#im sorry i need to go im going to vomit

[sophiethewitch1]

Look, look. It's not my fault I wrote 998 words on Wayne comfort. Or I'm giving it to you anonymously. Just think of me as the neighborhood feral cat giving you a dead bird for all the nice head scratches. I don't have enough guts to post my writing on my blog since I'm new to Tumblr. So please enjoy this comfort, slight nsfw fic at the end. Your writing has been inspiring me, so you deserve this. 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭👍

You had just been laying on the couch that was undoubtedly worth more than anything you ever owned in your previous life. Anyone rich can buy a uncomfortable and presumptuous piece of high quality furniture, but finding one that looks this nice and feels great too is a special skill. The nice buttery leather was encasing you like a hug that you sunk into as you struggled with being awake. To make matters worse, you had grabbed one of the bloated pieces of Victorian literature off the shelf in the library. You fully intended to give it up at first sign it got hard. Then Todd challenged you on whether you could read and gather it's plot without help. He wasn't saying you were stupid, but you still heard it hanging in the air after he shuffled out of the room. You really hate being called stupid.

That's how Damian found you, lounging on the couch and half dozing as the sun and fireplace chased away the chill. Damian was also tired for another reason, he had spent all night on watch and was finally showing signs of tiring like a normal human. And there you were, all nice and cozy in silk pajamas, even though it was cold outside, you had long discarded your sweater and changed into shorts. Ever since you complained about the cold in the Manor, Bruce had raised the heating to a nice summer day.

It didn't bother Damian at all, especially when he got to see the way your pajama shirt rode up in your tossing and turning on the couch.

The sudden weight made your breath wheeze out and you lifted the book off your chest to peer down at Damian. In no time he settled himself between your open and splayed legs, hooking his massive arms underneath your knees and slightly under your bum so that he can wiggle closer to your navel. Your eyes widen and you almost squealed at him. Especially as his warm breath started warming your stomach.

Then you saw how his eyes dropped, and he slightly nuzzled into you before going slack. Your eyes traced the planes of his face as they slowly smoothed out from sleepiness.

"What are you reading", Damian slurs out, his voice heavy and deep from contentment.

"Some meaningless Victorian novel, everyone is so emotionally stunted it's hilarious" you hum out.

He doesn't respond and you cautiously close the book and rest it on your chest. His breaths were coming in deep now, having finally lost the battle when you started ranting about your arch nemesis book.

You take another moment to appreciate the softness that was missing from his face usually. Brows slack, not furrowed in rage or disgust. Nose not scrunched up from sneering. Cheeks puffed out slightly from sleep as his mouth pops open to let out the softest snore. This was Damian, the version you longed for. And ever so softly and gently, you run your hands through the silky but forbidden hair.

That's how Dick found you two hours later. Only your shirt had crept up more as you settled into sleep. Most importantly, Damian had slid down as he stretched slightly in his sleep, one of his hands crawling up underneath your ass and to fan out across the side of your ribs. This movement unconsciously moved you more in your sleep as you curled protectively around the weight on you. Your hands still buried in his hair.

Now though, Damian's face was buried in your pelvis, way too close to the goal for Dick. Older brother slapping younger brother in the calf to get the rotten bastard to wake up. Which he succeeded in.

Just for Damian to give Dick a shit-eating smirk as you mumbled in your sleep from the jostling. To rub his position in his brother's face even more, Damian leans over to give the lightest kiss to your inner upper thigh that was so tantalizingly close. Cue both Dick and Tim who just walked in having a collective mind blown explosion.

Needless to say there were a lot of harsh slaps and pathetic "ow"s as they wrenched him out from you as best they could without waking you. It didn't really work as Damian's stray hand slid back down as both held your ass for dear life. He buried himself even closer to you as your thighs clenched around him and you let out the littlest of moans in your sleep. Something that had both brothers dropping Damians legs and scurrying away with beet red faces while Damian flicked them off.

When you woke, Damian was sitting up in the chair with your legs on his lap and your discarded book being held precariously in his long calloused fingers. He looks down at you as you let out a delicious sounding moan as you stretch the sleep off. It wasn't as good as the one you let out earlier though, he needs that one again. Soon.

"You know it's not the Brontë sisters fault you're stupi-" he didn't get to finish as your foot slams the book into the side of his stupid gorgeous asshole face.

Took me a while to answer this because I didn't even know what to say. It's perfect it's fantastic it's amazing and I'm genuinely begging you to write more. The assholishness. The clingy desperation. The way both reader and Damian are so obviously in love with eachother but can only manage to get along long enough to touch. The little hints to the other relationships. The TENSION. All of it. All of it is amazing and wonderful and gorgeous and I'm dying on the floor. AAAAAAAA

#sophie speaks #series:www #AMAZED my own writing could ever inspire something like this #stunned gobsmacked bulderdashed #this is so absolutely absurdly amazing and its a fanfic of MY fanfic #that has 12k words #im sorry i need to go im going to vomit #pass out #actually shaking the mental illness is doing badly #another i need to take my meds moment

[clownsalot]

im very normal about fuuta in general but i dont think im ever going to emotionally recover from his fire motif and what it represents for his character and how he reflects the greater theme of justice so that means i must rant about it

(more under the cut because this got longer than i expected whoopsies)

so anyway fire is pretty obviously supposed to be symbolic of his passion for justice right? that fire is all over the place in bring it on. he's wielding it to take down enemies, his signature weapon is a flaming sword. it's what he uses to lead the campaign against the people he's after, the people he's deemed in the wrong.

it's a fucking flaming sword, it's badass as hell!!!! it's what a hero of justice, a knight, would use!!!! it's cool as shit, it's his symbol of justice.

that's how he sees his justice in trial 1.

he's righteous, he wants so badly to believe he was a hero, he was doing it all for a good cause, for justice. his passion for justice was a tool he used to meet those ends, to be a hero, to wave it valiantly in the face of enemies.

the fire, however, is conspicuously absent once he's noticed the blood on his hands

interestingly, despite backdraft as a song title being much more related to his fire motif than bring it on, fire is actually surprisingly absent from the mv's visuals. fire, as in actual orange burning fire, doesn't show up much at all in backdraft except for when both fuuta and his victim begin turning to ashes, and a short bit near the end right after the last chorus when the spraycan explodes in fuuta's face. you know what the mv does show a lot of though?

smoke. and ash. the byproducts of a fire, the byproducts of fuuta's passion for justice.

bringing it back to firefighting for a moment: as many people have already pointed out, backdraft as a firefighting term refers to when a fire that has consumed all available oxygen suddenly explodes when more oxygen is made available, such as when a window or door breaks. the thing about fire hazards, though, is if the fire and the heat don't do someone in, usually it's the smoke. the smoke inhalation causes breathing difficulties and suffocation, making it even more difficult for a person to escape the fire.

in backdraft, instead of fire itself, what we're shown is these byproducts of a fire. the smoke is damaging to human health, and the ash shows that the fire has burned things up and caused destruction, in this case killing someone. all we're shown is the negative results of a fire, in sharp contrast to its badass, positive portrayal in bring it on.

hell, even fuuta himself starts turning to ashes and the spraycan explodes in his face, showing how even he is experiencing the negative results of a fire that has gotten out of his control, how even he has gotten burned by his passion for justice. or, is it es' desire for justice?

translation of fuuta's t2 vd by onigiriico

Me, too! I was like that, too! I also didn't think it'd turn out that way!

You and I are exactly the same breed! The only difference between us is the clothes we're wearing.

fuuta's justice and es' justice, it's all the same in his head now, he directly tells es that they're the same, that we're the same. it's all the same hunger for justice that ends up causing harm even if that wasn't the intention.

you know that saying that fire is a good servant but a bad master? i think that's pretty applicable to fuuta's situation. his passion for the pursuit of justice was great when it was still a tool, a sword he could wield, after all he did manage to shed light on some people's wrongs and bring them to justice. but once it exploded, when it became a backdraft that even he could no longer control, it did more damage than he intended.

it burned even him, it killed a middle schooler. and he recognizes that in backdraft. he only shows us the ways fire that becomes a hazard can go wrong.

translation of fuuta's t2 vd by onigiriico

What did I do? All I did was say that what's wrong is wrong! I was just going off at a bad person online!

I didn't think they would die! I just thought that wrong things are wrong, and that a crime is a crime! You get that, don't you? See? Aren't we the same?

it's just. fire is such a good metaphor for the message of fuuta's character and his arc. it's an amazing illustration of how dangerous it is when you feed a desire for justice too much, when you forget to put a boundary on how you handle that fire. eventually the fire spreads just like how passion for justice becomes zealotry, until more and more things fall under what you consider to be 'punishable' by your standards and goes out of control to hurt people that probably didn't deserve it. it's a warning to set proper boundaries on our own definition and desire for justice and what's 'right' so the good intentions doesn't spiral into harm. it's a reflection of our attitudes towards milgram as the audience responsible for their justice and forgiveness. it's amazing i love it i love fuuta's fire symbolism i love fuuta's character arc and i love milgram's writing so so so much

#milgram #fuuta kajiyama #im sure someone has already gone through every point in this post before but i was having fuuta thoughts and they needed to go somewhere #this might be super disorganized this is essentially the first draft and i kinda just word vomited lol #anyways i love milgram i love picking it apart for its themes #tangentially i might do another whole thing comparing fuuta to kotoko but hm not sure if i can add much to that discussion #maybe after deep cover comes out #i actually really like kotoko for similar reasons to fuuta actually she's an interesting case study of a desire for justice that corrupts #anyways sorry this wasnt that deep an analysis or anything i mean i didnt even pull up images it's a glorified rant more than anything lol #hm might edit this post to add images tomorrow ill see if i remember

[anotherpapercut]

so anyway I woke up multiple times last night bc of coughing fits and I've been coughing all fucking day and I was just standing outside on my porch trying to like chill before going from job 1 to job 2 and i coughed so hard I threw up. how's everyone else doing this afternoon

#really wish i could call in but i work in like an hour and theyd fucking kill me #i mean they wouldnt. theyre really nice. but theyd be so disappointed that i would die #anyway the good thing is i used to have bad emetophobia and that wouldve caused a severe panic attack and like more illness #but at some point in the past like year or two its gotten a lot better and i can actually throw up without freaking the fuck out now #so i still kind of want to die bc its gross and feels bad but like. im ok which is cool #sorry that was gross and tmi. welcome to my blog #cw vomit #cw emetophobia #i should clarify ive had some type of upper respiratory something for literally like 2 months. ive tested negative for covid several times #i just really need to go to the fuckin doctor lmao

[crows-home]

about to have one of the most taxing days tomorrow. nevertheless. we persist gamers 💪

#pobre payasito #i have been... so low energy lately. a lot of things catching up to me. AND with whats happening tomorrow... #i. cannot catch a fucking break. #literally as i was typing this i got hit with another whammy. god fucking damn. #cansado. pinche pobre payasito for real. #im staying positive!!! life is hard!!!!! taxing! shit sucks sometimes!!!!! but im going to live. continue. persist and go through the lows #i need a good cry i think. i should keep writing my fics!!! project and word vomit until something good comes out. im good at that i think! #ahhh. sorry for the rant. its just. if u send me something or if im gone for a bit then please be patient. #this isnt an 'i need my followers to be updated on my personal life i need them to not hate me' post #more like. a heads up. and a thank you! :) genuinely. u guys are nice and this blog really is a bright spot in my day most of the time

[gachaparadise]

ahhh the Penacony leaks are really coming in now.

*chuckles* I'm in danger.

#i keep going back and forth about if i'm skipping Ratio. I was 100% going for him but now. looking at whats coming #I like Sunday and Robin and Boothill and Gallagher and Misha and Aventurine and DUKE INFERNO?!? #okay. i just saw that Aventurine might be sustain unit. i NEED one of those so bad. #my accounts gonna be completely fucked if i don't get a good support sometime soon. so like. that moves him WAY up my priorities list #and moves Ratio down :( still dunno exactly what he does waiting for official release to make final decisions #but. if he's really an imaginary dps. i might... *dies a little bit* skip him #i just!!! i have DH!!! i WANT to use DH! he's my favourite character in the damn game! #and >_> is Ratio going to have story relevance? i thought Argenti would get more then just a companion quest but he hasn't #and that kinda... bums me out? i like the meet a character THEN roll for them not the other way around. i like character who matter plotwis #A!NY!WAY! putting that aside. i might just go for the 50/50 and take what i get. just to smooth out my pity if nothing else #i don't have most of the standard pool so chances are *knocks on wood* i'll have something new to work with #and like we are getting an absolute BARRAGE of hard skip banners coming up after him. #i do not care for these women at all. extremely mid designs i SLEEP #(except for the judge she fucks but. jades are tight right now honey im sorry!!) #so. i've got a little but of time to save afterwards #post: misc #game: honkai sr #these tags are long and disjointed but its *checks clock* almost 2:30 am so. i'm a bit. you know. #i could save this draft for tomorrow and edit into something resembling a human's train of thought instead of word vomit but #i kinda wanna capture the moment. this is how i saw the leaks. the essence of desperation of a f2p. aahhh gacha my beloved.

[todayisafridaynight]

JUST finished Unlucky Monkey and MANNNN. The use of color and sound... so so so well done. ESPECIALLY sound- the scenes where stuff just gets completely drowned out are. chefs kiss. Also!! the heavy emphasis on luck/coincidence... I know i should've seen that coming goin by the title but its so neat to see how that was woven into the story! anyway 10/10 fun ride i enjoyed it

ICHI FINISHED DA MOVIE EVERYONE REJOICE

i'm SOOOO glad you enjoyed it tho !!!! as much as it is a comedy, it's also a REALLY good thriller and it's SO fun watching ttm's character spiral more and more throughout the movie and ultimately never getting what he wants in the end, just left to be tormented forever without receiving any satisfying punishment for it

i love the sound design of sabu films so much i HIGHLY recommend checking out sabu's other stuff (esp if they include ttm lol..... sabu loves putting ttm in situations and i love sabu for that). monday/mandei is another really good film in the same vein of Guy Whose Day Starts Bad Seemingly Gets Worse. if you ever wanna give it a watch, i watched it on this site here (tho warning, subs are missing sometimes BUT its generally easy to make out the context of what's happening. except for the ending uhhH BUT IT'S WORTH THE WATCH LOL)

#snap chats #SORRY FOR THE VOMIT LOL I JUST REALLY LOVE THE SABU MOVIES #unlucky monkey is sooooo good like Aside From My Heinous Commentary it genuinely is a phenomenal watch #which feels pretentious to say for a comedy but TRUST it really does a great job blending its thriller elements with its comedy elements #eveything just intermingles so beautifully especially on rewatches UGH im obsessed #AND TRUUUEE I LOVE THE SOUND DESIGN SO MUCH UGGHHH IT'S SO PERFECT #the immediate segment after yamazaki finds out yoshida died is such a good spiralnig scene #especially when he just starts muttering and whispering to himslf. like i gushed about ttm's acting prower during stream #but ill do it now and forever how he can just fit himself into ANY role that needs him always makes my kokoro go dokidoki. SORRY. #i was not exaggerating when i said it was one of my fave movies #Seemingly Simple as sabu's movies tend to be but very good nonetheless... #driver's also another really good sabu movie but at this point im just listing all the movies with ttm in it LOL #may as well have just linked the ttm/nakai watchlist doc i have.. lol.. #ok movign on ive rambled enough.. point is im glad you enjoyed the movie !!!! <3

[oliveasaltylife]

Honestly, I really could do without the presyncope and vagus nerve stimulation every time I have to poop

#which also wakes me up everyday by 5 am #today was 4 am with the tachycardia sweaty palms profound nausea #and feeling like im going to projectile vomit and also pass out #tmi sorry #but it’s really shitty #pun intended #and it could be dysautonomia #or gastroparesis #or endometriosis #or vascular compressions #or a secret differential I haven’t been tested for yet #or a combination there of with my luck and the way everything continues to unfold #olive blogs #dysautonomia #and WHY am I so gassy???? #still need to be tested for SIBO

[bambi-lesbian-posts]

I'm being given the opportunity to transfer to a college in Japan, and because it accepts FASFA and also offers merit-based scholarships, on top of japanese currency being ¥150 to the USdollar, it's basically VERY affordable for me to go. It also has dormitories and homestay opportunities. Also I've been wanting to go to Japan for the past few years, so this is a dream for me.

But the problems are,

A: I'm a coward and suddenly transferring to Japan and being alone there when I'm not super confident in my Japanese speaking & reading skills yet is terrifying. I don't know the basic 2,500 kanji that are deemed essential in Japan. I don't even know 100 kanji. I know like. 30 at best right now.

B: I will have to leave my job to go there, for a few months at the very least (if I only go for one semester) or 3 years at most (the max amount the program offers, I believe) and finding work in Japan as a foreigner and a college student could be very tricky. To make it worse, I almost have a full sleeve of tattoos on my arm. Tattoos are frowned upon in Japan for the most part, and even though it's not a big deal as a foreigner, what japanese company would want to hire a butch female foreigner with tattoos?? Very few.

C: My cat is old and I won't be able to take her with me to Japan, and leaving her behind will be stressful for me (both because she might kick the bucket while I'm in Japan and because I will be completely alone in Japan without her)

D: I have one semester left to finish my associates degree, so if I DO go then it'll be after I finish my associates, because it will be easier that way instead of finishing my credits in another country (if they even offer all the courses I will need to finish my degree requirements in the first place)

E: They don't offer any biological science majors (that I can see so far, I still need to look more) so if I DO go it'll be for some sort of language or literature course because that seems to be what they specialize in.

F: Covid. Sickness. International travel struggles. I am so so scared of getting lost and sick in a foreign country especially after a global fuckign plague. Not to mention, I lose my voice at high altitudes, so plane rides essentially make me mute (with a horribly dry and sore throat) which will make my fear of sickness even worse & maybe make others uncomfortable given recent events. Also will I need a visa? How do I go about getting one for Japan?

#idk i just needed to word vomit sorry #i found out about this TODAY so like. i have plenty of time to decide #but i told my family about it and they were all like Yes!!! Go!! Start saving up for it right now!!!!! #and i explained all my concerns and they were like. well if you dont want to go then dont go. #but if i were you id regret not going for the rest of my life #so now im just. stressed tf out

[maraeffect]

haven't even been awake for two hours and this is probably the worst morning i've had in a while 🙂 cw EXTREMELY disgusting unsanitary tags.

#so like not only is my partner out of town which is already making me really fucked up #but my cat was mad i fed him like AN hour late. so he was scratching my bedroom door all morning #and (DO NOT READ AHEAD IF YOU ARE SQUEAMISH) i guess he decided to solve that problem #by eating poop out of his FRESH litter box and then projectile vomiting it back up EVERYWHERE 🙂 #like in the most inconvenient way. all over the bars of his crate that we leave out for him #AND his bed inside of that. and his cat tree. and the floor. like it took me HALF AN HOUR to clean #i haven't even had a chance to take my meds yet bc i fed the cats and brushed my teeth #only to IMMEDIATELY see the mess #so fucking disgusting and i got splattered in the face while cleaning it 🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂 #trying so hard to not let this ruin my Saturday but I'm ready to go the fuck back to bed and cry #and i don't even have anyone here to comfort me or to talk to and i just ugh #ugh ugh ugh #i really wish my partner wasnt gonna be gone for so long bc im already exhausted managing the house alone #anyway sorry i just needed to talk about this SOMEWHERE bc i wanna cry so bad #chatter #negative #unsanitary tw #gross tw

[sundere1181]

Blood and Bones- Whispers of a Spirit oneshot

This is a oneshot for my ghost april au fic, Whispers of a Spirit, and if you haven't read that you might be a wee bit confused, so I recommend reading chapter 1 of that first. ( Whispers of a Spirit - Chapter 1 - Sundere - Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Cartoon 2018) [Archive of Our Own] )

Warning: This oneshot is pretty dark, so tw for implied death (twice) not super graphic, implied death by gunshot and implied death by hanging. Also descriptions of blood. And one of the people who dies is a five year old girl, so. It's also really sad.

This was inspired by the songs Funeral Bell (PHILDEL) Curses (Crane Wives) and Spirit (Amarante) (YES i did take lyrics directly from that last song im lazy)

(This is a dream sequence from the pov of donnie and then a little convo with him and ghost april irl)

Donnie was standing in a forest.

He's dreaming, he thinks. There's no forest in the New York sewers.

It's dark, but his eyes start to adjust more as he walks around, trying to figure out where he was. 

It was chilly, and he shivered in the breeze, stepping into an open clearing. It was brighter here, a full moon shining through the gap in the trees.

He stopped walking when he heard leaves crunching, and saw two black girls wearing 17th-century-style running frantically out of the woods.

One of them looked around his age, and he felt like he recognized her vaguely. She was leading the other by the hand, who was about 5 or 6 years old.

The older girl looked haggard, her hair was loose around her shoulders and tangled, and she had dirt smudged on her cheeks and her dress, as well as scratches on her arms. 

The little one wailed and tugged on the older one's hand, making her turn around and make desperate shushing noises, looking around fearfully while holding the little one's shoulders.

"Hey, baby, it's okay! What's wrong?"

The little one sniffed. 

"I'm tired, April. Why are we runnin'?"

Donnie stiffened. April. But this isn't the April he knows.

Is it?

"I know you're tired, honey. We have to keep running. They're after both of us."

The little girl sniffed. "I wanna go home. Wheres Ma and Pa?"

April looked like she was trying not to cry as she stroked her cheek, voice wobbling as she reassured the girl. Maybe her little sister? "They're gone, baby. They went to visit Firash. It's just us now."

The little girl looked up, her eyes sparkling. "They went to find Bro?"

April nodded, lips tight as if she said anything else she'd break down.

"WITCH!!! FREEZE!!" A voice bellowed out from the woods.

April sprung up, grabbing the hand of the little girl again and starting to run.

A loud gunshot echoed through the trees and Donnie flinched and closed his eyes, not wanting to see the gruesome scene.

There was silence for a few seconds before the most agonizing, heartbroken scream Donnie has ever heard in his life rings out.

The sound fades, and the next time he opens his eyes, he's in a different place, a small town next to the woods.

There's a cheering crowd behind him and in front of him...

Gallows.

He watched in horror as a man dressed in all black led a handcuffed April up the stairs and onto the platform. She had a blank look on her face and her beautiful dark brown dress had a bright red splatter of blood on the torso, right where her little sister's head would've reached if they were both standing.

"Any last words?" The executioner asked in a gruff voice as he placed the noose.

April took a deep breath and her expression melted from blankness to pure rage.

"This is for Estellina."

She started chanting in a melodic voice;

"Here, in the great forest, there are traces of the old

Melodies of the past that we have buried in our souls

Deep in the dark unknown, there's a place we call our home

The past in our bones

The path will be shown."

She repeated it, over and over again, sometimes in English, sometimes in Afrikaans, and sometimes in a language he couldn't recognize at all. It didn't even sound like a language that could be spoken by humans. Everytime she said it, her voice got louder and louder.

The crowd and the executioner stood still, confused, until houses started erupting in bright green fire, roaring flames licking the sky.

People started screaming, running around in a panic, and the executioner bumped the lever on the gallows as he ran off.

Donnie heard a crunch and-

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Donnie bolted up in bed, heart racing as his brain tried to comprehend the nightmare he just had.

Blood. Fire. Bones. Screams.

April-the April he knows, his best friend- peeks around the doorway at him, concern etched into her transparent features.

"Donnie? You okay?" She asked, floating into the room. 

"April; Oh my god, April, I'm so sorry."

"What?" She asked, concern switching to confusion. 

He got up shakily and reached for her, but pulled his hand back when he remembered she wasn't solid. 

"Your- your sister. I saw it."

April's face dropped. Donnie didn't miss the badly disguised hope in her eyes.

"Estellina? You saw her?"

"I saw... I saw her death.

April frowned, the hope in her eyes melting away.

She floated off and Donnie decided to give her a minute.

He walked over and sat at his desk, turning on a lamp and powering up the computer.

He started typing. 

'Witch hunting 1750'

#i'm posting it for MYSELF if someone reads it than cool but i need to get it out somewhere #i genuinely just love this oneshot sm im so proud of it i just couldnt keep it to myself #so im shoving it down ur throat srry </3 #Firash is April and Estellina's big brother btw #he disappeared after going to fight in the war #this was mostly word vomit #rottmnt whispers of a spirit #rottmnt au fic #it gets. dark #like this is possibly the darkest thing ive written so far #gave april siblings just to kill them off #sorry april

[yoistars]

god i love people !!! i love it when people memorize my favorite songs and i love it when i play taylor swift in the car and my family just groans but they sing along anyways and i love it when im reassured and told i'll be okay and that i'm loved and i love knowing that i'm loved !!!! i love how i know love exists because of how i love other people !!!!!! i love how everyone i've met truly is a good and kind person and i love how no matter who i meet or what happens to me i will stay grounded in that belief of mine

#（ꈍ ꈍ） – shut up addie ! #to love is to be happy you know? #i don't think ive ever been this happy with myself actually #i almost let the scary thoughts win last night and that was really. yknow scary but im glad that happened in a way #the road to happiness isn't straight #it's bumpy and curvy #to be truly happy is to be truly sad #i was thinking about someone i used to know and about how they really hurt me but i don't think i can bring myself to be angry at them #they were a kid once too. i mean they still are a kid technically #it's his first time being alive too i shouldn't be too upset #well i'm angry for what he did to my friends but not to me i guess i should say #and even with like hate anon i don't know what caused them to be so angry at me so i shouldn't be so angry at them #i don't know what's going on in their personal life #maybe they just needed an outlet and i'm more than happy to be that outlet for anybody #but to be that negative is going to harm yourself one way or another #ough wow sorry for the word vomit #i just really like people :)

[amethystcove]

i feel like a sickly victorian child in the body of a university student

#the amount of times i made myself sick this past year or 2 is . a lot more than i wouldve liked #yes i am in bed yes i feel like hot garbage yes i frew up #vomit cw #<- sorry #anyways. ill get over it like usual and resume school grind yeah #i am just dramatic and need to complain on the internet #MENTALLY and emotionally i am conpletely fine im happy and looking forward to a lot of things #physically. naur #ok enough rambling im going to girlblog and maybe nap

[donttouchtheneednoggle]

head hurty

#not any more like that but last night #love having a pain condition triggered partly by anxiety but also it caused the anxiety to be constant in the first place #i dont get chronic migraines bc i dont get them often enough its usually like 1 every 2 months nowadays but sometimes it can be 4 in a week #bc having one makes it more likely i have a another soon after #but i sure as fuck have acute migraines #i remember being in school and classmates being like oh i have a migraine going off to take their meds and then coming back to class?! #whereas as soon as i had an aura id go to the office and be like can you call my mum she needs to take me home #and i thought i was just being weak and i should just push through it #but you can't push through acute pain nausea vomiting and disorientation #there are literally parts of my brain or thoughts i can't access during one ill be trying to think of a word and i can't find it #they usually only last like 2-3 hours but it feels like a lot longer when you're sitting in the dark can't even lie down feeling like hell #and ik some peoples go on for days some people have them more days than they dont ik im lucky to have such short and fairly infrequent ones #but its still beyond horrible and feeling like a ticking time bomb constantly watching out for an aura #and worrying about going somewhere you can't easily get home from #and I've only just started to be able to talk about it i could never understand how other people could talk about theirs flippantly #when mine terrified me more than anything the amount of bad feelings #but she's working on it having realised after 8 years that it doesn't have to be like that 🤣 #mine #n e way sorry for the rsnt all good now chillin in bed ✌🤣

[cat-eg]

chest hurts

#im. fine im just being overdramatic. i can breathe just only shallow breaths its going on for so long i feel like that spongebob image #where hes in this dark red hallway #you know the one #word vomit #sorry i needed to complain. im fine dont worry #i was in the hospital for this last week but i didnt really need to be there #also to anon who wanted to see eg i will get around to it i just always forget to take a pic of him i promise i will tho #he is very cute and huggable #shoutout to tree for this image its so real

[th1rt-3en]

Sometimes, when my family is talking about my future there's this dreading thought in my mind.

Do they actually care about what I want rather than what they want me to be?

My mom told me that I'm allowed to be whoever I want to be but when I talked about my possible attraction to the same sex, she immediately said that I'll go to hell and I shouldn't be joking about it.

Tell me... Is that something a living mother who wants her child to be happy would say?

Or when I came out as asexual, my mother was telling me that I'll find a love one day and that it's in nature to have a partner.

Or when my aunt jokingly calls me sexy despite me saying time and time that I hate getting called like that.

Maybe the voices are right, maybe they don't love me, they only love the standards they expect me to fulfill.

#lgbtq #rant #i hate it i hate it i hate it #istg im gonna scream #im going to puke #sorry lmao #im conflicted #i hate this #i need a therapist #i feel like vomiting #lgbt rant

[barredandromeda]

imsoo normal about guys byw

#sprry this is the start of my downfall im actually going to theow up and vomit and die #fronting daily actually sucks!and i have no restraint on my curiiusity and i have to figure shit out and i literally want to die #cause like i found out shit i didnt want to and its entirely my fault too bro i cant even be upset cause i went looking for it ughhh #i should be allowed to die afterschool so i dont have to feel anything else tbh thatd be a pleasure great thing whwatever #this is genuinelky the repeat of my downfall again literally september all over again and its just march jesus fucking fhrist bro need todi #the nervous system is so dumb what is ooottfvgvsh or whagevr i hate that dumbass acronym i hate healrhcare #serenity save me 🙏 save me serenity 🙏 come home #everyone keeps sayng that but qith donald trump #anyway back to me i need to scream and not just to serenity cause i feel bad🤭 no emojis are tood enougu anymore bro im going to kms #killing myself so fucking hard like a vampire driving a stake through his heart sort of shit ykwim like a siren drowning ro sokething poeti #save me sid 🙏 sid save me actually hed laugh at me for hthis lowkey which is soo deserved cause real bro why am i breaking down at midnight #on a dchool day too bro again and again i dont want to go to mf schooll and be obsessed w k. hes fine but i genuinely cant do my work #lowkey would iet be weird to talk to my ex ab my relationship with him cause like yea i miss him ykwim and i need closure but i got a crush #cause like on one hand its like i was the one who brokenup ykwim like even if the circumstances werewei4d whatever its like why would i hav #the right to even bring it up and i alr crushed on a new guy and like ignoring the uguult i do like him ughh broni want to kms #i love love i just dont love lvoe for myself cause ugh bro i hare one guy idc ab his crushes but he made me hear ab them lke idc idek him #sorry u had a bad experience w bi girls like idk what u want me to say ??? surprise me too ??? tff ugh i hate love girls #i need a gf but the thoigjt of liking a girl genuinely deeply scares me to my core cause i like girls but ppl dont like that i do ykwim #all mu friends are fucking gay bro idek why im so worried ab liking girls like who is there to disappoint but myself and my entire family #noo pressure qt all being oldest and queerest like ok yeah its midnight happy new years. i need this blanket tobsuffocste me #sleep wrappedup alr like a borito burito i dek and its not enoughh i need a soul crushing embrafe to sleep #ok im done i got post vent clarity i need to sleep #post #erics tag #delete later #serenity needs this as a ref in the morning #i beed my mom to cry to but j cant tell her any of this id rather be eaten alive by bugsbro and if i just cry to her without a reason #shell fs go througj my phone and fimd out why anyway so wjats the pointtt my god i tqlk too much and vent too much #gota flair forbthe dramatics ivguess mb