#listen they may be ugly but at least im not promising you more hair than youre getting

[paul-simon-juggling]

The Paul Simon Special and it's increasingly cursed box art and their insistence on using images from anything except The Paul Simon Special.

#also 90% sure they reused the photo with his hand on his chin and just... #photoshopped a different shirt and tie on him??? #not only are we not using images from the actual special #we're reusing an image from about 5 years later #are we that bankrupt of paul simon photos that we had to do that? #they really like that photo from Live from Philadelphia #its the late 70s version of clickbait but with paul simons hairline #and u know what else #on the only three covers with pics from even remotely the same time as when the thing was filmed #we're gonna give you the most cursed imagery youve ever seen #the green one looks like a passport photo that isnt good enough to be a passport photo #its the most common box art from what i can see #but i dont want that thing in my house #also love how none of the reviews mention paul in the slightest #the ones that use pics from the special said yeah and we're gonna balance it out with the most illegible graphic design youve ever seen #all of these box arts have the same energy as my youtube thumbnails #listen they may be ugly but at least im not promising you more hair than youre getting #a really special special #yeah it sure is what the fuck #paul simon #the paul simon special #simon and garfunkel #simon & garfunkel #art garfunkel #chevy chase #snl #classic snl #s&g

[ad1thi]

one kiss (is all it takes)

strides in a year later with an iced latte) im back bitches. this is so so late it’s actually a joke, but finally - here’s part 3 of my greek gods au!! i lost steam for this series a while back, but i felt horrible about leaving you guys without any resolution - so i have slaved away and (hopefully) put together a conclusion to this series!! this series is now complete, though i’m not ruling out the possibility of revisiting it, perhaps if i get a commission or something. i hope you guys like it!!

//

Being back in Olympus is both deeply unsettling and achingly familiar at the same time. Bucky isn’t sure how much time has passed between the day he was kidnapped by Joann Schdmit and the current day, primarily because Gods were rarely fastidious about the passage of time, but also because it simply hadn’t occurred to Bucky to ruminate on it.

Olympus was his home yes, but more recently, home was wherever Tony was. Home is where the heart is,he thinks to himself, oddly fascinated by how the mortal phrase rang so true. 

They left Hel shortly after Tony was done repairing his vehicle, and it was a short trip back to Olympus.

“I call it a Quinjet,” he’d said, rubbing the outer surface like one might caress a lover, “but I’m not completely decided on the name yet.”

“Quinjet sounds good,” Bucky had replied, “I like it.” Tony had smiled at him then, wide and beaming for a precious couple of seconds, before he seemed to remember that he was keeping distance from Bucky and the smile had dimmed.

Most of their trip back to Olympus had continued on in a similar fashion. Whatever it was that Bucky shattered in Hel, it was feeling unfixable - despite Rhodey’s promises that Tony was warming up to Bucky, that he had a shot. It continually felt like they were taking two steps forward and five steps backwards, but even so - Bucky wouldn’t trade the precious time he got with Tony on the Quinjet for anything.

Especially now that he knows the minute they stepped foot in Olympus, Tony hid away in his workshop without so much as a goodbye. It can’t have been more than a few days since they returned back, and yet Bucky aches with the desire to chase down his husband, demand his time and affection.

A God’s place is sacred though, a sanctuary that not even a spouse may trespass on, so Bucky is resigned to waiting for Tony to re-emerge, hoping that he’ll get a chance to talk to Tony - or at the very least, an explanation about what he did wrong.

Distantly, he wonders if the mortals he paired together ever found it quite this hard to secure the one that their heart desires. He has newfound appreciation for the troubles of the men and women he would inspire love in, because he wasn’t doing them any favours - not if it felt like this.

//

“Bucky!” a voice behind him cries, and Bucky turns to see Steve running up to him, arms spread out and a wide grin on his face. Before Bucky can open his mouth to ask what Steve is doing here, or how he found Bucky, or even why it’s taken Steve this long to seek him out; he’s wrapped up in Steve’s arms, one hand reaching up to cradle his chin and pull him in for a kiss.

Bucky responds almost instinctively, over a thousand years of memorising each other’s bodies, or seeking comfort in each other’s arms rising to the surface and taking a hold of him. His one arm fits itself around Steve’s waist as Steve crumples his fingers in Bucky’s hair; long and curling around his shoulder because it’s been a while since he’s cut it.

Steve’s tongue flits out, tracing the edges of his lips, and Bucky lets him in, opens his mouth and lets Steve follow familiar passages; licking inside his mouth and making Bucky’s toes curl. It’s only when Steve’s other hand snakes down to palm his rear does Bucky realise what he’s doing; who he’s doing it with - and untangles himself from Steve; breaking off their kiss with a wet pop.

Steve leans forward; chasing his lips, eyes blinking open and brows furrowing when Bucky moves his hand to still him.

“Is something the matter my love?” Steve asks with a pout, tilting his head. There was a time in Bucky’s life when he found the tilt endearing, when Steve pouting his lips made him want to lean in and pull at the bottom lip with his teeth. Now, he feels vaguely nauseated.

“Buck, Is everything okay?” he must take too long to answer, because Steve reaches out, presumably to grip his shoulder and get Bucky’s attention; but Bucky flinches before he even makes contact. He knows from the way Steve stiffens, that the movement doesn’t go unnoticed.

“Buck?” he tries again, “Did something happen to you while you were imprisoned?”

Bucky laughs lowly, “So you noticed that did you? I wasn’t sure if you even missed my presence, since my husband had to come save me. I’ve been back on Olympus almost a month, and this is the first time you’ve sought me out.”

Steve ducks his head at that, looking contrite, and if this was another time, Bucky might feel guilty for making him look like that. Now though; Bucky is rapidly realising how betrayed he felt that Steve wasn’t the one to save him; emotions that he bottled up and set aside are bubbling and boiling over - and he doesn’t have it in him to care what Steve is feeling right now.

“I was caught up with Joann,” Steve spreads his hands helplessly, “You know how it is when one of our kids succeeds. You get swept up in it, never focusing on anything else.”

“Did you know?” he asks, because even though Tony said that he was unaware, even though there was nothing to indicate that Steve knew, Bucky needs to ask. He doesn’t think he’ll sleep if he doesn’t, “Did you know what Joann was going to do to me? Did you help him? Tell me when I was weakest, the easiest way to strike? ”

Steve looks at him with an indescribable expression, “Bucky! How could you ask me that?”

“I need to know, Steven. Answer the question.”

“I didn’t know,” Steve reaches out and grips Bucky’s hand, looking at him imploringly, “I promise on my Father, I didn’t know.”

Bucky doesn’t jerk out of his grip, but he does pull until Steve loosens his hold, “Then why did you never come for me?”

It’s a question that haunted Bucky, ever since the first days when he realised that he’d been kidnapped; that a demigod had gotten the better of him. Contrary to what mortals think, he doesn’t have a lot of pride. But that doesn’t mean he has none. He might not be old, but even Bucky knows that demigods don’t take down Gods; not without help.

Steve jerks away from him, and Bucky realises with sudden clarity that he’s ashamed. Bucky doesn’t think he’s ever seen Steve ashamed.

“I didn’t notice,” he finally spits out, “Is that what you wanted to hear Bucky? That I didn’t notice? That I was too caught up in my son’s achievements to notice his failings? Not even your absence could shake me away. He was doing so well, so fierce and powerful. I couldn’t -”

 He cuts off, lip curling, “It’s not an excuse, I know. But it’s all I’ve got. Is this what you wanted to hear?”

“No,” Bucky says honestly, “No it isn’t. But I needed to know. You understand that right? I needed to know.”

“Yeah I do,” Steve reaches for him again; and this time Bucky lets him, “I understand. I’m sorry. I truly am. Let me show you how much.”

“No I don’t -” Bucky grips his fingers around Steve’s wrist, stilling his hand’s descent, “I’ve had a lot of time to think Steve; during my time away. I don’t think we should do this anymore, I don’t think we should be us anymore. I’m married.”

Steve’s eyes narrow; and it’s been so long since Bucky has since his jealousy side, he’s forgotten how ugly it is, “That never stopped you before. You’ve been married over a thousand years Buck, you mean to tell me you’ve grown a conscience now?”

“Perhaps,” Bucky says, in a soft, placating tone, “Or perhaps I realised that there’s more to my husband than meets the eye. He did rescue me after all.”

“Oh so this is a pity fuck,” Steve says in a cruel tone, “You don’t owe him anything, you know that right. He’s still the same cripple you married 1000 years ago. He’s still the same God who spread his legs for anyone - “

Bucky thinks that Steve had more to say, but he doesn’t get to hear it, not when he lifts his hand and backhands him; hard enough that Steve staggers back clutching his cheek. He looks shocked, like he can’t believe what Bucky just did; but Bucky doesn’t care - he’s burning with anger.

“You would do well to watch your words Ares,” his voice drips with contempt, “that’s my husband you’re talking about. You have many liberties, but they don’t extend to the one I love.”

“So you love him now do you?” Steve’s bent over slightly; fingering touching his cheek; but the meek look does nothing to bely his words, “You always were easy Aphrodite, always so willing to bend over for the slightest morsel of affection.”

“I believe my husband told you to watch your tongue, Ares” says a voice behind them, and Bucky and Steve turn in unison to see Tony standing at the edge; leaning against a pillar, “If you don’t listen; I’ll have to take drastic measures. If memory serves, you didn’t do too well the last time you went up against me.”

It’s a low blow, to bring up the fight that almost tore Olympus apart; Tony and Steve raging at each other with the full might of their stations. Many lives were lost in the midst of their feud; and it was only Father promising Bucky’s hand in marriage to Tony that stayed the bloodshed. It’s an extremely low blow; one that Bucky wouldn’t have expected from Tony - but he can’t find it in him to be upset that Tony used it.

Steve sticks his tongue out like he wants to say something; but wisely doesn’t. Tony walks up to Bucky in purposeful strides; and wraps one hand around his bicep. It’s a distinctly possessive move; and Bucky can feel Steve’s eyes burning against the move - but they all know there’s nothing that Steve can do.

Finally, Steve straightens his back and turns on his heel, “Yes my lord,” he says in a formal tone; at complete odds with the way he’s holding himself. “I apologise Aphrodite, I spoke out of turn.”

Bucky nods, once; and Steve walks away, not giving either of them a second glance. A small part of Bucky aches; that this is how 1000 years ends, but he can’t bring himself to regret it. Perhaps how it ended, but never that it ended. Not if it lead to Tony curling his hand around Bucky’s bicep; marking Bucky as his.

“Did you mean it?” Tony asks suddenly, after Steve is gone from sight, “What you said to Steve?”

“I did,” Bucky says honestly, turning to Tony so that he can face him completely, “I tried to tell you, before we reached Olympus - but I could never find the words. And after …” he trails off, gesturing vaguely to indicate the way Tony had all but run away from him.

“You love me?” Tony asks, with no small amount of wonder in his voice, and Bucky doesn’t think he’ll ever forgive himself for the way he treated Tony, for the way Tony is still questioning his every move.

He cups Tony’s face, tilting it up slightly so that Tony can look inside his eyes and feel his sincerity, “I cannot make up for the last 1000 years. There’s no excuse, nothing I can say that will ever rationalise what I did to you; how I treated you. I was vindictive about being married off like chattel, and I took it out on you when I shouldn’t have. It was wrong; and if you allow me - I will spend the rest of my time making it up to you. I love you, my lord; utterly and completely and fully.”

Tony searches his face, and he must find what he’s looking for, because he breaks out into a tentative smile, “You love me.”

“I do,” Bucky rubs his thumb against Tony’s cheek softly, “God help me I do.”

Tony leans up on his toes, and brings their lips together; a chaste, innocent kiss. Bucky is the God of Love; he’s been with the most wanton and unscrupulous of lovers. He’s lain with more people he can count, felt thousands of different lips against his.

His husband’s however, might be his favourite.

Fin

//

tagging list: (im sorry if i missed anyone):  @wecollectnightmares, @imposter-human, @goldenmoonbeam, @crazy4thewinbros, @error-name-not-in-this-dimension, @slashupmylife, @bonniepacheco, @lionheartwithnoking, @moon6shadow, @mrunaliniraman, @starkwannabe @wintersoldierland, @theavengays, @nightwingingthis, @bonniepacheco, @lionheartwithnoking, @mbakusbae, @invisibleanonymousmonsters, @firebrands, @omg-just-peachy, @starkrogerrs, @spiderrpcrker,  @marvelmalady, @amessoffeels, @afellowstargazingdreamer, @sweet-cherry-boy, @aboreal-elm-ash-oak, @tinystankdefensesquad, @lovelyirony,@s-horne,  @winteriron-trash, @shetlandowl, @angxlsgrxce, @diazalex, @lovingtony3000, @kimannhart, @oddone92, @sleepyoldchild, @riotfalling,  @thefluffyboi, @stcrkly, 

#my writing #buckytony #winteriron #bucky barnes x tony stark #bucky/tony #bucky barnes/tony stark #the second (love of his life) AU #greek gods AU #one kiss (is all it takes) #this is slightly steve unfriendly #aphrodite! bucky #hephaestus!tony #ares! steve #first kiss

[cluttermind]

Without A Parachute (7/15) - Silver, Gold, and Secrets

Summary:  Emma worked tremendously hard to give herself a better chance. From group homes, to living in her car, to ivy league student, this English Major’s only solace was escaping her reality through books. One night, Emma comes home to find a small package with only her name on it written in beautiful calligraphy. The package contains a thick, brown leather journal. Emma soon learns that the fiction she writes in the journal eventually becomes reality. Will Emma learn to control this gift, or will she fall too fast into the temptation to change too much? With the help of her good friends August, Robin, and Elsa, and the mysterious, intriguing bartender of The Jolly Roger, Emma discovers just how easy it is to lose control, and how difficult it is to pick up the pieces.

Rating: M

Words: 31,139 total / 6,952 Ch 7

Read on ao3: Beginning | Current

A/N: Sorry again for the inconsistent posting schedule! I'm trying so hard to stay on track. Here's a LONG chapter with a whole lot happening to make up for it :) Enjoy some fluff, plot, and smut! 

Also the formatting is better on ao3 so I’d recommend reading there :)

//

I dreamt I saw you walking up a hillside in the snow

Casting shadows on the winter sky as you stood there counting crows

One for sorrow

Two for joy

Three for girls and four for boys

Five for silver

Six for gold and

Seven for a secret never to be told

- Counting Crows, Murder of One

Cold, Emma rolled over to snuggle closer to Killian. Instead she rolled flat onto her stomach. She blindly reached out, slapping the empty mattress next to her trying to find him. Groaning when she concluded he wasn’t next to her, Emma rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, checking the clock next to her. 9:30 am . Sighing, she dragged herself out of bed and made her way downstairs. Halfway down the stairs she spotted Killian in the kitchen. His phone was in his hand. His ear buds were in. And he was dancing . Like an idiot. In boxers and a t-shirt. His hair still messy from bed. God, he was awful. But fuck he was sexy.

He clearly didn’t notice her because he didn’t stop, only slowed a bit to fill the coffee maker with water. So Emma snuck up behind him and joined his ridiculous dancing. Eventually he turned around, saw her, and broke out into a fit of laughter.

“What’re we dancing to?” Emma yelled so he could hear her over his music. It was so loud she could hear it faintly from where she was in front of him. In response, Killian connected his phone to the bluetooth speaker on the counter and blasted Your Such A Mystery by Bleachers.

To anyone on the outside of their bubble they looked ridiculous. To Emma, it looked like what love should be. Or, at least, what she had always imagined it to be. Jumping around the kitchen at 9:30 in the morning in their pajamas, everything felt comfortable and wonderful. Maybe it was the endorphins talking but she felt like she was on cloud nine. And when Killian pulled her close to him to kiss her passionately, she believed that this must be the high people tried to chase with drugs. Who needs drugs when they have a Killian?

When the song ended, Killian pulled back. “Coffee, love?”

“That depends. It’s not the same crap you have at the pub, is it?” Emma teased. Killian lowered the music so they didn’t have to scream to have a conversation when they were standing in each other's personal space.

He chuckled. “I promise it’s not. It’s local and it’s sweet. You’ll like it.” Killian poured them each a mug of coffee. He was right, she did like it. There was a hit of chocolate that did, in fact, make the bitter drink a little sweeter. She hummed softly, enjoying the comfort of the warm mug in her hand as the coffee started to bring her back to reality.

“What is it?”

“Ithaca House Blend from Ithaca Coffee Company. It’s fair trade and organic.” He explained, taking a sip from his mug.

“Why don’t you serve this at the Jolly?”

“Because it’s not cheap and I spend money on alcohol. You and maybe 2 other people have ever ordered coffee there.”

“Maybe that’s because they know you serve shit coffee.”

Killian chuckled. “Maybe.” Emma hopped up to sit on the island while Killian leaned back against the counter across from her. They drank their coffee for a moment in comfortable silence, listening to the music coming softly through the speaker on the counter. “How are you this morning?” He asked, tentatively. Concern blanketed his words, silently asking whether he hurt her, whether she regretted it, whether she enjoyed it. He was familiar with the buzz that an orgasm left him in and the way it sometimes, or more recently the way it often, faded the following morning. That morning, however, he woke up happier than he had ever been. Killian, who was much more of a night owl than an early bird, nearly sprung out of bed dancing while he replayed every glorious moment of the previous night a little too graphically according to a certain part of him that was more awake than the rest of him. That’s how he ended up dancing alone in his kitchen. Partially because he was happy, partially because he needed to work off the stress that started to settle in his stomach when he remembered the countless nights he regretted the morning after and wondered if that was how Emma would feel.

Emma knew. She knew exactly what he was asking when he spoke. “Cold. I did wake up alone while someone was having a dance party without me.”

Killian chuckled, set his mug down and moved to wrap his arms around her. Emma’s legs wrapped around his waist and his arms around his neck. “Better?”

“Much,” she said, nuzzling her face into the crook of his neck.

“I have to pick up a few things from my apartment today and I assume you need some things from yours. I thought we could get that out of the way this morning, binge some Netflix or break out the DVD collection,” Killian’s voice dropped, “maybe jump in the hottub later?”

Emma sighed, heat pooling in her belly. “That sounds wonderful.”

They finished their coffee and made their way upstairs to get dressed during which Killian spent more time staring at Emma than actually pulling his own clothing on and Emma spent more time staring at Killian than actually pulling on her clothes and if it wasn’t for that lingering, delicious, ache between her legs reminding her of the previous night’s activity there likely would’ve been a repeat.

“Later,” Emma purred as she walked past him and out of the bedroom carrying her bag with her. Like a puppy, he followed her, hanging on each syllable that fell from her mouth.

They hopped in Killian’s car and drove back to Collegetown. In the daylight, the view from their drive was wonderful. Half the way back Emma could see the lake. She let her mind drift as she stared off into the distance, Killian tuning the radio to the local college modern rock station - WICB 91.7 FM. Emma’s eyes drifted to sleep from the soft vibrations of the car. Unfortunately her nap, which was more like sleep part 2 considering she had only been up for about an hour, was quickly interrupted by Killian gently shaking her shoulder. He had parked right outside the Jolly Roger.

“Swan, wake up, love.” He placed a kiss to her temple as if he was bribing her to open her eyes.

“Five more minutes,” Emma grumbled.

“You can go right back to sleep when we get back to the house but right now I need you to pack.” Emma groaned, refusing to open her eyes. “Or else.” Killain smirked

“Or else what?”

“Or else I’ll withhold sex from you all week.” He toyed.

Emma opened her eyes for the sole purpose of glaring at him. If looks could kill, Killian surely would’ve been dead in that moment. Then she closed her eyes again. “Okay goodnight.”

Killian scoffed. “Fine. Then I won’t buy you breakfast.”

Emma’s ears perked up and she instantly opened her eyes. “CTB?”

“If I say yes will you please go pack?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.”

Emma jumped out of the car, slamming the door a little too hard in her excitement. Killian mentally noted that she was significantly more food motivated than sex motivated and went to his apartment to pack his own things.

In her bedroom Emma stared at the handful of clothes she owned. She grabbed a few pairs of jeans and leggings and a pair of sweatpants, her favorite Cornell sweatshirt and long sleeve (which together may as well have cost her an entire week's pay), a nicer sweater, and some long sleeves. Remembering that Killian mentioned a hot tub, she tossed in the simple black bikini that Elsa made her buy back in September when the weather was still nice enough to go gorge jumping. But when it came to lingerie, Emma was stuck.

Emma Swan: When you’re back we need to go shopping.

Elsa Agnarr: FINALLY!

Elsa Agnarr: where?

Emma Swan: That mall in Syracuse you always try to get me to take you to?

Elsa Agnarr: really?! i mean im not complaining ;) why the sudden desire to take a shopping trip?

Emma Swan: Oh nothing. I just need some new bras.

Elsa Agnarr: and you felt the need to text me a week in advance to plan a shopping trip for just some new bras…

Emma Swan: I slept with Killian.

Emma’s phone rang and Elsa started speaking the second she answered the FaceTime call. “You did what?”

“I told you.”

“Were you safe?!”

“Elsa!” They laughed. They were the cautious two of the group, nearly mothering over August and Robin whenever they could. Of course Emma was safe.

“Was it good?”

“Oh my god.” Emma blushed furiously.

“Oooooo I knew he’d be good in bed.”

“Elsa!”

“Oh come on! Even though we don’t play for the same team, anyone with eyes would bet that Killian Jones is good in bed.”

Emma sighed, an unfamiliar green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head in Emma’s mind. “Don’t remind me.”

“So are you guys together?”

“I don’t know.” Emma admitted. She wanted to be. To call Killian Jones hers? That’s a dream Emma hadn’t allowed herself to have. No matter what, Killian had been there for her. To lose that, to lose her friend if none of this worked out, might kill her. He deserved someone better, someone less damaged . And the familiar spiral began tightening in her mind.

“Don’t overthink this Em. You deserve to be happy and he clearly makes you happy. I see the way you smile every time his name pops up on your phone.”

“I just don’t want to ruin what we have.”

“I think you ruined what you had when you slept with him. There’s no going back from that. You need to talk to him.”

“I know.”

“Elsa! Elsa!” Emma heard a familiar voice shouting on the other end of the line. Elsa giggled.

“Sorry I have to go. Anna’s been forcing me to help her make some pro/con lists for the college’s she’s been accepted to.”

“Well she can’t go to Harvard. That’s a given.”

“Can’t go to Penn either.”

“Guess it just has to be Cornell.”

“ Far above Cayuga’s waters - ” Elsa started singing loudly so Anna could hear the alma mater every Cornell student knew by heart by the end of their first semester.

“ With it’s waves of blue-” Emma joined in. “ Stands our noble Alma Mater, glorious to view. LIFT the chorus, speed it onward, loud her praises tell, hail to thee our Alma Mater - ”

In the background Anna groaned. “Not again.”

“ HAIL, ALL HAIL, CORNELL! ” They screamed, bursting out laughing.

“I’m going to Harvard if you don’t stop.” Anna threatened.

“No you’re not.” Elsa turned her attention back to Emma. “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Talk to you later.” They hung up. Emma’s lingerie problem, however, will have to wait another week. She shoved the nicest things she owned into the duffle bag she packed, stuffed her laptop and her journal into her backpack, and finally left her apartment to meet Killian at the car.

He was sitting against the edge of his open trunk, reading something on his phone when she reached him.

“Reading anything interesting?” She asked to get his attention.

“Nope. Just doing some online shopping, love.” Killian kissed her cheek as he took her bag from her and placed it in the trunk. He had a black backpack and his guitar secured in its case. “Breakfast?”

“Please.” Emma was starving and entirely unprepared for the way he took her hand in his after he closed the trunk of his car, nonchalantly, as if this was their normal, their comfortable, their them .

They walked to CollegeTown Bagels, their joined hands swinging gently between them. When they arrived, they got on line as Killian told her a story about one Summer he spent with his grandparents as a kid. His thumb rubbed softly over the back of her hand, engrossed in his own story. Emma, however, wasn't paying any attention.

At the front of the cafe, there was a brunette, a ghost from Emma’s past. Or, at least, she looked like a ghost from Emma’s past. Emma couldn’t quite make out the girl’s face. She was looking down at her phone, her hair blocking Emma’s view. Suddenly her past was flashing before her eyes, unfolding like a horror story where the victim runs into the house and the audience screams stop. But there’s no stopping the spiral Emma’s mind falls into.

A security guard was at the end of the aisle, clearly noticing the PopTart box Emma was shoving under her sweatshirt. The guard cleared her throat when Emma noticed her.

“Are you going to pay for that miss?”

Emma was panicking. She couldn’t pay for it. She didn’t have money. All she had were a few hand-me-down clothes in a backpack and a bruise on her cheek from her last foster home she was trying to escape from.

Thankfully, a brunette around her age came to stand beside her and held up a credit card. “Yes, ma’am. Our Dad’s in the car just outside.” The guard nodded and left them to be. The girl turned to Emma. “The key is swiping one of these.”

Emma nodded. “Thank you.”

“I’m just like you, you know. Trying to get away. I’m Lilly.”

Emma’s grip on Killian’s hand tightened like a vice grip.

“Swan?” KIllian asked, concern blanketing his voice. “Are you alright, love?

But Emma didn’t hear a word he said.

Emma and Lilly shopped for a bit. They became fast friends. When they checked out and left, however, a car not too far away started honking and driving after them. Emma figured this was the man Lilly swiped the card from. So they ran.

They lost the car and Lilly led her to a beautiful lake house that was empty for the season. And they promised to be friends forever, no matter what. Emma told her everything about her life, about moving between foster homes, about the abusive man that ran the last group home she was in, about how alone she felt all the time.

And Lilly pretended to understand. Because, in fact, Lilly couldn’t truly understand what Emma was going through. Because when they were caught later that night, it was Lilly’s father who caught them. Because this was Lilly’s family’s summer home.

Killian’s hand was starting to hurt under Emma’s grasp. It was their turn to place their order and Killian stepped up to the register, taking Emma with him.

The brunette looked up when she stood to throw away her empty coffee cup. It had to be Lilly. But what was she doing in Ithaca? Emma nearly started hyperventilating, wanting to call out to her but being unable to find her voice.

“Swan, what do you want for breakfast?”

Emma watched the girl she assumed to be Lilly leave. “I’m actually not hungry anymore. I think I’ll just meet you outside,” She said, without turning to look at him. Emma let go of Killian’s hand and dashed out of the cafe.

There was already distance between them. Emma just stood there, shocked. She didn’t know what to say or whether to say anything or whether Lilly still hated her. And even though Emma was standing alone, now nowhere near Lilly, she was working herself up to a panic attack. Her entire body was shaking. Killian followed shortly after.

“Emma?” He quickly noticed her panicked state and pulled her into his arms, placing a comforting kiss to her forehead. “Come on, love. Let’s go.”

***

Back at the house, Killian made tea for Emma and opened a package of PopTarts to put on a plate. From the kitchen he felt the weight of Emma’s thoughts, but she hadn’t said a word to him since the cafe. Something happened there, but he couldn’t figure out what. Was it him? Was it another guy? Was she having second thoughts? Was she starting to regret what they did? Was she starting to regret what they were, what they had become, what was so strong between them?

She was curled up on the couch, staring at the TV which was turned to the local news channel. It was Ithaca. It was grey, cold, probably some form of precipitation was expected at some point in the day, some local business was probably doing something for charity, the university students were probably protesting or petitioning something, and there was probably news about music or theatrical performances. Every now and again something major happened at one of the colleges and that was actually newsworthy. All of this to say that if you need something mindless to watch, local news in central New York was the place to turn.

Killian brought the tea and plate over to Emma who graciously accepted the mug but ignored the plate. Killian sat next to her, keeping some distance between them in case he was the reason she was upset. “Talk to me, love,” he urged her, gently.

Emma took a sip of tea. “It’s nothing, Killian.”

“Swan, you’re clearly upset about something. You’re an open book to me.” He sighed. “Did I do something? Do you regret last night?”

Emma looked at him, wide-eyed like a deer in headlights. “What?! No! Killian, no.” She set the mug down and laid down, resting her head in his lap. He stroked her hair, playing with his softly. Instantly she felt relaxed, her heart fluttering slightly, her entire body tingling in bliss from the feeling of Killian’s fingers running through her hair.

“You know you can tell me anything, love.”

Emma sighed. “I thought I saw an old friend. I guess she’s more like a former friend. I’m not really sure anymore, to be honest.” Killian stopped his motions and looked at her. “Don’t stop,” Emma nearly whimpered.

Killian chuckled and resumed playing with Emma’s hair. “What happened?”

“Lilly and I met when she saved my ass while I was trying to steal PopTarts from a convenience store.”

“Ah the shoplifting PopTarts story.”

Emma looked up at him. “You remember that?”

Killian blushed. “Aye.”

Emma could’ve kissed him senseless in that moment. Finally, for what felt like the first time in her life, someone genuinely listened to her. And this wasn’t the first time Emma had this realization about Killian. She noticed every time he heard her answers to how her day was. She noticed every time she ranted about school or told him what she learned. But something about this time meant a little more to her.

“Yeah. The shoplifting PopTarts story. Anyway, she made me feel like she was like me. Like she was also a foster kid, bouncing around from home to home. It was a particularly bad time. I was running away from a home that didn’t treat any of the kids right. There was always a reason for the guy running it to hit us, always something we did wrong, something we did to aggravate him. So I ran and I was hungry and I was about to get caught and Lilly stepped in with a credit card and said that our dad was waiting for us outside. She told me she swiped the card from some stranger, that she was also running from the system and brought me to this empty lake house which, by the way, was her family’s lake house because she wasn’t running from the system because she was never in the system and she tricked me into thinking she understood but she couldn’t understand. No one could understand what it’s like to constantly be running as a child, to not have a home, to sometimes have a roof over your head but never be at peace and never feel safe. No one could understand what it’s like to want to get the fuck out so fucking bad that you spend two and a half years living in a car you worked overtime to be able to buy just to have consistency in your fucking transcript so ivy leagues don’t immediately reject you. No one could understand unless they fucking experienced it.”

Emma was screaming by the time she finished. Tears streamed down her cheeks as she bared part of her soul to a man she realized she didn’t want to live without, a man that made her feel loved and at peace and at home, a man who would stand so fiercely beside her through anything life threw at her.

And in that same moment of realization for Emma, Killian fell in love with her.

“Emma . . .” Killian whispered, silently making promises to himself that he dared not speak out loud for fear that she’d run from the sheer intensity of the way he felt for her. No longer would he ever allow her to be hit or hurt. No longer would he ever allow her to feel alone or hungry. No longer would he ever allow her to not have a home or someone she would call family or someone she could turn to when everything was crashing down around her or simply getting too much for one person to carry. No longer would he ever allow her to feel unloved.

He didn’t want her to ever have to run from something again. He wanted to be what she ran to.

“There’s more. I’ll tell you the rest another day.” Emma sat up so that she could curl up against Killian’s side as he engulfed her in his arms. He held her tightly against him and they sat silently for a while. Eventually, they both fell asleep.

***

They were sitting on the floor on either side of the coffee table in the living room, Emma’s back against the couch as she lost yet another game of chess to Killian who broke out his grandfather’s marble chess set. He had even tried to let her win on multiple occasions but Emma was too distracted by his deep blue eyes to pay any mind to the game in front of her. She missed easy takes and fell easily into his traps. Fitting, really, considering how easily she fell for, fell into, him .

“Alright, alright, I surrender.” Emma tapped her foot against Killian’s thigh. “I believe that you promised me a dip in a hot tub?” She asked, smirking at him.

If it were possible to undress someone with your eyes, Killian would’ve been naked in an instant with the look Emma was giving him. He waggled his eyebrows at her, entirely up to play this game she started. “Did you bring your swimsuit, love?"

“Do I need one, Captain?” Emma teased.

“You little minx.” Killian growled, his cock already starting to harden simply at the words falling off her tongue, and the image they created in his mind. “You go change, or strip, either works wonders for me, love, and grab some towels from upstairs.”

Emma giggled and bounded up the stairs to change into her black bikini. She pulled her hair up into a bun on the top of her head, grabbed some towels, and rummaged through the dresser drawers to find a pair of Killian’s swim trunks for him.

She found him in the kitchen, pouring two glasses of red wine. Killian was nothing if not a romantic.

“I hope one of those is for me,” she toyed, wanting to get his attention and catch him off guard while she wore nothing but her bathing suit.

The second he saw her, Killian’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow,” was about all he could manage.

Emma threw his swim trunks at him. “I brought you these.” He caught them, easily.

He handed her a glass and kissed her softly. “Outside on the left end of the deck. I’ll meet you there, my love.”

The cold air nipped at Emma’s skin as she quickly walked towards the hot water, careful not to spill her wine. It was a long day that tested all of her emotions. Quite frankly, she was exhausted and stressed. Killian tried all day to keep her mind busy, tried to help her relax. As graceful as we were for him, none of it worked. Her past with Lilly kept replaying over and over like a broken record or a film on loop. Sinking into the warm bubbly water, her back against a few of the jets, finally she felt herself relaxing. The jets felt so good against her back she was nearly moaning by the time Killian joined her. She actually didn’t even notice him slipping into the tub across from her until he chuckled.

“Enjoying yourself, love?”

“This might be better than sex.”

Killian threw his head back and laughed. He could have come up with a cheeky line, but he knew she needed this. He knew she needed to really relax, to turn her mind off for a second. He’d follow her lead on where this went.

“Come here, Swan.” He took a sip of his wine and set it down on the ledge behind him. Emma moved to sit between Killian’s legs. He placed a sensual kiss on her shoulder and his hands trailed up her arms to rub her shoulders, working at the knots that had formed there likely from stress.

Emma moaned softly. “That feels nice.”

“All I want is to make you feel good.” Killian whispered against her ear, nipping teasingly at her lobe.

“Mmm you’re succeeding.”

He trailed kisses slowly down her neck, stopping at her pulse point to suck gently at her skin. His fingertips ghosted down her sides, tracing the curves of her breasts and her waist. “I’ve wanted you since the day I met you, Swan.”

His words sent a shiver down her spine as he spoke in that timbre she learned was reserved for only the sultriest of remarks, the dirtiest of phrases, the sexiest of sayings.

“Well now you have me . . . And I’m all yours, Killian.” Emma’s hands rested on Killian’s thighs. As much as she wanted to turn to face him, to straddle his legs and grind into him, to tell him to take shed them of the few clothes creating a barrier between them, Emma was quite enjoying this teasing game.

“And I, yours, love.” Killian pulled her back against him so she could feel the effect her words had on him. “Just hearing you say that is enough to turn me on.”

Emma wiggled her ass back against him which elicited a hiss from Killian behind her. “I quite enjoy having this effect on you, Captain.”

“Oh do you now?”

“Aye,” Emma said, mocking his accent.

Killian chuckled. “You think you’re funny?”

“Aye,” she mocked again, a devilish grin plastered on her face.

In response, Killian nipped at her pulse point, dragging his teeth teasingly over her skin, sucking to leave his mark on her. Not expecting how incredible that would feel, Emma gasped. “Not so funny anymore, are you, my love?”

Taking a deep breath to attempt to calm her racing heart, Emma hummed softly. “It’s hard to think straight when you’re doing such salacious things to me.”

Killian trailed his fingertips underwater over her stomach, whispering in a sultry tone against her neck between wet kisses, “Close your eyes, Swan.”

“Why?”

“Do you trust me?”

Emma closed her eyes. “With all my heart.” She let her head fall back against Killian’s shoulder.

“Imagine I’m kissing down your body,” Killian whispered, trailing his hand between her breasts and down her stomach to the waistband of her bikini bottoms. Emma hummed in response. “Teasing just above where I know you want me.”

Dancing his fingers over her skin, he turned his attention to her breast. “You’re wearing far too much clothing, love.”

Emma reached behind her neck and untied the top while Killian untied the back, tossing the material to the ground beside the tub. “Better?” She teased.

“Much,” Killian smirked, cupping her breasts in his hands, massaging gently.

Emma moaned, heat pooling in the pit of her stomach. “Killian . . .”

“Does that feel good love?” He purred.

“Fuck, Killian. Yes,” Emma groaned, arching her back as if her body was begging for more of his touch, more of his voice, more of his everything.

He placed a kiss on her shoulder. “You’re so beautiful, Emma.”

Emma hummed softly. “Don’t stop.”

“Don’t stop what? Talking?” Killian teased.

“Don’t stop talking,” Emma affirmed, the simple way each word teasingly fell off his tongue sending chills down her spine.

“As you wish, my love.” One of his hands grazed over a sensitive spot on her side.

Emma broke out into a fit of giggles. “Killian! Stop!"

Killian chuckled, purposely tickling her. “Stop?”

“I’m ticklish!” Emma nearly bucked back against him, her laughter uncontrollable. Killian grins, the carefree nature of her genuine laugh warmed his heart. For once today, after a long, stressful day, it looked like Emma was relaxed. But he stopped, lifting both of his hands off of her body, complying with her request.

“Wait, no,” Emma whimpered.

“No?”

“Come back.” She reached back and grabbed one of his wrists, bringing his hand back to rest on her stomach.

“I’m here, Swan. Wherever you need me.” He lowered his lips back to her neck, over the mark he had left earlier. Once again, his hands were roaming her torso, dancing over her stomach, careful to avoid her ticklish sides, caressing her breasts beneath the water, teasing her nipples.

Emma groaned, his name slipping effortlessly from her lips as her eyes close and her head resettles against his shoulder. “More,” she whispers, as if saving that word only for him.

“How about,” Killians hands trailed down her body to her thighs, “here?”

Emma inhales sharply, his fingers dangerously close to where she so desperately needs him. “More,” she repeats. “Killian, please.”

She can feel him smile against her throat, grinning like a madman.

“Where?” He asked, as if he didn’t already know, as if he didn’t already know where she was aching for his touch, as if he wasn’t aching to give her everything she needed, everything she wanted.

Emma rested her hand over his, guiding him to rest above where she needed him over her bikini bottoms. He strummed his fingers over her clit. “Oh god.”

“Killian will do just fine, love,” he joked, chuckling as he continued his teasing.

If Emma could do anything other than moan she might’ve - would’ve - rolled her eyes at him. Instead, she played along, giving him exactly what he asked for. “Oh Killian.”

He hummed softly. “I love the way you moan my name, letting the world know who’s turning you on, who’s making you feel this good.”

Grinding her hips into his hand, Emma was reaching the point of begging. “Killian,” she pleaded, “more.”

Killian grinned, having found the perfect opportunity to mention one of the ridiculous pickup lines he had spent hours looking for on the internet after they had first met when she was studying for economics. “Are your legs available for some open market operations, Swan?”

Emma’s eyes shot open and she turned around to playfully hit his chest.

“What? Not up for a conversation about open markets, Swan? I thought you’d be an expert after all that studying you’ve been doing.” He smirked, clearly enjoying this game they’ve been playing.

Emma glared pointedly at him, a smile tugging at the edges of her lips. “You almost ruined the mood.”

“Almost?” Killian raised an eyebrow at her.

Emma shifts to straddle his legs, now facing him, finally able to see the storm in his eyes. Killian dragged his nails down her bare back, scratching gently. Her hands tangled in the hair at the nape of his neck and her lips captured his in a passionate kiss she had been longing for since this dance began. His tongue slipped between her lips, finding hers as he held her close to her. Instinctively, Killian groaned into her mouth as her hips rolled over his straining cock.

Emma grinned against his lips. “You like that, Captain?”

Killian hummed, his hands now resting on her hips, edging her down harder on him as she resisted. “More, Emma,” Killian pleaded.

“My, my, how the tables have turned.”  Emma listed her hips off him entirely, eliciting a groan from the man beneath her.

“You’re killing me, love.” His hands ran over her ass, squeezing.

“Hmmmm maybe I’m feeling a sense of sympathy,” Emma teased, her hands toying with his hair, “for those swim trunks.” While her eyes portrayed the utmost innocence, her words insinuated that her intentions were anything but.

Killian smirked, waggling his eyebrows at her. “A growing sense?”

Emma giggled. “Well something’s growing.” She ran her hands down his chest until her fingers were brushing along his waistband. Killian leaned back, giving her the room she needed, groaning and laughing softly at the utter bliss rippling through his body at every brush of her fingertips.

Her hands grazed over his cock, clearly hard and ready for her. “Why don’t we move this into the bedroom?” She whispered salaciously against his lips.

“Swan, you read my mind.” She left him with a quick kiss, hopping out of the tub and wrapping a towel around her as she raced towards the back door to escape the cold, Ithaca night, with Killian following closely behind.

***

The past few days had been more than Emma ever could have dreamed of. Falling asleep wrapped in Killians arms holding her closely against her, waking up to freshly made cups of coffee, spending days playing games and reading and telling nonsensical stories, spending evening curled up on the couch watching whatever seemed interesting on Netflix, and spending nights making out on the couch like hormonal teenagers was simply perfect.

It was Wednesday. Spring break was halfway over and Emma dreaded having to go back to the reality of classes and studying and being apart from Killian. Her eyes fluttered open, sighing as Killian trailed butterfly kisses down her body. He had pushed the covers away, needing to see her face for cues. They hadn’t bothered getting dressed from the night before and had fallen asleep shortly after cleaning up from a delightful rendezvous.

She gripped the pillowcase with one hand while her other ran through his messy hair. A sleepy moan escaped her lips when he kissed her inner thigh. “Well this is a nice way to wake up,” Emma purred.

Killian grinned against her thigh, his stubble scratching gently against her only turned her on more. Unfortunately any endeavour he had planned for that morning was interrupted by Emma’s phone. He groaned, resting his cheek against her thigh, looking up at her with pleading, piercing blue eyes. “Please don’t answer that,” Killian begged. He’d been wanting to taste her all week, but they always seemed to get a little caught up in the moment.

Emma checked her phone, thinking it might be Belle asking her to come in a day or two to help out this week. “It’s August,” she said, confused. August never called her. His preferred method of annoying her was sending a million and a half text messages in a row until she answered. She gently swatted Killians face away from her, a move that was met with an even louder groan as he flopped onto his back. Emma answered the phone. “August?”

“Ems, I don’t fucking know what I’m going to fucking do,” August said, his voice sounding absolutely wrecked on the other end of the line.

“What happened? What’s wrong?” Emma asked, concern so clearly blanketing each word that Killian was no longer pouting like an incessant child and instead tossing her his t-shirt from the floor before grabbing a clean pair of boxers from the dresser for himself.

“I can’t fucking believe this is happening. Everything is falling apart.” It sounded like August, someone who had been her rock through the stress of their first semester, was crying. Emma quickly pulled Killian’s shirt on.

“August you have to talk to me. What happened?”

“I didn’t get the fucking internship.”

“The one with the publishing house in New York? I thought the final interview went well! The HR rep basically told you that you got the job.”

“Don’t you think I fucking know that?!” August screamed. Emma winced. “Fuck, Ems I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” Emma asked softly.

August sighed. “I have no idea. I got great feedback after every round and they basically handed me the job after the last round but I must’ve fucked up something because I got a rejection email this morning.” He choked on a sob. This was his dream internship. He had worked his entire life for the chance to be at this publishing house. He spent countless hours prepping and forcing Emma to ask him interview questions he had complied from random internet sources and previous interns he connected with on LinkedIn.

“August, I’m so sorry. You have that other interview right?”

“I turned it down. I turned it down after the empty promises HR made.”

Emma’s heart broke for her friend. “Fuck August. I’m so sorry.” Killian came out of the bathroom after brushing his teeth and flopped back into bed, throwing his arm over his eyes. Emma reached over to play with his hair with her free hand.

“I don’t know what to do.” August whispered.

“We’ll figure this out. There are still applications open and great publishing houses to start at. Check Nashville. If you’re feeling adventurous check London.” Emma paused. “We’ll figure this out, August.”

“I just wish I knew what I did wrong.”

“So send an email. You had a good relationship with that guy in HR, send him an email and ask for some feedback so that you can come back next year and do better.”

“Yeah. You’re right.” August sighed heavily. “Thanks Ems. I better go. Sorry for bothering you.”

“I’m always here for you, Gus.”

August snorted. “I hate you.”

“Aw, I love you too!”

Killian smiled next to her, partially because it felt damn good when she ran her hand through his hair like she was doing and partially because it warmed his heart to hear how much she cared about her friends. And he would have been lying if he didn’t admit that he was imagining what it would be like to be on the receiving end of her “I love you.”

Emma hung up the phone after saying goodbye and sighed.

Killian uncovered his eyes to look up at her. “Everything alright, Swan?”

“Yeah. Something happened with August’s internship and he’s back at square one.”

Killian rolled onto his side, propping himself up on his elbow. “Why do I sense there’s something else? You forget you’re an open book to me, love.”

“I just . . . I haven't even thought about what I was going to do this summer.”

Suddenly, Killian’s heart was in his throat, realizing that Emma might choose to spend the Summer in a glamorous city working for an incredible publishing house . . . away from him.

“What do you want to do?” He asked, tentatively but ready to fully support whatever dreams and goals she had. If only she knew how deeply he was in this thing that they started, how fiercely he’d stand beside her no matter what, how no matter where in the world she was he’d either wait for her or follow her. Killian, he was realizing this week, would follow her to the end of the world, or time, if that’s what it took to be with her.

Emma smiled down at him, shifting so she was no longer sitting up next to him but laying down facing him. “I want to write. I really want to write.”

Writing . Writing was something she could do anywhere. Writing was something she could do in Ithaca. Writing was something she didn’t have to leave him to accomplish. Killian grinned before showering her face in kisses.

Emma giggled, rolling onto her back so that Killian was taking his place atop her. “What's all this for?” She asked between fits of giggles, pretending like she didn’t know why Killian was happy - ecstatic really. Her whole life she wanted to be a writer, to tell stories like the ones that got her through the worst moments of her life, the ones that provided her an escape even when she was too tired to run, the ones that gave her hope and showed her love and captured her wildest imaginations. Writing suddenly had an added benefit. She could write wherever she wanted to write. She could write from Ithaca. She could stay near Killian. Emma didn’t need to give up her heart to follow her dreams.

“I just -” Killian paused, his heart racing as he smiled down at Emma beneath him.

“What, Killian?”

His heart skipped a beat when she said his name. Granted, there was nothing he adored more than the way Emma said his name. This time, however, she spoke his name as if she was claiming him as her own. “I just really didn’t want you to be away from me.”

“I think you’re stuck with me.” Emma pulled him close to her. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

“Emma, I am always yours.”

Neither of them could imagine, in that moment, a life without each other. And so they didn’t.

#without a parachute #cs ff #cs fanfic #smut #fluff #captain swan #killian jones #captain hook #emma swan

[reddogf13]

Between two Voids ch 14

Pennywise x Beverly

summery:  It has been 12 years since Beverly was last in Derry. now 26 years old and returning with her boyfriend she strives for a life of normalcy in the small town. Unaware that a certain stalking creature has awakened much earlier than expected. Looking for a challenge to cure its boredom ,in the now crumbling town, IT aims to uproot her life as much as possible. Yet, is that really such a bad thing given her dark situation hidden from all but the eyes of a world eater? 

status: complete

rated: M - fowl language and gore, sex scene ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

prev chap: Between two Voids ch 13

next chap: Between two voids ch 15 _____________________________________

~ch:14 Temptation ~

Beverly awoke in her bed to the morning light. Erik sleeping a few feet away in his own bed. He had separated their beds yesterday. Ranting about how she could be riddled with STDs and hated sleeping next to her.

“Easier not to wake him i guess.” Sitting up at the thought. Following the usual routine of starting chores, make breakfast, hide her breakfast. Erik wakes, gets ready to leave, eats and then Trey arrives with the van. Babysitter for the day stays and everybody else drives off for “work.” Today was turning a little differently.

“Hey Erik some guy has a load of painkillers he's willing to sell off. Wants to get rid of them quick and says he's willing to cut a deal.” Victoria spoke from the doorway. Shoving Beverly to the side as she was let in.

“Oh? Know where he is? Or can you call him?” Asking between shoveling bites of food down.

“Got a meet up with him at a empty factory. he's got 12 bags of the extreme stuff freshly snagged from the hospital last night.” Speaking highly of the drugs.

“ you saw them?”

“Fuck yeah i did. We can sell that stuff instantly after adjusting the package amounts. There still all in the prescription bottles.”

“Did he say a price or a deal needs to be settled?” Scraping the last amount of food into his mouth.

“He says he won't go below $108,000. We could give him a deal of $200,000 and still make twice that off the supply we’ll get.”

“Alright, I'll stop at our pharmacy. Then hop on over to the business meeting. Stay here and babysit while i do the adult work.” chugging down his orange juice as he left.

“Sure thing cutie.” Complimenting him as he left out the door. Her happy aura dropping at being left alone with Beverly “What exactly do you do for him again?” Question aimed at Beverly washing the dishes.

“Why do you like babysitting?” Beverly asked back. Victoria was obsessed with Erik It seemed like she would hate babysitting and prefer for Beverly to run off.

“Because i am a good listener who stands by her man. Something you wouldn't know. Im sure that eventually Erik will get bored and kick you to the curb. I'll be his precious queen then and make him all the big money.” Boasting about herself being far more annoying than Pennywise doing the same thing.

At least when done by Pennywise he could handle a punch to the ego from Beverly. She so much as breathed on Victoria, would cause the girl to go crying to Erik about her causing trouble. Unable to say anything while not wanting to hear Victoria boost all day about herself, Beverly took up vacuuming.

The loud sound drowning everything out for the next few hours. Rarely shouted over by Victoria telling Beverly “you missed a spot.” Even after Beverly vacuumed the same spot five times in a row. Victoria, at becoming bored of watching Beverly vacuum, started wandering the house. Causing Beverly some anxiety as to what she was doing. She had caught Victoria a few times messing with things on purpose to get her in trouble later with Erik. Hiding some of Erik stuff to uselessly switching around items in Eriks desk drawers.

When Victoria walked into the bathroom the need to follow calmed down in Beverly. Not much for her to mess in there but switching around shampoo bottles.

Victoria wasn't in there for more then a few minutes when she let out a scream. Beverly cut off the vacuum in time to turn around and face Victoria shouting down at her.

“What did you do?!” Screeching down at Beverly while pointing up at something. Beverly had to take a second to realize what she was talking about. Looking up had her seeing the problem of Victoria's hair changing from black to over an old silver grey. Knowing how vain Victoria was, there was no way she would do it on purpose just to blame Beverly for something.

“You think i can possibly change your hair like that? I couldn't have done anything!” Beverly defended herself.

“You’re a horrible liar you witch! Look at how ugly it looks!”

“Dye it back then. It's hair, you’ll live.” Waving off Victoria's angry screeching.

“I can't just dye it back! I need to get treatment for this! I am going to the salon to fix your mess. Then I'll tell Erik what you did! You'll be fucking sorry for this!” Continuing her upset screeching all the way out the door.

“Sure thing Victoria” Rolling her eyes at the slamming of the door. Pulling the vacuum cord from the wall to tie back around the machine. Planning to start dusting as her next chore. Stopping at her vision being blocked by gloved hands.

“Guess who.” Beverly sighed at the clowns playful tone. Pushing his hands out of the way to face him.

“What are you doing here?!” Spoken through grit teeth to keep her voice down.

“I've come to break you out.”

“ i don't need breaking out! Leave so i can get back to work.” Walking off to the back room for a duster.

“ aww come on. It’ll only be for a little while. I can get ya food.”

“No, i took a big risk the last time i went out. I won't be taking another one while Erik has a chance of returning at any moment.” Searching through the laundry cupboards for what she needed.

“Don't fret about him. Henry's going to be keeping him running all day.”

“What did you pull now?!” Slamming a cupboard door shut to throw a glaring look at him.

“Nothing serious, only a bit of fun I've been playing a while with the small male.”

“You know when you make him angry it comes back around to me, to deal with.” Grumbling with a snatch of a dusting rag off a small shelf.

“We can go back out to the fairgrounds. It's closed, nobody else will be there but us.” Working to slowly tempt her out of the apartment.

“yeah, and then what? We spend some time together. I have to leave and come back here. Then repeat the next day? No thank you, this has to stop.”

“please, at least to eat something. I know you're still starving with how little that male give you. I promise to get you back before he returns. A quick outing he'll never find out about.” carefully tempting her further while hiding his anxiousness from all her rejections. Fearing she may refuse to go this time.

“NO! Its over!” shutting him right down. “get out! Don't come back!” storming off for a breather alone in the bathroom.

He stood there, alone, in the middle of the living room. Moving his stare from watching the closed bathroom door down to his chest. Expecting to see a hole caved into it, but there was nothing. A great pain stabbing through his chest silently demanding him to do something to fix it. The only thing that could fix it was her presence, but she didn't want to go. She told him to leave and what was he to do about that?

Rejecting the idea of taking her away by force, he left alone. Returning back to the Neibolt house to pace its empty rooms. Letting out roars of anger that would have startled anyone walking by outside. If it weren't for the house being alone on the outskirts by deserted train tracks. He snarled and roared at the air with all his built up anger.

“a small set back. I'll think of something… I can wait. I have time forever on my hands! … but she doesn't.” sighing at being aware of Beverly still having not eaten today. Humans had to eat or they would die. One good meal out of the entire week wouldn't be enough to keep her going. Already seeing the concerning changes in her. “i still have to pick up food for Henry. I can hide food for her at the apartment to be found.” worried greatly about the food he hid was always rejected by her. “I'll try again later, I'll think of something.” repeating to himself. Figuring out a new distraction would be required for a second attempt.

“might as well grab Henry now” grumbling while stomping down the basements stairs to reach the old well. Climbing into it down to the water drains leading across the town. Zipping by multiple tunnels to reach a water grate out by the river. Following the running water deeper into the barrens until he spotted Henry running. Suddenly appearing by him to yank Henry behind a large tree.

“holy shit man! I thought you were one of those idiots that had finally caught up! What are you doing here?” Henry spoke while calming down from his sudden fear.

“she didn't want to come. making this distraction a waste of time to continue. I'll have to try some other time on a whole new plan.”grumbling about the situation. “you still stole all his money?”

“yeah, I got it all.” holding up a metal suitcase in hand.

“good, let's return to the Neibolt house and let them keep searching for nothing.” gesturing for Henry to follow back up river to the drainage pipe. “keep going to the house while I go fetch food. I still aim to have Beverly eat something today at least.” splitting away from Henry to go off.

Back at the apartments, long after Pennywise had left, Beverly was still in the bathroom. Sitting inside the tub working on stopping her tears.

“why am I crying?” asking herself. Wiping away more tears with her long shirt sleeve. “i cant be crying because of him. … can I? … I know it can never work with him. Its not normal, it's not right, I'd be some kind of betrayer to humanity. I can't live all my life in the sewers or forever ignore his eating habits.” bringing her legs close to her chest for resting her head against them. Having her tears finally come to a stop.

Hearing a loud thud of the front door, she rushed out in time for Erik to shout down at her. “wheres Victoria?!” Surprise coming from Beverly at why Erik suddenly charged in, in a blinding rage.

“she went to the salon. What's wrong?”

“We got fucking scammed! Bastard took all the money and as we we were driving off the pills started disintegrating and melting right through the bottles! It even burned a huge hole through the vans floor! Now we’re short on cash and a damned working car! Tried to hunt the damn bastard down until he managed to disappear!” He angrily chugged a beer from the fridge. “ i have to meet the guys back at the car shop to try and scrounge up the money together for a fix. If not we’ll have to go car shopping. Then we’ll have to stay out late to make up sales for that loss. That includes you!”

“Me?” Beverly asked in disbelief.

“Yes you. It can be your real job. You know the prices already from the last time you sold pills. I'll set you up with supplies.” Yanking Beverly to force her out.

At reaching their “pharmacy” a run down building hiding pot plants with a cache of drugs. Beverly was handed a few bags of drugs with bills for change. Walked to a spot for selling by Erik in a run down part of Derry.

“I always get sold out here, so you better be by end of the day. I’ll come regularly to check on you to. Don't you dare move from this spot!” Ordering her with a point toward the ground. Leaving Beverly to stand around a group of closed down shops in a foot of snow. Shivering despite her thick winter coat made for the weather.

“There isn't going to be anyone fucking out here.” Looking around at the empty cold surroundings with not a soul in sight. Sighing at a snowflake falling down with many others following from the sky. “Please no blizzards today.” Looking up at the snow filled sky.

“Hey Bev.” She looked down for the voice. spotting the clown peeking out from a water drain clear of snow.

“What are you doing here?” Asking, but not moving from her spot to approach him.

“i went to bring you food, but you weren't home. Although, maybe you're more interested in getting out of the snow?”

“I can't. I need to sell stuff.”

“I can buy it all off you.”

“you're the reason Erik lost all that money. Even after I told you to stop doing that!” the glare she shot him having him look away momentarily.

“yes, but Henry also helped.” mentioning the fact as if it would help his case. Smile wavering under Beverly's continuing glare.

“you still don't listen.” her glare broken to look away someplace else.

“i listen! I listen a lot more than you think!” snapping once he was no longer under her angry gaze. “i listen to how you get hurt, how you cry afterwards, repeating that it will all get better eventually. I also hear every time your stomach growls when hungry, which is always. Does he notice these things?” pausing in waiting for an angry outburst from her. When none came he waited for her to give some sort of defense for Eriks side. Even that did not come up after waiting for it.

“it's really warm down here with hot food waiting for you. I'll make sure he doesn't find you gone, I promise.” offering the same as before.

Beverly stood there fighting with her own thoughts. “what will happen if I take this offer? The clown will continue harassing me like he already is? Erik thinks Im cheating anyway. Shit, this is giving me a permanent migraine.” rubbing her head of some pain. Looking up at the sky to take some last bit of cold fresh air. Taking her time to walk over to the water drain. Sitting down to slip down under the small short opening. Falling down into Pennywise's arms instead of a heavy landing at the bottom. Beverly relaxed into his hugging arms by the warmth he surrounding her in. closing her eyes about ready to fall asleep despite not wanting to.

Seeing how exhausted she was he kept on holding her. Carrying her the whole way to the warmer nest. Carrying her inside to set her down by the hot silver container of food. A huge platter of seafood on a large bed of hot rice.

“stay here. I need to do something and I'll be right back.” waiting for Beverly to get comfortable before going back to Henry. Arriving up through the well to head upstairs where Henry was found finishing off his own smaller platter of seafood. “Beverly's down below, I need you to start a new distraction.” growling impatiently when Henrys replied with an irritated groan.

“can I finish my food first?” dropping an unfinished crab leg back into the container.

“no, besides the male has more money to steal. With all the money you'll get after today you can eat whatever you want.” Henry interest peaking again at more money. Fully convinced to go when the clown picked him up off the couch like a feather.

“what should I do?” asking when his feet were planted back down on the floor.

“they're at the car shop trying to repair that rotten van. Soon as the moneys handed over you can steal it from the mechanics back room. No one working there will stop you. Lead the idiots on a chase just like the last plan.” grin stretching at ruining Eriks day even more.

“got it.” Henry waved as he went off to do his task. Pennywise rushing back to the nest to be alone with Beverly. Still working her way through the large platter. Taking bites of the fried shrimp to throw the discarded tail end back into a corner of the tray.

Eating halted when he rested his head down on her back. The rest of him laying off to her side easing her worries of what he was doing. Eating again with a nervous swallow of her last bite.

“How long will you keep this up clown?” Feeling as if she's asked this question a million times already.

“As long as it takes.” Answering confidently.

“Even when i am 90 and can't walk?”

“Yes” holding his confident tone.

“No you won't.”

“i will. How ever long it takes to free you of that pathetic suitor.”

“... I don't plan to stay with him.” Speaking her thoughts to him hesitantly.

“So you’re coming down here?!” Excitedly jolting up at the news.

“No. I haven't fully thought of what i am going to do. I'm not staying with him, but i don't plan on staying in Derry either.” Explaining her stance on things. Worried on how he may react at the new news.

“... I’ll try to return soon.” Judging by his reply he didn't take it too well. Disappearing by the time she turned to look at him.

Meanwhile Henry was again running with a heavy case of money. Stopping to lean against a tree to heavily pant for air. Startled by Pennywise grabbing his collar.

“Christ man! Stop doing that!” Wheezing on some words.

“How do you get rid of - infatuation?!” The clown needing to pause to remember the word Beverly called it.

“Uhh, it goes away on it's own?” Answering his question.

“When?!” Turning more frustrated by how the conversation was going.

“I don't know, a few weeks?”

“It's been a few weeks!” The deep snarl he gave making Henry nervous. Confused by what the clown wanted by all these sudden questions.

“M-maybe it's not that anymore?” Nervously answering under the towering clown baring teeth.

“What do you mean?” Questioning through tightly gritted teeth.

“Well if it's not going away then maybe you just like her?” Swallowing down his nervousness

“No, that can't be! I don't like anyone!” Roaring down at Henry, who was shrinking back into the tree out of fear.

“Have you ever gotten this far with anyone?” Henry asking to draw away the clowns anger some how.

“No … But it means i …” The clown trailed off into his thoughts. “My nature is changing? All due to her?” Thoughts broken by someone shouting.

“Hey asshole.” Turning to look the clown and Erik locked their eyes on each other. Surprising the human who only noticed Henry by the tree at first. “It's you!” The male shouted in shock. Turning toward Trey catching up behind. “It's the fucking clown i told you about!”

Henry, not wanting to get caught up in the meeting, bolted further into the woods. Erik shouting at Henry as he ran. “Work for the clown?! You and him are dead!” Climbing over the forest debris to reach the clown standing on sloped terrain.

“I'd like to see you try.” The clown mocked. Walking just out of view to disappear entirely. Appearing back at the nest to settle back down by Beverly Letting out a huff of air before asking the dreaded question. “When are you leaving Derry?”

“I don't know. Need to prepare past Erik first.” Beverly tapping the empty container.

“I can help with that.” Partially not wanting to, if it meant her leaving for good.

“Of course you can, but i need to do it on my own.” Pushing the empty tray away to turn over into laying on her back. “I do need you to remove the threading on my side though. I cant get it off.”

“Mm.” Humming as he leaned over her to inspect the treated side. Rubbing his hand across it until the threading fell away. Inspecting the area that was once wounded.

Beverly looking down at the area for inspection as well. Not even seeing a scar on the area. Happy to know such a knife wound wasn't going to be permanent reminder. Jumping when the clown slowly licked across the area.

“Hey! You better not be planning on leaving a bite there too!” Shoving her shirt back down to cover the area. Partially joking, but also serious on no more bites.

“Sorry, i didn't mean to leave it.” Apologizing about his bite from yesterday. “You can be very addictive.” Moving to give a lick at her exposed collar bone.

“ shut up!” Unsuccessful at being serious through her heavy blush. Pushing him back through nervous giggling. Quieted by his hands trailing up her back to raise up her shirt. Shivering at him moving back to kiss a her neck.

“I-i am serious about the biting!” Lightly shoving him to pay attention to what she said. Getting it out before they continued. He let out a confirming hum while licking further down her neck. Tongue slipping under her shirt collar to lick across her chest. Slipping off her shirt to expose her skin further to taste. Stopping suddenly to grin down at her.

“About those dreams you have.” Licking his jaws, knowing it would draw more excitement from her.

Beverly glaring through her blush. “Bastard!” Failing to hide her thoughts.

“Don't you want to try something? Aren't you tempted at all? Knowing i can do and be anything you want?” The situation having Beverly turn nervously quiet. Considering what to do or how to answer. “Shall we play the 20 questions game?” Teasing her. “I am not hearing a no.” Chuckling at her blushing silence. “Where to start?” Torturing her on the slow teasing. Taking care to read her every movement for some sort of clue. Noticing her looking away often at her no longer threaded side.

“Like my threading my little Bev?” His words causing a mild panic in her as he dug close to one dream theme. Becoming tied in a mass of webbing he set up to catch her. She didn't stay asleep long enough for him to get close though. This was going to be much different.

Eyes going wide at feeling his hands slip away from her back to feel something else going against her skin. Bringing his hands up to show they had changed. Long black slender fingers shredding through the white gloves. Each having thick silver webbing spreading out from each tip. Spreading his fingers out to cross them over having her wrapped tightly around the upper chest.

“Want more?” Asking her as a way to continue. Most of her arms were still free to move along with anything below her stomach. In her mind this was a bad idea. Reminding herself that this is exactly how spiders prepare their pray for eating.

Nervously taking a breath before giving a nod for him to continue. Watching him spread the threading around her for her whole upper body to tightly wrapped. Leaving her hands free by her sides and anywhere below her hips. Smoothing a large seem down the middle to seal the threading.

Beverly getting past the nervousness was looking over the threading. Being quite curious how it was on a larger scale aside from the nest walling. Allowing good air flow to not have her slowly roast in her own body heat. Very soft giving no irritated scratching. Incredibly strong despite her stretching or pulling to try breaking it. Halting her actions at seeing Pennywise drooling above her.

“Please, keep struggling. It makes you more appetizing.” Licking the drool off his jaws. Sucking in a nervous breath that turned into a surprised hum. Feeling one of his gloved hands slipping past the rim of her jeans. Undoing the pant buttons to slip them off for her since she was literally tied up. Removing her underwear next even faster.

Teasing her by licking longingly up her exposed thighs. Licking closer and closer up her legs toward her entrance. Rubbing his hands along her thighs to open them further.

To keep her nervousness down she laid back to stare at the ceiling. Taking handfuls of blankets or webbing to brace herself. Body jolting at the first lick across. Legs squeezing tightly at his broad shoulders. Having wedged himself between in preparation for this.

Her legs leaning up against his arms with her knees meeting his shoulders. His arms twisting underneath to rub his hands along her front outer thigh. Helping to hold her legs open during the arousing treatment.

Moaning as his licks went from teasing her entrance to entering. The long slithering tongue working to taste every inch of her. Enjoying the sweet flavor her body was feeding him. Licking deeper down to his tongue coiling inside the filling space.

The sensation driving her to the edge at record speed. Lapping up the overflow of her sweetness rushing out at her orgasm. He continued on for more of the addicting taste. Forwarding Beverly back around for another jolt she wasn't quite ready for, but wasn't about to complain. Relaxing back to enjoy the amazing treatment for much longer.

His tongue going from smooth to a rougher texture massaging along her walls. The bristles further down stretching her open for more of the tongue to invade. Filling up every part of her only to pull back for another deep lapping up into her core. Hungrily licking her clean upon each orgasmic release from her.

By the 4th round she was exhausted, but found it hard to stop him. By the time she could draw up the words to tell him only another moan would escape. Then after her 5th orgasm he finally stopped. Licking his jaws of what little sweetness from her was left.

“I need breaks.” She tiredly spoke out. Having forgotten that he didn't realize humans didn't have unending energy for sexual activities. Opening her eyes, barely awake, to see what he was doing. Watching him tear away the threading she was wrapped in. Delicately pulling her to settle into his lap surrounded by blankets.

Staying awake just long enough to settle down against him. Having completely forgotten about Erik

Pennywise relaxed back with Beverly sleeping in his arms. Beaming with pride over his mate fully fed and sexually satisfied. Looking down at her he wished this was a permanent thing, but it wasn't and she would have to leave. Thankfully not for a little while, buying her time to rest up.

“Why will you not stay?” Voice hardly a whisper his volume so low when speaking down to her. What did he have to do to convince her? He had tried everything he could think of at this point. Fed her, mated her, provided protection, warmth, offered a suitable nest she seemed to enjoy. Why wasn't he considered suitable? “at least she has admitted to not being fond of the rotten male above. That's one step. Maybe I have missed a step on the courting? I'll have to seek answers elsewhere on what to do. I could ask Henry once he gets back. Beverly would be gone by then, though. If I do get some important information off Henry I would miss my chance to try it. I can't waste the precious time I have her alone in my company.” looking down at Beverly's sleeping form. Taking great care to slowly move her fully onto the bedding. Covering her up with layers to stay warm in her sleep. Setting a gentle kiss on her cheek and then going off to again find Henry.

Startling Henry for the third time at being grabbed behind cover. Down low to the ground next to a massive fallen log.

“what now?!” Henry blurted out through his fear.

“i have questions on courting.” holding onto Henry by his jacket collar.

“right now?!”

“yesss, I don't have time to waste before I have to return her. How do you make a female stay?”

“i don't know. Give her a bunch of flowers and eventually she does?” Henry roughly explained. Even Henry knew he wasn't the best person to be asked these questions.

“gifts haven't been working! I've fed her, bedded her, gave her all the gifts and offerings I can! There has to be something I missed in the courting process!”

“i don't know what else to tell you man. she doesn't like you back?”

“impossible!” Pennywise roared. “ there has to be something else!”

“fuck I dunno, give her better gifts?”

“YOU THINK I DON'T GIVE GOOD GIFTS?!” Henry was smashed down into the floor. The statement before sounding like an insult.

“no,no,no, It- it's maybe they're not good for her – she likes other things – ask her for things she wants!” the human underneath stumbling over his words. Hissing at the nonhuman claws digging into his shoulders.

“ugh! You're useless!” the clown growled as he stepped away from the cowering Henry. Leaving him without any answers to solving his problems with Beverly. Nor how to remove the pained feeling in his chest whenever she left.

Back at the nest he walked up to Beverly still sleeping. Laying down next to her with a gentle pull of her body close to his. Burying his face into her red hair for a deep inhale of her scent. Enjoying the sweet scent while he could. Waiting anxiously for her to wake or for the time he had to wake her. Releasing a low growl at her shifting awake after a time. Stretching while yawning in her laying spot. Sitting up with her arms holding the blankets close over her mostly naked form.

“you don't have to get up.” speaking gently to coax her back into resting by him. Receiving no answer from her or even a look toward him. Back facing him sitting with knees to her chest covered in a few blankets. He sat himself up next to her, holding the urge to touch her.

“... here's the money.” holding out a huge wad of cash to her. Remembering he was suppose to give her the amount after thinking about “better” gifts. Thinking back on how humans like shiny things, especially coins. Thus leading back to the money promise. She glanced at the wad with a hesitant taking of it, quickly counting it out. “is it enough?” asking her to be sure.

“it's fine … how much money did you take from Erik?” asking, still without a look to him. The question leaving Pennywise momentarily quiet out of unwillingness to be scolded again for it.

“... a lot.” keeping his answer simple to slide past her anger in some way.

“Eriks going to make me sell this junk daily because of you.” speaking down toward the money in monotone. The clown slumping down into the bedding waiting for her to continue. “you better be waiting with hot coffee when I come.” her final sentence warming his chest. Sitting back up to pull her into his lap. Kissing the side of her face down to her neck. When he gave a small nip to her collar bone she gave him a smack to his chest. “don't bite!” she scolded. Quieting down to a kiss on the lips pushing her down into the bedding.

Beverly interrupted the kissing with a hand pressing him back. “there are still rules you have to follow, pen. You're still not allowed at the apartment. You can see me if i am out of the apartment, but if I don't come out then don't come find me.” hearing him let out a confirming hum into her neck. “pen you better be listening.” almost losing her own train of thought as he grinded between her legs. “and!” interrupting his movements to make sure he listened. “you can't pick me apart for information anymore! I'll tell you if I want you to know something! You need to stop pissing off Erik, because i am tired of dealing with it all later.” feeling him nod against her hand holding him back. “and don't bite!” scolding him again at feeling him nip at the wrist. Pulling it away from him only momentarily stopping his action. Beverly letting out an annoyed sigh when he moved to nibbling along her jaw.

Allowing him to continue as long as the bites didn't leave a mark. Her thoughts debating on if this was a good idea. “he's going to bother me either way. This way there will be boundaries easier for him to follow. Less trouble for me along with less freezing snow to stand in. calmed him down to maybe stop messing with Erik. finally have Erik calm down enough to let me do things. Will be easier to find a way of leaving.”

#It (2017) #pennywise #beverly marsh #pennywise x beverly marsh #beverly still kicks pennywise's ass #between two voids ch 14 #12 years after movie

[ybcomplicated]

Soft Songs

The ache was too much sometimes. It throbs in my chest like a hammer on my rib-cage, an angry thrust against my lungs to the beat of some Billie Eillish song, and a weight on my throat making it impossible to breath. But somehow i still feel the smoke filling my lungs and fogging up my brain. The sting in soft pink tissue deep beneath the skin keeping me together. 

My body floats in an endless sea of tears that won't fall because i wont allow them too. It comforting in a way. The sting in my eyes out weighs the ache in my chest. Its a slow simple ting now against the sweater over my torso. The sweater that reminds me too much of how I’m alone at this moment. The Anti-Social Social-Club. 

What a joke. Being antisocial was a choice people make. To not be around others either because you can't handle it or because you don't want to. It's not sitting alone in your car without anyone to call you and check in. It's not the inability to go anywhere with anyone because you don't want to be doing it alone. It's not being alone because you have no other choice. 

Loneliness may be what causes the ache. Or at least part of it. Definitely not all of it, This ache I’ve had for years, it just intensified more so in these recent months I guess.  It’s all a little foggy these days. Days intertwine and hours seem to fade like scars. Not completely gone, but enough to not really remember them.

“What the actual fuck?” a voice cuts into my musing. It is slightly muffled but catches my attention all the same.

I look out the window slowly and lift my drooping eyelids enough to see my sister standing outside the door with her hand on her hips and face like a disappointed mother. My mother probably wouldn't be disappointed. Just sad.

I roll down the window letting smoke seep out towards the grey sky, the rain stopping for this one moment of confrontation, as if it can't fathom falling on the all powerful and great Abby, “Hey, sis.”

Abby looks looks me over while I rest my head on the back of my seat and stared at her through the haze of fog in my brain, “Siyera…. Why didn't you call me? You promised to call next time you felt like this.”

I stare at her without responding and she sighs before walking to the passenger door and getting in. Her face showing her distaste for the smell in the car. I unconsciously move to grab an incense and light it up with my little pink lighter. I roll down her window as well and let the music and smoke flow out the car windows quietly. 

Now it was some Ed sherran song that was somehow on my playlist but I don’t remember putting it there. I look at my phone and see im listening to some random playlist and remembered that I didn't make this one.

“‘TikTok Soft songs’’? A little soft for your usual taste isn't it?” Abby tries to joke softly and I shrug putting out the joint in my ashtray. I stared out the window and didn't pay attention to her. The voice was a soft muffle in the fog in my head. Barely making it through any better than she was out my window.

“Do you think that when I die, people will actually go through my stuff? Or will Wayne just leave my room alone? Keep it like a space lost in time, collecting dust and never being used again? Or will he just pack up my shit and pretend i was never there?” I ask quietly.

Abby watches my face as if to find something and I caught her eye. Brown on brown. So different but the same. Mine red and hers a clear white to match her white tank top. Abby was always the pretty one. She was a nice 5’6”, she had a nice build and perky breasts. Legs for days and large lips that didn’t belong anywhere but a beautiful black woman. Yet somehow they were put on this white lady. And to top it off she was a crazy person who didn't give a shit if people saw her. She was a catch.

“I-,” She paused trying to collect her thoughts. I could see the cogs in her brain turning through her eyes, “I hope that it's not for a long while, and it's your kids looking through your stuff. Trying to decide what they want to take and what they should give away. I know that's what you would want. Your stuff to be given to a thrift store so someone else can love it the way you have.”

I laugh bitterly at her, “Right, Pipe dream, babe.”

“Siyera, why are you here? You could have gone to a park or the parking lot of a Walmart, or Lissa’s. Yet you are getting high in the parking lot of my School. You know that you could get arrested? And then id have to explain to Wayne and mom and dad why you were there with weed!” She says gesturing to Dave in the center console of my mustang. 

I sigh and look up at the roof of my car. The back seemed to suck me in, “I wasn’t planning on smoking Abbs. It just happened. Alex hit me up as I was on my way here to talk to you instead and it-”

My throat closed up and Abby looked at me with sad eyes. I hated that look. The pity in her gaze. The disappointed tone in her voice. The uncomfortable stature of her person as she sees me breakdown next to her, unsure if she should hug me or get out of the car. 

I wish she would just leave. I don't want her to see me like this. I don't want anyone to see me like this. The last time anyone saw me like this was two years ago at one of my old jobs. This time it wasn't so bad but it was close. It's’ more sadness than panic this time.

It’s like a wave washing over me, pulling he under the current, unable to come back up. Breath gone and head high with lack of oxygen. Maybe I shouldn't have smoked. Maybe I should lay down? Maybe I should go home and sleep it off.

Abby sighs with tears in her eyes that she won't let fall as i fall apart in my car. The rain had started up again and it matched me. Heh, Aesthetic. I feel like in floating, like I'm watching everything happen from the outside. I watch as Abby goes out into the rain, I feel a bit disappointed at the rain making the perfect curls of her hair flat and stick to her face as she gets me out of my car and into her apartment. She gets me in the door somehow and sits me down at the table.

I'm not processing anything. I'm not really think about anything either, though I guess that's not true. I'm thinking about how im not thinking about anything. I start to giggle and Abby comes back in with sweatpants and a shirt that she puts in my hands and pushes me towards the bathroom.

“Change and then come back. You are staying here tonight, I’ll message Wayne so he knows and doesn't freak out. I won't tell him about this, I promise,” She must have seen the panic on my face at the thought of Wayne finding out about my relapse. I don't need him to know! He will just be disappointed and I only want one person disappointed in me at this moment. I don't think I'd be able to handle more.

I change and make my way into the living room and make myself comfortable on her second hand couch she got from our grandmother. It was an ugly thing, with a faded flower pattern that still faintly smells of cat piss. I found a pack of smokes that were hidden in my sweatshirt pocket and lit one up. I breathed it in and held it before letting it out to the air, to be dissolved in the air that the ceiling fan made. 

“How many times do I have to tell you not in the house?” Abby says sitting next to me and looking disapproving at the cigarette. I hold eye contact as i take another drag.

“And how many times have I listened?” I say letting the smoke seep through my words.

“You are disgusting,” She said with a slight teasing tone.

“It’s what you love about me,” I say with a smirk and she laughs.

The ache is still there but it’s not so bad now.

#oc #oc story #story #writings #make fanart if u want #abby #siyera #drugs #warning #panic attack #sadness #let my feelings out

[imaginethebeautifulworld]

Hi erm, can i request for prussia and china conforting their s/o when they both know the country will outlive them and watch them grow old and die soon? (Im all up for angst)

China: A wise woman once said that if you were to live long enough, you start to see the same eyes in different people. The moment he had heard these words, he had known it was true.

After all, he had seen your eyes at least twelve times in the last few thousand years.

There was no doubt he was close to being considered among the Ancients. He had seen mighty empires rise, fall, rebel, fall once more- Life and Death were forever entangled in a dance that mortals could never escape from. The Others, as well, if they were not truly cautious. But he tried not to dwell on that too often.

With age came wisdom, and with his wisdom, he had found some semblance of peace.

Peace in the knowledge that you may return to him yet again.

But as of yet, it was a peace he had yet been unable to share.

Your posture was slumped, frame leaning against the door frame, the melancholy of a millennia clinging to your shoulders. His feet found the floor immediately, joints popping as he scrambled over to you, spirit filled with concern.

“Wha-”

“You can’t die, can you?”

Well, yes, he could, but it would be a very long, complicated process that would take eons. As long as any hint of his influence remained- He shook his head, ceasing his thoughts.

“What’s troubling you?”

“I- I’m going to die someday. And I- Well I mean, you probably know so many that. Yeah. I just- Will you even miss me?”

His heart shattered. Jaw falling open in disbelief and unspeakable sadness, he embraced you as fully as physically possible.

Words could never describe the vast chasm he could feel within himself, and imagination could only provide a glimpse of how deeply it had impacted you.

“Never, ever doubt that I could go a day without thought of you.” He pulled away, enough to make it prevalent his sincerity on the matter. “In your eyes, I see the promises of spring, hope that tomorrow with be brighter, warmer, better. You’ve brought new tastes to my heart, introduced me to ideas and memories that nothing can replace. And even after your stone has crumbled to nothing but dust, even as humans take us to the skies- There will never be a day when I won’t think of you.”

You scoffed softly, aggressively trying to wipe away any hint of tears. “You stole that from Phantom.”

He beamed. “Guilty. But something I would have known nothing of if it hadn’t been for you.” Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he felt another smile blossom. “And who knows? Perhaps you’ll find me again one day. The universe is full of little mysteries.”

Prussia: He knew it was a question that would come up eventually. He had heard from the Others- It was hard falling for a human. His fingers paused, lingering in your hair as he tried to formulate an answer. Since this courtship had begun, he knew it was doomed. He couldn’t die; he had tried. But you-

Biting his lip, he thanked whatever god was out there that the room was too dark to see you, too dark for you to see the emotions running through him.“What will you do when I’m gone?”

The words were running in circles, the hitch in your breath as you tucked yourself closer to his chest making this even harder.“It must be so lonely-”

God, you had no idea.

He pressed a firm kiss to your crown, trying to summon any of the courage Francis had displayed, Lovino’s patience, Toni’s fierceness, or even Arthur’s wisdom. But nothing- Not even Yao’s guidance was coming to mind. Of all things, it was Alisdair’s drunken ramblings that drifted to his thoughts.

“A friend once told me that happiness doesn’t mean that bad things won’t happen.” He felt a small frown as he forgot the rest of the quote, aware that you were listening, practically hanging on for dear life for any kind of consolation.

It was kind of touching that you seemed more worried about him than your eventual fate. Humans- always fearing, but somehow always accepting the inevitable.

“Bad things will happen. You will leave me eventually- Tonight. Tomorrow. Sixty years from now- Someday.” Spurred on, he sat up, turning you so he could almost meet your eyes in the dim moonlight peeking through the curtains. “Could be a freak choking accident, could be renal failure, could be a random sloth attack.” That elicited a small groan of bemusement, and he felt his lips twitch despite the seriousness of the conversation.

His fingers brushed through your hair once more, other hand gently cupping your cheek. He could almost see you in his mind’s eye, the shade of your eyes, the small flush that never seemed to leave your cheeks, the perfect imperfections that made you who you are.

“I wake up every day and thank God for the time I have with you.” His words were scarcely a whisper, the ugly monster rearing its head once more. “I know I don’t have an eternity with you. But goddammit I cherish every fucking second I can get.”

[Hi, yes. Super depressing ask. 10/10 would not be willing to write again. D:]

#aph prussia #aph china #aph angst #aph x reader #aph imagine #aph scenarios #hetalia imagine #hetalia scenarios #imagine hetalia #imagine aph #aph gilbert beilschmidt #aph wang yao #aph yao wang #china angst #prussia angst #immortality sucks lads #china x reader #yao x reader #prussia x reader #gilbert x reader #wee

[ac-ars]

all your colors start to burn

this is a mess and an au no one needs until they see it, well at least me and two (2) other people

im sure it’s very obvious how much i wanted to stab myself while writing it since i have not been able to write recently, but welp this had to happen so dont really expect any miracles or proofreading lol

all your colors start to burn

Luna takes deep breath and pushes the door slightly, blessing the fact that it’s not that heavy. She looks around immediately and it’s dark, but not this creepy dark, it’s actually nice and despite all the creeps the whole idea gives her, she is set on doing this. She stops when the door behind her closes with small thump and she can only look around. 

There are drawings hanging on black walls in some order; it’s like lowkey mess, but somehow it’s logical, silver frames are all the same, no matter if the picture is bigger or smaller. All of them are black and white, there is no color and it’s intimidating Luna since she’s not used to lack of it, the longer she watches the drawings, the more intense they get. Music in the background is sure, powerful and completely not Luna’s style. The guitar is too harsh just like the singing voice, yet the melody makes it bearable and that’s all she needs right now.

Someone clears their throat and she looks towards the counter. It’s not that high, but there’s a guy sitting by it and watching her intently. Luna is speechless in a second, all her courage decides to leave by tiny gap under the door. She sees a black t-shirt, too big, too loose for him, but that seems to be done on purpose. The collar is weirdly worn, like it has survived too many careless takings off and yet the guy still makes it look good. His arms are completely covered with ink; one is big geometric theme while the other has some smaller singular tattoos, Luna can even see few constellations there and some letters, but they are unreadable from this distance.

Dark eyes scan her continuously with this weird glint from under the glasses before he smiles lazily, and chuckles shaking his head softly and making his short curls bounce with grace. He bites on the pencil and leans his chin on his hand still grinning, and suddenly Luna feels like an alien in this light sundress, surrounded by black.

The guy lets out small, soft sigh and asks her with completely careless tone. “Did you get lost, miss?”  

She pouts and approaches him, stopping by the counter and trying to focus on not staring at him. He looks even more interesting when he is close, but that’s not a point here.

“No. I’m not lost,” she just says, hoping it sounded surely, but his smile widens up and she feels like a kid trying to buy a wine.

“Then what made you enter this very dark place, hm?” he points at her with his chin and Luna just blushes. She simply blushes not sure why, this is a mess and she just came here for a reason with set goal.

“Listen,” she starts, resting her hands on the counter and her fingers automatically proceed to nervous fidgeting. The guy chuckles at this. “Come on, calm down. I won’t bite you despite the fact I may look like that.” Luna just rolls her eyes.

“I want a tattoo, obviously.”

He snorts. “Is your mom okay with that?” She opens her mouth wide, completely offended, but tries to chill with small breaths. “I’m adult person. And I’m sure you shouldn’t, despite how young I look, make fun of me. That was just rude and disrespectful.”

The guy nods, takes off his glasses and brushes his face with his hand. Luna keeps glaring at him, not sure why she even chose this place. Probably because google told her it’s one of the best here, yet it didn’t warn her against asshole tattoo artists.

He sighs dramatically. “I’m sorry. Okay, I believe you, but I’m working here too long to not ask you for ID or whatever. I mean I ask everyone, so that’s just formality now.”

Luna nods and just reaches to her purse for the wallet without saying anything. She places her students ID on the counter and slides it towards him, watching how his fingers take it and how his nose scrunches making his glasses lowkey fall down his nose. He somehow tries to find something for her, of course he does, because he is acting ridiculous since the very moment she entered the place and doesn’t really believe that she’s been done with teen years for few months already.

When he keeps staring at it anxiously Luna just sighs and lowkey throws at him her driver’s license, giving him two more minutes before she will turn away and leave to some other place. He looks at her and smiles sheepishly, reaching his hand to his nape to scratch it slightly and showing another part of his covered in ink arm by the way. Luna hopes she won’t be forced to leave; if any part of the drawings on the walls is his and he made projects of those he has on his arms she actually thinks he won’t fuck up her small one, besides she would be able to stare at him and this doesn’t require him talking.

Eventually, he sends her another awkward look. “Okay. I’m sorry for being rude. I promise I will be nice now.”

Luna sighs. “Are you having this conversation with every short girl entering this place?” He shakes his head softly, apparently he likes to does it no matter if he’s denying something or is just amused.

“Not really.” He shrugs biting the pencil again and looking at her while Luna just counts the time, wondering if she can leave already or that would be mean. She opens her mouth to just thank him and go, but the very same second he takes a paper and scribbles Luna’s name in the left upper corner.

“I see you really wanna go so I gotta hurry up. Is it gonna be your first tattoo?” Suddenly he turns serious and focused, but she waits for the moment when he gets easy and flirty again.

“Yes, yes.” She just answers and he hums, fixing his sit on the chair a little. “Well then, I think it should be small one, I mean it’s your tattoo so you can decide, but first time you’re not really used to the fact that it can hurt.”

Luna nods resting her elbows on the counter and zones out while looking at her name on the paper until she wakes up when he asks something. “What?”

He smiles at her lazily, once again and she notices this lovely, soft dimple in his left cheek. “Questions, do you have any questions before we start figuring out how to ink you?”  

She loses like half of her chill when he says that with this careless, low voice that makes her shiver and Luna guesses that if he can make fun of her, she can too.

“I have like one, is there something you just don’t do? Also just tell me your name, because it’s weird that you know mine and I don’t know yours.”

He chuckles fixing the glasses on his nose as they keep falling. “My name is Matteo and thanks for reminding about that, I’m just… lowkey distracted today. Sorry again.” She smiles softly when he messes his hair and continues. “I don’t really tattoo in color, I guess it doesn’t work for me. Why?”

Luna pretends to be very disappointed. “Oh, that’s sad. So my dreams of this big, red dragon on my back will have to wait.”

Matteo stares at her frozen as if she already had the red dragon on her face and she just keeps the look until he blinks surprised. Now she’s not able to stop herself and she snorts. “I was joking, don’t worry. I want just tiny sun tattooed. No colors.”

He lets out small breath of relief making her giggle at this, and starts doodling something, probably her sun. “Where do you want to have it?”

“On the left side, on the ribs, I guess.” Luna just shrugs, still not sure if left or right.

Matteo hisses, biting on his lower lip. “Oh baby, that’s gonna really hurt you,” he mumbles and she pouts a little ignoring the way he just called her. “How much?”

“I don’t know how to describe it, but let’s just say that very, very much. You shouldn’t get first tattoo in such place.” His lips move into thin line and she sighs. “But it will be small so will it really be that bad?”

“You really want it to be there, don’t you?” Matteo looks at her with cute smile and she can’t really do anything except smiling back and nodding. “Okay then,” he sighs raising his hands up, as if he’s giving up. “we can try, it’s your pain, not mine after all.” Luna rolls her eyes but takes it. “When can it be, like the date?”

“That’s a good question you are asking me here, wait a second,” he says reaching for the calendar, letting Luna appreciate the muscles by the way, and flips through it for a moment. “How about Saturday in two weeks, 9 AM?”

She hums, trying to remember if she has anything to do at this time, but it’s Saturday so no uni, it’s morning so no work yet. “Yeah, yes this works. I should give you my number now, right?”

Matteo chuckles, “you are a straightforward one, I see. Anyway, yes. Your number.” She scrunches her nose, but just gives it to him, and when he closes the notebook he pulls the chair from behind him and smirks. “Come on, we gotta figure out your sun so it’s pretty and hurts the least possible, am I wrong?”

She checks the time on her phone before entering the place ten minutes to nine and almost bumps into tall guy with curly hair. He frowns at her confused, but steps aside, so she can get into without a problem.

“Um, hi,” Luna mumbles, not sure what else to do.

He frowns even more, but chills few seconds later. “Do you need anything?” This is much better welcome than last time she was here. He is wearing a simple, white tshirt, which is contrasting with the whole place so much, Luna feels it almost fresh. One of his forearms is tattooed plus she can see some black ink peeking from under his tshirt on his nape.

“I was, you know-” she starts rambling and stuttering, suddenly all messy. “The tattoo- nine am, Matteo-”

The guy snorts softly shaking his head and making Luna wonder if it’s not annoying that his hair is hitting his face all the time. He raises his arms and crosses them on top of his head, lowkey flexing the muscles. “Balsano!,” he yells, “hurry up your ugly ass, your sungirl is here.”

Luna almost chokes, not sure why but this seems ridiculous as hell. One, the fact that she was called a sungirl, and two, maybe she didn’t see Matteo’s ass last time, but she is sure it’s not any close to ugly.

She blushes with her thoughts, but the same second she hears loud-quiet ‘What?’ from some other room in the place, and the curly guy standing next to her rolls his eyes. Luna sighs and just mumbles: “It’s okay, I am too early anyway. I can wait here.”

“Are you sure you don’t want me to carry him to you so he can pretty-tattoo you?” The guy frowns again and she giggles, because it seems like he likes to frown, or many things are ridiculous to him.

The brunette smiles and nods softly, extending her hand and hoping it’s not weird or some shit. “I’m Luna actually. Luna.” She repeats, so he doesn’t call her any names anymore.

He takes her hand and his sure grip distracts her a little while she is wondering if he works here; if yes it’s probably a rule in this place that weird, edgy and hot guys work here only.

“I’m Ramiro, this is my actual name, no matter what Balsano tells you.” He mentions is probably Matteo and Luna hums, not sure again what to do now. Ramiro seems to notice that she is uncomfy and points at the couch by one of the walls. “Sit there if you can and wait, he is cleaning the stuff after last person, so it should be all ready for 9.”

She smiles at him again and he sends her quick wink before disappearing in the other room. When it’s like two minutes before nine she hears footsteps, what makes her raise her eyes towards the counter just to see Matteo checking his phone by the counter. After that he looks at her finally, she feels like she has waited two centuries before he finally moves his dark look to her and smirks. He looks really, really good in this red tshirt, and Luna is a mess.

Matteo brushes together his hands. “Are you ready?”

The brunette nods and gets up, checking if she has her phone in back pocket, before approaching him not being able to smile. “I wouldn't really say that I'm ready, but I'm the most ready I could be, I guess.”

He chuckles softly. “Sure thing. Don't you have anyone to hold your hand or something?” Luna sighs shaking her head and staring at him as he is eyeing her up and down slowly.

“I hope I don't look like underage today,” she pouts at his immediate smirk and shakes her head.

“Oh come on, everyone sometimes does something dumb.”

She crosses her arms and makes slightly bitter face, not sure why but wanting to banter with him just a little longer. “They say well begun is half done, don’t they?” Matteo looks down after snorting softly and Luna feels definitely better. He wants to say something, but someone interrupts them.

“Not that I wanna cut in, but I think we all are ready. Balsano, champion, she is as pretty as you said, but chill your storm in your teacup.” Ramiro rolls his eyes and claps his hands few times before he leaves again.

Luna feels how her cheeks get warm, not sure what to focus on right now. On the fact that Matteo said that she was pretty; or at least told the other guy about her, or on his face which seems lowkey awkward now and she actually finds it cute.

He sighs and looks at her. “Let’s go.”

She follows him into the other room, the one where Ramiro disappeared before and she notices immediately that it’s as black as the earlier one, with the difference that there is bright, white light everywhere. It almost blinds her, but she manages to look around. The drawings are present here as well, in the same frames and it’s super weird; owner of this place is either a psycho or someone who loves silver frames. Or both.

Matteo goes to the desk with all weird tattoo stuff Luna has no idea how to name since she’s never really cared about tattoos before. Now she just wants to have one and keep not caring, because it’s very easier, and all this shit seems complicated. After very dramatic putting on the gloves he turns to her with small paper with her sun and looks at her seriously, yet with tiny sparkle of amusement in his eyes. “This is the one, isn’t it?”

Luna nods. “This exactly. I thought we were sure last time I was here.” He hums softly. “Yes, but I have to make sure that you are sure. Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

“It is gonna stay there forever.” It feels like he is trying to break her with his look, but she doesn’t want to give up here. It’s her forever.

She shrugs. “That’s what I want here, if I wanted to play I would have gone to get henna.” Her eye-roll apparently entertaining him and Luna wonders if he ever gets annoyed by something else than Ramiro.

“Okay, so where exactly are we making it?” Matteo hums with small smirk, asking her softly, and Luna can only ride her tshirt up. He is completely casual about that what makes sense, he makes tattoos on people daily so what’s a part of skin? She points at the small area on her ribs on left side, which would be just under the bra line, if only she had a bra today. He smiles and presses the design to her skin and slowly leads her towards this one big mirror on the wall. She looks at the reflection with tiny hum and rests her fingers to his hand, moving it a little more to her side instead of her front.

“Here.”

Matteo nods and takes the design away. “Well, sit down, or I would recommend lying down as comfy as you are. And take your tshirt somehow, so it won’t fall or interrupt during the process, you know what I mean.”

The mirror covers almost whole wall and she stares at the reflection of the entire room. Matteo adjusted this weird, comfy chair so she could lie down no matter how weird it felt, plus he sat down behind her so now she can see him all. Her hair she pulled in the high ponytail before leaving the home got slightly messy, but it still doesn’t really mess with anything. She tied her tshirt few centimeters above the place of her tattoo, the only way to keep it up without it being weird.

Matteo seems to be focused, which means no flirty comments, or smirks or even dumb smiles which is not that reassuring and Luna guesses she will probably die or, at the very best, pass out here. He’s done all shit to prepare her skin for the tattooing itself, telling her all about whatever he was doing and it was calming her down. Now he is quiet and she is this tiny ball of nerves, regretting not bringing Simón here (not that she would want to come here with him and let someone think they are any couply) or someone else who would at least talk to her and distract.

He takes this weird thingy which second later ends up being a weird needle; not that Luna is scared of them, but somehow she is stressed about this very needle, which will probably hurt like a bitch. Luna keeps watching his hands and trying to chill and hating on this whole situation so much.

“Can you talk to me?” She ends up asking and he smiles at her with little frown as he reaches for the machine. “What do you want me to talk then?”

“I don’t know. Whatever, just distract me.”

Matteo chuckles putting the needle into the machine and sighs. “Don’t worry, we will try to not kill you today.” Luna gives him concerned look in the mirror between throwing glances at his hands, because the speed of his fingers in such a simple action surprises her more than anything today, what makes him only more amused. “But really, I will be as gentle as I can, so it will hurt less than it would if the curly ass tattooed you.”

He takes the jelly from the desk and applies it on her skin with slow moves, Luna focuses on it and sighs. “How much can I trust you in this?”

“I have been making tattoos for like 5 years, so I had enough time to practice how to hurt people less.” She giggles at this and he stops her from moving with his hand on her waist. “Okay now we gotta focus.”

The brunette bites on her lower lip when he wipes the jelly off his gloves with paper towel and takes the tattoo machine with sure grip. “Now we are calm, we don’t move and we have to breathe normally. Okay?”

She likes the way he talks to her. With this soft voice while looking at her and no matter what he would be saying, she would still like that and embrace it completely. She has to force herself to focus on what he is talking to her, not how he is doing that and that’s actually difficult after him using we instead of you, and Luna feels more reassured than scared right now, so maybe it won’t be that bad.

Matteo explains her why he used the jelly and how the whole machine works, which Luna is impossibly grateful for, before reminding her to breathe once again. Then, he turns on the machine; the sound is lowkey annoying and she’s not sure if she will be able to hear him if she wants to ask something, but well, they will see that.

She turns her head back to look at him, and he just winks at her. “Don’t worry, it’s just a tiny needle. It can’t really hurt you, just sting and annoy and try to focus on the annoying part. Plus we are just outlining here, no shading or coloring so that won’t be long.”

This weird noise isn’t the best thing to listen to, but could be worse and it could be louder so Luna doesn’t complain. Matteo smiles at her as he takes single paper towel sheet and sighs. “Ready?”

She nods and the needle touches her skin.

“And no long baths, no swimming pools or anything like this. Just don’t let it get wet, okay?” He asks while finishing bandaging her skin and Luna tries to take a breath; doesn’t really hurt so that’s a success she guesses. She can only nod at that, because it stings. It stings like a bitch and she has no idea how long it will keep stinging, but she can’t find any words to ask Matteo about that.

The only thing Luna is able to do it thinking of his soft hands making sure that all her side with tattoo is safe and covered, and later watching him how he gets rid of the ink, and the needle, and everything he used with her. He gets up, still talking, and takes off the black gloves in swift motion before throwing them into trash carelessly.

“If it, by some accident or whatever, gets infected, just go to the doctor. You will get antibiotics and it shouldn’t be that bad.” She smiles softly; he seems to be rambling like this. Maybe he tells that to everyone, but the light tone of his voice seems to be somehow unusual and little faster than the very first time she had talked to him.

Matteo washed his hands twice before going back to her and frowning a bit. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m good.” And she actually is, not sure if she can get up without her knees shaking, but decides to try and, fortunately, her legs don’t give up.

“You are pale.” He pouts a little and Luna shakes her head. “It’s nothing, I’m great really. Ar you always so protective over people who you sting with needles?” She asks teasingly, with intention of changing the topic, and he catches it.

“No, no. I’m trying to be nice, because I don’t want you to faint on your way home and sue me, of course.” Obviously.

The brunette giggles, still looking at him. “So you know that one can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? Next time you should start being nice as soon as you see someone entering the studio.”

Matteo’s eyes almost light up in amusement. “Maybe, but I am neither honey nor vinegar. And you definitely aren’t a fly, my dear.” Despite his words, his voice does feel seems like sweet, warm honey and she can’t get out of his little charm for few seconds, until he speaks again. “Besides, we all make mistakes and I’ve seen too many cases of girls looking older than you while being younger than you, so don’t judge me, please.” He sighs, looking around. “I would love to stay and chat more, but I gotta clean around and you probably have someone to show your pretty tattoo to. Are you sure you remember all stuff you gotta do and not do with this?” He asks raising his eyebrow and Luna nods slightly few times.

“Perfect then. If you ever decide you want another one or something, I will give you some discount. Just remember to mention me or the curly head if there is someone else.” He says nodding his head at the back.

The brunette sends him a smile. “Thanks. That sounds nice. And I guess next time will be in some place that won’t hurt like hell.”

“That’s a very great idea. See you around then. Soon, I hope.” He winks at her and she nods confused, trying to hide her blush, and turns around, walking towards the exit and feeling his eyes softly curling around her body. It feels weird, but she somehow likes it and doesn’t really look back.

Luna takes deep breath and opens the door with small push, knowing already she doesn’t need to use more strength and smiles to herself. Matteo is drawing again, too focused this time to notice her until she rests her elbow on the counter. He raises his eyes at her and smirks slightly.

“Already want new one? That was quicker than I thought.”

The brunette shakes her head softly and her hair tickles her cheeks. “Not really. At least today. Today I want something else.”

#soy luna #lutteo #luna valente #matteo balsano #my writing

[suggy-maynard01-blog]

When I Needed You The Most, Where Were You?

~mentions of panick attacks. May be triggering. Sorry if it’s not wrote properly, I’ve gone of my own personal experiences. I’ve never had a proper panic attack but I’ve had mini ones. Enjoy~

We arrived in LA yesterday, I’m so excited. were going out clubbing tonight seen as we have just arrived last night. All the boys know about me and Jack so im glad we dont have to hide anything tonight. We’re all heading out now and I’m excited, as you can tell.

~2:30 in the morning~

We have been at the club for ages. Me, josh, Oli, Mikey and Conor are all sat at a booth. Caspar is with some girls and I don’t know where Jack is. We all decide it’s time to go home so I go and tell Caspar and he insists on coming with us back home. None of the boys went home with a girl, what’s happening there? They all said either their not feeling like it, don’t want to or not in the mood but usually at least one of us pulls.

I ring jack repeatedly asking him where he is cus we’re leaving but he doesn’t answer, not once so I decided to leave a text and just go home. Maybe he’s asleep at home already? Maybe.

When we arrived home, I immediately looked around the house in search for Jack but he was no where to be seen. I started crying, thinking of the worst. What if he’s with someone else? A boy or a girl? What if he’s been taken away? What if he’s injured? What if he’s dead? What if? What if? I slowly slid down the wall, tears coming quicker and quicker that I can’t control it.

"NO!” I manage to chock out between sobs

Joe? Joe buddy what’s up?” Oli asked, sounding very concerned

"Can’t. Breathe” I managed to say.

I was having a panic attack. No one apart from Zoe, Caspar and Jack know I get them, but it’s VERY irregular for me to get them. I only get them a couple times a year so they aren’t a big worry but Zoe and Jack are the only ones who can help me through it. When I get a panic attack, they’re very bad, which is why their so irregular.

"Do you want anything. Water?”

Jack” I sobbed. By this time all the boys were aware that I was having a panic attack.

-3rd person POV-

Josh and Mikey where staying back, giving joe space but also there if they were needed, Conor was trying to get hold of Jack, leaving him loads of missed calls and messages, Oli was trying to calm joe down and Caspar was trying to get ahold of Zoe.

"Joe, listen to me. Breathe in. And out. In. And out.” Oli told joe, trying to calm him down but it was not working. Joe felt as though the world was closing in on him, he could think straight, hear straight, he struggled breathing, he felt like he was dying.

"What the hell do you want Caspar, it’s like 5 in the morning here” Zoe asked Caspar

"It’s joe. He’s having a real bad panic attack” Caspar told joes sister, rushing because he was panicking

"Put me in loud speaker, make sure he only has 1 or two people near him and get him a cold glass of water” Zoe told Caspar and he did as he was told. Josh went to get the water, Oli moved out of his way and Caspar sat down next to joe with Zoe in speaker

"Joe” Zoe said firmly but softly “joe it’s me, your sister. Listen, whatever’s happened to cause this just listen to my voice and forget everything else okay?” Joe could only nod but Zoe carried on

"Joe, remember when your were 8 and me you and dad went shopping for the day. Do you remember when we ran off from dad in one of the first shops we went in, you jumped in the trolley and I was pushing you up and down the aisles until dad found us and dragged us out, but then we did the same in the next shop. Remember later on that day when I fell over when pushing you and you couldn’t stop laughing at me but then the trolley fell over with you still in it? Remember that day joe” Zoe told her younger brother

"Ye. And. And when dad found us both on the floor, he never let us go on our own anywhere again for years” joe said, slightly sniffling

"Thanks zo” joe said once he had calmed down

"Anything broseph. Want to talk about it?” Zoe asked

"It’s ok. I’ll tell you tomorrow when we’re both not tired. Night zozoebo. Thank you”

"It’s ok broseph. Night. Love you”

"Love you too sis" and with that they hung up

Sorry boys about that” joe told his friends

It’s ok buddy, I’m going to bed now. You going to be ok” josh asked

Ye. I’ll be fine. You all go to bed I just wanna relax for a bit” joe told them am off to bed they went.

~Conor’s POV~

After Joes bad panic attack, he told us we can all go to bed. I went to my room and called Jack one more time. This time he answered. I went outside, out of earshot to see what had gotten into Jack Phone conversation: “WHAT THE FUCK JACK WHERE ARE YOU!”

"Geez bro, I’m at this chicks house. She’s so hot and so good in bed like oh my word! I’ll be back tomorrow. Why u having ago at me?”

"Because your boyfriend over here had a very bad panick attack because he didn’t know what happened to you and no one knew what to do. All he wanted was you to help him but where were you? YOU WHERE CHEATING ON YOUR BOYFRIEND TO SOMEONE YOU PROBABLY WONT EVEN REMEMBER HER NAME TOMORROW. JACK WHAT THE FUCK HAS GOTTON INTO YOU!”

"Oh Ye. Forgot about Joe. Don’t tell him. I can’t loose the fame. TBH I don’t even like him, and she was well better than Joe” Jack slurred. What the actual fuck has gotten into my brother

"Come home right now and I promise I won’t tell Joe”

"Promise?

"Promise” promise are ment to be broken, right?

I’m coming now” Joe’s not going to be happy

See you soon bro” and with that I hung up. Jacks in deep shit as soon as he gets home.

~Joe’s POV(sorry for all of the POV changed)~ I heard someone coming downstairs so I turned around and my eyes met with Conor’s. I told him he can go to bed if he wants but he said he wants to make sure I’m ok. What a good friend, I though. After watching the news for a little bit, I heard the door go. Conor went to get it but I was not ready for what was about to happen ja=jack c=Conor j=joe

C:Jack, brother you home!

Ja:hey bro. Btw don’t tell joe where I was

J:tell me what

C:bye boys

Ja:CONOR!

J:thanks for making him come home Conor but I think this is between me and Jack

C: don’t worry I’m leaving anyway

Conor left the room and left me and Jack stood in the middle of the room

J: so are you going to tell me where you were?

Ja:omg I was with this girl and she was soo good. Better than that boy I pretend to be with for the fame. I don’t even like him

J:and what’s this persons name?

Ja:joe su- oh shit. Hey babe. How are you? Love you

J: YOU BITCH! GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SIGHT YOU CHEATING MAN WHORE

Ja: ID GLADLY DO THAT. YOU KNOW WHAT. YOUR SO ANNOYING, THINKING YOUR BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE, JUST CUS YOUR SISTERS ZOELLA. THATS THE ONLY REASON YOU BECAME FAMOUS. YOUR TOO SKINNY, TOO SMALL, YOUR HAIRS UGLY, YOUR JAWLINES NOT THAT GOOD. YOU LOOK LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT! IM GLAD I CHEATED ON YOU. I HATE YOU. I FUCKING HATE YOU JOE"

And with that, jack was gone. He stormed off and slammed the door. I sunk to the floor and cried, cried and cried.

Caspar had recorded us talking/shouting so he sent it me and I put it in twitter with the description: “If you ever fall in love, make sure they aren’t a cheat 🙄😞😭 @jack_maynard”

And he replied with: “If you ever fall in love, make sure they aren’t a stuck up dickhead 🙄😞🖕🏻@joesugg”

Worst. Holliday. Every. And it’s only just begun.

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