#it's like the good version of what carter baizen did

[terrainofheartfelt]

Sort of inspired by your discussion of Jenny needing to go to London alone to really grow into herself and mature as a person, in an ideal world in which none of the main characters were forcibly tethered to the UES or its more toxic inhabitants post-high school, how do you generally - like broad strokes - imagine them developing as people in college and throughout their twenties? I always wonder where everyone might have ended up had they not been constrained by the type of narrative they were living in, and I’d love to hear any headcanons you have on the subject!

I've been thinking about this on and off since i received it (an embarrassingly - for me - amount of time ago) and now finally feel like I can answer.

because, like, what if we weren't constrained by the harsh realities of making tv? what if the rules meant that they could leave new york?

well, first, let's dovetail off jen moving to london and blossoming, and send eric along with her. he can go to cambridge, or any of the other big name universities in the area, and he and jenny would be flatmates and live their own hilarious queer sitcom of being students in london.

I've already plugged nads' yale au in my answers this evening, but I still really like the idea of dan and blair attending yale, and outside of the maelstrom of manhattan drama, they settle into their own selves and learn they could actually...like each other? and then they fall in LOVE as far as careers, they are the most driven. and we've talked about novelist dan and editress blair and art historian blair and college prof dan.....but lately I've been thinking about blair working in costuming. It's not high fashion design, but I think it's a great synthesis of the things we know blair loves: literature, film, history, art history & fashion history, Evil Dictator of Good Taste, being a specialist and big boss on a niche subject...yeah...

i still enjoy the idea of vanessa being at nyu, or at another arts college in nyc, and making her own way and building her own story (without being boxed in to the secondary character of anyone else's story!) I like the idea of her attending Tisch too, and expanding her skill set into screenwriting in that way.

to plug another au by a friend, S's goodbye stranger introduced the concept of Serena attending Berkeley, and I LOVE it. I love that for her. Berserk-ley. I think that school in that part of the country would be where Serena would really thrive. She becomes a full glamorous SF queen. perhaps she opens a coffee shop. Blair is outwardly mortified but inwardly very proud.

As for Nate, I think he is the character who really should take a gap year. It's never questioned, but the way he is yanked around by the collar those first two seasons, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense that nate would decide that he needs some time to figure out what it is he wants. sidebar: bc the serena gap year felt disingenuous in many ways, yk? serena was so eager to leave new york and go to school and study. she likes learning, we see it, and the opportunity to reinvent herself that college would provide....why would she walk away from it? except for TV Reasons. so, I like the thought of nate taking at least a year. traveling, volunteering, maybe he takes a community college course or two. he falls off the grid for a while and he realizes how healthy and how happy he feels without the constant eyes and pressure of his family & gossip girl. and after that time, he's found what he actually wants to do, and goes to school to do it. -- as always, I'm fond of nate working in health care, as a nurse or pt or something, but it could really be anything. teacher? chef? social worker? children's librarian? (actually culinary student nate has come up in convos with ivy & cherry before and I am into it.)

and uhhhhhh i guess chip wiskers can crash his inherited business and money into the ground bc lets be real that fucko would try to launch his own cryptocurrency and since he seems to hold such disdain for education and self-betterment, he stagnates and falls off the face of the earth byeeee

#gg hcs #asks #anon #gg au #wow I want this all to exist now ty #i am now feeling very passionate about nate taking a gap year #it's like the good version of what carter baizen did #and tbh it did kind of feel like nate would go that way #like in s1 when he was full out crushing on carter and the life he was living? #really thinkin bout it now. what if nate and vanessa went backpacking and nate decided not to come back?

[georgiapeach30513]

I love that Story talked to Beau about everything bc it gave them a good closure. But I feel like it would also be nice to see Azzie and Carter talking to each other, especially if Story was the one who insisted it. Azzie apologizing to Carter for using him in more ways than one especially in high school, and Carter apologizing to Azzie for ever pushing a relationship between them. Their duo is really such a strong one, and it would be so so so bad if it just goes down the drain. 🥺 They’re childhood besties after all. It would be so precious if Carter was one of Azzie’s baby’s godfather 🥺

No I love this, and was going to do something like this, and considering today, is Story and Carter day, it's perfect!! Azzie and Carter have such an odd past, they both truly wanted to be just friends. Az always was that girl who preferred guy friends over girlfriends, Owin and Joshua. She's headstrong, knows what she wants/likes, can come off cold, but she's not. She can seem to be a bit of a bitch, but she's just not an overly mushy person, until Beck. Carter and Az had to have a conversation, much like Story/Az and Story/Beau. Both Carter and Aster have a lot of apologizing to do. Did you see the Beck flower garden? Aster and Beck aren't finished with babies yet...

🖤🖤🖤🖤

You Better Learn

Summary: Aster and Carter have a chat

Pairings: Aster X Carter

Rating: angst

Warnings: mild language, vague mentions of Story's abuse, vague mentions of slut shaming, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 2.1K

Desperate Lives AU Masterlist

Carter Baizen Masterlist

Aster Drysdale Masterlist

Carter sits on the bed next to Story as she sleeps with her hand on their son. The little baby turned towards his mother, and he brushes her hair out of her face with a wistful smile. Story only stirs for a moment before he returns back to his work.

He's created a pattern of how he works. Spend time working, spend a moment looking at the pair. They also nap better when he's in the room with him. His schedule while relaxed keeps him so enthralled he doesn't notice Aster staring at the trio from the doorway. Cupping her hand to the swell of her belly, before she sighs turning to leave.

Carter finally notices, and closes his laptop softly. Giving a kiss to both Story and Otto before trotting after his oldest friend. "Az," he whisper yells. Even though she hears him, she keeps walking forward. "Azzie!" his voice a bit louder but still she doesn't turn. "Aster Sapphire..."

"Do not full name me Carter Rory Baizen. What do you want?"

"To talk," he giggles at her. She shakes her head no and heads back to her own room. "No, you're talking to me."

"What is there to talk about?"

"Hmm...I could think of several things to talk about. Where would you like to start?"

"You got your princess, nothing more needs to be said," instead of going to her room, she changes course to go to the kitchen instead. "Quit following me Carter."

"No, we're going to talk."

"Why?"

"Because."

She stops and turns to glare at him. Her eyes squinted and beady as she looks over his face. "That cleared up nothing."

"You don't think we need to talk? I'm a dad, and you're becoming a mother...I thought we would share that together."

"You're not a dad, and that's all you've ever wanted was to share being parents together, and then when you couldn't have it you went for the younger version of me," Carter slowly nods his head, and goes to walk past her in the kitchen. "Don't walk away from me, when I'm talking to you. Carter Baizen!"

Going to the fridge he pulls out the almond milk before pouring a glass for Aster, seeing her almost drooling over the cold brew that sits in the fridge. With a roll of his eyes he pours the tiniest bit into her glass of almond milk and slides it over to her. "So you wanna talk now?" she only nods her head a bit.

"Good, so I can be brutally honest with my friend. I am not the biological father to Otto, but that's my son. So lets clear that up right now. As for the other comment, I deserved that."

"Damn right you do. You ruined a perfectly good friendship over and over again. First when you wouldn't stop pestering me about having sex, so I just gave in. Then in high school you didn't want other boys to talk to me, because I was yours. I wanted you as a friend, but you were so incessant of making us work as a couple. And then when you couldn't have me, you went after Story. She was seventeen Carter. Do you realize that? She didn't need you coming after her."

Carter takes a deep breath looking at his friend, and realizes that he owes her a lot more than an apology. Explanations more than anything. "Can I start from the beginning?"

She huffs out air taking a drink of the milk, and gags, "There's too much milk in my coffee."

"You're pregnant."

"I haven't had any coffee today. Please, and then I'll let you start from whatever beginning that you have."

Getting a new glass Carter pours mostly coffee in it, before throwing two packets of stevia to Aster, and she pours some milk into the glass. Taking a drink, she sighs at the taste. "Proceed, now."

"You've always been one of my best friends, and you know that. When my mom saw our friendship she tried to mold it into a relationship. We're old money, and you marry people to further your wealth, and to look good in front of the elite. A Drysdale was a perfect fit for me. Caroline was engaged to TJ Hammond by the time she was four. We see how that arrangement went. I let my mother get in the way of our friendship. She poisoned my mind, and all I wanted was to please her."

"So you never liked me like that?" Carter shakes his head no. "Not even a little bit?"

"You're attractive, I'll give you that, but that feeling? No, all I wanted was you in my life. Riding bikes, climbing trees, swimming, playing, coming over here to spend time with your family. I got a little bit of normalcy here. And when I went home it was always, 'Carter, have you made your move?' 'Carter, that girl will find someone else with a bigger dick if you don't act.' 'How hard is it just to get a girl to fall for your money, you're not that unattractive either?' Constantly, always in my ear. It was exhausting. I shouldn't have pushed us to have sex. I shouldn't have pushed you in high school. I knew then that you never saw me like that, because you were a bitch anytime I brought it up."

"So you move on to someone more vulnerable, and easier to land than me. You knew how much she crushed on you," Carter holds his stomach and laughs. Retrieving his own drink from the fridge before sitting down. "I'm glad you think this is funny."

"Do you honestly think what I feel for Story was just what my mom said? She hates me living here. Hates that I call another man's child my own. She thinks Story has trapped me. And I'm tired of feeling sorry for how I feel. I love her. I guess I always have, even when we were younger, but then...Az, I think you know deep down, what I felt for Story then was love. Who was it showing up to my door, flashing your lingerie? You saw me with your sister, and then you try to seduce me to make a point I see. Didn't work though did it? I closed the door right in your face, and you still can sit there and think that what I feel for your sister is this ploy from my mother to marry into the Drysdale family."

"She was seventeen, and in high school. What does it look like?" Carter reaches into his pocket and pulls out the rose necklace, leaving Aster to stare at it. "Is that?" he nods his head. "Why do you have that?"

"She gave it to me, before...our first time together. Her first time."

"You took both our virginities. Great. That's just great. Why do you carry around with you?"

She watches Carter's fingers slowly move over the white petals, staring at the flower that he gave to Story, and she gifted it right back. "Did she ever tell you what I told her about this flower? Whoever owns the rose, owns her heart. She gave it to me that day, and told me that I owned it. I have kept it since then. After we, uh, that night here it was a bittersweet reminder that she was mine. I see now that your anger is more than what I did to you, but what you think I did to your sister. Can you not tell how much I love her? There is nothing I wouldn't do for her or our son. If I would have been patient with you, and let us just be friends, we wouldn't be here. If I would have been patient with Story, she wouldn't have gone through what she went through."

"She wouldn't have Otto."

"She wouldn't. She would be a different woman. Do you see the changes in her?" Aster nods her head with tears in her eyes. "I know you two haven't had the best relationship. You envied how easy she made people gravitate towards her. Envied the time she took away from people you had first. She was spoiled."

"Still is."

"So are you," Carter laughs. "You all are. Spoiled in things yes, but spoiled in love and attention. Most of us that grew up in this world, didn't have one parent, much less both that doted on us the way yours did. Your mom and dad, even Harlan, enjoyed you guys. Your dad kept wanting more kids, because he loved you so much, that he hated when you got older. You don't realize how fortunate all of you are to have people like that in your corner. People that would do anything to make sure you're happy. That's what I want with her, what I thought I wanted with you, but that doesn't mean, that I don't want you happy."

"I am."

"No, you're not. I know you better than anyone, except Iris. You're not happy. You're putting on this front because you think that's what everyone wants to see. Just because Mickey is Eliana's father doesn't mean you have to let him walk all over you. He has to earn the right to be in your life and Eliana's life. Because you Az, are perfect. You will be an incredible mom, whether you choose to do this alone or you find someone better and worthy of you and her. Do you think that person is Mickey?" she shakes her head no. "Then why do you do this? You are a strong woman, you don't need a man to help you raise your daughter. You did this with Scott, you weren't happy with him. You even did this with fucking Chase Collins."

"You just hate him now, because of what happened between him and Story," for someone who always holds their temper in check, Carter loses it, and slams his fist on the counter.

"He was always a prick. Do you remember the rumors he started about you? And you want to hold him to a different standard because you knew him? He was a prick with you and he was the lowest form of asshole with her. But it started with you. I never liked him. You deserve so much more than the assholes you align yourself with, and I was your first asshole. I pressured you first, and I'm sorry."

She takes a long sip of her coffee, and watches him. Carter had changed, and she was too into her own life to notice it. He always had this soft and yet commanding presence, but now he was just soft. Grown up in a way that only time and experiences can change a man. "I'm sorry, too."

"You have nothing to be sorry for."

"I do. I have put all this blame for our friendship on you or Story. I claimed to be your best friend, and I never listened to your problems. It was always you listening, and I should have known what your parents were doing to you. I at the very least should have leant an ear for you to talk to. You didn't deserve that either. I know what Chase was saying about me, and even when you mentioned it, I didn't care, because I just...I don't know, I wanted you to hurt in the way that you hurt me. There was a switch with you, when your pushing to be in a relationship hit its peak, but I should have seen that there was no feelings behind it. That's all on me. I don't regret our friendship Carter, I just regret how neither of us could talk about this. We're shitty friends."

Carter laughs, and the monitor in his pocket hears a crying Otto, and then Story softly singing to him. He looks up at Aster with a smile. "She makes you happy doesn't she?"

"Yeah. So does he."

"You always saw yourself with a princess, and her being a mother to your kids, huh?" with a smile he gives her a nod.

"Ever since I saw your mom in that white dress. Her working less, and when she did it was from home, with you guys right next to her. She always became this idea in my head after that."

"We should have always known it was going to be the Princess of Boston, huh?" Carter turns and starts to head back to check on Story and Otto. "You ever gonna make her the Queen of Boston?"

"One of these days, if she'll have me."

"I think she's always had you, Carter. All of us were just a little bit slower to recognize that."

"Not her."

"Story Drysdale is a girl who knows what she wants. Looks like she got what she's always wanted."

With a crooked grin Carter responds with a, "Me, too," before heading back upstairs. "Lunch tomorrow with all of us Azzie!"

"I don't do diapers!"

"You better learn!"

Masterlist

#desperate lives #desperate lives au #desperate verse #da au #da au request #da au ask #dau #carter baizen #aster drysdale #cater baizen x aster drysdale

[captainscanadian]

Exception | Carter Baizen x Reader (Part 9) - FINALE

 My Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Summary: What goes around comes around. 

Word Count: 3700+

Pairing: CEO!Carter Baizen x Lawyer!Reader, Carter Eleanor Lydia Baizen x OMC Christian Shepherd

Warnings: Pregnancy, Morning Sickness, Mentions of alcohol and prostitutes

A/N: This is my entry for @baezen‘s writing challenge. Shout out to @franksufferbuddy @propertyofpoeandbucky and @tinymalscoffee​ for being the reason why I even finished this fic. They were all so motivating! <3 But this is it, folks! It’s over! I finished another fic. 

To say that the summer of 2020 had been a whirlwind would be an understatement. From your father’s sudden hospitalization that prompted your return to the Upper East Side, to your reunion with Carter Baizen and his unfortunate accident that led to your daughter’s arrival in New York City, to your rushed wedding… things had happened so fast that they seemed too good to be true. 

A perfectly happy ending that you did not think you deserved until you were reminded that not everyone was perfect. Your parents weren’t perfect in the way they had raised you, Gregory and Lydia weren’t perfect in the way that they had raised Carter, and you and Carter weren’t any different. The two of you had never been perfect. But you had made your worst mistakes, learned your hardest lessons and now you would move forward with your lives and try to be the best parents you could possibly be to your daughter. 

“Alright, she said she needs a few more minutes to get ready.” Annalise announced as she exited your daughter’s bedroom and jogged down the stairs. “How are you two feeling?”

As you stood at the bottom of the stairs with your arms crossed against your chest, you shook your head. “Annalise, I’m fine… I’ve seen her in school uniform before.” You reminded her with a sigh, turning over to look at your husband who looked as though he was holding back his tears even before your daughter had even walked out wearing her new uniform. 

“But you haven’t seen her in Constance uniform.” 

“I’m starting to think that the three of you are making way too big a deal about this.” You shook your head. “Constance is not a big deal, you know? She got in because she had good grades, there was no surprise there. She’s going there because she earned her place there and we’re not treating her any differently because she got in.” After all, humility was the one thing you wanted to teach your daughter even before she had arrived in the Upper East Side. “It’s just a plaid skirt and a white button-up blouse, for crying out loud.” 

“Our daughter going off to Constance is a big deal, Y/N.” Carter pointed out as he rested his head against your shoulder. “It’s not about the uniform. It’s about the legacy. You went to Constance, my sister went to Constance, our parents and grandparents went to Constance. It’s about the legacy that Carter’s about to uphold. You know how this works. Going to Constance means that she’s now officially a part of the Upper East Side and… she’s inevitably a part of our legacy here.”  

You nudged him away before rolling your eyes. “Come on, Carter. We’ve been saying that all summer. Yes, she is our legacy but… she doesn’t have to feel the pressures of it. That kind of pressure at that age doesn’t do anyone any good and you and I know better than anyone else… what the kind of pressure does to you when you’re young..” 

“Are you saying that you don’t want her going to Constance then?” He asked as he looked over at you, biting down on his bottom lip as he realized that you must have had your own anxieties when it came to letting your daughter run loose in the Upper East Side. As any mother should, especially when you had been through what you had been through when you had been a teenager yourself. Raising a teenage daughter in this hell hole was not going to be a walk in the park. “Y/N, talk to me…” 

“Carter, you know that’s not what I mean…” You shook your head before wrapping your arms around him. “I have no problem with her going to Constance. It’s just that… her world is about to change so drastically once she starts school here. The rich kids in London are not the same as the rich kids in New York, you know? I don’t want her to go into a culture shock when she realizes how wild the kids at Constance and St. Jude’s really are. I know how she is and I trust her. But I can’t say the same about the kids who… weren’t raised the same way I raised her. You know, I’ve done a lot of stupid shit because of peer pressure and I don’t want that for her.” 

Pulling you into a tight hug, he nodded understandingly. “Hey… I know what you mean. You worry about her because you’re a good mother. But she’s just a kid, Y/N. She is going to be exposed to the things that we were exposed to when we were kids. She’s going to make mistakes and we’re going to let her figure out the kind of person she wants to be. But you need to understand that she’s not going to make the same mistakes we made, because we’re here for her. We’re going to be here for her for as long as she needs us to. You raised her well, Y/N. Perhaps you should trust your good parenting like I do.” 

You chuckled softly at his last words before you pulled back from his embrace. “I never would have thought that Carter Baizen would be such a good father. But you seem to be doing much better at this parenting game than I am…” You admitted, leaning over to peck his lips. “I’m glad you’re a part of her life, Carter. She needed her father.” 

“Getting to be a dad was the best thing that happened to me, Y/N.” He admitted. “Us being a family, living right here in the Upper East Side of Manhattan where we grew up, our daughter going off to Constance… all of this feels right, like this is where we’ve always belonged, no matter how far we run away. This is home, this is us… and this was always how it was supposed to be.” 

You could not help but agree with that. This was always how things were supposed to be. You and Carter are married, your family businesses merged and your children attending Constance and St. Jude’s. “Think you can give her a ride to school on your way to the office?” You asked your husband, smiling in contentment. 

Carter nodded. “I can do that.” He replied, raising his eyebrow at you. “Why, babe? Are you not coming into the office today?” 

You shook your head. “I have to tie up some loose ends with the firm back in London.” You replied, shrugging. “I’ve still got a bit of lawyering to do for the day.” 

“Lawyering… right.” He rolled his eyes. “Oh and before I forget, you still owe me a date, remember?” 

You raised your eyebrow at his words. “Do I? I mean, forgive me for going against our deal, Mr. Baizen. But if I remember correctly, you clearly said to me that me going on a date with you would mean that you would back out from the offer to merge our companies. Now that the merger’s well under way, I guess that pretty much means that I no longer owe you a date, right?”

He shook his head at your words before laughing softly. “You really are a good lawyer, aren’t you?”

“I can’t believe it took you this long to realize that.” 

As Carter Eleanor Lydia Baizen stood in front of the floor length mirror in her walk-in closet, she could not help but admire how she looked exactly like the younger version of her mother - just as everybody had been telling her ever since she arrived in New York. She had heard from her grandparents and Annalise that she was Y/N with Carter’s eyes, and as she looked at her reflection now, she started to see it too. She really was the best of her parents. 

Growing up without a father was not an easy thing for any young child. But knowing who her father was and still not being able to see him had been the hardest. When she had first asked you about her father, she had only been taken over by her own curiosity. She simply just wanted some answers to the unanswered questions about her life. But she had felt comfortable enough to ask you about him because you had raised her to be open and trusting with you. She had seen you as her closest friend rather than a mother, thanks to you being a young mother. 

You did not feel the need to hide the truth about Carter because you knew she needed to know at some point. Telling her that her father’s name was Carter Baizen and that he had been her best friend in the Upper East Side of New York City seemed to be more than enough. You hadn’t told her of the past that you had shared with him. You hadn’t told her about the mistakes you had made. The partying, the underage drinking, the drugs and the truly opulent wealth… you had kept it from her for the sake of protecting from the harsh reality of the Upper East Side. 

Perhaps that was why she was extremely nervous about starting at a new school in a new city. Having attended boarding school back in London, Carter Eleanor never had a problem making new friends. As no one really knew who she was, she had found it much easier to get along with people. But in a world where everyone knew her parents, she felt that she had quite the reputation to live up to. Boy, if she only knew… 

As she made her way down to see you and Carter standing at the bottom of the stairs, she could not help but smile nervously. “How do I look?” She asked, fixing the collar of her shirt as she swung her Birkin bag over her shoulder - a back to school present from her doting aunt. 

“Like a true Upper East Side ‘It Girl’.” You replied with a grin, making your husband look over at you in disbelief. “What? It’s true.” 

“You look like a princess, baby girl.” He agreed, his eyes glazing over at the sight of her in her uniform. He had hoped to keep his tears to himself, but failed miserably at the sight of how much she resembled your younger self. “Like my princess.”

“Thanks, dad.” She smiled, pulling him into a tight hug. 

You watched in awe as the two of them hugged, a part of you regretting having kept your daughter away from her father for as long as you had. But you knew that bringing her back to Manhattan had been the right thing to do. She seemed a lot happier here than she was back in London, making the most out of being in her father’s presence, having weekly shopping trips to Fifth Avenue with her Aunt Caroline and taking up an internship at the New York Spectator for the next summer at her Uncle Nate’s insistence. She really did belong in New York. 

With your Carters leaving for the house for the day, you found yourself crouching down to the tiled floor of your bathroom and emptying the contents of your breakfast into the toilet. At first you had assumed that it must have been indigestion. But you weren’t a complete idiot. You had been tracking your cycle ever since you had gotten rid of your IUD and you hadn’t missed your period once… not until now. 

Annalise Rosetti was a very observant and well-prepared woman, so she had bought you a handful of pregnancy tests the moment she learned that you had gotten your IUD removed. The thought that you were considered having more children, that too with Carter of all people, had been delightful to the woman who had been there during every step of your relationship with him. 

When she heard you gagging in your bathroom, she had rushed to your aide. “Miss. Y/N?” 

“Call Carter.” You told her as you flushed the toilet and gargled your mouth, splashing some cold water on your face as your eyes glazed over. “Tell him to cancel his meetings and come home right now. I need him here.” 

As you looked up at your reflection in the bathroom mirror, you could not help but feel the sense of deja vu that was lingering around your bathroom. In this same bathroom fifteen years ago, you had taken a pregnancy test that had come out positive. Feeling lost and confused at the age of seventeen, fearing that Carter might end your relationship if he ever found out, you had discarded the test and boarded your family’s private jet to Santorini. 

Had you told Carter the truth that night, your life would have turned out to be so different now. Perhaps this time around, you could do things right. Have Carter be a part of this pregnancy every step of the way. If you were going to take the test now, then you knew that you needed your husband right there with you. Keeping your pregnancy from him once had cost you fifteen years, and you were not going to make that mistake once again. 

When Carter Baizen had gotten that panic-stricken phone call from Annalise that morning, he had certainly gotten worried - his first thought had been that he had seen you that morning and you seemed fine when you sent him off to work. The woman hadn’t disclosed the reason why you needed him home so soon, but he wasn’t going to question it either. If you needed him home, then he would just drop everything he was doing at the office and drive back home. 

Worried as he arrived at the penthouse, he had rushed over to your bedroom the moment he stepped out of the elevator. Hoping for the best but expecting the worst, he had found you crouched down by the toilet. “Y/N?” He called out to you, the concern clearly evident in his voice. “Babe, are you okay?”

You looked up at him, the tears streaming down your face as you tried to fight the nausea. “Carter… I-I don’t feel too good.” You told him, holding your hand out. 

Carter was quick to crouch down beside you, pulling your hair out of your face and rubbing your back. “Are you alright? Do you want me to call for the doctor?” 

You shook your head as you grabbed onto his arm, finally getting off of the floor and walking towards the sink. “Carter…” You wiped away your tears and turned on the water, gargling your mouth. “I’ll be fine…” 

“Y/N? What’s going on?” He frowned at the sight of you, but hugged you from behind as he worried. “Babe, talk to me.” 

“I think I’m pregnant.” You replied, looking up at him. “I’ve been tracking my cycle since I got my IUD removed and… I haven’t had my period. Annalise thought that I should take a test, but I just… I wanted you here.” Turning around to face him, you sniffled. “I wanted you to be a part of this pregnancy, every step of the way.” 

A smile crept upon his lips as he heard your words, a sigh of relief escaping her lips as he tightened his grip around you and rested his chin against your shoulder. “Oh darling…” His hands gently caressed your belly as he looked over at your reflection in the mirror. 

The mere thought that you wanted him to be a part of every single step in this pregnancy made Carter realize that he had finally redeemed himself in front of your eyes. From being the man whom you had loathed the most in this world to being the love of your life as he was always meant to be, he knew that you had always been the one who would get him out of his guilt. He was not proud of who he used to be back then, and he had always believed that being stripped of knowing his firstborn had been the price he had to pay for being so awful. But now, knowing that he would get to spend the rest of his life as your husband and the father of your children, knowing that it was what you wanted, none of the riches of the Upper East Side could ever hold up to that. 

“I couldn't do it without you.” 

He knew exactly what you meant by that, which was probably why he found himself tearing up. His own mistakes had been the reason why you had walked away from him, and the pain you must have felt when you had to do everything on your own, he could never imagine how you could have done it. He may not have had the privilege to be there back then, but he knew that he had to be here now. 

“You don’t have to.” Carter had assured you. “I’m not going anywhere and I’m not letting you do anything stupid, you hear me? We’re doing this and we’re doing it together, just like we always used to do things since we were kids.” 

“Carter Baizen?! You're named after a legend!” 

“Carter Baizen and Y/N Y/L/N set the standards for being the ‘it couple’ around here!”

“None of us could ever live up to Y/N Y/L/N!” 

“You’re the secret love child of Y/N and Carter Baizen?” 

Not that Carter Eleanor had ever expected to find out about her parents’ udying reputation during her first day at Constance Billard School for Girls or anything. Her existence in itself was a reminder that her parents had been quite wild during their teenage years. But the extent of their influence in that school that seemed to have lasted more than fifteen years seemed just as commendable as it was a concern to that poor unexpecting child. 

Before she even set foot into her homeroom class, Headmistress Queller had made it known that her parents had been some of the worst behaved pupils she’d had during her career - here’s to hoping that she won’t live up to that legacy. Not the best start to the next four years, your daughter had thought, at least until she arrived at homeroom. 

Hearing her name being called during the attendance call had only sparked the interest of her classmates. Carter had never been ashamed to be named after her father. After all, it made her feel as though the man had always been a part of her life despite not actually being there until very recently. God, she wished someone would have told her that Carter Baizen was a legend - she’d had no clue until it was lunchtime, and she’d had a mob of upper year students from both Constance and St. Jude’s crowding around her table saying things about the so-called legend that she was apparently named after. 

“Uh… not really a secret since I’m here right now and not really a love child anymore now that they’re married?” She pointed out with a shrug of her shoulders, making a mental note to sit her parents down for a good scolding when she got home that night. “I’m kind of… very legitimate here, folks.” 

“You know, your dad invented the Lost Weekend, right?” One of the St. Jude’s boys who had introduced himself as Christian Shepherd mused. “He’s like a total legend around here.” 

Not that she had been paying attention to anyone else’s names, but she thought that one was cute. “The Lost Weekend?” She raised her eyebrow slightly, curious about her father’s reputation at his high school. 

“It’s kind of like a tradition around St. Jude’s. The juniors get together for a weekend and we stay away from the outside world. We drink, we party, we have fun.” He explained, his lips curling into a smirk. “No girls allowed though.”

“Not that I’d ever want to be a part of something like that…” She shook her head. “No offense to those of you who want to be going to that party. But fifteen years from now, it’ll all seem pointless. Believe me, I would know.” 

“I’ll be hosting this year’s Lost Weekend at my place. I��ll be providing the food, the drinks, the girls… and everyone practices what I preach during those forty eight hours.” He pointed out once again. “I’d hate to say it the way it is, beautiful. But your father would be so disappointed to know that you’re not keen on having his legacy live on.” 

“Hm…” Perhaps it was the fact that she was Carter Baizen’s daughter, but she knew a wannabe bad boy when she saw one. “So, you think that throwing some stupid party and bribing your classmates with alcohol and hookers would be enough to make everyone practice what you preach?” 

“What more could they ask for?” The boy asked, the smirk on his lips not even fading as he was being challenged by a freshman. He was only letting her speak because she was Carter Baizen’s daughter. “I do appreciate some suggestions for improvement though, if you had any. Surely, being the daughter of Carter Baizen means that you could enlighten me on what makes a good Lost Weekend.” 

“Oh no, I want no part in that party of yours or what it means to the boys of St. Jude’s. But if you’re really naive enough to think that hosting this party is a rite of passage… then suit yourself. I’m not going to stop you.” She wanted to laugh at how stupid this all seemed. But she was a fourteen year old girl who could not stand to see some pointless party be her parents’ legacy - to her, they were more than two self-obsessed teenagers who constantly made mistakes. “I’d hate to say it the way it is, Shepherd, but you can’t really be talking out of your ass about keeping up with Carter Baizen’s legacy when you’re looking right at her.” 

The air was so thick that one could cut it with a knife. But as the current bad boy of the Upper East Side stood there defeated by the new girl in town, one would not have been able to tell that this was just another saga in the making. 

They always started with the good girl hating the bad boy. 

#togwc #aj writes #Exception #carter baizen x reader #carter baizen x you #carter baizen x y/n #carter baizen fanfiction #carter baizen fic #carter baizen fanfic #carter baizen fluff #carter baizen imagine #carter baizen series #carter baizen #gossip girl fanfiction #gossip girl fanfic #gossip girl fic #gossip girl

[bella-spil]

Carter Baizen Fluff Alphabet

Never written for Carter, but I’ve seen Gossip Girl, so I hope I did Carter justice.  Lmk how I did!  On my Masterlist if you want to check that out.

Attractive:(What do they find attractive about you?)

Your devious smile.  He likes how you always are a step of him, and he never knows what’s up next with you.  Your smile never ceases to charm him.  He never knows if your smile means you’re up to something or if something good happened, and he likes figuring out that mystery. Carter is always down to stir up some trouble, and with you by his side, you two are the ultimate power couple.  

Baby:(do they want to have kids?)

Yes, but no more than one, or maybe two.  He wants to focus more on his work and you, and he feels like kids might distract him.  But he did tell you once, while you were shopping, that he would have one kid with you.  A son, one that he can pass on his stories, good looks and charm too.  Also to teach him how to thrive in the City that Never Sleeps.

Cuddle:(how do they cuddle?)

He likes it when your head is resting on his chest, or when your head is laying on his shoulder.  When your head is on his chest, he likes how comfortable you look.  Same when its on his shoulder.  He just likes seeing your happy and content in his arms, knowing that your safe with him, not matter what trouble crosses your path, or whatever trouble you both cause.

Dates:(What are dates like with them?)

He will take you to the most expensive restaurants in the city.  Masa, Per Se, Kurumazushi, and Eleven Madison Park are the most frequent ones you go to.

Everything:(you are my ____ ex: my world, my life)

You are my diamond in the rough.  He still can’t believe he found you.  Out of all the girls in the Upper East Side, you managed to sweep him off his feet.  And you still can’t believe he fell for you.  Sometimes you have to pinch yourself, since you still think being with Carter is a dream.  You are his special diamond, the best one, that he found in a sea of jewels, just as good, but you stood out to him, for all the right reasons.

Feelings:(when did they know they were in love?)

He fell for you when he met you.  You met him at a casino, where he gambles a lot.  You were playing Blackjack against him, and you were able to get $5,000 bucks off of him.  It was like you knew what cards were coming next, and you kept getting Carters money, to the point that he was out of it.  

As he was complaining about losing his money, he was flirting with you, saying how if you were with him, you would make his pockets hurt.  Your signature smirk agreed with him, and Carter knew he was a goner.  He never met anyone like you, and needed you in his life.

Gentle:(Are they gentle and how so?)

Gentle isn’t a word I would use to describe Carter automatically.  But once he started seeing you more and more, he became more touchy with you, and opened his shell, for you to see what’s underneath.  He still does have a bit of an attitude though, but you deal with it.

He isn’t the sneaky, manipulative playboy that everyone in the Upper East Side made you believe he was.  He was a kind, charming and special human being.  Carter changed your mind about something: you never know what’s behind all the glitz and glam.

Hands:(do they like to hold hands?)

Now he does.  

When he grew up, he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents, which caused him to lose his trust fund and start out on his own, all from scratch.  His parents weren’t the nicest to him and never really gave him hugs, never held hands with him, or any physical contact at all

You held his hand once when you went shopping, and his immediate reaction was to jerk his hand away from you and ask you what your problem was.  But he immediately apologized once he realized the words that left his mouth and slowly explained why he wasn’t use to people holding his hand.  

When he told you, you automatically forgave him.  And you started holding his hand more and more often, causing him to get used to the feeling and grabbing your hand on his own.  And now he wants to hold your hand all the time.

Impression:(what did they first think of you?)

Carter thought that you were different, in a good way.  No, in an amazing way.  You weren’t like all those other spoiled rich bitches that he grew up with.  You were kind, smart and poised.

Jealousy:(do they get jealous easily?)

Yes.  He doesn’t like you around other rich men.  But this doesn’t happen often.  Most of the rich men are old and in their eighties, but you never go after them, no.  You go after their sons, only if you get into a fight with Carter.  You do it just to piss the crap outta him.  His fists always tighten, eyebrows always furrow and his jaw always clenched, getting the reaction you want out of him.

Kiss:(how do they kiss?  Who initiated the first kiss?)

Carter normally pecks you on the cheek or on the lips when you are both out in public.  When you are just with him is a completely different story though.  But, in both ways, his kisses always mean something, he never kisses you when he doesn’t want to.  He kisses you because he needs to.

Carter made the first move on you.  You weren’t expecting him to kiss you so intensely.  And it made you swoon over him even more.  It was so electrifying and intense, and just out of this world.

Love:(who said ‘I love you’ first?) 

Carter did.  It was about a month after you both officially were a couple.  You were at some stupid ceremony or party, whatever it was it was stupid.  But Carter got drunk on some champagne, and it was entertaining nonetheless.  But you were both in his limo when he drunkenly told you he loved you.  You were taken aback, because the sober Carter wouldn’t tell you this fast.  But you just thanked him, because you didn’t know if it was the alcohol that was just making him say stuff he doesn’t mean, and his cheeks got all rosy even though you didn’t say it back.

You did ask him the next day, when he was sober.  He just shrugged it off at first, but you grabbed his collar and told him to tell you the truth.  Carter told you he meant every word, and you told him you loved him back.  

Memory:(what’s their favorite memory with you?)

His favorite memory is when you and him went to some retro pinball place in the city.  He thought you were delusional when you said you wanted to go there for a date.  The place didn’t look expensive, didn’t have butlers or anything like that.  But once you stepped into the doors and showed him how to play, he knew what it was like to not be raised on Louis Vuitton and Chanel.  He knew what it was like to be normal for once.

Even though you were only able to spend an hour there, he had one of the best times in his life.  And so did you.  You showed him how the live in the moment, something that he will never take for granted.

Nickel:(do they spoil you?)

Cmon, is that even a question.  Of course he does, he’s Carter fucking Baizen.  Anything you want he either has, had or can get.

Orange:(what color reminds them of you?)

Gold, 24 karat gold.  Gold brings out the tones of your skin and your eyes, and Carter thinks you look like an angel whenever he sees you in the color or wearing gold jewelry.  Carter always swears that he sees the goddess in you, and always buys more clothes and jewelry that’s gold, just so he can see you like a goddess all the time.

Pet Names:(what pet names do they call you?)

He calls you his ‘angel’, ‘goddess’, and his ‘princess’.  

Quaint:(what’s their favorite non-modern thing?)

Carter misses the old timey phones.  The ones that were connected to a wire, to the house.  Having the turn the circle thing to get the number you wanted.  He remembers he used to have one, crested in gold, and he would play with it all the time, only to get scolded by his parents.  

(idk how to describe this type of phone.  I’ve only seen it once in person and have no clue how to use it.  And i’m young, not even a millennial.  If you know what I mean, I applaud you.)

Rainy Day:(What do they like to do on rainy days?)

You can never remember a time that it rained when you were with Carter.  When you did hear that it rained in the city, you and him were always on vacation somewhere.  Fiji, Santorini, Rome, Paris, London, you name it.  You do miss the rain though, but you prefer the sunshine a lot better.

Sad:(how do they cheer themselves up?)

He cheers himself up whenever he wins a game of poker.  Or blackjack.  But mostly, he gets happy when he takes you for a shopping spree.  He doesn’t care how much money you spend.  As long as you have a smile plastered on your face, he could care less.

Talking:(what do they like to talk about?)

He likes to talk about his plans for the future with you.  What restaurants he wants to try next, where he wants you to go with him for your next vacation, new business deals he’s been working on, famous people he has met in the past.  He doesn’t mean to brag, but sometimes he likes to brag.  But you enjoy listening to his plans and his achievements, you enjoy his stories.

Unwind:(what helps them relax?)

He will never tell you this, he thinks its too embarrassing.  He can only imagine if Gossip Girl knew.  He likes it when you play with his hair.  It’s like a mini massage.  Only better and a lot more soothing than the masseuses that normally work for him.  

Vaunt:(What do they like to show off/brag about?)

He likes to show off anything and everything that he possibly can.  His money, his limos and cars, is penthouse.  But he shows you off whenever you are around.  And you always blush uncontrollably when he does.

Wedding:(how, where and when do they propose?)

Carter likes to go big or go home.  You told him once that he is the Upper East Side version of Tony Stark, and he happily agreed.

So he proposed at the most beautiful place he could think of.  He wanted to do it in the city, where he is from and where he could come again.  He was able to rent the Empire State Building for a few hours.  You had never been on the top floor, so Carter made it his mission to propose to you there.  Where you could see the city skyline for days and never get sick of it.  

You were not expecting it, and you cried tears of joy when he got down on one knee.  His smile could light up all the building in the city when you said yes.  And when he placed the diamond rock, wrapped in a gold band with tiny details only the most observant could see, you went to cloud-9.  It was the best day of your life.

Xylophone:(what’s their favorite song?)

Heartless- The Weeknd

Feeling Good- Michael Buble

Eleven- Khalid feat. Summer Walker.

Yes:(Have they ever thought about proposing to you?)

Uhh yea.  If he didn’t you wouldn’t be engaged to him.

Zebra:(of they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Since you have showed him to the world of YouTube, he has watched a lot of music videos.  And one of them caught his eye.  He doesn’t remember the name of it, and he doesn’t bother to care.  But the person had a live Jaguar in it.  A real life one.  And he wanted one sooo badly.  

He begged you for one, he got down on his knees.  He was acting like a child that didn’t get the toy they wanted for Christmas.

“I want one,” he begged.

“No,” you said flat out.

#carter baizen #carter #gossip girl #fluff #sebastian stan #fandom #fic #fanfic

[revisionaryhistory]

Three Days ~ 56

~*~Emma~*~

Sebastian and I talked and laughed until early morning. By the time I was finished packing it almost wasn't worth going to sleep. There was no way in hell I was going to hang up before he was ready. Cathartic or not, tears are tears. And with his history of being emotionally unavailable, calling me with puffy red eyes is a big fucking deal.

Throwing my phone across the room when the alarm went off seemed like a good idea. I fought off the urge. Half an hour and a cup of coffee later I was on my way to the airport. Flying out of White Plains was a shorter drive with a longer flight. Wound up being about the same as the long drive with a shorter flight from LaGuardia. I loved flying much more than driving. Plus, TSA at White Plains is cake. Past security I got another cup of coffee and settled in until boarding. I had a lovely breakfast on my layover in North Carolina. I do love a good chicken biscuit. In Atlanta I took a picture of the “Welcome” sign and posted it with the caption, "Back where I was born." I hadn't called Atlanta home in many years. I said things like, “It's good to be back", "I missed being here.", and "I'm happy to see you guys." New York was home. Seattle was home. I rarely called Alpharetta home except as a throwaway word to avoid having to explain.

Almost immediately I got a text.

Sebastian ~ Excited for family pix

Emma ~ And live on FaceTime?

Sebastian ~ I’m not afraid of your father. I hear he's a cupcake compared to your dad. Think I can tell you and Amy apart?

Emma ~ We'll see….

 We'd talked about him meeting them. I hadn't thought about how strange it’s been for him to have me all the Vedders, even texting with Ed, but not met my parents and sister. It's way more complicated with the bio family.

I had no idea who was picking me up. I exited security and immediately saw my twin and our mini-me. Amy pointed to me and Katie squealed. Amy let go of her hand and my little niece came running. I scooped her up with the reward of having my face covered in kisses. Best welcome ever. Katie wrapped her arms tight around my neck, not letting go even when we got to her mom. I was shocked by Amy's appearance. I held Katie with one arm and hugged her, "We haven't looked so identical since we were thirteen." I combed my fingers through her shoulder-length hair that was now nearly the same color as mine.

Amy put her head back and shook out her hair, "Took three visits to get the red out and tone down the brassiness."

I smiled, "If I say you look gorgeous is that vain?"

"Definitely, but also true." She hooked her arm in mine and we headed to baggage claim. "The parental units want us to drop by the hospital before heading home. They took off Monday and Tuesday. They have a full schedule for you."

I rolled my eyes, "You can fill me in as we drive. Anything we talk about I'll just have to repeat when we get to them. Right now, I want to hear from my munchkin baby girl." I tickled Katie, getting her laughing and successfully avoiding questions. I'd figure out when to tell them about Sebastian when I heard what was planned. My tentative plan was for tonight at dinner.

Katie told me all about her preschool and her toys while we waited for my suitcase and halfway to the hospital. She only stopped when her favorite song came through the speakers. After a rousing rendition of "There's a Hole in the Bottom of the Sea" I turned my attention to Amy. "What's the plan?"

"Today we're on our own until dinner. They said we'll decide on food later. A bunch of people from high school are going out on the lake tomorrow. I thought that would be fun. Mom said they'd keep Katie."

A lot of our old friends still lived in town. I hadn't seen anyone for a couple of years. "Sounds fun."

"Sunday family is coming over. Mom wants to tell you the rest. I promised."

I laughed, "Shopping and a spa day."

"I didn't tell you."

Fifteen minutes later we were swinging Katie between us across the parking lot. Mom and dad were heads of their departments. Neuro for dad and OB/GYN for mom. Our directions were always the same upon our arrival. Sign in and proceed to the fourth-floor doctor's cafe. Security would have paged them and they'd meet us there. I got coffee for us and ice cream for Katie.

Mom arrived first. She was the blond hair, blue-eyed version of me. Dad had dark hair and blue eyes. Amy and I were a great combination of them. Mom had us young and was not quite fifty. They always said we were planned, but who the hell plans kids right after graduating from college. Mom deferred her first year of med school. We had a wonderful nanny.

After a long hug, mom held my hands and stood back to look at me. "You look beautiful as always. Maybe a little tired."

Such a mom thing to say. "I was up late and slept on the plane."

She nodded and hugged me again, "A day by the pool will be good for you."

"Always. I hear family is coming Sunday?"

"A cookout." She looked at Amy then back to me. "I suppose your sister told you about Monday?"

"No." I slowly smirked, "I guessed, but she neither confirmed nor denied."

"Your father's going to give Wendy the day off and spend the day with Katie while we do a bit of shopping then a trip to the spa." She fingered my hair. "Maybe cut some of this."

I pushed her hand away playfully, "Nope."

I felt hands on my shoulders before hearing my dad’s voice, "I can not imagine what you'd look like with shorter hair."

I looked up and behind me with an incredulous look on my face. I pointed across the table at my twin. The one with shorter hair, "Possibly exactly like her?"

"No, you two look nothing alike." Worst dad joke ever. He took me away from mom and hugged me. "How is my youngest daughter?"

"Good. Waking up."

Dad sat on the opposite side of me from mom. "I've never understood how you fall asleep so fast on a plane."

"I like to float."

I turned my attention to mom, "Are we still on for Tuesday?" Mom did exams at a local woman’s shelter. The head counselor, Stacy, had worked at the rehab facility I’d been hidden away in. Going to visit her and the women was always the highlight of any trip back.

"Stacy is excited to see you."

"And me her."

She put her hand over mine," Not a problem to move my day."

"Thank you."

A man who looked to be a few years older than me approached our table. From the ID badge on his white coat, I knew his name was. Dr. Burns and he was a Neuro Fellow.

"Dr. Marcum, I didn't know you had two beautiful daughters and granddaughter."

"I’m overrun with beautiful women. I'm very lucky."

"Of course," he looked at my mom, “Dr. Marcum as well."

I looked at Amy to see her cover her mouth with her hand. Eligible doctor as bait was new.

Dad introduced us, "Emma is down from New York for a long weekend. Always hoping we can persuade her to move back home."

I looked at the bait, "I hope he's as clear with what he wants from you."

Bait laughed, "I'm lucky to have the opportunity to train with your father."

I was feeling like a prize to be won. Thankfully, there was someone else who thought I was a prize in a less icky way. I didn't respond to bait, preferring to take a drink of my coffee.

"I need to check post-ops. Nice to meet you, Emma. I'll see you upstairs, Dr. Marcum." He nodded to my mom and was off.

Amy burst out laughing, "Oh dad, that was horrible."

"What?" He shrugged, "Young, single, wants to stay here in Alpharetta. We could invite him to dinner. I know his schedule."

I groaned. I guess now was the time. "I appreciate your attempt to lure me back, but I don’t think my boyfriend would like me going on a date with someone who isn't him."

Amy perked up, "Boyfriend?"

"There's a picture of us on Instagram. I’ve been waiting for you to comment.”

"No!" She whipped out her phone. "This picture of the volleyball tournament is the only... oh wait... there is a man wrapped around you. I didn't pay attention."

"Let us see," my mom took the phone. "This is too small. Plus, he's hidden behind you in a hat. We can barely see him."

"He must be ugly." Amy stole a bite of Katie's ice cream.

"He is not ugly."

"Deformed in some way. A huge hairy mole in the center of his forehead like a third eye."

I laughed at her, "Are we thirteen again?"

"Thirteen was fun."

My parents were enjoying our banter, I was too. Mom looked at me, "Do you have a better picture?"

"I do." I pulled up the one from the festival with the teddy bear. "This was a couple of weeks ago. I won the bear."

I handed my phone to mom. Her eyebrows raised. "Not deformed. Or Ugly. Not even close. He looks familiar."

Amy took my phone and in under two seconds looked at me with her mouth hanging open, "Carter Baizen?"

"I didn't know you watched Gossip Girl?" I was in Seattle before it premiered.

"Everyone at school did. I only pretended I didn’t."

Dad took my phone, instantly smiling, "You look like you're having fun."

I laughed, "It was a fun day."

Mom looked at me then Amy, "Who is Carter?"

"He was a character in Gossip Girl. Hot, but an ass. The actor who played him went on to in the Marvel Movies as the Winter Soldier."

Dad scrunched up his face, "The brain damaged assassin who killed Tony’s mother?"

"Yes." I was not about to argue brain washed versus brain damaged with a neurosurgeon. "His name is Sebastian Stan."

I took my phone back and swiped to a picture of us at the volleyball tournament. Dad raised his eyebrows with a nod. Mom said, "He's very handsome."

Amy smirked, "If I swipe will I find nudes."

"Sorry, no."

"No, I won’t find them or no you don’t have any."

"Don't have."

"Damn."

I don't know what I expected from Amy, but this wasn't it. I hadn't told them about Jimmy. I just brought him home. He was the last real boyfriend. Amy’s current reaction was much more typical of early high school. My parents looked cautious.

Amy cut her eyes up to me, "Kissing in the dark restaurant. Go you, little sister."

Dad turned his attention to me, "Is this serious?"

I could feel the tension leech out of me and my face soften with a smile, "Yes, it is."

"When do we get to meet him?"

I shrugged, "We can FaceTime him after dinner. He's getting ready for a role and is home."

"I'm looking forward to meeting him." Mom put her hand on my arm. "What's he like?"

"He's very sweet. Awkward at times and trips over himself. We laugh all the time and have these great conversations about books, movies, and music. He's very good to me." I didn't want to talk non-stop about him. I wanted them to know of him and over the weekend they'd learn about him. About us. "I'm sure you'll get sick of hearing about him. What are we doing for dinner tonight?"

Katie yelled, "Pizza!"

"I love pizza." There was an amazing pizza place near the house. We’d been going there since we were Katie’s age.

Amy agreed with me, "Easy and we don't have to get out of the pool."

I looked at my arm, "I desperately need a tan."

Dad stood up, "I'm going to get back to work so I can get out of here to enjoy my girls."

"Tell Dr. Friendly the date's off."

Dad glared at Amy. I didn't try to hide my smile. Mom stood while shaking her head. I got up and hugged them. I stayed still while they walked away then looked at Amy, "Let's get out of here. Can I drive?" I was feeling a little out of control and needed to be in charge of driving.

Amy threw me the keys, "As long as you can talk and drive."

Any guesses what the topic of conversation was? The drive home wasn’t long. Walking into the house I felt much more at ease. I think I was more nervous than I was aware of. Sebastian's important.

Amy handed Katie off to the nanny, Wendy. That felt familiar. We'd grown up in this house. This scene had happened innumerable times when we walked into the house. I waved when Katie turned on her way downstairs to her playroom. I followed Amy up the stairs to my room. She stopped at my door, "Are you going to unpack? And call Sebastian?"

"No." I shook my head, "I'll do both later. Can you send me the picture of me with Katie at the airport?"

"Absolutely. We'll be thirty soon. Bio-clock is ticking."

I was aghast, "Amelia! Our mother is an Ob/Gyn. You know that's not true." We laughed.

"Ok, so he can see how good you look with a kid."

I sighed dramatically, "Everything is not about Sebastian. Plain old Instagram. Me and my niece." I’m not playing those games with him. "The picture I'm going to have you take of me in my bikini... that's all about him."

That perked her up, "We'll get Wendy to take a twin picture."

I rolled my eyes, "He'll enjoy that too."

Five minutes later I was jogging down the stairs and heading out the French doors. The water was sparkling with the sunlight. It was hot and sticky outside making floating perfect. I threw a couple of towels on the loungers and threw two floats into the pool. Amy was coming out the door as I grabbed my phone off the table. I unlocked before handing it to her.

Amy followed me around the pool, "Remember when we'd pretend we were models and take pictures of our fashion shows?"

"I do. Our phones would be full of them. I’ll need to learn more editing skills when the wrinkles show up."

Amy rubbed at the corners of her eyes, "Crows feet already."

"I have a great eye cream." She took some of me then we got Wendy to take a couple of us, ending with us floating in the pool holding hands. I hopped onto the pool edge and took my phone back. I waited for Wendy to go inside, "Ok, jump out and take one more of me on the float.” Amy took my phone and I took off my bikini, lying face down on the float.

"I cannot believe I'm partaking in this."

"Oh please, who better. It's my naked ass and yours looks identical."

"My ass doesn't look like that anymore. Pregnancy stretched that out too."

I looked at my twin in her black one-piece with cut out sides. She always had the thinner body I wanted. After Katie, she'd not lost the last bit of baby weight from her stomach and her butt. "You look great, Amy."

She put her hands over her breasts, "These have stayed a little bigger too."

"I think I’m insulted."

Taking the picture Amy asked, "Are you going to turn over?"

"Absolutely not."

"Seriously? He has seen it, right?"

"Yes." I slid into the water and started putting my suit back on. Anything that naked he or I was taking.

Amy was back on her float before I was on mine, "I've sent nudes. Not just my butt."

"To whom, dear sister?"

"It's been years ago now. He lives in Marietta. I met him at a playground with Katie. Single parents’ version of a bar. Only he was pretending to be single."

I cringed, "Ouch, I'm sorry. How did you find out?"

"When his wife called me from his phone. We'd been seeing each other for a couple of months I thought I was falling in love with him, but I was just a side piece. He wanted to keep it going even after." She shuddered, "Not mistress material."

I made a decision to trust her with something. It had been a long time, "I never told you why Jimmy and I broke up. He'd been cheating with another lawyer in his firm for months. As the one who was cheated on, I thank you for refusing to go on with it once you knew."

"Did you know the other woman?"

"Yep, even considered her a friend."

"I'm always paranoid now that there's a hidden wife. After Jimmy do you worry Sebastian will cheat?"

I didn't need to think, but I took a moment anyway. "I'm not worried about him cheating. I don't think he would. If he does... I've survived it before."

We shared a look I hadn't anticipated. We’d both survived things. I reached for her hand. "I love you, Amelia."

"Love you too, Emiliana."

"What about now? Seeing anyone."

"Maybe sorta. Back after Christmas a bunch of us from high school got together. Max was there. He's divorced with a daughter in first grade. He has custody and wanted to wait until summer to move back so his parents can help with her. We texted and talked some. He moved back a couple of weeks ago. We've gone out to dinner. It was good. He'll be there tomorrow."

I remembered Max very well. He was a baseball player who looked very good in those pants. He was a year ahead of us and I had no idea what he'd done after high school. I didn't keep up with anyone except the occasional text or Instagram from a couple of girls on the volleyball team. Anything I knew was tidbits from Amy. She'd tried to get me to go to her five and ten year reunion, but I didn't graduate from here. I went to my reunions back in Seattle. Kept up with more friends from there and saw them when I was home. "Didn't you have a crush on Max?"

I recognized the smile on Amy's face. She looked just like me when I'd been caught. "He won't let me forget."

We laid in the pool laughing and talking. It had been a long time since I'd felt this close to her. I can't be sure if that's her, me, or a little of both. Doesn't matter because it was just good and before we knew it mom and dad were home. They brought Katie with them out to the pool deck. "We sent Wendy home. Just family this weekend."

Amy sat up, "Remember we're going out on the lake tomorrow."

Mom smiled, "I remember. Are you two hungry?"

The second she mentioned food my stomach growled. I put my hand over, "Very."

A discussion about pizza toppings ensued. At the end I got out of the pool, "I'm going shower before the food gets here."

Amy followed, "Me too."

#Sebastian Stan #fanfiction #sebastian stan fanfiction

[xsecretblastsx]

1x10 - High Society

Finally I’ve reach a double digit episode, and what an episode, I feel this is where I really start questioning characters decisions, but I also love drama so, withouth more preamble, here’s the recap. Again it got insanely long.

Thoughts I had while watching the episode:

I love “comin home baby”, so right there this show is making me so happy.

I’ve actually paused the episode to see the date of the debutante ball a.k.a Cotillion 

I love Blair’s red tigh outfit, also where did that guy Prince Theodore came from?

Chuck’s proud face when Nate mentions how happier Blair seems lately, and also, dude really you don’t miss your girlfriend haha

Honestly I feel this scene with all these parallel conversations about Cotillion is great, right up my alley.

All the subtle drama in that rehearsal, the secret glances, Chuck and Nate keeping their eyes on Blair all the time, this is the kind of content I’m here for. 

I would  like to know why everyone is in their preppy uniforms and then there’s Kati and Is who look like they’re part of Flashdance

Lilly rolling her eyes the moment she sees CeCe, and then really enjoying Cece’s mortification when she realizes Dan is a Humphrey. I love Lilly.

And from Cece’s horrified face we go to hottest PG-13 make out ever. For real though I love this scene, they both look so good and so into it, and they’re so deliciously flirty and their chemistry is out of the charts. Great choice in music too.

I don’t know who is more frustrating by Nate interrupting Chuck or myself.

Chuck’s little smile when Blair says to Nate they should  move on, only to be whipped out in the next minute

Two things about the heart pin: that was an incredibly smart move on Nate’s part, and if you had any doubt Blair Waldorf is such a hopeless romantic.

Cece such a manipulator, it’s unbelievable. Imagine if Serena was more like her family...

Nate’s tux fitting deserves an honorable mention just for the fact that Blair’s actually wearing jeans. Also he kind of deserves she’s lowkey ignoring him

I mean, Dan is so annoying, like yeah I get his point Cotillion is such an elitist unnecessary event, but the way he goes about it gets on my nerves.

Hello Carter. I actually don’t mind him this episode. 

Out of all the seasons I feel like Season 1 is the one where it’s weirder for the final reveal of who gossip girl is, right now it makes the guy really look like a sociopath, with all the stuff he pretends not to know.

Oh Nate! This scene is so fun, like Chuck is so done with the conversation and then “you guys are still pretty close aren’t you?” Dude you have no idea. And the Cherry on the cake “Could you find out who she’s seeing? - Me” he told you Nate, he told you.

Cece’s words to Dan are cruel, but it is the crux of their relationship,, right until the very end and he deals with it in the worst way possible, and why in his mind, every issue in their relationship is always Serena’s fault. Ugh.

Between Dan and Carter, yeah she should have ended with Carter, too bad Cece’s word weren’t profetic.

I wish we had a clearer view of Blair’s outfit in that scene she’s talking with that New York Times guy, because I think it’s purple, and I wish we had seen her using that color a bit more.

Chuck is so jealous and Blair’s like yeah whatever as if. But a jealous Chuck is scheming Chuck. 

I love Rufus, you go Dan (just for this one time)

I’ve always felt Serena’s look for Cotillion was a lot of gold, not in a good way, but right now? I’m kind of feeling it. And she looks gorgeous. 

I mean I think there was probably a better way to say that Grandma Cece is evil, but still I’m not sure it would have matter Serena didn’t want to listen, she never does actually now that I think of it, the end of S3 comes to mind.

Blair has the funniest lines “I’m gonna go Naomi Campbell on you” Is so sad though that we got to see so little of that Erickson Beamon necklace, it’s lovely.

“Hey Beatiful” oh the things one notices when one no longer hates Carter and VanderBaizen is your second Serena ship.

Lily and Cece’s faces at Serena’s presentation stament are to die for.

The pretty little liars song! But since I haven’t watch that show, this one is going to remain a Gossip Girl song for me.

Seeing Cece and Lily at Cotillion makes me think that Blair’s parents are the worst, it’s their daughter debut and none of them could be bothered to attend the event

It didn’t remember this was the first time they mentioned the Santorini incident, less of all in the way Carter tells it, I thought this was first mentioned in S2, 

Not exactly a fan of Lily’s scene with Dan, because yes I agree at this point for the most part Dan is a good influence, but she almost makes it look like Serenas change is thanks to Dan, and that’s not the case. She had decided to change even before she met him.

Also this is feeding Dan’s ego and his belief that he’s the best thing to happen to his girlfriends. 

Oh Chuck finding out than when it comes to Blair scheming is not an easy feat,  and to think this in only the first time this is going to happen.

Poor Chuck, that hurt. Nate’s wink adding salt to his wounds ouch.

That phone between Ruflus and Lily, yes you shouldn’t have let her go!!!

Oh how I used to like that last scene between Dan and Serena.

Seeing that scene of Cece taking her pills made me think of S5, and that’s probably the episode I hate the most in the whole show.

Blair and Nate finally get to it, but seriously Blair doing it with Nate while wearing the necklace Chuck gave you, is tasteless. Also compared to a certain scene at the start of the episode, this looks a bit dull..

Chuck running away, also him looking at the news paper where Blair is happily smiling with some guy, reminded me again of S5. 

Ending this episode with “Apologize” was so 2007, remember how popular this song was?

This was a really packed episode. It introduces us to Cece, and gaves a bit more insight into Rufus and Lily’s history. We have Jenny picking the UES over her family, she’s changing. A dash of Van der Baizen, and our first glimpse to their shared past. Dan and Serena having another clash of worlds, that ends with Lily finally acepting Dan for real; and finally the end of Chuck and Blair 1.0 and the star of Nate and Blair 2.0.

While interesting Jenny’s and Rufly bits this episode, they’re a small part of the episode, Jenny’s in particular feels like a setting up of events to come and as such I feel I have not much to say about it right now. So this episode Dan and Serena had to deal with quite an opponent: Grandma Cece.

Cece while manipulative did raised some interesting points, mainly how out of place Dan feels in the UES, all those things she mentioned are things that Dan resents about the UES, and he may be brushing it up aside for now, but that doesn’t mean it won’t linger and fester in his mind. And then we have Serena who for some reason (which i can’t help but feel is related to Dan) has decided to ditch Cotillion, the even that according to Lily she wanted to attend since she was much younger, and sure people change, Serena is proof of that but in this case I feel her not going is in part to annoyed her mother but also to prove Dan she’s the girl he thhinks she is, i know I may be projecting my dislike of Dan and Derena on this, but it just feels like that to me, and it’s a troubling aspect of their relationship. Also when Dan mentioned to Serena about Cece’s ploy, she doesn’t believe him, doesn’t want to hear it at first, and I just feel for her because sadly is not the first time she’s going to have to accept that her family is not who she think they were.

Last but not least there’s Chuck and Blair. So their secret fling lasted only a month, since the beginning it took Chuck much less effort to embrace the situation, for all his playboys ways the morning after their first time... he wanted them to get breakfast, and it took him Nate messing up again for him to convince Blair of giving them another chance. So when Nate shows interest in Blair, this is Chuck’s worst nightmare come to life, Blair had her whole life with Nate planned out since she was a little girl, she only gave up on that dream when it was clear Nate wanted no part of it, and sure Chuck knows the potential they have, he lowkey always knew, and that’s why he falls so fast, because subconciously he was halfway there since foreve, but it’s very hard to compete with years of Nate, Nate Nate, in Blairs head. So he panics, he gets jealous... and he plots. And it backfires horribly. And for the first time in his life he gets his heart broken.

I don’t judge Blair on this one though because well she knows Chuck, he has an agenda always, and him being Chuck Bass it never occurs to her that he may be realy into her beyond just sex, to her all they being doing is fooling around, she tells Chuck that he needs to learned to behave for them to move to something more, and Chuck behaving is an eufemism of so many things: trust,knowing that she matters to him enough, that he cares. And that’s a big step and it’s a conversation that needed to happen.. and then it doesn’t. Thanks Nate. But really having Nate finally wanting her, and then Chuck seemingly only caring for himself and his own amusement is not suprise she picks Nate. 

I do feel for Chuck because when he gets desperate he doesn’t think properly at all,  he knows Blair, how smart she is and that she’s a good at him at plotting and manipulation,and yet he fails to take that into account, like this episode, he wants Nate to cause a scene to shatter Blair’s image of Nate, because she tells him he would never, so it’s not hard for Blair to see that Nate only caused one because Chuck manipulated into it, it’s transparent. And this is a lesson that sadly he’s not going to learn anytime soon. 

Random bits I would like to mention: ( a bit surprised I got so many for this episode)

So Blair’s birthday is the 15th of november, this means Chuck and Blair version 1.0 lasted a month. Common knowledge I suppose, but I’ve read fanfics where the timeline is much shorter. 

A bit of personal trivia: I love the song “you’re a wolf” (the one playing when Chuck and Blair are making out) and last year was kind of weird for me and I had like a thousand mood changes so anyway, so there was one week I started listening to this song, and I just couldn’t stop re playing it, just so out of nowhere, I played it so much, it ended up being my most played song last year according to Spotify. 

I remember when the type of purse Jenny has was on fashion, and it was cool because it got to the point that street markets they were sold really cheap because they made them out or recycled materials

Chuck tells to Nate that “like the book says she’s just not that into you” and it made think that this was so long ago that there was only the book, the movie wasn’t out yet, wow.. 

I wonder what would have happened if she hadn’t fight with Dan, because then Carter wouldn’t have been at Cotillion, and then the drama between Chuc, Blair and Nate could have ended up in a completely different way.

The Palace does likes like a good place to have the Cotillion, not sure that would have been the case in real life, but here it fits nicely.

Irrelevant but apparently Kati and Is do everything together at such an extent they were scorted by two guys that I guess were brothers because they had the same last name.

You won’t believe but The Pierces have a 2020 version of Secret, it came out on my new releases list on Spotify last week.

#gossip girl #gossip girl recap #gossip girl rewatch #1x10 #high society

[fightmewiatch]

Two Years

Pairing: Carter Baizen x reader

Prompts: “Shut up and kiss me.” &  “Make me.”

         Grumbling softly, you reached up, clicking your finger against the flickering bulb above the register. It practically clicked, struggling to stay lit, before the dim, yellow bulb held steady, at least, for the moment. 

“Johnny’s never gonna fix that bulb, is he?” the voice behind you asked, making you chuckle, shaking your head.

“It’s not neon, and it doesn’t sell product. He doesn’t care,” you answered, turning around and smiling softly. 

“You know, few years ago, if I had come in here, I would’ve bought this bar and made sure everything worked just the way you needed it,” he insisted, something that made you nod as you chuckled softly, before making your way to where he was sitting.

“Need a refill, Carter?”

“Please, sweetheart.” With a playful roll of your eyes, you wiped your fingers on the rag hanging from the pocket of your jeans, and reached out to take the glass from his hand. “Oh, you love that.”

“Keep telling yourself that, Baizen,” you chuckled, shaking your head as you looked at the glass. “I honestly don’t know why I wipe my hands before taking your glass away, you leave more smudges from that oil rig on these glasses than I could leave with a little dust off the light bulb.” Carter laughed softly as you teased him, leaning back to drag his palms over the denim of his jeans. “If those jeans are just as dirty, that won’t clean anything.”

“Hey, I made the effort,” he huffed, but as you glanced up, you saw his lips quirked up, and chuckled, shaking your head again. 

“I hate to say this, Carter, but I am out of scotch…you took the last glass. Truck comes in the morning,” you told him, waving him off as he snickered.

“You say that like I haven’t been coming here three or four times a week for the past two years.”

“Habit. Want something else? Or just water?” He hummed, drumming his fingers on the hardwood of the bar top, studying you just long enough to make you blush, before smiling.

“Just water. Don’t worry, I’m not driving,” he added, as you leaned over to hand him a new glass full of cold water. 

“Not worried. Two years, Carter, I only had to yell at you once,” you reminded him with a silly smile. Carter grinned, before tipping his head back, nearly chugging that water, before twisting to stand, his fingers fumbling a little with his wallet. “Still drunk?”

“Nope,” he insisted, shaking his head. “Hands are a little sore today. Um…here…” he finally said, slow, as he pulled a couple of bills from his wallet. “Don’t argue, the change is for you.” YOu looked down at the bills, a little larger than normal, before blushing, and peering up with a smile. 

“So many reasons you’re my favorite customer,” you replied, laughing as he pocketed his wallet and leaned against the bar, smirking. “Carter…”

“Do any of those reasons mean you’ll let me buy you dinner?” he grinned.

“No,” you laughed softly. You honestly adored the way he flirted, the quirk of his lips, the crinkles around his eyes as he smiled fully. Instead of getting angry, like you had worried he’d get the first couple of times you turned him down, Carter shrugged, clicking his tongue as he pushed back. 

“Gotta try, you know. One day, sweetheart! One day, you will let me take you out, buy you dinner. Spoil you rotten like you really deserve.” That made something warm spread through your chest as you bit your lip, leaning against the counter as he started towards the door. He paused, hand on the handle, and turned, winking at you. “One day!”

“Be careful, Baizen, I can’t lose my favorite customer because you weren’t paying attention!” you called after him, giggling at the sound of him laughing before the door swung shut behind him. 

        You weren’t lying, Carter Baizen really was your favorite customer. He’d been unsure, at first, walking into the rundown bar you worked at with some of the boys from the rigs, each and every one of them in dirty boots and jeans, some in dirty undershirts covered with an unbuttoned overshirt, some in dirty t-shirts, all of them looking as though they walked off the rig and into the bar. They took their places at the tables near the pool table, but after a while, Carter came to sit at the bar by you, his smile brighter despite how out of place he seemed to be. It took a few trips for him to tell you the short version of his story, that he was a trust fund kid from New York that couldn’t stop fucking things up and wound up getting cut off and forced to work at the rigs to pay back some of his debts. 

        It took almost a year before he told you the full story, one that took most of the night as he drank himself stupid in the corner of the bar, alone, long after the other riggers left. He lamented the choices that brought him to where he was now, not because he hated where he was, but he hated the way he wasn’t bothered by what he’d done at the time. 

“I could’ve done better, you know. Been a better son, been a better friend, a better brother…better man,” he sighed, quite often, every time stopped when you shoved a drink in one of his hands, curled your hands over the other, and pulled his attention to you, not his problems.

“No one’s perfect, Baizen. Everyone could’ve done better at some point. From what I hear, you’re fixing your mistakes. Not everyone does that.” Carter had the sweetest smile, he really did, lips ticking up and prompting your own to follow suit, before you squeezed his hand and went back to work. 

        The flirting had started almost immediately, but no amount of no, thank you’s stopped Carter from at least trying. There was no discomfort or ill will - he came, he drank, he flirted, you laughed and flirted back, he’d ask you out, you said no, he paid, he left, every time. Some nights he liked better than others, like the nights when some rowdy passers-by would filter in and make gross comments, nights that Carter would seat himself directly in front of you, so even if they tried something he could hit them with his drink. Not that it ever came to that, but you liked that he was willing to try. 

        It surprised you when he didn’t come in the rest of the week. Despite turning Carter down every time, you really enjoyed his company, loved the way he made you feel warm, made you smile, made you feel important for the first time since you took the job. He might have been from the big city and come from money, but the Carter that took the stool in front of you and flirted with you every time he came in wasn’t a spoiled rich kid. He was sweet. He really was your favorite. 

        With a sigh, you turned, yanking the rag from your pocket before twisting the bulb out of the socket, tired of the flickering and clicking as it struggled to keep going. Shaking your head, you turned, dropping the dead bulb into the garbage, before digging one of the flashlights out of the drawer, thumping it down beside the register.

“Gave up on the bulb?” You grinned as you turned towards the sound of Carter’s voice, but any answer stalled out as you took him in. Instead of his jeans, dirty shirt, heavy boots, hair slicked back from a day in the sun, he was in tan slacks, a light blue dress shirt over his chest with the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rucked up to his elbows, his hair styled back with what you were sure was more product and less grime. 

“Holy shit.” He ducked his head, smiling, and smoothed his clean hands over his shirt, before taking a seat on his usual stool. “I mean. Sorry,” you winced, blushing as he chuckled. “You look great.”

“Thanks.”

“Haven’t…seen you in almost a week, I was startin’ to think you found a better bar.” Carter chuckled, rolling his eyes.

“Never gonna find a better bar, darlin’, you know that.” You blushed a bit more, shaking your head. “Can I get a scotch?” he asked, lips parting into a bigger smile as you slid the glass in front of him. 

“Neat. Just like you like.”

“You are the best, sweetheart, you really are.” 

“I just happen to like making my favorite customer smile. …are you gonna tell me where you were this week?” you asked, curious, watching as he shrugged and took a sip of his drink. “You don’t have to…but uh, I am gonna ask about the wardrobe change.” 

“Uh…” He hummed, looking down at himself again, before shrugging. “Later? Right now, I have a lot of flirting to make up for.” You couldn’t help but laugh as he grinned at you around the lip of his glass, rolling your eyes as you turned for a water for yourself. “Did the bulb finally die out?”

“Guess it thought your shining personality was enough,” you giggled as he snorted, shaking his head. “Bulb was still flickering, so I threw it out, grabbed a flashlight. Not that I need it, I could work that register in my sleep, but. Still.”

“Gotta have something to club people with, right?”

“Exactly,” you laughed, shaking your head.

        Unlike every other night before, Carter stayed in his seat, sipping the single glass of scotch until closing time. He down the last bit in one swig, passing the glass and his payment to you as he turned to look at the otherwise empty bar. With a quick glance up at the digital clock on the wall, he turned back, smiling as you finished closing up.

“Hey…it’s late.”

“Yes, yes it is,” you tease, smiling at him over your shoulder. 

“You told me once you don’t live far, right? So…can I walk you home?”

        You didn’t expect that, biting your lip as you cashed out Carter and pocketed the change as your tip, like he always told you to.

“You can walk me home…if you tell me what’s going on with you.”

“…deal.”

        Carter waited under the front awning as you shut off the lights and locked up, offering his elbow to you as you started to walk. It made that warm feeling come back, and you smiled, curling your hands over his elbow. 

“Last week…I got a call from back home. Apparently, the folks have decided I’ve earned my way back into their good graces, so they…gave me back my trust fund.”

“…wow,” you murmured, peering up as you lead him around the corner. 

“Yeah. My sister apparently tried to find out if there were shops around here that had these kinds of clothes, and she couldn’t find anything, so she boxed up some of the stuff I’d left behind and sent it, telling me I don’t look great in oil rig gear.” You scoffed, glad the dim glow of the street lights hid the blush as he looked at you. 

“You look great in jeans, Carter. Actually, never thought you didn’t look great,” you admitted, shrugging, missing the way he slowly smirked at you. 

“Dad wants me to come back to New York. Mom said it was my choice. Didn’t understand why I’d stay here working now that I don’t have to, but…it’s my choice.” You squeezed his elbow, slowing down as you peered up at him. 

“…you’re going back to New York. That’s why you haven’t been around.” He sighed, dragging his free hand through his hair. It was enough of an answer for you, and you looked down at your feet, before slowly nodding, and tugging your key from your pocket. “I’m glad you were here, for the time you were.”

“Hey, darlin’, wait,” he sighed, hearing the softness in your voice as you started to turn towards the little house you’d stopped by. 

“It’s entirely your choice. You’ve spent two years talking about how you wanted to fix things, and how you could’ve done better, and how much you miss New York. I’m really glad you have that chance now,” you promised, pushing your hair behind your ear and looking back at him. “Sorry…this is me,” you added, pointing to the place behind you. Carter’s eyes lifted to the house, small but cozy looking, and he smiled a little, nodding.

“Nice.”

“It’s…enough for me,” you replied with a slight shrug. 

        Carter followed you up the walk, up the steps, as you unlocked your door, before pocketing the keys and turning to see him once more, trying to put on a happy face and pretend you might never see him again. 

“…so…when do you leave?”

“In such a rush to get rid of me?” Carter teased, smirking at the confused look on your face. “Darlin’, I haven’t decided.”

“Decided what?” you asked, confused, as he laughed softly. 

“If I’m going. I had a couple days off so I could take care of shit that I needed to take care of, and I had to dress the part,” he admitted, motioning to himself, “but…I haven’t actually decided if I’m going to New York.”

“…well…wait, but…you’ve been talking about New York for years, what’s keeping you?” Carter raised a brow, tilting his head as he studied your face.

“Sweetheart. New York is huge and literally has everything else, but it doesn’t have you. And I can make amends without moving back, but it really just depends on you. I mean, I have been trying to get you to go to dinner with me, at least once, since I got here, but you just keep tellin’ me no. And don’t tell me you don’t like me, I absolutely see the way you look at me,” he teased, eyes catching the color rising on your face. 

“Shut up.”

“Make me,” he grinned, as you huffed, staring up at him, before taking a breath and straightening up.

“Shut up, and kiss me.”

         His smile lit up the porch, making you giggle as he cupped your jaw, fingertips catching on your hair, as he pulled you close. 

“You let me kiss you, sweetheart, I’m not gonna wanna stop. We’re gonna go inside, I’m gonna take you to dinners, we’re gonna watch movies, there’s gonna be drinking together, and cuddling, and waking up together, I’m gonna figure out how to make you breakfast, a-”

“Shut up, Baizen,” you giggled softly, eyes slipping shut as your lips parted, the feel of his tongue making your knees weak before fully captured your lips with his own.

#carter baizen #carter baizen x reader #gossip girl #my fic

[theworrysomeartist]

Gossip Girl Characters as Hozier Songs

Serena Van Der Woodsen - Someone New

“Don’t take this the wrong way; you knew who I was with every step that I ran to you. Only blue or black days, electing strange perfections in any stranger I choose. Would things be easier if there was a right way? Honey, there is no right way. So I fall in love, just a little, oh a little bit, everyday with someone new.”

Dan Humphrey - In a Week

“We lay here, for years or for hours, your hand in my hand, so still & discreet. So long, we become the flowers. We’d feed well the land & worry the sheep. & they’d find us in a week, when the cattle show fear. After the insects have made their claim, after the foxes have known our taste, I’d be home with you.”

Blair Waldorf - Cherry Wine

“The way she shows me I’m hers & she is mine - open hand or closed fist would be fine. The blood is rare & sweet as cherry wine. Her fight & fury is fiery, oh, but she looks like sleep to the freezing - sweet & right & merciful. I’m all but washed in the tide of her breathing.”

Eleanor Waldorf - Better Love

“But you were mine, staring in the blackness, at some distant star. The thrill of knowing how alone we are, unknown we are, to the wild & to the both of us. I confessed the longing I was dreaming of: some better love. But there’s no better love beckons above me. There’s no better love that ever has loved me. There’s no better love. Darling, feel better, love.

Dorota Kishlovsky - Foreigner’s God

“She moved with shameless wonder. The perfect creature ever seen since some liar brought the thunder, when the land was godless & free. Her eyes look sharp & steady into the empty parts of me. Still, my heart is heavy with the hate of some other man’s belief. Always a well-dressed fraud who wouldn’t spare the rod - never for me.”

Chuck Bass - Work Song

“Boys, when my baby found me, I was three days on a drunken sin. I woke with her walls around me. Nothing in her room but an empty crib. & I was burning up a fever; I didn’t care much how long I lived. But I swear I thought I dreamed her. She never asked me once about the wrong I did.”

Bart Bass - Arsonist’s Lullaby

“When I was a child, I heard voices. Some would sing & some would scream. You’ll soon learn you have few choices. I learned the voices died with me. When I was a child, I’d sit for hours, staring into open flame. Something in it had a power; could barely tear my eyes away. All you have is your fire & the place you need to reach. Don’t you ever tame your demons, but always keep them on a leash.”

Jack Bass - It Will Come Back

“I know who I am when I’m alone. Something else when I see you. You don’t understand - you should never know - how easy you are to need. Don’t let me in with no intention to keep me, Jesus Christ. Don’t be kind to me. Honey, don’t feed me; I will come back. Can’t be unlearned. I’ve known the warmth of your doorways. Through the cold, I’ll find my way back to you.”

Carter Baizen - Run

“Rare is this love. Keep it covered. I need you to run to me, run to me, lover. Run until you feel your lungs bleeding. but in all the world, there is only one lover worthy of her, with as many souls claimed as she. But for all he’s worth, he still shatters always on her earth - the cause of every tear she’d ever weep.”

Nate Archibald - Angel of Small Death & the Codeine Scene

“I watch the work of my kin - bold & boyful - toying somewhere between love & abuse. Calling to join them, the wretched & joyful, shaking the wings of their terrible youths. Freshly disowned in some frozen devotion, no more alone or myself could I be. Looks like a strain to the arms that were open. No shortage of sordid; no protest from me.”

Jenny Humphrey - Take Me to Church

“No masters or kings when the ritual begins. There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sins. In the madness & soil of that sad, earthly scene - only then I am human. Only then, I am clean. Oh, oh. Amen. Amen. Amen. Take me to church. I’ll worship like a dog at the shrine of your life. I’ll tell you my sins & you can sharpen your knife. Offer me that deathless death. Oh, good God, let me give you my life.”

Eric Van Der Woodsen - The Woods Somewhere

“What caused the wound? How large the teeth? I saw new eyes were watching me. The creature lunged; I turned & ran to save a life I didn’t have. Deer in the chase, there as I flew. I forgot all prayers of joining you. I clutched my life & wished it kept. My dearest love, I’m not done yet.”

William Van Der Woodsen - From Eden

“Honey, you’re familiar like my mirror years ago. Idealism sits in prison. Chilvalry fell on its sword. Innocence died screaming; honey, ask me - I should know. I slithered here from Eden, just to sit outside your door. Babe, there’s something wretched about this, something so precious about this. Oh, what a sin. To the strand, a picnic plan for you & me. A rope in hand for your other man to hang from a tree.”

Lily Van Der Woodsen - Like Real People Do

“I knew that look, dear, eyes always seeking, was there is someone I dug long ago. So I will not ask you why you were creeping. In some sad way, I already know. So I will not ask you where you came from. I would not ask & neither would you. Honey, just put your sweet lips on my lips; we should just kiss like real people do.”

Rufus Humphrey - Jackie & Wilson

“No other version of me I would rather be tonight, ‘cause, Lord, she found me just in time. ‘Cause with my mid-youth crisis all said & done, I need to be youthfully felt, ‘cause, God, I never felt young. She’s gonna save me, call me ‘baby,’ run her hands through my hair. She’ll know me crazy, soothe me daily, but yet, she wouldn’t care.”

Vanessa Abrams - To Be Alone

“Never feel too good in crowds, with folks around, when they’re playing the anthems of rape culture loud, crude, & proud - creatures baying. All I’ve ever done is hide from our times when you’re near me. Honey, when you kill the lights & kiss my eyes, I feel like a person for a moment of my life. But you don’t know what hell you put me through.”

Georgina Sparks - Sedated

“Something isn’t right, babe. I keep catching little words, but the meaning’s thin. I’m somewhere outside of my life, babe. I keep scratching, but somehow I can’t get in. So we’re slaves to any semblance of touch. Lord, we should cool it, but we love it too much. Sedated, we’re nursing a poison that never stung. Our teeth & lungs are lined with the scum of it. Somewhere for this, death & guns, we are deaf. We are numb, free, & young, & we can feel none of it.”

#gossip girl #hozier