#my brain cycles through all of them

[spittyfishy]

Y’all know that one photo of Bonnie and Clyde? Yeah that but these two evil doofuses

#themmmmmmmm #there’s just so many potential ways these two could have interacted in despair #like endless possibilities #and they’re all so good #they make me just so like- grabby hands #if that makes any sense #Fuyuhiko might be my fav of the cannon remnants #though Sonia and Soda fight him for that title lol #my brain cycles through all of them #I’m pretty happy with this tho! #danganronpa #remnants of despair #fuyupeko #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #peko pekoyama #remnant fuyuhiko #remnant peko #despair arc #despair era #sdr2 #danganronpa goodbye despair

[belligerentbagel]

even Atlas has only two hands

vent art

#this one's for all the teachers out there #horror cw #hands cw #draws #after 2.5 years of caution and masking everywhere; i tested positive for covid on wednesday morning (first day of fall semester) 😔 #at earliest; i can be back in the classroom on monday #wednesday itself was an absolutely horrible 24 hours (but admittedly the anatomist side of me has been going 'ah! physiological data!') #but thursday and friday were a grim indicator of how much capitalism has rotted my brain #because after getting through 24 hours of a MASSIVE illness with undetermined long-term effects; i felt compelled to return to the #6-hr-sleep 18-hr-waking cycle that i was accustomed to; out of GUILT for falling behind in work #(note: i was NOWHERE near 100% back on thursday. i could have charitably been put at 50% - still headaches & fatigue & productive coughs) #a friend had to very sternly tell me 'you cannot solve structural problems through constant 80-hour-week heroic measures' #'you especially cannot do this when you are recovering from a debilitating illness which has the potential to remain a - #- serious lingering problem if you overwork yourself' #like. gods. yeah. it's not my fault that my classrooms are stuffed to the student maximum that our union has valiantly maintained #it's not my fault that the district only gave us one pre-semester prep day; meaning that my room & plans were left unfinished before day one #and - even bigger; it's not my fault that public health in the US is careening into 'can we pretend hard enough like nothing's happening' #my students will have a milquetoast start this fall semester. that is fine. #their teacher might not be able to stand and talk for longer than ten minutes at a time #i will do what i can. i still care about them. i am reading their introduction emails and smiling a bunch. #but i refuse to allow myself to be consumed in order to keep this fire lit.

[possamble]

jesus im backed up on work

#possramble #im putting an immediate stop on all fic writing and in-depth marcilleposting until may lol sorry #too bad for me i just had another pwp idea that's rattling my brain #marcille starts taking a few hours to do full-body tans just bc she realized she's getting weird neckline tans in the summer #and she'd rather not have that when it's so hot out and she's cycling through her low neckline dresses #but of course. falin walks in while she's lounging naked on her balcony covered in tanning oil #first time i'll be using 'clothed top naked bottom' if that's even a tag #anyway. i did finally figure out what i want to do with the next chapter of a little creature so that's a relief #also thank you for the tips LMFAO i just need to fight off the urge to use them for stupid takeout orders

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#panic attacks leave me feeling like shit for the rest of the day and that seems illegal #what do you mean i go through th worst feelings ever for a number of minutes and when it ends i still feel like absolute shit #the embarrassment of being seen as you lose all control of your body and emotions #and then your brain staying foggy and shitty all day #panic attacks should be a one time thing #i hate them! #kdfhgdfg #i was researching phsychiatrist yesterday because every day it's getting harder to deal with my brain hating me #but boy oh boy are they expensive!!! mental health doctors are never covered by my health inssurance and they're one of the most expensive #types of doctors out there and you can't just go once. it's a long term thing #so i very much doubt i'll be able to afford it #specially because my stupid work is not regular so maybe i can afford like 2 sessions and then never again for like 4 months... #i hate this so fucking much #and it's sort of a vicious cycle because i can't pay for therapy because i don't have regular work #and i can't find regular work because my anxiety paralyzes me most of the time... #but it's fine... could be worse #we still can afford food and pay for services so it's fine #i just wish my entire wasn't in other people's hands you know? #the people ruining this country the people who politely say ''thanks but you're not a good fit for our team'' etc etc #angel talks #personal #please ignore this post it's actually fine. i'm fine and not in danger of doing something stupid or whatever #it's all fine i'm just venting cause as i said my brain is foggy and putting things out there helps a bit

[cyb3r-mutt]

i finally handed in my final papers im so relieved 😭😭😭😭 now all i gotta do is make a whole zine by friday and im done for the semester but thats like fun so im not too worried

#my paper was actual garbage but its something so i wont get a zero you know #very much at that point where i just am accepting that im not going to get the grades i will be happy with #because i cant afford to go through the stress that would require again so i cant push myself #ive even been taking all of my meds for like a month now #which is actually really major for me i have really dreadful med compliance and its very not good for me #its just one of those vicious cycles where i stop taking them for whatever reason usually cuz im in distress (counter productive i know) #but then i feel worse because i really should be on them so then im even less motivated to take them because brains are dumb #anywaaaaaays #sorry for the rant #wasnt expecting that #take ur meds everyone #oh fuck lol that reminds me i have to take my heart meds now lol #:3

[throttlegainwell]

There's fic. Not a ton, but, uh... there's fic. So. Brain-permitting, I know what I'm doing this weekend.

#as you are #this movie makes my brain itch in the sense that i do sort of feel like writing about it #but i have nothing to say about it so i'm 99% sure i'm not going to write for it #but i sure am interested in what other people have written #normally you get these little flicks connected to an actor who's better known for something bigger #and ao3 is all flooded with crossovers/fusions/what have you with that bigger thing #which i'm not opposed to it's just usually not what i'm looking for if i'm here because i loved the movie #i guess in this case jonathan's relative lack of popularity may be contributing to the fact that the fandom tag isn't flooded with ST stuff #please brain please let me read relatively uninterrupted i must run my sad queer boys through the spin cycle #and wrap them in toasty warm blankets while they're still soggy and dazed

[flecks-of-stardust]

'people should make weirder gender headcanons,' i say, looking at my main group of OCs, of which none of them use they/them except innocence (who is genderfluid)

#you have: #des (he/she bigender man/woman; no preference) #night (it/its; nonbinary butch lesbian [in a gender way]) #silver (he/him agender with no gendered terms) #prayer (it/xe; some sort of genderweird) #grace (he/him in a vaguely transmasc way that isn't actually transmasc like he's not. binary. but he's also Not not binary??) #and moth (sae/sem/sair/sies/saeself; some flavor of transfem but in a very nonbinary way) #and innocence doesn't even Primarily use they/them. they cycle through Everything #i just use they/them for them because my brain shits itself if i try to rapid cycle through every pronoun possible #if you have two pronouns i'll alternate when i remember to. three i'll struggle but i'll try #4+ and i will probably give up and stick with one on any given day #i just cannot keep that much in my head and i cannot keep up with innocence's gender fuckery #this is why IWSY is second person! /hj #anyway i'm not biased at all why would you say that /s #IWSY #also yes i included innocence as an OC. let's be real past a certain point if you headcanon for them enough #they become an OC. mx 'has no canon dialogue and is mentioned exactly twice in vanilla and only once more in downpour' innocence #IWSY being second person is only partially a joke because that was a legitimate reason behind like. the design for the innocence of youth #i saw no canon pronouns for innocence and wind and was like. okay how do i write this in a way that completely avoids using pronouns #for innocence that ended up being writing their fic in second person #wind i did a funny thing of manipulating the narration to never use pronouns #i guess you could also say that in a way this influenced my all pronouns innocence and no pronouns wind #but that's not really it for innocence. genderfluidity just felt right for them

[diathadevil]

Screw it we're doing more Post Canon AU Ayushiki concepts!

They're attending a formal Medium gathering (run by Aiko Niwa) and while Ayumi is the guest host for the event since the Shinozaki's are a renowned family in that sphere. And she'd be exhausted after an hour or two.

(((Bonus close up of the last panel since I’m p proud of how Hot they turned out, I literally stayed up sleep deprived for this so help me)))

#corpse party #ayushiki #ayumi shinozaki #yoshiki kishinuma #post canon au #i am so sorry everyone for all the Ayushiki fan art but my body is cycling through a CoPa resurgance again #And its craving me to continue my Post Canon Ayushiki AU comic that I've been wracking in my brain for almost a decade #okay so further to note Ayumi is holding her walking on her side #since she's doing okay but You Never Know When You Need To Lean On Your Balance Supporter #Also Yoshiki is like. Absolutely covered in scars around his hands/arms #since he doesn't exactly have any excorcism powers at all like the Shinozaki's #so while he was soloing evil spirits before Ayumi recovered he sacrificed bits of his essence to excorcise them #im kinda basing it off of innate and blood magic since i feel like he'd be the type of guy to absolutely wreck his body #in order to take care of the person he loves (Ayumi) #anyway I am in love with the last panel I made them HOT so i hope you guys like what I made while sleep deprived #doodle #sketch

[yahargulian]

this new qotsa album really just has me by the throat

#I just keep cycling through each of the songs and listening to them on repeat all day #today it's made to parade. tomorrow who knows #the whole album has taken permanent residence in my brain andklflfl #kim shhh

[cottageivy]

attempting to crochet while watching something in a language you don’t understand is certainly a choice i’ve made…

#mia rambles #i was missing davenzi and then i was missing kieutou so now i’m rewatching druck 🧍‍♂️ #i miss themmmmm okay #thinking about the wasted potential on isi’s season… #thinking about all of them #my brain has been rapid cycling through fandoms for some reason akshs #like i am reading fanfictions from like 4 different things simultaneously rn bc my brain keeps reminding myself of them #will i return from my fanfic writing hiatus during this ts4 burnout… nathan’s #why did it write nathan’s at the end??? idk #tumblr let me edit tags on mobile i beg

[icewindandboringhorror]

............ ultimate somng

#i'll go a few months without hearing this and then for some reason I do again and I go insane #especially the very opening first section ....hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #I like the orchestral version too but the piano one just has a different vibe in some ways #again I'm not really a big music person (in terms of listening to/being a fan of stuff. I like to make music and experiment with instruments #but like I've never been in a band fandom or or been to concert or cared about anything in a pop culture type way) I just have like #a list of some hyper specific songs with specific tones that I listen to like 400x in a row until I get tired of them and then #choose to listen to somehting else 400x in a row until I enetually circle back to one of the ones I already listened to 400x in a row #I rarely ever put music on in the backgroudn while doing things or treat it as an activity it's more of like.. a fixation or something #I go through 'music phases' where I just feel like listening to music as an ativity for a little while and then dont again for a few months #and when I do it's like the same songs 400x in a row again but gyhbhj #or sometimes cycles through a few songs or something but all on repeat #NONE of which are ever like related to each other in any way but are jus what my brain wants to hear 4998898 times for some reason #my most recent music phase rotation was - 'moses fantasy' by paganini. 'luxury' azaleia banks. the fucking charles darwin natural selection #song from horrible histories. rock the casbah??? (idk why for a few days i just wanted to hear it ghhj). the succession opening theme. #'Ludacrismas' even though it's the middle of summer. and 'I just wanna dance with you' - starpoint..lol.. ALSO for a period of #like 2 days I was mentally preoccupied with that meme edited version of that genghis khan song that instead makes it say 'mingus kingus #' or 'i get a little bit dingus bingus' or whatever hbjhbhj.. If you don't know some of those go look them up. then put them all #in a youtube playlist and put it on repeat 6000x. this will give you a tiny snapshot into one aspect of my current mental landscape. #Really want to do a kazoo cover of Moses Fantasy. literally imagine how annoying that would sound on a loud abrasive kazoo #and ALSO how probably annoying parts of it would be to try to do ghhbjb.. the super high pitched violin but desperately squeaked #through the raspy cadence of a dollar store kazoo.... this is my design #okay im listening to it again HGHBHJ the fast parts.... just *frantic squabbling into a kazoo that's not even accurate* #ANYWAY.. I don't talk about music often because like most things I am also not capable of consuming music in a Normal Way and am defintely #not a cool trendsetter or someone with GoodOpinions to share. one of my favorite songs is something I heard in a commercial when I was #7 years old and nothing has ever topped it so.. ghbjhb.. .I am dictated not by popular media or trends but by an obscure series of algorithm #s performed by tiny squirrels that live in my brain who randomly pick and choose songs to suddenly resurfance into my conscious #'Remember that thing you heard a snippet of in school music class when you were 6? find it NOW on youtube. listen 500 times. now' #'then also literally don't listen to music again for 3 entire months until the next 4 day period where you listen to one thing on repeat' #ANYWAY ANYWAY.. obsessed with this ravel song again. also still in the grips of the charles darwin one unfortunately ghbhjbhj #brain is just a mix of *dreamlike ethereal piano* NA TU RAAAL SE LEC TIOOONNN *twinkling piano again* hGGMM... yeaaAA

[burgerflight]

Popping into FR during my Marapets fixation just to buy UMAs. 🌝 Looking at Tandoori like:

#I have such a UMA problem I need to STOP BUYING THEM #I cycle through petsites like for several months it’s flight rising #then it’s marapets #then it’s Wajas #then it’s goatlings #then it’s non-internet hobbies #then we cycle through all over again #like aha why is my brain like this #flight rising #fr #dragon share

[wabblebees]

.

#rant incoming! tldr: im just complainin' bc im a dumbass playing with the new blorbos from my head but i SHOULD be asleep. oops #had brain fog + migraine + joint pain BAD all mcfucken day #to the point where i spent the last 11 hours just laying in bed being adhd miserable bc it Hurt to be awake but the understimulation had me #fuckt UP. i couldnt sleep to escape it bc i couldnt fucken relax my FACE enough to make my head stop hurting but i felt like i was going #full yellow-wallpaper lady in my own head bc through the brain fog + the headache i couldnt focus on anything stimulating or fun enough #and now. NOW. now that its 2am and the ibuprofen is FINALLY working. i cant sleep bc i have dnd brainrot #ive got all these fun ideas that i dont wanna forget so ive been scrambling to get them all down before i can #but also i SHOULD be SLEEPING. yet every time i lay down my brain's silly little lightbulb ''bing!''s Back On and im!! hoough!! #sooo fun thinkin abt it all but also... dude. u dont have a campaign or table or a party or ANYTHING. so W H Y do u gotta do this rn #whyyyy rn. all day i wanted this or sleep and got NEITHER. but!! oh sure nOw the brain worms are active. #i have WORK in the morning little brainworms. its 2am!! where were u at 6o'clock!! we coulda done all this t h e n #But Also. i am rotating these new lil fuckers in my head at mach speeds #im so fucken psyched for smth to happen with these ideas even though ik theres like. literally no way in hell for them to go anywhere lmao. #ive never dm'ed in my gd life hgkfshfkgk idk wtf im doing here. ive played in like. 2 canpaigns total. wtf is going ON lmao #goddamn. adhd my beloathed. ah well #also just realised the phrase 'blorbos from my head' probably sounds.... very very silly lmao #im typing this out bc im hoping doing smth slightly Different will break the brain cycle enough to let me Go Tf To Bed lmao #wish me luck lmaooo #bee speaks

[imabiscuitinthousandworlds]

me: *begins writing and posting a bigger project*

also me, immediately after that: *gets sucked back into a completely different fandom*

#HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO COMPLETE ANYTHING??? #like. i have three big fandoms i guess. star wars marvel and lotr. fuck disney but the characters are mine now. #i sort of cycle through them more or less regularly. the sw phase was the longest with all of the pandemic til today i guess #hopefully continues bc i love my wip but i aint gonna force myself to write sumn my brain refuses to think about :/ #well its not over yet tho so im just like. sitting over here. three fandoms on my mind at the same time. fighting for my attention. #and me sitting in the middle clinging to star wars like 'please dont go til ive finished my wip Please-' #fun times lmao #a biscuit's rambles

[myheartxmyman]

Right now I feel so old and sad at the same time. Those feelings are so strong I feel paralyzed and slow.

#right now it's all too much #got so many problems and they are going round in circles through my mind-uncontrollably #my mind jumps from one painful thought over to the next and all I currently manage to do is stay calm #endure this vicious cycle of traumatic events #and stop myself from screaming #I am calm I do endure and I suffer #maybe in a bit I will help myself out of this situation I am currently trapped in #right now calming myself down despite of all those things is hard enough #tonight I am drowning in waves of heart wrenching and soul crushing sadness #after a good night of sleep everything is gonna be a bit better I am sure of that #currently I am fighting I am crying I am breaking; but that's alright #when I endure feelings like this now then I don't have to endure them on another time #Life is an up and down #it will get better again #I remember the years when I got so depressed or whatever it was that I felt like everything just got worse and worse and worse #that's one of the things I feel sad about currently I am not doing well at all but nevertheless I KNOW there are gonna be better happier #lighter times #that's a huge step in personal growth and I did it on my own #I am slowly healing myself #I am changing #I am evolving #I am slowly getting better #and it hurt me a lot last year that you didn't acknowledge mile stones I reached all by myself you didn't see me as me #it felt like you looked at me with what you wanted to see and then you blamed me for not being that version of your #as you also mentioned 'dreamwife' #you also put me under pressure with saying things like that it made me feel like I am not good enough #like you are looking down on me #like I've to change and get better so you are getting the 'dreamwife' you perfected in your brain #I mean how old are you? #also you said things that forbid me grieving over the loss of my father and Louis

[ms-demeanor]

I think the eight alarms thing is usually a maladaptation. You've trained your brain to ignore the eight alarms because you kept avoiding the training of willpower following the first alarm would require. I think some sleep therapy might help?

Hey so first of all fuck you, thanks.

Second: I love it when you read literature on sleep disorders, especially if it's on sleep disorders among folks with ADHD, and you see time and time again "when allowed to sleep on their preferred schedule subjects maintained healthy, normal, restorative sleep cycles" and "effects were not lasting without ongoing intervention; resetting the sleep schedule is a permanent effort."

Like, if I sleep *great* from 6am to 2pm and I wake up feeling rested and alert with no special help but I need to turn off the lights in my house and shut down all electronics at 8pm and beam a spotlight into my face starting at 5am to wake up at seven and feel exhausted all day, I think perhaps it is not actually my sleep cycle that is wrong it is perhaps society that is wrong.

BELIEVE ME, when I find the job that pays well and has decent insurance that lets me exist as a cheerful nighttime ghoul I am jumping on that with both feet. But until then I literally feel better getting six hours of sleep and occasionally sleeping so hard that i can't hear my alarms because of chronic sleep deprivation than I do turning off all the lights in my house and ceasing all activity two and a half hours after I get off of work.

Also: the eight alarms aren't all there to wake me up, it's just that sometimes I *also* sleep through the ones that are supposed to remind me to go sit at my desk and start work. One of the first three usually gets me up, but on a day when I sleep through all three of those I will be sleeping through all eight of them and usually a phone call and someone trying to shake me awake to.

ANYWAY after being treated with melatonin and light therapy and staring listlessly at the ceiling in the dark bored out of my skull with racing thoughts for sleep disorders that I didn't have for like twenty years the single most effective intervention that allowed me to get more sleep as someone with both ADHD and DSPD was to start hanging out and being active in places where it would be easy to fall asleep if the sleep caught me there instead of turning my bedroom into a dark, silent shrine of snoozing. Giving myself permission to fall asleep late instead of laying awake chewing myself up with guilt for not being asleep helped too.

Actually here's some tips for the sleepy bitches in the crowd:

1 - If you're laying down and not falling asleep in half an hour, you're not actually sleepy; read something or get up and do something because you're more likely to get sleepy faster that way than you are staring at the clock going "if I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and forty five minutes of rest when I have to go to work; If I fall asleep now I'll have three hours and twenty minutes of sleep when I have to get up, etc. etc."

2 - Allow yourself to be ambushed by sleep. Fall asleep on your cozy couch. Fall asleep in the comfy chair. Let yourself sleep where you fall asleep instead of dragging yourself to where you're 'supposed' to sleep if doing so will wake you up.

3 - The mythbusters thing. If you just lay down and close your eyes and pretend to rest you will feel more rested when you get up than when you laid down. Laying down to rest is better than nothing, it literally causes cognitive improvements similar to sleep in tests, and knowing that can help take off some of the pressure of not being able to fall asleep and can thus help you fall asleep.

4 - It's okay to "hang out" in the area where you're going to sleep. Read in bed. Play games on your cellphone in bed. If you want to go to sleep put on comfy clothes and bring a chill activity and hang out in your bed to do it so that all you have to do when you start getting sleepy is close your eyes.

5 - It's better to get some sleep than no sleep. Sometimes you look at the clock and it's six AM and whoops, fuck it. Okay, time for bed, don't stress that you're only going to get a few hours, a few hours is better than nothing. Lay down to pretend to rest at least and you'll probably feel okay.

6 - This one sounds silly and might not work for a bunch of people for a bunch of reasons but apparently there's some research suggesting that "well-rested" is a state of mind? I've had a reasonable amount of success with just telling myself "Yeah, I actually feel pretty good," and pushing through the day on a couple of hours of sleep. I don't *recommend* that and you should try to get as much sleep as possible, but yeah the next time you're low on sleep see what happens if you just try to decide to not be tired. It sounded like bullshit to me when I first heard it but I've found some success with it.

7 - This shit is cumulative. If you're doing a couple nights a week on low sleep that's not ideal but you're probably going to be pretty functional and you can work on it. If you overbook and overextend yourself for too long - I'm looking at you college students and new parents - it's going to add up. Try as much as possible to at least keep your sleep deficit nights spread out. (This message brought to you by writing 60k words of fiction in october and completely frying my brain because i wasn't getting enough sleep).