#is best of all seasons because adore bianca and courtney

[sheacouleecametoslay]

Season 6 (2014)

Season 6 is often regarded as the best Drag Race season ever. A part of me thinks Season 5 was better, but that season also had Roxxxy Andrews on it. There's no one that I truly can't stand on Season 6; the worst I can come up with is Magnolia having a bad attitude and Milk's style not being for me. Even Darienne Lake had her moments, which caught me by surprise on a rewatch. But I felt like Season 5 had more classic moments and classic characters ya know? Still I think I'm going to give both seasons the same grade. I think it's because Season 6 serves as the transition between the early years and the middle era; before the Untucked format changed, before Santino left. It's also when the show switched-up the "Cover Girl" transition. It's the first season where the queens are required to wear the same outfit in every confessional. And the term "She-Mail" is about to be axed from the show (finally), all thanks to that awful mini-challenge. This season has a strong set of challenges. The only ones I didn't like were the Chaz/Georgia interview and the wedding Makeover. Both of which had uncomfortable moments. Especially the latter, since one of the grooms was forced to do it by his fiancée, and he was visibly uncomfortable with the whole experience. Also, the design challenges in the double premiere had some lackluster runways in them. But other than that, Season 6 has one of the best Snatch Games. For once, more than just 3 queens are funny. We have the first ever Rusical, and this one involved live singing. It pitted the two singers Courtney and Adore against each other, and while some other queens fumbled their lines, and the April/Josyln/Laganja trio was a mess, it's often regarded as one of the best. The body painting mini-challenge was a cool idea too. The 90s Rap Battle was fun. Bianca killed the stand-up. And "Scream Queens" was a decent acting challenge. Episode 7 felt very contrived though. It was giving me flashbacks to the duets in Season 4. The pairings were obviously done on purpose - Adore & Laganja were having their friendship tested, Bianca & Trinity already had drama, Darienne & Ben also had tension, and Courtney & Joslyn had a celebrity/fan dynamic. The producers just put all the drama pairings together. In a way I'm glad that was the Double Shantay episode. Least of all because Darienne won that lip sync against Ben, and I doubt production wanted Ben gone so soon. It also affected the schedule, meaning that someone actually Sashay'ed in the final regular episode of the season. It also helps that the main song of Season 6 is "Sissy That Walk", which is probably Ru's signature song. It wasn't my favourite finale music video, but those weird poses in the photoshoot were... something. The double premiere is another factor that helped this season. It helped the audience get to know the queens better when it wasn't 14 people competing for screen time. It made the early boots feel less forgettable than usual. Untucked had Bianca asking Trinity "What do you do successfully", Laganja saying "I feel very attacked", Laganja breaking down in general.

Queens Ranking: 14. Magnolia Crawford In her intro, Magnolia kept changing her mind on how to label herself, before settling "glamorous trash queen". A description that didn't really apply to what we saw. She then metaphorically threw her hands up in the air after seeing the materials she had to work with. And that sour attitude is why she did so poorly. Her first runway was that basic cow-print, with the bow on her ass, and the unflattering dark nose contour. The judges read her for it and she got really defensive and irritated in response. She also blamed everything on the materials. I think Ru was done with Magnolia the moment she talked back lol. She said on Untucked she was just there for the exposure anyways. Did she even know the words to that lip sync? 13. Milk The original quirky queen. Milk was committed to doing her own weird thing and defying the accepted norms of RPDR; without a single regard for what the judges, or anyone else for that matter, thought about it. Her entrance look had toilet paper on her shoe. Her runways included a white beard, a Pinocchio nose, a baby bump, and of course Werk Room RuPaul in boy drag. That last one is why I put her bottom 3 for Snatch Game over Trinity. Milk is someone you either love or hate, and she definitely has her fans, but her style is not for me. In the challenges, she was okay in the beginning. But her Julia Child in Snatch Game was boring. And her rap verse included the line "if you're looking for a dude or in the preggers mood"; alongside some rather cringey dance moves in the video. Ironically enough, the round she left was the only time she did a "normal" runway. Also her lip sync moves to "Whatta Man" didn't match the song. 12. Kelly Mantle Kelly's whole story was that she had 17 years of drag experience, along with some acting experience, but it didn't materialize on the show. Her first runway was that horrible bacon dress with the red wig. She also started the season off with a subtle dig at Willam. She later made a dig at Vivacious's age. And... that's about all I got. A hint of shadiness to her personality but she's the one S6 queen I could consider "forgettable". 11. Darienne Lake The annual RPDR cockroach. Why she lasted until Final 4 just to be the most obvious final elimination this side of Alexis Michelle remains a mystery. I guess cuz she brought the drama? But Darienne delivered basic runway after basic runway. Her St Patrick's Day outfit landed her in the bottom 2 in her debut episode. The elephant outfit was tacky. Her goth Makeover didn't work out so well. And then there's the Glitter Ball!, where she had 3 of the worst looks of the entire season. That was not Executive Realness. Those dropping topaz jewels! She was also really bitter for some reason? She made comments on Milk's outfit, she said "why not just give her cement shoes and throw her in the water", and of course she had a random feud with Ben because Ben was gloating about her wins. Darienne also overestimated her challenge performances, even thinking she was top 3 in the Rusical when she was out of step with Gia. Moreover, her rap verse didn't describe who she is. And her interviewing was awkward. But Darienne had some comedic moments - she won as a talking head in a box, she interjected a bunch as Paula Deen in the Snatch Game, her stand-up was suprisingly solid, and she even won the Reading mini-challenge. Plus that lip sync where she grabbed the tips was fun. 10. Laganja Estranja The annual RPDR trainwreck. "OKURRRR"; "YASS GAWD". Laganja's death drop entrance is iconic, but she spent the entire season embodying this forced, phony, exaggerated weed-smoker persona. It's like she was trying to be someone that she's not, and it got really annoying. She had this posh voice in confessional. She'd come into the Werk Room with things on her head and Bianca would call her an attention-seeker. She got upset when her friend Adore outperformed her. And she wrote her stand-up routine underneath a desk. Speaking of which, that stand-up routine was such a WTF moment ("it's very dry, it's almost kinda like your vagina"). That was her persona cranked to an 11; the outfit was a choice too. Moreover, her Rachel Zoe in Snatch Game was robotic and unfunny. Still, her rap verse was alright; probably my 4th place. She pulled out the splits and death drops during her lip syncs. And her Best Drag runway was good. Laganja also got emotional in Untucked a lot; from Bianca joking about her parents video, to the iconic "I feel very attacked" episode, where she lashed out after being confronted about her persona. Even Adore was saying that isn't the Laganja she knows. 9. April Carrión April spent the season metaphorically burying her head in her hands, feeling doubtful in all 3 challenges. She wasn't happy with the Duck Dynasty box in the first episode, but she turned it out in the final product. It was the second best outfit from her group. In episode 2, she didn't know how to play a butch queen, but she delivered one of my favourite runways of the season - that umbrella with the blue string rain. But then the Rusical was another messy performance from April, and that was end of her run. She didn't have a big personality anyways. 8. Vivacious Vivacious is mostly this high for Ornacia. The way she struggled to unzip her outfit during her entrance lol. I think she was too old-school for what RPDR is looking for, especially by Season 6. She had 21 years of drag experience and labelled herself as the last original NYC club kid. That's era that she wanted to represent on the show and she wasn't going to change or compromise her style to adapt to the modern era. But I didn't like that black cone outfit either way. Also her Game of Thrones runway look sloppy. She even wanted to put a baby dragon on it and Ru was not won over lol. As for her performance in "Scream Queens", the producers could've edited out that long awkward pause, but her lines still lacked energy. 7. Courtney Act Courtney had great runways - the waitress outfit, the spreading bird wings, the Australian/aboriginal flag combination, the Ruby look in the Glitter Ball. But she's like Raja or Detox; I respect their craft but find them hard to root for. She came off like one of those celebrities who can't relate to non-celebrities. The lifestyle is so different. Her main criticism was that she lacked humanity. And she won the talk show challenge because she made an effort to rectify that. She also won the Rusical because her big vocal moments stole the show. She could've been top 3 in "Scream Queens" too if it weren't based on teams. But the rest of her challenge performances were very safe/mid. She seriously resorted to singing in her stand-up. I think the producers were giving Courtney a villain edit as well. She was pretty patronizing to Joslyn, who idolized her. It made it seem like she doesn't treat her fans well. She upstaged her Makeover partner. She spent her confessionals poking flaws in her competitors. And she showed off her body multiple times on the runway, giving Carmen Carrera flashbacks. Her entrance is still one of my faves though - when she pretended to walk into the wrong room. 6. Joslyn Fox "Keep it Foxy, wonk wonk". The utter lack of self-awareness with this girl. "I do like to eat at IHOP"; "I have house numbers" (Bianca: "it's your age"); "I've finally narrowed down my fabrics" (camera shows a giant pile of fabric); "I plan on being the black horse"; "I wanna lick Santino's head"... and that's just from her debut episode! She also gave us "not my cup of soup"; the "jumbo shrimp" joke and "I like gumbo". Joslyn had this giddy, smiling approach to everything. She was average in most challenges, and her runways were subpar (two episodes in a row of those straps; that overly busy Quinceanera outfit; that checkered thing in the stand-up), but her cluelessness was weirdly endearing. Her Teresa Giudice in Snatch Game was funny too ("Cumin!"). Her rap verse was good. She kinda slayed that P!nk lip sync. And her getting married in the finale was a nice moment. But Joslyn really crashed and burned in the latter half. She had one good joke in the stand-up. She wasted time choosing an outfit instead of preparing for the interview. She then asked Georgia Holt about abortion (and somehow thought that interview went well). And her demise was the Makeover, where production screwed her over by getting rid of the dark toned make-up after Trinity left. She was the obvious queen to go though. 5. Gia Gunn When Gia entered the Werk Room with that hula hoop purse, I thought she was going to be a top contender. She gave main character energy; between her rude reads in confessional and just being clueless - "What's a Tony?"; "I'm feeling my oats"; "Darinne, you know... my god... there's room for everybody let's just say that"; "well you girls... look good"; "I've never heard of a Delorean, for all I know it's a f**king ancient dildo"; "...if it's not giving it, maybe it's just not for you". Or even saying "absolutely" 3 times in a row to the judges. Or how poorly she sold her ideas to Ru in the Werk Room. Gia impressed with her first runway, even if I thought it was generic. But then came the performance challenges and... yeah, Gia was not a good actress or singer. Her ultimate downfall was the Snatch Game. Her Kim K was rough to watch. And she originally wanted to do Selena lol. BTW, can someone please tell Gia to get off of Twitter? Even on this season I get the vibe that she thinks she knows what she's talking about when she doesn't. But I don't think she crossed a line on this season? Unless I missed something. 4. BenDeLaCreme Ben should've stayed over Darienne, and it should've been a 4-person finale. I think the judges were too harsh on her. I mean, yeah the rapping challenge proved that she lacked versality. Her verse was so cringe ("Creminem!") and I would've put her in the bottom 3 for that. I also wasn't fond of her showgirl drag voice at first. But her down-to-Earth, mild-mannered out-of-drag voice balanced things out. She had one of the best Snatch Game performances ever as Maggie Smith ("excuse me we originated the language"). She won the first challenge with that cheesecake thing. I liked her Chaz/Georgia interview better than Courtney's. She could've won the "Scream Queens" challenge, but was stuck on the losing team. She was top 3 in the Rusical. And I almost gave her the win for the Makeover. Ben was strong this season. She came off professional and well-trained. Her bug and her fur runways were great as well. Her low points were the stand-up routine, where she just rambled on and on and got heckled. The cosmetics ad, but I think her and Darienne were set-up; and I don't know why they aimed it at plastic surgery users. And of course the Glitter Ball, where her first two looks were disappointing. 3. Adore Delano "Party". Adore is weirdly charming for someone who was unprepared and unprofessional for many challenges this season. The first few episodes were a wake-up-call that she couldn't skate by. She had no sewing skills, and it showed in that horrible Honey Boo Boo dress. It was even stuck to the mannequin! Next episode she was team leader and rushed through assigning the roles, which ended in disaster. Her acting wasn't the worst though. She was also read for not cinching her waist early on. The Rusical began her redemption arc, where she stood out as the star of her group. After that, she was funny as Anna Nicole Smith in Snatch Game. And she embodied 90s rap the best. But then she stumbled again - her stand-up routine was messy (but at least she had jokes), she was unprepared for the Chaz/Georgia interview, and her wedding Makeover was rough. She bounced back a second time by winning the Glitter Ball, but her 2nd look wasn't as good; and I only liked the 3rd one for the presentation of it. Adore knew how to work the runway. I thought her Aretha lip sync was too intense though. Adore had this casual approach to the show, while still wanting to prove herself. She kinda came off as someone that I'd want to be friends with? and I think that's why her charm worked. 2. Trinity K. Bonet Introvert queen! That entrance was so awkward when she was waiting with Bianca lol. Trinity's story was her reluctant attitude in the challenges. She let her acting  inexperience get in her head and it put her in the bottom 2 three times. It reached a boiling point during the Rusical episode, where she was very grumpy during rehearsal and later lashed out in the Werk Room. Still, I felt there was worse offenders each time she was in the bottom 2. Sure Trinity tripped over a line in the Rusical, but at least she was in sync with Bianca. Her rap verse lacked conviction, but she had better writing than some others. She kept calling Chaz Bono "Chad" in the interview, but how is that worse than an abortion question? Her Nicki Minaj in Snatch Game wasn't great either. But at the same time, those bottom 2 placements lead to Trinity becoming the Lip Sync Assassin of Season 6. She was the best lip syncer in the cast, and one of the top runway queens too - the Princess Party, the hippie, the domino dress, the bird feathers. I think she should've won the cosmetics ad with Bianca (that was a missed storyline opportunity), but her stand-up routine the next episode was even better redemption moment. Otherwise, her HIV confession was an emotional moment. And I didn't like when her enunciation was criticized. 1. Bianca Del Rio As if anyone else was going to be #1. This season was a cakewalk for Bianca - no one else stood chance. It was almost unfair to the other competitors. She was never in the bottom 3. She never flopped a challenge. She was cracking remarks in her entrance. She never stopped hurling those insulting remarks or reality checks at her fellow queens in the Werk Room or Untucked. And not only is Bianca one of the best comedy queens in RPDR herstory, she had strong runways too. Two of her wins were actually design challenges. She won her debut episode with the Hawaiian Luau dress, which is my favourite look of hers. The black-and-white one and the Best Drag one are up there too. Her Judge Judy in the Snatch Game came so naturally to her and it would've won in another season. Her rap verse was good. And her peak moment was the stand-up routine; she absolutely killed it. She also won the Makeover challenge (that wedding dress looked well-made) and she probably should've won the Glitter Ball too. Bianca's relationship with Trinity was a major part of the season as well; she was like a frustrated drag mother showing tough love. They were paired together in the cosmetics ad and pulled it out. Bianca also helped Adore with her outfits. Bianca had a soft side and she wasn't serious with the insults; that distinction makes all the difference. Favourite entrance: Gia Gunn (episode 1) / Trinity K. Bonet (episode 2) Challenge ranking: 1. Snatch Game 2. 90s Rap Battle 3. "Scream Queens" (Acting) 4. Shade: The Rusical 5. Stand-up routine 6. Glitter Ball 7. Cosmetics adverts 8. "Sissy That Walk" Music Video 9. Party box couture (Design Pt 2) 10. TV shows couture (Design Pt 1) 11. The RuPaul Show (Talk show/Improv) 12. "Drag My Wedding" Makeover Lip Sync ranking: 1. Adore Delano vs Trinity K. Bonet ("Vibeology") (should've been the Double Shantay) 2. April Carrión vs Trinity K. Bonet ("I'm Every Woman") 3. Milk vs Trinity K. Bonet ("Whatta Man") 4. Joslyn Fox vs Laganja Estranja ("Stupid Girls") 5. BenDeLaCreme vs Darienne Lake (1) ("Point of No Return") 6. April Carrión vs Vivacious ("Shake It Up") 7. Adore Delano vs Joslyn Fox ("Think") 8. Gia Gunn vs Laganja Estranja ("Head to Toe") 9. Kelly Mantle vs Vivacious ("Express Yourself") 10. Darienne Lake vs Magnolia Crawford ("Turn The Beat Around") (messy but Dari was fun) 11. Top 4 Lip Sync ("Sissy That Walk") (zzzz + fake split screen editing) 12. BenDeLaCreme vs Darienne Lake (2) ("Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)") (zzzz) Every season has had an obvious #1 lip sync so far Season ranking so far: 5 > 6 > 4 > 2 > 3 > 1 > AS1

[2worlds-colliding]

Adore Delano

#adore delano whatever album promotional photoshoot #what an incredible shot #the background contrast 🤩 #adore delano #whatever #whatever by adore delano #rpdr #ru girl #rpdr s6 #is best of all seasons because adore bianca and courtney

[nevermindthewind]

start your engines

since we know that jake and amy canonically watch drag race, ofc i had to write up some headcanons on the subject. mild spoilers for drag race. 

· Rosa’s been watching drag race since season one. She loves her some good reality tv and when you combine that with fierce talent?? Obviously our girls into it.

· However, since this is rosa we’re talking about, no one at the nine nine knows about her new favorite show.

· That is, until jake invites her to drinks one night in 2012 and she responds without thinking.

 “Sorry dude, can’t. Drag race is on tonight and I need to see if my girl sharon needles finally sends that bitch phi phi packing.”

Jake is shocked, natch. What is this show and, more importantly, who in their right mind would name their child sharon needles?! He tries to ask but rosa shoots him her signature Death Glare and he drops it.

· A couple years later he sees rosa and gina discussing something in the break room and he sees rosa get more animated and excited than he’s ever seen her. When he goes in to investigate he discovers it’s an argument...of sorts.

“Rosa, rosa, rosa. There is no way in hell dela deserved to go home over darienne. I mean, did you see darienne’s gown for the ball?! if you can even call it a gown. More like a flesh colored stretched out condom with a couple rhinestones attached.”

“No way. Dela showed the judges the same boring outfit we’ve seen every runway. I never got to know her. America’s next drag superstar can’t hide behind a character.”

“You would never see Floorgasm in an outfit like that, let alone the winner of drag race. Shudder.”

· Jake finally gets into the show the following season. When he’s in the midst of his amy funk and amy’s dating teddy rosa takes pity on the guy and invites him over for the season seven premiere. Rosa gives him a basic rundown of the show and tells him that he better ask his questions now because as soon as the episode starts all of her attention will be on the queen’s entrance looks.

· As soon as he watches the first lip sync for your life jake is hooked.

“You mean they do all those dance moves and splits in HEELS?”

“Yeah, dude. And i read that each runway takes hours and they’re on their feet the entire time. those queens are stronger than even terry.”

“I won’t tell him you said that.”

“Tell him if you want. I stand by it.”

· By episode 4 Jake’s got all the lingo down.

“TRIXIE got sent home?! No shade but her look was sickening compared to pearls. I am outraged rosa. Outraged.”

He’s subsequently gagged when trixie comes back.

· Jake’s obsessed with ginger minj and spends half of every episode telling rosa how they’d make the best of friends. Rosa has a crush on violet in and out of drag.

· When Jake and Amy start dating Jake (with Rosa’s permission, ofc) invites Amy to join drag race night.

· Amy doesn’t quite know what to make of it at first but she can appreciate the art form and all the work that goes into drag.

“Like, half the time I can’t even be bothered to put on lipstick, and yet here these guys -- girls? -- are spending hours on one look! And those dance moves. I mean...the way they just fall on the ground! But like, in a dancey way-- ”

“You mean death drops, babe?”

“Yeah those! AMAZING.”

· All three of them tear up during the chi chi and thorgy lip sync in season 8. And they absolutely LOSE IT when the beads fall to the ground.

· Amy yells “go OFF chi chi!” and that’s how rosa and jake know they have a drag race convert on their hands.

· thanks to bob jake starts entering the bull pen with his badge out in front of him saying “walk into the room badge first.”

· When Jake and Amy move in together they buy seasons 1-7 on Amazon prime so they can catch up and spend almost every day after work watching at least one episode.

Amy falls in love with shangela, raja, dida ritz, sharon needles, ivy winters, and bianca del rio and adore delano. Jake loves Bianca and adore and his other faves are manila luzon, raja, raven, willam, and courtney act. (Truth be told he just thinks Courtney is gorgeous in and out of drag. THOSE EYES. THOSE LEGS.)

· They both love latrice royale, le duh.

· Rosa loves alaska, and alyssa edwards. Gina is both a roxxy andrews and raven stan. among others, obvs.

· Oh god why do I feel like Gina would also love gia and laganja?

· drag race nights continue into seasons nine and ten.

· one night jake comments how of the three of them he’s carson, amy is ross Matthews, and rosa is michelle visage and now they can’t UNSEE IT.

· jake and Amy can often be found listening to rupaul songs or what’s the tea on their drives to work

· They talk along with ru all the time

 “Good luck and don’t. fuck it up.”

“Gentlemen, start your engines. And may the best woman *arm up* WIN.”

“100,000 doll-ahs!!!!”

· AMY LOVES BLAIR ST CLAIR.

· every makeover episode jake spends the entire ep talking about how he’d be perfect for a drag makeover

“I mean I’d look sickening, ames!”

“You already do, babe.”

“d’awwww. But seriously, they should do a cop makeover so I can be on the show. I want my mug to be beat to FILTH.”

· One night after drag race they’re all drunk off the Absolut Drinks (#branddeals) they made for the show and rosa and Amy somehow convince Jake to let them give him a makeover (think jenna and julien)

Rosa contours his face for the gods while Amy gives him a perfect smokey eye.

In the words of miz cracker, “he’s a WOMAN.”

· Oh also Jake has a massive crush on Valentina, again in and out of drag (he’s got a thing for latinas, what did you expect?)

· FACTS ARE FACTS, AMERICA.

#my favorite thing is making super niche headcanons that no one else will care about but me and a handful of others #also how GREAT was the golden child?! #fic #my writing #peraltiago fic #jake x amy #peraltiago #drag race

[more4gemini]

How do you think it would turn out if all the seasons prior to All Stars 2 had the top 4 write verses for that season's rupaul song? (Like Raja, Manila, Alexis, and Yara would each sing or rap a verse to Champion, for example)

Oh Jesus, I think there would be a lot of messiness! I’m bored so let me go through all the seasons:

Season 2: I feel like Tyra would’ve killed the writing part, not sure about a live performance because we all say her “Groob is for my Girls” performance 😂 Raven would probably be the opposite, she did well at the live performances but idk if she’d be good at writing a verse. Juju is a wildcard, she said she sings but look what happened during Rocker Chicks…

Season 3: I think Manila would do well. We’ve heard the lyrics to Raja’s songs so…yeah that would be interesting. But she’d still probably turn out a live performance. Alexis I’m not sure if the language barrier would be a problem. But Nina did well s1 so who knows?

Season 4: I feel like they all wouldn’t have been great, but I think Sharon would probably be the best because she does make music still.

Season 5: WOULD HAVE BEEN ICONIC. Alaska and Jinkx would have absolutely killed it and we would’ve gotten another. Roxxxy. verse. ICONIC.

Season 6: Adore and Courtney would’ve obviously done well. Bianca would probably struggle in comparison

Season 7: Ginger would’ve done awesome. Violet probably would’ve done okay too. Pearl…probably not.

Season 8: Naomi would’ve definitely murdered the live performance. Bob would’ve definitely killed the writing (and probably the performance too). Kim probably would’ve struggled with both tbh.

#this one was fun #ask #i would live for the messiness

[inayas]

just do ALL of them for the ask meme u just rb’d just all of em

wow!! I owe u my life madi thank u I’ll do it

1 favorite moment“tyra is a complete bitch” and all of the s5 untucked2 favorite contestant I mean I’m so up dela’s ass at this point that I just can’t say anyone else (but really I mean she is the best so)3 favorite winner jinkx4 comedy queens or beauty pageant queens comedy queens5 favorite lipsync raven/jujubee in all stars, tatianna/alyssa6 drag rupaul or out of drag rupaulin drag7 favorite s6 queenoohhhh try to guess!!8 most attractive queen out of dragraja, aquaria, adore9 best snatch game impersonation alaska in as2, dela in s6, ginger in s710 favorite seasonsix, as211 favorite runway lookfucking impossible let’s say violet in ep1 of s7 and katya in that split runway idk there’s too many12 jujubee or manilajujubee13 raven or rajaraja14 sharon or jinkxjinkx15 favorite catchphrase by rupaulyour country breakfast is ready 16 best feudalyssa/coco17 favorite s3 queenraja18 dwv or aaa girlsdwv19 favorite challenge I don’t remember how it’s called but in s7 when they did half feminine/half manly runway ahhhh I fucking love that20 favorite “villain”hmm roxxy cause she redeem herself so much21 favorite drag queen songa song to come home to - jinkx22 favorite s1 queen(s1 is the only season I didn’t watched don’t hate me) 23 alyssa edwards or coco montresealyssa24 favorite friendship adore/dela even though it wasn’t shown much on the show 25 favorite top three bianca, adore and courtney26 favorite latrice royale catchphrase every word she says is brilliant 27 willam or alaskaalaska28 least favorite queenacid betty29 funniest queenjinkx and katya30 meanest queendarienne lake 31 favorite s5 queenjinkx32 favorite mini challenge any of them where they don’t show a bunch of naked dudes33 best miss congeniality if I’m being bias as shit - dela and katya, if I’m being reasonable - cynthia lee fontaine34 ___ should have won instead of ___now - raven instead of tyra. but I didn’t thought that at the time 35 favorite shocking moment dela eliminating herself 36 favorite s2 queentatianna and jujubee37 favorite catchphrase by a contestant alyssa’s tongue pop38 michelle visage or santino ricemichelle39 favorite all-stars teamoh wow remember teams in all stars……let’s say fucking pandora and mimi because why not40 least favorite seasonnine, but now that I remember as1….idek41 rolaskatox or the heathers nether 42 sharon/phiphi or jinkx/roxxy feudjinkx/roxxy cause it was so so satisfying in the end43 favorite guest judge johnny weir cause I just love him 44 best drag queen name bob the drag queen45 favorite s7 queenkatya46 favorite entrance by a queen laganja, katya47 adore delano or courtney actadore48 favorite puerto rican contestant april carrion49 favorite s4 queenchad michaels50 top three contenders for s7 crown (I guess I should do s10)aquaria, monet, miz cracker/kameron

wow that was fun

#thank u love I hope it's somewhat interesting to read #ask

[theofficialcunt]

Simplicité - Chapter 11

#simplicite #multi chap

[floralreddie]

I love that both Eddie and Richie are drag race fans in your tumblr AU! Also it’s so obvious that Richie is an adore delano fan Im dead. But now I kinda wanna see my boys drag themselves? Could u maybe write something about it? Maybe it’s a dare but they get way into it in the end. Featuring a very supporting bff bev who lends them all the make up.

I LOVE THIS. okay so this is separate from my trans!richie au but it’s obviously modern au, both the boys are in an established relationship! (also i am slowly working my way through my requests don’t hate me but i just had to write this one bc drag race is l i f e)

warnings: swearing, richie being a perv so some sexual themes, also there might be a few spelling mistakes bc i did this quickly amongst my uni work

forever taglist: @pearltheartist@mikoalabearwrites @arielgirly @trashmouth-smashmouth@mzcescapie@somenates27@reddiesballoons@cawcawhawkeye@richietoaster@sassy-molassy@fuckin-richie @zerealromaniangurl @notagoodplace4gods @itsway-past-mybedtime @homohayls @reddiefic @trashmouth-tozier69 @temptedtozier @bitchardtozier @virgo-green

Richie thinks it’s kind of rude that his account on Eddie’s Netflix is called Parasite 1, but he can’t really complain because Eddie pays for both his account, and Richie’s. What can Richie say? His boyfriend knows how to take care of him.

They lounge on Eddie’s single bed now, backs pressed against the headboard and the sound of Eddie’s mom making dinner loudly in the kitchen the one sign that they were not home alone. Richie knows full well that Mrs Kaspbrak makes so much noise as a way to deter the two from getting up to anything ‘unholy’, or whatever. Though the woman had finally accepted Eddie’s sexuality, after years of making Eddie feel like shit, she was like most definitely not okay with Eddie’s choice in partner.

Richie Tozier, though the polar opposite from Eddie Kaspbrak, was perhaps the most perfect person in the world for Eddie. And vice versa.

‘Man, I fucking love this season,’ Richie says, fiddling with Eddie’s hand in his lap and staring at the TV which showed Rupaul’s Drag Race. Eddie, next to him, glances at Richie with a soft smile, before turning back to the TV. ‘Like, Adore is the fucking bomb. Her drag is sick’.

‘Messy slut,’ Eddie quips, entwining his fingers absentmindedly with Richie’s. ‘That’s what she calls herself. Figures that you like her’.

‘Eddie!’ Richie gasps, turning to his boyfriend and pushing his glasses up his nose with his free hand. ‘Are you calling me a slut?’

Eddie, in return, rolls his eyes. ‘I think Bianca is my favourite this season,’ he hums with a nod. ‘Yeah’.

Richie scoffs. ‘That’s cheating. She’s everyone’s favourite!’

Eddie turns with a glare. ‘Fuck off’.

Richie grins, before pecking Eddie on the nose and ruffling his soft, brown hair. Eddie splutters and slaps Richie’s hand away with pink cheeks. ‘Cute, cute, cute!’ Richie laughs, throwing an arm around Eddie’s shoulders. ‘Y’know, you’d look pretty sick in some soft Courtney drag, y’know. Pretty make up. Lots of pink. Or maybe a throw back to Season Three with some Carmen Carrera, that way you can show all of your booooody!’ 

Richie grins brightly when Eddie lets our a snort, and the smaller of the two throws his curly haired boyfriend a bemused look. ‘Can you really imagine me in a bikini?’

Richie’s smile falls a mere fraction. ‘Oh, hell yeah,’ he breathes, tightening his arm around Eddie’s shoulders. Eddie scoffs, before leaning his head against Richie’s shoulder and both their attentions turn back to the TV, humming along with the music. After a few minutes, Richie says, ‘Why don’t we do it?’

‘Huh?’ Eddie hums.

Richie looks down at his boyfriend, his grin growing. ‘Drag ourselves up? Your mum’s going to work soon. Come on, it’ll be fun! We’re both pretty as hell, why not?’

Eddie stares up at Richie for a full thirty seconds, eyes narrowed as if trying to decipher if the Trashmouth was taking the piss or not. After nearly a minute of staring into Richie’s joyous, dark eyes, Eddie lets a smile break across his face. ‘Shit, shall we?’

‘Holy shit,’ Richie yelps, scrambling to grab his cracked phone. ‘I’ll text Bev to come round and help us! Oh my God, this is going to be fucking awesome!’ He presses a sloppy kiss to Eddie’s cheek, just the moment that Mrs Kaspbrak barges in without knocking to tell them that dinner was ready.

She glares as Eddie blushes and scrambles off of the bed with Richie, who merely smiles brightly as Mrs K as he passes her in the doorway and says, ‘Thanks, Mrs K! Smells great!’

-

Sonia goes to work soon after, and Ben arrives ten minutes after that. With the boys stomachs full of pasta, Eddie answers the door with a happy grin and takes in the two duffel bags that Bev is carrying.

‘You two,’ she grins, blue eyes bright and red hair a mess from the evening wind. ‘Have made my fucking day’.

It takes only a few minutes for Bev to herd the two into Eddie’s bedroom, before plonking the bags on the floor and throwing Eddie into his desk chair first. ‘You first,’ she says, tugging at her crop top as she considers his nervous face for a moment. ‘You’ll need less make up than Richie’.

Richie, who has sprawled his long limbs on Eddie’s bed, glares through his thick glasses. ‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Marsh?’

‘It means you’re ugly, dickweed’.

‘Oh my God, I am beautiful-’

‘I’m fucking joking,’ Bev laughs. ‘I got the perfect look for you, Tozier. Courtney Love meets Joan Jett’.

Richie stares at her as she reaches into her bag and pulls out a smaller, see-through bag filled with make up. ‘I knew there was a reason you’re my best friend,’ he says finally, to which Bev grins.

‘Thank you, my love,’ she says. Bev then puts the bag onto the desk, turns to Eddie, and says, ‘Right, close your eyes, Kaspbrak. I’m about to make you a fishy damn Queen’.

She orders Richie to close his eyes as he lays on the bed, and with a huff he does as told. Bev Marsh, who had discovered just how fun make up could be four years ago when she was thirteen, takes out the foundation first, then the contour kit, then the blusher. She shapes Eddie’s face as soft and pretty, highlighting his small nose and sharpening his round cheeks.

And shit, she’s fucking good at this, and she knows it.

She goes for pinks with his eyes. Soft pinks that hit his strong brows, with highlighter hitting the corner of his eyes to sharpen them. For his lips, she grabs a lipstick that her adoptive Ant had given her for her birthday. A low matte pink for Eddie’s small, soft lips.

She steps back to admire her work after carefully doing Eddie’s mascara, to which he moans it ‘gross and unsanitary’, since Bev used it on her own eyes. From his place on the bed, Richie tells him to shut the fuck up.

Eddie huffs, eyes still closed, and says that his face feels fucking weird, and he doesn’t know how Bev does this all the time.

She dusts over his eyes again, smoking out the pink and giving him some light orange under his eyes. She thins his nose and pours some of her favourite glitters over his cheekbones, before nearly fucking crying as she steps back and stares at Eddie.

‘Okay,’ she says, her voice betraying her utter glee. ‘Stand up. I’ll lead you to the bed. Richie, don’t peak!’

It takes fucking ages to swap the boys over, because they’re fucking idiots and Eddie trips over a good six times as Bev leads him to the bed. Richie, with gngly limbs, nearly topples on top of her as Bev pushes him onto the chair.

‘Right,’ she quips, hands on Richie’s shoulders as Eddie lays flat on the bed with his face oddly still. He had said something about getting make up on his sheets, and how his mom would freak the fuck out. ‘Let’s do this shit’.

She pulls out dark colours for Richie. Colours that she saved usually for when her and the other Losers went to gigs out of the Derry. She foundation over Richie’s faded acne and freckles, and goes for a darker contour than Eddie, her fingers dusty and sticky. She goes fucking insane with highlighter, having always been jealous as shit when it came to Richie’s damn cheekbones.

She tells him this, to which he merely grins, eyes closed, and says, ‘I’ve been told they could cut glass’.

She strengthens his high eyebrows, making them longer and fading out the ends. For his eyes, she goes with gold than fans out into a dark brown smokey eye, thanking fuck for the Youtube tutorials she had watched. She grabs the glitter against and pats it underneath his eyes, to which he winces and snaps at her to not poke out his fucking eyes.

‘Baby,’ she mutters.

She gives him a dark brown lip, once again admiring how full they were. Damn Richie for being so damn pretty. She softens his contour, spreads highlighter onto his nose, lines the underneath of his eyebrows with some gold glitter eyeliner, and grins. 

‘Eddie, come here,’ she says, helping him sit up and taking his hand. She leads him to the middle of the room, onto his soft blue carper, before doing the same to Richie, who complains that his eyelashes feel like they have fucking bricks weighing them down.

Admittedly, Bev had gone a little insane on the mascara with Richie’s long lashes.

She places them next to each other, both facing each other with Richie standing half a foot taller than Eddie, and then steps back and nearly starts fucking crying.

They look beautiful.

‘Open your eyes,’ she says.

Richie stares at Eddie as his eyes snap open, and his breath fucking catches in his throat. Eddie looked…beautiful. All pink and pretty, with his lined with some dark shit that made the brown seem even bigger on his pale face. The glitter on his cheekbones caught in the light of his room, and the pink on his lips was something that Richie definitely wanted to taste.

Eddie stares at Richie, quite sure that he was about to pass out. Richie was dark and sharp, his cheekbones high and shiny with some glittery shit, and his dark, wide eyes seeming even larger and darker with whatever the hell Bev had surrounded them with. His lips were coated with something dark, and his face seemed all the more eye-catching.

‘Holy shit,’ they both say at the same time. 

‘You look fucking hot,’ Eddie says at the same time Richie says, ‘You look beautiful, Ed’s’.

Richie grins. Eddie blushes beneath his make up.

‘Picture time!’ Bev pipes up, already pulling her iPhone from her pocket. ‘The others are going to die that they missed this. You’re both so fucking pretty’. She snaps a few pics, sends it on Snapchat, and they all snort when Mike’s reply comes through first.

MikeHanlon: who are your friend, Bev? care to give them my number?

‘Maybe we should try out for the show,’ Eddie scoffs, nodding to the TV that shows a paused Rupaul’s Drag Race.

‘Yeah,’ Richie hums, still staring at Eddie. ‘I’ll be Anna Conda, and you can be Tera Newashole,’ he says, almost distractedly.

Eddie sighs, pink lips puckering and dark eyes swivelling to Richie. The glitter on his cheeks catches. Richie just stares. Bev starts packing away her things, a secret smile on her face. ‘Are you going, Bev? You can watch this with us, if you want,’ Eddie nods to the TV again.

Bev smiles, throwing both bags over her shoulder. ‘I mean, I was going to get you into some of my clothes, but with the way Richie is looking at you right now, I have a feeling it’s about to get a little above PG-13 in here’.

Eddie snaps round to look at Richie, who just shrugs with a lazy grin. ‘Make good choices!’ Bev calls as she leaves.

Richie quickly tugs Eddie toward him, hands on his waist, and presses his dark mouth to Richie’s pink one. ‘Hello, beautiful,’ he hums, nose pressing against Eddie’s.

‘Hello, Rich,’ Eddie laughs.

#reddie #drag race #richie x eddie #it (2017) #eddie x richie

[theonlyaphrodeity]

1-6, 14, 25

1. Best Season: Season 6, so much talent (Bianca), drama, talent (Courtney), antics, talent (Adore, Dela, April, Joslyn, Trinity), and messiness

Worst Season: Season 2 originally, now that Tatianna is murdering Tyra, its pretty great tbh

I’m also going to say my favorite season was Season 7 just because it was a season nobody could forget even if it was cringey at times. The fashion has impacted so much of what drag is now.

2. Double elimination/ Save that should have happened: Aja and Nina should have both stayed tbh. they both worked hard and went in.

And honestly Robbie and Derrick both deserved to go during their LSFYL

3. Most Underrated Runway Look: TRIXIE MATTEL’S BEARD CHALLENGE LOOK. IT WAS SO FUCKING GORGEOUS. BITCH WAS LITERALLY JESUS.

4. Most overrated contestant: I hate to say it because I love Thorgy Thor but, yea. She is great and cool and I love her aesthetic but the fans stanned way to0 hard for her and I was not feeling that. I said I didn’t see her as top 3 at the beginning of the season last year and some of you gremlins tried to scalp me and come for my wigs. 

5. Most unjustifiable sashay: one hashtag. #JUSTICE4LAILAMCQUEEN

6. Ideal Top 3 for each season

Season 1: Nina Flowers, Ongina, Bebe Zahara Benet. With Ongina winning

Season 2: Raven, Jujubee, Morgan McMichaels. With Jujubee winning

Season 3: Raja Gemini, Manila Luzon, and Delta Work. With Manila winning

Season 4: Willam, Sharon Needles, and Latrice Royale. With either Willam or Latrice winning

AS1: Not teams. Chad Michaels, Latrice Royale, and Manila Luzon. With Manila winning

Season 5: Jinkx Monsoon, Detox Icunt, and Alaska Thunderfuck 5000. With Alaska winning

Season 6: Bianca Del Rio, Courtney Act, and Adore Delano (Hey its right).Even though we all knew Bianca was going to win, lowkey I rooted for Courtney.

Season 7: Violet Chachki, Trixie Mattel, Katya. With Trixie winning

Season 8: Kim Chi, Naomi Smalls, Laila McQueen. With Laila winning, but lowkey knowing its not realistic to have Kim lose to anyone in that line-up.

AS2: Alaska Thunderfuck 5000, Tatianna, Katya. With Alaska still winning

Season 9: Peppermint, Shea Coulee, Sasha Velour. With Peppermint winning. I love Pep.

14. A queen you would have rather seen win a season: Trixie and Laila winning their seasons.

25. Best Drag Queen Album. Top 5:

1. ANUS by Alaska Thunderfuck 5000

2. Kaleidoscope by Courtney Act

3. The Inevitable Album by Jinkx Monsoon

4. Eternal Queen by Manila Luzon

5. Shartistry in Motion by Willam

[artificialzeezee]

Satire Sexuality: Tis the season (1/2)

Summary: Cis!girl bitney - University brings out things never expected within people. The truth, the lies, the worst of the best and everything in-between. There’s the pressure of first time independence along with finding yourself, and the dread of loneliness that needs to find time in your schedule. Drinking, smoking, sex and studying; life has to keep going. Couples meet, lovers clash and it all happens while becoming an adult, what could go wrong?

Christmas. Courtney is home, but everything feels different. She’s not sure how to describe how she feels, and her friends don’t seem to be much help. Bianca however, always comes through for her in the end...

Warning: LGBT+ issues (such as homophobia, transphobia and the conflict of coming out), many sexual references, alcohol and drug mentions and violence. (not always relevant to each chapter but to be expected) - Mostly original characters minus girl!Bianca and girl!Courtney

PART FOURTEEN 1/2: “The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”

[A/N: Apologies for the killer delay! I had so much going on within studying and family and myself I was just never able to update! I will be uploading 2/2 within the next two days! Enjoy <3]

-

December, 2014

Courtney lay on the bed, her heart hammering as her blood spirals out of control through her body, heavy and hot. Tiny pajama shorts that leave little to the imagination, a tight white vest top and her hair tied up in a bun. Her skin feels alive, crawling free from her volcanic bones for something cooling, to settle the fires of her deprived desires. It feels as if the bed beneath her body could eat her whole, the springs unraveling and tearing her limb from limb till she’s nothing but an empty loss of the withered soul she possesses. This is a moment that will soon be lost in the paper thin timeline of her life when she’s 30, and the experience is nothing more than an average routine with less anxiety, and more luxuries.

The night is finally rising as the sun leaves the tranquil note of a salmon sky, and the chilled colour slithers past the curtain, resting on Courtney’s freshly shaven legs. She’s supposed to be at Violet’s, till a string of texts and a shot of her father’s whisky had her fingers feverishly typing out the rescheduled plan for her friend, and her feet found their way to another front door.

In the dusk of the arising evening, the shadow of the other girl, removing her jeans, catches her eyes and holds them attentively. Courtney traces the lumps and curves of her body delicately, taking in as much detail as she can handle before the moment fades away. She’s soft and precious, her skin glowing in the dim light, and her hair falling around the pointed features of her face. When she turns around, Courtney’s is breathless. 

“You always look so scared.” Adore comments, her voice low and delicate. She approaches the bed and carefully holds herself above Courtney, stroking back the loose strand of hair that’s fallen from her bun. “Don’t be a wuss.”

“I’m not.” Courtney lies, hands finding their way to her hips, tugging the excess material of her band tee; The Killers, and a lacy black thong which is new to her usual collection of boxers. Adore chuckles under her breath, lowering to meet Courtney’s lips. It’s always gentle, and it still feels fresh like the first time, and Adore knows how to make her weak in the knees with the movements of her tongue against her own. Adore’s body gradually falls flat and she relaxes against Courtney, hands roaming and her lips swelling where the kisses burn her deliciously.

And Courtney feels delirious.

Every time, it feels like a dream, but she can’t shake the anxiety. She’d hoped, that if she kept kissing Adore, closed her eyes and listened to the sound track in her head, she’d be alright. The feelings would blend into something stupendous and bright, and she’d walk the world with a newfound confidence that kept her tall - but it wasn’t happening, and the darkening dread that often overcast anything light within her seemed to be convincing enough that she worried this would be forever. Always confused, and sick with worry, and a partner she she either hides or pretends to like; or both.

Adore’s hand slides down to Courtney’s breast, and the sudden touch causes her to jump, letting out a squeal. Adore flies backward, staring at her in disbelief and concern, while the other has deer in the headlights eyes, and her breath ragged with the fear.

“Dude, what’s wrong?” Adore asks.

Courtney doesn’t answer. She takes a second to gather the crossed wires scattered in her mind before leaving a nonsensical goodbye to a worried Adore, and runs out the house.

Her feet beat the ground, the gravel spiking against her trainers and the pain becomes a beat heavier than her raging heartbeat. She needs to get away, constantly needs to get some air and find something that could lift her out of the anxiety of her own demons. The musky hot air of Australia bearing down on her like Adore’s body, and she tries to run faster, gaining more breeze and less concentration on her paranoia.

I can’t like girls, she repeats like a mantra. I can’t like girls, I can’t like girls, I won’t like girls.

-

December, 2016.

Australia, sometimes felt so hot that the locals swore they could hear the sizzling of the sun above them. Courtney has always been an enthusiast for hot weather and the joy of a golden tan, but when everything else that comes with being back home surfaces, she’s not sure if she’s delighted to be back or terrified. She almost had a panic attack on the plane before it took off, half to do with her fear of flying and half to do with what may be awaiting in her home country. 

Lucky she fell asleep for most of the journey at least.

It wasn’t a wonderful experience, to be soaring through clouds and see what was assumed to be heaven, so close and fluffy, like sheep’s wool. Some people adore the freeing feeling of being so far off the ground, with the serenity of a clear sky as their comfort. The sensation of a weightless head, able to escape the clunky pressure of the earth against their feet, and gravity slithered between their fingers, begging to drop, teasing them to collapse. For some it was a pleasure to test the limits of mankind and fly high like a bird. Courtney however, she didn’t love the feeling of flying, it just made her anxious. When she got off the plane, she wasn’t sure if it was a blessing or a curse. She’d be back at the airport breathing into a paper bag before she knew it.

Baggage claim was simple enough. People stood around impatiently, tutting and huffing every few seconds; because the nerve of the airport not to deliver their suitcases the second their feet touched the ground! Courtney stood with her headphones in her ears, bobbing her shoulders in time to the music. She didn’t mind standing still for a few seconds, it gave her time to gather her thoughts. She thought about the face her mother would make when she walked through into the waiting area, and the python like hug she’ll be forced into as Betty cries her eyes out over her shoulder. Her father, Hugo, standing with his giddy smile, the prickles of his stubble left on his face despite Betty’s protests, and he’ll give her a ticklish kiss on the cheek. The crows feet against his youthful sunny eyes, the same for her mother, she remembers so clearly from all the months back when she left for university. She shifts her feet where she stands, and continues to think of the lines of her parents faces, and she finds that despite a slight distant blur on their images, she can recall memories of every insignificant detail to their appearance. The small beauty mark above her mother’s lip, or the scar on her father’s eyebrow, or the way they both bite their bottom lip when they smile at each other. 

Her suitcase finally floats past on the belt and she jumps to grab it before it slowly slips away. She walks through the hurdles that are other passengers or workers, and she remembers to breath. That’s the most important part, that she never forgets how to breath. It’s so easy to forget when all there is is the raging tornado of panic following close behind, like a stalker in the making, ready to pounce. Courtney walks through the inspection gates where some people have been pulled to the side to see what they’re taking, and others walk on. England is very lenient she thinks to herself. The difference between the two countries was remarkable when it came to air travel - Australia was adamant to check you weren’t about to pollute their wild life infested country.

Her parents greet her as if they haven’t seen her in years, or that she’s been stolen from them and returned thankfully in one piece. They jump in the car and drive to a near by cafe for a quick snack. Courtney tells them all about the recording studio on her campus, how the doors are sparkly and the rooms are so modern, and she tells them about all the people she’s met.

“Danny sounds interesting.” Her mother comments, twirling her fork into her spaghetti. “I use to have a gay best friend when I was your age, oh he was absolutely fabulous.”

Courtney snickers, rolling her eyes and cutting into her vegan lasagne. “He’s not very fabulous to be honest, he’s more...rock and roll, very grunge.”

“Oh. Well, that’s still nice, I’m glad you’re making friends.”

When they were back in the car, Courtney put her headphones back in and stares out the window. The orange colours gave her a sense of familiarity, and her lungs felt light with the soothing knowledge that this was were she belonged. Despite the problems once faced in Australia, the heartache of old boyfriends or confusing friends, or the explosions she’d found herself subdued to, at least here she never forgot how to breath. She rested her head against the glass of the window and let herself relax for a change.

After a while of window watching, she decided to check her phone. A few messages:

Danny xo: Hello gorgeous! I’m wishing you safe travels, remember to stay calm, read a book or think about my beautiful face! Can’t wait until we’re reunited again. Let me know when you land!

Steven: Please don’t ignore me. I’m so sorry about what happened. We were drunk, it should have never happened and I promise it never will again. I miss you baby, I need to talk to you, properly. This can’t be the end of us, please call me, text me back!

Alix: You better buy me a dideridoo! Have fun back home! :)

Bianca: I know you’re scared of traveling, and if you were anyone else I’d do nothing but torture your paranoia, but you’re cute so I won’t. It’ll be fine Courtney, don’t worry too much! I lent you my book, read that, take your mind of flying. Text me when you’re home xx

The smile that lifts her whole face is involuntary. A tattered copy of ‘One Hundred Years of Solitude’, sucking her into a whole new world and away from the consciousness of flying. The muscles pull her features and mood to fit the mold, and her fingers type feverishly to reply. 

Blondie: Thanks. I’m glad you can turn off being a dick for me, I really appreciate it ha ;) It was a good book, I got through half of it. I slept for most of the journey though. I hope you’re all good, thanks for helping me pack before I left. Message me on Facebook later!xx

Courtney spent her last day in England with Bianca, the two in pajamas watching Sharknado while eating Ben&Jerrys ice cream. Bianca said she’d never actually had such a stereotypical sleepover before, and Courtney said she missed the nights she spent with her best friends in bed watching bad films on TV. Bianca slowed down Courtney’s erratic thoughts and she organised her so she could pack, and then they relaxed. For Courtney, it was the perfect way to say goodbye and chill out before the plane ride. She fell asleep next to Bianca, and the last thing she saw was the blissful look of Bianca breathing evenly, her eyelashes fluttering and the curls of her hair framing her face and falling over her skin like wild leaves of a jungle. She woke up the next morning with an arm over her waist and a bubbly feeling festering in her stomach.

But that - the sleepover and the plane ride - was over a week ago. Now, it’s Christmas, with no snow, just the summer sun, and the anticipation that she would see so many people she hadn’t seen in months. December 25th, Courtney opens her presents from her family and as soon as she saw the pink crop top and the tattered shorts her mother had bought, she rushed to get changed, adding a pair of thick heeled sandals. She gave her father the box set of Game of Thrones, her mother a bottle of Tommy perfume, and they listened to Christmas music as they ate Breakfast.

Christmas was never a particularly big event for her family. Maybe because most of the magic of Christmas came from the idea of white, cold weather - the crisp delight of being cosy and joyful with those you love. Courtney didn’t get a blanket of snow when Father Christmas visited like Bianca did, and she didn’t wrap up in thick scarves or drink hot chocolate in snowmen shaped cups like everyone back in England did. All of her Christmas’ were pleasant, but they were never splendorous or wonderful, or magical. She was always warm, with a glowing tan over her taunt skin, and as much as she loved feeling the heat radiate over her skin and burn away the calories of her heavy sins, she always desired years with vibrant wonder, and snow. Nevertheless, she smiled as chipper as ever and loved her parents twice as hard for the gifts they had bought her.

The evening rolled on quicker than expected. Around 6pm, Courtney made her way down to her friend’s favourite hang out spot where they were meeting to catch up. Walking through the town she was filled with the warm embrace of nostalgia, and the fanning of memories once left for the winds of time to court. With her black coat acting as a cap swinging behind her, she skipped through the almost empty streets with a pose she’d forgotten she’d had. Her long bare legs like lamp posts, and the clicking of her heels ringing through the clumpy heat of the air. To her right was the alley way where she drank from a vodka bottle with Willam when he turned 16. At the end of the street was the record shop her and Violet use to spend all their time in, ogling the guy behind the counter, Matt. Walking round the corner she saw the coffee shop her, Alaska and Katya use to study in, where they would always end up distracted. 

She keeps walking with a pep in her step, till she’s met with the familiar karaoke bar they always went to; the favourite hang out spot Courtney shouldn’t have been so naive to think she wouldn’t dread when she arrived. The memory her homely comfortability had tricked her into forgetting suddenly flashed as vividly before her eyes as any of the others had:

Where her and Adore had sung together, too, many, times.

She stood before the large neon sign, the door fickle with chipping paint and blacked out glass, and she gulped down the knots forming in her throat. Adore Delano, the loudest thud to cause an earthquake in Courtney’s life before England. The girl who made her feel something more glamorous than her dreams ever did, with a fire that screamed of admiration. Last time they spoke it was awkward, and heated, in the worst way possible. They had a massive blow up a few weeks before Courtney left. That was supposed to mean it was final and finished, the same old perplexing issue fluttering between them since they started secondary school. Neither acknowledged the differing tensions within one another, so Courtney worried it would still be there. Would her friends help ease the awkwardness, or was she doomed to face a reality she really didn’t want to return to?

‘Foreign Lover.’

It had been revamped into something trendy and bright when one of Courtney’s friends, Alaska, had bought it. More precisely, her father. Originally it was a dive, with grubby furniture and grimy colours decorating the place - grungy and perfect when the group was 15. The owner thought they were a funny group of kids, and as long as they weren’t drinking alcohol, he let them hang out in the corner table with a couple of cokes. Courtney use to love when she was 15, when her hair was dip dyed pink and everyone was so tight and in love with one another. Willam use to keep a flask of vodka in his school blazer, and they would take a swig before and after they left. If it were up to him, they’d have it mixed in their cokes but Katya would whine about getting kicked out - she already hated the fact all of them drank. The first time Courtney went, she remembers how the group shoved her and Adore up on the small, squeaky stage, and they sang Birdhouse in Your Soul, and how free she felt just being with reckless, fun loving people the same as her. Everyone changed over time, but the foundation of their friendship stayed the same: be funny, don’t be a dick.

Alaska wanted to be two things: an interior decorator, and the centre of attention. When her father bought the place when she wasn’t even 17, she squealed in delight at the thought of planning how the new scene would be. Two small stages, a neon bar with mirrors behind the alcohol, and a changing colour dance floor at the centre of the room. She wanted something fresh, and she organised everything in 4 inch heels and long red nails. Alaska was a power house when it came to work. Now, she’s organising events at not only Foreign Lover, but several of the clubs in town. Courtney envied how put together her friend were.

Courtney stood outside the venue for a few minutes and eventually everyone gathered, leaving her bored for only a minuscule amount of time. Alaska found Courtney first, hugging her tight and telling her how gorgeous she looked: 

“As always, Court! Did you lose weight, you look amazing!”.

The next was Willam, who’d grown a beard to Courtney’s surprise and was wearing the highest heels of the group. He gave her a kiss on the cheek then scoffed:

“You look fucking shit, Court, where’s your tan? Oh, yeah, you live in England now. How’s the rain over there?”

Then there was Katya and Violet, arm in arm laughing before shrieking at the sight of Courtney and wrapping themselves around her.

“You fucking slut, look at you! I can’t believe it’s been like, 4 months!” Violet cackled.

“Dude, you have missed a shit show back here, it’s been wild!” Katya said, listing off less than exciting antics she’d gotten up to with Violet and Alaska.

and finally, amongst the clatter of everyone speaking, Adore appeared.

The first thing that caught her eyes was the free falling material that hung off her body. It was light to look at let alone wear, and it shadowed her body in a dark, grungy way only someone like Adore could fully pull off. Her jeans were tattered and rolled up at her ankles, showing the frill of her white socks, and she wore big red dock martian boots that probably boiled her feet. Her top was a flimsy cut up rock shirt - probably a Rolling Stones tee with unplanned tears, and it seemed she’d gotten her belly button pierced while Courtney was away. Adore’s hair was new too - seaweed green and accompanied by a black beanie. The last time Courtney saw her, her hair was red with soft golden strings from where it had faded with time and the sun. 

Adore took a long, hard look at Courtney and smirked. The signature cocky smirk of Adore Delano.

“Aint you a sight for sore eyes?” She laughed, trudging toward her and wrapping her arms around her. Courtney was hit with the familiar smell of Adore’s perfume, and she tried to relax into the hug like she used to.

“How’ve you been, Danielle?” She asked, walking in. Adore gave her an insulted stare, shaking her head.

“Everyone calls me Adore, remember? Or at least Danny at a push.”

“Right. Sorry. So, Adore, what have you been doing?”

“Oh you know. Writing music, recording, putting together an album. A lot of cool shit to be fair,” She laughs. They walk into the bar and find a booth to sit at. Alaska goes to the bar to get them all pitchers of cocktails and when the jugs hit the table, Adore is fast to grab the one filled of Blue Lagoon and pour herself a glass. “How about you, little miss perfect? You’re in fucking England!”

“Drinking enough tea to drown yourself?” Willam teases, taking a sip of his drink and turning to Alaska who’s laughing with him. Courtney rolls her eyes, but smiles.

“Surprisingly I haven’t met anyone who drinks that much tea. Everyone I know drinks vodka.”

“Sounds like my kind of people!” Violet winks, clinking her glass with Katya, who’s sticking to water so she can drive everyone home afterwards. “But come on, you went all that way for university, isn’t it everything your pretty blonde self always wanted?”

Courtney poured herself a glass of Woo Woo, sipping it as she shrugs and tries to buy herself an illusion of hours and hours of time by drinking slowly. When she puts it down, all the eyes are on her and she laughs awkwardly. “I…it’s amazing. It’s different, colder.”

“Ew.” Violet crinkles her nose. She’s currently wearing an impeccably tiny body fitting dress that shows too much of her model like figure - to even imagine having to wrap up with coats and clumpy, warm clothes makes Violet’s skin crawl, she lived for exposing too much of herself. Courtney laughs.

“Okay, but real question,” Alaska licks her lips and draws out the sentence with an irritating drawl that only Alaska could articulate in such a charming manner, “How’s your hunky, guitar playing boyfriend? What was his name, Steve?”

Courtney tries not to physically react. Internally, she’s thrown the jug of Woo Woo across the dance floor and is screaming about how she wants to rip off one of his balls. She thinks back to the night at the party, when Steven had shown his true, ugly colours. She thought about how he was a dry, dull person that didn’t interest her past the fact he could make her smile every once in a blue moon with a dumb joke, and then she was hit with the fact she’d let him so close when he was so horrific.

“I’m not with Steven anymore.” She smiles, feeling like the words can lift her off the ground. No one looks too shocked but everyone seems to have a quizzical expression, as if they knew Steven, and thought he was an angel sent from heaven above. She stirs a straw in her drink, waiting for someone to speak but no one ever does. “I uh, didn’t like him.”

“He was hot.”

“How do you know that, Katya?”

“Facebook, duh!” She giggles, taking out her phone and then finding a picture of him and Courtney, taken at a bar on freshers week by the club photographers. She was glowing, and he looked incredible. In an alternative universe where perfection magnetised, they’d be married with beautiful babies and live happily ever after.

Thank God it wasn’t that universe. 

Courtney scoffs at the photo, brows knitted in a frown and shaking her head as the others ogle the boy in question. “If I may be so blunt, that boy, is a piece of shit.” Courtney clicked her fingers above her head, flicking her wrist to toss her hair and laughing. “Like, for real. Don’t waste your time even looking at him.”

“Oh no, did he cheat on you?”

“No. He’s just���” she thought about Bianca for a second, the regular, knowing tone and the gimlet-eyed glare, and her lips lifted with mischief. “He’s an asshole.”

“But why?” Adore rested her elbows on the table and looked at Courtney with more interest and allure than anyone at the table. Courtney met Adore’s eyes and tried to share the same devilish look, to little avail.

“Well…he’s homophobic, and rude. Really rude. Like, he’s just an inconsiderate, sex maniac, with some shitty views.”

“Oh,” Violet clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth, side eyeing Katya who was sharing the same smug expression, “He wanted sex, now I get it.”

“What? No-“

“Aw, our little virgin Courtney, scared of the dick!” Willam teased, wiggling his fingers in her face till she swatted him away. “It’s not that big a deal, Court. Sex is great.”

“Yeah it is.” Violet high fives him, laughing before downing the end of her drink and pouring out another one.

“Like, once you suck a dick, your soul is set free, bitch! Don’t be afraid to get on your knees and sickle that pickle-”

“Tongue punch a few fart holes before you buy the apartment with a dodgy leak.” Katya interrupted, cackling to herself as everyone else groaned in disgust. Courtney winced at the statement, recoiling back into herself as everyone suddenly ran off track and just spoke freely of the one thing Courtney wished she could be so carefree about: sex.

Courtney was the last of the group to have sex. It wasn’t that she hadn’t had plenty of opportunities, she had just never found someone she was interested enough in to have sex with. Violet lost it when she was 14 to a man almost twice her age - no one approving off him but not expressing the disgust to Violet herself - and when Courtney first had a boyfriend at 15, she helped her look sexy. They went lingerie shopping, Violet did her eyebrows because Courtney was terrible at shaping them, and she helped Courtney not freak out about the whole ordeal. She gave her extra safe condoms, lube, perfume that she insisted gave good luck, and a kiss on the cheek.

“He won’t be able to keep his hands off you Courtney. Remember to relax, okay? It might hurt, and you might bleed, but that’s totally normal. And if he’s good, you might feel like your brain is about to explode, but that’s good. Ride that boy from here to Tennessee!”

But Courtney didn’t do it. She couldn’t - he came over with the look of a hungry dog and when he pinned her to the bed and wouldn’t let go when she asked, it ended in her kicking him in the crotch and grabbing her lamp incase he charged for her. She wasn’t going to let him take control of her, she refused to be that for any man. No matter how desirable and sweet they appeared, she would never let herself be pressured into sex.

Somehow though, Courtney always found herself pressured to have boyfriends. She’d insist she liked them, maybe even love them sometimes, but it was all a show. Occasionally they were perfectly nice guys - Mark was nice, and super funny, maybe one of the funniest boys she’d ever met, but they broke up when he moved away. Darienne was a funny guy too, but that didn’t last too long either. Then there were the guys that everyone thought were perfect for her, but in reality they were trash. The man she kicked in the balls, Joshua, and one of Katya’s friends she knew from the gym, Mike. Both gorgeous and a dream, but both had a terrible sense of humour and seemed more interested in Courtney’s body than herself. All her friends were able to get with guys, have both casual and meaningful sex, but she just couldn’t.

Alaska was the only other person in a long term relationship, and she was the in-between of the group. She had sex, and enjoyed sex, but didn’t need sex like Violet or Willam encouraged. She was with a lovely guy called Kyle, but he was from Perth so she only saw him every couple of months. She was the only one of their group who understood that sex wasn’t a must have.

Courtney sighed. “Look, I’m not going to be with someone who’s a homophobe, okay? Plain and simple?”

“Why?” Adore asked, resting her cheek on her hand as she sucked at her drink through her straw. “I mean, okay I get not being with him, because no one wants to date an asshole, but you could still fuck him.”

“What- no thank you. I’d probably lose all my friends back in England if I did that.”

“Psh,” Willam tossed his hand and rolled his eyes, “Whatever, if they can’t accept you have needs then they aren’t good friends.”

Courtney faked a laugh. “Willam, you’re gay. How can you support me being with a homophobe?”

“Bitch, I am the founding organiser for the ‘Get-Courtney-Act-Some-Dick-Before-She’s-Drier-Than-A-Nuns-Cunt’ foundation, and trust me, I have at least,” he counted the heads at the table, “four people backing up this cause.”

Everyone burst into hysterics, including Courtney, and soon (and to the relief of Courtney) the conversation took a detour to everyone else’s sex lives. Willam had met a guy the night before who wanted him to put some questionable things in a questionable place, Violet apparently had her first experience with rimming, and Katya mentioned something about pegging but ended up interrupting herself with a messy laugh. Courtney found herself wandering in and out of consciousness, hearing parts and then filling in the blanks.

More drinks were downed, more crude conversations were laid out like playing cards on the table, and then a song came on. It seemed Courtney had had too many drinks, because she never even noticed Adore had left until she spun around to see her on the stage with a microphone in hand and the devils smile stitched to her dark lips. Courtney’s eyes focused on her, trying to capture her in this moment, like a bug under a glass.

She pushed back her hair. “What up punters? Merry Christmas and all that shit,” She laughed, swaying her hips as the intro of the song began to pick up in the bass, “So this is a song I wrote over the summer. Do you ever like,” Adore licked her lips, giggling lightly, “feel stuck to someone? Like, ‘Hay I love you but please shut up and leave me alone’. Yeah, that’s this! I hope you like it.”

And before anyone could even say another word, lyrics fell from Adore’s thick glossed lips like melted spinning records, and the walls thudded with the spirits of Adore’s inner workings. Willam jumped up, clapping obnoxiously as he cheered for her with enough enthusiasm for every by stander in the bar.

Adore was a star. No one could deny that the girl was something to behold, with the charisma bursting from her like a faulty electrical wire, shooting stars into the abyss for those who loved her to catch and keep. Shooting stars that burned a thousand dreams, written down in the fire of Adore’s notebooks, shared because she could share them. She wasn’t afraid to be a power house, because it gave her life; the applause made her heart function. It made her feel clear - to see the amazement over her talents - and her breath fall light, and she felt such vibrant glee that came from the cheers of an audience.

Adore let the song move her soul, dancing against the frame of her body. Her tone wobbled, preciously, moving around the music to accompany her tune. Alaska grabbed Katya and ran to the dance floor, dancing without any precision just like the other members of the audience, eating up Adore’s performance. Willam took Violet by the waist and moved into the crowd with his friends, but Courtney stayed in her seat watching.

She used to be able to match Adore - her own vibrant personality flying miles above the grungy girl’s head like a phoenix, and she felt like the notes were sucked out of her body by the adrenaline of an audience, and the claps brought her back to life. They used to be able to push the other off the edge of invincibility, teasingly so, with lust in their eyes for the sake of a show, and people needed more. Adore used to sing the lower notes, and Courtney used to sing high. Then everything changed, and Adore took it as a chance to excel while Courtney shunned away from the life she craved.

The stage. Like a vortex that breed talent, but ate on the misery of a fragile, self doubter. It let the strong get stronger and the weak crumble into dust. Once you were on a path, it was a battle to turn around.

Courtney wished she had the same undeniable confidence Adore had. She wished she was able to be more than the pretty blonde for a change, and be a grunge girl with an attitude. The guitar rolled on like storm clouds, and Adore was the lightening that sent a bolt through the audience. No one could stop watching her - karaoke night was now Adore’s gig.

As her number came to an end, people were screaming her name as if she was a hero, and then the praise was thrown at her from every angle. Her song was modern, it was inventive, and catchy and a little bit rock and roll. Adore was a glowing goddess amongst the folk of Courtney’s home town.

Why was Courtney so afraid to be a star?

She too used to be that bubbly with confidence. Even when the worst caught up with her, and she thought she would pass out, singing was her savour. She took her drink and threw it down her throat, swallowing as she stormed toward Adore to congratulate her. When Adore turned to face her, she took the girls embrace and held her long, squeezing, as Courtney filled her ears with the same repetitive praise she was familiar with.

“You have a hell of a set of pipes on you, Adore!” Willam cheered as the two girls separated. “How about you, Courtney? You going to get up there with your own song?”

Not tonight, not right away on the same stage Adore had just blown away. She shook her head and shrugged. “Next time, I think I’ve had too many cocktails to sing now.” 

Willam laughed, putting his hand around her waist as a Christina Aguilera song started to play. They looked up to see Katya and Violet holding microphones, twirling around one another and then reading the little TV with the lyrics in front of them. Courtney laughed as Willam stepped around her like a cha-cha, trying to make her shake her hips in her little booty shorts.

Drinks kept coming. Soon, five of them were falling over the consciousness of their sober selves, and Katya humoured them in their states. Courtney wasn’t sure when or how it happened, but somewhere along the line she ended up in a booth with Adore, sat in her lap and giggling like a couple of school girls. She can smell the alluring, delicious scent of honey flavoured whisky, so strong and shielding Adore. The other girl has a hand underneath Courtney’s top, stroking her back gently with the tips of her fingers, and she can’t stop grinning, the unlit cigarette she’d rolled minutes ago hung immobile in her mouth. Courtney feels like purring, where the touch is so breathtakingly sensual in the calmest of ways - a wave of bliss pulls Courtney away from the dry and the glistening current of the ocean sets her free for but a second. 

“You regret everything that happened before you left?” Adore asked suddenly, slurring her words and panicking when her cigarette almost fell. Courtney stares above Adore for a second, cow eyes and a thoughtful chew on her bottom lip, before she meets the others eyes again.

“Yes.”

“Really?”

“I regret the argument. I regret hurting you.”

Adore nods, lifting Courtney from off her lap and leading her outside where she lights her cigarette finally. “You told me I was nothing.”

“Yeah,” Courtney leans against the brick wall, holding her hair in her hands above her hair as she settles the fog over her vision. “You told me I was nothing but a piece of ass.”

“Yeah...that was shit of me to say.” Adore takes a deep drag of her cigarette and lets the smoke go above her, sitting like a musky halo before fading away. “But you hurt me.”

“I know.”

“I mean, didn’t you like me? Y-you always seemed so into me, and happy to be around me, and cuddly! What was it all for?”

Courtney acknowledges in that moment, finally, after too many years of pretending, that her own feelings of confusion were hurting people she cared deeply for. She’d been so preoccupied on untangling the crossed wires in her head, she’d forgotten that she was tugging other peoples heart strings in the process. The truth was, fooling around with Adore growing up and then avoiding her for days afterwards wasn’t healthy for either party involved. Kissing Adore, letting her say such sweet things and then panicking and blaming her that someone would find out about their secret was as painful as a knife between the shoulder blades. Behind the humour, behind the guard, Courtney saw blue sorrow festering within the green of Adore’s eyes. Seeing it, gave her flashes of a familiar brown sorrow, and the anger they held that Adore once shared.

She rubbed her forehead. “I was confused, and that wasn’t fair to use against you. I-I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”

Adore took the fag between her lips again and inhaled. Courtney could almost remember the taste of nicotine, if she focused hard enough. “Remember how it all started?”

Courtney crossed her arms, smirking. “You kissed me after prom, when we were walking home.”

“You in that black gown, me in my pin strip trousers and waist coat.”

“That was hot.”

“And you said you didn’t like being so alone anymore, because Violet was spending a lot of time with that Matt guy, Katya was dating Brian, Alaska was talking to Kyle and Willam had so much trade it was hard to keep count-”

“I’m surprised Willam hasn’t caught anything!” Courtney snickered.

“And I told you, you’re not alone...beca-”

“Because you have me.”

“And I wouldn’t let you be alone.” Adore held her cigarette between her fingers, one hand snaking round Courtney’s waist and pulling her close. The smell was toxic and musky, but Courtney wanted to swim through the clouds till she was dangerously close to falling, forever. She put her arms around Adore’s neck, cautiously, and hummed blissfully. “I meant it then, and I still mean it.”

“But,” Courtney’s head felt heavy and she blinked owlishly, before taking her hands back a lot quicker than she’d rested them around Adore, “no. I-I can’t go back with you, Adore. No, we were kids, and so much blew up between us, I can’t do that again. I-I-I...” she swallowed hard, shuffling out of the girls hold. “We can’t. I can’t mess you up when...I have some...we can’t-”

“Court, I don’t want to be with you, so chill.” Adore laughed, throwing her cigarette to the ground and stomping on it. “I’m talking more DTF, you know?”

Courtney stayed still, confused. “I...no, I don’t know.”

“I’m down to fuck. God, you’re such a virgin.”

“Oh!” Courtney’s eyes shot open and her mouth stayed wide, thoughts racing against the waves of alcohol swimming through her system. “I, um...I don’t know, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I, kind of...”

All she could think about, like the switching of a light and as clear as day, was Bianca. All she could find in her stuttered brain was a crystal clear, perfect picture of her Bianca, beautiful and rough and everything that gave her happiness. “I have someone, Adore.” Courtney lied- but she was so drunk and so caught of guard by her friend, her words felt as real as needles pricking her nerves, and as sharp. “I like someone.” Courtney restated, questioning whether that was a lie or not.

“Oh. That’s fair enough. Is it serious?”

“Um...no, not really, but I don’t think sex is fair.”

“So we can still have fun?” Adore’s mischievous smirk worried Courtney.

“Maybe? Depends what-”

“We’re going to have a great night. Come on, let’s get more drinks.”

Adore pulled her back into the bar and threw her against the counter, ordering two tequila shots. After another few drinks, Adore had captured the attention of an older gentlemen who seemed more than interested in the two young girls and what their plans were for the rest of the night...

#SS #AU: Satire sexuality #original #bitney #fic #The next parts written I just have to finish editing! Again sorry for the massive gap in updates and all........ #i will be trying to post more regularly again especially in this month and in August

[theartificialdane]

Galactica part 235

in this Courtney tells her story, Roxy has the hot goss, Adore makes up her mind, Raja tries to be a friend, and Fame’s rein of terror continues.

Thank you @veronicasanders @samrull and @toriibelledarling <3 You are all amazing!

Fame sighed and sat down on the couch, Charles running towards her, the big Great Dane laying his head in his owner’s lap.

“Hey big boy..” Fame kicked her shoes off and tugged on Charles ear, the dog growling but he allowed Fame to play with him, the dog accepting his mom’s teasing. “Did you have a good day? Did the dog walker take you to the park? Patrick, did Charles go to th-” Fame stopped, only just realizing what she had said, Charles perking up at the sound of Patrick name, clearly expecting Patrick to walk through the door. Charles tail wagged back and forth, the dog's mouth open, his tongue out. “Ssh, Charles, sssh. Sit, sit.” Fame grabbed Charles and pulled him down, the dog sitting. “You silly dog, we’re all alone Charles…” Fame felt tears well up in her eyes. “We’re all alone…”

***

“Okay, so, I need another drink, now that this bitch is here,” said Bethenny, handing her empty glass to Carole, giving Bianca air kisses.

“Hey, Bethenny. Haven’t seen you for years. You look horrible,” Bianca greeted her.

Bethenny threw back her head and laughed. “I know, right? I’ve been having this weird thing, I’m like bleeding a lot, it’s a whole vagina thing. Who’s this?” she gestured to Vanity, whose face was in a deep grimace at the mention of the word “vagina.”

“This is my brother, Ben - or, Vanity…” Courtney turned to Vanity. “How am I supposed to introduce you?”

“Vanity Fair, charmed,” she simpered, holding her hand out.

“Jesus. So you’re the normal one?” Bethenny asked Courtney.

“Yeah,” Courtney nodded.

“Oy. Thank you.” Bethenny accepted the fresh cocktail from Carole.

“Courtney, Adam wants you to know that everything tonight is farm to table locally sourced vegan,” said Carole. “He’s not being rude, he’s just very focused in the kitchen.”

Courtney clapped her hands excitedly.

Bianca looked at Bethenny as they followed Carole to the living room. “I hope you smuggled in some cheese.”

“Yeah, I got a wheel of brie in my purse,” Bethenny giggled.

“Perfect.”

“So Courtney, how did you and Bianca meet?” asked Carole, as everyone took their seats around a low table.

“I’m best friends with her sister,” Courtney said. “And...well, I was going through a really weird breakup with this guy, and I’d only ever been with guys. Even though...well...it always sort of felt wrong, but--”

“Was it like a seduction by an older woman type of thing?” Carole asked, eyes glittering. “We love those stories around here!”

“Um...not really, no. I was the one who started it.” Courtney looked at Bianca. “You didn’t really do anything.”

Bianca took a sip of wine. “Yeah, I did.”

“I mean, you helped me with the work stuff...you were really generous, and sweet, and...”

Bianca smiled. “Okay, so, the real story is this. I saw her at a fashion show with my sister, over a year ago. She was sexy and adorable and I planned to do my typical thing, seduce her and fuck her brains out and all that, but then the next time I saw her, she was in like, actual emotional distress, and I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I’m not into, like...feelings. So you know, I tell myself ‘Wait until she’s not depressed. Fuck her then.’”

Bethenny cackled.

“Charming,” Courtney said, frowning a little.

“Yeah, well. Then the problem was, I kept seeing her, and I started HAVING feelings. Like a disease. It was awful. So I realized that the only thing that would possibly work was the exact fucking opposite of everything I normally do. No games, no bullshit, no - to use your word - seduction. I tried something I’d never done before. I tried to be a good person, and not expect anything in return.”

“And it worked?”

“I mean, it was the longest 4 months of my life, but yeah, ultimately, it worked.”

“Awww…” Courtney kissed her. “Wait, so me making the first move...that was intentional?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you just TELL me? I would have done it sooner. I was clawing down the curtains.”

“Because it had to be your idea. That was part of it.”

“So you made up rules in your head? But didn’t tell me? How is that no games?” Courtney challenged, eyes narrowed.

“Uhhhhh…” Bianca downed her wine glass. “Anyone here like sports?”

“This is like...fascinating…” Carole said, eyes wide, sipping her drink.

“Yeah, Carole is real curious about lesbianism,” Bethenny announced. “Tell them about your dream last year, Carole!”

“No, because, it’s like, the politics of who makes the first move...shut up, Bethenny!”

Vanity raised her hand. “Um, not that I don’t enjoy this discussion about catching my sister’s pussy, but I was told there would be a gentleman here.”

Carole grinned. “He’s cooking. He’ll be out in a few minutes with the appetizers.”

“Jesus, this one is like Ramona. Where are the men?! Where’s the dick?!” Bethenny screeched.

“Every day…” Bianca shook her head.

“Sorry if I get bored watching you two and your soft core porn all day,” Vanity replied.

“What do you mean ‘soft core’?” Courtney giggled, head on Bianca’s shoulder.

“You know, there was a time when you liked dick, too, Courtney!” Vanity said.

Courtney raised her eyebrows. “I mean...I don’t know about ‘liked dick’...it was more like…tolerated dick…”

Adam walked into the room with a tray of food. “Hey, ladies…”

“Right on cue!” Bethenny crowed, falling over laughing. “Adam, thanks for cooking. Now we have to warn you, this season is all about pussy.”

“Cool,” Adam said, setting down the food and toasting Carole. “Here’s to...well I am trying to think of a word for it that won’t embarrass my mother.”

“Let’s go with womankind,” said Carole.

“Yeah, we’ve got lesbians, drag queens, and I’m bleeding by the bucket,” Bethenny continued.

“Uh, okay.” Adam nodded uncomfortably and then changed the subject. “So...these are beet, arugula and hazelnut vinaigrette pizzas with a cauliflower crust. I’m gonna go finish the main course.”

As he walked back to the kitchen, Bethenny shook her head. “He really is a trooper.”

“I’m a little concerned about your bleeding. I thought it was like, spotting,” said Carole, biting into her pizza.

“Oh no,” Bethenny shook her head. “It’s like a river down there. I think I may need a transfusion. I have a doctor’s appointment on Friday.” She turned to Vanity, who had a horrified look on her face. “Why aren’t you eating?”

***

ROXY: Fame in rare form today. She sent back 4 coffees already.

SHANNEL: LOL

SHANNEL: I’m kind of suspicious of the energy here. B and N getting along. WTF

ROXY: That is suspicious. Are we living in the end times?

SHANNEL: Possibly.

ROXY: What’s new with mystery married dude? Sex still good?

SHANNEL: Yeah. Although he’s starting to like...open up emotionally. It’s weird and gross and I’m not sure I’m there for it.

ROXY: Lmao, you’re a bad person

SHANNEL: No, but like you know. I’m not trying to be a professional mistress. Wrong bitch, sir.

ROXY: I get you.

SHANNEL: Last week was all about this war with his wife about some fucking cufflinks she wouldn’t give him. #whocares

SHANNEL: I’m not here to talk about your man jewelry and I’m certainly not here to talk about your wife.

ROXY: lololololol

***

Alaska looked up from her computer, removing her glasses, as Adore entered, flinging her messenger bag down and ambling over to the couch to flop down beside her dejectedly. Alaska was working from home today, Kim practically forcing her to not come into work since the mountain of emails in Alaska inbox exploded after they had relaunched one of their old lipstick shades.  “What’s wrong, muffin?” Alaska asked, running her hands through Adore’s hair, which was currently turquoise fading into purple.

“I think you were right about the boys.”

“What about them?”

“Well...I played them a verse from the newest song I wrote. You know, ‘Out of the Blue’?”

“Right. That song is awesome.”

“Aaron’s exact word were ‘Angry Pussy is supposed to be an ironic band name, Adore. Let’s not turn this bitch into the Vagina Monologues.’ And then he played another song about anarchy and of course all the guys just shat themselves with glee over it.”

“Was is any different than his last 20 songs about anarchy?”

“No. I mean yeah. It was kind of worse.”

Alaska laughed and shook her head. “I’m telling you, hon, they’re holding you back.”

Adore sighed. “So...I guess I’m starting a new band. From scratch.”

“I guess so.”

“Fuck. This is gonna be so much work.”

“Well, look on the bright side...while you do it, you get to live in a penthouse and you don’t have to have a day job.”

“True…” Adore smiled. “Man, my life is fucking awesome.”

***

Ivy sipped her green tea, carefully entering numbers for the upcoming gala into the budget, when the door to her office was thrown open. She shrieked, jumping out of her seat, concentration broken, nerves rattled, as Roxy burst through the entryway, slamming her hands down on her desk.

“Omigod, girl, you will NEVER GUESS what I just found out!”

“Roxy, Jesus, you just scared the living DAYLIGHTS out of me!” Ivy’s heart hammered a million miles a minute as she attempted to catch her breath.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. But seriously, I’m about to tell you something and you have to SWEAR you won’t tell anyone but OMIGOD this is huge…”

“What?!”

“SWEAR FIRST!”

“Okay, jeez, I swear!”

“Patrick...is totally having an affair...with Shannel Watkins!”

“Wait...Nina Garcia’s assistant? Your best friend?”

“YES!”

“WHOA...Did she tell you?!” Ivy asked, eyes bulging.

“Well, not exactly, but...she told me stuff that...I mean, I figured it out. It’s definitely true. You cannot tell anyone! A-NY-ONE! Promise me!”

“I promise!” Ivy said.

“Good.” Roxy sighed with relief. “I just like...needed to share with one person, because that was too much to keep to myself. I feel better now. See you later!” She smiled and skipped from the room.

Ivy waited at her computer for a few moments, then sprang up and knocked on Raja’s door urgently. “Raja, sorry, I know you’re meditating, but--this is important!”

***

“Come on little buddy!” Trixie smiled as he put Ivan into his car seat, the father and son had just finished a shopping trip to Target, Trixie taking full advantage of his flexible schedule to get the thanksgiving shopping done while everyone else was busy with work. Trixie loved shopping early in the day, the shelfs always fully stocked, Ivan happy and full with energy, and if Trixie was honest he felt like a kindred spirit with all of the old people that filled the shop.

“Let’s get home so mommy can see all the shopping we did.” Trixie got into the car, Ivan happily munching on the rice cake his dad gave him, the little boy smiling, the rice falling out, making Trixie laugh as he scoped it up.

***

After some cajoling, Raja finally tore Fame away from her desk and over to sofa, where they could sit together and she could be gentler about breaking this possibly untrue news. Raja shifted uncomfortably. She had no idea why this was so difficult. She was known as the Dragon Lady for a reason. She’d never had a shred of difficulty looking into anyone’s eyes and delivering cold, hard facts. But somehow, with her little blonde darling, it was different - especially now, when she was clearly on the edge of a breakdown, Raja felt like she needed to handle her with kid gloves. Problem was, this wasn’t something she was used to doing, so it all felt very unnatural. She cleared her throat.

“/What/, Raja. For god’s sake.” Fame heaved an exasperated sigh. “I have a ton of work to do, so if you have something to say, just-- I’m honestly having a horrible day-”

“It’s about Patrick, and I’m trying to be delicate.” Raja said. “Which is not my strong suit, so--”

Fame’s mouth clamped shut, lips pressed together. “What?”

“Well...now, remember, this might not even be true, but I heard, that he might be involved with someone.”

Fame folded her hands, shoulders tensing. “Did you?”

“Yeah, well, um, but not just some random girl. Uh...someone we know.”

“Mmm,” Fame made a small noise, eyes faraway.

Raja paused, unsure whether she should go on. She was having a hard time reading her friend’s body language. She took a deep breath and decided to just rip off the band-aid. “Chad’s goddaughter. Shannel. The one that works for Nina at Marie Claire. I mean, you know, that’s what people are saying, anyway, so I wanted to give you a heads-up, but who knows if it’s even true?”

Fame’s eyes closed for the briefest second and then she opened them, replying, “It’s true.”

“Oh. Fuck.” Raja put a hand on Fame’s shoulder.

“Of course, I would have appreciated it if he wasn’t so damn /messy/ about it?! Who else knows? How am I supposed to run a business when my husband is gallivanting around town with no discretion?”

“I don’t think a lot of people know, honey.”

“Are you sure? Who told you?”

“Ivy.”

“Ivy?! Ivy is the least gossipy of all the assistants! She’s the vault!”

Raja tilted her head sympathetically. “I think she only told me because you know, it’s you, and she wanted to make sure that I warned you. I think she told me to be kind, not to spread gossip.”

“And where did she hear it?”

“She wouldn’t say.”

Fame shook her head, tears threatening to spill down her cheeks.

“Do you want me to call him?”

Fame looked at her friend, not expecting Raja’s words at all. “Why would I want you to call him?”

“You obviously love him. I’ve never seen you this upset before.”

Fame shook her head, her words escaping her for once. “He’s going back home to his family for Thanksgiving... We’ve told them I’m sick...”

“So you’ll be spending Thanksgiving alone?”

“Everyone is away, who would I spent it with?”

Raja reached out, surprising Fame as she pulled her into a hug. “You’re coming with me.”

Fame’s wide eyes blinked in surprise before filling up with tears. “Are you sure? I know that it may be a bit of a mad house with the wedding being so close.”

"Don't be silly," Raja said smiling down at Fame, giving her a gentle squeeze before letting go. "Mani loves having you over, she was actually talking about you the other day."

"Really?"

Raja pulled out her phone, pressing on her mother's picture to call her. "Oh yes, she was wondering if you liked the blackberry and cherry jam she made for the office."

"I thought Raven made that jam," Fame said, before hearing Raja's mother's voice cut through the quiet office.

[Hello my beautiful daughter, you bless your mother with the sound of your voice,] Maharani greeted, happy that her daughter called her.

[Hi mama,] Raja replied in Indonesian with a smile, watching Fame take a sip of her coffee. [I'm sitting here with Fame in her office, say hello.]

"Oh hi baby!" Maharani said brightly, "I was talking about you to Putri, how you and de boy?"

Fame looked at Raja questioningly. "The boy," she whispered. Raja pointed at Fame's wedding ring, earning a nod from the younger woman.

"Patrick and I are doing good," Fame began, not wanting to outright lie to the twins sweetheart of a mother. "We're in a transitional period right now in our relationship."

"What does that mean? You have baby?"

Raja choked back a laugh at Fame's mildly horrified expression before speaking up for her friend. "No mani, Fame is only pregnant with ideas for our newest collection, no baby."

"Ah." Maharani replied easily, [Is she getting a divorce?]

Raja bit her lip, she didn't want to tell her mother because it wasn't her story to tell, but she also hated withholding information from her as well. [I don't know,] but Fame is coming home with Anada, Vi, Rave and I for Thanksgiving dinner."

Maharani didn't miss a beat with her response, and for that Raja was grateful. "Ok, I make enough to feed army."

"See Fame darling," Raja said with a smile, "my mother is not only magic, but she also makes too much food so don't worry about it."

"Thank you for your hospitality Mrs. Amrull," Fame replied with a smile. "I can't wait to enjoy more of your amazing cooking. Do you want me to bring anything?"

"Oh no," Maharani replied. "Bring an empty belly."

Raja laughed, imagining how offended her mother must have looked at the thought of a guest bringing outside food to her home. "Thanks mama.”

***

Roxy hung up with the printer, sweat dripping down her forehead, feeling like she’d just run a marathon. The last two days had upped her blood pressure and aged her five years. When Fame came in on Monday, with the biggest, scariest smile she’d ever seen, waxing poetic about a gigantic holiday gala that Galactica just MUST throw, Roxy thought she would throw up on the spot. Planning a fancy gala, during the holidays, in less than a month?

She’d, miraculously, found a venue rather quickly. (Luckily for her, one of her ex boyfriends was a hotel manager and he still liked to fuck occasionally, so that was one problem solved.) Then Fame refused to let her do the invitations via paperless post like a fucking normal person, insisting on using this fancy printer in Brooklyn and then taking her SWEET ASS TIME approving the guest list all the while making Roxy aware that if the invites didn’t go out before the holiday, Roxy would be fired.

She’d made the deadline by the skin of her TEETH, and only by slipping him half the names earlier in the day without Fame’s formal approval - names like Raja and Raven, Chad Michaels people that Roxy knew for a fact would be on the list and that she’d be willing to bet the $5 per invite against her salary would make the cut.

But now, she barely had any time to celebrate her victory because as she looked at the rest of her to do list, she started to get that sick feeling again…

/Catering

Alcohol

Decor/Production Design

Seating Chart

Music/Entertainment

Speaker from the charity

Silent auction items

WHAT ELSE UGHHHHH/

Roxy took a shaky breath, trying to figure out where to begin, as Fame buzzed her on the intercom. “Roxy, please help me bring my things downstairs to the car, I’m going to leave early today.”

“Yes miss.” She was leaving already? While Roxy sat here slaving away planning her last minute stupid fucking party? What a royal /bitch./ Roxy entered Fame’s office to gather her things.

Fame rose from her desk, allowing Roxy to help her into her coat. “I trust you have the gala under control?”

Roxy gritted her teeth. “Of course, miss. I’m about to go lock in the rest of the vendors.”

“Fantastic,” Fame said. “Be sure to send me an update before you leave today.”

“Yes, miss.”

#galactica #au aag verse #rpdr fanfiction #my fics

[artificialqueens]

The Parent Trap, Chapter 9 (Biadore) - Henny

A/N: Thank you for the comments, Hennies! Y’all are making me feel like Ariel in the beginning of Little Mermaid 2 :> I missed all of you too! Sorry if there was a problem with the formatting of the previous chapter; completely my fault!

OH, and if you’re confused with the timeline, I’ll simplify it for you:

RPDR Season 6 (filming) ended around Mid-July of 2013 (assuming it takes about a year or so before it is released). January 2014; Roy and Danny started dating. 6 months after that, June 2014, a month after Bianca wins, they get married. A year later, the couple gets baby fever, so they start looking for the perfect surrogate and egg donor. This is where I deflect a bit from the prologue, it takes them until May 2016 to conceive.

TLDR; the fic takes place July 2026, and RPDR is currently airing S19 with THE AS:BoTW filming the very same year . If I had said anything contrary to those stated above, disregard it. This is the new timeline I’m going to follow going forward.

All the love, Hennies!

XOXO, Henny

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Well, would you be interested in joining the first All-Stars: Battle of the Winners in place of Bianca?”

The way Adore gaped at her phone was almost comedic, mouth opening and closing like a fish. In some way, she’s almost flattered at the fact that Ru called personally instead of a producer. It’s almost very considerate, since the man knew what had gone between Danny and Roy.

“Well, last time I checked, you didn’t crown me, Mama…” Adore adds a teasing tone to her voice, and tries to ignore the nerves that seemed to resurface at the idea of returning back to the competition. It’s been many years since Season 6, and Adore has genuinely forgotten how it feels to be on a platform like that again. Focusing on her music as both Adore and Danny has shifted the focus of her career as a drag queen and performer; and with many seasons passed, she knew her charm has run dry with Drag Race fans.

Ru laughs, the iconic shrill making Adore spiral back into the werkroom. “I didn’t, didn’t I?” He laughs again, and Adore can only imagine him wiping a fake tear. “But, I am planning to release the footage of you and Bianca winning to prove that my decision to invite you has some bearing, at the least.”

Adore inwardly groans again, remembering the night of the finale wherein they filmed the ending of her and Bianca winning together. She feels the ghost of Bianca’s hands squeezing her own as they waved and the sparkly confetti rains and glitters of lights from cameras blinded their eyes; applause and cheers roaring in their ears.

“What will the other queens say? The winners, I mean. It’s not like they’ll consider me a winner, especially the newer queens.” Ever the anxious person that she is, she finds a brush to fiddle with to lessen her anxiety.

“My competition, my rules. Whatever I say goes, Baby. They can say whatever they want, but if they’re smart enough, they’ll pipe up. And, besides…” Ru trails off excitedly, like they were sharing a secret. “Since this is only a Netflix special, I’m only doing the first decade season winners. I’m sure they’ll be nicer to you than recent ones.“

“All of them said yes?”

“All, but one, you already know…”

“Yeah, yeah…”

“So, what do you say?”

“I- I don’t know, Ru. I’ll think about it…”

“Of course, let the producers know soon, alright? Filming starts October! Toodles!”

The call ends, and it takes everything in Adore’s willpower not to throw it to the wall. She looks at her phone’s lock screen and sees the beaming face of Portia, and she manages to calm down. She stands up, grabs a pre-rolled joint in her makeup kit, and heads out of the building after shouting to the manager to inform him about her whereabouts. She normally didn’t do this anymore; smoking, hard liquor, and even hooking up with trades that come her way. Portia had completely turned her life around, and so did Roy and Nerissa. “Fuck,” Tears fill her eyes again at the thought of her daughter who she no longer knew, she sniffles as she takes a long drag of her joint and breathing out harshly.

A tall figure looms over her, and with a tap on her shoulder, she nearly doubled over in fear. “What the fuckkk…” She groans, clutching her heart.

“Oh, sorry… Didn’t mean to scare you.” Adore looks up to meet the steel eyes of a blonde stud with a smug smile on his face.

“Shit, I know you…” Adore murmurs in thought, before she remembers “You’re Brooke, right?”

“Brooke Lynn Hytes, yeah.” He flashes her a beautiful, gorgeous smile, pearly whites and all. “…But right now, uhh,” He looks down to his jeans and plain gray shirt, “You can call me, Brock.”

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“Okay, give me another one.” Portia looks at her cards, one five of hearts and the other six of spades. It was really late and they just finished washing the dishes of the entire camp after dinner. Not tired from their post-cry-emotional nap earlier, they had decided to play a game of Blackjack. Nerissa deals her another card, and picks one for herself. Portia peaks at the new card, and sees her nine of spades. She joins the cards together, and places them down in triumph.

“20, let’s see yours, Haylock.”

Nerissa drops her cards, a jack of diamonds, two of clubs, and nine of clubs. “Blackjack, bitchh…” She taunts, laughing at Portia’s dismayed face.

“That’s not fucking fair…” Portia drawls, “That’s your 9th time winning, I think you’re cheating…”

“Oh, please. You just play your cards wrong, and sometimes, I’m just really lucky…” Nerissa beams as she watches Portia fix the cards and put it back in their case, murmuring “I don’t want to play anymore.”

“It’s getting pretty late, too. I think we should go to bed.” Nerissa yawns as she grabs her blanket and tries to settle herself in. Portia agrees before standing up to lock their door; to make sure the windows are tightly shut; and to turn off the light. The moon shines at its brightest, a cool silver light shimmers through their window.

“I know it’s late, but I’m not even remotely sleepy.” Portia comments despite the yawn the escapes her.

“Same here,” Nerissa says with droopy eyes.

“Tell me, what’s Bianca like? No… noo…What’s dad like?” Portia asks, adjusting herself so she faces her sister. The mere idea of having a sister and having Roy Haylock AKA Bianca Del Rio, THE Bianca Del Rio is possibly 50% her dad makes her more giddy than anything in the world.

“Dad is probably the most workaholic person you’ll ever meet. He’ll make time for you, yes. But, you can tell that 75% of his mind is just…” Nerissa sighs, “exhausted, if not thinking about work… He really tries though, he hasn’t missed any of my ballet recitals yet nor any PTAs. He’s as active as a busy parent can be.”

“That’s good, I guess…” A hum of agreement, another yawn.

“And not to mention, the free dresses.” She giggles, “How ‘bout our other dad?” Nerissa turns to lie on her back, thinking about her dad who she hasn’t updated in awhile, even though she promised to do so everyday. A sudden urge to hug her dad courses through her body, and subtle pout forms at her lips at the thought of Roy. She missed her dad, she’s still upset about the whole not-telling-her-she-was-a-twin-thing, but she missed him nonetheless.

“He’s pretty chill. I can do anything I want,”

“Wow.”

“Yeah, my dad’s pretty cool. We have the kind of relationship where I can tell him things and… he can tell me things. He’s my best friend, so we just have fun most of the time.” Portia says with mere awe. “But, it wasn’t always like that. There was a time though where he was pretty down in the dumps; he didn’t really have the best mental health back then and his coping mechanism–”

“Hey, this seems kinda personal. You don’t have to tell me this, okay? Only if you’re comfortable doing so.” Nerissa says, her arm crossing its way to pat Portia’s tummy to stop her thought.

“No, no… You’re my sister, and I trust you enough.”

“Okay, if you’re sure… So you were saying?

“Yeah, so, he didn’t have the best coping mechanism. Alcohol is tricky when it gets out of hand. I didn’t mind at first, because I didn’t think it was that bad. I didn’t notice the signs because I was so young. It was only one incident, really, when I understood the gravity of it all. Around June, he nearly drank himself to death. I don’t know why he drank severely that night, but I just found him passed out on his own–” Portia chokes as tears start up with the memory of seeing her dad then. “I was only four then, Riz. I didn’t know what death was, but the minute I saw him– It just rationalized so quickly in my head. I called 911 as fast as I could. I didn’t know what I was saying half the time ‘cuz I was just crying.”

Nerissa places a comforting hand on Portia’s arm as the girl tries to fight the sniffles. When Portia manages to barely win against the tears, she continues, “When we were in the hospital, I was with my Grandma and there was another man, I– I don’t know who, from what I can remember– we didn’t know if my dad was gonna make it.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Porsche.”

“No, no… It’s fine. Just sucks to remember it. But, he managed to pull through, obviously. He hasn’t drank alcohol in years. So, I’m really proud of him, especially in his line of work, it must be so hard.”

“Yeah, as his 50%-chance daughter and for what it’s worth, I’m proud of him, too. “

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

When Courtney heard the rumors going around backstage that night, she had about ten shots of tequila before coming to the conclusion that she wouldn’t tell Roy. But, funny how alcohol works out.

“Yanxxxxx” Courtney drawls out on her phone that she’s struggling to hold up to her ear. But the effort was there. She has absolutely no idea where she is as she presses her warm cheek to the cold faux leather seat of a couch.

“Bitch, did you really just– What?” Roy rolls his eyes as he looks at his phone that hosts Courtney’s current call and the said-blonde on his couch, drooling and staring off into space.

“I gotta–” hiccup “tell you a ssssecret.” Courtney angles her phone to her mouth, so she’s directly speaking to the phone’s microphone. Roy walks over to the drunk girl, grabs her phone and throws it in her purse. He ends the call on his phone before slipping to the kitchen, grabbing a towel and soaking it with cold water. He gives it a good squeeze to remove the excess water before going back to Courtney and placing the towel on her forehead.

“You’re so lucky Riz isn’t here or I would’ve left your drunk ass in the club.” He mutters in annoyance, even though everyone knew he wouldn’t really do that. He could never let anything happen to any of his loved ones, and god knows Riz has seen Courtney or Shane pissed drunk since she was a toddler.

“No,” Courtney says abruptly, hand swatting away Roy’s hand. “Nooooo…” She continues to drawl. “The secret is Ado…” She leans in close, way too close. Roy gets a harsh flashback and hastily pushes Courtney away. With the push, Courtney plops on her back and passes out entirely. Roy sighs, both in frustration and exhaustion. He wouldn’t bother removing Courtney’s makeup, but he did give her the courtesy of removing her wig and cap, as well as unlacing her corset. It all feels familiar to him, taking care of someone and helping them de-drag, except of course, back then he had to strip Bianca off himself and help Danny remove his clothes which then would lead to…

Roy shakes his mind, trying to get rid of the idea before it escalated. He leaves the guest bedroom and makes his way to the kitchen for a glass of wine. He’s just going to pretend he doesn’t know that Courtney was about to say something about Adore as he starts up a design for Rupaul on the granite kitchen counter.

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

“I can’t believe Biadore was ACTUALLY a thing.”

“How can you not? The tension was so obvious, especially during that one part where Adore said she didn’t want to work with Bianca? The sexual tension was just–” Nerissa fans herself before she receives a slight smack and push on her shoulder.

“Dude, you’re so fucking weird. I don’t wanna think about my dad’s sex life OR YOURS!!”

“I’m just telling the truth! The stare was intense.” Nerissa breaks into a fit of giggles at Portia’s face of slight disgust at the idea. “And speaking of, did your dad date anyone again?” Nerissa asks.

“Never anyone serious enough to introduce to me, no. He’d go on dates, sometimes Adore would go on dates. But, yeah. He never really seemed interested in dating anymore, so he put all his attention to me or his and Adore’s music.”

“Do you call Adore “mom”?”

“No, that’s weird!” Portia snorts, “My dad is, well, my dad. He has his own quirks and personality. And, Adore, to me, is just a whole different person. I can’t explain it. Like, I know he’s Adore Delano through and through. But, my mind just sees Adore like a whole different person.” Portia rolls again to her back, so she’s facing the ceiling like her sister. “How about your dad? Did he date anyone?”

“You know what’s weird? I don’t think he ever did, not even dating or flirting with anyone else. He’s always been so closed off to anyone who showed any particular interest.” Nerissa twiddles with her thumb, before scrunching her nose in distaste. “I mean, in some way, I get it. He’s scared to love again. Uncle Shane always said so. I wish I knew why though.”

Portia hums, thoughtfully. Another pregnant pause looms over their conversation. It has gone on for so long that for a moment Nerissa thought Portia was asleep, until…

“I AM SUCH A FUCKING GENIUS!”

PREVIOUS CHAPTERS:

Prologue | Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Chapter Seven | Chapter Eight |

#rpdr fanfiction #biadore #bianca del rio #adore delano #courtney act #parent trap au #parenting au #canon compliant #the parent trap #henny #tw mentions of alcoholism

[missdandee]

1. Fave runway outfit ever worn Katya’s latex look from All Stars 2 ***
2. Least favourite outfit ever worn Kelly Mantle’s bacon ***
3. Favourite season 1 queen TAMMIE FUCKING BROWN ***
4. Tatianna or Detox Detox ***
5. Ideal lipsync song Don’t Touch My Hair- Brooke Candy ***
6. Favourite design challenge Oh No She Betta Don’t ***
7. Laila or Cynthia Laila ***
8. Aaa girls or team NYC from s8 Oooh that’s tough… I gotta go with the AAA girls ***
9. Favourite season 6 queen Bianca Del Rio. But I LIVE for some ABC okurrrrr ***
10. Who is more iconic: jasmine masters or gia gunn Gia! ***
11. Phi phi or Roxxxy Actually I really do like both of them. I guess I would say Roxxxy though. ***
12. Shalaska or Katlaska(?) friendship I admire Shalaska’s friendship greatly, and I’ve seen them perform together and they are incredible as a duo!! Buuuut I ship Katlaska. Hard ;) ***
13. Trixie or Bianca Bianca. Though I love Trixie dearly, Bianca will always be number 1 in my heart. ***
14. Favourite top 3 Adore, Bianca and Courtney ***
15. A queen who was robbed of being in the top 3 Umm Katya DUHHHH ***
16. Best lipsyncer Alyssa Edwards ***
17. Best makeup artist Kim Chi…. aduhhh ***
18. Funniest queen Bob the Drag Queen. Though it’s a very close tie between Bob and Darrienne Lake, because I saw her during the haters roast and GODDAMN she shut it the fuck down. So fucking funny. ***
19. Best Rupaul pun I honestly have no idea. ***
20. Fave Rupaul outfit https://res.cloudinary.com/beamly/image/upload/s–At-Hzu47–/c_fill,g_face,q_70,w_479/f_jpg/v1/tvbuzz/sites/7/2015/04/YAS-RU-1024x575.jpg ***
21. Favourite queen who went home first Shangie ***
22. Most shocking moment When Alyssa Edwards was sent home in All Stars 2 ***
23. Favourite catchphrase Party! ***
24. Willam or Latrice Oh God that is so hard… I gotta go with my bitch Willam though. ***
25. Ideal guest judge BEYONCE ***
26. Kim Chi or Thorgy Thorgy ***
27. Favourite underrated queen Darrienne Lake! Bitch is SOOOO Goddamn funny. ***
28. The time the fans needed to chill the most(other than just generally) All Stars 2, after Alaska’s meltdown ***
29. Unhhhh or Fashion Photo Ruview Unhhhh ***
30. Predict a season 9 top 3 and a winner Valentina, Shea, Sasha… I WANT Sasha to win.

***

[break-the-frozenheart]

1-50 bitch

LMAO OKAY

1). motor boat Michelle visage or finger bang santino rice?

I’m worried I would be smothered my michelle’s tits so i’ll poke Santino’s chocolate starfish

2). have you ever masturbated to a queen? who?

Can’t say that I have, but I’m pretty sure Sasha Velour’s Cellophane lip sync gave me an orgasm

3). which queen would you let spit in your mouth?

Latrice 

4). who do you think has a bigger dick, sharon or detox?

Detox probably

5). jinkx/alaska sex tape or adore/bianca?

an adore/bianca tape would be both adorable and hilarious so them

6). which season 7 queen do you think would be the best in bed

Kennedy because I bet that bitch is kinky and flexible

7). who’s ass would you eat from season 4?

Dida Ritz 

8). drink willams puke or drink katya’s sweat?

Katya’s sweat without a doubt

9). which stereotypically “fishy” queen would you fuck in drag?

I would fuck the shit out of Farrah Moan

10). be adore delano’s toilet or courtney acts cum rag?

Country Act’s cum rag because I bet she has those soft little fairy nuts

11). get pissed on by Roxxxy andrews, or listen to Serena cha cha talk about theater school for seven hours straight?

I’d totally let Roxxxy piss on me if her pubes had a wig reveal

12). which judge would you murder to bring back an eliminated queen from any season, and who would the queen be?

Can it be a guest judge? Honestly I’d trade any of them for Trixie’s commentary

13). out of vicky vox and rhea litre, you have to let one on the show and you have to brutally beat the other one to death, who do you choose for what?

I love Vicky Vox too much to kill her

14). who’s panties would you sniff from season 3

Raja’s without a doubt

15). you have three cocktails, one is laced with bleach, the other two are fine. you cant tell them apart, you have to pick two queens you love to risk the lives of, and one queen you dislike to pray gets the bleach, who do you pick?

I hope that Mrs. Kasha Davis and Tempest survive and Derrick Barry fucking chokes

16). trixie mattel is running late for a show, you have the opportunity to kidnap her, get her to the show or kill her, what do you do?

Get her to the show wtf???

17). alaska and sharon are fighting to the death, sharon has fake metals on and is having a bad allergic reaction, and alaska has long fake nails on which are hard to do things with, who wins?

Prolly Alaska

18). who would you let shit on your chest, manila luzon or raven?

RAVEN

19). you get to a show by your fave queen! but another one of your fave queens wont let you through, you must kill them, which one of your faves do you kill, and who is the queen you are killing them for?

I would probably kill Sharon to get to Trixie Mattel

20). fuck, avoid, marry, kill: delta, manila, raja and carmen

Fuck Raja, marry Manila, avoid Delta, and kill Carmen

21). would you rather watch alyssa edwards slowly slather her back rolls in oil, or watch jinkx monsoon pick food out of her teeth?

I’d pay to watch alyssa later her back rolls

22). which one of your least fave queens would you hate fuck?

I’d hate fuck Phi Phi tbh

23). what’s a weird/fucked up drag race ship that you enjoy?

It’s not weird, but I fucking love shea and sasha

24). watch violet react to her sex tape or watch detox react to hers?

Violet

25). if you cut off your arm with a saw, you can re-pick every winner from each season, do you do it? who do you pick for each season?

Hell nah. I love all the winners so far (even tyra)

26). watch bianca fist courtney or watch willam top another queen?

WILLAM TOP

27). which queen could piss in your mouth and you’d be cool with it?

I’d let Sasha do anything to me

28). the word you associate with pandora boxx, the word you associate with chad Michaels and the name of your first pet. combine them, whats your new drag name?

cunty brilliant specks

29). marry mimi imfurst or a goat?

i could get more use out of the goat

30). get on drag race and go home first, or lick the sweat off jasmine masters forehead? 

go home first 

31). you find porn of your fave queen, are you really fucking happy or really fucking upset?

it depends on the queen honestly

32). punch rupaul in the face or accept his choices for season 7

punch rupaul without a doubt

33). become as good a dancer as Alaska, or become as good a comedian as alyssa edwards :/

I already dance as well as alaska so her i guess

34). smell ginger minj’s armpits or lick her left ass cheek?

ASS CHEEK ASS CHEEK

35). you can run into raja’s closet with a huge bag and take as many clothes as you want, but shes running after you with a knife, risk it and fight her off, or just go get clothes elsewhere?

I would raid her closet for shit and let her kill me. that’s my fantasy

36). would you cut off your nipples to become your fave queens best friend, or no?

TOTALLY

37). who is fishier, recent jade jolie or recent Michelle visage? (seriously it seems easy but think about it)

both

38). you can hack any queens twitter and start a lie about them, who’s the queen and what is the lie?

Jaymes didn’t go home first

39). you get 1 dick pick from a queen of your choice, who?

Bob

40). you find a time machine and it can take you back to any season of the race, you have the ability to help one queen that didn’t win, who do you help and how would you help them?

I wanna help Jaymes honestly and fix her damn paint and put her in a better shoe

41). worst song made by any drag queen (including queens that weren’t a contestant on the race)

Can Chris Crocker count? because him

42). are you a pro stalker? think of your favourite drag racer, can you name a friend they have that isn’t popular or a drag racer?

Well I know Trixie and Jaymes were friend before she got on DR, and I have a friend who does drag who knows a ton of queens

43). fuck, marry, avoid, kill: Alaska thunderfuck 5000, honey mahogany, nicole paige brooks and rebecca glasscock

Fuck rebecca, marry alaska, avoid honey, and kill npb

44) cure cancer or bring back katya?

Cure cancer for cynthia lee fontaine because katya does better than most winners

45). what queens from any season would you love to see lip sync for their life naked, and what song would they preform to?

I wanna see Bianca try to lip sync just because

46). erase everyones memory of lil pound cake so that no one remembers anything about lil pound cake, or erase everyones memory of ornacia?

I would sell lil poundcake to satan for one corn chip. Ornacia has better memes

47). get given head by your fave queen or eat pizza w/ them

why not both?

48).  who would you have an orgy with rolaskatox or the heathers

heathers

49). become pearl’s personal punching post, or punch pearl in the face

i’d punch pearl for sending trixie home

50). would you fuck someone in the old untucked lounge or the new untucked lounge?

old.

[theofficialcunt]

If you're down a would LOVE a little something with Adore winning AS3 (yes I know she's not on it LET ME DREAM) and Ru being like "so what are you gonna do with the money?" and Adore responds with "well I'm gonna spend it on the best fucking honeymoon EVER" and everyone's like ?!?!?! and she's like "oh yeah I forgot to mention I totally got married right before going on the show" *cue smug smirk* and Ru's all "OMG what??? anyone we know???" and BAM! cue Bianca.

I really hope I did this prompt justice. It was actually really fun to write! Enjoy ✨💕

The tv blared loudly throughout the club, the top 3 queens gripping each other’s hands in anticipation. It was hot, Adore was sweating profusely - partly from nerves but mostly from the amount of people watching them.

The crowning was in New York, and it was always a star studded event. Alaska would be crowning the winner, whose picture would then be hung next to hers in the imaginary All Star hall of fame.

Katya, Bob The Drag Queen, Kim Chi, and some of the local new york queens watched in anticipation as the reunion echoed throughout the building. Ru Paul himself was also there, standing next to Alaska with a microphone making comments here and there. Fans would scream and shout every now and then when something entertained them. Courtney Act and Bianca Del Rio were also there for support for their season 6 sister. This is Adore’s 3rd time on the show, and second time in the top 3.

“You ready for this mawma?” Trixie asked playfully, elbowing Adore.

“I mean, I guess.” Adore laughed uncomfortably.

She was not ready. Honestly, losing to Bianca the first time was hard. Yes, the win was well deserved - she dominated the fuck out of the competition. But Adore had to put on a smile for hours after the crowning and pretend to be okay with losing. When in reality she was under the impression she was going to be sharing the grand prize with her.

She was so sure of the win, she had already made plans for her prize money.

So, to say she was crushed when she lost was an understatement.

She did well on All Stars 3, won 3 challenges in fact. She never had to lip sync, and she didnt have to send anybody home either. It was a good situation overall.

But she wasn’t confident in who was going to win. It could be her crown. It could be Trixies crown. It could even be Chi Chi’s crown.

“Y’all, I just want some gumbo.” Chi Chi groaned, adjusting her false eyelash.

The three of them were an odd trio, but somehow their chemistry worked well on All Stars. Adore laughed, always finding it fascinating that Chi Chi and Bianca came from the same state but acted so different. Adore guessed it was because Bianca had too much New York in her now.

“And the winner of All Stars 3 is…”

Chi Chi and Trixie gripped Adore’s hands tightly, each digging their fake nails into her palms as they awaited their fate.

Her and Bianca made eye contact, and Adore noticed for the first time Bianca looked nervous. Her eyes kept darting around the room, she had one hand gripped on the side of her modest boat neck black velvet dress. She had Courtney’s hand in a vice grip, holding it so tight she was probably losing circulation in it.

Bianca smiled at Adore encouragingly, letting her eyes scan over the seafoam green sequin dress that hugged her body. She was wearing a blonde wig tonight, with some extra pieces woven in to add more volume. wanted Adore to win so bad. She thought she had deserved it the first time around, especially with the way that they edited it. Adore had stepped her game up for All Stars 3, investing in gowns and nicer hair pieces then usual. She did her best to show versatility on the show, and it worked - landing her a spot in the top 3. She worked very hard for this, and literally put herself out there all over again which had been hard on her after her departure on All Stars 2. She didn’t know how she would react if she would lose a second time.

“Adore Delano!”

The room erupted in screams, and Adore blinked rapidly with shock. She felt dizzy, her ears ringing from all of the excitement. Trixie screamed, pulling her in for a tight hug. Adore let her head rest into her chest as she let out a few tears. She had won drag race. She had won $100,000. She would be able to buy a house, make another album…

She was completely overwhelmed

This was what winning felt like.

Adore pulled away softly, wiping the tears from her eyes so that her makeup didn’t get ruined. She turned and embraced Chi Chi - giving her a longer hug. She had been a big fan of Chi Chi’s on season 8, and was sad that she didn’t win. They had grown close on the show, mostly becauseAdore was the only one familiar with Louisiana cuisine.

Because of Bianca.

Adore searched the crowd for B, and smiled when she saw her. Bianca was ecstatically jumping up and down, holding Courtney’s hand and…was she crying?!

Bianca’s cheeks were shiny from the tears of joy. She never cried in public, but she couldn’t help herself. Courtney grabbed a tissue from her purse and blotted her face gently, trying to move the elaborate makeup back into place.

“God, you’re a mess!” Courtney exclaimed, laughing as she wiped the runny mascara off of her cheeks.

“Shut up bitch, I have every right to be.” Bianca laughed through her tears, her voice still thick with emotion.

Adore walked across the stage to Alaska and Ru, where they stood with the crown and sceptre. Detox stood by with the check, beaming at her as she was handed a mic.

“I guess I’m expected to make a speech now huh?” Adore laughed nervously, eyeing Ru and Alaska.

The crowd laughed, then fell silent in anticipation.

Adore was nervous now, mostly because she just spoke from the heart when she talked to her fans.Now that she was a winner, was she expected to deliver articulate speeches?

“I want to start off by saying I’m so grateful for this oppurtunity man. Thank you Ru.” Adore smiled at Ru, who in return bowed to her.

“Winning drag race doesn’t mean that I’m going to stop keeping it real with you guys. You deserve to know the truth about shit, and you deserve to be called out if you start acting crazy. I’m talking to you Val.” Adore laughed, catching Valentina’s eyes in the far corner of the club.

“Honestly, you motherfuckers can do anything you set your mind to and I just love you all so much.” Adore exclaimed. “Thank you.”

Alaska smiled, bringing the crown over and gesturing for Adore to kneel down. She placed the crown on top of her blonde locks, smiling with pride as she stood up. The crowd went crazy, shouting and cheering as Adore smiled at them and waved.

Ru handed her the sceptre, whispering congratulations in her ear and ushering her over to Detox to receive the check.

“Presenting your new queen, and winner of $100,000 Adore Delano!” Alaska yelled.

Adore grabbed the check and posed for pictures for what felt like forever. First with Alaska and Detox, then with Alaska, Detox, and Ru. Then with Chi Chi and Trixie, and then finally Courtney and Bianca were pulled on stage.

“I thought it would be fitting to have your originalsisters pose with you.” Ru announced,

Adore smiled as Courtney tackled her in a crushing hug.

“I’m so happy for you Adorm!” Courtney exclaimed, pecking Adore on the cheek playfully.

“Okay that’s enough,” Bianca snapped, pulling Courtney off of her. “Congratulations. I knew it was going to be you.” Bianca held her for a solid minute before letting her go.

They took a few pictures together, and then they were ushered back to the front row while Ru began his interview with her on stage.

“So Adore, I have to ask.”  Ru started, as they sat down on two stools that had seemingly materialized out of nowhere.  “What are you going to do with the money?”

Adore bit her lip and made brief eye contact with Bianca before she nodded in agreement.

“Well, I’m gonna spend some of it on the best fucking honeymoon ever!” Adore exclaimed.

The crowd grew louder with confusion and excitement. Ru’s jaw dropped, along with all of the other queen’s on stage.

“Y-you’re married? When did that happen?” Ru asked curiously.

“Well, I got the call for All Stars and that was when we were just getting serious and I was like fuck, we could either do this now or do it when I get back - and he was like let’s just do it now!” Adore exclaimed animatedly, talking vividly with her hands. “So I was like, fuck yeah I’m down we’ll get a tax break if I win. So we jetted off to Vegas and did something super low key. We got married at 3 am so no fans would see, it was wild.”

Trixie was shrieking from backstage, along with the audience who had grown much louder during the course of the conversation. Adore had worked very hard to keep her marriage a secret, and it had definitely paid off.

“Bitch,  why didn’t you tell me?” Alaska shrieked. “I would have brought you guys a pizza.”

“I’m sorry Lasky! My husband isn’t really big on pizza so it’s better that you didn’t.” Adore laughed.

“Oh my god, this is just so shocking Adore.” Ru finally said, as the audience calmed down. “Now I have to ask, is your husband anyone we know?”

Adore smiled coyly, trying not to look in her husband’s general direction.

“Well, he’s here tonight…” Adore teased, smiling wide.

“Can we meet him?” Ru asked excitedly, scanning the crowd looking for the potential partner.

“Sure man!” Adore exclaimed, smiling smugly.

“Mr. Delano, if you are still in the building come on down!” Ru called, looking around the building.

Just then, Bianca stood up from the front row and sauntered up the steps to the stage. Ru’s jaw dropped, and Alaska screamed as the audience roared in approval. Bianca grinned, pecking Adore on the lips softly before grabbing her microphone.

“It’s Mrs. Del Rio thank you very much.” Bianca smiled, before dipping Adore in a passionate embrace.

Adore knew the fans were going to lose their minds, but she really had no clue how crazy they would get until it was all out in the open. The screaming and shrieking hadn’t died down since it was announced she was married, and had only gotten progressively worse as the night went on.

But Adore wouldn’t have it any other way.

#prompts #requests #biadore

[lostenemies]

1-5, 7-11, 14, 28-33, 42, 47. -Eevee

thanks you’re an angel

Favorite Drag Race Moment: god how do i choose... i mean i’m still not over bianca helping adore in the werkroom with the cincher so.....

Favorite Drag Race Contestant: i love so many but for now i’ll just say adore and miz cracker :O

Favorite Drag Race Winner: probably jinkx! (bianca, violet, and sharon are all tied for second don’t come for me)

Comedy Queens or Pageant Queens: comedy, but i still respect pageant girls

Favorite LSFYL: not to be cliche but alyssa and tati shut up and drive makes me QUAKE

Favorite S6 Queen: OTHER THAN ADORE probably dela or bianca

Most Attractive Out Of Drag: idk i kinda have a thing for violet??

Best Snatch Game: loved alaska as mae west and aquaria as melania

Favorite Season: all stars 2, but for regular seasons, 5!

Favorite Runway Look: so many but im in love with aquaria’s mermaid atm

Sharon or Jinkx: you demon... don’t make me decide (jinkx)

Least Favorite Queen: serena cha cha and tyra lmao

Funniest Queen: bob... what a legend

Meanest Queen: well tyra nearly killed us so...

Favorite S5 Queen: ivy winters! robbed queen get her on as4

Favorite Mini Challenge: probs the one with lil poundcake lol

Best Miss Congeniality: katya

Sharon/Phi Phi or Jinkx/Roxxxy feud: i think sharon/phi phi just because of all the catchphrases they gave us

Adore Delano or Courtney Act: oh look another chance for me to talk about how much i love my punk wife! spoiler: adore

WHEW that took a while.  thanks for sending the ask eevee! love ya

[gossipnetwork-blog]

We Ranked the Top 20 RuPaul's Drag Race Queens: See Who Sashayed Their Way to No. 1!

New Post has been published on http://gossip.network/we-ranked-the-top-20-rupauls-drag-race-queens-see-who-sashayed-their-way-to-no-1/

We Ranked the Top 20 RuPaul's Drag Race Queens: See Who Sashayed Their Way to No. 1!

Nine seasons. Three All-Stars off-shoots. 113 queens. That’s a whole lot of charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent, mama.

But not all RuPaul’s Drag Race queens are created equal. 

With All-Stars 3 currently airing on new network home VH1 and the franchise’s landmark season 10 just around the corner, we thought the timing was right to open the library and read these queens to filth to determine which of Mama Ru’s girls deserved to be in our Top 20. Why? Because reading is fundamental. (And also, because any opportunity we get to talk about Drag Race as “work,” we’ll take it.) 

Which queens made the cut and which had to sashay away? It wasn’t easy narrowing this down. The sheer magnitude of talent among the amazing drag queens that RuPaul has introduced the world to is truly a force to be reckoned with. This show hasn’t spawned an industry unto itself, complete with a yearly weekend-long fan convention, for no reason. And as you take a look at our list, you’ll notice that simply winning a season wasn’t enough for some queens to make the cut. 

As the show has evolved and grown, so too has the talent, making it harder and harder for those early queens to edge their way in. Not that they’re not trailblazing and legendary in their own right. It’s just that, when you’re whittling the list down to 20, you’ve got to make some cuts somewhere.

So without any further ado, it’s time to put your reading glasses on and find out which of Mama Ru’s girls made our Top 20—and which one came out on top. 

VH1

20. Peppermint (Season 9)

Season 9 runner-up Peppermint (real name Agnes Moore) more than lived up to her nick name “Lip Sync Assassin,” honey. She did knock three of her sisters out of the competition in sudden death lip syncs, after all. Thanks to her unwavering positivity, the warmth she brought to the competition, and her place in Drag Race history as the first already out trans woman to fight for the crown, she was the season’s true Miss Congeniality. (Sorry, not sorry, Valentina fans.)

VH1

19. Adore Delano (Season 6 & All-Stars 2)

It’s no secret that season six runner-up Adore Delano (real name Danny Noriega) struggled with her “hog body” on many a runway, but she still proved to be one of the show’s more memorable queens, nearly snatching the crown in what’s unofficially considered the best season of Drag Race ever. Between her sisterly bond with Bianca Del Rio, her delightful sense of humor, and her vocal talent (Noriega competed on season seven of American Idol out of drag), she more than earned her spot in the Top 20. It would’ve been higher, too, if she hadn’t quit All-Stars 2 in the very first episode.

VH1

18. Violet Chachki (Season 7)

There’s no denying that season seven is one of the weaker recent seasons of Drag Race and its winner, Violet Chachki (real name Jason Dardo), proves that. Though she basically snatched the crown in the season’s very first episode with her sickening dual runway outfit reveal, the fashion plate never really proved she was much more than that. If that rumored all-winners season of All-Stars ever comes to fruition, she’d have her work cut out for her.

VH1

17. BenDeLaCreme (Season 6 & All-Stars 3)

Thanks to her unrelenting effervescence and unforgettable performance as Dame Maggie Smith in Snatch Game, BenDeLaCreme (real name Benjamin Putman) had the title of season six’s Miss Congeniality on lock. But she was often too in her own head and proved to be a touch too similar to drag sister (and season five winner) Jinkx Monsoon to really pop. However, the fact that she’s slayed every competition in the currently-airing All-Stars 3 thus far proves that she shouldn’t be counted out just yet.

VH1

16. Raja (Season 3)

One of the few pre-season four queens to earn a spot in our Top 20, season three winner Raja (real name Sutan Amrull) and her editorial eye for fashion could not be ignored. She helped drive home the idea that drag could be something more than just female impersonation. With Raja, more often than not, it was damn art.

VH1

15. Jinkx Monsoon (Season 5)

Water off a duck’s back, right Jinkx Monsoon? Season five’s narcoleptic (yes, really) winner (real name Jerick Hoffer) managed to overcome the powerful and, at times, cruel Team RoLaskTox to snatch the crown and prove that comedy queens can win this competition. And her Snatch Game performance as Grey Gardens‘ Little Edie is one of the series’ best.

VH1

14. Trixie Mattel (Season 7 & All-Stars 3)

OK, hear us out on this one. Trixie Mattel (real name Brian Firkus) and her nightmarish approximation of a Barbie doll may have left everyone slightly confused during her first season, but in hindsight, we all let that overshadow her fierce wit and intellect. As she rose to fame as one half of the hosting duo for Drag Race production company World of Wonder’s web series UNHhhh, she proved that she’s just flat-out hilarious and her performance thus far on All-Stars 3 has only bolstered her place in the upper echelon of Drag Race queens.

VH1

13. Shangela (Seasons 2, 3 & All-Stars 3)

Halleloo! You didn’t think we’d look over Shangela Laquifa Wadley (real name D.J. Pierce), now did you? The only queen to compete in not one, not two, but three seasons of Drag Race (including the currently airing All-Stars 3), Shangela is undeniably one of the series’ unforgettable legends. Her arrival in season three—jumping out of a giant gift-wrapped box—and the looks on all the other queens’ faces as it happened is a must-see.

VH1

12. Courtney Act (Season 6)

One third of season six’s holy triumvirate (along with Adore Delano and Bianca Del Rio), Courtney Act (real name Shane Jenek) is one of the fishiest queens to ever compete on Drag Race. (For the uninitiated, “fish” is a drag term reserved for those who truly look like biological women. It’s a good thing.) She sometimes stood in the shadows of Adore and Bianca, but Courtney and her singing voice (Jerek competed on the first season of Australian Idol—in drag) are a star in their own right. And hearing her say her name in her Australian accent lets you know that there’s some sly wit hiding underneath all that fishiness.

VH1

11. Shea Couleé (Season 9)

Shea Couleé (real name Jaren Merrell) may have stumbled in the season nine finale, failing to deliver any of the theatrics that her sisters Peppermint and Sasha Velour did, but there’s no denying that she slayed her season. With four challenge wins and an unforgettable performance as Blac Chyna in “Kardashian: The Musical,” it seemed like the season was hers to lose. Ultimately, she did, ensuring she’d never crack the Top 10.

VH1

10. Sasha Velour (Season 9)

Why is season nine winner Sasha Velour (real name Sasha Steinberg) in the Top 10, you ask? We direct you to her not one, but two STUNNING Whitney Houston lip syncs in the season finale. Enough said. We’ll never listen to “So Emotional” or look at rose petals the same way again.

VH1

9. Latrice Royale (Season 4 & All-Stars)

As season four’s Miss Congeniality, plus-size queen Latrice Royale (real name Timothy Wilcots) entered into the competition with over two decades of drag experience under her belt—and it showed. If a bit staid in her artistic ambition, Latrice was never not entertaining, especially when she was taking us to church with her reminder that “Jesus is a biscuit” and to “let him sop you up.” And just try not to laugh while watching her performance during the “Queens Behind Bars” challenge. Say it with us now: “Get those nuts away from my face!”

VH1

8. Detox (Season 5 & All-Stars 2)

Has any queen in Drag Race history ever served up more stunning looks than season five’s Detox (real name Matthew Sanderson)? Her head-to-toe greyscale make-up at her season’s finale, where she upstaged the final three by a long shot, is EVERYTHING. And her performance in All-Stars 2, aside from the unnecessary reemergence of RoLaskaTox, proved even more that she’s a fierce queen.

VH1

7. Bob the Drag Queen (Season 8)

Thorgy Thor may have loved to complain that season eight was “The Bob Show,” but that’s because Bob the Drag Queen (real name Christopher Caldwell) completely outpaced everyone competing against her. Bob was the whole package and her series-first decision to play not one, but two different celebrities in Snatch Game (Carol Channing and Uzo Aduba) all but solidified her win. 

VH1

6. Chad Michaels (Season 4 & All-Stars)

Chad Michaels is a freaking legend and if Sharon Needles hadn’t competed against her in season four, she’d have walked away with the crown easily. Hell, the All-Stars format was essentially invented so that RuPaul could give the expert Cher impersonator a crown of her own. If that’s not Top 10 material, we don’t know what is.

VH1

5. Alyssa Edwards (Season 5 & All-Stars 2)

Alyssa Edwards (real name Justin Johnson) has competed for the crown twice now, and twice she’s come up short. But that hasn’t stopped her from becoming one of the franchise’s most memorable queens. Her rivalry with Coco Montrese lead to some of season five’s juiciest drama and most hilarious one-liners courtesy of the tongue-popping queen. “Girl, look how orange you f–king look, girl,” ranks up there as one of her best. But who can forget her priceless reaction to Jade Jolie‘s insinuation that she’s carrying some back fat? Say it with us now: “Back rolls?!”

VH1

4. Katya (Season 7 & All-Stars 2)

In a perfect world, Katya (real name Brian McCook) would’ve been handed the crown she so clearly deserved in season seven. There are few queens in Drag Race history who’ve displayed as much innovation, wit and talent as Katya. (Like, only the three above her on this list, TBH.) She routinely stole the show during her time on All-Stars 2 and though she didn’t win, her rap during the legendary performance of “Read U Wrote U” will stand the test of time as one of Drag Race‘s best performances. 

VH1

3. Sharon Needles (Season 4)

When Sharon Needles (real name Aaron Coady) arrived on the scene in season four, her “genderf–k” horror-show style of drag completely changed the idea of what was possible and permissible on Drag Race. Though she routinely faced attacks from season villain Phi Phi O’Hara, who told her to go back to Party City “where you belong,” she got the last laugh, thanks to her genuine warmth, wit and artistry. She helped to revolutionize the show, though her performance in the final “Glamazon” music video challenge proved she was also capable of melding her unique vision with Mama Ru’s eleganza approach to drag, elevating her to the crown and her spot on this list.

VH1

2. Alaska (Season 5 & All-Stars 2)

Hieee! In season five, Alaska (real name Justin Honard) proved just how perfect she was for this competition. There was her hilarious fragrance commercial parody for “Red For Filth…” Her wig-snatching performance in the “Reading is Fundamental” challenge. Her creation of Lil Pound Cake. She lost the crown to Jinkx Monsoon, but then she returned for All-Stars 2, newly sober and ready to win. And boy did she. Between her unbelievable Mae West in Snatch Game and her second stand-out commercial parody, she more than proved why she’s one of the all-time greats. Sure, her elimination choices deserve all the side-eye in the world, but none of them take away from her killer performance and her place in the Drag Race Hall of Fame.

VH1

1. Bianca Del Rio (Season 6)

Did you expect anyone else? In the history of Drag Race, there’s no one who even comes close to season six winner Bianca Del Rio (real name Roy Haylock). She is, without a doubt, one of the funniest queens to ever vie for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar, but underneath all that sarcasm and sass, there lies a heart of gold. Not threatened, she took Adore Delano under her wing, mentoring her throughout their season, all the while slaying competition after competition. Her Snatch Game performance as Judge Judy was one of her riskiest moves that paid dividends (Judge Judy is one of RuPaul‘s biggest idols), her rapping in the “Oh No She Betta Don’t” team challenge had us crying tears of laughter, and her work in the final “Sissy That Walk” music video proved this comedy diva is one hell of an eleganza queen as well. If that all-winners season of All-Stars ever does happen, there’s no doubt that she’s the one to beat.

RuPaul’s Drag Race All-Stars 3 airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. on VH1.

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