#its ok if i dont get into some things but fuck man. fuck .....

[pinkandlilacroses]

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Angel - Paige bueckers

part 1

• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}

•warnings {none (for now)}

•comment if you would like to be added to the taglist

bellas pov

“Im just saying, a rom com romance would be fantastic tight now” I state to my best friend, Avery. “i mean everyday is the same thing over and over” i continue. I can tell she doesn’t care, Avery’s been in a relationship with her high school sweetheart, Jake since freshman year.

“you need to stop being desperate” she says scooting closer to me on our couch.

this may sound rude, but thats just how Avery is, ane i guess ive gotten used to it

“nobody understands me” i say dramatically as i get up and walk towards my room.

“remember, we are going out tonight” Avery yells

fuck. i forgot.

i hate going out, theres to many people

i feel like sometimes Avery relyes on me, i mean sometimes i wanna hang out with other people, not just her. Avery on the other hand, im her only friend and i understand why, i love her but she is so mean to any and everyone that she comes across.

a few hours pass and i begin getting ready. i put on a matching pink set with a tube top and a mini skirt, i feel cute, i cant wait for this to get ruined by a bunch of drunk, sweaty college students.

i know i take a while to get ready, i mean its taken me two hours to pick my outfit and do my hair and i haven’t even started my makeup yet. my excuse is that you can never rush perfection.

“bella cmon we gotta go” Avery yells, ‘how is she ready so early’ i think to myself, finishing my coat of mascara.

“ok, ok, im ready” i say 20 minutes later. i can tell shes pissed, but it doesn’t bother me.

“your so dramatic, its a 5 minute walk” Avery says, annoyed, as always.

“i am not made for walking”

its only been 5 minutes since our arrival and i want to leave

“hey baby” a clearly drunk guy says, while he slyly brings his hand to my bare waist.

“who are you” i say, bluntly

“hey loosen up princess” he says, getting closer

i do like that nickname. but i hate him.

“im gonna go now”

i dont know if im straight, to be honest. i was raised in a household where anything but straight was a sin, so i never really questioned my interests. but whenever i see a girl who is tall and strong, my straightness goes out the window, and i feel like im sinning. ive never done anything with a girl before and im scared, i dont know if i ever would.

i walk away from the drunk man and towards the bar

“oh my god im so sorry” ‘fuck. why am i so clumsy’, i say to the girl i bumped into

“nah your all good” she says, looking down at me

i hadn’t looked at her, but now that i am. i never wanna stop. shes tall and blonde.

“hi, im paige” she says, breaking my admiration.

“im bella” i say, shamelessly checking her out

she has on grey sweatpants and a black tshirt. hot.

“do you go here” she says, continuing the conversation.

“uh, yeah, im a junior” i say, stuttering. why am i stuttering

“are you nervous?” she says, bringing her face closer to my own. yes, i am so nervous, you make me so nervous, ohmygodohmygodohmygod

“no” i say, unconvincingly.

“you sure?” she questions again. im not ok

“your on the basketball team, right?” i say, attempting to shift the conversation

she chuckles

“yeah” she states, moving back to her original position, further away from me. come back

“have you heard of me” she says, cockily

“i think everyone has here” i say, to be honest, i dont know anything about basketball. but ive heard of her before and her eyes have me trapped, there so blue and inviting.

what am i saying

“i wanna know more about you though” she whispers, moving closer than before.

“what do you wanna know” i say wrapping my arms around her neck. i dont know where all this confidence has came from

“yo paige” some girl says, she turns around and breaks the position we were in.

“iceee” she says, dapping up her teammate

im offended.

i make my way from her and towards my friend group. i want to go home

“was that you flirting with paige bueckers”

“we were just talking, shes not interested”

“girl, paige would be interested in a tree if it had a pussy, she is definitely interested” chanel says

everyone laughs. but me

im confused, why am i attracted to her, i like men, not women.

“bella cmon, lets get you home” Avery says, i mentally thank her from saving me from this conversation.

i tuck myself into bed after taking my outfit and makeup off and get ready for my favourite activity. sleep, until.

xxx-xxx-xxx

- hey is this bella?

what the fuck. do i have a stalker

bella

- yes

xxx-xxx-xxx

- hahah thank god

- this is paige

what the fuck

A/N - first fic, how do we feeeelllllllll

#paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers #uconn huskies #uconn women’s basketball #uconn wbb

[feline-evil]

Dick or no dick confirmation Pickles was always going to be trans to me anyways; if he's swingin' somethin that's phallo babes, if he's not then his t-dick fat. What's not to get.

#metalocalypse #jay talkin #I'm sorry they wrote that awful gross little man far too likeable and relatable to on a trans level #for me not to hoot and holler and cheer for the trans pickles agenda #changes nothing about his character arc or any of the show anyone is capable of being the kind of person he is #don't make the mistake of thinking thats exclusive to cis men #his transness wouldnt change that #only adds on an extra layer to him that i think works fantastically. #Listen that dude was rejected by his family driven to drink and drugs young to escape that ran away to be in a band #is called fucking Pickles of all things and refuses to tell anyone his real last name; #over the span of four seasons and two movies he slowly starts to learn to be for others what he never had #he becomes more caring more supportive #it's not a stretch to say he undoes some of the toxic masculinity he's been keeping himself shielded behind #and learns how to be a kinder man. #all of which have no contradictions with him being trans! #In fact it doesn't take much extra thought to find ways a lot of this can line up with some trans masculine experiences #i mean. Did no one else have a younger phase where they swung as far as they could into crass rude and uncaring ways #to try and assert their masculinity only to grow and realise that you can be a man and be more caring. #Did no one else have father issues. 1 800 come on now i know those are both shared experiences a lot of us have had LOL. #at the end of the day this show aired nearly 20 years ago and is finished. we're not getting more of it #so nothing is altered nor changed if pickles is canonically trans or not ok. its fine #i mean hell i dont even need canon confirmation hes trans to me and thats all i care abt #but i think if yr getting suuuuuper weird abt needing him not to be canonically trans you have some issues #and bio essentialist ideals of gender if you think only a cis man can act like he does #again. anyone can be like that. its not exclusive. him being trans would not change him in any way shape or form lol #AND ALSO GODDDUUUGH for once i love getting to see a guy pushing 50 whos depicted as trans #do you have any idea how dire and barren it is out here. we never get to see a trans guy older than 30 and whos not a pristine model #I WANT MORE OLD SHLUBBY SHITHEAD TRANS GUYS IN MEDIA

[kiddokori]

things i like about totk so far: the depths,

i am going to be so completely honest i thought id be able to think of more. um. this is awkward

#ive only beat the first ‘temple’ the rito one and like. i thought it was goofy. i did not take it seriously. the boss was cool the music #was banger as usual that specifically i thought was cool #i doo like the depths tho. fun to explore. pretty. ominous music. quiet. peaceful if i aboid mobs correctly #and like all the stuff that is inherent to botw/totk i enjoy the world the horses cooking the outfits etc etc #but thats not unique to totk so i dont count it #goofy ass cutscenes. weird pacing. story feels very forced and not coherent so far #really just feels like they went ok we need to make another botw and just made up whatever excuse they could #to get zelda out of the story again instead of actually writing something #putting the wagon in front of the horse situation #also botws whols thing was New Innovative Breaking Conventions #and then they went oh the New Innovative Breaking Conventions game did good? cool lets make the exact same New thing again #not how that works. sucks all of the appeal out of the whole foundation #you cant copy innovation you have to make something new #like im gomna play it anyways and enjoy myself cuz its zelda but come on man. and for 70 bucks?? #killing nintendo myself #oh i like the tower cutscene link fucking blastinf out of the top of it #also pretty #im a bit disappointed in the sky islands it doesnt really feel explorable its just like hey theyre there. some of them have little things on #them or some hidden challenge. and i go ok. well what about all the empty ones that are a pain in the ass to get to #and they go shhh shshshshsh. dont worry about that. think about Parallels. symbolism. #when all i can think about it the fact i do not have my large bird friend to help me explore #being so serious loftwings would make this game better. new mode of traversal for the new environment (sky) #those robo birds suck theyre so hard to get off the islands without just falling #ive tried fucking around with the new building/tech stuff i do not like it. awkward. clunky. irritating to me #idk if thats a me issue or if other people also think its bad but. im not a fan #give me my fucking bird. it makes sense and it would work so much better. please

[munamania]

and is there not just generally a certain level of decency that would make you like ease up on a person who's obviously more than a little frazzled i am sorry that i cant process all my feelings and regurgitate them to you in an easily digestible manner while im actively In a situation or have a prepared disclaimer about how im so sorry but im just overwhelmed and need you to leave me alone right now or whatever else maybe i just dont know maybe i cant tell you exactly what im feeling or need and if i have to figure it out and explain that to you my brain is going to explode. but you could read the room. is there not a point where a friend would probably just go oh okay let me not continue pushing this person let me take a moment to reflect on their state and perhaps try to ease that or at least not keep fucking pushing on it. and also maybe not choose these moments to make otherwise innocuous but contextually just kinda meanspirited jabs. ok whatever

#not to be a sensitive little bitch except im not. #i dont want to be rude or too explicitly open about the things i dont really like to talk about #but sometimes. frankly. people need to take on the weight of their own feelings. insecurities. thoughts. etc and then some #some of us grew up with little to no emotional support and in fact took on the weight of their family's issues and the brunt of their #emotional immaturity and sometimes that makes someone feel fundamentally rattled and unsafe in moments like that #some of us had pretty much every big personal emotional. thing. that happened to them minimized and turned into some tragic #family conversation. or had someone reply like huh idk if that could have happened to you i certainly dont remember that #and then you wonder if people were ever looking out for you and if the ones that did just truly didnt care. #um. anyway. this is not just to be like oh im so quirky and different and traumatized lol but im reaching a boiling point when it comes #to people just like. doing this shit. or whatever. im going to start screaming #i shouldnt have to bare my fucking soul to you for you to go oh huh maybe this is a sensitive subject perhaps #frankly we arent the same and we dont relate and aw bummerooni ik im not the only sufferer but good god. #our lives were very different in some ways! #and sometimes all i want is for someone to say its ok kid you did good #again. not to be dramatic. but when ive talked about MY upheaval of feelings or w/e like if thats been impacting #how ive been acting and people start crying at me or get all whatever. oh it makes me wanna be the one to pass the torch #yeah man imagine how tired we are. #ok talking incoherently now so im gonna go do my job i guess. #abby talks #i know no one will save me but maybe sometimes it’d be nice to share the weight regardless

[silverislander]

i feel crazy recently bc how the fuck is Everything this bad. like. every industry is crumbling, creatives are getting absolutely fucked over in every way, the second you hear abt smth new and cool you also hear that the creator is a horrible person, people are cheering on a genocide en masse as we speak, more people don't care about said genocide, there is a technology that exists SPECIFICALLY to steal shit and ruin the environment and everyone's jumping on the trend with it, the weather is Wrong bc the environment is fucked, the people in charge are not doing anything to help anyone but themselves, most people can't afford an actual house but we still have billionaires. but everyone's pretending everything's fine!

#usually i can at least cling to 'ok this one thing is improving/is ok' but now i genuinely dont see anything at all. its scary #and ik some of this is impacted by how my personal life is rn (which im not gonna get into) but seriously! things are so bad #levi.txt #vent tw #delete later #idk man. shits so fucked #i try to keep an eye out for/seek out good news but i havent seen any in a While. nothing is improving #and how much worse can it get before people try to fucking do smth to fix it

[todayisafridaynight]

psst for my stream regulars

How does the idea of me starting streams at like 1:30PM (EST) sound. i’ll still plan to run them to like 5:00PM (EST) but now its more definite it’ll actually end then opposed to accidentally going on until like. 7:30PM (EST)

Also im on mobile so i cant make a poll so you gotta let me know through like a comment or somethin ok ty

#snap chats #maybe end even sooner at like 4:50 idk point is how does this sound... #ik everyone shows up for the 3:30 time but im also wondering if 1 is just really too early for some people #maaaaybe 2 if not ??? #reason for the time switch is that my moms starting to like. actually use our gym equipment now #and all of thats in the basement. Where I Hang Out #and she’s been getting home just a bit earlier nowadays so im tryig to play it safe #i dont want this arrangement to be permanent and if things go my way for once it shouldnt be #but just for now.. #if its not alright then i’ll prob have to pause on streaming for a bit #not forever just. A Bit until i get some personal things sorted #‘personal things’ Wow So Im Not Oversharing For Once leave me ALONE its a complicated situation so we’re going with Personal Things #ok im gonna enjoy my walk. or try to #my therapist is making me take my blood pressure daily and yesterday it was like #149/107 or something and i was like ‘yeah i might as well have high blood pressure’ #luckily. or unluckily to me i just took my blood pressure wrong #‘snap how the fuck do you manage that’ I Am Very Stupid. I Am An Idiot Even anyway i didnt know i had to sit POINT IS #took it today and it was actually a Normal reading but man it Would Not be unbelievable if i had HBP #when my dad was with my mom he had HBP all the time and as soon as he got out he was at a normal level... lol... #ok enough rambling bye #im lying I Had That bout myself cause theres a stereotype with filipinos #where bitches just Cannot Say Goodbye like fam will say ‘bye’ and talk another ten minutes and i keep proving it true ENOUGH #BYE FR THIS TIME PLEASE LET ME KNOW HOW WE FEEL BOUT THIS TIME SHIFT

[fleshdyke]

ahsgsjaugejwjg

#sh/sui warning for tags #been having a shit day and just not feeling great overall and usually drinking water and eating helps but it hasnt today :/ #which means its an Actual Problem this time. like i knew it was an actual problem when i fucking cut AGAIN but idk #idk man. im just so so so scared of my friends hating me #and i know i have to see my partner again bc she is the one and only person that never ever makes me feel safe and unjudged and everything #but idk. as of right now im just not havin a great time. #like its actually so stupid the things i get upset about. there was some motivational speaker at my school today and when we got called down #to go watch the presentation i had to take like five seconds to grab my bag and phone from my desk #and my two friends got up and left together without waiting for me #and i know it wasn’t their intention and they weren’t trying to be mean or anything but man. doesnt make it hurt less yk. #and i saw some post from a guy in my school of him and his friends in the cafeteria and idk why but it made me so sad. it made me think abt #one time my friends said they wanted to walk around at lunch so i was like ok i’ll eat alone that’s fine bc i’m too disabled to walk around #the school. and then someone sent me a pic of them all eating together in the cafeteria. and i know they probably just stopped there for a #second and weren’t purposely ignoring me or anything but man that did not help yk #i want to leave them alone bc they never seem to want to talk to me but im trying to tell myself its just my mind but its so hard to #and i do love my friends and im making them seem a lot worse here than they are but its just. god im so scared. #idk. i dont actually want to die but i wish i could kms like. temporarily. #i know this is bad and manipulative but i just cant shake the want to know what would happen if i did yk. and this is a terrible train of #thought but like i want my friends to realize how scared this makes me and if i have to kms to do that. idk. #ive brought it up to them before and they pretty much told me to eat with someone else and i said i didnt have any other friends and they #kind of just said not my problem. so i dont want to bring it up again bc im mature enough to deal with my own issues and shit #it’s just hard man. i dont know how im supposed to communicate w them bc everything feels like im traumadumping on them and i dont want to #bother them. im trying to convince myself its not an issue and it doesnt actually bother me but i know it does bc i just fucking relapsed #and i had a city council thing in class today and i was the only person that was denied any funding at all and i was trying not to take it #personally and i was doing pretty good but i told my mom about it and she started defending the ppl that refused me anything and then it was #suddenly personal to me for some reason. its stupid and i know that but god that doesnt make it any better #rambles #vent

[catboybrain]

dear cosmic karmic being. i would like to humbly pray that my class registration goes well tomorrow. i will cook dinner for my roommates all week and not groan when going to my 7am, please let me get into materials science and circuit theory pretty pretty please. ill suck your di

#d.txt #i am so nervous i think i chose well enough that i can get in or at least like first position on the waitlist but im so worried all the spo #will be filled since im not the first enrollment of the day FUCK. #its ok if i dont get into some things but fuck man. fuck ..... #everything is way too hard to get into here . i should have been at mit man wtf -_-;;;

[penisliker-moved]

look how cute this outfit is

#th hair n shoes r both cc. and the eyes as well #i ended up deleting her bc she didnt fit with my Idea of the character but also ive completely flipflopped skull... #originally th person i made (jeanie) ws gonna be a highschooler but then i remember how Incredibly overwhelming highschool years is for me #like idk something abt it makes me so anxious. ithink its bc rh schools like.. So empty. yk #its weird. and the layouts weird af to me. it just makes me uncomfortable #and ikk that like. well 1 i dont have to go along 2 its like. they Cant pack the highschool with a normal amt of students it would #like. crash the game real bad real hard.but its scary why r there TWO classrooms and like 8 students in each. #also ik this is Also impossible but. man. i kinda wish we ciuld have different highschools for different locations.... #TBVH. th only thing i rly like abt hsy is th clothes and even then only some of them. hehe. #i havent fucked around with boba shops or thrift stores yet thouygh... #but like i HATEEE socialbunny i hate it so bad #i rly rly rly wish they would like. Make up their minds on what the social media js #and obviously irl theres like. Multiple. duh #but having simstagram AND socialbunny and. i think theres another one. its so. #and every socialbunny post is so cringe 💀 theres lke NO subtance to socialbunny i dont get it at all. i hate it... #maybe with th influencer career.. they added that right idr. a little funny. no firemen? but we can be selling tummy tea? ok #UGHHH just like. idkidkidkk... sims 4 just. wellll im a hater lets say that #and it sucks bc i rly rly rly prefer the character creator + th buildbuy mode is Leagues easier rhan older games #obviously i have ISSUES with both . wood swatches 💀 #like i undersrand why some ppl r glad abt the uhmm. create a style being gone #bc i understand it could get overwhelming for sure. but i think like. there could be a balance between swatches and create a style.. #um anyways th baby update do we have any more info on that. i havent looked into it since the direct or whatever. im nervous but excited? #SRY FOR RAMBLING LOL #If u guys wanna see jeanie lmk ^-^ i think ill resrarther as a young adult + move in another sim i started making. and have them get #togerher bc i think theyd be cute..ok.

[gudakko]

my absolute favorite thing about resident evil games is that the goofy architectural contraption puzzles are just a universal constant no matter the time or location

#i think about them so much #infinite comedic potential #ok i think maybe re6 kind of didnt have them nearly as much?? its been ages since i played it but it seemed much more fast paced than the #rest so #imagine making a delivery and not knowing where tf to enter and youre on the phone with them and theyre like ok yeah no #you need to go to that place and retrieve this bas relief piece #yeah theres a couple more in other places after that- wait no dont leave ill tip extra #also the ever constant question of who the fuck builds them #my main theories are 2: either its 1 guy/guy and his descendants or smth that just made that their line of work and got a name in the field #so every mansion-owner antagonist wannabe knows who to rely on if you want to get your shit done well #or 2 its always someone different and they just get lured to each remote ass place with the promise of a huuuge pay for #very specific silly requests #they probably just get axed or worse at the end of the job but itd be even funnier if they didnt #they just do it and get a nice pay and that just becomes a funny story to tell their buddies #like yeah man this one time i got a job in some backwater ass village asked me to built some stupid doors with puzzles and shit but hey #the pay was good #but yeah tldr its the best thing ever i wish irl buildings had that shit

[toastsnaffler]

tried going to bed early bc ive just been sitting staring at the wall or my phone all afternoon but it's been 3 hours now and I can't stop crying. :(

#I dont even know why im so fucking sad. this last week has felt like getting hit by a train repeatedly for no reason whatsoever #and it fucking hurts so bad and i cant fix it because i dont know whats wrong!!!!!! #i think thsts why its been so hard sleeping lately like my brain is problem solving but theres nothing there to be solved #and i dont even have anyone to talk to about it and even if i did i wouldnt have anything to say bc i dont know im just fucking. sad #like yeah ive gotten upset abt other things but thats me projecting my mental state onto everything. theres no original cause #unless it really is just pms and some hormonal shit which is likely but kinda insane to think abt. like yeah my body has decided #to flood the entire fucking system with Kill That Egg™ for a straight week except its too effective and makes me want to kill myself also #but apparently not fucking effective enough to start my actual fucking period. yippee #i want a thousand year long hug and to cry rly snottily into someones shirt and then to fall asleep and wake up feeling rested #man. nothing makes me feel any different. exercising and sleeping and socialising and eating and showering and reading #and i can feel my interest in things trickling away like i havent been able to do a lot of shit i rly want to bc of this barrier #and ive been trying to make myself do some things regardless bc inactivity will just make it worse. but nothing works!!!!!!! #i dont even know anymore man. i do everything right and im still as depressed as i was like 8 years ago #and i know thats just the depressed brain talking like i know i dont constantly feel like this but its hard to see outside of it man #u spend ur whole life drowning but its ok bc sometimes u get ur head above the surface long enough to take a breath or whatever #insert overused mentally ill metaphor here etcetcetc #ok i think ive run out of things to say im gonna try sleep again. day 1 billion of making longass vent posts sorry everyone #gn #.vent

[cutemeat]

litrlly still hate how ive never seen enough talk abt how mac n dennis Clearly banged in the back office after Maureen kicks em out n they go back to the bar... Like..

dennis’ continual lack of ability to grasp the serious situation he’s in... he’s litrlly in a state of fuckin Afterglow rn dude. like it perfectly mirrors the ‘honeymoon’ phase type of behavior Maureen embodies in the beginning of this very ep....

AND THEN THIS??

LIKE WITH ALL THE AIR OF A MAN WHO JUST PISSED OFF HIS HUSBAND N THEY JUST MADE UP SO HES TRYIN NOT TO PUSH IT AGAIN..... PLEASE??

like this is not just my ‘Headcanon’ or whatever the shit... this is fucking Written Into The Show

(less coherent rambling.. now...)

im telling u... when Dennis talks abt ‘it was a little uncomfortable.. but im glad we got our heart to heart out of the way or whatever...’ HE WAS REFERRING TO SMTH THAT JUST HAPPENED BETWEEN HIM N MAC BETWEEN LAST NIGHT N THAT MORNING?? CUZ THEN HE HAS APPARENTLY BEEN FORGETTING ABT HIS DIVORCE WITH MAUREEN THRU THE NEXT HALF OF THAT SCENE???

its all abt how they bang n dennis thinks Thats enough for them to have been ‘made up’ now cuz thats how dennis has ALWAYS solved problems... but this time its different cuz theres real Emotion behind it now. like its dawning on them both that their previously seeming ‘friends w benefits’ situation was NOT just that cuz theres clearly an emotional conflict here thats going unacknowledged... like dude... then in S6 “Who Got Dee Pregnant?” with the whole thing abt Dennis getting mad at Mac cuz he thought they were gonna go in MATCHING COSTUMES (metaphor for their relationship being fixed aka back to how it was before in s4-pre “Macden Break Up”)... but Mac changes at the last minute, cuz then he makes things “emotional” in the first two eps of s6 so Dennis is mad cuz hes all like “mac messed up our good thing...” cuz hes repressed n forgotten the fact that--- its ALWAYS been emotional. ever since meeting mac in HS u kno dennis had a big fuckin crush but then something fucking traumatic happens that same year so Dennis just totally cuts himself off to cope n Mac doesnt understand so Macden become distant... then get close again by s4.. but just as things seem to be going back to how they were like when Macden first met in like 8th grade/HS whatever... close the way they were before... but then Macden Break Up happens... so Mac is having a similar emotional reaction he’d had when they were teenagers n Dennis started drawing away for no apparent reason (to Mac’s pov) n lashes out with all the Jesus Bullshit trying to hurt Dennis as bad as Mac’s feelin. dude its all soooo.. ITS SO

(ok That last part was all more actual HC shit LOL)

#macdennis #macden #this is why im like... macden needs no Arc of this shit.. #they litrlly have HAD it this entire time man #s6-s11?? thats the PEAK of macden drama come on #its ... man #the reason i just wanna see em back to that s4 peak 'we are horrible but so horrible Together <33' dynamic again is cuz like #theyve BEEN the toxic dysfunctional couple in the bg from 'Mac and Dennis Break Up' to s15 dude... #i wanna get my Manhunters Macdennis BACK !!!! :( #parker posts #man i dont blame charlie being as mad at mac as he is dude LOL i bet u charlie was feeling so neglected in his friendship w mac #cuz mac was so obsessed w dennis... thats why charlie gets even more sad n angry. #ITS THE SOMETHING IN THE WAY HIGH SCHOOL CHARLIE THING DUDE IM TELLIN YOUUUU #he was so sad n isolated... dude. :( #charlie hating love in general n pushing himself further away from it ... cuz he loved mac like a brother. n then mac goes n falls In Love w #some boy who is everything mac n charlie used to be so against as a person... n charlies so fucking hurt n betrayed #DUDE ITS. ok. ok okokokokk #fuck roller rink man i get- oh godddd #s16 give us the real flashback shit PLS #not literal flashback but-

[haemosexuality]

these past few days i have been uncharacteristically. emotionally open. w my friend and it has me thinking about how truly for all of my life i just did not expect anything from anyone

#like since i was a kid i just accepted in my head that all the ''friends'' id have were ppl who either were just putting up w me (probably #bc they had no one else and i was like. what was available) or ppl who cared ab me yeah but i was still their second or third choice #and i was just like. yeah ok. i can survive w that. like consciously i made the choice to hang out w people i knew didnt really like me #bc it was better than not having anyone to talk to #did it hurt any less when those ppl eventually stopped talking to me or i learned theyve been talking about how annoying i am to others? #no it didnt. bc i still cared about Them and had Them as my first choice. but i just thought. thats just how it is. im jist not really #likeable. so ill take what i can get #when i was like 7 or 8. i had one friend at school. and she had like some issues at home or smth idk but sometimes she would just start. #treating me badly or just ignoring me for months at a time. and its not like it deeply traumatized me or anything i honestly didmt remember #this fact until like last year but the thing is that i just. accepted it. i was just like yeah ok for half of the year or so my only friend #will act like she hates me and ill have no one to talk to. thats fine. ill just wait until next year when she likes me again. at age 7. and #now im just like what the fuck man why did i just accept that as my life. through all my childhood and then with other friends in my teen #years why did i never not once try to do better for myself. yknow? #when i was 11 and in another school my best friend suddenly started not talking to me. after a month or so of this i decided to invite her #to my house to play like we had done so several times before and she just looked at me like she was confused i was talking to her at all #and said ''why?''. and i was just like. ok. thats that i guess. genuinely why did i just accept these things #and like yeah i have friends that i feel Get me now and one i love just so much and i can tell loves me back but theyre online. i dont talk #to anyone irl. i dont know how. and im happy im so happy but im also scared that im just doomed to be extremely lonely forever irl #because i am legit just not likeable. not to be a weird a weirdo but yeah im just too different from ur average person my age i cant #connect with them in any way. and i also dont know how to talk to people or make friends or to find people that are like me. ill just #not have anyone forever #i guess #especially bc now i dont hate myself enough to hang out with people i dont like so like. i dont even have that as an option skdbskdjks #Every friend i ever made happened bc the other person reached out to me first and insisted on it. all the friendships that stuck were the #gay autistic/adhd weirdonerds who can relate to my hyperfixations and dont expect me to act Normal™. idk how to find the former group irl #and have never once iniciated a friendship. my fate is to be someone who has online friends only and exclusively #and dont even get me STARTED on the topic of having a girlfriend someday- #anyways. certified magnus archives moment

[bloggirl8842]

My psych says I don’t like my mom or my ex because they make me vulnerable but I think it’s because they are/were both serial boundary violators. Well serial boundary violators sounds serious but I mean they are just good kind people who would not leave me alone when i ask(ed)

#i mean so am i so i dont exactly blame them but like. my mom doesnt knock used to hold me down and epilate my body doesnt take no for an #answer ever on anything unless youre MEAN to her and i dont mean anything serious i mean she asked me to go to the store with her to pick #out paint for her walls i said no she asked again i said no she asked again i said no so she went on her own and facetimed me so id help her #pick. my ex had a similar thing where if i was like hey lets not talk tomorrow im burnt out hed be like okay and then the next day early #morning he’d send a good morning text and then several more throughout the day and then we’d call at the end of the night #people do who not let you fucking breathe. i hate it. if i saw my mom less often id probably like her but her so much as sitting next to me #on the couch will have me tense and pissed. she also takes glee in hating things i like and its not a conscious or serious thing but its #really weird. ive done the same for her since i was little i dont know who did it first. like ok we’re moving our new place had wallpaper in #my room i wanted to keep it she wanted to remove it she agreed to keep it and then made plans to remove it bc she was going to get rid of it #at some point later on anyway for the house’s value or something. they removed it recently and she showed me a vid of the place and when she #gets to my room shes like hehehe its goneee like girl what the fuck is going on with you. she wouldnt let me change the decoration of my #room as a child it had to be the way she liked it. even my body had to be the way she liked it dude the epilation thing shed laugh as i #cried (in a shirt and underwear man) bc i was finally hairless. my ex was nowhere near that bad but again ZERO breathing room and whenever #id try to take some hed be like ‘’i just worry that if you take this space you’ll come back and break up with me’’ uh. yeah with that #attitude the breakup’s coming either way. he’s a good guy though just 24 and a man (both sad afflictions) he’ll shape up. or not. idk im no #t invested #he did listen to a lot of what i said just not the basic things of ‘’leave me the fuck alone sometimes’m #im annoyed that my therapist framed this as a me issue but shes right when it comes to me having trouble w vulnerability and i should just #clarify my pov here so she can change her assessment #my ex leaves me alone now. he does a great job at it i thiiink hes moved on which im happy about #i dont know if id ever want to be friends again though idk if either of us can do that #i cant. rn #i understand why he wanted so much from me though. i get it

[gilfrespecter]

I wish joe and janet would get me my money faster I have Shit I Need To Do With That

#it speaks #like fixing my car. and getting me& rob new shoes. and mailing my friends things. and making a better seat for my kayak #fixing my car isnt going to be expensive bc whats wrong with it is covered under the warranty but MAN i want my heat to work consistently #also i need to get an oil change #and pay off my credit card and maybe pay either rent or my car bill in advance and get some breathing room #im still pretty fucked over from my boss fucking up and disappearring my vacation time i had been SAVING UP SO I COULD TAKE TIME OFF #FOR TOP SURGERY AND TALKING ALL YEAR ABOUT IT but whatever its cool im cool #i want to try barefoot shoes but cute ones with good treads r expensive #when i was Doing Bad in high school i went everywhere barefoot(sorry 2 everyone who knew me in highschool LOL) I dont like shoes #tbh i dont like clothes. except for shorts theyre comfy and easy to wear #and sav the rest for the Nush's vet appointment #i want to Do More this year but our winters been so warm its going to be Tick Hell and her seresto was bothering her so i need to talk more #about preventatives for her and also not MISS THE SECOND DOSE OF HER LYME VACINE LIKE AN IDIOT #its ok i was working a really intense job at the time not the tax one #i wish the dmv would call me to set up an interview id love to work at the dmv

[marklikely]

getting annoyed at all the people i keep seeing saying no omg halloween ends was so good because they tried something new and im like yeah ok but did literally any of the stuff they tried actually turn out good? no.

#it didnt even do the bare minimum of creating a coherent whole smh. let alone being good i very nearly did walk out entirely. #like ok playing with the idea that your environment can be what pushes you to do evil instead of you being Inherently Bad #and the idea that like. michael myers isnt some all encompassing evil he's just one of many people out there who do bad things #great i get it. fine #but then they just throw it in the trash by being like actually no corey just is an evil person now. hes got bad vibes. #and then he (spoilers) and his entire story just like. doesnt even get brought up again now its a movie abt killing michael for 20 minutes #like ok . so now michael is the ultimate evil of haddonfield again and we all funeral march together to kill him. sure. #i guess fuck what the other 80 minutes of this movie were about. #like we get a limp line abt how evil never dies it just changes shape but like. they literally did kill both the evils & haddonfield's fine #i dont even think corey or anything about him specifically ever gets brought up again. for the entire last bit of the movie. #and we make zero moves to like address... what happened to create the evil scarecrow man at all. its just like well michaels dead we win. #plus whatever they were trying to do with laurie's entire character just made NO sense. #shes fine now she's healed from her trauma but now people are mad at her because she 'provoked' michael?? #when last movie we quite literally established that she didnt and he wasn't even here to look for her. he does not care abt that woman. #and then her granddaughter being like YOURE SO OBSESSED WITH DEATH YOU WANT EVERYONE AS MISERABLE AS YOU #when like??? laurie isn't even miserable in this movie she's post therapy and doing pretty well and enjoying her fucking life?? #so now everyone is just like. projecting this image onto laurie that we know is provably false but its never addressed #its not like . 'wow people project an ideal onto victims of trauma but its not true'. like i think we are supposed to agree w these people. #or at the very least if we dont agree we're supposed to be like wow that was deep they might have a point. #they just like. say they hate her for being obsessed with her trauma when she isn't anymore and then it never comes back up #and the way they all forgive her is her fighting michael but like thats what she did in 2018 isnt that why you're mad at her???? #and dont get me started on all the fake deep dialogue and monologues or the weird forced love story so they could hook the wattpad crowd. #but like the overall movie there are some ideas that are actually really good and exactly what i'd want in a halloween finale #and they just like . execute literally all of them in the worst possible way . #movie diary