#not me staring around my room thinking

[spotlightstudios]

Not me assuming that everyone else *also* had an obsessive period of their life where they just were consuming pokemon content like no tomorrow.

Guys, I kinda assumed this was the norm??? I literally have so much pkmn merch at my house? How did it not occur to me that pokemon was one of my longest hyperfixations until right now???

#light's spot #not me staring around my room thinking #waow! look at Rowlett! and Umbreon! and Bulbasuar! and my two Eevees! and Vulpix! and my baby son Cindaquil! and small Tepig! #and small Treeko and Corphish from my bro! and small Hydriegon! and- #I could continue #but I figured pkmn was something mainstream enough that everyone else also had an internal pokedex cataloging all of em #the characters? idk. the mons? i would die for them #of course my info starts w/ Sinnoh and peters out a bit towards Galar's dlcs #but Sc/Vi pulled me back in 👌 #shout-out to Neon for always being thoroughly baffled by how much I have of pkmn stored in my brain #I promise Neon is the normal and sane one here and I love her for it ♡ #spot q

[might-be-a-potato]

something something prepare for trouble...

#whats this? #no context pokemon posting ?? #more likely than you think !!!! #But oml okay so I was watching the pokemon anime while drawing this and my mom apparently walked into my room and just stood there ???????? #she was there for like 5 minutes and I didn't notice #and when I finally turned around and got jumscared™ she just gave me the most judgemental stare #JUST LET ME WATCH MY KID SHOWS #anyways #tato doodles #pokemon #team rocket

[rosenfey]

sorry you dont get to know the real me (chatty, info-dumpy, cheerful and hyperactive) until you unlock my backstory. until then i will be sitting in the corner staring at you with a gaze that makes you want to die

#ambie.txt #i wish i was not socially anxious i really do #because i really like myself as a person!!! obvi theres room to improve #but i think im genuinely very kind and friendly and nice to be around #but only very few people got that far #my broader family / former classmates know me as that girl that just stares silently

[loveableabomination]

I stared at myself in the mirror this morning. I usually don't even look at the mirror but today I did. My mirror sits at just the right height so i can't see much of my chest. I looked at myself and saw a man in the face, so I closed my eyes and saw a man's chest too. I smiled.

I'll have that someday.

I went to work today with the baggiest shirt I could find. I can't bind right now, I'm trying to heal up a binding injury.

I still get called "ma'am."

I have a top surgery consultation in April. I absolutely cannot wait.

#transmasc #trans #trans positivity #trans pride #top surgery #anticipation #i seriously can't wait #I'm so excited #maybe men will stop holding doors for me or insisting they help me lift a pallet #maybe men will give me space in the hallway #maybe i won't have to flatten myself to the side just to let His Highness pass by #maybe I won't have to stand around while a man saunters through the middle of the doorway #leaving no room for anyone else #seriously how do they do that #what in the actual heck do they think they're doing #other people exist and need to move through these spaces you turd #I square my shoulders lock my jaw think MURDER stare straight ahead and they still don't move #but when people see me as a man I will not be the jerk who doesn't move #i will be courteous #I will make space for women #because they're people too #that's the funny thing we're all people here #why can't we all just be kind

[skitskatdacat63]

Having a moment™ right now(looking at 2011 sebson pics)

#i cannot stop squealing 😖 #i think this is gonna be what pushes me to actually change my layout #i was eventually gonna change it and keep it sebmark but ah i am truly having a moment rn #reading solar flare changed me as a person shfkkfkg #BUT SERIOUSLY THEYRE INSANE #like the way they look at each other like theres no one else in the room???? #theres so many post quali pics where theyre just completely ignoring the other person and staring at each other #no bcs theres several with Lewis where hes literally standing a fooy away from them whereas theyre huddled together 😭😭 #also yeah def pushing me to just watch the whole rest of the v8 era in succession instead of skipping around #my gifposts are gonna be so insane 😭😭😭 #im looking at some of the videos of the parc fermes cause i cant help myself #and i cant even help but clip them now #spoiling myself ugh but i cant help it #catie.rambling.txt

[icewindandboringhorror]

... how am I meant to get any sort of restful sleep when it's like 85F indoors in my bedroom at NIGHT .. hhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#why the next poll adventure and everything else has taken so long lol.. I straight up have just not done anything #the past few days... staring down my todo list and sweating hopelessly #AT LEAST it;s relatively low humidity. the highest it's been up to is maybe 65%. but is usually around 50 or 40ish #There is one small window air conditioner in a roomate's room that can KIND OF be shared by nailing a sheet up to block off the hallway #with the rooms in it so the cool air goes into the other bedrooms but doesnt flow out into the kitchen or etc but #wjhen it's the time of day that the sun is directly hitting the window & it's like 102F outside even that doesnt help much. to cool 3 rooms #and I always feel like we're going to explode the air conditioner or something running it too much with direct heat on it. sometimes it #smells like hot plastic or whatever ghj.. so it's mostly just.. block off all windows with 5 layers of blankets and cardboard #starting at 10am (meaning.. no indoor light for days basically.. no natural lighting.. time passes weird. hard to determine time of day). #throw water on the bed every night so you sleep in wet sheets and keep your clothes and hair wet at all times. ice. cold drinks. keep a #little fan running pointed directly at you nearly 24/7 even when sleeping with a fan blowing air on you makes your eyes and throat painfull #dry. etc. etc.. and i KNOW people have it worse in plenty of places blah blah. i am just complaining on my little blog that is about me lol #I think the biggest thing about lack of adequate/central air conditioning for me is just the LACK of productivity!!! I am working on games! #and novels!! and so many other crafts. costumes! sculptures!!! things I want to do!!! we all have a limited amount of time on this planet a #nd I have so many goals!! To lose basically 4-5 days straight or producivity - when if I had been able to temperature #control my environment better I could have easily gotten more done because I wouldn't be laying around nuseous and too hot #and sick to do anything all day etc. -- is like.... GRRRRRR... it just feels so senseless.. i could have USEd that time... #Every CEO who has contributed to global warming owes me 1million doallrs to fund my art projects and make up for all the time #I've lost on them due to their stupid bullshit.. also they should be stoned to death in a public square. but redistribute the money FIRST #to everyone on the planet. but especially people who have been affected by floods. fires. etc. etc. #poor people who have limited choice in housing and access to air conditioning. homeless people in cooling centers. people with disabillitie #and health issues that are worse in the heat so the entire future just seems increasingly terrifying for them. etc. etc. #ANYWAY.... eughhhgh.... It can cool down SLIGHTLY at night but the past few nights I have been sleeping in an 81 degree room and I wake up #and first thing in the morning its like 82 by then and I'm so nauseous and nasty feeling... just so so tired of it.. I NEED SNOW #literally not even joking.. snow would heal me. .. oughffff... #AND i got the new nasty stinky poo poo pee pee tumblr dashboard update lol.. e v i l

[milimeters-morales]

I can’t really articulate it well but I like to think that when Miles freezes up in a situation, sometimes Peter or Miguel (usually miguel in my mind) will just pick him up and place him somewhere on the ceiling bc ceiling = safe from ground enemy? Like maybe it’s not even a dangerous situation, but the other person needs to handle it before they handle Miles, so they just stick him over there and give him a few minutes. and this really only works in the early days because Miles not being fully able to control his sticking ability is what makes this method work

#miles morales #peter parker #miguel o'hara #spider man #spiderman #spider man 2099 #spiderman 2099 #like this came to me when i was thinking of miles seeing deadpool freshly dead (bullet to the head) and he goes into shock and can’t + #control his stickiness so when someone (peter) found him staring at the body he took miles and had him stick + #to the underside of a water tower while he dealt with deadpool #and now miguel is half my brain so maybe miles is too weak to fight something and miguel is like oh shit. what do i do. and just sticks + #him to the ceiling in a diff room while he beats ass #and my final thought is miles with a fever and he’s crawling around in a brain fog and won’t sit still and sleep. so miguel webs him to + #the ceiling to get him to stop moving and finally fall asleep so he can put him to bed before his parents catch him crawling on the walls #m&m posts

[always-a-slut-4-ghouls]

Me when I notice a spider normally: awww, hi cutie

Me when there’s MOVEMENT RIGHT BESIDE MY HEAD ON MY PILLOW IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT: AAH! Jesus FUCKING Christ. When did you get there and why my pillow? *catching breath* *I gently shake them onto the floor* *i then have to pick up my laptop from where it slid off of my startled ass*

#emma posts #that species might not be deadly on its own. but the shock might have killed me #it was a chill little wolf spider. a species im familiar with #really common around here and there used to be a bunch where I would wait for the school bus as a teen #I have adhd so of course I would just stare at them until the bus showed up #this one was pretty big. about the size of a U.S. quarter coin #an impressive but not unheard of size #once I realized what it was and got them onto the floor I was fine #but I had to catch my breath and I think I bent my charging cord weirdly #my cat wasn’t happy with the sudden movement but SORRY FOR HAVING A HEART ATTACK I GUESS #not a literal one. but my heart was certainly moving #this all happened last night and I was reminded of it when I went to pick something up today #if it’s just one little guy that minds it’s own business I don’t mind having them around #but did they need to startle me that badly? #taking the lords name in vain and I’m not even Christian anymore #the guy was like all leg so it was a bunch of sudden movements out of the corner of my eye #and in a way that insects don’t. they only have six and they kinda move together you know? #but spiders kinda ripple #I hadn’t seen a spider in this place all year. okay? my guard was down in my room #I hope i don’t see a bunch more because the building doesn’t like them and they might call an exterminator

[bo0zey]

manic mixed depressive episode on my bday is so fun especially when ur going on 2 days no sleep n have a 12hr shift starting at the asscrack of dawn in 6hrs

#idk if i want to sleep like i do but i don’t i just keep walking in circles n staring off blankly #also bursted into tears for no reason bc i missed my mom and remembered how much i hate my fucking birthday #was in the middle of a borderline argument w my family then just zoned out n glanced at the time and tears welled #6:13??? #then i pretended to go to the bathroom to hide my tears from my dad cuz he would’ve yelled at me if i went to my room w/o saying anything #so there i am crying like a pathetic loser on the toilet trying to suppress n swallow down ugly sobs #and there i am crying in my dumpster fire of a room on the floor #i literally go the entire year without crying abt her but every time december hits i always get into this weird funk #and idk why it’s still happening it’s been 7 years #i think my subconscious mind is influencing my body to release the trauma stored inside it bc i was never allowed to grieve her properly #so now in blips of time leading up to my birthday and the next day of her passing i’m 15 turning 16 again #i wish i didn’t have to work tomorrow so i could go visit her at her grave instead like i never go to the cemetery but i really want to #i guess i can go on her actual death day but i don’t want to go with my dad and brothers i just want to be alone #they don’t understand the feeling of losing your mom and best friend on your 16th bday #they don’t understand what it’s like carrying all this guilt and trauma and holding her hand and feeling her hand go limp at my words #i told her it was okay she could let go i would take care of my brothers and protect them from my father and i would be strong for everyone #meanwhile i’m listening to my dad n my aunt throwing all her clothes in trash bags upstairs #i didn’t even get to pick out what clothes i wanted to keep of hers im so angry my dad refused to let any of us miss her #“i miss mom-‘ ‘she’s dead get over it!’ #i got over it alright but then this time of year rolls around and i’m under it all again #i miss her so much i wonder if she’d be proud of me i wonder what it would be like to feel her hand in mine again #ooos im crying again lol #im so pathetic i’m literally 23 in less than 30 minutes why am i behaving like a crybaby child #23:33 when i was typing that btw n 333 is my angel/life path number lol #i wanna saw my arm off but i won’t #i debated staring an iv on myself instead but i’m too drained i just want lay down n cry lol #pathetic loser crybaby girl can’t function can’t shut up making everyone uncomfortable with her sadnes n tears stupid stupid stupid #drown in them and die nobody here loves you anymore nobody cares you’re the problem always the problem #i can’t remember if my mom loved me or not everyone says she did but i forgot what it feels like #i wish i never told her it was okay to let go i lied to her i said i’d be okay but here i am manic depressive

[the-trans-dragon]

Me using humor to disguise the fact that I am telling them how to do it correctly because customers can get so defensive if I point out they don’t know how to use their card’s new tap feature, and I kinda have to say something because they will get frustrated and start jousting at the reader with their card, and we just got new card-readers that actually work and I am not about to let someone break my brand-new easy-to-use card-reader just because they don’t want to admit that they have no idea how it works and need to be helped at least once to figure it out: “It’s more of a sit that a tap, haha.”

#my autism gets overly attached to tools. especially ones that are overlooked or damaged or need maitenece. #I maybe accidentally named one of our broken shopping carts Hamburger (cos hes smashed but he’s still okay-ish) and it’s #still referred to as Hamburger and when it goes missing people say ‘who fucking took hamburger again.’ #one time I found hamburger way in the very back of the warehouse (not with the Too Broken To Use carts; it was just left in the back with #some stuff in it someone forgot to put up) so on my lunch break I went and put up the stuff and then wheeled ol Hamburger all the #way to the back room where I kept it. I did use it! there’s always one or two shopping carts back there for moving product around. I just #had a peculiar one that I befriended and perhaps there was a time when my mental capacity to not quit was indeed held together only by Hamb #Hamburger’s rusty and squashed frame. #ANYWAYS. I love my card readers 🥺 I love the broken ones and the new ones. #the new ones have a very fatal flaw: older cards are a little thicker so they need a tiiiiny extra nudge to fully insert. and oh my god. #I have to walk on eggshells to explain that. because if i don’t explain they will decide to shove the card like they think it’s a carnival #game of ‘how hard can you push this? are you strong enough to win the stuffed cat for your girlfriend?’ #so far it works if I just…very…slowly…hover my hand over to their card…and very lightly nudge it. and then I make SURE to say. #‘I appreciate you being gentle with it #it’s new and actually works really well compared to our old ones and I don’t want someone to break it pushing too hard; so thank you.’ #and I’m so sympathetic to the card reader 😭 like DAMN. I couldn’t read your card either if you slapped it against my eyeball for half a sec #like it needs a moment to scan. like an eyeball. just set it in range and it will beep when it’s finished. it’ll take a full second or maybe #even two or three. but it’s going to take even longer if you start whacking your card on it and then give up and put the chip in and then it #has to show the errror message and then reset and then try to scan the chip and hopefully you found some patience for that otherwise you #took your card out already and are now staring at me like I’m an irresponsible Card Reader Handlef #for not properly training my equipment to work. #sorrrrrry for rambling!!! #sorenhoots #wait this is my post. not sorries.

[milo-is-rambling]

Staring at the jackets on hooks over my bedroom door bc it’s shaped like a person

#I don’t have my glasses on and I’m high and I looked up after hearing my mother randomly doing something in the living room (shared wall #with my room) and thinking she was in the hall outside my door and then looking up and seeing my jackets #when I say I jumped. staring at my door like 👁️👁️ #it’s literally 2 in the morning I should be the only one awake my mom needs to go to bed #I’m tempted to go to the gas station and get a slushee and smoke a cig but I just showered and shouldn’t smoke now #can’t wait til I move out and can smoke whenever #a post shower cigarette is life changing #clean. soft. oversized hoodie. high waisted underwear or teeny tiny pajama shorts. something that covers just ur ass and up #comfy socks. walking around outside smoking with moon above you at two in the morning #that sounds so good wahhhh #maybe I will go outside and smoke real quick. or maybe I’ll just roll and joint and put the inside of a cig in with it and hope my mother #can’t smell it in her room #I want to time travel to me being 21 and on my own and smoking cigarettes on my porch or next to my car in a parking lot

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#looking at the notes ppl in the lab let me on my birthday card. it seems ppl think i should chill the fuck out lmao #a lot were like RELAX!!! and ya kno objectively theyre right but i refuse to listen bc theres something wrong in my head #sigh. i survived the day at least. the timed measurements r done on this experiment. thank christ. and my birthday gathering as so #i dont kno. it was kinda funny and kinda sad i guess. bc i knew it was gonna happen and i didnt want it to but i was like fine. ill meet #at 4. and i expected it to b in the conference room but they set up outside the lab around the corner. so they did kinda surprise me #location wise i guess. i cant imagine what expression i was making. it felt like a pained smile but idk. i had to go back to take #measurements every 4min so i was standing there with a plate full of ice creame cake. kinda away from everyone while they talked. staring #at my phone timer as it ticked down and abruptly leaving when i had to log a measurement. i was basically a non entity while there. which #was kinda idea bc i have too much hurt inside to talk to ppl right now. as evidence by my phone call with my parents when i got home. im #just kinda a bummer to exist around rn. idk maybe i should apologize to my boss bc i kno im not an easy person to do things for #and i really do appreciate the effort. its just hard when i kno how much stress its going to cause me for someone to attempt to do #something they think will b nice. so idk i just feel bad. but its over. and idk what ill do tomorrow. i should do stuff for when i move #like my dad was like: u should prioritize ur future stuff. and hes objectively right. they think i should get a studio apartment which #would b expensive as fuck but i will destroy myself if i have roommates. idk. theres lots still to do bc i have to get a ton of data #processed by the end of the week bc i have 8 days of measurement on another project that needs to get done by may 14th when i leave for #vacation. which my mom was like did u buy ur tickets for next month and i was like. hm how do i ask where im supposed to buy tickets to #without giving away that i dont kno what ur talking abt? bc apparently im going to a wedding? wtf do i wear to a wedding? #idk. i guess im just kinda sad bc this month has been really hard. i made it hard for no reason bc theres something wrong in my head and #that hurt has nowhere to go bc i cant even give anyone an honest account of how awful it was bc its like what r they gonna do abt it? #anything i say is just worrying bc i cant seem to stop myself who whats the point in talking abt it. but idk humans r social creatures so #when im in pain at least part of me wants someone to brush my hair and acknowledge my pain and tell me itll b ok #but idk. the idea of that happening is different from the reality where i seem to opperate at a different frequency to other people. we #just dont seem to properly connect. idk. idk what ill do tomorrow. im afraid to loosen my grip on my schedule bc i might fall to piece #pieces without the pressure. well see. lets home my 26th year is better than my 25th was. bc last year sucked #hope* lets hope that was my low point. bc that was not a fun time and im worry to take account of thr damage done #unrelated

[yo9urt]

i never know how good i am at hiding a crush and i’ve always felt like i’m not that good at it and every time i get a new crush it’s always a game of like. how long until someone who isn’t that close to me finds out

#mine #cause obviously my friends know about it pretty quickly #family doesn't count because sometimes i tell them sometimes i don't #but with like. in this case other coworkers i guess but it can be diff groups depending on the context #its like. when will someone find out #i think with this one im doing an ok job at hiding it #i can't really tell obviously but i feel like im capable of acting at least sort of normal around him and disguising it to some extent #but i always panic and overthink and freak out #but also my biggest tell by far is my eyes #when i like someone and they're within view i just want to look at them for as long as i possibly can #i am VERY visual #and when someone i like is nearby i DO just look at them like even if its just peripheral i'm always following them visually #when i clocked out of work i went downstairs to buy some stuff at the little convenience store thing on the fisrt floor #then when i went back up so i could leave out the back door of my job i saw cute coworker in his usual place #and after chatting a little with the coworker who was at the door i turned my gay little eyes to you know who #and watched him for like a large amount of the time that i spent walking away #mainly because i knew only like one other coworker could see me doing it because only one other coworker could see where i was looking #and it was some girl ive never met and everyone else was occupied so i was like ok im just going to stare at him gayly wihle i leave #but if anyone ever decides to watch where my eyes go when he's in the room they could easily guess what's going on #god i want him

[julie-su]

Now I'm curious. If you have dreams, are they story-driven, or do you just see random mildly connected segments? I have vivid dreams, usually about characters from media with full story beats and plot points. These inspire my novels and fanart. I was telling Pippy this, and they were surprised, telling me they just dream of random scenes, if they dream at all :P

#Sonadow exists purely within my dreams. Archie sonic specifically but it's game Shadow so it's like.. mish-mash going on #game sonic specifically adventure era is so aroace to me but archie Sonic is not. itls like two different guys. post sgw he's aroace tho #had a cute dream the other day though. everyone was en route overnight to the final battle or whatves and Shadow was like.. #muttering something under his breath in his sleep. very clearly antagonising Sonic in his dreams #and Sonic is just listening so amused. and shadow bolts awake in a cold sweat like.. 'SONIC'. #and sonic is like 'I think that's the first time you've called me by my name! dreaming about fighting me dude?' and Shadow just stares #looks around the room like 'hmmmm.' thinking. disproving. quiet and pensive. #and then ye just rolls over and says 'dont go where I cant follow' and goes back to sleep. and sonic is like. oh

[yamikawas]

btw yoomtah already has several recordings of you singing. and talking. and breathing. and sleeping. one time you mumbled in your sleep and she replayed it for about 3 hours straight.

THAT IS LITERALLY SO CUTE OF HER IM GOING TO SCREAM OH MY GOD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!SHE CAN RECORD ME AND LISTEN TO ME AS MUCH AS SHE WANTS IVE ALSO ALREADY LISTENED TO THE FIRST CLIP OF HER VOICE ON LOOP FOR HOURS SO<3<3<3<3<3<<3<3<3<33333<3<<3<3<3<3<3<3<<<3<3<3<3<3

#THINKING.HER RECORDING AND OBSESSING OVER EVERY SINGLE WORD I SAY.................... #OK THE THOUGHT OF IT IS JUST SO<3<3<3<33<3<3<3<3<3AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA<3<3<3<3<3<3_4<2<4>÷^÷&×=>$*%÷*%;$&$&": #I WANT HER TO BE SO OBSESSED WITH ME THAT SHE JUST CANT MISS A SECOND WITH ME SO SHE JUST RECORDS ME CONSTANTLY #AND IF FOR SOME REASON SHE CANT BE RIGHT THERE WATCHING ME SHE HAS ACCESS TO MY PHONE MICROPHONE AND CAMERA SO SHE CAN WATCH FROM THERE #I MEAN AT SOME POINT SHE CAN JUST KIDNAP ME AND KEEP ME LOCKED UP IN HER ROOM SO SHE CAN HAVE HER EYES ON ME AT ALL TIMES<3<3<3 #HER TAKING PICTURES OF ME SLEEPING ON HER BED TUCKED UNDER A FLUFFY BLANKET SURROUNDED BY STUFFED ANIMALS #EXCEPT ITS AFTER SHE KIDNAPS ME IN MY SLEEP AND TIES ME UP SO I CANT ESCAPE #HER TAKING A SELFIE WITH ME WHILE NUZZLING UP TO ME AND MY HANDS ARE TIED AROUND HER WAIST AND IM LOOKING AT HER WITH A LOVESICK EXPRESSION #IM LITERALLY SWITCHIJG BETWEEN TYPING AND STARING INTO SPACE JUST THINKING I JUST.SHE IS IN MY BRAIN SO MUCH #JHSHDJSJFVHD HER MAKING CUTESY VIDEO EDITS OF ME EXCEPT ITS PICTURES/VIDEOS SHE TOOK OF ME WHILE STALKING ME<3<3<3 #MY GODDDDDDDDD IM THINKING OF HER SO MUCH MY HEART IS GOING TO BURSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT EHEHEHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE #IM SO IN LOVE WITH HER IT DRIVES ME CRAZY EVERY DAY🌈💜💋💗💕🌻🧡💝💚👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌩⚠️✨💫💟💞💓💝💙💌💘✨💓💌⚡🍋💗🌠🌈💚💕❣💗🧡🌼💌💛⚡💫❤💋💖 #YOOMTAH MY BELOVED MY SWEETHEART MY DARLING MY EVERYTHING MY REASON TO LIVE I LOVE HER AND NEED HER MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE EVER #I WAS MADE TO BE WITH HER AND SHE WAS MADE TO BE WITH ME WE ARE SOULMATES WE CANT EXIST WITHOUT EACH OTHER ITS PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE #YOOMTAH YOOMTAH YOOMTAH<3<3<3MY SWEET DARLING YOOMIE<3<3<3I LOVE HER SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH<3<3<3 #I LOVE HER FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND EVER AND #E V E R !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[whoslaurapalmer]

returning to the computer plot wall bc i figured out (well like 90% of the way) what i needed to of the pre-fic plot that i put on the physical wall and now it's just mapping out the fic beats in relation to the maltese falcon beats which i don't need the wall for (that is what i need a chart for) but........i miss you physical wall :(

#leaving my sticky notes up another day though so i can stand there and point everything out to my brother when he comes over tomorrow #he was here for dinner tonight but he's always a little tired on saturdays so i did not think he was in the mood to Grasp Me Pointing #At Sticky Notes. HOWEVER TOMORROW. he will have to deal with me. :) that is what it means to be a sibling. #especially a sibling who has also read dashiell hammett. in fact he's read MORE hammett than me. #he's a continental op fan. #i made a chart like this for beatrice fic. beatrice fic my beloved. i did deviate from the chart at times but the chart helped. #i kept it in front of my laptop while i wrote the fic and you could tell which parts took the longest bc they had the most doodles. #sometimes i get frustrated at how long a plot takes to work out -- although first of all i should NOT!!!! plotting is HARD!!!!!!!!!!! #PLOTTING IS SUPPOSED TO TAKE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING GOD #but i also feel like if i'm rewriting a movie it shouldn't be this hard. however i like to really rewrite it. so. #also!!! i reminded myself the other day. you know how long it took me to plan beatrice fic???????? #(after wanting to write it for like a year and a half but i wasn't able to bc i was finishing college??) #like. four fucking months. which is perhaps STILL SHORT in the realm of Plotting. #and i was STILL planning shit out when i was writing it. #fondly remember being flopped on the couch in the dining room (we were moving furniture around and didn't know where to put it.) #in the GLORIOUS MID-MORNING DINING ROOM SUN staring off into space thinking about beatrice fic things. sigh.