm. That it doesn’t do anything to fix the real problem and that failure just makes him feel worse.

“Melatonin's now takеn at eight

Cause I can't stand my thoughts when I'm awakе” - Back to that dissociation, specifically reminds me of the time Grian has spent dissociating through the nights of the current chapters.

“There is no cause, still my body aches

And the home I built meets an earthquake” - Feeling like any progress and sense of security of safety he has built can be destroyed any second by his mental health taking a dive without any clear cause.

“Can somebody show me

A coping strategy

That takes me from reality

But doesn't kill my body” - More dissociation and bad coping mechanisms. That desire to just fall away from everything, let the hurt be drowned out by a blanket of static, even though he knows it doesn’t really help.

“Cause I've stunted my growth

I've filled my lungs with smoke” - All the damage that has already been done to his physical health. We’ve seen with Grian true form that Grian has literally stunted his growth by starving himself.

“And yeah it puts on a good show

But I've lost my glow” - Grian not having the energy to do things like play pranks or have fun with the others. The way some of the Hermits react to finding out how much of the Grian they knew was an attempt to hide how he was constantly breaking down now that he doesn’t have the energy to pretend to be fine.

OHHHH I LOVE THIS,,,, ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS ANALYSIS I LOVE THE THOUGHT YOUVE PUT BEHIND EACH LINE OF THE LYRICS..... i havent had the time to listen to the song just yet but MAN this is so cool thank you for sharing it with me :DDD i'll be sure to give the song a listen :D

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #song recs #long post #txt

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bridgyrose · 4 months

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hi bridgy! hope all’s well!

could i request… some ruby/blake/cinder love triangle? maybe on the atlas setting? blake and cinder are fighting, and ruby catches how their fight gets more “personal”, going from “fighting for salem’s/remnant’s best interest” to “why would she pick YOU over ME?” u,w,u

(Not entirely the ask, but I did have fun with this.)

Ruby’s head spun and her ears rang as she tried to orient herself. The cold Atlas air was making it hard for her to focus as she felt the biting wind against her arms. The last thing she remembered was Cinder showing up and an explosion of fire around her, hitting her head against the wall of the mine. Though, now as her vision started to clear, it became a bit more obvious that things were a bit more dire than expected. The entrance of the mine had collapsed with rock and snow, the campfire that had been lit was starting to die down, and all she could hear was the sounds of Cinder and Blake arguing as the ringing in her ears started to fade.

“Its your fault we’re stuck here!” Blake said angrily as she jabbed a finger at Cinder’s chest. “You knew the dust mines here werent stable and you still couldnt help but create an explosion!”

Cinder glared, eyes glowing as her hands lit on flames. “My fault? If it wasnt for you bringing Ruby into here in the first place, we wouldnt be in this mess! You could’ve let me kill her out there!”

“I wont let you kill her!”

“If I dont kill her then I cant get back to Salem!”

“Stop… fighting…” Ruby said, voice a bit rough as she slowly sat up. “We’re… we’re not going to get anywhere… if all we do is fight.”

Blake pulled away from Cinder and made her way to Ruby, gently helping her sit up. “You need to rest. We can start moving out once you can stand-”

“And leave this place, how, exactly?” Cinder asked condescendingly. “The entrance is blocked with who knows how much dust buried in the rubble. One wrong move while digging our way out and we could end up with a lot more than just being stuck in a mine.”

“Which, again, is your fault for us being in this situation.”

“If she hadnt chosen you, then I could’ve had her with me!”

“Chose me?” Blake gently pulled away from Cinder and glared. “You really think she chose me because she had a choice?!”

“Of course she has a choice!”

“She chose me because you left! You caused Beacon to fall, tried to kill her, why would she ever want you?”

“And you think I had a choice for any of this!” Cinder threw a fireball at Blake, knocking her into the wall behind her. “None of this was my choice! And if it wasnt for you, I’d actually have someone who cares about me!”

Ruby slowly started to stand up, staggering a bit as she tried to move towards Blake to check on her. Her legs gave out and she dropped to the ground, wincing as her hands scraped against the ground. Aura shimmered over her for a brief moment as she tried to activate it, still havent given herself time to recover. “You… You could’ve stayed.”

Cinder glared at Ruby, the flames in her eyes dulling. “What did you say?”

“You could’ve stayed.” Ruby dropped to her sighed, panting as she rolled to her back and stared at the ceiling of the mine. “You didnt have to help Salem, you could’ve left Beacon alone, became a huntress, helped others instead of hurt them. Didnt… didnt any of that time mean anything you to?”

“Of course it all meant something to me!”

“Then why did you throw it all away?” Ruby closed her eyes as her question was met with silence. She sighed and closed her eyes to rest. “Its not too late to change.”

“I dont need to change, I need power!”

“Fine, but we’re on a truce until we get out of here,” Blake said as she got up and went back to the fire. “None of us are getting out of here alone and all that power wont do you any good if you blow things up.”

Cinder frowned. “Fine.”

Ruby sighed and tried to rest to let her aura recover. She opened her eyes slightly to watch Cinder, her heart aching a bit as her feelings for Cinder started to come back. She closed her eyes, waiting for the feelings to fade again.

#rwby ruby rose #ruby rose #cinder fall #blake belladona #drabbles #rwby #cinder x ruby x blake #rwby firefly

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leafcabbage · 1 year

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Hi. Heyyy. Hi. Guess who AGAIN LMAO. Firstly thank you for the answers to my asks I will hold them gently and then let them rattle around endlessly in my brain as the Hunger Games AU continues to captivate me…

Onto another question! This one is more of a hypothetical I guess, but I saw that a bit ago when you were talking about the drdi x hunger games lore that you mentioned the possibility of Tubbo thinking Ranboo was dead when the double bombs went off. If that were to happen, and you don’t mind sharing, do you have any fleshed out ideas of that? Like is it similar to THG where Ranboo would be helping out with the injured pekple when the second explosions went off? And survived either with or without injuries. Or was it a “thought they were there but weren’t” situation

hi!!! sorry about the delayed reply! i havent been entirely sure what to say because because im not sure so i will just put my thoughts out here and see if it gets me anywhere lol

so the more i think about it the more i do like the idea of ranboo actually being there. even though ranboo doesnt die, they would definitely be injured again (and jesus christ they've already been through a lot... like they are not recovering from this, and of course that's okay, they'll have support and love and everything, but its a miracle theyre alive and they're gonna have a lot of chronic pain and mobility issues and lasting effects of multiple brain injuries etc). i think them being hurt by it and originally presumed dead is the push tubbo would need to ultimately do what katniss did and kill whoever is in charge of 13 (i think its still gonna be coin, i did talk about how its a crossover and not a whole AU because i dont have enough characters to fit all the parts). but i think its pretty vital to the story that that happens, so i gotta keep it.

i dont think theyre even like, really part of the medical team or anything, theyre just close enough to want to rush in to help, but on the edges enough not to actually get killed. tubbo just sees them like, getting there, then the bombs go off, and it just... doesnt look like they should have survived it. because of the situation, and the fact that he and tommy were also definitely injured to an extent from being close to where the bombs detonated, it takes a while to find out that ranboo did survive it, and the boys are fully grieving ranboo for at least a day, maybe a few with how much of a mess everything is, before being told that they're actually alive and being treated for their injuries (which are extensive).

i guess i came up with an answer while i talked lol, i hope that all makes sense :] thank you for all your asks about the AU ive been enjoying them a lot!!

#cabbage answers #drdi au #drdi hgau #hunger games anon

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intersex-support · 2 years

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Would you be able to look at my symptoms and point me in a direction? Im afab with non-ambiguous genitalia, but I've thought something could be off. My Dr says that we can't test for hormone problems because I need to perpetually be on birth control now, but I don't really know what to make of my reproductive health.

I didn't have a period until I was 18 yrs old. I never developed breast tissue until my highest dose of estrogen in my 20s and even then I have a small chest. When I started my period, it just never ended. Like I only stopped bleeding now, when I'm 27 and have had an IUD for a while. At first it was very heavy, but with sequentially higher bc doses it got lighter and is finally gone. After the first 2 years I had to get a blood transfusion because I lost too much blood lol and was fainting constantly. Even then it was a while until I recovered. I know I don't have haemophilia or a significant blood clotting problem (I have a minor one due to ehlers danlos). I know I don't have uterine cancer. They think I do have some endometriosis, but have told me the period is likely a hormonal thing. I don't have cysts on my ovaries as far as drs can see after multiple tests, and my current gyno (who seems the most truthful and good tbh) says that I probably just never ovulated really which is why it was perpetual. My first Dr to do an ultrasound came back and said "so you do have ovaries" which I've always thought was suspicious because it did not sound like a joke.

I had to be taken off estrogen because I have migraine with aura, and since I've got my mustache back.

I do have facial hair and more than average body hair, but nothing too drastic. I still have hormonal acne which I hate. I ask because I havent been able to find much about "late bloomers" and never ending periods without haemophilia. My Dr admits she doesn't know if it's PCOS, but said it's probably not worth testing because I don't want kids. Does this sound familiar to you? Would you know what tests to ask for?

I have a lot of health problems outside of this too, but it seems like this is separate. It may not be anything intersex related, but I don't know what it could be and it has been a source of some pain in my life because it did almost literally kill me without having any idea why this is happening lol.

Hi anon,

It sounds like you've been going through a lot in terms of health problems, and I really hope that you're able to find some answers. I'm not a medical expert so I can't really speak on what all the possibilities are, but I can speak about some things in the intersex direction.

It sounds like you've ruled out blood disorders, or at least blood disorders beyond your blood clotting problem with EDS. You've ruled out uterine cancer and I'm guessing you've also ruled out cervical cancer. Have you ruled out thyroid problems? That can be another possible cause or contributing factor. It does sound like your doctors have been evaluating whether or not you have an intersex variation, and I honestly think that it might be really likely. The fact that you have to be on consistent hormones to manage your period is really significant to me and I think that there's a lot of things that you've described that make intersex variations worth looking into.

Since you know that you have ovaries and you do experience a period, we can rule out a lot of intersex variations. What I really think you might want to look into is (N)CAH. I have NCAH, and I had a constant period. Literally would bleed for months, constantly, got severely anemic, and the only thing that stopped it was getting a progesterone IUD. I got my period when I was 11, had other clearer signs of hyperandrogenism, and went through puberty, so not quite the same as you, though. I also have some weird comorbid chronic illness things that might have contributed, but my constant period was the thing that basically got me diagnosed with NCAH. The fact that you have other symptoms like more body hair and hormonal acne is also a clue. It might even be possible that you have CAH (that's not salt wasting) that is one of the rarer types.

I'm not an endocrinologist and I don't know the specifics about what hormonal birth control makes what tests impossible, but I'm pretty sure there are some tests that should still be able to be done, especially if you are not on estrogen and are only on progesterone. The tests for (N)CAH are to get your testosterone levels checked, to get an ACTH stimulation test, and an 17 ohp level test. I think that you should still be able to get these done with a progesterone IUD, although I know estrogen can affect the ACTH stimulation test results. I'm not as familiar with how the other subtypes of CAH are diagnosed, but I know it involves testing responses to cortisol and also might require genome sequencing. PCOS is also basically diagnosed the same way as NCAH (some doctors are starting to see NCAH and PCOS as way more related than previously thought.) PCOS is diagnosed when everything else is ruled out and when two of these three things are present: hyperandrogenism, ovarian cysts, and oligo anovulation, which is basically irregular periods and difficulties with ovulation.

Honestly, if you hadn't said that you got an ultrasound done and that you had normal ovaries, I would have pointed you towards Turner's syndrome and mixed gonadal dysgenesis, because from your ask it sounds like you didn't start to go through puberty until you went on estrogen, and that really jumps out at me as something that Turner's syndrome could cause. Again, not as familiar with whether ultrasounds can malfunction, but I did just read this study that says that some people with Turner's syndrome had ovaries that appeared totally typical on an ultrasound. I really think you might want to look into getting an ultrasound again, or get a gonadal biopsy to see if you have ovotestes. This is a list of symptoms of Turner's Syndrome. To get diagnosed with Turner's syndrome, you would need to get a genetic karotype. If you have any hearing loss or heart problems, those can also be signs of Turner's Syndrome. Mixed gonadal dysgenesis can also cause some similar symptoms, and would be diagnosed through a genetic karyotype.

I also think something you might want to look into is another intersex variation called Follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) insensitivity. This is rarer, and I know less about it, but basically, it causes ovaries to not work right, creating a lack of estrogen, can even cause ovarian failure. People with FSH insensitivity usually don't have puberty without hormones, like you described. I'm not familiar with what periods typically look like when people with FSH insensivity go on estrogen, so someone correct me if I'm totally wrong. But a lot of things you've described really line up, and it might be worth it to get your FSH levels tested. I think you might also need to get gonadal and gonadotropin levels measured to diagnose FSH insensitivity.

I will admit that some of what you're describing is more severe than what is the typical presentation of these intersex variations, but I don't think that necessarily means that it isn't possible. I could also totally see it being the case that some of your other health issues like EDS could interact with a possible intersex variation to worsen the symptoms. I can't say for certain whether or not you have an intersex variation, but I will say that this ask had a lot of things that made me really, really think that it might be a possibility. Like. even more things than the typical asks I answer on here.

Honestly, if it's possible, I would look into getting a referral to an endocrinologist who specializes in intersex care (probably the language they will use is disorders of sexual development). It can be harder to find doctors as an adult, so it might even be worth reaching out to an intersex team at a pediatric hospital to ask them for referrals, because I think that what you're describing is going to take a specialist to diagnose. Your symptoms in many ways seem very clearly intersex, but they differ from the typical presentations in a few ways that might challenge doctors. If you want to send in another anon ask with more specific information about your location, I'm happy to do research for you to try to find a doctor who might be an expert.

Seriously wishing the best for you, anon, and please feel free to reach out with any other questions. You really deserve answers and support in this journey, and you are welcome to vent, ask questions, anything you want in the inbox. Love and solidarity from the mods here!

-Mod E

#asks #actuallyintersex #intersex #btw if you want to join the intersex discord as well. send an ask off anon #also anon this ask literally reminded me of so many things that have happened in my health journey #like. so so many #so like I really feel for you and literally. anything u need from us feel free to ask #I know how frustrating this is!!

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wyrmzone · 2 years

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Tell me about ur ocs.

I dont care which ones, I just wanna absorb them through my eyes.

uhh um um uh

i'm just going to put all my stuff here so i have a copy of it online

Parime, the Primary World

- Jakob: i have like two different versions of him so he can exist in the Genshin universe and my own universe (the Cyclic Realms or whatever). he does science on himself because he wants Power so he can "enact justice upon the world". i think hes gotten to where he can clone organs and most of the time transplant them into himself or others. in the genshin universe he moved from Mondstadt to Fontaine to learn about Hydro but stayed for the Justice tm. in my universe hes just in the woods outside of a large city

- A Bird Man: I couldn't come up with a name for him, he's a falcon ghesta which is like a bird person in this world and he apprehends criminals that are wanted in a large city. hes thinking about deserting and flying west because the government is really whack

- Eliza: im putting him here bc idk where else he should go. hes the partner of Rowan but died and was resurrected without any memories

- Roan or Rowan or something i havent decided yet: the partner of Eliza, he misses him a lot and does vigilante stuff

- Lokes: im also just putting him here. an android war machine who protects kids and animals instead of doing what he was created for

Galii, the Misted World

- Hæþ (Hæþstapa), the Hell Claw: a legendary half-werewolf half-hellhound hero! a lot shorter than you would expect from the depictions. hes still recovering from the Big Fight in a secret grove with his partners. in his relaxed form he has wolfboy ears and a tail and little fluffy sideburns because of Dog Heritage. his Fightin' form is a lot bigger and more fiery

- Lu the Witch: one of like five creatures that went through all the worlds in the cycle in order. theyve had kind of a rough time and they have tendrils now. theyre friends with Hæþ and Lokes :)

Malatt, the Greater Underworld

- Ell: a guy who's had just the worst life (and afterlife) but they're okay now because of

- Miela: an ancient being from a species of silk-spinning demons. he used to rule over a very large portion of Malatt but forfeit it after his pets were killed and he completely and utterly obliterated the offenders. he doesnt really care about power and has some strange morals but really likes useless or pathetic things. hes taking care of Ell. he has very long pretty hair

thats all the specific ones i can think of though i have some species

#my ocs #sorry about the high word density #ask

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patchworkghost · 2 years

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its 5 am I dont have work today but im awake because my dog decided not only to wake me up but throw up in my bed right next to my head so now im laying here with no sheets cause theres a wet spot where I lysoled the bed but also im laying here cause i still have back pain cause its taking forever to heal & Ive just been like low key crying at work every day because I cant stand going because I either fear hurting myself AGAIN AGAIN or having to tell people no constantly cause no I cant do that sucks you are backed up but im not injuring myself permanently to get a crappy pay check & no health insurance Im job hunting but LITERALLY everything is part time cause no place thats decent wants to hire and everything wants part time so they dont have to give beneifits also being at work again I come home and im honestly to tired to focus on filling out more applications for shit jobs i dont want and again dont want to give me anything or only part time so why bother and finally after crying again today at work I realized being injured fucked up my schedule so hard ive been forgetting to take my meds which isnt helping since im already unstable given ive been injured & either doing nothing or going to work where I got injured I CANT EVEN HEL P my mom out around the house much which makes me insane and heck even myself my sink is messed up but i havent fixed it cause of injury so even washing my hands has been a hassle my rooms a mess & I want to cry every time i drop stuff on the floor cause it means i have to bend again

Ive been keeping away from my hobbies for the most part too cause this job gave me carple tunnel as well as back pain so ive been MEGA depressed from that on top of everything

I just want to leave but that would basically fuck over everyone at my job and make everyone else look at me like omg what a piece of shit typical mental ill bitch isnt working again even though ive been steadily working since recovering years ago it makes me low key wish id get injured a bit again so I can just say well damn not for me I must leave right tf now sajghdakjhgjasdhg people like oh no if you dont work you will be at home depwessed like NO OPPOSITE IF IM HOME ILL HAVE TIME TO HEAL & JOB HUNT & NOT FEEL LIKE KMS everyday

I literally even job searching is just reminding me how whats THE FUCKING POINT all im gonna do is waste most of my life working my bones to the dust and wasting my mental energy & even when im off I havent been doing hobbies due to pain FROM WORKING & even if i was healthy my friends are busy at work like I get to see my BF a whopping maybe 4 hours maybe 6 if we push staying up late a week cause he has work all the time and gets off late evening and its like yay were together till we just fall asleep cause he has work in the morning

fuc k dude I hate everything Need a job that pays minimum $40 an hour for me to not kill myself

#long as ramble rant because ive been depwessed lately and i woke up cause my dog threw up right tf in my bed #& im sick of being injure Im sick of my job IM sick of job hunting im sick of capitalism !

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einno-arko · 2 years

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There was a scene in the fifth episode that resonated with me the most and I just can't move past it. SPOILER WARNING IF YOU HAVENT SEEN THE EPISODE

Marc can't do it, he can't give her the satisfaction. He walks away from his mother's Shiva, the grief rolling off of him in waves. She's gone and, despite the fact that she hated him, he still very much loved her. But his legs can only take him so far and he doesn't even make it a block before he caves, crumbling to the ground as his grief overtakes him. There's a conflict in him, the boiling anger and the pounding grief, both fighting for dominance. It's killing him, and he rips his kippah off, pounding it into the ground in pure agony. It's after a few hits, though, that realization dawns on him and he stops, gently taking the cap into his hands and cradling it against his chest, mumbling, "i was just a little boy" to himself as he rocked back and forth softly.

This scene specifically hit me the hardest. I have a mountain of childhood trauma, stuff I was never able to properly work through or process. And that specific emotion and response is something I experienced, the unfairness, the pain, the anger, and the remorse of the violence those feelings caused. The instant regret of picking something up after you took all of your negative emotions out on it and just cradling it (often times, I'd end up destroying or damaging something I made or loved and my heart would only break further). I heard a lot of, "its your fault" as a kid and for a long ass time, I believed it. I hated myself, I blamed myself for everything and anything bad, I was so angry and hurt that it would manifest in ways like this. I'd sit there, alone in my room, telling myself, "I'm just a kid, this isn't fair" and then seeing that exact feeling and response just really sucker punched me in the heart. To see this specific reaction and these complex emotions played so masterfully really hit close to home and I have yet to fully emotionally recover.

#moon knight spoilers #moon knight #marc spector #steven grant #oscar isaac #trauma #childhood trauma

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ecto-stone · 3 years

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So I don’t really know that much about that my blood au you created could you tell me a bit about it?

Ha hah I Hope this is Edible

So My Blood Au is just Me dumping all the cool stuff i can think of into a DP what if Vlad is Good ^For Starter MB Vlad or Vladimir Jude Masters is a Paranormal investigater/ hunter/exocist in a sense. He seemingly Perfect in People eye, Not Really on the inside as he have many problem stem from living so long and going though alots of thing that he prefer not to talk about that he hide from People , go so far as to adjust his own emotion to what he find fit to the situration making him really hard to read. (Not Jack and Danielle, those are close enough 2 peel him like an onion if they sense something off). -Vlad And Danny are not same kind of Halfa in this AU, Vlad is Two soul (Half Blue Demon Vampire Ghost, Half Human twisted together and blend into one) and Danny is Soul within soul (Going though the accident give him two identical soul that over lapped each other) -Ghost are nerf and ecto beam and ecto Base attack can harm ghost but they can't harm Physical thing in living world Unless they are infuse with Core element same with Human entering Purgatory. -The world have 5 Realm: LivingWorld, Purgatory (GhostZone), Elsewhereness, Fairy Land and Unworld. +Going with the idea that originaly Vlad is supposed to be a vampire and many ghost in the series feel like they are more supernature creature then Ghost. Living world now have many Human and other Creature living among each other , hidden in plain sight +Purgatory: Where Ghost go and heal before they move onto Elsewhereness (Heaven in this verse) or Rebirth back to the living cycle. There are many area in Purgatory that fit human decription of after life look like , this is due to collective faith and ideal of many Ghost focus with each other to created these Resting stop. Incidentally like the living world these area are also watch over by being call King and Queen of the Death (Caretaker and protector of the Death soul, a being with incredible power capable of bending reality). Most well known one are the King Dark, Prince Argon and Princess Dora of the Dark Age Zone. Queen Desire of the thousand and one night. ect.. newest King of the death is Ghost Writer (library of the forgotten) but he prefer not be refer to as king, just Ghost writer. +Elsewhereness: The final resting Places of enternal Bliss. Once the Soul is ready to let go of all earthly desire, they are send here. Not much is known about this realm or it location. When a Soul reach enlightment it will automatically know where to find it. The realm also House many god. +Fairy Land: Home to care taker of the childhood inocent and many god that work to keep the universe running. Most common creature that live here is Fairy with two side one silly colorful side that appear to children to granted what ever their heart desire. The other is the Blue fortune side that Weaved the fabric of Luck and fate. +Unworld: A Dark realm with one way in no way out. It house many dangerous creature, ancient outer god and unspeakable Evil that have been banish to through age by god and human. >the Origin Story: +Vlad and Jack are Friend from Childhood (Their Bond are really tight kinda like Sworn Brother ) unlike their canon counter part meet in college. They Hunt Ghost but in more of a Release soul from their earthly bound kind of way via the info they get from the Masters Family Grilmore. (There is one major inconvience is that You need to wait for the correct day and time to perform ritual sending ghost back to purgatory so they can Move on to Elsewhereness/heaven of this verse ) +They Meet Maddie in college (Maddie and Vlad almost alway in a total clash with each other with Maddie tech almost Hunter like way in dealing with ghost and Vlad more traditional Way of Handling them) Which end with Three of them forming the Original Ghost Trio. With Maddie accept Vlad and Jack Respect the Death ideal. And Vlad and Jack incorperate More Technology into their Asset. +Maddie point out the inconvinient of having to wait for the correct day for each ghost to send them back to Purgatory (Their room are fill with

Container for ghost), Which lead to them comming up with the idea of Making a Ghost Portal. <Note: MB Vlad is not into Romantic relationship, Platonic one Matter to him more> >The Accident: No diet soda the Accident is purely due to one miscalculation that cost Vlad life (his Head got Blash Clean off infront of Jack and Maddie) In that Split Second of His face getting disintigrating, Vlad get a Glim into UnWorld (the Realm where are Demon and evil of the four realm are banish to) and Got Latched on and Pushed Back to the living world by a Demon Vampire Ghost Both Soul are now inhabited Vlad headless lifeless body, in Which about 3 day after Vlad burial that Vlad Body got completely decontructed inside the coffin and recontructed into a body that is more fitting to host both . Vlad have a hard time remembering Who he is after kinda get rebirth and Wander the world until he Get Suck into a Natural Ghost Portal and got Flunk Back in time. >Journey of an Immortal Being: -Vlad Stuck in the Past, He recovered his memories, Going through existenal crisis, Evil phase, Evil make me feel bad, Not Evil anymore, Found out that he is immortal now, Existenal crisis part2, Acceptance, Travel the World and Start doing the what ever he like, learning old way of magic still helping ghost and other supernatural being. -Caused several Major Change to the past that Mythical Creature got un extinct. (Due to the Law of life and death this does not affect who get born or not, it just that the world got alots more races now and those used to be born human in the original timeline might get born as another races entirely) -Get Mistaken for Messiah.( Look You can't kill Vlad, He would just be gone for like 3 day then comeback) -Caused the legend of Dracula. -Vampire cult have a horrible obession with Vlad as a Whole. Look like vampire act like one, can walk in plain day light and more importantly the ability to Open a Portal to Unworld . ( Vlad don't use this ability much and can only open small one as it is very energy consuming) -Meet his own ancestor Which is the Fentonightingale that Later Splited into Fenton and Nightingale (later change to Masters) leading to revealation that Jack and Him might be very distant Related. -Bickering With Time God (Do not trust the Clock Man that work for the Eyes) -Get Caught in War far too many time. -Meet Phantom (an odd entity that is oddly clingy to him) in the Great War. -Meet Other Some of the DP ghost when they still alive -The Horrible Bar incident that reveal Phantom true nature, an evil being that wish to turn the world back to it original nature of nothiness and try to turn vlad to the his side, Kill, Seal in Rock Case covered with Sigil to prevent Phantom from escape, Chuck it into the ocean. - The Contruction of the Coffin Ghost Portal. (Havent actually went into the Purgatory caused the CCP is one Way Portal. -Forming of many Hidden town that home supernatural being. Amity Park is one of them. - And many more unseen story >Daddy Stolen Ribbone saga (MB Vlad is sterile, he want to have kid but can't.) -The Vampire cult that he have grudge with attemp to Clone or at least created a child that have Vlad Power through ritual and cult like method. Imagine Danny Clone but even more mess up . -Vlad end the life of most of them by his own hand (they are suffering, it is best to let them go) -Birth of Danielle: +Danielle Evelyn Masters or just Dani/Dee for short is the only Stable child come out of this whole odeal. She is Created From Vlad Ribone like a Twisted Eve. And like in the book it caused both of them to be very attached to each other in a Fatherly Daughterly Way. +Dee Have Vlad Ghost power and Demonic Power but No ghost form (Her default funtion as both and whether she is in ghost mode or Human mode is all Up to energy control) and no connection to Unworld there for she can't open portal to Unworld. Dual Soul nature Wind/Fire.

+She like Frog and is interested in Marine biology (which Vlad have full support over, she have a room fill with Vlad hand made frog plusie that she all named. +He raise her teach her everything he know about how to deal with supernatural being and how to Snipe Vampire from a long distant with pin point accuracy.

+An kidnapped incident with the Vampire cult latter resulted in Dee Death at the age of 12 (1999), and Vlad becoming fully Merged into one Being with Plasmius. and wipe out the entire vampire cult in a horrible Vlad the impaler way). +After wiping out the remainder of the cult, vlad go into retirement and work as a wall Painter < he work supper fast on celling painting and no one know why> >The Boy Who Fly (2 year before the start of actual MB story) -Danny Gain his power at the age of 10, his parent know. The event of Portal acivation caused the whole town to have a black out. -They move House alots for 2 year. And Jack try his best to make his family as normal as they can be after accidenly k his friend all those year ago and now half eff his own son. -They finding out amity park their new home is on accident when the RV engine die mid way through the middle of no Where (The town shown it self to those in need) -Danny hide his abiltiy. But after a gym incident. and getting Praise by his peer for it instead of scold like with the adult Danny start getting bolder using Floating power around his new friend when no adult is watching. <Vlad who is Working on the Giant Raven paiting for the School Saw this and know imediately What Danny is> -They offically meet each other on the the roof top, when Danny mom ask him to go down the store and by some bread and he decided to try to Air Frog Swim to it. They become friend and Vlad even teach Danny how to fly properly before having to leave (they visit each other alots after the revealation, and vlad is a good adult friend that Danny can talk to) (Danno forgot about the bread and return home breadless) -Jack may stop with the whole Paranormal hunter/ghost scientist job but not Maddie. She keep doing it behind his back due to danny special need in ecto base consumtion (he havent grow abit since the accident and keep getting smaller and it concerning) -Jack found out and they have a Fight. which lead to Maddie go to his Sister house. -Danny Found out about why his dad was so stressed out about ghost thing now. When looking through his parent old stuff with his new friend tucker. (Dude why does your parent have a Picture of the wall painter in thier old junk). He show the image to Vlad. -Danny Get jack to tell the story about the inccident. Dad what if i tell you that Your friend who die 18 year ago survived and is on our front door right now. Reunion, Jack feeling guilty about making them both like this. Go Get Maddie. Happy reunion of the trio. -Fenton Parent become accepting to Danny condition, Danny have a good mentor that can teach him ho to control his power And they live happy ever after for now

#Q/A #good god how do you add read more on a QA #my blood AU #Danny Phantom #danny phantom au #god this is long #hachi text

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leviackermansbrat · 3 years

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hii :) how about a little request of levi x reader where they are both in love with each other but havent really ever acted upon it much and one day the reader gets badly hurt and almost dies, while their recovering levi realizes how close he was to losing them and they finally confess their love and be together (hope this is ok!)

Unexpectedly Expected

tw: mentions of injuries, near death experiences, blood

side note: this takes place during the expedition where the female titan is captured and then escapes. So SPOILER WARNING FOR LATER ON IN SEASON 2 (I also know it's not winter during that episode but for the sake of the scenario let's pretend it is)

The air was cold. Winter within the walls was dreadful for the survey corps. Fighting for humanity was never a part time job, which meant that whatever mother nature had in store for the soldiers had to be taken in stride. No amount of sleet, hail, or snow stopped the scouts from exterminating titans and venturing outside the walls to do so.

"Have you checked your gear brat?" Levi asked with a stoic gaze as he looked cadet Y/N up and down. They beamed brightly at Levi as they nodded their head and gave him a thumbs up.

Levi rolled his eyes at Y/N's enthusiasm, but on the inside he felt his heart warm just a bit. He had always admired the cadet. Their bravery and compassion never ceasing to amaze him. Skill wise, they were almost on par with him which is why he chose them as his second in command for the Special Operations Squad, also known as Squad Levi.

It was an understatement to say that Levi was infatuated with you. He had known cadet L/N since he was first forced to join the Survey Corps. They stuck up for him when Flagon was being a jerk on the day of their arrival. Since then he found Y/N tolerable and eventually began to grow fond of them. However those small feelings that he had became even more intense after Y/N became his shoulder to cry on after Isabel and Furlan died. Since then they have depended on each other and climbed the ranks.

Despite Y/N being in the Survey Corps longer than Levi, they refused to take a higher position when Erwin asked them to become squad leader. Instead they stuck by Levi's side and became content with being his second in command.

Y/N's feelings for Levi were obvious to everyone in the Survey Corps except for Levi. Hell, even the new recruits of the 104th cadets asked if there was something between them and the stoic captain because of the obvious infatuation and pining. Not only is Y/N scared to make a move because of the obvious fear of rejection, but they also fear that they could potentially ruin things between the two of them if they were to add feelings to the equation.

"Make sure to come back alive Y/N," Levi remarked as his hands tightened on the reigns of his horse.

"Only if you do the same Levi," Y/N responded with a cheeky grin.

Once again, Levi rolled his eyes. The yell from Erwin broke him out of his thoughts as they began to ride off beyond the walls.

*skip to after the female titan was captured because I'm lazy*

"Y/N, you're in charge while I'm gone. Take care of my horse. Make sure you get the brat back to headquarters safely. And if shit goes south protect Jaeger," Levi ordered, zipping away before Y/N had the chance to respond.

"You heard the man, I'm in charge. Let's secure our horses in a safe position and get to higher ground just in case random titans come wandering into the forest before the mission is complete," Y/N ordered.

The other squadmates were obviously upset and hurt. They had no idea why they were left in the dark when the plan was to capture the female titan all along.

"I mean new recruits aside, why didn't they tell the survey corps veterans like all of you? The only people who knew were captain Levi and Y/N," Eren asked, looking around.

Y/N cringed at Eren's realization which was partly true but not completely. Y/N was against not telling the entire squad about the plan but the Commander and Levi insisted it was best to keep it under wraps.

"Are you implying that we aren't trusted by the Lance Corporal and Commander? Tell him that's not true Y/N!" Petra yelled, looking at Y/N for confirmation.

"Look, it's not that we don't trust you guys at all. However, there is a traitor in the survey corps," Y/N began to explain.

That would explain why we were kept in the dark about all of this. So you, being a survivor of the attack five years ago were informed about this since it's likely that the perpetrator infiltrated during the fall of Shiganshina?" Eld asked, looking directly at Y/N.

Y/N smiled at Eld's understanding and thought about how he would make a great squad leader. He was dependable and kind, something the survey corps needed. Y/N nodded at Eld's conclusion and a wave of relief passed through the Levi Squad. Although they were upset that they were under suspicion, they knew that it was an extremely important thing to keep under wraps.

Suddenly, a loud roar was heard and the ground began to shake. A retreat flare signal was fired soon after and the Levi Squad looked at each other with wide eyes.

Y/N's attempt at a smile turned into a grimace. They had a bad feeling about this. There was a nagging feeling that something would go wrong. Quickly shaking off the bad feeling, they ordered the squad to retreat.

Was Levi okay? Is he injured? No, he wouldn't be. He wasn't humanity's strongest for no reason. Whatever situation he found himself in, he would surely be able to figure it out and come back safely. After all, they had a deal.

Small talk about the first expeditions rang through the air, but Y/N couldn't bring herself to participate in the light hearted conversation. They knew something was wrong. A flare signal was spotted which meant that Levi was nearby. Y/N saw a hooded figure and immediately knew something was off. They were way too tall to be Levi and all of a sudden their eyes widened.

The titan shifter had most likely escaped. This was the bad feeling they were having.

"Gunther look out!" Y/N yelled but it was too late.

Gunther was hanging from a tree, his body limp and unresponsive in the blink of an eye.

"Guys! It's the female titan! Retreat back to headquarters with Eren. I'll apprehend them!" Y/N yelled to the group.

Y/N was more than capable of handling the female titan. Their speed and strength was second to Levi. It would be no problem taking the shifter down, however before Y/N could pull out their blades, a strike of lightning flashed before them and they were blown away on impact, being way too close to the female titan when she decided to shift.

Y/N flew through the air and only stopped after they hit a tree, the wind being knocked out of them and their head being hit against the tree. They felt a sting in their abdomen and looked down to where their own sword impaled them, having been caught in the crossfire after attempting to ready to battle the female titan. Somehow the blade impaled them while they were flying through the air.

Y/N tried their best to stay awake, but their vision was blurred and they were slowly losing consciousness. A tear slipped from their eye as they realized they were going to die. Y/N wasn't scared of death, but they didn't want to leave Levi alone again. To put him through the pain of losing someone else that was close to him. But Y/N couldn't fight it anymore and their eyes slowly closed, darkness engulfing them.

Levi zipped through the trees, following the explosion he had seen earlier. The female titan had slipped right through their fingertips and he was more worried than ever. Was his squad okay? Of course they were. Y/N could handle the female titan without a problem. But still, he had a lingering bad feeling.

His breath caught in his throat after seeing the mangled bodies of his squad mates. Gunther, Eld, Oulo, and Petra all dead. His heart skipped a beat as he noticed Y/N and Eren were missing. Did they make it back to headquarters? Were they safe? No. A roar erupted in the air signaling that the fight was not over.

Levi soared through the air, anger coursing through his veins for his fallen comrades. He was going to avenge them and take down the female titan.

After retrieving Eren from the female titan, Levi felt empty. There were no signs of Y/N. Almost as if they had vanished. He expected them to be near Eren and fighting the female titan, but that was not the case. Eren was not conscious so he couldn't even ask what had happened to her. Levi was left to assume the worst.

It wasn't until Levi spotted a familiar figure slumped against a tree that he abruptly stopped and told the other Ackerman to continue until they met up with the rest of the Scouts.

Levi was relieved, finally being able to spot Y/N, but that relief turned to dread after he saw the state of Y/N's body. They were slumped against the tree with a blade piercing their abdomen. Levi rushed over to them to check their pulse, cursing the universe for even thinking about taking away another person that he cared for.

He was relieved to find that Y/N's pulse was still there, although in the back of his mind he knew there was no way they could survive after losing that much blood and having other injuries.

"L-Levi," Y/N called, their voice raspy.

They slowly opened their eyes to meet Levi's steely grey ones. This was one of the only times aside from after Isabel and Furlan died where he expressed so much emotion on his face.

"Don't talk you brat, you're just going to make it worse. I'm going to take you back and get you patched up. Just hang on for me a little while longer," Levi said, preparing to carry Y/N back even though his ankle was killing him at the moment.

Y/N chuckled bitterly, blood escaping her lips as she coughed a little.

"You know I'm not going to make it back Levi. This is the end for me," Y/N said, giving Levi a sad smile.

"Stop talking like that. You're not allowed to die on me. That's an order you idiot," Levi commanded, his voice wavering.

"I'm sorry. But I'm glad I got to be by your side for this long. Loving you is something I will never regret," Y/N responded, smiling sadly at Levi.

His eyes widened as he looked down at his second in command, his best friend, the person he would give his entire heart to in a flash. Levi leaned in slowly and planted a kiss on Y/N's lips, the salty taste of their tears interfering. Levi pulled away to look at the smile on their face and found himself smiling as well.

"I love you, Y/N. That's why I'm not letting you die," Levi said, taking Y/N into his arms.

He soared through the forest carrying Y/N, looking down to find their eyes closed. He was too scared to check their pulse in fear that they might already be dead.

Just stay with me a little longer. Don't leave me behind.

*time skip*

"So you love me huh Levi?" Y/N asked, giving Levi a goofy grin.

After the expedition Levi rushed back and Y/N made it by the skin of their teeth. Hange even said it was a miracle that they lived with all of the blood loss and other injuries.

"Shut up brat. Don't make me take it back," Levi responded, rolling his eyes.

During Y/N's recovery he rarely left their side. Hange realized that he might have finally confessed his feelings and teased him endlessly.

"Aww, don't be so harsh. I love you too Levi," Y/N said, giving Levi a quick kiss on his cheek before dashing off to chat with Hange about her latest experiments.

Levi watched their retreating form and smiled slightly to himself. Yeah, he loved them. And that's something he would never regret.

Hope you enjoyed! Writing this was wild lol.

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kwonhoshi0 · 3 years

Text

𝐛𝐚𝐤𝐮𝐠𝐨𝐮 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐦𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐦𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐤𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨 :

requests : open masterlist

pairing : bakugou x reader

genre : a little angsty but lots of fluff at the end

word count : 764

warnings : angst, near death experience

request : hey! could you do a request where bakugou, and possibly deku if you want, see their s/o get heavily injured by all might in a training accident? for example, a kid from another class used their quirk on him while made him see an illusion, do when he though he was about to push a wall it was really a bunch of other students. know that all might could literally kill these kids, you jump in and try blocking him with your quirk. key word try, bc when it’s all said and done and -👾

-after its all said and done, after one all might punch, you’re thrown kinda far away, laying on the ground with several broken bones and struggling to breathe. how would the boys react to seeing all might almost kill their s/o? if you got the time, could you put the recovery process and how they would help you with that too? thank you!! -👾

[ your quirk is like elevens power in stranger things < telekinesis> ]

note : i’ll try my best i hope you like it !

[ bakugou ]

you’re training as usual with class 1A, class B had to join you since vlad king had patrolling for the day. mr aizawa was recovering from the last league of villain attacks so all might was here he was here only here for the physical stuff though like dodging and attacking.

you were standing beside bakugou watching all might take on some student who wanted a challenge, ‘baby have you seen him before’ you whisper to bakugou, ‘probably just some other extra but no i haven’t’ he shrugs. it was strange this student challenged all might because he hadn’t had a ‘real fight’ in weeks but you swore you’ve never seen him in school before, nevermind in your rival class, maybe he’s new or something.. but he still seemed off.

you watched as all might stood still for a moment his vision blurry, wait what’s this guys quirk. you watched all might stumble, there’s now way he’s about to lose to a teenager you thought, before you could think any thing else he came swinging at the wall next to the students, there’s no way he would hurt any of us, he sure is getting close though. you glanced over at the man who he was meant to be fighting his eyes were white he was whispering things under his breath, you glanced at jirou next to you asking if you could lend her a headphone so she could hear what he’s saying,

‘kill them, hurt them all might look look there’s a wall,, punch it and you’ll win against me’

your eyes widened, the wall this guy was pointing at was a few of the students in class 1a and b, he had some sort of hypnotising quirk and you had to act fast, aizawa could erase his quirk but since all mights with us he’s helping some of us on the other side of the training facility, you could tell all might is trying his best to hold back, you knew one thing, this guy is not a student.

you were thinking too much you had to act, you watched as all mights fist slowly rose up, before you could even think about your plan you leapt in front of the kids in both classes, you brought all the force and power you could muster to the tips of your hands and pushed as hard as you could, for a brief second you were pushing his fist away before you heard the mystery man say

‘pull back quickly, and punch again with more force’

there was no chance you could’ve done this, you watched in that split second as he quickly grabbed his fist away and punched again, you tried as fast as possible to bring the energy back to your fingers but it didn’t work, all you could do was make sure the punch only hurt you no one else,

you felt a force hit you like a couple houses and you were thrown across the room, aizawa erased the mystery mans quirk and bound him but it was too late to stop all might. bakugou ran towards you kneeling by your side he saw red, he wasn’t angry at all might he was angry at the man who made him do it, he went up to the bound man and punched him so many times he coughed blood, deku and todoroki pulled him away, todoroki kneeled by your side pressing a gentle hand to your palm checking how often you were breathing, your breathing was becoming forced and inconsistent, you were bleeding around your ribs.

as soon as recovery girl and the ambulance arrived your scratches and cuts were healed by her your lung had been punctured by your rib, but you’ll live, there wasn’t much recovery girl could do about the punctured lung which needed to be handled by professionals but she stopped the bleeding and bandaged you up.

you found out the mystery man was working for the league of villains and because aizawa and all might havent taught class b before they didn’t know. you arrived at the dorms the next day but you didn’t tell anyone you would be so when you got home you got very gentle hugs and pouty bakugou ‘never do that again please’ he said . ‘you know how proud of you i am’ he blushes stroking your hair, ‘no one else figured out what he was trying to do but you did, you’re so smart but stupid’ you scoffed ‘shut up’ he did shut up but only because he kissed you.

a/n : i hope you like it !!

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zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years

Text

Over.

For those who dont know here is the link for the first part of this lil thing :3

You exhaled with a smile at seeing the new look on your apartment. It came with a generous amount of space on both living room and bedroom. Some of the Hassaikai members helped you with all the mobile and some boxes you still had to look over to put things back in order.

Humming to a song that was stuck in your head (and he wadled away wadle wadle) you kneeled on the ground to open a tiny box to start, but you soon frowned at seeing the contents of it...

It was a tiny little glass box, with a carnation safetly placed inside of it... along, it came a bit of your treasures you savored.. a pair of white yet with tiny little delicate detailsyou knrw he knew you love it; a tiny necklace, simple yet elegant, pingent of a heart attached to it; earings with the symbol of the hassaikai and others that were little white wings...

You soon took notice of the drops of tears that were falling down on your lap and inside the boz as you picked the earrings of the Hassaikai... Chisaki gave you this when you both started dating... it was the first ever gift he gave to you along with the carnation...

'I am by far one of the most normal men considering of what the society sees me... but I hope you that you have the patience to bear with me until I give you a life and a clean world to live in until there my dear.'

The words repeated on your head as sobs started to rip from your tgroat as you clenched the earing to the point they pierced your skin enough to hurt as you curped yourself on the floor in misery...

You wanted to forgive him. You wanted to forget what happened on that disgrace if a day...

But you just couldn't. You couldn't forget thhe warth yet neither that murderous gaze Kai had on you. You couldn't forget how his rough hands that usually touched you like you were made out of glass instead grabbed roughly on your arm to the point you cried in pain.

You couldn't forget how he used his quirk on you out of anger.

"Thank you." He muttered monotonously as he grabbed the bouquet full of roses, safetly wrapped up so it couldn't come in contact with him as he exuted the shop.

Ever since the accident, he hadn't been able to get sleep without having night terrors of the terrified look you had... the screams for him to get away from you, to not wven rouch you with a single finger...

He felt worse than the dirt his shoes collected while walking on the dirty streets of where he lived.

He stared at one single rouse out of all in the bouquet he just paid for it, sighing as he adjusted a petal that was a tad bit out of place only for him to accidentaly rip it from the poor flower.

He stopped at that, watching the petal dance while falling into the ground... his eyebrows frowned as he merely sighed after closing his eyes.

"It seems everything I do I end it up ruining it on a way or another..." he whispered to himself, lowering both arms in defeat.

In others it would be seen as childish for him to get all depressed over a simple petal falling from the bouquet... but not for him.

He was the one that was abandoned on the streets to starve; he was the one whose only brought problems more than pride to the man whose took care of him as his only son... he was the one that hurt and traumatized the one he loved over a anger tantrum...

What was wrong with him..? He though, bringing his free hand ro rub his face and sigh deepely.

Although, his ears peeked up at a sound of laughter. Your laughter. His precious angel's laughter which he hadn't heard from months... he swear he felt like crying in glee as he started to almost run towards that beautiful sound he oh missed so dearly.

What wasn't he expecting was get right in front of a scene that left his heart immediately dropping to his stomach... you were indeed laughing of course.

But in the arms of another man.

On the other side of the street he saw how the taller male bear hugged you and lifted you up off the ground and twirles you around as you squealed. Scrunching up your nose at him kissing hard on your cheek.

He slowly lowered down his hand where it held the bouquet as he stared at the scene that completely torn his insodes out as his eyes carried sadness and heartache...

Despite all of those feelings, he still found himself smiling as a tear ran down his face... it was better this way. You could have a normal life, not surrounded by body guards, not have to worry about constant magging of getting clean or sickness... having someone that could give you what you deserved...

He turned his back to walk away... but what wasn't him expecting was that you had noticed him. Walking away. You furrowed your eyebrows, and against your better judgment, you started to run toawrds him, not seing the open signal neither the car that was coming...

"Ka-Chisaki!" He heard you and let out a confused sound before turning and widening his eyes in horror and dropping the amount of flowers he had at the sign of a car coming and honking.

His feet moved before his mind could, his gloves already dissapeared as he shouted foe you or the car, he didn't know anymore, to stop.

Your eyes widened at the sound of honking and before could let out a sound you were engulfed in muscular arm, bringing you close to his chest as he almosy broke his wrist when making contact with the car and overhauling it in a question of seconds.

The screams were gone for a minute and all you could hear was your and Kai's heartbeat at top speed and his uncrotoled shorts of breath.

A half of the citizens clapped their hands while others immediately left the local as the owner of the car, a young man, finally recovered from the state of panic and got down angry yelling at both of you.

"You stupid bitch! Couldn't see a damn sign that I WAS THE ONE TO GO?! AND YOU TOO YOU DICK! You conpletely destroyed my car you asshole!" The male shouted as Kai put you back on your feet as he glared daggers at the short man.

"If a car cost more than a life so there-" the car was back in shape as soons as he destroyed "You can have it. But just for you to know I am not just an 'asshole' as you reffered me." He growled between teeh as you tensed... you knew that tone of voicw way too well...

"Pff-! Yeah whatever old man-" Chisaki grabbed the hem of the shit of the man and stared dead in his eye "H-Hey! Let go basta-"

"You're bold enough ti call the leader of the yakusa a bastard, arent you?" He growled, and the life of the brunnete seemes to fade away from his eyes as he heard those words.

Before you could say something the scared male face was brought to you as Kai growled and overhauled just a tad bit of yhe hem of his shirt to prove his point.

"This you rascal. Is not a bitch. She is a woman. One that deserves respects and was almost killed by you driving at an unforgible speed you irresponsible germ. So before I lose my patience, say your apologies. Now."

The man stuttered some apologies as your eyes widened at Chisaki before he let go of the brunnete to dall on his knees qs Kai glared at him.

"Get out of my sign before I change my kind on cutting your fingers off."

You stared dumbfounded at the zpeed the little man had to enter his car and get the hell out of thwre becore you gasped at seing Chisaki starting to walk away from you once again.

"H-Hey! Chisaki!" You called but he only stopped and crouched down "You're seriously not gonna say-" you stopped when he got up and turnes to you with a brojen face as he stared at the absolute destroyed bouquet... the majority of them were sprawled on the ground and somewere broken and petals lost and sprawled on the ground and on the street.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled as you stared confusely until he spoke on a sadder tone "Those were meant for you.." you hesitantly grabbed and stared in pity yet a tad bit of ahocked at the warmth you felt on your chest.

"You.. didn't had to." He sinply blinked at your astonished expression.

"I know. But is the least I could do." He muttered before a bit of awkward silence was in the air as you stared at the white roses in your hand, threatening to appear a smile on your lips until the man just sighed and turned midway away from you.

"Have a good afternoon." You eyes widened and before you could even mutter the words wait, he just left. Hands stuffed on his pockets and head hung low.

You furrowed your eyebrows before your eyes dropped to the ground where a mess of white petals and broken roaes were sprawled...

You buffed before looking at a meteo station and walking on the direction of your new apartment.

"You know," he heard the old male's voice ring from the door way as he tried to listen to some calm music layed on his bed and documments on hand "You could take a break now at then Chisaki, maybe some tea to help calm those nervs boy." He stopped reading for a moment as he sighed, looking at Pops unamused.

"Thank you for the offer. But I shall decline."

"Son you camt expect to just succumb into depression like that and think I would allow it." The words of the epder shocked him to some instant before he hesitantly locked eyes with grey ones "I bet you havent triies to verbally apologize to them even once, am I wrong?" Pops croased his arms as he stared at the man dressed in black.

"... try saying sorry for breaking a cup. The word itself wont make the cup return to its original form, it will still be broken." He sighed as he placed the papers on the desn after getting up "This is the same situation. Is not like I deserve or neither knows how to love someone anyway."

"So you just will accept (Y/n) to walk out, end things and be like that?" The elder gesture with his hand at Chisaki "You want to end things with the one you claimed to lo-"

"I didn't want it too, OKAY?!" he banged his fist on the desk as he droppes his head with closed eyes as Pops frowned "I didn't... I.. I cant take the thought of (Y/n) leaving me... but at the same time.." the elder widened hsi eyes at the drop of water that fell on the papers, staining a bit.

"I cant take the thought..of hurting such an angel like I did again... I wouldn't forgive myself." He spoke through teeth in hopes a sob wouldn't escaped until he felt the hand of his mentor pulling him into a firm hug.

"And you say you dont know how to love, huh?" Pops muttered with a smile whipe putting all of his force on the hug as Chisaki's tears deopped silently "Idiot boy, you are just as worth to love someone as anyone else. A mistake wont lwt you stop you if you do know you were on the wrong of it and want to be better." His hand patter the brown hair of Kai much as he did inumerous times as when he was just a child.

He pushed Kai away and sadly smirked at seeing the face of Chisaki all stained with dry tears but no traces of redness... just a broken look.

"When you act like this. Like a man. Is the times I am most proud of you, my son." His breath hitched at the male's words "i will get some herbal tea wether you want it or not. And believe me boy, things are going to get better soon or later."

"... sounds impossible." He muttered as soon as the elder left the room and closed the door.

It was his birthday. Tommorow was his birthday.

You frowned before inhaling sharply. It would complete almost three months since you just stopped talking with him. You were better. But you continually beated yourself up for craving that man's touch or just for hearing some word out of him.

The tiny little presents had stopped when you read a card where he apologized to seen like a stalker and would leave you alone for you to move on. One day after the day you almost got run over by a car and he had saved you and even defended your moral from that asshole that almost shitted his pants at only knowing Chisaki was from the yakusa.

You sighed... this was the first of a ever time Kai had hurted you... and this seemed like it did not only affected you. You sure was hoping for Kai to get possesive or even threatening you to come back to him like many cases you saw on the T.v. But you should have know that by now, Kai was different.

Despite how much he denied, he was a old and gentleman at heart, always looking for ways to please you through gifts since he hadn't has any form of touching in his lifetime that he didn't saw as sick...

... that was it. You had decided over fighting with yourself over three weeks by now.

You were going to give Chisaki. Your Kai Chisaki, another chance.

Packing your purse and everything you could carry on your suitcase, you locked the door of your apartment and left on destination of the house of the Shie Hassaikai.

The gates openes coincdentaly when a black car entered and you took the chance to sneak in. Tip toeing to your once shared bedroom and letting your things over there before you jumped with a squeal at a soind of cough.

"Is such a pleasure to have you back here my dear." You smiled at the old man's face and immediately hugged him, catching the elder in surprise before he chuckled and returned your hug "Care if I may ask why are you back out of the sudden?"

"I... I missed your son. So much." You spoke in embarrassment as the elder smiled and showed with his hand the hallway.

"I guess he is on a room reading something, go text your luck." You nodded, bowing with gratitide as you hesitantly walked and indeed found Kai sitting on a sofa, leg crossed over another as he read a book.

"'The only thing we never get enough of, is love; and the only thing we dont give enough of is also love.' Tsk... not a tad bit wrong Miller sir.." you heard your boyfriend mumbling to himself as he closed the book with a sigh to rub between hsi eyebrows.

You took careful steps while arms crosses behind your back as you looked at his hunched over form and messy dark brow hair.

"I never took you the type to read love quotes." You speak quietly, giggling at how Chisaki flinched and opened his eyes wide at seeing you just mere feet away from him "Hi."

"(Y/n)?" He spoke almost in disbelief as he stood up , hope on his eye swith a fraction of second before returning to that hollow look "What.. what brings you here?"

You rubbed your arm while taking carefull steps towards him, seeing how tense he was.

"I.. think we should at least had talked.. before all of this happened at least."

"You dont have too." He immediatly replied with a stoic look "Is all clear. And I dont take your reasons away from you. You have the right to have a life of your own." You furrowed your eyebrows and honestly being hurt by his words.

"What? So.. so you are okay with this? W-With.. is all this about us?" You pointed at the two of you as sadness overtook his features.

"... I juust know is for the best. For your happiness and safety at least. You dont have to make excuses to make me feel better. I know what I did. And believe, I regret it and hate myself with every piece of my soul."

"Well... I sure cant just pat your head and tell that 'aw baby it was nothing you want a cookie?'-" you saw how he cringed at your words and looked down at his feet "But... but I can say other things." He arched an eyebrows before his breath hitched when he felt your arma circle his chest as you rested your cheek where you could hear his heartbeat...

He stood there with hands on the air in both fear of hurring you and conoekte shock until you spoke something that completely broke him.

"I forgive you Kai... we can still be together... if you want of course."

The sobs ripped from his theoat without warning as his arms came down to gently hold you as he buries his face in your for the sake of his pride.

You felt tears of your own fall as well, staining Kai black social shirt, which he wa completely hot on it, as you clinged for dear life on him, after months finally feeling secure on his arms like you used to do...

"I'm so sorry..." he mumblex, swallowing a hiccup as he rested his chin on your head as you closed your eyes to let the tears fall.

"I know..." you mumbled before parting away from hin as you both stared at eachother until you smiled sadly as he wiped your tears away as you mirrored his actions. "Who would have thought.. a simple quirkless girl making the big bad yakusa cry like a child." You giggled as you saw the hint of tiny smirk beneath that mask.

You saw how he pushed down the said article to reveap his whole handsome face as he stares back at you.

"Should we start all over then?" You offered as his eyebrows quirked up.

"What about that guy you were talking with before... the almost acvident if you could say."

"... my friend thhat was telling me about his wedding in the next month you mean?" You asked with a tiny laugh as his face dropped in realization. "Y-You thought I was dating him?!"

"Well..." he sighed, looking away from you " You had your reasons to."

He widened his eyes at the sudden touch of your hands on his jaw and almost gasped when you pulled him to crush your lips with his... finaly registering what was happening he allowed himself to close his eyes and just... enjoy the moment.

"My jelly bean." You whispered with foreheads conected as Kai scoffed with a smile.

"Dont start with the stupid nicknames now." You smiled at him before he hesitamtly put his hands on your waist "so.. about what happened-" you shushed him gently before ppacing a more sweet kiss on his lips.

"Hush, is over now. In the past. I know you didn't meaant it, and I forgive you. Dont overthinking about it okay? Is over now my love." You nuzzled on his neck as he leg out a watery chuckle and engulfing you on his arms.

".. I guess.. I guess is over." He smiled as he closed his eyes and breathe din the svent he so desperately craved for months.

#overhaul x reader #chisaki kai x reader #kai chisaki x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #overhaul #chisaki kai #it ended in fluffy as promised!#bnha fanfictions #bnha fanfics #zuffer writings

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falcons-wings · 3 years

Text

an easy mission

sam wilson x reader

summary: the reader gets hurt on a mission where they received bad intel (this is a terrible summary but we move)

warnings: fighting, injuries, blood, swearing, guns, knives (i think that’s it?? pls tell me if there’s anything else)

wc: 1.5k+

masterlist

a/n: i’ve written for quite a few different fandoms but never marvel for some reason idk, but i love this man with all my heart and he does not nearly get the love he deserves so i thought i’d write this little work for him - also i havent written in a while so im rusty so apologies in advance - hope you enjoy :)

This was meant to be an easy mission. A nice break from all the stress, fighting and pain you had been experiencing recently since you started working with Sam and Bucky. You had even been sent in on your own to where the target was supposed to be whilst the boys kept watch because it was, as Sam so incorrectly said, “a simple in and out job”.

You had decided it was not a simple in and out job.

The target you had to extract was only meant to have two of his men guarding him, hence the easy part of the job, but the twelve guys who were now all either pointing guns at you or in fighting stances, proved that information very wrong.

It didn’t take long for all hell to break loose - there were gunshots flying everywhere as you began taking out some of the men closest to you. You threw a couple of knives from your harness at two of the men who had guns, not even looking to see if they had hit the mark (but you knew they did - you never missed) before running at the guy closest to you. A swift kick to his stomach followed by an elbow to the face was all it took to for him to go down, allowing you to focus on the other guys now approaching you - and a couple more knives were thrown in succession, getting rid of all but one of the shooters before you engaged in hand to hand combat with two of the assailants.

“Y/n? Is everything alright in there?” Sam’s voice spoke through the comm.

“Oh, everything’s just peachy Sam, I just want to say-“ You felt a sharp pain in your abdomen, interrupting your train of thought and speech, but your momentary pause cost you when one of the guys you were fighting got lucky with a hit to your face. Annoyed that you had let down your guard and most likely had a broken nose now, you kicked your leg out towards his shin and as he tripped slightly, you elbowed him in the gut and pulled his arm down as you rolled towards the floor, flipping him over so his front collided with the ground hard enough to knock him unconscious.

You turned your attention back to the remaining assailants when you registered Sam shouting your name over the comms.

“What Sam? I’m a little busy.”

“You stopped mid sentence I thought something had happened, we were about to come and see if you needed help.” You could hear the worry in his voice but the stubborn part of you still refused to ask for help from them even though they were your friends and you knew they wouldn’t think any less of you.

“No it’s all good here, I was just going to say that we’re never listening to your informant ever again and if we do, you’re getting sent into the hideout.”

“What? Why?”

“Well it turns out the two guys guarding the target,” you tackled the last armed guy to the ground, stabbing him in the chest in the process before getting back up and approaching the last couple of people left, “was actually twelve so I’ve not been having the best time here.”

“Shit. We’re coming in.” You could hear him saying something to Bucky but you didn’t care as this was when you noticed the original target was no longer in your sight, only two very angry looking dudes.

“No I’ve got this handled, but I’ve lost the target - he must’ve got away whilst I was distracted. Sorry.”

“Don’t apologise y/n, Barnes is going to get the target and I’m coming to you.”

Before you could respond to him, the last two guys came charging at you. You ducked underneath the arm of one, dodging the knife he had trained on you, and kicked him in the back with enough force that he fell to the floor and didn’t get back up. This left only one who swung at your face, which you sidestepped out the way of, but unfortunately failed to see him swing his leg out to kick you in the stomach. You stepped back, doubled over in pain for a moment, but quickly recovered and took out the last knife from your harness, throwing it at his chest with perfect accuracy as he made another approach at you.

The body fell to the floor just as you heard loud footsteps running into the room behind you. Still on high alert you spun to fight this next person but instead relaxed when you saw Sam run into the room and stop in his tracks when he looked at you.

“I did say I had it handled.” You smiled smugly at him, ignoring the stab of pain from your nose at the movement, but the smile quickly faded when he still didn’t say anything, not even one of his normal comebacks.

“What? Is there something wrong?”

He shook his head slightly and began walking slowly towards you, “Y/n, you’re bleeding. We need to get you help.”

“It’s just a broken nose Sam, trust me I’ve survived worse.”

He was right in front of you now, his dark eyes conveying so much worry as he looked you over more closely. “No y/n, we need to get you to a hospital.”

You didn’t get what he was on about until he angled his head at your stomach, where you could now see the bullet wound you must’ve received in the mess of the fight bleeding profusely.

“Oh. Well that’s not ideal.”

You stumbled slightly as you started registering the pain you were in, the adrenaline from the fight beginning to wear off now. Sam was quick to steady you with his arms, and the concern on his face, his concern for you, warmed your heart a little even amidst the pain.

He manoeuvred you to the floor to rest whilst he spoke to Bucky over the comms to update him on the situation, and it might’ve been the blood loss speaking but you couldn’t help but think to yourself that he looked even more attractive than normal. He raised an eyebrow at you when he caught you staring, and quickly shaking the thoughts out of your head you began speaking.

“I’m sorry, I fucked up, I didn’t want to call for back up so you would know I can handle things and then I lost the target and then apparently got injured in the mess. All in all not my best mission, so I’m sorry.”

He shook his head at you, crouching down in front of you, “No y/n, you have absolutely nothing to apologise for. This is 100% on me and I’m so so sorry - I hate to see you get hurt, and that’s exactly what happened here.”

“How’s it on you?”

“It was my informant who gave the wrong information which I believed without confirming it, and then you went in here with no back up. You could’ve died y/n. I- No, we, can’t handle another loss, especially if it was you, you mean too much to Bucky and I now.” He looked down at his hands, avoiding your eyes, “I’ll do better next time.”

You hated how sad and broken he looked as he admitted this to you, and bad injuries or not, you were having none of his wallowing today. “Listen to me here Samuel Wilson - you are not to blame for this, sometimes there is bad intel and that’s just something we have to deal with. And if you will not let me blame myself for anything that’s gone wrong today then I ban you from thinking the same about yourself okay?”

He finally looked up at you to see the sincerity in your eyes and gave a small smile, “Okay.”

“I hate to break up the moment,” you both sat up quickly, ready to fight, to see Bucky approaching the two of you and dragging the target behind him, “but we need to get you to a hospital and this guy to a cell.”

“That might be a good idea as my vision is starting to go a little blurry.”

“Shit, okay, I’m gonna pick you up is that alright?” Sam asked, only needing a nod from you before you were in his arms bridal style and following Bucky out of the building.

As you approached the vehicle you were using, you poked Sam’s cheek to get his attention.

“I don’t want to see you get hurt either by the way, you mean too much to me as well.”

His eyes shined as he looked down at you, but his attention was quickly caught by Bucky muttering under his breath “God, just kiss already, you two make me feel sick.”

You huffed a laugh, ignoring your own blushing cheeks, and instead looked at Sam who had his own red cheeks and was now glaring at Bucky with a look, that if it could, would kill him.

He soon gave up with glaring at his friend, and instead looked down at you with a small, possibly hopeful smile on his face that you readily returned.

#I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO POST THIS FOR OVER A DAY WHY DOES THIS SITE HATE ME??????#also it is very on brand for me for my first work in a fandom to be a fic where someone gets hurt #some say i should go to therapy but i say writing does the job almost as well :)#falcons-wings #sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #the falcon and the winter soldier #bucky barnes #anthony mackie #tfatws #marvel #mcu #bucky barnes x reader #mcu imagine #sam wilson imagine #james buchanan barnes #sambucky #sam wilson fic

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kaz11283 · 3 years

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Love Never Wins

Summary: Words will be said but do you really think either one of you mean them. Sometimes actions speak louder.

Warnings: slight angst

Characters: Loki, Thor, Y/n, Clint, avengers in the background here and there

Loki x you, Thor x you (platonic), Clint x you (brother,sister)

ANNOUNCEMENT: Not going to lie. This was going to be a simple short sweet straight to the point drabble but it turned into such a looooong one shot (i guess) I was in a good head space wgile writing this and just couldnt stop really. But it is something that I am very proud of.

ANNOUNCEMENT 2: I've had to make this a simple 2 part. I got way to carried away with everything in it!

Loki Masterlist

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"What's going on with you?" You yelled as you grabbed Loki by the arm pulling him away from the girl who was obviously flirting with him and he with her.

"What are you talking about? We were talking." He yelled back.

"You were flirting Loki in front of everyone! Openly! Don't play me for the fool you think I am. You've been off lately. Not around as much, zoning out when we finally have some time together. If there's something you want to say tell me now." You felt the tears rush to your eyes. You had seen all the signs, hell you were an expert at the signs. Multiple boyfriends had given you the signs before but for some reason you though that maybe, just maybe, he was diffrent.

"I just feel like we've grown apart in the last few months y/n. I don't think I can do this anymore." he said simply.

"You said I brought out the best side of you, that I was the love of your life." You said tears streaming down your face now, to hell with the makeup you was wearing you wasn't going back to the party anyways.

"You're not." He stated simply clenching his jaw.

"Ok fine. It's not the first time I've been broken up with. Just the first time that I had ever put so much into someone that I truly did see a future with just to have my heart completely ripped out in front of me. You got me good this time trickster. Don't think I'll be able to fully recover from this one." You spat back at him before turning to head up stairs to your room that the two of you had shared for so long.

Luckily Tony hadn't done anything to the room you had once occupied on a lower level of the tower so you easily moved all of your clothing back into there in a matter of no time. You weren't use to the feeling of being alone but thats all you wanted right now for the rest of your life. The god of tricks had ruined other men for you, he had once shown you love like you had never felt, and now your heart broke like it had never broke before.

"Hey sis, noticed you weren't- oh god what did he do?" Clint asked walking into your room. "Knew something was up. I could feel it."

"Hawk stop with the twin shit, its creepy." You huffed whipping your eyes on the back your long sleeve hoodie.

"What happened? All I know is you two disappeared, he came back, you didn't, and he said I should probably find you in your old room." He sat down next to you.

"We broke up. Easy as that. Ya know I never understood why they say not to date your co workers till today." You shrugged turning to him. "When we first got together you hated it-"

"To be fair he did brainwash me."

"I didn't say you didn't have a right. We kept it from you for a while though. But we hadn't been together long, Hawk, I thought he was diffrent from any man I ever dated-"

"Well he is a god, kinda different."

"Would you shut up so I can vent just for a little bit then you can go back to the party."

"Na, parties lame anyways, I was thinking about hanging out here for a little bit." He said kicking his shoes off and proping his feet on the coffee table throwing his arms across the back of the couch.

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes as you snuggled into your brother. "He was so kind, gentle, he was paciant with me. He knew that me and you were close and he didnt wamt to get in the way of that. He wanted us to be closer than he and Thor was. I think it helped him realize just how important family is when you only have each other. We kept it a secret for so long though." You pulled the hood up closer to your face. You didn't want to admit to yourself but you had kept the jacket because it still smelled like him.

"Nat seen the two of you making out in the hall weeks before you told anyone by the way." He laughed pulling you closer to him. " I didnt say anything though because I knew you would tell me when you were comfortable with it."

"I love him so much and he played me. Completely tricked me into these feelings that I dont think will ever change." You sobbed wrapping your arms around his waist, he through his arm around your shoulder and pulled you closer.

"Hes a dick with a god complex. Hes not good enough for you at all. Coming from a brother, a twin brothers point of view, I think you could do better. All is fair in love and war, but dont put it past me to be a little rougher on him during training, and I wont point anything out if you happen to let some bad guy kill him on the field." He said kissing the top of your head.

"Hawk, you know I'm not like that. I habe a reputation to up hold." You said slapping his arm before pulling away. "If you wanna stay theres still some of your sweats that I stole in the bedroom and ice cream in the freezer, but your sleeping on the couch. Its been since we were kids that we shared a bed but I bet you still kick."

~~~~

A few weeks had passed since you and Loki had called it quites. You had been mainly staying in your room trying not to cause any uncomfortable silence if you and Loki wede in the same room. On one occasion when you had ventured out to the living room you seen Loki holding an icepack to his eye and a busted lip, your first instinct was to rush over and make sure he was ok but instead you turned and took a seat between Thor and Clint.

"Lady Y/n, as always your peresnts lights up the room. We just havent been seeing much of it as of late." Thor greeted you with a warm smile throwing his huge arm ober your shoulder, making you look smaller than you already was.

"No more gods." Clint mumbled beside you.

"Thor is just a friend. One of the best I have." You laughed. "What happened?" Nodding toward Loki.

"Payback." He shrugged.

"Ah yes, it turns out Loki is not very good at hand to hand combat unles he is able to use his magic." Thor laughed. "I always tried to get him to train with me but he never did, turns out he probably should have."

"Oh for god sakes I'm right here and you three are not really whispering. I shouldn't have to learn hand to hand combat I have my sedair! I'm assuming it was just your brothers idea so that he could get back at me." He yelled.

"And you forget that there could come a time when you might need hand to hand. I told you many times that you needed to train but no mister 'I'm Loki prince of Asguard, burdened with glorious purpose', mister I have my magic. Bullshit. Your just sour because a mear mortal bested you at something. Grow a pair and learn how to actually fight." You jumped up. You had finally snapped. It had been coming tough sitting in you waiting for the right, or wrong, time to show up.

"You watch your tone!" He shouted jumping up. "I know how to fight better than half the people in here." Clint and Thor slowly stood watching the scene in front of them neither one know what to do.

"You know how to use your pixie dust to make things happen! Well guess what tinker bell this aint Neverland. We get in weird predicaments all the time you never know what to expect." You yelled back. "Hell Loki, your probably so bad at hand to hand even I could beat you."

"Oh your on. Training room, 30mins. That is unless your scared?" He said giving you a mischievous smirk.

"Trust and believe I'm not afraid of you by any means. No weponds, no sedair strictly hand to hand." You said turning on your heel to walk to your room to get ready leaving Clint and Thor standing alone in the living room aww struck.

"So what do we do?" Clint finally asked.

"Well of course we have to stop this. It will not end very well." Thor answered.

"So tell the others?"

"Yes you tell the others I will get refreshments for the battle." They took off in seprate directions.

#loki and thor #loki avengers #loki fanfic #loki fanfiction #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki x reader #loki daily #loki #loki angst #lokilaufeyson #loki one shot #loki fandom #loki x y/n

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