#my stomach a lot less

[aro-culture-is]

quick note - this blog is gonna be sparse again for at least this week. trying new medications and tbh initial side effects are not super pleasant + actual effects build up. as a result: currently as if unmedicated for mental health, with anxiety+ side effect, extra fatigue, dizziness, and fatigue. it's uh, sure something.

totally recognize that most of y'all know we're absent at times due to health things, just wanted to give a heads up that this one is at least anticipated.

#fun fact sometimes condensing meds just means poorer treatment of some conditions #this is a re-expansion + new thing #so that instead of poorly treating my mental health and using an unusually high dose SNRI for another (physical) condition #i will hopefully both be in less pain AND not depressed af AND also have an appetite again #i doubt i will be lucky and not have a fucked stomach due to meds but one can hope that an appetite will allow me to eat foods that upset #my stomach a lot less #my health is forever a massive balancing act #every time a medical thing is like 'so what meds do u take' i'm like here i wrote it down for u #and they're like 'oh. ooookay. let me just...' *five minutes of typing and clicking later* #'so! what did you come in for again? uhuh. you said you experience pain daily? with your chronic pain thing? hm. have you tried yoga?' #/gen #like. straight up every time i say 'i am in pain all the time due to fibromyalgia' they are like 'ooh studies say regular exercise helps' #and like. theoretically yes! but also. i would be lying if i said the fibromyalgia studies i've skimmed don't set off general 'bad science' #alarm bells in my brain #like... cool you performed a fibromyalgia study with... all male lab rats? mhmm? so are you aware fibromyalgia appears to occur #overwhelmingly in women? like. data seems to suggest between 70-85%? #(not that the data can't still indicate things but it certainly makes male rats a poor choice of model for tests on it) #also just... idk i've looked at some metaanalysis and been like 'okay cool theory and for all i know about human bio or bio in general that #sounds more or less correct BUT. you never discussed that one study on this subject that did NOT support your conclusion. #and that's 1) interesting when it was the most diverse group of subjects and the exceptions often teach just as much as the 'rule' #2) just shitty science. tell me how your theory is still credible when some evidence doesn't fit the model. #like... 'given that all other studies were primarily conducted on white american women in their 30s to 40s it is possible that this model #only explains (the early effects of fibro since that's a typical onset period) / (a possible genetic link primarily found in white women) / #(a possible sign of bias in diagnosis that demonstrates the possibility that there are different causes) / combinations of all of those #like... idk a paper that just throws out things that don't support it is a pretty big red flag #it doesn't mean the conclusion is entirely incorrect but it is often important to understand the context in which it applies #like... it's very easy to jump to an incorrect conclusion if you used something in the wrong context #ie: thumbs up is a good job / positive thing in a lot of western civilizations. teenage kee once went to china and discovered it to be #neutral to offensive in many areas outside of major tourist locations that were used to it #anyways i gotta sleep

[moeblob]

You know, when I kept getting asked "so you didn't ever have severe pains before now?" in the hospital and I kept replying "I have a high pain tolerance" I meant it. However, there is only so much pain my tiny 4'9" body can hold... (aka I am sweating and in agony bc I'm getting told to use LESS severe pain meds so I don't rely on them too much and it is AWFUL)

#moe talks a lot #i was shaking earlier and despite the fact i sound like im gonna cry #and the fact that my mom can pick out im about to cry from pain bc im trying to take less pain meds #LIKE MY MOM IS INSTRUCTING ME TO DO #shes like well why arent you taking any pain meds #BECAUSE THERE ARE TWO AVAILABLE OPTIONS AND ON A SIX HOUR TIMER #i cant take both at once or else what happens to me if i hurt before the six hours is up #i have to manage them in a way that allows me to benefit from both and being told im doing it wrong #after being told well its your fault it got so bad because you never complained about pain before #YEAH NO JOKE? REALLY? I NEVER DID? because everyone acts like im too young to feel that kinda pain #oh youre hurting? just wait until youre older #and its currently agony to breathe again but that i guess is also my fault bc im trying to use pain meds #holy moly i just want to not get dizzy standing up cause wow dang #sure would be nice if the multiple incisions in my stomach didnt THROB every time i sneezed or coughed or cleared my throat #but since i didnt use much pain meds before because i would be mocked for being too much of a baby its like #welp damn now i could really use some and im being called out for being too reliant #anyway time to sleep more because that means im not noticing my pain #im literally smaller than most children and so i do understand my body size makes people worried about the medication intake #but can i please just go a day without being asked how much im taking or when i last took it or if im gonna cry #anyway sorry for the excessive rant today never really had surgery or anything so this is brand spankin new suffering

[obsob]

yes i am getting emails 

#dracula daily #mine #lov that this means absolutely nothing to people not reading ksjfksl #i love jonathan hes gay and autistic cant wait to see him get eaten or smth #im back from a 2 week work break now! i was very burnt out i feel a lot better >:) drawing time #these images came to me in a vision yesterday evening but i was too tired to draw them #im sleepy now....sleepy baby...... #i slept so bad last night my tummy hurt so bad!!! idk why!!! i had a lot of carbs w dinner so maybe that was it #i still havent figured out what it is my stomach doesnt like. durham wheat i think is oneof them but ??? dfdsfj #whatever. my fault for not drinking more peppermint tea #i didnt like wake up wake up last night but i kept like. coming to a little bit n shifting abt until i found a more comfy position #utmmy ouchy.......hopefully will be less so tonight heh!! #i idid yoga this morning i forgot how much i lov it #also ive been reading captive prince again. is this series a lil problematic? yes. thats why the gods gave us critical thinking #i need a break from stone earth trilogy im on to the last book now....ouhghg...... #have a new book arriving tomorrow yes yes yes yes

[thelien-art]

Ulmo is the Vala who looks the most human because of his presence and observations towards the elvers and men thought-out the ages (naked version)

Uinen - Osse

#silmarillion #jrr tolkien #tolkien #ulmo #mermaid #mermaid art #merfolk #merman #me screaming while trying to draw muscular legs #ulmo is the selfproclaimed grandfather once captain who has the wildest stories you'll find at your local harbor #yeah this design is based on an old captain that lived close to my grandad #and we would eat there a lot as he owned a little restaurant and he had the wildest stories and everyone called him grandad #even my grandad #and he had a lot of tattoos and cursed a lot and either he walked in old baggy clothes with holes or stereotypical old sailor clothes #he also had the wildest beard and hair ever and claimed to never cut it #the only different is i tried to make ulmo look a bit less skandinavien and younger while still having the old captains look over him #i think i did that best with the patterns on the clothes and the first outfit and the not beer stomach #vala #valar #the first is when he meets people and dont want to be nakkede which he usual is #also when meeting people #and the second is when hes at a meeting in valinor

[quins-makeshift-menagerie]

Hello! Just a reminder to take care of yourself, drink water and eat! If you need to take a break, take one! Grab a snack and a drink! Don’t overwork yourself and make sure to enforce your boundaries! Have a good day!

-Hyena Mew Anon

Thank you very much sweet anon. I am doing my best to do all of those things

#anonymous #ask #I have to take viatmins every day but they make my stomach hurt if I don’t eat so I do at least eat breakfast every day #and I have one of those #‘drink this much by this hour’ bottles that I passively sip at #I don’t follow the time table it’s mostly cuz it’s big so I have to refill it less cuz it takes a lot #and the filter pitcher can only hold so much water at a time yknow? #haha that’s #rambly I’m sorry

[gloopdimension]

the datesim is cool too bc of how long its been since orions had a genuine connection with like anybody.

#a genuine romance no less! #he finds most pleasure nowadays in being big and scary as fuck and Scaring and Hurting other people but thats bc of a lot of issues. he has #thatsfor another post. #he probably forgot how nice some butterflies in the stomach were! genuine and gentle affections #He falls asleep if u play w his long ass hair btw. or brush it. hes got mats in that mane of his #my ocs

[nitunio]

MOMO COULD HAVE SURVIVED THAT FALL what im saying is it really goes with uh....... kidnapping him

making blurry footage of momo falling down so that it seems like there was literally nobody who couldve saved him and the video taker themself was too far away to shout at momo ->

pulling all media and news stations to talk abt momo's demise -> holding a "funeral" -> momo is alive and severely injured and nonexistent to the entire world. at ryou's real apartment

FUCKED UP BUT also i want to say that it wouldnt really make sense but it would for only a tiny bit. point one. it would never happen bc its hard to lead the plot anywhere with this kind of set up (trg kidnapping only worked because they've got lucky And it was deliberately shown as a kidnapping) , point two. WHILE ryou's idea to kill him isn't outlandish and keeping him at his apartment out of spite isn't that much better/worse, ryou isn't like that i think he'd get more enjoyment out of breaking something like a child would

#nitunio.txt #nitu i7 ramble #my stomach pain continues to haunt me i only can think about very dark things #momo and ryo arent a ship to me theyre just. i cant explain it. theres a lot more than friendship and a lot less than love in any form

[callixton]

my underworks binder has more intense full torso compression which makes me worry abt my ribs but it does also help my posture sm which really helps my back pain. why is it always a trade off can they just invent a binder that doesn’t hurt anywhere already

#it is less comfortable bc again it is more compression for less actual flatness #and it makes it harder to breathe correctly bc my stomach is compressed too #but. it does seem to be helping my pain a lot #i also have like. nerve damage in my back that’s why my back is so bad so who knows what would make that go away #ted talks

[gaysheep]

played absolutely perfect specimen

#mine #it was the first thing i wanted to do now that my cannibalism trigger isnt so bad #it wasn't as graphic as i anticipated it to be from the warnings i probably could have stomached it even if i hadn't gone through therapy #i felt less anxious about cracking into it though haha glad i waited #really impactful. im not transfem but parts of it resonated a lot

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Okay okay so. Thinking.

I've mapped out how I want to pay off my credit cards, which means I'll only be getting new stuff pretty sporadically, which means I need to appreciate the zero cost things in my life, like:

- the 2.5 foot tall stack of unread books I have

- the violin I might finally actually pick up again

- the 500+ drawing prompts I've been hoarding

- the list of anime I still need to watch

- the 3000+ songs in my watch later playlist

- the stickers I've been neglecting to cut

- yarn??? I have a lot of yarn

- all the pink fabric leftover from moth cosplay

- the candles and incense I also already have

In short, time to actually use the stuff that I have 😭

#though. i do want one more candle. they're putting minty smells in the winter ones and it smells cold #i need a cold smelling candle that is warm and on fire i just need that very strange contrast #but yeah!! will spend a little testing out acrylic charms but for the most part #we're gonna hang out at home for a while and express gratitude or whatever lmao #okay but i think it will actually be nice to start getting through all those books skjfkdkd #and to watch the bigger name anime to actually see them lmao; saw a lot at the con i recognized but hadn't actually watched #and also my music!! all my music bc i am clinically insane about music; miku playlist advancement... #this isn't even touching on the games i have now ksjfkf if either of you are reading this 👀 i still wanna get yall something #and I'm planning the exact day i wanna do it 😤 #but yeah I'm thinking it over and am like. oh boy time for self improvement skjdkfkf #also finances will get easier bc im not ubering all over and I'm not seeing docs for my stomach now that the ulcer has been resolved #i made back half of what i spent getting the car in only 4 months and that feels good to see #it's still gonna be some hard work but we're gonna make it; I'm also highballing one of the cards #the hotel put a damages hold on my card and my math factors that in; they said that money would go back to me in 5 or so #business days so that'll be a little less to be concerned with; I'll still try to pay what numbers i found though #do it faster and do it better and idk what the fuck I'll do with the cards bc. 30% apr........... #idk i could get groceries with them and then pay them off? take that credit score you'll just eat that shit up won't you.. #surprisingly my credit score hasn't taken any super ugly hits from this and i aim to keep it that way lmao #anyways. that's a lot of words to say that i want to actually use my stuff lmao #shai speaks

[bisexualalienss]

every time our childhood house goes on sale me and my sister always want to go tour it but decide against it because what if the thing in the haunted basement traps us there forever 😔✊

#this is a joke #i really don’t believe in ghosts #but that basement gave off the worst vibes #like you would just get a pit in your stomach being down there #my mom wouldn’t go down there alone etc #and like it was a furnished basement! it didn’t look creepy #anyways it’s a long running joke that the house was like hill house #anyways it’s on sale again #and tbh it really does get sold a lot #it’s the third time in like less than 10 years

[variantoutcast]

I truly do not have the clubbers disposition

#drank for the first time tonight just did 2 shots #ough god it hurt my stomach so bad and 2 hrs later im still nauseas #and headache... probably from loud music more than anything #the alcohol didnt even do that much but i guess 2 shots isnt a lot i wouldnt know ive never drank before #but ough. perhaps never again #i can get this same effect w less pain for cheaper if i do half an edible

[skhardwarevers1]

sorry for saying I was going to do things and even starting them and then disappearing from this website entirely for three days. It will happen again

#Nothing new. Tbf I’ve done this a lot #I would say I’m focusing more on school and my personal writing but that’s more of a fucking lie than full truth #I genuinely have felt sick to my stomach posting here for whatever reason #Guilt shame anxiety paranoia etc etc you get the point. I feel like shit with no valid reason as to why #So for now I’m going to stop doing the thing that makes me overly emotionally sick to the point I have actual physical reactions???? #Yeah that’s the logical course of action. Might post small personal anecdotes and doodles and such to give off the vague energy that Im fin #But beyond that I quite literally can’t. I sat down and thought about writing this post and immediately broke down #I don’t know why I feel guilty over having inconsistent motivation for putting up shitty writing on a website for strangers to see #But I do and k think the only good way to get past that is this. Gotta stop acting Impulsively it’s ruining my fucking life man #There’s only one other thing that I’ll thank Eloise for #and it’s for getting me off of tumblr long enough to realize that I desperately need to get help #This is fucked I fucking hate it. I might be online if k can bare the possibility that people can see this #Namely people I’ve grown attached to in concept #Idfc at this point. it doesn’t change much about how things have been going for the past year #Vent #S.K explains that things never really got better they would just suck less for short periods of time

[forbiddennhoney]

sooo when are we gonna talk abt the way that fatphobia has srsly fucked up yalls perception of fatness to the point that a lot of yall r calling urselves fat when u really are just not skin and bones bc..... yikes.

#personal #ive seen one too many skinny person calling themselves fat/chunky/overweight/etc #and idk ur weight - i dont want to know ur weight #but also im seeing ppl like smaller than my wife (who is not fat) call themselves fat #and its getting more and more prevalent that im seeing ppl who are objectively thin/average calling themselves fat #and then some of these ppl have the nerve to speak on fatness or say i < 3 fat bitches or whatever but they mean avg size ppl #like idk im not gonna define fatness as One Body Type #and maybe im wrong here and just have a diff definition of fat #but im seeing a lot of ppl with literally flat stomachs or like soft bodies with the smallest amt of body fat calling themselves fat #and then yall will be like oh i love fat bitches and its like someone who has wide ribs and isn't skin and bones #a lot of yall say fat to mean anyone who's bones dont protrude from their skin #and i think I'd be less annoyed abt this if it wasnt for the fact actually fat people get ragged on for existing #and yall wanna pretend u have the same experience bc someone compared you to someone like me once #idk #im just bitchy abt this today esp cause ik so many of yallre gonna ignore this

[feline-evil]

As someone who, due to life factors i don't wish to detail, had turned to social media years ago as his only way to find any kind of social interaction or ability to find others like himself i find the slow, disgustingly pitiful deaths that capitalism is causing to major sites not only incredibly aggravating but also deeply sad and worrying. The internet is getting more and more sprawled out and disconnected and there are both more and more sites and yet fewer and fewer places that really feel like you can congregate on and easily find things you're into and people who are into them too, it feels like community is harder and harder to foster; and lets not even get into how hellish this is if you are a fulltime independent artist online who has yet to create a large enough fanbase to support you and follow you to wherever you have to go when the next site inevitably becomes unusable or hostile to you. And i know we like to encourage people to touch grass and go offline and make connections out in the real world and i agree that that is incredibly important, but i do feel like there's this elephant in the room of the fact not everyone can; the circumstances i have existed in have shut me off from socialization and i HAD to turn to the internet for it, and i KNOW i am not the only person who has lived their life in this position! People who are broke, disabled, live in areas hostile to them or simply devoid of community and without social events; sometimes the internet IS your best bet at socializing and i really do worry about people like this, like me, as the internet slowly rots as it is lately.

The internet was also for me, and i'm sure many others, the only place i could explore my queerness and learn about such concepts as being trans; if it hadn't been for social media sites like this one (as occasionally well meaning but clouded by discourse as it was) i would never have even known trans men existed nor that i could be one. I would have had no idea what was 'different' about me or that i could choose to be something other than that which was slowly destroying me with the grief i felt for having to be it. I never would have met my boyfriend either, nor my friends; you can scoff if you like but genuinely the amount of life changing and life saving things the internet have provided me with have ensured i am still here today. I don't know, i'm just mournfully watching as the year slowly erodes what little i've had over the years in terms of people seeing what i make or having spaces to talk to one another and I'm worried about how bad this is going to get. With every death of a social media website that's become The One we congregate on we each spread off into a million different smaller, harder to find each other on ones, and who among us can really say they have the same time to give 5 different sites that they give to 1. My world was lonely before the internet became a thing i could access, and so was many other peoples i'm sure. I'm worried about it becoming that lonely again for people.

#jay talkin #sorry this is like. a deeply depressing discussion about the state of the internet but the subject is rotting a hole in my stomach #as are. so fucking many other things that i feel far less qualified to speak on and so shant #so im just. trying to get it off my chest and out of me bc it is eating away at me this year #lol a lot of things are. shits rough out here folks. shit is rough. been a morose time as of late. anyways. we move. we keep it pushing #also first person to get snarky and tell me that ppl can just make friends through school and work is getting fed into a mascerator #Not Everyone Experiences Those Things In Their Life Chucklefuck. anyway. mascerates you #sigh. lets leave this on a positive note. im getting my first new bed in 15 years today! yay!

[steddie-island]

I have two things I have to do today. 1) call my surgeon for my 2 week post-op followup 2) therapy this afternoon.

I want to write, but I feel like I should call my surgeon first to rip off the bandaid? But on the other hand, I'm pretty sure doing that is going to ruin my goddamn day lol.

So anyway I think I'm gonna write instead and call at like 4 instead so I at least have a few good hours, then I can have an hour to de-compress before therapy just to get myself worked up again.

#CW Surgery mention #There has been so much trauma around my fucking surgery #Like so fucking much lol #And I have Other Stuff I need to discuss with my therapist but this is going to be the Main Topic of convo for probably the next 4 weeks #And I still want to kick my surgeon's ass tbh #Like I'm still really in my feelings about everything even though I'm in a lot less pain in week 2 than I was in week 1 #But ugh #ALSO ALSO they cut my fucking stomach open and the 2 week followup is a fucking /phone call/ in what universe does that make sense?? #I think my only in-person follow-up is going to be at 6 weeks post-op