#ill probably end up writing imagines based on a lot of these

[kesleyjo]

I'm having some finale wine and I think I've got it. My final resolute head canon of Riverdale.

Keep in mind I have not watched the end of season 5 through the end and have absolutely no intention to, but I've seen and heard enough about *gestures vaguely* all of that to still stand by this.

Disclaimer: I do not believe this is what the writers intended whatsoever. This is all my imagination. I do however believe in this canon whole heartedly and its as true to me as whatever RAS's vision is to him. You choose who to trust.

Okay so first and foremost the entire series is written by Jughead. It's all his writings that are probably all sitting in a google docs draft folder.

I justify this due to the following:

He is the narrator

The entire series is obsessed with Betty Cooper for good or ill (I'll get to it)

Its all kind of sort of been alluded to that its all Jughead's writings anyway. At least in S1, again. I'll get to the why of that in a second.

He started writing season 1 in his junior year (so a year after the events of the S1). He read In Cold Blood (on his own, not for class, very important to him that you all know this) and was like "Hey my town had a murder and I have some trauma around it, so I should totes do this." And thus S1 is born.

This is why that season is (relatively) more grounded and far more realistic than the rest of the series because its based on a real true thing that happened and the real feelings and emotions of people involved. It has the least amount of exaggeration (but enough, because Jughead) and has the most coherent plot, which would make sense since Jughead isn't making anything up, he is recalling events.

This is also the only season that directly ties Jughead's narration and the plot to the book Jughead is writing on page, and thus tying them both together. Because again, its a thing that really happened.

So the characterizations, motivations, and actions of everyone in season 1 is the model of how and how these characters actually are and are a base for further exaggeration.

Seasons 2-4 are also based on true events but are exaggerations/interpretations of things that really happened, but are altered to make them more interesting to Jughead's readers (heh).

I don't want this post to be a novel so here is a brief listing of that I am thinking here for some of the main plots (but if you have a plot you want me to fit into this canon let me know):

The Black Hood: When Jughead showed Betty his first manuscript (S1) the positive constructive criticism she gave was that, "True crime is really popular right now, so this fits in with the zeitgeist." And Jughead ran with it. Fred also had his first heart attack at this time...we all know where I'm going with that so I'll just leave that there. RIP.

Making Hal the Black Hood: Hal leaves the family after the Polly debacle and finding some racy pics on Betty's computer (she sent them to Jug, she wasn't a camgirl) and decides to start his life over with a woman who is far more moral (and probably like 2 years older than Polly)

The Serpents/Class War with Hiram: Not a gang, just those under the boot of the rich that Hiram tries to eradicate through good ol fashioned gentrification. Archie and Veronica also start spending more time doing rich people shit and that drives a divide between the two main couples of the core four. But less about political plots and more about teenagers growing apart because of different interests

Season 3: Putting this all together because Jughead was having a hard time finding a plot here. So he focused on Alice's new weird young boyfriend who actually ended up taking off with Polly (leaving her twins), his newfound obsession with DnD (Betty was exhaustedly supportive of this) and Kevin's endless talk about the new megachurch he just joined. He and Betty also started watching a lot of horror films and Hitchcock at the time which leads us to...

Season 4: He and Betty go off to different schools but its because of college, not because Jug is the chosen one (again see why he is writing all of this himself). He meets a lot of pretentious people that challenge his relationship with Betty and he turns it into a mystery.

So now we have made it to 4.17. Ugh.

Okay so Jughead has written all of this, and reading everything back feels that Archie and Betty (who go to the same college now and are friends again after growing apart after he dated Veronica) have grown too close and Jug self destructs.

He self sabotages so hard and makes a story up in his head that Betty would be much happier with Archie who is doing perfectly mediocre at college while Jughead flunked out.

So he and Betty break up after a lot of frustrated fighting.

And he begins to write Betty differently. Wildly differently.

(You can't tell me this doesn't make more sense than whatever the hell happened in the show.)

Jughead dejected from his failure at school and his breakup Writes on and off for the next few years. His next main attempt is S5. His attempt at more realistic writing.

(Its also after Betty enters his life again, because at her core Betty is his muse)

He works through his fictional frustrations of Betty and Archie as a possible couple (They never dated. Archie is actually a aromantic pansexual who does not do commitment) and realized that he made it all up and they have nothing in common.

Jughead and Betty get back together at the end of "Season 5" but Betty tells him that writing about their real life is what tore them apart, so he needs to not use their relationship in his writing anymore.

So Jughead decided to get weird and wildly experimental with his writing. And because Jughead is not a particularly good writer S6 and S7 are born.

Betty, absolutely running out of positive things to say about his last few writing attempts tells him that maybe these exaggerated versions of their lives that bear no resemblance to the real world have run their course, and he should try something new.

So Jughead wraps up this now unrecognizable series of writings and moves onto something new.

With Betty diligently serving as his editor. She got distracted with her new job and left him unattended for those last few seasons and look what happened.

Also I realize that Archie/Veronica/Cheryl/Toni are absent in this so briefly

Archie: He always was in awe of Archie and slightly jealous of what he perceived he had over Jughead...this is why he is the quasi-hero and also why he tortures Arch and treats him like an idiot.

Veronica: I cannot stress this enough. He and Veronica have no relationship. She is his friend's girlfriend and his girlfriend's best friend. The only thing he really knows about her is she is rich and hot. So he makes that her core personality and slaps on whatever traits fit her best for whatever plot he is writing at the time.

(This is also why almost all the women Veronica, Tabitha, Jessica, and Toni all are at some time his love interest. Self instert fan fic Jug. We see you.)

Cheryl/Toni: He and Toni are friends and Cheryl is her girlfriend who endlessly terrifies him. That is the core of her characterization.

I already regret the fact that I am sharing this long-winded mess with the world...but I can't take it back now.

Enjoy. And if you don't that is fine. It's my head canon not yours. Go make your own.

Have fun on finale night folks.

#rd spoilers #not really but for safety #head canon #this is a mess #but I stand by it #I didn't proof this and I'm a glass of wine in so be gentle

[the-s1lly-corner]

Attention TADC fans!

I'm officially opening requests for characters! Below the cut will be my base list of rules in regards to requesting and that sort of thing!

To everyone who followed me for creepypasta, do not fret! Creepypasta is still this blogs default and I'm not going to stop writing it for the forseeable future, I will still be responding to creepypasta based asked in the meantime

oh also, im adding this right before i post this but i do have fluff alphabet requests open for creepypasta, but to my TADC fans, how do you guys feel about the possibility of me reposting that list and letting you guys ask for it? im still kinda itching to do alphabet stuff... let me know ! ill probably do it anyways but i want yalls input!

without further delay:

RULES:

please do not spam requests, i know it will be hard to enforce this on my end since i want to keep anon enabled since i know it can be intimidating to ask for stuff non-anonymously

since the main cast + caine only totals to 7 characters i will allow people to request the entire cast in any given request, WITH THE KNOWLEDGE that the more characters the shorter their list of hcs will be

please do not pester me to answer your request, i will very likely answer your initial ask. consistent breaking of this boundary will result in warning, and if further boundary breaking takes place, the request will be terminated

^SHOULD NOTE! sometimes tumblr eats the requests you guys send in so simply asking if your request made it through is 100% totally fine!! I'm specifically talking about people who try to pressure me to answer sooner, I want to make that clear because I do not want to discourage anyone from reaching out about that sort of thing

Reader is GN by default, you can request a specific gender but know it likely wont be important due to my writing style

WILL WRITE:

SFW, angst, comfort, hcs, short imagines and scenarios!

As mentioned I will do all characters, asides Bubble since I don't think there's much that can be done for them

Poly, LGBT, readers with disabilities and/or disorders (will let it be known here that i am in no way well versed in every disability/disorder, however i will attempt to do basic research for the request)

I am also comfortable with writing platonic requests and found family dynamics! I am not limiting myself and you guys to romantic stuff!

reader abstracting, while this may seem contradictory to some of the things in my will not write segment I have written about grief and loss before and I don't think it fully fits the category of what I won't write + death in general, so it shall get a pass

really there isnt much i will turn down that comes to mind, if something is breaching a line or making me uncomfortable i will let you know

reader inserts, ocs, and the like are all welcome here! im not too confident with oc x character stuff due to the simple fact that i fear i may interpret your oc wrong but i am still willing to try!

WILL NOT WRITE:

general problematic stuff is an immediate no

^so like, straight up abuse and abuse adjacent topics since as far as Im aware all the characters in TADC are adults (if I have that wrong please please correct me!!)

i am also iffy on yandere requests, this one is more on a case by case basis so please be sure to specify the intensity of it, since that will really be a make or break for whether or not if the request is accepted

NSFW, this blog is for the most part SFW. I occasionally vague certain aspects, however nothing is ever explicit. That's how far I'm willing to go with these things and I want to keep it that way

Full fledged fanfics; a lot of my scenarios/imagines tend to border on that just on a much shorter scale and in a slightly different format, but I am not totally confident in my ability to write proper fics :(

no graphic depictions of gore or self harm, and i ask that you keep that out of my inbox in general. topics like SH are allowed, however covering requests for the act of it as its happening is an automatic no (IE if you ask me to walk in on a character walking in during an act of self harm), the same applies to suicide

ADDITIONAL NOTES:

i have a nasty habit of not proofreading my stuff, so grammar and spelling mistakes are bound to happen unfortunately. this tends to be a worse issue when im posting on mobile (which i am doing less and less since i like typing on a keyboard more)

^ on top of that i struggle with writing, english is my first language but i have a hard time getting stuff out right on top of having dyslexia so please be patient

i typically tend to respond to requests fairly fast, typically within a day or two, though i do have some periods where it may take longer. (possible) same day delivery YAHOO!!

back to a forewarning, i have a habit of rambling and adding additional ideas and concepts into a request though for the most part i think i remain on topic (that just means you get a little extra content for your request ueueue)

#tadc imagine #tadc x reader #pomni x reader #caine x reader #kinger x reader #ragatha x reader #gangle x reader #zooble x reader #jax x reader

[thetavolution]

Modern Day AU

I spent a moment to think what everyone would be up to in a modern day AU.

Astarion: He was pre-law when he got caught up with Cazador. It's less a vampire spawn situation and a more straightforward abuse situation. I think in the AU he was also much younger when Cazador found him. Once he breaks free of Cazador, he might go back into law. He'd end up in therapy and he'd probably have to take a step back to re-evaluate what he wants in life.

Gale: Of course he's a professor. With magic off the table in this particular AU, he'd probably teach as many subjects as they'd let him. Students would constantly have deja vu seeing him in so many classes. He'd be teaching somewhere like Cambridge or Oxford. The subjects that came to mind were English, History of Art, Linguistics, Philosophy, and for reasons I can't explain, German.

Shadowheart: Her ass would be in a cult. She was kidnapped into some kind of Gloriavale situation as a kid. She'd eventually get a taste of freedom and leave the cult for good, especially if a Tav comes her way. Then she'd write a tell-all book and do a lot of Ted Talks about it. As she got older, she'd become more reclusive. She'd write books from her little countryside house full of animals.

Halsin: Halsin would still be a tree-hugging hippy. He'd have an environmentalism related job, like wind turbine technician, environmental technician, or solar installer. (I imagine he'd want something very hands on.) He'd 100% be part of a nudist colony. He'd still be poly, and he'd be very choosey about who he lets into the polycule.

Lae'zel: She'd go to university where she'd be expanding her world. It would force her to unpack her unhealthy home life is. She was probably raised in a jingoistic family. After discovering the power of friendship and self-discovery, she'd make better choices for herself. She'd still be INCREDIBLY disciplined so I imagine she'd be an athlete. Either she'd do professional rugby or MMA. She might do pro wrestling. She wouldn't join the theatrics on purpose. They'd just tap into her natural persona for her character.

Karlach: She worked for Gortash before he made a name for himself in politics. I'm still trying to work out exactly what would happen to her. I imagine he framed her in this universe and she spent 10 years in prison instead of Avernus. Now she's out and wants revenge... but also would love to get her life back. Possibly she has a chronic illness that, if untreated, could kill her. It's not a 1-to-1 for her heart situation, but close.

Jaheira: She refuses to ever retire from her work. She's been a part of almost every humanitarian world org that'll have her, like The Peace Corps. She now runs her own organization that travels the world for humanitarian efforts. She's a widow and she's still the mother to several adopted children.

Wyll: He was on track to make his father proud. He was going to Oxford to study politics until he realized how much he hated it. His father is the mayor of a major city. I'm hesitant to say London because it feels too obvious. Instead, Wyll drops out to pursue humanitarian work. This is where his path crosses with Jaheira as he joins her organization. His father just doesn't get it and they're at odds over it.

Minthara: Military brat who grew up to join the British Military. In her off time, she's in the BDSM scene.

Orin: She is either running a true crime podcast or being talked about on one. Either that or she's a CEO of a drug company a la The Fall of the House of Usher (2023).

Gortash: This dude is running as a Tory and you know it. He left a huge trail of problematic behavior on his Twitter. He made an anonymous Reddit account to post relationship problems on, but everyone figured out it was him almost immediately.

Barcus: This poor man is so tired. He never found his "dream" and he's been going from job to job for decades. After he starts to stand up for himself, he opens an online store based on all his interests and thrives.

I might do more later, but this is all I could think of for now.

#bg3 #baldurs gate 3 #bg3 modern au

[skitskatdacat63]

catie I NEED more vettonso lore for your au. please. (love u)

Aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!! C!!! Thank you so much for asking!! This took me a bit cause there’s a lot of stuff I want to cover and I had to figure out how to balance the explanation of the historical context and how I apply it to my AU. But seriously thank you for asking because I did more research to write this post and learned a lot of things that make me feel deranged but I cannot bring any of this up to anyone irl without sounding like a lunatic. I’d apologize for the length but you should expect this from me by now! (I realized this doc for this was 1.5k+ my god)

Basic Info: early 1700s historical AU with arranged marriage plot 

Historical Context:

Okay, so this AU is based on a real historical event: The War of The Spanish Succession. Which is when the Spanish Throne was without a clear line of succession because the bloodline(Spanish Habsburgs) died out. So then, even though the previous Spanish King named his successor(Philip V, a Duke related to the French Royal family - representing Fernando in this AU), the Habsburgs still thought they should be allowed to keep the throne within their dynasty, thus offering up the second son(Charles VI - representing Seb in this AU) of the Holy Roman Emperor. So obviously they had to start a war because of it. But then the end result ended up being that because Charles VI’s older brother, the Holy Roman Emperor at the time, died during the war(because of illness though so it would have happened regardless), he became the next Emperor and Philip V ended up becoming the Spanish King after all, rendering it all pointless imo.

How does this relate to Vettonso?:

I'm not overly interested in either Charles VI and Philip V as people, but rather the roles they fulfill in this conflict, but obv I can’t help but draw on details from their lives. As I mentioned, Fernando is now Fernando I of Renault/France Spain and Seb is Sebastian I of Red Bull Austria. This is supposed to be like 2010-2012!Vettonso with Ferrari!Fernando and RBR!Seb(but like Fernando's title of Duke coming from France, because of his championships with Renault.) This AU is kinda just me looking at this historical event and thinking: wouldn’t a gay arranged marriage solve this succession quandary? But also just that it reminds me of Fernando and Seb’s rivalry, and the nationalities/kingdoms fit pretty well!!

Think about the throne of Spain as akin to winning a race, but becoming Holy Roman Emperor as winning the whole entire competition.(Also side note: real life Charles VI didn’t become a king until he became Emperor and adopted all of his brother’s titles, but I want Seb to be a boy king in this AU, so he can have a title as a treat.) Imagine you’re competing for something and you win it, but the only reason you win is because the other competitor won an even bigger prize!!!! Yay you got what you wanted but the boy king is now the emperor of most of Europe. And now you are stuck with him through lawfully wedded arranged marriage because they let you have what you wanted but only under the condition that the two kingdoms are still united. Yeah Fernando got the title, but Seb gained even more titles(get it???) 

They probably have a lot of animosity coming into the marriage, like “how could I ever build a relationship with the man who tried to steal my birthright?” but then realize they’re pretty similar after all. Though obviously Fernando has a lot more resentment than Seb because Seb won the whole damn thing! He would have control over Spain as he’s the king but since it's still within the domain of the empire, Seb would always have the final say. And Seb tries to be magnanimous like “Don’t worry, I won’t interfere”, and Fernando is all snide with comments like “Oh thank you great imperial majesty, can I really? Would you really allow me to do so?” But eventually become loving co-rulers that still constantly snipe at each other over different decisions the other makes. 

Some headcanons(I guess you’d still call it headcanons even if it's your own AU bcs it still comes from your head) + some fun facts from real life that have brainrotted me so I’m putting them in:

Their dynamic is just Seb being a very righteous, bratty boy king emperor who is unabashed about being that way, because he feels that it is his right, but still has a heart of gold and wants to treat his husband well no matter the circumstances leading to their marriage. And then Fernando is like a stray cat that keeps hissing and scratching because it’s really hard for him to accept the circumstances because he still feels humiliated, even though he got everything he wanted, but he still can’t help but be charmed by this baby emperor because he sees attributes of himself in Seb, and can’t really fault him because he would be the exact same, flaunting his power, if he were in Seb’s shoes. 

They would have to speak in French to each other because that’s their shared language but eventually attempt to learn each other’s native languages! Imagine Seb has to travel to Spain to give some Emperor speech and Fernando then bullies him for his bad Spanish. 

They would probably split where they live based on a schedule or by need. Yes, Fernando is the King of Spain but he is also the Emperor’s husband so he does have to spend time in the capital, Vienna. And then since Spain is a part of the empire, Seb has to go routinely, but y’know also to spend time with his husband. They find that their marriage as well as their politics is full of having to make concessions and compromises in order to make it work. 

Something I find funny is that as compensation for not getting the Spanish throne back, Spain had to cede some Italian territories to the Empire. That is literally the Ferrari plot with the transfer from Fernando to Seb!!

I’m not sure how the titles would work in this AU because obviously a m/m political marriage has not ever happened(as far as I know.) But I guess Fernando would just be King Fernando I of Spain and then Seb would be Holy Roman Emperor Sebastian I with the million titles that come with being in that role(though like most importantly Archduke of Austria and King of Bohemia and Hungary, etc.) I like the idea that Seb tries to share some titles with Fernando as a show of good will but Fernando is so affronted, mostly just from embarrassment, like “oh you think I need your good will?? I can’t be happy with what I earned in my own right??” But their kids would receive both titles and would be split in the traditional way, like first kid getting it all mostly, but the others still being nobility obv(yes.. there would be mpreg because of the plot need for succession….don’t ask who…)

They bond through their love of horses, particularly fast horses. The first time they go riding together, they’re both like awkwardly trying to act very proper as a sense of showmanship to the other like “I’m more mature than you”, but then can’t stop trying to get ahead of the other person and eventually break into a full-on race. Their aids are mutually like “oh god, they’re both the same type of insane.” 

Irl Charles VI was so salty about losing the throne that he wouldn’t stop dressing like a traditional Spanish monarch. I can totally see Seb doing that and Fernando getting so pissed with him like “you became emperor!! What more could you possibly want???’ and Seb then fixing him with his biggest pout and saying “your throne!” But also Fernando being weirdly into it because it’s basically Seb presenting himself blatantly as Fernando’s spouse. 

In that same vein, I’m going crazy over how there’s a painting from before the war, of Philip V wearing vestments from both the French order of chivalry and the Habsburg order of chivalry. Like basically stating the desire to see those two lines combined into one kingdom, which fits so well into this AU. Just Seb going crazy over how Fernando is willingly branding himself as belonging to Seb’s house. 

A testimony of Philip V’s personality is that he was a “neurotic, vacillating ruler, concerned with outward decorum and brave only in battle,” god can you not sense the energy of Fernando in that statement???

Very important to me that Charles VI reportedly had many male lovers, and that his soulmate was one of his courtiers. Maybe there can be a bit of Martian or Sebson cheating plot with them being his courtiers hahaha  

Not very relevant in this AU but there’s something about how Philip V had the longest ever reign of a Spanish monarch. Is that not Fernando??? Old man who will rule on forever, or should I say, forever keep his seat 

I already obv posted the wip for this but I'll include it here again as visual rep hehehe:

I've spent way too much time lately trying to research the fashion of the time ugh. But this, as I said, is like first joint portrait session into the marriage. And I guess I kind of want them to be wearing their corronation clothing, which I'm pretty solid on for Seb but still need to research more for Fernando. I think I'll maybe try and just put him in the afformentioned traditional Spanish monarch clothing, but the fact that it's all black kinda bores me, I'd rather he wear red!! This is like a typical royal couple type pose, except they're being more tactile. Also there's something to be said about the symbolism of Fernando being the one standing and Seb being the one sitting hehehe....

#*oh also posting this in my typical habit of scheduling posts for when i sleep so sry if i dont respond bcs i am in fact asleep #*sorry for making you wait for this C! I said in a bit but then i didnt...i like waking up to notes okay ...BUT AGAIN TYSM FOR ASKING #alternate title for this post: what being in Austria does to a man #I mentioned to my friend from the trip abt how having been there has affected me and has made me think way too much about the history #and shes like 'oh yeah ive not really thought about austria too much since coming back' #me just sitting there with my phone gallery full of historical paintings for reference and my head full of research like: 'haha oh okay...' #often my thoughts about AUs is just a bunch of rambling thoughts in my head #so its very nice and helpful to have to write it out like this and turn it into something more than absent thought #most of the headcanons spontaneneously popped into my head while I was writing out the main section hahah #hope you enjoy!!!! hopefully I'll be able to finish my drawing of them !! #especially since I'll prob never end up writing a fic bcs i like writing rambling but anything more formalized is soooo difficult for me #vettonso #catie.rambling.txt #catie.asks. #formula 1 #boy king au

[kaija-rayne-author]

Bear with me here. I only started playing DA games a couple months ago, so still a huge special interest for me.

Perspective is such an interesting part of these games, and I love how they juxtapose that against current events and characters' personal goals/needs.

Let's say you're the bodyguard of someone you really respect. You fail in your job to protect. You're doing your damnedest to save people who need to be free. You're a freedom fighter, because you care, deeply.

Your protectee is murdered, but you survived. I would imagine this would be something that could piss you off.

You imprison the perpetrators in the only way you can.

Then because it was such a big magical undertaking, you pass out and slip into uthenera for thousands of years.

You wake up, a bit groggy, find out how weak you are (which, to someone who has never been lessened in power is awful) possibly panic a little and fuck up.

You see you fucked up, while dealing with some pretty massive mental illness issues (PTSD, Depression, anxiety, survivor-complex) just for starters).

The entire world feels like a bad dream. Like it felt for people seeing the alternate future.

Humanity, a species you last remember as 'beings setting up tents in mud, selling bone beads, who stank a lot' have somehow flourished and enslaved the very people (or the descendants of your people?) you gave so much to free.

I don't see how, given that, at the beginning of the game Solas could honestly feel any different.

It'd be like waking up and finding out some sort of creature you thought of as vermin (sorry human lovers, perspective here) was running the world and harming your grandkids.

And worse, because of how you imprisoned the murderers, it actually tore the world you were trying to save apart, dooming said grandkids.

Except, familiarity can breed caring as well as contempt. He learns over time, as he's repairing his strength and healing his mind, that these 'tranquils' are still actually people. If romanced, you even fall in love with one of them!

Aaaand, you're probably also (originally) a wisdom spirit with any spirit's ability to demonize. Into Pride in his particular case.

It's a miracle he's not even more stand-offish with people.

Pride can blind us to a lot of things. In many established world religions, pride is bad. It's a deadly sin in xtian mythology.

And Solas is both wisdom and pride. Two sides of the same coin.

It's warped into his very being.

His character growth arc from who he is at the beginning of the game, to who he is at the end is so well written.

I hope Dreadwolf continues his growth arc in some way. I really love growth arcs. He might even have a redemption arc.

I think it's utterly delicious when authors play with perspective like this. It's really well done with Solas.

I only wish I felt more of the other characters were as well written so I could analyze them, too. But honestly, most of them really aren't well characterized. On a professional level, I'd send them back to the author with a gentle suggestion that they do some more character development & much needed writing for them.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Note that I base all my analyses on the base game and DLCs. I haven't managed to afford the books yet. (Being poor sucks.) So there could easily be information I don't have access to. And wasn't there a show? Was that any good? (I struggle with passive entertainment like tv shows.)

#dragon age series #solas #solavellan #dragon age inquisition #dragon age #inquisitor lavellan #solavellan hell #solas dai

[burntheedges]

Hi Kate! I hope your day is already treating you lovely and if not ill go beat it up for you lol 💖

So!!! I love getting to know people through some good old fashioned tumblr asks so I thought I’d swing by and send you some!!

🌻what’s one album you could listen to forever???

🌻what is one of your favorite lines you’ve ever written?!

🌻 okay - but go to gas station snacks?? 👀

And finally!!

🌻what is your dream date with your inspire Pedro boy like?! How does it go! 💕

Of course you don’t feel comfortable answering then it’s no worries and don’t feel pressured too! 😥

Take care and I’m wishing you a wonderful rest of your week!!! 🦋✨

hi Erika!! today is a day lol (got to work late, that part of maintenance request may or may not be based on me). thank you for these questions these are fun! I got a little carried away with the last one.

🌻what’s one album you could listen to forever???

Brandi Carlile - By the Way, I Forgive You

🌻what is one of your favorite lines you’ve ever written?!

I feel like I don’t have a good memory for this (sometimes I read my own writing and I'm like wow I wrote that??) but I do like a lot of lines in to know the light, and I labored over this one:

But every time he looks at you with his own eyes, the outline of you is burned onto his retinas like the sun spots he imagines the bright snow burns on yours.

and I’m pretty pleased with some that are coming up in Maintenance Request but I don’t want to spoil anything. 😎

🌻 okay - but go to gas station snacks?? 👀

good question 😂 i rotate between sour patch kids, chips, jerky, and peanut butter m&ms

🌻what is your dream date with your inspire Pedro boy like?! How does it go! 💕

oooh tough one. I like dates that give you something to talk about but also make it easy to find intimacy/privacy. so an activity (movie, show, easy hike/walk, dancing, etc.) and conversation after (at a bar, coffee shop, wherever) so you can learn more about each other. all that said, though, I just imagined going to trivia night with Marcus or Frankie or Joel and I think that would be amazing.

like, Marcus would be adorable -- eager to answer questions, in awe of the things you know, laughing with you when you're stumped. Frankie would be pleased to know the answers he does, but maybe a little uncertain (unless it has to do with stuff he's confident about, like flying). but he would be totally chin-in-hand gazing at you as he watched you work through answers and light up when you know something. Joel would be a little grumpy about getting things wrong (and probably knows a lot about sports) but he would be ridiculously impressed by you when you know the answers. ("shit, darlin', what's a brainiac like you doin' with me, anyway?")

and I can see all three of them wanting to start an arguement with the trivia host about wrong answers lol. I may or may not have done that once (the host said the capitol of Turkey was Istanbul?? was I supposed to sit there and let that slide??). but imagine:

Marcus frowning, and when you nudge him, saying "that's not the right answer." and then hesitating before nodding firmly and standing up to go talk to the host (politely) during the break. by the end of it they're both smiling and Marcus pats them on the shoulder before returning to the table with a grin.

Frankie hearing the answer and semi-shouting, "what?" and then looking at you, "that's not right." but then resisting when you say he should go up and tell them, and only dragging himself up there when he reazlies it's the difference between you coming in first vs. second place. (his competitiveness won't let him keep quiet.) he removes his hat and nervously runs his hand through his hair on his way up.

Joel frowning and grumbling something under his breath. when you ask what's up, he just says, "I don't think that was the right answer." but he doesn't move to do anything about it until you offer to go up instead. he sighs as he gets to his feet and you watch as he unintentionally looms over the trivia host, who looks totally freaked out (and nods quickly, agreeing to change it). Joel isn't even making a scary face, he's just looking disapproving, and that's enough.

#ask me anything #headcanons #lol #marcus pike x reader #joel miller x reader #frankie morales x reader

[divorcingjimmatthews]

season 2 episode 5 reactions as i watch

huge spoilers obviously

(this is mostly for myself to have somewhere to scream as i go, its LONG AF youve been warned)

RANDALL IS SCARING ME SO MUCH LIKE PLEASE DONT BANG ON STUFF WHAT IF YOU ACCIDENTALLY MAKE THE TALISMAN FALL I AM HAVING A HEART ATTACK WITH THIS SCENE. RANDALL STOP STOP STOP YOURE GOING TO DIE DUDE

(straight up cant watch the rest of the episode because i paused it and cant bring myself to unpause lmaooo. from ends here for me i guess)

ok its over thank god

JADE STOP DRINKING SOMEONE HELP THIS MAN. hes even sleeping with the fucking journal like please he needs 20 interventions

also dammit he actually moved to the bar i accidentally manifested it LMAO

can the show please stop torturing this man with the hallucinations please and thank you

TABITHA IS IN MAMA WOLF MODE LETS GO

boyd defending sara... knowing what happened to his wife and what she did... oh man. this hurts. knowing tabitha also lost a child before turns the intensity of all this to eleven millions

LMAO ok someone calling tabitha out for her basement hole and its consequences at long last. i love tabitha but like it has to be acknowledged

"That part i cant help you with" dang Good Line

honestly cant even imagine how sara is feeling i dont know what id be doing in her situation like just watching it stresses me so much.

ETHAN BABY :'(((( im sobbing

KRISTI IS SO PRETTY oh my god i am so bisexual right now. she cant just do this. the shirtttt. i think im seeing the sweetest and most beautiful woman in the world

dhsjfhsh marielle doing the same thing with the shirt that i had the reader do in my fic i cant even

"For a long time it smelled like you. Now it just smells" i laughed so hard

"Youre still you" 🥺

SARA GIRL WHAT ARE YOU DOING ARE YOU TRYING TO GET K oh yeah wait she probably is

oh its her house ok god i thought she'd gone to the matthews'

NEW HOUSE WHO DIS

cant belive an extra got one of the few houses this is so funny to me for no reason

this scene gosh. ouch. ouch. im taking 2 damage per second watching this episode

JADE. the bottles. jade my beloved this is point of no return level stuff. mrs Liu please come get him home

VICTOR

victoooor

"You dont look good" im losing it

thank you victor

victor 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i love him. the sweetest

JADE IM GOING TO STRANGLE YOU DONT BE LIKE THISSS

"WAIT" i fucking cant i love this man

"This took me all fucking night" jade never stop being the funniest mf on the planet please

jim calling tabitha tabby is so sweet it got me

"Faith. In you" oh boy. Oh man. Oh boy oh man. This scene. How is this show hitting every singe fucking note.

donna brought up abby omgomg

OK BUT CAN YOU BLAME HIM FOR WANTING TO FIND AN ALTERNATIVE THIS TIME

(maybe)

(arghhhh this is so hard)

"only monsters live in the woods" ethan i love everything you say. go my boy

(sara voice) okay

"The trees theyre changing" i love how victor is 100% harmless but could NOT be any more ominous lmaooo

CAR GRAVEYARD

"When i was alone i moved the cars because i didnt want to see them. Theres a lot more behind the rocks but those were already here" GODDAMMIT

no but victor is literally the sweetest man on earth. you were rightfully angry victor !! jade now you apologise.

"okay" ill kill him

victor sitting on the car 🥺🥺🥺🥺 im going to cry

what a scene. my god.

SARA HAS ONLY BEEN THERE FOR A COUPLE OF MONTHS?

"Do you live here in town" ELGIN i love you

poor julie if she knew her crush is out there flirting with the local murderer

"I like what i like and i like owls" based. thats me writing 300 jade posts per day

oh boy this scene (me about every scene)

"THAT PART ALWAYS SEEMED A BIT LIKE WISHFUL THINKING TO ME" im. ill be processing for 3 years

"Did you do something that needs forgiving?" elgin my sweet boy

jim rightly proud of his badass kid

"you put hate inside me" :'(

is she gonna give her her stuff damn shes too nice

a part of me is feeling like shes gonna smash it tho lmao

SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU MRS LIU

i am starting to assume that everyone forgot about tobey so jade is never even gonna know that it was sara lmao

KENNY

oh my god kenny

im hurt seeing him so hurt

TOWNSPEOPLE CAN WE GIVE KENNY A BREAK OVER HERE PLEASE WHAT R U STARING AT HES VERY RIGTHFULLY MAD HE HAS EVERY RIGHT

oh elgin

elgin youre too sweet

elginnnnn

everyones gonna hate you elgin 😭😭😭 i am suffering for you

KRISTI BECAME EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THIS IS NOT A DRILL

now please do jade

"KRISTI WHERE ARE YOU GOING BABY STOP"

KRISTI NO NO NOOOOOO

i love her so much

"People liked him, then he changed" dont do this to me

"I am at the end of my rope" oh god

TABITHA??????

holy fucking shit im going to die of heart attack

this doesnt have captions i dont know what the creepy ghost children are saying

I WAS LITERALLY THINKING I WISHED TABITHA AND JADE WOULD INTERACT AND LOOK AT THIS NOW

i knew jim would not vote box lets goo

BOYD WHY

Randall ????

OKAY that tabitha and marielle scene from last episode was bothering me so much i cant believe i didnt think of this

what an episode my god

[doritofalls]

hi can i just say thank you thank you for getting kiyo so right... i hate when ppl overly baby/make his healing process so fast but you actually give kiyo healing nuance and like a breather and while u also clearly have a ship in mind you dont have shuichi be like his one true savior that instantly make him no longer mentally ill but a friend who helped him a long the way, this is the kiyo content i starved for and i thank you with every part of my heart for this

ANON YOU ARE SO SWEET......thank you!! i like kiyo a lot and i really strive to write him well. i really think he was never MEANT to be getting better from the start, so i gotta stretch and squeeze some of his characterization when it comes to writing any kinda recovery or development... i'm very happy if it makes a genuine impression though!

haha i feel a little bad about the ship angle - i have read people make the complaint that every kiyo recovery au is shipping based, and i definitely see why that would be annoying or distracting. but honestly, even if just in a platonic capacity, i really don't think kiyo COULD make good progress alone? he is a person extremely prone to codependence, to the absolute limit of creating a reality where he is never alone as far as he's concerned, and i think if that was to be stripped away from him it would need to be replaced with...something. some kind of interpersonal support line. i chose shuichi for that, because again i'm a sucker for them together, but i can easily imagine rantaro or ryoma in a similar role. angie too probably, though she's also got her own stuff to figure out big time.

you're right too that people don't just,, get better. healing from trauma's a game of walking up stairs where you may feel content with where you are in the present, eventually. thus i don't think kiyo would be like, done with this journey if he lived till the end of v3's plotline. what i want to explore more in the au is him starting to feel more comfortable with existing as his own person/maybe starting to learn the ropes of connections without a constant toxic need to belong to someone. so i imagine, by the end, he'd be on a marginally stable patch but with a Lot of the healing still ahead of him.

#I ALSO THINK it's like... a good exercise in interpersonal relationships for shuichi as well #to be there for someone and possibly close with someone without disregarding his own boundaries #etc etc.. i love kiyo but i also really like shooichi #mcfreakin answered #anon #kiyo sticks around au #as someone who is also prone to codependency #kiyoanon

[pizzapasta23045]

I would love to hear you talk more about fashion subcultures. It sounds fascinating. Between the homunculus thing mentioned in the fic and the most recent mention to fae- yes please. It sounds incredibly interesting. (Also the are your friends evangelicals made me crack up)

-☁️

Ok so I didn't answer this ask for like legit a week sorry about that Cloud anon my beloved.

So basically, my thing with that modern au thingie was trying to explore how the actual culture in genshin would translate into the real world. I'm not the kind to just say 'oh yeah so and so is punk in this universe and shit' i gotta think about it.

So, the styles i may mention if i ever get around to writing it (i'm thinking of posting something in the weekend idk) is are three for now:

homonculus: it's a fashion current in Khaenri'ah that's, like, old as balls, very popular in scolarly and alchemy related spaces. It's created by people who felt similar to homoculi, which are mytical creatures in this universe and shit, and who related to the characters of homunculi in Khaenri'ahn media and shit. Most of those where, in reality and according to the current upholders of the trend, probably deeply neurodivergent people who realated deeply to the themes of being inhuman due to the differencesbeteen them and others, it's this whole thing. It's mentioned in the fic, i think, but Khaenri'ah has, like, a very shitty vision of mental illness and so most of these people basically kinda... you know? coped best as they could and shit. In current Khaenri'ah it is very commonly known as an autistic fashion movement among Khaenri'ahns of Kaeya's generation and it is a decently polically progressive movement in Khaenri'ahn subculture. Not in the generations before, Rhine also dresses like that and she is... well... she is not very nice if you know what i mean? If you have to imagine it, take what's in game, mostly, but i do imagine it's like dark academia but with a lot more blue and gold and shit. So that's what it would look like.

fae: This is the style Kaeya wears. It's not mentioned yet, like at all. But it is how most the Alberich clan dresses as a whole. It's based on fae and changeling myths which are quite popular in Khaenri'ah in this specific au. This is something that will be mentioned much later on, but the alberich were, in m au, an orphan clan in the beginning. Like all the people orphaned in war would be given the title alberich as a sign of respect and a "prize" for their parent's loyalty to the country. So it's kinda an adoptee thing, or at least that's why Kaeya dresses like that and shit, most of the Khaenri'ahns do that as a sign of wealth since the Alberich would later become the most important clan in Khaenri'ah and so people started copying the fashion movent.

religous trauma style (haven't thought of a name tbh): That's the style Rosaria and Venti wear. Kaeya also takes some inspirations from it but they're sooooooooooo vague because he's a bit uncomfortable with the style itself. It's mostly a mondstadt thing and it's basically a caricature of the curch of barbatos' interpretations of the religion. The people who wear are not atheists mind you, they are mostly people who are trying to go back to the old way of the religion. They, like, protest the fact that the curch has so many useless rules despite barbatos being the god of freedom and in the end criticize the politicized version of the curch that was created over the years. Also, very pro-queer and traumatized by the church as an institution.

#textpost #my fic and shit #feel free to ask questions #sorry it took me so long wasn't sure how to answer this question #i'm glad you liked the evangelist joke it took me a lot of rehersals to come up with that...

[mmopor]

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[fantomette22]

Wait what is your headcanon about Maria's twin???? If I got that right?

Hm… yes you got it right. In one of my headcanons I imagined that Maria used to have a twin sister. 

This would be the short answer, but I supposed you’re looking for a more complete explanation. I will try to write it below. Even if I don’t get into too much details, I sure have a tons of others things to say about Bloodborne universe/ world building.

(About the conditions of life and the importance of the old blood in it)

So thank you for asking! You give me a good reason to share all of this x) And talking about this headcanon.

Like some might be aware I have tons of different hc & interpretations. Some who directly contradict canons and even each other. It’s more like silly AU/fic stories. 

Exception to my main big hc/story, even if I don’t believe it actually 100% happened that way. But I’m trying to make it fit as much as possible into the lore and original material. (It’s MY hc and for now, nobody is going to tell me if I’m right or wrong so…)

This ideas/stories just came in my mind, and I express most of them by just talking to myself. Not sure if everyone does that or if it’s only a neurodivergent thing. Some days I really wonder… Anyway.

Before getting back to the main subject I got to talk about two things really fast. 

One subject that I would want to express, if I ever write a story on Bloodborne it’s “how the use of the old blood really did help people and improve their life”. Why it became so much essential and when they realize it was too dangerous and should be stopped it wasn’t possible anymore.

After decades of progress and researches a lot of persons would prefer to try to find a compromised than stopped everything and just get back austerity (hello really life environmental issues struggle ?! wow I didn’t indeed this comparison at first),The risk of a big regression, a civil war perhaps and it would still be around in some kind of black market I’m sure. 

(yep all of this inspired by Laurence theme song alone…damn).

Yes, the old blood and all this mess probably killed thousands of people (especially if we addition everything until the event of the game) but it probably saves a ton of persons as well (a poisonous miracle cure…) In the begging at least/gold era at least.

Like you know Bloodborne is mostly based on the XIX/19th century (1801-1900) and the Victorian era (after 1837). A lot of people used to die of various illness we don’t have anymore. The infantility death rate was really high too. People got a lot of health-related problems. Pasteur (the guy who create the rabies vaccine), the vaccination and a lot of new medical protocols appeared at the end of the century. That’s also why at this period people and society had a different view on death. They were closer to it and have way of dealing with it that would be weird or even disturbing today. (See my post on the doll).

But this doesn’t seem match the universe of the game. Maybe they did have better quality life. It looks like it. But we know nothing about the political/ social/health context before the blood show up. We can’t be sure it was exactly like the XIX century and people could had 5 siblings, but they all died or was it more like us today or even a mixt of both.

The characters we know only seems to be only child or have like only 1 sibling. That mean advanced society who already did their demographic transition. Or all their family passed away. What’s sure is that it’s a more egalitarian society lol.

Maybe life conditions in Bloodborne were much better than actual 19thcentury but I saw a cool post (but don’t remember where) that say that in order for the church to basically lead Yharnam politically, some wars/epidemy/famine would have happened earlier. 

That’s why I thought it would be interesting to hc characters to have family members/friends/people they know, who had died before hand, of shitty illness. Or even if they didn’t know the persons, they have at least friends /relatives, who lost close people to them. That would really solidify the importance of the healing church/ old blood instead of just “oh an epidemy of ashen blood show up the church heal them”. I do believe they gained a lot of popularity/influence/ power over this. 

SO, because of this and another dumb thing, I think it would be great to made Maria had a sibling (a twin sister), who passed away when they were both really young (preschooler age?) + all the family drama that would occur. And it would serve my narratives even better. in my main hc/story. Because, guess who else I hc having a little sister who passed away as well ?? 

Gehrman (I had this one for a while now…you see what I did there ?! ).

I mean he did survive almost everyone so pretty sure he lost he’s entire family at one point…

(I have a lot of quite different interpretations of their relationship as well. Depend the au/hc but I’m not going to expand on that or I’m never going to finished lol, maybe another day). So let’s just say in my main hc, at the beginning she remind him more of that part of his life. After a few years alongside her, his view on her changed.

If you know FF7 remake dlc and Yuffie and Sonon, well at the beginning it’s kinda like them XD but of course they’re characters with really different personality. It's more about their general bond and dynamic as a duo.

There’re other characters I think/hc who may have lost relatives too.

Also, one day I thought about how Maria would react to the Doll. I believe she would have really differents & mixt reactions at the same time (I won’t go into details!). One of them would be “Oh I always wanted a sister…” And I think if they were to interact that would be the relationship they would have.

(But yep I believe the doll is a part of Maria too. In the hunter Nightmare it’s a nightmare version of herself aka the worst version of herself. I believed she was actually in between the 2 !  That the real Maria was both and neither at the same time. If that make sense. But who knows… that’s just my interpretation).

And to finish, the wildest AU that come to my mind who solidified the idea of a twin sis. Remember how the doll and the Gehrman’s apprentice were supposed to be 2 different characters originally ?? I thought : hey that would make a “funny” AU if the Doll was based on Maria’s twin sister lol. Anyway forget about it. Also some people think/thought that the doll might still be based on more than 1 person/… that’s interesting

So Hm yeah I hope that i offered an explanation on the "Maria had a twin sister headcanon" ! ^^’

I don’t even have a name for her… (if someone have ideas XD). Not even sure it it’s true or false twins as well. But I do have a preference for identical twins, I think. Don’t asked me who was born first either I don’t know. Oh… actually, Maria not being the first born would make sense… a lot of sense…

#bloodborne headcanon #bloodborne analysis #bloodborne #bloodborne lore #lady maria of the astral clocktower #ouah I didn't expect to write 1200+ words XD #my asks #should I put a 'show more' maybe #so yeah here's my hc... #and I didn't ever put everything x) I have so many stuff about some characters backstory #so hm I hope you like this

[zenobomber]

and here’s another starter call for aki for the event! he’s going to be capped at five since i have a lot of ideas for him for this event - but feel free to like past that cap and i’ll get you a starter if i have time! if we’ve interacted before, you won’t count towards the cap.

event info can be found below!

so, aki has a lot of great possibilities for fun happenings in this event. because he is from a game with thirteen distinct endings - not including the “game over” screens you get from various deaths - there’s a lot that can be seen. and aki is very distinctly different in all of the endings. 

i’m going to go with a mix of sentient and residual data for this - so below, here’s some akis you might be able to meet if you choose to walk alongside the aki i write here.

SIN

from one of the ending branches - sin aki is a very distorted individual. with his sanity snapped in half after being unable to save the life of his childhood best friend - fuyu - and regaining his memories of when he murdered and cannibalized fuyu’s younger sister natsu years prior, aki branches in two different ways from here. i’m going to focus on the worse of his versions here.

this aki is incredibly manipulative and hostile. you’ll meet him with bandages wrapped around his left eye, and his right leg cut off from the knee-below. he uses a crutch to get around. these wounds were self inflicted, as he force-fed these parts of himself to someone else both as a form of revenge for killing fuyu, and to try and cure their illness.

i would not recommend this branch of interaction if you are uncomfortable with themes of cannibalism, force feeding, dismemberment, and self-mutilation. this interaction would be treated kind of like a horror game hide-and-seek scenario. 

USHIRONO

from the hidden true endings of the game, but not the canon one, this aki is very well spoken and polite. his left leg is heavily injured and he uses a cane to get around, making him a bit slower. this aki would appear in unique cases, and would sacrifice himself to protect anyone in the interaction from danger. he’s probably the nicest one you could run into, not including the main aki i write.

ZENO

suffering from a relapse of the illness ZENO - this aki is best described as psychotic. if you’ve ever watched the saw movies - imagine jigsaw if he was a gay 5′3 transman. that’s what this aki is like. the residual data will make it appear as if you are in his timed puzzle straight from the game, which you need to solve to escape. if you’re unable to solve his twisted escape room - he’ll attack you, and attempt to blow you up with explosives. 

it’s important to note that ZENO enhances aki’s intelligence, curiosity, speed, strength, and endurance. he is a difficult person to fight against - not including the fact he is heavily armed with explosives, and acid strong enough to near instantly corrode through human flesh and bone. 

he’ll give you hints to solve his puzzle, but he’s more interested in seeing you fail so he can kill you. but while the timer he has for you to complete the room is going - he’ll be peaceful. watching you, like an ant in an ant farm.

i would not recommend this interaction if you don’t want your character to get blown up in the chance you’re unable to solve his puzzle. i’ll take the escape room scenario directly from the game in this interaction. 

OTHERS

like mentioned before - there are thirteen endings and many, many “game over” death scenes. just in the base game! there are some scenarios i can use from the sequel game, or the short novels as well. if you’re interested in seeing aki’s death compilation (he has the most character deaths in zeno - and all of the creator’s other games) i’m happy to run through them. if you’d like to encounter either of the chaser enemies from the game - being tsugino & fuyu - i can do that as well! though i’ll ask our fuyu writer for permission, to write a data imprint of fuyu from the facility, or have them join in. 

from the short novels - you do have a chance to interact with IF verse (slight changes - a “what if?” scenario) versions of aki, or himself as a child.

overall, i’m happy to just explore the various branching paths of ZENO, and the different versions of aki i might be able to use for it!

#isola rp ad #sorry the extended plotting part is really long dkjhgfds #aki is very different depending on the outcome of the game so he's fun for this event...

[dephirium]

So. I am leaving my fic's big ass infodump here because A) having it in the comments is ugly and B) I am too busy and tired to try to make it hmtl pretty on the author notes or whatever. Plus, AO3’s character limit is ass.

Here's the fic: Tha koimithó ótan petháno.

Funnies

Akire: I trust that mister Delamer and mister Maitsu are doing well together :)

Damon: *screaming, traumatized*

Jean: *screaming, also traumatized*

Damon: Why tf are you calling me a kid I am 18

Jean:

Jean: I thought you were like 16

Jean: I am worried about you.

Damon: Hahaha.

Damon: Oh you're not joking?

Damon: HAHAHahaHAhA—

Scrapped content

In chapter 2 I forgot to add that Jean notices signs of Petechiae (Red dots on the skin/cheeks, usually present after crying) on Damon's face, which he points out in the narration and mentally ponders "maybe he is not holding on as well as we thought." I don't fucking KNOW how I did not add it because I remember writing it into the doc but I guess I accidentally deleted it???? What-fucking-ever man I am too tired to rewrite that scene. Also, this chapter would not work as well if Jean was a lot more aware about how badly Damon was holding on. Sooo, yeah. Good forethought past me question mark.

(Jean knows general medical stuff because of his job / he binge read about it after the Edward thing to avoid any other crewmates being ill / hurt. Kind of comes out of left field in this chapter sorry lol I kind of gave up mid-fic so the quality is kind of bad)

In the titanic argument I was planning for Damon to respond “The debate was so bad I regret doing it sober,” or something of the sort. To which Jean asks Holy Shit You Drink ? Ended up scrapped because Damon, even while sleep deprived, is way too secretive about his abuse personal life for his own good. Besides, the scene was getting too long.

Also, yes, he does drink (/hc). Not by own volition most of the time, but he does. Legal drinking age? What is that? The Maitsu family never heard of it. (Wolfgang would have a stroke if he knew nobody tell him)

I actually planned a bit where, when Damon bandages Jean's wound (it was planned to happen on the bed and not the floor btw), Jean explains the items™ to Damon after he points out the first aid kit being the debater's and Damon looks at the ship captain like he grew a third head. Hence, explanation.

It felt too forced and I ended up removing it. You probably can figure it out with the context I left (I HOPE), but here is the explanation just in case:

(This idea was based on a fic by the lovely Insqmniac. I don't remember the name rn, sorry ;; EDIT: Acting and Pretending!!! They deleted the work but it was very good!) Tozu left an item for all the killing game participants with deep emotional and / or medical significance in their room’s nightstands. Be it a family memento, a candy brand you liked as a kid, a perfume that isn't sold anymore, prescription pills or eye contacts: That kind of stuff. It is like an intimidation tactic or something??? Something to scare the participants with bcs of the amount of information they have about their personal lives. Or something. I don't know man, it is 4 pm I have not slept in like 30 hours I have reached a new plane of existence. It just sounds so creepy and it is definitely something Tozu would do. Maybe. I already had the canon divergence tag so might as well utilize it in a angst way while at it /shrug

Jean received Edward’s marine dog tag, Damon received a first aid kit (and he's the only person in the killing game that has first aid equipment, fun). You can probably imagine why Jean reacted like that to seeing Damon’s item and his subsequent realization. Let's just say that Maitsudad was not kind.

I had a very lovely idea very late into this fic of playing on the concept of Dragons and snakes being very similar (in mythology/religion, anyways) but I couldn't figure out a way to include it organically in this fic (considering that the themes/metaphors of the fic were already too wonk as is) so I MIGHT get another Jean & Damon fic just to get that symbolism out of my head???

Not likely. I feel horrible about my poor characterization of the dude in this fic already.

I butchered Jean's characterization so bad I made salami with it,,,

In the Damon panic attack from Jean’s POV, I had to scrap a small line where Jean notes that some of the nonsense Damon is spewing in his panic is actually Spanish. Another hc of mine, personally Damon looks like the kind of guy to throw Hispanic slang and insult all your family lineage in one breath (and yes I am biased because I am Hispanic how could you tell. But no, he is not Hispanic, it is actually kind of complicated to explain). I will probably delve into that hc and my general mental illness about the backstory I made up for the guy (yes I am very normal about Damon shut up) in another fic I have planned.

I had to scrap so many Damon lines y'all. He is just. So easy to write. This dude is like depressed 14 year old me trying to seem edgy and pretentious istg.

Info dumping

I don't think I am doing a fic of Jean alone to actually write this down so, here, have the whole Edward situation and my delusions about it: basically, back when Jean was just becoming a ship captain by himself (he probably started as a cadet/assistant of one of his relatives, who was the ship captain themselves. Jean then took the job from them later down the line, idk) at age 18ish, there was this regular crew he had. One of the people in said crew was Edward, an asshole with self-worth issues who made it everyone else's problem.

On one departure, they get news of a big-ass storm happening, and they are very much stuck in the middle of the sea trying to just survive it(tm). Luckily it was a cargo ship so the only people they had to look for were themselves, but still.

Edward decides to be the main man on everything to prove his worth, that he means something to the crew, that his life has meaning. Everyone was kind of ignoring Edward's self destructive behavior (not their issue, they said). Jean in turn decided to try to do something about it, so new into the position and wanting the best for his crew, so he went to talk to Edward so he hopefully realizes he is being a moron and stops playing the martyr.

Edward, as you can tell by this fic, does not heed Jean’s pleas to take care of himself and decides to spitefully double down on his self-destructiveness so hard he fell ass backwards and killed himself due to sleep deprivation and starvation the fucking idiot.

(His crew, who were in their late 20s to mid 50s and had already seen some shit™, took care of the corpse themselves. They didn't want Jean, as young as he was, to see the body. He saw it anyways, if only on passing. Which is also the reason why he was more inclined to believe Eva when seeing the dummy, but details)

Jean blames himself over pushing Edward “too hard” and causing his death. (While at the same time he feels like he could have done MORE to avoid his death back then, ain't guilt fun?) That's why he fears pushing Damon too much until there's nothing he can do but twist the debater's arm into actually resting after days of watching the younger consistently get worse. And, welp, we know how that ends.

At least he tried tho. 乁( •_• )ㄏ

Another thing. Was the buddy system actually chosen at random or was Damon right about it being rigged?

... Who knows! Lol

Logically speaking I think it would make more sense for it to either be rigged in the random pairings to get the most optimal-ish outcome (List of pairings in chapter 1 AAA), or like Akire actually bullshitted the random bit to try to get Damon to cooperate. But in the other hand it would be too fucking funny if it was actually made at random and Damon is just being unnecessarily hostile and antagonizing for no reason. So, I wrote it to be ambiguous! probably!! Go have your own interpretation idk!!

Other miscellaneous notes

Eva had the exact same "You are doing this to keep tabs on us" train of thought as Damon, but unlike the debater she decided to cooperate on the plan without whining about it. She and Ingrid have an amazing time playing Dos in their dorm.

Desmond is having a shit time because he wants to help Ulysses have a, at least, decent sleep schedule since they are partners. They have a similar ish arc to Damon and Jean funnily enough, except all the trauma and accidental PTSD triggering.

The Titanic bit is actually a thing that happened. A dude legit predicted the Titanic it is bonkers (I learned this thanks to 999 and thought it would be funny to add it because sleep deprived Damon likes to info dump (yes I am neurodivergent how could you tell) and Jean is the fucking Ultimate Ship Captain what better chance can you get?). Also yes ships back then were bonkers it is hilarious.

When Jean returns with food after this fic him and Damon sit down to explain to the latter all the things he missed in the class meetings so Damon is not running with fake facts again (and hopefully avoid other panic attacks about it in the future). They are forced to communicate about being partners and while they are both still very emotionally stunted because of their respective traumas they at least have a semi-honest conversation for once. Mostly because Damon is too tired and worn-down to be antagonistic.

The roommate system prooobably gets ruled out at the week two and a half(?) by a very frustrated Tozu, but by then he will need a very strong/kill or die motive to actually get a crack on the partner system itself (which is too broad a concept for him to actually rule out the game entirely).

(Realistically speaking he probably would deny the system from happening as quickly as it was brought up because he would notice it as a liability to his killing game plan, but then again. This is fic. I like my Tozu very stupid in fic)

Damon slowly starts reintegrating back into the group when he feels less like "Hi I just had 4 panic attacks in a week what is life at this point." Jean personally helps him in it.

Damon doesn't exactly remember what happened when he was triggered (bcs I hc him to forget trauma to cope, only vaguely remembering things when triggered / having intrusive thoughts). He remembers stabbing Jean because of a "overreaction" on his part and that's pretty much it. He feels like garbage about it but doesn't know how to apologize.

Thankfully, the wound was very minimal so nobody really noticed it after the bleeding stopped and Jean removed the bandages. It is their shared secret that nobody shall know about.

After chapter 1 Damon has a 10 minute panic attack, call himself cringe for it, and forces himself to go for the futon. You could hear him cursing out to all the gods throughout the living quarters. Like La Llorona but it is a dude swearing instead.

Jean brings Damon food. From things like granola bars to small portions of meals (to avoid any accidental refeeding syndrome), every time Jean goes out, he brings Damon something to eat. The others question it at first but Jean only gives vague explanations so they give up (they know, somewhat. But it is not their business so they don't push about it).

Damon has never had anyone offer comfort or food without a catch to it so he is very confused to the whole ordeal but too tired to actually complain (he still compulsively checks everything, afraid of poison, despite never being any).

after a bit he actually somewhat warms up to the ship captain !! Yaaay Damon getting comfort !!!! Finally !!!!!

Writing this my entire thought process of Damon's characterization was "abused stray cat that hisses / scratches you but all it wants is love and a stable living environment and once it has it and gets used to it, it is actually very cuddly." That's just him in a nutshell. Just add some asshole pretentious vibes into the mix & you're done

I made Edward up very late (writing session 8 out of 10) into chapter 2 because I needed a reason as to why Jean would physically force Damon to sleep. When I said the man is a plot device I meant it lol

Tozu had a Live Tozu Reaction to Jean's and Damon's fight thinking that fINAlLY SOMEONE IS DYING.. And then nobody did. Oop.

AND THEN Jean gets killed and Damon suffers horribly /jkjk

#dephinterested #dephinfodump

[spiteless-xo]

helloooo! I would sell my soul to hear a play by play commentary of the entire camping fic buuuuut how about this section? when I read it I was grinning ear to ear hehe

“Did Eren give you your sleeping bag?” Zeke asks. You snap your attention towards Zeke at the fire. “What?” “You left it with us the last time we went camping,” Zeke says after a slow, steady blow on the fire. “We brought it with us and left it in the car for you.” That’s right. You remember now. Last weekend when you went camping, Pieck and Zeke took your sleeping bag because you were carrying all of the garbage and didn’t have room for it. Pieck promised that she would bring it for you this weekend. You glance over at Eren and see him struggling to hold back a smile. “He said he didn’t have the keys to your car.” “Huh? We gave them to him last night,” Pieck says, looking over at Eren. “Oh right,” Eren pulls a set of keys from the pocket of his sweatpants. He rattles them around in the air, “I forgot.” You ball your hands into tight fists as you glare at Eren. “What?” Pieck calls your name, but you can’t tear your eyes away from Eren’s shit-eating smirk. “Where did you sleep last night if you didn’t have your sleeping bag?” Just then, Porco and Reiner join the group, yawning and grumbling as they settle into their chairs around the sputtering fire. “Jesus Christ, you two are animals. I had to sleep with fuckin earplugs in to drown out the sound of you two fucking,” Porco says, giving Pieck a playful tap on the arm with his fist. “Jaeger, Jaeger!” He squeals, an embarrassing imitation of your sounds from last night. “Huh? We didn’t have sex last night.” You are fuming. Your face is hot, your body is hot, you can hardly see straight. You can only focus your vision on Eren, whose full body is shaking in an effort to hold back his laughter. “What the fuck is your problem,” Porco scoffs, looking over at him. You notice from the corner of your eye that Zeke looks up from the fire at you and he mumbles quietly, “Him? Really?” Pieck looks at you, then at Eren, then back at you. She repeats your name but you can hardly hear her over the sound of the blood rushing in your ears. “Where did you sleep last night?”

asks game prompt

hehehe tysm for participating!! 🥰🥰🥰 because im struggling in bed rn, ill give you a rough commentary on the whole fic

apologies in advance for the length!!

i wrote this in the authors note for the fic, but the entire fic was heavily inspired by this gone wild audio. i heard it and i immediately was like, omg this is eren. but i had never written eren before and tbh i was really really scared because he's such a popular character

lowkey, the reader in this story is annie-coded. i loved writing annie in tbas and so i modelled the reader in camping after her, and i got a lot of complaints that she was bitchy 💀 but i love her. also i don't think it's mentioned at all, but i imagine reader to be slightly older than eren in this fic.

also lowkey, but i would say that this fic is in the same "multiverse" as tbas and tbaw. except in this, zeke isn't a horrible asshole and eren moved to marely with him for some reason. i can't remember how many details i ended up changing when i posted the fic, but that's what my mindset was when i was originally writing it.

the setting for this is based on my memories from camping at rec sites in the summertime. in Canada, there are provincial camp grounds which are well-maintained and usually pretty busy. there's typically another person camping less than 10ft away from you on all sides, so it's not very private. but my friends and i like to find less popular rec sites which are a lot more secluded, less maintained, and usually a bit of a grind to get to. so that's where i see the characters for this fic (also irl, sound travels really easily so they probably would've woken everyone up with their antics 💀)

regarding the passage you selected specifically:

idk if anyone caught on, but i tried to mention a few times that eren had a set of keys on him that he was trying to hide from reader, so the "big reveal" at the end would seem so out of place.

it feels a little scummy, but in my head, eren never really intended to hook up with reader that night. he had just wanted to get her to be a little more comfortable with him because he was sad that she was always so rude and obviously hated him. he likes their banter and he's attracted to her and he just wants things to be good between them but then one thing led to another annnnnnnnd....

also porco thinking that pieck yells out zeke's LAST NAME during sex is so funny to me. and although it's never explicitly mentioned, porco and reiner shared a tent 👀

altho zeke's not a total asshole, he's still a dick about eren to his friends. he shittalks him and exaggerates eren's laziness, when really eren is just kind of depressed and lonely without his friends in marley. so when zeke finds out that reader hooked up with eren, he's upset that his little deception didn't work. in my head, zeke doesn't want people to like eren because he's insecure. which is also why a university professor is hanging out with a bunch of students 💀

i've thought about doing a part 2 to this fic where eren apologies to reader for embarrassing her and tricking her and they have a little heart-to-heart out on the lake (and then hook up again in a kayak) but i don't know what any of the other side characters would do/react so idk how i would flesh out the rest of the story.

eeee this was so fun!! tytyty for asking!

#tiff.ask #asks game

[chacusha]

The Once and Future King (1958) by T. H. White

Okay at last -- after maybe 4 or 5 years of reading this, I finally finished?! I suppose it's not that odd that this book took me so long to read given that it's kind of 4 novels in one, and this book was my bathroom reading book (meaning it had to be read in little pieces at a time). Only through dedication and perseverence did I manage to get through this one. And then I took like two months writing up this summary/review... /o\

The Once and Future King is a retelling of Arthurian legend. Somehow this book ended up in my possession (my guess is that it was bought at a book/garage sale or given to my family by someone or something like that, and then I've just been carrying it with me from house to house ever since). I think my interest in this book was probably sparked by a combination of watching Disney's The Sword in the Stone, which was based on the first book of Once and Future King with the same name, and also generally hearing people reference Merlin's whole "experiencing time backwards" mechanic (probably this book contains the most prominent instance of that mechanic in fiction, and some while back, I encountered some characters in fiction who experience time differently, who were probably inspired by this Merlin), and then also I had seen either all or part of the musical Camelot, which is also apparently partly based on this book, so all of those things made me think I should probably read this book...

Also, my background for Arthurian legends is very weak. While I've osmosed some very basic things about it from general culture, I've barely read anything considered semi-canonical and don't really know any of the major stories.

The first book is apparently the most famous one, "The Sword in the Stone," which features a young Arthur ("Wart") being tutored by Merlin who turns him into various animals, and ends with Arthur pulling the sword out of the stone and being declared king of Britain. The second and third books were apparently written while T. H. White was living in Ireland as a conscientious objector for World War II, something that is kind of relevant to maybe both the general ethos of The Once and Future King and maybe also relevant to the subject matter of the second book, "The Queen of Air and Darkness," which takes place in the remote Orkney isles of Scotland and has various Celtic culture things going on. The third book, "The Ill-made Knight" focuses on Lancelot and is kind of a character study of him, although features various quests, stories, duels, etc. including the quest for the Holy Grail. Finally, the last book is "The Candle in the Wind" and covers Mordred and the fall of Arthur's Camelot.

It was funny reading "The Sword in the Stone" and just kind of seeing why it appealed to Disney's animators. There's a whole episode in "The Sword in the Stone" that isn't in the movie at all, but it features these two middle-aged knights, Sir Grummore and King Pellinore, having the most slapstick/physical comedy fight imaginable. Even though this scene (in fact, neither of these characters) appears in the movie, you can absolutely imagine this fight playing out with characters probably similar in look and personality to King Stefan and King Hubert from Sleeping Beauty, or the king and grand duke from Cinderella. I'm so surprised it wasn't included.

By contrast, the squirrel episode was an invention of the movie, but there is an episode in the book somewhat similar in vibe, where Arthur is turned into a migrating goose and goes on a dreamlike very long migration with a flock, which includes a young female goose who is obviously kind of interested in him, in a way that goes over his head.

Despite being medieval, a lot of the episodes in "The Sword in the Stone" seem to reference some contemporary or near-contemporary British archetypes. For examples, the falcons and other birds of prey that Wart hangs out with one night I think are meant to represent the British military officer class, and they have a distinctive way of speaking. The omniscient narrator also puts in a lot of anachronistic commentary, such as saying "Several hundred years later, this place would like X, but in this time, it still looked like Y."

There's an episode where Wart gets turned into an ant and basically it's T. H. White's cynical criticism of pre-war and wartime propaganda (in this case, by the British government based on the language/tone used, but probably applies to all countries) and how certain governments and a constant background drone (ant signals standing in here for radio) preclude the capacity for free thought or disobedience. In particular, there's this bit about a lecture that gets broadcast to all ants:

A. We are more numerous than they are, therefore we have a right to their mash. B. They are more numerous than we are, therefore they are wickedly trying to steal our mash. C. We are a mighty race and have the natural right to subjugate their puny one. D. They are a mighty race and are unnaturally trying to subjugate our inoffensive one. E. We must attack them in self-defense. F. They are attacking us by defending themselves. G. If we do not attack them today, they will attack us tomorrow. H. In any case we are not attacking them at all. We are offering them incalculable benefits (p. 129).

Reading this, I immediately got a mental image of that "Our blessed homeland / Their barbarous wastes" meme:

Anyway, being a pacifist in the UK during WWII was probably not the right choice, but as someone who has lived through multiple bullshit imperialist wars that were justified just like this, with propagandistic journalists painting anyone who didn't full-tilt support said wars as being unpatriotic and motivated by hatred of the U.S., and whose arguments featured this level of hypocrisy... I feel for T. H. White. IDK, being a pacifist in any time is hard.

"The Sword in the Stone" also features an episode where Wart and Kay adventure with Robin Hood and his merry men, who in this book are depicted as remnants of an older Saxon regime rebelling against Norman invaders. In addition to knowing almost zero about Arthurian legend, I also know almost zero about Robin Hood mythos and British history, so I have no idea how normal or just a niche theory this depiction of Robin Hood is, or how normal it is to mix Robin Hood and Arthurian legends.

The second book, "The Queen of Air and Darkness," is the shortest and also the weakest, probably. It introduces some characters who eventually become key players, but here they are bored children, and is kind of a study of Morgause as a witch and terrible mom, with some further Pellinore-related slapstick. Not a particularly interesting book.

The third book focuses on Lancelot and his characterization here is interesting. It may sound odd, but Lancelot's characterization reminded me quite a bit of my partner: perfectionistic, depressed in a "convinced I am ugly, horrible, deeply flawed, etc." sort of way, and deeply religious in a vague way while also somewhat lapsed/detached from religion. I was a bit surprised at how Lancelot as a boy is very much depicted as having a strong crush on an older Arthur here (not explicitly so, but the feelings are depicted as very intense), even though Arthur/Guinevere/Lancelot is a very classic OT3 so that's not exactly surprising. In general, I quite liked the way the relationship between Arthur, Guinevere, and Lancelot was portrayed, especially the way all three characters age and grey over time, and their relationship kind of matures with them. The book never quite goes full OT3 with the three, though, because Arthur and Guinevere, while they love each other, seem to largely lack the passion aspect of love in their relationship.

Between the second book with Arthur and this third book featuring Lancelot, this book contains a lot of knights being tricked or spelled into sleeping with a woman out of wedlock and there being a child born out of that union who is Important later on. I checked and all of these stories of female-on-male rape are pre-existing stories, so it's not a T. H. White invention but just there in the lore. I find it a bit weird how recurring an element it is. I wonder if it's because people wanted to insert into these myths an original child character who is special -- therefore has to be related to one of the major knights -- but they have to preserve the knight's own chastity/moral purity, so the only way to insert a child is to have the knight be faultless this way.

Quite a bit of Once and Future King reminded me of the writing in A Song of Ice and Fire; I'm guessing this book was a major source of inspiration for GRRM. First, there's the book's tendency to go into Random Very Detailed Digression About an Aspect of Medieval Living. The random digressions are more varied in O&FK (featuring topics like very specific lessons on hawking, armor, battlements, and so on), but the digressions on the heraldry spotted at a particular tournament or all the dishes served at this particular holiday feast will feel very familiar... Second, this book features several "trials by combat" -- I don't think they're called that exactly in this book but they have the same form which is that if someone makes an accusation against someone else where evidence is unable to decide the issue, each party can choose a champion, and the verity of the accusation is determined by the outcome of the battle. This is a very bizarre legal practice, but it's featured in both O&FK and ASOIAF.

Another part of the Random Very Detailed Digressions of O&FK is that there are a LOT of types of birds mentioned at various points in this book, especially marine birds. Sometimes I felt like I was just always looking up unfamiliar bird names and being kind of surprised that the English language has this many bird types named in it. It was to the point that I wondered if the author was a birdwatcher (especially a marine-bird-watcher) as a hobby.

Thieves -- it is true -- could be hanged for stealing goods to the value of one shilling -- for the codification of Justice was still weak and muddled -- but that was not so bad as it sounds, when you remember that for a shilling you could buy two geese, or four gallons of wine, or forty-eight loaves of bread -- a troublesome load for a thief in any case (p. 510).

This is from another long digression in the book talking about how Arthur's regime dramatically changed the ability of people to safely travel. But reading this, I immediately got a strong "Lex Luthor stole forty cakes" mental image. XD

Reading this book was quite difficult because almost every page, I needed to look up some word or term or translate some text. There's a lot of archaic words used, Latin or French terminology, medieval concepts, medieval texts, Biblical stories, etc. that I needed to look up in order to understand what was going on. I only really noticed how densely these unknown words were encountered when I started reading my next bathroom book and got like 30 or 40 pages without needing to look up anything and was just like "???" after the experience of reading O&FK. 8|

The depiction of Mordred here is a particular resentful, hot-headed youth who attaches themself to any populist or nationalist movement that provides some kind of voice for unhappiness, whether egalitarian (or at least using that language of elite/non-elite, haves/have nots, etc.) or right-wing ethnonationalist. He is in other words a proto-fascist. He is also depicted as representing a certain kind of modernity, where his group of friends at court are all about wearing ridiculous fashion but with a tinge of irony to them. This notion of fascists who always distance themselves from their words and actions with a layer of sardonic irony was apparently as familiar to T. H. White as it is to me (see: 4chan and alt-right outlets/provocateurs).

The last book features Arthur wondering at length where does war come from, which reads like maybe T. H. White's own musings and attempts to puzzle that out. Arthur/White wonders first whether it's warmongering leaders who manipulate their populations into war, or warmongering populations who propel warmongering leaders to power; nationalist ideologies as a somewhat self-propelling mechanism (a complicated "impulse") that seems to be driving war; histories/past wrongs that rationalize vengeance and an inability to forgive and forget leading to neverending cycles of retributive wars, each last one becoming the justification for the next; whether private property/possession/wealth or social disparity lead to coveting what other people have and people who use that class resentment as an opportunity to power grab or make money and improve their standing; whether war is born out of fear of the inability to control other people from harming you. Again, all thoughts that are unfortunately way too real right now and evergreen, speaking as a citizen of the world's preeminent empire, waging war on a dozen fronts or more, and given current events...

It's hard to summarize this book. It's Arthurian legend, but only focusing I think on certain characters and certain parts of the story (maybe; I don't know). It's a historical book, containing a lot of general information about what life and the culture of the late middle ages were. It's a political book featuring T. H. White writing about his feelings on legal systems and war. Each of the four books here has a very different vibe with some focusing on adventures, comedy/slapstick, complicated/doomed love relationships, family or character studies, villains, politics and legal systems, or what it means to be a good person and a virtuous Christian. Overall, the book was quite difficult and slow-going reading for me, but I enjoyed it and I'm glad to have read it.

#once and future king #t h white #book review #arthurian legend

[bestas-e-besteiras]

In the past week or so i've been driven temporarily insane by overwhelming sorrow, that like most of the times when that happens, and it happens a lot I assure you, I'm mostly driven in to psychotic stoic bloodlust and overly melodramatic thinking as I inject poetry in the most mundane of things, sometimes a heretic fusion of both and I go on about my days on the automatic, daydreaming incoherent things not to be mentioned here for the sake of my own self preservation and to keep things clean without the vulgarity that such thoughts often bring.

The funny thing is that a few years ago I discovered that my long deceased father was the same. He would go weeks if not months isolating himself inside his room writing poetry and so forth. Not much different from yours truly, in demeanor and nature, according to my family and his friends if they are to be trusted I mean. Is a funny thing to imagine that most of our quirks and personality, something we believe to be entirely ours, can be defined by something so "impersonal" as genetics, almost quantified in cold hard numbers, not a lot of poetry in there I think. That even one of my quirkiest characteristics and something that can really define me is just a byproduct of something so mundane as an double helix of acids that was used as base to set my brain chemicals and peer pure chance matched the ones of my father that led us to be susceptible to the same way of thinking and acting and a solid amount of different mental illness, and probably of his father too, and the father of my father of my father of my father and so on.

Because in the end all we are is only that, in the most reductive of senses our mind is are mere a soup of chemicals that is somehow aware of itself and that doesn't not change it's own nature and susceptibilities to patterns and repetitions often quite present in nature, that is just a long way of saying that not matter how much we wish it wasn't true or how much we like to pretend the contrary, we are not that special and what makes us "special" probably can be found in piles and piles in today's society with the billions of individuals living today. You could probably throw a rock and hit 5 or 6 people just like me if you visited the right places.

And somehow, not even with this being the absolute truth, it fails to capture something that is also true, but can not be proven or observed with the naked eye. That beyond the chemicals, proteins. acids and enzymes that form the electric soup that we call the human mind. There is a soul, and all that it entails, there is history, there are dreams and wishes that no one can comprehend, there is infinite potential, to change everything, to be anything, to rise and to destroy. There is happiness and there is sorrow so great that it can drive men insane.

I often get into trouble through my own love for the mental scars that form part of our own psyche, the fears and anxieties, the sad memories that break us apart and the dreams that lift us up when the dark comes. People complain that is not something that should be romanticized, but I just can't help it, is far too beautiful not to be loved and I would be betraying my own nature if I said I don't love people for it, because in there, in those scars and tears is where the soul also resides, it tells a story, it shows the things that can not be comprehended but that shine with divine light. I could bask in it eternally and still not be satisfied. Like a little snake I would coil myself in the deepened blackened heart scorched by the sadness that comes with living and sleeping quietly and soundly at the satisfying beat and the warm darkness emanating from a broken heart.

And all the superficial ideas, the stupid ideas that humans are nothing but chemicals simply fade away at the notion that they are also their past and the stories they tell if they don't want to, and so do I, even if it is a really sad one.

With that said, going insane because this sort of mental family malediction is extremely inconvenient, because I not only need to explain to my peers were the fuck I was in the last few weeks and saying "I was dancing with my own demons under the moonlight" sounds really fucking gay, it also makes keeping a job really hard because I'm pretty your boss also wouldn't give a fuck.

At least I'm not a normie I guess.