#jigsaw!billyrusso x reader

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Epilogue)

Writers Notes- For those who hung in there and stayed with these guys for their whole story, congrats. You deserve some fluff!

The sun was high in the sky, only a few clouds threatening rain drifting in and out, a light crisp breeze weaved through the park. Trees rustling, the sounds of children playing in the playground, shrieks of laughter, people talking, the distant sound of New York City traffic. The sound track to your new life, sounded the same and yet so different.

“There are my boys!” You giggled, watching Billy laying on his back on the large blanket spread out for the three of you. A wiggly baby boy making sweet cooing sounds from where he lay on the blanket next to Billy, kicking tiny feet into the air. A light blue onesie lovingly stating “I love my aunt” gifted by Karen herself, who would probably pride herself on knowing it was boy until kingdom come.

You kneeled on the other side of them, tickling baby Jack’s tummy watching his little feet kick out back and forth. You’d both decided on the name at the eleventh hour, the first name Billy had thought of when you’d two first discussed names. He had a head full of dark brown soft wispy hair, and while ,his eyes were still that soft baby gray you could tell they’d darken into the chocolatey brown you were very familiar with.

You kissed at his chubby cheeks, reveling in the excited sweet noises your baby boy made in response. The sweetest face looking up at you, with the biggest smile.

“Even his smile looks like yours.” You chuckled, brushing some of his dark hair aside before looking to Billy who was watching the two of you, head propped up on his hand, elbow resting underneath.

The Russo genes were too strong, Jack was going to be the spitting image of his father. You nestled your face into jacks tummy again, “That’s ok you can look just like daddy, not like I did anything over here.” Billy responded with a loud laugh, his smile lighting up each of his features. Features you saw mirrored in your son, even now.

“You did all the work, if we’re lucky he’ll have your personality.” You leaned over to kiss Billy. Your fiancé.  His lips molded to yours perfectly, each taste of him better than the last, getting lost in the headiness of it. You let your tongue run along his bottom lip, both of you groaning at the sensation, not giving a damn you were in public, then a gurgling and string of baby babble between you broke apart the moment. You felt heat rising in your cheeks as you pulled away from Billy, picking up Jack as you instantly noticed him starting to get fussy.

“Little squirt cock blocking me.” You smirked at Billy, adjusting yourself as you picked up the feeding blanket from your bag.

“He just doesn’t want a younger sibling yet.” 

Billy made comically dramatic huff, holding Jack while you situated yourself to feed him.

“Poor guy doesn’t know he’s gonna have 12 younger brothers and sisters.” The sound you made was half scoffing at Billy’s remark half feeling Jack latch immediately.

“Yeah sure, just let me know how many of those you’re gonna carry yourself, Russo.” This only made him smile, scooting closer , assuming his resting position close to the both of you, one hand reaching up to rest where Jack’s back remained under the blanket. You remembered the day, in this very same park, when Billy had mentioned wanting children.

At the time you didn’t totally believe him, he was an amazing man to be sure, but the idea of him changing diapers, covered in spit up and with dark circles under his eyes had seemed like a long shot. But in your last month you watched fatherhood take hold of the man. You laid in bed resting, one hand on your bump watching him on the floor in the corner, just in underwear pouring over the crib directions.

Scratching his head as he turned over a random part of the furniture with one hand. The hair on his head growing back into something you could card your fingers through while he rested against your belly, speaking to the baby, words that you could only halfway make out before you’d fall into restful sleep. Sometimes waking and seeing he’d fallen asleep where he lay too.

He’d even started looking at houses in the suburbs. You’d laughed at the idea initially. Thinking this was a one and done situation, but with each day your love for both the boys in your life grew. Watching him bounce Jack softly on his shoulder to get him to burp, holding him in the rocking chair by the windows whispering, or maybe singing softly until those small cries ceased.

The rocking chair had shown up at your place, no note, or sender information. You both knew it was from Frank. It had also shown up with a large check, the beginning of a “college fund for the kid”. You both understood while he now knew the truth, it would take time for him to make room inside himself to see Billy again, as friend not foe. To see the baby. It’d take time but that was alright.

You made a sound of discomfort as Jack sucked a  little bit too hard for your liking, bringing you back to this moment.

“Well there is no doubt he’s your son.” You mumbled fixing him with a goofy face, sending him onto his back laughing at the implication. As he gathered himself, running his hand up and down Jacks back again. Grinning ear to ear. It felt so nice to see him like this again.

“Hey buddy, gotta leave those intact for me.” 

It almost felt unreal, that this moment even existed for you two. A year ago he could barely remember your name, battered and beaten down, on the fast track to either dying or spending his remaining days behind bars. Karen and Frank had stepped in, making sure the drives and their appropriate information got into the right hands.

They knew a couple of lawyers that had…experience with sharing the right intel to make a case work. Things were still ironing themselves out, but Billy was here, pondering his next steps, but relishing the here and now as well. Taking Jack from your chest, and holding him with the utmost softness but also a protective grip that only you could understand.

Resting your forehead to his, hearing the soft sounds of contentment that only a baby could make, pressing your lips to the side of Jacks head then up to meet Billy’s waiting lips. The distant sounds of the playground children laughing and talking, people walking  nearby, all faded until all you could hear was Billy and your sons steady breathing, whole and complete.

Billy walked along the lines of the carpet in the apartment, bouncing his newborn on his chest, fast asleep, lulled by the constant motion. You had fallen asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow but Billy enjoyed these quiet moments at night with his son. 

His son. He couldn’t believe how easily tears seemed to spring to his eyes looking into the face of something so pure and innocent.

Everything he wasn’t, and everything he hoped to protect for as long as humanely possible. He had been a hardened man, cold as steel, shrewd and unafraid to make bargains and deals that were unpredictable and dangerous. He’d swallow his pride watching old friends and colleagues showing off wedding photos and eventually baby pictures. Denying that he wanted any of that. He was ceo of a multi million dollar corporation, had a penthouse overlooking the park, a Bentley and liquid stock in multiple countries and banks.

HE was the epitome of what every man hoped to be, scratching and clawing to the top, emerging from the cesspool of a broken childhood in the system. Success incarnate, hundreds of confirmed kills on the field, taking that work ethic and squeezing every drop of his gumption out during board meetings and marketing events. He fucked who he wanted, went wherever he pleased and could own anything he desired.

Then you had to fucking walk into that restaurant and challenge everything he knew he wanted out of life. The food didn’t taste so delicious anymore, the liqueur and cigars didn’t bring the zest they once had, expensive items and clothing lost their opulence. 

His whole world shrunk down to waiting for you to text him back, hanging on every word you said over a meal. He’d give up every high class car in his collection if it meant hearing your soft sighs in the morning after a good nights sleep next to him.

He suddenly understood the men he worked with, leaving at regular hours in order to be home for dinner with their wife and kids. Taking their vacation time and giving up fat bonuses to be home Christmas morning. The warm bundle on his chest stirred and he felt his throat work to keep a cough silent, lest he wake you or the baby up.

He’d toyed with the idea of wanting a baby so many times before and it’d felt heavy and scary but the idea of having one with YOU had been all he craved when you’d agreed to be his girlfriend. Once smooth and calculating, now reduced to a puddle of mush when he heard his child cry.

He’d give it all up in a heartbeat for you and Jack. He knew he was doomed that day in the park when you’d agreed to children with him, and even wanted to be married to him. Things he never saw in the cards for himself were falling into place, then he’d gone and fucked it all up. Waking in the hospital, alone and afraid, barely remembering his own name. Wondering if he’d ever feel anything other than fear again.

Then you were there, by his side, reading to him. He had no clue who you were but your presence eased every cell in his weary broken body. His heart called out for you each day you weren’t able to be there. Seeing your face, a face that felt so familiar he’d wrack his brain night and day trying to remember you. Glimpses would flash in the back of his eyes, he knew you were important to him, he could feel it just looking at you.

Seeing your baby bump for the first time he’d panicked, thinking you truly were just a friend, but surely no one feels these feelings for just their friends right?

 A soft yawn emanated from the tiny body resting against his, moving from the window to the couch, venturing to lay down and see if his sleeping companion would allow it. The memories were coming back to him more and more each day, tiny details were made clear once again, small instances from his past re-emerging.

Easing onto the couch slowly watching the small face before him for any signs of waking. When there were none Billy let out a soft breath, relaxing against a few pillows, looking down at his sleeping son. Chubby cheeks, dark hair, soft lips in a little pout. You kept joking with him that he was a complete mini of His father, Ladykiller in training, it felt vain to admit it but Billy saw so much of himself in Jack already.

The little mannerisms would start coming in more frequently but the looks were there nonetheless. It felt hard to remember himself being a baby, a young child who did no wrong in the world beside being born. He felt anger that he was once this innocent and defenseless and no one wanted him or stood up for him, when he’d gladly lay down his life at any point to protect the sleeping baby on his chest.

Billy felt his eyelids starting to droop, the comfort of the couch, the bundle of warmth on his bare chest, rising and falling, knowing you were asleep soundly just in the other room. He was just going to rest his eyes for one minute…

You yawned, sitting up in bed when you realized that Billy wasn’t next to you and the baby’s crib was empty. Padding into the living room, rubbing your arms in the cool night air. Billy was fast asleep on the couch, Jack on his chest, also sleeping, Billy’s protective arm wrapped around his son, it was so quiet you could hear both of them breathing in the wide open space. Moving over to them as silently as you could, reaching to grab Jack and settle him in his crib, letting your love get some well deserved sleep.

As your hands wrapped around his small form you saw Billy stir, eyes fluttering open, hand instinctively holding the baby tighter. When he realized it was you leaning over him he un-tensed giving you a sleepy smile. Even half asleep he could still make your pulse race.

“Hey handsome.” You purred, running a hand up the side of his face, he leaned into it eyes shutting once more. “Beds feeling real empty.” He smirked, adjusting Jack on his chest allowing you to lift the baby up and give him the leverage to sit up himself, following you closely to the bedroom. You placed the still sleeping newborn into his crib, right next to yours, intending to get as much sleep as you could before his next feeding.

You felt the bed dip as Billy sat down next to you, snuggling in, his arms wrapping around your body, pulling you close. A contented sigh escaping his lips, you melted back against him, feeling the steady rhythm of his heartbeat against your back. Your eyes were watching Jack in his crib, little face making expressions as he dreamed, tiny eyebrows drawing into a frown then softening, his little mouth parted, a hint of a familiar smirk on his lips.

You felt movement behind you, as Billy was watching both you and the baby from his position, hand kneading your hip tenderly, the heat of him seeping into the covers and covering your body in the only warmth you ever wanted to know. His lips brushed over the shell of your ear, breath tickling along the nape of your neck as his eyes fixated on the little baby still in dreamland, the perfect combination of the two of you.

Billy placed a kiss to your temple, laying back down, dragging you closer to him, hands gripping your hips tightly to him under the covers. You moaned into your pillow when you felt his cock pressing into your back through his boxers. Feeling him move ever closer to you, sucking on the tender skin of your neck.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to start trying for another.”

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #the punisher au #billy russo fic #billy russo x y/n #frank castle #karen page #marvel fanfiction #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #these beautiful torments

[becauseicantthinkwritings]

An Altar For Our Sins

Part 6 // Masterlist

Demon!Billy Russo x Reader

Warnings: Dark!Billy Russo, minor talks of non-consensual acts done in part 5, smut, oral (f and m receiving), fingering, face sitting, tail fucking, (putting that in bold so you see it), you hear me? He fucks her with his tail. It's consensual. Do not complain to me if you miss these warnings. She sort of gets a little high at the end from his cum. Mentions of blood and violence similar to other parts.

You'd let it bother for quite some while. Ever since he confessesed it to you, you went through many confusing emotions. Shock, worry, arousal, confusion, more arousal, concern, and then acceptance.

Now, you were onto another emotion entirely.

Fury.

As you watch him, deep in thought, pondering your next logical move after the events of today, you finally decide to say something about it.

"I think I'm mad at you."

He pauses, turning to look at you with widening eyes from his spot, leaning against your dining table. He almost looks innocent, with the way he blinks once, his eyebrows furrowing immediately after.

"Mistress?" He asked with a concerned voice and your glare doesn't waver.

"You cleaned me up while I was asleep, Billy... with your tongue."

You can see the genuine confusion and concern in his eyes.

"Yes?"

Damn, you were so aroused already. You take a few steps toward him, looking up at him angrily.

"You used your tongue on me, your rough, perfect tongue on me, while I was asleep- do you see the problem?"

His eyebrows draw together just a little, deep in thought.

"I-"

"You didn't think I'd want to be awake for that, Billy? Hmm? Didn't think I'd prefer to feel it? What if I did that to you? What if I licked that big cock while you were asleep and told you all about it when you woke up? How would you feel?"

Billy gulps.

"I'm sorry?" He mumbles, eyes trailing after you as you turn away from him with a scoff.

"I can make it up to you." He offers, watching your retreating form, his stomach clenched with the need to make things right.

You sigh, "Yeah, but I won't know if you're genuine or not- there's nothing quite like the first."

"Mistress." He says, desperately.

You turn back to face him. He takes the few steps it requires to stand before you. He looms over you so easily, your stomach flips at the size of him.

When he drops to his knees, you struggle with your arousal to stay composed, though it takes everything in you not to crumble.

He takes your hands in his, looking up at you with pleading eyes and you're so eternally turned on.

"Let me make this right," he begs, kissing your fingers, "Please, I can do better."

The power he gives you, goes to your head all over again. It's just like that night, the way you want to torment him burns inside you. You raise your hands to cup his face, your thumb brushing his lips.

"Poor little demon," you whisper, watching his eyelids flutter at the words, "Wants to make his mistress happy so badly."

His eyes flicker red for a moment.

You straighten your body.

"I suppose why not? It's not like you haven't already had your taste of me." You speculate, turning away from him to head to your bedroom.

.

.

.

EARLIER TODAY:

"You're being followed."

You tense up, fighting the urge to look around.

Was it the same people that had kidnapped you? Hadn't Billy confessed to killing them all? Maybe it was just some random person that had taken an interest in you.

You try to keep walking calmly, Billy's hand pressed to your back to steer you.

After a moment, you build up the courage to speak.

"What's going on?" You ask him, raising a hand to your mouth to pretend to yawn while you speak.

Billy looks around for a moment.

"Got a sense that something was off, noticed there's a car that has been following you for a couple of blocks, and three people on foot behind us that are suspicious- here- just stop to look at this flower for a second."

You do as he says, pausing to look at the bouquets lined up outside of the store.

"Oh, they are pretty." You say, distracted by the combination of sunflowers and roses.

"Yeah, they're definitely following, bad job at it too. Come on." Billy says, hand pressing into your back to guide you along.

You turn, and continue down the street.

"Where are we going?" You ask, curiously.

"There's a church nearby, you'll be safe there while I find out more. No one will think to look for you in a church if they think you're bound to me."

"Why?"

"Cause they think I can't enter. Turn here, I'll make you invisible until you go in, call for me if anything happens."

You swallow, hesitating to leave him. Your body takes on a purple aura, letting you know that you're invisible. You head up the steps to the small church, the large wooden door makes a solid sound as it closes behind you.

And then you're alone.

You swallow, studying the carving on the door. The church is so silent compared to the street outside and it emphasises how alone you are.

You turn, there's no one around you can see, but the atmosphere of the church distracts you. You study the beautiful stained glass mural at the front, light shines through, tossing a kaleidoscope of colours into the air.

The calm hush of the room calls to you, quietly asking for you to respect the space you're in.

You're entranced by the detailed design, everywhere you focus you find so much carefully thought out devotion expressed as art.

Carved marble columns, religious paintings lined with gold, you wonder how much time and effort had been put into the place.

And then you remember that Billy's existence implied there was one of higher power.

It doesn't necessarily change the way you see the world, it's not some big epiphany that comes with the realisation that God was real.

It did make you wonder about both sets of your parents.

You hadn't known your biological parents well, but you wondered where they were. Was there a heaven for them? Had they already faced judgment?

The thought makes you frown, a searing pain in your chest and the idea that you would face a similar judgement one day.

Then your adoptive parents come to mind. People who had taken you in and raised you as their own couldn't have possibly been bad enough to deserve hell right? They'd been atheist, did that automatically condemn them? Was that fair?

"I can tell you're spiralling." A voice says behind you.

You spin in fright, to find a man with a very kind face smiling at you. He raises his arms in a surrendering motion when he realises he's scared you.

He's dressed in a cassock and collar, with a shiny black rosary around his neck, a pair of red tinted round glasses sit on his nose, so darkly tinted that you wonder how he can see anything through them.

"Didn't mean to scare you," he says, "I just have a sixth sense for existential crises." He smiles.

He's very hot, you decide, with hair neatly combed on his head, and a short cropped beard, you find yourself returning his smile.

"Sorry, yeah, I just came to the realisation that God exists." You say, nodding your head in the direction of a wooden carving of Jesus on the cross.

He hums, "Well then, welcome to the club."

His words are so odd that you can't help the laughter that spills past your lips, and then you find him smiling along with you, proud that he'd lightened the mood.

"I'm Matt." He says, extending a hand to you.

"Matt? Not 'Father' or anything?" You ask curiously. You find yourself studying him closely, realising that there are some healing bruises on his cheek, and a split lip that looks to be a few days old.

"'Father' is so formal. Matt is better."

You nod, giving him your name and reaching out to shake his hand.

"Are you okay? You look like you lost a fight." You ask, concerned.

Matt smiles, waves off your concern.

"Ah, not being able to see sometimes means you fall down stairs. I'll be okay."

"Oh, I'm sorry." You say in sympathy.

"About the stairs or the blindness?" He asks with a humorous inflection in his voice.

"Are all priests this funny?" You ask with a wide smile, and he chuckles.

"I'm just trying to make you feel better, I know how confusing things can be for you right now."

You let out a sigh, nodding.

"I appreciate it. Life has been a big mess as of late... but not all bad." You turn to study the rows of flickering candles nearby.

"I imagine being soul bonded to a demon can't be all fun." He answers and it takes you a second to realise what he's said.

You turn slowly this time, mouth open comically. He keeps a kind smile on his face while you quietly lose your shit.

"What do you mean?" You say, playing dumb.

He bows his head, to hide his smile.

"Cards on the table, I can sense demonic auras. But I've never met a living person with a demonic aura, so I put two and two together and figure that you must have been bound to one... I assume against your will. Am I correct?"

"Y- yeah..."

He nods, deep in thought.

"I'm not judging. I'm in no place to do that. Though I hope you're okay, and I want you to know that if you ever need any help... I won't turn you away."

You blink at him. Was it really that easy not to judge someone?

"You're not... condemning me for it?" You murmur in a soft voice.

"Don't get me wrong, it's not something I support... but you don't seem like a bad person, just an unfortunate circumstance."

You swallow the lump forming in your throat, nodding, feeling the urge to make him understand.

"You're right. I didn't want this. They tried to sacrifice me... he saved me. He keeps me safe."

Matt nods in understanding.

"Please be careful though, manipulation is in their nature."

You blink, your head trying to come up with a myriad of excuses for Billy, a way to explain to this knowledgeable stranger that for all Billy was bad, he was working to be better.

As you open your mouth to explain, the church doors open.

It's hard to see more than his silhouette with the brightness of the sun behind him, but you know by the horns, that it's your demon at the church doors.

"I have to go." You say to Matt, turning back to him.

He inclines his head.

"Be careful." He says, before turning away, and disappearing into a room to the left of the altar.

You think about the strange conversation as you head toward Billy.

When you get close enough to make out his features, your mouth drops open in surprise.

He stands in the light of the church doors,  drenched in blood.

"What the hell happened?!" You whisper aggressively to him.

All he does is give you a bloody grin.

Water pours over both of you.

You're still fully clothed, but you take your time helping him out of his bloody shirt.

Blood runs in rivulets from the crown of his head, down the sides of his face and over his torso.

He's deliciously attractive like this, and you try not to let it show as you help clean him.

Just moments ago, you were standing in a church corridor, Billy had wrapped his arms around you and teleported you right into your bathroom.

"Whose blood is this?" You ask, grabbing some shampoo to work into his hair.

He bends his large body, presenting the top of his head to be cleaned.

You take your time, working the shampoo in, lathering easily, and rinsing the blood from his hair. Out of precaution, you give him a second wash too, making sure to get every inch of his horns. He groans once or twice when you use your nails to scratch along his scalp, not paying it much mind.

"The group that summoned me is a lot bigger than I thought." He starts, as you work conditioner into his hair.

"Some of them had been watching from cameras that night, and they'd seen everything happen." Billy continues to explain.

You take a deep breath to steady yourself.

"They know where you live, but they wouldn't dare try something, not with me here."

"Should we move? Just in case?" You ask. Your little apartment definitely wasn't the safest place to be, and if it made you feel safer, you wouldn't mind getting a place with better security on Billy's influence.

He thinks about it, and after a minute, he nods in agreement.

You think about what they could have seen- you, sobbing and bound, wearing your coat and nightdress, the way you'd tried to crawl away, the way Billy had looked, naked and shrouded in smoke.

What would they do if they managed to catch you? The thoughts were terrifying.

"Hey." He says, bumping his horn into your hand to get your attention.

He raises his head, and you gulp as he towers over you.

You know what he sees, your worried expression, you wonder if he can feel the nervous wriggle of your stomach, the way you're trying your hardest not to freak out.

"I-" You try to tell him that you'll be okay but the words won't come. You look away, avoiding his eyes.

"Mistress." Billy murmurs softly.

You look back at him, his hands raise to cup your face.

"You're safe, I promise you that you're safe."

You swallow, nodding.

A warm moment as he bumps his nose against yours, leaning in to place a soft kiss on your lips.

.

.

.

NOW:

You're sitting on the bed patiently when he walks in. Though you were confident only moments before, you've gone shy now, with the realisation of what you're about to do.

Slowly, looking up at him you tug your shorts down your legs, letting him see the comfortable, white silk panties just below.

He moves closer, eyes still fixed on yours as your thumbs curl into the waistband of your underwear next.

He leans forward to stop you, his large hands covering yours, pulling them away.

"Why don't you lay back, and let me take care of everything?" Billy offers with a soft voice, and you nod, looking up at him.

You take a breath, scooching back on your bed, propping your head onto a stack of pillows that has you reclined at a 45 degree angle.

He gives you a warm look of approval, before reaching back to pull his shirt over his head.

His hair gets messy, and you fight the urge to right it, his horns poking through his hair.

You swallow, eyes trailing down his bare torso, carefully sculpted, beautifully carved, leading down to a small waist.

He's built a little like a swimmer, you think, defined in all the best places.

His knees touch the bed, you press your thighs together tightly as he crawls his way up to you. A predator in every sense of the word.

He hovers over you, large and imposing, with warm eyes and a gentle smile.

"Sure you want this?" He asks softly.

You struggle to open your mouth to speak, only able to nod eagerly.

"What are you going to do to me?" You whisper, watching his eyes dart down to your mouth.

He lets out a long sigh, eyes sparkling red for just a moment before he speaks.

"I'm gonna get you nice and naked." He breathes, "Gonna kiss your pretty skin until you're so relaxed under me that you can barely lift your head." He leans in to whisper the rest into your ear, his soft stubble scratching your skin gently, your core throbs in response to him.

"Then, I'll put my tongue on you. Lick that sweet cunt until you're crying, until you're not sure if you want to pull me closer or push me away."

He draws back so you can look into his eyes. There a place, set between your hip bones, that tingles deep inside of you.

"What about your fingers? Or your tail?" You ask.

"What about them?"

You swallow.

"A-are you going to use them on me?"

His smile grows into a grin.

"No." He murmurs, leaning forward to kiss the tip of your nose.

"If you want that, you're going to have to ask for it. I'm not going to fuck my tail into you without your consent." He says. The tail in question trails gently over your thigh.

Oh? Now he's concerned about your consent?

You nod in understanding, raising a hand to cup his cheek. He lets out a slow sigh, closing his eyes, savouring the feelings in his chest.

Your hand drifts, cupping the back of his neck and he opens his eyes to meet yours.

You pull him closer, you brace your other hand on the bed to push your face closer to his.

When your lips meet, it's surprisingly gentle, despite the fact that you can cut the desire in the room with a knife.

Your first kiss with Billy, your real first kiss and it's perfect, he doesn't treat it like a preamble to anything else, doesn't rush to pull at your clothes or feel your body while you're distracted. No, he cups your cheeks to keep you in place, no chance of you slipping away or breaking the kiss before he's ready.

He sighs against your mouth and you desperately take the opportunity, parting your lips to run your tongue over the seam of his.

He groans, his hands tighten on your face for just a second, before his mouth parts, eager to slip his tongue against yours.

You make a small sound of delight, his tongue just a little rougher than normal, tangling with yours in the best way, a sharing of your breaths that feels more intimate than anything else.

Your hand drifts higher, into his hair, all the way to the lovely dark horns sprouting from his head.

From the first graze of your fingertips against his horn, he lets out a long groan, the sound vibrates against your lips, desperate and brazen and begging you.

It's you that has to finally move, slipping your hand from his hair, grabbing one of his hands that cup your cheeks and guiding them down to the edge of your shirt.

His fingers curl around the fabric absentmindedly, moving only the way your hand guides.

You push his hand up one side, until the shirt can go as far as possible, and then you reach for the other side of your shirt.

He breaks the kiss finally when the shirt is tucked under your breasts, his other hand moves from your cheek to where your hand is, pulling your shirt up, and off your body.

The air kisses your cool skin and you can't help but shiver.

You're bare beneath it, and you watch Billy's eyes shine red, tucking the edge of his bottom lip into his mouth to bite down on it.

You reach up, smiling as you use your thumb to untuck his lip, leaning forward to bite down on it yourself.

The sound he makes is downright unhinged. You almost giggle and if you weren't nibbling on his bottom lip you definitely would.

He pulls back, letting his lip slip from between your teeth, pushing you until you fall back against the pillows with wide eyes.

He kisses your lips one last time, then the corner of your mouth, over your cheek, the edge of your jaw to the spot right below your ear.

"Let's not forget why we're here, Mistress," he says into your ear, his tongue slipping out to graze the shell of your ear. You gasp in surprise at the pleasurable feel, "My tongue."

How could you forget? It's not as if you could stop thinking about his tongue from the moment you licked over it a few nights ago.

He kisses down the column of your neck, before taking his time, licking all the way up.

God, that feels so nice, the ache between your legs can no longer be sated from being pressed together. You wriggle, and he leans back to give you the space you need to wrap your legs around his hips.

Your ankles lock behind his ass instinctively, and when he smiles, leaning back in to continue his exploration of your chest, you feel his stiff erection right against your centre.

You gasp, rocking your hips a little, chasing the feeling that grinding your clothed pussy against him gives you. You wriggle, whining when the pressure isn't exactly in the right spot, only to feel his tail, work its way between your thighs to press right against your clit.

You gasp, body arching at the pleasure that fills you. His tail making micro movements against the gusset of your panties, relieving the ache.

You relax, sighing as his tail sates you for the moment, his lips resuming their careful exploration, kissing over your chest, followed by the swipe of his tongue over your skin.

He gets to your breasts, kissing them softly, suckling the stiff bud of one breast between his lips before switching to the other.

He's so gentle, you feel a pull low in your stomach, begging him to just take you.

Fuck, if he was smaller, you'd be begging for him to try, but as of right now, you were still daunted by the size of the erection pressed against your thighs.

His hands push your breasts together and you groan, with his tail rubbing over your slit and his rough tongue dancing over your nipples and you feel just about ready to cum.

"Billlyyyy." You sing his name, he chuckles against the soft skin of your breast.

"Mistress," he murmurs, "I'd appreciate your patience while I explore your body. It's not every day that one gets to explore his willing charge."

You groan as his tongue snakes from your nipple to your neck.

"You're being mean." You gasp out, one hand drifting up into his hair.

"I know. Isn't it fun?"

You let out an exasperated breath.

He continues kissing over your skin eagerly.

You let the need take control of you, reaching up to grip one of his horns, you pull him up for an eager kiss, putting all your feverish need into it.

He makes a sound, one of surprise and disapproval of interrupting his exploration.

"Please, please, please." You murmur hotly against his mouth, licking over his lips and feeling his tail press more firmly down on your clit in response.

"Stop teasing me." You beg finally before pulling away.

"Or what?" Billy challenges and you finally understand how truly demonic he can be to you.

But maybe you had a little bit of torment inside you too.

"Or I'll get someone else to do it." You hit back.

When his eyes flash red this time, you know it's anger and not lust. His jaw clenches, he takes a sharp breath. He lets some of the anger out on his next exhale.

His eyes remain red, as his mouth turns up into a smile.

"You're adorable, mistress." He say, leaning in to speak right into your ear in a soft voice.

"But if you think I'd sit by and let another touch you, you're in for a surprise." He leans away, hands drifting down your body until they settle on the waistband of your underwear.

"Because you're mine. Just as much as I am yours."

With those final words, he tears your panties away from your skin.

You're not surprised by his actions, only complaining to him that they were your favourite pair, watching him smile up at you before leaning down to kiss your stomach.

His hands are firm on your skin, daring you to try and move. He grips your hips as his lips trail down your stomach and over your thighs. You let out a sharp cry when he grazes his teeth against your inner thigh, his tail moving to circle your other leg, holding you open for him.

You watch him, as his eyes land on your dripping centre. You watch the way his mouth parts, the way he runs his tongue against the edge of his teeth as he looks at you.

"Fuck." He says suddenly, and you can't help clenching at the low, guttural way the word leaves his lips.

You let out a shaky sigh.

"Please." You beg, voice trembling in desperation.

His eyes flit up to yours, eyes a dark red, barely noticeable, but yet still so distinct.

He doesn't speak, dropping his head to kiss your slit.

You let out a soft hum, enjoying the way his lips feel, and then making another sound of approval as you feel his tongue for the first time.

His first proper lick makes you gasp loudly. His tongue is just rough enough that you feel where every part of it rubs against you.

He's gentle as he licks you, and when he touches your clit, you cry out.

It almost feels like too much, and in the pleasure of it, you try to squeeze your legs closed, but you're unable to do so with his tail and his hand keeping your legs wide.

He presses his tongue flat on you, shifting his head slightly so that it feels good, but not nearly enough.

He groans, pulling back for a moment to speak.

"You taste so good, mistress, I could do this for hours."

His lips close around your clit for a brief moment, before he focuses the tip of his tongue right on that spot. You jerk in bliss, your thighs tremble.

"Billy. Billy. Please. Please." You beg.

With his tongue on your clit, you hear him let out a short laugh.

"Yes? Is there something you need?"

Fuck. How could he play with you at a time like this?

"You. Need you." You gasp.

"Me?"

Without thinking, you reach down and gently take one of his horns in your grip.

When he stops moving, you look down at him in concern that you make have crossed a line.

Instead, he looks at you with so much heat in his eyes that it floors you.

With half-lidded red eyes, he reaches for your other hand, wrapping it around his other horn.

"You better hold on, baby." He says, leaning down to continue licking you.

His slick tongue probes you, exploring your cunt in ways you've never felt before.

Your grip on his horns tighten when he starts licking into your entrance and over your clit at a steady pace. You let out a prolonged cry of his name, feeling your body tremble as the pleasure overtakes you.

He moans, the vibrations send tingles over your body, the wet sounds of his tongue on your cunt adding to the pleasure.

You hold his horns securely, back arching involuntarily as you feel your orgasm fast approaching.

Tears spill from the corner of your eyes. You pull on his horns to keep him close though you try to fight the sensations by attempting to close your legs. He doesn't let you, keeping you wide open for him instead.

His tongue speeds up, swiping over your clit repeatedly, he circles his tongue on you. You can't help the pitiful sob that leaves your mouth.

You cry his name, he doesn't stop.

You tremble violently when you cum. Your body spasms and shakes but you can't control any of it because you're too lost in the bliss to focus on anything else. Like molten lava spreading through your veins, sending scorching hot pleasure through your body, your clit throbbing as Billy continues to lick you softly through your orgasm.

You pant, struggling to catch your breath with the onslaught of bliss, absentmindedly realising that you've been gripping his horns harshly- you release them suddenly so that he can move away if he wants.

He doesn't budge, continuing to lap at your dripping pussy until you whine from the overstimulation.

His lips are shiny with your arousal, eyes like rubies as you watch his tongue swipe over his mouth.

You swallow, body tingling at the sight of him, aching for more.

"Can I-" Your voice cuts off, shocked at the absurdity of the question you were about to ask. More? You wanted more? How could you possibly ask him for more after he'd given you so much already?

"Mistress?" Billy asks curiously with a tilt of his head, his eyes reverting back to his natural dark hue.

"Nothing. It's nothing. Thank you Billy." You say, sitting up.

He reaches out to stop your movement, hands on your shoulders, thumbs circling your skin.

"Whatever it is, you can ask. I'm here to serve."

"That sounds awful." You say with an apologetic twist of your mouth.

He grins, leans down to place a soft kiss on your lips.

"Let me put it this way, if I didn't want to... I wouldn't."

You swallow, nodding.

"I want... more." You whisper, unable to meet his eyes.

"More?" He echoes.

You nod shyly.

He cups your face between his hands, angling you up to meet his eyes that have gone right back to their crimson colour.

"More of my tongue? Or something else?"

"T- tongue." You whisper so softly in hopes that he doesn't hear.

"Would you like to try sitting on my face?"

Your eyes widen.

"What?" You ask, perplexed, your body warming with the thought of sitting on his face, gripping his horns for leverage while he-

"I'll take that as a yes." He says suddenly, flipping you both until you're seated on his adonis belt. You gasp in surprise at the sudden movement, and then groan as your bare center rubs against him.

His hands smooth over your thighs, to grip your hips.

"Are you sure?" You ask him cautiously.

"I'm sure if you are." He agrees, and you don't hesitate any longer, shuffling your way up his body. When you lose your balance, he grips your hips tighter to hold you securely.

Billy is aching below you. He wants another taste badly, he's almost impatient to feel the weight of you on his face, the way you'll moan and buck your hips for him while he gets another taste of you.

He waits, he's calm through your hesitation, reassuring when you freeze.

"It's okay, I want this." He murmurs below you.

You take a slow breath in as you make contact with his face.

Billy groans below you.

"Oh shit-" You say, moving to raise off of him, "Did I hurt you-?"

He groans again, hands tightening on your hips to pull your weight back onto his face. You gasp when his lips seal around your clit, distracting you from your worries of crushing him.

"Oh fuck Billy." You cry.

His tongue is deliciously amazing, coarse and gentle, working into an eager pace. You can't help reaching down to grip his horns, a move that gets a moan of approval from the demon below you.

His tongue traces circles, careless patterns of pleasure that guides you into rocking against his face involuntarily, panting his name on each breath.

"So good Billy, please, I need you so bad." You praise, rolling your hips onto his rough tongue and feeling the dizzying pleasure take control of you. He's everything you've ever wanted, your deepest desire come to life and when he kisses your clit, you can't help jerking in surprise at being brought up to the edge so suddenly.

He doesn't stop, swirling his tongue, plunging it as deep into you as he can possibly get, hands gripping you tight so that you can't even think of pulling away.

When gripping his horns is not enough, you allow one hand to delve into his hair, tangling the strands between your fingers before tugging.

His hands squeeze down impossibility tighter and in the moment, you realise both your bodies are communicating the same thing; don't you dare pull away from me.

The thought alone is euphoric, that he's happy to be exactly where he is, and with a few more ruts of your clit against his tongue, your body tenses, muscles spasming as you cum hard for a second time.

You barely have any faculties left to help you stay upright. Your body relaxes without your permission, and you allow yourself a space for your body to hit the bed.

You try to extricate yourself  from him, but he only growls, grabbing your legs to spread them apart so that he can continue licking your pussy.

You let out a harsh cry, his tongue avoids your clit as best as possible, and you realise as an afterthought, that this is him cleaning you up just the way he did a few nights ago.

When he's done, he raises his head to find you looking at him with glassy eyes.

"Need you." You gasp out, and you keep your eyes on him as he crawls into the space beside you.

You bury your face into his warm skin, your body still sending wave after wave of pleasure down your spine.

His hand is soothing on your cheek, thumbing at the glistening tears there.

If you had any reservations about asking for what you wanted, it's completely gone from you now.

"Want your tail. You- you said you could- you said I just had to ask-"

"Shhhhh, easy, take a deep breath."

"No," you fight, "I need you now. I feel so empty Billy. I've never felt this empty before."

He lets out a slow breath.

"Okay, okay, I'll give you what you need."

You hum in appreciation, hooking one leg over his hip, spreading the other eagerly. Open thighs for your demon to fit his tail into you.

"I should open you up a little on my fingers." Billy suggests, and your impatience gets the better of you, but when you open your mouth to protest, you catch sight of his tail and pause. The widest part of his tail is about the width of three of your fingers, and you know it would hurt a little to take that much into you.

"Okay." You whisper, meeting his eyes, a little daunted by the acts you were about to undergo, yet too desperate to stop now.

His large hand covers your pussy, his middle finger makes contact with your entrance. Your breath freezes in your throat at the delicious sensation of him rubbing your entrance.

"If anything hurts, you stop me. Okay?"

You blink, eagerly nodding your head.

He gets his finger nice and wet with the abundance of your arousal before he sinks his first knuckle into you. You gasp in a deep breath, tilting your hips up in a silent beg for more.

Billy is meticulous, careful, as he works his middle finger right into you, you barely feel any pain at all.

When he reaches all the way in, and you can feel him so impossibly deep inside of you, he pauses.

"How does that feel?" He asks, eyes trained on you. You turn to look at him, desperate eyes on his warm ones.

"Feels s'good."

"Yeah? What about when I move like this?" He asks, bringing his lone finger out and then pushing it slowly back into you.

You cry out, head falling back, eyes squeezed shut. He doesn't stop his slow movements, and you find yourself rocking your hips in time to his movements.

"It's not enough." You whine, "I need more."

"Okay, this may pinch a little bit, take a deep breath for me."

You do as he says, and in the exhale, two of his fingers probe your entrance.

He's right, two of his fingers pushing into you does pinch, and when you gasp in pain, his hand freezes.

"I'll stop." He says, beginning to withdraw his fingers from you.

"No please," you beg, "I need it, please Billy, I want to."

You hear his gulp, and feel as his two fingers attempt to push into you once more.

This time, he takes it even slower, allowing his fingers time to get wet with your arousal, before fucking them into you. You whimper, desperate and eager for the feel of his fingers. It makes you feel so full, in a way you've never felt before.

"I'm gonna open you up on my fingers." He whispers hotly in your ear, his voice sending shivers of bliss down your naked body.

"I'm going to stretch my mistress' tight cunt, until I can fit my tail in. Can you guess what I'll do next?"

You gasp, turning to look into his vermillion eyes, unable to say a word as his fingers do just as he says.

"That's right. I'm going to fuck you with my tail. Make you cum on it, maybe I'll make you clean your own cum off of my tail, kiss you so that I get the taste."

You squeeze your eyes shut.

"Maybe I'll flip you on your stomach and fuck my tail into you from behind. Maybe I can keep you stuffed full with it. Give you an idea of what my cock could be like."

Your breath hitches, you writhe beside him.

"I think you're ready for it." He whispers in your ear, and you think you are too.

He withdraws his fingers, and then something too familiar is working its way in.

Incoherent, your mouth opens wide to take in more air. His tail feels different than his fingers, thinner at the top, and only a little wider at the base. You clench around him eagerly, hearing him groan as he pumps his tail into you.

"I can't tell you how much I think about this. How often I've touched myself to the thought of being inside you." Tears spill onto your cheeks, you realise that you can feel the rough bumps on his tail rubbing against your inner walls, amping up your pleasure.

He starts slowly, but when he feels how eager you are, his pace increases.

You sob more, unable to form a single thought in your head past the pleasure if you tried.

You reach for him, grabbing onto the first thing you can reach- his wrist- and squeezing tight.

Billy leans closer, so that his lips brush your ear.

"I know, I know it feels so good. I can feel your pleasure- did you know? I can feel how mindless you are. It's a good thing you don't need to think. All you need to do is cum."

Your nails claw into his skin, he chuckles, his thrusts growing harsher.

He readjust his angle slightly, and a sound of pure bliss leaves your mouth.

"You feel so good, and you taste even better and you're all mine, mistress."

Your breath stutters in your throat, his tail slows it's pace, prolonging your pleasure, sliping in and out of you so calmly now, still touching every desperate part of you.

He reaches up, his fingers sinking into the pliant skin of your jaw, and tilting your head so that you can look into his eyes.

More tears leak down your face, as his tail continues to take its time fucking into you so sweetly. The pleasure burns inside you, scorching hot and sears ecstasy into your mind until you can think of nothing else but him.

He looks down at you, drinking in your expressions, feeling your pleasure in the back of his head like a light going off- some big realisation happening inside of him as he gives you what you crave.

"In truth," Billy utters, "I want to own you."

He feels you clench around his tail.

Your breath stutters.

"I've found myself tied to you for a very long time. I'm at your mercy. At your service. Anything you want, I provide- and the concept of it makes me so fucking angry."

You blink, trying to focus.

"Bill-" You start to say but his palm swiftly covers your mouth, and you huff through your nose, raising a hand to cup his, not attempting to pull him away just yet.

"Not angry at you, angry at the entire system that put me here in the first place." He looks away, and after a few moments he confesses, "You're the one thing that's good about this."

He looks at you again, and then leans in, moving his hand out of the way so that he can press his lips to yours. His tail stills inside of you, pressing in deeply, you try to focus- to return his kiss- but when his tail shifts upward, you let out a sharp cry against his lips as he touches an incredibly sensitive spot inside of you.

Your body shakes, your eyes widen in shock.

"There it is." He says, as if he was looking for this spot inside of you all along.

Too desperate for the pleasure, you open your mouth to speak.

"If it's ownership you want, then it's yours." You say, watching his eyes flash bright red for a second.

"Own me."

A low sound leaves his chest, and then his mouth is on yours again, and his tail begins to fuck you earnestly.

You cry out against his lips, and he takes the opportunity to delve his rough tongue into your mouth. Your breath catches, feeling absolutely consumed by him, fucked by his tail, invaded with his tongue until there's nothing left that you wouldn't give.

"Prove to me that I own you," he murmurs against your lips, "and cum for me."

You nod eagerly, as his tail moves faster. He dips his head to lick against your neck, one hand trailing down to press one of your peaked nipples between his thumb and forefinger.

You shudder. Your body no longer feels like yours- only a toy for him to manipulate whichever way he likes.

A loud sound breaks past your throat, you tilt your neck to give him more place to work. His lips continue to suck and torment at your shoulder, until you feel the pleasure of his touch grow to be too much for your body to contain.

You entire body pulls taut, one hand grips the sheets, the other holds his wrist, your breath lingers in your chest as you stop breathing.

Your back arches off the bed when you come.

It's like some large explosion going off in your head, your vision goes white, pleasure sparks down your spine, and your very thinking unspools as your orgasm moves through you.

You're gone for a moment, floating somewhere very far away, unable to get back to your body no matter how hard you try.

"Shhh, relax, mistress, I've got you." You hear him say, and you allow yourself to float peacefully, with the knowledge that you're cared for above all else.

When you come to, you're pressed tightly against him. You take a deep breath, your vision swims for a moment before it focuses. His tail, now clean, is wrapped around your thigh, you cunt tingles and aches, throbs in bliss at being used so well.

"How long was I out?" You ask him.

"Couple of minutes, that's normal." He says in an attempt to reassure you.

"How did you- I've never... come that hard before."

Billy hums in acknowledgement.

"You should expect a lot more of that." He says, and you feel your body pulse with excitement.

Your limbs feel heavy, your breathing slows, calmed by his closeness.

"I didn't make you cum." You say after a few moments, feeling his hot erection through his clothes, pressing against your thighs.

"That's alright, it'll go away."

You frown.

"That's not what I want." You challenge.

"No?" He asks.

You fight the exhaustion, sitting up, and turning to look at him.

"No." You say, leaning down to kiss him.

He hums against your mouth, and then stiffens in surprise when your hand drifts downward to cup his straining erection.

"Want you in my mouth." You say decisively, reaching for the button of his pants to undo it.

You get his pants off with only a little difficulty, and then tug his boxers off too. He doesn't do much more than shift his hips when necessary, to get them off.

And then it's just you and his cock.

Big... too big.

He'd never fit all the way in your mouth, you may have to use your hands like you've seen in porn, but you're determined, eager to feel him come undone below you.

You pause, looking up at him. He looks flushed, propped up on his elbows to get a better look at you, eyes and cheeks tinted red until you're sure he's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen. Even his chest is coloured with an undertone of pink, flushed and eager for you.

Precum dribbles from the head of his cock, large and mouthwatering and before you lose your nerve, you lean forward.

He hisses when your tongue makes contact with the tip of his cock. Salty precum coats your tongue, your eyes meet his as you savour his taste.

His lips are parted, the sheets clenched in his fists on either side of his body. You smile at his reaction, leaning down to kiss his cock.

He groans, low and primal and you get the idea that he's barely contained, ready to rip at the seams at any given moment.

You think about all the amazing things he's done for you, and you don't hesitate to suck the smooth tip of his cock into your mouth.

He fills your mouth easily, you press lower until you're at your comfort limit. You can hear his shallow breathing above you.

With a new thought in mind, you raise your head.

He looks at you, and you look at him, and before he can utter a word of question, you reach for his hand, gently running your fingertips over his clenched fists before pulling at his wrist.

He releases the sheets and allows you to pull his hand up until his hand is cupping the back of your head.

"Can you help me?" You ask softly, and his eyelids fluttering while he blinks is the only indication that he's heard you.

You give him a gentle smile, sinking lower once more.

It's slow and deliciously sinful, he keeps a steady hand on the back of your head while you suck his cock, enjoying the delightful sounds he makes.

When you feel confident enough, you wrap your free hand around his cock and begin stroking him to the slow pace of your mouth.

"Fuck, you're so good at this- I don't deserve it." You hear him say, which makes you raise your head to speak.

"Of course you deserve it, Billy, you're such a good demon for me."

He closes his eyes with a groan, and you let out a breathy laugh, dropping your head once more.

You keep going slowly enough, until your jaw starts to ache, something you hadn't realised would happen.

You do your very best to ignore the ache, trying to focus only on the taste of his veined cock and smooth tip.

You begin to move faster, keeping the pace of your hand in time so that you can pleasure as much of his shaft as possible.

"You're amazing mistress, fuck."

Billy's head tips back, gasping for air as pleasure assails his senses. Your mouth on his cock had been everything he'd ever dreamed of and hoped for. The inside of your mouth was soft and hot and your tongue- holy fuck your tongue was going to kill him.

Worst of all was when you took him a little too deep and you gagged a little around the head of his cock. He could feel your throat contract around him, it had made him feral to own you. He'd resisted thoughts of gripping your head and fucking your mouth, saving the filthy thought for later, knowing that he'd get everything he wanted in time.

Billy's eyes roll back in his head, he's so close, all because of you, and your sweet smiles and your perfect mouth and he couldn't get enough of you if he tried.

"Close." Is all he can find the strength to say, and then he feels your efforts double down.

He groans when he feels you speed up, and you're desperate and eager to feel him explode in your mouth that you hyperfocus only on his cock.

You feel his abdomen tighten, and the muscles on his thighs contract, his hand holds fast to the back of your head.

There's a low groan, and you take his cock all the way into your mouth as he comes.

You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to make yourself as comfortable as possible as waves of his cum flood your mouth.

You swallow as much of it as you can, but inevitably, some slips out of your mouth.

You pull up with a gasp when his cock stops pulsing, looking up at him and finding his head tilted back, his chest heaving.

You can feel something warm settle in your head, a fog that relaxes you, soothes your soul, and you can't help the need to clean all of his cum.

You take your time, licking his shaft, seeing him raise his head to look at you in surprise as you begin cleaning him up. His cock hasn't softened at all, and you moan in delight, swirling your tongue over his tip to catch the last bits of his cum.

"I think I love the way you taste." You murmur, looking up at him with hooded eyes. He takes your chin into his palm, tilting your head up to look into his eyes.

"Are you okay?" He asks softly, his eyebrows drawing together in concern.

"Yes. Your cock is massive and delicious." You try to explain.

He sighs, tilting your head from side to side, examining something you can't see.

"Your pupils are blown wide." He comments, concern lacing his voice.

"Can I kiss you? Are you one of those guys that doesn't like to be kissed after a girl sucks you off?" You ask as if he hasn't spoken.

The corner of his mouth twitches, amused.

"You can kiss me anytime you please, mistress."

"Yay!" You cheer, leaning up to press your lips to his.

You moan into his mouth, kissing him softly, savouring the way your naked body feels sliding against his.

"I'm not afraid of you." You whisper aloud in realisation, that this is probably the most intimate you've ever been with another person and having him here didn't scare you. You knew he wouldn't try anything, or force you in any way, that you could just be you, without needing to guard yourself from him.

His hands trace your spine, squeezing gently at your body when the exhaustion finally hits.

You huff out a sigh, tucking your head into the crook of his neck, rubbing your cheek against his stubble every now and then.

You head is still hazey, and you're not too sure why, but you don't focus on it at all.

"Your cum tastes amazing," you mumble sleepily to Billy, who has tilted back on the bed to allow you to rest on his chest while you drift off.

"So you've said." He hums.

"I need to taste you again when I wake up." You sigh against his chest, feeling his hand pause for a moment while rubbing your back, only resuming his soft motions when you make a sound of complaint.

You lick your lips, feeling his tail wiggle it's way to wrap around your thigh, smiling softly as sleep overtakes you.

Billy had never had a mistress before, definitely not one he was attracted to. Yet he had the sneaking suspicion that his cum had drugged you in some way. No one had mentioned that being possible, and he racked his brain to remember the last time he'd been sucked off.

Nothing came to mind.

Had the last time he'd been treated this way really been when he was alive?

He swallows, figuring that eternal damnation definitely didn't intend to come with blowjobs this good.

You shift in your sleep, muttering about peaches, your breasts are fitted snugly against him, and he sighs in bliss. He can feel the soreness in your jaw through his bond, and he rubs your jaw softly, his fingertips glowing purple as he soothes your ache. The ache you had from sucking his cock.

He pauses, thinking for a second that he should have left your jaw sore- a reminder to you that you had him in your mouth, but then guilt fills him- he didn't want you in any pain.

Billy blinks, wondering about his feelings, and not surprised at the conclusions he comes to about himself.

.

.

.

#an altar for our sins #demon!billyrusso #demon!billy russo #billy russo x reader #billy russo #billy russo x female reader #monster!billyrusso #monster!billy #monster!billy russo #the punisher fanfic #marvel the punisher #marvels jigsaw #the punisher #billy russo smut #dark!billy russo #my writings

[lazyunknownhideout]

My light Billy russo x oc|| ch3

ch1 ch2

A bullet was shot through her hand, she was bleeding out and the pain was excruciating. She looked around three men standing tall with huge guns pointed at her. Just then the door burst through, it was Billy, but something about him was off, his face was covered in blood, and he held daggers in his hand instead of guns.

"Billy!!!" She screamed calling out for him, Billy seemed to not have heard her, instead his gaze was focussed on the man who just shot her. He walked up to them, his eyes fixed on the man.

As soon as he reached near, the man shot at billy, at his face.

"BILLY!!!!" Rose started crying looking at him.

Billy let out an animalistic scream and punched the man, he hit the man with his own gun in the head knocking him down, the other two men started shooting at billy, but the bullets seemed to not harm him anymore. It was all so strange. Billy stabbed the dagger in the man's face, horribly disfiguring the face.

He stood up, hands bloodied, and a very disgusting-looking corpse on the floor. He went head-on for the other two men. Rose was beyond scared looking at this man, he seemed like he was made to kill people, and not an easy death, a gruesome painful process.

In their chest, Billy stabbed the other two men repeatedly in the same way he did earlier at the warehouse.

"Billy!!! Billy!! they're dead Billy stop!"

Billy ignored her and kept stabbing the man. It was a very disturbing scene to look at, so she turned her head. There she saw the shadows of another man approaching, she didn't recognise him, he was hidden by the dark.

The man called out to her, faint sound.

"Rose! Rose! I'm here rose!" She didn't recognize the man at first. Suddenly two strong arms wrapped around her shoulder and started shaking her.

She jolted up, gasping for breath. She looked at the person in front, it was Billy. His face was clean, his hair messy, his eyes they were worried. Worried for her. It took her a moment to register her surroundings, she was still in bed, in Billy's room. There was no blood covering his face or hands.

"Were you having nightmares? You called out my name I thought someone broke in" He looked at her, with those worried eyes.

"It was all a dream, a nightmare?" She was confused, as to what was happening whatnot. She looked at her arm, there was no bullets there, only the wound from earlier bandaged up.

"Billy" She said, barely above a whisper, and took his hands, they were clean not one spot of blood. She looked at his face, he was frowning.

"Did you dream about the warehouse?"

Rose just nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I guess"

"Well I'm here, so you don't have to be scared" Billy looked at her, reassuring her. He gave a small squeeze to her arm.

"What did you see rose?"

"Three men around me holding guns, and lots of blood around." She looked up at him.

"And you. I saw you, and Billy I was most scared of you"

"What"

"The scene from the warehouse, when you stabbed the man, it's etched in my  head, I couldn't recognize you at that moment."

"Rose, hey" He put one hand on her cheek, thumb lightly brushing her face.

"You don't have to be ever scared of me okay? I would never hurt you, never"

She nodded, looking at him. her eyes were on the verge of tears.

"I'm scared Billy, I feel like if I close my eyes, I'm gonna see those things again."

"You're safe here, you're in a warm bed, in a very secured house with weapons hidden in every room, with a highly trained military official sleeping in the next room. No one will dare break in here and hurt you. And if somehow they still do, they won't go back unharmed"

"Thanks" She gave him a small smile.

"Can I ask you something, Billy?"

"Yeah anything"

"The way you stabbed those men, was it a regular thing for you, I know you have to go on operations dealing with security and everything, but was that a normal thing for you?"

He sighed, "Rose I was acting on my emotions at that time, usually on any operation I go for, I don't know the client personally they're just an asset to me, that I had to protect. But this was different. Seeing you strapped to that chair, seeing all the blood on you. I snapped"

At that moment, She realized how wrong her fears were, he was there to save her, and he would always save her.

"Thanks for saving me, I literally owe you my life"

"I was angry at those men, angry at myself for letting it happen, all that manifested in the form of brutal stabbing"

"You shouldn't be angry at yourself, it's not your fault they took me."

"It is." Billy looked down at their intertwined hands. "They took you as leverage against me, you got a target on your back because of me"

"Don't blame yourself, they could have taken any one of your friends to get leverage against you, maybe I was an easy target"

"No, they wouldn't have." Billy looked up at her, his eyes, it felt like he wanted to say a lot but didn't know how.

"I wouldn't have risked my life going in the warehouse alone for someone else. Whoever it was knew well that I would only risk myself if they took you."

She was speechless at that moment, what he said, he might have meant it as her being his only important friend, but it felt way more intimate than that.

Billy stood up, looking over at the window. "If it helps you sleep, I could run a quick perimeter check"

"No, don't go out of the house" She stared at his form, he was looking over at the roads below, a gun in his backpocket.

Billy turned his head towards her, "You sure? You do need to sleep and if you're scared you will get nightmares again"

"There's something else that might help, don't leave the house though"

"What is it?" He was facing her, leaning his back at the window frame.

She was hesitating to say it, afraid he might react in a negative way. "Maybe you could sleep in this room, with me."

Billy seemed surprised at her proposition.

"You sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. But only if you're okay with it."

"Yeah, I'm okay with it, I'll take the floor."

"What! no! Billy peak winter you'll freeze to death in your sleep."

"Well there's no couch in my room, and the one in the living room won't fit in."

"Just sleep on the bed Billy."

"And you are sure you can resist my irresistible face?" A playful smirk formed on his face.

"Yes Russo I am quite certain" She chuckled at his smug face. Seeing her happy even if for just a moment, calmed Billy. She had been traumatized by the events earlier, and her finally smiling was progress.

Billy slipped into the covers and laid down. Rose laid down too, facing him.

"Relax, I'm here and I'm armed, no one will hurt you"

"Okay, you'll be here when I wake up?"

"Promise" Billy gave her a soft smile. She smiled back at him and closed her eyes. She drifted off to sleep easily this time, with the ghost of a smile on her face.

Billy's eyes were fixed on her, the moonlight hit her face, lighting it up softly. He had always found her beautiful, but looking at her in this state, her lying down mere inches away from him, breathing softly. He knew his worry for her, wasn't because she was just a friend to him. She wasn't.

She was way more than that.

And slowly guilt struck him too, his thoughts going back to Madani, if only he had not stopped by at her place, Rose never had to face such a dreadful situation. If only he told her no and came home, to her she would not have those wounds.

Slowly Billy drifted off to sleep, the guilt still eating away at him.

A. N: So here's the new chapter. It's a bit short but thought of keeping it sweet, ik its a bit cliche butttttttt, sometimes cliches are sweet, and hope you guys review!!! LOVE YA xoxo

#ben barnes #ben barnes fanfiction #benbarnes #billy russo #billyrusso #billy russo x reader #billy russo imagine #billy russo fanfiction #billy russo x oc #billy russo x y/n #billy russo x female reader #billy russo x you #Smut #fanfic #fanfiction #jigsaw #thepunisher #frank castle

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt.9)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Smut (18+), Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

The world was a blurring flash of lights, odd noises and reality seemed to flow down the drain as you moved. No. You were carried somewhere. You tried to move your body but it was no longer your body it seemed. Screaming. Karen’s? You weren’t sure. Your mind was flooded and you were drowning.

Images started appearing in your mind. Visions? No, memories. The past. What had you heard, before you die your brain brings up memories from your life to play back to you as a chemical reaction of some sort? Maybe that was it. Maybe…you were dying.

Billy. What about Billy? You wanted to thrash but you couldn’t, in a stupor of some sort. You could see him, the first moment you’d laid eyes on him. Handsome, sure, but something else. His dark depthless eyes held secrets, painful most likely, hidden under a well concealed laugh, a light dig or hidden joke. Feeling yourself drawn into his orbit, the smell of his cologne, the reverberation of his laugh, the silken texture of his hair. 

His hand wrapped around your waist, skillful and welcoming. The heat of his body so close in proximity to yours set your heart pacing beyond normalcy. He had looked down at you after you’d made a witty comment, pressing his forehead to yours.

You were begging no dying to be kissed. To feel every inch of him but before that you wanted him to breathe life into your body. He stood tall, stoic, a man of business and industry. Rolling with each punch Wall Street or a roiling investor shot his way. 

Dodging and weaving to the bitter end until he was on top without so much as an strand of hair out of place. No he was above that. No task too Herculean for him to lose his poise and stalwart strength, a ladies man through and through, money to burn and all the time in the world. Women wanted him and men wanted to be him, surely no one could do it better than THE Billy Russo.

You’d been dating a year, he was laying on your couch with you. Head buried in your lap, crying. You’d stroked your fingers comfortingly through his hair, soft cooing and sounds of affirmation to him as he broke apart in your arms. Holding him physically and emotionally. For the first time- maybe in his whole life, he felt safe. Bullets and terrorists he could handle, but looking into the mirror at himself, who he truly was, what life had given him, was too much.

Most kids had loving parents, didn’t go hungry, weren’t abused, life for whatever reason had chose to dealt him a shitty hand. Maybe he got that shitty hand cause he, in fact…was a shitty human. If we are all born equal that was a cruel joke to him, god thumbing his nose at humanity.

 You held him as he sobbed, hiccupped into your lap, seeing his tears staining your dress and feeling even worse. And you held him, tight. Because while your upbringings were different, you knew how he felt and for the first time maybe in his entire life being with you he was forced to truly take inventory of himself. You weren’t a bang and a quick lay. A wad of cash and an Uber home.

You’d take his suits to the cleaners, cooked his favorite meal, pressed your cold feet to his thighs in the early hours of the morning, you’d wait to watch episodes of a show together, but most of all you really truly saw him, without wishing him to be different. Sure you’d argue, disagreements occurred but it always ended and you two were better for it. 

And you’d run your fingers through his hair, letting him fall to pieces on your sofa as he could barely even explain his feelings, he’d forced them so far deep down for years that he didn’t even know what to label them most days. And you loved him all the while. Kissing his temple, rubbing his arms, allowing him to shake and show weakness. THE Billy Russo, that no one else saw.

You’d never stopped to think about yourself in a committed relationship, even less a mother. You’d gone to school, worked your ass off and in lieu of the real thing stuck with romance novels and juicy romantic comedies. It was safer that way. No broken hearts or disappointments. You’d be the fun ‘aunt’ to all your friends kids as you watched girlfriend after girlfriend get married and settle down.

 An aching part of you wanted that but felt it wasn’t meant to be. Billy, in your mind, was the perfect distraction. A man with a plan, who’d wine and dine you then drop you off at 42nd street with a town car to take you wherever you wanted and a satisfied feeling between your legs. Never in your wildest dreams did you see years of falling deeply and madly in love with every facet of the man himself.

The self assured businessman without a care in the world and the girl who turned up her nose at the slightest hint of getting in too deep. What a pair you two were. And yet you both found yourself in the magnetic pull of one another’s company, where you were weak he was strong  and vice versa. 

To see the icon of confidence stripped down to the young insecure boy that lay beneath tore off all of your reluctance, each excuse and reason for not going deeper thrown by the wayside. You found the solace  you’d been seeking in his arms, and he in yours. Each touch of his lips didn’t take away like you’d been lead to think, but rather gave back ten fold.

You’d been sitting in Central Park waiting for Billy to meet you with coffee and a sandwich from pret. In the meantime a nearby mother and her newborn had taken your attention. A small little girl in a pink onesie, giggling and blowing spit bubbles as her mother bounced her gently on her lap, tired eyes but a wide smile as her child, no more than a few months you guessed, shrieked with laughter after a peppering of raspberries on her belly.

“I want one of those.”

You jumped not realizing Billy had snuck up on you, coffee carrier and large brown paper bag of food.

“A playground?” You ventured, eyes scanning over everything in your eyesight, wondering if Anvil had some sneaky plans to buy up the whole park? Or if there was a Maserati hiding between the bushes you couldn’t quite see but your Hawk-eyed boyfriend could. He laughed loudly, handing you your coffee cup and taking a seat next to you, sliding close until your thighs were touching.

“No. A baby.”

You spluttered and coughed on your coffee, taken aback by the one answer you didn’t expect at all.

“No way” you wiped your mouth, half laughing half still coughing. He made his eyes go comically wide, running a broad hand over the length of your leg down to rest on your knee.

“You think I’m joking?” He asked, taking another swig of coffee, fixing you with an unreadable look. Your mind was swimming, trying to figure out how to respond, a small knot in your stomach forming. So you did what you did best, made a joke of it.

“And how are you gonna get one? Adoption is hard nowadays. Maybe you’d be better off starting with a dog, or better yet maybe a houseplant?” Trying your best to keep the playfulness in your eyes and in your smile. He saw right through your façade.

“Nu-ugh, I know what you’re doing.” The corner of his mouth twitched on the side, hand applying slight pressure to your knee as his forefinger traced circles over the side. “We could do it.”

You rolled your eyes at him, assuming to catch his drift.

“Billy, we HAVE done it. Every night for the past week in fact.” But when your eyes wandered up to meet his, they weren’t full of lust and desire, well maybe desire, but not the kind you thought he was insinuating. It was a deeper hunger, in his soul, pouring out of his eyes.

“I meant be parents.” He swallowed thickly and chased it with another mouthful of coffee before continuing. “We wouldn’t….totally suck.” At that you laughed brightly, letting it echo in the park.

“Wouldn’t totally suck. Yeah that’s something to aspire to.” All gaming had left his eyes, you’d seen him this serious before but never about something like this.

“No really. I think- I think maybe we should give it a shot.” Eyes bouncing back and forth , looking for words, “I love Frank’s kids and I…” a crease between his brows formed. “I want what he has.” There it was. Admission of defeat of the highest in the world of Billy Russo. You felt your heart fall, seeing him kick a stone by his foot, a foot in the highest quality leather shoes, wearing a suit of the finest material, perfectly coiffed hair and luxurious cologne. Armor in a sense. If he looked how every man wished they looked then there was no doubt that he yearned for anything.

You felt your resolve melting, covering his hand with yours, idly running a finger on the backs of his, trying to inject some source of levity into this solemn feeling moment. The baby across from you two squealed, clapping her tiny hands as her mother laid a blanket down for them both on the ground, taking out some lunch for them both. 

You felt misty, thinking of Billy laying on the dirty ground, maybe in an average t shirt, stained with baby food and eyes filled with happiness looking down at his own child, incomparable-to any type of joy he might’ve experienced in the past.

“Okay.” You said, eyes never leaving the little girl, looking up at her mother, her world. Billy shook his head.

“Okay. What?” He gaze was still cast downward.

“Okay…we can maybe try for a baby.” His head whipped up, searching your face for any sign of jest, or insincerity. “But..” his eyes lit up, realizing your weren’t kidding. “But!!” You giggled, pinching his side to reel him in. You held up your left hand and, wiggled your fingers in front of him. “This hand is looking a little bare. Maybe let’s discuss remedying that first?” Your bargaining chip, the give and take of a relationship, and something that you had denied it’s importance to your own self for so long, if he was willing to share his desires so could you, and without fear.

“Done. You’ll get your ring,” he lifted your hand to his lips, placing a lingering kiss to each of your fingers. Thumb, forefinger. “And your wedding.” Middle and Ring finger. “And then I get MY honeymoon gift.” Pinky. Gesturing to the mom and baby in front of you.

“You drive a hard bargain , Mr. Russo.” You couldn’t wipe the smile off your face, growing ever wider by the minute. His hand gripped yours, pulling you closer to him, noses touching, eyes full of mirth and excitement.

“That’s not all that’s hard.” He wiggled his eyebrows, sending you into another fit of laughter at the absurdity this afternoon was turning into. “Hey! We need our practice.”

Your eyelids felt heavy, head full of cotton, and a sharp pain in your abdomen. Your stomach. That woke you up enough to blink, it was dark, cold, musty. Like a basement somewhere. You certainly were no longer in your apartment, trying to move but realizing your wrists were bound in front of you, scratchy rope itching at your bare skin, feeling a bruise on your shoulder and tasting blood in your mouth.

“We’ll look who’s awake.” Your blearily could make out a shape walking towards where you lay on the ground, large, in a button up top, one dead eye staring back at you. Rawlins. He knelt down to your level holding up the thumb drive you’d gone back to retrieve, waving it tauntingly in front of your face. “Ah ah ah, you’ve been a bad girl.” Pushing off his knees to stand back at his full height over you once more, “but I shouldn’t be surprised you ARE with the infamous Mr.Russo. He doesn’t like to listen either.”

A shiver ran down your spine, the enormity of your situation and how absolutely fucked you were sinking in. It must have shown on your face cause he only laughed at your expression.

“Where’s the disk?” A voice called out, another male, you gulped realizing it must be Bennett. The two men who benefited most from Billy’s predicament, the ones who needed all info of their dealings wiped clean. Rawlins responded without ever taking his eyes off you, “got it right here.” A devilish smirk, full of concealed rage and a man with a horrible plan you were sure.

He turned to move towards where the other voice had come, making to move before another voice chimed in.

“And now that we’ve got the drive, what do we do with her?” His scarred face took in your plight, too bruised and sore to move, the effects of the chloroform still weighing heavy on your head and movements.

“I don’t think she’s going to be much of a problem right now. Plus she’ll make the loveliest bait for our boy now won’t she? I mean you of all people know how that twisted head now works.”

“I sure do.” A female voice this time

- Krista.

The car screeched into the parking lot, Karen kicking the door open, barely able to breathe, her face streaked with tears of frusta down anguish as she bolted up the steps two at a time before swinging open the safe house door. Crumpling to the floor as her legs finally gave out, the adrenaline dropping for an iota of a moment before spiking again.

Frank and Billy both shot up from their seated positions rushing over to Karen. Frank grabbing her arm attempting to hoist her up and over to his chair.

“Where’s Y/n?” Billy asked, watching the door, waiting for you to rush in behind her. Karen s legs wobbled as she collapsed onto the chair, Frank taking in her cuts and bruises, an open wound on her leg, pants tore on the side and hit red blood gushing out. He jumped to the sink grabbing a damp towel and pulling off his belt to check if a tourniquet was needed.

“Where is she?!” Billy was frantic now, seeing the state of his friend didn’t bode well for your situation. Frank pushed him aside, getting to Karen, checking her wounds, realizing no arteries had been severed and the bleeding was probably enhanced from her physical strain to get back to them more so than actual injury. Karen gripped Frank’s shirt, eyes wider more fearful than he’d seen in so long, it actually made him pause long enough from his tending to her to grip her chin, holding it to realize she was shaking.

Billy was beside himself, running to the door checking the hall, then racing back, pushing frank out of the way, to get close to Karen.

“Karen, Please!” She felt the tears start to slide down her face again, lip wobbling as she tried to speak, throat hoarse from screaming.

“We were attacked. They have her. HE has her.” Rawlins. Frank swore, wiping a hand over his face. Billy pushed back, falling onto the floor, blood drained from his face. It was coming back to him, the threats, the warnings if he didn’t listen he knew who’d be on the chopping block, paying the ultimate price. He Roared in agony, scratching at his close cropped hair, covering his face, before bolting upright moving towards the door before Frank seized the collar of his shirt, dragging him back into the room.

“LET ME GO”

“WHY! So you can run out there and get your fuckin ass caught? So you can get tossed in jail and she can die?! Is that what you want? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK IS GONNA WORK?!” Frank screamed at him, Karen’s shaking intensified from her seat. Billy fought the tears stinging in his eyes, refusing to let himself feel this weak, this helpless right now.

“I-I’m sorry. I s-should’ve fought harder - I-“ Karen sputtered from her seat, distraught, attempting to stand but her knees gave out and she fell back into her spot.

“We’re gonna find her. We’re-“ Frank was cut off when Karen's phone started ringing in her bag, dropped on the floor after she’d stumbled into the room. All three of them stared at the device as it rang once more. Billy made to move but Frank pushed him aside, walking towards the ringing. Picking up the phone like it was a rigged bomb before hitting accept and holding the phone on speakerphone up between them all.

“Am I speaking with Mr. Castle and Mr. Russo?”

“RAWLINS YOU SON OF A BITCH IF YOU-“ Billy shouted down the line before a tongue clicking noise came from the other end.

“I think you seem to forget who’s in charge. As a matter of fact this is exactly what happened to your friend with you…haven’t you learned your lesson?” Frank’s knuckles went white as he gripped the mobile tighter, a strained muscle ticked in his jaw.

“Your pretty lawyer friend has what we need. The thumb drives, the disks, the whole shebang as it were. If you give those to us then maybe I’ll let our captive here live.”

Billy gritted his teeth, hands fisted so tightly , half moon shaped indents from his nails cutting into his palms.

“And what about Billy?” Frank questioned, eyes flitting up to his former friend, watching as his contained rage was beginning to unravel.

“Billy has a lot of crimes to pay for, he’s killed so many people Frank, he’s held hostages, he even escaped a hospital threatening the life of his recovery therapist. That doesn’t sound like a man who can just go free.”

“You’re a fucking sick bastard you know that right? You don’t care how many people fall under you so long as you can keep doing your dirty dealings.” Rawlins laughed on the other end before responding.

“I just know how to work the system and get what I want, something you never learned. You give me all the evidence our Russo had collected over the years and we can…come to some sort of arrangement. Billy will of course be set to federal prison, if he isn’t given the death penalty, and the lovely y/n can go free, to have her baby and move far away where people won’t know who the father is.”

“I’m gonna kill you.” Billy ground out, dark eyes wild, furious, deadly. 

“You can try, and what if you succeed? Will it be worth it, if she’s dead?” Frank took in his friend who had looked so dangerous, so angry half a second before, watching the fight drain out of him in a nanosecond, realizing they were trapped. That this wasn’t a cut and dry situation.

“Where do we want to meet?” Frank asked, letting a rush of air out of his chest, mind working on something, anything.

“No no no. There is no WE in this. Billy will meet us. Alone.” Frank took in a breath to respond but before he could Billy interjected.

“Fine. Tell me where.”  

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #billy Russo edit #ben barnes #ben barnes character #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #the punisher fanart #the punisher fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel the punisher #frank castle #karen page

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt. 10)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Smut (18+), Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

Billy stood in Central Park, a cool wind blowing over him, hands in his pockets, a bag slung over his shoulder filled to the brim with all the hard drives, disks and hard copied emails from the past few years. A broken man. He had been reduced to this. Shivering in the cold as a crisp breeze ruffled the leaves in the park. He’d done this. And now your life was at stake because of him.

He refused to let himself crumple in this moment, but he could feel the stinging behind his eyes, blinking rapidly, needing his wits about him. Frank had concocted a plan, he’d been unsure of it at first, not willing to risk your life should things go amiss. Standing. Waiting.

You’d hissed at the sharp pain stinging your side, sleeping on a concrete floor with your hands bound wasn’t how you wanted to spend your third trimester. A time for baby showers, sleeping in and stretchy pants had you instead bound and gagged, being man handled into a seated position in the worlds most uncomfortable metal chair. Rawlins was adjusting a laptop in front of you, pulling up a video feed playing back in black and white. Fuzzy grains flickered to life on the screen showing a view of the park then reversing to show your face reflected back.

There you sat, mid screen- god you looked awful. Dirt smudged all over your face, your makeup was smeared on the side, tired eyes with purple circles underneath, gag pulled across your mouth painfully. He walked over to you, adjusting your restraints, making sure that your arms tied behind the back of the chair were pulled taut. Your body screamed out at the sharp tug, each muscle fiber begging to be released. A few tears streamed down your face as a pathetic whimper escaped your lips.

“Awww sweetheart, don’t worry it’ll be over soon.” Rawlins taunted, a stupid smirk on his face as he moved away out of view from the video feed. You could feel movement in your belly, shifting, a few swipes and then a soft nudge on the side. A few more tears starting falling freely at this, realizing that you weren’t alone in this predicament, that it couldn’t just cost you your life, but your baby’s as well.

Billy rubbed his hands up and down his arms, praying for warmth, praying for SOMETHING to happen soon. As he was beginning to think he’d been lead astray movement came from his left, seeing Bennett and two other guards emerge from the foliage, heavily armed. Billy felt his body contract, willing himself to keep it together as he was approached by the three men.

“Russo.” Bennet smirked, it was easy to be brave when you had two armed guards on either side of you.

“Still needing your ass wiped and nose blown for you I see.” Billy quipped, sizing up the two men.

“I’d be careful with your attitude if I were you.” His face changed, no longer enjoying the playful banter it seemed, holding out his hand instead. “The drives, Russo.”

“No. I want to see her first.” Bennett sighed, amusement returning to his beady eyes.

“Fine.” Pulling out his phone, typing a few codes into the device and holding up the screen for billy to see. You were seated there, dirty, tied up and gagged. Tears rolling down the sides of your cheeks leaving streaks where the dirt and smudged makeup had been.

“You fuckin sick bastard. You said she’d go free. She’s not even here.” Billy felt himself start to panic, he’d thought they’d have you in a car nearby ready to make the drop when he handed off what he had. Rawlins walked up behind you in the frame, hands resting on your shoulders, you jumped at the contact, whimpering from the strain of movement.

“That wasn’t part of the deal. We needed you to know that if any of those drives or info has been saved or re- recorded anywhere and gets out, we’ll know where to find her.” Rawlins paused in his intimidation tactics, reaching out a hand and placing it on the prominent bump of your belly, making eye contact with the laptop screen, staring straight into Billy’s face, a taunting tactic if ever there was one, “ y’know billy I NEVER imagined you being a father. You’re far too fucked up, and yet here as I live and breathe.” Placing a demeaning pat on the round curve of you.

“You won’t be living or breathing if you don’t take your goddamn hands off of her.” Billy ground out, hand gripping tighter on the strap of the bag he was carrying, half wanting to rip it off and strangle Bennett with it just so Rawlins could watch through the screen, but he knew better than to do that. Not when that piece of shit had you right there. The psycho through the screen pulled out a large knife, tracing it over your arms, up the side of your neck and down your cheek.

Billy felt his chest tighten as he saw your eyes go wide at the cold metal stinging across your skin. You felt a roiling sensation in your stomach, squeezing your eyes shut, tears escaping the corners and running down, absorbing into the dirty material of the gag.

“Keep it up Russo and I’ll make sure you get your baby, but maybe sooner than you’d planned.” Rawlins drew the tip of the blade down your chest and rested it across your belly. You felt yourself try to recoil, to move away, feeling sick at the implications he was hinting at. The movements in  your belly had ceased, stillness instead took over. Rage flashed in Billy’s eyes, mixed with the sour tang of fear in the back of his throat.

“I have the drives, let her go.”

“Give them to him.” Rawlins responded, pressing the knife harder into your side until you made a muffled noise of pain. Billy quickly pulled off the bag, shoving it into Bennett’s waiting hands. “See now that wasn’t so bad was it?”

At that a loud crash came from behind you, your captor whipped around leaving the frame, then more sounds of chaos behind you. Trying with all your might to turn around and see what was happening. Sounds of a scuffle, something smashed into the side of your chair sending you sprawling across the floor, concrete scraped the side of your face.

You heard grunting and shouting that you could recognize as Frank’s. How the hell did he find you? Apparently that’s what the whole team of people in this basement/bunker  you were in were thinking too. Scrambling noises and more shouting followed by the popping noise of gunshots ringing out. You needed to get free, in the process of skidding across the ground the fabric gagging you had torn enough that moving your head side to side allowed your mouth finally free.

Frank was In The process of taking out two armed soldiers, pipe in hand and a few sickening crunching noises could be heard. You tugged at your restraints fruitlessly, instead focusing on hoisting your body to the side, they hadn’t tied your ankles down so your legs had mobility once again.

Maneuvering to your knees felt like daggers in your lower back, but this was the only way to get any sort of movement. Once up you heard the metallic clank of the chair falling behind you, wrists still bound but no longer attached to anything holding you back. Your eyes darted around the space, looking for something, anything sharp enough to cut through the rope binding you.

Billy could see the initial chaos break out on the screen, realizing Frank’s signal and withdrawing the concealed knife in his jacket sleeve, weaving around Bennett and nestling the sharp tip into the neck of one of his guards. Blood spurted out, spraying Bennett and half of Billy’s face. The other guard quick to draw his weapon took aim at billy, sending off a round of shots, one grazing past his ear but Billy had recognized both these men, Anvil trainees, therefore knowing their weaknesses. The man in front of him always aimed wide, and the one bleeding out in the ground in front of him- well he was always a hesitant shot.

A beeping noise emanated from the watch  billy was wearing, notifying him that Frank had found his mark and the coordinates were being sent through. A blinding pain as the other guard made contact with the back of Billy’s head, the butt of the gun stinging across his flesh. Whipping around to grab the handle, stomping on the offenders foot in the process, as he cried out his grip loosened and the weapon was easily ripped from his hand to Billy’s.

2 shots and he was put down. Bennett was backing away, his own gun shooting wildly towards billy. Ducking and weaving as best he could but hissing as one bullet made contact with his upper arm, tearing through his jacket and his flesh, blood gushed out , warm and impeding his grip on the weapon. A few more shots streaked past him until he could level the gun himself and take a shot, whizzing through the air and striking Bennett right in the lower back.

A sound of struggle as he hit the ground, attempting to drag himself away as Billy walked over. Hovering above the mangled man beneath him.

“You can’t kill me. If you kill me and Rawlins doesn’t hear back, your little girlfriend is dead-“

Another resounding beep from Billy’s watch. The holding area frank had found and infiltrated was less than two blocks away- idiots. They might’ve been in charge of the operations but the grunts beneath them were far smarter and always four steps ahead.

It took one shot to take out Bennett, if time wasn’t of the essence billy would’ve killed him slowly, made him truly pay for what this man had done, but unfortunately he had time constraints. Grabbing the bag off of Bennett’s body, securing the strap around his chest as he bolted as fast as he could down the side roads and alleyways following the ping frank had sent.

You’d found a shard of metal sticking out from a weight bearing pole nearby, legs carrying you as fast as they could, lining up with the piece and sawing at the ropes. You hissed as the shard tore into your skin when you missed the rope the first time around, using the best of your senses behind your back to match up better this time. After another sawing motion you heard the satisfying snapping of the material, using all your strength to pull your arms apart.

The bindings fell to the ground, your hands were bleeding where you had misdirected your first swipe, but not fully able to take in the chaos going on around you. Guards lay dead or bleeding on the floor, off to the sides of the hidden hallways and alcoves you’d never seen, or hadn’t been conscious enough to take in. Sounds of further struggle we’re coming down a long hall, Rawlins screaming at his soldiers to “just shoot castle”.

You took off down a hall that had less noise, where a few guards were groaning, clutching their wounds. You barely had time to register the brutality of the situation , Frank…your friend Frank, who’d sent you flowers for your birthday once and looked at your friend Karen with the softest of eyes, who was the strong and silent type, you knew in your head he and billy were capable of acts like this, but seeing it now in front of you left you feeling sick with shock and honestly…a little awe.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” You flung around to meet eye to eye with a gun leveled at your chest, heart seizing and there on the other end of it was your favorite person- Billy’s therapist.

Krista stood there, anger in her eyes, like you’d only seen in brief flashes previously. Holding your hands up, showing you weren’t armed, even though deep down you knew she didn’t care.

“We don’t have to do this.” You were proud that your voice wasn’t shaking from how scared you actually felt.

“No see…we do. I had a plan, and the only thing that was ever in the way of it was you.” You were backing up, but she followed each of your movements, gun trained on you. “I had a good thing going with Billy, cut a deal with Rawlins, I was home free.”

“Except the small fact that he already had people that cared about him.” She huffed at that.

“You? he couldn’t even remember you, you were in the goddamn way. I just had to make sure he didn’t get his full memory back, woo him enough to find out where the drives were and then let everything else run it’s proper course.”

“You’re a sick piece of shit, Krista.” You managed, to say, feeling a little light headed from your blood loss, it shouldn’t have been making you this woozy but you couldn’t remember the last time you ate either.

She only laughed, the barrel following you as you leaned against the wall, bracing yourself, realizing this was about to be like shooting fish in a barrel. “I may be, but now I have the upper hand, all you had to do was walk away. Stop visiting him, forget about him but then there was this-“ gesturing to the large bump under your shirt, you instinctively placed a protective hand over the front, knowing it’d do nothing against a bullet but you felt compelled nonetheless. “THIS has been a problem, the one thing that would prevent you from moving on.”

You clutched at a metal table nearby, the sounds of frank fighting seemed so distant now, the saliva  in your mouth felt like cement.

“I guess you’ve never truly loved or been in love, yes this happened,” you gestured downwards, “but even if it hadn’t I’d still have gone to visit him everyday. I’d still read to him whenever I could. Even if he hadn’t woken up from his coma I would have been there, holding his hand, until he drew his last breath.” You felt tears stinging your eyes, realizing that this might actually….be it. That you might not make it out of this basement.

Krista just glared back at you, frustration of her “easy” plan not being so easy, and you had just enough fight in you that maybe if you were meant to go down, you’d go down fighting. Hand wrapping around a large chain that was set on the table you wear clinging to, tossing it in kristas direction, the heavy links clanked and met with her jaw in a sickening crunch. She screamed, one hand releasing her gun to grab at her face, giving you enough time to bolt, moving further down the hallway as fast as your adrenaline fueled body could carry you.

You could hear her steps following you, screams of frustration echoing behind. Dodging around a corner you heard-

“Duck!” Without thinking you dove as Ungracefully as possible, protecting your belly in the process before you heard a shot ring out and the sound of someone falling behind you. Looking back you saw Krista in a heap on the floor, still alive but critically wounded, her own gun fallen by the wayside a pool of blood seeping around her.

Turning back you saw a large hand reaching down for you. Taking it you felt yourself carefully hauled up to your feet, eyes looking up to see your rescuer.

Billy. Barely realizing this wasn’t the time you threw your arms around him, squeezing him as hard as you could. Feeling him respond in kind, pressing his face into your hair, breathing in deeply the scent of you, dying to lose himself in you, but it wasn’t safe yet.

He pulled back to take you in. “Follow me, I need to get you out of here then find Frank.” You could only nod in response, his grip on your arm leading you deftly around another corner and another until a cascade of stairs was in front of you. “Karen is right outside in the car waiting. Go with her.” He leaned forward pressing his lips to yours, you deepened the kiss, tugging on sleeves of his jacket, hearing him hiss. When you pulled away your hand had blood on it, his one sleeve was completely covered in it.

“Billy! You’re hurt.” You made to reach for him again, but he only kissed your forehead once more, rubbing an open palm over the front of your bump, a responding flurry of motion bubbling underneath his hand.

“I’m going to be fine, but only if you go outside and leave, get as far away as possible. Frank and I will catch up.” You cradled his face in your hands, terrified to leave him, to follow his instructions out to Karen.

“I can’t lose you again.” You whimpered, hot tears re-emerging and falling in burning steaks down your face. Pinned under his obsidian gaze, clutching at him for dear life, knowing you had to go for both your and the baby’s safety but not bearing the thought of leaving him behind, uncertain of what awaited him. His one hand raised to cup the side of your face, his thumb wiping away at one of the newly formed tears threatening to fall.

“You won’t. I promise.” When you hesitated another moment, he gently pushed your lower back towards the exit. “Please y/n…” nodding one last time you turned, trudging up the stairs, looking back to see Billy staring up at you, his eyes wide, watching to make sure you didn’t follow him. His look the same one you’d seen a hundred times before, full of love and unsaid words. Sucking in a weak breath continuing on and out into the night.

Karen was there, relief flooded her eyes when she saw you walk out, motioning for you to move fast. Once in the car she was off before you could even buckle your seat belt, staring into the side view mirrors behind you, wanting to see billy walk out with Frank close behind him. Obviously that didn’t happen, and then the car turned a corner and the view was gone from your sight.

“Thank fuckin god you’re ok. I tried to get to you, to-to help…” her voice was shaking as she drive, white knuckles in the steering wheel, eyes darting to each of her mirrors every few seconds.

“Hey, hey calm down, it’s ok-“

“It’s not! It’s not ok y/n” her lower lip trembled and you felt her sadness come off in waves, regret and maybe a healthy dose of anger. “It’s my fault that you went back when it wasn’t safe, that I couldn’t get to you in time, that-“

“Couldn’t get to me in time? Karen I’m right here, I’m alive, you did all you could do.” She paused in her panic, stopping at a red light and having a moment to look over at you. “If you constantly beat yourself over what could’ve happened, not realizing I’m here and safe, you’re gonna drive yourself mad.” You placed a reassuring hand over hers on the wheel before the light changed and you both were off again.

Karen nodded in agreement, letting your words sink in better. The car wound up and around a few other streets then pulled onto entrance to the bridge.

“We’re leaving the city?” You asked, staring out the window at the lights of the city, beginning to fade in the distance as you moved along.

“Frank has a place for us. He told us to get out as far as we could go and to wait to hear from them.” You swallowed thickly, trying not to wonder if you would actually hear from them. If they would make it through the night. When you closed your eyes all you could see was Billy’s face watching you ascend those stairs , leaving him behind. No. Begging you to leave him behind.

You couldn’t bear the thought of losing him for real this time, tears sprung to your eyes. You didn’t try to fight them this time, letting the droplets of hot water slide down your cheeks. A few shifts of movement rippled under your shirt, letting your hand drift down to rest comfortingly on the round swell of your belly. You were worried about Billy. You both were. 

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel the punisher #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #billy Russo edit #frank castle #karen page #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #ben barnes #ben barnes character

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt. 11)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Smut (18+), Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

Writers Notes: THANK YOU GUYS for supporting me in this journey. I had the idea to write this and wasn't sure how well it'd be received but you've all blown me away with your love and support. I had such a good time writing this and hope to make more stories like this in the future <3 xoxo

It took all his resolve to turn from the stairs and run towards where the further sounds of fighting echoed. Frank had taken a few good blows from the guards but a good few of them were down on the floor, knocked out or bleeding. Billy heard footsteps closing in, taking the opportunity to swing hard left and catch a guard in the throat with his knife, fresh blood leaking out onto the mans uniform.

“Bill!” Frank shouted, seeing the look in his eyes and they were suddenly back in training. Back on the field. Billy leapt over an upturned chair and wooden box, falling into position. He and Frank back to back, guns out, surveying who was left, who was a threat. An eerie silence rang out, only their heavy breathing in the air around them. Then a click.

“Down!” Billy yelled. They both jumped to the side sprawling, Billy’s gun sliding just out of reach as Rawlins stepped into view, weapon at the ready.

“Well, well, as they always say if you want something done right-“ his one dead eye piercing Billy with a look of disgust. “Do it yourself.” Pointing the automatic at Frank who was scrambling to get back up, bleeding profusely from his own wounds. Billy moved to grab his gun but a boot came down on his wrist, ripping a shriek of pain from the back of his throat.

Looking up into the eyes of another solider, one of his old Anvil recruits. Tim, he’d considered him a friend once. And here he was gun drawn, pointed at Billy’s head. They were fucked. This was it. Billy could feel his heart begin to race, thinking about you, about the child he’d never get to meet. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe…but who would be there to stop Rawlins and and his men from going after you? 

He’d just seen the sick levels they’d stoop to, you’d seen all their faces, knew they were behind it. You were another obstacle for them to take out.

Your face. He could see it so clearly, the first thing his sore and tired eyes rested upon coming out of his coma. Convinced he’d died and somehow tricked the man upstairs to let him into heaven, because surely you were an angel. “I love you, Billy.” You’d whispered, kissing his forehead when you'd thought him asleep. No. He couldn’t leave you. Not when you'd always been there for him.

 Not today.

He had one shot at this, looking back to find Frank’s searching eyes, they weren’t fucked yet. Un-Sheathing the last knife in his arsenal and slicing it into Tim’s tendons of the leg pinning him down. A piercing scream as He fell backwards gripping his damaged leg. Rawlins was distracted enough for that split second, but that was all Frank needed. All the time he ever needed.

Jumping up with the last of his brute strength, getting a tight grip on the large weapon, pushing Rawlins back against the wall as Billy jumped up storming towards Tim . He got off the last of his rounds, bullets whizzing past as Billy ducked and clambered off the to side, hissing as one found a jagged path, grazing the side of his arm then hitting the wall behind him. Shrapnel of brick sections exploding at the impact, a large piece scraping the side of his head by his temple.

But even that wasn’t enough to stop Billy from coming, Tim attempted to stand, to run, but his ability to do that was gone. The mindless clicking of an empty barrel, looking up to the dark eyes above him, the face of the man who’s woman and unborn child he and the countless other recruits bleeding around him had so recently threatened. One shot was all it took, but Billy savored the second double tap as a consolation prize for the months of hell he’d been through.

A loud grunt rang out as frank faltered slightly in keeping Rawlins under control, a loud pitch tinged the air as Rawlins got off two shots, hoping to somehow free himself of castles grip, but in a moment Billy had loped over to them, tackling the shorter man to the ground, a loud smack as they both hit the concrete floor. Billy’s gun might be empty, but the one that had clattered not but three feet from Frank’s boots, was not.

“I’ll fucking kill you!” Rawlins managed, grappling with Billy, deliberately grabbing the wounded part of Billy’s arm, digging in deep enough to make Billy cry out.

“No. That’s my job.” A shot rang out, blood spurting from Rawlins knee as he screamed in blind hot fury. Billy took the opportunity to push away, looking up to see Frank moving closer, a hunter approaching wounded prey.  The man before them, their former boss, the bane of both their existences. Frank tapped Billy on the shoulder, holding his own gun out, but Billy pushed it back towards his former friend. 

“No. This is yours.” The man above him nodded, his eyes said it all. The pain, the torture, everything. Rawlins could barely open his mouth to make a deal before Frank ended it once and for all. The high pitched ringing of the shot bouncing off the walls was enough for Billy to close his eyes, clutching the side of his head in pain. Hand pulling back and seeing the blood running down his temple  from the bullet graze earlier.

It was done.

Both battered and bruised, blood rushing out of their respective wounds, making the slow approach to the staircase that led up to the city. The stink of gasoline hung in the air behind them. They’d covered the whole place in it, all the bodies, windows, everything. The tortuous painful climb out of the basement was evident by each hiss and groan they let out with every step, toppling out on to the darkened street above.

Billy pulled a lighter out of his pocket that they’d found on one of the guards down there, exchanging a look with Frank who only nodded. He flicked the small flame into existence then tossed it down the stairs, watching the reds oranges and yellows engulf the space. Letting it burn for a good 5 minutes before straggling across the street, limping to a darkened alleyway. Smoke billowed out into the street, following them but they were good and gone as the sounds of sirens blared into the night.

“Y/n, please stop pacing you’re making me nervous.” Karen softly spoke from her place on the safe houses couch. But you couldn’t stop. Afraid that if you did your whole body would just start shaking and your mind would get even further caught up in all the worrisome thoughts running through your head.

“It’s been so long. Too long. They-“ you could barely choke out the words, but then you heard a loud knock on the front door.

You heart was in your throat, watching as Karen grabbed the gun on the side table, walking over to the door, dragging in a long steadying breath as she checked the peephole. The noise she made was indiscernible but she ripped the front door open with wild abandon, where you could see Billy and Frank slumped against the doorframe. Karen dove forward pulling Frank inside and into her waiting arms, you’d laugh at the face of shock he made if you weren’t so intent on getting over to Billy.

The face he made when he saw you almost did you completely in. Pure love, relief, joy, awe, throwing your arms around his neck, squeezing him tightly to you, trying to be mindful of his wounds but barely processing anything else. All your senses were him, his smell, the way he felt, focusing in on his breath, the returned embrace, his warmth.

“Get inside.” Karen managed to choke out through her own tears, playfully grabbing the back of your shirt, knowing if she pulled you in Billy would easily follow.

Everyone was in their own world the rest of the night, Frank and Karen in their respective room, you and Billy in yours. You’d cleaned him up, tending to the scratches and stitching up any of the deeper wounds. Kissing each spot after you cleaned it, reigning in your emotions best you could but a few stray tears would slip out here and there, and Billy would swipe his thumb over them, then plant soft warm kisses to each spot of your face that he could reach.

You couldn’t believe it was over. That it was over and all of you were still in one piece. Laying against him, letting his scent linger, brushing your fingertips over his arms, shoulders, up and down his chest, letting this moment sink in. His heavy lidded eyes watched you and your various movements not daring to intrude, making soft noises of appreciation when you’d tickle or touch certain areas.

“I love you, Billy.” You finally settled in close to him, deciding sleep was what you all desperately needed right now.

His closed eyes drifted open a millimeter, a hum of appreciation as he drew you closer to him, wrapping his arms around you. A light flutter erupted in your belly creating a broad grin across Billy’s face as he pressed a kiss to your stomach. As if satisfied with that, the wriggling inside you calmed down.

“I love you too.” He responded, letting a hand graze along the side of your face, soaking in every millisecond of this moment. “Both of you.”

1 month later

For the first time in almost a year you slept in your bed soundly, Billy pressed against you on his rightful side of the bed. Hand never moving from your stomach. You woke first to the rays of first light pouring in, dancing over the covers and illuminating both your bodies tangled in the sheets. His hand still firmly in its rightful place, moving up and down with your breath until another movement followed, a little elbow pressed up lifting his hand a tad before settling back down.

You could hear the slow deep breaths from the man behind you, grateful he was finally getting a good nights rest. The time for that was now because who knew how much sleep was in both your near futures. Another swipe of a random limb had you giggling watching Billy’s hand bouncing up and down as he slept.

It wasn’t until a much more forceful kick caught you in the ribs that you coughed, feeling the wind knocked out of you.

“Are you alright?” Billy’s sleep tinged voice came from behind you, his hand flexing on your bump as he adjusted his position on the bed. You placed your hand over his, letting your fingers twine in silent reassurance of your safety.

“Yes. Good morning.” You could have laughed at how comical it must have looked to see you maneuver onto your side so you could face him. To kiss him on the lips, trailing your tongue along his bottom lip before sucking it into your mouth, placing a playful bite onto it. Billy groaned, hand fisting the sheet covering your hip, bleary eyes clearing as he looked down at you.

He tried to wrap his mind around it all, it was done. All you two had to do was hide out in your apartment while Karen and her lawyer friends worked their magic. Creating and selling the right story to the news, to the judges and juries that couldn’t potentially follow, but with succinct editing and weaving Billy was destined to be a free man soon enough. He let out a contented sigh, leaning back down, snuggling closer to you, face buried in the crook of your neck, breath fanning over your collar bones, teasing at your chest.

You let out a soft moan at the sensation, this apparently pleased him as he continued moving down your body, placing tauntingly chaste kisses across your chest, down the center and up the large hill that was your belly. His scruff tickled across the stretched skin, making you shake, trying to conceal your laughter. More and more kisses traced over your belly, he seemed determined not to miss an inch, before he snaked around the side, dropping lower.

Heat pooled between your thighs, biting your bottom lip, anticipating his next touch. His warm mouth sucked at the tender skin of your inner thigh, a gasp escaping your lips. One hand clenching into the sheets as he wickedly explored your other leg, moving up, then back down, in a teasing fashion. Letting your one hand drift up, scratching through his close cropped hair, nails deliciously tracing the back of his head, Billy growling in return before finally running his tongue up the center of you.

Your head dropped back, lips parted, soft noises falling from your lips, spurring him on. That mouth of his, it always drove you wild, either by words spoken or…this. His eyes darted up, you could barely see him hidden behind the round curve of you, but his dark eyes captured your gaze even still. As his tongue circled around your core, driving you mad with each lap of that muscle, kisses mixed in with his beautiful torture.

His hands lifted up your thighs, placing them over his shoulders as he continued sucking and licking on your lips. The onslaught of pleasure increased with each movement of his tongue, plunging it into you, deeper than you thought it could go, a cry forced from your mouth. He held you fast, preventing you from wiggling away, savoring each noise leaving your mouth, getting louder and louder.

A tightness had formed in your lower belly, that familiar sensation coiling deep within you, begging for release. He can feel you growing closer to the edge, groaning into you, the vibrations heightening to a fever pitch. Circling you clit and sucking with extra pressure, sliding a long finger inside you at the same time had you fisting the bedsheets, crying out his name.

Another finger added, stroking you, the only coaxing over the precipice that lay before you that was needed. Moaning and whimpering, his name again and again as your orgasm crashed over you, back arching, he held your thighs tight, tongue unrelenting, lapping up each delicious morsel of your release. You were left panting, breathless, hyper sensitive to each of his movements as he planted more open mouthed kisses to your inner thighs, the curve of your bump, taking special care to lavish the bottom, top and sides with affection as he made his way back upwards.

His hands planted on either side of your belly, his head coming to rest by your shoulder, kissing that in kind as well. You were still coming down from your high, eyelids heavy, enjoying just having him near. Billy shifted downwards another scoot until his face was pressed up against your bump, the lust and desire in his eyes replaced with a new tender softness and a tinge of awe as his hand chased the ripples in your skin, movements from under the surface.

Crinkles by his eyes formed, taking in each new elbow, kick, and adjustment the small child made within you. This was the moment you had been wanting for months, and if you were being honest, years. Since Billy had mentioned it at the park, years ago, desiring children, something you’d never foreseen actually occurring. That is once the accident had happened…

“Billy?” He hummed in response, gaze never leaving where his hand lay, subtle back and forth movements, a pleased look when an elbow pulsed under his touch. “Tell me what you’re thinking.” At this his eyes moved upwards to meet yours, the stern and shrewd businessman melted away before your eyes, replaced with wonder, affection.

“I’m thinking…we still haven’t picked a name. Maybe violet? Or Daniel?” You chuckled half heartedly, letting your hand rest atop his.

“Only about names?” He was right, names needed to be picked, but you were more interested in his true, real feelings.

“I’ve lived a fucked up life, never feeling wanted, needing to prove I was good enough my entire life. If I had the money, the power, the car, custom tailored suits, then in someway I would have proven to the world I was enough…but never to myself.” You squeezed his hand in comforting reassurance waiting to hear his next words, noticing how his eyes drifted back down to your belly as a new wave of movements began.

“I saw Frank’s kids, how they had their own personalities from the get go, as well as some of Frankie's traits that were unmistakable.” He smiled to himself, “That love that I never got to have for a parent, that I wanted so badly. Thinking maybe I’d do it right, break that pattern with my own children.” He shook his head in thought, “and yet here I was, strapped to a hospital bed, no recollection of you or why I was fully there.”

You slid your hand under his chin, tilting it up to meet your eyes once more. “That wasn’t your fault, you are remembering more and more each day, one day we’ll both look back and have a better understanding why this needed to happen.” He melted into your touch, eyes fluttering closed, drinking it all in. Billy Russo. A free man. Another wave of motion flurried under his touch on your belly. Billy Russo…a father.

He shook his head in wonderment, that almost felt more unreal. Your grip on his jaw tightened a minuscule amount, the tenderness leeching into something else, when he looked up at your face he could see it in your eyes. That spark of desire kindling into more, pressed upwards to rest his forehead against yours, breathing in your intoxicating scent.

“Hold that thought.” He said, pushing off the bed and walking over to his chest of drawers, digging around in the back of one of the compartments. After another moment of rifling around he seemed satisfied with what he’d discovered , easing back into the bed smiling at how you giggled as the mattress dipped and you nearly rolled right onto him. His dark eyes glimmered with playfulness, of a multitude of nature’s. “Ya know I think I remember we agreed to something in exchange for …this.” He ran a free hand over your bump once more.

Your brows drew together trying to figure out what he was referring to but in a split second you had you answer, as Billy was pulling out a small black box. You knew what it was, he smiled even wider as he watched the shock and realization glimmer in your eyes, gently he set it on the highest point of your belly waiting for you to reach out and take it. Your hands reached out, managing to catch the box as a sudden kick almost sent it bouncing off the side of the bed.

Your eyes looked to his for solid confirmation, he nodded, dark eyes transfixed on your every movement. Sucking in a short breath you cracked it open to be met with the shiniest  diamond glinting in a silver setting on an engagement ring. Not just any ring, the ring you had shown him over a year ago, at the time only half joking, realizing the price of the damn thing. But Billy didn’t care about price tags, you almost felt your mouth go slack just looking at it.

“Here.” Billy gently retrieved the box from your hands, his other hand gripping your arm, helping you hoist yourself off the bed. He gave you a charming smirk, smoothing a Hand over your pajamas before settling himself about a foot away, taking the assumed position, on one knee. Once again opening the box to reveal the breathtaking ring. “I promised myself I’d do something large, make a spectacle, throw a parade when I proposed to you, but I can’t imagine a better time than right here and right now.”

You felt a sob rise up in your throat, eyes watering as your emotions decided to go wild. You could see a soft glistening in his eyes as well, shining as he removed the ring from the box, taking your left hand in his. “Will you marry me?” Looking at him now he didn’t seem like a man who’d been a marine, a ceo, a scapegoat- he looked like a man who had hope, a tinge of worry maybe, at you potentially saying no, vulnerable, but still, hope.

“Yes!” You managed to say, barely able to contain any further emotions, tears flowing freely, hormones be damned, you’d never felt joy like this before. The man who you’d fallen in love with so long ago, here before you, safe, healing, remembering. He excitedly placed the ring on your finger before jumping up to pull you in for a long passionate kiss. You felt every nerve spark to life, toes curling into the carpet as he kissed you so deeply you wondered if either of you’d ever resurface.

You both fell back onto the bed, laughing, kissing, then laughing more. You held up your hand, admiring how the light caught in the stone sending rainbows of color all over the room.

“Ya know when we made our agreement I  never thought I’d be already 9 months pregnant and in pajamas when you proposed.” He took your hand, kissing up your wrist, placing a tender kiss on each of your knuckles, then sliding back up your arm until he reached the crook of your neck.

“I mean it IS me. I’m sure none of the people who know me would be any sort of surprised with me having shotgun wedding.” You made a playful huffing noise, elbowing him in the side before falling into a fit of giggles once more.

“But how did you remember the exact ring I’d shown you so long ago? Before everything?”

He buried his face deeper into your neck, licking a stripe up the column of your neck that had you shivering, anticipating more, aching for it.

“I went out and bought that as soon as we wrapped our little discussion in the park. That afternoon, after you’d gone back to work. It wasn’t until recently I remembered where I hid it.” You smiled, running a hand over his , scratching at the hair growing back, placing a soft kiss to his forehead, before scooting down to meet his lips full on once more.

“I love it. It’s perfect.” He gave you the same charming smile that had drawn you in all those years ago, when you’d sauntered into the restaurant with Karen, not knowing how your fate had been sealed when your eyes met for the first time.

 Falling madly in love with him. Over and over again.

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #billy Russo edit #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #jigsaw #frank castle #karen page #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #marvel the punisher #marvel #marvel fanfiction #ben barnes #ben barnes character

[celestialspecial]

Mattress Shopping

Warnings- smut 18+, light Dom, something quick 🙃

“Mmmm what about this one?” You stretched out over the mattress, arms overhead stifling a yawn as you closed your eyes feeling the plush comfort beneath you.

“I don’t know.” Billy sat on the side of the bed, it dipped under his weight as he leaned over you to place a kiss to your forehead, “you look pretty sleepy and I have more things planned for this bed than just that.” You giggle rolling over away from him, snuggling deeper into the mattress.

You let out a tiny shriek when you feel his hands grab you, rolling you back over to face him.

“Do you two need help?” A passing worker inquires, giving a smile to you both.

“Yes, bag this up for me.” You laughed leaning back against the plastic display pillows by the head board.

“Ah ah ah, not yet. We’re still looking.” Billy pinched your side, grinning as you let out another squeal. The worker politely nodded and walked off.

“Billy! I like this one.” You patted the spot next to you for him to lay down more fully. A creaking noise could be heard as he laid back next to you.

“But listen to the noises, and we’re just laying down.” He quirked an eyebrow up at you, “imagine our poor neighbors.”

“Ughhhh fine.” You pouted, pushing up and swinging you legs off the side of the bed. You two had been looking for mattresses and bed frames for over a week now and you were content to just pick anything but Billy was a man of finer taste and was being quite picky.

“What about this one?” It was a large sleigh bed, with walnut finishes and felt comfy enough.

“Hmmm.” He laid back on it, patting the spot next to him. You rolled your eyes and crawled over to him looking up at his face, eyes closed, brow drawn in thought. No. This isn’t it.”

“Billyyyy” you were tired and the whining was starting to make an appearance. He took your chin in his hands holding you in place.

“Are you going to start being a bad girl?” Your eyes darted around to see if any of the workers were nearby and if they could see you two. “Nu-uh darlin’ you look at me when I’m talking to you.” You nodded, looking back into his eyes.

“Yes, Billy.” He smirked, releasing your chin and you realized how much you were dying to leave and retreat to your bed at home.

To feel his touch on you in private instead of here where everyone was watching. He stood, holding out a hand to you, taking it and being hoisted back to your feet to wander the show floor some more. After another few minutes your eyes settled on a bed towards the back.

Dark mahogany wood polished shiny, slats along the headboard that dipped down to cradle the cushy looking mattress below. Billy caught you looking at the bed and moved behind you, his hands brushing along your sides before settling onto your waist.

“How about this one?” He whispered into your ear, you felt yourself shivering in delight as his hands snaked around your torso more fully. His mouth pressed to your ear and a few choice kisses along your neck. “Imagine the filthy things I could do to you in that bed.” You whimpered as you felt his one hand start to travel up your stomach under your shirt to toy with the front bow of your bra.

You turned around to face him, grabbing his neck tie and tugging on it to bring him close to you.

“Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Come on baby, don’t you wanna come on my cock like a good girl?” You “tsk’d” at him as you crawled up the length of the bed, hovering over his dark boxer shorts that were stretched to their limit.

“I think your forgetting who’s in charge right now.” You simpered, eyes upturned to keep his gaze as you planted a tauntingly chaste kiss to the fabric where the head of his cock rested. His head fell back and a strangled noise escaped his throat.

“Baby…”

“Ahhh there he is.” His eyes were practically glowing as he watched your hands stroking over the muscles of his chest, downwards, nails scratching down his torso, you could see his resolve melting way with each grunt he made as you continued your journey.

“I wonder if those salesmen knew we’d be doing this after we bought the bed.” Licking a stripe under his navel, letting your hands ghost along the front of his underwear. He was rock hard, the longer you teased the more noise he was making. Twitching, begging to take you hard and fast against the bed, pressing your face into the soft pillows and making you scream his name.

But you’d had other plans, using his own necktie to secure his wrists to the headboard, hearing it creak only a smidgen when you let your tongue find a sensitive spot on his inner thighs. It was a good bed, strong, sturdy, Billy had been right, but you wouldn’t let him know that, at least not yet.

“Maybe we should take these off?” You suggested palming him openly, feeling that satisfying twitch under the fabric. He only turned his head into the arm tied up closest to him, eyes squeezed shut as he bit his lower lip. Feeling you remove his boxers agonizingly slow, allowing his cock to spring forth, head red and dribbling at the tip.

You tossed the garment off the side, sitting back on your heels a moment to slowly unclasp your bra. You could almost laugh watching the man in front of you, tied up, a full body flush all over him, dark eyes wide as he watched your every move. It’s not like he hadn’t seen your breasts before but he watched you anxiously anticipating seeing you bare before him.

Once free you tossed your bra to the floor, landing on top of his boxers, stretching your arms up wide savoring the whine he made, trying to move towards you.

“Please baby, fuckin use me. Need to be inside you. Need to feel that pussy.”

Even when you were in a position of power he still had you clenching at his words, feeling the wetness dripping from between your legs just hearing him, just thinking about indulging him. Billy could see the slick on your thighs and he grunts jerking towards you, tie cutting into his wrists which are already red from the struggle. “Baby let me make you feel good, so fuckin good. I can tell from here your pussy is aching to be filled, again and again. Don’t you want that? Stuffed until I’m leaking out of you?”

“Is that what you want? To make me feel good?” He nods his head aggressively, eyes watching your every movement, wide and glistening. You move up the bed, over his body, hands and knees on either side of him as you when you have a wicked idea. His aching cock is sticking up, waiting for you, bending lower as you move letting the tip of him graze along your chest between your tits, along your stomach and just barely touching your center before you reach him.

You can’t suppress the moan dying to escape your throat as you get to the top of the bed, kissing Billy passionately, his lips taste so good, tongue laving over your own tasting each millimeter of your mouth before you pull away. Your hands rest on either side of his face as he looks up at you, this was the closest to innocent you’ve every seen his expression.

“Don’t worry Billy, I’ll take care of you.” You press his head to your chest as his eyes closed, sucking in a breath before he turns to suck at your nipple. You gasp then let out a low moan feeling his tongue working over you before you pull away. He actually whines trying to chase your breasts as you laugh and fall backwards a foot.

You can see how impatient he’s becoming and you have to admit that you are as well.

“Sweetheart, I can see how desperate you are for me from here. Why are you doing this to yourself?” There’s an edge to his voice, that he’s trying to hide but it doesn’t escape your notice.

“Is that what you think?” You position yourself over his cock, watching his eyes go wide again, holding his breath, trying not to beg. You sink down onto him, both of you releasing noises of pleasure. Sure your eyes rolled back in tandem.

“God you’re so fuckin tight baby. All tight and wet for me?” Your mind goes hazy as you bounce on him, hitting a perfect pace.

“All for you Billy.” Your eyes are shut as you move your hips, crying out when you feel him hit a spot deep inside you that no one else but him can reach.

“That’s right baby, keep mmmmf, doing that. So good, so-“ he grunts trying to break the headboard to grab your hips but the restraints hold tight, beads of sweat forming on both your bodies as your pace quickens.

You can feel the knot coiling in your belly, begging for release as your hips smack together, riding him until both of you are close to the precipice. Your breath is coming in short gasps with each movement and billy can feel that you’re getting close.

“Come on sweetheart. Come on my cock, you know you want it. To feel me so deep inside you, let me come inside you, fill you to the brim,baby please.” You let out another grunt of frustration feeling so close, knowing he is too. A few more achingly delicious movements and you feel yourself falling over the edge.

Crying out his name as you come, waves of bliss echoing through your tired body, but you keep going, riding out your orgasm and feeling Billy’s cock twitch inside you, feeling how close he is as well. Another few pulses and his head falls back against the pillows. He groans loudly when he comes.

You can feel the hot spurts inside you, coating your walls, filling you to the brim just like he promised. You slow to a stop on top of him, clenching and unclenching, squeezing all you can out of him as he growls beneath you. You begin adjusting yourself to roll off of him but he makes a noise stopping you in your tracks.

“No. Not yet. I wanna be inside you longer.” You smile at him, leaning down to brush your lips over his once more. Kissing the side of his cheek before letting your own hands move up to where his are held in place. Working at the knot until it finally comes free and his hands immediately cling to you, pulling you close.

After a few minutes you both realize you need to reorient and you untangle your legs from where you’d been straddling him, cozying up to his side. Feeling him wrap his arms around you once more, placing a loving kiss to the top of your head.

“You were right Billy, this was the right bed.” He muffles a chuckle into your hair before both your eyes drift shut.

#billy russo #ben barnes #the punisher #billy russo x reader #ben barnes character #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x female reader #the punisher fanfiction #frank castle #marvel the punisher #marvel fanfiction #marvel #fanfic #jigsaw!billyrusso #billy russo edit #punisher fanfiction #the punisher au

[celestialspecial]

Exploding Galaxies (part 3)

You sat on your balcony overlooking the vast expanses of lush greenery, swirls of cotton candy clouds dusted in lilacs and corals crossed the sky at a hazy pace. Time seemed to move slower here. Maybe you were so use to the hubbub of Earth that slowing down made time feel as if it was stopped completely.

No loud honking or sirens blaring, the bustling crowd and streets packed to the gills with humans and aliens alike all shoving and pushing and trying to get somewhere. Here it was quiet, peaceful. The warm breeze rustled a few strands of your hair from behind your ear, sounds of water from the nearest waterfall trickling into a turquoise tide pool and distant sounds of people talking. That’s all you heard.

It’d been 2 days since you’d left the pastry by Billy’s door. 2 days since you’d seen him. Your fingers lifted to touch your lips, you could almost feel the buzzing from when he’d kissed you. You could feel the tendrils of smoke that had grazed across your searing skin, cooling you, sending goose flesh across your arms.

You did have more questions than answers, what had that been, and why had that scared him off so much that he was now avoiding you? A flock of white and gold speckled birds flew past landing on the lake nearby, the sounds of their multiple sets of wings flapping and chirping at each other joining in with the soft sounds around you.

You missed him. You’d known him several days and yet here you were, pining for a man that probably somewhere deep down only saw you as a means to an end. A gnawing feeling in your gut made you wonder if that was all he felt. He felt so…different than you’d expected.

You scratched at a piece of the stone masonry beneath your hands, willing the pit in your stomach to dissipate. You could see pairs of Xiadians and Humans walking the gardens, talking, the realization that the obscure ‘courting’ had already begun. Did any of the others feel this way? So drawn to their match that feelings came into play when this was the furthest thing from a true courting?

Your hands felt restless, it felt pointless to wander aimlessly, but maybe getting some fresh air along the beach or by one of the gardens might be exactly what you needed to clear your head. Adjusting the layers of your gossamer dress and putting on some sensible shoes you walked to your door, pulling it open as quietly as possible.

You nearly walked headfirst into Billy, who was standing right at your threshold, fist raised in the air prepared to knock on the very door that disappeared before him. You both started at the initial shock, color flushing your cheeks rapidly as he stepped back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you if you were going to be leaving-“ he began, adjusting his shirt, fiddling with the sleeves. Was he nervous?

“I was just going to walk outside, I’ve been cooped up the past two days.” He seemed to cringe at your words and you regretted them immediately, not realizing how you made it sound like you couldn’t leave the building without his permission somehow. “Come with me?” You ventured, watching the lines of his face, the expression of his mouth and eyes.

He nodded, turning to face the same way as you and offering you his arm. You let loose the breath you didn’t know you’d been holding, talking his arm with your own. It was his turn to look relieved, the two of you moving down the marbled corridors and out into the awaiting gardens.

Walking in silence you passed a few other groups of couples, a few solitary Xiadians, Billy would nod to them in kind as you passed one another. One Xiadian in particular eyed you up more than you thought necessary, an almost hungry look in his gaze, it didn’t escape your notice how Billy’s grip tightened on you just a fraction more.

Once you were clear of any other people he loosened his hold on you, allowing your arm to drop freely at your side. You reached the precipice where soft sweet grass gave way to sandy beach, a pink tinge on the granules only amplified by the clear blue water ebbing and flowing before you. The water beckoned to you, the day felt hotter than the last few and your feet were dying to touch the cool foam.

Billy watched as you slipped off your sandals, tossing them to your side and gathering the billowing folds of your skirt, fisting them to the side as you slowly walked towards the water. You couldn’t hide the giggle you made as the cool water lapped at your feet, fizzing as it wrapped around your ankles and then retreated back.

“I haven’t been to the beach since before I lost my parents.” You said aloud, whether to Billy or more to yourself you weren’t sure. “I’d forgotten how much I loved it.” His dark eyes wandered over you as you readjusted your skirt, holding it with the other hand now, face moving skyward, eyes closing so you could focus on the tactile sensation of the rough sand and gentle waves.

Hearing movement to your side you noticed Billy removed his boots as well, cuffing his pants higher as he moved into the water next to you. His eyes softened as the water rolled over his feet, for a moment the silence drew out, just the sound of distant birds calling and the soft whisper of the lake around you.

“Tell me more about Earth.” He was staring off to the horizon, the sun not quite setting but surely dipping lower. He didn’t meet your eyes as you examined his face, searching for any hesitancies.

“I have a sister, back on earth. She’s young and silly and wild.” You smiled in thought thinking about her, how tight she’d hugged you right before you’d left. How she was the reason you were here, why you had accepted this offer, how badly you wanted all that money to get you both out of the city. “We live in a huge city called New York, it’s beautiful and ugly all at the same time. Millions of people, skyscrapers, ships coming in at every hour of the day. It’s all we’ve known, but when I get back…” you hesitated for a moment, brows drawing together in thought, “I’m gonna use the money to move us out to the country, where’s its green and sky…for miles and miles.”

He watched you as you spoke, not noticing as the water splashed up and soaked into the bottom of his cuffed pants. The wind rustled his dark locks as he once again turned to look out over the large expanse of water before you.

“Does the country look like this?” He gestured to the water then to the swaying green grass behind you.

“There’s lots of grass, sometimes there are mountains, rolling plains, and there are lakes, but not exactly like this, but still beautiful.”

“That sounds beautiful.” He replied softly. “Your sister…must be extremely grateful for you.” This time his brows knit together as he examined the water, wading in a little deeper, ignoring that the bottom of his pants were now soaked. “For doing this…for you both.”

You nodded, following him out further, clutching the bottom of your dress higher as the turquoise waves splashed against your calves, sending cooling shivers through your body.

“We’re all the other has. Do you…have any brothers or sisters?” His deep brown eyes settled on you then, seemingly drinking you in before he replied.

“None by blood, but many through my work. When you’re part of protecting your planet, well it’s not uncommon to grow close bonds with those you work with. Frank- well he’s like the older brother I never had.” You waded through the water closer to him, fumbling with your dress that now was settled around the middle of your thighs, it didn’t escape your notice how his eyes darted to that part of you before bashfully looking upwards to the sky.

Another step and you felt your ankle catch in the soft sand below stumbling before you caught yourself standing upright once more. You saw the corner of his mouth quirk up.

“Are you laughing at me?” You mused, readjusting your dress.

“Maybe just a little.”

“Ah!” You huffed jokingly, unable to conceal the laughter rising up in your chest. “You’d just let me fall into the water then? After I poured my heart and soul to you?”

Now he was grinning back at you, his shoulders rising with mirth as well. Gripping your skirt to the side you leaned down, smacking a handful of water in his direction. Droplets dotted the front of his shirt and down the sides of his pants.

At that his grin turned downright mischievous, reaching down towards the water as well.

“No don’t you dare-“ you held up a finger, backing up slowly, but it was too late, a spritz of water hitting you head on, dampening the front of your skirts and face. “Oh so that’s how it’s gonna be.” You smacked a wave of water towards him and he responded in kind, the two of you splashing each other laughing like children.

You pushed towards him again attempting to coat the side of his arm with another onslaught of water but you lost your footing, a high pitched squeal escaping your lips as you tumbled forward. Billy leapt reaching for you but it was too late, you both fell into the water with not an ounce of grace. Crystal clear water splashing up around you as you held your breath fully submerged beneath a small wave before popping back up and gasping.

“Are you alright?” You looked up at Billy, his hair soaked and sticking to his forehead, shirt clinging to his muscled body underneath, both of you were drenched. Wiping the sopping wet hair from your face you felt yourself start to giggle, then full on laughing, near hysterics at how ridiculous that scene must’ve looked to anyone lucky enough to be watching.

His wide eyes took in your wild fit of laughter, then he joined in too, running a damp hand through his now soaked locks, both of you lost in uncontrollable amusement, sitting in the water that continued cascading around you.

Once the tears of hilarity ebbed from your eyes Billy reached out a hand to help you up, moving towards the shore at a much slower pace now that your clothes were dragging heavily In the water behind you. You crawled up onto the sandy shore, rolling onto your back not caring about the sand sticking to your skin as you heaved out a sigh, feeling him come to rest beside you.

“I haven’t laughed that hard in, well I don’t know how long.” He said, twisting his head to meet your gaze.

“Me neither.” He looked so beautiful, laying before you. Long pieces of his hair clung to his face, dots of sand coating his neck and clothing. His obsidian eyes full of laughter, joy, so…human. If you didn’t know better, if anyone didn’t know better, you might as well be two humans on a beach in florida honeymooning.

Reaching out a hand to lay against the side of his face you realized how cold your fingers were when they pressed against the side of his cheek. His hand came up to meet yours, fingers caressing as you both stared into the others eyes, silent once more. You didn’t dare move, no matter how much you wanted to, afraid of losing him again.

Turns out you didn’t have to, as he was pushing up to lean over, feeling his lips ghosting along your jaw made your shiver again, until you finally felt them rest over your own. Tongue searching, tasting, lapping up whatever parts of you he could reach and you gave in fully completely. Moaning into the kiss, hands gripping him closer, begging him to continue.

His large body covered your own, heat radiating off of him, the warmth seeping into every crevice of your being, washing away the coolness from the water. With each breath his kisses grew more passionate, searching, you could taste the longing in them, whether your own or his you couldn’t tell. It didn’t matter. You ached for him, all the feelings you weren’t sure were possible were there, yearning, and that spark of desire.

The taste of the cool water that had dripped down your faces, settling between your lips. Each new stroke of his tongue against your own sent fire searing through your veins, certain your face was burning from the inside out. You pushed off the warm sand, torsos meeting, pressing closer together until your hand gripped his shoulder, switching your positions. You now leaning over him, throwing your leg over his.

You could feel the blood rushing in your ears, swiveling your hips and grinding down drawing out a loud moan from him beneath you. It was almost enough to undo any semblance of your resolve. You continued, craving that delicious friction, pulling away from his lips for a minute moment until his hands seized your hips, stilling you.

The whine you made must have sounded pathetic as his hands then softened, rubbing circles against the fabric of your dress into your wet skin.

“Not yet…We’ll have our time…just not now.” Your flushed face must’ve given your embarrassment away because Billy was pushing up from the ground, holding you against him still but placing tender kisses along your jaw and neck once more. Brushing the sandy wet locks from your face and replacing them with another peppering of soft kisses.

“I promise. I just want this to last.” He felt surprise at his words, how easily they fell from his mouth, how comfortable he felt sharing his true feelings with you. He was equally afraid of the unknown, should you two couple now and it took, he’d no longer be required to stay here, to be with you. Forced to return to his awaiting missions and duties back in Xiad. And you’d be here…alone.

He also wanted to remain composed, in control, for fear the shadows and aether would unfurl and make an unwanted appearance. Forced to share parts of him with you that, if he was honest, he was afraid to share, the worry of instilling fear in you, too big a risk. As you adjusted yourself in his lap, attempting to untangle your limbs it took everything he had for his eyes not to roll back in his head.

The feeling of your sopping wet body in such close proximity to his made his blood run hotter than usual. How desperately he wished to push you on the sandy beach and taste every inch of you, to bury his head between your legs and make you cry out, loud enough for all of Ciazed to hear. Hell, for all of Xiad and Earth to hear. That dying stars, expanding stardust and black holes would know of your coupling.

“Billy?” You whispered, noticing his glazed eyes staring off, running a soft cool hand across his cheek, fingers tickling the underside of his ear, drawing his attention back to you once more. “Should we leave?”

No.

“Yes.” The words a painful sigh, feeling your warmth leave his body as you moved away from him was a feeling more terrible than he had anticipated. Once you both were standing he stood back, dusting some of the sand stuck to his clothes off. You ran a hand through your hair chuckling at how messy it felt, grains of sand falling to the ground below as you tried to bring some sort of order back to your unkempt locks.

“Here, let me.”

Billy returned to you, hands dusting along your shoulders and back, swiping at the stubborn granules clinging to you. It wasn’t deliberately sensual, but there was no denying that each pass of his hands over your body felt like a promise of what was to come. Warmth, attention, fawning over every square inch of your body. You ached for him, like you’d never felt before.

His scent, his touch, the way his dark eyes roamed over your body with such rapt interest and intense heat. You suddenly understood why genetic compatibility had aligned between you two so perfectly, or at least that’s what the scientist on earth had told you. It was biology and yet so much more.

A connection beyond just the physical, there was a gravitational pull that was undeniable. You were put together to create offspring, the thought felt more erotic to you today than it had previously. The culmination of your coupling reduced to something so simple and yet you couldn’t ignore the thought, the longing, that maybe just maybe he felt the need for something more -just as you did.

Days turned into weeks, and you two settled into a routine, and while routine it was you never seemed to tire of it. You’d share meals and explore the grounds, and you’d share stories of your home planets.

The intense fascination was double ended, Billy reminisced about the singing mountains of Xiad. So high up with winds that cloaked the peaks producing beautiful notes and sounds. Then there were the bathing pools of kyato, known for their healing properties and lavender colored waters.

You’d talk about the vast gorges of the Grand Canyon, rolling plains of the Midwest, and Death Valley where the only comfort one had was the endless sky before you.

“Tell me more about the… bioluminescent arthropods.”

“Fireflies.” You snickered, taking another bite of the bizarre coral colored fruit Billy had insisted you try. Apparently it was only in season for a few short weeks a year and was one of his favorites. Sour and tangy at first bite before melting into a sugar candy coated taste on your tongue.

“Yes fireflies.” He noted, spearing a bit of watermelon with his fork, holding it up to examine it more closely.

“Just eat it!” You joked, pushing his arm playfully as he grinned back at you taking a bite. His eyes widened as he chewed, before crinkling in enjoyment once more. As he finished he poked your arm in retaliation, eyebrows raising in silent urging.

“Fireflies are little bugs that light up at night during the summer and you can catch them!” His brows drew together in thought that felt almost comical to you.

“If they’re fire, do they not burn you?”

“No, they’re just called that. Some people call them lightening bugs too. But they light up the night sky, it’s very beautiful.”

“So you catch them and then what?”

“Then what?”

“Surely you harness their power some how?”

You couldn’t help the giggle rising up in your throat. It was like sharing the world with a child, fresh eyes, unsullied by preconceived notions about how the world should work but with the intelligence to pick things up much faster.

“No, we catch them then just…let them go. It’s fun. My sister and I would do it as kids when we’d go out of the city and there would be tons of them. Sometimes they’d land on our shirts or hair and light up and we’d laugh at how it tickled, then they’d just fly off blinking into the night.”

Billy stared at you, mind clearly processing your logic.

“So you enjoy them purely because they’re …beautiful?”

“Yeah I suppose so.” You shrugged in bashful response. Feeling a little silly all of a sudden.

“I like that.” He took another bite of the watermelon, savoring the taste. “My people- well we see everything as having a purpose and utilizing it as a means to an end. I enjoy the idea of enjoying something purely because it exists, not because of what it can give me.” You felt your heart grow warmer, taking him in, the lines of his face softened, a true look of wonder and pure satisfaction.

“I never thought of it like that.”

“My race, well we’ve been around for so long, seen so much, become so jaded I suppose- that all we see when we look at things is a tool. Something to benefit us in some way, instead of appreciating it for what it is.” You looked up to meet his eyes more fully ,to take him in completely

“It seems we’ve done this very thing to the human race. Seen you as a means to an end instead of seeing who you truly are first.”

You reached across the table to lay a hand over his own that was clenched into a tight fist. Feeling it unclench a fraction at your soft touch, the warmth seeping into the palm of your own hand. His touch soothed you and you felt it must’ve been the same for him. These past few weeks you had shared about earth and he about xiad and it was confounding to realize how truly not alone you were on this galaxy.

Stolen kisses on the beach, behind columns, slipping off to find privacy away from the other couples. It was beginning to be your favorite time of the day, when you’d see him and know he’d kiss you. It unfortunately hasn’t gotten past that point yet. Not since the night with the shadows. It had spooked him off it seemed but you were craving more.

You were extremely curious about what you’d seen and experienced that night. Were the shadows him? Or were they some unseen power he had? You’d been too worried to say anything out of fear, not because of them but worry Billy would react poorly again, disappear. Maybe it was crossing line to ask and he’d become insulted or offended and leave for good this time.

He didn’t give you that feeling but you worried nonetheless. The idea of losing him now after you’d both shared so much together, learned so much about one another, felt extremely painful. You wondered if these feelings were purely from being swept up in the chaos of it all. The stunning planet, the close quarters, and the whole reason you were both here sizzling in the back of your mind.

“Y/n?” Billy inquired, pulling you from your stupor, a concerned look in his eyes.

“Yeah sorry I was getting lost in my thoughts.” He nodded solemnly with a look of understanding as well.

“Shall we walk more? If you need to clear your head…”

“Walking sounds great.” You responded quickly, movement sounded nice. Then maybe you could have some respite from your overcrowded mind.

You two made your way to one of the many open air hallways, archways and ornate columns opened to reveal the grounds on your right. Multiple hanging baskets and large vases dotted the corridor and you were greeted by a cool breeze off the lake, a smattering of drops blown askew from the waterfall landing on the marbled floor before you.

Walking in comfortable silence until you gasped after looking up and out over the mountains in the distance. Billy started at your exclamation before following you when you rushed to the edge of the balcony.

Off in the distance you saw the beginnings of a rainbow, the rain from earlier in the day having dissipated over the distant peaks. The vibrant hues began to form in the sky, taking shape into Its familiar form.

“Look!” You grabbed his hand pulling him more into the open air space, pointing excitedly at the sky. His brows furrowed searching for where you were pointing but sure enough after a few moments the rainbow came more fully into view. Painting the sky in gorgeous tones and color.

“What is that?” He asked, never taking his eyes from it.

“A rainbow!” You felt your heartstrings tug thinking of home. How similar earth was to this place. The perfect blend of earth and xiad.

He looked at you then, puzzled.

“What’s a rainbow?”

“It happens after rain sometimes, the way the light catches on the residual drops creates this effect.”

He placed his hands on the smooth stone of the railing, leaning as far out as possible, eyes pointed to the sky. Dark bottomless eyes, an alien of an ancient race, years of experiencing untold horrors and advances you could hardly comprehend and here he was.

Staring out at the rainbow forming more perfectly before you two, eyes wide and shining with awe. You moved closer to him, wrapping your arms around one of his, pressing your face to the soft fabric of his tunic shirt, turning to face upwards as well.

“Isn’t it the most breath taking thing you’ve ever seen?” What it must be like, to have never seen a rainbow, watching it materialize in the heavens above for the first time.

You felt Billy’s fingers entwine with your own, long, strong, reassuring.

“It is the second most breathtaking thing I’ve ever seen.”

You retired back to your room, exhausted and spent. Your mind was filled with more questions day after day never ceasing. Moving over to the screen before your bed that was used to call back to earth. You hadn’t used it yet. You’d been here almost two months and you hadn’t had the gumption to call your sister. Afraid that seeing her face would crumple you, destroy the strong wall you’d built up inside and suddenly feel the intense urge to leave.

Despite the confusion, the truly bizarre reasoning for you being here, you had started to enjoy it, enjoy being with Billy. You almost forgot that after all of this you two would go your separate ways. You’d carry his child, hand it over to his waiting arms and then they’d be gone. Forever.

Feeling the tears stinging your eyes in a moment of weakness you pressed a few buttons on the simulated screen and within moments your sisters face flickered into frame.

“Oh my god! Y/n!!!” She exclaimed, her eyes wide, on the verge of tears too it seemed. You quickly rubbed at your eyes, hastily blotting the first few drops that threatened to fall.

“Becks!” You responded matching her tone and excitement, mustering up a huge grin. “How are you?”

She smiled back wistfully, that playful glimmer still present in her eyes. You were grateful for it. To see her relatively unchanged felt deeply comforting.

“I’m good! Work per usual- but what about you, you knocked up yet?” You felt heat rise to your face at your sisters signature blunt comments.

“Gods Becks! Really? Not even Two minutes into our emotional conversation?” You laughed feeling the blood still rushing to your cheeks. She laughed on her end as well, always the jokester and seeing her now made your heart ache all the more. It’d been less than 3 months you’d been here and you’d give anything to hug her right now. To hear her whimsical remarks and off color comments about the other inhabitants.

“Sorry I had to! But also genuinely curious….have you met your Xiad match?” You twisted your fingers into the duvet cover of your bed, needing something to fidget with to keep you from blushing further. It didn’t work. She gasped through the correspondence screen, “you HAVE! What’s he like? Are they like total recall aliens or what? Jess from work said Xiadian men are hot and she wishes she’d get matched for the exchange with one…”

“Becksssss.” You sighed, half in annoyance and half in playfulness. “Yes I have met him in fact.” You didn’t go into detail beaucse you knew the bombardment of new questions was just a breath away.

“What’s he like?! Do they really look like humans? Does he have a name? I bet he has a name. Whats he sound like when he talks? Are they stand off ish? Is he hot?” You rubbed your temples waiting for your sister to be done firing off her questions before responding.

“Yes he looks human, he does have a name and he is quite….dashing.” The glimmer of mischievousness in her eyes only grew at your last comment,

“Dashing? Is that so? Sounds like you’re quite smitten with your match.” You didn’t have a response to that. you were.

Well actually you’d been smitten with him on the first day, and the second but as you grew to know him better, learn about him and his culture that ‘smitten’ feeling seemed to be blossoming into something, well something more that you were afraid to admit.

#billy russo #ben barnes #the punisher #billy russo x reader #ben barnes character #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x female reader #the punisher fanfiction #frank castle #marvel the punisher #marvel fanfiction #shadow and bone #fanfic #marvel #the punisher au #jigsaw!billyrusso #billy russo edit #the darkling #moodboard #punisher fanfiction #billy russo x y/n #billy russo x you #ben barnes moodboard

[celestialspecial]

Exploding Galaxies (pt. 2)

Moonlight faded into pale yellow and orange hues painting the sky as the sun rose slowly but steadily. At least this reminded you of home. One sun, even if it was called something else that you weren’t aware of. Cool morning breezes ruffled the silken curtains by your balcony and the drapery of fabric surrounding the bed.

Sweet fragrances from the large tropical plants wafted into the room as the golden butter light steadily grew brighter. You groaned pulling the covers over your head, trying to drown out the sounds of the wildlife and bright sunlight alerting you that it was indeed morning and you should get up.

You rolled onto your side, face pushed into the plush pillow, in that bleary early morning state. Behind your shut eyelids all you could see was Billy, his stoic face, then the softness in his eyes as he moved toward you to kiss your cheek. His scent seemed to linger in your hair, the velvety texture of his lips against your skin, the dull ache you felt between your legs and the way his eyes seemed to darken further when he reluctantly pulled away from you.

Unsure what the day had in store but knowing you’d be seeing him again and again and then one day you’d both…you’d both, exchange willing, potentially create a child together. It felt weird and yet the thought sent a tiny thrill shooting down your spine thinking about it.

Humans and Xiades met together on this planet for a year. Time to become acquainted, feel more comfortable, or as comfortable as one can in a certainly uncomfortable situation, then if offspring is produced go their separate ways once it was born. Human back to earth and xiadian and child back to Xiad. It had been going on for years, but being an active participant in it still felt like a shock to you.

You knew some partners would attempt to conceive immediately, so then it was over and done quicker than drawing it out for a year. There wasn’t always a guarantee of this working, just like any race. You knew scant little about all the details, never having thought it would be prudent for you to know them. It truly was a genetic lottery for who got picked, sure humans and Xiades had very similar makeup but it was always a crapshoot if things would work out.

It seemed to be working enough to continue doing this though apparently. However few offspring were created it was enough that the exchange continued each year. A part of you wanted it to be over and done with, collect your money then return to your life with more money than you’d ever had before. But another part of you was dying to learn more about Billy, about his culture, what was it like there, to be this close to someone of the same race that had shared its vast technologies with your kind.

Then there was also the unspoken things, the urge to get to know him beyond his mind and thoughts, but also the desire to run your fingers through his silky hair, to touch his warm skin, brush over the stubble on his cheeks, to taste the words from his lips flowing tenderly, then letting him over power you in every sense of the word.

Feeling a blush growing on your cheeks you pulled the covers tighter, begging the lustful desires dancing around your head to cease for long enough to get up and dressed. Breakfast was to be held in another hall, you were unsure if it had a scheduled time or if you could come and go as you pleased now that the main event dinner last night was over. Maybe you should’ve listened more last night but your mind had short circuited.

As time slowly passed the room grew brighter and the colored glass panes along the balcony send a billowing cascade of rainbow hues across your bed, eventually you relented realizing you were in fact hungry and maybe by now most of the others had already eaten and retreated back to their rooms.

A wardrobe in the corner of the room was chock full of beautiful gowns, robes and sleeping attire that made your packed suitcases look bland and boring. Shrugging on a long emerald robe, padding to the door and checking the hall for any signs of movement. When there were none you briskly made your way down a multitude of hallways, most open air where you could see some people walking about. Feeling proud of yourself for remembering the hall where you had caught mention that the food would be in, you turned a corner into the area.

It was quiet, only a handful of people, two xiadians sitting at separate tables eating silently, a few humans scattered about and a table where a human and xiadian sat in quiet conversation. You moved to where the buffet had been arranged, grabbing a plate and feeling silent gratitude that there was still delicious looking food leftover.

After grabbing a few things you recognized, and a few choice pieces of food that were clearly from xiad you sat at a table closest to outside, enjoying the warm breeze coming off the nearest lake. Eating the meats and fruit that were obviously from earth you reached a pastry that had captured your eye but was foreign to you.

You noticed out of your peripheral that another person had walked into the room, moving towards the food and grabbing their own plate. When you turned to get a better look your heart seized, recognition dawned on you as Billy came into view. You watched with curiosity seeing which items he added to his platter.

A handful of items you didn’t know what they were, as well as a slice of watermelon and a peach. When he looked up he looked almost entirely human to you, that unmistakable nervousness of wondering where to sit, who he’d disturb the least, and wondering if he should just take the items back to his room. As his eyes scanned the room, you raised your hand giving him a subtle wave then nodding your head to the chair across from you.

You tried to ignore the flutter in your chest when you saw the relief flood his expression as he moved towards you, eventually setting his plate across from yours and taking a seat. He gave you a small smile before taking a bite into a slice of meat that you had gone back and forth wondering what it was before deciding against trying it.

“Did you sleep well?” You asked, then immediately regretted it, wondering if that was impolite or too casual already. He nodded between bites, swallowing and dabbing at the corner of his mouth with a napkin.

“I did. Did you? After your long travels?” You grinned back at him.

“I passed out. I was afraid I’d find it hard to fall asleep with such a lack of loud noise and ships whizzing past but I didn’t realize just how badly I needed a good nights rest.”

He seemed pleased with your response, and you were embarrassed to admit how much you felt like a young schoolgirl again, pining after the attractive boy in class.

“I’m happy to hear that.” You both settled into silence again, until you watched him toy with the bizarre pastry you’d also grabbed from the table. It had stood out to you, looking like a croissant hybrid of some sort, pinkish purple icing glazed the top and a filling inside you were unfamiliar with.

“So what is this exactly?” You asked, gesturing to the pastry on his plate and yours. He cut into it revealing the fruit and cream in the center.

“Good choice,” he said before continuing, “it’s a baked good often served at xiadian bondings, but the fruit in the center is very hard to cook so it takes a while to make them. I’m shocked they have them here for us.” You must’ve had a confused look on your face because he grinned, shoulders gently shaking in quiet laughter.

“Bondings are like our version of weddings. The fruit has a tough outer skin that only comes off when cooked at high temperatures for a while, it’s a…nod towards the work that comes with a bonding. It may take a while and be tough at first but the fruits of that labor are sweet and worthy at the end.”

“Huh, at our weddings there’s usually awful tasting mints and open bars so people’s distant relatives can get drunk and make absurd scenes and lewd speeches.” At that he laughed out loud, eyes crinkled closed as he put a hand to his chest trying to still his boisterous laughter. You didn’t try to push back the feeling of pleasure you had at entertaining him.

“You’re not exactly selling me hard on human marriage.” He said when his laughter had stilled. You shrugged, cutting into your own pastry, forking a segment before picking it up to your mouth.

“I’ve never been much of a fan.” Tucking the piece into your mouth you almost moaned at how good it tasted. Sweet and tangy folded in a pastry crisp, you widened your eyes at him as you chewed, he nodded back at you with a wide smile. “Oh my god! This is amazing!” You cut another piece holding it out to him, knowing full well he knew how it tasted but wanting to share in this with him regardless.

His eyes grew a tad bit larger as he examined your forkful of the dessert before leaning over and without breaking eye contact took the bite, eyes closing in ecstasy as well.

“I don’t think I’ve eaten anything this amazing before.” You noted, taking another piece for yourself. “Now I know why they use it for weddings, how do you make so many for all the attending guests?”

Billy finished chewing the bite you had offered, leaning back into his seat, watching you savor the sweet treat.

“It’s usually just the one, shared between the pair.” At that you paused mid chew, setting your fork down with a bashful look.

“Ohh, I didn’t realize.” He seemed amused by that, shrugging and fixing you with a tender smile in response.

“It’s fine. We just happened to be bonded now.” You nearly choked on the sip of water you’d taken. Eyes darting up to him, he was VERY amused by you now. When he couldn’t hold it in any longer he chuckled once more, crossing one long leg on top of the other. “Usually it’s customary for the couple to split this dessert, the male sharing with his female and if she accepts it’s supposed to be a fortuitous bonding.”

Your face must have paled then gone a few shades darker in embarrassment.

“I didn’t mean to be disrespectful-“ he raised a hand causing you to pause in the midst of your groveling.

“I know you didn’t know, don’t worry I don’t think you rude or disrespectful.” At that you let out an audible sigh, feeling your body melt back into the chair a hair more. He leaned forward propping his elbows on the table before fixing you with a brief but wicked smirk. “I do believe however we are the first xiadian and human pair to get married before conceiving during the exchange.”

The look of surprise was evident on your face, not bothering to try and conceal it this time, but when he laughed once more you couldn’t help but join in, a fit of giggles overtaking you. It felt nice. The way he put you at ease, not solely a pretty face but someone who could at least have a sense of humor. You’d heard Xiades, being so technologically advanced oftentimes lacked those qualities deemed more human.

Billy pushed back, resting his hands off to the side before taking another sip from his glass. “Would you like to…spend some time together today? I’ve been here a bit longer than you and could show you some of the sights Ciazed has to offer?”

“I would like that…if you really don’t mind?” You felt excited at the prospect of getting to explore more of this planet, at least where it was you were residing. To see the grounds surrounding the castle type buildings, take in the breathtaking sights and to be honest, get your mind off of why you were here in the first place.

You two wrapped up your breakfast, when billy had been carrying his serving plate over to be cleaned you pocketed another one of the Xiadian pastries to save for later, preferably when you woke up at late hours of the night hungry but unwilling to go searching for food. When he returned to your side you adjusted your bag and followed close behind him as he escorted you out of the hall and down into the grounds.

Billy guided you down the main stairs holding his hand out to you on the last step, which you gratefully took, praying he’d not let go once you’d cleared the stairs. To your delight he allowed your hand to linger in his until he needed them both to open a large golden gate, leading to a large meadow like opening.

The expanse of sweet green grass coddled by high towering trees that reminded you of palm trees but with blue and purple leaves providing ample shade from the bright sun. Flowers bursting with color cozied up to the meadows sides before the grass gave way to light colored sand and turquoise waters fed by the waterfalls cascading off the sides of the multiple buildings.

“I still can’t get over how beautiful this place is.” You reached an exploring hand to graze along a large flower petal, making a squealing noise when it immediately enfolded within itself at the slightest touch. Billy placed a hand to the small of your back, easing you over towards the waters edge.

“It is miraculous. And I’ve seen some amazing places.” You turned to look up at him, he stared wistfully off into the distance.

“Oh really? Is Xiad anything like this?” You could see the concentration lines forming on his forehead, deep in thought.

“Xiad does have some truly spectacular views, but I live in a city so I don’t get to see them very often. But I must admit Ciazed is unparalleled in its beauty.” You felt yourself Blanche for a moment.

“How many times have you Been here before?” Something you deserved to know, not that it’s answer would be able to impact your decision but something worth knowing.

“This is actually my first time here.” You felt surprise overtake you. Most Xiadians return multiple times to Ciazed, whenever a match is found they more often than not return.

“You don’t have…children?” He smiled softly, eyes downcast before glancing back up at the waters surface, gentle ripples from the breeze blowing towards you two.

“No I don’t. If I’m being honest I’ve been avoiding it for a while, but my station has… highly recommended I do this.” Your eyebrows drew together in thought before responding.

“Your station?” He nodded and while his eyes didn’t meet yours directly you didn’t miss how the hand along your lower back rubbed a small circle on it before pausing again.

“I was in our defense forces for a long while, now I work alongside them for training among other things required to keep our planet safe.”

“You were in your military? Were you high ranking?” He sensed your slight teasing at the last question, to which he pinched lightly at where his hand rested along your back. You let out a high pitched noise that morphed into a giggle.

“I did well enough. I demanded respect, more than you’re giving me right now.”

“I don’t know, I’m not the group forcing you to repopulate the planet.” You poked the center of his chest playfully, before you could pull your hand away his own flew up to keep you pressed to his chest. Dark eyes fixed on yours as he leaned in closer to you.

“Who said I’m being forced here against my will?” You moved closer to him, dying to slot your lips over his, just to finally know how he tasted, to see if it was just the circumstances you two were meeting under or if there was something else there, something more. His breath changed and you noticed the minuscule inhale he took through his nostrils before continuing, “I’m a high enough rank, a person of standing, and my team…well they convinced me now that perhaps it was time I had a child of my own. To pass all I possess down to, and maybe they’d be similar to me and have my tactical prowess and they’d gain another strategic asset.”

You felt a small pang of sadness as the last words he spoke. “So you’re not fully here by choice-“

“It took some convincing but eventually I relented and realized that this was something I desired but it feels bizarre. It feels like we’re taking advantage of humanity in the process of continuing our line.” You drew a slow breath in, so it wasn’t just purely strange to you.

“It must be hard, not being able to have this experience with your sole partner.” You knew more often than not Xiads had mates back home waiting, dealing with the awkwardness of this situation but grateful for a child nonetheless, this is just how it was…for now. Billy smirked at you, releasing your hand to brush the pad of his thumb over your lower lip then adjust a strand of your hair so it slipped delicately behind your ear.

“I do not have a mate at home.”

“Then if this is successful-“

“I’d be a unit on my own with my child.” You felt immense confusion at that, this was nearly unheard of, or at least from the scant little knowledge you had heard passed on.

“Is that not uncommon? I thought only paired xiadians chose to participate in the exchange?”

“It is uncommon but not forbidden. That part is my choice. To be here, to hope this union brings success.” At that his hand carefully swept down to rest tenderly on your stomach, you felt your heart fluttering in your chest. This was the point of all this, to give him an heir of sorts, to earn all the lifesaving technologies earth now possessed. Yet it didn’t escape your notice the excitement of his hands on you, how his dark eyes pierced into the parts of your soul you’d ignored for so long.

“I’d be lying if i didn’t say this whole scenario frightens me but I hope I can give you what you want. And deserve.” At that Billy’s expression softened, caressing the side of your face gently with the back of his hand before letting it rest against your cheek. You fought the urge to melt into it fully, to drink up his touch.

“I’m extremely grateful for you, y/n.” You both stood for a moment, listening to the water lapping at the lakes sandy shores before billy blinked a few times, removing his hand from your face, a look almost sheepish appearing on his face. “I’m sorry, you barely even know me and here I am probably adding to your discomfort.”

You shook your head, placing a comforting hand on his arm.

“No, you didn’t.” The moment drew on for a second longer before Billy was taking your hand in his and guiding you towards another end of the meadow.

“Here let me show you more-“

He showed you large flowers that contained sweet juices from which to drink, small animals that looked like bunnies but had bright blue eyes and fur of bright multi colored hues. The whole planet took your breath away and you felt so finite, so human in all of it.

“I can’t believe all this exists and I never knew. Humanity, we…well we know of this but very rarely see it in person. It’s just recently more and more of us are moving off planet.” Billy plucked a smaller more delicate flower that looked like it was gilded in gold, turning it over to examine the petals.

“Every race has that moment when they learn they’re not alone and it is…terrifying. To realize you’re not the biggest thing out there, that someone else could easily come by and you’d- no longer exist.” You swallowed at the thought, you knew too well of that thought. Everyone on earth had that fear when alien races began to present themselves.

“Well we can thank your kind for extending such a courtesy to us. Without Xiadian weapons and medicines we’d be truly at a loss.” Billy nodded, deep in thought staring down at the flower before glancing up and fixing you with a small smile, then tucked the flower behind your ear, his fingers brushing aside the locks softly as they moved away.

“It does come…at a cost.” He looked off over the water once more, “but believe me when I say if there was another way we would’ve found it.” You felt curiosity perk up at his words. “Humans are so very similar to us, well for the most part.”

You’d heard whispers, stories, that xiadians appeared human most frequently but had other forms, or abilities. It was intriguing to you but you’d always wondered if the stories were just that, stories. Your mind got swept up in those wandering thoughts as you two slowly made your way back to the building housing your rooms. You saw a scattered group of humans, some chatting, others clearly wanting to be left alone. No other xiads in sight.

It didn’t escape your notice when a few of them stared in you and Billy’s direction, the warmth seeping into your lower back from his hand felt hotter with their stares upon you both. You traipsed up the marble staircase before gliding over to the balcony looking out over the large expanse of land you’d just covered.

“You look deep in thought,” billy mused watching as you leaned back against a marble pillar, a nearby waterfall off the building caught the wind and a smattering of small droplets sprinkled on your face and shoulders drawing a chuckle from your throat.

“For the most part?” His grin looked boyish, so much younger than he probably was, it reminded you of human boys you’d seen before, innocent and handsome. He leaned against the pillar as well looking over the gardens and pools of water.

“Yes. For the most part.”

“What’s dissimilar?” He laughed at that, eyes crinkling as they continued to stare off.

“You think that might be a rather…personal question to ask?” You tried to ignore the heat in your cheeks as you pressed on.

“Forgive me for not wanting any harsh surprises.” The amusement in his face showed you hadn’t crossed a line, that he was rather entertained by you.

“Come, I must return you to your room before dinner.”

You followed close to his side trying to keep up with his long strides, smiling like an idiot, enjoying this afternoon and moment with him. It felt bizarre to actually be having…fun? To not feel the pit in your stomach 24/7 was a nice change. When you reached your door he carefully turned the handle pushing it open, the room was basked in bright light from the afternoon sun.

“Won’t you come in?” You asked, watching his face turn from sheer amusement to concentration, wondering what implications were behind this offer. “I have more questions.” He only nodded following you into the space, watching as you took off your purse, placing it on the one wardrobe in front of a large mirror. He sat on the edge of your bed watching as you fixed your hair that had been rustled by the wind and water outside.

“You had questions?” Turning to look at him more fully, you’d lied of course. Well partially. You had so many questions but weren’t sure if he’d answer any of them.

You moved over to where he sat on the bed, his large dark eyes gazing up at you as you placed your hands on either side of his face.

Deft fingers carding through his long dark hair with a soft tenderness. His eyes closed in ecstasy, savoring your touch, strands gliding between your fingers like silk.

“Your hair is like humans.” You murmured, before sliding down and lettting your fingertips brush along his skin, tickling the stubble on his jawline. “And your skin…feels like mine.” He made an indistinguishable noise.

He felt warm underneath your hands, but something caught your eyes, just out of your periphery, it looks like his clothing had smoke coming off of it. Shadows unfurling around him, or at least that was the best way you could describe the aether resting along the air.

His eyes remained closed, brows softening as he felt you Continue along his neck, pointedly scratching down either side until you rested on his shoulders. Sturdy, strong, rising ever so slightly with each breath. If you didn’t know better you’d say he was purely human. Your palms fell to the center of his chest resting against the fabric of his shirt.

“I can feel your heartbeat.” His eyes never opened but he replied,

“Xiadians only have one heart-“

“Just like humans.” You finished. The tendrils of hazy smoke that seemed to graze the space around you two, electrifying the air. You should be frightened, if anything you should feel uneasy at this new development. He didn’t seem to notice that it was even occurring.

“Do you taste any different, I wonder.” You let your boldness spur you on, leaning in and pressing your lips to his. A shiver and spark seemed to jolt through you, tasting him against your own mouth. Your breath seemed to evaporate and then his tongue ran along the line of your bottom lip, you moaned against him, opening your mouth, begging him to continue.

His hand sought the back of your head twining through your hair and pulling you closer, deepening the kiss. Your tongues slid against each other, tasting, exploring, every nerve seemed to be standing at attention as your lips met again and again.

The air was charged, a rush of warmth then coolness seemed to wrap around your arms. You could feel every hair on them stand up, a dull ache between your legs begged you to seek some sort of friction, dying to be touched. His hand stayed behind your head though, the other you assumed still on the bed.

As if the universe heard your pleas you felt some unseen force press against your lower back, you nearly toppled over as you felt a lifting sensation and you were on Billy’s lap, thighs on either side of him, never breaking the kiss. Your eyes fluttered open for a millisecond but you couldn’t see anything, it’s as if the room had been plunged into darkness.

His other hand came to rest on your lower back where the mysterious sensation had been previously, had it always been his hand there and you were too drunk on his kiss to have noticed? Each swipe of his tongue against yours sent your mind swimming, you sucks on his bottom lip and the groan that rumbled through his chest reverberated against you. Your hands grazed along the sides of his neck before returning to pull at the strands of his hair.

The headiness of the kiss transported you somewhere else, tingling electricity filled every cell of your body as the kiss grew deeper, more hungry. You couldn’t bear it anymore and you ground against him feeling a delicious hardness beneath that had you both making noises of satisfaction.

Your eyes fluttered open in time to catch his heavy lids lifting a touch as well, but when he saw the darkness enveloping you too his eyes went wide, nearly pushing you off of him. His hand shot out to steady you as he abruptly stood, the snaking tendrils of shadow and smoke eddied away almost instantly, dissolving into thin air.

You tried to catch your breath as he released his hold on you, moving towards the door of your room.

“I’m sorry, I should…I should go.. I-“ for the first time in the short period you’d known him he looked flustered, concerned even.

“Wait-“ but the door had already closed behind him and you were left to stand in the middle of your room which now, as the sun began to set, was once again filled with abundant golden sunlight.

Billy didn’t go to dinner that night. It was too much for him. He’d agreed to come to this planet, sire a child, continue his line, raise and train the child to be him reincarnated and continue adding to the galactic feats the militia needed. It would be his easiest mission yet.

Earth women were soft, easy to deal with, and they smelled nice. These were the things he’d been told before relenting to his cohorts pressing him to sign on and ‘give his planet another child and another him’. He had laughed, toasted with them and then drank into the late hours to cover up his anxiety about the situation.

The males he knew had already partaken in The Exchange. Mated pairs craving a baby but unable to fulfill those desire in their own, their planet or maybe their race and genomes deciding that they should end. That the Xiadian race should be no more, maybe they were fighting the inevitable.

They told him how easy it was, you’d be assigned a mate and if you were lucky they’d be fine to look at, tolerable to talk to and then you get the fun of creating a child with no strings attached until you returned after the gestation period. Accepted the child, thanked the human and back to Xiad.

He’d expected that, prepped for that. But he never expected you. Beauty beyond compare, soft of skin and heart it seemed. He’d only met you not 48 hours ago but there was something there he’d never experienced with the women of xiad. They could be beautiful and charming and strong but something was always lacking, a missing piece.

You’d laughed at his words, smiled at him to wondrously, took in everything he’d shown you and embraced this bizarre circumstance to the best of your abilities, because that’s what your planet expected of you. He felt dirty and wrong. Taking advantage of such a kind soul. Who would carry his child on this planet while he returned home only to return to retrieve it then be off again.

He’d felt so comfortable with you that his shadows had escaped his control. Entwining around you two forming a cocoon without him even having realized. That had never happened to him before. Xiadians had two forms, their solid usual outward appearance and then one of aether, shadows, smoke.

It was said not to let humans experience this form, for fear of scaring them off, questioning if they were truly similar enough to be sharing dna. Any risk to The Exchange was not allowed. And yet as he’d kissed you, drank deeply of your lips and lost all sense of time or space, he’d released his tight grip on that part of him and allowed it to expand, explore and encase.

Billy sat on his own bed, head in his hands when he heard a knock on his door. Pushing off the comforter he walked towards the door, hand hesitantly touching the glass panel that recognized his signature and popped open revealing an empty hallway. Confused he looked around about to step out but stopping short when he glanced down.

A small bundle right at the foot of his door, wrapped in one of the white napkins from the dining hall. He stooped, scooping up the item and returning into the quiet of his room, letting his feet take him out to the balcony where a cool breeze carried the crisp scent of night.

Breathing in the peace of the night returning his attention to the napkin, flipping open one end of the fabric and sucking in a soft breath as he gazed down upon the extra xiadian pastry you’d pocketed from earlier in the day.

#billy russo #ben barnes #the punisher #billy russo x reader #ben barnes character #billy russo fanfic #billy russo x female reader #frank castle #the punisher fanfiction #marvel the punisher #marvel fanfiction #fanfic #marvel #shadow and bone #jigsaw!billyrusso #billy russo edit #the punisher au #the darkling #moodboard #punisher fanfiction #alien!billyrusso

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt. 7)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Smut (18+), Breeding kink if you squint real hard, Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

You pulled up to your apartment complex, having barely passed a soul on the ride over. It was early on the weekend and most people with common sense had gone back to sleep, save for those determined to make it to early mass. You punched in the code for the apartment and opened it swiftly ushering Billy inside.

You’d been falling asleep the night before when you heard loud knocking on your front door, only to open it and see two police officers. Apparently Billy had escaped the hospital and their first thought was that he’d come home to you. Bold of them to assume he even remembered where he lived previously but regardless you had let them in.

He obviously wasn’t there, but the pit in your stomach wondering where he was had been there. Was he safe? What if something happened to him? They’d turned over every inch of your apartment and when they were satisfied he wasn’t there they’d apologized for the inconvenience and then promptly left. It almost seemed comical now seeing Billy walking around the space taking it all in.

Seeing Billy at Karen’s that morning had broke whatever dam was built in your chest from the night before, or even what had been built up over the months. Saving you from the pain of wondering if you’d ever see Billy walking around your home together again. He would run his hand over the back of the sofa, pick up some of the picture frames on the mantle, then walk over to the kitchen where you stood and examine the contents of the cabinets.

“Anything feel familiar?” You inquired, watching him as he watched you. His hand gripped a coffee mug with a comical bee on the front with gaudy lettering saying “bee mine.” He held it out to you, you took it from him tentatively staring at the front.

“I bought this for you..as a joke.” You could see the corner of his mouth twitching as his glazed eyes dove deep for the memory. “I gave it to you expecting you to toss it, but you kept it after all these years.” His head turned around taking in the rest of the place. “Other things are coming back, but there’s just…so much.” He rubbed a hand over his head, scratching at the hair growing back longer at his temple. Brows furrowed in hard concentration.

You set the mug down, walking over to him and into his embrace once more, finding that it would never be enough, wondering if it was truly real. He sighed into your hair and his arms wrapped in their rightful place around your back pulling you in closer. Well as close as you could get.

“How is it that I feel you’ve grown since I just saw you the other day?” He mused, genuine playfulness in his voice that threatened to make you burst into tears once more. You swiped at your right eye, fighting off any water works.

“I think that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?” You ran a hand over the front of your stomach, readjusting the top you’d thrown on in a hurry to rush over to Karen’s. If you’d have known he was gonna be there you would have put something cuter on, but Karen being ever diligent had left out the part about her houseguest. Billy let one hand shift downward and smooth over the front of your torso, rounded more than it had seemed previously.

A softness entered his gaze, mindlessly running his hand this way and that over your swollen stomach, maybe making up for lost time or letting the gravity of the situation sink in more fully. His eyes lifted to meet yours once more, only a glimmer of the softness left, replaced with, something else.

“I remember…having a hand in this.” He said, reaching forward to place a long kiss to the side of your cheek, brushing the hair away behind your ear and dotting another on the sensitive skin there as well. You shivered in his grasp feeling yourself clench around nothing, not realizing how much of an effect he still had over you. You’d be a fool to deny that these past few months while painful emotionally, had also left you yearning for his touch once more.

How many times had you damned your hormones to hell for causing such an internal struggle? You knew it was normal to feel these things, especially at where you were in pregnancy but some days it felt like you’d explode if you couldn’t get your needs met, and you hated realizing that touching yourself was a pale shade compared to the way Billy took care of you. 

Your hands snaked up behind his head pulling him down to your level so you could explore his mouth in all the ways you hadn’t been able to for near on 7 months.

He moaned into your mouth and you felt your toes curl in your shoes as you let your tongue sweep alongside his. You fear you’d melt at the sweetness with which he cradled your lower back, or burn up in the heat of his chest pressed so closely to yours.

 You let out a groan as his tongue swiped along your bottom lip, softly biting and sucking it into his mouth. At your response he spun you around, your back to his chest, the only position you could feel entirely flush with him, his prominent erection pressed into your ass as he peppered more kisses along your neck and shoulders.

You needed him, craved him in all the ways that felt possible, your core dripping and forcing you to feel each uncomfortable rub of your panties with your movements. Your stomach was full of butterflies, and not just the recognized movements you’d grown accustomed to, but the feeling like when you and Billy had first met, when he’d first asked to hold your hand, when he’d place his hand on your lower back and open the door for you to places. 

Your breasts ached as you felt his hands remain stationary on your side and at the base of your jaw almost as if he was afraid to break you, that any touch or caress might be too rough. It wasn’t enough, not nearly enough.

“Billy.” You managed to gasp out. He ceased all movements, for fear he’d hurt you or overstepped a boundary of some sort. Your hand grabbed his hip holding it in pace as you felt him prepare to step away. “Please touch me.” He let out a low noise that rumbled against your back, each nerve ending set ablaze as you felt his hands start to roam your body in the way it desired,

His hands swam over your body creating pulses of desire shooting through you, him taking a shower, now long forgotten thought. When his open palms brushed over your breasts you could feel your nipples tighten, moaning at the feelings of him kneading  your breasts, one hand traveling lower, along your hip before dipping underneath your pants between your legs. You didn’t care how whiney and impatient the noises coming from you were now, moving your legs further apart so his large hand had better access.

When his rough fingers ran through the slick of your folds he grunted, burying his face into the crook where your neck met your shoulder, licking a hot trail upwards before kissing you once more. You couldn’t take it anymore, and you could tell he couldn’t either when his hips forced forward, grinding into your behind and you cried out.

“Bedroom. Now.” The words familiar, he’d said the same thing to you on the night before he disappeared, before he’d almost met his end. Billy squatted down, lifting you up, arm braced under your legs and holding your back, keeping you as close to him as possible. The bedroom was only a few feet away but it felt like an eternity getting there. Your bed was just as messy as you’d left it this morning, covers tossed aside as you'd, quite literally, had to roll out of bed lately and the morning exhaustion doing nothing for your motivation to tidy up.

But now you’d wished you had made the bed, if nothing but for the satisfaction of once again seeing it beautiful and pristine and knowing you and Billy had created chaos and disorder in it again. He placed you gently in the edge of the bed, bending down to untie your shoes, fingers pressing onto your ankles and then quickly massaging the bottom of your feet. You bit your bottom lip almost laughing realizing that this felt maybe just as good as sex, if not a tad bit better at this point.

He toed off his own shoes, kicking them to the side, crawling up over you as you leaned back into your elbows. Lips meeting again and again, you reached up pulling his shirt over his head and letting your nails scrape down his chest to his stomach where his pants tied. His eyes nearly rolled back in his head as he let out a hiss, retaliating by going for your shirt, beginning to hike it up and over.

You felt a moment of panic, cold ice seemed to run through your veins as a hundred thoughts  materialized at once. You looked…so different than he might’ve remembered. The parts of you that had once been tight and dainty were no longer like that. Things that were perky were heavier and while you doubted he’d much fret over that, you did. “Wait.”

He immediately stopped, looking to you for further instruction, your shirt had just lifted over your belly and rested, bunched up under your breasts. You took in a breath, arms still braced on him as you turned over the words in your head. “I.. Things have-changed… I don’t look exactly like..” the sentences felt messy and unfinished but as your eyes darted around looking for the right response Billy moved his hand from where it had rested on your shirt up to your face, turning your head to look at him dead on.

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, full of understanding and recognition. You panicked, you didn’t want to stop, you wanted to keep going and going and going, but there was hesitancy.

“You’ll never have to do anything you don’t want to with me.” He whispered, leaning down to place an open mouthed kiss to the swell of your belly, rough pads of his fingers tracing over the rounded curve. Your eyes fluttered closed at how good it felt. “I personally think you’ve never looked more beautiful.” His words melted into your skin and encircled your heart, affection returning stronger than before. You looked down at him as his hand held firm braced against  the side of you.

His eyes scanned over you once more in thought, kissing up and over your swollen stomach to the top wear your shirt rested mid-removal. “I honestly don’t know why we didn’t try for this before.” His dark brown eyes were near on black, pupils blown large, his cock hard and insistently pressing into your thigh. You could feel the heat rise in your cheeks, blood pounding in your ears as you kissed him once more, nodding in silent acknowledgment and continued his venture, lifting your top over your head.

The sounds he makes kissing every inch of your body, resting his forehead where your collarbones meet, hands fumbling behind you to unclasp your bra.

“Off.” Is all he manages, you knew better than to chuckle at his frustrations, inching your back off the bed enough so his hands could slip behind and undo the clasps of the offending garment.

Once it’s tossed aside he continues his torment, kissing, sucking, licking along your chest, sucking a nipple into his mouth and groaning as his tongue circles the point pulling pleasurable sounds from your mouth. You’ve had enough and you push up best you can to untie the strings of his sweatpants. They did little to conceal his excitement, fabric pulled taught across his front and where your hands would sneakily sweep over the bulge as you attempted to untie the garment. Billy took a sharp intake of breath with each taunting slide of your hands.

Finally the drawstrings came apart and you pushed the sweatpants down his slim hips, mouth watering at the sight of him. Exactly as you remembered and after so long you were dying for a taste. Billy worked his magic on the bottom half of you as well, ripping the buttons off your pants in the process, sliding your underwear down, agonizingly slow. Feeling his bare skin pressed to yours sent rushes of heat up and down your body, positively dripping, before you adjusted yourself among the many pillows on your bed.

You turned in a way that accommodated your new form, leaning against the piled up pillows and comforters, stifling a laugh as you purposefully bumped Billy, ass in the air. His eyes took in every inch of skin, each movement you made, doing his best to ease you into a more comfortable position. The telltale glimmer in his eyes undeniable. Billy loved sex, all kinds, every position but you could tell he had a thing about this style in particular. You’d joke with him that it was his caveman instincts coming full force, wanting to claim, protect, ravish.

His hands slid over your body, starting at the base of your neck, twining into your hair gripping a handful of the strands while his other moved down the slope of your back, tickling your side then landing a sharp smack to your ass. You gasped at the sudden sting which bloomed into a groan as his hand circled the bundle of nerves between your legs. His hand in your hair tugged back slightly.

“You like that?” He asked, his fingers undoing you, making quick work on your aching core.

“Mhmmm” was all you could mindlessly manage, mind shrunk down to just his fingers and the sensations they pulled from you. At that he pulled back on your hair hard, causing you to arch backwards further so his mouth could meet your ear.

“I’m sorry baby, couldn’t hear you.”

“Yes…ohhhh, yes I-“ you gasped as he slipped a finger inside, curling it and dragging it along your inner walls. He pushed another finger in and you cried out.

“Please Billy, I need you. All of you.” Normally you’d love to drag this out for as long as possible, but you didn’t know how long you two had before needing to leave again, not risking him getting caught. He withdrew his fingers, you sighing sadly at the loss of him. He stroked along your thigh up to your hip, tapping his fingers on your side before kneading at the flesh.

You could feel him shift and then the soft drag of the top of his cock at your entrance. Lining himself up with you, then he pushed in, slow, calculated and you thought you would truly burst. He stretched you open deliciously, feeling every inch of him, hard, throbbing until he bottomed out and his hips pressed into your ass. He moaned, staying still inside you for a moment, letting you adjust and relishing in the feeling.

“Feel so fuckin’ good.” He growled, fingers digging into your sides, feeling his cock pulse inside you made you want to squirm, beg him to move, but he didn’t need you to say anything before he withdrew. Pulling out almost fully before thrusting back in, you saw lights flash behind your eyes, gripping the covers beneath you. Then he did it again. And again. Picking up pace with each thrust.

The sounds and whines coming from your mouth seemed to spur him on, his grunts meeting you noise for noise. Each push and pull threatened to send you to the brink of insanity. Mindless babbling escaping your lips before you settled on his name. Billy. Whining it, crying it out, a beautiful sound you had wondered if you’d ever scream out again.

He must have been thinking similar thoughts as he pushed into you with more force than you thought possible, threatening to break you in two, pain and pleasure intermingled and scattered a fuzzy haze over your mind. He groaned your name in response, and you clung to the bed for dear life. Each stroke stoking the fire blazing in your belly, core clenching and unclenching around him. When he withdrew and rutted into you once more you screamed his name as spirals of pleasure tore through you.

Sharp tingles and rushes had you arching back onto him, milking the orgasm for all it’s worth, feeling tears spring to your eyes at how divine this release felt. Months of pent up energy spent and set free. He wasn’t far behind you, continuing his pace working you through your climax until his hips stuttered, letting loose a roar of his own as he came and joined you in bliss. You could feel his come coating your inner walls, warmth, mingling with your juices.

You let out a boneless huff, a half assed sounding laugh, the one time you didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant, or using protection. Billy’s hand reached up to cradle your chin, turning your face to his, you could see his cheeks were ruddy, sweat beaded on his forehead, and on yours as well. He brushed a soaked strand from your eyes, before adjusting himself to collapse next to you on the bed. Both of you panting, fully spent.

He pressed his forehead to yours , gathering you into his arms as you laid boneless trying to catch your breath. Billy kissed your lips again, it never seemed like enough. Your lips were ambrosia, nectar of the gods and he was a lowly sinner begging for more. His hands drifted over your body once more, maybe to only convince himself that this was real. He was greeted with a small undulation from your belly, he chuckled, scooting lower down the bed until he was face to face with the round swell of you.

Pressing his lips to your skin and feeling the busy movements under the surface brought a childlike expression to his face, meeting each movement with another swipe of his hand, poke or prod.

“Hey!” You laughed, scratching the top of his head through his close cropped hair.

“He’s gonna be a trouble maker.” He said placing both hands flat on either side of your stomach which prompted another flurry of kicks and punches, “I mean I think we did also wake ‘em up.”

You felt yourself blushing, then also wishing you could just stay in bed all day like you two used to but realizing you needed to meet up with Karen soon. But your heart strings were tugged tight watching Billy finally free to relax, to connect with his unborn child. He’d spent so long strapped down, tied up and handcuffed to a hospital bed, it felt cruel rushing him.

A few minutes later you could hear your phone beeping in the kitchen where you’d left your purse. Billy’s head perked up looking towards the noise, before sighing, burying his head into your side with sheets pooled around. Reluctantly he stood up making his way to the kitchen giving you a wonderful view of his backside in the process, before he took out your phone and then set it down once again.

“Karen says we have an hour.” He made his way back to you, by that time you’d propped your head up on your hand, elbow digging into the comforter. Billy smirked, the kind of boyish charm that only he could muster. “I think that means we have time for a shower.”

You toweled off, enjoying the warmth of Billy’s hands carefully brushing out a knot in your hair as you sat on the edge of the tub. His memory wasn’t fully back as you still had to remind him where things were around the bathroom but it felt like the slow trickle of recollections started to flow in more frequently.

He made his way to the bedroom, opening drawers on what he assumed was his side due to the accoutrements on top. Some skincare and hair items, a notebook, a few thumb drives and fragrance bottles. And leaning against the fragrance bottle was a photograph, black and white swirls. He picked it up to examine it closer and noticed the form of a small shape. An ultrasound image. He traced his fingers over the paper, of his child, right here.

Glancing around he realized there were boxes pushed off to his side of the room, stacked in the corner, half pushed under the bed. A bassinet, car seat, a mobile with stars and moons and clouds lay off to the side. All still in the boxes, nothing put together, a fist closed over his heart. You were alone, had been alone all these months, having to purchase items on your own. There was a dress shirt and suit jacket on the side covering an odd shaped lump.

Billy walked over to it and tossed the shirt and jacket off to reveal a crib, half put together, the rest lay on the floor, directions partially crumbled, perhaps out of frustration. He bent to smooth out the pamphlet best he could, taking in the pieces that were put together and how wobbly they still seemed.

“I couldn’t figure it out and got frustrated.” Your voice drifted into the room, Billy whipped around seeing you standing half dressed, a soft sweater hanging off your shoulder and underwear. He turned back to all the baby items around his side of the room, eyes full of remorse.

“I should have been here. You shouldn’t have had to do this by yourself.” His voice wobbled a little at the end. You moved towards him, easing onto the edge of the bed, reaching out a hand to softly brush over the side of his face, brushing your thumb over his lip.

“I don’t know if you recall but you didn’t remember me until not too long ago. Even now things are just  starting to return. Don’t put that pressure on yourself.” He shook his head.

“I shouldn’t have gone to fight Frankie.”

He did remember. Had remembered at some point. His eyes full of the many thoughts dashing around his brain, trying to find some reason he’d acted in the manner he had. 

“I remembered a few weeks ago…it came back to me slowly so I could piece it all together more easily…I was such..a fool.” He swallowed thickly, a tear escaping his eye and trailing down his face before he could aggressively swipe at it.

“Billy.” He blinked a few times, refusing to meet your eyes. “Billyyyy. “ you lilted playfully, tickling the area on his neck you knew was his weak spot. He jerked at the tickling feeling, a smile finding its place on his lips regardless of how hard he fought it.

“I-“

“Shhhhhh” you shushed him, kissing his forehead, his eyes closing at the softness of your touch. So starved for contact after these months, fantasizing about you each day you'd come to visit him in the hospital. Yearning for your hand to graze his shoulder, to feel the warmth of your hand, smell the scent of your perfume.

After a moment you pushed yourself up, taking the half step over to the dresser and grabbing up the ultrasound picture he had found, making your way back to him and letting out a comical huff as you found a seat on the ground next to him.

“Billy, no one is perfect. We make mistakes, and learn from them. Sometimes we do our best and it just isn’t enough, but we can change…and grow from our past.” You felt your own eyes watering looking at the little shape on the photo and placing a hand on your rounded side.

“Sometimes life gives us second chances in the form of our children. Not to control them or tell them who to be, but to let them show us who they are, and in doing so learning things from them that we would have never learned before. I think…no I know this baby will be grateful to have you as a father. All the things you’ll teach them, and all the things they’ll teach you, just when you think there isn’t anything more to learn.”

 Billy was listening to you intently, head resting on your shoulder, his one hand rubbing along your back mindlessly, reveling in your warmth. “If you keep focusing on what you wished had happened you’ll ‘should’ yourself to death.” You laughed before carrying on, “we’re going to clear your name and then we’re going to do this…and do it right.” You felt a little shocked at how easily the right words found themselves spilling out of your mouth, how it started as a comfort for him but in kind you found yourself feeling lighter as you spoke.

He nodded, eyes heavy lidded, his hand having moved to your front, brushing over your  belly, pausing to press along the front as a reassuring kick reminded him of the presence listening to you both. He pressed kisses up the column of your neck, peppering along your jaw before meeting your lips, tongue meeting the seam and begging for entrance which you happily complied moaning at the delicious intrusion.

And for a moment, no matter how brief it was just the three of you. Blissfully, happily, a small imperfect family.

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[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt. 5)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Smut (18+), Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

“Princess, is this all for me?” Billy’s gruff words and hot breath tickled your ear. You clung to him for fear your knees would give out beneath you. What had started as an innocent enough date quickly morphed into something else. His hands had pushed up your skirt so high that your panties were on full display, you’d be embarrassed if you weren’t so fuckin turned on.

Dinner had led to drinks had led to laughing had led to you both occupying the bathroom of the fancy restaurant you were in. The soft glowing light and coral marble decor contrasted with the absolute feral way you two had fallen into this hidden alcove, mouths hungrily devouring one another. Billy’s shirt half unbuttoned as you raked your fingernails over his bare chest, he hissed at the sensation retaliating by shoving his hand all the way up your silk skirt.

Rough padded fingers coaxed your underwear aside and his head dropped low groaning when he felt how slick you were. You gasped when his thumb began a punishing rub against the bundle of nerves between your legs, but it wasn’t enough. “Billy, I need… to move” your head looked around figuring out a new position that would slake your thirst.

“Say no more.” His arms coaxed under your thighs and lifted you effortlessly, placing you on the marble countertop by the sinks and fancy hand towels. His access to you was now much easier and his diligent digits continued. The sounds you were making started reaching a higher octave before he pulled his hand away.

You started, whimpering at the loss of contact, reaching to grab his wrist. He laughed at the gesture.

“No patience at all sweetheart? Not after I whined and dined you?” It was true, he had. He didn’t allow you to see the bill but you knew it must’ve cost a month of your rent, he didn’t bat an eye. This place was the swankiest food establishment you’d ever been to, and while he teased you now  you knew he’d do this for you without holding it over your head.

Your legs splayed open wider and he took the opportunity to step between them. His clothed bulge pushing into your center, your eyes practically rolling back in your skull. His mouth descended on yours again, each slide of his tongue against yours sent shockwaves through your body. Your ankles wrapped behind his lower back and pulled him as flush with you as he could possibly be, well almost.

His forehead touched yours as you both came up for air once more, breathing erratic and strangled. You could feel how rock hard he was, his pants straining against his erection. Your hand dipped down to rub the heel of your palm along the length of him, he made a choking sound, bucking into your hand. Savoring this momentary feeling of power you grabbed his tie with your other hand, dragging his face millimeters from yours again.

“All this for me?” You smirked, using his own words against him. He smirked back at you through his panting until your rubbed upwards once more, the sheer size of him, hot and twitching beneath your hand that now felt so small. You went to trace his bulge once more but his one hand that hand been clutching the sink shot out to grab your wrist, halting all movement.

“My turn.”

Billy dropped to his knees in front of you, with one swift movement he’d tore your panties off, dropping them to floor as if they weren’t the expensive pair he’d purchased for you weeks ago. Your breathing hitched as you felt his breath ghost over your dripping heat and when his tongue darted out you slapped a hand to your mouth to avoid shouting.

His mouth worked you too the brink of insanity, tongue swirling and lapping at your core, clenching as you felt yourself start to slip over the edge. His lips pursed around you and started to SUCK, the noises you started to make growing louder. He chuckled,

“You’re gonna get us caught and thrown out of this establishment.” He stated, mouth returning to its devilish work. “Maybe that can be our new thing? Getting kicked out of every fine restaurant in New York.” You heard what he was saying but it barely registered, when his tongue swept up the center of you and plunged in again, your world fractured. Back arching off the sink top, as reality tore from you in pure delicious waves. When you’d come down from your high Billy pulled away, a purely male smile on his lips, as well as your juices coating his lips and scruff.

“I’ve been coming to these overpriced joints for years thinking that’s what I needed to do to get a decent meal. God I should’ve met you sooner.” He licked his lips before leaning into you placing a searing kiss to yours, tasting the smokiness from his steak but more prominent you tasted you on his mouth and it nearly sent you spiraling again.

Your hands dove to his pants, undoing the top button before a loud banging was heard on the door.

“Hello?! We need the bathroom!” An older woman’s voice. Your eyes both met and laughed.

“Let’s say you…owe me?” He suggested, letting a curl of your hair wrap around his forefinger in thought. You placed a soft kiss to the top of his finger in silent agreement.

“Y/n” he whispered, hand lifting to cup your face.

“Y/n?”

You jolted awake, trying to take in your surroundings, eyes darting around wildly. You were in the hospital, sitting, by Billy in your usual spot. His eyes were full of concern, you could make out all the minuscule expressions in his face, his mask-less face.

“You were dreaming.”

You had been dreaming, you didn’t remember when sleep had taken hold of you, but the day was dark with the promise of storms and you just felt so tired.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” He smirked at you from the bed.

“It sounded like a good dream.” You felt your face go hot, and avoided meeting his eyes as you readjusted your position in the chair, hand rubbing at your lower back that was growing more and more sore as the days go by.

“It ah…it was. How long have I been out?” He shrugged.

“No more than 15 minutes. You looked tired so I thought I’d let you sleep.” You were tired, but felt guilty having taken a cat nap during the brief visiting time you had with him. You’d been researching late into the night for over two weeks now, Billy had all his external hard drives left at your apartment together and you’d been pouring over them hoping to find some hidden emails between him and suspicious characters but had found little to nothing at this point,

“What we’re we talking about before I -uh…”

“I asked if you’d thought of names yet.” He nodded his head in the direction your belly, as if on queue you felt a swift movement under the surface. Placing a hand on the area and rubbing gently you hummed in thought, approaching 7 months and you still didn’t know the gender and you hadn’t thought of any names whatsoever.

“I honestly have no idea.” You laughed. “I have maybe one or two girl names but nothing for a boy.” Billy hummed in thought.

“What about Jack? Or Erik?” You could see his eyes scanning, trying to think of something. He never pushed you to share more info about the baby’s father, nor did he ask when exactly you were due. It felt like a huge weight off your shoulders that he even knew, and in the knowing hadn’t asked you to leave and stop visiting.

You paused in thought, running your hand over your bump, it was an unusually warm day regardless of the rain so you we’re grateful, to wear something light and airy. Billy had complimented the dress and you’d blushed quite hard at the comment. He seemed quite pleased with himself after seeing your reaction.

He turned to look out the window at the first rumble of thunder.

“Will I ever get out of here?” Billy asked, you knew you were the only person in the room and yet the question didn’t seem directed to you. You didn’t respond, not knowing exactly what to say to that. If he fully healed he’d almost certainly go prison or some psych ward and yet you found yourself responding,

“Yes. You will.”

He turned to look back at you, his eyes glinting in the fluorescent lighting that seemed so harsh against the darkness descending outside. His eyes closed slowly, brow smoothing as if thinking of something peaceful.

“I miss the beach.” You studied him as he continued talking. “It was sunny, not a cloud in the sky and scorching hot,” his brow furrowed as if shuffling for his next words, “and you were there. In a red bathing suit.”

You weren’t sure if you were breathing as you listened to him. You two had gone to the beach multiple times together. The day he’d asked you to be his, you’d been wearing a red bathing suit, that later ripped in the dryer and was immediately tossed, chalked up to a cheap Amazon purchase. “You’re smiling. I think I am too. We were…happy.” His eyes drift open to lock to yours with conviction.

You didn’t think words were able to be formed right now, all you could do was bite your lip and nod, eyes wide, searching, waiting to see if he had more about that day to share. He remembered. He made a soft coughing or was it choking sound? Maybe tying to prevent a full on sob from escaping his throat as he realized that his recollection was correct. Was in fact real.

His hand moved, splaying open, reaching as far as he could towards you. Asking for your validation. Still in a state of shock you bent forward, letting your hand rest in his, fingers twining together. The warmth of your hand in his, the familiar roughness of his palm, the vice that had been in your chest for months seemed to ease up. So lost in each other that you didn’t realize the door had opened to the room until the sound of clattering materials hitting the floor tore you both from your stupor.

Krista stood about 3 feet into the room, just far enough to see you two holding hands, Billy without his mask, and your prevalent baby bump on display. Her face reddened and her body seemed to radiate pure hatred and anger.

“What is all this?” She asked, you could tell she was doing everything in her power not to explode. You let go of Billy’s hand to more fully face the angry therapist in the room.

“We’re finally getting somewhere. He’s starting to remember things, I think if-“

“Enough!” A shout this time that had you flinching backwards in your seat. Krista was scooping up the items she’d dropped after she walked in, obviously trying to contain her rage.

You stood up, tossing your jacket over your arm. Visiting hours were technically over, but you could feel your blood pressure skyrocket and had better things to do than fight with your boyfriends therapist, even if this was a day you were convinced he wasn’t scheduled for a session. You ignored Krista completely, turning to Billy and smiling as best you could, even if it felt strained.

“I’ll see you tomorrow?” He opened his mouth to respond before,

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Maybe these visits…aren’t a good idea.” Your resolve started to falter at that, whipping around to address Krista head on. You were about to respond when Billy cut in.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Our usual time?” You bit your lip and nodded, a slight jerky motion, realizing that fighting and screaming wouldn’t get the hospital on your side either.

Billy watched you leave in a hurry, once you’d disappeared from sight he turned back to Krista, seething. She stood at the edge of his bed, arms crossed, nostrils flared slightly.

“Are you going to behave today?” His lips were pulled in a thin line, staring her down, but craving to move out of his bed. To stretch his aching muscles. She took his silence as a yes, moving to his side and undoing the straps binding him down. Once the straps were loose Billy pushed off the bed so abruptly that Krista backed away, trying not to flinch from him.

He relished that moment of fear from her, turning towards their seating and taking his usual spot at the table, running a hand over his naked face before quickly returning to his side table and readjusting the mask on his face. The anger coming off his therapist in waves, as she sat across from him, refusing to meet his eyes and shuffling papers.

“Why are you so mean to her?” He asked, gripping the armrest of his chair, trying to contain his feelings. The shuffling stopped, her eyes slowly calculatingly rising to his.

“Mean?”

“Yes. All she’s doing is trying to be helpful.” Krista snorted.

“Yes helpful. How much have you actually remembered from having her here? What sort of exercises or practices has she instructed you on? Was she the one that helped you process your mental traumas and breath work de-stressing methods? Did she?!” Her responses were short, clipped, on the brink of sounding crazy herself.

“Are you that afraid of me having a friend outside of you?” Billy exclaimed, trying not to yell back at her, shocked the guards hadn’t come in yet. “Afraid that I’ll have someone else to turn to? That it might not always be you?” He’d obviously struck a chord, the vein in her forehead pulsing, eyes wild.

“ I’m the ONLY one that can help you! That can deal with you!”

“Is that so?” Billy stood up, pushing the chair behind him so he could step towards her, so she could see in his eyes that he didn’t need her as much as she needed him. “I’m your little science project? Aren’t I?!”

“You NEED me! If you ever wanna see the outside of these whitewashed walls or outside of a jail cell - YOU NEED ME!” She screamed back at him, eye twitching.

“You’re angry that I’d rather see her than you! That you can't keep me subdued and under your watchful eye forever! ” Krista was gone, fingers curled into fists, nostrils flared and eyes wide, angry, more rage than he thought she was capable of.

“She thinks she can come in here and take you from me?! You may be the baby’s father, but I’ve done far more for you than she ever has!” She exclaimed, breathing erratically, hair falling in front of her face, blowing with each huff. 

Billy’s eyes widened, feeling weak suddenly, hand reaching for the wall at his side to steady him. Noticing most of his fury had dissipated, shock in turn replacing it.

“I-I’m the baby’s father?” Krista's hands flew to her mouth, clasping over it as her eyes  displayed the panic in the words she’d just let slip. Billy felt his resolve start to weaken. “You forced her not to tell me. You’ve made sure she was kept at arms length all along….so you could weasel your way in.” The long therapy sessions, the days Krista was…far too friendly, how he’d had moments of wanting to give in as well because he’d seen no alternative. Because he’d known that while you were from his past Krista had convinced him that that was where you’d should stay.

Krista opened her mouth, tears at the corners of her eyes, realizing how badly she’d fucked up. Billy gripped his fisted hands even tighter, mind swimming in anger, deceit, pain. A delayed response but two guards barged in, batons drawn, one placing a hand on his gun.

“Get down!” He shouted at Billy, but Billy had no intention of going quietly, of being strapped down to that mattress one more God forsaken time. Not when he finally felt things start to slip into place. You two laughing over an expensive dinner, the red bathing suit, cuddling on the couch reading or watching tv. And the night before he went to confront Frank and how he’d kissed you, like a man going to war to meet his end.

His training took over, lunging for the one guard, ripping the baton from his hand and sending a jarring whack to the side of his head. Tumbling forward to kick the other guards legs out from under him, landing a punch to the center of his chest before grappling the gun away. Another swift punch and knocking the second guard out cold with the first’s baton. Panting in the center of the chaos, Billy eyed Krista, her fear evident, holding her hands up in front of her.

Billy pointed the gun at the center of her chest. “You claim to want to help me. Why don’t you make good on that promise?”

Less than a minute later Krista was escorting “her patient” through the halls of the hospital, head down, mask on. She’d smile and nod at a few of her colleagues while moving swiftly to the back exit doors where the EMT’s would often hang out. Once they pushed open the security doors Billy could smell the fresh air.

It was raining but he didn’t care, he’d never smelled cleaner more fragrant air in his entire life. Fighting the urge to close his eyes and bask in the cool raindrops, instead turning to Krista eyes fixated on hers.

“Where are you gonna go? You don’t remember jack shit.” She bit out, arms wrapped around herself fighting the cool breeze that grazed across them both. He only shook his head.

“I recommend you not follow. If you know what’s good for you.”

With that Billy took off into the night, not sure where he was going to go, but finally free. Hoping that he’d find you someway, somehow.

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel the punisher #ben barnes #ben barnes character #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw x reader #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #frank castle #punisher fanfiction

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt.6)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Eventual Smut, Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

You rubbed at your bleary eyes, closing the computer screen. Exhausted but feeling some success and conviction behind it. You’d retraced a few of Billy’s old hard drives, and found a couple that you’d somehow missed in the bottom of one of his drawers. On it had been damning evidence, emails between him and Rawlins as well as other superiors under command, Rawlins asking Billy to do his bidding and to your relief and occasional shock, Billy refusing.

Previous emails his responses had been clipped, succinct, leading you to believe that the dealings and resolutions were handled in person instead of via email. But the paper trail that came after was outright refusal. Standing his ground, then whatever else transpired wasn’t recorded so all you could do was speculate. Billy had been pushing back, which gave you hope, you didn’t quite know how to frame any of this yet, who to share it with. It still felt like grasping at  straws, but you were making headway.

It almost helped you forget about how ready to go toe to toe with Krista you were. At that a sharp strong kick reverberated from your lower abdomen. Rubbing at the spot you felt another kick just after, they were getting stronger every day it seemed.

“That’s right. Thanks for helping keep me awake and on task.” You responded, smiling before as a huge yawn escaped your mouth.

You’d long outgrown your cute pj’s opting instead to wear one of Billy’s old white undershirts, stretching to its limit, instead of going out to buy something new. It made it feel like he was still with you when you came home. He was everywhere in your apartment, all his things still in their rightful places, waiting for his return.

You’d barely moved or touched anything. The only new addition was the ultrasound picture, particularly placed by one of Billy’s fragrance bottles, tall enough to bolster the image. It just felt right keeping it on his side of the dresser, nothing else had changed and yet all at once everything had. You took out your phone and texted Karen quickly before you fell asleep.

“Found some stuff. Talk soon?”

A second later- “For sure!” And a heart emoji. You didn't know how you'd missed these drives previously, maybe it was just the stress and anxiety keeping you from upturning everything on his side of the room, always having a healthy respect for his belongings. 

You felt a rolling sensation in your belly, watching the movements and undulations underneath your overly stretched out shirt. Naturally it was time for bed and the little creature was wide awake and feeling adventurous. You reached over to turn off the light.

“A trouble maker, just like your father.”

Billy ran down a side alleyway, ducking behind a dumpster, attempting to catch his breath. He’d been running for god knows how long, soggy and damp from the rain, with no idea where he was going. Hoping he’d find his way, wherever that was. After what felt like a significant enough rest he took off again.

The downpour pelted at his face and the cold asphalt bit at his feet as he turned down another alley, then another, zigging and zagging with no true sense of direction. His socks had pin pricks of blood seeping through from where he was sure he ran over some glass or sharp rocks, but couldn’t be bothered to stop just yet. When he was sure he’d made it a good few more miles from the hospital he used the last surge of his energy for the night to round a corner , and smash face first into a woman on the sidewalk.

They both slammed backyards, sprawling over the pavement, papers flying out of her bag onto the soaked ground.

“What the fuck!” She shouted angrily, trying to gather her belongings before they soaked through ruining the files. Billy ran a hand over his face, realizing the mask had landed about five feet behind him.

“Sorry.” He murmured, beginning to crawl backwards to grab his plastic disguise before taking off again.

“Billy?!” He froze, mask in hand, turning back to this woman who apparently knew who he was. Turning slowly he came face to face with a woman who he didn’t know. Or couldn’t remember rather. 

“Billy, it’s me, Karen? Your friend.” Her excited face started to fall as she realized that he didn’t recognize her. “Sorry that was dumb. You don’t remember me.” He shook his head, feeling a tiny stab of pain behind his eyes as he thought hard, willing his brain to call up the image of this woman for clarity. “I’m y/n’s friend and Fra... well we were all part of a friend group.”

She stumbled over her words, reaching a hand out to him. He looked her up and down, weighing his options, but speaking your name allowed a feeling of trust to seep in. He took her hand, hoisting himself up, bringing himself to his full height over Karen as she grabbed the last of her soaked through papers.

“Can you… take me to her?” Billy asked, a note of pleading in his voice. She hesitated, rubbing the back of her neck in thought.

“I don’t know if that’s safe. I assume they didn’t just let you go..” her eyes drifted downwards taking in his soaked and dirty socks, rain drenched scrubs, all pointing to signs of an escape, not a clean getaway with just a slap on the wrist.

Billy realized she was right, mind racing figuring out where he could go. As if reading his mind Karen interjected,

“You can stay in my spare bedroom for the night. Then tomorrow we’ll find you someplace else, someplace safer.” She glanced around, beckoning him to follow her as she turned towards a parking garage nearby. He would normally hesitate but an inkling deep down told him to trust this woman, maybe she was telling the truth. Maybe she had been a friend of his.

Karen drove as calmly as she could, hands gripping the wheel with Billy laying in the backseat under the windows view just in case. When they slowed down Karen scouted the neighborhood before nodding to him, both briskly moving with purpose to the front door of her brownstone and locking the front door immediately after.

“Well this is the spare bedroom.” Karen gestured to the small room on the second floor, the bed was a double with navy sheets and a small window overlooking the back alleyway where they parked. Billy nodded, sitting on the edge of the bed and removing his filthy socks. “Oh! Hold on I have some clothes for you to change into!” She returned with a black t shirt and sweatpants, handing them over to him.

There was an awkward pause in conversation before she added, “Billy, Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad to see you out and …about, but uhh how exactly did you get out?” He hesitated turning over the shirt and pants in his hands, dark eyes down turned.

“I had to get out. I was wasting away in there…” a long pause, “I was being used by my therapist and my memories were just starting to come back, but I don’t think she…any of them on the inside wanted me to remember-“ Karen’s face softened, tentatively placing a hand on his shoulder.

“We’re …we’re gonna figure this out. But for now, just get some sleep.” a half smile, turning and closing the door behind her. Billy changed into the dry clothes, sliding under the sheets and listening to the pounding rain on the small window. He hadn’t had so much space to sprawl out in months, it felt nice. Brushing a hand over the pillow next to him, noticing how his body subconsciously moved to one side of the bed, out of habit he assumed.

All he could think of was you, how you two had been together, how he was the father of the baby he’d felt move in your belly. How memories of you were starting to drift back to him effortlessly, your smile over a glass of wine, your laugh at a work event, the way you’d run your fingers through his hair pulling on it as his mouth undid your resolve with each swipe of his tongue. That last recollection made his groan out, noticing how just the thought of you was making him hard.

He gripped the other pillow to his chest, resting his chin on it, falling asleep imagining it was you.

Billy didn’t know how long he’d slept for , that’d he’d even been able to let his guard down in an unfamiliar place long enough for sleep to take over. It wasn’t until he heard the doorbell that his senses came back to him in full force, cortisol pumping through his veins bringing him on the alert. Jumping up from the bed he leaned towards the door, listening carefully. He heard voices chattering, female voices, then footsteps into the kitchen and pots banging around.

Billy eased the door open as quiet as possible, moving to the stairs and padding down them, ears straining to hear anything else. Then he heard laughter. Your laugh. That was all he needed to hear, moving with the agility of cat he stepped off the last stair, turning to the kitchen seeing you standing there, cradling a mug of tea. A vision his mind was kind enough to remind him was a normal sight from his past, but during most of those times it was coffee you were holding.

You almost choked on your herbal tea seeing Billy turn the corner into the kitchen.

“Billy?!” You found yourself setting the mug down and moving towards him as fast as you could waddle at this point. He moved in as well and you could have died as you felt his arms entwine around you for the first time in months. Billy’s eyes closed, holding you as tightly and close as he could, breathing in the enamoring scent of you.

You weren’t sure if you could fully blame it on the hormones but you found tears streaming down your face, over a half years worth of tumultuous emotions finally breaking free and finding solace in the arms of the only man you ever loved. You groaned at the feelings overwhelming you, how was it possible he felt so fuckin good? His arms only squeezed tighter around you, the warmth and sensations only caused the little houseguest you were hosting to stir excitedly in a flurry of rolls and few choice kicks.

At that Billy loosened his grip, taking the smallest step back he could to look down at your bump, letting his one hand freely roam over the expanse of your belly, relishing each new kick and movement. He locked eyes with you then, glistening with unshed tears. “It’s mine.”  

You felt your a lump form in your throat, the stream of tears never slowing as you nodded, hands fisted into the front of Billy’s shirt, afraid if you let go you’d crumble to the floor. Pulling you into his embrace once more you leaned onto your tip toes, pressing your lips to his finally, fully.

This kiss wasn’t slow and safe like the hospital one had been, this was pure hunger, touching and tasting each other’s mouths with reckless abandon. So much and not enough all at once, the taste of his tongue, the sparks zipping down your body awakening parts of you that had lied dormant for far too long. Wondering how long you could make this last until-

“Ennnnghnnn.” A cough from Karen who was leaning against her countertop with a cup of coffee, amused expression dancing across her features. “I was gonna cook us all up some breakfast but I’m thinking maybe I should go out and come back?” Your face was hot as you struggled to catch your breath, taking a step back from Billy, arm still wrapped around his lower back.

“No it’s fine.” You stammered, having a hard time focusing on anything other than the man at your side. You had questions, so many questions but didn’t know where to start. “How did you get out?” You asked, placing a hand to Billy’s chest that he eagerly placed his hand over top of.

“Krista.. she’s been lying and using me this whole time. She knows something and wanted my memory to remain locked away, but her feelings for me changed.” He could see the light of fury spark behind your eyes.  “She let it slip that the child was mine, and as my memories have been resurfacing lately due to our…talks, she got scared and angry, and then sloppy. I’d had enough, I can feel my past starting to come back to me slowly but being locked up in there, I was hitting a wall.” He grimaced thinking of  spending one more god forsaken day tied to that bed, listening to Krista mumble some nonsense that had nothing to do with him getting his mind put back together.

It was true, he’d started to recall more and more things speaking with you over the past few weeks than all the time with doctors and therapists, and no longer being confined to a small hospital room had seemingly opened the floodgates as more and more info started appearing in his tired skull. He could start to remember Karen, a kind helpful woman, your best friend, she had been sweet on… on Frank. Frank. It was only flashes but Billy could feel the pain, the agony, fighting with Frank on the carousel.

He’d tried to explain himself to his friend, but their prior offenses took precedence and the fighting got out of control. He could see the skull on Frank’s chest, the flashing lights as he struggled to maintain consciousness, the bitter metallic taste of blood filling his mouth as shards of mirror splintered and cracked under his skin. Tearing and ripping flesh and then blackness. He’d tried to scream out, that he had no hand in Frank’s family’s death, that Rawlins had told him they were at a separate location.

He’d tried to get there in time to find the space empty. He couldn't find them in time. He couldn’t stop it. He’d put off denying Rawlins and Bennet for so long to appease them, to keep their blood lust slated long enough to warn his friend. To tell him to leave town, but it’d not been enough. And when more and more names lined the hit list Billy would be sent he’d fought back, refusing to comply.

And he would have too, until Rawlins pulled the trump card and pulled up the video feed on a street corner, and you’d popped into frame. A red sniper dot focused on your back as you talked with a coworker, and Billy had folded like a cheap card table. As long as he didn’t step too far out of line you were safe, or so it seemed. Frank’s name appeared on the list, and his wife and his children.

Billy had refused, stating that he wouldn’t stand in the way of their plans to kill him so long as you were kept safe, but behind the scenes he’d attempted to sneak off, to warn his friend. Going to the location he thought they’d be, where he was lead to believe they'd been hiding out at, to find it empty and coming to find the blood of his former family coating the walls of another house he’d been unaware of. He had screamed in anguish , searching for his thought to be dead friend, never finding him, and thinking him gone for good.

He blinked away the tears that threatened to fall as he stood in the kitchen, you and Karen watching him intently as his eyes darted back and forth working through each new painful memory as it resurfaced, searing and brutal.

“Billy.” You whispered softly, reaching up to caress the side of his face, drawing his attention back to you. “Billy it’s going to be ok.” You didn’t care if it was a beautiful lie, you had him in this moment and needed him to come back to you fully.

He took a shaky breath, pulling you closer, resting his chin on the top of your head, breathing in your sweet scent. The aroma acting as a calming salve on his bruised and beaten heart. Karen was the first to speak up reluctantly.

“ You said you found some emails on a couple of drives?” She asked. You nodded, moving from Billy for only a split second to grab your bag that had all the new info you’d discovered recently. Handing over the hard drive, watching as she grabbed it, plugging it into her laptop resting nearby. “I’m going to need to let these run through my software to be on the safe side. Maybe you could grab Billy some of his old clothes from your place before we go to the next safe house?”

Billy blinked staring at the hard drives Karen was handling, a note of recognition in his eyes. You took his hand, bringing his attention back to you once more.

“I think that’s a good idea, you can shower and change into something that fits better.” You smiled, taking in the sweatpants that were obviously too short for his long legs.

“Go, I’m downloading what we need then I’ll text you the coordinates.” Karen interjected, suddenly very absorbed in the text appearing on her screen.

“Would that be…ok?” You asked looking up into his eyes, dying to see him in your shared apartment once more if even for just a brief moment to shower and change before heading out. He smiled, nodding and bending down to plant a kiss onto your waiting lips that stole the breath from your lungs.

And so you both took off into the morning, rays of sunlight dotting the path drying the wet patches of sidewalk along the way.

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Billy Russo x Reader #frank castle #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #marvel the punisher #billy russo x female reader #billy Russo edit #ben barnes #ben barnes character #punisher fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt. 4)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Smut (18+), Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

It had been enough time that you decided you should go back and visit Billy. Your stomach had been roiling thinking about it all morning, but you couldn’t deny that you missed him. Even if you couldn’t talk like you used to, just being near him, knowing he was alive brought you some semblance of peace.

You found yourself walking more slowly down the hall, it wasn’t because you’d just passed 20 weeks, but rather you felt nervous about seeing him. More than you had in a while. What if he asked you to leave?

 What if he refused to talk to you? What if Krista had somehow gotten him on her side completely and he wanted nothing to do with you? You stood frozen, hand on the doorknob before you took a deep breath pushing it open and walking into the space.

Scanning the room you saw Billy in bed, sleeping. His chest rising and falling softly, making your heart tighten. His mask was askew, sliding off on one side and you could see a spiderweb of scars underneath, still red but they looked so much better than they had months ago. He was physically healing, maybe the mental and emotional healing was taking place underneath the surface too.

You sat in your usual spot, taking out a book to read to him. Just like before, when he was in a coma and you’d just sit. Sit and read. Your book today was Harry Potter. On one of your first dates he’d mentioned he was in his late twenties when he first read it, this macho CEO man, former marine, sharing this with you and he’d positively gushed about how he enjoyed it. It’d melted your heart and showed you that he was more than met the eyes.

Pushing the bookmark off to the side you began reading, it went on for about 30 minutes. He was still fast asleep and you assumed maybe his physical fitness rehab had gotten more intense the day before which was why he was so tired today.

 Shifting your attention back to the page, accidentally knocking the bookmark off onto the floor. You stifled a groan at the thought of trying to bend over and retrieve it, a much more prominent  bump now beginning to make things more difficult.

Clasping the side of the bed for stability you bent over, snatching the bookmark up and then you felt a firm hand grip your wrist. You almost shrieked, looking up into Billy’s eyes, mask back in place. How long had he been awake? 

Maybe you’d scared him, causing this reaction. Your faces were about an inch from one another, you could see into the depths of his eyes, as he scanned your face, the wild look fading away as he recognized who you were.

“Sorry…are you alright?” He asked, letting his grip loosen, but not let go. His wrist was still handcuffed to the bed, but you must have put your hand down to brace yourself in the small area he had movement.

“Y-yeah. You just scared me is all. I thought you were asleep.” His eyes never left yours, nor did his hand let you go, it was difficult to maneuver back into place, you felt the heat rising in your cheeks the longer his gaze lingered. Questioning, but also something else, he’d looked at you similarly the day you’d been introduced.

He’d looked so handsome standing at the bar in his suit, hair slicked back. You’d hesitated before walking over, Karen nudged your back, whispering in your ear, “come on it’ll be fine!” Frank had just laughed loudly at something Billy had said. Then his gaze fell onto you. You had always brushed off the idea that chemistry or connection could be there immediately but with him it was, and it felt so-easy. His look sent shivers down your spine, tingling in your fingertips, pure carnal attraction, that then flourished into even more.

You saw it in his eyes now. That desire, sparking in his eyes that no mask could cover. His grip loosened and you were able to pull your hand free, letting it trail up his arm, dancing over his shoulder, and onto his neck, you could feel his breath catch. Boldened by this response you continued upward, savoring the feel of his skin beneath your fingertips. Tickling over his ear and scraping against the base of his skull, the fuzzy softness of his hair that had grown back little by little.

You could hear him let out a small moan behind the plastic, eyes closing in ecstasy. Was the last time he felt comforting touch the night it all went to hell? Did Krista ever try to touch him out of comfort? Hold his hand? You felt a spark of rage thinking about it, even if she meant well and it was only brief. He was yours. Just as much as you were still his. You moved closer, wrapping your other arm around the back of his neck, your faces now practically touching. Breathing deeply in the scent of him.

It’d been so long, so very long, and just being able to be close to him was filling a longing in you that you didn’t realize  was slowly eating away inside. His eyes opened again staring back into yours, an edge, and you understood, he wished to freely touch you as much as you touched him. This was grounds for getting kicked out of the hospital, you knew that, but you didn’t care. It was just you and him, breathing softly, relishing this fleeting moment of companionship, then he looked down.

His eyes froze, and you spent half a second wondering why when you quickly realized. Your cardigan, no longer lumped into your lap concealing the obvious rounded bump peeking out. The frigid icy panic swept through you, as you let go of holding him, pushing back into your seat, book and bookmark forgotten. Then those glistening eyes blinked upwards again, you couldn’t pinpoint if it was anger or pure betrayal. You just wanted one positive day with him, apparently that was too much to ask.

“You’re pregnant.” He stated, even after you’d rearranged your clothing to somewhat cover your torso fruitlessly. You fumbled to find words, to de-escalate the situation. He didn’t seem mad, more hurt, troubled. Why lie to him? What would be the point?

“Yes. I am.” You choked out the response, avidly paying attention to him. He seemed frozen to the spot, eyes locked on you but occasionally dipping down lower.

“I didn’t know you were in a relationship.” Hurt. Pure and utter hurt. You fought to figure out what the right response was to that. He assumed you were with someone else, that that was their child.

Billy watched you waiting for your response, the pain that seized his chest felt unbearable. He didn’t know he was still capable of feeling disappointment so deeply. He’d been so sure, that you two had been together, that you were more than just friends and when he clasped your wrist today and felt your hands on him he was positive of it. Maybe you two had been and he’d fucked it up somehow, maybe you’d broken up a while ago and he just couldn’t recall.

Regardless he felt terrible. There was no searing pain in his head, it had all relocated to his chest. He waited to hear your answer, you looked so…sad. How was it that you both were unhappy with whatever this was?

“I’m not in another relationship. It’s…Billy it’s complicated.” He did his best to nod, out of fear of not seeing you again. He couldn’t stand that, didn’t want to risk never seeing you again.

“I…understand.” He didn’t but he wanted to. “Please, don’t go.” He managed to get out, watching your face to gauge where your mind was. You nodded, lifting the book in question to which he nodded again. Trying his best to just listen to your voice, soft and lilting, but he couldn’t help his eyes wandering back to the bump under your sweater.

You’d been back multiple times over the next few weeks, always purposefully missing the days when Krista would be there for therapy. Billy knew that you two did not see eye to eye and as entertaining as it would be to see the two of you go head to head he was grateful for the peace.

You’d come in and read or you’d talk. He’d ask questions, what your favorite color was, what music you liked, what you enjoyed doing. With each answer he felt parts of you reappearing in his memory. Faint but recognizable. One day he’d asked about your favorite movie, but a blip in his mind said ‘Beauty and the Beast’, both of you speaking it out loud at the same time. When you smiled the biggest he’d ever seen a part of his soul cracked open.

He hadn’t been brave enough to question further about your condition, or if there was another man in your life somewhere. It felt nice to pretend like there wasn’t, but the evidence was there, and growing everyday. Now that he knew it was hard for him not to notice, you’d catch him staring and he’d do his best to look away. One day he’d push the issue, but not now, not when he was remembering things, not when he was simply happy to just have you by his side.

You were sitting , readjusting your position before asking Billy another question when you felt it. A little flurry of sensations in your belly. It felt like tiny bubbles being blown then gently popping, your hand immediately went to your stomach, running over the side trying to make sense of the feeling.

“Are you alright?” He asked, sitting up straighter in bed, getting a better look at what you were doing. The feeling continued, not painful, just…bizarre. You’d heard it described to you by your doctor but feeling it was so strange. You let your hand rest in the area before looking up to meet Billy’s worried eyes,

“It’s moving.” You couldn’t think of other words to say, too caught off guard yourself. Glancing over to Billy, his intense focus fixated on you, concerned. He cocked his head to the side, watching your hands smooth down your top.

“Can I …feel?” He knew it might be an out of bounds question, too prying or insensitive but he was so curious. You’d nodded and slowly stood up, taking a step closer to the bed, careful not to kick over your bag with the stack of books you two had agreed to read next. His hand could only reach so far, but you made sure you were within range, taking his hand in yours and guiding it to the side you’d felt the most movement.

It wasn’t strong kicks like you’d expect in later months, but the sensation was strong, very present, you were sure it could be felt from the outside as well. His large hand pressed against your belly, warm, just like you’d remembered. It took a few moments but then another bout of flutters came full force and you knew he could feel it by the way his eyes grew larger behind his mask.

A childlike wonder seemed to overtake him as he grazed his hand along the front of your stomach, eyes crinkling as he noticed the movements followed his hand, he even let out a small chuckle at one of the bigger motions bubbling underneath.

“He likes you.” You’d mused, not realizing the size of the smile on your face. Billy didn’t take his eyes from where his hand rested but asked,

“He?”

“We’ll I don’t know for sure if it’s a boy, but my friend is convinced it is.” His open palm swiped along your side again, you couldn’t tell what tickled more the small flutters or where his fingers dragged along following the movements.

“I like him too.” It took everything inside you not to cry, to burst into waterworks, to just outright tell him the whole truth. 

You weighed the consequences when you heard footsteps approaching from outside. Billy heard them too and reluctantly removed his hand from your bump, allowing you to move backwards and reclaim your seated position.  A doctor walked in and you let out a breath you’d been holding in anticipation of his therapist. The doctor eyed you questioningly  but went on to check Billy’s vitals, writing down some notes and asking a few haphazard questions. After he leaves you find yourself reaching forward and taking Billy’s hand in you own.

His almost jumps at the contact, you feel so warm, so good, even this tiny gesture makes his heart stutter in his chest. You lean forward and rest your forehead on the palm of his upturned hand, he lets out a shaky breath, looking down at your head resting on him, as much as it can be given the circumstances. He didn’t care what your past was, who the child belonged to, all he wanted was you. All of you. And he needed to formulate a plan to make that happen.

After you realized the visiting hours were ending an overwhelming feeling of sadness took over. The idea of leaving Billy today just felt so much more difficult. Knowing he was here alone ,made your heart ache. Lifting your head you saw he was still looking down at you, head rested against his pillow. You moved slowly, carefully, until your face was close to his again, resting your forehead to his through the mask.

Placing your hands on either side of his face, watching him blink slowly trying to absorb the contact fully before locking on your face again.

“May I?” You questioned, one hand tracing along the elastic that tied behind his head. You could see a flash of panic in his eyes but after a brief moment of thought he nodded, slowly. Your hands found their way to the back of his head, deftly working the thin elastic up and over. Allowing the mask to drop down into his lap on the bed.

You felt your breath catch in your chest, taking him in fully for the first time in months. The scars were still prevalent, decorating his features in a macabre way but the face you’d first fallen in love with was still there. You let your fingers caress the side of his face, exploring his hair line, then resting on his cheek. He leaned into the contact eyes fully closing in bliss. You couldn’t drag your eyes from his face. Your heart felt like it wanted to burst out of your chest, he was still just as handsome as you remembered.

Your foreheads were touching again, feeling skin to skin contact with him once more brought an overwhelming feeling of peace. When your eyes drifted up you saw his were open too. The pull towards one another felt natural, both of you drifting closer until you felt his lips settle on yours. It started soft, testing the waters, his warm breath on your cheek, the taste of his lips filling you with warmth. It felt just like it used to and you sighed into the kiss, letting out a soft moan at the contact, this seemed to urge Billy on further.

The kiss turned hungry, both of you dying for oxygen that seemed to only be found in the others mouth. Your hands wound around the base of his neck before scaling upwards, nails scratching through his close cropped hair. He let out a groan in response, tongue searching your mouth, covering every inch of space he could find. You leaned forward as far as you could go, realizing your belly had bumped up against the side of his hospital bed, preventing you from covering him any more.

After a long and yet too short span of time your lips separated, Billy letting out a needy sound at the lack of contact that you couldn’t help but chuckle at.

“I have to go.” You resigned yourself to saying.

“I…know.” He truly looked pathetic in bed now, sad, shoulders slumping watching you ungracefully bend to pick up your things. “Come back tomorrow?” He asked, hating how much it sounded like begging, but he was. He was begging you. You moved over to him planting another kiss chastely on his lips, knowing if you did anything more you wouldn’t be able to leave .

“Yes. Oh and Billy?” His focus hadn’t moved from you even as you began crossing the floor. “You are a good kisser.”

That night you tossed and turned, all you could think about was his lips on yours, dying for his touch, then mercifully sleep claimed you.

Billy’s lips were on you again, forcefully, beautifully. Your back pressed up against the cold metal of his car door. His hands snaked around lower back , pulling you more flush to his body and you moaned at the feeling of your breasts achingly pressed right to his chest. Nipples stiffening behind your shirt, he groaned feeling your heated arousal spiking as well. You both fumbled to open the car door, falling into the back seat, knowing you’d never be able to wait until you got home.

Billy nipped at your neck, finding the soft spot by your collar bone biting down and squeezing the flesh of your hips when you cried out in pain and pleasure. His hands ran up your thighs, rucking your dress up higher and higher, rough calloused palms easing up your inner thighs. You whimpered opening your legs further to give him more access to you but he moved his hands back down causing you to whimper at the teasing.

“Ah ah ah no need to be greedy sweet thing.” He purred, hands delving behind your knees and moving you over his right thigh, setting you down so you were sitting right on his thick muscled quad. You moaned at the pressure, sinking down onto his leg, your aching clit begging for more. “Ride it.” He bounced his thigh upwards, making you cry out, clenching the front of his dress shirt tighter.

“You’re being mean.” You ground out, a half smirk playing on your lips. But you couldn’t help it, giving in and grinding against his thigh, letting broken whimpers escape as he watched you completely enthralled.

“Mean? Baby girl…I’m about to give you the fuckin world.” His hands gripped tighter on your hips forcing you downwards on your next thrust, crying out as pleasure sparked up through your core. Your panties were soaked through and useless, arousal dripping out of you and coating his pant leg. Billy groaned, a low deep rumble in his chest as he realized how wet you’d become. “Making a fuckin mess on my expensive slacks?” He surged forward claiming a searing kiss on your swollen lips, hand pulling at the strands at the base of your neck. “So good for me.”

Your hip movements were becoming erratic and you knew you were close, each drag of the fabric against your center was pulling soft whines from you, Billy’s hands moved in time with your hips, pushing and pulling, milking the orgasm out of you in a way only he could. His eyes were shining watching you as you broke apart, you let out a strangled cry feeling your orgasm rip through you , as he lifted his thigh a few more times increasing the pressure as you rode out the waves of bliss.

Collapsing against his chest, pulling you more fully into his lap, brushing the sweaty strands of hair from your forehead, planting a kiss there for good measure. “Come on sweetheart, let’s go home and get you washed up. Then we can continue where we left off.” You hummed softly against him, burying your face into his shoulder breathing in deeply the scent of him.

You rolled over hearing the sound of your alarm clock going off, groaning at the intrusion to your perfectly lovely dream. You could feel how wet you were, just thinking about him, rubbing your thighs together, looking for some motivation to get up and going. You felt a sharp kick alerting you that you weren’t the only one awake. Running a hand over your swollen stomach, only to be greeted by another swift kick up by your ribs. “Ow! Ok that one hurt.” You grunted, reaching for your phone, hoping you could convince Karen to meet you out for lunch before you headed to the hospital.

“Hello!”

“Wow you sound cheery.” You laughed after Karen picked up on the first ring.

“I’ve been up for hours and have had at least 3 cups of coffee. Ya know work stuff.”

“Lunch? Sounds like you deserve a break.”

“Yes please, meet in an hour..?” You agreed, hastily taking shower and throwing on a dress since it actually looked like the weather would cooperate today.

Meeting up at the restaurant, your mind still thinking about yesterday with Billy, how excited you were to see him today. Karen squealed when she saw you, you returned the sentiment. She’d been working like crazy recently and you hadn’t seen her since your last pizza date.

“Look at you!!” She exclaimed, Hands immediately going for your bump and giving it a rub for good luck. “How are you feeling? You look great!” You found heat rising in your face at her words, still getting used to this new body and each day was a new adventure.

“I feel great, but I need to sit and I need food.”

“Duh, of course you do!” She joked, putting an arm around your shoulders and opening the door for you both to step inside.

After a huge meal that left both of you a tad tired Karen looked over at you, face suddenly more serious,

“So I found some stuff. On Rawlins and Billy’s dealings with him.” Your heart skipped a beat, causing you to sit up straighter.

“Shit. Was it…was it bad?” She shook her head.

“Rawlins always wanted Billy to take the fall. Had asked Billy to kill someone who posed a threat but I guess he refused, when he did Rawlins made plans to remove Billy from his list of confidants and have him taken care of. He also was the one who carried out the execution of Frank’s family. Apparently Billy was supposed to be a part of the team that did it but he wasn’t there.”

Your mind was moving a mile a minute, trying to process everything Karen had shared.

“Was he just…not there.. How did you learn all this?”

“I don’t know for sure if he tried to stop it or if he just wasn’t there.” Karen admitted defeatedly. Your excitement sank at that , you needed to know more. “I’ll obviously keep searching for more, if there is anything. Aaaaand I can’t tell you. It’s probably best you don’t know.” You nodded, catching her drift. After a second she responded- “How…how did your meeting with frank go?”

“As well as could be expected. He obviously doesn’t believe Billy is guilt free. I…I want to give that to him, for all of us. To prove that our friend,” you paused for a moment, "and my child’s father isn’t this horrible person the world has made him out to be.” Karen nodded, eyes full of understanding and sympathy.

“I’ll keep looking.” You took her hand in both of yours, squeezing them in thanks.

“Be careful Karen. Maybe it’d be best if I do some digging myself.”

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel #frank castle #ben barnes #ben barnes character #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #punisher fanfiction

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt 3)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Eventual Smut, Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

You shivered at the cold goo applied to your belly, watching the wand wave over the small bump starting to form. Trying to fix your attention on the screen instead of focusing on how cold and uncomfortable you felt. But soon a little flicker popped up, a frantic but strong beating noise.

“There it is.” Your doctor turned a few knobs on the machine, fine tuning the picture in frame, a small form took shape with the small beating heart loud and clear over the speaker. You stared at the image for what felt like an eternity feeling a welling up of emotion in your chest. “Did you want to know if it’s a boy or girl?”

You did want to know, but you weren’t quite ready yet. That made it too…real. Not that this moment wasn’t real enough. But after knowing the gender came picking out names, nursery items, birthing classes, all things you should be doing with the father. The father that couldn’t remember your first date let alone the night this baby was created.

“Not yet. But maybe eventually?” Your doctor smiled nodding her head as she took a few screenshots of the screen, printing one for you in the process. “We can set up your next appointment. Have you been feeling alright…for the most part?” People in the hospital talked, HIPA violations be damned, she knew that you often sat bedside for the sorry case two floors up. She never pushed or inquired about the father, but you could tell she had an inkling. 

You pulled your shirt back down after she rubbed the remaining gel off your abdomen, tucking your sweatshirt around yourself tightly, pushing up from the table.

“I’ve been alright. Doing my best to ah, relax, but you know how it goes.” She clicked her tongue at you.

“I know how things can be, but I’m going to email you some more documents to read over regarding the next steps.” Documents that you could only assume were presented to couples, but you’d have the joy to read over on your own.

Gathering your things you made your way to the elevators, wondering if Billy would even be awake. Stepping off the elevator you wandered slowly down the hall before approaching his room. Patting your bag, making sure the little ultrasound photo was tucked tightly away.

Billy sat upright in bed, at least as best he could in the strapping they had him confined in. His eyes were closed but you knew he was awake, as soon as you set your bag down his eyes popped open, fixing you with his gaze. There was something else in his eyes today, was it- warmth? You weren’t sure but you wanted to believe it was, to grasp to that hope.

“You’re early today.” He mused, following your movements as you pushed a chair close to his bedside and sat down.

“ I was downstairs for something,” his eyes went wide and he shuffled as much as he could to sit up straighter leaning towards you.

“You’re sick.” Oh if he only knew the half of it.

“No no, I’m fine.” He eased up but only by a fraction, still pinning you with his gaze.

“Then why were you here?” Not an aggressive question by any means, there’s no edge to his voice, but pure curiosity, concern even.

“I just had a check up is all.” You adjust your sweatshirt as subtly as you could. “Plus it worked out cause I was planning on coming to see you anyways.” Those obsidian eyes trailed over your face, as if searching for deceit, knowing it was there in some regard but not sure how. You knew that look, whenever you’d try to plan surprise parties for him or any small notion of something being hidden he’d sniff it out in a heartbeat.

While this Billy might not have those events to reference back to, his instincts were still the same. “How is your therapy going?” Changing the subject, hoping that would work.  He sighed, eyes flashing to the table that his sessions were always conducted at.

“I don’t know. I feel like sometimes I’m getting close to something but then it vanishes yet again.” Your heart sunk at his words, feeling tenderness for his plight, not even imagining how awful it must be to forget, everything, not having your own memories of better days to comfort you. 

“It’ll come to you. I know it will.” It didn’t feel like a lie, but even if it was it made you feel better saying it, maybe it’d have the same effect for him.

“Why hasn’t Frank come to see me?” You prayed your face didn’t look as sick as you suddenly felt. Was it the question or the morning sickness again, you couldn’t tell but suddenly felt very weak.

“I ugh…I don’t know. I-“ haven’t talked to him? Hate him at this point? For ruining your life and his friends? You didn’t quite know how to respond. “Maybe-“ before you could finish your sentence your stomach turned and you couldn’t ignore the sudden need to free your breakfast. Leaping up and jumping into the bathroom on the side of the room making it just in time to revisit your eggs and fruit from this morning.

“Fuck.” You swore, spitting into the toilet once more before flushing it and realizing this was gonna be a hard one to talk yourself out of, considering how you’d just lied and said you were healthy and well. Returning closely to your seat ignoring best you could the stare Billy was giving you.

“You are sick”

“I’m getting over the flu. A nasty bug that’s been going around.” Good this was good. “Maybe I’m not fully healed. I should leave just in case I’m still contagious.”

“So You’re going to lie to me too.” Bad this was bad.

“No I'm not I-“

But he wasn’t looking at you anymore, refusing, his body stiffened, you could feel the anger bubbling up.

“Hello Billy. How are-“ Krista. Walked In and paused seeing you sitting by his bed. Perfect. You could tell she was displeased with your presence. “Oh, y/n. I didn’t expect to see you here.” You stood up so abruptly that the chair screeched almost falling over. It definitely brought Billy’s attention back to you two. His eyes darting back and forth between you both.

“I was just leaving.” You felt your hands clench into fists, you didn’t feel like being patient or kind anymore, thinking it best to just leave before you really did snap.

“Hey, can I speak with you a minute outside?” Krista dropped her bag onto the chair you’d just evacuated, adjusting her blazer and motioning to the door.

“Sure.” Clipped. Frustrated. The two of you stepped out, you couldn’t even look back to see what Billy was doing. You didn’t even care at this point. 

“I thought you were going to give it a rest visiting for a while?” She asked once the door was closed behind you.

“I’ve seen him a couple times more recently and he was fine.” She seemed taken aback.

“You’ve seen him multiple times recently? And you didn’t think to clear that with me?” You were on edge, seething, wishing you could slap the dumb look off her face, therapist helping him be damned, all you’d done was the bare minimum and you were being talked down to. Like a child. And you’d had more than enough of your fill for the day, maybe forever.

“GOD FORBID, I want to visit my boyfriend.” Krista's face turned more angry as well, you’d pressed a button, one you had guessed might be there but didn’t want to test, seeing as this person was supposedly helping his healing, but fuck it. And fuck her.

“You’re being irrational. He needs space, he needs time.”

“Yeah we’ll I’m the horrible fucking person who wants to see the father of my child more than once a month. You’re right I’m SO irrational.” And you were done, you could feel your heart rate skyrocket and remembered Karen’s warnings about stress, so you turned on your heel and marched down the hospital hallway. Savoring that split second reaction you saw on Krista's smug face, the sheer horror and outrage that she’d need to reign in for her and Billy’s session would get you through the evening.

Maybe even into next week. Today you were done, tomorrow was another day. Maybe you did need a break. Something about getting an ultrasound then going to visit Billy directly after made you feel raw. Then getting a slap on the wrist for craving some form of intimacy, even in just the form of talking rubbed you the wrong way.

You hadn’t been in in a week. Billy sat in bed, or by the window when allowed, but every time movement was at the door he’d immediately look over hoping to see your face. When it wasn’t you he’d return to whatever thought he’d had before, usually kicking himself for losing his temper with you.

He’d just started to remember your name. He’d repeat it to himself silently in his head, over and over to sink it in. The pretty girl with the nice voice, the sweet smile, who smelled nice and when she was there his days seemed less scary. He might not know who he is but he knew a beautiful girl when he saw one. You claimed to be just friends but he knew there had to be more.

He could feel it deep down. He didn’t miss the longing in your eyes one day, when he caught you staring at him during a break in your reading. It was in your voice, like honey, a softness that felt familiar. Your scent, citrus and sunshine, blanketed him when you’d sit close by and it was all he needed to close his eyes and fade into it. If you were truly just friends he was a damn fool. To pass up an opportunity to have you, to touch that soft skin that called to him everyday you came by.

“Billy, you seem distracted.” That was putting it mildly. Krista stared at him over the edge of her clipboard. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“What did you say to her?” He remembered them in the hallway, he couldn’t hear what was said but raised voices came through. Then Krista had come in and he’d had the shortest therapy session yet, before she all but stormed out only to come back the next day and seem somewhat composed.

“ I just reminded her that even though she means well sometimes her presence isn’t helpful to your healing.” Billy shot up, the chair toppling over behind him, knocking into the wall loud enough to alert the guards outside who ran in, poised to grapple him to floor if need be. Krista held up a hand to them.

“Why would you do that?” Anger piercing his voice. “Her being here hasn’t changed anything.” She stood as well, barely even coming close to his chin.

“Exactly. Maybe her being here isn’t triggering anything so therefore - “

“Therefore you get to decide who comes to see me? Who I can talk to? Am I your patient or your prisoner?” He took a step towards her and the guards immediately jumped to wrangle his arms behind his back, moving him back towards his bed.

Billy didn’t fight them, he’d rather be tied down and her leave than free and having to deal with someone else lying to his face under the guise of being a helper.

“You won’t tell me about her and I want to know why I-“ blinding pain stabbed him behind the eyes, causing him to fling a hand to the left side of his head, crumpling over the bed. The guards didn’t seem to care and haphazardly shoved him back onto the mattress, pulling the closures over him.

“I don’t bring it up because of this.” She motioned towards him laying on the bed eyes forced shut waiting for the pain to disperse. “I care about you. I care about you getting back on track.” He fixed her with a poisonous stare.

“I want you to leave.” Krista gazed back at him, defiance in her stance but after a few moments she rescinded, tucking the clipboard under her arm and tossing her bag over her shoulder.

“Fine. I’ll leave, but I will be back. I’m not giving up on you.” A fake smile danced in her lips, a façade, Billy knew one when he saw it. He had gaps in his shattered skull but he didn’t forget his training, his years of fine tuning his perception, of being able to identify an enemy when he saw one, and today she wasn’t his ally. Not by any means.

You turned around in front of the mirror in your apartment, it’d been over 4 months and you hadn’t moved any of Billy’s things from where he’d last left them. You smoothed a hand over your stomach, noticing how hard it was going to be to conceal your secret going forward. A round curve was becoming more prominent, and with it getting warmer baggy sweaters and jackets would look out of place.

The reality that you’d either have to fess up or avoid seeing him weighed on you. Did he even deserve to be kept in the dark? Karen’s guidance ran through your head. Billy is strong. He could handle it. He could at least handle knowing you two were together. You felt your mind starting to go into overdrive before your phone beeped. You picked it up expecting to see Karen’s witty response to an earlier text and almost dropped the device in the process.

Frank. Frank had texted you. “Meet me at our diner? 10.” You wanted to respond with, “why? So you can finish me off too?” But thought better of it, instead sitting on your bed head in hands. Dropping your phone to the side on the mattress. Relaxing just didn’t seem in the cards for you tonight. At the rate you were going, maybe not ever. Dialing a few numbers you heard the dial tone until,

“Hey!” Karen.

“Hey… what are you doing right now?” You asked, fidgeting with the hem of your top.

“Just grabbed a glass of wine. About to sit and watch some mindless tv, wanna join? With the I- ugh- tv part?”

“Frank just texted me asking to meet.” A moment of silence.

“Holy shit.”

“I don’t know if I should..” you wanted answers but this was also the guy who destroyed his best friend, what did that bode for said friends girlfriend you wondered.

“Did you, want me to come with?” You considered her offer for a minute, but realized if frank was texting you and you alone and someone else came along, even someone he knew, it might be cause for abandoning the meeting.

“No I think I need to go alone, but it’ll be at our diner.”

“I’ll be close by.” She didn’t need to go into details, but you trusted her and knew that if you needed help for whatever reason she’d be there. Deep down you didn’t think Frank would reach out to only hurt you. He was…had been your friend. Right?

You drove to the diner, arriving by 9:30 so you could go inside and grab a seat of your choosing. Walking in-you quickly realized that that idea was not unique to you. Straight ahead at the end of a line of booths was Frank, sitting, his eyes transfixed on you as you made your way over to the table. You wished this was under different circumstances, that you could smile at him, hug your friend, but it was hard to deny the anger that you had roiling just under the surface.

Being as cordial as you could to the waitress, while gritting your teeth ordering a water while Frank asked for a black coffee. He was the first to speak,

“Never knew you to turn down a coffee.”

“Yeah well things have changed,” he nodded solemnly. Not saying anything further. “ What do you want exactly, Frank? And why reach out now, of all times?” Pleasantries be damned. He signed, rubbing the bridge of his nose, eyes scrunched in thought,

“I know you might not understand why I did what I did..”

“No I don’t think you understand why you did what you did-“

“He killed my wife and children.” Frank hissed across the table at you, the abrupt blunt response edging you back into your seat.

“Do you know that he did that for sure?” He shook his head, almost a look of insanity in his eyes.

“I have enough proof to know, plus him trying to take me out on a carousel didn’t seem like too much of an admission of guilt huh?”

“There’s more to the story. I know there is. Rawlins was a piece of shit and he was taking advance of Billy somehow, I just know-“

“ Listen I know it’s hard to hear this shit y/n. But the truth is Billy was lying to all of us.”

“I know you’re too involved to take a step back and I’m sorry Frank, I can’t even begin to understand..” you paused in your sentence, hand unconsciously drifting to your belly, maybe you COULD understand to some effect. “But Karen and I haven’t given up and she’s digging up dirt that I know exits. If you’d just”

He groaned, leaning back and wiping a hand over his eyes. “You up and dragged Karen into this bullshit?” You felt the simmering rage start to overflow.

“If you didn’t notice SHE’S the only one to stick around!” He recoiled at your raised voice. The punisher, cringing at you, that was rich. “She believes me! She remembers the Billy we all knew and loved and unlike his best friend she is willing to accept that maybe there’s something we’re missing,”

Frank rested his forehead against his palms, elbows braced on the table as the poor waitress hesitantly refilled his coffee cup. Your water sat untouched.

“I’m pregnant.” The words just somehow fell out of your mouth, eyes looking down at the fists in your lap, clenching and unclenching, fighting for some control. Frank’s hands dropped to the table in a loud thump that made their waitress look up and over. His eyes were wide, eyebrows drawn up, you’d never seen him look this shocked, this forlorn before,

“Is it-“ He hesitated, mouth drawn tight, choosing his next words carefully no doubt.

“It’s Billy’s if that’s what you were going to ask.” You bit your lower lip hard, praying for the stinging behind your eyes to disappear. With that he took in a deep breath, leaning back in the booth, rubbing at his eyes in thought. “I’m about 19 weeks.” Frank could do the math, you could see it register on his face.

“Does he…know?”

“No. He doesn’t even remember that he and I were together.” He could barely meet your eyes after that. He knew what he done at the time was what he needed to do but the conflict of hurting you in the process was also weighing heavily on his mind, you could tell.

“I know he hurt you, I know you two may never be what you were before, but I’m asking you to find it in your heart somewhere to be open to the possibility that maybe we don’t have the full story.” You managed to get out, your heart racing a mile a minute. “Why…why did you reach out to me?”

Another long uncomfortable pause before he let out a sharp breath. Finally raising his eyes to meet yours.

“I wanted you to know this had nothing to do with you. Billy was my brother, and you were just as much a sister to me. But what happened to me, what I’ve been through? You don’t come back a whole man after that- when I found out Billy had betrayed me…I lost it. You don’t know how much I wish you’re right, that there’s something else but what if there isn’t? No matter what, it doesn’t bring my wife and kids back.”

Your head dropped in acknowledgment, you knew it wasn’t fair, that the tragedy that your friend had been through was more than a person should be forced to bear. There was no going back to normal but the inkling, the small spark of hope that Billy’s name could be cleared to the world but more importantly to those closest to him, maybe this was all worth it. The stress, the anxiety, to be free from his past once and for all.

You stood up from the table, adjusting your top and jacket before turning to Frank. “You know how to reach me.” He nodded as you began to move away.

“Hey y/n.” You stopped in your path, taking him in again sitting in the booth, polishing off the last of his coffee. “I know things are shaky, and I don’t deserve your compassion, I get that, but I still want what’s best for you.” He inclined his head before nodding towards your stomach. “You and the kid.” You blinked in recognition of what he was saying before turning once more and walking into the night.

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #marvel the punisher #marvel fanfiction #marvel #ben barnes #ben barnes character #frank castle

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments (Pt.8)

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Smut (18+), Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If I missed any feel free to let me know)

He remembered running. Nostrils flared, oxygen stinging in his chest as he kicked open the front door, searching everywhere. Frank was no where to be seen. Neither was Maria. He yelled out for them. To the kids. Silence was all that answered him.

Checking each room, turning the whole place upside down in the process, before dropping his head into his hands. Letting out a frustrated shout and knocking a lamp off the side table before storming out of the house once more.

The morning was too perfect, too pretty. People laughed and chatted as he moved past them, running, seeming a madman. Barely a cloud in the sky.

 Turning the corner he swore he saw a familiar face, before it disappeared down an alleyway. One of Rawlins men. Feeling the blood drain from his face, barreling into the front doorway only to be met with more silence. 

Then he saw the blood.

All the blood. Pooled in places and still flowing in others. He had been too late.

“You think you’re the top dog.” Rawlins had said to him once, when Billy had refused to take out a target. “But you’re just a mongrel mutt, one mistake away from being put down.”

Crying out, begging for there to be a response, there weren’t even any bodies, but there was far too much blood for there to be survivors. His best friend. The only family he ever knew. Dead. He’d tried to stop it and was lead down a cold trail, he’d tried to stand up to the man in charge and fell short. 

Was he always destined to be just a hair short, almost but not quite enough?

How many more people would he have to take out, how many more secrets  would he have to hide, how many more lies could he speak until it was too much? Until it came back to you. Until they hurt you.

Billy startled awake in the back seat of the car, noticing you were asleep as well, head resting on his shoulder. Swallowing thickly before watching out the windows as Karen drove you all out of the direct city, into the outskirts of town. There was apparently a safe house for them all to stay at until they could decide how to proceed. Billy hated the idea of him staying out here and you going back to the apartment alone, unprotected.

Sure you’d been alone for the months he was in the hospital but now that he was out lord knows who was aware of his wanderings. You made a drowsy noise, nestling your head further into the crook of his shoulder brows furrowing in sleep. He let a hand drift up, pushing your hair off to the side and tickling along the side of your jaw. Your eyes didn’t open, your breathe only seemed to deepen.

“She’s become quite the deep sleeper.” Billy mentioned, eyes never leaving your face.

“She’s been tired a lot. From stress, and well pregnancy does a number on ya too.” Karen responded, eyes looking back in the rear view. “We’ve had our fair share of sleepovers over the past few months.” She added, looking back to the road, focusing on each turn and traffic light with precision.

He missed watching you this way, unbothered by recent struggles, calm, resting. He couldn’t remember everything still, but he recalled a few long nights at the office and coming home to seeing you passed out on the couch waiting for him to get back.

 He’d slowly bend down to your level, placing kiss after kiss on your forehead, eyelids, nose, lips, chin ,until the tickling groggily woke you up and you’d smile up at him. Or some days he let you sleep, carrying you to the bedroom bridal style, tucking you under the covers, just staring at you.

How did such a beautiful creature choose each day to be with him? Knowing bits of his past and still seeing him as redeemable, as a man not a monster. Looking at him and loving him, not for his money or standing but for his very essence as a person. He hadn’t done much in his life that he felt  truly proud of, but finding and managing to keep you was the pinnacle of it all. Spying a small movement from your belly, letting his hand drift over the spot savoring the responding motions. Well at least now he had two things he could be proud of.

The car pulled into a long driveway of an apartment complex. Billy didn’t recognize it, watching as Karen checked her phone, on the alert as she pulled into a marked spot and killed the engine.

“We’re on the 3rd floor.” She said turning around to face you both in the backseat. “I’ll grab your bag if you get her?” She laughed, hearing you let out a small snore. Billy leaned forward kissing your forehead before placing a hand on your shoulder, gently nudging you awake. Your eyes fluttered open, half lidded and groggy, releasing a long yawn.

“Are we there?” You asked, blinking a few more times in the hopes of brushing off the cloud of sleep.

“Sorry to wake you.” He replied, unbuckling both your seat belts before checking the surrounding area. Once he deemed it safe Billy opened the door, sliding out and walking over to your side.

You moved best you could, letting him take your arm as you stood, watching Karen unlock the back door to the apartment building, motioning for you two to move inside. The three of you moved up the staircase as quietly and swiftly as possible. You were gripping the hand rail an embarrassing amount, feeling really winded, half wanting to just tell them you’d be right behind them but knowing neither would allow it.

After a long walk down the hallway and a few turns you reached the threshold of the apartment Karen had the key to, clicking it open and pushing the door just enough for you to sneak in, Billy following right behind. A light was already on, and a hooded figure stood to the side of it.

Billy pushed you behind him, eyes searching for any type of weapon.

“Wait!” Karen shouted, rushing in to stand between Billy and the other man, who turned just enough for the light to catch his face.

 Frank.

“You set us up?!” You exclaimed, stepping forward , stricken.

“No! Please just listen.” She put her hands up, eyes darting between the three surrounding people. Frank removed the hood from his sweatshirt, taking a seat on the sofa, far too casual for Billy’s liking. Feeling the blood pounding in his ears, trying to make some sense of the situation. “I’ve been keeping Frank in the loop, and when y/n found all your hard drives with the emails and damning evidence of a cover up…he deserved to know the truth.”

You glanced between each face in the room, your old friend group, you half wanted to pretend these weren’t the circumstances bringing you all together.

“Karen, you should have said something.” You said, taking a step forward only to have Billy’s arm still braced in front of you protectively.

She shook her head. “It wasn’t until just yesterday when you brought all the extra files over that we had something truly solid to go off of. The emails from Rawlins’ encrypted server, we needed someone to debug them and Frank was the only  one who knew someone capable of hacking into the backend.” What she said made sense, half the thumb drives and mass of info you’d sifted through had bits missing, things you knew would complete the paper trail, it was only by some dumb luck or technical snafu that you’d found as much as you did previously.

“Rawlins has been setting Billy up to take the fall for their operation for years, he only needed him for one last thing..” you noticed how her eyes struggled not to look over at Frank. How their former boss needed one to take out the other, but when Billy had resisted it forced him to take things into his own hands. 

Now thinking Frank and his whole family dead the last nail in the coffin was to let Billy hang, accuse him of murdering his former marine friend, bring to light all the other sloppy crimes Bennett and he had forced Russo to carry out. Leaving them with both clean bills in the eyes of the news media and government.

God knows what their plan was after this. What new recruits they’d force to carry out more heinous crimes, scrub the roster clean once again for anyone who dare defy their insatiable hunger for power. You felt sick watching all the pieces fall into place, moving around Billy’s arm to go sit on the recliner across from Frank. Billy watched you like a hawk, keeping Frank in his periphery the whole time.

When it was clear Frank had no ill intentions- as of right now, Billy moved over to stand beside you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. Realizing the gravity of the situation now. That Billy couldn’t truly be free to live unless Rawlins and Bennett were taken out, this time for good. You struggled to reign in your emotions, which you noticed was getting harder and harder by the day.

You’d both been through so much already, but realizing that was just the surface of it all, that your boyfriend, had been black mailed for years to carry out the dirty work of his boss. He may have had his own company, be the ceo, but he was never really free and the dawning of that made your heart break all over again.

The reality was that if these two men weren’t handled, you….your friend group in entirety would never know peace. Your child wouldn’t either. You crumbled as that thought sunk in for you, a few tears beginning to stray, sliding down the side of your cheek. Billy immediately was crouched beside you trying to provide some semblance of comfort that you both knew he couldn’t really give right now.

“So we kill Rawlins.” Billy said, turning back to Karen, halfway to Frank.

“No. I kill Rawlins.” Frank responded from his seat.

“You both need to take the two of them out.” Karen replied, sighing as she landing in a huff on the last open chair, rubbing at the bridge of her nose. “And I release the damning evidence to the news through more… discreet avenues. There was a drive y/n brought over that had everything I needed to seal it all together.”

She pulled her bag around, shuffling through it while you tried to choke back your remaining sobs. Hoping you didn’t look like a crazy person, barely hanging on by a thread. A few resounding kicks in your abdomen brought your attention back to the moment. You let out a sigh, managing to take a few deeper breaths, letting your hand drift to your rounded front. Billy nuzzled at the hair by your neck, eyes watching your hand move back and forth absentmindedly while Karen poured out the contents of her bag in the floor.

Frank watched you both with an unreadable expression. Eyes clearly taking in your new rounded shape. You weren’t totally sure but could almost see a softness in his gaze but you became distracted when you heard Karen let out a distressed noise.

“What’s wrong?” You asked watching her continue to mess around with the contents of her bag.

“Which drive was the one with all the most recent Rawlins and Bennett conversations? The ones that had Billy cc’d on a few on the chains?” You frowned trying to remember.

“It was navy, with a black stripe on the side?” You closed your eyes trying to recall, then realizing that you’d shoved it back in your pocket when you’d seen Billy step around the corner at Karen’s house, all other thoughts forgotten. “Fuck….it’s at our apartment.” You ground out, silently admonishing yourself.

“Damnit.” Karen swore, resting her head in her hands. You felt terrible.

That was the drive that had given you your break, had evidence that was needed if they wanted to stand a chance in court or on the news.

“Well then we’ll go back and get it.” You said, shifting slowly into a standing position.

“Yeah, let’s go.” Billy might not have remembered each minute detail but he knew if you and Karen were adamant about this then it was important.

“No you can’t come with. We just got you to the safe house.” Karen said pointedly at Billy. You squeezed his arm in reassurance.

“I’m not going to let you go alone.”

“Karen will go with her.” Frank responded, rubbing the bridge of his nose. Billy locked eyes with his former best friend, nostrils flared, a slightly wild look in his eyes. You weren’t sure if leaving these two alone was a good idea. Karen seemed to read your mind.

“You boys will behave.” Not a request, and the two seemed to find something else to distract their eyes, like children behind reprimanded. Karen always had a way of keeping those in line around her.

“We’ll be quick.” You said, getting onto your tip toes to plant a long kiss to Billy’s lips, enjoying the taste of him and hating the idea of leaving him here. Frank had no reason to get into an altercation with Billy, he benefitted from not making you or Karen mad, having access to Rawlins now was invaluable to him. Still you hesitated, holding Billy’s hand as Karen gathered only the necessities before the two of you were off once more.

“Ok let’s go.” She managed, face red as she began to get her keys out. Billy squeezed your hand tighter. You turned to gaze up at him more clearly, knowing the squeeze wasn’t out of his discomfort staying here, but rather concern- of you being on your own...again. It had taken so long to get back to here, back together, his memories starting to take root, the puzzle pieces finding their rightful places.

You followed closely behind Karen making haste in the hopes that as soon as the drive was retrieved the sooner Karen and Frank could call upon their various contacts and then whatever needed to be done to put an end to Rawlins and Bennett could take place. You shuddered thinking about it. They were horrible scumbags and deserved what was coming to them, but the idea of your former friend and boyfriend taking part in silencing them, still unsettled you.

Billy took an uncomfortable seat across from Frank, sizing him up, searching his heavily bandaged brain for more memories of his friend and him. Frank simply leaned back in his seat, almost bored.

“What are we supposed to say to one another?” Billy managed to say after a few more drawn out moments. Frank merely shrugged.

“Whatever you want to say I suppose.”

“The fact that we’re not killing each other right now leads me to believe that Karen has fully filled you in on everything.”

Frank made a gruff noise, adjusting his seated position. That was as much a yes as Billy could glean. 8 months ago Billy would’ve jumped up, gone toe to toe with him, claim an I told you so, anything. Yelling, screaming at how his former best friend would rather beat him half to death than give him the benefit of the doubt. To listen to Billy’s side of the story, that he cried at the thought of his friend being taken away from him as well.

It all seemed so….pointless now. Being right. Here he was scarred, putting together jagged edges of his past, bits and pieces of his past with you starting to come back, yearning to remember before he…before he became a father. The thought still felt unfathomable to him.

A little baby. He couldn’t hide the smile playing in his lips. The week before he’d fought with Frank, when things didn’t seem like they’d change so - drastically, he had been ring shopping. Planning to propose. He couldn’t recall which stores he had visited, but he could remember the fragments of excitement as he thought of spending forever with you. Then everything went to shit, the ring he assumed sat hidden someplace his former self thought was safe in your apartment.

As he started to get deeply lost in thought he heard frank clear his throat.

“Y/n, she looks… well.” An attempt at conversation.

“Yes. She does.” Billy paused in thought. “She will be a great mother.” Frank made a throaty sound of agreement, pausing, unsure how to proceed. Billy could sense the hesitation. “I know it’s mine.” He confirmed the question that seemed to hang in the air, regardless of the intimacy you two had just shared. At that Frank eased up a slight amount, a look crossed his face, nostalgia.

“I’ll be honest I never thought you’d be going down the family road. That is until you both met.” Billy nodded, he understood, remembering his more youthful days, his time as a marine, as a stuck up ceo who thought he knew what he wanted. Beautiful women, scores of them, all ready and willing to do anything he asked.

And then you’d walked into the restaurant, arm in arm with Karen. So beautiful. A smile that stole the air from his lungs, eyes that shone ever so brightly when you laughed. He’d never believed perfection existed, and yet here you were in front of him, and perfection wasn’t good enough of a word to describe you.

“I may not remember everything, but I remember my love for her.”

“Ok so we’ll just run up, grab the drive and leave immediately. "Karen went over the thoughts in her head out loud.

“Oh, here I was thinking we were gonna go upstairs lounge around, eating chips and watching trashy tv for a while?”

“Not in the mood y/n” she responded through a tight lipped half smile.

You actually felt a lightness. You were so close. Billy was going to be cleared of all his charges and your child would have its father, and maybe, just maybe your friend group could be salvaged out of this.

“So I’m thinking we could send it to- hey, wait!”

You turned to see a tow truck backing up by Karen’s car, realizing she’d parked in a tow away zone in her haste. She turned back to you clearly frazzled.

“Go. I’ll run up and we meet back here in 5.” She nodded, running over to her car, hand waving to get the drivers attention.

You moved as swiftly as you could into the building and up the elevator, huffing and puffing as you pulled out your keys. Stepping into the place noting all the things that remained as you and Billy had left them. You felt a tinge of joy, realizing for the first time in months items had been moved by Billy, changes were made that hadn’t been changed since all those months ago when he’d left in the night.

You pressed a hand to your side, feeling frantic kicking from all your sudden movement and your little houseguest was not happy one bit. Trudging into your bedroom you moved a few of Billy’s fragrance bottles, and assorted items, finally finding the drive.

You gripped the thumb drive , moving to pocket it when you felt strong arms grab you from behind. Thrashing best you could, opening your mouth to scream as a dampened cloth covered your nose and mouth and then the world seemed to swim around you until eventually darkness closed in.

#billy russo #billy russo fanfic #Billy Russo x Reader #billy russo x female reader #billyrussoedit #Jigsaw!billyrusso #jigsaw!billyrusso x reader #the punisher #the punisher fanfiction #marvel fanfiction #marvel the punisher #marvel #frank castle #karen page #ben barnes character #ben barnes

[celestialspecial]

These Beautiful Torments

Recovering from the fight that has left him badly wounded both physically and mentally Billy tries to piece together the parts of his past. To remember who he is, or was, but it’s never that easy is it?

Warnings: Trauma, Depression, Eventual Smut, Violence, Unplanned Pregnancy- Canon? We don’t know her. (If i missed any feel free to let me know)

Writers Notes: Ok this is my first chapter testing the waters of an idea that I’d thrown out there a little while ago. Let me know if you like/want more- I have a few chapters planned but will determine if I continue it or not :) Love you all bunches. *cover image to come soon!

It was always the lights. Flashing. Blindingly bright. Music lilting in the background. And the taste of blood. Filling his mouth and dripping out onto the ground below. Then he saw the haunting visage, a skull, burned into his retinas, emblazoned under his eyelids by those damned lights.

Then he’d wake. Sometimes slowly but more often than not, jolted. Attempting to rise himself upright only to find his body strapped down to the bed he lay in. He was still here, in the hospital. How long had he been here? A sharp shooting pain streaked across his forehead, eyes scrunched shut pleading for the pain to cease.

It was the same thing over and over, day after day. He felt the maddening Groundhog Day taking its toll on his head. He loosed a puff of breath, condensation collecting on the back of his plastic mask. That was one of the first memories he had of this place.

 Seeing the absolute state of his face in the mirror when he’d regained consciousness had threatened to make him black out again. The scars, angry and red, crusted with healing blood, bruising, jagged, criss crossing his face over each prominent feature. Running shaky fingers over the raised edges, shouting in agony, real pain and mental anguish at his reflection. It wasn’t long before he received his “new” face. A white blank canvas, his new outward appearance, concealing the monster he’d become underneath.

 When the extent of his memory loss became apparent he was assigned a therapist. He knew she was the one who had suggested the mask for him, finding it placed on his bed after their first visit when he’d refused to meet her eyes.

 A cast of characters would come in and out throughout the day, some he was starting to recognize, the therapist, his doctor, the armed guards that would stand in the hallway, a short angry looking woman who would stand at the foot of his bed every so often and one more.

 She was there a lot in the beginning, then he heard his therapist having a conversation with her in the hallway, raised voices that he couldn’t quite make out what they were saying, and she stopped showing up so much anymore. She would be there maybe once a week. 

He’d feel pangs behind his eyes every time she’d walk in, trying to remember who she was. She didn’t say much, sometimes she’d read to him and he’d pretend to be sleeping, enjoying the sound of her voice. 

 It was soft, careful, moving over the words effortlessly. God why couldn’t he remember who she was? Her presence felt comforting, welcoming, but he could sense the edge in her voice sometimes. The way her eyes always looking worried, searching. Begging him for some recognition that he couldn’t give to her. 

 Krista, the woman putting him back together had asked her to leave one day when Billy had thrashed violently in his bed after yelling at her that he didn’t know who she was. Why was she there? Sometimes her presence would trigger anxiety and searing pain in his head when he thought too hard about her, searching the cracks in his broken brain for some semblance of recognition. When he’d pry too hard he’d crack and grow angry, shouting at the top of his lungs, causing the guards to come rushing in to restrain him further.

 Then she’d be escorted out, the first time fear plastered on her face, then another time fighting back tears. He’d grow angrier after, rage at himself, for not remembering, for having this person who felt like solace taken away and he was left alone in his room again with no comfort, no sweet voice reading to him.

 “Billy?” He looked up from where he’d been staring at the spot on the wall, mind racing. Krista stood at the foot of his bed, clipboard in hand. He cocked his head in question, instead of answering vocally. This seemed to irritate her. “Billy, you know who I am.” 

 “I do.” He responded, refusing to look into her eyes again, finding a fleeting feeling of joy when he sensed her frustration. It felt good, to just feel something. 

 “Did you sleep last night?”  He did, but just barely. 

 “I had the dream again…” he mumbled behind his mask. The same thing every night. The skull, the flashing, the painted horses. She hummed in thought, writing something onto her notepad before walking over to his side, ripping open the sides of the protective casing he was kept in. Allowing himself to push up off the bed to his full height, towering over the small woman in front of him, moving to the side table by the window. 

 His legs felt weak, the joints popping as he moved, a flash of rage at how pathetic he felt. He was a marine, first in, last out and now he had little strength to move and his bloodied healing face created another obstacle he didn’t want to tackle.

“How long?”

Krista paused gathering her papers, and pulling her chair out at the table across from him.

 “How long what, Billy?” He gazed up at her from under the mask, bottomless darkness.

“How long have I been here?” She tried to conceal her sigh, this was obviously something he had asked before, maybe multiple times.

 “It’s been a little over 3 months. You were in a coma for 6 weeks after your surgeries, but healing more and more every day.” 3 months. That seemed like so long and yet he knew that was hardly anytime at all. The fact he could even struggle over to the table to sit should be seen as a miracle, he should be grateful, but he wasn’t. 

 “And who is she-“ before he could go into more detail Krista cut him off.

 “We have a lot of work to do today Billy, maybe we should focus more on your health and regaining your memories.” 

 “Maybe it’ll trigger something-“ 

 “Billy.” She ground out. He felt the anger bubbling up in him again, how could she claim to care so much about helping him when she wouldn’t answer his questions? Eventually it faded, they went through the motions, him naming blue things around the room, going over what he could remember, de-escalating his rage.

 After an hour of struggling through his mind, sifting through random thoughts and trying to unpack the vast amount of confusion that was swirling in his head, you walked in. Billy’s head swiveled to the door, taking you in as you stood hesitantly just inside the room. A muscle ticked in Krista’s face as she looked you up and down. You stood in a large chunky sweater, holding a book to your chest, obviously not expecting to see them both sitting by the windows.

 “I-I’m sorry…I thought you might be done.” 

 “We’ll we’re not.” Krista bit out, and flinched realizing how abrupt she’d sounded and how “not professional” she sounded. “We’ll just be a little bit longer.”

 You shifted on your feet wondering if you should just leave, if you were going to cause more trouble than this was worth. Billy’s eyes never left you, watching each movement of yours, calculating, at least that was still the same. He might look at you with no recollection of who you were but his same old attentiveness and alertness remained behind those eyes. 

 “Sorry I’ll come back later.”

 “No. Stay.” Billy’s voice drifted over to you, it’d been so long since you’d heard him speak, at least to you. His gaze never wavered as you pulled a chair in from the hall and sat, waiting for them to wrap up. Running your fingers over the pages, trying to distract yourself in some way shape or form as they finished. You could feel him looking at you, even though you did everything to not meet them. Krista noticed how he stared as well, and was very displeased at the distraction. 

 “I think that’s enough for today.” She managed after a fruitless 10 minutes, packing up her items and guiding Billy back to the bed, as if on cue a guard walked in to readjust Billy’s handcuffs.

 “Is this really necessary?” You asked, watching the guard clasp the handcuff on one of Billy’s wrists, muffling a grunt and walking away, ignoring you completely.

 “It’s just protocol.” Krista explained, throwing her purse over her shoulder and walking towards the door herself. You sensed a smugness in her response, that she got to have full access to him while you had a finite version. “Try not to upset him.” She whispered passing by you swiftly, closing the door behind her as she went.

 You felt a moment of awkwardness being alone with him, it had been a few weeks since you’d been back, and last time he’d been sleeping, blissfully unaware of your presence. Billy just sat up in the hospital bed, barely adjusting himself, just …staring at you. You could see the wheels behind his head working at full steam, trying to figure you out. To recall something, anything. The hurt never seemed to get easier, the pain of not being remembered by the love of your life. 

 “I just ugh.. brought a book to read to you if you wanted or-“

 “Who are you?” You felt the weight of the question hit you harder than you know he intended. Krista had pointedly told you not to upset him, and after the last few outbursts of his she’d also advised you not to tell him about you two. That you’d been a couple, especially since just your presence and the confusion it caused seemed to tip him over the edge. The idea of him trying to remember a romantic relationship, let alone one that spanned years could potentially stunt his healing.

 “I’m a… friend.” 

“Oh..”you didn’t miss the subtle flash of disappointment in his face. The way his eyes flew from your face to focus on the wall instead. 

 “Did you want me to leave?” Please say no.

 “No. It’s okay.” You let out a sigh of relief you didn’t realize you were holding. Pulling the chair over, you opened the book and started reading, watching as he shifted in the bed, leaning back, either listening or deep in thought. You read on watching as the sun began to set, noticing that his eyelids were growing heavy, trying to hide your smirk at how cute he looked.

 It was easy to think back to happier times seeing him like this. To pretend you weren’t reading to him in a hospital bed that he was handcuffed to. To imagine he did remember you, that this was all just a bad dream and you’d wake up to him holding you when the sun rose tomorrow.

 “Billy?” You tested the waters to see if he was still awake. His eyes shot up, fixed on you, enough of a reply for you. “Billy it’s getting late…I should- I should go home. Are you going to be ok?” It was dumb to ask, you knew it was but it was subconscious at this point. You just needed him to know that you cared, even if he just thought you were a friend worried about his well-being.

 He nodded his head. “Yes.” He paused in thought for a moment. “Will you come back-tomorrow?” You felt your heart leap a little.

 “Would you like that?”

 Another pause, pondering deep down if he would actually like that.

 “Very much so.” 

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