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tinamaetales · 2 years

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Break Free

A reflection on the k drama “My Liberation Notes”

“What’s harder than living is finding the reason to” – Freedom by iKON

Freedom. Liberation. Deliverance. Discharge. Get Loose. Release. Break Fee. These words all convey the same idea – to be free from something. But when does one feel like they want to get out of something? When does one feel like they are in a state of confinement? As someone who lives in a democratic country with privileges to enjoy, I have never really thought to myself as a captive or detainee of life until I lie alone on my bed one night and feel suffocated. As I looked at the plain ceiling of my bedroom, I realized how overwhelming my life has become. I realized that in my 26 years of existence I was never really satisfied with how I am living my life. And it’s crazy how while writing this paragraph I can already hear people around me saying “You’re just an ungrateful bitch. Others have it worse” But does others’ “worse” situation than me should be enough reason to invalidate what I am feeling? Now, more than ever, I crave for freedom. I want to be free. I want to be liberated from all these burdens I am carrying. Just like how Mi Jeong in the k drama My Liberation Notes wanted.

Browsing through the clips from the k drama My Liberation Notes has sparked my interest into watching it. Although I’ve read some comments that sometimes it can get boring, I already know that I will be watching it. My sister decided to watch it first though, and she told me that I might be able to relate to it but it can also somehow bore me. Then, I decided to watch it. I have never found a single episode boring or dragging and instead I find it painful. The k drama hurt me by how it mirrors my life. At first, I thought I could only relate to Mi Jeong’s character but then I slowly found pieces of myself in each of the characters.

I do not want to spoil any parts of this k drama as it is very raw and rich and it would be unfair for people who have yet to watch it to be spoiled by its beautiful yet painfully realistic story so, please bear with me if the way I discussed it seems to be vague.

The main characters in this k drama are the three Yeom siblings who are all working in Seoul but still live with their parents in the countryside which is why they spent a lot of their time traveling to and from work (basically like how most Filipinos who work in Manila are experiencing but the big difference is that at least South Korea has a better transportation system while the Philippines…. Oh well, pure fucking hell). One of the characters even said “If I die it will be because of commuting to Seoul for work” and all I can say is “Same, girl” lol. Anyway, with the way they live their everyday lives, I can definitely feel the exhaustion and the feeling of numbness. The Yeom siblings are a great representation of the kind of struggles young adults are facing – sometimes life is a cycle of trying to survive that will only leave one feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I guess one of the most relatable lines from this drama is when Gi Jeong said “I’ve been so impatient lately. I just want to die already. After 14 years, my job is the same, the meetings are the same, and the people are the same. I curse and get mad the same way. It’s all the same endless repetition” The way the siblings live their life makes me feel like crying because somehow, I live like that too. It mirrors my reality. Like I mentioned a while ago, in this k drama you will not just relate to one character as you will slowly find pieces of yourself in each of the main characters.

The eldest, Gi-Jeong is a hopeless romantic woman in her late 20s (or I guess early 30s? not really quite sure with the characters’ ages) who just wants to find a companion that will love and care for her and at the same time she can love and care for. While at first as a viewer one will find her “desperation” to seek a relationship a bit pitiful, somehow you will learn to understand her. There are days when you feel like you need a different form of release. Like you want to vent to someone that is not a family or a friend… a someone whom you can call home because that someone can understand your soul. Maybe that was also the hopeless romantic in me speaking but yeah, I can totally understand what Gi Jeong is feeling. Although being in a relationship is not a priority for me, there are moments in my life when I feel like the thought of it can be good. Just like Gi Jeong said “Getting to know someone is an amazing thing. It’s not just that person. It’s like they bring several universes with them”

The middle child, Chang Hee, is a hardworking guy who just wanted to be financially secure but it seems like opportunity is elusive. Among the Yeom siblings, Chang Hee is the one who has the most growth by the end of the series and I am proud of him for that. At first, he might be a bit annoying as he is very vocal and is not shy in expressing what he feels. But maybe the feeling of annoyance by Chang Hee’s boldness is more of a feeling of jealousy because at least he can express what he truly feels. Even though he might appear to be ranting, at least he knows how to express himself. And I realized that he has every right to do so. The man has been working hard for years and yet the rewards of his labor seem to not go his way. I can truly relate to the frustrations he is feeling. If one is trying to live their best every single day even though it’s difficult and yet there seems to be no progress, then that person has every right to feel frustrated too. Chang Hee is hard working and yet he seems to not know what he really wants in life. At one moment he even said “I don’t have a specific goal in my life…..Can’t I just live my life without one?” which I find relatable because our society has groomed us to have a specific direction to go to in life which made most of us miserable when we couldn’t find our purpose. Why can’t we just live our life without the pressure to become somebody or something? Is it not enough to live life in a way that could make us feel satisfied? I just want to be financially stable and have the freedom to do things my way. Anyway, another line I like from Chang Hee is “I guess I have been putting up a façade with people. Now that I’m alone, I’ve become so calm and gentle”

Then the youngest one is Mi Jeong, the character I can relate to the most especially when she said the lines “I am not unhappy but I am not happy either” and “It feels like I’m stuck but I don’t know how to get out. That’s probably why I hope everything ends all at once” because it was such a perfect way to describe what I am feeling most of the time. She is an introvert girl who works as a contractual employee in a card design company that has a culture for extroverts. The company requires (but sometimes I feel like they force) their employees to join a club in order for them to have some hang out time outside of work. While I find this culture quite fun and interesting because it seems that the company wants their employees to have a life outside of work, I somehow find it a bit burdensome especially for employees who are just introverted in nature. I felt a bit sad for Mi Jeong as well as her three other co-workers every time they are being called to join a club. I do understand their sides though as I am a bit of an introvert myself. Not everyone has the time and energy to interact with people for a long period of time. Sometimes, people just want to have their peace and solitude through being alone and I hope people would respect that. I remember the times when I was still a newbie at our Department, I got so “culture shocked” by the culture of our division. The way it was required to participate in the dance performances for the Christmas party as a way of initiation for the newly hired scared me. It scared me because I do not like parties and socialization at all. Then there are moments when I feel like I have to join my colleagues at dinners even though all I want is to go home and be left alone. But in my defense, I just want to be alone most of the time and because I live 2 hours (sometimes 3 hours if the traffic is really heavy) away from work so I just want to go home right after work not because I dislike my coworkers. In those moments, I relate to Mi Jeong the most. She did not want to join any club as she lives far from her workplace. And also, what is so bad about not wanting to join dinners and parties after work? Maybe people like Mi Jeong and I just want to do things differently. Mi Jeong even said “Everyone is on their way to their graves so why is everyone so happy and excited?” But since this k drama has a very realistic approach, of course Mi Jeong and her three colleagues have no other choice but to give in to their company’s demand so instead of joining a club, they decided to form their own, The Liberation Club, which I guess is a blessing in disguise. This club brought together the three people who are all fighting their own silent battles and through this club they are able to work on expressing themselves so that eventually they can liberate themselves. Hence, the rule of The Liberation Club is simple: I will not pretend to be happy. I will not pretend to be unhappy. I will be honest.

And since Mi Jeong is the character I relate to the most, allow me to discuss her further. Yeom Mi Jeong might appear to be a sad soul who just wants to be left alone most of the time (like me) but there are moments in life that she questions life in general like when one of her narrations asks “There was only one thing I was curious about: What am I? Why am I here?” The moment she realizes she wants to seek liberation is the moment that touched my heart the most. People like Mi Jeong are often misunderstood by the society because of the sad outlook of life but maybe that happens because one’s feeling of emptiness may manifest itself in the form of self-isolation. Not everyone in this world gets the privilege to wake up one day and realize what they want to be. There are people like Mi Jeong and I who struggle to find meaning in life. And maybe Mi Jeong was right when she said that “Sometimes, I think that people who are damaged are much more honest than those who live their lives happily” because for damaged people like us, there really is no need to pretend that everything is fine that is why we can easily welcome our demons – but defeating them is a whole different story. Mi Jeong is definitely the character that means the most to me.

While the Yeom siblings are the main characters of this show, there are also some characters in here that I find relatable. First is their childhood friend, Du Hwan, who is a coach of a school’s football team and owns a café. Like the Yeom siblings, he seems to be stuck in his life and there are moments when I feel like he wants to be liberated too – he just does not have the courage to make a move. Hyun-ah, another childhood friend of theirs, who seems to be carefree among them all and yet she is also stuck. When she said “I only feel alive when I exhaust myself completely. If I have energy left, I feel heavy” it hurts me. Learning about her life made me feel bad for her as she is fighting her own demons yet putting up a façade that she’s fine. Then there comes the mysterious Mr. Gu. Nobody really knows who he is, even his real name and yet the Yeom family trusts him. Mr. Gu is a very dependable guy at the family business and farm. He is the Yeom patriarch’s right-hand man. He helps a lot in the family business as well as in the farm. He is a quiet person who just helps with the work every day, eats with the family every breakfast, lunch and dinner, and just goes back to his rented house to quietly drink alone. He seems to be living a dull life and drinking alcohol is his only way of finding peace. But like most people, there really is more than just meets the eye.

Mr. Gu, like I have predicted early as I was watching the k drama, is a person who is escaping the demons he has to face. He got lucky to have found a family in the Yeom’s residence. The work he does in the furniture business as well as in the farm of the Yeom’s family seems like a sweet escape from the life that felt like a torture to him. The detour he did ended up being one of the best things to happen in his life – if only he had the willingness to help himself get out of the damnation he is in, then maybe he would not have depended on alcohol so much. In a way, Mi Jeong and Mr. Gu are alike. Both are stuck in the kind of prison that they do not know how to get out of. I am happy that they have found each other and, in a way, have helped each other grow. But then, Mr. Gu was right when he said “That’s how life is. It seems to go well and then stabs you in the back. Did you think it was always going to be peachy?” Because in life, in order for things to truly change, one must take the initiative to do so. Even a small step can help. It all begins with a small step – acknowledge your demons first then work your way towards defeating them. And I hope that Mr. Gu will continue to take those small steps so that eventually he can get liberation too.

This k drama makes me realize that life in general is fast paced and sometimes there are people like me who will be left behind and if I do not take the initiative to pick myself up and at least try to run along with life then I will always be stuck. But how can one be able to break free if she has no idea about what kind of prison she is in? There are times when I feel like this k drama, although I can relate to it a lot, has left me with more questions than answers and it is really up to me to make a move so I can be liberated. Let me end this blog post with a quote from Mi Jeong “I wish I was genuinely happy and be able to say things like ‘Yes, this is life’ ‘This is what life is all about’”.

TinaMae

PS, to anyone who reads this, I hope that whatever demons you are facing, you can defeat them. I hope that you can be free from the kind of prison you are in. Life is all about moving forward, so please hang on and keep on moving forward. Thrive on.

PPS, song recommendations: Freedom by iKON, Jet Black Heart and Permanent Vacation by 5 Seconds of Summer

#personal #tinamae tales #k drama #my liberation notes #mi jeong #mr. gu #kim ji won #son suk ku #kdrama

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lavandaea · 5 months

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*inhales deeply*

There's spoilers ahead so, yeah, be careful.

This weekend episodes have actually broken my soul.

He didn't even need his feelings to be reciprocate, HE JUST WANTED TO BE WITH HER.

Dear writers, some things to ask, why so much screen time to second male lead? Why create such chemistry? Such backstory? (Spoiler alert: that will make us sympathize with the supposed villain) To just fuck*ing rip his heart out and pulverize it like Grandma with the cow bones, yes, just like that.

Let me get this straight, after having been raised in an environment of violence, pain and God knows what else for God knows how long, he falls in love. He experiences ✨feelings✨ ,he puts all his trust in her like never before, he shares his past and then he gets betrayed.

I swear I never seen someone cry so with so much meaning, feeling, with so much back there.

We made progress for the last (at least) five episodes TO JUST END IT IN A SINGLE ONE.

This could have been handled a lot better in a lot of ways and about a lot of topics that I could actually write an essay.

Let's begin the the main leads.

So, in order to have some sort of feeling about ML and FL loving eachother you need to put screen time ON them. Yeah, they support eachother, they have known far before Si Oh, they are funny and a lot of things more. They even kissed and very passionately, wow. Just one thing, Why didn't I even blink during that scene but found myself hitting the pillow and blushing when Si Oh did such mundane things as taking her home, opening doors for her, fixing her purse, hair, looking at her with those "I love you" eyes,👏feeling👏guilty👏about👏making👏her👏uncomfortable👏 with👏his👏feelings👏for👏her HELLO??, WAVING HER BACK WHILE HE WATCHED HER GO, SMILE EVERY DAMN TIME HE SAW HER?

I´ll tell you why. Because I know, thanks to you, that Si Oh was experiencing for the very first time what it's like to have human interaction that doesn't involve violence or having to be wary of everything and everyone all the time. He wanted to connect, to share his whole self, to be happy, to make her happy, to love and be loved. Moreover, I can't help just to feel happy for him, sad, angry, fucking rageous (not more than him, obviously).

Meanwhile, I barely know Hee Sik aka the male lead.

I remember seeing his mother once and I think that's what I understood about his private life. Sorry, I forgot about his deceased brother, that could have been a good topic to develop if it wasn't just mentioned once somewhere in the sixth chapter and left there to rot. Other than that, I know he is a cop, loves his cops friends and loves Nam Soon, also he is really loyal and good person.

Nice👍, very nice. But what else?? Or does the man just exist for his job and girlfriend? Even Shi Oh had some time to box being a drug dealer and full time whipped for her.

I'm just saying that you want me to suddenly dislike someone you took a considerable amount of time explaining but I have to like this good guy because you just pointed at him 👉🧍, and said, "here's the good guy, love him".

Sorry, I cant do that.

If you haven't noticed, you just made a character I fell obliged to sympathize.

If you wanted to make him evil and hot you should have just made him evil and hot.

It worked just as well with Jang Han Seok from Vincenzo.

Not have him have "REDEMPTION" written all over his face just to go with "Actually, no. He has no chance. 😃". It's, for lack of a better term, frustrating. (Absurd)

Instead, maybe you should have dedicated that screen time for the construction of the main leads relationship.

Oh, yes. Another thing since we are talking about the matter.

ML and FL relationship progress got weaker and weaker since she had started to spy on Si Oh. And then one episode was like "Oh, yeah, forgot to tell you, they are actually dating by now" Bom, a kiss. If I need a kiss to know they are in love, there's something going on back there. Something lacking.

Scenes of them in love: well acted, nice, cute, cool, okay. But it is like picking a random romance book and start reading it ten chapters ahead, they are in love, but how this did happen??? Last time I saw them, they were in a friends-and-some-more zone.

Where's the progress?

I know where is it. In the fake relationship, that it was being used just to turn Si Oh into a complete monster with probably not chance of going back.

"You have suffered a lot, yeah, I see. Anyway here's more pain. Suffer more and go cause some trouble because if not, there's, apparently, no plot"

Nice job.

I have been saying this and I will say it again, kdrama writers/directors are not ready for traumatized villains. They are afraid of them.

#strong girl nam soon #ryu shi oh #byun woo seok #gang nam soon #nam soon #kdrama #lee yoo mi #even hong seol and jeong had more chemistry and thats saying a lot

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