#im sure there are probably other content warnings im missing so dont be afraid to ask me to add something!! | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

trashcankitty12 · 1 year

Text

My post last night might have been a fluke. My Original Work is done for the moment. That's true. But my focus may not be entirely on writing for a while... Trigger Warning/Content Warning for an upsetting topic involving hospice care and the end of life.

Today my family got confirmation about something we already knew was coming but had hoped wasn't true. You know that feeling where you know what's going on but you still hope that you're wrong? That was us.

My grandfather... The man who raised me and was a dad to me. The ONLY man who was ever there for me everytime I needed him... Is dying.

We knew it was coming. He'd gotten to a point where he could no longer walk and we were having to wheel him around. (His arms weren't strong enough for him to move himself.)

His ability to talk and recognize people was declining. His control over himself was going.

We recently had to even get a hospital bed for him to be brought into our home because of his needs. (Not an actual one but one made for homes. I don't know what they're called I honestly don't have the bandwidth to look it up.)

Today we got managed to get hospice. And they confirmed it all. His body is starting to shut down. Its all about comfort and stability now. (While also letting nature do its thing. But no need for him to be in pain.)

I hate it.

I... I hate that I'm losing one of the few people who ever gave a damn about me from the beginning. That I'm losing one of the only reliable people in my life.

I hate that there's nothing I can do to fix this. Because I'm a fixer person. I want to fix things. But you can't fix this.

Im also... Relieved. Im glad we know what's going on for sure. Im glad we have help. And I'm glad we can do this without him being in pain as we go through the days.

I dont want him to suffer. I don't want him to be in pain. But I'm human and selfish and I still want my dad. You know?

My grandma and I are trying to stay strong. We're doing our best and trying to keep the rest of the family from going off the deep end.

And we're trying to keep each other together.

I know many relationships that started from their time period weren't healthy or on equal footing, but my grandma will tell you outright how much she loved him. How she'd have never married if she hadn't met him. They've been together about 65 years now. Isn't that incredible? He always said she was the best thing to happen to him.

And through all of this? She's the one he reacts to the most. She's the one who can calm him down and make him relax.

He was so many things to so many people. And he still is. He's just... Retiring i suppose is a good word.

I chose these photos of him. These are from when he was a bit more himself. From the past two years. (Yes I know I look ridiculous but I'm not the important one.)

So... This is a life update. A message to my void of people who want to know why certain things seem to be taking so long or why I'm more active some days than others. Or why I reblog more than i make my own content.

My brain is on survival mode essentially. Im going through the motions to try and make the family more okay.

Yes I'm aware ill probably break at some point. But thats for Future Me to deal with. Current Me is just trying to make sure he feels we're going to be okay without him, even if we're going to miss him like crazy. Because our hospice nurse told us some people hold on longer than they should if they're afraid of their loved ones not being okay in the aftermath and I dont want him to feel like he has to push himself for me. I want him to be at peace and to be happy and painfree.

Say a prayer or send vibes or whatever you do for my family please. This is going to be rough.

#personal #my life #life update #my face #family #tw:hospice #tw:death #tw:future death

0 notes

apothicon--influence · 7 years

Text

Apothi AU 2: Der Eisendrache

Alright, this one has more of an improved writing style, I also fixed a couple errors I didn't notice on the initial good copy version, but here it is! Cringe warning once again.

Story below the cut, make sure to read the after-story notes!

the 5 were in the giant robot, chasing down a car holding a cryo-chamber. "go, go, go, GO!" yelled a figure in the car, a soldier in the back suddenly shot the giant robot with a panzerschreck, blasting its arm off, the robot fell down, and the car escaped. the window of the robot was broken, the 5 stepped out. "th-this wasn't how it was supposed to go... we were supposed to secure the package, and be in-and-out clean..." said dempsey, walking towards a tram station. "but, this mission has been one disaster after another..." he said. richtofen nodded in agreement, they boarded the tram. "so, richtofen 1.0.... how did you become a zombie, exactly?" asked dempsey. "well, i was in der riese, and it just happened! i died due to 115, obviously! not like im angry about it, or anything." he said, casually. "i am glad you wish to bring peace to this universe, most demons would not wish something like that." said takeo, contently. "yes, i needed a change from killing, didn't i? haha~" he laughed. "shit... i think we got company." said dempsey, looking on at the tram station, it was infested with zombies, as soon as the tram door opened, richtofen 1.0 jumped out and mauled a zombie into pieces, hopping back and forth to other zombies. the other 4 jumped out and attacked the incoming zombies. "What are you simpletons doing there?! HELP ME!" Richtofen 1.0 called, he was basically surrounded by his own kind, about to be shredded. his swastika armband was suddenly torn off, "REALLY?! That was the charm point of my uniform, you idiots are gonna get it now!" He tore an arm off the zombie who tore his armband off. Takeo unsheathed his katana and sliced a zombie in front of Richtofen 1.0 right in half. "Do not worry! We will not let you parish once again." Takeo re-assured him, giving off a small smile. Richtofen nodded, and continued to rip and kill the other zombies.

Shortly after, the place was completely cleared up, not a single zombie left in sight, except for Richtofen of course. "Alright.. What's next, other me?" Richtofen 1.0 nudged his 2.0 counterpart smugly, Richtofen 2.0 pushed him away a bit, "next.. Is..... Its hard to explain. I'll explain soon." Richtofen 2.0 walked out of the tram boarding station, holding an HVK in his hands. Richtofen 1.0 walked along with the 2.0s, he felt a bit out of place since he hasn't seen a real human in years, but he guessed its ok disheartened, he tapped Nikolai on the shoulder, "Hm? What is it?" Nikolai looked down and the shorter, almost hunched 1.0, "Nikolai, is it? Yeah.. Do you know what we are doing? I feel as if something bad will happen to ME." Richtofen 1.0 asked. Nikolai looked up at the snowy sky for a second, and looked back down, giving a little sigh, "Yes, I do know. we all do except for you. I am sure Richtofen will go over it… Maybe. He is always so stressed for seemingly no reason. I am afraid it will make our plans fall apart." Nikolai scratched his neck a bit and sighed, looking away. Richtofen 1.0 looked down a bit, almost sadly.

Soon after some seemingly non-sensical running around, the power was on, the shield was built and pack was built. to everyone, it felt like it happened in one second. For some reason, Richtofen 1.0 always tagged along with Takeo, after he saved his back during the fight in the tram station, he felt much safer around him, Tak didn't really mind, although he felt a strange discomfort being around… Him, for almost the entire duration of this trip. Dr. Groph was talking to Richtofen the entire time, nobody really cared except for both 1.0 and 2.0 Richtofen, the two felt the same kind of annoyance from Dr. Groph. "So Takeo, like i was saying, your 1.0 self once vomited ALL over that one room I was stuck in with everyone else! I had to clean up after him of course." Richtofen went on and on about the wild stories and adventures he went on with the other 1.0s, Takeo, being the oddly patient soul he is, listened contently while continuing his quest to finish the Wolf Bow. "And then, these very kind people outside the room helped us! We got out of there eventually, of course. It was fun!" Richtofen concluded his probably 1000th story, Takeo quietly laughed, he was kind of enjoying this, although felt secondhand embarrassment knowing his older self once vomited all over the floor of one room. Suddenly, a loud shout rang from the distance, it sounded like it was near the area of the 1st dragon head, "a scream?! …Richtofen, we must go, I can sense that somebody needs our help. Takeo started running out of the church to the said area, "Aah I get to hurt something?! If so I'm coming!" Richtofen swiftly ran after Takeo.

"Hyah! You can't take me like this, Soldat!" Dempsey shouted, being pushed back by the blast of a shock charge. Takeo and Richtofen 1.0 arrived at the scene, "Dempsey! Hold on!" Richtofen 1.0 jumped onto the railing of the stairs leading down to the dragon head area, "Wait, Richtofen!--" Takeo tried to stop him from jumping off, it was too late, "YAAAAAAAH--!" Richtofen 1.0 bravely pounced onto the Panzer, knocking it to the ground, "You! Stupid! Machine! Panzer!!!! Thing!!!! Die!!!!!!!!!" He loudly yelled, scratching it's armor, headbutting it and biting it all around. Nikolai then arrived at the scene, holding the Lightning Bow! "Richtofen, get off!" Dempsey yelled, tackling him off, Nikolai fired off a shot from the bow at the Panzer, it struggled and let off mechanical noises, it eventually was defeated, it fell to the ground and exploded lel, a small piece of something was dropped.. Richtofen 2.0 rushed into the area, "Wait, the Panzer! What did it drop?" He shouted, Takeo rushed downstairs to examine the body, he picked up a piece of something and handed it to Richtofen, "Hmm… Yes! This is it! Finally! The Ragnarok-DG4… I will go assemble it, please continue what you are all doing, we are so close.." Richtofen 2.0 wandered back to where he was originally, curiously looking at the piece. Dempsey and Richtofen 1.0 sat up, Dempsey glared at him angrily, "..Dont EVER make me go that close to a Panzer ever again." He sternly said, standing up and picking his weapons back up. Richtofen 1.0 stood up brushing his uniform, he scoffed, ran back behind Takeo and gave Dempsey the darkest glare, Takeo did the same. Dempsey was starting to think that Richtofen saw Takeo as a guardian parent figure or some crap… Dempsey payed no mind, and continued on his way to create the Fire Bow.

Arguing between Richtofen 2.0 and Dr. Groph continued, Everyone's Bows were basically finished, the Ragnarok-DG4 was finished too, Richtofen 2.0 was extremely focused at this time. The time travel sequences everyone went through was mind-twisting, Richtofen 1.0 was left extremely confused as well, asking many questions about what it meant… Everyone teleported back to the Rocket Testing Area, bows in hand, Richtofen 1.0 held a strange stone tablet… "Everyone be ready, a Panzer Soldat will be here." Takeo promptly pulled the string of his Wolf Bow back, ready to fire. Just as expected, a Panzer flew down from the sky, firing off charges, Takeo fired his bow, Dempsey shot at it with his Pack a Punched Dingo, it went down in seconds. "Alright, let's book it!" Dempsey yelled over the loud screeches of other zombies. Everyone was sent flying back to the Tram Station by the Wundersphere, the Rocket then test fired, they left just in time. With everyone safely away from the zombies, it was time to get to work again, "Richtofen, hand me the tablet." Dempsey reached his hand out, but he refused, "Nein!" Richtofen 1.0 hissed, Takeo gently tapped him, "Give it, please." He softly said, "..ok, take it, American." Richtofen handed the tablet over. "Get over your rivalry, you two. We have better things to do. Now that the chamber containing -his- body is here, the soul of the Keeper must be summoned again by the tablet and become one with its body once again… Let's go." Richtofen pushed both his 1.0 counterpart and Dempsey away a bit and walked out of the station, over to the place near double tap, everyone followed behind. "The tablet goes here.." Richtofen 2.0 pulled the tablet away from Dempsey and place it into the slot.. The soul of the keeper started to absorb souls of the zombies dying around it…! "Nikolai, Its your turn this time." Dempsey nudged Nikolai and he pulled his bow out, "Right.". As the zombies surrounded the 4, Richtofen 1.0 took care of some others while Nikolai used his elemental bow on the zombies in the area around the keeper. "And done! That was the final one!" Nikolai happily exclaimed, "Alright.. Let's follow the Keeper, Its moving somewhere else.

The Keeper wandered to the Undercroft and out into the middle of the strange pyramid... Everything was shaking. "Its.. Its happening…" Richtofen 2.0 said, holding onto a wall behind him, suddenly, the pyramid and the Keeper dissapeared! Dr. Groph was yelled over the microphone, the sounds of the Keeper breaking into the station was heard, "The hell is going on?!" Dempsey yelled over the ground rumbling and panicked screaming of Dr. Groph, "I do not know!!" Nikolai yelled back, just then, the rumbling ceased, the Keeper returned to the middle… With the MPD in place of the stone pyramid. "Its here… quick! Put the Soul Canister into the top corner of it!" Richtofen handed the Canister to Richtofen 1.0, "Hey I recognize this thing! Here.. The can goes... Here! He bounced to the space where the can was missing and plopped it in, a bright white flash was seen. "Everyone get onto a slab! Were going in!" Richtofen 2.0 yelled, the 4 pulled their Ragnarok-DG4s out, "Richtofen, hold onto my leg." Takeo looked down to Richtofen 1.0, he grabbed his leg, "And… NOW!!" Richtofen punctured the Ragnaroks into the ground, with everyone following.

(some cut off to prevent an awkward silence)

Everyone ended up in a huge dark room with pillars around it, "!!, The Keeper was corrupted! We must undo this, or else we will not be able to recover -him- properly!" Richtofen shouted, he pulled his Void Bow out. "Richtofen, please give us your protection during this battle, and remember that we could not have survived this long without you. Go on and fight with us!" Takeo pulled his Wolf Bow out, and nodded at Richtofen, "..I… I'll do my greatest! Yaaaaaaaah!" He bounced away onto a… Skeleton? Zombie? He tore it apart regardless of what it was. "Alright Keeper, bring it on.. We'll do whatever it takes to recover… Him." Dempsey confidently took his Fire Bow out, Nikolai was completely silent, focused on the situation. Skeleton zombies arose from the ground from all directions as the Giant Keeper proceeded to attack the group while chanting phrases in the Keeper language. "Ow-! God..!" Dempsey was knocked down to his back by a group of Skeletons, he ran dry of ammo so fast, "Dempsey..? D-Dempsey..!" Richtofen 2.0 noticed him on the ground and fired a Void Bow shot near him to get rid of the attacking Skeletons, worriedly, he ran to the downed teammate and helped him up, "Thanks, Doc." Dempsey put his arm around Richtofen, suddenly, a strange ball of light was in the middle below the Keeper, Richtofen's eyes looked extremely alarmed, "Stay here!" He yelled, pulling out his Ragnarok-DG4s. In a hurry, he implanted them into the ground near the light and ran away, "Everyone shoot at its Chest!!!" Richtofen called out pulling back the arrow of his Void Bow, the Keeper was interrupted mid-charge in its attack and yelped in pain, temporarily stunned. "Now! Do it now!" Richtofen started firing shots at its chest, followed by everyone else. "This is boring! Let me handle this!" Richtofen 1.0 called out, with his strength in his legs, he jumped onto the robe of the giant keeper and climbed up like a cat, " Richtofen, what the hell are you doing?!" Dempsey called from below, "Taking care of what needs to be done, since I know what to do!" Richtofen 1.0 was in front of the blinding light of the opening on the Keeper's chest, "Eat this you.. You thing!!" He screeched, he bit directly on the spot, he kicked and scratched, the Keeper let out a cry of pain, "One more shot should do it!" Richtofen 1.0 yelled from above, "I got it!" Takeo yelled back, he charged a final shot from the Wolf Bow and fired it, Richtofen 1.0 scurried down from the Giant Keeper's robe as it screeched and yelped in pain.

Everything faded back to what seemed to be reality, back in the Undercroft, "The MPD.. Wait, We need to do this." Richtofen 2.0 pulled out the Summoning Key and inserted it into an opening in the front of the MPD, it took a moment… "Everyone, stand back. This might give off a shock or a flash." The Summoning Key finished absorbing something, "The Keeper Soul… Perfect.. Everyone follow me upstairs, please, he dashed upstairs with the group tagging along. Just by the entrance of the bastion, a computer was turned on, "Here… This is it." Richtofen 2.0 lifted the Summoning Key to the computer, he let it do its thing. "30 seconds to impact.. " Dr. Groph read from the mic, "I am reading multiple rocket launches… what have you done?!… You are a FOOL, Richtofen!" He shouted, the group watched on as the Rockets flew up to the Moon. "Even the destruction of this facility, and my OWN DEATH will not prevent the advancement of our cause…." … "You have stopped NOTHING...!" and with a flash, the rockets collided with the Moon, ultimately blowing it up. "The road is long and dark, but I know where we are going… I… WE… Will complete our mission.. We have one more thing to finish, and its the summoning of the one we need to proceed from this universe." Richtofen 2.0 grabbed the summoning key from the table and headed downstairs to the courtyard being followed by the group. "He's still alive…" Richtofen quietly said, firmly gripping the Summoning Key, "everyone, please, stand back. This will flash as I do this." Richtofen held the group back as he stood in front of the Cryo-Chamber. Holding the Summoning Key to the sky, it gave off a bright, yellow light, looking like it was absorbing something, the Cryo-Chamber appeared to be completely empty.. "It is done... He will now be re-born once again." Richtofen turned around and held the Summoning Key out, letting it give off and light, it let out a stream of light to the ground, it created a figure from the ground up. "Its.. Working.. Yes..!" Richtofen 2.0 excitedly called out, "Come forth, Dempsey 1.0!!" From the shining silhouette of a figure, a body was formed physically, sporting a Keeper Robe and a Hood. From the sky, it floated down to the ground and looked up.. "Alright, what are you guys needing?" He asked. Everyone stood in silence. Richtofen 1.0 suddenly bursted out laughing, "what? What is it?" Takeo asked, "Ahah.. After such an epic summoning, you say THAT?! Bahahah!!" Richtofen 1.0 was on the ground laughing out loud. "Shut it, Richtofen. I haven't seen you in an aeon or two and I dont wanna make our first meeting about me tearing your sorry ass to shreds." Dempsey 1.0 tried to be as polite as possible, hearing the threatening tone in his voice, Richtofen 1.0 kept shut. "Sorry for that, Dempsey.. We need your help, from you and the Keepers. The Universes are under a threat by… Them. You know who I am talking about, I assume." Richtofen 2.0 sounded a bit quiet, Dempsey 1.0 nodded in agreement, "Fine. But if I am to protect you through your journey, Mr. Sauerkraut over here better promise to keep his trap shut." Dempsey pointed to Richtofen 1.0, "Hey! I did nothing!" He said in his defense. "Silence." Dempsey boldly said, staring at Richtofen 1.0. "Eek! S-Sorry…", he squealed, cowering behind Takeo. "Everyone, please. Dempsey, we need to be taken to a certain universe, one far from here, will you help us?" Asked Richtofen 2.0, Dempsey sighed, "Sure, but I can't do this often. //they// can usually track my position easier if I hop between Universes. Lets get this show on the road, everyone, stay close." Dempsey raised his left arm to the sky, "Just tell me where we're headed once were up and I'll take ya there". With a bright flash, a beam was shot up to the sky, "Hang tight everyone, we're heading up." Everyone stayed close. A few moments passed by, and the group was already being lifted up into the air by a beam, "Hey I'm flying! I've always wanted to fly." Richtofen 1.0 impulsively stated, Dempsey 1.0 sighed impatiently. "Alright, let's go." He said, a wormhole type opening expanded in the sky, "its gonna get bumpy from here, be careful."

And with that, the 6 were sent off to.. An island. In seemingly the middle of nowhere.

And that's that! Since this one was written recently (couple days ago), the Zetsubou chapter might be a while, maybe a couple days or a week. Stay tuned please!

#Apothi AU #Apothi Backstory #cod zombies

9 notes · View notes