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boxwinebaddie · 3 months

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Hi Nina! I'm sorry you're feeling so low :< and I know you're not really up for answering HC questions, but whenever you are I was just wondering: Are all the chars genderbent in TKAK?

hello, sweet pea! you are so wonderful, thank you for checking in. <3

feeling fresh as a daisy! or a wound. haha, jk! :)

i am going to try and pull myself up by the laces of my new pink docs, put on a brave face, be kind to myself and take it easy if i can. i truly hope i do not get verbally eviscerated today, but you never know.

anyways! *rises from the deepest and darkest throes of my depression to answer this tkak question bc i am insane* hskdlasks

to which i will also say...No, Actually? for starters, i just think it would be super complicated to try and flip-flop quite literally everyone ( plus i already left randy/sharon/shelley as their respective south park genders ) but i also think all the other characters just...work the best as their OG genders? ( save for the ones that May change them )

for example, in tkak, the main three...

( does not include kenny because kenny is princess kenny, who is, ofc, a girl in tsot/tkak and uses she/her <3 ily princess kenny mWAH )

...are butters, stas and craig. :')

i fucking love them so much, ohhh my god.

ODD SQUAD RISE!!!

stas really did...

…round up all the weird lil misfit kupa keep boys lmao.

so butters, stas has been looking out for since they were little bc he's very meek and soft-spoken. the kk boys are really, really cruel to him, bully/beat him up often, generally give him hell. so stas gives it right back usually! not with her fists ofc! she's a pacifist <3 ( though i do think she could beat all of their asses lmao ) and just uses her words.

she is very convincing, forthright and is a natural born leader tbh. so the boys usually fuck off when she comes around and once they go, she checks on butters all concerned, sighs gently, then checks him for broken bones and bruises. he is her special guy, who Does start in tkak as butters but, as we know, all my butters are just marjorine in a misleading boy font ( ew ) so keep your One Eye out for that. ;)

so stas will not throw a punch but...craig...Deeeefinetly will lmao.

because of the undiagnosable medieval autism, people think craig is really weird bc he's super quiet and when he does speak, it's in a monotone and hes usually super rude/out of pocket. ily craig. but yeah, no, he will beat ur ass, frfr. he cracks his knuckles and all the rowdy lil gang boys are like ahhh hell no!! RUN! & think he is a freak.

stas likes him v much tho <3 :* also bc craig is super mega gay and was the one boy who Didn't proposition her hand in marriage. they do think about getting betrothed a lot just to avoid the mess of their parents constantly trying to get them married off haha. btw he is still rogue!craig and pickpockets/pilfers things often. stas does shake her head at him 25/8 because Tis Dishonorable, Craig! which is seriously ironic given her current situation, but when he does steal wine and stuff from the tavern cellar...she does not refuse it. lmaooooo.

speaking of being super mega gay tho, in tkak, wendy is gwendolyn :) she just goes by wendy, stas is uhhhh...Enchanted by her. helppp. wendy is constantly like messing up her hair, gives her The Business but thinks its endearing that she's always running amok with all the boys in her dad's pants & once made a joke ( it was a lil too real tho ) abt how if she were Going to take a husband, she'd hope very much that they be like stas and that it really is a terrible shame she's a girl.

WHICH???? HELLLLOOOOOO???? anyways stas is like Ohh My God not impure thoughts abt women and temptations of the flesh AGAIN!! fuck my entire life lmaooo!!! stas has had a rlly stressful long haul lowkey gay crush on wen since they were little kids, its such a mess, & craig Regularly makes fun of her for it BOO!!! she's all blushin and sputterin like Shut Thy Mouth Tucker Before I Put Mine Lips Upon Yours!!! and does chase him around making crazy kissing noises w/ craig retching like STAY BACK DEMON LMAOOO!!!

anyways....live laugh love tkak, stas n the boys n gwendy.

-uncle nina, who is un-sadgirling to answer this ask.

p.s. please note that quite literally every stas/wendy interaction goes something like this:

stas being like Oh God She Approaches, How Doth My Hair Look? and craig says...like you haven't washed it in three days time. and shes like FUUUUCK but butters is like it is Fine, stas! just be emboldened in your words!! tryin to smooth out her shirt n shit ohhh my god. then wendy gets there like good evening, craig, butters...

anastasia ;) and stas is like HJSjahahaha! smood schmeving smendy ( RIP she could not speak ) ft craig abt to lose it laughing and butters trying to shush him but lmao it gets Worse bc then stas tries to save it all like your, uh...frock looks rather Fetching in the moonlight! particularly the bodice NOT THAT I WAS LOOKING UPON IT ( heelp ) it just fell within my eyeline & i thought to tell you it was...Pleasing?

( ohhhh my god stas please ) and wendy was like -squints fondly- ah...well, thank you, stas? i think? truly, i was not at all troubled by its appearance and composition, but i am glad you find it, erm, pleasing? to your...honorable and unwandering...eyes? either way, i shall sing the seamstress your high praises and see you all on the morrow. <3 but before i depart...wendy legit leans in and stas is abt to throw up i'm not even joking bc wendy is sooo close to her face...

...then just pulls a leaf out of her hair like i found this nested in your hair and thought you might wish it banished from you and stas is like AHAHAHA YES WOW MANY THANKS SEE YOU ON THE MORROW GWENDOLY--and like leans back to try and look cool and eats shit on a barrel SMHHHHH and craig and butters are making fun of her so hard like yOuR fRocK iS veRy PleAsinG SchmEndoLyn and stas is like ohmygodddd shutupshutshutSHUTUUUP ALAS!!! i am Ruined boys! that was more despairing than death! a hundred times worse than HELL! later, i shall craft a sword and Fall Upon It, but for tonight, craig, please tell me you have procured some ale. i wish to drown my endless sorrows in it ;-;;; IM CRYING GIRL FAIL STAS!!!

#thank u for ur kind words friend i am doing my best #but yeah no all the other chars start tkak as their og genders in sp but you know...you never know...the winds of change are in the air #listen tho!!! i love stas and the boys so bad theyre soooo funny they are giving eren mikasa and armin if uve seen aot #they are truly so funny they are such legends and icons #medieval odd squad RISE #also not stas' gay ass crush on wendy and her constantly crying and throwing up its so unserious #THAT JOKE WAS A LITTLE TOO REAL WENDY LIKE MAN OH MY GOD STAS THOUGHT ABT THAT FOR MONTHS #craig and butters pointing and laughing she is like i wish i killed ppl bc both of you would be first!!! shes had ENOUGH #SHUT UP TUCKER BEFORE I PUT MINE LIPS UPON URS and craig being like EWEWEWEW shadlksad they do drink stolen mead on rooftops together <3 #they do also bond abt having fucked up families/childhoods also i fucking love them so much i am passionate abt them #stas trying to talk to wendy is so funny i am dead shes so dramatic like I Am Going To Fall Upon My Sword Pls Fetch Me The Ale #so unserious shes soooooo dramatic im KHDKSLHd #NOT THAT I WAS LOOKING UPON IT LIKE OHJHHHH MY GOOOOODD IM CRYING #stas like boys do not jest or i will Throw Myself From The Belltower #and craig is like Make Haste HAHAJSSKS MAAAN #THE DISRESPECT #stas threatening to k word herself after every failed wendy interaction is too real

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ourflagmeansgayrights · 1 year

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I haven't read the fic, so I don't know the full contents of it, but I am a huge fan of What Remains of Edith Finch (& OFMD, of course). Edith Finch is a really great narrative-based video game, about Edith, the last of her entire family, returning to her abandoned home and uncovering the mysteries of the past. Her family's believed to be cursed, with nearly every member having an untimely death and memorialized in looked room and Edith finally learning how they all died. The games entire plot is focused on death. It's about the loss of fanily and the grief we carry through generation, so a little bit of the opposite of OFMD's message of found family and it's never too late to heal. It's a very sad story but extremely cathartic and haunting and beautiful. I reccomend it, and you don't have to be huge into video games to play. Though i get its not for all because of the subject matter. So what I'm guessing is seems like anon was just frustrated that someone wrote a story where Stede being sad was gonna be a focus. Which yeah I like Stede being happy too but there's nothing inherently wrong with writing a story where he's not and it's kind of rude to say we should shame someone for it. You're kind proving their point there for maybe why they wrote the fic anonymously. Again tho, I did not read the fic so I don’t know if it has anything offensive in it, but from that anon's reaction, it seems like that wasn't the issue, but just Stede not being happy or doing things to make Ed happy.

oh shit wait i HAVE heard of that game and wanted to play it but i forgor 😔

anyway yeah i’m usually someone who goes looking for fanfiction when i want MORE of canon* and i’ve consumed all of canon so like for personal taste reasons when fics don’t have the same time as the source material im usually like :/ eh. but i recognize that’s not everyone’s deal and some ppl go to fanfic to find something that’s LACKING in canon. so like extremely angsty AUs are fine. this incredibly sad au sounds like it could be good tbh

*usually. sometimes a fic falls outside of Canon Vibes and it’s REALLY good so it works for me. but usually i only rlly start looking for fic bc i’m starting to run low on how much emotion i can squeeze out of every second of canon and i need a new source of dopamine.

#ask #anon #mine #video games #txt #og

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littlebigafterdark · 3 years

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I'm feeling in a particular mood for some more Logan stuff, (totally not my comfort character who unfortunately is a medium for a lot of angst /s) so maybe the almost-relapse?

the littles accidentally trigger logan's ED (janus and patton help him thru it)

This is a copy pastd from a really long message i sent to liv a few weeks ago, just in case the grammar is weird or somethin!

oOo

context: whenever roman is a brat and refuses to eat dinner, logan gets noticeably more frustrated than with any other bratty behaviour because it hits too close to home to his eating disorder

so...

one day when patton is out somewhere, maybe at his carpentry class ((thats actually slightly spoilers for a big concept for the main blog lol)), logan has both the littles

and roman is bratty and refuses to eat dinner and logan breathes evenly and tries not to worry abt it bc he KNOWS roman always eats, hes just doing it to be annoying, breathe, he isnt actually restricting its ok

and logan was literally holding the baby fork up to vees mouth and suddenly she giggles and pushes it away

"come on baby, yummy time" logan coos and smiles a little but he doesnt feel it, and with his other hand he tickles lightly under vees chin and she giggles and logan smiles and goes to feed her again

but she pushes the fork away and babbles "mo bima!"

and roman laughs "yeah, no dinner! no dinner!" and bounces

and logan is feeling rlly shaky and hot suddenly and swallows thickly and ignores roman, and keeps looking at vee "princess, please open up," trying not to pay attention to how shaky his voice is. "its papa's spaghetti remember? yummy" he nods enthusiastically and goes to feed her again

but again vee just giggles all squeaky and pushes the fork away and looks at roman with a big smile for his approval. and roman is like "yeah vee! rebellion!!!" still so playful

but he hasnt noticed logans chest is heaving a little and hes staring at where vee pushed the fork away and logan was too shaky not to drop it on the floor.

and he looks up at vee and how small she is and how shes genuinely on the lower end of average weight and they need to make sure she doesnt dip down into underweight and thinks about how terrified he is of the idea that if she did develop an ED like he did it would be so dangerous and he cant see his baby go through that and-

it just hits him so so so harshly and hes suddenly crying and roman and vee freeze and look at him. and he hurriedly wipes away his tears and breathes shakily and tries to say again

"vee pl-please just ea--" and his throat closes up, he cant even say the word 'eat' and he gags on his tears and jumps up from his chair to run out to the downstairs bathroom and locks himself in trying to calm down and stop gagging.

and he can hear vee crying and roman - adult now - promising her its okay, mama feels a bit sicky but everythings okay, lets phone nana, its ok baby

and logan is breathing too fast and shaking and crying with his back against the bathroom door, not gagging anymore, but unable to take himself outside

. he hears roman feeding vee, and vee giggling and clearly enjoying the food, but no matter how comforting that is to hear he cant get over that genuine terror he felt when vee refused to eat, its his worst nightmare for vee to develop disordered eating - for any of them, but vee is already very thin and it could be critical, and logan cant get over that

when janus arrives (barely ten minutes later, he must have jumped in the car straight away which is only used for emergencies bc of janus' partial blindness) he speaks quietly to roman, and of course theyre trying to be subtle

but the kitchen is only across the hall from the bathroom and logan hears every word of roman explaining what happened and how confusing it was and how patton wont be home for another forty five minutes and roman didnt want either vee or logan to be alone but they probably shouldnt be around each other right now since vee gets so upset when the others arent happy

roman tries to talk to logan first through the bathroom door, apologising for misbehaving and promising he wont do that again. but can logan tell him what exactly was so bad about it this time? so roman can not do whatever it is in future.

but logan cant bring himself to say anything. he cant tell roman about this at least not yet he hasnt felt ready yet even if its been years and he doesnt know if he ever will be ready to tell roman about his ED

so after realising logan wont talk to him, roman swaps with janus. janus doesnt know the details but he knows theres something about logan and eating and hes made an educated guess from all the fibs hes heard over the years.

"hey, dic" (janus' unsavoury nickname for logan that he insists is just short for dictionary) "do you need a glass of water?"

logans throat is actually dry from hyperventilating and he says with a quiet scratchy voice through the door "yes please"

and when janus brings it to the door he just knocks gently and when logan opens the door to accept it janus doesnt make any comment on logans messy hair where hes run his hand through it or on his glassy red rimmed eyes or on the tremble of his fingers. but he does say "i know it must be so cozy in there" he nods to the cramped cold bathroom "but you might just prefer it in your room"

logan flushes a little and nods, comes out of the bathroom and heads to the stairs, but he pauses at the bottom of the stairs thinking... he doesnt know if he can be trusted alone upstairs. theres another bathroom up there and the gagging has made his stomach churn and he feels FULL from dinner and if only he emptied it then maybe he would feel better right? .... no

so he rasps without turning back to janus "i... i cant be alone"

"look behind you, idiot" janus says and its far closer than logan remembered him being.

he whips his head round to see janus was following closely behind him. janus raises a pierced eyebrow "well, are we going to stand in the stairway all night?" and of course its snarky but its soft too

so logan breathes deeply and they go upstairs to his room. janus makes himself at home, immediately grabbing a book from logans book case and collapsing sideways in logans armchair as soon as they stepped in the room. logan reclines on his bed and sips his water and does breathing exercises and tries to not feel humiliated about this breakdown

every time logan tries to apologise for disturbing janus' evening (he didnt) or asks if janus is sure roman is grownup enough to look after vee appropriately (he is) or insists that he is okay to be left alone now (he's not) janus just murmurs "shut up im reading"

when patton gets back roman just tells him logan isnt feeling good and patton hurries up to see him - and upon seeing his husband logan is overcome by shame that he almost relapsed and relief that his best friend is here and a wave of tears that he tries and fails to blink away

and janus just quietly bids them good night and promises he'll stay a couple hours to keep roman and vee company, but patton insists he stays the night in pattons room (its not safe for him to drive in thr dark) and janus is used to this routine by now that he knows where the spare pillows are

so janus leaves quietly and logan croaks "thanks, old man" trying to sound casual but regretting it when his voice shakes. janus just holds up a peace sign and closes logans door behind him on the way out.

as soon as the door closes logans face crumples and he hides his eyes behind his arm and patton practically bounds over to logan and climbs onto bed next to him and cradles logans head to his shoulder as he cries

they stay like that, cuddling in bed, patton cradling logans head and kissing the nape of his neck and wrapping his arm around logans waist to spoon him and whisper about what happened and how they can avoid it in future

but mainly they just breathe and cry together and patton fills the hours with soft affirmations of love and getting logan a tea and promising its okay if logan wants a cookie with it but logan says maybe later (later turns out to be 2:30 in the morning but at least it really was later)

they barely sleep that night but its all comfort and talking and by morning despite being exhausted, logan feels safer and breakfast goes by without a hitch

oOo

just some notes me and liv made that i think highlights some main points:

logan struggling so much even when he knows that the kids are just playing around and they don't really mean that they don't want to eat, but it's just one of those things that inevitably hits too close to home

it just suddenly hit him! like any other day he can cope with roman doing that, its a small blip usually, but the fact that VEE started refusing food freaked logan out so much bc they genuinely have to keep an eye on her weight just bc shes naturally so small

his emotions about his history with an ED plus his overprotective mama cg space making him nearly go into a panic attack from the thought that vee could develop an ED is very sad and very true

and janus coming right away!! and he and roman handle the siatuation so well, like roman was so smart knowing not to leave logan alone, and janus calling him dic and taking him to his room and staying there until patton gets back

and him crying from just seeing patton because he's his best friend and he can be vulnerable around him is very :'c <3

hes so so relieved to see patton but theres also the slightests "ive let my husband down" bc he thinks bc patton helped him so much he owes it to patton to not relapse - but of course pat reassures him its natural to relapse but he didnt! he caught it in the early stages and asked for help and patton is never disappointed in him

he caught it!!! he caught it and he stopped himself and he let himself be helped by both roman and janus and patton and he didn't even relapse!! and this whole thing is really a sign of how far he's come that he was able to accept their help in his vulnerable state, even if roman and janus didn't have the full story, they still wanted to help him through whatever he was experiencing

#mama logan #little big eating disorder #do not reblog #long post #asks #adorable undead queen #little big after dark concepts

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zanecosh · 4 years

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’ ･ﾟ : 👽 : ･. INTRODUCTION — Zane Wancosh .･: 👽 :･ﾟ ’

⌠ CHANCE PERDOMO, TWENTY-ONE, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, ZANE WANCOSH! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in MEDICAL TRAINING; and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (sunglasses in every imaginable color, serenading ‘ my heart will go on ‘ loudly at 4 am, finger guns to the pals and the gals). when it’s the (aries)’s birthday on 04/18/1999, they always request their FRENCH FRIES WITH GRAVY from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation.

tw; drugs, jail/prison ??, alcohol

PAST but not rlly since i always had to mention what it did to him

- Zane was raised in Ottawa, Canada .. something he is very proud of and will mention a billion times as soon as he gets to know someone -- he will also deliberately say ‘ eh ? ‘ to let people know b ut we all know he ain’t sleek !!

- His parents had always been a loving bunch so he grew up receiving so much affection and attention that he now is a little FULL of himself but only because he seeks love and won’t stop until someone provides it for him im srry i didn’t make the law

.- So given his upbringing he’s always been the completely affectionate type, having his hands everywhere all the time and achING for hugs and small things like hand holding or just a pat on the shoulder like he is seriously convinced that if he doesn’t get at least four hugs a day he will die a painful, lonely death

- So in addition to that, he had always been a very active, youthful and energetic kid which was pretty much something he got from his dad since he sort of kept things playful and always did the best that he could while his mom was on the stricter side but instead knew how to teach him things that were important !!

- So growing up he always made friends very easily because of how open he was ( except that time when he brought this girl home at the age of 7 because he thought she’d make a cool pet ) and because he was always vERY friendly, even if he had a tendency to be too nice at times and just got upset when people didn’t like him ?? which is honestly still the case

- Of course he loved being popular which is kind of his aspiration in most things nowadays?? he seeks to be liked so much it’s sometimes a lil sad but he will legitamately try anything to make you his friend and he wont care if ur bothered because at least then he’ll get a reaction out of you !! but yeah it’s something he never really learned bc he’s used to getting validated from his parents so he genuinely doesn’t COMPREHEND meanness ://

- It was when he was around ten ( 10 ) years old when his dad randomly moved to New York ?? which was honestly super scary to him but his mother assured him that it was for a special job which was definitely weird for him because that was the only thing she ever said when he asked her about his father and ofc zane wasn’t dumb just a little idiotic !!

- They still visited his father often where Zane was able to get to know America and New York a little better, which he definitely enjoyed even though he sort of preferred Canada always because he likes snow a lot and the fact that it kind of melts when you pee on it but anyway he was getting a bit more suspicious as he grew older

- Then on his sixteenth birthday he was able to visit his dad once more to which he then was revealed that his dad was the ring leader of a spy business !! WOW to which Zane was baffled of course bc his dad ??? who tripped over his 7th birthday cake because Zane saw a squirrel and started to chase it ?? exactly !!

- So of course, Zane wanted to start working there !! Not only because of curiosity but school was kind of boring ( ngl ) and he missed his dad a lot so while his mother was not happy about his choice at all she always believed in people doing whatever they wanted so without much time passing the male moved to New York and started working for his father !!

- it was quickly noticiable that Zane wasn’t great at spy work, considering he was incredibly clumsy and was always distracted by everything and almost shot off his left toe ONCE okay it was only onCE !! Anyway his father got a little frustrated with his chaotic energy so he gave him the jobs were he was usually with someone else so they could babysit him which was honestly better for him too bc he could make friends !!

- So when he was around 19 that’s when he got to know his boy Landon, his main squeeze, one could even say the love of his life ( only he would say that ) but they immediately vibed with Landon being his driver even though they lowkey ended up doing stuff that completely wasn’t what his dad wanted but Zane was honestly just loving life and just doing a bit of shady stuff with his buddies was bonding ??

- HOWEVER NOT ALL THINGS CAN BE SUNSHINE AND CAKE; so they often kind of got into trouble ?? they were good at hiding and sort of running from the cops a couple of times but honestly not that much of a big deal as Zane would say but once upon a time, these assholes rlly got caught ahead of their time to which Landon then got away in time with someone from Gallagher helping while Zane honestly didn’t know what was happening n got caught ??

- To which he then ended up in jail for a year !! love carrying contraband while being high as fuck !! anyway, it was a very self reflecting time . even though he sort of learned nothing ?? anyway not even his dad could bail him out, only shorten the time if he in return joined Gallagher, a school where he would learn how to behave and use his spy knowledge to some good instead of just causing trouble !!

- Which he honestly didn’t vibe with so much because he was kind of scared of these spy kids ?? legit all of them could kill them w a look he wasn’t sure was his dad was thinking but that’s also why he chose medicial training, in order to not get hurt and if he did, he would be able to take care of himself which honestly wasn’t that much of a help when he was about to bonk this girl but ended up hitting his dick against the ground as they rolled around ?? he doesn’t wanna talk about it

- Anyway, he sort of grew into Gallagher for the most part, since he is a very adaptable person in general and was looking forward to making friends with people who were way cooler than him which was honestly a plus !! he just vibing y’all there ain’t no problem at all at all

PERSONALITY & LITTLE QUIRKS

- He’s super chaotic and all over the place, loves talking about anything and everything and sort of philophises over the most mundane things because its fun to talk about life y’all

- He has a super colorful taste in clothing and decoration and is pretty extraordinary in most things in life, whether its sunglasses or flowers on his backpack and shirts and stuff that’s way too big

- Is a slow talker and also doesn’t understand people who talk fast

- Has a habit of interrupting people mid-conversation and doesn’t realize that it could appear rude

- Loves everyone, is also super affectionate and always has an arm around his friends or will at least ask for conSENT bc that matters to him but he will most likely touch u some type of way im sorry

- Probably because he is super fidgety too, he legit has his hands everywhere all the time because he doesn’t like to stay still

- Somewhat of a class clown and certainly does not enjoy studying or any school related work so he’s kind probably always on the verge of failing ?? idk how he does it you guys

- will fist bump you but will also grab your ass

- Just wants to chill most of the time but somehow still always stressed

- Is a party ANIMAL like if there is a party, he’s there and probably drunk and high before the party even starts ?? in general i don’t think he’s been sober a day since he turned 18 who the fuck knows

- Will probably trip and fall everywhere as a drunk but he just laughs about it the second day, like he says if he doesn’t get hurt it won’t be a good party and i honestly worry about him and i’m not sure how he’s still alive

- does the peace sign way too often

- could be considered a sunny boy but since he’s from cold ass Canada he loves snow way much more and the cold for some reason

- has the biggest potty mouth like he doesn’t even realize he’s swearing

- is extremely honest like he will just stand there listening to someone complain and be like well that’s a bitch

- also huge flirt and also catches feelings fast and will mostly say it outright when he falls for someone like boy has seriously no shame ?? he will feel the heartbreak but he believes he can deal with it better than questioning it all the time and if they feel the same he will just loVE

- he also might be polyamerous he doesn’t know it yet bc he’s never had that many chances but he just likes to love whatever

- his head is everywhere and nowhere at the same time so it’s possible that he doesn’t make sense 80% of the time

- has tattoos that don’t make sense at all, i like to refer pewdiepie or uhhhh what’s his name uhhhh kURTIS CONNER ?? im too lazy to fact check i been writing this for an hour let me be

- knows how to juggle and thinks that’s that probably the coolest skill he’s ever learned

- has two earthworms that he got during a biology project back in high school who have been in his possession for six years now ?? ( i checked they live for four to eight ) he loves them to death ok their names are Niall and Liam ....... ( yes he was an 1D stan don’t confront him about them he’ll cry )

- is very superficial, loves the horoscope and believes in like bad luck and stuff like that, will scold u if u don’t listen to him rant about unlucky things !!

/ @gallagherintro

#gallagher:intro #not putting any wcs bc he legit fits everything ok #this got loooong #but i could meme for 4 hours w this dude

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egggshellent · 4 years

Text

How it feels to live in my head

Its like sailing with a broken boat on the open ocean while storms are lingering in the horizon. I try to throw the water out and sometimes i manage to fix the break with some bandaid solution but after a while the boat starts leaking again.

Its feeling so alien in my own body. Just reaching for warm and peace when my head is going nuts. Finding those moments of pseudo ok to fall back in my hole again. And to climb out of there again. Then fall back. Repeat 20 times per day.

No one around me cant truly know what its like. Even i cant even begin to compherend what others worse than me are going through because its such a special hell.

Everytime i hear a sound that doesnt hurt me i take it as a huge blessing but then remember someday i might not even be be to bear this sound without agony. One has to really count their blessing bc u never know if you can do a certain thing again in the future.

It's feeling like death is looming on top of me because at this point im a ticking time bomb. When i wake up i truly dont know if today is the day i get a huge setback for a silly reason and lose all my progress yet again. It's almost shameful feeling slightly relaxed because im used to being on edge constantly. Its facing insanity and uncertainty and deep sorrow. Not grief only for me but for others that face this shit every day. Hoping for a break that might never come.

Nothing is easy in life. Death truly terrifies me because that's another unknown. And it sucks feeling like im very close to the edge. Might not happen in a year, or five. But its so easy for my condition to worsen at any time it feels if i get truly severe someday, i just cant live in such a state. Because at its worst this condition is truly a constant torture and it makes your body and the world completely unhabitable. I dont want to stick around to see what it does to my mind if im in severe pain every day and completely unable to do anything whilst being forced to listen satans concerto every waking second.

Now im very grateful for being in low pain. I can whisper again to myself without feeling someones raping my ear canals with sandpaper. Screaming man tone- as i familiarly call him, has been gone after like a week of just screaming so im happy he's gone again for some time. Burning still comes very easy without protection but atleast earmuffs feel a little more protective now than they did a month ago.

When i just got home all sounds just pierced through them, even sounds like tap running very low, opening a door, plastic cup tapping against another one, walking across the room. And i have the most protective pair of muffs there is. I can very easily revert back to that state or much worse- permanently too so im glad i have more space to breathe currently.

Its still a constant dread looming behind me but at least couple last days have passed by easier than before. I haven't been acutely suicidal anymore, which is a relief. I have a little hope of managing to stay on this level without losing my mind, or even slightly improving since i have recovered already from the massive setback that was obligatory to get back home to a safer quieter place. Good things are happening! Once i work up to courage i might go outside since i havent done that since mid september. Idk why i wrote this rlly i cant talk much or write diary manually sooo lets just post on tumblr and regret it later hihi :D

#the day i can safely draw with muffs will be greattt #uuu #personal

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wonhuis · 4 years

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hey! sorry for not being that active, i got one final! i didn’t expect it tbh but since subjects have a limit of 3 years i was “forced” to take at least one if i wanted to keep my regularity. so yeah i prob didn’t pass but i just need a 4 to keep it cool. ah yes! exo m had a lot of potential, i still like exo tho, they are one of my first groups. i read you put seulgi in one of your tags, do you like rv? 1/? 🍰-sss

i feel your struggle is like i want to multitask but at the same time just for a little while. the game had a 80% discount i think, it was like woah steam and its christmas spirit came early this year. fbkjsfsbk gta betrayed you! can you change it tho? thank you! my stomach didn’t help me these few days but the stress didn’t help as well. I haven’t watch it but it’s on my list? would u rec it? 2/? 🍰-sss

idk a lot abt dramas, animes on the other hand💕 do u have any fav anime/s?jun in denim jacket is everything! it suits him very well, the red sweater he wore on going seventeen was amazing too! tbh everything he wears + black hair is my fav look. black hair suits him so well! but brown hair is my close 2nd fav. for clothes: sweaters, like a nice cream colour. i love when he wears jackets or big coats, he looks so cozy and my heart goes *boom* ¾ 🍰-sss

question: who would get along with the most in svt? also the whole mess thats going on bc of twitter and reposters, smh. people have no shame to not only steal content but believe they have the nerves to say “it’s just a gif”, then do it yourself. a lot of ccs spend time and effort doing it. twt is pure clownery. i hope u started well this week! (besides twt drama). also vernon + bugs lmao!!! i’d have done the same ngl 4/4 🍰-sss

oh sweetie don’t worry about it!! i’m not a consistent person myself so i tend to be inactive out of nowhere for a few days as well lmao but omg hope u at least got that 4!!! what are u studying, if you don’t mind me asking?

ah yes i still do love exo as well!!i mean baekhyun is still my ult lmao if ur a cheol stan are u also a suho one? oh but u said u liked exo m better lmao i just know so many ppl that are suho stans and also stan cheol lmao (and taeil from nct????) so i’m curious about it!!

and i do!!! we’ve been fighting a LOT recently because i really dislike the songs they dropped after bad boy but oh well, they’re still cute and i rlly like them!! not my fave gg of this generation bc twice exists, but they’re somewhere there with a few others lmao

oh i multitask all the time it’s an addiction honestly kkdskdj if i don’t do at least two things at the same time i absolutely can’t concentrate for some reason, but one of the things can be listening to music so it’s all good, like right now i’m answering this and listening to some glee performances LMAO but omg 80% is a reallyyyyy good discount!! i think i could still return gta but i paid it rlly cheap and i’m still planning on getting a new laptop so i don’t rlly wanna get rid of it lmao also i play it when i’m at my friend’s house sometimes

ah it was a really cute drama, but some things rlly annoyed me lmao i’d rec it because it’s cute and i’m hella biased towards jinyoung and jisoo lmao also i didn’t suffer that much but the final ep disappointed me a lot bc it felt rlly rushed :/ like the two seasons went at a certain pace and then the last ep felt too much, but it was still good!!

and i looooooooooove animes lmao my all time fave is fullmetal alchemist!!! for anime and for manga! i reread and rewatch it every single year and i’ve been doing it for 10 years lmao (i do the same with percy jackson because i’m crazy like that!!) but i also love haikyuu, bnha, tokyo ghoul (rip), kimetsu no yaiba, bungou stray dogs, kuroshitsuji and i’m a huge fan of shoujo too!! my fave is fruits basket, but i love gekkan shoujo nozaki-kun, kimi ni todoke, ao haru ride, akatsuki no yona, ore monogatari, ouran high school host club, kaichou wa maid sama and others! AND ALSO!! i love those cute slice of life ones like barakamon, tanaka-kun wa itsumo kedaruge, kyoukai no kanata and hyouka!! i’m always watching new anime but i also rewatch most of the animes i’ve watched, some that i really like to rewatch (besides the ones i’ve already said, that i have rewatched a few times lmao) are karneval, yamada-kun to nananin no majo and servamp! they all only have one season of 12 eps and they’re rlly easy to watch, that’s why i watch them a lot lmao

ANYWAY

omg yes black hair is everything to me i’m the biggest black hair suppremacist lmao BUT the brown comma hair he had during clap? AMAZING! his mansae brown hair was also REALLY nice, i rlly did enjoy the dirty blonde one from very nice too! and the pink!!!!! i love pink hair sO MUCH, I LOVE JUN IN EVERY HAIR COLOR LMAO HE LOOKS AMAZING IN ALL OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!! (but black hair is def my fave for anyone lmao except minghao bc i loved his clap hair the most)

CHEOL IN BIG AND WARM AND COZY JACKETS/SWEATERS/COATS YESSSSSS I LOVE IT TOO!!!! big and fluffy sweaters are my fave looks ever bc it’s just so cute my heart combusts always

also i think wonwoo? we have a similar kind of humor and we also like the same things, but even though i talk a lot i’m never the one to start the talk and neither is he, so we’d basically never talk LMAO but it’d be all good we could just hang around together in a comfortable silence while we read and pet my cats!! i’d also like to say minghao and vernon bc i love them but they’re kinda too deep for me lmao i’m a shallow person and i don’t like taking things too seriously so it’d be a problem sometimes i think… oh!!! there’s jeonghan too!! we’d definitely either love or hate each other LMAO i’m rlly similar to him when i’m comfortable with someone i think, like his sometimes devilish personality is 100% me with my close friends lmao but what about you?????

and ah yeah… the reposters…. see i get PISSED over reposters i really do despise them SO MUCH!!!!! see from 2011-2013 i had an anime blog and i used to make a lot of edits and gifs there and i always had these two accs that reposted me all the time and i got so pissed bc u couldn’t report for this back then so i just deleted my whole acc (it had over 20k followers lmao) so i still get pissed!!! this one set of mine from my nct blog got reposted and it got almost 2k notes when mine had like 500 (it now has almost 4k but still) and i HATE that lmao like nowadays ppl aren’t even supporting content creators anymore u know, the likes to reblogs ratio is RIDICULOUS. i have this one post from 2011 in my old blog that has 1800 notes and only 100 are likes, but now it’s the exact opposite and it kinda :// i always say that i don’t care about numbers bc i LOVE to read to tags and stuff like that is what matters to me the most, but if people don’t reblog there’s no tags for me to read and that’s what saddens me the most :/ i never rlly cared about notes, but it’s kinda shitty to spend a shit ton of time doing something just for fun and people don’t even appreciate it :/

also the way content creators literally are the ones that keep this plataform up and running and it means NOTHING to have a big following here, like ppl on twt and ig get sponsors for their numbers even if they do NOTHING. i hate twitter so much lmao ppl out there only stealing jokes and posts from tumblr and acting like they’re the shit, then getting 100k followers and sponsors like?? i’m sorry?? also there’s SO MANY artists on twitter that get absolutely no recognition but only those shit ass people that tweet about their foot fetish get followes, same with ig if ur rich and take nice pics of urself traveling then ur famous i HATE

I’M SORRY FOR RAMBLING SO MUCH BUT I GET SO ANGRY LMAO

FUCK reposters and fuck tumblr and fuck twitter too

but not fuck you sweetie, sorry pls come back ksdjnakjsd

#but yeah my week has been ok!#tomorrow is my last day of class and i have so many things i wanted to do but i postponed them #and now the school closes on saturday so i have 3 days to use their computers lmao #sss19 #🍰 sss #long post #this is the biggest one so far i rambled so much i'm so sorry #anon #asks

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