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amphtaminedreams · 3 years

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Spring/Summer & Haute Couture Week 2021: Whoops, I’ve Missed a Loooot

Hi to anyone reading,

Where TF has the time gone!?

After experiencing the longest January of all time (when your birthday is right after New Year, you get that between Boxing Day before NYE slump like a couple of weeks after everyone else), February has gone by in, like, 5 minutes and already we’re well into the throes of the F/W 2021 collection presentations. Meanwhile, I’m here like! Surprise! Here are my reviews of the S/S 2021 collections if anybody still cares! I mean I’m mashing it up with corresponding haute couture week reviews to fool everyone into thinking that doing it so many months later was intentional and it was totally working right up until this sentence, right?

In all fairness, I originally thought that I wasn’t going to bother reviewing S/S21 because it seemed kinda redundant given the circumstances and I wasn’t keen on the idea of collections being showcased via photo sets which is the route so many brands chose to (understandably) go down. Buuuut, the more I saw of what designers had put out there, the more I was tempted to put this post together and now here I am. The fact that designers are even able to churn pieces out during a pandemic when I’m out here like 0__0 no thoughts, head empty...it’s impressive to say the least, especially the way so many used the circumstances to inform their designs. In a way, it would be a disservice not to do a post on the season, and yeah it’s late, but given that it we are actually about to enter spring and the shows are kind of the deciders of what’s going to be “in” and “out”, they’re more relevant than ever. With plans for our way out of lockdown materialising-now is the perfect time to add that I don’t want ANYONE suddenly developing selective amnesia over how our government has failed us now that Boris has announced when the clubs COULD reopen-let this post serve as a roundup of every bit of inspiration available for our spring fits. I also want to use this opportunity to disclose how irritated I am at myself for starting the previous fashion week reviews post by declaring I was going to work through the designers in chronological order when I meant fucking alphabetical because I now can’t go back and change that. So this time, let me start properly. I’m going to be reviewing the collections in ALPHABETICAL order. Now that’s out the way, let’s do it. First, Acne:

It’s so great to start on a high, it really is, and fortunately Acne is reliably good. It’s still got that deconstructed, minimalist feel that the brand is known for but for the summer season; we can see creative director Jonny Johansson and his team moving away from the heavier pieces we saw last time round, away from upcycled bohemian curtains and towards a breezier, more season appropriate aesthetic, boujee kaftans and swimwear rebelliously hacked up and artfully rearranged, and it feels correct. The net pieces, the beachy colour palette, the oil spill-esque print (though this represents an intruder of the marine ecosystem, as a print I loveee it and 100% want more!) and the accessories, reminiscent of shells, coral and anything else you might find on the seabed, give me a hipster mermaid washed ashore vibe which completely fits with that rugged, mysterious sense of Nordic folklore references and adventure the brand has established as its foundation. If it’s a nod to some kind of new age cult that Johansson was going for, which apparently is the case, I’m guessing said cult worship sea goddesses and perform pagan rituals on the beach by moonlight, and though indoctrination doesn’t sound at all inviting, it's a party compared to scientology.

The chiffon trousers here are actually chic and seeing them styled under a blazer makes me realise done right they CAN be more than just a PrettyLittleThing summer sale piece, so I’ll store that away for outfit inspo when the time to get rid of some layers comes around. The glasses, too, are very Gucci. Flip flops with socks I don’t think I can ever come round to but-

Whilst it was a favourite of mine last season and it sticks to that same bohemian vibe with a lot of the elements I love, Ferretti lacks a little oomph this time round; it’s more stripped back, neutral, easy-going, and it is lovely, but for those same reasons it doesn’t grab my attention as much as the past couple of collections have. If you’re an influencer wanting to shoot a Joshua Tree desert lookbook this is sublime, but compared to the flair I saw in their last winter show, for example, there’s something lacking.

I’m very glad to see neutral coloured boiler suits on the runway, however; I snagged myself one off Depop the other week so I might be unintentionally ahead of the curve for once! The crochet detail dresses are nice too but very much remind me of past Zimmerman collections, or an Ermanno Scervino grab for the most high street friendly parts of Erdem SS2020, something along those lines. What I’m trying to say is that it’s definitely been there done that, even by Ferretti themselves and not in a continuity kinda way, in a kinda…this is basic and pretty so we know it will sell kinda way.

Eurgh, I wanna be one of these Alessandra Rich girls so bad.

I end up repeating myself every single time because I always love her collections but really, this is what a high fashion novice thinks Chanel is. Alessandra Rich outsold. As much as her dresses have looked amazing on people like Kate Middleton and January Jones, I’m just waiting for one of the modern it-girls to take the nostalgia-tinged femininity of her pieces and put some kind of daring, street-style twist on it; if that doesn’t happen I’ll gladly take 5 minutes of fame so I can do it before fading back into obscurity. Let me fulfil my modern first lady fantasy, reenact the croquet scene from Heathers, drape myself on a chaise lounge whilst smoking with a cigarette holder, and then throw me back into the trash where I belong. I can die happy. Also, can we once again appreciate how much more iconic the Alessandra Rich two piece made the already moment Dakota Johnson singlehandedly brought down the Ellen dynasty?

Dakota knew exactly what she was gonna do and the energy that she was gonna channel when she wore that piece and I admire it. Alessandra Rich, if nothing else, will go down as a key moment in pop culture history, and you know what? It’s what she deserves.

Whilst I do wish she’d branch out a little and try and get back in touch with the dark drama of old McQueen collections now and again, Sarah Burton has made a very recognisable Alexander McQueen silhouette and it’s beautiful; this season is gorgeous as always. A leather biker and tulle affair that’s perfect for a grunge ballet, it’s easy to avoid lamenting the excitement and theatrics of old collections when Sarah creates such consistently sophisticated pieces. Stunning.

Now, a quick haute couture detour with Alexandre Vauthier:

Compared to other haute couture collections, this is pretty toned down and by appearances alone (I know haute couture is more about meeting technical requirements more than anything else but there is a level of grandiose you expect to see) is more like a RTW collection than its counterparts. That being the case, I don’t have a huge amount to say about this one, though I do really like it-the ruched metallic boots especially. The Studio 54 vibes and the glam rock influences are clear and a lot of these pieces could definitely make it into Lady Gaga’s AHS Hotel wardrobe which is a compliment of the highest order, so there ya go. Plus, if a collection IS gonna be presented through stills, a format like this is preferable to some of the others I’m gonna talk about. There may be more exciting ways of doing it but simple allows us to see the clothes properly and at the end of the day, that’s what I care about the most!

Heading back to good ole’ RTW, we have Altuzarra; I wasn’t hugely keen on their last collection but this is definitely a step up for me and justifies keeping them on my radar. Though in some ways this seems like less of a summer collection and more of a late winter/early spring transitional one on the basis it can’t seem to decide which temperature its catering to, there’s a lot to like: a colour palette that reminds me of a Dion Lee collection, harnesses evocative of those sprinkled throughout the last few Alexander McQueen shows, and more of the utility wear trend that I’m still very much into nicely contrasted against lighter, airier pieces for an overall fresh, modern vibe. The interpretive dancewear style pieces are interesting and the woven platform sandals are the shoe of the summer but the white shirt with the cape incorporated is definitely the high point of this show and I absolutely adore it.

Anna Sui was actually pretty cute this time round. Her pieces have always been kooky, but in the past a little too lairy and occasionally cheap-looking for me. This collection, however, is kooky in more of a Melanie Martinez styled baby doll kinda way, as opposed to in an eccentric Bjork loving aunt whose idea of heaven is an all-must-go Primark sale kinda way (I know some people are going to vehemently disagree with my aesthetic preference there) and I love that. There seems to be a lot more creative direction going on, a much clearer vision of what Sui wanted to achieve, and yes a few of the looks went a bit too hard on the cookie cutter vibes but on the whole, they were more edited than usual; it seems Sui actually paid attention to the “take one thing off before you leave the house” rule this time. The staging is the perfect compliment to the doily style bucket hats and the sandals paired with frilly socks, and really adds to the whimsy of the collection, and as a whole, it really reminds me a lot of the way my mum would dress me as a toddler but styled up for a grown adult. Cute AF.

Armani RTW I was pleasantly surprised by, considering I don’t usually rate it. It’s a cool, androgynous take on retro shapes and styles that’s simultaneously fit for the hustle and bustle of the modern world. Strong 2021 Peggy Olsen vibes, and a bit muted Lacoste-I can 100% imagine Elisabeth Moss as Peggy swanning around in one of those huge minimalist houses with the floor to ceiling windows after a long day at work, though we’ll switch the cigarette for a vape because...you know...welcome to the future. And sure, maybe the vision is slightly influenced by THAT scene from Us, but whatever. As for the men’s wear, if I have to look through an endless gallery of straight white men in plain ass suits every time I do some kind of red carpet fashion review, I at least hope they’re wearing Armani. I need me some impeccable tailoring to soften the blow.

I do wonder, however, how the clothes would look on plus size models. I feel like it’s a collection that’s very catered to a person who is straight up and down, and it feels like a bit of an easy cop out not to have any kind of versatility. Say what you want about Christian Siriano but he caters to all body types very well.

I actually quite liked Armani’s haute couture collection too; the pops of colour and the intricate embroidery give me what I’ll later talk about missing from Valentino haute couture. There were still some of the frumpier pieces that I usually associate Armani with but also a lot of Great Gatsby-esque looks that I really enjoyed.

Returning to RTW, Ashish was amazing. I LOVE that there’s always some kind of unique print (this time round, kitschy illustrations) and whilst a whole maxi swan print dress may not be the most wearable for the majority of us, Ashish Gupta does bold and innovative really well. There were a few boring striped pieces in there but I adore the one shouldered butterfly print dress and I NEED that Hail Satan jumper; it reminds me a lot of something by sustainable fashion brand Minga, which is one of my absolute fave websites to buy from when I’m treating myself to some new clothes.

Azarro’s haute couture collection is full of supreme awards show afterparty fits, and I was shook to find out that Olivier Theyskens is the brand’s creative director! My newfound obsession with his pieces really had me like :O when I realised he was behind Azarro too. I loved their collection last time round, though this I’m finding a bit harder to give much analysis on because of the way it’s shot; whilst it could be a YSL perfume Vogue ad, which is obviously far from a bad thing, it comes at the cost of lacking visual clarity. That being said, from what I can see, Theyskens once again masterfully channels the wardrobe of the effortlessly cool, messy haired, smudged eye make up rock ‘n roll girl, and I think that’s someone we all want to be.

Balenciaga RTW was an interesting one for me-on first inspection, I was kinda disappointed. Without the usual drama of the bold, exaggerated silhouettes and the theatrical production of their shows, I felt it was missing a bit of the magic I’ve come to expect from them. The streetwear elements infused throughout, a departure from their typical pieces, was very hit and miss; the shearling slip-ons in particular were not my thing at all. I’d be admiring some beautiful gothic dress and then my eyes would slide down and see those monstrosities and it would bring the whole thing down a notch or two, despite bad shoes being something I can typically overlook if I otherwise enjoy the rest of the outfit. My initial conclusion: that the Balenciaga Myrtle Snow would choose as her last words this collection.

However, upon re-evaluation when typing this post up properly and knowing what to expect, I like the collection a lot. I’m getting a bit of a Seoul streetwear vibe from it, and I can appreciate that although it is a lot more trend focussed, it’s got an edgy, daring quality to it, with a lot of androgynous, utility wear elements on show. I loveee the Balenciaga chokers too and in my wildest dreams would get my hands on one before it goes the way of the Gucci belt and gets overdone and flaunted by social media influencers as a show of wealth to the point of tackiness.

At Balmain the sculpted body armour made a comeback but on this occasion, not in a way that I liked, and there war far too many neons for my taste too. No matter how many times it rears its ugly head, I find it hard to get on board because as a colour palette I can’t help but associate with Claire’s Accessories circa 2007-it has to be SO well done to avoid looking cheap, imo, and these Balmain pieces weren’t good enough for me to go against that gut aversion. A collection with 100+ looks isn’t usually a good sign and expecting Olivier Rousteing to achieve the impossible and manage to do both quality and quantity is a recipe for disaster; it’s a shame because his last collection was so original and yet this one feels like a cheaper looking rip off of other brands. It was just a bawdy display of 80s overkill IMO and if I can only find 8 outfits to include out of 100 that’s clearly not a good sign.

Bottega Veneta is a brand that the high fashion side of the internet loves that I can never 100% get on board with; I get it, they’re behind the gorgeous square toed heels, but other than that none of their collections have ever really wowed me. The chunky knitted pieces are very Miu Miu style futuristic grandma chic and as someone on the cusp of being either a millennial or gen Z (depending on which website you visit) it’s got me outfit planning for my retirement years. Utilising so much wool for a summer collection, however, seems like a choice because can you IMAGINE wearing a heavy knit in blazing sun; I almost didn’t include the collection to be honest but then every so often something really cute came long, and one of the signature crisp, classic BV pieces would be done well and so I felt I had to. Am I missing something given all the hype here? IDK tbh.

Burberry? Meh. You could also call this collection how many ways can I do a trench coat, with results of differing quality; occasionally the mix match of styles worked and I saw the deconstructed outerwear concept that Ricardo Tisci was presumably trying to go for, though it can’t come as much of a surprise that the combination of a trench, denim and leather jacket was mostly just messy and came off as a last ditch attempt to make the classic coat more interesting by just chucking other fabrics at it and seeing what stuck.

One thing I will say is that there were some really sick prints going on-the snakes in particular-and it was those prints that were really the saving grace of the collection; as I said with regards to Ashish, I like it when you can tell a brand has gone out of their way to experiment with patterns and actually incorporate illustration and graphic design into their pieces. Prints notwithstanding, though, it wasn’t a memorable collection and I really can’t wait for the day we put this whole multiple denim jean waistband trend to bed once and for all; in the wise words of Regina George “stop drying to make multiple waist bands happen. They’re not going to happen.”.

Carolina Herrera was just as I expected. Whilst Wes Gordon was a little more daring with the structure of the pieces than usual, you can still he’s still committed to designing for the wealthy, modestly dressed socialite (yes I’m talking about Tinsley Mortimer and yes, I have recently become obsessed with Real Housewives) and her insatiable need to collect more charity gala gowns than she’ll ever possibly have opportunities to wear in her time on this earth. Sounds like a great life, sure, but it’s not like it gets my heart racing when I see the looks on the runway. The most memorable piece for sure was double breasted blazer w the asymmetric ruffle; I haven’t seen anything like it in a RTW collection in recent memory.

Now onto the fucking train wreck that was Celine RTW.

It’s not even bad for a runway fashion show, it’s just like…straight-up bad. Like Hedi Slimane went back in time to 2013, took a bunch of models into my local Topshop (and I have to clarify my local Topshop rather than the flagship Oxford Circus store-RIP-because to do the same in the latter would produce far better results), picked up some cheap basics, switched the lights off, and then, finally, dressed them in the dark. There’s very few positive comments I can make so I’m just going to move on.

Chanel RTW I actually didn’t hate as much this season; maybe it’s because coming from Celine, my standards are like, on the floor, but it’s slightly better than usual. Whilst most of it was same old same old, the opening 10 or so looks and then from 40 onwards were alright. The colour contrast pieces were classic Chanel in a good way, that is to say somewhat modernised and appealing to a younger clientele as opposed to the elderly women who still see a boucle jacket as the height of fashion. The mini chiffon capes were also cute, and if it weren’t for COVID putting pause on everything I can see the Chanel headband being duped ad infinitum.

The worst part of the collection was without a doubt the pieces with the neon logo print, which I wish I could erase from my mind. At this point, with Virginie Viard seemingly refusing to make any attempt to reinvent the brand, Chanel is best when it’s subtle; that way it appeals to those regular customers who rely on the prestige of the garment and the new generation of consumers who are further branching out into experimenting with their personal style and want a quality base. But who I ask are these tacky ass pieces aimed at? Because though it appears to be an attempt to infuse a kind of youthful spirit into Chanel, it is very out of touch with what gen Z actually like, and I can’t imagine any rich old white ladies buying them either. Big shoulder shrug.

Whilst I tend to find Chanel’s haute couture collections a bit better than their RTW, this is probably on par. Still rather meh and frumpy at times, but there were some pretty, whimsical pieces in there that were definitely elevated by the staging which, I must say, was very dreamy. I’ve enjoyed the last couple of haute couture shows a lot more (the one with the library set was v cool), which were comparatively restrained with the frivolous details and the chintz, so this seems a step back. The dresses with the 50s Audrey Hepburn for Miss Dior style silhouette are lovely but obviously, as per the reference, nothing new.

Onto something much more exciting, we have Charlotte Knowles’ RTW collection, whose work has made her one to watch. I’m not as huge a fan of this as her last instalment, but Knowles’ (who I recently found out only just graduated from Central Saint Martins, making her achievements all the more impressive) continues to create clothes for a girl far cooler than myself; I know, that wouldn’t be hard, but we’re talking like, miles cooler. One of those women who can literally pull anything off and immediately make you want to try it yourself even though 9 times out of 10 that would be a bad idea-I could probably take, like, one piece and make it work but anything more would most likely just be me embarrassing myself. You wouldn’t think San Fransisco psychedelic summer of love motifs would mesh with futuristic Mad Max style biker vibes but Charlotte and her partner Alexandre Arsenault make it sexy AF, like a combo that was always meant to be. They are a dream team.

And lastly for this post, we have another collection I really liked: Chloe. Sadly Natacha Ramsay-Levi’s last collection for the brand, she truly went out on a high note, with a reliably gorgeous iteration of her sophisticated take on bohemian style. Who now, will we look to when we want to cosplay as one of the Jessas from Girls of the world? When we want to pretend we’re a rich, party girl socialite backpacking across Western Europe (along the foothills of Mount Tibidabo…) on a commissioned trip to “find herself” for the fashion magazine column she’s writing, whilst we’re actually on a budget family holiday in Spain? When we can’t decide if we’re dressing like a modern day Rachel Green or Phoebe Buffay and say fuck it, I’m gonna do both? I mean sure, I could never afford Chloe anyway and sure, I’m interested to see what Gabriela Hearst can do with the brand, which despite its loveliness is quite predictable, but it’s definitely sad to see Ramsay-Levi go when she has become a reliable source of elegance and class each season. She brings a quietly confident brand of femininity to the fashion world where the high profile design houses are increasingly dominated by men who are sometimes too focussed on being bold and brash enough to be hailed as the newest design visionary, and I have huge respect for that. She will be missed.

Now it feels right to end the post here, given that I just finished with a kind of dramatic memoriam for a woman who is very much still alive and given that I would really be playing with fire by trying to push Tumblr’s edit post feature any further, so I’ll wrap it up for now. In part 2, which will hopefully be out over the next couple of weeks, we’ll be looking at a surprisingly strong haute couture collection from (can’t believe I’m about to say this) Maria Grazia as well as some of my faves, Etro, Dion Lee, Gucci, and of course Iris Van Herpen’s haute couture. In the meantime, I’m hoping to get a post out on my favourite sustainable clothing brands and to shoot my take on the “what I would wear sat front row at X” video trend that’s been going around lately on TikTok and Instagram reels, which I know I am kinda late to the party with.

I’m also looking at starting “photo dump” posts where I basically just substitute what I would be putting on my Instagram feed as photo posts on here, all the way back to when I first started my fashion Instagram account. I know this is hardly a hot take, but Instagram has really gone to shit, and once I’ve moved all my photos from there to here, I’m probably going to be deleting my account and just keep my private personal one. I’m sick of the endless scrolling past photos of people edited to the point of being unrecognisable and of seeing faces that all conform to that exact same Eurocentric beauty standard with the exact same surgical procedures to the point that even I, as a thin, white cis girl feel disgusting (so god knows how others without my privilege feel) because I don’t have a fucking fox eye lift or whatever it is that internet famous surgeons are telling us we need for our faces to fit the “golden ratio” at the moment. I am OVERRR all the promoted posts from people who preach social awareness and equality and authenticity and kindness making money off promoting companies that rely on slave labour rather than those who make me feel uplifted and inspired. And I am VERY MUCH done with scrolling through share for share and like for like pages because I am embarrassed by the fact that my likes don’t match up to my follower count since that must mean that NOBODY LIKES ME AND EVERYONE HATES MY FACE, right!? Even though I’d like to think that mentality was something I grew out of a long time ago. Instagram, much like Facebook before it (which is no surprise since the latter now owns the former), has just become another cesspit of an app which exists solely to convince you to buy new clothes and follow the latest filler trend and blow money on holidays you can’t afford to convince everyone you’re living the good life. Like many others, I have finally come to the conclusion that the way Instagram operates now is nothing but detrimental to my wellbeing. So, all that being said, I’m moving my feed over here, to a place where I can just arrange my silly little photos into silly little collages and not care if I’m shouting into the void by doing so because they’re just a screenshot of my life that I can look back on in however many years time and think Oh, Cool! That’s What I Was Interested In Back Then! That Outfit is Timeless! Or That One Was a HUGE FUCKING MISTAKE! Because I do love the creative element of Instagram, turning your feed into a collage, picking out which colours compliment each other, posting your favourite art and your outfits and the makeup looks you’re proud of, the beautiful sights you’ve seen-I just hate how unbridled capitalism and unrealistic social expectations have once again destroyed a good thing, and caused it to stray so far from its original vision of connecting people. Here, I don’t care if I get 0 interactions on those kinds of posts, because I am putting stuff out there I am proud of that expresses who I am and that interests me, and when I put a lot of hard ass work into something that’s actually important or that benefits others in some way as opposed to indulging my own vanity, it does get some circulation and I hope that it does make a positive difference, regardless of how small. I hope it doesn’t bother anyone too much seeing my initial photo dump posts on their dashboard as I try and catch up to where I am now; you’ll probs see a mini influx of 2015 fashion and I’m sorry about that! But I don’t *think* it will be too long until I’m up to date and then the photo dump posts will be much less regular.

Anyway, sorry about the Instagram rant there at the end! If you read all the way til the end, this is a huuuuge thank you! I hope you enjoyed the post and I will get the next one out ASAP, potentially with a few posts in between. As always, feel free to inbox me if there’s anything you wanted to talk about or suggest and make sure you stay safe. There may finally be some light at the end of the tunnel:D

With a cautious dose of optimism, and the acknowledgement that I will most likely regret saying this: bring on June the 21st UK gals!

Lauren x

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crusherthedoctor · 5 years

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Sonic & Tails: Beyond the Stars - Chapter 3

Chapter 3: A Drop of Life or Death

"Just keep following me, guys!" Sonic called out to his pursuing friends as he breezed along the ocean with his amazing namesake. Who needs a boat when you're the fastest thing alive? He directed his attention towards what appeared to be a tranquil beachside area, which courtesy of its boardwalks, and its white, pristine sands, he couldn't help but be reminded of his favourite relaxing spot in Station Square.

"Where are we headed to?" Amy asked quickly, as she continued to hold onto Cream while the latter flew in the air.

"The local coastal resort is not too far from here," Lutrudis replied, while she did the same with Tails. "Being such a destination, it's naturally a popular spot in Viridonia. If Dr. Eggman is the kind of character I've been led to believe, it's possible he may be sabotaging the place for... whatever selfish reason."

"Maybe he's forcing everyone to worship him..." Cream pondered out loud fearfully.

"If he's not busy worshipping himself," Amy added with a bit of sass, having known the evil scientist's self-aggrandizing habits for some time now.

"Eggman makes me feel older..." Tails muttered somewhat absent-mindedly.

"Did you guys say coastal resort?" the sea-walking Sonic questioned, with a notable drip of dread in his voice. "There won't be too many unavoidable pits of water around, will there?"

"...Aren't you running on water right now?" Tails pointed out, trying hard to hide his amused tone.

"Not the same thing!" Sonic denied defensively, as he dashed off to their destination. The remaining four exchanged glances with each other, before picking up the speed themselves. Unbeknownest to them however, the blue droid from before was spying on the group once again. High above their own heights, he rubbed his hands in glee, in tune with the siren atop his cranium.

"Heh heh heh..." he giggled, betrayed by his unthreatening voice and nervous pitch.

---

Coastline Resort Zone

CR Act 1: Shining Shore

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Crabmeat - “Yet another 'classic' in the doctor's repertoire of mischievous metal myrmidons. Not only do they use those great big pincers to pinch you in the backside, like any crab with a short fuse, they also fire pellets from afar. Better turn them into Crabscrap before they cause you grief.”

Gameblow - “Based on the older model known as Game Game (darling name, I must say), these innocuous looking turtles spin their shells like a deadly frisbee. Regular frisbees are bad enough, but at least they only hurt your neck rather than, y'know, potentially slice it.”

Aquis - “Despite being based on seahorses, these ones never touch a single drop of water, instead opting to swim through the air... as well as rain down bullets on you. Not very advertiser friendly.”

Sweep - “Can you run on water? So can these pests, unfortunately. Trimming along the deep blue with surprising grace, they like to insert their spiked noses into your person... I trust it goes without saying that this would hurt quite a bit.”

At the risk of disappointing Sonic greatly, welcome to your first water zone in Viridonia. There may have been the odd watery area in the previous zones, but this will be the first one to really make use of your swimming skills... or non-swimming skills. Well, it may not suit the Blue Blur's tastes, but you're not gonna stop Eggman otherwise, right?

Anyway, you won't have to fret too much about inescapable underwater sections for the time being, as this act takes place at the lovely beach by the sea. If you expect this to simply be a textbook Emerald Coast however (you know, like Wave Ocean), you've got another thing coming. True, there's elements of those stages here and there - the palm trees filled with juicy coconuts, the wooden boardwalks leading off into the ocean, the occasional flashy yacht floating along to make you feel dissatisfied with your own life choices - but even a quick glance will reveal the beautifully decorated plaza, the higher cliffs teeming with stunning waterfalls, and the tall torches complimenting the gradually darkening sky, as it's close to reaching sunset by this point.

You can even stop by the tourist centers if you want to, of which their residents will be happy to provide you with interesting facts about the place... when they're not grumbling about rival tourist destinations, that is.

"I heard that Apotos once got corrupted by a dark force, causing its residents to act out and commit heinous acts of evil... Now between you and me, would they have went through all that suffering if they came here...?"

"You know the worst thing about that Dr. Robotnik? His vacation planning make no sense! Who puts a theme park in space? Was it his plan all along to kill everyone through lack of oxygen?"

"Soleanna? More like SoleanNAH... Look, I don't get visitors often..."

By this point, you'll have noticed that Lutrudis isn't the only one tagging along with Sonic and Tails this time around. Amy and Cream are tagging along too, and like Miss Hadeer, they'll try their best to help out here and there, as well as provide banter that doesn't get repetitive or redundant. You can't rely on them too much though, or else this would be far too easy. The Crabmeats and Gameblows still put their focus on you when attacking, though the Aquis seahorses will prove to be the most obnoxious of the set due to their tendency to hang around in the air. Suffice to say, Tails can get rid of them a lot quicker, unless you're really good with Sonic's momentum.

By the time you reach the home stretch, represented by an impressively sized lighthouse, an orca whale will pop out of the water. Luckily, despite your initial reservations, this one is friendly to blue hedgehogs, as it happily allows you to run along its back... But once you jump off its back, and leap high into the air, another orca will suddenly jump out to try and eat you. After narrowly avoiding the hostile orca's vacumn of a mouth, you're quick to notice that it's been equipped with highly advanced armor... and it appears to be acting against its own will, as you also notice the blue robot hovering down with a remote control...

Amy: What's going on!?

Sonic: Wait, that's-!

Gunner: Heh heh heh...

As the first orca wisely flees the scene of the crime, you're forced to run away from the clutches of the second, mechanized orca. As tense as orca chases were in the past, they didn't fire lasers and bombs at you. Poor Cream in particular is frightened beyond belief, but you've made it out of these situations before. Unfortunately, the actual terrain is a lot more complicated than past incidents of this sort as well, as you must traverse through piers, caves, AND cliffs to escape the jaws of the beast.

Eventually however, the ray of the lighthouse will shine upon the mecha orca, and with its temporary distraction, it'll crash into the nearest cliff, Monstro-style. Don't worry, it's not dead. But it did get rid of the armor encasing it, thus freeing it of its operator's control.

Gunner: Ohhhhh nooooo...

As the robot rather pathetically crushes its remote in anger, before flying away, you can finally complete the stage by freeing the critters from the end capsule. But in the distance, you can hear a lot of splashing, and a lot of children in particular yelling out gleefully. Or could one of those be a manchild...?

---

"Who was THAT weirdo?" Amy wondered as she squeezed the last drop of water out of her quills. "Eggman's newest hunk of junk?"

"Is the poor whale okay...?" Cream worried to herself. Lutrudis was quick to nod in reassurance, and gave her the A-OK hand signal for good measure. Amy also nodded sympathetically as she rubbed her little friend's head in affection.

"That wasn't a new guy," Sonic muttered, still soaked from head to toe, and not too pleased about it if his slumped body language was of any indication. "That was a Heavy."

"A what?"

"A Heavy, Amy. A Hard-Boiled Heavy to be precise. Me and Tails tangled with them long ago... I didn't think I'd ever see them again, but here we are."

"Them?" Cream asked nervously. "How many of them are there...?"

"Five," Tails answered bluntly. "They were tougher than they looked too," he added dejectedly.

"Drat," Amy cursed out loud, complete with a fist in her palm. "And I guess Eggman didn't decide to only rebuild one of them? Now we have a whole GROUP of jerks to watch out for."

"There's five of us though, right...?" Lutrudis gestured with her left hand. "Surely they're not much different from the doctor's other robots."

"Well actually," Sonic scratched his ear as he looked to his side awkwardly. "These robots were enhanced by a really weird jewel."

"Oh... of course..." Lutrudis trailed off, before quickly regaining her confident burst. "Well you still beat them once before. We can handle them... At least, you guys can... Myself, well..."

Before Sonic could argue with what he perceived as an error in her statement, Lutrudis cleared the last set of bushes that revealed the source of all the excited noise: a hustling, bustling water park. The vaguely ancient architecture suggested that it was formerly a set of aquatic ruins, but with the addition of industrial gizmos and doodads in the modern age, it was now a colorful array of seaside adrenaline. Dazzling fountains were dotted all over, and it truly caught the group's attention.

"Wow, this place looks cool!" Tails beamed with youthful glee. His tails couldn't help but twirl around in excitement. "We should hang out here for real when this is over! What do you think, Sonic?"

He was quick to notice the look of subdued resignation on his lifelong buddy's face. Evidently, the blue hedgehog had wearily accepted that he was about to get very wet once again.

"Oh man..." Sonic sighed, as Lutrudis put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

---

CR Act 2: Crazy Rapids

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Lobstrike - “These lobsters practically become heat-seeking missiles the moment they spot an enemy. Fortunately, while they're certainly fast, they can't turn around once they fire at you. Can't say I was fond of the taste of lobsters anyway.”

Scuba Pawn - "The most clever thing about these Pawns is that they're sea green. Slightly less clever is their tendency to throw their floatie rings like boomerangs, as well as launch a torpedo if you're under the sea. The doctor's compulsive need to mix deadly and daft would be almost admirable if it weren't for his equally compulsive need to conquer the world through it."

Returning Enemies: Crabmeat Gameblow Aquis Sweep

Doesn't this place look amazingly fun? Not if you're aquaphobic. Good thing no one on the team is, or else this would be very awkward.

Being a water park, you have a plentiful amount of gimmicks to experiment with. Water slides, water whirligigs, giant bubbles for you to substitute for temporary platforms, and even jacuzzi hot tubs that launch you up in the air with their overwhelming heat. Everything's coming up wet around here! The hybrid of marble ruins and wacky equipment certainly makes for a memorable scene, but don't get too distracted, lest you get bumped off by a Scuba Pawn.

Speaking of which, does no one here realise the gravity of the robots' presence? One lanky zebra in khaki shorts seems to have a unique take on them...

"Yoooo! Digging these mascots, dude! So full of life, know what I mean dawg?"

As you attempt to avoid shutting down emotionally upon hearing the word "dawg", let's discuss the swimming in this adventure at last. As Sonic, you naturally can't swim, but as Tails, you can count on that cute little doggy paddle of yours to help you go places. Compared to the old days however, Tails can now swim a lot faster, making underwater sections a lot more bearable than they would be otherwise. Of course, Tails will still tire out if you doggy paddle for too long, and regardless of who you're playing as, failure to obtain oxygen in time will result in a certain memorable countdown... followed by death.

That's not to say that you can't complete underwater stages with Sonic. The level design is always laid out in a way that ensures he can still make it through as well. But basically, you're better off with using Tails in these type of stages, unless you have something to prove.

And what would a place called Crazy Rapids be if it didn't have any rapids? There's a whole bunch of them, and you gotta watch your step, as the current during these sections is way too speedy for you to swim through without getting washed away. Like the honey in the Hornet's Nest though, you won't die if you get caught in it. You'll simply be momentarily inconvenienced... which is nonetheless a big deal when there's Lobstrikes willing to take advantage of your situation.

After all the slides, the rapids, and the trips in and out of the water, you'll eventually find yourself running along a straight path that takes you to the park's information center... But right before you enter it, you're suddenly bombarded with missiles. Once you dodge them for a brief period, the source of the missiles will hover down and reveal itself... a familiar helicopter, with a familiar passenger. With a push of a button on its control panel, the copter dispatches the rotors in exchange for a round underside, and the vehicle slams down onto the floor behind you with a mighty crash, breaking the floor apart instantly. With the contraption now taking the form of a boat, you must run for your life as an old friend tries valiantly to earn himself some much desired payback...

BOSS: Heavy Gunner

On one hand, this is kind of like your original fight with the police-themed Heavy, in that you're keeping up the pace against his vehicle of choice, and he's firing an onslaught of missiles everywhere he goes.

On the other hand, everything else is completely different.

For starters, Gunner's boat is always behind you, and its chipping away at the ground you're cruising along. Falling into the water here won't technically count as an instant death, but you'll be a sitting duck for the balloon-sized bombs that he sends down your way, so try to avoid that fate as best as you can. Should you stay above the ocean however, Gunner will opt for continuing his missile assault with his trusty yet blocky bazooka.

Now, Gunner's missiles have different colours, just like your past encounter with him. But this time, he fires red and green, not blue. Red missiles go straight for you, while green missiles arch upwards, loop around once, and then crash down onto the floor ahead of you, thus risking a watery trap for your character. The cybernetic sail on the front of the boat prevents offensive measures from the front, and neither type of missile can be deflected back, for it is proven that a robot can learn from his mistakes. So what do you do?

Wait for a green missile. Then, when it loops around and is close to ground level, grab onto it. Keep holding on until the missile is at the highest it can go, and right before it crashes down to the ground...

Gunner: Uhhhhh ohhhhh...

...let go of the missile and slam yourself down onto the boat with all your might. Gunner's subsequent arm flailing and eyeball popping will indicate that he did not account for this maneuver, and his boat will notably sink ever so slightly.

Three more rounds of this is all it takes. But be warned, for in an effort to prevent you from pulling that stunt again, the pattern of the green missiles will grow increasingly erratic after each hit, culminating with some truly fast zig-zag sweeping. As well as that, he'll also start firing missiles while you're up high in an attempt to make you lose focus. But speed is your middle name, so you've got this in the bag. After four strikes, the boat will finally give way and sink altogether, but not before Gunner ejects from his craft and jets away. This won't be the last you see of him, but you've foiled him for now. Let's just hope his buddies follow the same destiny...

---

"Y-you'll pay for t-this..." Gunner muttered timidly, as he used his jetpack to fly off to an unspecified destination.

"Sorry cop, but you ain't taking me in," Sonic quipped. "Wasn't fun being in jail the first time around..." He and his friends carried on running through the path, only to stop by an isolated building hidden away by trees and bushes. Upon taking a step inside...

"Look, Mr. Sonic!" Cream clasped her hands happily.

"Huh?" Sonic turned around after making sure Gunner was gone, and to his own surprise, occupying the lobby area was a whole bunch of Chao, of different colours and shapes, all playing around without a care in the world. Some of them were enjoying the pool, others were sliding down minature slides and throwing balls with each other, content with the other's company.

"A Chao Garden...?" the hero wondered.

"Yep," Lutrudis answered, hands on hips. "You didn't think we'd have any of our own here?" she asked with a teasing smile.

Sonic said nothing, too caught up with watching the little Chao. Amy and Cream wasted no time in petting and playing with the nearest Chao they could find, and even Cheese greeted himself to them through their own unique language.

"Chao!"

"Chao Chao!"

"Chao Chao?"

"Chao! <3"

As they got along with each other, Tails turned to Lutrudis. "Do you come here often?"

She nodded wistfully. "I love Chao." She rested one arm on her hand. "They're such beautiful little creatures... And so calming to one's senses. I've considered having one of my own, actually."

"Why haven't you got one?" Sonic questioned, as he crossed his arms.

"I'm not sure if I would make a good parent figure for them..." the horse rubbed her arm, while looking aside. "I don't really have the experience for that... and I doubt that'll change anytime soon..."

"Well, I think you'd be great with a Chao," Sonic gently nudged Lutrudis with a wink.

"Yeah!" Tails agreed. "You've treated the rest of us fine, right? You're nowhere close to having the inhospitality of someone like-"

"Guys, watch out!" Lutrudis suddenly called out to Amy and Cream, after having briefly glanced up at the transparent glass roof. Before they could react however, said glass roof suddenly exploded in a shower of broken shards, which threatened to cause serious damage to everyone within the lobby. Thinking fast, Sonic used his speed to get most of the Chao out of harm's way, and his four friends followed suit to the best of their own abilities. While the damage had been done to the surrounding area, the Chao were understandably in a state of panicked frenzy.

Sonic looked around to make sure his friends were okay, and he was subsequently relieved to see that Lutrudis had successfully herded all the Chao to a safe corner of the room, and was currently attempting to calm the poor things down. Before he could do anything else though, he immediately sensed another's presence. He didn't need to guess who it was. He could already hear the culprit's voice in his head before it even came out, as he had arguably heard it more times throughout his young life than even his own. Yet sure enough, out it came.

"Well, well, well... Sonic, my old pal. Long time no see, eh?"

The hedgehog looked up with distaste, and there he was, floating above in his signature hovercraft. The man who had caused so much trouble over the years. The man who saw himself as an emperor. The man who had a lifetime score to settle with people a quarter of his age. His two lackeys of questionable usefulness, Orbot and Cubot, were alongside him, as expected.

"Hey, what's all this commotion?" A burly duck in a suit and tie had walked into the scene, not at all happy with the carnage he had just heard, and certainly not with all the collateral damage. "Do you KNOW how long this will take to clean u-"

The duck immediately froze upon seeing the notorious scientist. He stood there in silence for a few long seconds, as his life flashed before his very eyes. The doctor simply turned to him, awaiting the expected reaction. Cubot was at least friendly enough to wave at him.

"R-R-Robotnik..." he stammered. "Gotta go...!" He promptly bolted out of the room, having cared very much about his own mortality.

"Oh, please, come back!" Eggman called out sarcastically. "I'm only here for a chat!"

"What are you doing here, Eggman?" Sonic asked with apprehension, ready as ever to put up his dukes if necessary. Tails and Amy were likewise quick to prepare themselves.

"What am I doing here?" Eggman pointed at himself with artificial innocence, as if he were hurt by the remark. "Surely the real question is what are you doing here. Must you always be like this, Sonic? Always following me wherever I go?"

"I think you've got that the other way around, doc," Sonic muttered, unimpressed with the man's fooling around.

"Just tell us your stupid plan already!" Amy complained, gripping firmly on her hammer. "Like you always do!"

"Now now, that's not how you greet yours truly," the doctor slowly waved a finger at the temperamental pink hedgehog. "I was just in the mood to visit the Chao that I hold so dear to my heart!"

"Because he wants to kidnap them," Orbot helpfully added. Eggman wordlessly glared at him.

"Kidnap the Chao...?" Cream contemplated with horror and revulsion. She immediately held Cheese tightly to her chest. "Why would you do such a thing!?"

"Yeah, why would you do that?" Tails questioned in a more quizzical tone. "What do you need Chao for? You're always after stuff like the Chaos Emeralds, and you've never cared about Chao at all until now..."

"Ah... I don't think I'll be telling that," Eggman leaned back and chuckled deviously. A grin started to appear on his face. "You see, things are a little different this time-"

"Don't you say that every time?" asked Cubot.

He got smacked in the face for his troubles.

"Things are a little different this time," Eggman repeated, looking in Cubot's direction in annoyance while doing so, before turning back to face the heroes. "If I explained everything right now, I'm afraid none of you would understand any of it! You'd have to reach MY level to get it." He smugly tapped his bald head, clearly alluding to the genius he prided himself so much on. "So if it's all the same with you, I think I'll be taking these girls and boys with me now."

Sonic was ready to thoroughly jeer at Eggman's amazing optimism in expecting to do as he pleased without his say in the matter. But before he could do so, another voice spoke out for him.

"You're not taking any of them."

Eggman looked confused as he wondered who had dared to say No to someone of his self-appointed stature. He quickly turned his Egg Mobile around, and saw Lutrudis standing in front of every last Chao. Her arms were outstretched, fully indicating that he would have to go through her to get them. The Chao were all terrified.

"Oh, right, you," the doctor commented. He stroked his right whisker. "I almost forgot about you. You're the new one, aren't you? The newest friend."

"~Ooooooh, friend!~" Orbot overdramatically clasped his hands joyfully.

"~Friend!~" Cubot added, and did the same in response.

"You're not taking these Chao," Lutrudis reiterated firmly, unflattered by the mockery directed at her.

"Surely you know who I am...?" Eggman asked.

"Yes, I do."

"Then you also know what I'm capable of...?

"Yes."

"And you know full well what I could do to you right here, right now...?"

"...Yes."

There was an audible hint of anxiousness in the horse's voice. This was her first face-to-face encounter with the most dangerous criminal in the world. She knew that he could mess her up in unimaginable ways, most likely with the push of a button. There was palpable fear on her face... Yet she remained where she was, not budging for a second. Even if it resulted in misfortune for herself, she refused to hand over the Chao.

"Then why do you dare to oppose me...?"

"Knock it off, Eggman," Sonic commanded fiercely. His hand began to curl into a fist, and his ears were straight up. His spines also sharpened a tiny bit.

"Why do you dare to oppose me...?" Eggman repeated, with added emphasis. His face was now inches away from the horse's own. "What's your story, hero?"

Lutrudis simply glared, despite the fear in her eyes. "No one owes anything to a rotten madman like you."

"...Madman...?" Eggman sneered venomously at her. Orbot and Cubot both shook their heads in fearful unison, explaining to Lutrudis non-verbally that saying such a thing to their master's face would not end well for anybody.

"Hey, egghead!" Sonic called out impatiently, tapping his foot. "We're still here, you know! You think WE'RE gonna let you take them?"

Eggman turned to Sonic with irritation. "Right, okay, let's get one thing sorted out about this 'egghead' business...!"

While the doctor was distracted, Lutrudis noticed that Cream wasn't too far from where she was. With a whisper, she called Cream over, to which the rabbit obliged. Kneeling down slowly so as to prevent her leg bones from straining, Lutrudis whispered in Cream's ear for a few seconds. When she finished, Cream nodded without a word, and she in turn called Amy over with a whisper of her own. Amy briefly looked to make sure that Eggman wasn't paying attention to her...

"If you absolutely HAVE to make these puns, why not go for something more original? More refined?"

...before tip-toeing over rather daintily to her two friends. After Cream whispered to Amy in her ear, the hedgehog nodded too. Eggman still didn't notice...

"Is this really the best you can think of, hedgehog? Have all those years of getting in my way gotten in YOUR way of coming up with something clever?"

As quickly as she could, Amy grabbed every last Chao, which turned out to be complicated given there were at least a dozen of them. But, not to be underestimated, she had them all in her mighty grasp... or at least, they were grasping her. This was then followed by Cream picking Amy up, and flying her out of the scene, taking the Chao along with them.

"...And that's why you need to come up with more original insults! 'Egghead' is so bottom of the barrel! Now then, the Chao..."

Eggman turned once again in Lutrudis' direction, only to notice her smiling with her hands behind her back, looking as innocent as can be. He also noticed that the Chao had all mysteriously vanished.

"Huh...?"

"Ha! Nice one, Trudy! Catch you later, egghead!" Sonic promptly dashed off further into the building.

"Better luck next time!" Tails added playfully, as he too followed Sonic's course of action.

After seeing them leave, Eggman stared at Lutrudis with confusion, who simply saluted at him with a smirk.

"See ya."

And with that, she ran off to follow her friends. As he watched her run off - but not before noticing she ran in a weirdly stilted way - Eggman simply floated in his craft in silence. He crossed his arms in thought.

"Oh dear, looks like you got tricked," Orbot thought out loud.

"Aw, you'll get 'em next time, boss," Cubot reassured. "Unless you lose next time, and the time after that... and the time after that..."

"I don't know why we're treating this as a loss," Eggman simply said, backed up by his surprising degree of calm nonchalance. "I'm still one step ahead, and maybe a few steps more..." He continued looking to where Lutrudis once was, as he gave his moustache another stroke. "Clever girl, that one. But she won't feel clever for long... Ho ho ho ho..."

"Hey, I heard a lot of noise earlier, what happ-" The pelican that entered the room turned tail and ran out as quickly as he came in. "Oh god, Robotnik's here! I'm too young to die!"

Eggman merely glanced at where the pelican was, and shrugged to himself.

---

"Where did they take them?" Sonic questioned as he kept jogging.

"To my castle," Lutrudis replied, trying her absolute best to keep up with him. "It should keep them safe, at least for now."

"You think they'll be alright with the Chao?" Tails asked in concern.

"Dude, Cream's oldest friend is a Chao. They've got this." Sonic looked around the hallway they were running through. It was rather fancy, with dark reds and silvers complimenting the mood, as well as a black and white checkered floor. "So uh, where are we actually going?"

"This takes us to the aquarium," Lutrudis informed him, while attempting not to sound like she was already out of breath. "I don't know what use Eggman would have for it, but his robots have been everywhere else so far, so..."

"Ahem, excuse me," a polar bear with a beard stepped in the way of their path to the entrance of the aquarium. "I'm afraid this area is reserved for celebrities only."

"What? But..." Sonic didn't often like to flaunt his world saviour status, but given the potential stakes at hand, it was evident that he didn't have much of a choice here. "But I'm Sonic the Hedgehog!"

"Oh yeah?" The gruff polar bear raised an eyebrow. "What's your proof?"

The hero stared at him in silence for a few painful seconds.

"...I'm Sonic the Hedgehog...?"

The bear shrugged. "Can't argue with that. You may enter."

The three friends simply looked at each other, each of them as baffled as the other. They soon made their way through the entrance in a single file, and once they were out of the bear's sight, Tails turned to Lutrudis with one ear lowered.

"Not to be mean, but that guy wasn't very good at his job, was he?"

"Apparently not," Lutrudis lightly brushed her ponytail aside to scratch the back of her head. "I don't recall anything about this place only accepting celebrities... Still, considering the circumstances, we should be grateful for his ineptitude."

"I just hope we don't need to make too many dips here," Sonic added, though his weary tone confirmed that deep down, he already accepted the reality.

Meanwhile, the bear looked behind him to check that they were gone, and upon confirmation, he smiled deviously to himself. All of a sudden, a puff of smoke had engulfed him, complete with a few dramatic sparkles, and when the dust settled, in his place was a droid much like Gunner, only this one wore yellow and a top hat... it seemed to be unable to stop moving its hands around.

"Hmm hmm...!" the robot chortled in a feminine tone, before disappearing in another puff of smoke.

---

CR Act 3: Aquarium Gallery

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Blastoid - “The good news is that they stay put. The bad news is that they're often placed in a rather intrusive fashion. Little do they know however that with the help of a certain shield, their projectiles can hardly put up a fight in the slightest.”

Shelly - "Looks like a bog standard seashell, right? Wrong: they may look all pretty and divine, but the moment you go near it, they'll clamp down on you like a deranged bear trap. Doesn't necessarily motivate me to sell seashells on the seashore..."

Returning Enemies: Crabmeat Aquis Sweep

This is the friendliest and the deadliest aquarium you've seen yet. There are fishies of all shapes and sizes (and colours) here, but as it turns out, some of the normally docile fish have been forcibly turned into mindless killing machines, just like the orca from earlier. You can leave them be if you want to, but freeing them of their armored shells will net you more points, and also make you feel good about yourself.

Tails: Why did Eggman do this to these poor fish?

Sonic: I don't know Tails, but I'm not standing for it.

Lutrudis: Perhaps they're being used to guard something from us...

Blastoids make an appearance in this stage, and they're the same as ever, right down to being rendered inefficient if you have a Water Shield, as you can simply deflect their projectiles away. However, they can still pose a threat, as they're fond of sitting atop glass roofs that - should their pellets make contact - will break a piece off, potentially sending you into the water below with a mechanized fish for company.

As you progress through the stage, you'll notice a change of environment. The red and silver halls filled with glass tanks and statues will gradually get phased out in favor of beautiful turquoise caverns, with the ripples of the water reflecting on the cavern walls. Speaking of the water, that too takes up a mildly turquoise hue, as do the stunning waterfalls found all around. Giant seashells rest easy, with funky patterns... just make sure you don't get them mixed up with Shellies. You can even see a little bit of sunset poke through the holes in the wall. Is this even part of the aquarium? Who cares.

What you should care about is a new force of nature at work: cybernetic sharks, with metal teeth and glowing red eyes. They're huge, they're fast, and you can't hurt them at all. You can only evade them, as starting a fight with one will cause them to eat you without a second thought, thus making you die instantly. Don't you just hate it when an enemy is inexplicably invincible?

But as long as you avoid the robo sharks, you'll make it out in one piece. The end of the stage takes you outside the caves, showing off the sunset in all its rich glory. The purple and red contrast beautifully with the briny blue sea, but you're also quick to notice what looks like a dam. It looks... rather old, actually...

---

“Tch, there sure aren't a shortage of weird buildings around here,” Sonic mused as he examined the rusty dam beyond him. It didn't look to be of Eggman's design, but it certainly gave off a creepy atmosphere all the same. Despite that, for all its decay, it was still sturdy enough to keep the nearby water under control. The sunset shined brightly upon the dam.

Tails noticed that the park they were in not too long ago was now a short distance away from where they were at the moment, having spotted it far away from the dam. Those caverns they came through must have been more expansive than they realised.

“Do you think Eggman plans to do anything with this?” the young fox asked. His eyes glanced left and right, as if to seek out the evil scientist.

“I can think of some ideas, but I'd rather not blurt them out in case he's... listening,” Lutrudis answered lightly.

“Good idea,” Sonic added, having also glanced all around for Eggman's possible whereabouts. “He always appears at the worst times, like back pain.”

“I know the feeling,” Lutrudis joked, as she stretched her arms.

The three of them went further down the path to the dam. The size of the structure impressed them even more the closer they got, and though a relic of an older time it may have been, they couldn't help but marvel at the effort of construction that went into it. For all their attempts to locate him however, the doctor himself was in fact standing at the very top of the dam. He was on his own, and he looked down at the curious adventurers. He kept watching.

They looked at the entrance with wariness. It appeared to be empty inside, but they knew better than to think they would be so lucky. Sonic turned to his two comrades.

“Well...?” he motioned towards the gate.

His friends simply nodded. Lutrudis had her bow in her hand in preparation for an unexpected attack. As they went inside one by one, Eggman took one of his hands off the nearby railing, and pulled out a communication device from his pocket. He put it right up to his ear.

“Now,” he commanded.

---

CR Act 4: Hydro Plant

Lutrudis' Badnik Logs: Drisame - “Watch out for that hammerhead! They hide in walls before leaping out to ambush you, and they also love to shove you into other hazards. If you get them facing upwards though, you can actually stand on them like it's no big deal. I don't think that was an intended feature on the doctor's part...”

Inkbrink - “These elongated squids can poke you with their sharpened noggins. They can also soak you in toxic black sludge, and if you're REALLY unlucky, that monitor of yours will temporarily get covered in the gunk as well, thus blinding your vision for a brief period. (Incidentally, what exactly is that monitor for...?)”

Returning Enemies: Crabmeat Gameblow Lobstrike Blastoid

It's quiet here. Possibly a little too quiet, if one were to be cliche. Well at least you're given a chance to breathe. Though the inside of this old dam is a tad dreary and full of shadows, you don't have to deal with too much at first. There aren't even that many enemies. For now, use the conveyor belts to go even faster, which still work perfectly fine despite their age. You can even stop to look at the occasional bit of graffiti, which includes inspiring quotes like:

Stand Up 2 The Pain + Turmoil

Toot Toot Sonic Warrior

All Hail Shadow

For The Mania

justice for kidd

One of them is tragically spelled incorrectly:

Make belif reborn

Anyway, as you go further down, it gets darker, but not to the point where you can't see anything. There's the occasional robot hiding around, mainly Drisames, but hardly anything for you to worry about. The sunset once again seeps through the few windows here, but don't get too enraptured. It might feel like a maze, but Lutrudis tends to go the right way, so just follow her if you're as clueless as a grey hedgehog during his debut.

It's subtle at first, but you might begin to notice that the area is growing slowly more high tech. The near-withered bricks and stones are gradually exchanged for silver metal, some of which is shiny enough to show a reflection. It dawns on you that this is the heart of the plant, and what's keeping it functioning despite appearing to have seen better days from an outsider's point of view. This is where the enemies ramp up in presence... along with underwater dives, to Sonic's misfortune. He even expresses envy when Lutrudis shows herself to be highly skilled at swimming by comparison.

Sonic: I really gotta learn how to swim sometime...

Lutrudis: I can teach you if you'd like... y'know, when this is over.

Of course, this wouldn't be a problem if you picked Tails, since he can swim. But you can still make it with the blue one. Just be sure to keep grabbing those bubbles for air regardless of who you're playing as. Inkbrinks and Lobstrikes can be troublesome in the tunnel sections here, but if you get an Inkbrink's sludge on you, it'll disappear after five seconds... better hope you don't run into another one during that time. There'll be no S Rank for you anytime soon if that keeps happening.

As you get closer to the end, you can spot a very complex, towered structure in the distance, full of bright green lights that contrast with the blue and silver all around. Some of Eggman's minions seem to be making an attempt to break it down, but you're not having any of that. Beat them up, and you'll hear the doctor himself chime in:

Eggman: You bothered to come all the way down here? I expected nothing less from you fools... but at least this will be entertaining to watch now! DROWN them, Crabgrind!

Right on cue, a crab mecha of intimidating stature bursts out of the ground like a possessed drill. It immediately starts drilling away at the structure, and it doesn't take long for the heroes to realise what the intention is:

Tails: Wait a minute... this is the heart of the dam... he's trying to cause a flood from the inside!

Sonic: And it'll seep through to the outside... we gotta end this fast!

BOSS: Crabgrind

Don't let the name fool you, it looks nothing like a Crabmeat. It's more like a hermit crab in design, if the shell had a bunch of spikes all over. Mix that in with a couple of drill pincers, and you've got a formidable beast. At least it's slow... right...?

This is NOT a timed fight in the traditional sense, despite the current urgent situation, but you'll want to do it as quickly as you can anyway, because the longer you keep at it, the longer Crabgrind will get to drill through the structure, and the more water will fill the arena, which will of course reduce your speed a little. There will be air bubbles if it gets to that point, but... try not to let it get to that point, okay?

As for the fight itself, Crabgrind may be focused on the structure, but that doesn't mean it doesn't have time to spare for you. As it does its work, it'll fire the spikes off its shell like pointy missiles in an attempt to keep you away from its job. Due to the size of the spikes, they're actually rather tough to avoid, especially if you're avoiding them underwater. It's not impossible, though. A well timed spin dash is enough to do the trick. If you try getting closer to the shelled monster, it'll use one of its pincers with the intention of drilling through your fleshy body. This is fortunately not shown in realistic detail. You can knock the pincer back to prevent the attack, but that won't damage it. What's the secret?

Like the Paindozer, Lutrudis is your key. In the brief period that Crabgrind's spikes are detached from its shell before gaining a new set of them, you can spot some fragile-looking wiring through the holes. Lutrudis will try to shoot an arrow through one of those holes, but Crabgrind will in turn try to attack her if she does so... unless you've got it distracted. Reflect its pincer a couple of times, and that'll be enough time for Lutrudis to fire an arrow through a hole without issue. Upon getting an arrow lodged inside, Crabgrind will start spinning around in a frenzy to try and get it out, while firing its spikes more erratically all the while, before clumsily falling on its side... revealing a weakpoint on its underside. Give that a whack to damage the mecha.

This carries on initially, with not much variation bar the expected longer periods of attacking, and ramping up the defensiveness... After six hits however, things take a dramatic turn...

Eggman: Hmm, this is getting a little boring now... Time for Plan B, Crabgrind! Ha ha HA!

Without warning, Crabgrind will cease attacking the structure... and instead lunge straight for you and Lutrudis, knocking you into a conveniently placed chute where you're constantly sliding along the current. You may be reminded of certain adventures from an earlier period, but now is not the time to dwell on the past, for Crabgrind will now use its shell to poke through the water and shank you. You can tell where it'll appear by spotting the bubbles that briefly pop beforehand. Even then, this demented game of Reverse Whack a Mole can be hectic. Keep your nerves under control, and you'll be smooth sailing.

Again, Lutrudis is your key. After several rounds of it popping in and out, Lutrudis will use all her strength to straight up grab one of its pincers with enough grip to actually slow it down temporarily, to the point where she's now surfing along the water with her feet. An impressive display, but not an easy one for her...

Lutrudis: Quickly...! I can't hold on for long... not with these bones...!

While she's grabbing one pincer, Crabgrind will go multi-purpose again and launch the other one at you in confused rage. Dodge the drill, notice the exposed point in the now empty pincer, and give it mayhem. This will take that pincer out of commission for good, though it will still hang there and limp along. Repeat this procedure with the other pincer, and then - with both pincers rendered unusable - Crabgrind will lose its mind and fire all of its spikes everywhere, without even bothering to aim at you. You don't even need to wait for an arrow at this point. Wait for a hole in the shell, jump through and attack his core, and watch as the once fearsome crustacean slowly sinks one last time. Tragic... if it weren't a mindlessly evil machine.

---

"Okay, that's the crab down, but now what!?" Tails asked in fright as they continued getting swept away along the tunneled river. The current was too fast to handle, even for Sonic.

"Relax!" Sonic grinned sheepishly, clearly hoping this wouldn't kill him. "What life or death situation haven't we gotten out of? We made it out of the fake emerald ordeal in one-"

"Look out!" Lutrudis pointed with wide eyes.

"Oh sh-"

A barrier had appeared at the end of the tunnel, which sent them flying over it, and through to outside civilization... represented in this case by more sea. Sonic was especially unlucky to have banged his head on the barrier, which knocked him out hard. His unconcious body began to sink in the sea, as Tails and Lutrudis came to their senses.

"Sonic!" Tails panicked. He and Lutrudis immediately swam below to grab him, but their own fatigue from their experience proved to be an issue. Thinking quickly, Lutrudis snapped her fingers. She motioned for Tails to grab her from behind, which he did. She pulled out her whip, closed one eye to aim as best as she could, and launched the whip in the drowning hedgehog's direction.

As luck would have it, the whip latched onto Sonic's leg. Lutrudis turned her head to Tails and nodded. Tails nodded himself in response. Using their combined strength, they pulled, and pulled, and pulled... and they pulled just a little bit too much, for Sonic's body was suddenly sent flying out of the water and into the air. Their eyes bulged in disbelief upon witnessing this, and Lutrudis pointed up frantically. Getting the message, Tails shot out of the water like a turbo submarine.

Meanwhile, Sonic was beginning to regain consciousness.

"Huh...?"

He was quick to notice he was falling back down to the sea.

"AHHH!"

Mercifully though, Sonic's initial panic came to a halt as Tails grabbed him. Sonic looked left and right in puzzlement, then looked up to see Tails' relieved face. He looked at his foxy friend for a second, then gave him a sheepish thumbs up.

"Is he alright?" Lutrudis called out to Tails from below.

"He's fine," Tails answered. "Just a little dazed."

"Yeah..." Sonic muttered in agreement, as Tails hovered down to pick up Lutrudis. The horse grabbed onto the hedgehog's legs, and they began to fly away together.

"What happened...?" Sonic wondered.

"You, uh, nearly drowned," Tails awkwardly explained.

"Oh... well it's a good thing I didn't. Thanks, guys." Sonic then thought to himself for a moment, then looked down at Lutrudis with a lighthearted smirk. "I don't suppose there was any mouth to mouth?"

"Oh no, no, not at all," she shook her head lightly. She looked down for a moment, and then looked back up. She smirked as well. "But I could give you that, if you want..."

Sonic paused abruptly. He looked like a deer in the headlights.

Lutrudis laughed. "I'm kidding," she gently teased him, to which the blue one chuckled somewhat bashfully. "Let's head back to the castle. Amy and Cream may be good with Chao, but there was still a lot of them. We better help them out."

"Right!" Tails obeyed. As they began their journey back, Sonic couldn't help but look down at Lutrudis once again. This time around, his expression was that of warm amusement.

Less amusing was who was spying on them from afar... Eggman watched them fly away in the comfort of his Egg Mobile. Despite witnessing the miserable defeat of his minion, he appeared to be in a good mood. He floated away in a different direction, smiling fiendishly to himself all the while.

---

Back to Chapter 2-3 Interlude...

To Chapter 4...

#Sonic & Tails: Beyond the Stars #Crusher's Fanfiction #Sonic the Hedgehog #Fanfiction

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mrsspidermanmaryjanewatsonparker · 6 years

Video

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Let’s debunk this shit.

First off...why should we, on the topic of Spider-Man, actually place stock by the guy who has in the past argued Sins Past is as, if not more, bad than One More Day when anyone with an ounce of knowledge of how writing craft works would realize this is abjectly false. As a story the flaws in Sins Past amount to it inserting something into the past that doesn’t fit at all. One More Day by contrast not only does this but needs to violently ignore 45 yrs of established characterization to even function and even then it fails since it needs to contradict its own narrative.

Oh and you know MovieBob is the guy who said ‘That Spec cartoon wasn’t as good as people make it out to be. People like it more for what it could be than what it was.’...WTF was he even watching.

But let’s dive into some more specifics of Bob’s argument.

“OMD ‘needed’ to happen.”

This is objectively untrue.

Let’s give the benefit of the doubt and say what Bob meant wasn’t so much that Spider-Man needed to make a deal with the Devil but rather it was necessary to get rid of Spider-Man’s marriage.

I can’t bring myself to do a 3000 word essay on why the latter alone is idiotic, sexist, myopic and utterly false but here is a cliffnotes version.

There are 2 fundamental problems with Bob’s line of thinking.

The 1st is that to end the marriage you needed to outright alter Spider-Man’s history via a soft DC style continuity reboot thus creating in a literal sense an alternate universe version of Spider-Man who’d just never been married in the first place.

Put simply Spider-Man’s marital status could’ve been ended in universe through numerous methods that avoided that. He could’ve gotten divorced. The US government as some kind of petty revenge upon Spider-Man turning on the Registration Act could’ve legally annulled his marriage along with certain other legal aspects of his life. There could’ve been a reveal that due to a legal loophole nobody realized at the time technically speaking Peter and MJ had never been married in the first place despite believing they were.

None of this would’ve fixed the most egregious contrivance of OMD and OMIT, that by simply never having been married magically this = Peter and MJ would break up. You still need to justify THAT separately which OMD didn’t even attempt to do. OMD in isolation erases their marriage but it doesn’t explain or justify why doing this would mean they are now no longer in a relationship. OMIT tried and miserably failed to do that because once again it required the abject ignoring of decades of established (and logical) characterization.

But what should we expect from the guy who in another video once said Superman would be a jerk if he married Lois Lane because of the stress and dangers it’d expose her to, specifically comparing it to real life people who’s jobs offer comparable examples. ‘Superman would never put Lois Lane through that’ said Bob (though I am paraphrasing I admit.

Why?

If REAL people do that then why WOULDN’T Superman OR Spider-Man do so?

It’s a line of thought which amounts to Bob saying those people shouldn’t have marital relationships. And that is gross.

The 2nd problem with Bob’s ‘it needed to happen’ assertion is the notion that CREATIVELY it was necessary for the health of Spider-Man.

Let’s ignore how creatively (and financially) Superman has been on the up and up since 2016 when he got his marriage BACK.

Instead let’s consider for a moment...why?

Why CREATIVLY does Spider-Man need to not be married to work? Why does he need to be single for his long term creative/financial health?

There is no answer because the truth is he isn’t. Spider-Man’s love life is relevant only in so far as the series follows his life and not being asexual romance is a part of that. At which point if you are arguing for his long term creative health he needs to be able to swap out the women he’s going to be romantically/sexually involved with why then does that not also apply to literally every other character connected to every other part of his life?

It doesn’t.

It’s a bullshit argument born of an ignorant lack of questioning. It’s born of “Well it’s got to be this way because it’s always been this way and it’s worked that way.” Ignoring how it doesn’t and how you know...Marvel comics itself exists off the back of saying “Maybe it doesn’t have to just be this way. I don’t like that way in fact, I like the idea of trying it this other way.”

Spider-Man being single keeps Spider-Man stunted and in a state of doomed to failure. It literally renders his love life redundant because every reader (and this applied before 1987 when he got married, but applies a thousand times more now) knows his romances will never amount to anything and that they are glorified Bond girls. And I’ll be honest the substance (such as there is) in the Bond movies NEVER lies with the Bond girls with the sole exceptions of those few movies where they tease you with the idea that he has deeper feelings for them.

Then you have the fact that marriage as a part of most people’s lives and a responsibility is outright tailor made for the character who’s core concept is entwined around the interconnected idea of responsibility and being a (relatively) normal person. It’s not different to him graduating from High school or moving out of Aunt May’s house or getting a job.

But let’s look at the franchise in the wake of OMD creatively and financially has it been doing better than before?

LOL NOPE!

In 2016 we had the Power Play arc. This arc was THE Spider-Man event of the year. It tied into the previous Spider event of 2015, Renew Your Vows by introducing the incredibly powerful villain Regent who’s powers were that he had the powers of EVERY other hero virtually and in RYV took over all of NYC following killing the X-Men and Avengers on his own. It guest starred fan favourite Miles Morales, the first substantial appearance of the character in Amazing Spider-Man since his migration into the 616 universe. It also guest starred lead character of the MCU and (then) Marvel comics poster boy Iron Man fresh from his hyped up run under Bendis, the biggest name in comics of the previous 20 years. It also teased the appearance of the newest team of Avengers, a brand that has been huge since 2012 for obvious reasons. Oh and it featured the return of another fan favourite Mary Jane who was once more being used to tease the possibility of her and Spider-Man’s romantic reunion which had been a surefire way of raising hype for a story since 2008 onwards. Oh and it was clearly a tie-in to the international blockbuster and critically acclaimed movie, Captain America: Civil War.

And of course you had much promotion from the Marvel hype machine, Dan Slott interviews and the usual variant cover artificial sales inflation gimmick that had become common to Marvel.

Safe to say that this story was a big, big deal and sure to sell well right?

Well....it actually sold less than a barely promoted, run-of-the-mill ASM arc from 2005 by J. Michael Straczynski that featured in the first issue Tony Stark sitting on a chair sans armour and beyond that no guest stars....oh and there were no variant covers....and btw Spider-Man was married in it

. ...Oh....

But hey what about some OTHER Spider-Man stories since OMD. Haven’t THEY been creatively enriching?

I mean we had classics like:

The Lizard ruins the interesting humanizing aspects of his character when he becomes a cannibalistic monster who eats his own son and maybe rapes someone

Black Cat’s characterization gets flushed down the toilet so she can be an indulgent juvenile sexual fantasy for Joe Kelly who believes Spider-Man is fundamentally a man child Black Cat’s characterization gets shot to shit again by her ripping off Catwoman by becoming a gangster, something she has never held aspiration for before and seems to want to get involved in now for no reason at all beyond being angry that Spider-Man imprisoned her and exposed her identity that wasn’t even secret in the first place

Dan Slott who likes Doc Ock more than he likes Peter Parker decides to say screw it and make Doc Ock Spider-Man thus invalidating the entire reason he was hired, which is to write about Peter Parker. He proceeds to make Doc Ock a villain sue and cause readers to wonder if he’s this smart and this dangerous he lost so many times in the past at all? Also he tries to rape Mary Jane in issue 2 and then succeeds in maybe raping Spider-Man himself in the same issue and definitely succeeds in raping the only dwarf character in Spider-Man’s canon.

Spider-Man becomes like Iron Man thus invalidating the entire point of his character and reasons people like to read about him.

A mystery surrounding the Green Goblin’s identity that turns out to be the twist that he was Norman Osborn all along meaning this was a pointless mystery the whole time.

Ben Reilly finally comes back after 20 years but doesn’t act even a little bit like the character people knew and loved causing people to wish he’d stayed dead

Betty Brant is physically assaulted and Spider-Man tracks down the assailant but when he finds him lets him go (thus enabling him to assault other innocent women) because Aunt May guilt tripped him by saying he was a jerk at age 15 for allowing her, a 50+ year old adult and his parental guardian, to cope with Uncle Ben’s death alone on the night of his death.

Fan favourite Mayday Parker has her character now defined by the death of her father invalidating the entire point of her character which was the ongoing relationship between herself and her Dad

Every spider person ever fights a bunch of one note cosmic vampires across alternate niverses who are variant action figures of another one note cosmic vampire villain. The story is utterly reparative and makes Spider-Man play second fiddle to all the other characters cramming for panel time.

I could go on but I won’t.

To count the creative successful and enriching Slott and the post-OMD Spider-Man stories is a far easier task than to count the ones which are for the most part mediocre-God forsakenly terrible and miss the whole point of the various characters involved (most of all you know SPIDER-MAN himself!) because the latter is the norm post-OMD.

Tellingly both volume 1 and volume 2 of Renew Your Vows a book BUILT around the concept of a married Spider-Man have (when judged appropriately given their out of continuity status) garnered perfectly respectable sales (especially in volume 1) prior to their recent time skip (an ill advised move regardless of what the series was about) and critical acclaim. And critical acclaim from people besides Marvel/Spider-Man sycophants like CBR who have vested financial interests in positively reviewing the stories.

In fact there is a very strong argument in favour of Slott being the single most creatively damaging Spider-Man writer in history. The list of things that need to be FIXED because of his idiocy and incompetence is vast.

Moving on to Bob’s other points:

“Peter and MJ being together was a dumb stunt when the did it in the first place”

If Bob had you know READ the stories leading into the wedding he’d know

a) That relationship and marriage was being built up since 1984 albeit with the initial intention being Peter stranded at the altar.

b) A stunt isn’t rendered invalid merely because it is a stunt. A Stunt can make sense and with the build up the wedding had this was one such example

“The marriage generated very few decent stories that wouldn’t have worked just as well without it”

Here is a list of a FEW decent or above stories which in some significant way make use of the Spider marriage between 1987-2007

Kraven’s Last Hunt

Venom

ASM #400

Revenge of the Green Goblin

A Death in the Family

ASM volume 2 #49-50

ASM volume 2 #51-54

Sensational Spider-Man volume 2 #32

Sensational Spider-Man Annual 2007, the only Eisner nominated Spider-Man story ever

Spider-Man unlimited volume 3 #2 Story 2: Making Contributions

Eleven Angry Men and One angry Woman

Parallel lives

Spider-Man: the Final Adventure

Web of Death

Revelations the end of the Clone Saga

Spectacular Spider-Man #241

Spectacular Spider-Man #242-245

ASM vol 2 #39

Ultimate Spider-Man Anthology book: Five Minutes

I Heart Marvel Web of Romance #1

Spectacular Spider-Man #199-200

Spectacular Spider-Man #250

The Tombstone arc

Peter Parker Spider-Man volume 2 #14

Marvel Knights Spider-Man #1-12

Hmmm...it’s almost like Bob sucks at mathematics and story evaluation or something. Then again he did say there was no problem with Luke Skywalker in Last Jedi so you know...I should know better.

Oh and btw the whole ‘those would’ve worked JUST as well without the marriage’ argument is a double edged sword since there are literally less than 20 Spider-Man stories post-OMD that WOULDN’T have worked with a married Spider-Man and only one of them is good...and only if you also take entirely in isolation of Spider-Man’s wider history. Every other story with tweaks could work AS if not MORE effectively with a married Spider-Man.

If the argument is there should be no elements in a story that do not actively contribute to it then shit....why should Spider-Man’s SINGLE status be in a book? Why should Aunt May, Jameson or shitton else be multiple stories across the decades of Spider-Man? Hell by this logic Aunt May or Betty Brant are superfluous to ASM annual #1 which inspired part of Spider-Man 2.

“The Spider Marriage left the franchise spinning it’s wheel for a very long time.”

This is another lie. After Peter and MJ got married there was precious little wheel spinning. Almost immediately we jumped into ongoing stories involving Betty Brant, Joe Robertson, Peter going to school again, MJ and Peter’s finances taking a hit when MJ lost her job, Jameson being impersonated by Chameleon, Black Cat dating Flash, Peter’s parents returning and THEN you got the Clone Saga FFS.

Following that we got Norman Osborn running the Daily Bugle followed by the true wheel spinning garbage of the Mackie/Byrne run which was bad BECAUSE they axed the marriage. Following that when JMS took over his wheel spun for maybe 5 months tops? The rest of the time he reconstructed Peter and MJ and Aunt May’s characters, thrust forward with his Spider totem storyline and then began the slow build up to OMD starting with Peter becoming and Avenger.

There were few months were NOTHING was really happening and the number of issues where that was the case owed much more to the fact that the writers needed to pad out FOUR monthly titles each month!

“By contrast BND and Slott’s run has been good”

By objective writing standards this is a fallacy and Bob is offering no proof to this. He just says ‘it’s been good’. Except Bob’s word isn’t proof unto itself despite how much he must like to think so.

“Peter and MJ are more interesting now”

This is the proof Bob is not a...I don’t want to say he isn’t true fan. I rarely use that term. It’s more that he...isn’t an informed fan.

Anyone who knows any legit shit about Spider-Man could tell you Spider-Man is far from more interesting now than he was prior to BND.

Pre-OMD Spider-Man was the sum of 45 years of experiences. A 30ish average guy who’d been through Hell and a lot of battles and survived them and coped with that pain. He was a competent hero and a flawed human being who was just trying to look out for the little guy and take care of his family.

MJ meanwhile was a woman who’d also lived through Hell but demonstrated sheer steel by surviving it in spite of having no powers to fall back on. She’d gone from a carefree party animal who was seemingly selfish, to a hero in her own right who had an endless well of inner strength.

In contrast post-OMD Peter Parker is a man-child fuck up who illegally invades foreign nations with his giant G.I. Joe action figures whilst often playing second fiddle in his own fucking book to whatever guest stars want to steal the limelight. And he’s not believable anymore. He isn’t a grounded guy who copes with the shit thrown at him. He’s the guy who just shrugs off being killed, having his body stolen and his life upended by his enemy and then losing a year of his life.

That isn’t more interesting unless you are arguing being a Saturday morning cartoon character is inherently more interesting than being....welll actually inherently more interesting than being a certain character Stan Lee and Steve Ditko invented in 1962.

Which Bob plainly isn’t arguing because he’s also listing MJ as ‘more interesting’....how?

MJ isn’t even IN the book regularly any more so HOW could she be more interesting. Worse when she WAS in the book she had 2 roles. Ship tease the fans by being Peter’s friend and confidant (i.e. something she used to do BEFORE BND) or being a blind idiot in Superior which is NOT more interesting.

So what the fuck is he talking about?

I don’t know WHAT he’s talking about. But when you make a statement like: ‘on balance this story that eviscerated and betrayed everything about who Spider-Man is and invalidates his motivation from now on because he sold out in the biggest way possible, was on balance worth it because we got t see Doc Ock as Spider-Man try to rape people’ I certainly from WHERE he is talking from.

And the sun don’t shine there son.

#moviebob #bob chipman #Spider-Man #peter Parker #One More Day #Brand New Day #MJ Watson #mjwatsonedit #mary jane watson #Mary Jane Watson Parker

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