#my parents make life a living hell

[deityofhearts]

god gives his toughest battles to his most whimsical warriors

#deity dialogue #GOD #I should have been born as some creature or like in fantasy lala land #I’d probably still be broke and the bearer of the curse but I know I wouldn’t be a human because I’m owed this much #if I’m given a second life I am bullying whatever forces of the earth are out there into making up for the hell that has been my life from #birth to now because hey. hi. what the fuck #I relate to dr doofenshmirtz in that almost every waking moment of our lives has been some random ass nonsense for No Reason #given the opportunity I don’t think my parents would have been present for my birth either #granted one wasn’t but like I knowwww my momma would not have been there I can feel it

[thattheater-kid]

Everyone talks about how fucked up it was that people told kids, especially girls, that if someone picks on you it means they like you. And that is fucked up and should be talked about, but you know what else is fucked up?

Telling bullying victims to have sympathy for their bully because “they’re probably hurting too” (also that the best way to stop bullying is to ignore it, but that’s another post). That’s really harmful and just teaches kids to ignore mistreatment and abuse because the perpetrator has had a hard time too.

#like no #fuck them #idgaf #their trauma is not my problem #their bad home life is not my problem #they don’t get to abuse others because they have a bad life #I’m traumatized too #you don’t see me making other people want to end their own lives #bullying #anti bullying #my childhood bully came from a single parent home and her mother was a drug addict #you think I gave a shit when I found this out? #hell no #yeah I felt kinda bad for her #that sucks #doesn’t give you an excuse to treat me like shit though #that’s not my problem #another bully had an abusive father who humiliated him in public #I watched his father embarrass him at a school concert #and you know what I thought to myself? #‘damn that sucks. I feel kinda bad for him. still a dick though’ #not ‘oh that’s why he’s body shamed me and called me slurs every day since third grade. that’s why he told that girl to khs. I forgive him’

[therhaenys]

Daddy Harwin went away only to Daddy Daemon comes in and I’m ready and invested. Give us him being a pain in Alicent’s ass, beating Crispin Cole for being such a stupid fuck for so long, being a menace with our home girl Nyra, committing 972962 crimes in just one night alone and being the father figure to all the kids. The power couple we deserve and were waiting for so long. I’m readyyyy

#daddy daemon #dilf era my friends #the moment we were all waiting for #hotd #rhaenyra targaryen #house of the dragon #daemon x rhaenyra #daemyra #making alicunt’s life a living hell #parents finally #daemon targaryen #they will fuck so much 😮‍💨

[aiizaph]

I am about to make 2024 my villain arc if alloromantics don’t shut the fuck up right now.

#aromantic #aro #non sam aro #which is to say I absolutely am #being the only person who sees and takes amatonormativity seriously in my life is driving me LITERALLY INSANE #I just want to run away from society #if they’re just gonna push me down and not listen to me why should I give anything back? #unfortunately my parents are very adamant on me getting a job #and I also can’t run away alone with no support system #so I’ll make the time I’m still here a living hell for everyone unless they treat me right

[senselessalchemist]

Got a plant for a holiday gift and I don't know if I've been so giddily excited for a present since I got my gameboy color at 8 years old

#first step into plant dad life #or plant parent life #whatever #i want more now #i have had them for only a few days but i love them #i also have a small spider living in a corner #house is full of friends now #i am so excited to water my plant and make a note on my calendar so i water at the right times #is my life dull? unequivocally yes but now i have a PLANT #a plant and i wrote like 800 words today hell yeah #unfortunately i think i am sick so that sucks #anyone want to make me food #haha jk unless #what if i lied in bed and you made me food and we were both worried about me getting you sick #i may have taken too much cold medicine my apologies for my idiocies #gnight world

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

damn i really haven't seen a doctor in 9 years. america is crazy.

#i thought it was like 6 years. idk. maybe i should put this off for 1 more year because i know they are going to make my life hell but at #at least a full decade would be funny #sorry when i was on my parents health insurance my mom would freak out when things cost money. because we were broke #and my dad who is an obsessive controlling hypochondriac would burn so much money going to the doctors for dumb shit. and i was just like. #it's fine i wont go the doctor because my dad who dosent work is already bleeding us dry. anyway i didnt really have acar back then anyways #and lived in the middle of nowhere so no buses or anything and then once i got onto cheap low income health insurance at age 23 because my #mom couldnt afford to pay for me on her health insurance anymore well. then covid hit and we werent supposed to go to the doctors anymore.

[hussyknee]

x

Idk if I can continue posting about Gaza. Woke up from a horrible horrible nightmare about it, started scrolling my phone to distract myself, saw a post about it, had an anxiety attack. Maybe because the nightmare was too fresh or my brain is feeling raw in general.

Otoh keeping away from the news is making my scrupulosity OCD go hog wild. Leading to me obsessing about what might be happening. I don't know why my brain keeps doing this, it's not like a rando with no disposable income in a third world hellhole can do fuck all to help them. What are they supposed to do with my mental health crisis? Eat it?

Doesn't help that I'm wondering whether hyperfixating on Gaza is my brain's way of reminding me that there's worse places I could be trapped in than in this fucking house with the deranged woman that gave birth to me. Although tbh it feels like a toss-up on the worse days.

#how am i supposed to recover from anything living with this horrible witch #sometimes i wonder whether it would have been better if Mum was the one who died and my Dad that survived her #and my brain immediately shut down bc holy hell he would have been worse #how can you be so glad that a person is dead while missing them so much #it's been almost ten years and I still can't believe he's gone sometimes #at least i loved him enough to miss him. i honestly wonder whether i'd even be vaguely sad occasionally when my Mum finally kicks it #although with our luck she probably wont any time soon #God doesn't want her and Satan doesnt want the competition probably #tw: gaza genocide #in which i make it all about me #tw: parental death #tw: parental abuse #personal #life update #knee of huss

[lakemichigans]

are we okay to talk about the v d a y vid now and how sad it is that the very platform they built their careers and lives on was the platform that essentially outed them in such a traumatic way. obviously the youtube glitch was just an accident but can you even believe the cosmic irony of it all

#the amount of contempt i have for whoever saved that vid and released it in 2012 is unreal #like when you think about it they had an entire year of believing the video was deleted #only for it to come back again but now they had so so so many more eyes watching them than before #it makes me sick to my stomach genuinelyyy #i got outed at school and to my brother and almost to my parents #and just thinking about it happening on a larger scale makes me want to kill myself fr #this is why i was such a firm believer in leaving them the fuck alone even when i was a teen #i never got into the shipping thing bc it was so obvious what kind of effect it was having #and knowing in hindsight that they were both in the closet makes it worse #like the community you're supposed to be supported by was the one making your life a living hell #and on top of that they had to deal with accusations of queerbaiting ?? what a strange dichotomy that was #MAYBE I'M BEING TOO DRAMATIC AND PARASOCIAL HERE FKSJFKS #i just can't help but put myself in their shoes and be like holy fuck. i could not have survived that. #this is my roman empire

[filmcel]

Hey man, some advice from someone on their way into their mid twenties: don’t continue into higher education if you don’t want to. I know it’s easier said than done, but I mean it wholeheartedly. School is draining, and if just the thought of it is causing you stress, than actually going will be worse. It’s hard when it feels as though there’s all of this pressure to not disappoint yourself parents or anyone else that expects this of you, but you are what matters most. You should be your top priority. You should do the things that are in your own best interest. I tried to go to college multiple times after graduating (and struggling to do so immensely despite the fact that I’m smart and school came easy to me. I was just incredibly burnt out on life by that point) and it never ended up working out. College isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. You’re not less than or a failure for not doing what society tells you you have to do to be successful. You can find meaningful work that doesn’t break your body and soul without college. You can maintain or create new friendships without college. Put yourself first, and you’re doing great 💜

thank you 😭

#saying more in tags bc i’m shy #currently bc i’m so young i’m just going to stay with what i’m doing #i was able to figure out my shit for today and i start next week #i’m an easy quitter so if i fucking despise it u best believe i’m leaving #but maybe it ends up being amazing. i rlly don’t know . #just doing this now to please my family. #i still work and i have friends. my future goals aren’t limited to school and i have to remind myself of that. #getting a life outside of school has helped me become a better person i think. #and i hope if i remember that i do have a life outside of school i’ll survive going to class if i know it’s not the end of the world if i’m #not the absolute best. #for now i’m too young to say no to my parents #all things considered i should just say no #but living w them is hell dealing w this #i think my best option is to dip my toes in and see how it goes. #i don’t even have to push myself too hard. and they won’t either bc they know anything is better than nothing #but i do not regret at all the time i spent out of school #i was able to work so much and as annoying as work can b i’m very grateful i got to do that #bc not only has that helped me make my closest friends but also …MONEY. #soon i’ll get a car. and soon i can start planning my own future #captain’s log #One step at a time ☝️🙏 #incoming transmission #i appreciate u anon . #but this year i’m going to try and b easy on myself #we’ll see how that goes #also it’s low stakes bc it’s just community college #maybe if i can take stuff that interests me i can figure myself out more #bc while ik ever job doesn’t NEED college degree. idk what i want to work in. #there’s things i’d love to do. but i have zero knowledge of anything

[selkiecoded]

im just really fucking tired of feeling like im always scrambling against the edge of shit, and not knowing whether its because of brain issues or what fucking ever or behavior i can fix if i just commit to fixing it. god. fuck. i really fucking need adderall.

#my consult for a consult basically said that if i went through the schools service i might not get an appointment til march #so im gonna talk it over with my parents next week and see if we can do it offcampus. i really dont know how to do the logistics of it all. #but i legitimately cant keep living like this. #im stressed and constantly miserable and embarrassed and i should probably talk to someone abt thoughts of self-loathing lol. #probably not helped by the fact that im extremely isolated. so you know. if i could fix just one thing about my life thatd be pretty cool. #sorry im tired and angry at myself i know nobodys going to get made for me venting on my own blog (except me) but still #fuck meeeee and i still have so much shit to do im so stressed and in a hell of my own making

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time #all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it #but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even #more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done #lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it #and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too #like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they #get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am #i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die! #and feeling like im fucking suffocating #and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just #wanna god damn fucking dir #the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back #now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically #nothing compared to what i was supposed to do #its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to #do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for

[wiredsmile]

i hate period cramps so badly bc one moment i'll be fine , the next its like i blacked out for 10 hours bc the pain just got so bad i didn't even remember falling asleep yet HERE I AM :)

#( sobs i had PLANS LAST NIGHT ) #( the cramps ruined EVERYTHING but alas i shall try to be around today to enjoy my final ) #( days of freedom before my parents return to make life a living hell again ) #̗̀ ♡⃗ 𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔬𝔣 𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔠𝔱𝔢𝔯 | abi speaks ♡⃗.˳⁺⁎ #period mention tw

[nightfallsystem]

cw very upsetting vent in tags

#tw vent #tw suicide #vent #guys im this close to ending it all #i dont care anymore #i know ill puke my fucking guts out #but if i can get like 30 painkillers ill be free #they cant hurt me anymore if im dead #probably a few other drugs t o deal with everything else #maybe ill fucking pass out #i dont want to live anymore i cant fucking do this #IF MY PARENTS ARE TRANSPHOBIC ONE MORE TIME ILL SLIT MY THROAT #ive WARNED THEM SO MANY TIMES #THEYVE SEEN ME COVERED IN BLOOD #AND HTHEY DONT FUCKING CHANGE #THEY WONT . FUCKING. CHANGE. #well.. #as my mother said “i will make you pay” #oh yeah i also dont get why she hates me so much #she talks abt how she wants to make me suffer in a future life and be my child and “give me hell” #boy. i want to. bleed out. so . so fucking badly.. #this close to using a new exacto blade #but ill probably throw up due to trauma #I WANT TO RIP OUT MY GUTS I WANT TO TEAR MY SKIN I WANT TO BE NOTHING I WANT DEATH #ill show you what FUCKING HAPPENS #YOU KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IVE STABBED MYSELF #I CANT COUNT THE SCARS. #AND YET YOU ACT LIKE THIS?? #YOU SAY LOSING A CHILD IS ONE OF THE WORST PAINS A PARENT CAN FEEL #YET YOURE NOT BEING VERY FUCKING CAREFUL AT ALL

[liinos]

saw a reel of some kids at an orchestra camp that looked suspiciously like the one i was forced to go to one year... worst experience of my life!!!

#when i tell you i think there are things stemming from that experience! my parents were actually so wrong for making me go... #my mom CRIED bc i kept insisting that i didn't want to do it bc i a) was never That into music especially not CHAMBER music #b) knew that i would not know anyone and would be stuck in the middle of nowhere with people who were already friends from previous years #c) was only even given an audition bc my teacher knew the staff and their other oboist wasn't able to go that year and they needed one #d) WAS THIRTEEN AND WANTED TO SPEND THE SUMMER WITH MY FRIENDS #i do actually think it caused me real psychic damage attending that like the fact that Everyone was already friends with everyone else... #i came with no friends and i left with no friends! and when i tried to talk to the other girls in my cabin i could tell they were like... #why are you trying to be in our friend group. there was a girl who was nice to me but i was not her friend very clearly #also i was soooo out of my depth there it was Rough for me fr and like i Knew i was out of my depth i had no illusions about that #i knew i would be which is why i was like yeah this is Not for me #i still cannot get over my mom crying about this like this wasn't some great life changing opportunity... #my parents really have and always have had these Ideals they place on me bc They think xyz would be nice #or they wish they could have done it like ??? okay why does that have anything to do with me #my dad keeps being like well *I* want you to go to grad school in mtl bc i like mtl and i want to visit 😁 #like haha you're not funny actually 😁 first of all not a single damn thing is stopping you from going you can drive there whenever you want #secondly one of us does NOT want to be in mtl again 😁 and that one of us actually lived there before #also the way my parents constantly visiting me pissed me off to no fucking end... I'M NOT THE PROBLEM CHILD #worried that i just stay in my room like ???? okay??? but if i went out you'd flip bc what if it's unsafe. i LIKE staying home #and i HATED mtl so no way in hell was i going to go do shit especially not at night in the WINTER are you insane #like yeah i was super depressed. that was unrelated to me staying in my room like my room was my Space #anyway all this to say i'm setting the fuck boundary this time around like i actually dgaf i'm an adult and again #not your problem child so if you could stop projecting that onto me just bc HE fucked up when he was in school.... #parents will be like why can't you be independent and then literally not let you be i 🫶🏻 it #i do also hold it against the boy child and my dad for this 'you can only go to schools within a 6 hour drive' #which is only a rule my sisters and i had and maybe if the boy child wasn't a fuck up i couldve not had it but you know #he ruined any chance of that but my dad when i was applying for college was like oh it can be anywhere :) and then was like lol no #and then was like well for grad school you can go anywhere and then when it was brought up last time went lol no :) #so i'm going to have to bring lol yes :) energy cuz...

[slippery-minghus]

thinking about joining a local jiu jitsu class.... i'm SO not athletic and have always had a pretty negative relationship with sports, ambivalent at best, but i WANT TO feel good in my body and maybe even learn how to use it a little better? maybe even get a little stronger?

there's a free "see if it's for you" class i can do tomorrow and the guy was super nice.... so maybe. just maybe an autistic fat queer like myself can go out in the world and get a hobby that involves moving my body. maybe

#i'm excited in the way that comes with things i never follow through on #because fuck what if i don't like it? what if it's hard to integrate into my limited routine even if i do? so i never ever try #but it's a new year and i'm going to be fucking 30 in a month...... and i'm BORED #i'm BORED AS HELL with my life right now!!! #i want to get out and DO THINGS but how the hell do i find things? where do i go? what do i do? #i'm walking distance from this gym (and the bros i've seen leaving are always super nice) #which is a major factor in accessibility for me - i never go to gyms i have to drive to #and it's kinda expensive but.... i can afford it?? #i'd been doing electrolysis for months last year and THAT was definitely more per month than this and i always made ends meet anyway #and i'll have my new HSA for the year that can pay for the first few sessions when i pick back up with it in march #fuck #i'm just so tired of not having enough energy to do the things i want #and there's a good chance making my body stronger will fucking help with that?? #and if these people are even halfway nice enough and i can get in the groove of a routine.... well. maybe i CAN make a change #fucking hell #i need to remind myself a lot that a big part of unmasking and being authentically me is choosing to live and act by my values #and i VALUE being brave and trying new things- not bc i'm forced to. and now that i'm an adult i'll be allowed to quit if i don't like it #my parents aren't forcing me into this. and i'm old enough to make my own choices and stop running from things that remind me of theirs #my strategy has always been Avoid Things My Parents Would've Made Me Do but they're not fucking here?? and trying a physical activity isn't #saying that they were right to push me like that as a kid. i'm old enough to try it on my own terms now. #and that it's a sport doesn't mean its to punish me for having the body and mind that i have. NO it's to grow them. #and i can try and maybe even enjoy and keep with this new thing and not have it become a jail sentence for daring to express interest in it #i can try something else if i don't like it (not a jail sentence) and i can stick with it if i DO like it (also not a jail sentence!!!) #this is not basketball-softball-swimming-gymnastics-band-choir—all of the things i was curious to try as a kid and was forced to keep at #for years as 'punishment' for having expressed curiousity and then finding out it wasn't for me #(and SO much of it wasn't for me bc i was treated exactly the same as i was everywhere else as a kid: shamed and ignored! #NEVER welcomed and taught!!!) well it's DIFFERENT NOW. bc i'm fucking almost 30 DAMMIT #and i'm not in that shithole town anymore where every single person had a chip on their shoulder. like. there's something WRONG in that town #real people are so much nicer. #narrating my life