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fragmentedink-archived · 3 years

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Hell to Pay: Part Fifty

I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, VIII, IX, X, XI, XII, XIII, XIV, XV, XVI, IX, IX, XX, XXI, XXII, XXIII, XIV, XV, XVI, XVII, XVIII, XVIIII, XXX, XXXI, XXXII, XXXIII, XXXIV, XXXV, XXXVI, XXXVII, XXXVIII, XXXIX, XL, XLI, XLII, XLIII, XLIV, XLV, XLVI, XLVII, XLVIII, XLIX

cowritten by @lux-scriptum

A/N: trigger warnings for child death, mentions of stillborn children, child illness, abusive parents, appearance of Az’ril

Amara shuffled in front of the doors of Biela’s palace. This was not a conversation she wanted to have. But it was a conversation that needed to be had. Not that she really had a choice either way.

With a small breath to steady herself, Amara slipped inside. There were no guards in sight, but there weren’t supposed to be, anyway. In sight, at least. That didn’t mean Amara wasn’t aware she was being watched every step of the way up to Biela’s office.

Halfway there, a familiar face poked out of a nearby room. “Caius,” Amara said in greeting, relaxing some. He looked the image of his sister, Biela. Black hair, blue eyes, and bronze skin. Other than the fact that he was an alpha, and, well, a man, was that he was at least six foot, and Amara didn’t think she’d ever seen Biela smile so openly.

Today his smile was a bit more strained as he said, “If it isn’t the reason my sister’s more prickly than usual.”

Amara grimaced at that. “I know I joke about wanting your sister to step on me, but- not really digging it at the moment.”

“Probably wise, considering she’s dealing with this personally,” Caius said, before adding, “I can’t imagine your cousin’s first interaction with her was all that pleasant.”

That deserved the wince it got. “Probably not,” Amara agreed. “I haven’t been to see him yet. He’s wanted... space.” She swallowed, tried for a smile. “At least he’s not the type to hit on her like Nik? He probably shit himself when he saw her.”

“Oh he’d definitely be dead then,” Caius said.

“Good thing for us all that he’s an anxious gay mess then,” she said.

“Not for you.”

She winced.

“Do you realize the position your actions put us all in?” he said. “My sister went herself to deal with this. There is a reason that I am usually the one to go in her stead, and a good deal of that reason is because I am far more likeable and far more merciful. You made a mistake, Amara.”

“I know,” Amara said softly. “I fucked up.”

“You can’t unring this bell with an apology.”

“I can’t unring it period. Even if Lev dies, and I’ll be the first to admit he’s not out of the woods yet, it’s not going- it’s not going to undo what I made Cyrus do.”

“We’ll see if the witch survives this too,” Caius said, nodding up the hall to Biela’s study. “She’s waiting for you.”

Lovely. She just nodded and eased inside the office.

The office was bright, full of far more color than Amara would have expected if she hadn’t been there before. It was warm and open, but not even that could ease the trepidation in Amara’s chest as she crossed the room to Biela’s desk.

“Sit down,” Biela said, not even looking up from her paperwork.

Amara sat.

The silence stretched long enough Amara shifted uncomfortably in the soft chair. She’d not been stupid enough to bring weapons with her, and the lack of anything to fidget with didn’t help with how antsy she felt.

Eventually Biela looked up, leaning back in her chair. “Well thank you for gracing us with your presence.”

It took Amara a few seconds to pick out her response. “I should have come sooner,” she finally said.

Biela lifted a brow. “Before or after you poisoned my lands?”

“Before,” Amara said quietly.

“Yes.”

As Amara struggled to figure out what to say, Biela started sliding photos across the desk. A cold, sick feeling curdled Amara’s breakfast in her stomach. Those were sick children. Infants. Stillborns. Mortality was high in angels and demons both, but Amara’s magic was screaming that something was wrong with these children beyond the usual difficulties both immortal races had with pregnancy and childbirth, even if she couldn’t see anything beyond the sickly, unnatural thinness. When Amara looked up at Biela, who hadn’t stopped sliding more and more across the desk, there was no forgiveness in her icy stare.

I didn’t know. She choked the words off before they could even rise in her throat, stuffing it back down deep. Biela was a telepath. Likely she’d seen it, but Amara shoved it deeper anyway, and looked back down at the growing pile.

“How many?” She finally croaked.

“How many what?” she asked, venomously. “How many were born dead? How many died shortly after birth or how many are untouched by what you have done?”

“How many dead?” She asked, hating herself more with every word. “How many sick because of what I did?”

“The numbers are still coming in, but they’re in the thousands.”

Amara folded her arms over her stomach to keep from reaching for one of the photos. She had done this. Caius had warned her an apology wouldn’t fix this, but she hadn’t even imagined-

She couldn’t even look Biela in the eye anymore.

“Nothing to say?” Biela asked in a steely tone.

“I could spend the rest of my life trying to atone and nothing would-” Amara thought she might be sick. “I had no idea- but that is no excuse.” Gods, those were children. Infants.

Biela stood, leaning across the desk enough that Amara finally looked up out of sheer instinct. “I have half a mind to whip you and your cousin bloody.”

Amara would have taken it, and gladly, but that could kill Lev, on a good day. Lev was far enough from a good day to send a chill down her spine. Still, she knew better than to say anything at all, and just pressed her lips into a shaky line.

“Why should your pathetic cousin live, and thousands of children die?” Biela demanded. “He’s had a hundred and thirty seven years to do something with his life, and he’s done nothing but cower.”

The worst part was Amara had no answer for her.

“What, nothing to say to that either?”

“I don’t,” Amara admitted in a small voice. “I don’t have any answers.” She was in so far over her head.

“Well that is indeed a first.” Biela stared her down unflinchingly. “Maybe this time you’ll keep your arrogance in check. Instead of executing you, I’m letting you live with this.”

Amara almost would have preferred an execution. And maybe that was exactly why Biela wasn’t going to give it to her.

“I’m sorry doesn’t begin to cover it,” Amara finally whispered. “But I am. I am so, so sorry.”

“I’ll be sure to pass that along to the thousands of families that are grieving,” Biela said, before giving a final, dismissive, “Get out.”

Amara all but bolted. The guilt chased her down the hall, and would for a good few decades yet.

---

Nik had to admit he was less than pleased with the anxiety curling in his stomach as he waited outside of Cameron’s office door. He had probably been standing outside for a solid five minutes, trying to form exactly what he was going to say to make sure Cameron didn’t hate him, when Cameron’s voice yanked him out of his head.

“Get in here.”

Right.

Nik went inside, not surprised to find the window was already open for Nik’s benefit when Cameron motioned to shut the door. Of course Cameron was working on something; there wasn’t a single minute of the day that wasn’t allotted for something. He did find it interesting, however, to find bedding folded neatly on the couch by the wall.

Nik didn’t comment on it.

He plopped down in the chair across from him, feeling like he somehow got yanked into the principal's office for getting caught smoking in the boy’s room in high school. He folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the chair, not really sure what else to do.

Cameron finished reading the paper he was on before removing his reading glasses and peered up at Nik. “Nothing has stopped you from speaking before,” Cameron said. “Don’t let it stop you now.”

Nik grimaced at the slight irritability in Cameron’s tone. “Why didn’t you say anything.”

Cameron scratched his face. “Not my place to say anything,” he said, after a moment of thought. “Your body, your choice. Tell me, don’t tell me. I didn’t and don’t care. As long as you were taken care of, I didn’t see why I should have commented on anything.”

“Maybe because you’re my alpha?” Nik retorted, annoyed.

“Again, not my place.” Cameron eyed him carefully. “Have you decided on what you’re going to do with the fetus?”

An excellent wordsmith, Cameron was. It irked him. “I don’t- I don’t know,” Nik said. “Why do you care when it’s clearly not yours.”

Cameron didn’t bother blinking, and just kept watching him. “Is that right?”

It’s your brother’s. “You know it is.”

“As far as I am concerned, it is mine.”

“I-”

“Yes,” Cameron said, leaning forward. “Unless you want to suggest otherwise, or do plan on aborting, I do not care. It is mine, it would have the same protections Eden has because that little cretin is mine as well.”

Nik’s face prickled and he curled back in the chair uncomfortably. “But- why?”

Cameron looked at him as if he were obtuse. “Because I care about you, idiot. If I did not, I would have gone ahead and let you be ripped to shreds when you decided to waltz your way into my house to spy on my family. If I did not, you would not be in my bed. You would not be in my house, and Lev sure as hell would not be alive and in my house, either. Neither of you would be here. Understand? I can live on my own, by myself without you or Lev or anyone decidingly annoying the hell out of me, but I choose to let you both drive me up the wall. So yes, as far as I am concerned the fetus is mine, because you are mine. Do you have a problem with that.”

“....no,” Nik said, in a small voice.

“Good,” Cameron said, with finality. “Then what are we going to do, because I’m sure Ash has hounded you with details about what you need to be doing. So you need to be deciding, and deciding soon, so I can deal with everything that needs to be done.”

Nik watched him blankly, not really sure what to say. “I cheated on you, though.”

“No, you didn’t.”

“Yes, I did.”

“Nikolas, we have never established anything exclusive. We are also not in a relationship, meaning exclusivity is void to begin with. What you have done while Lev was dead, as far as I am concerned, does not negate anything between you and myself. However, if you decide to overdose again, especially in my house, I will personally take you to Death’s door so do not ever try to do something like that again.”

“You can’t just excuse everything you don’t like, Cameron!” Nik snapped. “I- everything I did was completely out of line.”

“I’m not,” Cameron said, not even raising his voice an octave. “I am telling you, do something like that again, and you won’t live to regret it. Lev’s death was clearly hard on you, and I was willing to work with it- as it was my choice. Just like it will be my choice to not deal with anything else like that again. I’m too busy and tired to deal with any more mental breakdowns that are going to give me another headache. Do I make myself clear.”

Nik sighed sharply. “Why don’t you hate me,” Nik said, voice breaking. “I’ve done nothing more than be a thorn in your side and you’re still being like that.’

“Hate is a useless emotion,” Cameron said, baldly. “And not one I’d waste on you when you’ve done nothing to warrant it. Just because you annoy me doesn’t mean I do not enjoy your company.”

Nik wrinkled his nose. “That sounds suspiciously like affection,” Nik muttered. Cameron only rolled his eyes. Nik was quiet, not sure how to feel about anything Cameron just said, when Cameron didn’t really do fancy speeches regarding anything. “I just…. I don’t want to mess this up. I can’t take any of it back.”

“Then don’t take it back,” Cameron said. “Live with it, like the rest of us, and move forward.”

“Well when you put it like that.”

“I sound reasonable?” Cameron said, dryly. “It’s almost like I have five hundred years on you and know what the hell I’m talking about.”

Nik sniffled and wiped at his face. “I think…”

His voice faltered.

Cameron watched him, expectantly. “You think what?”

“I think I want to keep it- the baby,” he said, in a tiny voice. “I just…”

“Then keep it and we’ll deal with it,” Cameron said. “However, there is the matter of making sure the child is recognized as legitimate.”

Nik blinked at him, confused. “Are you saying you want to get married? Because if so-”

“That is not what I’m saying,” Cameron said, looking vaguely repulsed with the idea.

“Oh. Well. I was going to say that was a shitty proposal.”

“Good thing it wasn’t a proposal, then.”

“Then what were you saying? Because I don’t want the kid to be a bastard. Less likelihood of one of your brethren eating it.”

“Well,” Cameron said. “You’re not wrong.”

That was comforting.

Cameron sighed and scratched his face. “What I was saying, before you rudely interrupted me, was that there is a way to legitimize the child, without marriage. However, that is through a mating bond. I am willing to provide one if it will protect the child.”

Nik stared at him, mouth slightly open. “You what.”

The annoyance returned to Cameorn’s face. “Nikolas, you know I detest repeating myself.”

“Yeah, well, I detest getting punched in the face with that kind of offer, Cameron, so excuse me if I’m a little surprised.”

“Do you or do you not accept.”

Nik fell silent. “Cameron?”

“Hm?”

I love you was on the tip of his tongue, but he knew it would make Cameron uncomfortable, and Nik cared enough about Cameron’s boundaries to not push it. So instead he said, “Thank you.”

The smallest crease appeared between Cameron’s brows. “For?”

“Seeing me.”

----

Lev tried not to let it bother him that Cameron had cleaned up his mess with the plates before he could get to it. And he tried not to let it bother him that Nik was being quiet, and even a little hesitant around him. The unspoken trauma that he knew Nik and Cameron both carried was something that they’d all avoided talking about in the time Lev knew them, but he didn’t like knowing he was the one to trigger Nik’s.

So Lev spent his time napping, as he had for the past month or so, hoping that sleep would magically cure the fact that he’d been dead not too long ago. Or at least make everything hurt a little less. It hadn’t helped anything. Telling them. And maybe that was because of how he’d told them about the pregnancy he’d hidden and lost. The bitter taste of anger still frightened him; it wasn’t natural for him. It felt wrong.

It took Lev a good long while to realize Cameron was leaning against the doorway. Lev tucked his arm under his cheek so he could peer at Cameron a bit more, and gave a quiet, “Hi. Everything okay?”

“Ash will be here in a little bit. You need to get out of bed.”

Lev blinked. Cameron was already gone, so Lev slid out of bed, pausing long enough to slide on one of Nik’s hoodies that he’d stolen several days ago. He figured that and the pair of boxers he’d slept in were good enough. He stuffed his hands in the pockets and shuffled after Cameron. At least he was allowed to nowadays. He nodded awkwardly at the sentries he passed, and found Cameron, as expected, in the kitchen.

Lev settled at the table, watching Cameron make lunch. “Do you want to talk about...” He hesitated, and just left it at that.

Cameron glanced up at him. “Start talking.”

Fair enough. “I never got the chance to decide if I was going to tell you,” Lev admitted quietly. “Before I died. That I was pregnant.”

Cameron was quiet for a minute. “Did you have it confirmed?”

Lev hesitated. “No,” he admitted. “But too many... symptoms lined up. I didn’t get the chance. I just panicked. I couldn’t think.”

“Sounds about right. It was your choice either way, about what to do about it. I’m sure I would have agreed with whatever you wanted.”

“I know,” Lev said. “Just from how you’re handling Nik’s pregnancy.” He watched Cameron for a few minutes, and then said, “He knew. When he killed me.”

Cameron looked his way, for a bit. Lev waited him out patiently, but in the end Cameron said, “That does sound like my brother.”

With a sigh, Lev looked down at the table. “There’s more,” he said eventually. “He said Eden is his.” He mulled over the memories, trying not to flinch at the fresh reminder of pain. “He... implied there might be more than just Eden. But he could have been- by that point I was very confused.”

Cameron gave a forceful sigh, and said, “That also sounds like my brother,” before going back to chopping vegetables.

Lev nodded slowly. “I wanted it,” He finally admitted. “I still do. And it kills me that- I lost it.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“There’s nothing we can do,” Lev replied. “It’s not- I just have to learn how to live with it. And... making sure Nik is healthy and as close to happy as we can get him is more important. But I thought- if it had to come out, you should know, I probably- I would have chosen to keep the baby.”

Cameron put down the knife. He rubbed his eyes, before saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you.”

“I left,” Lev replied. “And you said you wouldn’t make me stay. I made that choice. It was a terrible one, and I lost everything because of it. But it was mine.” He tapped his fingers on the table.

“Well.” Cameron said. “Do you want another one?”

Lev blinked. “Eventually,” he admitted after a moment. “But not now. I don’t want to- Nik comes first. He needs us more than I want a child. I waited almost a hundred and fifty years to find someone I felt safe enough to want a child with anyone. I can wait more, if that’s an open ended offer.”

“We’ll see.”

Lev had to smother the instinct to try to take it back, to ask if they could- but he’d meant it. Nik needed him. And Lev had Eden. Would have whatever child Nik did, if Nik decided to keep it. And besides. Things were... messy right now.

“Cameron?” Lev said quietly. “I’m... I’m sorry. And I know words won’t fix what I did. So I’ll do my best to show it. Everything, but especially what happened with Nik.”

“Yes,” Cameron said, icily. “I imagine you would feel sorry for telling a suicidal nineteen year old to stay dead.” Cameron went back to slicing vegetables with careful precision. “I’m sure Nik has forgiven you, though.”

“He’s not the only person I wronged, though,” Lev replied.

“Hm.”

Lev waited, but when nothing else was forthcoming, he nodded at nothing. Rather than continue digging, he settled his chin on his hands and watched Cameron cook in silence. When Cameron put a fancy salad in front of him, Lev mumbled a thank you and poked at it and blinked gratefully at Cameron when he handed Lev some ranch.

While Lev dug in with a little more enthusiasm, Cameron left, presumably to go get Nik. When Nik plopped down beside him, he looked a little sick. Lev patted his knee in comfortingly, but Nik just wrinkled his nose.

“What are we? Rabbits? I thought demons eat people. Why the fuck are we eating salads?”

“There’s chicken in the salad,” Lev offered helpfully. “It’s healthy to eat a vegetable or two, Nik.”

“Yeah, if you’re a rabbit.”

Lev bit his shoulder lightly. “Or in need of some vitamins.”

Nik shot him a dirty glare. “Fine,” he grumbled.

Lev hummed and took another bite.

Ash showed up while Cameronw as cleaning up, before Lev could go back to bed. Probably for the best. Ash hadn’t approved the amount of moping Lev had been doing lately. Lev waved at Ash, giving a small hello.

Ash lifted a brow. “Hi.”

Lev watched Ash for a moment, and then said, “How’s Lucas?”

Ash smiled. “An angel. Compared to Eden.”

“Do you know when we can bring her home?” Lev asked hesitantly. He missed his little monster, and he was quite sure she missed him too.

“I’m sure Bay would let you take her right now, if you wanted.”

Lev perked up a little, but then settled again. “We can’t until you say I’m healthy enough to handle it,” he said solemnly. “And I don’t want to rush it and get sick again, if you don't think I am.”

“Well. I think one final check up is in place. You seem to be keeping your food down. And, you know, not dying. Maybe then you can bring her home.”

Lev nodded, brushing his hair out of his eyes. “Okay,” he said agreeably. “Can we start?”

“So it looks like you’re doing pretty good,” Ash confirmed an hour later. “All things considered anyway. But you shouldn’t strain yourself or push your luck. I don’t want you lifting more than thirty pounds until I give the okay.”

Lev nodded vigorously. “I understand,” he promised.

Ash stared him down. “If you lift more than that, I will know.” Coming from Ash, that was more a threat than a promise.

“I know,” Lev promised.

“Good,” Ash said. “Bay also wants to see you.”

If it hadn’t been that tone, Lev might not have paid attention. “See me?” Lev asked slowly. “Or... see me see me?”

“What do you think?”

Right. Lev swallowed. “When?” He finally asked.

“Well,” Ash said, “As soon as I gave the green light. And I just did.”

“O-oh.” Lev looked down at what he was wearing. Still in boxers and Nik’s hoodie. “I should get dressed, then,” he said. “And... ask Cameron to drive me?”

“Probably a good idea. I doubt you can drive.”

Lev shook his head, flushing. He stood, looking to Cameron, who had stuck around. “Is that okay?”

Cameron nodded. “Go get ready.”

Lev nodded. “I’ll get Nik?” he said, backing for the door.

“He’s by the pool.”

Lev scooted down the hall, trotting to the pool. Nik was on the edge of the pool, feet in the water. “Nik,” Lev said. “I gotta go see Bay,” he said, settling beside Nik.

Nik toed the water. “Hm?”

“I don't think this is the sort of talk I can wear just your hoodie and some jeans to,” he said. “You know more about clothes. Can you help me?”

Nik splashed the water a bit with his foot, and then stood. He pulled Lev towards the house again. “I think I got something you can wear.”

Lev nodded, tucking himself into Nik’s side. Nik pulled away only to go digging through Lev’s closet. While he waited, Lev settled on the bed. He pulled off Nik’s hoodie and folded it while he waited for Nik to pull things out.

Eventually Lev found himself dressed in dark jeans and a grey henley. Nik stuck him in a blazer and tried to put him in a pair of white sneakers.

“Aren’t my converse good enough?” Lev protested.

“Considering you came to me for fashion advice, what do you think?”

“That I’m going to be very uncomfortable,” Lev mumbled, reaching for the shoes Nik picked.

“Well it either these or dress shoes,” Nik said, even as Lev put them on. Lev stuck his tongue out at Nik in reply. Nik just lifted an eyebrow. Instead of saying anything, Lev kissed his cheek.

“Are you ready yet?” Cameron asked from the doorway.

Lev pulled away from Nik. “Do I look okay?”

“You look like a gay high school principal,” Nik said solemnly, just as Cameron said, “You look respectable.”

He felt ridiculous, but he supposed that would have to do. He fussed with the blazer and looked at Nik. “Anything else I need?”

Nik pursed his lips. “Spectacles?”

“I can see just fine, Nikolas.”

“I didn’t say you were blind,” Nik said. “I just said you needed glasses.”

Cameron looked annoyed, but Nik’s teasing had eased some of Lev’s anxiety. He took Nik’s hand, and said firmly, “No glasses,” before looking at Cameron. “I think I’m ready to go now?”

Cameron’s answer was to simply leave, so Lev tugged Nik along after. He opened the front seat door for Nik.

Nik made a face. “Is this because I’m pregnant?”

Lev kissed his nose. “It’s because I’m a romantic. And a thank you for helping me figure out what to wear.”

“Uh huh,” Nik said, sliding into his seat.

Lev decided to ignore that, and got in the backseat.

---

It surprised no one that Eden was throwing a fit when they got there. Lev could hear her before Silas even opened the door. The bigger angel stared down at him with wide eyes, like he didn’t really believe Lev was there, but Lev peered around him.

“Is Eden okay?” Lev blurted.

Silas blinked, stepping back automatically. “Uh, yeah. She just- I don’t even know, she’s just angry.”

“Hm,” Lev said, ducking around him. He didn’t have to go far to see Eden tottering down the hallway, screeching around a stuffed giraffe with big black tears rolling down her grey cheeks. She stopped when she saw him so abruptly she fell back on her butt, which really only made her wails get louder.

Lev was quick to scoop her up, murmuring comfort to her as he settled on the floor. When Eden tried to smack him, he caught her little hand easily, and despite that, she settled somewhat.

By the time Eden calmed, Lev realized that Bay and Nate were there. The moment Lev locked eyes with Bay, however, Bay said, “My office.”

Lev pulled himself to his feet and handed Eden off to Cameron, wiping a few tears off her face before following Bay back to his office.

After a moment of hesitation, Lev settled in a chair, trying not to fidget as he waited for Bay to start talking.

“I see that you’re not dead.”

Lev nodded. “I think it was a bit touch and go there for a little bit,” he admitted. After a second, he added, “Once they brought me back. I was definitely dead for a bit there.”

“Ash did seem irritable lately.”

Lev winced at that. “I’m sorry,” he said automatically.

Bay leaned back in his chair, watching him expectantly. “Ash is always like that,” he eventually said.

“Oh.” Lev considered that. “I didn’t see much of him before I died. I think the last time I saw him for any extended time was the night I left Remiel.” He thought for another second. “He seemed irritable then, too, now that I think about it.”

“Hm,” Bay said.

Lev fiddled with his sleeve.

“I’m assuming that Ash told you I wanted to speak to you now that you’re not in danger of dying again.”

After a second, Lev nodded. “He did,” he finally said.

“I’m assuming you know why.”

Lev stared at him for the longest moment. Eventually he said, trying very hard to not sound unsure, “It’s about Nik. Or- what I did while I was dead, with Nik- and- that.”

“It has nothing to do with Nik, and everything to do with the fact that you ignored and disobeyed a direct order from your king.”

“Oh,” Lev said in a small voice. “I- oh.”

“Oh, indeed.”

Lev swallowed. “I don’t have any excuses,” he finally said. “And I’m not going to waste your time trying to think of any.”

“Probably wise. You don’t need to dig yourself a deeper hole.”

Lev watched Bay for several awkward minutes. “I’m assuming there’s consequences,” he finally said.

“Correct.”

“Okay,” Lev said simply. Hadn’t he asked for exactly that, days ago when he’d shattered Cameron’s dishes?

“I’ll even let you choose.”

That got a blink from Lev. “Choose?”

“Well I was thinking nineteen years imprisonment, no contact with outside sources,” Bay said. “All your assets and lands would be seized, all titles forfeit. You would have nothing and be nothing.”

Nineteen years. One for every one that Nik had lived, Lev assumed. “And the other option?” he finally said.

“Exile with the same stipulations, except it’s for fifty-seven years,” Bay said levelly. “I’ll leave the choice to you. Choose now.”

For a few moments, Lev stared blankly, thoughts spinning too fast to catch. After a couple heartbeats, though, he forced himself to focus. “I can’t- I won't - put Eden though losing me again,” he said finally. “I’ll- I’ll go into exile. She needs me.”

“Fine. You’ll have twenty-four hours to say your goodbyes and leave the territory. If you’re still here when your twenty-four hours are up, you’ll spend the fifty-seven years in a cell.”

It took a few seconds to click. “O-oh. Okay.” He stood, and then hesitated. “Thank you. You didn’t have to give me any time at all.”

“I know,” Bay said. “My actions have consequences too.”

Lev backed out of the room, sidestepping sentries until he could lean against a wall and breathe. He wasn’t sure he’d made the right decision, but- he’d missed four months of Eden’s life. He’d missed her first steps. He didn’t want to miss anything else.

To his surprise, no one interrupted him. He had all the time and space he needed to gather himself before he went to find the others.

Nate was the first person he ran into. Guilt twisted Lev’s stomach up in knots, but he blurted out a quick and fierce, “I am so sorry,” before Nate could say anything at all.

Even Nate’s kindness was clearly strained. “You should be,” Nate replied. “You almost cost me my brother.”

“I know,” Lev said in a small voice. “I wasn’t- I was wrong. He’s so young. And I was selfish. But I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to make up for even a fraction of what I would have cost everyone if he’d stayed dead. He deserves that and so much more.”

Nate cocked his head, but didn’t say anything at all.

“I know Nik forgave me, but he shouldn’t have. I haven’t done anything to deserve it yet.”

“Hm. Of course he did. Nik will forgive anyone he loves.”

The fact that Nate, of all people, was being so abrupt with him hurt. Nate was the kindest person Lev had ever met. But Lev’s betrayal had cut deep, and he knew it. “I’ll take care of him,” Lev promised, forcing some spine in his tone. “I promise.”

“Good. Be sure that you do.”

Lev nodded, and slipped around him. He found them in the kitchen. Cameron was holding Eden, looking annoyed, and Nik was sitting at the counter, chewing anxiously on one of his bracelets. The first thing Nik said when he saw Lev was, “Are you okay?”

At some point Bay had joined the rest of them, and had Lucas in his arms. Lev glanced in his direction as he crossed the room to Nik’s side. Lev leaned into Nik, pressing his nose to Nik’s neck. “I’m okay,” he promised. He looked at Cameron anxiously. “I’m being exiled, for fifty-seven years.”

Cameron didn’t even blink. “I suppose that’s better than the alternative.”

Lev winced. “The other option was being in a cell for nineteen years.” He could feel Nik tensing underneath him.

“That’s bullshit,” Nik said loudly. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Eden was getting restless, giving a small cry

“Yes, I did. Bay ordered me to leave you alone. I did not. Technically, disobeying my king is a form of treason,” Lev offered softly.

“Yeah, well, that’s because Bay’s an emotionally constipated dick,” Nik retorted.

Nate gave a small, “Nik, please. There are two infants in the house.”

Lev fisted his hand in Nik’s shirt, biting Nik’s shoulder in warning. “It’s okay,” he said as firmly as he could, before looking at Cam. “I can stay, can't I?” He stopped, and then asked, “I mean, can I stay?” He didn’t add that he didn't have anywhere to go; it would have felt manipulative.

“Of course you can stay, that’s your home,” Nik said sharply.

Lev pulled back, looking at him. “It’s not my house,” he said simply. “It’s why I’m asking Cameron.” He switched his gaze to Cameron. “After everything, you have every right to say no.”

Cameron bounced Eden lightly. “Nik wants you there.” That seemed to be the end of what Cameron wanted to say.

Lev touched Nik’s chest lightly. Before he could figure out what to say, Nik once again tensed underneath him. Lev followed his gaze to the man that stood in the doorway. He looked almost like Nate, with the fine boned features and longer hair. It took several seconds to recognize him as Az’ril.

Nik and Nate’s father.

Out of the corner of Lev’s eye he saw Nate looked at the ground. Nik, on the other hand, glared at his father. “What are you doing here?” Nik demanded hotly. “Scare any children lately?”

Az’ril leveled Nik a look. “Nikolas. I see you’re just as crass as ever.”

Nik pursed his lips, but before he could say anything, Bay said, “Az’ril that’s enough. You’re here to see me.” Bay handed Lucas to Nate. “We’ll take this to my office.”

As Az’ril left, Lev realized Nik was trembling. When he realized Cameron was approaching, he moved so Cameron could hand Eden over.

Lev swallowed. “Can you take me to see Reneé and Amara?” he asked Cameron.

“We should probably get going then. You can’t have long before your sentence goes into effect.”

He wasn’t wrong. Lev caressed Eden’s cheek lightly.

“Do you want to take Eden with you?” Nate offered. “It won’t take long to pack up her stuff.”

Lev looked to Cameron hopefully. “Can we?”

Cameron inclined his head. “Might as well.”

Lev smiled at Nate. “Can I help pack?”

---

Lev tried to stay engaged on the ride to Reneé’s apartment. She seemed happier, with her own place, andfreer, almost. Amara never showed up, even though Lev texted her to let her know what was going on. He tried not to be hurt by that, and spent a lot of time hugging Raziel. Cin lurked, but he ruffled Lev’s hair when he left, though he gave Eden a wide berth.

On the way home though, it was a struggle to keep his attention on Eden. Nik was quiet too, and since Cameron didn’t bother to put on music, Eden’s babbles were the only sounds in the car.

Cameron whisked Eden away, likely to feed her and put her to bed, so Lev wandered to his bedroom and flopped down, kicking off the stupid sneakers as he did. Nik settled beside him, watching him with an unreadable expression.

“You okay?” he finally asked.

Despite his best efforts, Lev’s eyes burned. “I’m fine,” he forced out.

Nik’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you didn’t lie to me.”

Lev considered that, and found himself closer to tears. He too a few breaths before reaching for Nik’s hand. Nik let him press it to his heart, feel the steady, if a bit fast, rhythm there. “I- I’m here. I’m home. And I’ll get to be here to raise Eden. I- I consider that just fine.” He licked his lips as he tried to explain why his chest felt so tight. It didn’t help to watch Nik’s lips thin, but Lev made himself go on. “But- even though I never considered angel territory a home- it was just where I lived. I wasn’t happy there, Nik. I didn’t feel- few enough liked me. But I still feel like I lost something today. I don’t regret choosing you and Eden over a shorter sentence. I don’t. I won’t, ever. But- I’m sad. I’m... grieving, and it feels- sounds- stupid to say that.”

“Well, yeah, I imagine being forcefully evicted from your home for the last hundred and forty years and all of your shit taken from you hurts a little bit. Even if you do romanticize it.”

Confusion was strong enough Lev’s tears never made it to his cheeks. “What do you mean romanticize it?”

“Saying that Eden and me are enough,” Nik said, sharply. “That because you love us, that's enough. It was still where you lived. It was where your family is, where you grew up. A hundred and forty years in one place and you’re perfectly ‘fine’ as you put it. That suffocating shithole is still my home, even if I was miserable there, because even if you hated it, it made you, you. So yeah. I’d say you were lying to me.”

Lev blinked. “This is why I forget how young you are,” he mumbled. “You make more sense than I ever did at nineteen.” Closing his eyes felt like a betrayal, so he just squeezed Nik’s fingers where they pressed to his chest. “I spoke the truth as I understood it,” he finally said. “But you’re not wrong. It’s... it’s a lot. And I don’t know how to process it yet. I don’t think I want to.”

Nik yanked his hand back. “Will you stop saying how young I am? I am perfectly aware of how old I am.” There was something hard in his face. “You don’t seem to care how young I am when you suck my dick.”

Now that one hurt. Because Nik was right. Lev watched him warily, unsure of how to respond just yet. It wasn’t like he could apologize. He knew how Nik flinched when someone said sorry around him. “I didn’t mean to upset you,” he finally said. “I’m not good at- talking about the important things. I’m trying to be better, and it’s good that you call me out on it. Right now...” Lev trailed off, thinking hard. “Right now, I’m feeling a lot, and I don’t want to. Deflecting was automatic. I didn’t mean to lie.”

Nik watched him long enough Lev wanted to squirm. Eventually, he said, “Sure. We should probably go get Eden settled.”

Lev nodded. “Give me a few minutes?” He asked. “I’ll follow soon?”

“Okay,” Nik said, rolling off the bed.

Lev waited until it was quiet, tucking his arm under his cheek. “Darius?” he whispered. There was no answer, but Lev hadn’t expected one. “Did I make the right decision?” he asked anyway. A lump was forming, and he hated it. Hated how quick he was to cry. It made him feel weak. Childish. “Should I have come back at all? I keep making things worse.”

Something cold touched his cheek, and a shiver went down his spine. It felt like it was leeching all the feeble warmth he’d produced, especially as that cold traced down his throat.

Lev was out of the bed before he could think about it. Whatever he was supposed to understand from that didn’t matter. He took off his blazer and threw it on the bed before he followed Nik to the kitchen. He’d think about it later. Or maybe he wouldn’t.

---

Amara was exhausted by the time she made it to Biela’s palace. She’d flown the whole way there. Hadn’t even bothered to take her motorcycle. She made her way past the gates, trying to get her panting under control.

After searching the halls for a bit, Amara had herself a little more under control. Somewhere along the fifth corridor she wandered, haf hoping she didn’t find Biela, she ran into Dacia.

The plump, blonde angel sized her up with a knowing eye. “You look a little lost.” Despite those words, Dacia had a kindness to her. It reminded Amara a little of Nate, whose sheer goodness made Amara feel... a little guilty sometimes.

“I’m looking for Biela,” Amara admitted.

“I assumed. Would you like me to take you to her? Or would you like to stay a little lost for a while longer?”

Amara managed a small smile. “I have a bit of a time sensitive conversation,” she said. “As much as I’d like to be a little lost a while longer, I think I should... probably bite the bullet.”

This time Dacia looked a little grim. “Fair enough. She’s in her dance studio. I’ll take you to her.”

Amara looked down at the floor as she followed. She only looked up when they approached a pair of double doors Amara recognized. She waited until Dacia had stepped inside to poke her head in. Biela was not in her usual outfit, and she looked sweaty. If she was tired, it didn’t show.

The music Amara had barely noticed stopped the moment Biela looked her way. “What do you want?”

“Bay exiled Lev,” Amara said before she could stop herself.

“I’m aware,” Biela said. “I’m failing to see your point.”

“I made the poor choice of not keeping you informed once. I won’t do it again.” Amara fought to keep her voice steady. “I came to ask you to consider mercy. If you’ve not decided whether or not he can stay in your lands, I- he has nowhere else to go. I just- please.”

“Stop groveling. You sound pathetic.”

Amara straightened - stiffened.

Biela reached for a towel, patting her face. “Him not having anywhere else to go sounds like a poor choice on his part.”

“He made that choice because Eden needs him.”

“What is one child to thousands?” Biela asked. “That child is not your cousin’s. He has no right to her, or to be in my lands. He offers me nothing. I have to make the right decision for my people. Not an angel.”

“Then I don’t have any argument for you,” Amara replied quietly, her heart cracking just a little. “All I can do is ask for your mercy.”

Biela gave her a little smile. It wasn’t one bit friendly.

“Biela,” Dacia said softly.

Biela flicked Dacia a sharp look. “Don’t call me that.”

This time Dacia smiled, the expression small, and maybe a little fond. “Bea,” she corrected herself.

This time Biela looked a bit satisfied. “What will you give me? How much is your cousin’s life worth to you?”

“Anything,” Amara breathed. “I did all of this so he could be happy. I’ll do anything to give him that chance again.”

Biela lifted her chin ever so slightly. “Fine. I’ll restrict him to Cameron’s house. You will not see him again.” Dacia made a small noise. Biela looked a little annoyed, but added, “Until I feel otherwise. Any contact and he’s back in the ground.”

Amara swallowed the lump in her throat. “Okay,” she whispered. “Thank you, Majesty” she added, more clearly, flicking a look to Dacia to let her know she was included in Amara’s feverish gratitude.

“Anything else you came to beg me for?” Biela asked, drawing Amara’s attention back to her.

“If there’s anything I can do to- to at least- ease the effects of what I did- even if it costs me my life- I’ll do it,” Amara said, even though she knew it was stupid.

“Do not tempt me,” Biela said, turning away in a dismissal even before she clipped out a curt, “Leave.”

Tagging: @incandescent-creativity @solangelo3088 @lil-miss-red @halstudies @littleyellowdinosaur @caelisis @idreamonpaper

#writeblr #writers on tumblr #wip boost #angels and demons #ch: cameron #ch: nik #ch: eden #ch: ash #ch: bay #ch: nate #cameron and nik and lev

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not-majestic-bluenicorn · 4 years

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The MONSTA X Time-Travel Theory (Originally the MONSTA X Universe Theory)

Hello everyone, and welcome to my new and improved MONSTA X Theory. You read the title right, this was originally called the MONSTA X Universe Theory, but unfortunately it can no longer have that name. I’ll explain why shortly. I posted this theory in February of last year, and since then, a lot of things have changed. My theory really only addressed until before Take 1, so it’s been 4 comebacks and one world tour since then, can you believe it? So yes, quite a few things have changed, and we’ll go over them.

What has changed?

Originally, the theory proposed that everything started in the Tresspass-The Clan timeline, that it was the original timeline and that everything went down from there. However, since Follow: Find You, this is no longer possible, as the Find You MV shows us the origin of Hyungwon’s abilties. Thus, the Tresspass-The Clan theory is now a stand alone. Technically I already wrote a theory on The Clan, although I didn’t address its connection to Tresspass, maybe I’ll do that in a separate “add-on” sort of post. Because of this, it can no longer be called a “Universe Theory”, as MONSTA X is not integrating all of their stories into one very convoluted timeline, but instead they have two separate stories (if later on they connect everything, I’m throwing the towel). That’s the main change, but this change provokes a bit of a butterfly effect, so let’s see how much the theory has changed.

The Story

Phase 1: The First Timeline - The Origin (We Are Here World Tour VCR, Take 1 & Take 2)

I know this is a weird place to start the theory, almost near the end, but it actually makes a lot of sense. These three videos serve a very similar purpose to what Beautiful did for The Clan, they explain the origin of their friendship. Now, things aren’t as dramatic as they’re shown in these three videos (at least I hope so, ‘cause things are gonna get very weird from a plot point of view if they are). The main point of narration is the We Are Here World Tour VCR, from now on abbreviated as WAR because it’s easy to remember like that, and because it fits the theme of the video (watch it here).

WAR introduces us to seven fine young men who have each committed a sin (two of which aren’t even actual sins, but I understand why they would change those two). Hyungwon and Pride, I.M and Envy, Kihyun and Loneliness, Jooheon and Greed, Wonho and Sloth, Shownu and Wrath, and Minhyuk and Agony. These sins are not actual crimes from a futuristic dystopia (although that would be a cool concept), these are just the personal struggles they are dealing with, the personal backgrounds that consume them.

Hyungwon is a rich kid that believes himself better than everyone. I.M is the local witch (?) who hates the rich kid. Kihyun is probably the only child that was forced by his parents to be perfect. Jooheon and Shownu are a very misguided pair of trouble-makers who’re friends with Wonho, who practices Taekwondo but can’t reach the standard he wants. Minhyuk lost someone important to him.

In the Special Film and the Previous Film called ‘ARE YOU THERE?’ they explain these personal struggles, how their situations make them fall into those sins, and how they’re looking for someone to save them. This salvation comes in the form of each other. In WAR they further explain their own sins and how being with each other saved them from drowning in them. Alligator represents the sins and them drowning in the swamp of their own despair. Shoot Out is them breaking away from their past and destroying these sins.

Phase 2: The First Timeline - The Trigger (Find You MV)

Originally I proposed that Hyungwon got his powers by entering that weird heart at the end of All In and Fighter. I’ve now been proved wrong. After they each overcome their past and become friends, Hyungwon’s family has an accident in which both of his parents die and he comes out badly wounded. After he recovers, he’s now living by himself and taking different medications to deal with the aftermath of the accident. The boys decide they cannot leave their friend like that and temporarily stay at his house.

While they’re sleeping, Hyungwon wakes up and visits his father’s study. He finds the damaged watch which sends him to an entirely different timeline. This is showcased by him suspended in the water, with images of Dramarama and Destroyer flashing by. There is a scientific theory that proposes that spacetime is actually a superfluid; I won’t go deep on this because I don’t fully understand it, but showing Hyungwon trapped in water is a good analogy to him being trapped in a different spacetime. This is also briefly shown in The Connect World Tour VCR, (from now on addressed as CWT), but we’ll talk about this one in more detail later.

Wonho wakes up first and notices Hyungwon isn’t there, so he wakes up the others and they try to retrace his steps. Unfortunately, Hyungwon is not part of that timeline anymore, he’s gone for good. This leads us into our second timeline.

Phase 3: The Second Timeline (The Code & The Connect World Tour VCR)

After Hyungwon jumps into spacetime, he becomes lost. Personally, I think there is a possibility that there were other timelines he visited first until he eventually learned to craft the watches himself, as we see in CWT (watch it here). Maybe he just watched this timeline fail a lot of times before he learned and decided to intervene. Either way, Hyungwon actively tries to reunite all of them by giving them the watches. He succeeds for a moment, but in this timeline there exists an agency that controls Time Travel, who frustrate his plans every single time.

It is important to know that in this timeline, the boys don’t all know each other and some of them don’t even exist in the same era. They don’t remember Hyungwon either. Personally I think not remembering Hyungwon might be because he removed his existence entirely by disappearing from his original timeline. There cannot be two of him, as that would cause problems, so instead he just completely seizes existing in all possible universes as he moves through them.

The rest of the boys still exist within the normal spacetime frame though, but they’re lost and ignorant to their true origin. They have forgotten each other and can’t remember yet. However, no matter how hard they try, this timeline is completely doomed because the agency is actively trying to frustrate Hyungwon’s efforts, even if they don’t have something against him specifically. So Hyungwon jumps into the water again, he must continue searching.

Phase 4: The Third Timeline (The Connect: Music Film D & The Connect World Tour VCR)

Destroyer is yet another timeline distinct to Dramarama. We know this because we see different pairings, completely different settings and completely different timelines. The Music Film D is divided in three stages: Part 1 The Code (a very obvious reference, this is already letting us know they’re connected), Part 2 Finding the road, and Part 3 Connected (clear reference to the current album).

D shows us the boys as geniuses, Minhyuk and Shownu are artists, Kihyun and Wonho are science (physics?) prodigies, and Jooheon and IM dominate technology. CWT gives us a bit more insight and shows us something very important: they have begun to remember each other and they have memories from their previous timeline. They want to find the person they were paired with in their first timeline, but more than that, they also have memories of Hyungwon’s intervention, even if they don’t remember him properly (because let’s remember Hyungwon removed himself entirely).

They know they have to find someone, and so they set out to do it. Through their own methods they all come to the revelation on how to find Hyungwon. Kihyun and Wonho do the math, Jooheon and Changkyun use technology, and I guess Minhyuk and Shownu have a vision which they paint? Not sure on that one to be honest, but they find the train station.

This could either be a real place in which every timeline and universe converge or just a metaphor for them figuring out how to do the same thing Hyungwon does, either explanation works.

Hyungwon is trapped in this train, which is another analogy, but this time for the (liminal) space between dimensions. He’s tired himself out trying to reunite the others, and this time they must come for him, and they do. They find each other, they remember, and they reunite once again. This time nothing can pull them apart.

Phase 5: Interlude (The Connect: Jealousy & The Connect World Tour VCR)

Jealousy doesn’t feed the plot itself but helps connect (pun not intended) and put everything else into place. Through different imagery, Jealousy illustrates how the different timelines push them together and then pull them apart, creating different pairings, but that despite this they still share things in common (the paper with numbers, the recorder, the glass of water). Another thing this video does is allude to Jooheon’s death in Dramarama through the use of os symbolism. In one scene, a paper with his symbol is being burned, while in yet another, the chair he’s seen sitting on throughout the video is being burned as well and then falls down to the abyss.

On the other hand, CWT creates a clear and obvious connection between Dramarama and D, revealing to us that they do have memories from other timelines. Another cool thing is that we get to see Hyungwon on the rooftop where they filmed Hero, released back in 2015. It also provides a clearer scene of Hyungwon crafting the watches himself and of him at the top of the Hero building. We can also see the last scene from Jealousy mirrored in the last few seconds of the VCR, which is something worth pointing out.

But, as the VCR says “when everything goes back to the beginning, someday, we will be connected again”. Where did things begin? That’s right, in Find You, so the next step is Follow.

Phase 6: The Third Timeline - Back to the Beginning (Follow)

If Monbebe has a war anthem, it is most definitely Follow, which is an amazing song. Unfortunately, Starship has decided to stop providing explicit story development on their MVs since Jealousy, so Follow doesn’t do much for the story itself. However, I have three important reasons to believe this is where the circle ends: all of the references to time, the quote from CWT,and the very last scene of the MV. Let’s go in order.

The most obvious reference is them standing on clocks painted on the floor, but that’s not the only one. We get to appreciate a few watches here and there, reminiscent of Hyungwon’s in D and Dramarama, and also see the movement of their shadows as a passage of time. The most important reference though, is the cover of the album. The title, “Follow” is solid and then becomes “liquid” as it moves down. This makes sense when you consider the other two points.

First of all, “when everything goes back to the beginning, someday, we will be connected again”. The beginning of the whole mess is Find You, part of the Follow album, there is no doubt about it, so why is Follow the end? Well, because of the last scene in the MV. I know it’s Shownu standing at the top of the stairs in front of the circle, and while it would be better if it was Hyungwon for the sake of this theory, we’ll just completely ignore that. That circle they’re walking towards is the train. ‘Follow’ in the cover becomes fluid because once they cross that circle or enter that train, they too remove themselves from existence like Hyungwon.

That’s not the only thing though. In D, Wonho solves the formula for time travel as X=4155102M, he does it again in Alligator and I believe it’s also briefly shown in WAR. Kihyun also travels back to 2015 in Dramarama to save Jooheon, and Hyungwon is standing on Hero’s rooftop, which was released back in 2015. Their debut date is their beginning, and they keep referencing it over and over because they’re trying to go back to the beginning in order to solve everything.

They went from Find You to Dramarama, to Destroyer and now they’re back at the beginning with Follow; they are connected again. They have different faces and personalities because they’re not the same people from the original timeline, but they managed to find each other and transcend spacetime to be together. So now, what happens next?

Phase 7: Moving Forward (FANTASIA X)

Here is where things get a little complicated, both in the story and in real life. With Wonho’s departure from the group (go support his solo debut), we now have an even number, which wouldn’t seem like a big deal if it wasn’t for the FANTASIA X Trailers. In each trailer we see that each one of the members now possesses a device which allows them to control time in one way or another.

Hyungwon and Shownu have keys, which when used to open anything will allow them to do spacetime travel (I would say only time but, well, I have no way to confirm this right now). Jooheon and I.M have this lighter-watches that when turned on, they allow them to stop time. Kihyun and Minhyuk have another very different set of keys that look like those in old toys or music boxes, which allow them to ‘rewind’ time when used.

Now, them getting powers is expected, since they also removed themselves from the “normal” existence and joined Hyungwon. I assume it is because of the even number that they gave Shownu the same powers as Hyungwon, but it makes it a little weird because Hyungwon has been special all this time. It also doesn’t make much sense that now Hyungwon is using a very different instrument. I want to believe that Wonho is supposed to be in Hyungwon’s place in the teaser, but it’s impossible to tell now.

Even ignoring all of that though, FANTASIA X overall just doesn’t make much sense with the theory. Sure, it’s still time related, which is like the biggest giveaway, but the boys still look lost and like they’re looking for something despite the fact that they already found each other. Maybe the Teasers could be their personal research into spacetime travel and their attempts to find Hyungwon, but I highly doubt so. I think it’ll make more sense after the next comeback or tour, since so far everything seems to come in threes (Dramarama, Destroyer and CWT, Shoot Out and Alligator and WAR, Follow:Find You, FANTASIA X and?).

Conclusions

Despite the fact that we can no longer call it a Universe Theory because it hasn’t been there since the start, I still think it is a story about them, about their struggles and how they’ve grown up. They’re each other’s friends and family, the value of X is their debut date because that is when they came into existence, they are each other’s dreams because they wanted to become artists and they did so by coming together into one group.

A lot of things have happened, but their friendship hasn’t changed. They got each other out of the swamp and helped each other overcome their difficulties in the hardest times. It is uncertain as to where the story will lead us next, in a way, I think this might be the start of a brand new story for MONSTA X. A direct consequence of the story they have carried out since The Code? Maybe, but probably very different and not exactly in the same storyline. It’s hard to know, but I’m excited about what they have in store for us nonetheless.

I hope you liked this theory, and be assured that I’ll add onto it as more things come out and new mysteries are to be solved. If you have any questions you can hit me up on my asks, Twitter (@soft_bluenicorn) or my CuriousCat (@soft_bluenicorn)! I’ll be glad to answer them ^^

#monsta x #monsta x theory #monsta x shownu #monsta x wonho #monsta x kihyun #monsta x hyungwon #monsta x minhyuk #monsta x jooheon #monsta x changkyun #shownu #wonho #kihyun #hyungwon #minhyuk #jooheon #changkyun #bluenicorn does theories

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such-fun · 5 years

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Fic: You Should See Me In A Crown (Michael Langdon x Reader) Part One.

I think this should be about five or six parts. Hopefully it doesn’t suck.

You Should See Me In A Crown

Fandom: American Horror Story

Pairing: Michael Langdon x Reader

Summary: You can see the future, but you didn’t see this coming.

Notes: In this story, Queenie never got trapped in the Cortez.

You struggled to concentrate as Zoe presided over the day’s lesson. Changing the color of flower petals wasn’t particularly tricky but the white of your rose was slow to blossom into a deep red as your focus waned.

Hearing your name, your head jerked up to see Cordelia looking at you with concern.

“Come with me for a moment, please,” the Supreme entreated. You licked your lips nervously and stood, ignoring the curious eyes of your fellow witches.

Cordelia tried to smile reassuringly but it appeared strained.

You followed her silently to her study upstairs.

“Take a seat,” Cordelia gestured kindly before sitting almost primly across from you. Your hands twisted anxiously in your lap. “You look tired,” she frowned.

“I—didn’t sleep well. Again,” you admitted, glancing away from the blonde woman’s worried gaze.

“The same dreams?” she failed to hide the deep unease she felt.

“Yes,” you sighed.

You never thought you’d say this, but you were beginning to feel envious of Coco and her powers. While gluten detection and calorie counting might not be all that impressive, it was infinitely better than having the Sight.

Girls always told you they were covetous of your ability, but only Cordelia knew the true misery unique to those who see the future.

Far too often your visions were incomplete and confusing. And when they were more coherent, they weren’t always comforting. There was little pleasure in seeing the future, watching the people you cared for suffer, knowing there was no way to change it.

You and Cordelia always tried to fix things. Make plans to thwart the fate you saw so unwillingly. But you always failed. One day you would accept that things were meant to happen, whether you liked it or not.

That day had yet to come.

The dreams started a year before. It was unusual for you to have visions as you slept. Normally the Sight manifested itself when you touched things, or saw something that triggered your power. But whatever these visions were, they were more than the usual glimpse into the future.

They felt like a warning. And like destiny.

It started with fire.

You remembered the feeling of being surrounded by flames. The suffocating stench of smoke. Not being able to see past your outstretched hand for all the haze and darkness.

In time came the bodies.

First was Queenie, then Zoe. Then you saw Cordelia, the most powerful woman you knew, being torn apart by men. But they weren’t men anymore. They had become twisted and mutated. And all the while he stood watch, laughing at their pain.

The white-faced demon.

You tried to keep your dreams to yourself, even as they grew more disturbing. But they were so overwhelming. It didn’t take a vision for Cordelia to see something was wrong.

When you finally admitted what was keeping you up at night, Cordelia’s face had drained of its color.

You recalled heading downstairs for dinner that night and seeing Cordelia in the background amongst all the girls, conversing in hushed whispers with Myrtle Snow.

And then the visions began to change once more.

The raging fire was replaced by candlelight. The smoke-heavy air became stale but clean. And there was a man.

His golden hair shone in the dancing flames. His hands stood out in your mind, fingers long and elegant, bedecked with large jewels. And his eyes, such a piercing blue.

His presence dominated your senses. You could practically smell the malevolence that surrounded him. But all you could focus on was the emotions coursing through you at the sight of him.

You felt powerful, invincible. And at the feel of his hands skimming your body, undeniable lust.

You didn’t know how the disparate images came together. But the overall picture was extremely worrying.

“Was he there?” Cordelia’s voice brought you out of your thoughts.

“He wasn’t alone,” you confided. “There was a woman. Short, black hair. She felt—wrong. A person, but not.”

“Could she be possessed?” Cordelia wondered, already thinking of ways to save this strange woman from such an awful fate. But there was no need.

“She’s not possessed,” you shook your head. “She looks like a person but she’s just…missing something. She feels empty.”

That stopped your mentor short. Without a soul, a body was nothing. Just meat and bone. There was no life without that spark.

Whatever thought she had was interrupted by a gentle knock on the door.

Zoe stepped inside after Cordelia’s soft, “Come in.”

Cordelia crooked her head at Zoe’s almost sheepish posture. “What is it?” she asked curiously.

“The Hawthorne School for Exceptional Young Men,” Zoe announces awkwardly. “They called an emergency council.”

You were both taken aback. It was a rare day indeed when warlocks thought to order witches around.

“We’re obliged to get on a plane immediately,” Myrtle announced as she breezed into the study. “Airline food for lunch when I made reservations at Galatoires,” she, “it’s just too cruel.”

You shared a troubled glance with your Supreme, but ultimately the decision was made for you. Tradition must be upheld.

Cordelia stood, pasting on a patently false smile. “Well then I suppose we should all pack.”

Zoe and Myrtle nodded, the redhead huffing in defeat as they strode to their bedrooms. You made to leave Cordelia to her packing but she stopped you with a gentle hand on your elbow.

“You will be joining us,” she announced, much to your surprise. You opened your mouth to question her, but she squeezed your arm understandingly.

“Something is coming,” she professed. “And you might be our best hope of discovering what it is.”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for what’s going to happen,” you confessed. Cordelia gave you a shaky smile and pulled you into a long hug.

“No one is ever ready,” she said resignedly. “But the future waits for no one. And it won’t take us unaware. We will confront it head on. As a coven.”

She stepped back, taking your face in her hands. “You are never alone.”

Her reassurance brought the beginnings of tears to your eyes.

“Now,” Cordelia straightened, “Come on. We have a plane to catch.”

“Illustrious members, I want to thank you for coming and giving us the opportunity to share with you what we've discovered,” the head of the Hawthorne School offered his obviously practiced greeting.

Myrtle was entirely unimpressed.

None of the men in front you looked happy to be in the company of their Supreme. It was no secret that the warlocks hated having to take their orders from women more powerful than they would ever be.

You wondered why they bothered to summon you if they detested your very existence like this.

“We recently took in a boy here at the school,” he continued, aware his audience was merely humoring him. It didn’t take a mind reader to tell he resented the presence of witches in his school.

“At first, we thought he was simply one of us, a warlock who needed our help and training. But the things he did were extraordinary, and after conducting the requisite test of his powers, we came to the conclusion that his abilities are so impressive that they rise to the level of Supreme.”

There was a deathly quiet silence at his proclamation. Cordelia was unamused. Myrtle, on the other hand, was highly amused.

“Did you say this was a boy,” she scoffed. “As in male?”

You could see Zoe out of the corner your eye looking to you in disbelief but you found yourself ignoring her unintentionally.

This place felt…familiar.

The light was dim, the décor distinctly masculine yet ostentatious. The air was charged, but you couldn’t tell if it was from the tension in the room or some unknown force.

Cordelia however was not distracted, and she didn’t take kindly to the implication that a mere boy was about to take her place.

“Ariel, you actually believe this?” she cautioned him.

“We wouldn't have summoned the council otherwise,” he argued defiantly. The men at his side presenting a united front.

“In all recorded history, no man has ever approached the level of Supreme,” she reminded them with a hint of condescension.

“Men are simply not equal to women when it comes to magical ability.”

“Not to mention everything else,” Myrtle muttered as Cordelia smothered a tiny grin.

“Testosterone is a known inhibitor,” Cordelia recited as if she was teaching a small child. “It impedes access to the ethereal realm. Frankly, I question your judgment by calling us here for this.”

“You're not even hearing us out,” Ariel shouted in frustration, but Cordelia cut him off swiftly.

“There's nothing to hear. There will never be a male Supreme,” she stated resolutely. “It will simply never happen.”

“Listen to yourselves,” Ariel spat. “You say that something hasn't happened, so therefore it can never happen!”

He took a second to compose himself.

“We want you to administer the test of the Seven Wonders,” Ariel announced boldly, and you were brought back to the moment at Cordelia’s sharp denial.

“That is out of the question.”

“Why?” He demanded to know, and you could see the pain in the Supreme’s eyes.

“Because I'd be condemning this boy to his death,” she said solemnly. “I lost some of my most promising witches by sanctioning tests before their time.”

You knew her thoughts were drifting to Misty, even Madison, and the regret that she felt for her part in their deaths. “I won't make that mistake again.”

“Why do you get to decide that?” One of the others sneered.

“Because I'm the fucking Supreme.” Even you were surprised by the vehemence in her voice. Ariel wasn’t content to remain silent though.

“No, you're just a scared bigot,” he accused with a condescending rake of his eyes.

“Scared of what?” Myrtle chuckled in derision.

“Of the Alpha,” Ariel puffed out his chest proudly. “Of a man rising to the level of Supreme. Of an end to ages of female dominance. I'm telling you,” he warned ominously, “that time has come.”

“And your time is up,” Cordelia declared with finality. “This council is closed.”

There was a raucous noise coming from the men in the room but you all took your cue from Cordelia who had turned wordlessly on her heel, striding out of the meeting room.

None of you spoke as you entered the elevator. You and Zoe did your best to ignore the hateful glares of the men who gathered to watch you leave. Myrtle was too incensed at their presumption and Cordelia too caught up in her dark thoughts to prepare for what happened next.

For as you all stepped from the elevator and back into the world, your steps faltered as you spotted the unexpected form of Madison Montgomery.

Cordelia fell into a dead faint.

Myrtle and Zoe crowded around her, but you remained glued to the spot.

Because standing next to Madison, cape blowing in the breeze, was a handsome young man you didn’t immediately recognize.

His lips were turned up in a smug smirk as he turned and met your gaze. Your heart raced as he took notice and began to study you intently.

In your peripheral vision you could see Madison hesitantly picking up her pace as she approached Cordelia.

You should have joined the reunion but couldn’t turn away from the picture he made. He stood tall, gaze piercing, his very aura giving off a sense of immense power.

But none of that mattered to you at the moment. You couldn’t comprehend anything past his angelic golden curls and a pair of hauntingly familiar blue eyes.

#michael langdon x reader #michael langdon #michael langdon imagine #ahs #ahs apocalypse #ahs: apocalypse #cordelia goode #queenie #zoe benson #madison montgomery #myrtle snow #coven #ahs fic #fanfiction #fanfic #miriam mead

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brightbeautifulthings · 5 years

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The Shadow Glass by Rin Chupeco

"'And in that instant, I loved the darkest part of you, because I understood, better than Fox or Mykaela could. I've known you at your worst.'"

Year Read: 2019

Rating: 4/5

Context: There are spoilers ahead for The Bone Witch and The Heart Forger. Trigger warnings: death, suicide mention, body horror, violence, blood, hallucinations.

About: Tea is committed to her search for shadowglass, even if it means severing ties with her old friends and the asha-ka and leaving cities burning in her wake. Between the Faceless and the elders, she's lost everything: her brother, her love, her health, and her sanity, and she'll stop at nothing to right the wrongs done against bone witches across history. It will mean searching for the truth of some of the seven kingdoms’ oldest legends and sacrificing everything she has left. If Tea finally manages to make the fabled shadowglass, she has two choices: become immortal and remake the world in her own image, or banish magic from the kingdoms forever.

Thoughts: The Shadow Glass is a mix of the good from the second book and the bad from the first, and I'd argue that The Heart Forger is actually the strongest book in the series, which is surprising for a trilogy. On the one hand, the plot is still moving quickly in both past and present timelines, so I was pretty invested in what was happening. On the other hand, the timelines are close to merging, and I had a lot of difficulty keeping track of them. (What happened when? Who was already dead? Who was going to die?) This isn't helped by the sheer number of names of characters/places or the plot hints dropped in the future timeline. Is the foreshadowing helping to build tension, or is it just spoiling plot details for the present timeline? I can't really decide, but I stand by my original feelings that this wasn't the best way to tell the story. It's too complicated to keep track of everything on a first read, and once again there's the sense that nothing really vital is happening in the future timeline or that the vital things aren't getting the attention they deserve. It's an ambitious structure, but it doesn't quite work. I'm half-tempted to try to read it chronologically on my next attempt and see if it's more successful.

The characters continue to be really good, although I'm still mixing up asha and the nobles of various countries. Some of the side characters like Khalad and Likh get more development here, and I really like Likh's slow realization that whatever other people say about her body, she's a woman. I don't get the final say on it, but I thought it was good transgender representation. There's also a wlw relationship with two side characters. I've always liked Tea as a heroine, and I still like her. She's powerful and flawed, feared and doubting, and I like that I didn't know right up until the last moment whether she was going to destroy the world or save it. Her relationship with Kalen is also strong, and I enjoyed how completely they're on each others' sides no matter what kind of madness is trying to drive them apart. The Yadoshans provide a lot of necessary comic relief to a book that's otherwise pretty dark, but dark is right up my alley. Despite getting a little lost in some of the world-building and exactly what shadowglass can be used for (in part, I think, because the characters aren't sure what they can do with it), it's a solid ending to the series. I love Chupeco's writing, so it's likely one I'll be revisiting in the future.

#book review #the shadow glass #rin chupeco #the bone witch #ya fantasy #ya paranormal romance #4/5 #rating: 4/5 #2019

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crimsonrevolt · 6 years

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Congratulations Taylor you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Bellatrix Black

↳ please refer to our character checklist

I don’t think screaming really begins to describe the sounds I made while I read over your audition. You painted Bellatrix in such an intense light that flows so well with the woman we all know she becomes. I can’t wait to see what your version of her will bring to the group, and if we’re being honest I’m mostly excited for the chaos that having Bellatrix is going to be bringing. I know that you have so much up your sleeves for us and I can’t wait to see the twisted turns you throw our way! *Your faceclaim change has been accepted.

application beneath the cut

OUT OF CHARACTER

INTRODUCTION

Hey, it’s Taylor! 19, in EST and still using female pronouns

ACTIVITY

About the same as it has been, so I’ll let that be a speaking factor for itself.

TRIGGERS

None that aren’t listed.

HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I’ve lived here for two years :)

WHAT HARRY POTTER CHARACTER DO YOU IDENTIFY WITH MOST?

I go between Harry and Ron. Usually it depends on the day.

IN CHARACTER

Bellatrix Druella Lestrange (nee Black)

Bellatrix is the third brightest start from Orion, which certainly played a part in her naming. It also stands to mean female warrior, something that she herself is quite proud of.

Druella, her mother’s name, was a bitter sort of present that holds a great deal of resentment even still.

BIRTHDAY / STAR SIGN

October 31, 1950, making her a Scorpio

OCCUPATION

Bellatrix is unemployed, and under no belief that she needs to change that. She has wealth, and devotes most of her time to being Voldemort’s right hand as need be. Though, that’s not to say she isn’t using her husband’s newest appointment as Minister to her own advantage. The very minute he took over she was there, inserting herself into every decision.

FACE CLAIM

Jade Tailor would be my first choice, otherwise Alexandra Park.

REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER

Oh man, I don’t even know where to start. Bellatrix was a character that, when I first began writing her, utterly terrified me. She’s such a well known and terrifying character that little, seventeen year old me was so intimidated. But somehow I got the hang of it, and somehow with time I learned to mesh with her incredibly well. There is so much more to Bellatrix Lestrange than what we come to see in canon; she is a villain, and a good one. But far more dimensional than anyone gives her credit for.

I’m a firm believer that Bellatrix was not born as mad as we see her in the canon series. Yes, she’s more than a little unhinged and feels little remorse for the horrific things that she does. But she is not so far gone that she is as horrifyingly crazy as we see her during the second war. Before Azkaban, Bellatrix was actually rather sane. She was put together, cared about her appearance; she was wild and deeply resented anything resembling the stereotypes that Narcissa had been bred to portray. But she did care for her image. So she built a new one. It wasn’t until after spending a decade in prison, surrounded by Dementors that fed off her worst memories, that she truly became manic. Her time in prison was a never ending loop of the time after Sirius and Andromeda left their family. A loop of the disappointment she was faced with afterwards, by their father who suddenly decided Bella needed to be more. As if she was never enough in the first place.

First born to the Black family, she should have been the pride and joy - except for one factor neither Druella nor Cygnus ever seemed to get past: she lacked a dick. It was for that reason she was never really shown love, until the day Andromeda was born. Having her first sister was more a thing of tolerance for Bella, though she had a great amount of affection for her. From the day she was born, Bellatrix knew she was going to protect her. She was going to have to. And then Narcissa was born, and for the first time in her life, Bellatrix Black felt genuine love in the bright eyes of her youngest sister.

As children, Bellatrix adored them both and would have killed to protect them (and maybe did, at a time.) But as she got older, things began to change. As she neared the end of her Hogwarts career, Bellatrix discovered the power of Voldemort in a way that Cygnus has never introduced her to. She took the Mark eagerly at the young age of sixteen, and that was enough to set her on her path. Suddenly there was someone who believed in her for more than anything her own family had ever believed. Maybe some people thought he was a devil, but to Bella, the Dark Lord was a god. He saved her, or so she believes. Showed her the praise and delight when she strives for success in a way her family never had.

PREFERRED SHIPS // CHARACTER SEXUALITY // GENDER & PRONOUNS

Bellatrix is of the firm belief that there isn’t a point in love. Her parents never showed her any, her own sister left. Romantic love of any sort seems quite useless. It wasn’t always that way, at one point in Hogwarts she was in love without realizing it. A student from Bulgaria had spent a year in the castle, and she was captivating. Bella was enamored and when Viktoria left, she pointedly decided that was the end of things. She hadn’t even wanted to marry, but after her sister’s betrayal there was no choice, and she is well aware there are worse out there than Rodolphus. She may not be in love with him, but she does regard him as her other half, the right match.

As for her sexuality, it falls somewhere in the bisexual range but more prone to woman. Of course, she doesn’t ever think much of it and has come to get off purely on power, but that’s beside the point.

Proud to be a woman from the moment she was old enough to understand why her father hated her, Bellatrix did everything in her power to own it. She would never be as feminine as her Cissa, but she was going to own it. So she wasn’t born with a dick, that was a power move that needs to be erased; even if she doesn’t have one, Bellatrix has made it well known that she has more power than most men, and she likes it that way.

CREATE ONE (OR MORE!) OF THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR CHARACTER

-A moodboard (x) -An aesthetic (x) -A mockblog ;)

Intelligent (adjective) - having or showing intelligence, especially at a high level ; Bellatrix was always a very gifted student, a bright girl – true to her name existing among stars, she shone brightly amongst even the darkest circumstances. In Hogwarts she topped every class she took. She reads people with excellence, detecting how people think before they even do themselves. She is perceptive, and smart. It’s part of what drew her to her Dark Lord…what got her named his favorite, among all his men.

Capable (adjective) - able to achieve efficiently whatever one has to do ; it would truly be a thing to curse the day one looked Bellatrix Lestrange in the eye and told her ‘you can’t.’ An impeccably strong and determined woman, when her mind is made up you can be certain she will follow throw. Magical prowess and determination to succeed could very well play a large part in her abilities; just as being a woman among high ranks – she fought her way to the top. And to descend would be a fall she wouldn’t be willing to take.

Apathetic (adjective) - showing or feeling no emotion ; feelings show weakness, and weakness – well. Bellatrix knows all too well how dangerous those can be. She likes to think she let them go – very deep down, extremely deep, they exist. Though the only person to ever truly spark that is Narcissa. As far as Bella is concerned, they’ve become so deeply buried they are gone. Trapping as that may be, she’s felt free ever since.

Explosive (adjective) - able or likely to shatter violently ; there are many things which may be said to blame for Bellatrix and her violent tendencies. Rumours abound as to what it is that makes her so easily set off - perhaps it was her childhood. Perhaps being a woman stronger than many men in a predominately men’s world. Rage has been swelling, building for a lifetime. A dangerous time bomb which has gone off in spades since joining the Dark Lord’s forces, but has never truly exploded.

Pinterest Board

Patronus - while Bellatrix is a very powerful witch, she is incapable of producing the Patronus charm. Her happiest memories existed only when her sisters were together, and with Andromeda’s betrayal, they’ve been tainted. Other than that, her happiest memories are sadistic, and not at all powerful enough for the charm to work, though if it were to it would display as a dragon – explosive, beautiful, powerful and dangerous.

Boggart - her parents, or more specifically, Cygnus. While Bella would like to pretend she has no fears, deep down she is always aware of the fear she has held towards the man since she was little. The fears of being a disappointment, being disowned for that very reason, being a disgrace to her family, the Cause, her beliefs.

Mirror of Erised - if asked Bella would claim it would be nothing but a world the Cause is aiming for - one that is pure and better. But as shallow as she appears at times, Bellatrix wants much more than that and even she isn’t aware of her heart’s desires, because of the walls she’s built to protect it. In all honestly, she would see herself happy, truly happy in ways every woman craves. But even Bella knows better, knowledge of that craving or not.

Seven Devils by Florence and the Machine ‘ Holy water cannot help you now See I’ve had to burn your kingdom down And no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out I’m gonna raise the stakes, I’m gonna smoke you out’

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it: “Something to detect and repel those of lesser than myself. A spell of course, potions and charms are boring and hardly comprable. I myself wouldn’t name it, I have plenty of better things to do, but I can assure you it would be of great use to me.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you: “I don’t have to do anything, especially venture into that forsaken forest. However, if I ever did, Rodolphus would accompany me and probably bitch about his shoes the whole time but he’s the first choice. I would need nothing but my wand, you daft cretin, I’m entirely powerful with that alone.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make? “Ones that require patience, I suppose. I never had any of that.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you? “That I’m a sympathizer. I’d hate to be the fool that ever made that mistake.”

REACTION TO LAST EVENT DROP

Bellatrix is growing impatient, and fast. Things had been looking up when Rodolphus took office but now, with the way Aversio and the Order both seem to be gaining power, she is increasingly angry. Action needs to be taken and fast, anyone that stands in their way wiped out. And while she is, for now, only awaiting Voldemort’s approval, she’s started to wonder just how long he plans to wait.

WRITING SAMPLE

One day stood out in her mind, high above all else, constantly encircling as if a bird waiting for its prey, a snake just waiting for a chance to slide forward and attack. The day that Bellatrix Druella Lestrange Black, always Black, had lost the humanity that had remained…the day that her beloved sister, her dearest, gentle Andromeda had left them. All for a worthless excuse of a wizard, a Mudblood, a man who had nothing to offer her except the loss of her family, of those whose flowing crimson was the very same as her own. Those she was meant to be with.

Andromeda had, in her foolish attempt at seeking forgiveness, searching a chance to remain with her family while betraying them, had pleaded. Begged for understanding, a chance to explain, to grovel pathetically at her elder sister’s feet. The day held high above all the rest, on a flaming beacon in the depths of her mind which never faded, even after countless missions, progressive days. How foolish it had been of her sister (no, she mustn’t allow herself to think that way - how foolish, how stupid, a sad habit of so many years lost that needed extracted from her mind just as all impurities must be from the wizarding world), to wish for forgiveness.

How ridiculously idiotic she felt now, to think of it. To look back at how worried she had been for her sister. Andromeda had always been softer than she - had always been much quieter when the ever-present topic of blood and purity and war came about. Not once in the whole of her lifetime had Bellatrix judged her - if the day came to ask Andromeda to stand beside her, the eldest of all Black children strongly believed she would. She had expected better of her sister, expected more than to simply be tossed aside like the trash, with less respect than even the damned House Elves received upon their deaths. To be tossed out like garbage for the sake of the lowest scum the world had to offer. A Mudblood.

It was insulting, if nothing else, but it was far more than that - it was disgusting and repulsive. Even the mere thought of it made her stomach churn. Her sister, her blood had left them for a filthy, disgusting excuse of ‘wizard.’ Pure filth.

Had Andromeda not cared for her at all?

A tragic use of valuable time, it was, to dwell on something so disgusting and unimportant. Andromeda had made her choice, in choosing to become a blood traitor, to turn her back to their family, to Bellatrix herself. She wouldn’t think of the woman ever again. Leaving her alone had been a kindness, and yet, cruelty in what was only one of its most powerful forms.

Yes, she let Andromeda leave them…for the Blacks would carry on. Preserve purity and wipe anything which threatened to risk such away, leaving the true pristine wizarding world Narcissa’s children would deserve.

For how much more satisfactory it would be to watch Andromeda lost everything she had left for.

#lsrp #hp rp #accepted app #marauders era rp #Harry potter rp #Jade Tailor fc

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calamiticus-blog · 7 years

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and here’s the second one, which is also so messy and blah i’m so sorry it’s like 2 am and i wanted to get these out so my apologies for typos and general messiness. i added trigger warnings but if i missed anything pls lemme know and message me if you wanna plot with my babes :)

[ TRIGGER WARNINGS: DEATH, DEPRESSION, AND ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE UNDER THE CUT. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION. ]

❝ be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind. ❞

LYDIA GRAHAM? No, that’s actually MATILDA YOUNG. About to begin SEVENTH YEAR, this GRYFFINDOR student is sided with THE LIGHTNING INSURGENCY. SHE identifies as CIS FEMALE and is a MUGGLEBORN who is known to be RASH, IMPATIENT, and CALAMITOUS but also PUCKISH, CHARISMATIC, and CONFIDENT.

general

name: matilda tillie ann young

age: 17

house: gryffindor

student functions: gryffindor keeper

boggart: the ghost of her mother, pale and withered and broken

patronus: wild cat

orientation: pansexual / panromantic

headcanons.

if you want a death sentence, you’ll call her matilda. no one calls her matilda. not even her own father calls her that. he knows better. you can call her tilda, matty, til - whatever. anything but matilda. mostly, she gets called tillie, and that’s how she introduces herself. “tillie young - at ya service,” she’ll say if you ask her for her name. she hasn’t uttered her full name - no one has - not since that day. and she wants it to stay that way. matilda young died the day her mother left this world, leaving behind a totally different person. a ghost of a person. and if you try to resurrect her, ever utter that name, all you’re going to get is a fistful of pain, either to the schnoz or the groin. don’t you dare call her matilda.

tillie young grew up muggle, completely unaware of the phenomenon that was coursing through her veins. her childhood was fairly simple, though somewhat riddled with hardship. michael and tabitha young were, just that - young. tabitha was just seventeen when she found out she was pregnant, about to have a kid when she was still one herself. her boyfriend (a rather loose term for michael at the time) was just a couple years older, a uni drop out who played drums in a psychobilly band that was honestly not that good at all. the only good song he ever wrote was for a little black haired girl, a spitting image of her raven-haired mother, and the only joy the man ever had. despite her rocky origins, tillie grew up in a loving home with a pair of crazy, and heavily inexperienced, parents who were growing up beside their wild haired daughter. those first few years were bliss, the kid not knowing the troubles lurking beneath the surface of her parents’ wide grins.

so it was a shock when the leukemia hit. tillie tries not to think about it, because it only ever gets her mad. it was just a reminder that life wasn’t bliss, that it was cruel and unfair and things never really ended with “happily ever after” like those silly children’s books mum would stop and read to her whenever they were out and happened to be near a book store. life was not some fairy tale. she had to learn this the hard way. her memories of her mom range from her being healthy and oh-so-happy to frail and weak. and yet she was always smiling, even through the hardest parts. she was so strong, so committed to making sure her daughter didn’t see the true suffering behind her eyes. tillie hadn’t a clue then what was happening, but looking back all the signs were there. despite their efforts, it didn’t take long for the sickness to take hold, and she remembers being curled up next to her mother, staring up at dark and beady eyes, hearing her father’s muffled weeps against the other side of her neck, barely concealing the slow and dying beat of tabitha young’s heart. she’d stayed there for a couple hours more, until they had to tear her away from the body’s side. she hadn’t even cried until they were out in the hallway and michael was struggling to keep tillie from jumping out of his arms and rushing back into the room where tabitha lay.

it was shortly after this that life sent another curveball tillie’s way. when her mother left, so did any light in their world. her father resorted to alcohol and medication to numb the pain left from their loss. he was barely a dad now. tillie stopped calling him dad just to make that clear. she spent a lot of time between the homes of relative’s and “in the system” while her father went through phases of sobering up and falling into bad habits. eventually they gave up on both of them, and through a cruel twist of fate tillie stayed with her dad. she may have been the kid, but michael needed someone to take care of him more than he could take care of someone else. so she dealt with it, and soon enough the daughter became the caretaker. it forced her to grow up fast, but the everlasting memory of her mother kept tillie from growing up too fast. she still remained impish and charming and refused to be some stick in the mud grown up. that was dad’s job, even if he wasn’t going to live up to it. but her lifestyle left her with complicated and unnerving feelings, a sort of darkness that would follow her no matter how carefree she attempted to act in the face of all her adversity.

this darkness took the most intriguing forms. all her life her parents had compared her to a storm. you could always sense just when a hurricane’s about to land, and according to her parents you could always sense when tillie was going through something. every tantrum was accompanied by a disturbance. the echo of her laughter caused things to literally jump. and those big old crocodile tears that leaked whenever she was upset brought on the most peculiar wonders that either tabitha or michael had ever seen. strange coincidences, they’d say, but when tillie was older and able to recognize the peculiarities herself, she couldn’t help but feel there was more to it. after all, things randomly, albeit briefly, levitating around you was no common occurrence. the answer to this quiet question that was plaguing her every night didn’t come until the arrival of a strange and ancient looking woman to her home when she was eleven, accompanied by a letter delivered by owl inviting her to attend hogwarts school for witchcraft and wizardry. it seemed like out of one of those fairy tales her mum used to read to her, but this was no fairy tale. magic was real, and tillie had some of it herself.

the transition into being a witch was strange, to say the least, but tillie has embraced it fully. since discovering she’s a muggleborn, she’s wanted nothing more than to immerse herself completely in this new and fantastical world that’s been open to her. she took to hogwarts so naturally, it was like she was born with the knowledge of it. and while she isn’t the most studious or intelligent, she’s soaked up the education it’s given her. to know that magic is real and to be steadily mastering it has awakened a joy in tillie she never knew was there. not since her mother died. she found a passion for quidditch, being an exceptional beater. she loves charms and transfiguration, taking glee in transforming rats into goblets and the like. every second spent at that castle is like the first chapter to a brave new adventure. but the true reason she’s taken such a liking to hogwarts is because for the first time in a long time she has a home - and a community that loves her and welcomes her in with warm embrace. michael did little to make her feel love after tabitha’s passing. the friends she’s made at hogwarts and been the opposite. she doesn’t feel lonely anymore, not here. she feels at peace and blissful, like a child again. it’s hard to believe it’s her last year and that it’s all coming to a close. she wishes she could turn back time, back to that first day on the boat, so she could keep reliving these seven years over and over again.

the war scares her. the prospect of her fairy tale world being ruined by the threat of war unnerves her. tillie doesn’t want ruin to come to the wizarding world. not when it’s been such a joyous escape from the tragedy of her past. she was quick to sign up for the insurgency - desperate to keep this danger from spoiling the beautiful community she’s come to consider her home. she’s eager to fight back, to bring an end to this ridiculous fight once and for all. with blind courage and optimism, she believes that they’ve got what it takes to bring a proper end to this. nevermind that they’re just a group of kids - this is their world. her generation is on the brink of adulthood, and these backward thinking pricks want to ruin their future? hell no. she won’t let this stand. as a muggleborn she feels particularly threatened and it only spurns her on more to stop the death eaters once and for all. behind all that courage and ambition, though, she’s afraid. she’s afraid that she won’t be good enough, that she’ll fail. she’s afraid of dying and leaving her father an even bigger mess than when her mother passed.

loud and somewhat obnoxious, tillie is incredibly outgoing and isn’t shy when it comes to making friends. she’s rather protective and if she sees anyone being bullied she’s quick to jump to their defense and claim them as a friend. once you’re her friend, you can count on being protected by her. she may not seem like much but she’s tough and foul-mouthed and isn’t afraid to get her hands dirty or into a fight or two. growing up on the streets, she learned to fend for herself - and she’s seen her fair share of the big bad guys picking on the defenseless little ones. tillie won’t let that fly, though. as a seventh year, the question of her future has been brought up more than she wants to address. she’ll tell anyone she wants to be a holyhead harpy, and she very well could be, but there’s a lingering though of becoming an auror or working in law enforcement. she wants to protect the little guy, to bring justice to those that do wrong, but she isn’t sure her grades are enough to get her into a training program. so she won’t say it aloud. plus, holyhead harpy sounds so much cooler.

wanted connections.

friends - like said above, tillie loves to make friends. and she loves to defend said friends. she’s a cross of mom friend and your friendly neighborhood badass - she will probably mom you and tell you to put on a jacket when it’s cold out because “you might get sick” and she’ll baby you and remind you to get enough sleep and eat three balanced meals, but she’ll also punch someone square in the nose for you, and is known to kick a few groins in the name of friendship. she’s already lost the most important person in her life - whenever she gains a new friend, she goes the extra mile to ensure their safety and happiness. and she loves to remind people she cares, because you never know when they won’t be around to hear it anymore. and she doesn’t want the lat words between them to be bad. ( can be multiple people )

exes - she may be a loving shit, but man tillie is not the best at maintaining serious romantic relationships. could be the unconventionality of her parents’ relationship. could be the string of destructive relationships she watched her father endure after tabitha left them. whatever the case, she’s just not good at keeping these things going. often times it’s because she gets scared. they’re getting in too deep. they’re really developing serious feelings about each other. then she gets cold feet. blame it on her self-destructive nature or inability to think decisions through before acting upon them - tillie always breaks things off just when they’re going so well. it’s because she’s used to good things leaving her. she said her goodbyes once and she can’t handle the thought of losing anyone else. with war looming on the horizon, this is getting all the more stressful. so she broke shit off again, because if something happens she can’t live with losing another person she loves more than life itself. better to end it now than see it end through death. ( any gender )

rivals - whether they are rivals on the pitch or elsewhere, tillie cannot stand this one person. they’re always against her, always standing in her way. they don’t see eye to hate. they think lowly of one another. maybe it’s a blood status thing. maybe it’s a gryffindor/slytherin thing. maybe it’s just the fact that tillie thinks she’s a lot better than this person and vice versa. whatever it is, there’s no doubt there’s bad blood between them. perhaps if they looked past their differences the pair could be a dynamic duo, come to actually like one another, but that doesn’t seem likely. tillie hates them with all of her might, and she refuses to see them as a human being. they’re more like the devil incarnate, but whatever. ( any gender )

can’t think of that many more but i’ll take like any connection you can think of so don’t hesitate to message me your ideas!!

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( feel free to message me with plots or connections, even if they aren’t listed on here ! i would be open to everything and anything ! )

#ghostsintro #( m. young )#( about. matilda )#i'm sorry i suck at these

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