#it just. sucks for my brain i guess :[ | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

egophiliac · 10 months

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We ARE going to bring up Captain Amelia. You have good taste! GOOD TASTE I SAY! *aka I just rewatched Treasure Planet and got hit with, "Oh yeahhhhh... that explains a lot!"*

honestly, the Meg/Jasmine/Amelia trifecta tells you 90% about me as a person. (the rest is covered by Sailor Jupiter and Sailor Uranus and, uhhh, I'll stop baring my soul to the world now)

and speaking of Amelia, this is tangential, but like -- there's one Twst comic I have been kicking at for a while where I needed an RSA sports/flight teacher and, uh, well

someday I will wrangle this stupid comic into coherency and she'll get to make an appearance (in the background of a single panel, half-obscured by a tall hat) (but I will know she's there and that's the important thing)

#art #twisted wonderland #twst oc #my plan worked i've tricked you all into looking at my anime catgirl oc #she exists to yell at some rsa boys so she doesn't really have like. a character or story or anything. sorry!#(her name is alexandria north and that is what she considers a sporty outfit. that's as far as i got)#this is the one that is mainly about silver and neige having a mutual bluebird friend and i am having terrible trouble making it not suck #which given some of the stuff i post should tell you something about how it's going so far #(it's just kind of an incoherent mess of ideas at this point. nothing specific just ~the creative process~)#maybe the rest of episode 7 will give my brain the kickstart it needs. depends on how that goes i guess #god. the next episode 7 bit drops in (probably) just a few days.#I'M NOT READY #i have simultaneously never been ready and always been ready #i exist in a perpetual state of impatience

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brothersonahotelbed · 8 months

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one of these days i'll remaster this but for now its crudeness will be part of its charm. nico music be upon ye

#symphonia #wrote this back in?? late june or july? i forget. anyway it's pretty self explanatory #this time though i was just happy to actually KNOW why i'm so sad forever...#most of my teenage years i was so used to being depressed for no real cause. just kind of the way my brain operated & it sucked #so i guess i have to be thankful that there was a thing that happened that made me sad instead of just Brain making bad chemical.#because then it makes it easier to understand & cope & eventually deal with it. whereas when you're depressed for no discernible cause it's #VERY hard like near impossible to know how to help yourself feel better.#does that make sense. anyway!

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korrasamibottles · 3 months

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For @wukoweek2024 Day 5: Angst:

“I've had moon peaches before, Wu."

"Mmmm not like this you haven't,” Wu says, plucking a slice from the plate and reaching for a bowl of hot pepper sauce, his mouth curling up in a smile. His lips look petal-soft, and Mako drops his gaze down to his own hands.

“Isn't that for the dumplings?” he asks, picking at a hangnail and tracking Wu's movements out of the corner of his eye.

“So what?” Wu shrugs and spoons a bit of the sauce onto the peach, bright red over deep gold like an arc of flame at his fingertips. “You can do whatever you want.”

In which doorknobs are melted, insects are rescued, and Mako learns there's more to life than just surviving.

#fuck it. wuko manifesto. i just think they're neat! also this partly a mako character study bc that guy really needed his brain picked.#my favorite emotionally constipated single mom💖#i know this isn't what most of you came here for but listen. fandom is a big ol sandbox & i wanna play. also i put my whole pussy into this #never written m/m before so hopefully this doesn't suck idk how men act. like regular people i guess? Men: They're Just Like Us. anyway.#wuko #wukoweek2024 #mw

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windydrawallday · 2 months

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Long-PSA-short of sorts that's more a vent: I was always aware my behavior and way of expressing myself online can surprise many people, especially if they are not used to someone who uses the writing medium as a playful form to tell emotions in a very descriptive way as I do. I'm quite affectionate with words, yes. And I always beg people I hang with personally to let me know if some of that bothers them, curtly of course. So far there have been few instances of individuals confusing those signals with ulterior means, things I assure you there's nothing more than me being friendly and supportive.

Imagine idk an excited dog seeing its owner haha

Until the past week, I found myself being tackled by something that made me almost knock everything aside because it made me realize that probably I'm a walking trigger/squick inducer with even the way I wield words like "love" and "friendship".

Almost...

I'm pretty tolerant of whatever way people conduct themselves in this life, the only moment I flinch is when an individual assumes from my default behavior and presentation that I want to impose my way of life... And nopes.

This is simply how and who I am. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't search for conflict but for understanding. My language for expressing marvel and reflections is like this, never to make the other feel awkward or attacked.

So, it upset me knowing that by wielding this forever welcoming and lovable disposition, I can be something to fear and even despite... to some people.

But, you know? That means that my "love" and "friendship" lifestyle are not made for you, no reason to come back to me and point at it. Just keep walking if you have only rage and rejection to give as a reply to my point of view. Because by wielding rage and rejection, what you only do is burn bridges. To create conflict and assume imaginary antagonistic scenarios where there's nothing of that at all.

You can't create the world you wish to live in by burning bridges.

It took me a lot too to forge who I am right now. I even keep learning and chiseling through traumas and mistakes—kindness and patience taught me more than rage and rejection. And "love" and "friendship" are the bricks I chose to build those bridges. I know everyone else uses different concepts but in the end, we all build bridges. By creating bridges and inviting others to do the same, I expand not only my world, but the other's too!

Isn't that better than demanding to be this or that through a black/white flag of rage and rejection? I think so. And I understand perfectly we sometimes need to be blunt when marking our boundaries. Still, never justifies treating the other bad.

And if some of you find "fake" or distasteful the way I wear this flag of "love" and "friendship" I'm sorry: this place will never be safe for you then. The exit door is always open. Go ahead.

I hope you find your place and flags out there too, but don't forget that to do that you need to build bridges. If you don't want to call it "friendship" call it "glue" or whatever makes you comfortable, but don't kick people like me who fought with claws and teeth to reclaim those words and feelings.

Fight your fight by being a good example, not a bad experience that makes someone never want to deal with something like this again in their life.

"Any color you like, (in the end) they're all blue."

#windy squeals #im so sorry if i end upsetting someone with my point of view #with my expressive way to use words #or my overly dramatic behavior #its all real i swear these are all real #and you dont need to give me back the same level of energy #just be clear af and say what you need because i dont read minds #im tired of being seeing as a clown or be infantilized because of this #or feared like im a sort of vampire that sucks emotions because NO #or that im intolerant to people that dont follow those -normatives because believe me #im too very asocial to certain cues but intead of raging about them #i try to create new rules that fit better my way to navigate life #the only way to achieve what we want is by stating it gently #not setting on fire posibilities to create new connections and points of view #but i guess there will be always be people that prefer to live in a bubble and expect the whole diverse world to mold to them #and i say that as an aroace that used to be intolerant of the normatives that push my boundaries to the edge #but eh sometimes youll fight but most of the times youll need to dodge and learn to avoid bullets #listen if i sound ableist with this whatever i am then #im not perfect #gotta keep reading and relearning and updating my brain ugh

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angi-writes-filth · 1 year

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so this is my experience with inscryption so far. i have nothing else to say.

#I suck at this game so bad you can't even imagine #But..... it's so good #It scratches my brain in just the right wayyyyy #inscryption #leshy #scrybe of beasts #I TYPED SCRYBE OF BREASTS I----#I LOVE that I type 'Leshy' and the first thing that pops up is 'Leshy x Reader' y'all make me so proud #I want to adopt that moss-smelling mess of twigs and a God-complex #(Doesn't help that my crush introduced me to Inscryption and read his dialogues softly in my ear while scratching my head but)#angi draws filth #Oh hi btw I'M KINDAAA BACK ON TUMBLR I GUESS #Guess who's back #Back again #Bach is back #Tell a friend

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wheeboo · 2 months

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hii everyone i'm alive ^-^ sorry for being a little quiet i got sick LMAO. on top of endless uni work and horrible stress headaches :(( i was going to try n post something this weekend but was unsurprisingly couch ridden majority of the time anyway so i couldn't write djfklsjfds

#I LOVE and missed u all hehe #i was able to catch up on work despite the headaches soo #got rid of a lil stress off my shoulders ;-;#legit i felt like dying o mfg #im still sick . and i got a psych paper to write lets go 😔#but i want to write my fics fml #why do i write. questioning my life choices rn. i dont have enough brain capacity #this month sucks tho lmfao #how was it possible for my mental health to spiral from low to high and back to low in just 3 weeks. like damn 🫠#anyway i was only gone for almost 4 days its not that long but i still felt i went thru tumblr withdrawals bye #guess that does mean i'm rlly confined to this hellsite #rania rambles

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boyobjectifier · 3 months

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life before 25: ugh nothing matters 😔😭

life after 25: oh! nothing matters! ☺️🥰

#idk i swear something changes in life once you get past the mid twenties #oh i guess your brain is fully matured at 25 so maybe that has something to do with it #like…….. i used to think trying in life didn’t matter bc in the grand scheme of things— Nothing Matters #but now? it’s kinda like…. why NOT try? nothing matters! so if you fuck up— keep going. it doesn’t affect you overall. keep going.#idk it just all seemed so hopeless in my early twenties #and now that i’m closer to my 30s than i ever thought i’d be…. i’m like… why not go for it! do cool things! revisit old hobbies or dream-#hobbies? why not keep living just to see it all get better?#life sucks but it’s a bout the little things and the people you care about.#h.txt

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marclef · 3 months

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an art trade with @snakeinabag, i had a lot of fun with this one hehe 😅 but i think it turned out real nice!

maybe i outta draw some more of my big dragon/reptile fellas some time.

#dragons are fun to draw. just haven't been motivated to make any in a while. for years i had a bunch of dragon OCs though #maybe someday i'll redesign them just for kicks. guess that's what my artfight page is gonna be for though huh?#my art #art trade #oc art #anyways. brain tired. gotta wake up early for a doctor's call. sucks. probably gonna pass right out afterwards.#why did i agree to such an early call time. gghgghgghhghghg

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doberbutts · 11 months

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I just saw your post about how testosterone has helped your disability tremendously, which if I remember correctly is hypermobile Ehlers-Danlos syndrome (but maybe I’m wrong). I’m agender and have been considering early menopause to help with my abundance of menstrual health issues, but if t helped your hEDS too that makes me really want to consider it further. If this is too private you absolutely don’t have to answer it but I’d love to know more as a fellow disabled person.

It's POTS actually :) though POTS is highly comorbid with hEDS and I *am* hypermobile, to a degree that I made my physical therapist wince with how easily I can assume positions that should noooooot be possible without pain when I was in recovery due to my car accident. She actually asked me if I have EDS and I said well I have POTS so... not officially but is it possible sure I guess.

So no, I do not have hEDS. But also yes I might have hEDS. Schroedinger's diagnosis.

No, testosterone helped my POTS symptoms disappear to almost nothing. This is at least partially because POTS does not get along with estrogen ans menstrual cycles, and taking testosterone lowered the estrogen in my body and also stopped my menstural cycle. Don't get me wrong, I still have some symptoms, but they are dramatically improved. I can do all sorts of things I used to not be able to.

There is... a bit of debate whether I have POTS at all. But I do have MCAS and, as said, I'm hypermobile, so very likely yes POTS is very likely. But with my NCAH diagnosis, it's equally possible that I *do not* have POTS, because NCAH also causes weird changes to your vasovagal response and your autonomic nervous system. In other words, do I have POTS AND NCAH... or do I just have NCAH?

Personally I don't really care because adding testosterone fixed the symptoms way better than anything the POTS meds were doing so w/e, if it works it works.

It's "makes you intersex and sometimes gay disease but also you faint a lot and your body *really* sucks at handling stress disease". To be fair the classic form of CAH can just outright kill you if not well controlled. Nonclassic CAH by comparison sometimes still tries really hard but is less likely to do more than give you some serious medical trauma.

So like. Am I fainting because my body doesn't know how to handle stress which triggers a response of my autonomic nerve and because my adrenal glands are too busy making androgens to give me some fucking cortisol to communicate with my autonomic nerve, the thing guesses wrong and I hit the ground as my body attempts the biology version of "have you turned it off and then back on again"? Or am I the unluckiest fucker on the planet and I have two annoyingly underdiagnosed but much more common than we thought disorders which both hate estrogen and make me faint a lot?

Or, bonus, since POTS joins PCOS in the "disorder named for a symptom that's not even diagnostuc criteria and no one actually knows what causes it" family, is what we're calling "POTS" actually a group of symptoms that has a wide range of causes and my cause for my own symptoms IS NCAH? Who knows 🤷‍♂️

#this is especially annoying because like #long covid is more or less just pots #ok ok ok it's kinda different but also it's kinda not #pots itself is often triggered by viral infection and brain trauma too #you got sick out of no where one day and now you're disabled for life because you faint without warning all the time #congrats! human bodies suck!#and since my body sucks at stress response guess who was always always always sick as a kid #I got pneumonia one day without being sick from anything else first #and a few weeks after that I started fainting

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kakyogay · 3 months

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Man it'd be a shame if the scenarios I've made in my head would need so much more context to even share blips of because I've thought so much but shared so very little hmmmm

#welp! I guess I'll keep them in my brain!!!#(I have traumatized suns beyond human comprehension like this lad CANNOT catch a break)#sucks that it eats away at time I could use to think of other things but ough #I'll stop thinking of the angst eventually just give me one more year I prommmmyyyy #I'll maybe post the yharim stuff I've got idk it's all I really got rn

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parasitic-saint · 4 months

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me and the besties throughout the years

#horror #horror art #scary #ask to tag i guess #nowadays i just feel a presence and the shadows engulf me if i lay down but they look like people just lowering their heads to meet mine #and i feel like a sweaty hyperventilating will graham #i no longer see the fridge thing but we got a new one so probs the past one was just haunted #i just shiver at the thought of the watcher #not really a person watching me i've had peeping toms and while that shit sucks it doesnt make me freeze as my brain going THE CREATURE!!"#“THE CREATURE IS WATCHING YOU!!!”#anyway i am so normal

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800-dick-pics · 2 months

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im tryna watch these cutesy elf animes and its just not hitting! why are ppl lying out here!

slice of life anime is boring to me, no plot twist? no murder? no backstabbing? just some magic bitches traveling? i feel like all media is getting prettier so ppl are hyping that up but the stories feel so bland

like even the "edgy anime" feel sanitized now, ppl were hyping up oshi no ko like it was the next death note, like if u think aqua is even close to being like light yagami then yall didnt watch the same anime, oshi no ko is an idol anime with some mystery, its not a true murder mystery

#me #personal #vent #dungeon meshi is ok and frieren is also ok #these are not animes i will remember in 6 months from now #oshi no ko's first episode was actually pretty good but its 90 mins long so ofcourse youre sucked in but again it is just ok #bring back the animes where that guy found his lil sister cut up in gift boxes!#i either watch stupid as hell shit like bleach jjk and inuyasha or shit thats pretty fucked up theres no inbetween #if its stupid i can turn my brain off and if its actually edgy and well written then hey i can actually turn it on and not guess the plot #this is why i stopped watching bongo stray dogs bc its tryna be funny and serious and its like i get the story but its feels like it should #be one or the other

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actual-changeling · 8 months

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good god my sleep schedule is fucked, 6:30 am and my meds should be kicking in but they're not and i really need to fix this

#alex yells at the void #i know exactly why but if i pretend i dont maybe it will go away #who would have thought that an extremely retraumatizing experience would fuck with my head certainly not me /s #ill just stay strong tomorrow and not get drunk and then pop some of my good sleeping pills at like eleven #hopefully that'll fix this fucking mess #unfortunately i am experiencing emotions constantly and i cannot make it stop #my chest feels like a black hole sucking me in while simultaneously spitting me back out #anyway i should shut up and try to sleep i guess #if i can get my brain to be quiet long enough to fall asleep

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zappedbyzabka · 11 months

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DP as in dick and pit the way the cobras/Kreese would pound Johnny till he cried and shove his face in their sweaty arm pits

#Actually they’re all nasty bitches and huff musk #See each other get all sweaty and go ‘I wonder how you’d taste if I lathered you in honey and licked you up and down’#had to be said #But he specifically likes sucking their dicks after they worked out/wrestled each other #This is actually not my fault someone else put these ideas in my head ok #Looking RIGHT at you person #ok maybe I had already thought about it #og cobras x Johnny #guess my underwear nasty brain developed #sweat kink #scent kink #Thats just how it is fellas #safety first #nsft #kreerence

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