#like i love a man that understands math…. ooo you want me so bad | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

that-one-weeb-buts-its-the-main · 2 years

Text

Frank fathering a little girl,

but shes older now hcs

Reader: Female (highschooler so like 16? 17?)

Type: headcannons/ rough outline for something possibly in the future

Note: I liked these ideas, plus i fell in love with Frank dad wholesomeness. Also technically part 3 but whatever, also trying out a new format style

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God. Your such a handful.

Especially now that he's let you go to highschool

You bet he's still trying to braid your hair, and you let him.

First day...Junior year... half way through the year

Thanks matt for pulling strings-

You were the end locker which was fine, some guys besides you.

"New?"

"Yeah."

"This is Ned. Im peter."

"Y/n. Y/n Castle."

New nerd friends?

Absolutely

"Your dads the Punisher!?-"

"Shhh!"

"Right. Right sorry!"

You got two new friends and an opportunity to make more. Maybe it wouldnt be so bad.

It was bad. It was so bad. Everything they taught you, especially in math you refrence weaponry

"So if the sniper shoots from this angle- its 45 degrees. The sniper has to be still to make a precise shot to make it there but it still works-"

"y/n- you cant talk about guns like that in class."

Peter and Ned have saved your asses multiple times by telling you thinks that can and cant be said in class.

For PE they were all doing basic state testing practice, climbing rope and sit ups.

"Ooo pull up bar."

Ah so Flash bullies Peter so hes gonna bully you too

"You can't do a pull up-"

You easily hop up and do pull ups with your bag on your back no warm up or anything

You seen alot of the girls sitting off on the bleachers and were confused.

"No they dont have to do it."

"Why?

"I don't know waver maybe?"

So you wander over, asking with no care in the world to ask

"Oh its the castle girl."

"Yeah? And?"

"Be nice."

Liz is pretty intrested in you, you seem pretty rough around the edges to her.

She runs into you again in the bathroom, you washing your hands while she's redoing her mascara.

She sees your intrested is peaked and ask you if you wants some, you tell her you have no idea what it is. And she starts explaining it to you and doing your eyelashes up with mascara (dont share makeup guys-especially eye makeup- just roll with it)

Frank notices something diffrent when he picks you up all hidden away in that black truck but he cant put his finger on it

He asks about your first day of school and you said it was good. He's happy you're fitting in but whatever is off can't stop bothering him.

The next day your up and tiredly walking into the small living room/kitchen/dinning room- basically the main room and theres black all over your eyes.

He thinks you got in a fight now, and he demands you tell him who did this, but after brushing under it and some gets on his fingers he's like "excuse me- what the fuck is this-"

"Some girl Im friends with called it mascara it looks intresting so I tried it. Don't worry. Im not gonna do it again."

Then you start hangin with Liz more

He starts to notice less and less because you always make sure you wipe it all away if Liz expirements on you with diffrent colors.

Its like drawing on your face and you love it.

You still dress the same till Liz ask you to go shopping with her over the weekend, you can even stay at her house not to mention you have the wrestling orination and you're goin to that too and you know how he feels about you in any "violence"? Lets just say rage.

Telling Frank oof. That was rough;

This time you walked home, a black tanktop and cargo pants on with black boots, hair cliped up due to the warm day.

Climbing up the steps and to the small apartment you unlocked the door.

"Hey Kid."

"Hey ol man."

You stopped, watching him work on his guns and what not, the radio silent.

"You goin out?" Y/n asked, "again..."

Frank was silent for a moment, "yeah..."

Y/n nodded, tossing her bag down and going to het a cup of water.

"I won't be long. Its just for tonight. I promise."

"No. No its okay. I understand what you do." Y/n told, "Im uh...spending the night at a friends over the weekend anyways.".

Akward silence much? Y/n drank her water, Frank had stopped cleaning his arsonal.

"Yeah. Stay safe." Frank responsed, going back to work.

Y/n nodded, grabbing her bag and went to her room to pack some clothes for the weekend.

Awkward.....

You leave about an hour later and Liz is out waiting with some of her girlfriends and guys.

Frank does not trust any of your friends tbh

And the weekend starts out nice, you know, make-up here and there? Nothing huge. Then they wanted to go shopping and you've never really been shopping

But you were glad that you had friends even if they did make you uncomfortable

Then they started drinking and you were like "no thanks." But they insisted saying "the Punisher's daughter cant handle it?"

"Back off man!"

"Dude come on. It's just a little booze-"

"I said back the fuck up man!"

You only left, and as you were walking god knows where you got a call.

"Y/n! Y/n! Y/n!"

"Peter?"

"Come over! You gotta come over! Like now! ASAP!"

He sounded so worried, so you rushed over, and practically broke his door down you knocked so hard, pulling the pocket knife out of your bag.

Aunty May opened the door, you with a knife to her

"Peter! Peter!"

"Shut up you old bitch! Where is he!?"

"Woah! Y/n! Woah Woah Woah! This is my aunt! My Aunt May!"

You apologized: "Yeah, uh. sorry... I think Peter's kinda the only one that truly understands me at the moment, ma'am."

At this point you didn't even know what Peter wanted to show you: but Aunt May was nice to you and kinda figured you were like an Avenger, but the first thing about being Avenger is that you don't talk about being an Avenger.

So Peter finally showed you what he was so excited about

"What is that?"

"It's the death star! Well, a Lego Model."

"Legos?"

He's shook, you don't know Legos?! Like at all!?

So instead of spending your time at Liz's you spend your time with Peter, and Ned when he comes by

Aunt May asked your favorite and you said PB and J or Ramen.

Yeah you and Frank don't eat too good sometimes, so she just ends up making Ribolitta which you fall in love with.

You wish Frank was there with you though, and are tempted to call him multiple times, but don't want to bother him.

Sunday you go home after breakfast with Peter and May.

"Ol' Man! I'm home!"

He's dressed and ready to leave, seemingly waiting for you; "Let's go."

"uh...where?"

"It's Sunday."

Oh...Sundays you guys go eat breakfast together always. "Can I uh...rain check this one? I um...already had breakfast with someone..."

"uh...yeah. Yeah, whatever next week."

He's losing you; well he feels like he's losing you

When you're at school and he's at home, he just stares at your room. And he realizes the little lego man on your nightstand, is an army soldier. At least it's not makeup, he rather you play with toys, makes him feel like you're still a kid.

Asks him if you can wrestle and he's against that idea 101% , that's fine you won't wrestle whatever- gives you time to be involved in Peter's Avengers stuff which is even worse.

"Okay! Okay! So if you're gonna be a vigilante, you're going to need a mask. Like Captain America! Or Daredevil! What do you like? What represents you?" "I like guns and knives,"

"Okay...great start! Great Start!"

Peter helps you in making a vigilante outfit and gives you the name 'Bullet Red' which okay sounds kinda cowboyish but you're going with it.

That's until you guys do your first "Assignment together" and bullets were left behind dented like they hit something but failed to actually inflict damage.

People call you 'Bulletproof Armour of the Backstreets'

You're pretty good at hiding it from Frank too which is really surprising.

Till he catches you stumbling in through the window one day he turning the light on and all.

"Hey there Old man! hehe....you're up past your bed time-"

"Cut the crap-"

"Alright! Alright! You want to truth?"

He only does the dad arm cross as he waits.

"I was out yes. Without your premission, with...my boyfriend... well with my boy thats a friend You know!"

Is that lie going to work? Maybe, "and what were you out doing with the friend thats a boy?"

"...sitting in the back of a car?"

Yeah you didn't realize that ment someting else..., "and what did you do in the back of this car?"

"Hold hands?" You laughed nervously

"You're grounded. I will know if you leave this room, I will know when you eat when you use the bathroom, do you understand?" "

Yes sir."

Your so proud of just being grounded and text peter then hide your phone.

Yet when he said grounded you thought you were grounded grounded: like not leaving at all.

So when Peter showed up to your window terrified you'd been hurt he was confused.

"Why arent you at school!?"

"Im grounded." "Thats now how being in trouble works." "Oh-"

Frank barely sees you come out your room, so he came to you with pancakes, and Peter jumps out the window so quick.

"You been eaten kid?"

"Not hungry lately is all."

You guys are sitting on your bed now eating pancakes and he's trying to give you the sex talk

You're really confused but he's real awkward about it gives up and just says your ungrounded.

"Just come home before 11 now."

"Yeah I promise."

He can't help but loom over the idea that you're gonna get hurt or worse killed.

So when you go to school he goes into your room, he knows for a fact that theres a pistol under your pillow, its for protection.

He cant help himself but check it, make sure its loaded full.

But he kicks something that was quickly shoved under your bed sticking out. He pulls it out to realize its an light body armour and with it a mask.

He realizes that mask right away, and goes to the news paper. Franks more than mad, hes livid.

You're actually in the middle of class when it happens. Your called out of class and theres Frank in a hoodie and cap

"You wanna explain this to me?!" Frank scolded her.

Y/n's silent, "Its bad enough I let you have a gun in your room for protection. And your goin behind my back and doin this shit!"

"I don't understand the problem-"

"You don't understand!? What you need to understand is that this shits dangerous! You're not made for this shit! You can't do this!" Frank argued, "you're gonna get kill doin this! Is this what you do with your little boyfriend?!"

"You do it!"

"Because I need to!"

Y/n scoffed rolling her eyes: "What you need is a girlfriend!" She argued, "Someones going to have to take care of you one day, and that someones going to be me."

You honestly wanted to semi follow in Franks footsteps, to repay him

Thats why you try and be "hard" as some kids put it. You worked out heavily and you did that "vigilante crap" as Frank put it

At the end of the day you wanted to make sure all loose ends were covered so no one could come after her old man again.

When you went home there the stuff was sitting on the table, and Frank was gone.

So you quickly grabbed it and left, you figured you just get ready on the roof tops and thats what you did

You went the whole night, running into some other vigilantes

But you did go to far. Even if the temporary partner did take your weapon away

"No killing"

"Oh god damn it" the man looked at you, "Religious too. Great."

Combat boots are a girls best friend you know

You got home early morning, Frank cleaning his weapons at the table, sitting in a chair.

Its the first thing you see walking in and the first thing he sees when you walk in.

You're covered in blood, some of it yours most of it others. You're tired and you look gone.

You're walking lethargically over to him, arms wrapping around his neck and falling into his lap hugging him as tight as you can with exhausted arms

He could only sigh, and picked you up, you: a 16-17 year old girl, picked up by her old man, like shes a child again.

He helps clean you up and puts you to bed, your head in his lap.

"I just wanna help you."

"Yeah. I know kid. I know."

You tell him everything, things that worry you, like what happened with Liz and her friends, and how you've made better friends since then

"You've been hanging around Karen to much you know. Stickin your nose in places they never should be kid."

"Stubborn just like my old man."

"Just. Trust people more than I do. Don't be alone...alright? Be stubborn but not an asshole"

"Mhm."

Offers to braid your hair like old times, its comforting, knowing you'll always have him

"Oh and old man?"

"Hm?"

"I wasnt having Sex. I was sneaking out to beat the shit out of people."

He could only laugh, kissing the top of your head as he was braiding your hair: "I figured that by now kid. And- I wanna meet the Peter kid, hoping he has a better influence on you than me."

Family dinner is happening now and Aunt May made her

"So Mr.Castle." Aunt May spoke, passing a basket of bread to Y/n who sat infront of her, "What do you do for work?"

"Frank is fine ma'm." He responded, "and uh. I'm lookin' for work at the moment."

"We're always looking for people to work at the shelter." Aunt May spoke with a smile.

"I don't think that's a good idea ma'm."

"Well the offer always stands." May smiled, "I can see how you and Y/n are related. Lovely young woman, sweet, caring, respectful. She has a real good influence on Peter."

Y/n and Peter just try and not laugh as Frank tries and conversate casually.

"Im glad your kids influencing mine rather than me influencing her." Frank spoke.

"Well if it means anything you seem like a good influence to me." May smiled, "and to Y/n."

Y/n only smiled nodding eating her soup.

"So...uh Ma'm how's your day?"

You were both cracking up on the way home, Frank only shaking his head at you, but he could only laugh with you

It was such an awkward dinner you couldn't help but laugh.

"It wasnt that funny.'

"It was. Come on!"

"....okay it was funny."

"See!"

You guys stopped for icecream on the way back despite having dessert with May and Peter.

You only smile as you guys drive no where, just the headlights and open road infront of you.

"You know. That kid up there? He's got your back. He's not tryin to change you. Im glad you've got a good friend like him. You've gotta have his back. Keep each other close."

"How close-"

"watch it kid."

"Thanks for being my old man."

"And im never gonna stop kid."

#frank castle x female reader #frank castle x reader #frank castle fluff #frank castle #marvels frank castle #marvel frank castle #marvel x reader #marvel #x reader

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sonybees · 3 years

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me rewatching dead poets society instead of doing my assignments

i’m not sure if anyone would even care about this but i am really bored soo here we go

neil looks so down when he’s with his father stopdjejdkfjnr

poor todd got forced to stand up i would get pissed eujehd

the best preparatory school? lmfao ok.

KEATING YAY

THE PRESSURE THAT TODD HAS TO GO THROUGH I CAN SEE IT IN HIS EYES HE DOES NOT WANT THIS WTF

poor kids being forced to go there

LMFAO SPAZ

i still don’t know what a stiff means is that even what he said?

OOPS LMFAO

attractive pieces of sht leaning on a door frame help

“keen.” HA

YESSIR USJSJSJ

why does meeks kind of sound like me when i meet someone new

“he flatters me.” LOLSJNDKSHSJJSKSJDC

“i thought you’d gOne.”

freaking hell stfu tom

i’ve always thought this who calls their father “sir” ???

THE LOOK CHARLIE AND KNOX SHARE HDNEJDJF

“BRAIN DAMAGE” HSMEJD

they all look so confused like same

BRO SPAZ LMFAO

their smiles are so cute awwjdnejsnjd

POOR PITTS SHJWJS

MEEKS SMILE WHEN HE SAID AN UNFORTUNATE NAME

DING

“turn cold and die.” damn that took a turn fast

caaaaaarpeeeee dieeeeeem @siezethedaypoets (sorry! sjjejs)

“that means you daLtoN” the way he says it lfmaosjjd

i thought he was gonna do history he pulled out his chem book dhjshdbd

take a breath knox damn

them just not at all understanding math is a mood

too bad :/

AWW THE WXCITEMENT IN PITTS AND MEEKS EYES

“very funny, dalton.” hehehhehehejjdjdjfjrkdn ccmv mf

AWW MEEKS

CHARLIE WTF YOU DRAWING

RIP SHRED TEAR

RIP RIP RIP

oh shit

ahh one of my fav scenes, charlie basically eating that ball of paper

i hate looking at this it’s so awkward like hello mr. mccallister

what will your verse be?

THE MASHED POTATOS

“no, keating.” LMFAO YES GO KEATING

is that stick? on the end of the table?

“don’t come please.”

“no shIt, sherlock.” HA I LOVE THIS GUY

“pittsie, cmon!” “his grades are hurting, charlie.” i literally just love this conversation

“i’ll try anything once.” “except sex!” “ha ha ha.” HSJWJJSND ANOTHER ONE OF MY FAV CONVOS

“WOMEN SWOON HA HA HA” THE EVIL LAUGH WTF SHEJJS

“CHARLIE @tellmewhytheyswoon” SORRY I HAD TO LMFAO

LMFAO SHUT UP WILL YOU

this is so chaotic and messy damn

the treatshsjdj

they’re loud asf

i wonder who’s who while they were running with the hoods

OH CRAP THE SUN IS OUT WHAT that isn’t in the movie sorry

I LOVE MEEKS AND CHARLIE’S RELATIONSHIP SM

i could never take note of the minutes when something happens how will he do that

YESSIR PART TWO

HOW DID PITTS TAKE THE OTHER HALF SO FAST

EVEN TODD KNOWS CAMERONS STORY LMFAO

LMFOA KNOX IS STARING AT THE PICTURE

MEEKS HOOO THEN I SAW THE CONGO CREEPING THROUGH THE BLACK

THE LITTLE BOING NOISE LMFAO WHAT IS THAT

“are you a man or an amoeba?” i’m sorry lol what the hell do you mean sjdjiend

TO WOO WOMEN

“why do i stand up here? anybody?” “@tofeeltaller” HA I LOVE DOING THIS IM SORRY

i would cry if i found out that i had to make a poem AND read it aloud in front of everyone

poor todd thougsjwhidfj

i wanna marry todd. lmfao where did that come from

RADIO FREE AMERICA

AWW THEM DANCING STFU THIS IS SO CUTE

i can’t hear the audio hellloooooojdjwksbdken

AWW we got some anderperry content here

lol i wanna wear their sweaters

:/// TODD

“no.” “no? what do you mean no?” “no.” *smirks* HAJDJDJWKNS

DONT BE IMMATURE

IDK WHERE TF THE INSTRUMENTS CAME FROM BUT I LOVE IT

the birds are so pretty

nice outfit knox

STOP STARING DUDE YOU’RE MAKING IT TOO OBVIOUS CMON

“sounds to me like you’re daunted.” JSJS

TO INDEED BE A GOD

MEEKS AND PITTS WOTH THEIR HEADPHONES ON AWW

“PUCK YOU” LMFAOAJSJJDJ

i bet todd’s poem is actually great

“the cat sat on the mat.” DNDIDHJDJDJDHS i love how keating still said it wasn’t all bad though

BRO DAMN DONT CALL TODD AND I OUT LIKE THAT

lmfao todd’s just hating every second of this

“sweaty toothed madman” i can see that too whatsbjdjdjsn

THIS IS BETTER THAN ANY POEM I EVER TRIED TO WRITE GREAT JOB TODD

NEIL IS AMAZED

when keating pushed their foreheads together wtf aww father son love typa thing that’s so cutejjedujsidj

LMFOA NO KNOX TRIPPED

YAYY GOAL

wtf this seems so fun

“your parents collect pipes? oh that’s really interesting.” LFMAOOAJSJD I LOVE PITTS

poetrusic by charlie dalton

laughing crying mumbling tumbling

DAMN HES GOOD

the little kind of aggressive hair ruffle awwjendn

OOO VOCABULARY

LMFAO THE LITTLE CHUCKLE KNOX DOES

AWW THEYRE ALL SO HAPPY FOR KNOX

THE SCARFSJJD

“exercising my right not to walk.” smartass

it’s todd’s birthday and no one greeted him excpet neil stfukqbxqbcdbkrw

the first unmanned flying desk set yes yes

THEY ALL JUST STOOD UP LMFAO

merlin knox you are DRUNK

PLEASE DONT ISTG KNOX

THATS NOT WHAT HE MEANT BY CARPE DIEM

well you’re in deep trouble now

“it’s God. he says we should have girls at welton.” as much as i love this scene what the hell were you thinking my man

i don’t get how this was legal back then. wtf is it gonna do? you’re just hurting the kids bro

the pain in his eyes stop

“@dangitneil the name’s nuwanda.” pain brokqdb jdjf

CRAP CRAP CRAP MR PERRY GET OUT

the pic of keating’s wife/gf aww

neil you’re gonna make me cry stop

that is so odd why are their lockers like connected from the left side isn’t it usually from the right?

JSKSIJDEIUWKDRUEJSJX CHRIS IS SO DONE NODKDMD

that piece of bread

THIS GUY JUST SHOVED A KID CMON KNOX

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOTHING?”

AWW WHEN TODD MESSED UO CAMERONS HAIR

CHARLIE LMFAO I MENA NUWANDA

KNOX IS DONE W THEM TOO

chris is gorgeous omg

the snow in her hair stop marry me

“you are SO infuriating”

i hate how i’m just completely forgetting what’s gonna happen in like 10 minutes

PUCK

LMFAOTHEM HOLDING DOWN CHARLIE

“he’s really good.” AW YES HE IS FUCSHWMDMD

wait the holding hands is kinda cute thoughsjdnd

bro mr perry is making me want to kill someone maybe him

NEIL’S SMILE IMMEDIATELY WENT AWAY IHATE YOU TOM

damnit you idiot i hate you sm let your son live you bastard

sigh sigh sigh sigh sigh sobs sobs sobs

merlin neil

IM JUST NOT GONNA THINK ABOUT THIS YK

HA HA HA NOT CRYING

SIGHS AGAIN

DEAR LORD

NO TODD IS GONNA MAKE ME CRY TOO STOP

THEY ALL SEEM LIKE THEYRE IN SHOCK NO

damn everything

SIGH WHY DIDNT I STOP WATCHING? IDFK

“it’s beautiful.” NOFNEJWGHSGEMWGE NEED WH

KEATING NO

lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol lol

charlie just sitting down not singing i hate this

i probably should’ve just stopped watching yk but i didn’t but that’s okay i think

i got so pissed the first time they said that they were gonna ask questions like??? did mr perry did no at all realize that it was his fault?

sigh cameron you aren’t always that bad but in this scene i loathe you

NO RICHARD

DAMNIT YOU MADE TODD SNAP

AND CHARLIE SNAPPED TOO YOU JUST MESSED UP TOO MUCH MAN

i hate how it went from a happy dark academia movie to this cmon

todd’s dad is so mean shut up he was just asking a question

it feels so sad in the room i hate it

the empty chairs pls no

keating’s little chuckle man i miss their smiles

BRO SROP THEY LOOK SO SAD TODD ISTG

*GASP OF HAPPINESS IN THE MIDDLE OF CRYING* HUHUHUH

TODD MEEKS STICK SPAZ PITTS KNOX GEORGE? HA I LOVE YALL

and we’re done. damn okay

thanks for reading ig fjdbshsbjwhdjsj

anyways i’m tired goodnight or morning or wtvr thanks! and sorry <3

#dead poets society #dps #tw swearing #tw caps #sofia rambles #sofia watches #sigh #sniffles #HUHUHU

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dopposhusband · 4 years

Text

Which Hypmic boys could I fight and win

This is my official declaration of which hypmic boys I could kick the ass of and who would kick my ass, like real ass kicking, no hypmics because theyd all beat me because I cant rap :(. (Lets be honest the outcomes arent going to be surprising)

ICHIRO YAMADA could kick my ass, honestly, any fight with him is instantly going to become a 3v1 if his brothers are around. However, on the off chance they aren’t there, a fight with just him would still end with my loss, it’d just take a little longer. And since hes such a damn weeb he’d do that stupid anime trope thing where he offers me his hand to help me back up and Ill reluctantly accept it, then the rest of the series is us trying to figure out who we are to each other. Are we friends? Enemies? Lovers? I don’t know, all I know is that I can’t wait for the day he kicks my ass again. My win odds 3/10

JIRO YAMADA can and will kick my ass, it doesn’t take much to give him the will to fight, especially if it involves Ichiro. I don’t even have to have a bad relationship with Ichiro, hell I could just be spending a little too much time with him and Jiro would tell me to meet him outback. While I may not win physically, the moment Ichiro and I marry I will continuously remind him that I’m his brother-in-law now and if he keep being mean to me I will take away his switch. My win odds 2/10

SABURO YAMADA will get his ass kicked, look at this absolute nerd, this loser. Whats he gonna do?? Call me big words I dont understand?? While he was learning to read I was studying the blade, ha go back to the math Olympics, nerd. Although, beating up Ichiros youngest brother isn’t a good look so while Saburo won’t do it, his brothers will sure as hell kill me. My win odds 9/10

SAMATOKI AOHITSUGI will kill me, there is no ass kicking with him, hes a yakuza ffs???? HE like kills people for a living??? Like he threatens to kill the people who work under him??? You think he wont absolutely kill me for trying to start a fight??? Bruh? My win odds -10/10

JYUTO IRUMA will kick my ass, this guy is a corrupt police officer, Im sure hes had his fair share of Yakuza run ins. Im sure he has dealt with stronger people than me in groups, also speaking of corrupt like hell this guy is gonna fight fair. My only chances of winning against him is if I can take a chair against his head faster than he could to me. My win odds 1/10.

RIO BUSUJIMA would kick my ass so quick, hes also such a sweetheart, why would I ever to begin with??? Im sure he’d let me get a few hits in before I realize that they do absolutely nothing to him, then he’d knock me out in one go,,, Im sure Id wake up like half an hour later and he would have made me some scorpion soup and some lavender drink because the only reason I must've started that fight was because I was hungry. Of course I eat all of it because he deserves it, he made me such a nice meal after all. My win odds 0/10.

RAMUDA AMEMURA will get his ass kicked, but not by much, I may have the height and weight advantage but hes a lot faster. Honestly, he’d probably either out run me or exhaust me before I can really get to him. If I do get him, he def feels like the kinda person to go for the eyes so Im sure Ill at least be leaving the fight with a black eye. My win odds 7/10.

GENTARO YUMENO will get his ass kicked, this for some reason took a little bit to think about. Gentaro is another nerd although not on Saburo level, he is one of the few people in the hypmic world who can read. My win odds 8/10.

DICE ARISUGAWA will get his ass beat, in terms of ability to fight Im sure Dice can hold his own, I can totally believe he’s been in a few fights because his dumbass keeps going all in when he has no money. However, I am sick of lending him money and then having him come to my house half naked because he lost it all playing Poker, then for him to leave at 3 am after eating me out of all my food. Dont get me wrong, hes my friend but sometimes you gotta beat the shit out of your friend. My win odds 777/10.

JAKURAI JINGUJI would kick my ass, Jakurai is a very civil man so I doubt he would ever get into a real fight with me. Hes a doctor so Im sure he could hit me in just right place to subdue me, a very good man and Im terrible for going after him. An update, I got far enough in the manga and he really does subdue people with body water or whatever. My win odds 0/10.

HIFUMI IZANAMI will get his ass beat, Hifumis talents include sewing, cooking, cleaning and rapping about champagne towers. This man is not built for fighting, he is soft and I will absolutely destroy him. My win odds 9/10.

DOPPO KANNONZAKA will get his ass beat, he wouldnt really fight back if I did and he’d probably just apologize during and after it. I may come out completely unharmed but know that Im beaten emotionally, would you even call it a win? This poor man just wants to sleep and drink his lavender, why couldn’t I just let him rest. I love you Doppo and Im sorry. My win odds 10/10.

SASARA NURUDE is a funny clown man honk honk 🤡. My win odds 5/10.

ROSHO TSUTSUJIMORI will get his ass beat, put me in the right setting, give our fight an audience and Im sure he’ll knock himself out. My win odds 6/10.

REI AMAYADO would kick my ass, fuck this guy. My win odds 0/10.

KUKO HARAI would kick my ass, Kuko is a wild animal, he is rabid with nothing to lose. With one bite from him, Ill have contracted rabies in its most prime and deadly form but hey I like to think I can get one punch in before I went rabid yknow? My win odds 1/10.

JYUSHI AIMONO will get his ass beat, but why would I?? he is an absolute babey??? I may beat him now but I will pay for my sins at the gates of hell. My win odds 10/10.

HITOYA AMAGUNI will get his ass beat, stupid lawyer man, I could take you on, you absolute baboon, you will be obliterated by my hands. I will win simply because I want and deserve it more, but he will win the lawsuit when he sues me for aggravated assault. ooo i hate his stupid hair. My win odds 8/10.

#Swan isnt funny 😔#bruh i took so long making this I really hope its at least a little fun to read #I got kinda lazy on some of the characters oops #Guess who found out how to pin posts!??!?!?#Update dont know how to unpin guess thisll be my legacy

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bionicdragonguardian1 · 4 years

Text

Ranma 2/4

Part 3; Final: chapter 26-38

After this it’s on to good and proper timeline deliberation

These two are honest-to-God morons and I want to punch them in the face

*sigh* Ranma…

Y’know I almost had hope that this differed in the manga

Guess not

I DO NOT approve of alienation

However, getting emotional character development out of Ranma is like pulling teeth

So alienate away

Emotional Oof

THANK YOU!

*chuckles* Ryoga, you’re great

BREATHE

He’s dying don’t kill him early

FINALLY!

Ooo

didn’t see that coming

*tightly* I’m fine

okay, Ranma, you know what to do

*heaves giant ass sigh* RANMA!

*screams*

Look I know no chill, kay, shut up

RIP my shipping heart

*sighs* FUCK!

Not gonna lie, I’m Ranma

Careful, Akane might kill you

And with the way Hinako’s acting she deserves it

I’m actually with Nabiki on this one

I love how Ranma is rolling with this

Ooo that’s gonna sting

Those 3 are terrifying, honestly

Hinako, your timing is awful

STOP USING RANMA AS YOUR LANDING PAD SHAMPOO!

Ranma blubbering hurts WAY more than I thought it would

Ranma, you’re digging your own grave here

Someone call me when he learns his lesson FINALLY

*cringes* Yikes, tbh I can’t tell if she’s playing him

Ranma you shit

WHY

Why is it always Kuno?!

Oof this gonna hurt w Kuno’s understanding of Ranma’s curse

Expect all Ranma and Kuno- especially Ranko- interactions to hurt really bad

Ukyo, you’re an idiot

You too Ryoga

Honestly

Alright, that’s funny

Ukyo, you’re lucky they’re dumb

Oh God, you two are SO wrong, but I love it

Aaand what does that say about you two Akane?

Ooo I could make this really mean

It’s SO tempting

Well, that went nowhere

Poor Ranma

So many trans vibes, honestly

*screams* HOW? Who? WHY?!

Wha-wha-what?!?!

Ouch, that’s gonna sting SO bad

heheh

Ouch, that hurt surprisingly more than I thought it would

Further proof that Genma SUCKS

Just this once, gimme soft

PLEASE

Close enough…

Okay, this fight was AWESOME!!

*sigh* Why am I even surprised by Genma’s reasoning anymore?

If Ranma cries, Imma cry

Excuse me while I go scream

I literally don’t even know what to do with this

Chuck it in the fuck it bucket and move on, I guess

okay, the end was funny though

Soun, is that bird didn’t look out of it’s gourd I’d believe you

*Chucks whole birdhouse* “fair”

A+ pic of Ranma

In his defense, he can argue something else, they just won’t listen cuz Shampoo won’t go with the truth

Alright, so Shampoo is smart, but with Ranma she’s an idiot

Wouldn’t the smart idea be to send Ranma AND Akane in with all 4 objects at the start?

Ok, Shampoo Sleep-Fighting is funny

Ranma is so underwhelmed that he’s just not even caring anymore

How Kasumi the scariest one to be possessed

Alright, anything with Nabiki on the cover worries me

Holy Shit he played Nabiki

I’d be impressed if I wasn’t annoyed to hell

Let’s all be glad right now that Genma never mastered this

Where do you think he would’ve sent it?

My inclination’s the Tendos

If nothing else I’m impressed by Nabiki

Now play this man like a kazoo PLEASE

When Ranma lectures you on how you’re acting like kids, you done fucked up

I’m with Ranma

Are you sure Akane?

Cuz I’m not

Heheheheh

Thems the breaks Ranma

You deserve it

Holy Shit Ryoga, nice

Now, I understand that Pigs are your life, but you might be dead

And honestly, I don’t blame him

Okay, that one’s gonna hurt

No matter how you slice it

Morality, Ranma, I know you have it

I hate this

Ok, that was uncalled for

Ranma he’s gonna kill you

Also WTF are you thinking?!?

Oof

Wait… what?

I’m officially concerned

Ok, I actually kinda like this interlude

Akane… seriously, trust is a thing you need to learn

One would think she’d learn…

Okay, that is actually creepy

I would too Ranma, I would too

Jesus fucking Christ, you suck Happosai

LetRanmaMeetHisMomCOVID19!

Gemma you shit

Happosai, go fuck yourself

Nevermind, don’t let him meet her, this is ridiculous

“Where’s the fridge?” “Akane wanted it”

I shouldn’t’ve laughed as hard as I did

*sigh* I just want Ranma to have ONE normal parental figure in his life, is that too much to ask?!

I already hate this idea

He comes back Imma scream

Since when?

On what planet does penpal = boyfriend/girlfriend?

Ryoga, PICK ONE!

I’m getting annoyed with you Ryoga, which sucks cuz you’re one of my faves

Ryoga, how are you this gullible?

You deserved that Ranma

I would wish the fate of being Kuno’s wife on no one

Ever

Congrats Ukyo you’ve actually made me freak out

I don’t appreciate it

At all

*shudders*

Oh this is SO weird

Of y’all keep making comments like this WHY do you keep trying?!

Nevermind it’s Hiroshi and Daisuke, they’re in the know

I’m going to say it again

AKANE LEARNS TO SWIM LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!

This is why you don’t buy cheap food people

I can’t lie, I’ve been waiting for Akane to get possessed

That moment when the ghost is honestly being a bit too sensitive

Actually, he didn’t, so shut up

I could make the Hawaiian thing so Explicit

But I won’t, cuz y’know consequences and stuff

I’m not going to ask how Ashura drowned at Josenkyo

Taro, quit being a dick, you turn into a Minatour-like thing

God he’s dumb

When Crazy and Crazy wanna duke it out, Ranma’s got the right idea

Excuse me, what?!

Ooo, now you’ve made Akane mad, run

Wtf is wrong with you, Kodachi, he’s literally unconscious!

I think that was almost character development?

I can’t tell

Ranma should not look that good in a suit

Whoa, she actually like… said it

Damn

Everyone’s got 4 sec to start treating Ranma like a person

Oof, right in his pride

Akane, I need you to stop being cute for 3 sec so I can focus

Yeah, I ain’t making it dormant

Ranma, I can’t tell if this is sexism or jealousy, either way it looks ugly on you

“At least he’s scaring the cats” harsh Kasumi

Okay, so I’m 90% sure it’s just jealousy, which better but still ugh

Ranma, you can be kickass when Akane is too

Ya goddamn moron

I’m going to beat that into him

There will probs be some angst about that

Not gonna lie

Look I’m good at it

Sorry

Ranma, if you want to get MURDERED that’s the way to do it

Smooth one, idiot

Called out

You better do this right or I swear, I’ll kill you myself, Ranma

I believe that is a fail

Of epic proportions, congrats

You NEED to learn to keep your mouth shut Soun

Awww

But he’s not lying!

Ranma, just run, she’s actually pissed this time

FUCKING RUN!

Alright, Akane, NO

You’re playing into the patriarchy

Oh, right… 80’s...

I’m changing that!!

Oh My God PLEASE tell me Ranma gets deaged!! Please!

Ranma’s got more patience for assholes than I do

Jesus

Hah

He deserved that

Part of me wants to see Kasumi actually get pissed off

YES!!

I LOVE degaging plots!

Ranma, I want you to math that one out, just a little

YES!

I am LIVING for this!

There is so much wrong with that sentence Kodachi

Ok, that was a little too cruel Akane

Someone either get Mousse recognized as Legally Blind

Or someone get him glasses that work!

Either one, but PLEASE

I just got a “draw me like one of your french girls” joke from a horse

Even though the widespread joke is LITERALLY at least 30 years later than this image

OOF

Ice Cold

We’re running out of chapters for her to find out

She better have a canon way of doing it otherwise I’m gonna be really mean with it…

Bean… Gun… Plant…

Eh Seen weirder

Aww Valentine’s Day chapter!

Yes!

Poor Ranma

These two are blind to each other

Heheh

Aww

I love these dorks

Heheh oops, busted

I still just find the principal an honest annoyance

Wait… when did Ranma start wearing a school uniform?

Congrats Miss Hinako!

I just now realized that I’m going to have write someone who is ok with having a female chest

Gag me with a spoon

Bleh

I’m bad at that

I really do want to give Ranma clothes that do actually fit his female form

Ranma needs to look at the terms and conditions of good curse

Cuz this is getting creative

Uh oh

Ranma you have a brain, please use it

Hehe, she’s doing her body laundry

Oh shit

THANK YOU SOUN!

Fucking Happosai

Why are you the actual worst!

Oh shit

Goddammit Nodoka

That one was ALL on you

I expected this from Nabiki, but wtf Nodoka?!

Happosai you twisted fuck

Heheheh alright that’s funny

If nothing else Shampoo is sneaky

WHY is that the only way to undo it?!

Poor Akane she is so lost

Aw, poor Ryoga

Definitely not, Akane, but thank you for posing that question

Thank you for calling him out on his ego

This would be hilarious to see this before anyone had any bit of a clue about Ranma’s two forms

Also, Ranma, you need to keep her safe from the Kunos

*sigh* Akane, you’re wrong

Ooo, not good

And that is what no self control looks like folks

What is with that ending?

And this is what manipulation look like folks

Also, y’know, robbing someone blind

I’m assuming this is Konatsu and I love them already

I’m using they/them cuz I’m unsure of what pronouns to use

Y’know I thought the Cinderella thing was a joke, turns out I was wrong

I do not understand Konatsu’s thought process w Ukyo at all

Also, can you not knock them out?

I am forgetting the name of that one Hero from Supergirl but if my understanding Konatsu is correct I’m DEFINITELY going to do that

Yeah, that’s NOT how that’s gonna go over

Okay, can we all agree that the trick Kuno used on Ranma is HORRIBLE, right?

Wholeass mood for Ranma

Like you two need to shut up

I just want Ranma to wear a sun shirt and trunks to the beach ONCE

Ryoga… how are you so lost that you came up through the ground?

Ranma, how are you both a dick and a good friend at the same time?

Just tell me How on Earth did Akari justify the hot water for Ryoga with revealing that he’s Pchan

I’d like to think that’d be something they wouldn’t skip over

No questions, just punches a grave

Why does that grave hit back?

Honestly Nodoka almost finding is stressing me out

I could be SO angsty with the Neko-ken Fear thing

Someone tell me not to I’m that much of an asshole

So glad that she’s apparently gonna learn bc I would’ve been SO mean

God, Genma you actually suck

Oh, thank God she’s not too smart

The fact that he’s 300% ready to die is actually depressing

That was actually quite touching

If we ignore the way Ranma phrasing that is just plain wrong

Uhm… what?

C-can she do that?

I hope not

God, you two are so dumb!

Is her definition of “manly” emotionless?!

Bitch, have a heart!

Oh God make them ALL leave! ALL OF THEM!

You feel? You said “you’re leaving”

Ranma, the fact that you didn’t put that together I can’t help you Like my dad says “I can’t fix stupid”

The fact that he feels the need to run screaming from his own house…

Nabiki, WHY

I’m convinced at this point that there is something Nabiki HATES about Ranma and that’s why she’s making his life a living hell

Cuz you do realize at least ⅓ of his problems are because she told someone something that was private

I can’t tell if that’s an insult or a backhanded comment

Either way, RUDE

I can’t tell, is that Konatsu or is that Tsubasa?

Must go back and check cuz Akane’s comment about “trasvestite and a homosexual” confused me since Ranma mentioned being “the first male kunoichi”But then who HAS TO BE Tsubasa says they’re a straight guy

*sigh*

Yep, nope, that’s Konatsu

My understanding was that Konatsu was like actually trans in canon

Apparently I mixed that up

I’m making it canon

MtF Konatsu

Bisexual Konatsu

One of these days someone is going to teach people to cook before assuming they know what they’re doing

Seriously It’s not that hard

Did they seriously just try to marry an unconscious Akane to Ranma?!

What The Fuck?!

Aww, she’s cute

Ryoga has a bad sense of direction, but he’s never missed before…

Okay, that’s a little strange

Why is she hatching?

Poor Mousse

Lol, that was so sweet until Ranma was dumb

It’s still sweet, who am I kidding

“Do I look like I wear Totoro underwear” oh that’s GOLDEN

Le shit

Firstly, Genma is still and idiot

Second, how is he already in Moscow?!

Third, why do I find this hilarious

Oh fuck

YES Kick her ass Akane!

I’m confused

Ok, was heralding back to the first chapter intentional?

Why does he have the staff in the bath?

Ok, I THINK I know what’s happening here…

Oof Can you two leave?

Ok, I was DEAD wrong

Wait…

If she…

If the DROWNED AKANE Imma commit murder

Damn, if you wanna piss off Ranma that’s how you do it

I don’t know why anyone would think pissing him off is smart

Oh, thank God, she’s okay

What is with this kid?

Why is he such a pain in the ASS?!

So I know she’s not dead

Unless SEVERAL DOZEN Fanfics have lied to me

Which is entirely possible since they were all listed as AUs

Uhm… Ranma… you okay?

Good, get him out cuz he’s clearly in shock

This hurts

Okay, hate to be the one who complains that Akane’s not dead, but that doesn’t track

At all

Can I rescience this?

Please?

Am I going to be an ass about it, probably, but it’s me no one should be surprised by that in any way

“Honored and crazy guest” I mean, accurate

Alright, Shampoo you’ve got exactly 1 chance

Then I’ll maybe apologize for calling you names constantly

Oh I am gonna be such an asshole in this scene

Also extend it some

Oh, God I could be such a dick

I’ll restrain

I’ll just write one-shots instead

Mousse do the right thing

You have a Moral Compass I know that!

“Anytime THIS YEAR!” Damn the witty quips

Yeah, but you won morally

That’s what’s important

Why the Scooby-Doo line?

Go Ranma!

Ok, so that comment about Ranma basically fighting a God is NOT an overstatement

Noted

Congrats Ranma you made me Google a word

Turns out it is a word that had its height of use in the 80s

Neat

Explains why I had no clue what it meant

Someone shoot those damn chicken brains OUT OF THE SKY!

“Only rocks”, rocks Ryoga just confirmed are 3 Tons

*sigh* I’m gonna have to physics the shit out of that

Joy

I cannot tell you the amount my heart dropped when I saw a full color double spread

Jesus Christ

DAMN

You’re gonna make me cry, dammit

Aww

YAY!

Heheh poor Ranma

Chill, hun, you’re good

Aww he’s tiny!

WHAT IS WITH YOU 2?!

STOP trying to marry your kids while they’re unconscious!

I’m not crying you are!

*tightly* I’m fine

Kodachi LET IT GO

Literally everyone else too! I hate you all

Just so it’s on the record I’m pissed

Ok, so “back to the start” is definitely an oversimplification because Akane knows Ranma loves her Ranma knows she knows

Akane! Your turn!

Ooo, IDEA!

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lilsherlockian1975 · 6 years

Text

Wanna See My Cadavers?

A little UniLock meetcute combined with some parentLock just for funsies! There’s an explanation at the bottom. Thanking @mizjoely for looking it over for me. She is the actual best! Gonna gift it to @mrsmcrieff because she’s having a rough day. It’s completely wholesome and rated G. Enjoy ~Lil~

“How’d you two meet?” she asked his parents, causing Hal to cringe, slap his hand over his face and groan.

“Please don’t do this…” he mumbled.

“What?” Patricia defended. “They’re adorable!”

“I’ll go to your gram’s birthday party and let her call me Calvin without correcting her.”

“She gets confused. And you do have a, ah…” She cut her eyes to her boyfriend’s mother. “An interesting name…”

“Take it back!” he begged. “Tell them you really don’t care about their meetcute!”

“Too late, Halifax,” his mother said, before taking a drink of tea. “He’s gone to get The Box.”

“Bollocks!”

“Language!” both women scolded.

His father reemerged with an old shoe box that Hal knew would frighten off the girl he was quite interested in spending much more time with.

“Here we are…” he said, motioning for Hal and Patricia to move apart. “Molly, would you like to tell it or shall I?”

“Go ahead, Sherlock, I’ll pick up if you make any mistakes,” his wife replied.

“Fat bloody chance…”

o0o0o0o0o

“I don’t understand it!” Sherlock whinged.

John smirked. “I know, hard to believe, isn’t it?”

Packing up his laptop, he said, “What’s wrong with these kids!?” He hadn’t wanted to participate in this ridiculous “Math-Science Academy”, but it was required… Well, it was required for him since he’d skived off several classes and his professors were clearly punishing him.

“I blame rock music,” the med student deadpanned as he picked the tri-fold display board, huffing in frustration when Sherlock motioned for him to do it.

Sherlock ignored him; he certainly wasn’t going to carry it. That’s why he’d brought John in the first place. “Right?!” Finishing packing up in less than thirty seconds, he motioned for his best friend to follow. “I only got three of those little miscreants to sign my damned participation form…”

“And all of them thought that you were giving out free cigarettes,” John laughed.

“Absurd!” he scoffed. “As if I’d waste fags on these simpletons!” he shouted the last word at a group of unsuspecting teens.

“Hey!” John held up his hands, trying to calm the man down and smiling at the kids. “Sorry, he’s off his meds,” he whispered.

“I heard that!”

“You hear everything.”

The pair continued, John following after Sherlock until…

“Where are we going?” the med student asked as they walked. “Why are we in the basement?”

The only good thing about the event was that it was being held in Quigley Hall, the lower half of which held the biology and life sciences departments. Sherlock was determined that the day wouldn't be an entire waste.

“Are you going to try to steal an arm again? ‘Cause, you know, I don’t want to have anything to do with…”

Just then they walked around a corner, coming up on a small woman wearing glasses and a white lab coat.

“Oops! Hi!” she said cheerfully. “Wanna see my cadavers?”

The men looked at each other, then back to the woman.

“Yes..?” Sherlock answered, not really sure what was going on but who would turn down a corpse?

The woman beamed. “Really?! No one else came to my presentation. Odd, don’t you think? I mean who turns down a corpse?”

John laughed but Sherlock was gobsmacked. He finally got a good look at the woman. She was tiny and… quite pretty. Those weren’t glasses, she was wearing, but goggles. And they’re splattered with blood! As was her lab coat, on closer inspection.

“You’re a pathology student,” he observed.

She nodded then turned, pointing to a sign just to her left that read: Pathology… we go elbows deep to find the evidence. As if that wasn’t horrible enough, she had also - he quickly deduced that the strange (but adorable) woman was responsible for the dry erase monstrosity - drawn dead bodies, complete with Xs for eyes and various vital organs lying about. She wasn’t a bad artist, all things considered. Though she might have overdone it with the excessive ‘droplets of blood’.

For the first (and last, as it would turn out) time in his life, Sherlock Holmes thought he might be in love.

“John,” he said, shoving his laptop toward his amused friend. “Don’t wait up.”

“What?” the confused man asked.

Sherlock smiled at the woman. “I’d be happy to see your cadavers… I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name?”

“Oh, Molly. Molly Hooper.”

He stepped forward and took her hand, lightly kissing the back of it. “Molly Hooper,” he said, letting the syllables roll off of his tongue. “Shall we?”

o0o0o0o0o

“Awww” Hal’s excited girlfriend squealed. “That is so adorable!”

Hal just rolled his eyes.

“It’s also wrong,” Mum said with a huff.

“What, pray tell, did I get wrong, dearheart?” his dad asked.

“I did not overdo the blood on the sign.”

His father just rolled his eyes.

Patricia giggled. “What’s in the box?”

“Ah, yes. I took pictures of our first autopsy,” Dad explained.

“You’re kidding?!” she exclaimed and Hal cringed...again.

Here it comes. Another one bites the dust! And I really like her...

“Ooo! Actual photos?” She looked from his dad to his mum. “Fascinating. Can you talk me through it, though? I’m afraid I don’t know much about pathology, but I’d love to learn.”

His parents both grinned and Hal breathed a sigh of relief. Okay, so maybe they wouldn't scare this one off…

Okay, so here’s the story…

My husband (such a nerd) went to something called Math-Science Academy at a nearby college when he was like 16. He has ton of funny stories about the ‘camp’ and last night he was telling the boys one of them that I’d forgotten about. Evidently, he was finished with one of the projects, wandering around, looking for something to do, and came upon the biology/life sciences department. This strange little man walked up and said (I quote): “wanna see my cadavers?”. Of course, Mr Lil said yes (like who wouldn’t?). It inspired me and there you have it. Cheers and thanks for reading! ~Lil~

#sherlolly #unilock #parentlock #meetcute #MrsMCrieff

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lady-divine-writes · 7 years

Text

Klaine one-shot - “Difficult as Pie” (Rated PG13)

Old body issues crop up for Blaine when he enters a pie eating contest at Tracy's school in an attempt to win her first prize. (1191 words)

A/N: Okay, so this came about as a combination of things - first, my own issues with entering a hot dog eating contest with my son a while back and second, the crazy prizes that one of our local elementary schools was offering at a fundraiser not too long ago. Also, this au assumes that Mercedes was Kurt and Blaine's surrogate, and therefore Tracy's biological mother, as I have mentioned in others of my Kurt and Blaine as daddies stories :) Warning for discussion of body and self-esteem issues.

Read on AO3.

“Participants in the Harvey Milk Elementary School Charity Pie Eating Contest, will you please take your seats. We’ll be starting in just a few minutes.”

“Thank you, Daddy! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!” Tracy chants as she leads her fathers to a long, covered table sitting on plastic at the front of the gymnasium. She pulls out the last chair and pats the seat for Blaine to sit in.

“It’s no problem, Bun-Bun.” Blaine looks from his adorable, bunheaded daughter, to the white folding chair she’s presenting proudly to him, his smile strained. “I know how much you want that first prize.”

“And you’re gonna win it!” Tracy beams. “I’ve seen you eat a whole cronut in one bite! You’re a shoe in!”

“I appreciate your faith in me,” Blaine says uncomfortably.

“Why don’t you go find your Aunt Rachel and watch Daddy from the audience, hmm?”

“Okay, Daddy.” Tracy rises up on her tiptoes to give Blaine a hug. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Blaine says, placing a kiss on the part in her hair.

“Now git!” Kurt gives her tush a swat and sends their giggling girl into the crowd of teachers, parents, and second graders, all waiting for the pie eating contest to start. He waits until he sees Tracy locate Rachel and leap into her arms before he turns back to his husband, sullenly fingering the plastic bib the organizers left for the participants. “Okay. Now that Bun-Bun’s gone, what’s wrong, Blaine?”

Blaine turns the bib over in his fingers and sighs. “Would it be lame to say that this is kind of triggering for me?”

“Not at all,” Kurt says, laying a hand on Blaine’s arm and giving it a squeeze. “You’ve had issues with food ever since college. It had a huge impact on you. That kind of thing doesn’t go away easily. Sometimes it doesn’t go away at all.”

“Yeah, well, I thought it had,” Blaine says, sighing in defeat and frustration.

A man wearing an apron and carrying a tray full of pies sets one down at Blaine’s spot. Other participants begin to fill the chairs, joking about the big bellies they’re going to go home with and how they’re going to need bigger pants. One gentleman watching the pies being doled out announces in a rather enthusiastic and bizarre impression of some character from the most recent Mad Max movie (and that’s all Kurt knows about that), “Oh, what a day! What a lovely day!”

Kurt watches his husband eye the baked goods and listen to their talk, a subconscious hand coming up to touch his waist.

“Sweetheart,” Kurt says, “we’re here to have fun. And you signed up for the pie eating contest because you thought it would be fun …”

“And tasty,” Blaine adds in an attempt at humor.

“And because your daughter wants you to win her a prize,” Kurt includes. “But if it doesn’t feel like fun anymore, you can totally back out.”

“What about Tracy?” Blaine asks softly, raising his eyes to look at their daughter sitting with Rachel, bouncing excitedly in her chair as she goes on and on about something. Whatever it is, she has Rachel’s complete attention, and Kurt is thankful for that.

It gives Blaine the freedom to be honest without feeling the need to put on a strong face for his daughter.

“Tracy will understand,” Kurt promises. “She’s a kind, compassionate little girl …”

“Well, she gets that from you,” Blaine says, echoing a sentiment Kurt’s father had shared with Blaine about his own son long ago.

“If you tell her that doing this will make you feel bad about yourself, she’ll understand.”

“Yeah, but she might feel guilty for asking me in the first place, and I don’t want that.”

Kurt sighs. Everyone told him that being a parent would be difficult – the hardest job he’d ever love - but Kurt always thought they meant the worrying about his child, the night after night spent awake with them while they vomit in the toilet, stumbling through math concepts he hadn’t studied in years in an attempt to help with homework, or nursing an aching heart after a bad breakup. It hadn’t crossed Kurt’s mind that it also meant the wear and tear on his soul, the moments of self-doubt, the negotiating with his comfort zones.

How often he’d feel like a failure.

That applied to Blaine, too - the man that Kurt thought would fall so easily into parenthood considering how often he mentioned wanting to work with kids, and whose fallback career (if he didn’t make it on Broadway) was preschool teacher.

“I know you want to do everything possible for your daughter. You’d bend over backwards to make her happy. But you also have to do what’s right for you. I know that winning a lunch date with her favorite teacher is a big deal for her, but if we slipped the PTA a few front row tickets to your next opening night for the raffle, I’m pretty sure Mrs. Perkins would be willing to find time to join us at Chuck E. Cheese’s one afternoon.”

Blaine nods. “Okay. I guess that’s something to think about. But, if I do go through with this, will you help me burn off the extra weight?”

“Absolutely,” Kurt says, giving Blaine a kiss on the cheek. “All one and a quarter pounds of it.”

“Will you go jogging with me?”

“Of course.”

“Will you lift weights with me?”

“Yes.”

“Will you go to the gym with me?”

“Whatever you want. In fact …” Kurt moves closer to Blaine’s right ear, not wanting to be overheard by the three parents who just sat down in their vicinity “… this isn’t a bribe but, if you go through with this, I’ll come up with a special exercise program just for you. You know, to help you shed the weight.”

Blaine turns to look at his husband, his curiosity piqued. “That sounds interesting. What kind of special exercise program?”

“I’m thinking a three-day weekend at that hot springs we went to in California. We’ll get Rach to watch Bun-Bun, rent that suite we had before with the Jacuzzi in the living room …”

“Ooo,” Blaine says, getting excited about his husband’s idea. “We can go hiking, biking, do that yoga in the heat you liked so much.”

“Or, we can, you know, spend all of our time in our room, coming up with an intimate little cardio routine of our own …”

Blaine stares in his husband’s eyes, trying to picture what in the world Kurt could be implying. Kurt bounces his eyebrows when he sees recognition dawn in Blaine’s eyes, lighting his smile.

Blaine grabs his plastic bib off the table and, forgoing the ties in the back, shoves it down the front of his shirt.

“Witness me!” he yells, taking his seat beside his competitors and burying his face in his pie on the table.

“Blaine!” Kurt yelps, taking a step back so he doesn’t get blueberry all over his Gucci jeans. “They haven’t even said go yet!”

#klaine fanfiction #klaine fic #klaine #frankie writes

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vishers · 4 years

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Friday-ish Links

Learn Fast and Read Things: why (and how) we started a technical reading group

I've long wanted to facilitate a reading group or three. I'm deeply in love with reading and I think that we all need to do more of it, especially of non-fiction books.

via Issue #392, 29th May 2020 - SoftwareLeadWeekly

"Vigilance is not a strategy"

This places additional responsibilities on the open source maintainer. One law we see time and time again is “you cannot fix things with discipline.” First of all, they simply don’t work: see all the data breaches at professional, “responsible” companies. Also, discipline approaches do not scale. This problem happened because a single contributor for a single package made an error. At the time of the attack, Copay had thousands of package dependencies. That means that thousands of maintainers cannot make any mistakes or else the system is in trouble. And even if they all have perfect discipline, this still doesn’t prevent dependency attacks. A malicious actor could seed a package and use it later, or steal someone else’s account.

STAMPing on event-stream • Hillel Wayne

Showed my 2 oldest kids Jaws for the first time. I had forgotten so much of the structure of that movie, especially of the first two acts. It was a good time.

My Dad wanted to watch a scary movie with the kids but he's not a big fan of scary movies at all so he chose Rear Window. What a masterpiece. There are some comically bad acting moments though.

A friend of my wife's recommended that she watch Seventh Seal. It did not dissapoint. Definitely going to rewatch it.

I played through Antichamber with the kids. What a mind-bender! This is way up there in terms of my favorite puzzle games that I've played. I admit though that I had to cheat a bit at the end. My one critique is that you can get quite lost.

We also just finished playing To The Moon. It was a really touching story that took about 4 hours for us to get through. Well worth the investment. It definitely touched on some darker/adultish themes so you may want to think twice before taking your family through it depending on your tolerance for that stuff.

And another game we recently finished was Brothers - A Tale of Two Sons. This one was also a satisfying puzzle experience and told its story without out any actual dialog or subtitles which was quite creative. There were some very intense emotional moments. Highly recommended.

Everything You Know About Latency Is Wrong – Brave New Geek

I'm having a hard time parsing this one. I need to go through it with someone who gets the Maths better than I do.

via Stuart Sierra on Twitter: "Most latency measurements are wrong https://t.co/T30WP73Q0d" / Twitter

LPT_LISA

There's a lot of really good advice here which is why I'm linking it at all but there's also a ton of misinformation as usual with linux/shell info you find on The Internet. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

via Devops Weekly

Technology Radar | An opinionated guide to technology frontiers | ThoughtWorks

I haven't had much of a chance yet to explore this but the Radar is always worth taking the time to go through.

From 25 Minutes to 7 Minutes: Improving the Performance of a Rails CI Pipeline

Ooo I love the idea of setting a maximum test time and marking the test as skipped in CI if it exceeds it.

Making CIDER more language agnostic? (decoupling Clojure assumptions from CIDER's nREPL client) · Issue #2848 · clojure-emacs/cider

This could be an interesting development.

The Wrong Question About Docker and Kubernetes - DEV

I wish more people could understand that if you already are deploying immutable infrastructure and already follow 12Factor then Docker/k8s demand much more than they buy.

"Wow, maybe Corey's right when he refers to Kubernetes as overly complicated nonsense" isn't what I expected to read when I clicked this link, but y'know what? I'll take it.

via This Week in AWS #163

How AWS Lambda team made my two years old talk completely irrelevant

Serverless keeps moving. I need to explore it more. The more I see of k8s the more I feel like someone just needs to hide it from me and let me use it. Oh wait, ECS…

AWS CLI with jq and Bash - circuitpeople - Medium

If you're not already convinced that jq is amazing this post should convince you or nothing will. It's not the best formatted post I've ever seen though. jq is a tool I demand on my servers.

So You Suddenly Need to Reduce Your AWS Bill: 4 Things We Did – Patientco

Some good tips here and some more evidence of the pound of flesh k8s wants from you.

Re: name of a global variable to store the result of a function

Bash Builtins (Bash Reference Manual)

printf -v ... seems useful!

"Community Driven Development" by Christine Zagrobelny - YouTube

I liked both the social angle of this talk as well as they discussion of software development as a holistic thing where support and operation is just as if not more important than initial development.

Dead man's switch - Wikipedia

Want to Understand Computer Science? Study Abstraction.

I'm a firm believer in the statement that developers should understand in detail the layer beneath the abstraction layer they usually work at. Going beneath that is rarely important.

Gergely Orosz on Twitter: "Five senior devs in the room, arguing about how to proceed, not making any headway. You’re one of them. What do you do?" / Twitter

There are plenty of cynical responses, but also a lot of great resources and advice included for us to learn from. What would you do? I'd think "can we agree at least on the pains and requirements?", and then move to "who should own it? Who will wake up at night if it goes wrong? Is the decision reversible? Can we let them move forward and support them?"

Learn to never be wrong.

OPINIONS | SHIVAM DIXIT

I'm going to get a lot out of this over the next few years I think.

via Issue #391, 22nd May 2020 - SoftwareLeadWeekly

Elided Branches: Product for Internal Platforms

"These are some things I’ve observed and learned in this process. I share them with you because I think many folks in platform-type teams, especially engineers and those of you on platform teams without formal product managers, might benefit from understanding how to approach these problems." – if you're part of an engineering Platform team or have such team in your organization, share this post by Camille Fournier with them. Think a lot about how you build relationships, create visibility and put your customers first. We build systems, but it's humans who operate them.

via Issue #391, 22nd May 2020 - SoftwareLeadWeekly

Navigating the depths of nearly failing to profitability, Part 1: A Brewing storm | Tettra

Most companies talk about how they're killin' it, growing faster than ever and raising huge rounds of money with no pain. I wanted to share Andy Cook's story from Tettra because it's important to see how the struggle looks like from the inside. I'm cheering for them and for their herculean effort to stay alive and get to profitability. I highly recommend reading all 4 parts, of course.

via Issue #391, 22nd May 2020 - SoftwareLeadWeekly

Shane Parrish's answer to How can I get better at probabilistic thinking? - Quora

For those of you who didn't read about the topic so far or follow Shane Parrish (his podcast, the Knowledge Project, is one of my favorites), this is an excellent intro into one of the pieces that made me change the way I make decisions.

via Issue #391, 22nd May 2020 - SoftwareLeadWeekly

#friday-ish links

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