#im so tired i dont want 2 do this anymore

[saulbaby]

Made an appointment to see the gynecologist bc I never want to have my period ever again last night I thought I was dying ✌ ✌️✌️✌️✌️

#is it bad that im 27 and have never been to one? probably. but i also didnt have sex til this year so i kinda thought i didnt have to #but i just dont want to do it anymore im fuckijg tired if it and if theres a godamn off switch then i want it #the number of ppl who have seen my vagina will be +2 from last year i guess

[caffeinatedopossum]

I just want to be able to indulge in my disorder without losing my ability to draw often and hyperfixate and hold a conversation and physically digest food without nausea and pain

#maybe i just want to get better but i dont know how #its so so hard. i cant even put it into words #i dont want to live like this. its like my only 2 options are relapse and maybe feel happy sometimes #or keep pushing for recovery but hate myself and my life and everything i make and every waking moment #and every bite of food that im just a little too aware of sitting in my stomach as i wait for something to get better #but it doesn't. i can draw and talk to people ig but its not good enough. my life is still being controlled by this shit #i wish i never tried to recover sometimes... just to keep up the illusion that things could get better if i chose to make them that way #what a joke. i was never in control of my life. if it isnt my ed its my DID or my anxiety or my phobias or ptsd or my insomnia #or my dysphoria or my autism or my disabilities #im so tired. i cant do anymore but i cant do nothing. i just want some decisiveness for once

[chradi]

I've been so weird about friendships for the past year-ish waaagghh

#overly paranoid would be the word and like. no object permanence. but in a worse way than before #Im kinda like 'I havent talked to this person in....2 months. therefore they probably dont want to talk to me anymore????? #and then we hang out and its fun and they do stuff that clearly proves they like having me around and I get reassured #and then 2 months later im like 'HMMM but NOW theyre definitely tired of me' #ITS SO DUMB #AND I KNOW ITS DUMB #and its made it super hard for me to initiate convos with people I havent talked to in a while. worsening it. #and I dont think I used to have that problem #id go hermit mode for 6 months. come back. friends would be cool with it (as far as i could tell) and just go from there #jen rambles #more like jen whines #its like ive become overly aware of how people treat me/ could potentially treat me if I 'fuck up' hrmm

[yelloworangesoda]

gotta get off the internet and only interact irl with people who were 30 before they got their shit together i cant keep doing it like this

#like this being. feeling like i have no future and nobody likes me #‘youre only 19’ only goes so far when i dont know any other fail 19 year olds #im not gonna be a damn dentist for sure but like. and ive said this a thousand times. what am i gonna do. i cant live a worthless nothing #life where i work a shitty job i hate. i have to like something #i hate my art. i hate my lack of creativity. my art is so bland i just dont think its in me anymore #i finished. and i hate it #i have other hobbies. i like to cross stitch. i like to sew. i like to paint. i like to make dolls. do you see the common theme here #i have a few more than that i technically could do but i cant create anymore and it kills me. i want to. i constantly want to but i cant #it doesnt help that even if i havw ideas i dont even want to do them #i was gonna draw some characters from a game i played when i was little but i just #didnt want to. at no point did it not feel like a chore #ill try to go to new mediums! its fun to mess around and then itll feel boring again and going back doesnt feel any better #idk. googling it is useless. ive tried all the things. for years. ive been TRYING to draw consistently and like. doodles are fine theyre fu #but theyre not what i want to do i want to make something im proud of. i drew almost every single day for like 2 years #and its not burnout bc its been like. 2 more years! and ive barely wanted to at all!!! #i want to be creative and i also want people to recognize it. different complaint but it sucks so bad #i feel like nobody likes me. still. nobody cares about what i do. nobody would care if i stopped #like except me but i can only support myself so far!!!! im so tired of it!!!! someone PLEASE be here for me and just say ‘hey i love this #drawing :)’ like you have no idea what that would do for me #not always. but yknow especially if its been a while. if you like it. if you dont like it :( idk. you should tell me that too i guess #yknow so i can have some confirmation so i dont feel like im crazy. idk. dont actually id never go online again. i would probably. well. #i dont like to say the words #simons spouting #vent :(

[hatedmaggot]

theres like no sympathy for people that just cant be nice

#im TIRED i dont have the energy left to be polite and sweet to everyone i interact with anymore #I KNOW its annoying and tiring but how do you think i fucking feel living n thinking like this #ive got nothing nice to say about anything anymore unless im drunk and delirious #'youre so negative' 'youre getting annoying' yesss keep telling me how horrible i am its making me want to be so kind and cute 2 you

[kinky-asexual]

*lays on the floor*

#vent in the tags i guess so heads up #ive literally had the worst luck this year #i just got in my 3rd car accident #2 in as many weeks #and im just #im so tired #i really want to die but thats inconvient and scary and itll make my mom sad and my fiance sad #bc it feels likenit just liles up and up and up #theres no end #and i dont have time to do what i love anymore #and i cant handle all the shit that keeps happening to me #and im just a burden on my parents financially even tho they say im not i am i know i am #my job sucks but i cant do anything else and this is like the most ive ever gotten paid but its still fucking poverty wages and im stuck #im too dumb to run my own business #i cant get any kind of mental help bc my insurance sucks bc i cant afford anything better bc my job sucks #its just a fucking never ending cycle #and im just tired #now my cars fucked again and i cant drive it now #who knows when ill be able to get a rental so im gonna have to pay out the ass for luft and uber bc i work at Bar hours #which means they charge more #and i love fucking 30 minutes away so even non peak driving times its still like 30 bucks both ways #and im fucking poor as shit #i couldnt even get fucking hurt in these accidents so i could get a medical pay out #i just want to stop #sorry if you've read this far #its sad boy hours here rn #ill delete this later i guess #maybe maybe ill just rot away like i should #whatever

[doodlboy]

Having a job fuckin sucks

#all my appointments keep getting canceled!!!!!! #first my hair now my psychiatrist appt now I'm gonna have to change when we go see the fnaf movie bc my boss #just asked if i could work sunday at a different pharmacy bc 2 techs just quit outta nowhere #and i forgot abt it and told mom and shes like “oh yeah just pick up the hours we can go another time” #i dont WANT 2 go another time!! ive had 2 reschedule so much shit because of this fucking job!!! i don't want to do it anymore!! #im gonna fucking cry im so tired i dont want to do this shit anymore #mini rant #mini vent #elliot rambles

[silenthillbunni]

*o*

#ok sorry i've done my best to not obsessively talk abt this every single day for the past TWO months but..... #i just wanna eat normally again bro #i wanna eat healthy stuff bc i can always FEEL how much my body appreciated it and it gives me energy #i also wanna eat more unhealthy things just bc they're yummy and thats ok sometimes too #and i want chocolate bro.. im dying from chocolate deficiency #but anyway it is 1) extremely boeing to eat the same things every single day for 8 weeks #but 2) i can feel that i dont get enough nutrition. im super tired and dizzy and short of breath. also i am sooooo fkn cold #3) it is mentally exhausting to get home and be like damn im so tired i just wanna eat cereal but nope i have to make my bland food #i am just sick and tired of this. esp bc it takes SO long to get medical attention. so for rn i am not even certain it is gallstones #and what do i get as a treatment if it is??? like should i just live like this forever now?? will i have to wait months for a surgery? #what if it isnt gallstones??? what if they cant find out whats wrong? so it is not only the waiting it is the uncertainty #but most of all. im so hungry all the time and i dont wanna think abt what im eating anymore. i just wanna eat normally broooo fml

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to #place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like #LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee #so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of #people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take #a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM) #the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore #ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team #but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up #graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made #my adhd brain go WELL SHIT #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do #love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving #people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt #but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel #amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou #life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i #just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive #but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present #and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now #on a positive note... #my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made #a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little #im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor #i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it #but damn it im tired #thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave #if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you #please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you

[moodr1ng]

they need to make like uber eats for pharmacies. the days im out of my meds are also the days where im absolutely incapable of going outside to get more 😭😭

#97 #i have to stay awake like 2-3 more hours if i want to have a normal night and not an awful one where i keep waking up #but im SO tired and i dont wanna be up anymore. all bc i ran out of sleeping pills & had to use the other bs that makes me feel like shit #kms this sucks so bad. cant go to bed but also cannot do anything so im super on edge and have been all day. #bite kill bite etc #another reason i dont like being alive on weekends is the pharmacy is closed and its always when ive run outta meds #also i wish my therapist would answer my text or just send me the doc i requested 😭😭 man its been over a year. #that im trying to get referred for a formal autism diagnosis but i need him to SEND THEM MY FILE #and if hes not gonna do it then i will but then i NEED THE FILE #stop ghosting me..

[arr-jim-lad]

at this point im so mentally worn out that it genuinely feels like im about to have a minor breakdown in face of the smallest possible inconvenience

i've been so consistently feeling so miserable that i feel like my hair being pink is the only thing keeping me within any semblance of sanity

#2 days ago i almost cried bc i really wanted to make a paperdoll for my DIO zine but i hated everything i drew #i spent 3 hours almost finishing one just to realize i fucking hated it #so i decided to drop the entire thing because i physically and mentally just Couldn't Do It Anymore #i'm so exhausted at this point. this project has completely drained me. im so tired im so tired im so tired #i thought to myself like ok so the special edition zine won't have a paperdoll i still have other stuff #i thought the paperdoll was a really fun idea and i felt so fucking upsetting to let it go but y'know there's the other things #....... so today i got the prototype keychains. #which i needed to make promotional photos on monday #so that people who want to order the special edition zine would know exactly what they're buying #and of course: Vograce Printed The Keychains Wrong #the design was supposed to have some see-through layers which were even clearly included on the design proof THEY sent me #but the keychains just... don't have it. there are no see-through layers. they are just normal coloured layers. #so now i have keychain prototypes that don't look as they should and ok sure i CAN technically still do the photos with these #but the keychain won't look as it should and that bothers me #and i dont want to wait anymore bc i really want to open preorders next week #but i'll have to order prototypes AGAIN bc i still really need to see how the actual keychain would look when it's done right #i'm so tired i am so fucking tired i am so exhausted #i am just. fully expecting to see my printer on monday just to be told he hasn't even opened my email and hasn't printed anything #i was waiting all day for a guy to install better internet for me #i was told he will come today at 11:30 #at 1PM i call my internet provider to ask them where the fuck he is #they tell me. 'oh did you not get a message that his visit was rescheduled to 21st?' #i did not. i received no such message. i've already been waiting A MONTH for this faster internet. and now i'll be waiting another 10 day #btw these keychains? i was also waiting all day for the postman to call me and let me know he's at my building #so that i could go get the package #bc our postmen decided that actually they don't want to deliver packages anymore YOU have to go out and get them #he did not call me. he had my number btw. he just didn't call me. he just left a note in my mailbox #meaning that i had to go to the post myself like 5 hours later because that's when packages return to the post office #there were like two more vents in the tags but tumblr nerfed me #bitching about all this in the tags made me feel a little better tbh

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i so desperately wish i would just die without killing myself #just not wake up tomorrow morning dear god #i dont know what im living for anyone. i really dont i really dont #im too tired too sick and not motivated enough to make it through life #i barely want or care about anything anymore #i just wanna die. i just wanna sleep i just wanna rest i cant fucking do this #theres barely anyone that i should stay alive for. my absence would be forgotten in weeks to months anyway #im too much of a fuckup to help anyone which is one of the few things i even care about anymore #i cant do any of this. i dont want any of this #im so tired of the pain im so tired of the god awful fucking pain all the time the physical pain the emotional pain #its been my whole life. my whole life #im tired of being lonely. ive gone through most of the horrid shit in this life alon3 #its too much. its too much. its too fucjin mich im tired of failing over and over again im tired of crying #im not good enough for anything. im not good room for absolutely fuckin anything or anyone #god just take me already #life has already been so cruel i dont understand why you must prolonged my suffering #i wasnt even fucking 2 yet when this shit started. god. god fucking damn it god this pain has been my whole fucking life i just want it to #end #. #id throw myslef infront of a car if it was certain death and wouldnt traumatize anyone else #god fucking damn it why is it so hard to die. why. why why why fucking why am i still breathing god just let me fucking go

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

im gonna see if beat saber will fix me

#that usually works. somwtimes #i miss my custom songs :( i cant get them to work anymore #so im stuck with the defaults + the like 2 linkin park songs i bought in a fit of desperation #but its fine. km gonna do spin eternal on expert mode and then i will calm down #hey do u think streamer knives would be good at beat saber. i dont. i think hed be garbage at it #i think wolfwood and meryl would be very good at beat saber. idk why. the vibes. #vash wants to be good so bad but cannot do anything more difficult than hardmode #idk . I'm insane rambling. im gonna go disappear off the face of the earth for like 2 hours #and when i come back my arms are gonna be dead tired <3 goodbye

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#im just gonna b a whiney bby for a sec bc im tired and i spent too long out in the sun :-P #we left at like 7.30 for sampling and got back around 4 so like it was a long day. it wasnt too awful tho #only kinda awful. but thats not what i wanna complain abt. i wanna complain bc we have this project looming #bc our machines r coming back. so i have to make sure i can connect the stupid cameras thru code stuff and make sure the chambers r built #and i dont wanna do any of this bc i kno this project is gonna cause me physical and Phycological pain #like all the projects we're collecting for. last time i had to work with the samples i got a little too close to a like full of breakdown #so my brain and body dont wanna do it. and this specific project has potential to b even worse that what i usually do so fml #sigh... i just dont wanna be here doing what im doing anymore. ive stopped having fun. my boss is like wow u r gonna be the person ppl #think of on X topic once u get all this published and its like. god i dont fucking care. #when i think of the data all i can think of is how awful it was collecting it. everytime it cuts a bigger and bigger wound in me #like i think its done long term damage to my psychy. i burned out too hard too many times. #so i dont wanna do it. i dont wanna push these projects forward. and i dont wanna collect more data from 2 other sites bc i kno the more i #collect the worse its gonna be. ugh. whatever. im sure itll b fine. bc im less invested in what im doing so maybe this time ill have a #healthier way of dealing with it idk. im just sick of it. and that's really sad. #ugh. whatever. i have a big meeting with a guy tomorrow and idk what device im gonna use to zoom with him #bc my computer screen is fucked and the camera makes me look like im at the bottom of a well... #i need a new computer... agh. whatever ive gotta reread some of his papers #i hope he likes me. he's at a way too prestigious school so im like. way too intimidated. but like im sure he just wants passion #ans ive got passion. Hopefully ive also got the stuff for knicking a full ride scholarship as well #yea right... but idk ill fucking go for it bc why not #hhhh i just wanna b in a future what i have the perfect phd program and its all sorted out #unrelated