Got a three-fer here for @mungrovebingos!
Summary: Billy's recovery has been a long process, and his spirits are low, even five years after his near death at Starcourt Mall. Eddie has just the thing to boost Billy's morale- and even Mother Nature decides to lend a hand.
Rating: Mature
Tags/Warnings: PTSD, Body Image Issues, Post injury recovery, scars, hospital stays, medical content, serious injuries, hurt/comfort.
Read here, or on AO3!
Once, Billy had thought that living was hard. That dying would have been easier.
The truth was, neither was easier.
Living was hard, because it meant dealing with Neil, protecting and caring for a step-sister he’d never asked for, while trying to graduate, get a job, and get the fuck out of the hellhole that was supposed to be home- and try not to be eaten alive by the guilt of leaving Max to Neil’s cruelty.
Nearly dying had been excruciating. The pain didn’t end, and death didn’t come for him; it had simply sat there on the sidelines and laughed at him, taunting him with release as he succumbed to a coma instead.
Billy had woken up to a world of pain like he’d never experienced.
His entire digestive system was rocked to its core from the chemicals he’d been forced to consume- as well as whatever that thing had pumped into him. His liver was on its last legs, and doctors had placed him on a transplant list in the likely chance it failed.
It was still nothing compared to the damage to his torso.
He had sustained a gaping wound in his chest, his sternum broken in two. Ribs on each side were broken, his spleen had ruptured- and removed while he was in his coma- and he’d lost a kidney.
He’d been placed in a medical coma for his own sanity- with only ten percent of his liver functioning, they couldn’t give him any pain medication stronger than Tylenol. To spare him the agony, they’d put him under, hooking him up to a ventilator, with a feeding tube that went directly into his small intestine, since his stomach was so damaged. He was also put on a high dose of daily antacids to help his stomach heal.
Meanwhile, his chest had been operated on multiple times, his sternum put back together with a titanium fixation plate, his ribs left to heal naturally, and the organs damaged beyond repair were removed- his spleen, the kidney, a large part of his liver, gall bladder, and what remained of his thymus.
The doctors had told Neil not to get his hopes up, that his chances of survival were less than twenty percent.
Neil didn’t come back after that last consult- in fact, he’d left Hawkins altogether.
To everyone’s surprise, Billy proved them wrong.
He lived. He healed.
He started to come back, his body pulling itself together. The ulcers in his stomach and the inflammation in his intestines healed. His bones slowly knit themselves together. His surviving kidney was tolerating the doubled load better than expected, and his liver was regenerating faster than anyone had dared to dream- going from ten percent functionality to nearly fifty.
Billy Hargrove would survive- like he always did. And like everything else in his life that had to be survived, his recovery would be long, painful, and slow.
All the while, in his coma, Billy dreamed of the Pacific Ocean. He dreamed of memories of cold water, seven foot waves, sandals covered in sand, and an orca calf with freckles on the white parts of its jaw and lower belly, leaping out of the water in a moment of pure, joyous freedom.
It was the snoring he’d woken up to. He’d opened his eyes, looked to his right, and found Eddie there in the chair, arms folded on Billy’s bed, head resting on them as he snored. His messy hair was a nightmare, and Billy could tell from a glance that Eddie hadn’t changed in days- he probably only left to change or shower when hospital staff told him to.
Billy had let out a soft snort through his nose- muffled by the cannula feeding oxygen into his nose- then put his hand on Eddie’s head, stroking the disaster that was his hair. Eddie had stirred, lifting his head, and his big brown eyes became even bigger, filling with tears, glittering in the fluorescent lights.
“Welcome back,” he’d said, tears spilling over cheeks that had the imprint of the sleeves of his jacket.
“What’d I miss?” Billy had asked, voice dry, hoarse and rough from months of being on a ventilator.
He was worried the feelings that had started to cultivate between them had faded, that Eddie might change his mind after seeing the damage done to him, but Eddie had let out a sobbing laugh, and without a word, simply leaned over and kissed him- answering any silent doubts Billy woke up with.
That was nearly five years ago, and after grueling physical therapy, after trauma therapy that was even harder, Billy was as close to being “back to normal” as he ever could be.
His chest was tight, stiff, the large scar was unpleasant to look at- shiny, gnarled tissue that was waxy, hard, and disconnected from his chest wall. It restricted his movements, made it hard to get comfortable when sleeping, and it constantly was shot through with jolts of electricity, or bouts of itching deep under the scar tissue.
The doctors assured him the pain and the itching was normal, that it was good- it meant he was healing. To Billy, it was just a reminder of the traumatic injury that caused it, and he hated it. He’d rather it stay numb than have it heal.
He was tired of the pain shooting through his sternum and ribs, waking him from sleep, turning his dreams into nightmarish flashbacks of melted people piercing his chest and attempting to kill him as fanged tentacles sank their teeth into his sides, trying to rend him from limb to limb.
Billy was tired of waking up, drenched in a cold, acrid sweat that reeked of battery acid. The doctors told him it was from the high protein diet he’d been on to speed up his healing, but Billy still smelled the chemicals that the monster had made him choke down, still felt the burn of chlorine and boric acid in his throat.
He still couldn’t taste things properly, but his diet was so simple now, thanks to the damage done to his stomach, that it didn’t really matter much anyway.
He could only take Tylenol- anything else was too hard on his stomach and liver, and both were still recovering from what the monster had made him swallow. Billy didn’t bother with Tylenol- it didn’t touch his pain.
Weed helped, though. He and Eddie didn’t know if it would hurt his liver or not- and they sure as fuck weren��t going to ask doctors about it- but it helped. The high helped him sleep, calmed his anxiety responses to loud noises and bright lights. It didn’t entirely help his pain, but it soothed the inflammation of his scar tissue after his daily massaging.
Eddie had been consulting with some folks in Portland, and they’d sent him lotions and balms infused with cannabis oil. Beeswax, goat’s milk, castor oil with rosemary, lavender, or peppermint, cocoa butter- all different sorts of things for Billy to try.
They all helped a great deal with massaging his scars, and Eddie had been more than happy to rub his back down, tracing shapes in the patterns, kissing them when he was done, and telling Billy how much of a bad ass he looked.
Billy always scoffed, but the truth was, it helped him feel better about the scars. He used to go out shirtless, or with an open shirt or jacket, showing off the body he’d cultivated- muscular and tan, the 1980’s ideal.
Now, it was 1990, almost at the five year anniversary of his brush with death, and Billy wasn’t too fond of his body anymore. His range of movement, strength and flexibility were still restricted, and he had to keep his skin protected and covered to prevent the scars from becoming worse- they were already painful, since the larger ones were contracture scars.
Billy was thinner, struggling to keep up the muscle tone he’d once had, working so hard with physical therapy, massage and manipulation of his scar tissue to soften it up, and he was paler of skin and darker of hair while avoiding the sun to keep it from thickening his scars.
He’d been miserable, despite his progress, and it tore Eddie up to see him that way, so he’d suggested the road trip to California, to the coast Billy knew so well, had spoken so fondly of, and so often.
So they’d made the trip. It had been slow going- Billy didn’t have the stamina he used to for driving, so Eddie had taken the wheel, and dealt with Billy’s passenger-seat driving. They’d stopped at rest stops to save money, or shitty motels when the rest stops weren’t safe enough, and Eddie had patiently, lovingly worked out the knots in Billy’s muscles, massaged CBD balms into his scars, and they’d eaten pizza on lumpy or sagging mattresses, watching late night TV before sleeping.
There was a night where they stopped at a gas station in a questionable place where they attracted instant attention because they stood too close together at the line for the register. In the lot next to the gas station, the locals were having a riotous party that involved their jacked-up trucks that kept backfiring loudly.
Every bang, every hoot and holler that came from the trucks had Billy flinching, until he was actively shaking, a sweat breaking out on his face. Eddie hurried to pay when it was their turn, and the cashier gave Billy an odd look.
“You okay, hon?”
Billy clutched at the collar of his tank top, trying to cool himself down, and the top of his scar became visible. Eddie saw her expression change to horror.
“Shh,” Eddie hissed to her in a conspiratorial whisper as he handed her the money for the gas. “He was in the Army; combat damage, and he’s got that Post Traumatic stress thing.”
The woman nodded, her eyes going doleful.
“So young…. Thank you for your service, honey,” she said in a sorrowful tone, giving him a salute as Eddie gently herded him back to the car.
It had taken Billy nearly an hour to come down from the panic attack, and once he’d calmed, he fell asleep. Eddie elected to keep driving- Nebraska was no place for them to stop, and they were mere miles from the Colorado border.
It got easier, the further west they went. They weren’t going to San Diego- Billy knew those beaches, but the risk that Neil went back there was too high. The city was big, but so was Neil’s network of contacts that had found out Billy’s sexuality and spurred Neil’s decision to move to Hawkins.
The last thing Billy needed for his recovery was having Neil find him.
So instead, they were headed to Monterey Bay, south of San Francisco. Eddie had heard it was a good place for beginner surfers, which meant it would be easier for Billy to get back on the board, and indulge in some exercise that wouldn’t be too dangerous for him, while still being enjoyable.
He’d told Billy they were going to San Francisco to spend time in a place where there were fellow queer folks, and they could just disappear into the crowd for a bit, and be normal. The trip to Monterey Bay was a surprise.
And now, after a careful week of driving, they had reached Monterey Bay. It was three in the morning, and Billy was sleeping soundly in the front seat. Eddie did his best not to wake him as he stopped at a few motels, comparing prices, before finally settling on one that was cheap and right by the beach- it was the off season for another week or two, so prices and availability were at a premium.
Eddie booked their room for a week, then came back to the car. He opened Billy’s door and carefully, gently roused him from his sleep. Billy jerked awake with a snort, sitting up and looking around warily.
“Where are we?” he asked, voice thick with sleep. Eddie rubbed his shoulder and handed him the room key.
“The motel. Booked us in for a week. Let’s get you into a decent bed and get some actual sleep, yeah?”
Billy nodded, blinking sleep-fogged eyes as he got out of the car and did a full body stretch, only stopping when his scars tugged and protested. Eddie didn’t react to Billy’s sudden stiffening, the frustration in his face- the last thing Billy needed or wanted was pity. It meant his weakness was obvious, and Eddie didn’t want him to feel weak. Still, Eddie hauled their luggage out of the trunk of the car and carried it in, letting Billy unlock the door.
The room was nice and cool, and Billy sighed gratefully- he never did regain his heat tolerance, still preferring the cold to heat. Eddie didn’t mind- the colder it was, the easier it was to snuggle up to Billy while he slept, without overheating Billy in the process.
Billy went back outside to lock the car up as Eddie took inventory of the room. He was rather satisfied with it, all things considered- well worth the nightly cost of thirty bucks. It was a bit more than he wanted to spend, but the motel was clean, close to the beach, and since it wasn’t a hotel, it wasn’t as likely to fill up as quickly, giving them a bit of disconnect from the public.
The room had a sofa with a pull-out bed- which Eddie dumped their luggage on- and a single king-sized bed. It had a small table with two chairs, a dresser with two sets of drawers, a TV with a VCR, cable, and a mini fridge that actually had a separate freezer. The bathroom had a decent enough sized tub with a sliding door of frosted glass for the shower.
Eddie unpacked their clothes while Billy took a leak, and shed his clothes, changing into a fresh pair of boxers. He shoved his dirty clothes in a plastic shopping bag as Billy came out to wash his hands.
“Don’t forget to brush your teeth,” Eddie told him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before slipping past for his turn in the bathroom. Billy rolled his eyes good-naturedly, but still helped himself to the trial sized tube of toothpaste and the travel toothbrush left on the counter, too tired to dig through their bags for his own.
While Eddie prepped for bed, Billy closed the curtains tight, locked the door, slid the chain home, turned the thermostat down as far as it would go, and the AC on as high as possible. When Eddie emerged, hair and teeth brushed, the room had dropped by five degrees, and Billy was sprawled on the bed. He’d peeled the blankets back, folding them so Eddie could have them all.
“Gonna get cold as hell in here,” Eddie commented, sliding under the covers and nestling up against Billy’s side.
Billy was resting on his back, arm outstretched so Eddie could curl against his side, using his chest as a pillow. His scars had finally healed to the point where Eddie could rest his cheek on Billy’s chest without causing him discomfort, and it was a major milestone in Billy’s recovery- the reclamation of his intimacy with Eddie.
“So what’s the plan tomorrow… or later, rather?” Billy said, voice already thick with sleep again, lulled by the siren song of freezing AC, Eddie’s warmth, and a comfortable bed.
On the night stand, the alarm clock glared at them with red digits, telling them it was four am. Eddie closed his eyes, ignoring it- time didn’t matter when they were on vacation- and nuzzled into Billy’s chest. His heartbeat was strong and steady under his cheek, reassuring and soothing.
“No plan,” Eddie murmured. “Nothing pressing, anyway. But there is a surprise.”
“A surprise?” Billy asked, and Eddie heard his heart speed up a bit. Eddie stroked his scars gently.
“Nothing bad, I promise,” he soothed. “Just… listen.”
As if trying to help him out, the AC stopped humming, having reached the set temperature. Bill was quiet, and Eddie waited as the sound of waves reached his ears.
“We’re right by the beach,” Billy said wonderingly. “How’d you afford a motel in San Francisco on the beach, babe?”
“I didn’t. We’re at Monterey Bay,” Eddie told him, smiling.
“Eddie….”
“You like the cold even more now, so I figured, it’s not full tourist season yet, so the beach won’t be as crowded, the water will be perfect for you, and the waves are decent, but not overwhelming, so you can surf a bit without overdoing it.”
Billy made a soft sound in his throat that sounded suspiciously like a sob being choked back. He rolled onto his side and wrapped his arms and legs around Eddie, clinging to him like a piece of flotsam in a flood.
“Thank you, Eddie,” he whispered into Eddie’s hair.
Eddie smiled in the darkness, hearing Billy’s heartbeat, the waves outside, and feeling Billy’s warmth seeping into the bed, into his bones, reigniting the fatigue that he’d been fighting all night.
“For now, let’s sleep,” he told Billy, stroking his back. “And when we’re rested, let’s go to the beach.”
Billy nodded, and with one final shudder, his muscles relaxed, and he stopped fighting the fatigue born of anxiety, a long car ride, and worry about the unknown, succumbing to sleep- and taking Eddie with him.
——
Their fatigue was deeper than either of them realized- neither of them woke until nearly five in the evening, sleeping more than twelve hours.
It was Billy who woke up first, roused by the sound of the waves and the gnawing of his stomach. He untangled himself from Eddie’s arms and legs, then slid out of bed and moved to the bag of snacks on the sofa. A half empty bag of beef jerky called his name, and he sat on the foot of the bed, gnawing on it, staring into space contentedly.
Eddie’s breathing was starting to quicken, and he stirred under the blankets. His stomach let out a roar of protest, and with a grumble, he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Billy tried not to laugh at the mess his hair had become- as it always was when he woke up.
“Hungry?” he asked, holding out the bag. “There’s a quarter left, give or take.”
Eddie shook his head, yawning and stretching, his back popping.
“Thinking of ordering take out- there’s a binder that has menus, numbers and shit of local places that deliver.”
Billy deflated a little as Eddie got out of bed and swiped the binder from the dresser.
“We’ve had enough junk food, babe,” he pointed out, his stomach still grumbling, unsatisfied with the jerky.
Eddie flicked on the light above the headboard of the bed, and pointed to a page in the binder.
“Look. Local seafood- shrimp, fish, crab, pasta, crab cakes…”
Billy’s stomach let out a roar and Eddie laughed as his own stomach echoed the sentiment.
“Yeah, fish and chips sounds amazing.”
“Actual seafood, locally caught,” Billy breathed. “Fuck, that sounds so good.”
Eddie grinned.
“You order for us- I’m gonna take a shower because I caught a whiff of my own pits and I reek. You can join me after you order us some food, and by the time we’re done, it’ll be here, and we can go eat it on the beach.”
Billy smiled.
“That sounds amazing. Fish and chips, then?”
“Yeah, with extra lemon, ketchup instead of tartar sauce, and a sweet tea with lemon.”
Eddie kissed Billy’s forehead, then disappeared into the bathroom while Billy ordered their dinner- Eddie’s fish and chips, and a basket of fried mahi mahi, grilled salmon, fried shrimp, and a large order of french fries, with two large cokes. He suspected Eddie would want to sample from his plate, as he was wont to do, and he decided if Eddie was going to sample some of his seafood, there would be good seafood, and plenty of it.
Billy waited for Eddie to finish showering before taking one himself. He still had issues being seen in full light, still needed to be alone when he had to touch his scars.
Eddie was patient in that regard. He never asked Billy to take showers together, never demanded bright lights when they were intimate. Billy was getting better, though- he could handle a lamp or two being on, and didn't flinch anymore when Eddie's hands brushed over his scars.
It was different in a shower, when he was naked and there was no expectation of intimacy to distract Eddie from his scars. He felt too exposed, too vulnerable.
Eddie was okay with that. He'd wait as long as it took, as long as Billy needed, to be comfortable in his own skin again.
The food arrived after an hour- Eddie was ravenous, but didn't begrudge the delivery guy for the wait, tipping him well. The bag of food had steam billowing from the seams, and it was hot in his hands. The drinks were still cold and full of ice, the plastic cups beaded in condensation.
Billy came out, wearing swim trunks and a tank top, drying his hair with a towel. He sniffed the air and his stomach let out a roar. Eddie grinned and held up the bag.
“Dinner's here!”
Billy headed for the table, but Eddie shook his head, shoving his feet into his Reeboks.
“Come on,” he said, grabbing the throw blanket from the end of the bed. “Get the drinks, let's go eat this on the beach.”
Billy's face lit up, and he slipped into his flip-flops, grabbing the drinks and the room key. Together, the locked the room up, and headed for the beach.
The sun was setting, and there weren't many people around. The surf was loud, soothing, and the sky was a rich gradient of gold, orange, red, wine, and dark indigo blue, with a splattering of stars starting to shine through. On the horizon, Billy could see sparks of light that he knew were Mars and Venus.
Eddie spread out the blanket on a soft, level patch of sand just far enough from the waterline that they wouldn't get wet, but close enough that it was only a few steps to get his feet in the water.
The two of them sat down, pulling out their dinner and setting it out. Though they'd ordered their own meal, they shared, eating in companionable silence only broken by commentary on the food, or soft laughter or sounds of appreciation.
Eddie felt flustered as occasionally, Billy held out morsels for him to try, refusing to let Eddie take them with his hands- he put them directly in Eddie's mouth, his eyes glittering in the light of the fading sunset, love and gratitude written all over his face.
“I needed this. So much.”
Eddie wiped grease off on his jeans and reached over to take Billy's hand, squeezing it.
“I know. Was it a good surprise?” he asked.
Billy nodded, his eyes shining, and he looked over the water. The sunset was almost gone, a thin sliver of gold and red shining over the edge of the horizon, casting an orange light over the water in stark contrast with the wine-dark ocean and the sparkling stars overhead.
”I don't think it could get any better,“ he said softly.
”Maybe if you could surf?“ Eddie suggested, and Billy shook his head, squeezing Eddie's hand again.
”Tomorrow. For now? This is all I need.“
He leaned in to kiss Eddie, and a massive splash of water caught their attention.
Out of the water, the remaining sunlight shining on its slick rubbery skin, leapt a massive killer whale. It let out the breath from its lungs in a great burst of air before crashing back into the water again.
Billy was on his feet, running for the tide, Eddie following. Billy went as far as waist deep, staring at the water with eyes wide.
“Billy?”
Billy didn't answer. The orca breached again, this time, his belly facing them, his massive, elegant body twisting as he leapt for the sheer joy of it, as if trying to fly, and not caring if he succeeded- because the attempt was all that mattered.
Tears rolled down his face as he saw the freckles on the white parts of the orca's chin and belly- the very same he'd seen on a calf nearly a decade ago.
“You made it,” he whispered. “You grew up.”
Eddie was in the water beside him, his arm around his waist. The water was cold around their legs, the sand fine and coarse under their feet, between their toes, swirling in the tide.
“You… you know this whale?” Eddie joked gently. “He owe you money for a surfing contest, because it looks like he'd win.”
Billy laughed, pulling Eddie against him, not bothering to wipe the tears from his face.
“I saw him when I was ten. I was surfing, and this calf just leaps out of the water, and I saw a freckle on his belly, on his jaw. He was the spunkiest, happiest thing I'd ever seen in my life.”
Billy smiled. A real, genuine smile.
“I dreamt about him when I was in a coma. About coming home, and seeing him again. And here he is, all grown up. He's HUGE, he's powerful and he's still free and happy.“
Another splash, a short distance away, and another orca leapt out of the water. This one was a bit smaller, with a shorter dorsal fin- and there was a calf at its side. Billy's smile grew.
”Is that your kid, big guy?“ Billy asked the orca, even if he couldn't hear the question. ”Did you find a family of your own?“
One by one, more orcas began to join the acrobatics, and soon, there was close to ten of them, all leaping, breaching, splashing with their tails, rolling in the water, playing with the calves, and high pitched calls sounded over and through the water as they talked to one another.
Billy turned and buried his face in Eddie's chest, his shoulders shaking, tears soaking Eddie's shirt. Eddie held him close, alarmed.
”Billy, you okay?“ he asked, worried.
”I'm better than okay,“ Billy managed.
Eddie held him, waiting for him to recover, to regain his composure. When Billy pulled away again, he was smiling.
”They're welcoming me home, Eddie.“
”Yeah, you really do belong here,“ Eddie agreed, thinking they needed to make this trip permanent, that they needed to move here for Billy's well being. Already, his mind was making plans, lists, mapping out the move and the logistics behind it.
Billy shook his head.
”I wouldn't have come here, wouldn't have seen them, wouldn't have had this chance at recovering, if it wasn't for you, Eddie,“ he said.
He rested his head on Eddie's shoulders, letting the waves crash against his waist, feeling the sand under his feet, watching the orcas dance.
”Me?“ Eddie asked, and Billy nodded.
”It's you, Eddie. Wherever you are, is home.“
Eddie swallowed a shuddering, happy breath, resting his cheek against Billy's head, and the two of them watched the orcas dance under the stars.
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