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tossawary · 3 years

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Chapter 28: “A Growing Family” of “pride is not the word I’m looking for” quotes and commentary. Not a full list of favorite quotes or full commentary.

The fact that Shen Qingqiu is waiting for them, just outside of Yue Qingyuan’s office, really doesn’t help the dread that Shang Qinghua is feeling here.

A stocky young woman is standing attentively beside the seated Peak Lord. This is that Fu Qiang character, one of Binghe’s favorite shijies on Qing Jing Peak, here to whisk Peerless Cucumber away for a one-to-one chat on the other transmigrator’s potential relationship to the House of Rejuvenation. Or maybe to give the kid a tutoring session on recovering memories from trauma or something! Shang Qinghua doesn’t know exactly, not having been invited to sit in.

“Shidi,” Shen Qingqiu greets coolly.

“Greetings, Shen-Shixiong,” Shang Qinghua returns, feeling sweaty already, but also weirdly giddy. He’s tempted to wink, but he’s pretty sure that would get him killed. “How are you? You look very well! Aha, how did those ‘other engagements’ go the other day? Meet with anyone? Have a good time?”

Over the top of his elegant fan, Shen Qingqiu immediately gives him a look that could probably kill a lesser man - or maybe a greater one, like someone who has more dignity and shame and whatever than Shang Qinghua does. Shang Qinghua doesn’t flinch. He assumes that the meeting with Yue Qingyuan went well! Which is great! Super great! If it had gone badly, he’s pretty sure that Shen Qingqiu wouldn’t even be setting foot on Qiong Ding Peak now - or at least would have been projecting “I’ll kill to get out of here and I’m mentally picking all my victims” hard enough to send all the Qiong Ding Peak disciples and cultivators off like panicked chickens.

“I don’t know what you mean,” Shen Qingqiu says, downright frosty now. “Shang-Shidi must have been paying too much attention to nonsense gossip again.”

“Ah, of course! Of course! My mistake, Shen-Shixiong! Please forgive me!”

Shang Qinghua looks to his fellow transmigrator next, to reintroduce them, only to find Shen Yuan making a very strange expression. Shen Yuan is looking between Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu kind of like he’s never seen them before. His mouth is even a little open and everything. It takes the kid a few seconds to realize that he has two Peak Lords staring at him and to swallow the strange expression.

AN: Shen Yuan knows that 1) SQQ came to meet SQH personally immediately after their mission was over, 2) SQH stayed in bed the following day for a LONG time, and 3) SQH had a hickey on his neck.

So when Shang Qinghua makes a reference to the meeting that SQQ had with Yue Qingyuan, almost flirtatiously asking if Shen Qingqiu “met with anyone” and “had a good time”, Shen Yuan is going to draw his own conclusions.

Namely, that Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu might be sleeping together.

After all, Shen Yuan doesn’t know about the YQY and SQQ backstory! Shen Yuan only knows that Shang Qinghua is weirdly friendly with PIDW’s most famous scum villain and that Shen Qingqiu apparently likes SQH enough not to be an asshole to Luo Binghe. Shang Qinghua kind of talks like they’re friend, so what if they’re... more than friends?!

Meanwhile, Shang Qinghua cannot fathom anyone EVER considering that he and SHEN QINGQIU might be lovers. It’s not an idea that he is in a position to have because what the fuck?!

I was tickled pink when I realized that things were in position to have the disciples think that Shangjiu is a thing. I was already planning on having them notice Shang Qinghua’s brand-new-relationship good mood. Shen Yuan may not notice when people are in love with HIM, but he did still read a twenty-million-word stallion web-novel, so he’s totally prepared to assume that secret affairs are happening for OTHER PEOPLE.

His fellow transmigrator hastily performs the appropriate greeting. Shen Qingqiu doesn’t reply beyond inclining his head, instead sweeping his eyes over Shen Yuan, who stands hilariously still like he’s facing down a predator, except for how the kid squints back a little at the Lord of Qing Jing Peak. Ha! That’s pretty fearless coming from someone still so unnerved by the man who would have Proud Immortal Demon Way’s most famous scum villain.

“Fu Qiang,” Shen Qingqiu says finally. “I have instructed Assistant Ma to set aside a private room for your discussion. You may take Disciple Shen there now.”

“Yes, Shizun.”

The other disciple gestures for Shen Yuan to follow and the other transmigrator hastily takes her up on that. As the disciples disappear, Shen Qingqiu rises and, without a word, leads Shang Qinghua into Yue Qingyuan’s office.

AN: It’s tempting to try and make Shen Qingqiu and Shen Yuan actually develop more of a relationship than “passing acquaintance”, but the thing is that I can’t see either of them really going for it without being forced or without a very serious push. They’re both so prickly.

Yue Qingyuan greets him in a friendly manner, like he’s genuinely pleased to see Shang Qinghua and happy to help. Shang Qinghua greets the man in the same way. It’s nice! It also kind of feels like they’re both pretending the past few months of awkwardness, resentment, and avoidance never happened.

AN: It felt a little more true to life and to the characters to have Shang Qinghua and Yue Qingyuan just... move forward instead of getting into their issues with each other and what apologies may be due.

It’s kind of like a mutual: “What if we didn’t talk about it?”

And they’re both like, “Oh, thank fuck.”

I think that if they both brew on it a bit more, they may eventually decide to try to assuage their respective anger or guilt by saying something, but right now they’re feeling raw and/or embarrassed, and don’t want to accidentally get into it again. So they’ll talk about work! They always have work to talk about! Work is more important than personal matters, so they’re just going to pretend everything is fine!

It’s not just the System who won’t let the Immortal Alliance Conference not happen! But, ahhh, Shang Qinghua can still dream of them actually managing to convince Zhao Hua Temple Sect and everyone else to call the whole thing off. He can dream!

Yue Qingyuan has this pained expression that says, “You’re not wrong, but I wish you were.” This guy knows what Shang Qinghua is talking about!

Shen Qingqiu has this expression that says something like, “I can only critique the accuracy of your assessment on the grounds that you may be giving our fellow cultivators too much credit in terms of common sense and cooperation. This annoys me immensely.”

“You have put a great deal of thought into this,” Yue Qingyuan says finally. “You received this news… when exactly… again?”

“Ah, yesterday morning?” Shang Qinghua answers.

“While in bed with a demon lord,” he doesn’t elaborate. Nope! Not elaborating!

“I know it’s not- I’ll try to get more information, but everyone is still in the planning stages, and it’s not easy getting any information!” Shang Qinghua says defensively. “But, even with that, I thought, ‘Ah, my shixiongs will probably want to know right away!’ Someone will need to tell Zhao Hua to take precautions, at least?”

Yue Qingyuan visibly regathers himself and says, “It is better to know these things as soon as possible. Thank you, Qinghua, for this forewarning.”

“He’s very good at knowing these things,” Shen Qingqiu agrees, but the man’s gaze is like a very sharp pin and Shang Qinghua is but a lowly insect under it. “When might you be expected to know more about this?”

“Ah, I’ll have to get in contact with… ah, some people I know.”

AN: Of course YQY and SQQ want to know more about where SQH is getting this information, but for all they know he might just have gotten a tip-off from one of his merchant contacts or someone in the black market. This has been brewing for a while between these demon lords and the cultivation sects. It’s really bad news, but it’s also not really that surprising.

According to the Airplane Extras, when MBJ and SQH meet, Airplane offhandedly mentions that Mobei-Jun’s clan and Huan Hua Palace Sect have a serious grudge from a conflict at a previous Immortal Alliance Conference. In PINTWILF, this conference is why the IACs got cancelled and had to be recently “revived”. The coming IAC is the 3rd since this revival.

Shang Qinghua has proven himself reliable enough by this point that YQY and SQQ will let him keep his informants close to his chest. Between SQH’s years of improved services (helped by actually getting his personal disciples to help him) and SQH’s interference in their personal issues, they do actually trust him.

So, yeah, they think he’s a squirmy little rat man.

But he’s THEIR squirmy little rat man who has come through in times of need. Also, SQQ, for all his glaring, might stab YQY if he started giving SQH a hard time about this. Sometimes a shidi just wants you to back the fuck off, YQY! Let him have his secrets! Even though SQQ absolutely wants to know SQH’s secrets and is on the verge of dying of curiosity.

I am VERY MUCH looking forward to them finding out that Shang Qinghua has a demon prince for a boyfriend. That’s going to be fun.

“I have also been… considering the advantages of lessons and between Peaks to encourage both cooperation and… survival skills,” Shen Qingqiu says next. “Rarely does one become a master of all disciplines - the Twelve Peaks allow for many of our sect to become specialists, masters of one art - but it seems unwise not to be learned in the basics of as many life-saving arts as one is able.”

“A diversity of learning can be very beneficial,” Yue Qingyuan agrees immediately.

“My disciple, Fu Qiang, has become a very adept medic over the years, though this was in the hopes of avoiding visiting Qian Cao Peak. The head disciples of An Ding, as I understand it, have sought to take special lessons from Qian Cao and Xian Shu to improve themselves."

“Ah, that explains how Hongpeng spied on Peerless Cucumber back when the little bro was still in Mu Qingfang’s clutches,” Shang Qinghua thinks. “And, ah, Shen Bro, I don’t know how to tell you this, but Wenjiao goes to Xian Shu Peak mostly to moon over pretty girls, especially my little sister-in-law.”

"There is also the example of Qi-Shimei’s most frustrating disciple, who must be routinely dragged away from Bai Zhan, but who has also apparently helped to improve her fellow Xian Shu disciples’ martial abilities.”

"Ah, that's one of putting Qi Qingqi letting Luo Fanli and Liu Mingyan fight each other in order to hopefully wear them both out," Shang Qinghua thinks.

“Even if demons should not attack, though only a limited number of our disciples will be attending the Immortal Alliance Conference, it would nevertheless be beneficial to ensure that all disciples across the sect are well-equipped to keep themselves alive until the specialists arrive,” Shen Qingqiu finishes. “Shang-Shidi, as one of the most well-connected leading members of our sect, the organization of such an initiative would be best left in your hands.”

AN: Okay, so I know that this is kind of a weird thing to be coming from Shen Qingqiu, but he’s grown a bit over the course of this fic! AND he’s totally coming at it from the perspective of: “I don’t have to cooperate or get along with anyone beyond what I’m doing now.”

So SQQ is like, “My disciples are stupid. We should have more field medics.”

And he’s like, “Some people’s disciples can’t fight for shit and we should make sure they know more self-defense.”

And he’s like, “Liu Qingge’s disciples are animals. Someone at least teach them how to protect other disciples and how to not bleed to death, because he won’t. That man doesn’t teach them anything.”

And he’s like, “Shang Qinghua, you do that. I don’t want to.”

Peerless Cucumber’s conversation with Shen Qingqiu’s disciple is long over, but apparently his fellow transmigrator didn’t just leave afterwards. Yue Qingyuan’s youngest assistant intercepts to politely point Shang Qinghua towards their waiting room. Shen Yuan is asleep in a chair, with one of his cultivation manuals open in his lap. Judging by his pose, Shang Qinghua is going to guess that the kid was trying some kind of meditation and ended up taking a nap by accident.

It happens to the best of them sometimes! Or at least to Shang Qinghua!

“Ah, I told you not to wait on me. Come on, bro, I don’t want to have to carry you back,” Shang Qinghua says, while jostling the kid awake. “You’re too big for that. My nephew is too big for that these days. Just because it would be nostalgic for me and just because I can doesn’t mean that I want to be carrying you around like a sack of vegetables.”

AN: If Shang Qinghua can haul Mobei-Jun around, then he could pick up Shen Yuan no problem. Also, this is the bit where I was like, “Wow, I have very much made SQH into SY’s dad here.”

Even SVSSS SQH gives me Uncle Vibes, to be honest. The man wants to pop into Bingqiu’s life, ask some nosy questions, be treated to a free meal (who doesn’t), tell some bad jokes, offer some terrible advice, complain about his workload, and then flounce off again with his boyfriend. SVSSS SQH seems to like being useful and appreciated and part of the group, but in a way where he’s not directly attached to anyone, you know? Give SVSSS SQH the benefits, but none of the responsibilities!

Shang Qinghua is kind of sick of this roundabout conversation and decides to bring out the big guns: a move taught to him by his extremely powerful sister-in-law, who has effortlessly defeated their resident War God. He knows the effectiveness of this technique personally, because Luo Jiahui has used it to defeat him many times. He puts on the best concerned face he has.

“Yuan,” he says seriously, looking the kid directly in the eye. “I’m not making jokes here about not skipping out on cultivating. It’s not always going to be fun - a lot of the time, it’s going to be pretty embarrassing and a little painful. Bro, I was an adult stuck in a teenage body, regularly getting my ass handed to me by actual teenagers. That was awful. But I really need you to keep doing it, even if you don’t become the next War God ready to challenge the protagonist, because I don’t want you to die. This shitty world isn’t safe. And if you want to be involved in these missions, then I need you to be able to carry yourself, or we’re both going to get trampled by some OP monster wandering out of an advanced chapter early instead of fixing anything here.”

Shen Yuan is having difficulty meeting his eyes. He keeps trying to force himself to look at Shang Qinghua and then looking away again automatically.

Shang Qinghua employs another of his sister-in-law’s immensely powerful techniques: he reaches out and puts a hand on the kid’s shoulder. “I will tell you stuff when I have stuff to tell you and when I can tell it to you. You’ve been super helpful, I’m going to need your help in the future, but I need you to be a little patient right now too.”

Shen Yuan nods. “...Fine.”

AN: Shang Qinghua: “I can’t believe that I’m tricking this person into thinking I’m a good person by being nice to them and looking after them and doing good things. I have learned this behavior for TRICKING PURPOSES only and have NOT accidentally adopted yet another kid.”

Shang Qinghua can’t answer the question right now! Leave a message!

He’s too busy replaying all the times he’s seen his nephew and his fellow transmigrator interact. Binghe did ask after Shen Yuan every time that he and Shang Qinghua talked, while the other transmigrator was on Qian Cao and after he came to An Ding, but… Shang Qinghua just thought his nephew was being polite and curious? Peerless Cucumber stands out! Binghe didn’t act too weirdly about it!

Luo Binghe is supposed to be a stallion protagonist with 600 wives!

Although… Shang Qinghua’s nephew has never really shown any interest in that kind of thing. Which Shang Qinghua has been pretty glad about! He doesn’t want to have 600 nieces-in-law! He also doesn’t want that for his nephew!

The protagonist of Proud Immortal Demon Way ’s harem was basically a snake pit of drama and desperation and decaying fantasies. For everyone who could read between the lines of empty papapa to see Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky’s tragic story of resentment and revenge, it wouldn’t be inaccurate to say the tyrannical, broken protagonist was like a black hole, dragging everyone else into orbit around this man who couldn’t really love anyone! You can take a blackened protagonist out of the Eternal Abyss, but you can’t take that abyss out of the blackened protagonist, right?

The original Luo Binghe didn’t take wives because he was in love. He took wives because he could! Because they were beautiful or powerful or useful! Because he pitied them! Because he liked being their savior! Because he didn't want anyone else to have them! Because he liked being an object of envy and desire and love! Because it was expected of him, as the man all the readers wanted to be, who was supposed to have everything a man could ever want!

“...Ah, there are… some implications there,” Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky realizes, remembering just how half-hearted most of that harem bullshit was. “Maybe a bent man wrote a kind of bent protagonist by accident? Who knows?”

“Da-Ge?” Fanli says. “Da-Ge, didn’t you know?”

AN: I’ve said this before, but there’s a meta argument to be made in regards to Luo Binghe and obligatory heterosexuality.

Also, from what I remember, Airplane didn’t actually seem to care too much about Luo Binghe being interested in Shen Yuan. In the Airplane Extras, Airplane says that in the original version of PIDW that he never got to write, Luo Binghe actually ended up totally alone at the end of the story. He was apparently planning a pretty downer ending for Luo Binghe. But Luo Binghe ended up getting a huge harem instead because that’s what the readers wanted!

So, my impression is, that when SVSSS Airplane first realizes that LBH is into men (and into SQQ specifically), he does a little bit of self-reflection and also reflection on PIDW, then just goes, “Huh. That makes... sense.”

“Though, aha, I can’t remember Shen-Shixiong ever really not being kind of angry at me and I’m not dead yet. I had to talk really fast sometimes, but I lived! Now go away.”

When Shang Qinghua looks up, all of his disciples are staring at him. They all look surprised, except for Shen Yuan, who looks embarrassed. Shang Qinghua would guess that someone cracked a dirty joke, but that doesn’t seem right.

"What?"

“...Shifu, how long have you known Shen-Shibo?” Chen Xuan asks.

“Since we were disciples? Ah, I think he hated me at first sight.”

“But you’re close now?” Lin Wenjiao blurts out.

“Closer, ” Shang Qinghua agrees warily. “Aha, don’t think that any of you can ask me for favors to do with Shen Qingqiu or Qing Jing Peak too! That’s not happening! Disciple Luo, Shen, get out of here before you give my disciples any more weird ideas.”

AN: Okay, so what happened is that as soon as Luo Fanli and Shang Qinghua left the room, Shen Yuan was like, “...Shang Qinghua and Shen Qingqiu are... very close? Are they...?”

And SQH’s disciples are like, “Holy shit, are you asking if SQH and SQQ are romantically involved?!” And SQH’s disciples laugh in SY’s face because that’s RIDICULOUS. Which makes SY really embarrassed and defensive! SQH’s disciples ask why he would EVER think a thing like that.

SY provides the evidence. It’s a reasonable conclusion!

And then SQH’s disciples are like, “...Holy shit?!”

And then SY is like, “Wait, maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned that.”

But it’s too late. SQH’s disciples are already putting all the evidence together and there is SO MUCH EVIDENCE of something going on there.

I know I refer to this ship as “Shangjiu”, but that’s mostly just to specify which Shen Qingqiu and I doubt that anyone in Cang Qiong Mountain Sect dares to call SQQ “Jiu” besides YQY. They’d probably actually end up calling it something along the lines of “The Premise” like original Star Trek: The Original Series Kirk/Spock shippers. (See Fanlore or something for more info on that.)

Again, SQH cannot... CONCEIVE of them conceiving this idea.

By the time that Mobei-Jun shows up at his Leisure House, Shang Qinghua is a little on the edge! Honestly, he’s kind of off the edge, dangling from a very thin branch just underneath the cliff’s edge, and that thin branch is making some very concerning noises! Sure, at least the demon lord isn’t late, but Shang Qinghua is suddenly reminded of just how intimidating Mobei-Jun looks! Also, he’s cleaned up his house and knows his sister-in-law knows he’s kind of a slob sometimes, but he’s so sure that she’s still going to judge his cleaning job! What if she blames Mobei-Jun for it? (She’d be right to blame him a little! The man can be kind of lazy and messy sometimes too!)

A cool hand at Shang Qinghua’s hip prevents him from walking around in circles, repositioning disobedient cushions and offending tables. Shang Qinghua looks up at Mobei-Jun, who moves his hand to where Shang Qinghua’s neck meets shoulder.

“Stop it,” Mobei-Jun says.

AN: It’s really funny thinking about how all of Mobei-Jun’s gentle and affectionate behaviors towards SQH are totally learned. This does not come naturally to the man. If SQH was having a panic attack, Mobei-Jun’s first (panicked) instinct would be to bark at him to stop it.

“It’s just… Jiahui is… it didn’t have to be this way for us? I would have just helped her get to safety and left her to live her life without me, but she didn’t let that happen, even though her family wasn’t any good either, so why would she want another one?” Shang Qinghua tries to explain. “She chose me? She looked out for me. She helped me understand a lot of things. Even though she probably could have picked anyone else. I don’t really know where I’d be right now if she didn’t? Ah, probably… not talking to or trusting anyone ever? You remember what things used to be like.”

“Yes.”

“I’ve never really liked any of the sisters I’ve had before very much,” Shang Qinghua admits. “Ah, but they didn’t like me either, so it worked. Anyway! It’s… important to me that things work out now because…”

“I don’t want to choose,” Shang Qinghua doesn’t say.

He clears his throat instead.

“Qinghua.”

Shang Qinghua forces himself to look up from his hands on Mobei-Jun’s collar.

“I am glad that you were not without someone to trust,” Mobei-Jun says, though it sounds like it takes effort. “Your sister has nothing to fear from me.”

Mobei-Jun has already made this promise, but it’s good to hear it again.

“Thank you, my king. I’ll, ah- I should go get her now.”

AN: Mobei-Jun is jealous. He is very, VERY jealous.

BUT Mobei-Jun can also see some parallels here. Luo Jiahui is to Shang Qinghua in many ways what Shang Qinghua is to him. Mobei-Jun understands the importance of this relationship and of this person. He understands that Jiahui and SQH’s relationship is not romantic, of course, and understands her to be the “head of the family”, so he has to force himself not to act on his jealousy.

I think that a part of Mobei-Jun might see jealousy as something very negative? Thinking about what I said about Mobei-Jun’s hang-ups surrounding consent and possessiveness possibly originating with his father being a wife-stealer, Mobei-Jun can’t act on his jealousy for the same reasons that he needs Shang Qinghua to make the first explicit moves. He wants Shang Qinghua to choose him and to choose him of his own free will.

So, he’s jealous when he hears about how LJH chose SQH and SQH chose LJH, but he can’t act on it because 1) he loves SQH and 2) he’s (possibly unconsciously) terrified of becoming his father and creating resentment that will ripple out into his family potentially for generations.

It’s so, so weird to see his human sister-in-law sitting across from a demon lord. Luo Jiahui is not a tall woman and her cultivation is very good these days, but she’s not a warrior. Seeing the height and width differences side-by-side make them really obvious! Mobei-Jun is at least twice Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law’s size! He has to be easily twice her weight!

When Luo Jiahui puts food in front of Mobei-Jun, Shang Qinghua gets huge “I dare you to not eat my food” messages! It took a really long time before Mobei-Jun seemed to accept that Shang Qinghua really wouldn’t take every available opportunity to hand him poison. Thankfully, however, Mobei-Jun has eaten Luo Jiahui’s food before! Shang Qinghua has shared his sister-in-law's food with the demon lord! Shang Qinghua also communicated beforehand that Mobei-Jun has to eat the food. No matter what!

So, Mobei-Jun eats the food and Shang Qinghua breathes a sigh of relief. Mobei-Jun even goes so far as to tell Luo Jiahui that she’s a good cook (above and beyond social interaction! Also delivered kind of awkwardly!), which his sister-in-law accepts with thanks (and also maybe just a little bit as her rightful due).

Luo Jiahui already knows the basics of Mobei-Jun: that he’s an ice demon, the son of the Northern Demon King, and he’s going to be the next Northern Demon King. She already knows that he’s a warrior and that his time is mostly spent tending to his duties, usually on his father’s behalf. She even knows that demon families can be kind of violently competitive and that Mobei-Jun’s family is no exception.

So, when she finally decides to speak seriously, she says, “My brother is very important to me. I have told him that if he is happy, then I’m happy for him. He has told me that you are very important to him.”

AN: Mobei-Jun is going to hold that revelation close to his chest for WEEKS. Shang Qinghua said that Mobei-Jun is very important to him!

Juggling the tension of this scene was weird.

Because, like, Mobei-Jun is not a kind or a gentle or a good person. He’s disdainful of humanity. It’s kind of a mindfuck for him to be having a meal with a strange human who is not of the things he has been raised to respect.

Meanwhile, Luo Jiahui is fucking terrified of Mobei-Jun, dislikes him, and doesn’t want to like him. He’s a stranger who could destroy her family. He looks kind of monstrous. He acts strangely.

But they HAVE TO BE CIVIL to each other for Shang Qinghua’s sake.

So they are.

Mobei-Jun tries not to make any scary moves around the soft human.

Luo Jiahui tries to act like MBJ is a normal person and to be polite.

They are both very out of their depth.

“...Shang Qinghua saved my life,” Mobei-Jun says, which is the first time he’s spoken without someone else speaking to him first. “Many times, he has done this.”

Luo Jiahui sets down her teacup, listening expectantly.

“Even when I did not trust him, and he did not trust me, Qinghua has always provided shelter and safety,” Mobei-Jun says slowly, solemnly. “Medicine, when I have been injured. Direction, when I have been lost. Company and loyalty. This is rare.”

“Yes,” Luo Jiahui agrees.

“The trust I have put in him has never been betrayed.”

Shang Qinghua kind of feels like he’s overheating here - like maybe his heart is melting! Mobei-Jun as a character has always prized loyalty above all! “I had no fucking clue,” he thinks. “Honestly, how the FUCK did I have no fucking clue?! Hindsight is incredible!”

“I would not betray him,” Mobei-Jun says, looking to Shang Qinghua directly. “My life has been his since the day we met.”

Shang Qinghua tries not to melt even more. Mobei-Jun is supposed to be an ice demon! What the hell is this?! It’s unfair! It’s embarrassing! It’s too much!

“...Good,” Luo Jiahui says, determinedly. “I’m happy to hear that. My hard-working brother needs someone to appreciate and cherish him.”

“Yes.”

AN: Mobei-Jun is like, “Humans use words. I need to use words. I need to be direct about this because humans are bad at understanding things.”

And Luo Jiahui is like, “Oh my, you are very intense. Okay.”

Mobei-Jun nods. “I did not think a human would ever care for a demon child.”

Luo Jiahui frowns a little. “Oh?”

“I admire this,” Mobei-Jun amends, frowning back. “I do not know how humans are raised. It is good that your child has never had to doubt his safety here.”

“...Of course.”

“It is clear that your child is loved beyond his bloodline.”

“Of course,” Luo Jiahui insists, with an offended note in her voice. “When I found Binghe in that river, I didn’t know he was part demon, but I would have taken him in anyway! Whoever the parent is, whatever the parent has done, it’s never the baby’s fault. Even if a parent has done something wrong, then babies shouldn’t suffer for it. All children should be cherished.”

Luo Jiahui’s voice breaks a little, her eyes turning wet. Shang Qinghua fumbles for a handkerchief to offer his sister-in-law, which she accepts gratefully.

He wonders if she’s thinking about her stillborn baby. She doesn’t talk about her other baby very often, but she does sometimes. She told him once that she observes that day. It’s something that she insists on doing alone.

“...I was left in the human world as a young child,” Mobei-Jun says.

Shang Qinghua’s head snaps up. He knows that, but that’s because he wrote that. He has never, ever heard Mobei-Jun talk about it before.

“Oh, no,” Luo Jiahui says.

“I was nearly killed by humans,” Mobei-Jun informs them.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Luo Jiahui says.

“It was my uncle’s doing. He wishes to see me dead.” Mobei-Jun says this like it’s just another fact of life, not even an upsetting one, which kind of makes it one of the saddest fucking things that Shang Qinghua has ever heard the man say.

“That’s terrible,” Luo Jiahui says vehemently. “How rotten.”

Mobei-Jun blinks at her. His expression is still solemn, but the pause seems surprised.

Shang Qinghua almost wants to shrug. Yep, his sister-in-law is just like this!

“I have promised Qinghua that I will protect your son,” Mobei-Jun says to her. “I make you the same promise now.”

“...Thank you.”

AN: Mobei-Jun is like, “I understand you to be one of the rare humans who is not a piece of shit and who would have saved me as a child. I respect this. I don’t fucking understand it, but I understand you should be protected and that your child should be protected. I am doing this for Shang Qinghua and not because I have any personal issues surrounding the endangerment of demon children.”

Luo Jiahui is like, “Oh, he’s soft inside! He’ll protect my Binghe. Okay, I like him now. I didn’t want to, but anyone who basically professes to be willing to die for my child and my brother has my reluctant approval.”

Shang Qinghua can’t help it. The energy in here is so weird! He laughs.

“My king, have you had that all this time?”

Mobei-Jun doesn’t say anything, he just frowns.

“Clearly he was waiting to return it in person, Houhua,” Luo Jiahui admonishes. “It’s not his fault that you took so long introducing us or surely he would have returned it sooner. Don’t make it out to be impolite.”

Mobei-Jun gives Shang Qinghua’s sister-in-law an approving look.

AN: Mobei-Jun is like, “Oh, she’s smarter than Qinghua. Good. (Not that my Shang Qinghua isn’t very clever, but he’s an idiot.)”

And sometimes it’s just nice to take a minute to sit back, relax, and see his disciples daring their shidi, his fellow transmigrator, to chug the spiciest soup on the menu.

“Ah, kids,” Shang Qinghua says to Luo Jiahui.

Luo Jiahui is making a very concerned expression as her sisters, Shang Qinghua’s head disciples, and even Liu Mingyan chant: “Chug! Chug! Chug!” Yeah, he should probably stop them! But why would he? If anyone throws up from this, he’ll just appear out of nowhere to scare the shit out of all of them and then make them clean it up. It’s fine. He says as much to Luo Jiahui.

“They’re old enough to know better,” she says, but she looks fond now. “Their shifu should have taught them better manners, hm?”

“Hey! Only… four of those are mine.”

AN: Friends for Shen Yuan! Friends for Shen Yuan!

Also SQH being like, “Oh, fuck, I really have too many kids.”

Luo Jiahui sighs wistfully. “It is nice having children in here again, even big ones who are supposed to be adults now. I’m so proud of how Binghe has grown, but I miss when he was little. I miss when I could pick him up and carry him around. Uncle Han’s daughter brought her new baby in yesterday. He was so cute!”

“Aha, don’t steal a baby to fill the empty nest, please!”

Luo Jiahui swats him. “I wouldn’t do something like that!” she insists, cheeks flushing pink.

AN: Baby?! Baby for Luo Jiahui and Liu Qingge?! Maybe!

#tossawary commentary #tossawary svsss #pride is not the word

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shijiujun · 4 years

Note

“you know you’re singing to your headphones out loud, right” au for moshang plz sqh singing modern songs that mbj doesn't know and being hella confused 🥺

Featuring karaoke-loving Shang Qinghua who gets a bit too drunk at a Cang Qiong mountain gathering, and he goes all out.

Or when Mobei Jun wonders why Shang Qinghua is singing about another man called Liang Shan Bo.

---

Sometimes, he thinks about his old life before he ever had the misfortune of landing in a world of his own creation, with an annoying gaming AI system of sorts hounding his every move (in the beginning) or turning up at the most inopportune times just when he thinks it’s finally gone and left him alone (more recently).

Shang Qinghua remembers not having many friends when he was still Shang Qinghua, when ‘向天打飞机 Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky’ was still merely his writing Weibo account moniker and when he had millions of people looking up to him for his crucial contributions in writing this amazing story about his son Luo Binghe and the way he overcame all odds to become a success with a harem of gorgeous women at his feet (damn you, Peerless Cucumber bro!).

Back in those days, he lived off cup noodles and instant coffee. If he didn’t have to leave the house, Shang Qinghua would simply curl up in front of his laptop, either writing for his novel or watching shows (clears his throat) - actual shows! Chinese period dramas were his favourite, where a skilled and intelligent consort in the harem would outwit all the other women to be with her one true love, the Emperor, who falls irrevocably in love with her.

And when he got bored, he switched from the laptop to his television to engage in his second most favourite hobby - Chinese karaoke. Going out to a karaoke bar would require some level of socializing, and also a few friends so he gets more bang out of his buck from what he pays for the room, but at home?

With advanced technology and a tiny ass microphone in either shining gold or silver, Shang Qinghua’s home entertainment system was his very own personal karaoke room, His tiny mic even had that echo-y effect on.

Shang Qinghua has a thing for classic Chinese songs - ‘The New Butterfly Dream’, ‘Liang Shan Bo and Juliet’, The Moon Represents My Heart‘ - and contemporary karaoke must-haves, like Wang Fei. For an embarrassing few days, the Chinese version of Baby Shark was a veritable earworm as well.

After transmigrating into his own story set in ancient times, where he lives without technology, Shang Qinghua would be lying if he said he didn’t miss the Internet. Laptops would be incredibly handy, and so would switches for lights, definitely indoor plumbing for toilets, and induction stoves. Phones too, that would be nice, rather than having to ‘send word’ with letters.

Of course, there is no karaoke bar or machine for him.

Not all is bad though. At least he transmigrated to Shang Qinghua in this world as a baby, so it’s not as if he was surviving on Internet and technology one day and left to do everything manually the next day since someone was always taking care of him. Peerless Cucumber bro, of course, wasn’t as lucky, but the man has definitely taken to this world (and his son!!) like a fish to water.

And as for himself, Shang Qinghua does not need to envy Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe either, because somehow, he has gotten the man of his dreams too, even if said man was a little cruel and rude to him in the beginning.

He has the love of his life (coughs coughs) and they’re stuck in this world for the rest of his life. What more is there to want? Not to mention how his cup of instant noodles betrayed him at the last moment, resulting in his death! It is slightly safer, ironically, to be in this world instead.

All is good except... well...

===

Shen Qingqiu marvels at the sight before him, torn between wanting to step in to stop Shang Qinghua, or watch this farce unfold.

He sometimes forgets where he, or where Shang Qinghua, who has been in this world longer than he, came from. They don’t always talk about the past when they meet, and aside from the occasional meetups, Shen Yuan is a part of him that doesn’t surface, not when he is with Luo Binghe.

Shang Qinghua, on the other hand, grew up here, and aside from referring to Shen Qingqiu by his Weibo account name, he seems otherwise well-adjusted, no hint of modern online writer Shang Qinghua in sight. It doesn’t feel as if he misses their original world either.

This evening, however, memories of modern times slap him in the face, quite literally.

“Shizun!” Luo Binghe calls, frantic, tugging him back into his embrace out of Shang Qinghua’s way. Once Shen Qingqiu is safe in his arms, his eyes narrow at the bumbling, drunk idiot causing a scene in the dinner hall, “Shang Qinghua...”

Shang Qinghua stops where he is, and then before any one can stop him, he picks up a pair of chopsticks, brings it to his mouth, and begins bellowing his way through-

-Jay Chou’s Hair Like Snow.

“Shizun, are you alright?” Luo Binghe fusses, his hands coming up to cup Shen Qingqiu’s face when his Shizun doesn’t so much as respond to him. “Were you hurt? Did he hurt you? How’re you feeling? We’ll go back home now-”

“What is he singing?” Qi Qingqi frowns in disgust.

They all wince when Shang Qinghua attempts to hit a high note, but fails miserably.

Fuck me, Shen Qingqiu thinks, his eyes impossibly wide, who knew Airplane bro was such a karaoke fanatic?

“... maybe he is possessed by a malevolent spirit? Or perhaps this is an unidentified curse?” asks Ming Fan.

“Or is this some new form of cultivation?” asks Ning Yingying, curious.

Yue Qingyuan, seated at the front of the dining hall, cannot help but be concerned for him as well. “Shall we call Mu-shidi to take a look at him-”

They’ve gathered for their annual meeting - a condition that Yue Qingyuan has set in place a few years ago after Luo Binghe ‘stole’ (married!) him away from Cang Qiong Peak - and although Shang Qinghua said he didn’t mind that Mobei Jun was unable to accompany him today, he spent most of the dinner drinking alcohol while in a melancholic state instead.

Who knew that Shang Qinghua was a singing drunk?!

Hence their current predicament.

At the Sect Master’s words, Shang Qinghua suddenly turns around and looks at Shen Qingqiu. HIccuping twice, he then beams, “Cucumber-”

Shen Qingqiu has never moved that fast in his life. Within a fraction of a second, he has his hand pressed over Shang Qinghua’s mouth, holding onto him from the back.

“Cucumber?” everyone choruses in confusion.

“I believe your Shang-shishu has had a little too much to drink,” Shen Qingqiu clears his throat, nodding at everyone else. “We should... send him back to Mobei. Isn’t that right, Binghe?”

His disciple, his husband, still has on an affronted, murderous look for how Shang Qinghua almost brained Shen Qingqiu with his flailing arms in his drunken fit. The moment Shen Qingqiu asks, however, his expression morphs into something so soft and full of love that everyone who sees it chokes.

“Of course,” Luo Binghe smiles, devotion apparent in his eyes. “Anything Shizun wants.”

===

The words that are tumbling out of Shang Qinghua’s mouth are entirely incomprehensible, and so are the tunes he’s humming into his ear.

Mobei Jun thought he had gotten used to Shang Qinghua’s eccentric mannerisms, and also thought he knew everything about his husband, so many years later. Shang Qinghua is mumbling Chinese alright, but none of the characters put together make any sense.

Who is Liang Shan Bo? And who the hell is Juliet?!

His mood taking a turn for the worse, Mobei Jun hoists Shang Qinghua up further on his back.

After getting so drunk, the idiot had the gall to demand for a piggy-back from the throne room to their bedroom. Mobei Jun has never once suffered such indignity in his years of living. A bridal carry? Of course, anytime. A piggy-back? As if he was some beast to be tamed?

Well this definitely has to be a first.

While he was stewing in his thoughts, Shang Qinghua switches from that song to another one, and a stream of ‘du du du lu du lu’ emerges from his lips... AND something about... a sha yu? What the hell is that?!

Shang Qinghua lazily lifts his right hand as they approach their room, balls it into a fist and puts it to his mouth, as if he’s holding something, and whatever monstrosity Shang Qinghua is singing, his voice gets even louder.

Mobei Jun tosses Shang Qinghua off his back unceremoniously and onto the soft bed. Interrupted, Shang Qinghua blinks, his vision blurry, and is about to catch his breath and start singing again when his husband climbs in after him. Trapping Shang Qinghua with his entire weight, Mobei Jun seals his lips with a kiss.

“... My king...” Shang Qinghua murmurs in a daze, when Mobei Jun pulls back a few minutes later, his breaths coming out as short, harsh pants. “My king...”

“That’s right,” he says with a glower. “I’m your Da Wang, your husband.”

Mobei Jun doesn’t know who Liang Shan Bo is, but he’s going to make sure no other man’s name ever leaves Shang Qinghua’s lips again when they’re together.

And when his husband finally sobers up, he’s going to have a lot to answer for.

---

Songs Mentioned (YouTube Links in Comments):

The New Butterfly Dream 新鸳鸯蝴蝶梦－ A Chinese classic, sung by Huang An but done beautifully by legendary god of singing Fei Yu Qing and singing partner for the song A Yun Ga

Liang Shan Bo and Juliet 梁山伯与朱丽叶－ A Taiwanese contemporary classic of sorts by Genie Zhuo, most Chinese millennials would definitely have sang this at a karaoke once in their lives - Song is inspired by Liang Shan Bo and Zhu Ying Tai, the Chinese version of Romeo and Juliet to some extent - They both die in the end and become butterflies, so they’re also called the Butterfly Lovers.

The Moon Represents My Heart 月亮代表我的心－ ANOTHER CLASSIC CLASSIC!!!

Baby Shark (Chi. Ver) － ˆThe baby shark hype did move to China, and it’s pretty hilarious LMAO and in Chinese, shark is 鲨鱼 (sha yu) but I’m assuming that in this world, there isn’t a shark kind of animal of sorts? So Mobei Jun and everyone else except SQQ wouldn’t know what a shark is or looks like?!

Hair Like Snow 发如雪－ By Jay Chou, another classic that all Chinese millennials would have sang in a karaoke bar

Wang Fei 王妃－ Jam Hsiao’s version is known best, and it’s pretty epic, not that anyone can reach any of the high notes in the chorus, but does that stop us from trying?!! Hell no!!!

---

Notes: My first Moshang?!! That didn’t really have a lot of Moshang time?! But thanks anon, hope this sort of works?!

#svsss #scumbag villain #穿书自救指南 #渣反派自救系统 #scumbag system #moshang #bingqiu #mobei jun #shang qinghua #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #everyone else is somewhere there except my bb lqg #and anw karaoke sqh!!!!

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immortalcoelacanth · 4 years

Text

HLVRAI Oneshot: Chalk

My muse continues to be a stuggle, Snowcon followers I am sorry XD

Word count: 2687

Summary: Kids were easy to be around. Their minds were simple, focused on entertaining themselves and being happy. It was something Benrey could relate to. But sometimes they could be so damn observant…

“You love dad, don’t you?”

“uhhh, sounds kinda cringe bro.”

The warm, summer winds blew through the surprisingly quiet neighborhood. Faint sounds of children laughing could be heard, most likely in the park not too far away, and the scent of smoke wafted off the barbeque Gordon was currently cooking food on.

All and all, a pleasantly calm day. It was one that he could enjoy with his son-

“hey, hey, you wanna play some tic tac toe?”

And Benrey.

The duo were both seated on the pavement not too far away, drawing on the ground with pieces of chalk that were all sorts of colours. Benrey was wearing a rather large hoodie with some game logos and stickers plastered across it, and his security helmet of course. From his position, Gordon could see that Joshua had drawn several stars, a rainbow, and several other miscellaneous drawings. Benrey had, after being scolded several times to not eat the chalk, drawn what appeared to be colourful smears across the ground, mixing and blending them together.

It sort of reminded Gordon of Benrey’s sweet voice, the blues that were present and the general colour gradient. He was glad to see everything was calm, nothing bad had happened, but still felt the urge to check.

“You two still holding up good?”

“Yeah dad!”

“we’re just doodlin’ passports over here, bro. josh dude gave himself a neat stache.”

“It’s a rainbow mustache that’s extra swirly.” The young boy sagely nodded. “Benrey says it needs glitter though to look super nice.”

“gotta make it sparkly like your personality, little dude.”

Joshua grinned and started laughing while Gordon could not stop himself from smiling at the rather wholesome sight. While Benrey was his typical somewhat apathetic self, his words were far more cohesive, and he sounded less… flustered when speaking. His words were less frantic, far calmer.

Like he was truly relaxed.

“Alright.” Gordon nodded as he turned his attention back to the barbeque, not wanting the veggies to burn while he was not paying attention. “Benrey just… keep not eating the chalk, please.”

He did not notice the wink that the ex-security guard sent Joshua, nor did he witness Benrey pull out half a piece of blue chalk from his pocket and carefully crunch into it.

Blue tasted the best, it was like gatorade.

The young boy laughed once more before returning to his doodling. Benrey looked at it for a moment, noticing the blue, orange, and yellow pieces of chalk that were clearly intended for whatever it was he was drawing, but Benrey decided not to question it at the moment.

Joshua would more than likely ramble about it at some point, the kid was full of all sorts of words and tended to ramble to whoever was nearby. It was pretty amusing to listen to and gave him all sorts of insight on both Gordon and what the pair’s home life had been like before he crashed into it.

Literally.

Breaking into someone’s apartment at around three in the morning was not the best of plans, especially since it ended with Gordon bringing a bat down on the top of his helmet. Not that Benrey had been hurt of course.

Seeing Gordon’s dismay and shock as the bat snapped in half and flew off to the side, shattering one of the windows, was hilarious.

Had that been Benrey’s fault?

Maaaaybeeee.

Either way, months had passed since that point. Months spent working on building up Gordon’s trust in him, learning how to do human things like buy groceries that were not just soda.

A shame since Benrey loved that gamer fuel.

Getting to know Joshua had been… nice, too. The young boy never had the same anxieties that his father felt, never worried about whether Benrey would hurt him or not. He had been happy to make a new friend who was willing to listen to him ramble and play games with him. Of course, Gordon had not been happy with the developing friendship between the two, but as the months passed…

Gordon had gone from constantly hovering over them, to occasionally checking in on them, and then finally to trusting Benrey.

Trusting him to watch over his son and not hurt him.

The first time Benrey had noticed this change and realized what it meant; it had been impossible to stop the bright pink orbs that left his mouth. Fortunately, Gordon had not noticed the sweet voice, but Joshua had.

Joshua, who had later told him how pretty the “glowing balls” looked and how it resembled a very nice, peachy pink.

Kids could be so blunt sometimes, but Benrey appreciated it. He appreciated how simple and straightforward their minds could be and while curiosity was a constant factor when dealing with a kid, it was an enjoyable part of talking to them.

Like making a baking soda volcano on the ceiling of Gordon’s apartment.

Fun times, especially with the bout of strangely quietly screaming he had gotten in response.

Benrey didn’t know Gordon’s face could turn that red.

He let out an amused chuckle and drew some loops on the ground with his mostly eaten piece of chalk. He loved getting Gordon so riled up, hearing the insults that were thrown his way and how the agitated man would run his hands through his hair, ruffling it up.

Loved watching his face flush with anger, how his eyes shined with rage…

Unnoticed to Benrey, several pink orbs floated out of his mouth as he sighed wistfully. When he realized what he had done, clamping a hand over his mouth to prevent any more from appearing, he noticed that Joshua was staring at him, grinning.

Shit, one of the things he was actually scared of.

“heyyyyy little joshie buddy, what’s with that look? kinda… kinda looks like a schemin’ look.”

Joshua’s smile grew a bit wider. “Maaaybe.”

“... kid you’re scarin’ me.”

The only response he got to that was a giggling laugh that was part cackle, which left him feeling no less concerned than he had previously been. Benrey sighed and refocused on his random doodling. Yep, just going to let this topic drop-

“You love dad, don’t you?”

Shit.

Benrey looked up and pretended he could not feel the sweat running down his face. Everything was totally fine, he was cool as a cucumber, kid couldn’t suspect a thing…

“uhhh, sounds pretty cringe, bro.” He shrugged. “and gay.”

“Dad likes all sorts of people!” Joshua huffed. “He likes gay!”

“... that wasn’t-uh... never mind.” Oh fuck, was he blushing? He hoped not. “still cringe, not a pro gamer move.”

“You blushing when dad says something nice about you isn’t cringe.” Joshua bluntly stated. “It’s cute, and grandpa Coomer says gay stuff is cute! Grandpa Coomer’s super smart so it’s gotta be true!”

“we-well it’s… uh…” Shit, he had no response to that.

“Dad makes you happy.” Joshua continued to say, now refocusing on his doodle on the ground and Benrey could now see that it was a family of three people. One blue, one orange, and the smallest one was yellow. “Even if you’re weird sometimes, and pour milk in the cereal box before you eat it-”

“fruit loops get super dusty and i wanted to make soup.”

“Cereal isn’t soup!”

“it is if you’re brave enough.” The change in topic was helping Benrey relax, tension leaving his shoulders as his absent-minded smile returned to his face. Nothing to stress over, everything was chill and-

“So when are you and dad going to go out on a date?”

Nope no more chill nope nope nope-

A date? Benrey had no clue how dates worked, or how they were supposed to work. Besides, his attempts at “flirting” were rarely successful and only seemed to wind Gordon up and, as much as he enjoyed watching the results, sometimes Gordon’s remarks would… sting.

They would make him hurt, cause him to cringe and recoil from the conversation. Not that such a thing had happened recently, but Benrey knew how unpredictable Gordon’s mood and temperament could be at times.

“sounds super cringe.” Was the response Joshua got, combined with a tense shrug. “like-like over nine thousand level cringer-”

“That’s an oooooooold reference.” The young boy said as he stuck his tongue out at Benrey. “And you’re changing topics again!”

Oh god, there were now hearts scribbled around the doodles that were clearly supposed to be him and Gordon. What could he say, what was he supposed to say? That he was terrified of fucking up the “Good Ending” he had finally achieved? That he did not want to risk destroying the relationship he currently had with Gordon?

The months of hard work he had put into fixing the damage that had been done because of that stupid, stupid game-

He felt the chalk in his grip crumble and break apart due to how tightly he was holding it, but the thing that snapped him out of his reverie was the sensation of a smaller hand grabbing onto his.

Joshua?

Indeed, Joshua had scooted over and reached out to hold onto his hand. He looked up at Benrey with a warm smile on his face.

A smile he had seen many times from the boy’s father…

“If it’s hard to say it, why don’t you show you!” He suggested, still smiling that same smile. “Dad’ll understand! He gets my drawings all the time!”

Benrey felt his lips quirk up into the faintest hint of a grin at the suggestion, the tips of sharp teeth glinting in the sunlight. “you sure that’s a pro gamer move?”

“Yup! It’s super pro gamer!”

“well, guess i’ve got no choice.” Benrey joked while rolling his tense shoulders. “joshie, toss me that orange one.”

“And blue?”

“you know it.”

As the sun started to descend from its zenith, shadows beginning to stretch across the pavement in front of the apartment building, Gordon finished up his cooking. Everything was stacked on plates and brought over to his, thankfully, ground level room and placed inside. Once that was taken care of, he went about cleaning everything up and putting his barbeque away.

He was so focused on cleaning everything up that he did not notice the large drawing that was progressively covering the pavement thanks to Benrey. It was only after all signs of his cooking had been neatly cleaned up or put away that he turned his attention to Joshua and his… “roommate”.

If he could call Benrey that.

“Time to head inside!” Gordon called out as he walked towards the duo. His walking slowed down as he noticed that Benrey was crouched in front of a large piece of chalk art. His eyes narrowed in confusion.

Huh, he had not expected Benrey to be the artistic type, aside from spitting balls into the air.

Joshua jumped up and rushed to his side, grabbing onto his arm, and tugging him towards Benrey.

“C’mon dad, look! It’s so cool!”

“Alright, slow down there Joshie.” Gordon chuckled as he allowed his son to pull him towards the art. “It wouldn’t be good if… I… tripped….”

His words slowed and eventually stopped entirely as he finally took in the sight of what Benrey had created and it was…

Beautiful.

Very abstract in nature, a swirl of colours that seemed to form shapes. Light blues and yellows and greens all circling and intermingling with a core that consisted of a darker, richer blue and orange.

Swirls and lines that worked together to create faces. His own and Benrey’s. He could also make out what appeared to be Coomer and Bubby in the background, green and light blue seeming to dance together like the pair would, and that warm yellow that encircled them all, Tommy, uniting them.

What…

As he leaned closer, Gordon noticed smaller details. How Benrey had drawn his hair to be similar to what it truly looked like despite the effort it must have taken. The dark shadows that had been scratched under the ex-guard’s eyes, the white and yellow that mixed together, an attempt to recreate his glowing irises.

How monstrous he looked overall and yet there was a softness in the lines, and the trail of bubbles that left the drawing’s mouth.

All a familiar pink.

Benrey was not as slick as he thought he was, Gordon had noticed the colourful orbs on multiple occasions before he had successfully stopped them. He had never pushed the boundary and asked what they meant since Benrey always seemed so embarrassed, but now…

“What’s pink translate to?” He asked, crouching down beside Benrey and bumping his shoulder against the other man.

Benrey was silent, contemplating what to say and how to say it, before he finally mumbled out the answer. “.... s’makes me think.”

“... Pink means you think?”

“yeah,” Benrey shifted and looked up at Gordon, eyes still cast in shadow. “think of you.”

Gordon’s mind drew a blank at that answer, uncertain of how to respond, but before he could even attempt to get the words out the other man took his chance.

He leaned towards Gordon and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips.

The gesture did not linger, but as Benrey leaned back Gordon could still feel the warmth of the kiss. He reached up and pressed his fingers against his lips and quietly wondered if he was dreaming.

Benrey sighed, a stream of pink sweet voice floating into the air and waited for Gordon to speak. It felt like an eternity had passed before the other man finally responded to the gesture, voice cracking.

“Y-You… really? Me? What? But… but you and I-”

“had problems?” Benrey interrupted, eyes fixating on the ground as he squeezed his hands. “no shit. feetman, if-if you don’t wanna-”

“Who said I didn’t?” At that, he looked up and stared at Gordon in surprise. “I was just surprised since you hadn’t said anything about that.”

“i joked about putting our minecraft beds together, bro.” Benrey bluntly stated, causing Gordon to flail as he struggled to explain himself.

“WELL YEAH! But… but I thought you were joking and shit-”

“Dollar for the swear jar!” Joshua cheerfully interrupted, making his dad groan.

“Okay, dollar later, but first,” He focused his attention back on Benrey, noticing how the other man’s cheeks had darkened and how he kept fidgeting. “... You sure?”

“wouldn’t have asked if i wasn’t.” Benrey quietly commented, now finally looking back at Gordon. “psh, pretty cringe doubting me-”

But he was cut off when Gordon leaned forward and returned the kiss. Joshua cheered and Benrey, completely caught off guard, fell backwards which caused a chain reaction of Gordon stumbling, fumbling, and nearly landing on top of him.

Gordon’s hands rested on the pavement beside Benrey’s shoulders as Gordon stared into the other man’s eyes. Both were blushing at this point, and a constant stream of pink sweet voice was leaking into the air.

“U-Uh-”

“dude, you gonna-”

“Are you guys gonna kiss again?” Joshua’s innocent question snapped the pair out of their stupor and they scrambled to get back up.

“W-Well, probably-”

“later, joshie bro.” That casual smile was back on Benrey’s face, an attempt at trying to look calm despite how much he was blushing. “we gotta… uh… get the meats’n stuff-”

“Yeah, like Arby’s!” Gordon nervously added. “But first…”

He quickly snapped several photos of the drawing Benrey had done on the pavement, also making sure to get several of Joshua’s in the process. Hey, he wanted to be able to look back on it in the future, plus he was certain some asshole would wash it off the pavement soon enough.

Besides, there was no way in hell he wanted Benrey’s hard work, one of the few examples of hard work, to go to waste.

“Okay, now we can get the meats.”

Joshua cheered and raced over to the apartment while Benrey joined his side, an arm brushing against him. In response, Gordon linked an arm with his and smiled at the other man.

“wow, that… that’s pretty gay, bro. You gayman now?”

“Totally.” Gordon rolled his eyes as he walked arm and arm back to the apartment with Benrey.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I continue to be on my bullshit while my muse demands domestic fluff for these two. I suppose it’s a good thing for my followers who are in this fandom XD

I hope you guys enjoyed reading!

- ImmortalCoelacanth

#my story #fanfiction #hlvrai #hlvrai gordon #hlvrai benrey #hlvrai joshua #wholesome fluff #domestic #benrey is artistic af

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magicsmutshop · 4 years

Text

When You See My Base Line - Pt 2

part 2 of 4

Pairing: Jung Hoseok/Reader Genre: Multi-chapter smut Rating: Explicit Word count: ~3500 Warnings: Alcohol, swearing, fingering, drooling over Hoseok's perfect face and body Summary: You survive the art class where Hoseok is the nude model. Time for a drink -- but how will the evening end? Navigation: part 1 | part 3 | part 4

It’s hard to do proper justice to the hottest art model you’ve ever seen, but you do your best. After a shaky start, you fill your sketchbook with drawing after drawing of Hoseok’s perfect lines as he goes through poses. You could spend the entire class just drawing his strong arms with those delicate veins, and his elegant hands with those long fingers. You’re on fire, sketching his graceful form and lean muscles. Is he your new muse?

After the second 15-minute pose, Namjoon calls for a break. Hoseok springs off of the chaise to slip his gray robe back on, while you silently mourn the loss of all that honey skin. Just from an artistic point of view, of course. Namjoon starts to make the rounds of the class, looking at your classmates’ drawings and offering thoughts and suggestions, but you’re too busy staring at Hoseok as he checks his phone. Suddenly, you’re startled by Namjoon coming up behind you.

“How’s your sketching coming along?” Namjoon has a playful glint in his eyes as he leans over your shoulder to take a look at your sketchbook. You pull it together to flip through the pages, showing him the studies you’ve done. Out of the corner of your eye, you see Hoseok look up from his phone in interest.

“Nice, nice… I really like the sense of energy and movement you’ve captured here,” Namjoon says, gesturing towards your sketch of Hoseok twisting away from the viewer. “And your details here are really good, you captured the rings on his hands perfectly.”

Said rings suddenly appear in your field of vision as Hoseok places his hands on the edge of your desk. “Can I see?” He meets your gaze as you stare up at him in shock. He’s smiling innocently, little dimples popping into his cheeks.

You’re frozen, but Namjoon smoothly slides your sketchbook around so Hoseok can see the drawing. “See, she even got the sun detail on your middle ring here,” Namjoon enthuses. “Great attention to detail.”

Hoseok looks at the drawing, his own hand, and your face in order. His smile grows wider. “Yes, that is great attention to detail. You’re obviously paying close attention.”

Your face grows hot as you demur, “I’m just drawing what I see.”

Namjoon smiles gently, turning the sketchbook back to you. “Well, keep it up. But I noticed that you’ve mainly focused on his upper body here. For the next pose, I’d like to see you focus on his face, and really make sure you’ve nailed the proportions. Or you could do some lower body work, see if you can continue to bring forward that sense of motion...”

You gulp. There’s no way you can spend the next half hour staring at Hoseok’s legs, ass--or cock--without bursting into flames. Hoseok watches you closely, a small smirk playing around his lips, as you speak quickly. “I’ll work on his face, that’s a good idea, I’ve been meaning to work on proportions, yup.”

“Great! Hobi, make sure you give her good expressions to work with, ok?” Namjoon ends your suffering, slinging an enthusiastic arm around Hoseok’s shoulders and steering him back to the chaise.

Hoseok shoots you one last look over his shoulder. “Sure thing, I can give good face.” He puckers his lips at you playfully. You’re fucked.

***

The rest of the class is difficult, to say the least. Per Namjoon’s request, you obediently work on capturing Hoseok’s head and face. Hoseok has his head tilted back ever so slightly, showing off his smooth neck and sharp jawline. Above his pointed chin, his pink lips are slightly parted. Every once in a while, he swipes over his lips with his tongue, re-wetting them. His sloped nose leads up to two dark eyes, which you keep getting caught in. Every time you look up from your sketchbook to capture the almond shape of his eyes, he’s looking right back at you. Your gaze skitters away from his while you work on sketching his slanting eyebrows, but you keep getting drawn back like you were magnetized. He licks his lips again. You cross your legs against the ache in your core.

After what feels like an eternity of looking between the sketchbook and his intense gaze, Namjoon finally calls the class to a close. You’re a little relieved because the heat kept growing inside you to the point where you thought you were going to get wet in the middle of class, but you’re also a little disappointed, because Hoseok was truly a pleasure to look at. He has beautiful expressions to go with that beautiful body, and you’re sorry to see the evening come to an end.

Suddenly, your classmate Taehyung stands up and yells out, “Hey class! Who wants to hit up the bar?” He spins around, pointing at everyone in turn, ending on Namjoon and Hoseok, who are standing at the teacher’s desk. “Come on, let’s have a drink to celebrate another successful night of drawing, teaching, and modeling!” Taehyung’s enthusiasm is infectious, and everyone is nodding their agreement while packing up their bags.

You pause in the middle of putting your sketchbook and pencils away in your own bag, feeling the weight of a heavy gaze on you. Hoseok is looking at you as he says, “I’m in, modeling is thirsty work!” Namjoon smiles and assents as well.

“Are you coming?” Your seatmate Jimin asks you. You still haven’t broken eye contact with Hoseok as you nod slowly.

“Why not?” You’re thirsty--in more ways than one--and this could be an interesting evening.

***

Hoseok slides into the booth next to you, placing a glass of rosé in front of you. You shoot him a smile of thanks, turning away from your conversation with Taehyung and Jimin. Frankly, you could cut the sexual tension between those two with a knife, so it was a relief to have someone new to talk to. Especially someone as attractive as this one.

The booth is narrow, so Hoseok’s hip and thigh are pressed up against yours. The bar is so noisy, he has to lean in to be heard. You can see his yellow shorts riding up, exposing his leanly-muscled thighs. You’re so distracted, you miss the first thing he says to you. “Huh?” you gulp, leaning back a bit to make eye contact. He’s smirking at you.

He gently grips your chin with two fingers, turning your face away so he can bring his lips closer to your ear. “I said, is the wine okay?”

“Oh! Um, yes, I’m sure it’s fine.” As he lets go of your face, you quickly take a sip out of your glass, thankful that the dark lighting of the bar mostly hides the flush in your cheeks. Wow, this wine is really good. “Yeah, this is great, thank you. How’d you know what to get?”

“I can read minds.” When you turn to look at Hoseok again, he has a deadly-serious, focused expression on his face, but he quickly dissolves into a charming laugh. “No, not really. I overheard you ordering at the bar earlier when I was talking to Joon.” His eyes are twinkling.

He may not be a mind reader, but he’s scarily observant. You’re grateful he can’t read minds, because your mind is currently a very X-rated place. You gulp down a bit more wine, and notice he doesn’t have a drink in front of him. “Nothing for you?”

For the first time, you see him blush a bit. “I’ve had a couple of drinks already, and I’m a total lightweight. Nobody likes drunk Hobi.”

Did he just refer to himself as Hobi? Cute. “I’m sure drunk Hobi is just as much fun as regular Hoseok!” you wave your glass around for emphasis. He laughs and grabs your wrist in mid-air before the wine can slosh out. This is the second time he’s touched you in this conversation, but the tingling feeling everywhere he touches you isn’t fading at all.

“No, really, I’m fun now, but one more drink and I’ll start staring off into space and thinking about climate change and the plight of the sea turtles.”

“So basically you turn into Namjoon?” You think of your art teacher, who has a tendency to go off on rants about philosophy and politics in the middle of explaining art theory in the middle of class--frequently egged on by Taehyung.

Hoseok bursts out into full-on laughter at that, showing off all of his teeth. It’s contagious, and you can’t help but respond. He flails a hand out and lands it on your thigh. Your laughter abruptly dies out in your throat as you swallow dryly at the feeling of his long fingers so high up on your leg.

He notices your change in mood, and his smile quickly melts off his face. You think you can actually see his eyes darken. He slowly moves his hand down your leg towards your knee, squeezing lightly before taking it off. Fighting another blush, you take another gulp of your wine. How does his touch affect you so much?

Hoseok laughs again, lightly. “Yeah, just like Namjoon. In college we used to go to these parties and at the end of the night I’d always find him out on a porch or in a bathroom, having these intense discussions…” he goes on to tell you hilarious stories about their adventures until you’re nearly in stitches. All the time while you’re trading college stories, you can feel him pressed up against your side, and the tingling feeling just keeps getting stronger. During your conversation, you’re occasionally distracted by his strong hands, his elegant neck, or his sharp jawline. He clocks it nearly every time, but doesn’t act on it... until a bit later in the night.

You’ve finished your last glass of wine, and are now sipping on water. You have a nice buzz on, enough to feel warm and giddy, but the warmth from the alcohol still isn’t hotter than the feeling of Hoseok. As you lick some water off your lips, you see Hoseok staring at your mouth. When he notices you watching him, he smirks, cool as a cucumber. “Do you want another glass of wine?”

“No thanks, I’m good. I don’t turn into a philosopher when I’m drunk, but I do turn into a klutz, so I’d like to make it home in one piece.” You check your phone and are surprised to see it’s gotten really late. Most of your classmates have cleared out of the bar while you and Hoseok were wrapped up in your conversation. In fact, you only see Taehyung and Jimin with their hands wrapped around each other’s faces, having some kind of intense, whispered conversation in the corner of the bar while Namjoon sits next to them, staring at his phone. Okaaaay, no idea what’s going on there, but you’re not going to get involved.

“Where do you live?” When you turn back to Hoseok, he’s looking at you intensely.

You name an apartment building just a few blocks from the bar. You’re not eager to end the night, especially with the tension so thick between the two of you, but it really is getting late. “It’s not too far, but I should probably head out…” you trail off as Hoseok deliberately places his hand over yours, which is drumming nervous patterns on your thigh. His expression sharpens even further into that penetrating gaze that makes you feel like he’s reading your mind.

“Let me walk you home to make sure you get there safely.” His tone is light, but he punctuates his statement with a gentle squeeze of your hand.

You have zero objections to his suggestion. “Sure, that’s really nice of you to offer.”

He smiles again. “Great, let’s go!” He slides out of the booth, zipping his hoodie up and extending a hand to you. You take it, pulling yourself up. His hand is warm in yours, and he doesn’t let go as the two of you begin to make your way out of the bar. You’re not totally sure where this night is going to go, but you’re enjoying the tingling heat.

Hoseok waves a quick goodbye to Namjoon, who looks up from his phone to stare at the two of you making your exit. Does Namjoon look jealous, or are you imagining things? You see Taehyung behind him, giving you a little thumbs up and a wink. Hoseok just grips your hand tighter, and steers you through the door.

You and Hoseok begin to walk towards your apartment in comfortable silence, still holding hands as you navigate around other pedestrians on the sidewalk. When you cast a glance at him sideways, you can see his sharp profile shining in the streetlights. He has a small smile on his lips, which grows when he makes eye contact with you. You shiver a little bit, which he interprets as cold.

“Are you warm enough? Come here.” Hoseok lets go of your hand and slings his arm around your shoulders, hugging you up to his side as you walk along. You instinctively bring your arm around his slim waist, falling into perfect sync with him. You aren’t actually cold, but you aren’t going to complain. Pressed up this close, you can feel all the muscle you were admiring during the art class earlier. His arm feels strong around your shoulders, and he smells like sunshine. As he hugs you a bit closer, you can feel the tingling warmth spreading to your center and your nipples tightening with arousal. You can’t remember the last time you were this turned on from simple body contact.

All too quickly, you’re standing in front of your apartment door. It’s a small, quiet building -- there’s only one other apartment on this floor, and you know that the old lady who lives there is out of town visiting her grandchildren. You and Hoseok are alone for the first time tonight. This fact hasn’t escaped him either, and his expression has turned dark and focused again.

“All right, well, thanks for walking me home.” You look away nervously, pretending to search in your purse for your keys. You’re not sure how to end the evening -- it’s been too long since you dated. Get it together, this isn’t even a date. Once again, he reaches out to take your wrist, stopping you from rummaging in your bag.

“I just wanted you to know, I’ve really had fun getting to know you tonight. Stop me if I’m reading this wrong, but…” he leans in, bringing his hands up to your face. Oh, thank God. You immediately melt into his embrace, sliding your hands around his shoulders and pressing your lips against his.

The warm feeling inside you abruptly cranks up a few thousand degrees at the feeling of his mouth as he confidently slides his tongue against yours. As you continue to kiss, he firmly slides his hands down your sides and cups your ass, bringing your body flush against his. You can’t keep your moans contained at the feeling of the trail of sparks everywhere he touches you.

He reacts to your sounds, squeezing your ass tighter and ducking his head to kiss up and down your neck, pressing his hips into yours, backing you into your apartment door. You fling your head back, nearly knocking it against the door with a thump, moaning louder. “I knew you would be so sensitive,” Hoseok groans, “as soon as I saw you blushing when I walked into that art class.” He punctuates his statement with a bite to your collarbone. He raises his head again, enjoying the bright blush on your cheeks.

You can’t even reply, too caught up by the feeling of him all over you. Your neck is tingling from his kisses, your ass is going to have little bruises on it tomorrow from his grip, and you’re practically dripping into your underwear. You push your hips into his a little bit, and tug on his neck to try to bring his mouth back to yours.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Come on, baby, are you flushed for me everywhere?” Instead of kissing you, Hoseok removes one hand from your ass and tugs the top of your shirt down, revealing more of your cleavage, which is indeed flushed. He nibbles on the top of your breasts while scratching against your right nipple through your shirt and bra with his wicked fingers. Your lips, nipples, and clit are all throbbing, and your moans pitch even louder. Thank God the neighbor isn’t home, is the last thought in your head before you’re totally overwhelmed by Hoseok.

You try to bring a leg up around Hoseok’s hips in an attempt to get some pressure against the tingling heat in your core. He brings his hands firmly to your hips, and presses you back against the door, removing his lips from your chest. Hoseok looks down his nose at you, his eyes almost completely black, his eyebrows furrowed as if he’s almost in pain. At the look on your face, he growls and crushes his lips against yours once more. He tastes of spicy beer, and his sunshine scent is overwhelming your nose.

Never leaving your lips, he brings his hands back down over your ass, but doesn’t stop there, reaching underneath your skirt. He gives you one more searing kiss as he caresses around the lacy edge of your panties. “Stay there, I’ll take care of you.” He bends down to slide your underwear down your shaky legs, slipping the fabric into one of his pockets.

Hoseok leans in for one more kiss, but you can barely work your lips against his. The cool air feels too incredible against your heated pussy. Thumping your head back against the door once more, you give yourself up to the feeling as he squeezes the back of your neck with his left hand and slides his right hand back underneath your skirt, trailing around your thigh, dipping into your wet heat. He slowly caresses your lower lips, collecting slick on his fingers, stroking up towards your clit. He watches you intently, paying attention to your reactions as he massages around your clit with wet fingers.

“Oh God, Hoseok, please, your fingers, put them inside,” you gasp out. You’re loving the feeling of his talented fingers working your clit, but you need a little bit more. He twists his wrist and gently thrusts his index and middle fingers into you, leaving his thumb pressed against your clit. He’s hitting the perfect spots without missing a beat. In gratitude, you bring your lips to his neck, sucking at the delicious point right where his sharp jawline meets the sensitive skin underneath his ear. Hoseok gasps loudly, doubling his efforts on you. You’re dripping around his fingers, rushing closer to your peak as he firmly rubs against your g-spot and your clit.

You hit your boiling point, your pussy clenching around his fingers as the wave of heat rockets through your entire body. You instinctively bite down on his neck to muffle your moans, laving the spot with your tongue as you slowly come down from your high. When you’ve finished shaking, Hoseok gently slides his hand out of your skirt and releases your neck, stepping back to take you in fully.

“Mmm, that was nice,” Hoseok says with a little smirk on his lips. Nice? Nice wasn’t the right word for it. You’re a panting mess, leaning up against your door, trying not to slide down to the ground. Your heart is thumping like a rabbit’s, and you’re blinking little stars out of your eyes. You can’t believe he accomplished all of that with just three fingers.

Hoseok slides his wet fingers into his mouth, slowly sucking them clean while never breaking eye contact with you. He’s playing it cool, but when you tear your eyes away from his face, you can see a substantial bulge in his yellow shorts. Maybe it’s the post-orgasm endorphins talking, but the sight is even more tantalizing than his bare cock was earlier in art class. You suddenly want nothing more than to get your hands--and your mouth--on it.

“Why don’t we take this inside?” You reach out to caress his jawline, slowly trailing your hand down his firm chest, running over those delicious abs. You can feel him breathing heavily, but before you can reach his waistband, he firmly grips your wrist. His hand is still wet.

“Hoseok?” You turn your questioning gaze to his face. He brings your hand up to his lips as his focused expression softens into a heart-shaped smile.

“As much as I would love to come inside and continue this, neither of us would get any sleep, and I have an early dance class tomorrow.” He places a kiss on the back of your hand and lets it go. “But this was truly a pleasure. I’ll see you again soon?” He winks and turns around, leaving you slumped against your apartment door. You can see the lacy edge of your panties peeking out of one pocket as his yellow shorts disappear around the corner.

What the fuck?

read part 3

#bts smut #j-hope smut #hoseok smut #hoseok x reader #j-hope x reader #hoseok/reader #hobi x reader

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lynnafred · 5 years

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Your (Fictional) Farm is Wrong

Or, How to Write Life on a Farm Episode 2: Crop Names

So, now you know that farming is gross and it’s weird as fuck. You know your characters are going to smell like sweat, dirt, and shit and you’re prepared for that.

Next, it’s time to figure out what the hell they’re growing and why.

In my little pocket of the US, most of the farms are small (”small” being defined as under 100 acres,) and they’re also heavily diversified. (That means that we grow more than one thing.) You’re very seldom going to find a farm that grows just sweet corn; you’re more likely that they’ll be growing some sweet corn, some tomatoes, some feed corn, and some peppers.

So, it’s important to think about where your story is set and why your character is there. For fantasy, this doesn’t really matter too much; you’re making the rest of the rules for the universe anyway, so the character’s motivations are entirely up to you. But if it’s supposed to be contemporary, you’ve got some research ahead of you.

For example, on under fifty acres, we grow apples, Asian pears, peaches, plums, nectarines, blueberries, summer and fall raspberries, herbs, cut flowers, and vegetables. We do that because we run a pick your own operation for (most of) the fruit, and use the vegetables to fuel our farmer’s market and CSA business. (Don’t worry, we’ll cover sales in a different entry.)

So knowing your character’s market is a big deal.

And knowing what they’re planting is also a big deal. If they’ve been farming a long time, when talking to characters who either work for them or who also farm, they’re going to use a lot of crop names. And crop names are fun as hell.

And I’m not talking about calling tomatoes just “tomatoes.” The longer you farm, the more oddly specific you get when you’re talking about your crops. “Yeah, we ran out of seeds for this red tomato, so we subbed it with this other one instead. Doesn’t taste very good, though,” isn’t something you’re going to hear. BUT, “Shit, that happened to us last year. We ran out of Primo Red seed, so we had to sub it out for Mountain Fresh. It looks real nice but damn does it taste like shit,” is something way more likely to be said. If the reader knows that the conversation is already about tomatoes, then knowing the variety names is going to help your reader know that the Primo is the better option. And before you ask, both of those names are real variety names.

Mountain Fresh is a nice looking tomato that stores and ships well, but its durability comes at the cost of its flavor. Primo Red is a nice, big, red tomato, but it’s delicate and doesn’t last long after you harvest it. Your character is going to have to know why they prefer one thing over the other. Are they doing a lot of wholesaling? They’re probably growing Mountain Fresh. Are they selling to local restaurants, who are using their product within the day? They’re probably growing Primo Red.

“But Lynn,” I hear you say, “I’m not clever enough to come up with names for my crops.”

That’s okay, because real crop names are hilarious and often themed.

I have cauliflower called “Amazing” and another called “Awesome.” The varieties of spinach seed I have in my seed storage include “Flamingo” and “Space,” and if you think for one damn second that I’m not going to label all my seed trays “SPAAAAACE” for the sake of me being a child you’re wrong.

Dead wrong.

One look at a seed catalog and you’re going to have the giggles for weeks. Carrots with names like “Romance” and “Goldfinger” and “Hercules” are common. (Romance is a good full size fall carrot; Hercules is a storage carrot that gets positively huge under the right conditions; Goldfinger is a great spring and early fall variety that’s slender and on the small side.) You can get a cucumber with the name “Excelsior.” Lettuce often has the names of ladies. “Nancy” and “Adriana” are both varieties we grow.

You won’t do that with everything, of course. If your character is growing herbs, you’re just calling them basil or cilantro or parsley. If you’re only growing one variety of something, you’ll call that vegetable by its name. (We only grow one variety of zucchini, so I’m not going to refer to it as “Reward.” But when we were growing two varieties, I did specify which one I was talking about. “Yo, it looks like Respect is getting obliterated with squash bugs. Reward is a couple beds over, it’s doing okay so far.”)

To wrap it up, seed names are hilarious, and each variety is unique and different in its own way, each good for a specific climate or use or bred for a certain trait. (There’s also patented seed varieties that, again, I’ll touch on in a different entry.) Your character will commonly call a vegetable by its variety name if they’re growing more than one of them, because it reduces confusion and helps ensure that everyone is on the same page. Look through a seed catalog or two and see what you find; you might even see something so laughably cool that you have to buy a packet of them for yourself!

Is there a topic that you’d like to see Your Fictional Farm is Wrong talk about? Send me an ask.

Do you like this series and want to see more of it? Consider buying me a ko-fi.

#your fictional farm is wrong #yffiw #writeblr #farmblr #writing advice #plant varieties

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a-story-teller · 7 years

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Lmao sooooo! My 18th birthday was a... I don’t take the Good Lord’s name in vain very often but God it was wild. I never thought I would say “last night was crazy” but last night was crazy. Much more under the cut. NSFW mentionings.

So I was at an anime/video game convention over the weekend, which ran from the 25th-27th. The con ran over my birthday (the 27th) and I quickly figured out since panels run late into the night, if I went to an 18+ panel past midnight on the Saturday schedule, it’d technically be the 27th and I could get in.

So we made a do of it! My brother and sister and I went to a “dating game” panel run by a midwest-centered burlesque group and I got in with no shit from the security man. We went and sat near the front and basically it was ye olde 3-people-on-one-side-of-a-tarp-answer-questions-from-one-person-on-the-other-side setup. The one person on the other side, though clearly a member of the burlesque, was unknown to the contestants, and they were also most often in costume.

We sit down. Things start. The announcer is in half a kigu and there are already sex jokes everywhere. They ask for their first contests, I raise my hand (the room was packed) and then yell “I just turned 18!” and the announcer’s like “then get your ass up here!” and then proceeds to gush over how cute me + my cosplay are. I’m contestant 2 and the questions start. I know myself well and I like to think I’m witty and by the time we’re nearing the end, I’m the crowd favorite. The whole thing is hilarious and I get chosen as the winner for this round! I come around the other side and the person is in a fucking sexy meowth cosplay lol and we hug and I get ushered backstage.

The prize is a free print of any burlesque member (send nudes lmao). But before I can get to the print table my path is blocked by two burlesque guys, one of whom is already shirtless - junkrat cosplay, no duh - and the other, a team Instinct Spark cosplayer, immediately lifts his shirt and goes “You wanna touch?” and like. Bruh. This guy’s abs are amazing. I mean like “he said Kylo Ren was shredded” amazing. And God help me there’s even a bit of a happy trail. But what’s a girl to do when handed beautiful abs on a silver platter? So I just press my hand to it and like absorb the power and maybe get extremely flustered. Then the junkrat’s like “don’t I get some?” and me, being stunned stupid, just poke this kid’s abs instead of properly appreciating them.

I bump around backstage watching the antics, sifting through large binders of nudes like it’s normal, standing next to a no-face cosplayer in high heels. I choose my picture - an artsy shot, only one tiddy out, able to be passed off as art reference should my mother ever find it. These are the things I think about. Everyone has been super duper nice and I head back to my seat with goods in hand, still reeling a bit from finding out what abs feel like, to chill with the sibs and laugh over all of it. We watch a bunch of the other rounds, the highlights of which include an extremely drunk contestant shaking her thong-clad bum at the crowd, telling everyone about how she’s been deprived by only having vanilla sex, and proceeding to invite up and snog, tongue included, a random woman from the audience; that no-face cosplayer slinkily pulling up the bottom of the skirt to reveal stockings and garters; and previously-mentioned Spark pulling down his pants to get “spanked” with the announcer’s flip-flop only to have her pull them off his butt, effectively mooning the audience. Remember, these are only the highlights.

I slip backstage to get my print signed and take the opportunity (what, at this point, did I have to lose) to be like “can I just...” and full-on splay my hand on junkrat’s tiny ripped abs. Because the poke was wasted and I was doing this right. We laughed and had a couple jokes - he was super chill, really in character, the voice and everything - then I got my print back and returned to my seat. A couple more rounds go by, it’s funny as hell, I feel like all this is extremely surreal and I’ve entered into a much more interesting liminal space.

The panel ends and I come up to the Meowth chick because, just letting you know, I’ve been tossing around the idea of doing burlesque myself and I wonder if she has some tips on getting started. She sits me down all mom-like (seriously this crew was so amazing, considerate, warm, and welcoming omg) and tells me how she started, how she thought was the best way to get into it, and how to apply for this group specifically. She aks me how old I am and I’m like “18″ and she’s all “you’re a baby!!! :)” and I’m like “yeah, legit, I Just turned 18.″ Oh boy. The look on her face. She just starts yelling to the others like “It’s her BIRTHDAY! She’s EIGHTEEN!” and another member’s like “Oh gosh, we’re going to give you a present. Tell Spark to get over here.” And y’all I’m saying I can see the end. The light at the end of the tunnel. I turn to my sister like “I think I’m getting a lap dance...” lmao I’m losing it. I’m straight up questioning what parallel universe I’ve fallen into where I’m hailed as Cute by a large crowd and I’m about to be grinded on by a man who is ridiculously cut and I am Not mentally prepared for whatever might happen. But sure enough I’m shown to backstage, given a lone chair, and sit down in it. By the maker if, after all this, I’m getting a lap dance, then I am not letting my embarrassed bitch ass make things weird.

But they tell me that if anything makes me uncomfortable to just say. I’m not going to describe the occurrence beyond three things: 1) upon seeing a short video clip after (no, not available for viewing sdklsadghgh) I realized it had been hella noisy the whole time but I’d been so preoccupied I had barely noticed there was Anyone else around 2) where the Fuck are you supposed to look? Eyes? Abs? At least the butt is safe and 3) How is simply bumping noses with someone Hot ???? asks a total virgin.

It ended and I was equal parts glad it was over and like got dammmmmn what the fuck man. I was pretty pink. Spark was totally peppy and cool as a cucumber, like, “Did you like it? I’ve been practicing!!” and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, it was great!” and he just sort of goes, “Oh, I’m glad, you were very stoic and I wasn’t sure.” Brev. Why I gotta stress about e v e r y t h i n g. That’s called a poker face and it broke exactly Once, at which point I giggled and covered my mouth. But it was the abs. Again. Of course. If you ever need to know my kryptonite, apparently it’s impeccable abs.

But then I talked with the members a bit more, thanked everyone for the shower of special treatment, and we exited the panel room. I was Shook for the whole night, still am rn, and tbh the three things I left thinking were: 1) when you don’t drink you can Remember all the crazy shit that happens, not to mention stay in control of your behavior, I have no reason to Want to drink 2) people get paid to do stuff like stand and make jokes on a stage wearing a kigu, bra, and flip flops part of the time and spend the other part wearing nice costumes and lingerie and dancing, and I would like to be one of them 3) I Gotta get over this whole being jittery thing, me no likey.

But no it was Nuts in more ways than one and I swear this thing is the whole truth and nothing but the truth, despite how wack it sounds. Trust me, it was wack for me too. But it was a fantastic time, biggest deal I’ve ever had made for my birthday, and now I guess I won’t need a bachelorette party.

#personal #18th birthday #this just in: I may be a thot #'may' lmao #who am I kidding

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