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bellaxgiornata · 7 months

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Stop, Just Breathe

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Summary: When Matt returns home from work, he finds you on the verge of a panic attack and quickly tries to calm you back down.

Warnings/tags: panic attack, emotional hurt/comfort, light angst, fluff & a soft Matty, Matt POV

Word Count: 3k

a/n: Just a short one shot I wrote when I was craving some Matt comfort myself. I thought it might be interesting to read this all from Matt's POV, too. Feedback is always appreciated!

From the moment Matt first stepped into the apartment, closing the door after himself and hanging his cane on the hook nearby, he could already hear the tension in your body. Something was wrong. Your teeth were grinding back and forth together, a grating, gnawing noise in his ears from a frustrated gesture you probably weren't even aware that you were doing. Though to him, the aggravated noise hit him the second he'd focused on where you were in the kitchen.

Matt slipped off his dress shoes before bending down and picking them up, taking three steps to his left and then placing them underneath the bench that resided against the wall. Straightening back up, he could hear the harsh and irritated way you'd just set what he presumed was a cutting board and a knife onto the kitchen counter, the sound practically reverberating in his skull.

His concern for you rising, Matt gradually began to make his way down the length of the entryway hall, undoing the knot of his tie around his neck as he went. With every step he took he heard the uneven beating of your heart in your chest as you opened the refrigerator and retrieved a few things from inside of a drawer. He could instantly tell that your heart wasn't beating the usual steady rhythm he was used to hearing when he’d returned home from work, but rather something erratic and worrying to his ears.

Brows drawing together in further concern, Matt removed the glasses from his face with one hand, his other dragging along the back of the couch to orient himself as he made his way through the living room and towards the kitchen. You were currently focused on beginning dinner preparations, placing what smelled like broccoli, bell peppers, zucchini, and onion onto the counter. As he neared, you made no sign that you'd even noticed he was home yet. That only further worried Matt because it meant you were deep in your head right now–and he knew how you could get sometimes.

"Sweetheart? Everything alright?" Matt asked, carefully breaking the silence.

You startled at his voice, your body jumping half an inch as you were taken off guard by the sound of it. He heard the air shift as your head rose up, darting directly towards him. Your reaction only confirmed what he'd suspected, that you'd been too far in your head and hadn't even realized he was home.

"I’m fine, Matty,” you said almost mechanically.

The lie registered in Matt’s ears easily; the sound of your heart even further beating irregularly as you’d said it was impossible for him to miss. Pressing his lips firmly together, his eyes narrowed as he focused closer on your body. Your blood pressure was rising and he could taste the increase in adrenaline and cortisol radiating off of you on his tongue.

"I just–just had a bad day at work," you quickly added.

Your voice sounded off to his ears. Higher than usual with a bit of a tremble to it, which seemed like it was coming from something more than just nerves. Though what you'd said hadn't registered as a lie this time. But you must have noticed he was observing you and you were clearly trying to shake him off and get him to stop reading you so carefully. You always did that when something was really wrong.

"You're not fine, I can hear your body," he replied gently. "What's going on?"

You inhaled a shaky breath, holding it for only a moment before roughly expelling it through your nose. The erratic pounding of your heart hadn't calmed as he continued to monitor it; if anything it was starting to become even more concerning with the rate each stutter of it was climbing. Though the moment he picked up on the sound of one of your fingers tapping like a nervous fidget along the countertop, all the little warning signs your body was sending off suddenly became clear to Matt.

Everything your body was doing right now was exactly what it did right before you had a panic attack.

With that realization dawning on Matt, he knew he needed to shift his focus. It didn’t matter what you were upset about right now, he'd find out what was wrong later. Right now all he wanted was to calm you down before you spiraled into a panic attack.

"I said I'm fine, Matt," you snapped.

Ignoring the warning edge to your tone, Matt made his way into the kitchen and over towards you, aware of the way your head was tracking his movements with each of his cautious steps. When he neared you, he placed his glasses onto the counter before he reached a hand out, lightly grabbing your elbow and drawing your fidgeting hand from off of it. Slowly, he turned you towards himself, noticing how you didn’t fight the movement. Your heart, on the other hand, was beating ever faster and your breath was quickly becoming shallower.

"Sweetheart," Matt began calmly, "it sounds like you're on the verge of a panic attack. Why don't you come sit with me on the couch? Try to calm down?"

"I need to make dinner, Matt," you replied, your words picking up speed as you continued, that panicked tremble returning to them. "I don't have time to sit on the couch. There's a lot of vegetables I need to cut up and sauté and that chicken still needs to be seasoned and cooked. If you’re planning to go out tonight I need it finished so you actually have time to eat because I know you’ll just skip dinner otherwise and you’re always skipping dinner. You need to eat . And then I need to–"

"Hey, hey, stop," Matt hushed you, both of his hands landing on your shoulders and gently squeezing them as he cut you off. "Stop, just breathe. Take a breath, sweetheart. Your heart is beating alarmingly fast. Relax."

The scent of salty tears met Matt’s nose a second later, just as he realized you were blinking rapidly. You were tearing up and about to start crying. The frown on his face deepened, the corner of his mouth twitching. He could feel the uncomfortable prickle beginning in his own eyes.

Matt absolutely hated watching you go through these episodes. The fact that his heightened senses could pick up on everything you were experiencing–every little thing that was happening in your body–only pained him further. All he could do was offer you comfort and try to help you take calming breaths, nothing more. He always felt helpless and he absolutely hated it.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, voice breaking on the words. "Sorry you–you have to deal with me like this all the time and that I'm not normal and that–"

"Stop, breathe," he repeated gently, squeezing your shoulders again. "Let's go sit down."

One hand gently grasping your elbow again, Matt slowly led you out of the kitchen and towards the living room, right over to the leather couch. He could tell you weren't calming down as you made your way there, though. He could hear your heart still racing and the way your blood was rushing through your veins. If anything your breathing was becoming sharper and your muscles were beginning to tighten. He could feel the tension through the light touch he still had on your elbow as he lowered the both of you to sit down. Though Matt tried his best to push away the chaotic sounds of your body that were screaming at him so he could focus on helping you right now.

"Take a breath with me, sweetheart," Matt urged.

He demonstrated inhaling a deep breath in, holding it and listening to the way you'd taken one shortly after him. You'd only managed a half-breath though, and the shuddering sound of it hadn't escaped Matt’s notice, nor had he missed the way your left hand had yet again begun repeatedly tapping on the cushion beside you like a nervous tick. Slowly expelling the breath he'd taken, he listened to you following after him, lightly blowing out the breath through your nose.

"Good, that's good, sweetheart," he encouraged, his hand sliding across the space on the couch until he grasped your own fidgeting one. Entwining his fingers with yours he said, "Let’s take another deep breath, okay?"

He heard the way you nodded in response and he sent you a smile, your fingers curling tighter around his hand before you inhaled again, this time managing to fill your lungs further. The smile grew wider on Matt's face as he took another deep breath in sync with you. If he could get you to take full, calming breaths, he knew he could help you circumvent a full blown panic attack. He'd learned from past experience that when you began hyperventilating, it was too late to avoid and you would both have to ride it out until your body could calm back down. And Matt hated that just as much as you did, but at least tonight it appeared that you might manage to avoid it. And that was a win.

Matt spent a few more minutes just breathing with you on the couch before he finally heard your body gradually begin to relax beside him. A weight felt like it had slowly lifted off of his shoulders the moment your heart began consistently beating its usual steady pattern in his ears. Even your breath had returned to a normal and even sound, your muscles easing as the tension slipped from out of them.

But he could still taste the faint and fresh salt of your tears in the air and that had a frown returning to his face.

"I'm sorry, Matt," you eventually whispered.

Matt’s face twisted into a look of confusion. He was unsure why your voice had sounded so sad and so small and why you'd apologized to him yet again.

"For what, sweetheart?" he asked.

"For being like this," you said quietly.

Your voice was still so soft when you’d answered, and the hint of shame in it instantly registered in his ears. Something sharp twisted in his chest, and when you continued, Matt could feel his own eyes watering again.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with me and my anxiety," you whispered, a faint tremble still in your voice. "Sorry that you have to deal with me and my panic attacks like this. I know how hard they are for you with your senses. And I–I try to hide them from you because I feel like I’m just torturing you every time. And I hate that you’re left trying to help me through them. I wish I wasn’t like this. Wish that I could be someone better than that for you. Someone without–without all these issues.”

Matt’s left hand darted forward, his thumb catching the tear he’d heard about to roll its way down your cheek. Gently the pad of his thumb wiped it away from your skin, which he noticed still felt warm and flushed beneath his finger. You sniffled, the sound louder to his ears than it really was. Trying to swallow the thick lump forming in his throat, Matt’s hand tenderly cupped your cheek, his thumb still trying to catch the stray tears slipping out of your eye.

“Don’t–don’t you dare apologize for that. I love you for exactly who you are,” he told you earnestly. “That’s why I married you, sweetheart.” He shook his head, a small smile curling up the corners of his lips. “We’re a team, you and I. Right? You’ve always been there whenever I needed you. Always . And there’s–” he paused, chuckling a little to himself, “–there’s been plenty of times where I’ve needed you, too. For a multitude of reasons. Usually ones involving patching me up and cleaning up the mess of blood around here. And I know how much you worry over me because of it, and I always worry that it’ll push you away, but you always tell me that–”

“I’ll never walk out on you, Matty,” you finished for him. “Because I love you for exactly who you are.”

Matt smiled as he nodded enthusiastically in response. “Exactly,” he replied. “And I love you for exactly who you are, sweetheart. The nerves and all. We help each other out. That’s what we’ve always done. And I’ll always be here for you, too. So please stop trying to hide your stress and your anxiety from me, alright? The only reason why I don’t like when you have panic attacks is because I hate seeing you hurting and not being able to punch someone and fix everything.”

You laughed lightly, the sweet sound causing Matt’s heart to flutter happily in his chest. He could hear the way your mouth was pulling into a smile already. You were feeling a little better because of him. That always gave him a sense of pride knowing that he could have such a positive impact on someone who was so good and loving and attentive as you.

"You understand me?" he asked. "That's the only reason, sweetheart."

He heard the way the air around you shifted as you nodded.

“Good," he said with an air of finality. "How are you feeling at the moment?”

You scoffed at his question, the sarcastic noise causing a grin to slip onto his mouth. You were certainly feeling better.

“You can read my body, Matt,” you stated flatly. “I think you have your answer.”

“Well I can’t read your mind,” he countered cheekily.

You expelled a soft sigh before nodding slowly, running a hand across your forehead. “Yeah, I’m–I’m feeling better,” you answered, the faint smile apparent in your voice.

“Good,” he said. “Do you want me to give you some space or–”

“No,” you immediately answered, your heart jumping in your chest briefly as you shook your head, your hand tightening around his at the question. “No, I don’t.”

On occasion he knew you liked to have a few minutes to collect yourself after moments like these. Usually he could feel you working through what felt like embarrassment when he left you alone, most likely because of how you’d broken down in front of him even though he'd often and repeatedly assured you that there was no reason for you to feel that way. But other times you desperately craved his physical comfort, and it seemed like that's exactly what you needed right now.

“Come here then,” he whispered.

Releasing his hold on your hand, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and began to pull you in towards him. Eagerly you closed the small space between the pair of you on the couch, scooting closer to him before encircling your own arms around his waist, your hands resting lightly on the middle of his back. Matt’s eyelids lowered when you buried your face into his chest, hearing you inhale another deep breath. You were most likely trying to take in his scent, just like he was doing right now with his chin resting atop your head. Mutually finding comfort in each other, the thought growing his smile.

“I need to make dinner,” you murmured into his chest.

“Don’t worry about it. We can make that for dinner tomorrow,” Matt told you. “We can just order pizza tonight. Stay in and have the night together.”

“But I thought you were going out tonight?” you asked.

Matt hummed out a noise of disagreement, lightly shaking his head. “No,” he replied. “Not tonight.”

“But–but isn’t Daredevil needed in Hell’s Kitchen?” you questioned next.

Matt’s arms tightened further around you, holding you even closer to him. The sound of your relaxed and steady heartbeat in his ears was comforting, and so was that warm and slightly floral scent that always seemed to linger around you as it filled his nose.

“He is,” Matt agreed. “He’s needed right here. With you.”

Your fingers fisted the fabric of his dress shirt, tightly balling it into your hands. He could feel the way your arms had tightened around him, pressing yourself closer to the front of him.

"Can I marry you again?" you asked softly, voice muffled against his chest.

Matt chuckled lightly, his heart feeling so full at your question. He heard the small smile that slipped onto your lips yet again, his own arms pulling you just a bit closer to himself.

"I think that's what vow renewals are for," he pointed out in amusement.

"Maybe we should do one of those," you mused, fingers still firmly curled around his shirt.

"Sweetheart," Matt said with another chuckle, "we haven't even been married for a year yet. I think that's a bit too soon for a vow renewal."

You turned your head, resting your cheek against his chest now and making yourself more comfortable. Matt inhaled the scent of you once more, his eyes still closed as he relaxed against you. He loved these quiet moments with you, content just to be next to you. It always had him feeling at peace and he often hoped you felt the same.

"Well, I'd marry you all over again if I could," you told him, the words drawing forth a warmth throughout Matt’s entire body that only you could ever seem to fill him with. "Every single day."

Matt shifted above you, lowering his head until he could place his lips against the top of yours. He heard the corner of your lips curl even higher the longer his mouth lingered in your hair. Gradually he pulled away only to bury his nose into your hair next, grateful for whatever had brought you into his life all that time ago.

"So would I, sweetheart," he murmured softly. "So would I."

#matt murdock x reader #matt murdock x you #matt murdock angst #matt murdock #daredevil #Bellas Comfort Fic Week

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