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#no! you're genuinely making me upset!
absentlyabbie · 6 months
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i've developed some interesting methods of handling having a relationship with my mother who made my childhood/teen years misery and committed more than a little abuse.
as an adult, we have a very different dynamic, her daughters (sister and i) have confronted her with a lot of her bullshit and the things she both did and enabled. for some she has been sorrowful and even sometimes apologetic. she's a better mother to me now than she ever was when i most needed one. so i'll never actually trust her again, and she'll never be much deeper than surface level in my life, but we have something mostly good now, and on my terms.
however, she is very definitely one of those "i don't remember it that way" and "i did the best i could" mothers in a lot of areas, and has also always been the type to (probably unconsciously) emotionally manipulate the people she's hurt into catering to her hurt feelings about it instead.
over the years i've learned to get really comfortable with just not indulging it.
is she having a bad day, seems sad and upset? i'll give her a hug, try to make her laugh. if she throws broad hints it's a surge of hurt feelings about having driven one of her children to cut her off? well i'm just gonna stand there and not acknowledge or entertain it.
"well, apparently i was a bad mother" or shit like that? i'm just gonna look at her for a second, and i might either shrug or even nod, but i'm not saying a damn thing. i'm not awkwardly, uncomfortably, painfully contorting to her guilt trip nonsense. i'm not apologizing or trying to soothe her or reassure her or minimize it.
like, yeah. you really were. you know it, glad to hear it. we've definitely had that talk.
best kindness, most generosity i can offer her in times like that is not maintaining eye contact to bluntly tell her "yeah, you were." she can go ahead and feel bad about it.
it's not on me to make her feel less bad. she should feel bad. and i am definitely not someone she gets to seek comfort from about it.
hopefully someday she'll inch past just "poor me, i'm so sad and angsty about it" towards, like, examining the whys and acknowledging what she actually did wrong and work actively to be be better. in a few places, some of that has happened.
but that's her work. her job and responsibility. she can do that shit on her own time.
i say all this to offer a shoulder of solidarity to others like me. if you maintain a complicated relationship as an adult with the parent who hurt you and did you wrong as a child, that is okay. you get to choose how and if to thread that needle.
but you don't have to accommodate emotional manipulation and guilt trip garbage. stonewall it. walk away if you need to. don't apologize. don't try to make it better. that's not on you and it doesn't have to be. it's okay.
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kkujo · 8 months
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something i don't see people talking about is the way hyperfixations come in like stages and cycles like it's not just "i'm obsessed with this thing" it's like. euphoria from finding something new and it brings you so much joy and then as that initial dopamine rush wears off you start to get more and more down and feel isolated as you start to realise that no one else cares about it as much as you do and you feel silly for being so into it and the thoughts become repetitive and boring so you get more and more depressed and lonely and then you inevitably lose the hyperfix which leaves you drifting feeling miserable and hopeless until you start the cycle again. idk if i explained this well or if other people will understand but it brings genuine phases of euphoria and straight up depression and this is why i get annoyed when neurotypicals use words like hyperfixation to describe like, an interest. bc it's not. just an interest it becomes who you are and when you lose it it's like losing yourself and you spend so much energy thinking about it that it interrupts your daily life and it's so fucking draining 👍
#like if i see one more nt being like hyperfixation this hyperfixation that SHUT UP!! YOU HAVE AN INTEREST#talk to me when you stay up until 6am every night bc you can't fucking sleep bc ur thinking about it.#talk to me when you can't process emotions in a normal healthy way because you can only relate it back to your hyperfix#paired w madd especially it's IMPOSSIBLE to be normal about shit i swear 2 god because the second i'm upset or lonely it's straight back to#immersing myself in another world and being someone else and not facing my emotions instead letting 'someone else' deal with them#not just negative emotions yk it's anything it's fully immersive to the point i end up not knowing exactly who i am myself bc i'm rarely#myself in my head yk#and it's so isolating#and this is why i get mad when people use these terms lightly bc they don't fucking get it#oh you're hyperfixated? oh you're delusional? you're delulu? watch this#< guy who has delusions that all of his friends secretly hate him bc he's too insane abt xyz media and who feels alone bc no one else is as#into it even though it wouldn't be reasonable to expect them to be#like i'm constantly questioning whether all my friends are secretly against me & finding me annoying anytime i talk about it but it's fine#it's so fucking isolating#i'm not losing my hyperfix yet thank god but i am in the stage of like realisation where the initial euphoria has worn off and i'm like#fuck no one else gets it. no one else is thinking about it like i am. and it's so lonely#< like not to sound like 'i'm 14 and no one gets me' or i'm not like other girls or whatever 😭#it's not me being dramatic i genuinely. know that no one else is spending every waking moment thinking about the things i am the way i do#and it's so incredibly depressing i can't even explain it in a way that will make sense#because i want to talk about it so fucking bad and i can't. even to my friends and gf who always listen i end up feeling annoying#and then i get genuinely delusional not like tiktok girl voice delulu like i genuinely start questioning my entire reality#just if i talk about something a little too much#bc i'm convinced i'm fucking annoying and no one gets it and they're thinking bad things about me#but i know they wouldn't. but it feels like they are#idk#anyways !
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Hot take but I just read a long post about someone being so upset and angry about the way the other people on empires treat Jimmy Solidarity (pranks, making fun of him, ect) and people in the replies were agreeing and talking about how distraught it makes them and all I can say is you should really stop watching his/others' Empires videos if its making you that upset because I can guarantee that its all in good fun and the man is having a perfectly okay time. He's having fun with his friends, they just like to rag on him. My friends like to rag on me too and it's totally fine, I enjoy it. You're projecting and you're, like, WAY too invested if it's upsetting you like that. You're turning him having fun with his friends into something it's not.
Stop using his videos to make yourself miserable :| Go watch something else instead of being self destructive and then whining about it online when there's not even anything wrong or mean really happening :| I'm so serious when I say that this is chronically online behavior and you need to go talk to a professional because that is Not Normal.
#not to tumblr subtweet or whatever but what the fuck guys#get offline. genuinely#he is having fun with his friends. he is having a good time.#they were like “its giving me flashbacks to middle school” DUDE. STOP WATCHING. HIS VIDEOS GO AS HE WANTS THEM TOO. HE EDITS AND CHOOSES WH#AT TO POST. YOU ARE PROJECTING AND YOU'RE BEING A DICK. HE AND HIS FRIENDS ARE GOOFY IN A WAY THAT WOULD PERSONALLY MAKE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE.#LIKE OKAY SURE!!! IF YOU DONT LIKE IT THEN THATS OKAY AND YOU DONT HAVE TO BE IN THAT SITUATION. BUT YOURE BEING A DICK BY COMPLAINING ABOU#T IT AND WHINING ONLINE ABOUT HOW HE INTERACTS WITH HIS FRIENDS. IT IS PLAYFUL AND ENJOYABLE FOR HIM BECAUSE IF IT WASNT HE'D NOT BE DOING#IT BECAUSE HES AN ADULT AND HE WOULD TELL HIS FRIENDS (IN PRIVATE WHERE YOU CANT SEE IT) THAT WHAT THEYRE DOING IS UPSETTING HIM#you are being parasocial my guy#also stop using his videos to hurt yourself dude what??? that is not healthy???#sorry for ranting. im sure ill get upset people in asks again. thats fine#idrc because im a fucking adult and i recognize that a grown ass man wouldnt be behaving like this and having a villain arc in minecraft#because he was genuinely mad at his friends :| and that you need to do something if seeing it is upsetting you and that its unhealthy that#people agree with you and theyre basically enabling you/encouraging you by acting like its normal to be so upset over something innocuous#rant over#aim.rant#aim.txt#jimmy solidarity#solidarity gaming#solidaritygaming#mcyt
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Okay I'm not saying that this semester's students suck ass bc I'm not there to teach them, but isn't it just such a coincidence that the vast majority are failing so miserably and they don't have someone who will tutor them outside of class and go over notes and skills with them, while the previous semesters did have that and the majority passed? Super interesting stuff. Too bad we'll never know if things could've been different if they had just fucking paid me :)
#can you tell I'm peeved lmao#i went to one of the classes today just so i can keep it on my resume#and holy fuck#weeks into the semester and they should have the basics down#they do not#absolutely floundering#granted I'm sure I'm not actually the reason lmao#like yeah i helped a shit ton of students outside class too#but they probably could've passed without me#these new ones tho are awful#no drive no nothing just looking for others to blame for their own failures#i didn't even stay the whole time like i was planning#bc i found out that they hired four other fucking people for the program#who all have less experience than me#and have been with the program for a way shorter time than i have#who don't do half the extra shit i do#and don't get me wrong this isn't a slight at them they're all fully qualified#but why the fuck not hire me#like i genuinely am so pissed#have to email my supervisor but I'm too upset to make it sound civil#like fucking fine if you don't wanna pay me you never get to see me again#I'm not working ten hour days plus extra outside of class for nothing anymore that's insane#I'll keeping being a private tutor for the students but I'm not doing a single thing for the program without pay#i mean holy shit hiring at least four other people and not saying shit to me??#like fine that's fine fuck you you're getting an email ultimatum good luck finding someone else willing to do all that for free#i cried about it for like an hour and now I'm just mad lmao having a super normal one rn#anyway#not snz
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hooved · 1 year
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i dunno if this is like weird advice to give, but for anyone who is or has a partner/friend/etc. who's interested in a threesome (or more), you gotta make sure that everyone involved is emotionally ready for that. if you or someone else might get jealous, then just don't do it. don't lie and say you're ready just because you wanna make your partner happy, or because of peer pressure, or even just because you're attracted to someone involved, etc., if you're having any doubts at all then just say so. this is something you need to discuss thoroughly beforehand. jealousy or any other sort of emotional discomfort during group sex WILL negatively affect your relationship(s) with whoever's involved. if sex is an experience that's very important and personal to you and you're not ready to share that with someone other than your partner(s) then there's no shame in turning it down. a good partner wouldn't be upset by you setting boundaries. your comfort is more important than the opportunity to have a threesome
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dreamlogic · 6 months
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quietly getting more & more annoyed at my housemate & her bf as the evening goes on. thought they were at his house this weekend but they showed up unexpectedly to have loud sex here, left for a little bit, came back in the middle of a fight, and are now watching tv really loudly in between continuing to totally-not-fight-everything's-FINE.
#ctxt#shit chat#they're both rly nice people who genuinely love each other a lot & have been together like 7 years#but in the time i've known them they just keep playing out the same maladaptive patterns together and it's painful to watch#one of them will be irritable for some reason and snap at the other; other responds by airing a deep-seated grievance they've been sittin on#and instead of just. having a conflict about it to its conclusion to resolve the issue they just both fall over themselves apologizing#and spend several hours being really touchy & reactive to little things but overwhelmingly gentle/reassuring/affectionate#person A: *snaps* im sorry baby i didn't mean it i'm just stressed i love you so much can i do anything for you?#person B: no no my love you're fine i'm not mad i understand can i do anything for YOU you're so special i care about you so much#*make out in the kitchen about it a bit. swap roles rinse & repeat*#like i know turning towards a loved one after conflict instead of giving them the cold shoulder is a sign of emotional maturity#and is generally a healthy communication habit#but like. you gotta actually HAVE the conflict first instead of glossing over it the minute difficult emotions come up???#and when they get in these loops i really think they should just. agree on a mutual time out to do their own thing for a day#calm down sort themselves out and then come back together to mend things#instead of just reflexively drawing closer together immediately to try and smother discontent#which just results in them still being upset and now tripping over each other bumping elbows exacerbating things#while being obnoxiously saccharine to cover it up#i mean. 7 yrs is nothing to sneeze at but imo this is. not a sustainable way of relating & building a life together#and it sucks to watch it play out. reminds me of my parents who were blissfully incompatible in a similar way for like 30 years#before it finally blew up spectacularly with a lot of collateral damage earlier this year.
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demonstars · 8 months
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not you so trying to hide it everytime I'm so excited
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its-our-paris · 1 year
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One of my biggest pet peeves is people writing "might of" when they mean "might have". English is my third language, dude. What's your excuse?
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terroristiraqi · 12 days
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oh i wish feelings would go away
#p#need to unregister from the class we signed up for together lol#unless i need it in that case he can leave#i do care about him but he was just exhausting me constantly#just being immature and not to my standards. which like fine i have high standards for ppl whatever#but just not being realistic at all. then has the gall to call me immature and call this 'tv ahh shi'#genuinely burst out laughing at that one#he loves me sure.#i realized i kept dreading calls or trying to ignore his texts and avoid him essentially#didn't see him for a month and we kissed day after eid and there was nothing honestly#none of the spark or the feeling that was there before#alhamdullilah. i came to my senses even tho 3 weeks late#he says he doesn't hate me. 'you're the only one who can break my heart'. direct words#he's upset no doubt. blocked him on everything#i think he thinks i'll come back i mean i came back twice#but khalas. sneaking around and lying and the excuses i keep giving to my family. it's exhausting#on top of me being already iffy about him. i'm 18 man i have so long to find someone#he was a lousy boyfriend a lot of the time. didn't make up for the things he said he'd make up for#he did get better but im not entirely sure since we didn't see each other for a month#all i need to do is look at the bright side of it all. i have so much freetime now. i can do what i want. i don't have to apologize for#every little thing. i feel more relaxed. i don't have to check my phone as often. i don't need to make excuses for someone else#alhamdullilah alhamdullilah alhamdullilah
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zeezu-ix · 5 months
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assigning myself as the biggest 'final horizon update end boss fight' hater.
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dullerndrounder · 14 days
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uh oh sorrh folks no more vaguely concerning posts where i elude to suicide the hoes say they're "worried about me" and so i'm in time out.
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sysig · 1 month
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But would you tho (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Helix#Schuldig#ZEX#And again the Captain implied from offscreen lol#Two little things ♪ One that Actually happened and one speculation lol#I really like Schuldig :D He's the likeable asshole type and his quirk is very well written :)#I love how he gets on Zelnick's case about his wishy-washy-ness in regards to xenophilia generally and ZEX specifically hehe#Zelnick has no good answer for him! It's so cute hehe <3#But then he turns right around and is wishy-washy himself!! I get the feeling his frustration stems a bit from relating hahaha#Or maybe Zelnick's uncertainty influenced him! It's not such an easy decision to make when you're staring down the barrel is it now :)#Openly attracted to Max's body and flattered by ZEX's personality and outright attraction to him in turn but the alien aspect is too much pf#Sure right okay lol - I have no skin in this game so I'll have to take his word for it haha#Secondarily speculating around ZEX's attraction and standards lol it sounds like an oxymoron but no he is actually a bit picky!#Yes he loves humans generally but he is actually tempered by what mind inhabits what body! It's so interesting to me!#I think it's especially funny how his various desires are in conflict with each other haha#Like it makes sense that he controls himself around Fwiffo - poor thing would have a heart attack - but he genuinely seems less attracted!#Which makes sense to me as well ♪ Spathi and VUX share several traits and were on the same side during the War so he's familiar with them#And he's specifically attracted to differences and novelty - it all lines up!#And then there's also his pride lol he tries to make more friends than enemies of course but he still gets petty and patronizing <3#If he's actually upset with someone /he's/ the one who would need convincing! It's all very interesting :3c#And then there's the matter of his own body vs. Max's body - he's so upset at the metaphysical implications of cloning his consciousness#I've never thought of ZEX in the context of the ''Would you fuck your clone'' questionnaire but I guess I know his answer now haha#Though I still wonder what his reaction would be to Max :0 He's probably not close enough to be ZEX but he is /a/ ZEX - of a sort#All his introspection about the body he's in has my mental ears perked haha - pity and worry for the potential life he's replacing#Discomfort at possibly being Max in some capacity including continuing to be in his body but also of overtaking his life entirely#And of being backed into a corner - Max is pitiful as well as pitiable! Neither of them want to be Max Vyer really#He loves humans but how far does that extend when push comes to shove ♪ It's been interesting watching him fumble through it :)
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dootznbootz · 2 months
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There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.
"You're not thinking of the ___!"
"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."
#I really really hate it. It angers me in such a specific way that just skldjf ksdl#...#vent below. idk. I'm really sorry#Mad rambles#Terfs will be like “oh think of survivors! 'MEN' can share women's spaces!” like shut the actual fuck up. SHUT UP. Shut your damn mouth#A terf is so much more dangerous than a trans person. Me. a tiny cis woman is so much more dangerous to a terf than a transperson is.#Because I will obliterate you. How dare you say you speak on MY behalf? As if I don't know what I'm fucking talking about.#as if you're “protecting me” by spewing such bullshit? by treating someone as a danger when they're not?!#Especially when they believe it's a fucking TRUMP CARD. Like mentioning it means they're right!!! when obviously they're not!!!#Or when they think the fact that I'm cis will make me agree with them! I'm cis simply because I am. I'm not better or worse because of it#being cis doesn't mean I'm fine with bullshit though!#I really hate feeling almost as if like...idk I'm “known” for talking about this but it's just so so infuriating. people will act like they#know when they don't. Obviously every experience is different and terfs who are survivors I hope you find peace and my heart goes out to yo#but you also need to get your fucking head outta your ass. Saying such things isn't the way to heal and you're hurting others with it.#It's NOT about hating men or trans people! the “men are always violent/women are always victims” mentality needs to fuck off#as if it's just the script of life and that it's inescapable no matter what. that it's the truth even if circumstances say otherwise.#...I'm going to possibly block the epic tag for a bit. I have the name of the saga blocked but like... It's just genuinely upsetting.#my story got picked apart too on how it wasn't actually that bad. that I'm actually the fucking worst. “Men are just like that sweetie”#BULLSHIT!!! Gender doesn't dictate a person's morals. Being good and kind does. It doesn't matter what form that takes!#not even saying HE'S good and kind as he's horrible and wonderful at the same time but about this stuff? Do what you want but#I DO think you're insane if you see it as otherwise and it makes me wanna lock my door. You're not a bad person probably but also 🙃#I get that there's history but there's also the fucking TEXT.#I don't know. I'm really sorry#tw trauma#tw sa mention#I'm not necessarily against reblogging this (I don't care) but don't post with tags. please
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marrissacooper · 1 year
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sometimes I think about the concept of the Hyde and if I had a blood thirsty beast inside of me unlocked by trauma and torture that I couldn't control, I don't think I would've done better than tyler galpin
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thelittlemermage · 7 months
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ok ok so I know this doesn’t matter to u and u might even already know but I desperately need you to know that the Day after you posted that thing about ppl getting upset about selfcest, a new adventure time episode dropped where a main character told two separate sets of alternate universe versions of people that the alt versions of each other should kiss. She Encouraged Selfcest. and the fandom is going nuts trying to figure out why she would do that. like man. what.
ok I know u don’t care but I had to tell you cuz it was literally the next day and I can’t stop thinking about it
I DID SEE THAT. I've somehow managed to never watch Adventure Time so I'm personally so far removed from this but I saw people going on about that on Twitter and I was dying kjskllkklsf. What is it about this that makes people lose their minds. Seriously. You can't fuck your clone/alternate version of yourself in reality? ? How is this a moral issue for anyone to the extent that you'd get like...actually upset over it. It's hard to believe just a few years ago the biggest thing on tumblr was Onecest. It's like we jumped into a different reality at some point.
I do care :p If only because I've had to deal with it unexpectedly (at least to me because I'm still in Timeline A idk about the rest of the ya'll) and I was actually surprised people were upset by it. So I'm curious what makes people act that way. I think it's no big deal to feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, but I don't get the part where it makes you go out and attack people in ways that are so dramatic and often gross.
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