#laughing at my pain because why not

[acowardinmordor]

Can’t stop thinking about how the best way to keep Eddie safe in most time travel fix its, whether it’s a loop or not, is to have the police arrest him and put him in a cell. Ideally before anyone dies, but if that’s not possible, before Patrick and Fred die. He can’t have killed them if he was sitting in custody at the time.

Mostly can’t stop this thought from bubbling up because of the idea that Steve is the one who brings the police after Chrissy, and stands there and watches while Eddie is arrested, watches it, knowing that he’s saving Eddie’s life, and ruining any chance of Steve ever finding out if the spark he felt the first time was real.

#steddie #this thought is super painful #but the effect is so logical #ps this is why when I’ve been accused of self inserts #I laugh #because characters in good stories #don’t usually make the brutally logical choice #they’re distracted by emotion #and yeah no #I achieve my goals #am I talking about sofa? #yes I am #I love Frey #but Gurl was inefficient as shit #because it made a better story

[rottenpumpkin13]

Both you and the anon from that ask are going to be paying for my therapy 😭😭

#BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY #WHY #WHY KHARITS WHY #UGHUHUHUUUU 😭😭😭 #HOW COULD YOU #THIS IS BEAUTIFUL #I'M SOBBING #your art is beautiful 🥺❤️ #You're probably laughing at my pain rn too 😤 #Still this is a 10000000/10 #thank you so so so much ❤️😭 #💖💞💕💘💝 #kharits and their magnificent art again #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #final fantasy vii #crisis core #sephiroth #genesis rhapsodos

[0809sysblings]

how i imagine what the inside of mikoto's head looks like half the time

#Mikoto #John #Midokoto #my art #midokoto has to take john by the scruff to stop him from fucking shit up. he is so tired. let him rest #he should get john one of those like toddler backpack leashes. #anyway. inspired by my therapy appt earlier today. #sigh. th erapy is so fucking. *aggressively gestures* #50% of the time i get suicidal afterwards. 49% of the time i get extremely angry. 1% of the time i feel good. #not because of or @ my therapist or anything.. i just cant handle vulnerability and having to acknowledge emotions and The Past lmao #why do that when you could kill either yourself or someone else?? 🤔. checkmate LCSWs #oh well. laugh the pain away xoxo

[dungeons-and-dragon-age]

oughh......

#laya plays dragon age #da2 #oc: liam hawke #this happened a bit ago already & i wanted to draw sth for it but idk if i will finish that #but i gotta yell abt them anyway because OGH. #i have a lot of emotions about this quest ok #bartrand was the perfect scapegoat he was perfect to direct all the rage and pain at all these years #years of imagining gleeful revenge while bartrand is gloating and laughing like an evil soulless bastard #and then you meet him and he is just. a pathetic husk of a man with barely any own will left #and whats worse. varric is so so torn up about it #varric. the guy who never makes anything about him and who will always handwave and joke when something hits too close to home #drops all efforts to be smart and is just. desperate. begs hawke to not kill his brother #and liam wants to want bartrand dead so bad. he wishes he could look him in the eye and enjoy taking his life #and he knows varric will listen to him if he insisted. he knows when it comes down it it varric will yield to his decision #but he sees this broken guy who is barely the villain he kept projecting onto him and he sees varric and he sees two doomed siblings #and knows what its like to lose your sibling to your own blade #and he cant do it #and he hates it so much. but he wont do it. #and its the reason why i cant decide who dealt the killing blow for bethany bc it makes this scene juicy in different ways #if varric kills bethy its equally wanting to spare each other their siblings blood on their hands #as it is taking some form of revenge (on liams part). we both killed each others siblings. now we are even #the revenge part would still be there if liam did the blow on bethany himself. you made me do that and now i will take bartrand for it #but its also much more i know what its like. i wont make go through that too #if varric killed bethy and then also bartrand it would be more #''its my fault she is dead. i will take the revenge she/you deserves if you tell me to even though it will hurt me #dunno. all good variations i will. have to rotate them in my head more #or maybe just never decide idk they can be in canon limbo forever #anyways thats it for shouting into the void about them for now it Will happen again

[ankhisms]

oh boy we are spiralling suddenly

#at least my parents arent awake to hear me cry. god i feel pathetic #the universe created me to laugh at me and hurt me and laugh at me as i whine in pain and ask it why not me why #does no one ever want me and the universe sneers at me and says because youre not a person youre a thing

[lickmylundqvist]

#in my mind Panera is trying to cheer Chris up because Mika isn’t there #so he’s like hey Chris look at me be wacky #and Chris laughs but on the inside he is feeling pain like death of a thousand cuts #where is my hockey wife? why has he forsaken me? #what am I supposed to do without my long haired partner #chris kreider #artemi panarin #new york rangers

[max-nolastname]

I’m watching avatar the last airbender with a 10 year old and what a joy it is to watch them fall in love with it. It reminds me of what atla is really and truly about: laughing at sokka’s struggles and happily yelling, “Appa!!” whenever he appears on screen

#Just finished the storm #they were like ‘why did zukos dad banish him’ and I said smth like ‘because he didn’t think he was a good son” #And then they asked ‘why didn’t zuko fight back’ and I said ‘because he loves his dad. Would you fight ur dad’ #and they were like “no :(“ #atla #atla rewatch #every time sokka is on the screen my kid laughs #ah sokka….doomed by the narrative….narratively obligated to have a life full of pain and anguish to make some unseen audience laugh #I keep asking them hey what bender would you be if you could choose and they keep saying ‘uh duh the avatar’ #‘you can only pick on—‘ ‘the avatar 🙄’ #so refreshing to watch this with a kid like idk why I’m shocked this is a Kids Show made For Kids #But seeing what they pick up on what they laugh at what they like #It’s like watching the show for the first time #Anyways….the extent to which zuko is damian al ghul wayne coded…….effervescent #blue spirit next this kid doesn’t know what’s coming #after jet and iroh the kid asked a very confused ‘wait who are the bad guys I thought the fire nation were the bad guys’ #and I said ‘no one nation is full of just bad or good guys just like how no one person is filled with all bad and good.’ #and then I was like ohhhhh I see…..I see the point of this show now

[theforgottendaydreamer]

will i ever manage to get through a whole phonecall with my family without them criticising me for whatever i do or

#“open your heart” i'm not even opening my mouth anymore man #delete later #yeah no wait #my first thought after posting was “i need a drink” #that's not ok #i jokingly told them about my most recent drunk because i thought they were going to laugh about it a bit and instead they became hostile #but anyway that's not why i'm upset right now. surprisingly that was probably the least painful part of the call #i think i'm getting teary eyed so maybe i will be able to finally cry and unwind a bit #i've been waiting for a good cry for months at this point #my father just sent me a picture of my family and i taken something like 15 years ago. this is beyond guilt tripping. #and it may be working so someone stop me from replying to him and then getting drunk on whatever i can get my hands on

[dinobotbitch]

I’m not ready for season 2 in the way that I literally don’t want to see it…ever 😁👍

#then I can pretend part 2 never happened and they lived happily ever after #I’m excited about all the new announcements but oh my goddddd I will be unwell when it actually comes out #like if I’m obsessed now how tf will I be when there’s a new season??? #also I HATEEEE part 2 soley because of the deaths and pain. soooo much pain #why can’t they just be happy? and laugh? and live? PEACEFULLY #Tlou #tlou obsession #joel tlou #ellie tlou #ellie williams #joel miller #ok I’m done #heehee

[string-cheese-cake]

Not me redeveloping a crush on my best friend after two years of being in a happy relationship and she's got a new bf who she's all lovey dovey with lmao

Im_in_danger.png

#i might just be missing the honeymoon phase of a relationship. which is crazy because my bf and i are still very much in love and we always #laugh and joke. and yeah he could cuddle a little more but he's great he really is but idk i also confuse romantic with platonic love but #i thought about stealing a kiss from her and uh oh. and i KNOW she's attracted to me. ugh. pain. why can't my bf be poly or just homophobic #jk if he was homophobic we wouldn't be in a straight passing relationship rn

[piplupod]

mother: "theres this great job where you'd be on-call to come in!"

me: "ahhh i don't really want to be on-call, that would stress me out a lot because I'd always be on edge,,"

mother: "no you wouldn't, you could make it your thing!"

me: "...my thing?"

mother: "being on call! it'd be great! :)"

me: "i would probably be crying like... a lot ahaha. because I would always be on edge never knowing when to expect having to go into work, yknow?"

mother: "nooo, you could just make it a thing!"

me: "sorry, what do you mean by thing?"

AND I NEVER FOUND OUT !!

#i feel very ill fdsjkl tonight was ... not good #not the worst definitely not the worst #just. a lot of diet talk and making fun of other ppl that she expected us to all laugh at (and we did. idk if they found it funny.) #and brother labelling some influencer having rape charges against him just ''internet drama'' #number one: i dont want to hear about that. number two: that is not just ''drama'' that is like. serious. what the fuck is wrong w youuuu #my mother will say that all the food i eat is very bad for me and do that while knowing full well i struggle to eat Anything #and say that simply Adding things to the diet is pointless bc ur poisoning urself still! u have to Take Out things! i cant fucking do that! #im still baffled that two years ago when i tried to go to them for help when i was almost fainting from not eating they just shrugged at me #''okay? why are u telling us this?'' BECAUSE YOU ARE MY PARENTS. AND I AM TRYING TO GET HELP. #i should've known better than to try tbh but like. its so hard to completely let go of every sliver of hope that they'll... be kind #like me saying i was feeling suicidal a few yrs ago just garnered a ''oh don't start this again. we're not doing this again.'' #and me admitting my own damn self to the psych ward just had her telling me ''i dont think you actually needed to go :/'' #mother dearest if it werent for the other fuckers in the brain (caused by you abusing me) then i would've been dead several times over #i am so fucking tired i am so sick of these ppl it is so incredibly painful and terrifying that this is supposed to be my family #this is the one support system i get in life. and it is no support system at all. i am fucked !! i am so unbelievably fucked!!! #i know other ppl make it thru but they are much stronger than me. i am lacking something that they all have lmao. i am cowardly and weak!!! #i have been trying so fucking hard to figure out how to like. make this work. how to survive in this society and its just. impossible #i think we're back to the clock ticking down as my bank account runs out #i cannot be employed and ppl keep telling me disability won't accept me so i am just. unanimously fucked over i suppose #i have two years !! two years until i run out of money!!! thats a lot of time!! to make all the art i want to make!! #i will make this work for these two years i will cope and make my art and disconnect and daydream through the intolerable parts #i will make these two years so good sdfjkl im gonna make it to the end of them #sorry this is all coming flooding out fsjdkl i've just tried so hard to be like. positive abt things and laugh abt things and be okay #im tired of trying to make it okay fdsjkl i am wallowing tonight i guess. boohoo poor little me fdsjkl i'll probably get over it soon #just need to like. let a little of the pressure leak out so i don't completely crack and do smth stupid #it will be okay !!! or as okay as it can be !!! this will be blocked out by tomorrow morning probably!! #or it'll have to be LMAO i have my silly old lady yarn group tomorrow and i need to be Normal for that #suicide tw #abuse tw #ed tw

[craycraybluejay]

i should get more method by smoking more weed + remembering the million times i got too fucked up and thought i was going to die or just very but not too fucked up and how it felt in the moment. the confusion, weird fixations, wack visuals, nausea, dissassociation, shame, real and vivid fear of death.

i can tell y'all i have had someone make active attempts on my life but there is no death as frightening as the idea of dying in a puddle of puke and other bodily fluids feeling so disoriented and so much physical pain and discomfort that you'd pay a million dollars to crawl directly out of your body. there's easier OD concepts to stomach like one depressants but the concept of dying on a psychedelic or an upper or even a stimulating dissociative is terrifying. or dying from contaminants which injure you a lot more than whatever you were meaning to take ever could.

i want to write angel having a seizure the way i did. i want to write him compulsively adding different substances because just the one isn't enough. i want to torture this lil guy as he tries and fails to save himself :3

#as i always say please test your drugs im begging you #delete later #getting too personal up in here #but fr the world of serious substance use is a crazy place to even visit let alone live in #the entirety of reality just does not work the same way #its beautiful and scary and you dont want to become a permanent resident there #but its a lot like toxic relationships and maladaptivelt returning to them over and over #i want to parallel angel's drug abuse with his relationship to valentino #because even if you OD or have some kind of serious problem from it or get spiked with something awful #chances are you will always have that curiosity and urge to try again. try more. different new novel fun #bc even when it feels like hell its a unique hell. and more importantly its not your life anymore #no worries about being abused or homeless or very sick if the drugs bring a whole new hell #sometimes when you almost die you just get grateful it wasnt the real world that almost killed you #sometimes when youve looked in the void you laugh at how ridiculous your pain and grief and life is #its all stupid! none of it matters! we are all going to die and your exit card from the real world is in a box of mints #idk. sometimes a drug is an enhancer of reality and sometimes a different reality altogether. a lot of the experience depends on why you #take it. if you get high socially youre going to lean into related effects more heavily. if you do it to escape or explore thats what youll #get. ive never had the level of Problem Angel does but I Get It. i get why #im too broke to sustain a Problem of that nature lmao. like ok if i spend all my money i can lose my mind for a week #then ill be withdrawing and hungover from 20 diff things and penniless. no ty #however i will rarely say no to sharesies ill suck ya dick for my DOC 👍 #JOKING. ish

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#there should be a word for when youre talking around the tightness of tears #speaking against something that hurts #laughing specifically to undermine the seriousness of the statements youre voicing #the worst of both worlds. help me help me hahaha im not even joking hahaha but listen to the lies in my tone. dont focus on the words. #i want plausible deniability. but also i want u to understand my pain and give it a voice. speak it into existence because i cant say it #but if u do i might cry. that sounds hard that sounds like a lot. i kno i know. shut up. keep talking. do u think i dont feel it? i do #but if i split myself in two i can watch myself and suddenly it becomes funny. im not sure why. but i have a bad habbit of laughting at #inappropriate moments. because if its not funny then its just sad and what am i supposed to do with that? #i dunno. thats all to say my dad called bc i was looking at housing stuff and i was explaining some of the stuff im doing rn #and thats hard to talk abt without crying bc ive always been a cry bby but i didnt. and i love my parents theyre great #but they dont understand bc i havent told them all of it bc theres nothing they can do so y make them worry. and idk i also think they #think im less competent than i am. and part of that is just bc im their kid. part of that is bc there r things thst most ppl can do but i #struggle with. but its also not fun to hear: oh yeah i was surprised by how professional u sounded. or i think ur mom found u those #connections. when no. i did that. i made those things happen. i promise i can do things sometimes. but sometimes i cant. i dunno its just #it is what it is. whatever. decisions to b made. do i room with roommates for lower rent #or do i take an expensive place for a year for a single room? i dont want roommates but ill take them #i mean all the single places r like 950 at the very lowest without any utilities or anything but most r well over 1000 and like on a grad #student salary? i think not. not without losing money on net. i can deal with roommates. i have in the past. i wont b able to relax ever #but its fine. ya kno #just annoying. hah my dads sage advice was ah dont let it overwhelm u. go exercise. bc hes an endurance runner guy #and im like bro when i get home i have 1.5 hrs of daylight. but alas hes right. i do gotta run out my angers and its not enough #ugh. one more week. itll work out. and eventually ill walk into a counselors office like bro i just want u to tell me whether or not i have #0cd bc whatever the fuck it is that makes me do these things is absolutely destroying me. name the beast 0cd or 0cpd. tell me what box #i fit into. not that it matters but i feel like i cant complain until someone else rubber stamps me. actually then ill probably just obsess #abt how. actually. theyre wrong. ay fun times #i gotta shake shake shake my sillies out. and wiggle my waggles away. bc i never could let my kids songs go haha #unrelated

[dirt-str1der]

yk every time i see a post about somebody wishing bad things on another person i think ‘dirt-strider to kiryu’ you’ve broken me brain

You see a post thats like i want to stick him in time prison so that he gets so bored he starts breaking his own bones to get even a hint of stimulation and its tagged me at kiryu and you scroll down and its a post thats like i want to feed him chips from my cupped hands like a wild stallion and its also tagged me at kiryu also hiiiiiiiii

#Thanks for the ask ! #i wont lie to you i want to do yo kiryu what they did to the family in reddot story the pancake family #his life is a bit too easy i want to give him more obstacles thats why im kidnapping him and breaking my little prince’s ankles and #releasing him in a forest in another country altogether and he has to survive with his injuries until they heal and they will heal wrong and #it will forever hurt to walk now and also when he sees another human being now he will always flinch and he has nightmares every night about #being feverish and starving to death and years into his recovery i meet him again and invite him to watch a movie with me but when i put the #tape in its actually just a highlight reel of his time in the wilderness and he gets scared but he cant move and its because i gave him some #tea earlier and oh this ? its laced with drugs. and he sits blearily beside me and im holding his head up so he watches the screen and he #recalls every terrible thing thats happened to him i put the tv on full volume so he can relive the leaves and twigs cracking under his #hands and knees as hes dragging himself across the forest floor and and his clipped shouts of pain whenever his broken bones catch on a root #and his enraged screaming as he grapples foxes and coyotes that are trying to scavenge the food he painstakingly gathered and he can listen #to the way his voice devolves into something unrecognisable and hes wondering how i got this footage but then he realises this scene is #familiar hes on his last legs and he hears footsteps approach not those of an animal but of a person. he looks at the screen and he sees his #own face staring into the camera wild eyed and filthy and that on the other side of the camera is the hitchhiker who ‘found’ him and he #realises it was me who did this. i could have rescued him at any time the gratefulness he feels to that kind samaritan curdles in his chest #it comes with the withering realisation it was all a game and the one who put him through it all was right beside him and i laugh and put my #hand around his shoulder and ask if he liked the movie and he fights his paralysis and he grips me by the neck and throws me to the ground #and he says you .. you ... and i frown apologetically and say That bad huh ? well we can put on another. and he cant even say words anymore #hes so angry that he grips my neck and he strangles me and the whole time my face gets purple im laughing and laughing and laughing at him #anyway thats one of my greatest fantasies its a fantasy because i couldnt do that to the poor guy im not that mean but i do want him to kill #me and for me to deserve it. very important that i started this fight and that he ends it thats what i want to have ... and also to like #cuddle and stuff ... because i like him ...

[greengoddesssmoothie]

4 lecture finals down, 4 to go. Then on Thursday I get to watch Spiderverse and Friday I get to SLEEP. Then Sunday (Saturday is still paperwork day 🙄) I may get to WRITE for the first time in weeks!!

On another note, my anxiety is manifesting as chest pain instead of migraines. Not gonna lie, a lot easier to push through in terms of dysfunction, but it does keep startling me because it’s not what I expect.

#chest pain can happen with anxiety I’m all good I promise #but yeah I did finally understand why some people confuse anxiety attacks with a heart problem #green speaks #also had a bloody nose and my friend was there to witness the whole thing and really wants me to get blood labs akdkdkdk #I’m laughing because yeah couldn’t hurt but also we both just took hematology so anemias are very on her mind #not turtle related

[leechandoki]

I'm so upset in a joking way but not in a joking way because like this is funny but at the same time GOD DAMN IT WHY CAN'T I COLOR!?

Like I'm being serious, I'm struggling with coloring. I cannot for the life of me color because my brain just doesn't know how anymore.

I have a com for a friend I want to finish it but my brain is like... nah and I'm like bruh

Been struggling for like a week or 2 please laugh at my pain with me as I try to remember how to color :')

#every time I try to color it just doesn't look right at all and I'm like about to give up and try another day #but I try that to and it still doesn't work #WHY CAN'T I COLOR!? #laugh with me... please... laugh at my pain with me because this is just too funny