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cassanovancats · 3 years

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herding cats

becoming nekoma's manager

You really didn’t want to be here. Here being Tokyo, here being Nerima ward and, most importantly, here being the hallway of your new school. The uniform is itchy and you’re being dragged along by some student council member because, apparently, first years can’t be trusted to walk around themselves.

He was nice enough, though he certainly seemed more excited to show you around when he got a look at you. Then he got more excited when he found out your mom’s occupation was what brought you to Nekoma High halfway through your first-year. “So, what’s it like having a famous mom?”

Your eyes darted to the side instinctively. What kind of question is that? How are you supposed to answer? Like having a mom except you get asked things like that. “Uh, fine. She’s really not that cool.” Especially for moving you so late into the school year because her animation studio decided working distantly wasn’t working. “I get spoilers sometimes.” It’s exactly what he wants to hear.

You can hear the next question already, so you cut him off before he gets a chance to ask about the upcoming episode of the anime your mother was working on. “Ah, it seems we made it to the classroom. Thank you for helping me, Senpai.” You bow half heartedly and knock on the door before he gets a chance to respond.

This is exactly what you told your mother would happen. Even as you introduce yourself to the class, there’s a few people who instantly recognize your last name. Those students turn to whisper or pass notes and you know by lunch, you’ll be crowded by people hoping to become your friend purely for bragging rights. The teacher seems tuned to your inner angst, as she gracefully directs you to a seat in the back of the class, where you can watch instead of be watched.

The first subject of your people-watching is next to you - the one person who did not look up as you introduced yourself. A curtain of dark hair kept you from seeing any details of his face (and you can only tell it’s a he because of the uniform). What you can see is the screen of his handheld console and the bright features of one of your favorite games.

Which is why, during break, instead of making eye contact with any of the students striving to talk to you, you turn to him to complain about the latest update.

congrats, you befriended a wild kenma!

he’s the first person you’ve met in a while who doesn’t care about what your mom does, or how much money you have

he literally only cares about your ability to hard carry a team through a dungeon

a few weeks go by, with you basically just coming to school, talking to Kenma, and going home

until the student counselor comes to you and says you have to join a club

even though it’s the end of the year - some policy to ensure you have a club going into next year

“I hate this,” your complaint comes out severely muffled thanks to how you buried your face into folded arms. Kenma gives a noncommittal hum.

“Are you going to finish that?”

You glare at him but still shove the snack closer to his desk. One hand breaks away from his controller to snatch it, before it gets glued back to his PSP. “I’m serious - if one more club tries recruiting me, I’ll scream.”

He answers, sparing a side-glance towards you. The only hint he actually is listening. “Just warn me when that happens.” You groan and go back to your folded arms. It’s been hard to make friends despite people seeming desperate to be your friend. Well, that’s the problem, you think. You don’t particularly want friends who are planning what questions to ask before even greeting you, you want friends like Kenma who can treat you like a normal person.

Minutes before break ends, the president of the Anime Club approaches for the third time this week. “Hello, (l/n)-san. Have you thought any more about joining our club?”

You feel bad for the instinctive grimace. Really, she’s quite nice. It’s just an anime club is the last place you wish to be. Before you can find another polite way to let her down, Kenma interrupts. “Sorry, Sato-san. (y/n) is joining the volleyball club.”

“I am?” You can’t help but question. He shoots you a look, slighting narrowing his eyes.

“She’ll be meeting the captain at today’s practice.”

Sato-san tilts her head suspiciously but doesn’t press. “I hope to still see you around, (l/n)-san,” she says before flouncing off. You take a moment to reorient yourself.

“I am?”

Kenma sighs, saving his game and shoving the console into his bag. “Yeah, you are. Don’t worry, Kuroo will just be glad a girl is there. Coach Nekomata won’t decline help either.”

You blink at him. “Are you aware the only rules I know about volleyball is to not let the ball hit the ground and to only use your hands?”

“The last one isn’t true.”

“Do you see my point, then?”

yes he does, but he simply chooses to ignore you

it…. does not go well

Kuroo was awkward around you, which turned into a mischievousness when he realized Kenma was the one who brought you in

he kept insinuating you and Kenma were dating which like… no you were just a girl (space) friend

Yaku and Kai were normal-ish though Yaku straight-up asked if your mom was the (l/n)

he let it drop after confirmation at least

then… there was the students in your year

Kenma hovered near you, feeling responsible for putting you in a situation nearly identical to what Kuroo did to him

Yamamoto seemed flustered by your presence and also irritated that Kenma already was your friend

Fukunaga just kinda waved and went back to practicing

it took a while for everyone to get over their initial awkwardness, mostly being helped by having to constantly explain what was happening

but the time spent together meant you quickly found friends

friends who, similar to Kenma, dgaf about anything besides your personality and ability to quickly refill water bottles

Maybe you should have realized sooner what joining the volleyball club entailed. It’s not like you ever really participated in an organized sport though, so these summer practices were kicking your ass. The early morning and heat.... You felt pity for your boys; at least you weren’t having to run. Speaking of, the new members of your team just rounded the last bend.

“Come on, babies,” Kuroo cups his hands over his mouth to ‘encourage’ the first-years. “Even (y/n) could beat that!”

“Don’t say that; Lev’s gonna wanna see it!” you hiss, hitting his side.

Speaking of, the giant, silver puppy heads straight to you. After introductions, his upperclassmen quickly understood Lev required a, well, firm hand. Something you lacked which made you the target of his affections. “Woahh, (y/n)-senpai must be fast! Why don’t you actually play any sports?”

Yaku’s eyes level a harsh glare on him, “Are you trying to insult our manager?”

Shibayama steps forward, saving Lev from having to repeat his run. “I am curious why you chose to be a volleyball manager. No offense, but… you don’t seem to care about the sport.”

“Ah, none taken,” you easily wave off his concern. “Volleyball’s cool enough, but you’re right that I’m not passionate about it in the same way as others on the team. I mostly joined because of Kenma, actually.”

The first-years felt confused. How could their quiet, cat-senpai pull in one of the most popular girls in school? Even last year, when they were in Nekoma's middle-school, they had heard rumors of you. When you joined the volleyball club, even teachers started giving the once-golden club attention again. It was how the club received funding to travel to Miyagi next week. (In addition to a large donation from your mom, who was overjoyed you actually made friends.)

“He was my first and only friend at Nekoma for a long time,” you explain. Lev gasps dramatically. It seems impossible to imagine you without lines of admirers. “It doesn’t matter now since everyone in the club is my friend! Take your bottles and get in the gym; we need to talk about the logistics of going to that camp with Karasuno.”

the ones who stay behind are upset </3 cough cough lev

you’re pretty surprised you do get to go

but you’re excited - from what you understand it’s a rural area and you’ve been in Tokyo your entire life

maybe you'll even see a cow!

except you get there, walk a few feet and then notice Kenma is missing

excitement: ruined

Kuroo panics while repeating that he is not panicking

then you both get a text that’s just “in a playground”

when you find him, you scold him on talking to strangers

anyways the rest of the day is spent familiarizing yourself with the gyms and rooms

you run into Kiyoko while preparing dinner for your team

she explains she’s the only other manager at the camp, but she won’t be staying with you

You’re a lil upset bc sleepover ruined but it seems weird to complain about getting your own room and bath

(you still spend most of the time in the team’s room because it got really lonely without your boys :( )

the next morning, the day of the actual match, you get to wear your Official Manager Clothes

which is really just the track jacket, but it makes you feel cool

meeting karasuno is,,, interesting

you’re starting to think you’ll never find a normal volleyball player

From the corner of your eye, you spot Yamamoto attempting to intimidate some Karasuno players. With a sigh, you go to fetch him.

“Tora-kun, can you please help me bring in some supplies? They’re too heavy,” you whine. It’s you’re tried and true method to keeping him on a leash. If he’s helping you, he’s with the team.

Except you don’t just get his attention, you also get the attention of the boy he was staring down. Tanka startles at your sudden appearance behind Yamamoto and loses the harshness in his face. “G-girl-”

You make eye contact with Kenma who looks amused. He ignores your plead for help. Yamamoto takes the opportunity to flaunt you. “This is (y/n). Talk to her and you’ll learn how much pain a volleyball can inflict.” As he finishes his threat, he gets distracted by Kiyoko’s appearance over Tanka’s shoulder.

You decide it’s a lost cause and subtly inch away until you’re walking with Kiyoko. The boys are unable to hear what you’re talking about, but both stare dumbfounded as the only two girls in the entire camp gossip and laugh. Tanka and Yamamoto share a look; maybe there’s something shared between the two they didn’t see before.

“Is your idiot always like that?”

“Yeah, I assume that’s normal for your team too?”

#cass.writes #manager!reader #hq x reader #haikyu x reader #female!reader #nekoma #also lots of info from the wiki #so pls don’t jump me if it’s wrong

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hotchscvm · 3 years

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a lifetime of illusions

Warnings: angst, implied smut, mild violence, major character death

Word count: 3.3k

Summary: A whirlwind summer romance sweeps you off your feet. But you never once regretted it.

Or: In which you fall in love hard and fast, yet when it all stops, you spend the rest of your life thinking "What if?"

You never considered yourself as someone who would be swept off their feet just because of a guy with a pretty face. But he had been so much more than that. He made you happy, made you smile, made you feel truly alive. Not once had you regretted your decision; you were happy, as happy as someone could be.

Stepping outside, you blocked your eyes from the hot summer sun. The busy, yet small city noise filled your ears, the smell of saccharine desserts invaded your nose. Smiling, you felt at home in this foreign island. The people around you smiled, not one of those tight, uptight grimaces, but a genuine, huge smile. People around here were so different. It was nice.

You called for a cab, surprised there had been a cab at the small island, even more, surprised when they hadn't made fun of your struggle to communicate. Instead, they smiled and helped you figure out where you were supposed to go. He introduced himself as Barry.

"So, ma'am, how long are you staying in Savos for?" Barry asked, taking a turn left. Besides you, the beach stretched out for miles, the sun setting above the horizon. It left a streak of crimson in the orange sky.

Grinning, you shrugged, eyes twinkling with excitement. The long plane ride did nothing to drain the energy and excitement out of you. "Don't know. But from the looks of it, I want to stay forever. This is possibly the most beautiful place in the world."

"It sure is, ma'am. Especially during the summer, you came at the right time. We don't get a lot of tourists due to the long and exhausting traveling." Barry said, pulling up to the large hotel. "Here we are. Have a good night."

"Thanks, Barry. You, too." you thanked, opening the door. You were ever so grateful to pack light, the only thing in your hands was your phone, and bag hanging on your shoulder. The hot wind made you shiver, contrasted by the cold cab, the sudden temperatures changed made you crave the summertime more.

The cab drove away, the sweet sound of the tires against the cement hitting your ears. Walking to the hotel lobby, you checked in, admiring at the antique furniture and the warm white lights. It had an olden vibe, one that you didn't mind. The girl handed you your keys without a word, pointing to the elevator. You had to admit, the hotel was kind of stuffy, a little dusty but a little dust never killed anyone. Who were you to judge for the lack of dusting?

You reached your designated floor, the elevator doors opening with a loud ding. As if you were in a hurry, your sprinter down the hall to your room; in truth, you were just eager to change and see the island for yourself. Unlocking your door, you were greeted by the sight of a clean room, a white bed, white walls, and a white carpet. For an antique-looking hotel, you'd thought the room would have more character.

No matter. You tossed your bag on the bed, slipping into some clean clothes. If you weren't so hungry, you would've taken a shower, gotten rid of all the sticky things that touched you during your flight. Instead, you practically tore your dirty clothes off just to get a fresh feeling from your clean ones. Pulling your hair up, you texted your parents and friends, texting them you had made it.

They had all been a bit hesitant about having you travel to a foreign island by yourself. It had been a little ridiculous but you finally got all of them to agree. After all, you needed to celebrate graduating from college. It only happened once. What better way to celebrate than traveling around the world for the whole summer before returning back to your stuffy life?

There was a fun-looking restaurant across the street from the hotel. A lot of people crowded the place, dancing to the loud music leaking out of the restaurant. You snaked your way through the crowd until you reached the host stand, letting out a huge breath you've been holding in order to squeeze past. It might've been crowded inside but the restaurant wasn't. The tables were all filled but there had been no line.

You made your way to the table, smiling when you reached it. The host gave you a small smile. "Hello, do you happen to have a table for one?"

"Um, lemme check." She glanced down at the booklet in front of her, then scanned the place, as if an empty table was suddenly going to appear. "I'm sorry, ma'am but there isn't a table available. If you'd like you can wait, it won't be long—"

"She can sit with me. If she doesn't mind being tortured by my company." A voice interrupted. Both you and the hostess turned towards the source of the sound, eyes widening when you saw the breathtakingly gorgeous man. He smiled at you, holding out his hand. "Hey, I'm Chris."

You shook his hand, slightly confused by his blunt offer. You told him your name and the corner of his lips lifted even more. "You look really familiar, Chris."

His eyes glimmered with amusement. "Yeah, I get that a lot. You have a beautiful name. Would you like to dine with me tonight? It's totally okay if you say no but it'd be nice to have some company tonight. I'm new in town."

"Me, too," you replied. Biting your lip, you mulled over his question. You wanted to say yes—who wouldn't? He was absolutely beautiful but it wasn't like you to have dinner with a complete stranger. On the other hand, you did promise yourself to be more spontaneous, take more chances.

Sensing your hesitance, he scratched the back of his neck, glancing at the floor. "I promise I won't bite. And if you don't have a fun time, I'll give you some money and we can call it even. What'd ya say?"

Of course, you said yes. If you hadn't, your whole life could've gone so much differently.

—

It started with dinner, then lunch the next day. It wasn't long before the two of you spent your days together, sometimes going to the beach, sometimes staying in either of your hotel rooms, staying in each other arms, stealing a few kisses. You didn't realize how much of a big deal he was. And he didn't tell you, fearing you'd ditch him.

After your third official date, you slept with him, loving the way he touched you. You smiled when you woke up in his arms the next morning, he had mirrored your expression, kissing you until you were both breathless. Only a week had passed but you were so smitten by the Bostonian. It was during the second week that you realized how smitten he was with you.

"Christopher Columbus, you know how impatient I am. Come on! Lemme see." you pleaded, a little annoyed by his hands covering your eyes. He chuckled behind you, pulling you even closer to his chest. "Chris."

His chest vibrated from his laugh. "Sweetheart, I promise we're almost there. It's not a surprise if I show you. Just wait a little longer. I promise you'll love it."

You groaned, suffering blindness under his grasp. As much as you hated secrets, you liked the way his hands were on you, the way he looked in his Captain America swim trunks. It was adorable. "Okay, fine."

As soon as your feet touched the water, you started to get even more suspicious, aware you were ankle-deep in the ocean. Maybe he was gonna drown you. You let out a little laugh at that. The man had too much love in his heart to even think of such a dark thought.

"Do I get to hear the joke?" he asked, his lips grazing your ear. You giggled at the motion, his neatly trimmed beard tickling you. "Are you ticklish?"

There was a dangerous playfulness in his voice so you quickly shook your head no. "Of course not, your wild beard just gave me neck rash."

"Darling, that's just the hickey I gave you." he teased, laughing when he felt you roll your eyes under his hand. Chris swore, quickly leading you back towards the beach before making you walk across the hot sand with it sticking to your soaked sandals. "Sorry, my mind wandered and I accidentally led you somewhere else."

"Oh my, God." you snorted, finding amusement to your boyfriend's confusion. Was he your boyfriend? You didn't have the talk, let alone labeled what you were. Three dates, days spent together, and mind-blowing sex didn't mean you were dating, right?

Your sandals thud against the wooden ground. You raised an eyebrow at the feeling, curiosity making you impatient from the long-awaited surprise. It was ridiculous how long he made you wait, almost as ridiculous as Barney Stinson's legendary catchphrase Chris once jokingly admitted he loathed.

Once you were in the angled the way he wanted, he grinned, the smile touching his eyes. "Okay, are you ready?"

You nearly yelled at him. "Yes!"

With one swift movement, his hands disappear from your eyes, leaving you to open them slowly as you took in the scene in front of you. Floating in the water, a few feet away from you was a sailing yacht, the boat rocking slightly. A tiny squeal escaped your lips, glancing between the boat and Chris. You wrap your arms around the man, head snuggled against his chest.

"It was hard finding someone that would let me rent their boat without a boating license. But don't worry, I know enough to keep us afloat. Do you like it?" he asked, pressing a kiss to your forehead.

It was crazy how this man could make your heartbeat out of your chest. Grinning up at him, you gave a nod. "I adore it. It really was worth the wait, huh?"

He wasn't looking at the boat when he answered. He was too busy admiring how beautiful you were to even take his eyes off of you. "Yeah, it really was."

You pulled him aboard the boat, letting him teach you all the right procedures. He had let you steer the boat with his assistance, murmuring praises in your ear, arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he stood behind you. The wind would blow your hair back, making him spit it out when it got in his mouth. Both of you laughed whenever a piece of your hair got wet from his spit; it was also very gross.

The day was spent on the boat, blankets tossed over both your bodies as you watched the sunset. Chris had decided to become the next Shakespeare as he described the colors of the sky, laughing when you jokingly mocked his Boston accent that slipped out every once in a while. Night had come, and Chris drove the boat back to the docks, thanking the owner.

That was the night he realized he was deeply and irrevocably in love with you.

—

He didn't get a chance to tell you.

He was ripped out of your arms before you could tell him you loved him. Didn't even get the chance to say goodbye.

July came and went. Chris had taken you back to his hometown with the plan to introduce you to his family. Neither of you thought it was moving too fast. You wanted him and he wanted you. It was as easy as that. Yet, he was nervous. Not because he wasn't sure if his family would accept you, he knew they would immediately adore you as he did.

No, he was a wreck ever since he placed his grandmother's ring in his pocket, waiting for the perfect opportunity to come up. It never did.

You met his cute dog, one he named after Oliver & Company. It was hard to decide who water cuter—you soon chose Dodger after Chris scared the shit out of you. The summer was coming together in the best way possible and you never wanted it to end, didn't want to go back to your normal life where everything was vanilla at best.

So, you didn't. You met his parents, spent the remainder of the summer with him in Boston. It was easy being with him, so easy you thought about blurting the three words that eased in your head whenever he smiled, laughed, or moved. You had it bad. Too bad you never found out how much he did.

It happened on a normal Saturday night; you were making dinner while Chris drove back from a day hanging out with Scott. Tonight was the night, the night you told him how in love you were with him, how he wiggled his way into your heart. Your hands were trembling with anxiety as you waited for him, trying to calm yourself, wishing he would get home faster. Dodger calmed you a little but it wasn't enough.

As it got later, your anxiety faded, anger replacing the strong feeling. You had been texting Chris, only getting a few responses in return until he just stopped. Anger seeped out of you as you put the food in the fridge, cursing at the thoughtfulness of your boyfriend. You never got to say sorry for thinking about yourself when his last thought was about you.

For him, tonight would've been the night. The night he confessed his love, the night he popped the question, the happiest night of his life until you get married. He was hopeful you would feel the same way, even asked his friends if they thought you did. They all had answered without hesitation, assuring him you did. So, he picked up his balls, and got his head together. He had a plan: tell you about his actor status, professed his heart out, and get on his knees.

Fate had other plans.

Chris could tell you were anxious, even through text he could read you. He tried his best to assure you he would be home soon. He smiled at the word; home was you. He shouldn't have been texting and driving. If people realized how important those ads were, maybe they would take them seriously. Unfortunately, Chris never thought he would end up as one of those.

It wasn't his fault, far from it. He had stayed in his lane, never veering off his own space. He might've been speeding, but it wasn't his fault. The headlights blinded him, so much that he couldn't move out of the way fast enough. The oncoming car came at him, and he died instantly.

Scott had called you, asking if he could come over, unable to tell you the bad news over the phone.

Opening the door, you greeted the other Evans brother. "Hey, Scott. Have you heard from Chris? He hasn't been answering my texts and I'm really worried. A little miffed but mostly worried—hey, are you okay?"

Tears ran down his cheek as he engulfed you in a hug. His body shook and your stomach dropped. "Chris...he got into a car accident. T-they tried to rush him to the hospital but, [Y/N], he was dead on impact. Sweetie..."

You fell to your knees, the rest of the sentence trailing off as the words sunk in your head.

He was dead.

You cried for days, with the amount of tears you cried, you could've filled the huge bathtub in Chris' house. It was worse during the funeral, seeing his dead, lifeless, cold body in a wooden casket. You didn't think could have gotten worse, but it did.

His will was read, he made changes to it during the summer. If anything happened, you had the house, Dodger was now yours, a handful of millions were in your hands. Other than Dodger, you didn't care about the possessions you held. Not until Lisa, Chris' mom, came by with a blue, velvet box in her hand.

You didn't open it until you couldn't stand it. Opening it, you found the pear-shaped diamond engagement ring resting in the middle. That was when you saw him. It took you by surprise, scared you shitless when you saw him standing in front of you, alive and as remembered. Dodger hadn't reacted to his dad's return. It made you wonder if you dreamt of his death. He didn't say a word as he took the box, got on his knees, and smiled up at you.

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes."

You didn't have kids, instead you spent the rest of your lives enjoying each other's company. You got married, lived the American dream. It confused you whenever you saw mourning posts about Chris when he was clearly alive. So you stayed off the internet, living the second chance you were given. You were happy.

Chris showered you with presents, cuddled you every night, and woke you up with kisses every morning. You barely fought, and when you did, you never stayed mad at each other long. You couldn't find it in yourself to take him for granted again, not when he was taken away from you.

Scott would visit, his face becoming more and more concerned as the visits became monthly, like he was sure you were going insane. But you weren't. Not to you, at least. He never spoke to Chris when he visited, not that Chris was in the room when he did. Scott would stare at the engagement ring around your ring finger, a sad smile appearing on his face before he would go.

You dismissed everyone's weird behavior whenever you brought up Chris. They would always look down, avoiding the subject like he wasn't there. Still, you thought nothing wrong. You were too euphoric to realize how fucked up your situation was.

Life went on, you spent most of it with him, clinging to his presence as if you didn't hold on tight enough he was going to ripped out of your arms again. You got older, so did he, just not in the way you thought he would.

Sighing, you settled beside the love of your life, the back pain, and old age making it hard to get into bed. 70 was a bitch and you weren't taking it too well. Rolling over, you were greeted by the sight of the same Chris you met those many summers ago.

He smiled gently at you, tears brimming his eyes. He cupped your sagging cheek with his hand, the same hand you held so many times. "Sweetheart, I love you so much. You were my destined one but I never got to say goodbye. But you do. You have to let me go and live out the rest of your life."

"How...I—" you gasped softly, unable to feel him.

"You have to let me go."

And you did. Closing your eyes, you saw the past 50 years as they have been. You talking to the empty space in front of you, leaning against the couch, cuddling the pillow you thought was your lover. You truly saw the emptiness in Chris' family. They were lost without their brother, without their son while you lived a lifetime of illusions, delirious from the sadness over his death. You clung to him, even when it wasn't really him.

So, you did as he wished. You let him go and went to sleep.

But you never woke up. Because the only thing keeping you alive was his presence. And he was gone. It only took you five decades to realize how empty you were without him. Because he made you feel alive.

You had spent a lifetime imagining him.

#chris evans #chris evans imagines #marvel #steve rogers #captain america #chris evans x reader #chris evans angst #imagines #chris evans fanfiction

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doctorporkchop02 · 4 years

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Underswap Ruins Map Layout (Rough Sketch) and the Events of the new Incinerate Ruins.

So I made a little Doodle of the Map layout for the new version of Incinerate Ruins... Well I can't really call it Incinerate Ruins any more. So after months of struggling to find a theme for a Summer Version of the Ruins, I decided to get rid of the Volcano and Desert theme and instead go for a... Drum roll please...

AN AMUSEMENT PARK THEME!!!

Yep, I decided to make Incinerate Ruins a mix of the Ruins from Undertale and an Amusement Park with Rollar Coasters, Bouncy Floors, other stands for little games the monsters could play for prizes, Balloons and other decorations everywhere, and at the very end of it, a giant Circus Tent runned by the one and only Hapstablook!!!

Actually, the Rollar Coasters and other stuff was all Hapstablook idea so not only could the Catacombs be more Lively and Exciting, but it also gives him an excuse to appease his own ego, by putting posters and statues everywhere, and making the prizes in the games themed after Hapstablook... because of course of course Hapstablook would do something like that.

But yeah, I don't have a name for this new version of the Ruins yet, but I'm happy with this and I hope you like the change too. But I guess I should go through this doodle and explains what's going to happen...

Okay, so when you first start off, Chara is laying down on their stomach on a bed of Golden Flowers, reminiscent of Undertale's Intro.

But Chara gets up, shakes their head, looks up where they fell down, and starts walking through a long hallway and goes through a giant door. Then Chara encounters the Temmie Dolls where She introduces herself, offers to give you a Tutorial like Flowey's Tutorial in Undertale, and then they {DOG!} and {DOG!} and barely leaves Chara at 1 out of 20 HP, but where Asgore comes in a shooes Temmie away with a Fireball, Introduces himself, realizes Chara is hurt, and offers to guide you through the Ruins.

Chara follows King Fluffybuns and finds themself in an area similar to Undertale's Weird Stair Room, and is also where Chara finds their first Save Point, after that Chara and Asgore go through the door at the end of the room and... Asgore realizes the Puzzles have been reactivated mysteriously and then says...

Asgore: Oh my, those pesky kids must have reactivated the puzzles again. I'm afraid I am going to have to have another chat with Mrs. Eyewalker again.

(Asgore then turns around and faces Chara)

Asgore: I apologize child, but it seems like we are going to have to do some puzzles into order to proceed. Thankfully, the puzzles here are not going to be too hard, I have a feeling that you are a very smart child and can solve this puzzle easily. I have faith in you, now go child, go and push those... boxes...

Asgore: Ho ho ho. Maybe I should ask that young fellow if he could help me make this puzzles more exciting.

So now Chara has to do a Box puzzle similar to the ones from Deltarune. It's not complicated at all and when Chara pushes both of the boxes to the two "X" Spots, the Spikes blocking the way deactivate and Chara and Asgore can proceed.

Then Asgore stops and says...

Asgore: Now Child, I'm sure that you are aware that I am not the only monster down here, and like how that doll did before, monsters may try to attack you... but I assure you that it is nothing personal.

Asgore: It's just that monsters have not seen a human in years, centuries even, and your soul is... well very valuable, monsters may try to take your soul, and I am not sure if I will be able to protect you from them. But that is why I am going to teach you how to defend yourself if a monster were to attack you. While I am far too old to teach you myself, I have someone else who can assist me with that.

(Asgore gestures Chara towards Mad Dummy)

Asgore: Now I suggest that you try to only talk and spare the monsters that attack you, so you can end the fight peacefully, you might even make a few friends afterwards. I also suggest that you only resort to Violence if it is absolutely necessary. But the monsters down here are very kind, so you will more than likely never need to resort to violence.

Asgore: Here, let's practice here on Mr. Dummy, now remember child, try to talk with him and then spare him. I wish you the best of luck child, although I do not think you need it, I bet you are a very kind child and I bet this will be as easy as pie for you. Hohoho.

Then the battle is initiated where "Fighting" Mad Dummy is really similar to "Fighting" the Ruins Dummy in Undertale. So let's just assume Chara tries to talk to Mad Dummy first.

-ACT > TALK

(Flavor Text: You say "Greetings" to the dummy... he doesn't seem up for a conversation.)

Mad Dummy: . . .

-ACT > TALK

(Flavor Text: You try talking to the Dummy again, he still doesn't seem up for a conversation, you and the Dummy just end up awkwardly staring at eachother for a while.)

Mad Dummy: . . .

Mad Dummy: . . . . . .

Mad Dummy: . . . . . . . . What?

Mad Dummy: What are YOU looking at?!

Mad Dummy: Yes!! I'm a Dummy!! I know!! I KNOW!!

Mad Dummy: How Rude of you to just walk up to me, say "GrEeTiNgS", not even asking me how my day has been by the way!!! Then!! THEN!!!!!! You just stare at me with that Creepy Face!!! How Awful!! How Despicable!!!!! How Disrespectful!!!!!!!!

Mad Dummy: Haven't your parents ever told you it's rude to stare at strangers?!?!?!?!? Do you not listen to your parents or something?!?!?! Awful!! Awful!!! AWFUL!!!! You should have more respect for your parents!!!!! They know much more and have lived much longer than YOU!!! You should listen to them more!!!!! You are such a bad seed!!! A Rotten Egg!!! A Despicable Whatever you are!!!!!!

Mad Dummy: Somebody around here should teach brats like you a lesson!!!!!! IN FACT, I'LL GIVE YOU A LESSON YOU'LL NEVER FORGET!!!!

(Mad Dummy Pulls out a Knife)

Mad Dummy: LESSON START!!!!!

(Mad Dummy throws the Knife at Chara, but Chara dodges the attack)

Mad Dummy: . . . . . I'm . . . . . Outta lessons . . .

(Asgore launches a Fireball towards Mad Dummy and yells "That's enough!"... but the Fireball actually hits Mad Dummy... The dummy is now on fire...)

(Mad Dummy Creepily Turns his head 180° And Slowly Floats towards Asgore...)

Mad Dummy/Burnt Dummy: . . . . .

Burnt Dummy: Did you. Just hit me. WITH A FIREBALL?!?!?!?!?!?!?

Burnt Dummy: WASTHATREALLYNECESSARYTODOOHMYGODOHMYGODYOUARESUCHAHYPOCRITESAYINGYOUSHOULDNEVERUSEVIOLENCEANDTHENYOUGOANDUSEVIOLENCEYOUAREJUSTASBADASTHISLITTLEBRATSERIOUSLYWHATISTHEMATTERWITHYOUDOYOUTHROWFIREBALLSATANYONEWHOISANGRYWHODOESTHATOBVIOUSLYLUNATICSLIKEYOUYOUHAVESERIOUSLYISSUESANDTHISMESSAGEISKINDAGETTINGABITTOLONGANDSOIAMJUSTGOINGTOENDTHISMESSAGEHEREANDIFYOUAREREADINGTHISTHENYOURANERDBUTSERIOUSLYFLUFFYGUYWHATISYOURPROBLEM-

(Burnt Dummy gets hit by an oncoming Rollar Coaster Car and gets carried away.)

(Both Asgore and Chara are wide eyed... o_o)

. . . Moving on . . . The next room is just a random room with a long hallway next to it, but there are three lone Cardboard Boards in the corner and a Cardboard Stand that says "TeM!!1!1!" On it with Marker. But when Chara and Asgore walk down the long hallway, Chara gets a Forced Encounter with a Whimsun and instead of Asgore glaring at the Whimsun like how Toriel does with Froggit in Undertale, Asgore politely asks Whimsun to not attack Chara, which Whimsun does and Flutters away awkwardly, after that is the Invisible Spike Path Puzzle thing, where Asgore gives Chara Piggyback ride while walking through the Spike Path.

After that is sadly the end of what I have right now for the new Incinerate Ruins, the next room is just a big Room filled with Tables, Balloons, and other stands with games for the Monsters to play and to the very left of the room is the legendary "Candy Bowl of Amazingness" where it acts basically the same as the Candy Bowl from Undertale...

... Yeah that's all I have for right now, if you have any ideas on things to be added or changed in the first part of Incinerate Ruins, lemme know.

I really hope you guys like what I have so far, because I know that I do.

But as always, I hope you guys have an awesome rest of your day/night.

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mind-reader1 · 6 years

Text

Queen of Hearts (Ch.13)

Drake x MC (Emma Barnes)

TRR AU: What would happen if Emma loved Drake but had to marry Liam?

Catch up here

Warnings: Some cursing

Note: Thanks for the love everyone! Please Enjoy! If you’d like to be added to the tag list let me know! Got some good drama in this chapter, and maybe something else ( ͡º ͜ʖ ͡º)

Word Count: 2187

Summary: Drake and Liam exchange some harsh words, can they come to an understanding? Olivia offers some unsolicited advice, and Kiara is back and all over Drake.

Chapter 13: Elastic Heart - Sia

And another one bites the dust But why can I not conquer love? And I might've got to be with one Why not fight this war without weapons? And I want it and I wanted it bad But there were so many red flags Now another one bites the dust And let's be clear, I trust no one

You did not break me I'm still fighting for peace

Well I've got thick skin and an elastic heart But your blade it might be too sharp I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard But I may snap when I move close But you won't see me fall apart 'Cause I've got an elastic heart I've got an elastic heart Yeah, I've got an elastic heart

Drake stepped in front of Liam and he frowned at his friend.

“Drake. Please move. I need to speak to you and Lady Emma.” Liam stepped to the side and so did Drake.

“No. We need to talk Liam. Let her have a break tonight.” Liam continued to scowl but let everyone else walk ahead into the manor.

“I've been giving her a break this entire trip.” Drake shook his head in disbelief.

“You really haven't Liam. You've been on her case about every little thing and you shouldn't be!”

“Really? I can't believe you two! Sneaking off today in public, to fuck?! Could you imagine the consequences if someone else had heard you two rather than us! I have gone over this with Lady Emma, but nothing seems to get through. Don't think I don't know about you sneaking into her room every night! What is it going to take? Or are you both determined to make this fail so you can get past your jealousy!” Drake was seeing red, he couldn't believe his best friend was saying this to him.

I gave her the ring, I followed her after your engagement photos. It was my idea to sneak off today. All these things you're getting mad at her for were my idea so fucking lay off Liam! It seems like she's been doing everything on this tour. She recruited Madeleine and her family when you were nowhere to be found. The polo game was her idea, today she rallied the people at the press conference and asked the kids to play. I don't know what's gotten into you lately, but I've had enough.” Liam sighed and ran a hand through his hair starting to cry. Drake was so caught off guard he didn't know what to do.

“I'm sorry, Drake. Ever since the ball it's been one thing after another. I have to stay calm for everyone else, it gets bottled up and I just explode on those I care about. I've been seeing a therapist to help me, but I'm still working through it.” Liam dragged his hand down his face, the tears having stopped. Drake had never seen his best friend like this. Sure, in college he had been in a bad place after an assassination attempt, but he was like a ticking time bomb, you never knew what was going to set him off now.

“I don't like this charade any more than you do, watching you masquerade around for the cameras with the woman I love is torture. The only reason I'm still here, that we didn't run off is because we believe in you Liam, we're here to support you. We were all at the homecoming ball; I got shot Liam! I know it seems like we don't care about making this work, but I have nightmares. Every night I see Emma get shot and I can't save her, I wake up paralyzed, then I see her, and I know it's not real. It's the only way I can get any kind of sleep.” Both of them finally put it out there in the open, they used to talk about things all the time, now they just couldn't. Liam had no one to talk to, his best friend and the woman he loved were together, can't exactly talk to them about Emma. Hana and Maxwell were good friends to him, but they were Emma's best friends, he couldn't talk to them either.

“Maybe this will be beneficial for you then.” Liam held a small white card out to him with a name and phone number on it, a therapist. Again, Emma's words echoed in his head, Drake hated the idea of spilling his guts to a stranger, but maybe it was time to consider it. He took the card without a word, a newfound tense silence hanging between them.

“We used to talk all the time, Liam, I know that this is weird. You should try to find someone you can talk to if it's not me. I'm sorry, I really am. You'll always be my best friend though.” Drake clapped him on the shoulder once and walked away without looking back.

Drake's words weighed heavily on Liam, they had talked all the time, but ever since that night in New York there had been a distance between them...well more like a person. He couldn't blame Emma though, it wasn't her fault that they had both fallen in love with her, and it wasn't like she had a choice falling in love with Drake. Nevertheless, it made him impossible to talk to. He found himself aimlessly wandering through the grounds outside the manor.

“Liam, what are you doing out here so late?” He turned to find Olivia strolling towards him.

“Lady Olivia... trouble sleeping is all. What brings you out here?” she looked away, it was the first time Liam had ever seen her so unsure.

“I overheard some of your argument with Drake…” Liam sighed, nothing seemed to go as planned anymore. Emma had mentioned that they should tell Olivia, there was no hiding it now.

“I suppose I should explain.” Liam led Olivia to a nearby bench. He turned to face her and looked down, fumbling with his hands.

“It's all a lie isn't it?” Liam nodded and didn't meet her gaze.

“You have to understand Olivia, I love her, I thought she loved me. I may be the one who gets to 'be with’ her in public, but I'm not the one who gets to hold her when she's scared, sneak out of parties with.”

“This arrangement is ridiculous Liam!” Liam ran a hand over his face and explained to her, why he had to do it, why it had to be Emma.

“Regardless Liam, your people need you to start acting like a king and not some lovesick fool pining over his best friend’s girl. This isn't some stupid movie, this is real life.” Liam's lips twitched into a small smile, Olivia could always be counted on for tough love. She surprised him by reaching out and grabbing his hands, squeezing.

“Anyone would be lucky to have you Liam, and what you're doing could be an amazing thing if you pull yourself together.”

Drake shuffled towards Emma's room where he thought she would be waiting for him. He knocked softly, but got no answer, he checked the hall before quickly opening the door and slipping inside. He walked over to the bed and saw she was already fast asleep, still in her clothes like she had been waiting up for him. He brushed a stray hair out of her face and kissed her forehead gently. She mumbled something incoherent and lifted her head, squinting.

“Drake?” He smiled and bent down so he was eye level with her.

“I didn't mean to wake you, go back to bed.”

“Stay with me.” She mumbled laying her head back down already. Drake wasn't going to argue with her. He changed into his pajamas and slipped into bed beside her, she didn't even seem to notice.

Early the next morning Drake was up before Emma. He tiptoed to the bathroom and was grateful he had done so, as he heard her bedroom door swinging open just seconds later.

“Madeleine!” He could hear Emma's surprised voice.

“Why aren't you up? The train leaves in an hour.”

“We just got here yesterday, we're already leaving?”

“Yes, everything's calmed down. We're going to Kiara's duchy. Have you been practicing your French?” Drake rolled his eyes, listening to her.

“Absolutely, in all my free time I learned a new language.” He could hear the sarcasm dripping out of her voice and held back a snicker.

“I suspected as much. I printed you out a sheet with important words on it. Look it over on the train.” he heard the door slam again.

“Drake?” Emma whispered. He emerged from the bathroom and she let out a sigh of relief.

“You really need to start locking your door Barnes.” She raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms.

“Oh yeah? How do you plan on getting in every night then?”

“You could lock the door after I sneak in.” Emma playfully rolled her eyes.

“I guess you'll find out tonight Walker. Now get out of here, I've got a train to catch in an hour!” Within minutes of boarding the train she was in the boutique with Madeleine and Maxwell. Instead of a ridiculously thick binder about the family, Madeleine handed Emma a stack note cards. Emma just gave Madeleine a look, they both knew she wasn't going to read them. She resolved to giving them a quick breakdown. Hakim, Kiara's father was a well-known Cordonian diplomat and a Duke, apparently, he was important in Cordonia. Her mother, Joelle, is a famous artist. Her older brother remained a mystery as he was never really seen outside of the duchy. Madeleine outdid herself with the dress, it was a halter with black sequins on the top half and a black mesh with large black flowers for the knees down. She added an owl arm band as an embellishment, and nod to their house crest. It was stunning, as always. While visiting they would all be attending an international art and food festival, the goal was to be enthusiastic about the events in the hopes of gaining the family's support. That was all they had time for as the train began to slow. Emma stepped out of the motorcade and Drake wandered over, his eyes lazily roaming up and down her body.

“That dress is...I mean… You look beautiful Barnes.” Emma smiled faintly as Drake stumbled over his words.

“You cleaned up?” Emma's question came out harsher than she intended. Kiara was a tense subject between them since she was still pining after Drake. He cautiously slipped his hand in hers and squeezed, letting go before anyone could see them. He wore his nice blue suit and dark green shirt underneath it, a small patch on the shoulder from where he had been shot the night of the homecoming ball.

“You look good Drake.”

“It's less…international than I expected.” Drake mused. He was right. There were no country flags, no signs in different languages, no borrowed concepts from other cultures.

“Just wait.” Olivia said, as Kiara came down the steps, a young man in tow.

“King Liam, Lady Emma, I am so glad you're visiting our home.” they both nodded respectfully as Liam said something in French.

“Drake! You look... I…that suit looks very nice on you.” It had already started. Emma who had grabbed Liam's arms for appearances, dug her nails into his skin as she grit her teeth and smiled. Liam carefully placed his hand over hers trying to pry her fingers off inconspicuously.

“Thanks.” Drake said flatly, avoiding Kiara's gaze. It wasn't difficult to pick up on the tension, but Madeleine, Kiara and the young man weren't sure why it was there.

“We heard you were injured at the homecoming ball. How are you now? Are you doing okay?”

“Oui, it was a terrifying night. I am healed after spending some time here at home.” Her smile faltered, she was still reeling from the attack like the others.

“Shall I introduce myself or were you planning on getting to that?” The young man beside her stepped up.

“Of course. This is my brother Ezekiel. These are my friends King Liam and Lady Emma, Lady Olivia, Lady Hana, Lord Maxwell and Drake.” Her eyes lingered on Drake a bit too long, it would be a long stop on the tour.

“I'm so glad to finally meet you all, Kiki has told me so many stories.”

“Oh? What did she have to say?” Emma asked out of curiosity.

“She mentioned King Liam's generosity, Lady Emma's resilience. She also said there would be a scary one, a pretty one who's good at everything, a party animal and a really sexy one named Drake.” Emma had to remind herself to stay neutral, force a smile even, everyone was waiting for the explosion as they snuck glances between Emma and Drake. Emma turned to sneak her own glance at Drake, who was bright red and looking anywhere but Emma or Kiara.

“Zeke! Well I think that's enough greetings. Come, let's get you inside.” Kiara cleared her throat and kept her face down until the color had mostly disappeared from her cheeks. Just as they began to make their way inside, Penelope came up with her poodles. Kiara and Penelope hugged as Zeke fawned over her poodles. Liam pulled Emma aside just before they entered the doors, she was worried this would be a lecture about keeping her cool around Kiara and Drake, but it wasn't. Constantine was getting worse and was supposed to be at the festival, but couldn't due to his illness, it was clearly bothering Liam.

“I'm sorry Liam.” Emma squeezed his arm and he gave her a small smile.

“I need all the help I can get redirecting questions.”

“We'll figure it out Liam, don't worry.”

Tag List: @notoriouscs @leelee10898@princesstopgun @choicesyouplayandmore@sleepwalkingelite @roonarific@indigo39 @skyila@speedyoperarascalparty @andy-loves-corgis@furiousherringoperatortoad@blackwidow2721 @drakewalkerfics@findingdrake @sue9659 @smritysriv@tmarie82 @larryssunflower

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twelvehumss · 3 years

Text

“Maybe in this way, I can finally forget about you.”

Seat #12, C8-A Room 305, Caloocan Campus

December 8, 2020; Tuesday

Hoy Crush,

I just want to share that while I was writing this, I wanted to go back to the past to accurately capture everything I was feeling. But I don’t want to and I don’t need to go back, because I can still remember vaguely the bittersweet emotions you let me feel, your hesitant smiles and barking laugh that won’t leave my mind. I just want to say….., no, I don’t want to say that I’m still hopelessly in love with you.

Let's start from the top, from the first year of high school when I fell for you.

First-year I got to know you, you were only my seatmate. We were both quiet, anti-social I guess, and honor students. You and I were neck to neck in the runner-ups. I dreaded talking to you or exchanging our notebooks for seatworks. I could never look at my right nor at the windows because I never wanted to lock eyes with you. People fall because of the sincerity displayed through the eyes. Ironic because I've avoided looking at your eyes, yet there I was, falling for you.

Second-year was when I'm horribly conscious of my growing feelings for you. Both of us grew comfortable with our classmates, you turned out to be very noisy. You and I level-upped, now we're talking through the screens. It started with me being your “assignment notebook,” you would chat with me every night to ask what assignments we have to accomplish. I didn't mind because you and I get to talk right? The idea of you using me was far from my mind at that time. A couple of times, I did mind though, and I would try to cut you off; but somehow I always go back to talking to you, reporting the assignments due tomorrow. Speechfest practices were also a thing, when I would beg and beg my parents to take me to practice, I told them because I was “needed.” I knew practices during the weekends were useless, yet I tolerated my parents’ wrath because I wanted to see you during the weekends. It caused me a lot of pain and stress because I knew I wasn't acting my real self and I also hurt other important people in my life for you. I stopped eating rice during dinner because I was aware that you don’t like fat girls. I was shaping myself to be the girl that you like and I suffered a lot. Midway through the year, I forcefully shut off my feelings, believing in the lie that I talked to you every day was because I wanted to be your friend, not because I like you.

Third-year was when things got rockier. I continued adamantly shutting off my heart and emotions. I was scared of falling deeper, scared of losing myself, scared of hurting other people because of my selfishness. I stopped caring about my image and how I would look to you, personality-wise. I changed a lot in the third year. I forcefully opened myself to what I thought was the real me. I got rid of all the fake characteristics that I adopted before. Ironically yet again, the third year was the year I had the most fun with you, the year I fell for you even more, unconsciously, with no turning back. There is a saying which I know of, "the more you hate, the more you love." It was similar to my own experience of "the more you suppress your feelings, the more the feelings will grow." I should have realized my mistake back then but I remained stubborn about being apathetic.

Fourth-year was kind of like a goodbye because you were leaving for another school. I was happy and sad at the same time. I was happy because I knew then that I would be free of love the moment you leave for another school. I was also sad because classes wouldn't be the same without you. If you left for another school, our connection would be lost, talking would be difficult. But this year was also the year when we both conveniently stopped being seatmates, stopped talking collectively. Because of that, slowly I opened my heart. You and I had fewer interactions that year that's why I allowed myself to be more carefree. One more year and I didn't have to act stiff around you. Although I tried talking to you online on some occasions because you looked tired and was always sleeping during the break. If I really cared for you, I should have known you were going through some things. And I should have tried to help you.

Fifth-year came and I was buoyant that I'm finally free. It felt like I was given freedom, released from a cage, or broke through my plastic phase. I can be silly when I want to be, I can volunteer to dance or act for plays that I used to decline, basically everything that I wanted to do but didn't when you were still here, I did. I didn't do those activities for the last four years because I was embarrassed of you seeing this side of me, I wanted to seem cool. I was scared that you'll tease me and say hurtful things to me. I was afraid of rejection even though I know you will never like me. I was finally happy and free for the longest time, enjoying my real self, and taking care of the mess that I am. Yet, even though you were not beside me anymore, I still wonder about you and I still think about you. I missed our afternoon classes where we would joke about useless things, days where loud afternoons are heard from every corner of the school. So, in a moment of weakness, I chatted with you, asked how you were. Dumbest move I’ve ever done, to be honest, I should have cut the thread while it rotted.

Let’s go downhill from here, how I realized this love was comforting and killing me, in the softest, most agonizing way.

I did so many clownish things that I want to bury myself in the ground. If I were to write all the things I did for you, I would last here for a month. I destroyed myself for the last four almost five years because I like you. I’m stupid when it comes to love and you, and I hated myself for a long time because of that. I hate love because I don't want to feel uncomfortable, stiff, or restricted. I hate feeling flustered and embarrassed, I felt all of that with you. So I did the only logical thing I knew back then, which was to shut off my emotions and heart. I've erased so much of you from my memories. I've erased your favorite color, favorite movie and how you look like. I've erased the most fun memory I had with you. I erased what your singing voice sounded like, your pet peeves, and your dreams. I erased every piece of information that I worked hard to collect from you. I was afraid that if I remember anything that is you, I would lose control and I would go back to step one. I literally locked myself into oblivion, believing love was indifference, didn’t I? Maybe I didn’t know you very well, or I don’t know you now. Most of your archives in those four years, I’ve erased and deleted. Yet, I can’t help but feel that you’re always kind and warm, like early rays of dawn enveloping me, leaving me to crave for cold and indifference.

One thing I can remember is how you voiced my name. It was that one time I tried recalling what your voice sounded like, and your voice wafted through my mind saying my name. Frustrating enough as it is, that memory stuck by me and I never erased it.

I want to say I hate your laugh. I swear that every time I hear it, I fall in love all over again. Your laugh is the loudest, most boisterous sound I’ve ever heard, yet it had the ability to wake my numb heart. It made me jump out of my skin because seriously, who laughs like thunder? But it’s a nice sound, I looked forward to hearing it every day, eventually becoming a daily drug. Especially when I was the one who caused you to laugh, it was the most rewarding thing ever.

Fruits that grew on trees, eventually fall and rot. Sometimes, I hate myself for having a crush that I intentionally make myself disgusted. I would make my indifference towards you a hundred times stronger than before, ultimately leading to a loss of appetite and motivation. I feel really disgusted that it feels like I never showered. If I ever lowered my guard down and daydreamed about you, I would mentally abuse myself. I manipulated my mind to think that I hated you, you are a bad apple in my tree. Part of my weight loss was also because of you, I was always remembering encounters with you that I want badly to be deleted, I lost my appetite on some nights. At some point during my fourth year, when you and I stopped talking, I tricked myself into believing I moved on. And I believed that ever since. Such a fucking joke isn't it, because one year later you still remained stuck in my thoughts. On the good side, I wasn't that afraid of love one year before because you and I enrolled in different schools. That's why I tried talking to you on multiple occasions after you left, purely wanting to know if you're okay, each of them was horribly forced and embarrassing. So I didn't dare try to talk to you again. One reason why I talked to you again, was because I wanted to hold on to what we used to be. I should have, should have known that you would change. Not going to lie though, I still waited for any news or response about you.

If you want to know how much I've damaged myself, know that I'm disgusted at writing this letter of open love, recounting my memories of you that were locked up in the dark, a stranger trying to describe my own feelings. I'm disgusted at the way I look now, at the scars on my face and the weight I gained because I imagined talking to you when writing this letter. My physical features are so far from what your ideal girl looks like, one of the reasons why it was hard to write it in the first place. Four years of being apathetic when it comes to romance make it hard to write also when my dream of being an author to accurately capture feelings is also a needed aspect of being one. I still can't bring myself to eat rice during dinner or just eat a lot on some occasions. Even while writing this, I feel myself wanting to revert to old habits.

I'm just going to say it here that I miss you and I want to talk to you again. But I'm really afraid of meeting up in person, terrified of falling deeper. I never want to see you again, never want to be in the same place as you. I’ve hurt myself so much these past years, I'm not a masochist to want to feel pain again. I don't want to be seen by you, I just want to hide. I know I'm just an insignificant person in your life, but you were freaking big in mine. All those years before that I thought I was moving on, I'm just starting to get over you now.

Wala kang kasalanan dito, akin ‘to lahat, kasalanan kong duwag ako at tinago ko ang mga pakiramdang dapat hinayaan ko na lang. None of this was ever your fault, and I never blamed any of it on you. You were innocent in my mess, and I’d like to protect the remaining sunshine you still have. There are still so many things I wanted to talk about, so many things I wanted to show you. I'm saying goodbye right here because I can't take any more damage.

In truth really, I had fun talking to you, I had fun in the last few years. I'm thankful that you opened up to me, thankful that you didn't push me away.

I wish things could've been different, I wish I had the courage to apologize for my mess. Please forget about me.

>>>>>>>> natsukashii <<<<<<<<

#CreativeNonficton #Autobiography

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