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nekropsii · 2 years

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not the biggest fan honestly :T

I feel like the biggest issue with modern homestuck fanon is that whether people liked it or not, and how if its concidered dubiously canon or not, hs^2 and epiloge characterization has bled into fanon. the majory of hs fans hate hs^2 (and for good reason), yet Jane hate has gone up, people are being sooo unnecessarily weird about davejadekat (/all of its pairings) and bi characters in general, rosemary is deemed boring (killkillkillkill-), people don't see jake as a person will feelings, karkat?? kanaya?? trolls?? never heard of them, unless you mean those.. things we keep around to fuel the humans plots sometimes and act as the occasional therapist. Also... Dirk...

THESE ARE ALL THINGS FROM HS^2, THE COMIC YOU HATE!!! WHY ARE YOU LETTING IT LIVE RENT FREE IN YOUR BRAIN??

karkat is probably one of if the my most favorite character, I think hes interesting as hell!!! but alot of what makes him intersting comes from how he fits against troll society/against other trolls imo??? his mutation, his dancestory/him being the litteral second coming of christ, the significance of his secretly caring personality in a violent child soldier evil murder military state and what it says about it as a whole with his role as the alternian equivalent of the 'everyman', his familial relationship with kanayah, his unique relationship with romance, etc, these things all mean jack shit to humans, and shine best around other trolls, yet all he is now is daves side bitch, i feel fanon has sorta moved away from hs and into earthC, noone really cares about alternia anymore as trolls are just seen as humans but grey. even comander!karkat focuses more on dave angst than karkat, a minority amongst his people, leading a revolution a'la signless style??

idk i just feel like hes just been watered down into the easily digestible 'angry character' who is sad sometimes for,,, resons. i feel like this disconnect from alternia in general just sort takes away depth from beta troll characters in general?? even metorstuck content now feels shallow and disconnected??

And what sucks is that i like davekat, and people are right about them being a great pairing for working out their issues together , but at the same time i miss litteraly ever other karkat ship, i miss the days of the karkat x beta trolls harem and being able to use quadrants for him without being deemed problematic for not adheering to queer identity of a race that dosent exist and dosent effect anyone because real life has no oppressive poly romance system, and im just sick if this ship reducing the characters down to a pinterest black and red asthetic moodboard when they are so much more than that.

oh wow sorry this is too long, i dont think i did the best job at following a single line of though and went on a bit of an unnecessary tangent abt fanon and hs^2 so srry about that, I hope my general thoughts were still decipherable??

Id have to say mituna is my second favorite but i dont need to tell you whats wrong with his fanon character lol. I really appreciate all of your alpha troll analysis and you art is cool as hell!! srry that this fell into more venty teritory and for any spelling mistakes, i hope you have a good rest of your day/night!!

I say this with no disrespect at all, in fact I am enthralled: I didn’t even know asks could be this long!! Thank you for your input, I agree with you! And don’t worry- you were quite clearly comprehendible! You covered a lot of ground already, but allow me just a moment to commentate on specific points…

The bleeding of HS^2/Epilogues content/reinterpretations into the larger sphere of full-fandom fanon has been a slow, insidious process. I think the fact that most people have not taken the time to reread Homestuck proper, be it due to lack of time/energy or fear of its length, has really added to this- because a gradually slipping grip on what is and is not canon simply doesn’t pair well with rather disagreeable dubiously canon sequel content having come out fairly recently. The thing about DubCanon is that, whether you or I like it or not, people are going to apply those particular reinterpretations of the characters to what their idea of canon is, and- typically- they will fail to remember that the changes made to the characters were changes in the first place. Rather large ones, at that. This is not only how and why people are out here thinking that Jane was not only legitimate Troll-Racist in Homestuck, but also how and why they get the idea that she’s always been that way.

I’m not sure if my memory is failing me or not, but as far as I remember, while biphobia has always been a problem in the fandom- baffling, considering most characters are textually bi- it really does seem like it’s at an all-time high right now. People are adamantly refusing the idea that some characters are bisexual. Dave and Karkat are the ones I see the most regularly erased, but Jake is also pretty high up there.

The current drought of Alternia content is so sad. Earth C is great, don’t get me wrong- it’s the planet I most regularly work with/develop because of Sovereignstuck- but people oft throw out the concept of conflict when using it. Especially, like, social/political conflict. Earth C is basically synonymous with Flawless Utopia, at this point. It’s a petty complaint, sure, but I don’t like it. :(

I absolutely despise how trolls have been turned into gray humans with horns! They’re bug aliens!! Bug aliens!!! That’s so much cooler than gray humans with horns!! Fuck!!

I kinda disagree that a change of setting takes away from the Beta Trolls as characters- I think the issue isn’t the fact that there’s a setting change, it’s that the writers aren’t really willing to work with the fact that, uh… You know… The Beta Trolls have vastly different socializations and come from a vastly different cultural background than the Beta/Alpha Kids? You could very easily find conflict and development with the setting change. You’d just have to keep in mind the way that their upbringing would affect them and how they’d respond to their new environment. Old habits die hard, you know? It’s a whole new planet, a whole new myriad of cultures, and whole new societies with whole new rules and whole new customs. There’s so much intrigue you could get with that fact alone!!

I like DaveKat, too. It’s fall from grace is astounding, and it’s honestly made me like them less, which is a shame because it was pretty important to me when I was younger, and Dave and Karkat used to be top favorite characters of mine. They’re basically just… Blank slate characters now, made to slap whichever miscellaneous scenario or random romance trope onto, without any regard to what their characters are or what made their dynamic good in the first place.

It’s funny- I don’t think the Quadrant Queerness was made into a huge deal in canon or anything? At least, I don’t quite remember it being a federal fucking issue. Yeah, Karkat’s Quadrant struggles were there, but I don’t think it was really… Associated with being “Troll Gay” or anything. I’m at least 80% sure that was just something the fandom latched onto and blew out of proportion- I see more talk about Karkat being “Pan-Quadrant,” I believe the term was, than I see content of any other part of his character arc? Crying shame, too- considering, again, as you said, he’s the fucking Second Coming of Jegus.

#homestuck #homestuck meta #homestuck analysis #homestuck fandom #the homestuck epilogues #homestuck^2 #alpha kids #beta trolls #jane crocker #karkat vantas #dave strider #karkat.pdf #nekro.pdf #nekro.sms

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complimentaryculler · 7 years

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ok so this is my first time this kind of thing, so if you have any advice i’d really appreciate it.

Dave looked at the dragon. It (he?) Was half buried in books and treasure, a strange mix in the hoard, was sleeping peacefully. He looked almost human, a boyish face just at the cusp of adulthood, but for the gray scales and nubs of horns. He steeled himself, reminding himself of his sister’s disappearance at the hands of such a creature, even if it wasn’t this one. He drew his broadsword, the scrape of steel on steel echoing faintly around the cavern. Not faintly enough, as the dragon shook himself sleepily, looking around dazedly until locking his eyes on Dave. “Fuck. I get all my hoard in one place; even get my own gogdamned territory, and what happens? Some foppish asshole with his sniffnode stuffed so far up his wastechute he can see daylight decides that ‘oh yes, today looks like a lovely day to murder someone!!!” And pranced his way to my hive to do just that! Well not today spazmaggot! Come back later! I am flat out refusing to deal with this hoofbeastshit!” He snarled out furiously, his subvocals humming like a hive of wasps with a grudge. He burrowed into his hoard deep, as if that would dissuade the knight. Dave raised an eyebrow. “Sorry dude, no can do, gotta protect all the lil farmer dudes and swooning maidens, can’t really keep ‘em safe if there’s a marauding dragon about, all setting fires and eating people and shit," he said, readying his stance as the dragon stood, shaking off the more stubborn parts of his hoard. He leapt from the top of his pile, wings making a graceful glide to the floor. “First of all, fuck you, I’ve never even killed someone, so I’m hardly marauding. Second of all, I buy the food I eat, so that’s wrong too. Third of all, I literally just moved here, so fuck you for making me get up for your shit! So you can just shove your impertinent sniffnode so far up your wastechute you can see daylight and pail yourself on your stupid sword all the way back to your hive!” he was practically screeching by the end of it. “Dude, you need to chill,” Dave said, flashstepping forward. His sword was trapped in two sickles he hadn’t seen been drawn, and with an expert twist, it was shattered. Ducking down, he drew his short sword, and aimed to clip a wing to keep him on the ground. Instead, the dragon tugged his leg forward, bringing him onto the ground, and leapt over him and into the air, hovering near a stalactite, his glowing throat betraying the flames threatening. Dave rolled out of the way, and perched on a pile of books, hoping he wouldn’t risk his hoard to dispose of an intruder. "I’m just trying to find my sister and “ooh a dragon lives here, definitely", but he’s not even green, and it’s too fuckin early for this” he muttered, and the dragon glared at him. “What, so you just went around asking about a dragon and didn’t even specify the color? You’re a fucking idiot.” Dave flushed, glad for the orange lighting, and tried to play him hearing his muttering off. “Dude, I don’t know how you dragons work, maybe you’re all chameleons, I don’t know this shit, I’m just a knight.” The dragon rolled his eyes. “It’s Karkat, not ‘you dragon’, and what color green was it?” “What” Dave said blankly. “What color green was it? This is very important to the health of your human sister.” “I dunno, green? I’m not a color theorist. Why does it matter?” The dra- Karkat - sighed deeply. “Because I’m offering, you moronic fuck, to negotiate with the other one, and I would really rather not to have to visit every green dragon in a fifty mile radius. Preferably, you and your idiotic kin would leave me alone after this.” His throat cooled, and he dropped to the floor, fastening his sickles back to his side sheathes. "Do I have an oath?” Dave considered it for a moment. Dragons kept their oaths, but if reneged on could level palaces with their fury. “Fine. I want my sister freed, and I want our kingdom safe from you, and the Dersite knights will leave you alone.” “Deal. Now we should get moving if you want to get even a third of the way to Terezi’s by nightfall, as I refuse to carry you. I assume you have a horse?” “Duh dude, of course I do, I couldn’t leave Maplehoof all alone in the big dark castle while I slew mighty beasts. ”Leave it. It’s safer here for it. And I’m not the one going around murdering anyone I can find.” “Fair enough. But I’m not leaving Maplehoof.” “Oh yes you-”

The forest path looked like a war zone of color. Overturned trees splattered in color, her stupid smiley carved into their trunks, and then fucking risk’s mixed in too. They were the most vomit-worthy (and quadrant smearing) couple Karkat had ever had the displeasure to meet. ��This was a terrible idea.’ he thought. The knight was chattering about something, Gog knows what by this point, and Karkat really wish he had stayed with the horse as he had threatened when told to leave her three days ago. Judging by the increase in colors, they’d be at Terezi’s hive in another quarter hour. They continued walking. Finally they got there. “Ay ‘Rezi, get out here!” He called. “No dice, sh8uty!” An irritating voice called. Vriska. Of course. This couldn’t get any worse, could it? “Luckily, you get to see me!” She said, strolling into the sunlight in her shitty FLARP costume, pointed tail lashing around as she strutted. She had an entire peacock tail on her hat this time. Of course she did. Karkat rolled his eyes. “Wow, nice hat spiderbitch, now where’s Terezi? Off licking someone’s eyeballs again, or maybe pestering them about their scales?” “Sorry Karkles, she pro8a8ly wont be back soon, you should just leave already. You can leave your gift though, I’m sure she’ll love it.” She sneered. “Holy fuck Vriska, not everyone just goes around abducting humans, not like you’d-“ Dave gave out a squawk, and turned around, his sword half unsheathed. “WOW K4RK4T, D1DN’T 3XP3CT TO SN1FF YOU H3R3! WH4T BR1NGS YOU 4ND M1ST3R CH3RRY TO MY N3CK OF TH3 WOODS?” she rasped out, leaning on Karkat’s shoulder. “The idiot you just slobbered over needs me to find his human sister in exchange for the rest of the shitty knights leaving me alone. Apparently the dragon that took her was green.” He said, nodding toward Dave. “We could always eat him for you if you really waaaaaaaanted us to, Karkles. You know we’re always happy to help you out.” Vriska grinned. “H3 DO3S T4ST3 D3L1C1OUS. 4LMOST L1K3 4 CH3RRY P13!” “Reminds me of someone, too, riiiiiiiight Karkles?” Gog, were they tag teaming him? He had to get out of here. “Do you have his human sister or not Terezi?” he asked tiredly, hoping his tone would throw them off the scent. “Hmm, I don’t know Terezi, doooooooo we?” “GOODN3SS, 1 DON’T KNOW! 1 MUST 1NVE3ST1G4T3 TH1S! ST4ND 4S1D3 M4RQU1S3, OR B3 CH4RG3D W1TH OBSTRUCT1ON OF JUST1C3!” “Gasp, whateeeeeeeever shall I do?” Vriska swooned into Terezi’s arms. Karkat groaned, executing a facepalm x2 combo. They started making out. Enthusiastically. For eight minutes. Karkat was yelling for most of them. “GOD, DO YOU HAVE TO SUCK FACE EVERY FEW MINUTES IN A PERVETED QUARDRANT-SMEARING DISPLAY EVERY SINGLE TIME SOMEONE VISITS YOU SO YOUR SNARK GLANDS DON’T EXPLODE MESSILY OVER INOCCENT BYSTANDERS, OR AM I THE ONLY ONE YOU TORMENT LIKE THIS?” Karkat huffed out, out of breath after yelling for so long. “WHY K4RK4T, YOU KNOW YOU’R3 4LW4YS W3LCOM3 TO JO1N US, TH3R3’S NO N33D TO G3T J34LOUS!” Terezi cackled. “YOUR FR13ND IS W3LCOM3 TO TRY TOO.” She winked. “I wouldn’t touch the possibility of a quadrant with you with a ten foot pole made entirely of my own regrets.” Dave spoke. ”Well, I certainly wouldn’t be averse to join the party, myself.” He smirked. Karkat felt like vomiting, and looked over to see Vriska’s face in an expression akin to fury and snark’s hatechild. They needed to get out of here. “Well anyway we should get going bye Terezi, nice seeing you, have a nice day!” He grabbed onto Dave’s shoulder, forcefully pulling him away at a quick pace. “8yeeeeeeee Karkat! Nice meeting your friend! Come 8ack soon! Or don’t! Whatever!” Waving with his free hand, he made a quick retreat, not stopping until the colorful trees faded into the background. “Dude what the fuck? I was having a good time with those broads. Wait, were they even girls? Do dragons have gender?” Karkat let out a long groan. “I pulled you away because in case you didn’t notice, Vriska was ready to cull you for flirting with her moirail-sprite-mesis whatever!” Dave actually seemed surprised. “Wait, what? It was just play-flirting, dude, I wasn’t serious.” Humans were so fucking obtuse. “You think Vriska can tell? She was ready to rip out your throat, trust me. The last guy that tried that can’t use his gills anymore. Come on, we need to find a good place to make camp.” “Aye aye sir.”

They found a sheltered overhang and made a fire, cooking a small fawn they had caught. Karkat ate the bones, too, making Dave wince at the familiar crack. Karkat stopped after that, not wanting to ask. They both sat, picking at their cloaks or staring into the distance, unwilling to make themselves so defenseless near the other. They snuck glances at the other over the fire, studying their movements and features, looking away hurriedly when the other shifted. Eventually, lulled by the silence and the warmth of the fire, they fell into a soft slumber on the hard ground, neither noticing the other losing their wakefulness.

Karkat woke in the early morning of the eight day of their “journey”, hazy gray fog dissuading any who would peek their heads out from the safety of their homes. Casting a glance at Dave, he noticed the knight’s shaking, causing a faint rattling of his armor as his lips moved in silent pleading. He rushed over shaking him awake. “Dave, its just a dream, wake up!” Dave’s eyes snapped open as he threw a punch. “BRO, STOP!” he shouted, only vaguely realizing where he was. Karkat felt something wet on his cheek. He raised a hand to it curiously, coming away with blood. His blood. It was dripping from a small cut on his cheek. His pupils went wide, looking at Dave, who was staring at the red on his gauntlet. Backing up until he felt the cave wall at his back, he drew his sickles, eyes wide with terror. ‘Not again.’ he thought. ‘Not again.’ Dave’s eyes were still on him. “You’re a red blood,” he breathed. “Holy shit.” Karkat was shaking “I-I’ll cull you, you’ll never find your sister without me, I’ll-I’ll-” Dave raised a placating hand, dropping it when Karkat flinched. “Dude, I’m not going to kill you, just- just surprised is all, I thought they were hunted into extinction, you know? What with the whole, like, trophy bullshit with pretty much everyone? Aw shit dude, I’m sorry for bring that up, I just ramble when I’m nervous and shit, ya get me? I‘ma shut up now.” Karkat slumped onto the ground, sagging in relief. “Oh thank fuck,” he breathed. “Thank fuck.” He fainted. Dave got up, slightly concerned, and tapped him in the leg with a boot. He shot up. “MOTHER FUC- wait, what?” “Fainted dude. Don’t worry, you were only out for a few seconds.” Karkat sighed. “Good. We should probably get moving. We have a long way to go to get to Nepeta’s.”

He wasn’t kidding. They walked for six days, avoiding roads and knight outposts, making camp and hunting game, until they finally got to the entrance of her system of caves. Karkat offered up a small prayer that Equius wouldn’t be there. Judging by the freshly shattered glass his prayers hadn’t been answered, but there was always hope. Suddenly, he found himself on the ground, claws digging into his shoulder and a faded green jacket practically draped over him. “Heeeeey Karkitty! Whatefur are mew doing here?” Nepeta picked herself up, offering Karkat a hand he took gratefully, brushing the cave dirt off his shirt. “I came here to find out if you had this dickbag’s sister. Apparently if I get her back from whoever has her I won’t be culled by knights. I got an oath too, so it’s binding.” “Oh, I’m sorry Karkitty, I don’t have purr! I would have taken her mewself if I’d known it would get knights to leave mew alone, though. Good luck!” she smiled with her cleft lip, sharp fangs stained with blood from a fresh kill staining them purple. Dave shuddered in the corner of Karkat’s eye. “Of course, mew could always come to me and Equius if you need help with humans! Purresent company included, of course!” She smiled, looking over to Dave with a sharp grin. ‘What is it with these broads and wanting to eat me?!” Dave whispered. Karkat and Nepeta ignored him. “Nah, that’d just get them all after me, and I just got settled in at the new place, so it’d be a real bitch to move it all again.” A deep voice startled him. “Besides Nepeta, humans are simply not healthy for a young olive such as yourself.” Equius strode forward, wiping his wet and greasy hands on a damp towel and swung it over his shoulder, and stood behind Nepeta. “Oh there mew are Equius! Karkitty’s here!” Equius grimaced. “Yes, I can see him. Why did you lead a trained knight to our hive?” Karkat rolled his eyes. ”We both know that Nepeta could make mincemeat out of a score of knights in an hour. We’ve seen her fucking decimate a cholerabear pack faster, and they’re must bigger and faster than any of these tin cans. Besides, its not like you cant handle yourself either.” Nepeta smiled, eyes light up like a spotlight and darting in between them. “Actually Karkat, I’ve got a mew type of chameowmile tea that I’d like mew to try, would mew like to stay a while? Your furrend can have some too if he’d like!” “Thanks, but we have to get moving. Kanaya’s is pretty far away still, and I really don’t want to have to waste anymore time on this shit.” Nepeta nodded, her shippurr’s gleam fading. “Ok, bye Karkitty, see mew! Come back anytime!” she waved. Equius nodded. Karkat walked off tiredly, Dave trailing behind him. Safely ensconced in the trees, Dave turned to the tired lump that was once Karkat. “Dude what the entire fuck was that. Like there was some cat girl who wanted to eat me, and then some buff sweaty dude talking about how it wouldn’t be healthy? And he kept on like, staring at me, just standing there all creepy? Also, why was she flirting with you? Wasn’t the buff dude her boyfriend? Dude? Dude are you dead I do not wanna go back there.” “Please just shut up and let me die in peace.” Karkat groaned. “Just- just give me a minute, ok? Those guys really take it out of me really, being around Nepeta always makes me feel guilty for not liking her back and Equius is just plain fucking creepy.” Finally lifting himself off, he looked around to get his bearings. He led Dave to a cave, and promptly passed the fuck out, only staying awake long enough to light the fire for to keep away wild animals while Dave hunted for their dinner.

He woke to the feeling of Dave’s cotton under-mail shirt’s sleeve draped over his chest. Dave had started huddling closer to him in his sleep after a few weeks, probably for warmth, but it was cute nonetheless. His white-blond hair was scattered over his closed eyelids, and a galaxy of stars appeared where his helmet didn’t cover his face. The little moon-crest of Derse was cute on his forehead, even if the freckle splotching did look silly. Karkat smiled to himself, it was nice to have a peaceful moment for once in a while. He’d been caught up in moving, what with having to flee rather hurriedly from hunters, and then the terror of the first nights spent traveling with a knight he didn’t know, and the snarky broads on top of it. It was nice being able to just rest awhile. He still couldn’t believe that Kanaya had fucking kidnapped this Rose girl though. ‘I mean, yeah, she has made plenty of mistakes with human courtship before, but this is pretty extreme. The only other reason she would have taken her would be to protect someone she cared for, but she isn’t the type to shirk away from culling for the good of others.’ He cast about for another reason, but he really couldn’t figure it out. ‘After all, this Rose was a seer, not a fabric maker, and Kanaya is much too polite to kidnap someone for their cloth-making. Vriska had probably just fed her some bullshit she heard from a drunken human in a bar and she had taken it like the gay sap she was. Terezi was always telling her that humans were not to be trusted if they were in a tavern but she never fucking listened, did she. And poor poor Kanaya had believed her. Or maybe it was Eridan; he had never been good with flirting, dragon or no. She had to have more sense than that, right?’ Suddenly, he was shaken out of his thoughts by a squirming human against his side. “Whoa bro, were you just cuddling up to me? Was this a secret cuddle pile and I wasn’t informed, how could you do this to me bro, I trusted you man, come on.” “Oh please, I stayed right where I was all night, you’re the one who wiggled his way over here like a demented grub.” “Lies and slander. I won’t stand for it in this house, young man.” Dave managed his serious façade for a few seconds, before breaking out in giggles with Karkat.

They broke camp and began hiking towards the mountain, weaving through the trees and trading stories about Rose and Kanaya respectively. Karkat couldn’t believe she had actually kidnapped someone, and Dave couldn’t believe Rose let her what with her seer powers and bond with the horror terrors. They both agreed that it was fucking weird of both of them. They reached the mountain town, and Karkat asked about the dragon who lived on his mountain. Glancing curiously at the two of them, the villager tilted his head back, eyeing them closely. “The dragon who lives here, she protects us, see, and we’d rather she was safer than not, so I’m going to have to deny you that traveler.” Karkat pulled back his hood, relived. “Oh, you guys like her? I mean, I’m not surprised, classic Kanaya really, but she’s a friend of mine and I’d like to see her. I can vouch for him too.” He said pleasantly as he flicked his pointed ears in the mountain sunlight. The man smiled kindly. “Oh of course! Normally we don’t get any visitors but challenging knights, and the poor girl can really only handle so much, you know?” “Trust me, I know just what you’re talking about.” Karkat agreed, glaring playfully at Dave, a smile dancing around his thin black lips.

Following the winding path pointed out by the village-person, Dave walked quickly, ready to see his sister after hard weeks of traveling. They reached the door to the cottage-cave hive hybrid, and looked at each other for a moment, nodding at each other. Karkat knocked. “Hey Kanaya, you in there?” he called. “Just a minute, if you please,” a muffled voice answered. Opening the door, Karkat came face to face with- a fucking human? Wait, was this Rose? What the fuck was going on? “Ah hello dear brother, do come in, and would you mind informing me who your friend is?” Rose said pleasantly. “Rose what the fuck you disappeared we thought you were kidnapped, you were just gone and people said that you got carried off by some green dragon and I went looking for you, what the fuck is even going on?!” Rose looked taken aback. “What are you talking about? Wh-what happened? Didn’t you read my note???” “What note?!?!”

“So what you’re telling me is that you did not see any letter at all, heard accounts from some villagers of an abduction by a dragon, and immediately set out to kill the first dragon you saw?” Dave grumbled. “Look rose, I’m not the one who ran away with their dragon girlfriend without telling anyone, now am I?” rose raised her eyebrow. “Oh, aren’t you? Excuse me, datemate, I don’t mean to presume.” She said, flapping her hand at Karkat in a pacifying gesture. Karkat had remained silent, sipping at his coffee, at the table while the twins chattered like no tomorrow, but at this, he sat up. “So what you’re telling me, Davey, is that you oh so conveniently lost your sister’s letter, showed up at my hive, THREATENED TO KILL ME, FORCED ME INTO BARGAINING FOR MY LIFE, AND SENT ME ON A LONG JOURNEY TO SEE WHO HAD YOUR HUMAN SISTER, FORCED ME TO PUT UP WITH ASSHOLE BLUEBLOODS, ALL FOR US TO FIND OUT THAT YOUR HUMAN SISTER WAS ACTUALLY HAVING A DANDY TIME WITH HER GIRLFRIEND? IS THAT WHAT IS CURRENTLY COMING OUT OF YOUR INSUFFERABLE WINDHOLE? SWEET ALMIGHTY TAINTCHAFING FUCK, FUCKING TELL ME OTHER WISE, OR I SWEAR TO YOUR STUPID HUMAN GOG I’LL EXPLODE MESSILY INTO A COMPLETELY NEW UNIVERSE, CREATED PURELY OUT OF MY OWN SHITHIVE WRITHING HELLISH ANGUISH BLADDER IMPREGNATING THE VERY SPACE AROUND IT WITH RAGE AS PURE AS THE FLUIDS POURING FROM THE MOTHER GRUBS UNDULATING ASSHOLE WHILE YOU GET STUNG BY RIPPERWASPS IN YOUR MINISCULE BULGE, DAVE, YOU LIMP FRONDED LOONEYBLOCK-MAKING SEEDFLAP-JERKING NOOK-LICKING BULE-FONDLING FREAKOUT WEASEL ON SOPOR!!!” Karkat was wheezing by the end, his eyes blown, hand bleeding from his shattered cup, chair knocked over from when he stood suddenly, hair as wild and snarled as seemingly possible. He was stunning. ‘Oh shit ‘ Dave thought, as rose looked at him in confusion, ‘did I say’ that out loud?’ “What the fuck are you talking about?” shit shit shit shit. Code red, all systems go soldier. “I mean, I guess I kinda... like you? I mean you’re really smart, and you get really passionate about the things you care about, and you’re really funny and caring behind your prickly shell, and you are really understanding about my nightmares and shit, and you had like a billion opportunities to kill me or have me killed without reneging on your deal, but you didn’t? Like, even when you still kinda hated me, which was nice of you, and you are really easy to talk to and a really good cuddler and I’m sort of rambling here. But like, can I um… can I kiss you? I mean, if you want, I don’t want to pres- mph!” Karkat kissed him, careful of his teeth, and Dave melted into him, relief coursing through his veins. Putting his arms around the other’s neck, he pulled himself up slightly to get a better angle, deepening the kiss, until they pulled away, breathless. Rose whistled at them, and they returned to the present moment, and suddenly they were three feet away from each other and blushing madly. The door opened. “Oh, Hello Karkat. What Brings You Here?” Kanaya asked curiously.

“Rose, I Thought You Told Your Family?” They were sitting around a table in the dining room/kitchen area, trying to make sense of the past month and a half. “Apparently, the letter went missing, most likely eaten by Jaspers, truth be told.” Karkat grumbled, putting his head in his free hand, the other trapped in Dave’s under the table. “I still cant believe it was all for this. I can’t fucking believe it.” “There there babe. At least we know now.” Dave patted his hand sympathetically, tired from the long journey himself. Karkat raised his head. “You all do realize that Dave has to go back, and they won’t believe you actually like staying with Kanaya if you aren’t there to tell it, right Rose? And based on what I’ve heard of Roxy, never mind Dirk, it’s going to be pretty hard to convince her to let her seer go be a hermit in the woods.” Dave looked over at him. “Um, well… about that… umm, I was thinking that, uh, maybe, it wouldn’t just be Rose? ‘Cause, um, I’d kinda. Like to just stay with you? And, like, its totally fine if you never want to see me again, and just want o be left alone after all this, but I, uh, kinda just wanna like, live in your hive with you?? I mean, if that’s alight, if it’s not I’ll just go and fuck off on my merry way, but you know, I think it’d be kindanicemaybeidontknowwhatever.” Karkat stared at him, an expression of relief painted on his face. “Oh thank god I’m so glad you’re the one who suggested it I was too nervous.” Shaking his head quickly, he turned back to Rose and Kanaya, who wore matching smirks. “Ok, so, as I was saying, it’s going to be pretty hard to convince Roxy to let her seer sister and her knight brother go live with dragons in the woods, so you’re probably going to have to go and see her yourselves. Kanaya, you should probably go with her so you can convince them as well. You all should prepare to go to court.” Dave blinked. “Dude, you think you’re not coming? I need my boyfriendsprite there for moral support. Talking to dirk is going to be hell.” Karkat rolled his eyes and kissed Dave’s hand. “Ok, so we need to pack for four people. Without the detours it should only take a week and a half. Kanaya, I assume you have some sort of proper clothing for us all?” “Maybe I Do, Maybe I Don’t.” “Fantastic. We should start preparing now.”

They stayed there for a week, gathering food and fitting clothes, making dinner and going into town, cleaning armor and washing scales. Fg’dshj’fg, Rose’s pet horrorterror, tentacled his way around; bringing bolts of cloth and packs for supplies. He was also an excellent mouser. Karkat and Dave explored the town, going to bakeries and buying pastries, casting coins into the fountains and purveying herbs. Dave bought a new katana for Dirk, “to throw him off the scent,” and Karkat got Kanaya some thin leather thread. Finally, they were prepared. The journey back took just over a week, as they found good roads with help from the villagers, stopping at taverns and way-houses. Finally, they reached the citadel of Derse.

They made great use of their cloaks, walking through the city unnoticed, and using the twin’s positions to gain entry to the palace. As they walked through the doors, Roxy came running, her robes flying out behind her. “Davey! Rosy! You’re back! I missed you so much! Are you all right? You were gone for so long! What happened?” “Roxy, we need to talk with you and Dirk. In private.” “Oh my gosh, yeah! Dirky’ll be so glad to see you! Come on come on he’s in his workshop!” she set off running, servants ducking out of the way of their monarch. They followed, their pace more of those filled with dread.

Roxy knocked on dirk’s door. “Dirk! Rose and Dave are back!” the door swung open and Dirk’s eyes widened behind his shades. “Holy fuck Dave.” He said, wrapping the twins in a hug. “What took you so long? And who the fuck are they?” he said, looking over at the two hooded dragons. Dave grimaced. “It’s a long story.”

They sat around a mostly empty work table. “Ok, so can we have an explanation, or are we just going to sit here?” Dave rolled his eyes at Dirk. “\Ok, so I went to-“ Karkat laid a clawed hand on Dave’s arm. “Let me do the explanation, or we’ll be here all day.” Dave nodded. “Yeah, you’re right. Shoot, Karkat.” He took a deep breath, and nodded to Kanaya that they should take off their hoods. Drawing them back gingerly, they gripped their partner’s hands. “Dave,” dirk said, dangerously calm. “Why did you bring two dragons into the castle?” Karkat rolled his eyes. “Wow, fuck you too dude. Anyway, the rundown of it is that he came to my hive, attacked me, and I agreed to help him find his sister, only for it to turn out that she had run away with her girlfriendsprite, Kanaya, and apparently her note got lost. And no, neither of us has ever attacked anyone. Kanaya is the protector of her mountain village, so no problems there, and I’m a hermit. Your human siblings also want to live with us in our hives and, I quote, be ‘cryptids in the woods’ with us. That’s about it.” Rose nodded. “Yes, that all is true. And I can definitely say that Kanaya did not kidnap me, and I did leave a note.” Dave raised his hand. “Also, I hate being a knight and I sorta just want to be a sword making cryptid with my boyfriendsprite. Also, I’m dating Karkat.” Dirk boggled at them. He was opening his mouth to speak, but Roxy steamrolled over him. “That’s fucking adorable! Rosy, you should have told us! Omg, Davey, you should’ve told us you didn’t want to be a knight! What with your brother and everything, you know, of course we would’ve supported you!” Dirk was silent. “Of course I’ll support you, just… visit us, alright? We’re your family.” He turned to their datemates. “And as for you, if you ever hurt them, I’ll hunt you down myself and use you hides as armor,” he said, eyes narrowed. Kanaya started chattering away, using a placating tone. Karkat just stared. Suddenly, he burst out laughing. “Dave, you didn’t tell me you were the normal one in the family!” Dave just smirked. “Babe, there’s no way you would have believed me.” Karkat wiped his eyes. “True. I still can’t believe it myself.” He pushed back his chair. “Well, it was great meeting you, Roxy. Dirk, you lived up to your reputation. Wanna go to our hive Dave?” he said, turning to Dave. He smiled. “Yeah, let’s.” they strode across the courtyard, servants turning in shock at the uncloaked dragons striding along with their arms around the royal twins’ waists and chattering idly. Dave and Karkat shared a kiss, before Karkat scooped him up bridal style, flying to his hive while Dave screamed in delight and terror. Rose and Kanaya flew off in a much more dignified manner, skirts streaming out behind them. “Oh fuck,” Dave said suddenly. “I forgot to give Dirk his katana.” “Mother fucker.” Karkat grumbled. “You’re such an idiot sometimes.” “But I’m your idiot.” Dave smiled innocently. Karkat smiled softly. “You do realize I’m not going back, right?” “Oh like fuck you are. I need to sleep.”

#davekat #kinda slowburn?#knight dave #dragon karkat #tw:violence #blood #kidnapping #(not really though)#minor rosemary (im sorry)#fluffy #sfw

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