#not genuine. opposite of genuine. why did i think ingenuine was the opposite for a sec there now i cant change it

[bblookyyy]

this freeform app is pretty funky

#my art #homestuck #dave strider #rose lalonde #tempted to tag this as whiteboard bc freeform is also a shared board w frieds style canvas that u can zoom really out of #but it has sm more colour or brush or paint bucket options it’d feel ingenuine to tag it as such #not genuine. opposite of genuine. why did i think ingenuine was the opposite for a sec there now i cant change it

[gg-astrology]

Hi! i read about what you replied to friendship question about BTS boys, you said that Jimin may not have a best friend because he does not need to choose only one, so... i asking myself, what role has Taehyung in Jimin life? they really seem genuine when they say that they are best friends, then Jimin does not really feel like that? thank you for your time :)

Hey there! There seems to be.. a misunderstanding here. One of the admin on my blog showed me that this is from the bestie of a different gender post right? The context is missing, on the post it’s under the guidelines that it’s a scenario of someone else - and thus I didn’t talk about the boy’s friendship there because I thought it was obviously not related to the post (‘different gender bestie’ assuming its someone outside of the team?) 

Second, he does have a lot of friends and thus when I was writing the post, I focused on explaining an astrological perspective on how it could positively nurture and revitalize him (libra+gemini). The narrative and explanation I gave was pointing towards how to treat libra + gemini placements right, managing expectations (not to be delusional) and how to treat those who may have similar placements well. It was by no means interpreting Jimin as someone who’s ingenuine to his friends in anyway. If anything, my approach to this would’ve been to appeal to the reader to be more open-minded to the person/subject in question by explaining certain approaches in a more humane way? So I think.. this may be.. a big misunderstanding/misinterpretation... 

I also didn’t think it would discredit Taehyung/Vmin because?? again?? it was?? unrelated to the post from the different gender bestie?? And I thought it was... obvious that they are best friends??  

If you are interested in hearing it clarified, on what I meant on the original post, I was talking about his libra/gemini placements, and the idea is that it can bounce and thrive in nurturing environments if he finds good soil for it to grow with (nice and strong) it doesn’t overlook the fact that he also has scorpio venus/mars, and how those can point to belonging and placing/giving sentimental/emotional affection to someone specifically as well (taehyung) Especially if he sees?? this person?? as close to family/family??? 

While he might be incline to give certain people opportunities/chances to get to know him as well, it doesn’t mean he gives out his sentimentality to just anyone willy-nilly. He’s nice but he’s not stupid?? Nor are they naive (libras) to just let anyone in. There’s complexity in this, that is what I want to say on the topic I think. To manage your expectations, and understand that parameters for ‘closeness’ isn’t the same everywhere. We cannot demand the same treatment someone would give to a dear person, to be given to us. What is given should be given freely (in friendship like this) - and sometimes being pushy/demanding/disappointed in someone’s love expression just means perhaps we should adjust our understanding of love-style and close-ness, access ourselves/our relationships.    

In the end, what I suggest was that you can’t demand or expect ‘best friends’ to be the same dynamic everywhere. Which is where most people can become disillusioned with their fantasies of relationships with others, and what to expect (unrealistically). Libras especially may face this, because they’re air cardinal and sometimes you hear about them not being as close as you think they are to you. However, that’s why I had to explain how to appreciate Libras and what they give you. How to manage expectations and appreciate their self-expression they give to you. Closeness isn’t the same for everyone, and sometimes you can’t force people to treat you a certain way or demand more than what they give you. I did not want to feed into the delusions of the ‘different gender bestie’ being tightly intimate like vmin, especially without covering grounds of what a healthy normal/typical friendship with each sign would suggest beforehand, which is where the quote is from. 

What they have is grown from their own efforts, trust and support/dedication for each other. Like that’s-- realistically, just what vmin had shown to us in the real world. Outside of scenarios and especially astrology scenarios. Astrology can be enjoyed and suggest perhaps what each other would appreciate. But in the end one’s experience would shape how we approach things/future endeavours, right? 

I hope this answers your question, clarifying what I said/meant in further details. I hope this makes more sense! 💕💓❤️ In conclusion, I don’t doubt they’re best friend, nor did I ever paint him (jimin) to be someone who’s -- like what you’re suggesting? I hope this misunderstanding is cleared now, first in terms of context and second in term of clearing Jimin’s character/person. The implication you’ve made on his image/character is a little more alarming than anything else I think. I was concerned/alarmed that I would suggest such a narrative, when that has been the total opposite of what I’ve always intended to do. So please be careful in the future and don’t put people’s words out of context! 💕💓❤️  

#jimin asks #bts asks #astrology asks #anon #asks

[dahniwitchoflight]

Candy page 9 to page 11

Oh damn, I actually got sucked into the story a bit that i forget to react at all to 9 and 10, got midway through the 11 johndave convo that i realized oh fuck right i should be writing this shit down

So, interestingly enough, the narrative seems to be implying that Jade wants to do a quadrant polyamorous thing with Karkat and Dave

the little mention of fledgling kismessitude with her and karkat and the later notes of her wanting to fuck both dave and karkat suggests that she wants Karkat in Spades and Dave in Hearts

though funnily enough she might actually want to flipflop between the both of them as well

because the little quip about her being determined to solve relationship problems like math problems and turning their hands flipwise behind her back just reminded me of Karkat’s attempt to partition Terezi between himself and Dave also potentially flipflopping the quadrants the same way

just this time it’s Jade not Terezi and it’s the girl not Karkat being the one to suggest it lol

She does also literally make a diamond with her hands and put Karkat and Dave at the centre of it, suggesting she doesn’t mind them being in a relationship together, but wants monopolyamory of the sexuality part of it

Dave and Karkat stay diamonds in her mind while both take turns being flush or pitch with her

It’s a perfectly mathematical arrangement

John’s not wrong when he says she has the social graces of an elephant lol

But it is clear that she does love them both and is just lonely

Everyone seems to be having similar love troubles

John considering between Roxy and Terezi and since his feelings don’t clearly lie in one direction it makes him feel guilty, cuz even when directly confronted with Dave’s situation he doesn’t really entertain the idea that he could do something similar at all, and feels really uncomfortable with Roxy’s and Calliope’s previous relationship, like he feels bad Roxy has to choose him over her, also not thinking about a love triangle as a solution rather than as a problem

Really laying it on thick the idea of having to choose between one thing or another thing in a black and white this or that only sort of way is a really difficult and tragic way of looking at the situation

Heck, they even talk about how coins flips don’t always mean you have two options

“DAVE: ok so every time you flip a coin youre creating an alternate timeline right”

Meat and Candy are alternate timelines created by a “seemingly” binary choice

“DAVE: one where it lands heads and one where it lands tails”

So choose, Meat, or Candy?

“DAVE: but while the coin is flipping both possibilities exist simultaneously”

A prologue for the epilogues existed, a time before John (The Reader) actually made a choice, but it could no futher until a choice was made, until the coin fell

“JOHN: but what if you knew for sure that you’d make the same decision no matter which side landed up?

DAVE: you cant

JOHN: so... it’s like the coin never lands then?

There is a “correct” decision for both of them, both of them do have an idea of which choice theyd prefer over the other, it’s not equalized to them, but they feel guilty about that

they dance around the idea of there being a third option, but don’t have the words to articulate what that means for them besides “not having the coin ever fall, keep it suspended forever and the choice never has to happen”

Because a Coin can’t land both heads up and tails up

but it can land perfectly on it’s razor edge if you’re lucky

You can actively choose another way, rather than just avoid making a choice

Though it is also unfortunately is also implying that both Dave and John would rather be making one choice over another

Dave doesn’t love Jade romantically, not really, he just feels guilty about her and her situation, Dave loves Karkat and here, the idea makes him panic

John doesn’t love Roxy romantically, not really, he just feels guilty about her and her situation, John loves Terezi, and here, the idea makes him panic

Both of them feel like they should try to love Jade/Roxy, just for reasons that don’t actually involve genuine romantic feeling

John focuses on the setting feeling sterotypically romantic, the diner, the pretty lights, the scene feeling right, looking at everything except her

and then that line about how Roxy’s eyes look like staring into the Void, Roxy being unreadable, and seeming to change between the routes, bringing up topics vaguely, like she’s fishing for an opinion of the person’s she’s talking to

Roxy is probably just a social chameleon, eyes like mirrors reflecting the person next to her

Looking into a mirror, you have to get past seeing your own face in the reflection, and somehow look behind your own head and that’s pretty hard to do in a mirror

then the boys immediately segue back into what it means to make the “right” choice, the “canon” choice

John understand in some way that its not enough to have only two choices, or the option to not choose at all

more and more the third option awakens, just what it will be remains to be seen, written in the leafy green

It’s not without intent that the number 3 is Canon:

Essential, True, and Relevant 

So far, Meat seems to carry what is “Essential” in that it technically fulfills timeloops, hits story beats and moves things along at a good pace in a proper story format, the skeleton layout, the barebones structure

But it feels Irrelevant and ingenuine to what the characters experience, so it feels unsatisfying, it doesn’t feel “right”

it doesn’t feel canon

Candy then is obviously not essential to the story at large, it’s made very clear what happens here is technically without meaning and many of the characters are inundated with that feeling of “it doesn’t matter” irrelevance

but it also is technically truth, this timeline does exist and it did happen, these are not fake events

But since it is ONLY “True”, but not essential or relevant, it feels unsatisfying, it doesn’t feel right

it doesn’t feel canon

What then are we left with? What is missing?

And there IS something missing, they make it very clear with the stuff from PesterQuest so far

You click on the last page of the Homestuck Epilogues, then you scroll down. You read it (1). Then you read it again (2). You scroll down to go to the next section (3) and find... nothing?

What kind of ending was that? Absolutely nothing got resolved!

aka, Nothing Mattered.

Nothing was actually relevant to the story we were told.

We’re missing that hidden third pillar.

John remembers those words, essential, true, relevant, but no other contextual remarks which bind them.

He lost why it matters, he’s lost the context for it entirely. 

Also, random Roxy note: “She grins up at John with shimmering, adoring eyes. They’re reflecting every star in the sky, all for him.”

Yup, she’s a social mirror, that’s why people have trouble getting a good read on her

“It makes his heart do a weird somersault. It tries to flip frontways (1), then backwards (2), and ends up landing on its face instead. (3)”

The Coin tried to flip heads, then tails, then ended up landing on it’s side

the more you look for it, the more evidence there is for that hidden third route, all of the text is cluttered with things happening in threes, first a couple of opposite situations, then a third unexpected one.

“ It itches at the back of his head, the idea that he might have just fucked up Dave’s entire life. “

Told ya, John you got main character-ism, you can’t do anything about affecting people one way or another

#Homestuck #Meat or Candy

[court-of-abs]

“Maybe Tomorrow” (Elorcan Fanfic) [Chapter 6]

Here she is ducklings. I’m a horrible human being, I know. I’m gonna try to get chapter 7 done by this Friday. I’M GONNA TRY. Also, If you want to be added to the “tag list” for all of the following chapters, just comment on this post or message me! Hope you ducklings enjoy chapter 6 :)

Chapter 5 | Chapter 7 

Tag List:

@high-lady-of-perranth @addled @bibliophileinnightcourt @bluephoenix222 @colbelike @zorpher @highladyofthedark @empire-of-readers

“Why did you let them come” Lysandra groaned, leaning her head back into the pillows and splaying her arms out over the couch. She let the empty wine bottle fall to the floor.

“Technically I invited the school, and, as much as we might hate it, they are apart of the school.” Aelin was completely serious now as if she hadn’t drunken anything at all. Lysandra groaned again and rose up from the couch.

“If I can acknowledge that they’re here, then I’m not drunk enough” Lysandra declared, and with that she sassed over to the kitchen and morphed into the crowd of people in search of more alcohol. Just as Lysandra disappeared into the crowd, they walked in.

At the forefront was Fenrys, his arm around the beautiful dark-haired girl in their group. Essar was her name, if Elide remembered correctly. Her and Fenrys were easily some of the most beautiful people Elide had ever seen. Connall, Fenrys’ beautiful dark-haired twin followed right behind them alongside Gavriel and a quiet man with short brown hair. Elide couldn’t remember his name.

Much to Elide’s surprise, Aelin had a giant smile plastered on her face that was every ounce genuine as she waved them all over.

“Fen! Essie!” Aelin called. Both of the persons questions turned towards Aelin and mirrored her smile, making their way through the crowd of people with ease.

“Aelin you know how to throw a party!” Essar said, laughing as she plopped down on the couch right in the spot Lysandra had just been.

“I wouldn’t have thrown one if I didn’t know how to” Aelin purred, her grin growing mischievous. Essar only laughed.

“Room for me ladies?” Fenrys said, hands on his hips as he surveyed the coach. But as Fenrys attempted to fit himself between Aelin and Rowan, Rowan gave him such a pointed look that Fenrys had the right idea to back away.

“Where’s my favorite green-eyed beauty?!” Essar yelled out, her hands cupped around her mouth to accentuate her voice. Elide wouldn’t be surprised if Essar had had a drink or two before coming to the party.

“Getting more alcohol” Aelin said, but her smile was tight as she talked about Lysandra; there was probably something between the two. Essar pouted at that. She stretched her arms out and splayed herself over the couch, her head resting in Aelin’s lap. Elide’s eyes darted between everyone.

She was completely, utterly, confused.

“Everything is a lot more complicated than it seems” a voice whispered in her ear. Elide nearly jumped out of her seat. She whipped her head around behind her to see who the voice was and was met with a laughing Nox.

“Nox you nearly scared me half to death!” Elide whined, hand clutched above her heart. Nox just kept laughing and turned his attention towards the opposite coach where Aelin was sitting.

“Most of the cadre is either friends with Aelin, or doesn’t mind her at all” Nox said, his attention fixed on Aelin. Elide turned towards her as well, watching Essar laugh at something Aelin had said, Fenrys probing Rowan every chance he got and dancing out of the way everytime Rowan made a move for him. Even Dorian, sprawled in the chair opposite Elide, Chaol’s head laying lousily on his shoulder, was contributing to the conversation, talking lightly with Connall and calling over to Aelin every now and then. They talked to each other with such ease and grace and familiarity.

Something Elide had never had.

“It’s kind of blinding, isn’t it” Nox whispered. He was sitting on the edge of her chair now, watching them interact with an almost predatory manner.

“Yeah” Elide said mindlessly. She wouldn’t try to process what Nox had said, not today. She was too busy staring at all of them, taking in their dynamic. I could be a part of that Elide thought to herself. But at the same time, Elide felt like couldn’t. Because she wasn’t.

“Where’s the pitbull?!” Aelin yelled, her question directed at the cadre in its entirety. Elide scrunched her brow, looking over the Cadre members. Was someone not there? The twins were, so was Gavriel and the other brown-haired boy - Vaughn was his name, she remembered. Essar was still sprawled on the couch, but no longer layed on top of Aelin. It suddenly hit Elide like a bullet.

Where was Cairn, the boy Nox had told her to keep an eye out for? And Remelle, Maeve’s blonde side-kick? Where was Lorcan?

Where was Maeve herself?

Nox shifted next to her, perhaps realizing the same thing just as she did. Doubtful. He’d probably already realized they weren’t there. Aelin’s rival, Elide’s rival, hadn’t shown up to the party.

“Had stuff to do” Fenrys replied nonchalantly, taking a sip out of a red cup that hadn’t been in his hand a second ago. Dorian waved his hand at that, but Aelin didn’t seem to like his answer.

“Fenrys” she said, warning laced in her tone. She even look over to Essar, silently asking her for the answer she wanted. Essar only avoided her gaze. Aelin looked like she was about to say something, but Rowan beat her to it.

“Where’s Lorcan, Fenrys. Remelle? Cairn?” Rowan ground out, his voice growing colder with each word.

As if on cue, a whistle went through the crowd again, the same sequence of notes that had sounded before. And then, for the second time that night, the cadre walked in.

Remelle was wearing even less clothing than Elide. Cairn had her attached at the hip, his eyes roaming over everyone in the room. And Lorcan lead them both. He had always been over a foot taller than everyone, Elide especially, but now, with a tight black shirt and fitted jeans, he looked twice everyone’s size too. She felt like a doll compared to him.

Rowan bristled as Lorcan’s gaze briefly met his. Rowan’s expression was so cold that Elide couldn’t read anything off of him. She knew that face. She used to wear that face everyday of her life - sometimes still. There was history there.

Cairn pushed past Lorcan as they walked into the room Elide was situated in, haphazardly dragging Remelle along.

“Hello Cairn” Aelin said, rising from her seat on the couch and taking a few steps towards him. Cairn snarled at her, actually snarled at her. Remelle looked so disturbed by Aelin’s presence that it seemed like she wanted to vomit. Lorcan looked impassive, arms crossed over his chest to reveal the muscles underneath.

“Aelin” Cairn merely said, his voice rough. He was taking in the rest of the cadre, Essar sitting with Rowan, and Fenrys standing between them all. Both Essar and Fenrys quickly moved towards Vaughn & Gavriel who were leaning on the wall. Aelin watched their movements as well and sighed.  

Much to everyone’s surprise, Aelin only gave Cairn a smile, ingenuine and malicious, but a smile, and waved her hands to gesture to the party going on around them.

“Enjoy the party” she said, that wicked smile still adorning her face. Cairn ignored Aelin entirely and instead nodded at the other cadre members leaning against the wall. He started walking back into the crowd of people, his arm still firmly around Remelle. Vaughn quickly followed Cairn, not even bothering to glance back at Aelin or any of the others. Fenrys waved them all goodbye, even bowing at Elide like he had the first day of school during gym. Gavriel gave Rowan a quick handshake, but then he was off, Connall close on his heels as he gave Chaol and Dorian one last goodbye.

Essar was the only one left then, her expression held reluctance to follow them, but the war waging in her mind quickly came to an end as she lowered her head and slowly began to follow where the rest of the cadre had gone. Not before she looked up at Lorcan though, to find his gaze boring into hers. They shared a look, one that had Essar straightening just a little. She then ripped her gaze away from him and stalked into the crowd of people. Lorcan followed after her, grabbing a cup from one of the party members, chugging it all down in one go, and then morphing into the crowd as well.

The only thing that Elide could think of in that moment, however stupid it might sound, was that Lorcan hadn’t looked over to her at all.

It had been over an hour since the “encounter” with the cadre, and the party had only grown in size. Elide had talked quietly with Nox for a good 30 minutes or so after the cadre had dispersed, but then he himself had bid her goodbye and faded back into the crowd of people. She wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t see him for the rest of the night.

Elide tapped her foot restlessly on the floor as she leaned back in the chair. She was half tempted to go spend the rest of the night upstairs in Aelin’s room, curled up on her bed with a mountain of blankets and a good book. That is until Aelin and Rowan probably stumbled up there themselves, drunk and looking to do activities that did not involve reading a book. Elide had finished the one she’d “stolen” from the library days ago and was desperate for the sequel. She just might have to go to the library tomorrow before their campaigning session to get it - not “steal” it, of course.

“Ellliiiddddeeeeee” sang a voice from across the room. A very drunk Manon, white hair loose from its always sleek ponytail, broke through the crowd.

“Aeeeelliinnnnnnn” she sang this time, beginning to recite everyone’s name in song. A girl was with her, holding Manon up and laughing every time Manon opened up her mouth. Her smile was so bright it was blinding, and her perfect curves and curly golden hair only added to her extremely good looks. She was almost as attractive as Manon, maybe even as attractive as Fenrys, but there was a wilder glint in her eyes that had been absent in the latter two. By the way she was scanning their faces and keeping a good hold on Manon, Elide could tell she wasn’t drunk, but she sure was enjoying Manon being so. Lysandra stumbled in from the opposite of the room then, a new bottle of wine hanging loosely from her hand.

“Asterin, how drunk is she?!” Lysandra squealed, and then laughed at her own exclamation. Asterin, Elide assumed she was, laughed, her golden eyes crinkling at the edges. Lysandra made her way over to the couch where Aelin and Rowan were otherwise engaged with eachother, plopping herself down in the exact same position she was in before.

“I’d say a little more than tipsy, perhaps almost as drunk as you” Asterin replied, winking at Lysandra and sticking out her tongue as Lysandra let out another loud laugh. Aelin and Rowan just kept making out beside them, both choosing to ignore everyone and everything for the moment. Manon finished her pronouncement of everyone’s name in song and gave a loopy grin, turning towards Asterin and giving her a sloppy kiss. Manon’s red lipstick, usually perfectly lined with a deep blood red, was smeared all over Asterin’s face - and her own. The red cup in her hand swayed with Manon’s every movement. Elide couldn’t help but laugh.

Manon turned towards Elide at the sound. Her loopy smile only growing in size as she swayed over to Elide. But just as she was about to say something, Manon tripped over her feet and fell towards Elide, the contents in the red cup in her hand splashing all over Elide.

“Oh nooooo” Manon sang, giggling to herself and making no move to get off of Elide. Asterin tisked from over by the couch and came over to pick up Manon.

“I’m sorry!” Asterin said, looping Manon’s arm over her shoulder and starting to walk away. “You’re too drunk for your own good” Asterin said in Manon’s ear, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before escorting her away from the couch and towards what Elide assumed was the bathroom. Elide looked down at herself. Her outfit was dark, so she couldn’t really see a stain. But she felt gross and sticky now; she’d have to change.

“Grab a shirt from my room” Aelin said, turning towards Elide. It seemed that Aelin had taken a break from her makeout session, but Rowan hadn’t. He was kissing down Aelin’s neck as she spoke to Elide, his hands roaming in places that made Elide blush. Aelin noticed, letting a grin play on her lips, and only inclined her head towards the direction of the stairs before turning back to Rowan. Elide quickly looked away from them both and made her way towards the stairs.

The small amount of fabric that passed as her outfit for the night was completely drenched in beer. She’d have to scrub herself clean before she went home tomorrow. She didn’t want her uncle getting a single whiff of alcohol off of her. Elide eventually managed to squeeze her way through the crowded hallway and breakthrough the bombardment of drunk bodies to reach the bottom of the stairs. Not many people were on this side of the of the house. It seemed that if the music wasn’t near deafening at some area then no one wanted to be there.

Elide was just about to go up the stairs when she noticed the door to the back balcony was open, a cool breeze leaking through the cracks and lightly kissed her face. She walked over to close the door, thinking that someone had merely looked outside and forgotten to close it afterwards, when she noticed someone looking out over the backyard. The back lights were dim, and Elide only realized who it was standing there through the illumination of their cell-phone across their face.

It was Lorcan Salvaterre.

No, it was a pained Lorcan Salvaterre.

She’d seen that look on people’s faces, her own face, too many times to not notice it. Everytime she’d seen him and talked to him he’d displayed a hard exterior, an unbreakable facade. He displayed that now, but even from ten feet away and behind a door, Elide could see true emotion in his eyes. And she thought that maybe she should talk to him, apologize, perhaps, for her abrupt exit the other day at the library. What was the harm?

As Elide opened the door and stepped out to talk to him, Lorcan turned towards her and swayed. A red cup dangled from his free hand.

So perhaps it wasn’t emotion. Perhaps it was intoxication.

“Helloooo” he slurred, the corners of his lips moving up and down, as if unsure if he wanted to smile or not. Elide debated turning around and walking back inside, but with his attention solely on her now, those obsidian eyes showing just a bit of warmth - even if intoxication was more than likely to blame for it - she decided to stay.

“Hello” she responded, giving him a light smile and walking right up next to him, if only a few feet away. She turned her head to look over Oakwald forest.

The back balcony of Aelin’s estate stood over a steep hill that led to Oakwald forest, a sprawling collection of tall evergreens and dark oaks. It went on for as far as the eye could see, the tips of the farthest trees lining the horizon.

“I know you” he sang, shaking his head to get his hair out of his face. Elide almost laughed. Lorcan Salvaterre just sang to her. “You were at the lib-er-ar-ee.”

This time Elide did laugh. He was more intoxicated than Lysandra at the moment, and that in itself was a feat.

“Yes, yes I was” she said, still giggling. Lorcan loopily smiled at her laugh, but then suddenly turned his attention back to his phone. He looked over his shoulder back at the house and then began typing something on his keyboard.

“Are you waiting for someone?” Elide asked, inclining her head towards his phone. Lorcan didn’t respond, his brow only furrowing further as she spoke.

Elide remembered the look he’d shared with the dark-haired beauty, Essar. Perhaps he was out here avoiding her.

Or waiting for her.

Elide suddenly felt like she was intruding and made to walk away. “If you’re waiting for Essar or someon-” she began, but was abruptly cut-off by Lorcan’s deep laugh. It was unlike anything she’d ever heard, echoing across the porch and filling the eerie quiet. It stuck her to the spot.

“Gods no, I’m not waiting for Essar.” His words only wavered slightly. “That was a sophomore year fling that ended after a few months.”

Elide hated the sigh of relief that she gave. But Lorcan was still looking down at his phone, waiting for someone. There was only one person in the “Cadre” that wasn’t at the party. One person that Lorcan might be waiting for a message from.

“Are you waiting for Maeve?” Elide asked then, her voice soft. Lorcan froze at that. His hand closed around the red cup in his other hand ever-so-slightly, no longer dangling from his fingertips. Lorcan let out a breath and closed his eyes, leaning back to roll out his shoulders.

“No” he said, no louder then a whisper. “No, she’s not coming.” Elide studied his face. He brought his gaze back to the forest and looked over the trees just as she had been doing moments before. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact emotion that was displayed on his face. Hurt, disappointment, anger, sadness. Love. Perhaps it was all of them, perhaps it was none of them.

“I am waiting to see if she calls me though. In case she needs me to do anything. She didn’t say she would but I’m waiting anyway”  He rambled, abruptly ending Elide’s analysis. The slight slur to his words reminded Elide of his current level of intoxication.

“Why?” Elide breathed. Lorcan snorted.

“Why?” He whipped his head towards Elide, whatever contents that resided in the cup sloshing out at the sudden movement. “Why do you think? Everyone else seems to know why, so take a wild guess.” Lorcan downed the rest of the cup and threw it over the edge.

He either owed her something or he loved her Elide thought.

Or maybe it was both.

Lorcan was done looking down at his phone. He was only looking at Elide now, his breathing ragged and uncontrolled. He was obviously upset.

Elide wanted to run away under that hard gaze, but she stood her ground. She asked the question she wished people asked her when she wore that look. “Do you um- Do you want to talk about it?” Elide whispered.

Lorcan started laughing.

“No, no I don’t think so Elide.” Lorcan’s voice cracked when he said her name. Every word that left his mouth was clear, pointed, and sharp. “Not today” he said, and then the slurring was back.

He brought out his phone again, the artificial light illuminating his face once more.

Elide looked him over again, just now noticing the slight bruising around his eye that had been there the whole week, and turned back towards the house. She reached the door, and she felt a tear falling down her cheek.

She saw herself in him so much that she could have sworn that it hurt, hurt more than going through her life everyday and choosing to ignore what her reality was in hoping to find a better fantasy. But she willed herself to take those final steps away from him and hastily wiped away her tears.

She wouldn’t hurt, not tonight.

She closed the door behind her, once more bombarded by the blasting music and sea of bodies. And as Elide climbed the stairs and walked towards Aelin’s bedroom, more tears fell down her cheeks. Chanting to herself over and over that she wasn’t hurting.

She wouldn’t hurt.

Elide made it to Aelin’s bedroom and opened the door. She remembered that look on his face, the hurt in his eyes. She wouldn’t hurt. The music drowned out as she closed the door behind her and slid to the floor. He was just drunk beyond reason, that was why he was acting that way. She wouldn’t hurt. His voice had cracked when he said her name.

She wouldn’t hurt.

More tears fell down her cheeks.

She hurt.

#court-of-abs #sarah j. maas #throne of glass fanfic #maybe tomorrow #elorcan #chapter 6

[typologycentral]

[ISTJ] Does This ISTJ Like Me or Not?

So I'm a bisexual INFJ and have been decent friends with this straight-esque ISTJ for about two years now. Thing is, he's so charismatic on the surface to the point where you wouldn't even begin to think he was an ISTJ at heart. He was eccentric, witty, smart, stable and even soft-hearted at some points. Everybody in our class loved him as the class clown; like as if he was some entertaining gadget to fiddle with. :wubbie::wubbie: Our friendship sparked out of his attraction for my articulation in English and our shared interest in music. Apparently I came across off as different from most high-schoolers at time, so he was stimulated whenever I was in his presence. At first, it was all a gimmick for the both of us; poking fun at how we were obsessed with each other like some bro-magnet of sort. Before I knew it, it started to gradually get more serious. Our online convos would take place during the latest/dead hours at night about the most confidential and intimate topics; things such our dreams, fears, passion, family and even who we liked. One time he asked me to analyze his favorite song, in regards to how it resonated with his feelings. The lyrics suggested that he was heartstruck with someone and it felt so bittersweet knowing that he was probably directing it towards a girl but confided in me to share the sensitive side of himself. Whenever our intimate moments took place he'd always go along the lines of, "Btw this chat is only between us" or "This will always be a safe place for the both of us". Wasn't until then that my heart was stimulated at the fact that I had a guy friend that I could be personal with, which was genuinely new to me at the time. I felt so secure and safe with him. For each time that I was facing an adversity, he'd be there to message and comfort me through virtual hugs and reminding me why I was amazing to him. I had officially become a puppy attached to my new owner. :hug::heart: Suddenly there had been a downward shift in our bond. He'd leave my messages on read and barely acknowledge my presence in person. Our convos began to feel ingenuine and rushed. Classwork was all that we were limited to talking about. I got the vibe that I was irking him with every text that I spammed, hoping to get a mere response out of him. I'd be so downbeat at the sight of watching him interacting with everybody and winning their heart while his indifference broke mine. Perhaps he lost the spark with me and wanted to seek seemingly more interesting friendships. I was so confused, for it felt like I had lost a special companionship within the blink of an eye. I became a ghost to him. A sad, yet non-existent ghost. :(:( However that wasn't the end of my magical friendship gone incomplete. My ISTJ would occasionally still message and talk to me, but supposedly only on his terms. Whenever I laid in bed with my lifeless heart thinking about him, he'd send an article or video of his favorite movie/song for us to have a short-lived discussion about it, only for him to leave me on read and return back to the abyss. At this point, I felt like I was gasping for air. As if I was receiving CPR after drowning in water, just for me to be thrown back in again. Rinse. Repeat. :shrug::unsure: As much as there was strangeness in the new way he communicated with me, he showcased it in his actions as well. I'd passed by him and he'd walk in the opposite direction or seem overly busy or preoccupied when I tried to talking to him. Then he'd corner me for what felt like slightly scripted conversation whenever it was just the two of us alone. There'd be times during class where he'd make a goofball out of himself and I'd be only person he'd look at for a reaction, as he'd gaze into my eyes with his mischievous, seductive smile. He would also make light jokes at my expense, which would soon be followed by him apologizing to me in private. If he caught someone giving me a hard time or opposing my ideas, he'd show up out of nowhere to my rescue like a knight in shining armor. Overall, it was like as if he was making up for the times he wasn't there for me, yet he'd go back to simultaneously ignoring me when there were groups of people around us. My mind began to dismiss it as him just looking out for me like a little brother but my heart truly wanted him to desire more than a friendship. I had officially become a hopeless romantic; waiting for my prince charming to show some limerence. :wubbie::doh: Wasn't until after our school musical (that I acted in and he played guitar in the pit orchestra for), he casually asked me, "who did you like this whole school year?". It around the time I had given out a few hints to my friends on whom I liked so I played it off by saying I knew the person for a few years and really wanted to confess to them. He wanted to know for the sake of 'hearing entertainment to use up his energy' and that 'his heart was aching for me' out of sympathy. Part of me still despises myself to this day for not telling him the truth. Even if it meant scaring him off. :doh::boohoo: So I wonder...could he like me back? Or is he still wanting to stay intimate friends with me? Also could there be a chance that he's a closeted bisexual? He has seemed so unsure of himself for the past few months. Like as if his future comprises of a blank canvas. I know that ISTJ's are usually susceptible to staying on the down low about these kinds of stuff. I've seen him act flamboyant and sarcastically flirt with other guys, but it's typical for a straight male to do that kind of stuff in high school. However he's been really ambivalent and gentle with me lately. Should I confess to him? And how so? I wanna know if there could be a chance for me. For 'us'. :wubbie::smile: https://www.typologycentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=96883&goto=newpost&utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

#The SJ Guardhouse (ESFJ #ISFJ #ESTJ #ISTJ)

[jelly-omelette]

Feelings??? 3.6.17

They confuse me. Emotions are one thing and then another the next moment. They’re unstable, so I don’t rely on them too much. But my gut feeling, I rely on that. I realized that I really don’t trust the person I feel really attracted to and after Friday I really don’t feel comfortable around them as I wish I could. It’s dangerous to believe something just because you want it to be true, but the truth is I don’t feel comfortable and respected around this person, even though I am strongly attracted to them physically and sexually. I wish there was a better way for me to make it clear that I don’t feel comfortable at all without being harsh about it/avoiding them completely. There’s just a lot of red flags that I kind of overlooked because I was so infatuated with this person. Being overly touched, and not expressing when I was uncomfortable when I should’ve. Being infantilized and treated like a child and not standing up for myself to demand more respect. I’m proud of myself for finally taking a more assertive stance when she kept touching my face and bragging about how great it looks when she’s drunk. Although it might’ve been her way of flirting, it just felt really ingenuine and overdone because she only says these nice things in front of a group of people or when she’s intoxicated. So I was like, “that’s sad you can only appreciate my beauty when you’re drunk”. I was tired of her bullshit and finally said something about it. And finally when we got away from downtown and it was just me robert her and abdullah, she put her arm around me and I didn’t want it, so I took her arm off. And she wasn’t taking no for an answer and kept putting her arm around my neck and slightly choking me. When I told her that she was choking me she just tightened her grip with a condescending remark, “you don’t know what real choking is” and I had to push her off me by force and to show her that I wasn’t afraid to hurt her, I put my hand on her throat and pushed her off. All she had to say was “why are you so strong” as if she wasn’t ever expecting me to possess/exude such strength. After that I just really wanted to get away from her. Then abdullah brought up something I never realized until he said it, that she infantilizes me. Then she said she felt like she just wanted to protect me. And then I totally countered that by saying that it was funny she thinks that way, because I wouldn’t trust her saving me from anything on the streets. She replied, “but I would give my life for you” and I said “uhhh okay” and then she said “I would do that for a lot of people” then abdullah made a point to say “but then it’s not special” and I agreed and then she said “but it means I care about you” and at the point I was just so done with her bullshit lol. God damn she was annoying the shit out of me. So many red flags. I’m glad I got out of that one while I could. I don’t want to say she’s crazy but damn lw is for treating me like that for how little she’s known me for. She got so mad when I said I didn’t trust her to even give me a piggy back ride, even though I did end up giving her a chance. That really reminded me of my ex, the way she blew up at me for being honest about feeling uncomfortable. She got all up in my face and screamed “WHY DO YOU TRUST ABDULLAH AND NOT ME. WE WERE IN THE VAGINA MONOLOGUES” I fucking hateeee when people yell at me if it channels anger or negative energy. It just reminds me of my dad. Fuck that. It’s like I spent all these years, these past 7 years, building up a positive mentality and supportive network of nice people and you just want to tear it down. I’m not gonna let you just get up in my space and make me feel shitty about something I worked super hard for, and continue to work hard for every single day. My mentality > your insecurities/negativity, always. You should be grateful that I’m even so nice to you and offer you so much of my friendship. But if you’re not gonna appreciate it that’s fine, I have so many more people that will respect me and appreciate my kindness more than you. Don’t think that you’re better than anyone else or have an advantage over me just because I had a crush on you. Keyword: had. We already don’t have too good of a relationship and it’s a pity, I really was excited to get to know you more as a person. Now I feel the complete opposite. Reminder: speak up when things are not okay, don’t be afraid/embarrassed to defend yourself, see the situation objectively, don’t lose your head in the clouds with someone you barely know/trust, trust your gut feeling, be honest with yourself. One thing I also noticed that I thought was interesting was that every time we were alone together, and we’re able to be genuine with each other, you got really defensive every time I said something nice or affectionate. It makes me sad that you can’t take kind words from people that care about you. I feel like I’ve been there, and it’s hard because your heart has been so hurt that it doesn’t want to open up to people. It doesn’t want to believe when people are nice to you or that you deserve love. I hope that if there’s one good thing that can come out of our weird, strained acquaintance is that you learn something about yourself/become nicer to yourself. Because it really does show through. Your relationship with yourself sets the tone for all your other relationships. I don’t mean to psychoanalyze, but I can see through you and all your bullshit. 🙂

#mine #text #diary #sjsu #college #spring17 #farah #bip