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nikrangdan · 3 years

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roommate!heeseung pt. 1

pairing: roommate!heeseung x female reader

genre: mini fic(?), fluff, comedy, tiny angst(one little sad part)

warnings: cursing!!!

word count: 4.3k

description: i guess you just didnt realize you were in love with your roommate...... who has a girlfriend

————

“ow!”

you had just hit heeseung over the head after he said he would burn all of your plushies

your Precious. Plushies

hell no you’ve been collecting these since you were 11 no way in hell heeseung would threaten ur babies

you rolled your eyes and started to walk to the kitchen to get a snack

stupid heeseung

hes always saying stupid shit🙄

before you walked out though you noticed the look on his face

like he was contemplating something

“y/n... can you do me a favor?” he nervously uttered out before you walked out his door

“....what kind..?” you furrowed your brows

why was he being so cryptic

“uhh i need you to get flowers and chocolates for me from stacys....”

STACYS?????????

stacys was this fancy store 45 MINUTES AWAY..

“ur fucking serious?” you deadpanned

this was something new

in all your 8 months of living with him he had never asked you of a favor this big

for context.., you had moved to this city apartment for college 8 months ago but you couldn’t afford it without a roommate

but luckily you overheard a certain boy praying for an apartment while you were on campus

and you guessed it!!! it was heeseung

you two clicked easily and you were very thankful he was your roommate

after 4 months of living together he told you he got a girlfriend

you didnt really know about his campus life since you didnt have classes together and you never saw him walking around

you dont know why you were surprised when he told you... i mean have u seem Him.....

but nonetheless

u were like “Omg heeseung!!! thats great<3” like the supportive friend u were

yeah and that was that

you didnt meet the girl until another month later

Now that..... that was an experience......

FLASHBACK WHOOSH

*knock knock knock*

who tha hell was knocking at 7 in the morning.........

you staggered your way over to the front door with your matching hello kitty pajamas

and u open the door to see a blonde Lady who looks around your age

Why did u forget to look thru the little peephole in the door...... ur probably just tired whatever

anyways ur like

“uhm....”

and shes like

“? who are you.?”

and ur like

??!!?[\^€]€\¥,_[+{*}*

“i live here....”

and shes like

“?...? oh sorry i thought my boyfriend lived here..”

and ur both just standing there like ;-;

shes all dressed up and u look like a childs room threw up on u

And thats when it hit u

“OH”

“are you heeseungs girlfriend?!!???” your hand raises up to point at her unconsciously

“ yes.. i am” she looked so lost it was so funny

“oh then you have the right place im sorry! hes my roommate” you scurry back into the apartment, gesturing for her to come in and close the door behind her

“what? he didnt tell me had a roommate..”

poor girl 😭😭😭

you quite literally pounce into heeseungs room and smack him while shes still standing outside awkwardly in the living room

“fucking idiot” smack to the face

“wake up” smack to the chest

“heeseung i swear to god” you shake his head

“are you fucking dead???? wake up!!!!” you pinch his ears really hard

that woke him up

“Ow ow ow ow OWWW y/n what the hell???” his eyes are forced open but theyre squinted due to the sunlight

“your girlfriend is here” you whisper-yell at him

“what???” he sat up so quickly you almost laughed

you were 90% sure she heard everything

oh well

his problem

he just stares into space for a second before his eyes go wide

ur just sitting on his bed waiting for him to do something like Uhhh

“shit i planned a date today oh my god” he jumped up from his bed and hastily told you to “stay put” before throwing on a hoodie, walking to see his girlfriend, and slamming his bedroom door leaving u sat on his bed

yes u were nosy Muahahahahah

so u pressed ur ear against the door to listen to their conversation

“sora, im so sorry i slept in late i promise ill make it up to you please baby dont be mad”

you had to stifle your laughter with your hand

God this was gold

“heeseung why didnt you tell me you lived with a girl.”

oooooooh hes in trouble you laugh to yourself

“ah about that.. im sorry i didnt tell you.. dont worry though, you know i only like you! shes just my roommate”

ouch

Why did that hurt 😪

“whatever heeseung.. ill call you later” and then you heard the door slam

already???? you were ready to get ur popcorn :///

you didnt even notice it had been a while before the door opened with you still leaning on it

boom u fell on the floor

“ow”

“shut up” he said before jumping face down on his bed

you stand up to lean against his door again, staring pitifully at the boy

“you okay?” you cross your arms

“mmm” he mumbles into his pillow

“you know i think i deserve a treat for being woken up at 7am on a sunday by your little girlfriend”

“little? shes taller than you” he turned around to lay on his back and chuckle

“oh so you’re making jokes right now when your girlfriend might break up with you?” you glare at him

“shes not gonna break up with me over something this little” he rolls his eyes and grabs his phone from his nightstand

“you know you’re a little piece of shit heeseung!” you yell out to him after you walked out of his room

“how?!” he yelled back

“treat your girlfriend better!”

he kept his mouth shut after that

yeah you two didnt talk for the rest of the day because he stayed in his room sulking or whatever

fast forward to now

Right after he asked u to get him the chocolates and flowers

“please y/n, sora is gonna be here in 2 hours and i need to get everything ready and i dont have enough time to do everything” he begged

WITH THOSE CUTE LITTLE PUPPY DOG EYES OF HIS GOD

“do you really need them from stacys though???” you whined

he just huffed and glared at you “yes! sora only likes them from there.”

“nuh uh mister dont give me that look” you narrow your eyes at him

he immediately stops his glare and tries to look neutral

it almost made you laugh

you just looked at him for a few seconds before giving up

“fine. but what am i getting in return?”

his eyes lit up and traveled up as he was in thought

“hmmm ill buy you food whenever you want for a month”

Wow

“woah thats more than i bargained for but deal!” he didnt realize that until after you shook his hand, very enthusiastically might i add

Lol

so now you were on your way home with the MASSIVE bouquet of roses and beautifully wrapped chocolates sitting nice and snug in the passenger seat of your car

these two things costed $115

oh well its heeseungs money not yours

you found it amusing because heeseung was nowhere near rich so where was he finding this money to blow

over an hour later and ur finally back home

u open the door

u struggled very much btw

almost dropped everything haha

but woah......

your eyes widened and your mouth fell open

“heeseung? you didn’t tell me you two were having the date here..”

as soon as you walked in you smelled a pretty scent and the lighting was dim

it was beautiful

there were candles lit on every surface

rose petals were scattered messily everywhere

the two seater dining table was topped with elegant decor

there was quiet jazz music playing from his speaker

the familiar aroma of your favorite food hit you

standing there in your apartment didnt feel real

it felt like you were in a dream

you couldnt believe your apartment could turn into room from a fairytale

you were never one to be into disney princesses and fantasies

but for the first time ever you almost wished for a prince charming yourself

you almost got lost in a trance

and then....

the boy himself walked out

donned in an all black suit with a sliver of the white undershirt peeking underneath and the white tie

his bangs were covering his forehead and you noticed he styled them to be wavy

he had his earrings in and rings were present on 3 of his fingers

he looked absolutely dazzling

you dont know how or why.. but your heart began to race

why did this feel like it was for you...?

you wanted to be his disney princess

staring at him wistfully, it felt like time had stopped

“oh thanks y/n, i almost thought you ditched me” he chuckled quickly

he was frantic and out of breath as he snatched the things out of your hand

“right!” he began as he sped around the room setting everything up

“im sorry but i forgot to ask if you could leave for today. im such an idiot, im sorry y/n.. you can stay at a friends house or something for the night?” he didnt even look at you as he perfected the chocolates on the counter and the plates on the table

you couldnt help but notice your heart clench and your stomach twist at his words

you were still glued to your spot infront of the door

“o-oh! yeah, okay thats fine ill get my stuff now” you scurry to your room

you speedily threw some clothes and necessities in a bag before walking back to him

“hey..”

he didnt look at you

“helloooo”

“heeseung” you poke him

he finally turned to you

“sorry what?” he gazed down at you with big eyes

“its okay.. just wanted to let you know im leaving now” you give him a small smile

“oh right! thank you y/n again” he grinned

his pretty smile

“you look great by the way... have fun” you manage to say before slipping out the door

you didnt let him reply back because if you stayed in there a second longer you think you would’ve fallen in love with him

where did these feelings come from...?

you smack yourself on your forehead as youre walking down the steps to your car

ur probably just feeling like this because no man has ever done anything like that for u

and seeing it in real life made u want a bf 😟😟

yeah... thats it

so now ur at sunoos house

a close friend from your finance class

he lives in his parents house but theyre never home so he basically owns the place and doesn’t have to pay for it

Yeah u kinda envy the boy

but you love him because hes great

“y/n ..do you like him????” sunoo gasps

you guys are watching tangled for the 10th time and you were explaining what happened back at your apartment

“what? where did you get that from?” you snort, your eyes still focused on the movie

you could literally feel his eyes piercing into your soul with that stare

“the way you were telling me that story.... you sounded a bit jealous if i do say so myself..” he raises his eyebrow and leans back into the couch

“i do not like heeseung, sunoo” your eyes roll and you turn to look at him finally

he has a little smirk as he looks at u suspiciously

“hmmm okay, i get it” he raises his arms in defense and surrenders “you don’t wanna talk about it”

you scoff and laugh at his actions “you’re so annoying”

so ..*time skip* lol

you slept at sunoos for the night

it wasnt anything new bc u used to stay at his alot while u were in the process of moving into your apartment

one of his guest rooms is practically urs bc u have some decorations and spare clothes there :P

when you woke up that sunday morning you realized you forgot to set an alarm

so now its like 11am

well its not like you needed to be home so you shrugged it off

“morning” u said to sunoo when u saw him sitting on the couch watching wreck it ralph

boy loves his movies

“when are you going home?”

“wow rude.... not even a good morning back??” you found him amusing

“sorry, good morning. when are you going home” he turned his head to look at you

it made you laugh

Sunoo is so funny u love him

“do u wanna get rid of me that bad??? i hate you”

“ni-ki and jungwon are coming over today and i dont want you smothering them like you always do” he playfully glares at you

NI-KI AND JUNGWON???!!!??!!!!!!

“MY BABIES????” you exclaim and jump on the couch next to sunoo

“yes” he exasperatingly says

“now leave before they get here”

“WHAT?? no im staying because i wanna see them”

“NO!!!! now get out of my house y/n”

“why not?!!???! sunoo please i bet they miss me so much”

“y/n please.. they do NOT miss you”

“they literally do i always make them cookies and theyre like y/n ur so cool we love you”

“u mustve been hallucinating....”

“sunoo please please please i dont wanna go home” u tried to muster up the cutest puppy dog eyes ever

he looked at your face for a moment

“no u look ugly”

“YOU’RE SO ANNOYING” you push him

“theyre coming back tomorrow you can come then! today is boys night”

“boys night?” you snort “what the fuck are u kids gonna do that i cant be around for?”

“SHUT UP Y/N get out of my house!” he just starts to drag you out of his house himself

“ow oW OKAY fine ill leave... have fun doing.. whatever you’re gonna do” you grab your bag and start to head for the door

sunoo slams the door in ur face after he says “bye dont come back please” 😭😭😭

“asshole!” u yell to him thru the door

you just huff and stand on his porch for a second

you wonder if heeseung still has his girlfriend over and decide to text him

y/n🦧: hi can i come back home

welp

now ur sitting on sunoos porch waiting for a reply

10 minutes pass while ur scrolling on your phone and still no reply

you look up when you hear the front door open

“why are you still here?” sunoo frowns at you

“heeseung didnt answer my text and i dont wanna go back if his girlfriend is still there” you reply

“go home y/n plz.... i lied jungwon and ni-ki arent coming over.. my grandparents are” he tries to shoo you away

“why would you lie about that” you laugh

“theyre really mean! but you can come back tomorrow because the boys are actually gonna be here.. now go because my grumpy grandparents are gonna be here in like 5 minutes” he guides your shoulders down his porch

“ugh.. if his girlfriend is still there its your fault” you pout

“wha- how is that my- whatever y/n go home!!!”

when you drive off you dramatically wave your hand to him trying to show how desperately you did not wanna go home

sunoo just giggles and runs back inside

you drove home extra slow Lol

and now you were at the door contemplating whether or not you just make a run for it

but u said fuck it because u missed the comforts of ur own room

well u knocked a little before unlocking the door

how embarrassing to be knocking on the door of ur own home 💀

you didnt get an immediate answer so u just stood outside in the apartment hallway....waiting....

after waiting for like 30 seconds (because ur impatient) you knock again

well i tried to be nice you thought

you finally gave up and unlocked the door with your keys, kind of slowly opening the door to peek in

hmmm.... nothing

the sun was emitting some rays of light through one of the windows but none of the lights were on

and why was there food still on the table..?

you were kind of afraid to go see heeseung

but

you did notice one thing

there wasn’t a pair of shoes u didnt recognize sitting on the rack by the door

so... is his girlfriend not here or did she bring her shoes to his room lol..

“hello?” you unconfidently called out to nobody in particular

no answer

you slipped your shoes off quietly and tiptoed towards the hallway that included both of your rooms across from eachother

the kitchen and living room looked untouched

to describe u being confused would be an understatement

you set your bag down on your bed and then made your way to heeseung.. just to check on him

you were genuinely so confused rn

you thought they would be cuddling on the couch or talking in his room or something but it was dead silent throughout the house

“heeseung?” you soft knocked on the door of his bedroom

surely he couldnt still be asleep.. it was noon on a monday and heeseung would normally be up by 10 because he said he would “start being a more productive man” as he said it

you always laughed at him because he used to wake up at like 3pm on days he didnt have class

anyways you didnt get an answer which was slightly concerning because you didnt forget to take note that you saw his car in the parking garage when you arrived

“i’m coming in” you called out to him before twisting the knob and pushing the door open

you realized you might be crossing a line and he’d get upset at you for invading his privacy but you were honestly worried for your friend

at first you didn’t see him

his room was empty, not a single person in sight

that is until you further examined the big lump on his bed

“heeseung? what...” you walked over to the lump that you only knew was him because you could see a bit of his hair peeking out from the top

“um.. am i interrupting something..” you awkwardly said, debating whether or not to go closer

he wasn’t saying anything so you guessed he was sleeping

how odd for him

you wanted to just check real quick and then you’d leave his room

so your feet padded softly against his wooden floor as you made your way over to him

and you bent down a little to kind of tug the huge blanket away from his face

as you got closer you also noticed his girlfriend wasnt here

the first thing you noticed was that he was definitely not asleep

your eyes widened and your hand instinctively went to his face to cup his cheek

“are you okay?! why are you crying?” you quickly asked, your eyebrows were furrowed in worry

in your months living with him you have never seen him show any emotional feelings in front of you and it almost made you panic

his eyes locked onto yours before he looked away from you and closed his eyes

he still hasnt said anything and you really didnt know what to do in this situation

you took your hand off his cheek before sighing

now you’re just sat on the side of his bed just looking at him.. wondering what to do

you were sure he wasn’t sleeping even though his eyes were shut and he wouldnt move

but you sat there for 5 minutes and he didnt seem to mind

“sora broke up with me”

he finally broke the silence

...

you didnt know what to say

you couldnt ask if he was okay when he obviously wasnt

“do you wanna talk about it? you looked over to heeseung to see him staring at you

“not really” he broke eye contact once again and looked up towards the ceiling

“later i will.. just not now” he breathed out

you nodded at that, understanding his situation

you felt terrible for the boy

his eyes were red and his voice was all nasally like he’d been crying

“i’ll leave you alone now..” you patted his big blanket fluff to lighten the mood and walked out his stuffy room

hours had passed while he was stuck in that room and you didnt know what to do

it was 7pm already

you spent the day watching tv in the living room

but it was dinner time and you made ramen (his fav!!!) in hopes that he would come out of there

“heeseung you’ve gotta eat” you knock on his door again

you had told him to eat at 2 earlier but he insisted that he wasnt hungry

you were surprised when he instantly opened the door and your hand was still in midair as you were knocking

if your hand moved an inch you wouldve been knocking on his chest which you found very funny but you didnt think this was the right time for jokes

“hi” you looked up at him

he was wearing his purple beanie with sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt

he definitely looked better than he did this morning which you thanked god for

“hey” he gave u this look :]

“you okay? i made ramen.. can you smell it” you kinda giggled

“yeah, thanks” he tried to send you a small smile which you were thankful for

“okay well come eat because i worked very hard on it” you turned on your heels and went towards the tiny kitchen island with two seats

he followed you and sat next to you as you gave him his bowl and chopsticks

“bon appetit!” you clapped your hands before digging in

you were proud of urself ngl... the ramen was smacking

“thank you y/n” he said softly

you refused to admit it but he was.. So Cute

“no problem, just eat” you grinned

and you two ate in silence for a good 15 minutes

he said he would do the dishes after you were done which was relieving because you wanted to go jump in your bed and watch tiktoks very badly

there was a slight awkwardness in the air too so you wanted to let that cool off too

so now you were cuddled up in our bed with your phone very close, almost too close, to your face

and you could hear the sink running as heeseung washed the dishes

you silently prayed he was feeling better and that he would be over it soon

the sink turned off and you could hear his footsteps coming towards the hallway

what surprised you was that you heard knocks on your bedroom door

“can i come in?” he asked

“yeah its open” you replied

u had to get out of ur blanket cocoon :///

you watched him stride over to sit next you on your bed

he even got under the covers and laid down like dang lmao u getting comfy i guess

“whats up?” you were sitting up while he was laying on your pillows

“so.. she broke up with me last night” he spoke while hugging one of your plushies

oh OHH so this is what this is about

“oh.. are you feeling better now?”

“yeah i think.. we only dated for 4 months but i really liked her....”

“did she say why she did?” you asked

“she said she found someone else. i dont know if you know this but shes a year older than me and she told me she wasnt into younger guys which doesnt even make any sense because her ex was younger than her too and-”

“okay heeseung” you laugh “people are like that, you just gotta deal with it”

“yeah yeah, i know” he sighed “i dont know.. i dont know if im sad i lost her or if im sad over the fact that i dont have a girlfriend anymore”

“was she your first girlfriend?”

“me? y/n” he laughed “ive had plenty before”

“oh” you didnt even wanna ask

“why? have you never had a boyfriend or something?” he joked

“no....” you trailed off, unable to look him in the eye out of embarrassment

you were never even embarrassed about that but for some reason admitting it to heeseung made you shy

“what?! no way” he was actually shocked

“yes way now can we change the topic this is terrible” you roll your eyes and shove a plushie in his face

“awee little y/n” he teased you

“get out” you snickered

“okay okay fine.. but yeah i think i’ll be okay. she broke up with me as soon as she got here so all of my planning was for nothing. i think that was what devastated me the most, i had no one to eat with”

you wanted to yell I LITERALLY EXIST soooo bad

Why is he so stupid.......

“thats sad...” you said

you wanted to laugh at your reply bc what else could you say

“yeah anyways you dont have to worry about taking care of me while im sulking or whatever im cool now’

“well that was quick.. you were acting like a baby this morning now ur this tuff guy” you tease

“yeah yeah i dont even know why i was acting like that” his cheeks went pink

“im just kidding” you send a small smile his way “you know im always here for you right? dont be afraid to be a little emotional sometimes” you reach over to pat his head

“thanks y/n” he smiles “you’re a really great friend”

ouch

yeah.. friend

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springdaygfs-blog · 5 years

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so i ended up essentially spending half the weekend alone either driving or at the lake w rugby girl’s girlfriend and i though it would be super awkward bc hello?? i have a huge fuckin crush on ur girlfriend and i’ve cried over her like 4 times now?? but ACTUALLY it helped immensely bc this girl is SUCH a sweetheart and cool as fuck besides that and we rly like. bonded over talking abt growing up gay and coming out to our families n shit and like. i thought it would hurt like hell every time she mentioned her but it really. didn’t at all like she cares abt rugby girl SO much and they’re so fucking cute together and like. i had such a good weekend and i’m over my weird sad pining mood and life is GOOD and i am so happy

#like our team went camping over the weekend but a few of us had stiff going on so we were gonna drive up on saturday n just stay that night #but then everyone else that was coming on saturday had to back out so it was JUST me n rugby girls gf and i was like #fuck this is gonna be awkward for me #but shes literally so cool and so sweet and such a pleasant person to be around??#abd so we drove for like 3 hours and had to stop a couple times to pick up groceries for everyone at the campsite #so we didnt get there until after dark but we hung out with everyone for a couple hours #rugby girl is still. incredibly hot and also impressively coherent and eloquent and put together when drunk by the way #she started talking abt neuroscience at one point and we were all like??? how??#but anyway we all went to sleep probably around midnight or so and then everyone was up at like 7am #and literally almost EVERYONE left by like 8am except for me and rugby girls gf and two other older players #(im gonna call rugby girls gf fel from here it makes it easier)#so fel is like. ok we could leave rn even though we literally JUST got here like less than 12 hours ago #OR we could hang out at the lake until we have to check out at like 1pm #so we went down to the lake and shes actually a geology major abd she was SO excited about all the rocks djsjdjdh #but we literally found like 20+ geodes !! it was super cool!! and she showed me how to fish and we also swam a little bit and skipped rocks #and just like hung out all day u know #and then we left and tried to find a cute lil local restaurant but it was sunday so everything was closed #but like 40 minutes out we realized we’d left some stuff so we had to go all the way back to the lake but we were ALSO starving #so we gave in and had dairy queen and then went back and got our stuff and then drove home #and it took like 5 1/2 hours instead of 2 1/2 but it was ok #just like. getting to know her and hanging out with her is so cool #and i do still have a teeny crush on rugby girl and always think i will but it really truly doesnt matter anymore like it did #i think its bc my mindset WAS ok i really really like this girl but she has a gf and that sucks for me bc i wanna date her #and now its like. rugby girl and fel are dating and they are so happy and so cute together and she told me about how they started dating and #youd think that would make it worse but it made it so so so much better bc it doesnt hurt anymore #things are ok now. i am happy and i have so many amazing friends and i love rugby and i love my team and life is so so good

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morgannwilsonnn · 3 years

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Chapters

I would be lying if i said i wasn't scared to start college in 12 day's. Even typing it makes me anxious, i don't think i have ever seen my own true potential in anything i have ever done. my doubt's and my fear's of what if have always held me back in some way and what is embarrassing is the fact that i have allowed it to become so normal that it has taken so much from me, it has degraded me made me feel like i wasn't worthy or smart enough or even capable.

See i didn't even finish highschool i got my GED after having my daughter at 16, i was the athlete everyone thought would make it but it was a shocker to them after that no one believed in me and i had a fire under my ass to prove them wrong even with a GED but then i dropped out of college and life happened i needed a job and a roof and from there i just got comfortable in what i did but even then it didn't feel like i was where i was meant to be. sitting behind a desk forever living life just enough to get by but never enough to do the things i wanted with my daughter. I looked for new job's with no luck and it made me feel even worse not good enough i felt stuck but i kept trying and even praying that this life wasn't what was meant for the rest of my life i somehow had to get out of the cycle and beat the statics of a single mom working 9-5 living on state for the rest of her life... then i got fired and lost my car almost lost my home i started busing tables even tho it wasn't nearly enough to pay all my bills i took turn running late on one or the other just to make it. Then i found i new job making 19 a hour but my first two days over whelmed me i didn't understand shit and how could i set myself up for failure i didn't believe in myself so i quit and went back to busing tables got pregnant had health issues and became a stay at home mom for going on two years now.

my life summed up over the last four years of my life.

being a stay at home mom has taught me alot about myself tho mainly that it is not easy and you fall into dark cracks sometimes so dark you're scared that you'll never resurface the cries become tuned out you forget that outside is even a place you cant help but cry as you wash dishes with no thoughts other then just feeling sad. you wonder if your kids would be better off without you because you feel guilty for being so comfortable with the feeling of frustration. but then you resurface and come back and say you wont go back but its like someone with a drug or alcoholic addiction you are bound to relapse back and it only gets worse but you hide it better each time you cry in the shower or when the kids are napping you sit up restless because your mind races. you start to feel like you have nothing to offer you completely forget your worth and what you can do your potential.

BUT everytime i tried to find a solution maybe i needed to set a goal to go out once a month or sit alone for a hour every day go to the gym go on a walk go shopping go to counseling and some how i still kept falling in between the cracks deeper and deeper.. i lost hope i wallowed that this was my life that i would never have my own life again but i had to love it because i loved my kids..

till one day i woke up and realized this person i have became over the last two years isnt who i have ever been. i am a strong working strong willed self determened women and the only thing that stopped me was me.

i remember sitting there thinking how bad i wish i could buy my own car again after watching tyler buy his the joy in his face made me happy but the sadness i felt because i didn't take a part made me want that happiness 100% to share TOGETHER. i started looking at my credit from when i lost my job it went to shit i use to have a 880 credit. and i thought what the fuck morgan... i told myself i would pay off one of the things as a starter to fixing my credit but once i made the first payment i cant explain how good it felt to know i wouldn't look back wishing i would have paid it then and it put a fire under my ass that i paid off three more things. that alone made me realize how it felt to have my own control over my financial freedom. i started thinking big after that and looking back into school for PTA 2 year schooling i could have finished that by now and been a PTA by the age of 20 instead of dwelling in my could have i realized instead how fast two years goes by so i started investing my free time on how to start college im not gonna lie i almost quit at the starting line but i didn't i started blowing up the schools phone asking questions more then once writing all over my notebook reorganizing it all on a new sheet and finally i would be starting school oct 18th..

but why would i wanna stop there when i could only dream of all these things in life a tahoe for my kids to have a nice car with back ac a nice house so they dont have to share a room anymore paying for sports clothes trips just because wanting to finish paying off the rest of my credit so i can do these things! i asked myself how bad did i really want it and i always knew i wanted it bad but just because you want something bad doesnt mean you get it so i asked myself how bad are you willing to invest in yourself... and that one caught me so i sat back for a few days exploring jobs and nothing fit my schedule so i gave up because not only that child care is 900 a week for one kid.. but then i got a text for a night time job working 6 hours from 6:30 to midnight .. i debated with myself about it because my man works till 5 some days i would never see him and only have sunday monday off but then i told myself invest and sacrifice now so i dont have to when my kids are older so i took it and granted i will be going to school part time 7am to 10am dropping my daughter off at school at 10;45 to pick her up at 2:30 and have time inbetween the time gaps to do her homework and mine as well as study before work at 6 i will be a tired beezy but i know it will be worth it three years from now. if i grind at night pay off my last two things on my credit start saving and graduate college all while showing my kids and man i can do it and i will do it not just for myself but for them because nothing in this life is impossible when you wake up and realize you build your own potential no one else and i for once in my life want to prove to myself how strong i am .

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nonbinarydave-archived · 4 years

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I'm so miserable right now it's not even funny.

I didn't technically get "kidnapped" but it kind of feels like it in a sense.

My cousin basically showed up and said "you're coming with me" and hauled me to her house and then said "you're not leaving until Sunday. You're babysitting my son nonstop until Sunday."

Which uhh isn't good because

1. Eva has an appointment on Friday so we can figure out if she's autistic or not and to also get her help with her speech and behavior. I have to cancelled it and I can't even pick it back up again because apparently this is going to be every week. So my daughter can't even get the proper medical help she needs because we're fucking screwed over

2. I'm gonna be sleeping on a fucking CHAIR FOR THREE DAYS????? MY TAILBONE AND BACK HURT

3. Evas gonna be sleeping in a pack and play that doesn't have a proper mattress or padding, that's not good for her

4. I physically cannot bathe myself in other people's homes I vomit from the anxiety and paranoia and I need to bathe like, tomorrow

5. I've already been throwing up from stress and depression and not eating and not drinking and not sleeping but now I get to continue doing those things even when I don't want to so I get to keep vomiting hooray

6. Her kid is an asshole. My daughter doesn't like him she's scared of him because he goes after her.

7. I don't like other people's children, I only like my daughter and that's it. Other people's children make me irritable and uncomfortable. I don't know who they are as a person, I don't know what they want, I don't know what boundaries their parents set. I know my daughter, for the most part I know what she wants, and I'm the one that helps set boundaries with her. Also, I don't want to fucking wipe another kids ass that's disgusting. The only diaper Im comfortable with changing is my daughter's. I will throw up doing anyone elses.

8. He wakes up at 7am. Eva doesn't wake up until 10am. I sleep until Eva wakes up. I can't sleep at night I have heavy insomnia. I used to fall asleep around 2-3. Now I don't fall asleep until 4-5. I cannot force myself to go to bed earlier I will just sit there and have to deal with suicidal thoughts so guess who only gets 2 hours of sleep tops.

9. I am an hour away from anyone who can help me. If I need someone, I'm shit out of luck and on my own no one can help me. And I don't have a working microphone on my phone so fuck, if I need to call 911 I'm shit out of luck I literally cannot even call an ambulance if I need to

10. I sprained my ankle last night. Today I was forced to wake up three flights of stairs on it carrying two full heavy backpacks and a 27lbs 2 year old. I have to chase after these kids and constantly be on my feet the next few days. On a sprained ankle. Btw I don't have it wrapped because I don't have bandages. I also don't have crutches. Or a place to keep it elevated. I have to tuck it in under my body to avoid my back hurting. I'm in excruciating pain.

11. I haven't been outside in so long, other than the ride here which was miserable I was crying. I'm crying now as we speak. Now I can't be outside at all

12. I'm not going to get any money from my grandmother because I won't be home anymore apparently. So I'm gonna be getting $5 a month now. Cool.

13. Can't get a real job now because I can't take calls! Can't get a ride because no car! Have no one to watch Eva because now I'm stuck watching someone else's kid! I'm too far from any job that makes sense to where I need to be! Can't get mail anymore either! Won't be at that address except for what fucking 2 days a week?

14. Ever since I got here I've had very heavy drastic suicidal thoughts worse than usual. Nonstop.

15. I can't see David anymore. I can't spend time with him. I can only text him and he's always sleeping when I'm awake and awake when I'm asleep. I've basically lost David. So now the only thing I have in my life right now is eva.

16. I have nothing to do here except stare at a wall. There's nothing here. Nothing I own is here. I don't even have clothes I'm gonna be wearing the same shit for days.

17. I'm so stressed out and freaked out I actually bit myself on the arm so I could hold back from screaming at the top of my lungs

So yeah theres that.

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kiyokoks · 4 years

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50 Questions You’ve Never Been Asked

i was tagged by @baqukou so let’s do this !!

1. What is the color of your hairbrush? my main one is purple but i have a yellow wet brush for after i shower :P

2. Name a food you never eat? olives !! i can’t stand them, every time i get a beef empanada i personally stick my fingers inside and pull the olive out

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? too warm! i get hot super easily i’m like an overpowered space heater

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? playing animal crossing: new horizons on my switch lite !! i laid down the construction for the river bridge and am trying to build three new houses for arriving villagers :))

5. What is your favorite candy bar? it’s not from canada so i can’t always have it but from peru aka where my mom is from but the white chocolate sublime bar w nuts !!! it’s so good i ration my candy from the motherland

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports event? yea! in jr high aside from playing basketball, i qualified for the edmonton public schools zones sports fest for running, though i can��t remember which dash in particular

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? “voya ir a me cuarto” aka im going to go to my room in spanish to my mom

8. What is your favorite ice cream? mint chocolate chip! i love the sweet but spearmint taste

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? coffee with sugar and almond milk

10. Do you like your wallet? yes !! it’s a white coach wallet my mom bought me when we went to calgary cross iron mills mall it’s super cute

11. What was the last thing you ate? quesadillas for breakfast bc they’re easy to cook (i’m lactose intolerant but some things are worth the abdominal pain!!)

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? i got two new shirts i ordered online from hot topic !! one of them is a black my hero academia heroes rising movie poster shirt, and one is a yellow bakugou t-shirt

13. The last sporting event you watched? the haikyuu!! season 3 shiratorizawa match

14. What is your favorite flavor of popcorn? caramel omg my mom makes the best caramel popcorn with nuts

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my best friend ally !! she let me visit her island yesterday to chop trees for that last bit of softwood i needed for timmy and tommy’s shop

16. Ever go camping? yea! my jr high had an annual fall camping trip for 3 days where we’d hang out and play games at night it was awesome i actually miss it a lot

17. Do you take vitamins? yea lmao my mom always worries that i’m not eating well and need vitamins

18. Do you go to church every Sunday? i used to, but now i have a shift in the morning at w*rk every sunday so nope not anymore

19. Do you have a tan? you bet! my mom is from peru but she’s kinda light-skinned (by south american standards) but my dad is from el salvador and is VERY brown skinned so i have a very obvious brown tan all year round bc genetics !! it’s obvs darker in the summer tho

20. Do you prefer Chinese food or pizza? chinese food all the way babeyyy !! dim sum is so fucking good i could never give it up, i even had my 18th birthday at a chinese hot pot restaurant w all of my homegirls

21. Do you drink your soda with a straw? nope lolol i think i did once or twice at like a party

22. What color socks do you usually wear? usually pink or purple

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? i don’t drive but if i did i wouldn’t i hate reckless drivers so fucking much

24. What terrifies you? needles and gory medical procedures !! i remember when i watched the 100 and one of the season finales where they extract bone marrow was rough for me to watch i screamed very quietly

25. Look to your left, what do you see? im sitting down at my desk so my switch lite

26. What chore do you hate? laundry bc if u fuck it up there’s real consequences

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? i have to hold myself back from laughing it’s so funny

28. What’s your favorite soda? another thing from the motherland but inca cola !! it’s kinda hard to find but when i do get it ohhh my goddd

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive-thrus? typically im hanging out w my friends when i get fast food so yea we go inside

30. Who’s the last person you talked to? my mami

31. Favorite cut of beef? tendon!! it’s so fucking good in Vietnamese pho i sometimes pay for extra

32. Last song you listened to? boy with luv (feat. halsey) by bts

33. Last book you read? does fic count ?? bc if so chapter 28 of the devil ships zeku on ao3

34. Favorite day of the week? monday !! bc no w*rk and it’s the start of a new week

35. Can you say the alphabet backwards? god nope nope no i don’t have the brain cells

36. How do you like your coffee? with sugar and almond milk though idk how much sugar i just kinda match it with the amount of instant coffee whoops

37. Favorite pair of shoes? my red timberland boots !! they go with everything i wear and are super comfy for a long day at uni, plus they can take any kind of weather (this sounds like a sales pitch lmfaoofhf)

38. The time you normally go to sleep? pre-quarantine was like 10:30PM since i had to wake up at 5 to get ready in time for my mom to drop me off at the bus stop for my 8AM classes but quarantine bedtime is more like 1AM now

39. The time you normally get up? usually around 7am or 8am, but for w*rk on the weekends around 6am

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunsets!! they’re so pretty to look at

41. How many blankets on your bed? four !! i sleep with four blankets at night so i’m ultra warm

42. Describe your kitchen plates: hmmm well they’re white with a nice flower pattern, but we also have some tiny plain white ones and then some multicoloured plastic ones

43. Do you have a favorite alcoholic beverage? well i don’t like alcohol in general but the one time i did try it w my friends at a restaurant it was kinda sweet so that was nice

44. Do you play cards? kind of ?? if someone brings a pack of cards im down but i never carry any myself

45. What color is your car? i don’t have a car but black would be nice

46. Can you change a tire? nope i don’t drive and on top of that i’m a dumbass HOWEVER if i do get a car i will learn how to !!

47. Your favorite province? British Columbia bc they don’t have dumbass, oil loving, neo-con war hawk fuckwits like we do here in alberta

48. Favorite job you’ve ever had? i pretty much hate my job with everything that is inside me but doing online grocery delivery has almost no customer interaction so i like that

49. How did you get your biggest scar? hmmm well i have one on my left ankle from when i sprained it by being a dumbass and trying to ballet spin on my slippery kitchen floor with socks on but other than that i have no scars

50. What did you do today that made someone else happy? i let my little sister play on my switch lite for a bit with a different game and i helped my mom with her virtual farm on her ipad

thanks for tagging me !! feel free to do this if u want but im gonna take @thebakuboy @bakugobinch @detectivejigsawpines and @noticemedeku

#tagged in #THIS WAS RLLY FUN !! i love answering questions this was great #as u can see im a simple creature ... my wants and needs are not complex

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thegeminisage · 7 years

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#do you ever start to make a post to complain about shit & then you realize it is literally too long #a summary: between my cat my surgery and my mom quitting smoking i have not had a moments peace since like early february #last night AFTER a day so stressful i had to cancel stream i wound up in the er with my mom (who is fine now)#and now im so far behind in the comic page im gonna be up until 7am working on it #when i have to get up and cook dinner sunday. AND i've got a headache that won't go away which is making me paranoid about migraines #and man...you can only miss so many updates bc life is shitting on you.#ppl come to read a comic not listen to a sob story & you can only expect so muh patience/pity from strangers before they get exasperated #i love my comic & i love working on it i am just so. tired.#personal #d0nt reblog obviously sorry for the rant #if you think this is long remember its the ABRIDGED version.

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julianmakesmydickhard · 5 years

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uncomfortably deep and personal questions

questions here

————

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

thankfully, me and my mom are super close.... we don’t talk about my dad tho

02: Who’s the last person you said “i love you” too?

man, i tell everyone that i love them. i truly love everyone that shows even the slightest bit of kindness towards me

03: Do you regret anything?

yes,

04: Are you insecure?

oh yea. part of it is my introverted, soft spoken personality, and part of it is just how negatively i see myself oop

05: What is your relationship status?

single, unfortunately lol

06: How do you want to die?

painlessly. the pain that comes with death is what scares me the most i think

07: When did you last eat?

lunch!! i had a bomb ass colombian dish,, man do my people know how cook good food

08: Played any sports?

does show choir count?? aggressive dancing with aggressive singing??

09: Do you bite your nails?

nope

10: When was your last physical fight?

i know i say that i want to slap people sometimes, but i’ve never actually done it

11: Do you like someone?

y’all, im always attracted to someone sksksk

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

yup

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

yes, but we don’t talk about him

14: Do you miss someone?

oh god yes...

15: Have any pets?

yes!! i have one lil doggie

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

i’m very tired lol. it’s like 11pm which is v late for me since i have 7am classes

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

nope, bathrooms are gross

18: Are you scared of spiders?

yes, have you seen them??

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

yes, imagine all the things you could change or prevent

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

honestly, it’s been a while, i don’t really remember

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

i’m gonna go see a play that one of my friends is starring in on saturday and then i’m gonna celebrate my birthday with my doggo on sunday

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

ahh, this is such a difficult question. i want to give my kids the childhood that i never got. but what happens if by some circumstance, i give them the childhood i had, and negatively impact their life through it?

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i just have my ears pierced

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

english and art! math and science are my worst. i guess i function best when i’m able to use the creative and imaginative side of me whereas i fail when logic and reason come into play

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

yes yes yes and yes

26: What are you craving right now?

blueberries

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

no, never

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

yes

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

no. unless something changed in their heart and they, for some reason, felt bad for treating me so badly, and decided to weep, no

30: What’s irritating you right now?

so many things ahhh,, why do i have to be so introverted? why am i so deperate to find love, when it keeps biting me in the butt?.why can’t i make friends as easily as other people?

31: Does somebody love you?

honestly, i don’t think anyone does, maybe only my mother?

32: What is your favourite color?

auburn

33: Do you have trust issues?

oh god i wish i did. i wish i was able to keep people at a distance. i let people in and basically ask them to use my secrets, my insecurities, my whatever, to break me. and then the cycle goes on and on

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

i dreamt about me meeting billie eilish a couple of days ago. it was v nice

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

i don’t know lol, there’s not a lot of people around to see me cry i guess

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

yea, it’s not good i know

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

no, but it’s definitely not the worst, and i’m thankful for that

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

i don’t remember, but i do know that i was v late to the game

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

god no

51: Favourite food?

colombian food, thai food, japanese food

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

i want to believe this, but sometimes shitty things happen and i’m like wow, there’s literally no benefit or reason to why this happened except to make me feel like shit

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

kissed my doggo goodnight

54: Is cheating ever okay?

if you’re my friend, i’m just gonna say that even if you’ve cheated on someone before, i don’t see you as less of a person or a friend. people make mistakes, and it’s also part of who i am: someone who tried to look past the bad and see the good, ahhh i don’t know how to explain this the right way but i hope you understand my pov. anyways, i’ve been cheated on before and it sucked balls. so no, i don’t think it’s ever ok in a relationship. but i also don’t think that it’s something that should affect your friendship with someone. i think cheating is something that needs to be dealt with among the cheater and the cheated and shouldn’t bleed into your friendship with a random, uninvolved person. but you can totally disagree with me and that’s fine!! everyone is subject to their own opinion based on their own experiences and personalities etc.

55: Are you mean?

i don’t think so!! but then again, i can’t really be the judge of that lol. i try my hardest to be the friend that i’ve always wanted, if that makes sense. i try to be kind, and supportive, and positive, and there for them, etc.

56: How many people have you fist fought?

no one, ive never gotten into a physical fight

57: Do you believe in true love?

it’s not that i believe in true love, it’s that i hope and pray for it. i hope that one day i’ll find it

58: Favourite weather?

cold, cloudy, people walking around in big, fluffy jackets and scarves

59: Do you like the snow?

yes! i saw snow for the first time in my life a couple of weeks ago!

60: Do you wanna get married?

ahhhh,, my parents set a really bad example for good marriage. my parents’ marriage taught me that men can change over time. and that once they’re safe in the bounds of marriage, theyll stop their act, get tired of you, and act like a totally new person. and that... scares me. i don’t want a husband like my dad and i’m so afraid that the same situation will happen to me

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

yes, names like baby, sweetheart, love, honey etc. make my heart weak

62: What makes you happy?

real friends, tight hugs, platonic cuddling, romantic cuddling, acts of service, uplifting words, hand holding, forehead kisses, soft intimacy, need i go on?

63: Would you change your name?

i wold ditch my last name.. can you guess why? i’d love if my middle name became my last name, legally

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

romantically? yea

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

nothing, cuz that kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

no. i try my hardest to only let my friends see the happy side of me. i don’t like burdening them with all the bad emotions i sometimes feel. my complete self would be if i shared ALL of my emotions, the bad as well as the good. but i think it’s better this way, they would most definitely get annoyed after a little bit of time

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

probably my friend tino

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

i don’t remember,, it’s been a long time since i’ve actually talks about truly deep subjects with someone personally,,

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

i want to believe it. i want to believe that i’ll one day find the person of my dreams. the person that fits so perfectly with me and is just so perfect ahhh

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

i don’t know, i’m selfish when it comes to dying. death scares me

#sfw #why do i love oversharing sjsjsjs

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